The Trev and Ben Podcast
245: The Trev And Ben Podcast Episode 245
(upbeat music) - Hello and welcome to another Trivenbain podcast. Hello Ben. - Hello, Trev, how are you? - I'm all right. - You were all right. You don't sound very convincing. - Well, I've had another weird thing happen on my property. - Oh, God, I dread to think, what have you, what happened? - What, I got a message from my mum the other day and just said, I don't know if you've opened your front door yet. And I thought, well, that's a weird message to get to start with, because that's not gonna be a good thing outside my front door, is it? Whatever is coming next in this message is not gonna be a good thing. 'Cause all the way, oh, there's a massive birthday cake there for you. There's a massive present for you. There's a barbershop quartet. So it's not gonna be any of those things, is it? - No, knowing where you live as well, I think I can imagine where this is going. - Can I check, is this going down a route we've been through before? Which is things being left on your doorstep. - Oh, well, I mean, it's sort of, but it's not the same as the things before. - Oh, that's at least some kind of relief. 'Cause we're not talking about that again. (laughing) Go on. - So anyway, I think what I better go and check and see what's happened. So I opened the front door and it was like they'd been a bomb gone off at a pillow factory. The feathers. (laughing) The feathers, I mean, thousands of them, all over my front path. It was like a covering of snow over. But the weird thing was, there was no evidence of a dead bird. There's thousands of feathers, but no carcass to deal with. No corpse to deal with. Just the feathers. So you've got a crime scene, but no victim. - Yes, and I can only assume, obviously, that a fox or a cat has caught a must have been a massive pigeon. I mean, here's the thing. How many feathers does a pigeon? 'Cause there was more feathers there than one pigeon's worth. I'm sure there must have been like a family of pigeons that have been slaughtered. It was unbelievable. And they're still around. Like, sort of when I swept up, as much as I could, I went out today. There's even a feather stuck to my car. It's just, I can't get rid of the fucking feathers. And I did think, you know, 'cause you've brought it up before, let's not dwell on it, but there have been other things left on my doorstep, other doings, and more and others. And I think, am I being very slowly tarred and feathered? Like, is it a long, drawn out campaign? Get enough shit in his front path, and then we can get the feathers all stick. Just, it's like slowly tarring a feather in my house. It was unbelievable, Ben. No, I don't understand how this keeps happening to you. It ever seems to happen to your neighbors. It's only you. I know. As I say, look, I can only assume the fox or the cat is caught a bird. It's had a, and then it must have been a massive tussle. And then it's obviously eaten any meat. But there wasn't been any bones. I mean, this is the weird thing. You just, the amount of feathers they were, you would assume there was no surviving the attack. And therefore, there would be other evidence of death. And you're suggesting that there might have been so many feathers that it might have been some really, sort of, mob hit from the foxes who thought, we're just going to send a message, we're going to kill you and your family. Well, actually, yeah, I don't believe there was one bird's worth of feathers. It was unbelievable. I mean, can you look up for me? I don't know if this is a thing you can find out. How many feathers on an average pigeon? Can you, can you Google that for me? I can't get ours. There were thousands, I'm not lying, thousands of feathers. And I'm assuming that one bird wouldn't cover the number of feathers left. Pigeon size. Yeah, yeah. About what we need is a pigeon fancier. If only we thought this through, we could have researched, got a pigeon for... Well, you know, I like racing my pigeons. I'll tell you, in the average pigeon, are some of the reasons of 4,015 feathers. Well, actually, we're close. It's 2,500 feathers on your average pigeons. Wow, pigeons' worth does make sense, then. You know, that was, it's a lot, a lot of feathers. They don't look that sort of feathery, do they? I mean, most of them are so manky, that you wouldn't think there's not many feathers on it. Well, the concern for me is you've said in the past that the foxes have been bringing you offerings. Are they bringing me feathers now? Well, no, I mean, the real worry is that in a few days, once they're done eating the flesh, you're gonna end up with a sort of carcass or skeletal remains of the pigeons slowly brought back to the crime scene. Well, I don't want that. I did have a dead pigeon once in my garden, back garden. Again, I'm assuming had been caught by a cat, and I bagged that up and put that in the dust bin. But, you know, it's only one collection every two weeks now, and it was summer, the rig coming from that bin was horrific. I would have been, I know this probably isn't ethical, but I'd have been tempted just to kick it into the road. I know that your front door isn't very far from the road. I just kicked it out, made it the council's problem. No, that was when it was in my back garden, the dead bird that I had to do. The front garden, there was no other bits of body. I wonder if the pigeon could have survived that sort of attack. I mean, maybe there's a bald pigeon sort of hiding somewhere in front of him. 'Cause he must feel vulnerable. If you've lost basically all your feathers, you're gonna feel very vulnerable from attack, not just from other foxes or cats, but I would imagine other birds would see a bald pigeon and see that as fodder. - Here's another interesting question you just raised, is can a bald pigeon still fly? - Well, the feathers must be integral to flight. Are we at this conversation a couple of weeks ago about birds and flight, and would we be flying with... Now you wanna know the signs of flight, then you were pooping the whole birds and flight, and now you wanna know whether I would imagine the feathers are quite integral to flight. I don't think of... - I'm gonna look it up. - I think the problem with this podcast is my search history is so bizarre. - Yeah, but what if this kick starts to sort of hobby for you? What if, by the end of this podcast, you suddenly get into pigeon fancying, and you go downstairs after recording it, and Mrs. Ben, how would you feel about having a pigeon coop in the garden, and a number of pigeons, then you could become a race, so there's big money in pitching racing, mate. You could take them to France, and then they have to fly home, and there's a lot of money in it. - That won't be happening. I am not a fan of pigeons at all. - Well, if you found a love from them, just by researching this sort of stuff, you suddenly thought, oh, the pigeon is more than just a flying rat. - Well, that reminds me, you just unlocked a memory of a particularly stupid girl at my secondary school who once said, oh, you know, the thing about pigeons is, they're just rats with legs. I thought you've missed, yeah, that's not how the expression goes, I don't think. I think you've missed the point. - I saw after the pigeons had a bad rap, though. It's not their fault that they're so manky. It's just the manchiness of the urban setting that we've created that has, and they're manky because they get hit by cars, and they're sort of hobbling along on one leg. I tell you, it's another weird thing, just bird related. My parents were on the motorway recently, and there was a massive collision on the windscreen, and it was a pheasant that hadn't been able to get enough height. - Your parents had a bird strike on the motor supply. - Yes, yes, a massive pheasant just, you know, obviously the pheasant wasn't gonna survive, they couldn't dodge it. Lucky it didn't smash the windscreen, but with that said, it made a hell of a noise, and he'd sort of seen it take off from the side of the motorway, but obviously it hadn't got enough height to get, and if you're traveling at 70 miles an hour, I mean, there's no coming back from that, as far as it isn't, it's 'cause-- - Absolutely not. So to answer some of your earlier questions, a pigeon, well, sorry, this was my question, actually, a pigeon with missing feathers, especially flight feathers, may not be able to fly. However, if it's kept safe, within six weeks, it should grow the feathers back and we'll be able to fly again. So it's only got sort of six weeks worth of, you know, whatever the pigeon equivalent of alopecia is to deal with. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And also, you're being very, you're jumping the gun to suggest it may have been savaged by another animal. It might have been a case of over-preening by a mate or parent. - Well, that would have been a hell of a preening session to remove that, this wasn't a lovely sign of affection. The number of feathers that had come, that wasn't, that's not an affectionate preen. That's a savage attack. It might have started like some wicked, sort of black widow pigeon who's lured the male in. You know, she's one of those like serial killers and she's, oh, come in, oh, wouldn't it be nice to preen you and then she's ripping him out. You know, there's the flight feathers. You'll never leave the ground again. - You're also, by the sounds of things dismissing, I put it to you, that's my lud, that this pigeon may have had a vitamin A deficiency, which can likely lead to fennelos. - God, do you think I should start leaving out mocti-vitter in tablets, ratting bits of red? (laughing) - How? - I think so. I mean, you should do all you can to help wherever this pigeon is, 'cause it might be somewhere cold, bald, not knowing if it's ever gonna fly again and got a possible vitamin deficiency. - I know, it needs help. Maybe I should get onto the RSPCA, I don't know where it is, do I? Maybe it's hiding, maybe I should search the rest of the front gardens along West Street, see if it's cowering, so. - Well now, if it's lost the flight feathers, it's a sitting duck of a pigeon. - Well, a sitting pigeon. (laughing) - The fox is, he's got no home. - I mean, you're using another bird as a metaphor. - For the pigeon. - A sitting pigeon isn't an existing phrase. - It will be after this podcast. - Well, anyway, so there we are, that's another mystery, it's another thing that's, you know, my property seems to throw up these, it's always some sort of death or whole excrement related incidents. - And still, you won't install a ring doorbell. - I don't think that's gonna make much difference, is it? I mean, it'd be interesting to maybe I would have seen, but then I might have been traumatized by the savagery of the attack. - You could have done your own sort of David Attenborough-style voiceover. - You uploaded it to YouTube. - Yeah. - You could have been an overnight viral sensation, you could get your own TV show. - Yeah, but I mean, imagine if it's just a cat, catching a pigeon and that's hardly viral worthy footage, is it? - It could bind with your amazing voiceover skills, it could be. - Yeah, I could have made it very sort of sexy, couldn't I? - Well, not your sexy's the angle you want to go. I think if you're finding that sexy watching that, there's something deeper wrong with you. In the darkness of night, the cat approaches the pigeon. It floods with the bird. I've never had the impression David Attenborough was ever going for sexy. I'm never gonna hear him the same again. - A man who's inherently sexy, he can't help it. (laughing) Just built in, he talks, sexy just comes out. He wanted 98, he's still sexy. - Blindly as he's 98, he's going well, isn't he? - He's gotta make the 100. But when the queen went, right, and it's two years, almost to the day, as we record this, that we lost a majesty queen Elizabeth II. Maybe we should take a moment just to reflect on it. But-- - Yeah, a moment of silence doesn't really work very well in this format trip. (laughing) - But it's, maybe I should bring up the impression again. - Just to share, it's too soon. (laughing) - But you know what I'm gonna say, it was a thing, he said, "Oh, she's never going." And I feel the same with Attenborough, that he should never go. We should find a way, however it is, whether we, like AI by now, we should be able to, you know, robotize him. We should be able to replace his vital organs with computer chips or something, just to make sure that, 'cause I watch a lot of nature programs, and they try out different people doing the narrator. David Tennant does a lot, he's cracking back to David Tennant, but he's not gonna be a replacement for David Attenborough. They try others-- - Oh, I could. - Well, this is the problem, you see. So basically, when Attenborough, when that day finally, well, let's not even go, to be able to consider it, but there will come a time. I mean, really, that's the end of natural history on television, isn't it? We can't be having-- (laughing) What else do we have? - Well, bless him. I mean, he's had such a long and cold career that I imagine that he's probably covered every animal. There's nothing else we need to know about, I think he's covered it. - But what worries me is that when he's no longer around, you know, the way television has gone, and the way the cult of celebrity has gone, it'll be fucking riling doing it, won't it? (laughing) Turn it on, there's just these white teeth standing next to a gibbon, you know? Just speaking of it, have you heard of him, this is the level he's at? Have you heard what his latest show's gonna be? - No. - It's basically, I don't know what the name of it is, it's probably, like it says on the tin, it probably is just called Dating Naked, but it's basically filming people going on first dates, everyone's completely naked, nothing's blurred, nothing's uncensored. And I thought, really? - It's been done, Channel 4 do all that, they've had naked attraction for years, haven't they? It's been done, I'd say. This is why Attenborough can't go, this is why he has to, because at least with him, you've got some semblance of intelligent television. I'm hoping this is some sort of Channel 4 venture, I'm hoping this isn't under my license fee on paper, it's crap. - Had the thing about all these dating shows, I mean, I only ever see bits of dating shows on Gogglebox, when I watch Gogglebox, and there just seems to be fucking hundreds of them. Does nobody date in a conventional fashion anymore? Is it always, oh, you know, love at first sight, married at first sight, dating in the dark? It's fucking hundreds of them. Oh, the other one, the dreadful one. Milf Manor, I mean, honestly, yes. Milf Manor is an actual television program that somebody is paying to produce. - It sounds like a murder mystery porno, doesn't it? - Yes. - That took place at Milf Manor. - It just, oh, it depresses me, Ben, it really depresses me, and I despair for the future generations who are gonna have to watch this dreadful tripe that just keeps on growing. You know, I think back in the, sort of, I don't know, in the 90s, when cable televisions all sort of burst onto the scene, and, you know, the older generation at the time, I don't know, well, I mean, all this is gonna do is breed shit television. They weren't wrong, were they? They really weren't wrong. In some ways, we were better with four, just the four channels. I mean, channel five came along, and it's mainly shit, although that does have some decent stuff, but let's just go back to the four channels. 'Cause I've spent most of my time, and I'm sure you're the same, I'm sure everyone's the same. How much time do you waste flicking through stuff, even on Netflix? I mean, if I watch a movie with my family, if I go to spend some time with my family, I often watch a movie, we can sometimes spend half an hour flicking through stuff, no, that looks shit, no. No, that looks awful, no, an option, I've seen that. It was shit, you said, why am I paying for this? But we do, we've all fallen into the trap, there we go. It's, we're all victims of our own ridiculousness. - So, the moment sure of it is, we'd need David Acton for it to stay alive. - For it to stay alive. - Or, if not, at least until this podcast goes up, because otherwise, you've got to have an edit on your hands. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - So, Trevor, I had another slightly strange encounter in the glorious sland of East Grinstead. - Oh, wow, okay, well, we all know that the people you meet there are of a type. - Yes, I think that's a gentle life putting it. It was kicking off in the local supermarket. - Was he a fight between the Scientologists and the Mormons? - If no, he was. - Facing off, 'cause that's a television I would pay to see. I mean, there's one, maybe in time, different religions having actual fist fights in supermarket car parks, why not? (laughing) Let's have the Catholic Church against the Christadelphians in the local Azda car parks. - Have you got Ryland's number, I'll give him a call. - He fucking presented it, wouldn't he? Any old shit going. I'm not quite sure the Buddhist would be up for the fight. - So it wasn't, it wasn't them, no. It was basically, it was one of those fine people that Givy Scrins did the reputation. It's got, let's put it that way. - Okay. - All right. - And I saw the supermarket security sort of buzzing around this woman. She was claiming that she was being extremely unfairly treated. And I know who this woman is. I won't, obviously, I won't give you her name. - How'd you know who this woman is? - Well, because she knows me. - How does she know you've been? We need to get to the bottom of this. - She's been aware of your relationship with this woman. - I wouldn't call it a relationship. It's more that she likes to talk to the local people in East Grinstead, and unfortunately I am paid to walk around East Grinstead. So by the law of averages, I have pumped into her a few months. - It's like an episode of Pigeon Street. - Walking around. - Do you remember Pigeon Street? Oh, so go back to Pigeon's, do you remember that? - I don't remember Pigeon Street. - If you lived in Pigeon Street, ♪ Here are the people you would meet ♪ ♪ Here are the people who would say hello ♪ ♪ Anyway, and this is sweet ♪ - I've never heard of this show. - You've never heard of it? - I've never heard of it. - Well, you probably weren't bored with Pigeon Street. Long-distance Clara was a star of the show. Anyway, that's what it sounds like East Grinstead is like Pigeon Street. - And so I got her over here, what was going on, and she then confirmed to me, I didn't ask, she just sort of recognized me and started talking at me. And the reason she was being hassled by the security was because she had spent too long on her phone texting her fiancee. And the security didn't like that, so they were trying to eject her from the building. - How long has she been texting? I mean, for that to become an issue for supermarket security. I mean, we're talking, we must be ours. - So the voice inside my head said, "I don't believe you." The words that came out of my lips were, "Oh, that's awful." (laughing) I thought, "I don't need the conversation with you today." I don't want, it turns out, I heard her ranting in a different place. I bumped into her again. And it turned out that she claimed, the story completely changed. She claimed that she had been given the wrong change from quite a large sum of money she'd handed over and she wanted access to the security footage so that she could see if they'd made a mistake and they owed her a lot of money. So after she left, I started talking to the people she was talking to. I said, "That wasn't her original story." She was originally telling me that it was because she was spent too long texting her fiancee. And someone said to me, "Oh, do you know about her fiancee?" I said, "No." Okay. - But you're interested, aren't you? You're interested. - It's all said. - I'm in my heart, I'm very nosy person. (laughing) And I said, "What, should I?" Said, "Well, she claims her fiancee is Robert Plant." - Robert Plant. - The lead singer of Led Zeppelin, Robert Plant. - Wow. (laughing) - Again, I don't believe that's true. (laughing) - Unlikely. I'm gonna look up where the Robert Plant lives in East Grinsted. - Oh, our local supermarket has been getting on my nerves recently anyway. I've told you about my fury slowness in supermarkets before. - Yes, I mean, obviously I know that certainly when you used to smoke, you used to get quite annoyed while queuing up for cigarettes. - Yeah, and I had a similar thing this week when I was queuing up at the same cigarette kiosk. Oh my God, it's the lack of awareness some people have. There was another, a different woman, not the crazy woman. There was a different woman who was standing there middle of the day on a Saturday with a queue of about eight people behind her. She's paid and she's decided now is the time to strike up a conversation with the member of staff and tell them in detail what her son's homework assignment is. - Oh God, I mean, come on. Let's say self-awareness. I, I know I sound like such an old man on such a constant basis, but I was out in London the other day and I rarely go into London anymore and it was a rush hour as well. And I remembered how fucking awful the experience is of being at a busy train station during rush hour and the mobile phone is the demon in that situation. The number of people not looking where they're going 'cause they've got their eyes on their phone or dawdling, going so fucking slowly 'cause they're doing something on your phone. It's London. You've got to walk with purpose. That's always been the case. Move quickly. That can't be that important. Whatever you're doing isn't that important. Get a fucking move on. I mean, there's no self-awareness that they're causing a pile up behind them. - I was thinking I might, 'cause sometimes I might start huffing or making some audible grats just to sort of get the point across I'm displeased with this. 'Cause also I've got a 20 minute window for my lunch break here and I'm having to waste it, stood behind you rattling on about your son's algebra. I don't give a fuck, shut up, piss off. The red mist was starting to set in. And I thought, this used to be a pet peeve of mine now. It's setting, I didn't know what to do. I thought I can't, I can't work 'cause I'm in my work gear. I can't start swearing and kicking off. I thought kind of phone robot plant. I need to do something. By the way, robot plant lives in Worcestershire. That's not to say he's not in a relationship with a woman in your experience too, but it does just put a little more doubt on the story, that's what I'm saying. I did check, I did check. He isn't married, he was married, but he's divorced a long time ago. - So it's not out of the question, maybe part of the reason she's had to be spending a lot of time on the phone to me is the long distance relationship. Maybe she needs long distance Clara to give her a lift. Or rather than to present some sort of showing long distance relationships. - To be fair, if robot plant lead singer of Ed Zeppelin started texting me in Sainsbury's, I probably would spend longer than average standing, still looking at my phone thinking, what the hell's going on here? And the security might get their interest peak. So it's a plausible story, maybe after all. - Yeah, probably number one I'm saying is it would have to be such a long time for it to become a thing for the security, wouldn't it? I mean, how long, if you think you're a security man at Sainsbury's, it's probably not the best paid job in the world, right? Maybe it's a very dull job, so you're desperately looking for things to do. But if you saw someone standing just on their phone for a period of time, would you think, well, hang on a minute, that needs to be investigated. I'd be able to give it a look. Maybe after I think her story was complete bollocks. I think it was complete rubbish. I think she was just looking for an excuse to crowbar and that she's apparently engaged to robot plant. By the way, I don't think supermarket security is a particularly boring job. I think since the cost of living crisis and the shoplifting has gone through the fucking roof, I think they've rushed off their feet, these people. Well, I mean, it's extraordinary. The things that are now in those locked plastic containers, cheese and butter, meat, they've got to all be unlocked at the counter now because people are going and nicking that sort of stuff. But who'd have thought that those sort of things would become such a commodity? This is such a depressing sign of the time and also my own existence. I got genuinely excited the other day when I was in the same supermarket and they put an announcement over the tannery. This weekend only, the normally four pound 50 bottles of a tomato sauce, four pound 50. (laughing) They're reduced to two pounds. So I'm going to stampede. Well, I was the head of the stampede. I was leading the stampede. I picked up, actually, I'm not one of those arseholes who would just clean off the shelves. I took two bottles. I thought that was reasonable. But I thought, how tragic that my life has become where I'm now genuinely thrilled that a bottle of red sauce is at a fairly reasonable price. Yeah, well, number six, the world. I'll tell you what I had the other day and it's a bit of an aside. I'd had a real, uh, real pang for tin spaghetti. I haven't had tin spaghetti for years, right? Or back at that, or cost you four pound 50 and seven supermarkets. Well, I only bought the one tin of it. What a disappointment it was. I had great memories of it as a kid. Oh, you know, spaghetti on toast. That was a staple when I was a kid. And I really had this real, oh, I'm going to really enjoy this. And it was really disappointing. And then I saw that there's a thing with, they've got, it's the same company Heinz. They've got, say, a carbonara now, past the carbonara in a tin. Now, I think it's sued by the, the good people of Heinz. All I'm going to say is I can't imagine how shit that must be. When it doesn't look nice from what I've seen. Well, it looked very gloopy. I sort of feel like Heinz have got enough going for them. They don't need to be coming up with new stuff. Stick with your 57 varieties. That's more than enough for one company's house. Does that mean they're going to have to change all the labeling now? If they've come up with the bottle of carbonara, is that the 58th? One of them would have changed his mind. They've got, yeah, that's going to cost them a fortune. The catch up price is going to go through the roof now to compensate with its loss. And do you know what generation you fall under? You generation said millennial. Well, I think I'm a millennial. You're a millennial. So I'm not sure where I am. I think I might be ex, but I'm not entirely sure. Where was your year of birth? I'll find out. 1977. Well, I've just discovered something we have in common. My friend, you are also a millennial. Hi. Millennials, also known as Gen Y Eco Boomers, or sorry, Eco Boomers and Digital Natives, were born from approximately 1977 to 1995. Wow. You're one of me? That doesn't make sense because I'm not as whiny and snowflake-y as most millennials. I thought you were the same me then. That was a great year. I was about to be all mighty and snowflake-y about it. I'm not been doing with that group, obviously. Yeah, wow, there we go. So I am a millennials. But I've never fully understood it, but the latest generation on generation alpha. Oh, right, OK. So when was generations X and set? I was convinced I was a generation X or Z. When were they? Maybe you should Google it because I think, well, A, my search history is getting weirder and weirder. And B, I think it's-- I'm beginning to think maybe there's been a mistake made because I find it hard to believe that you're in the same as me. Yeah, see, this comes up with generation X being from the mid-60s, from 1965 to 1980, which I would be generation X. So I don't. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. Everything I've put, everything my phone tells me is just a lie then, is it? It's just a lie I've been getting to doubt the pigeon feathers. I'm telling you, it was a bit of a deficiency. So anyway, generation alpha, the group now-- I'm assuming that anyone born within the 21st century, I'm assuming that's where we're at. But as with every generation, they've got their own words. So I suppose we should try and learn what these things mean. So we know if we're being dissed as the kids, but we don't say anymore. Yeah, I don't think that's what I mean. I've got a feeling we've done this before. We've gone through some words in the past that we've tried to learn. But I think all those words are gone now. So there's a whole new list. I don't get it in music now with my job. I sometimes have to edit songs, as you know. And I do have to check words that I don't know, because in the urban dictionary, they mean something violent or disgusting normally. So you have got to be aware that these words crop up here. Well, I don't know what it means, but I'm now going to find out what it means. And generally in music, they are filth or violence. Are you obliged to take them out if that's what they mean, but if they're not proper words? Yeah, because you can't have a word that might reference stabbing someone or shooting someone or doing some-- So you couldn't have the word shank in a song, for example. No. No, that would need to be removed. You can't have that sort of thing. Really? And there's loads of these words that crop up. And you think, I don't know what that means. And you look it up and it means to shoot or to stab, or there will be some other disgusting thing. Well, I can't have that in the song. So, yeah, there's a lot of words you've got to try and get to grips with. Hang on a minute. You and I are both-- no, by the way, this isn't meant to sound like I'm being big-headed or bragging, because believe me, this is not a brag. We have both been through radio training. And we are familiar with the words that you can and can't say on the radio. It's a good, fun game. And I don't remember seeing anything like that on that big list of off-con banned words. No, it's very true. But what I work on is global. And you have to be aware that other nations have other rules about language and things. So I recently-- this is really dull, by the way. So I'm not going to swear on this, because people are listening to this. They're going, well, come on, entertain us. But I would just say that I had a massive thing through recently, which is all the rules of Jamaican broadcasters. And they are even stricter than our broadcast regulations. And so you have to just be very, very careful. That really surprises me. And again, I'm hoping I'm not wandering into inadvertent racism here. But I thought that the Jamaicans were a famously laid-back, relaxed nation of people. According to their broadcast coast. [LAUGHTER] [INAUDIBLE] Back to the words. Back to the words. So I have got a list of Generation Alpha slang words. And I thought I'd put them to you and see whether you could guess or work out or even know what they are. OK, try me. OK. First one is G-AT, spelled G-Y-A-T. Can we play like it was a spelling bee? Can I ask you to use it in a sentence? OK. [LAUGHTER] Oh, my-- yes, if you could use the modern word in the most sort of old-timey context with the rest of the sentence, that'd be great. Oh, my, isn't that a voluptuous G-AT? And it's pronounced G-AT. Well, I don't know. Well, you don't know. It could be G-AT. It's G-Y-A-W-T, or sometimes spelled G-Y-A-T. But I'm assuming G-AT. From the context you've used, I'm going to say it's an arse. Yeah. Look at that voluptuous arse. It's used to express strong excitement or just admiration of seeing a very large bottom. Yes, OK. I wouldn't have got it without the context. Would G-AT get past your editing on the Rayton radio? I think that would be OK. I have to take ass out. Oh, I think G-AT might have to go then if you can't say-- G-AT might have to go. I really had to take two asses out of a song last time. [LAUGHTER] Right, next one, Riz. Oh, I know this one. This is charisma, right? Charisma, yes. I don't know why I know that. I must be spending too much time on TikTok. Yeah. That's the thing, though, isn't it? I bet you've learned that from TikTok. That's where these words are probably finding their home. And that's where they're building from. So I don't watch TikTok at all. No, I would advise you to stay that way. It is such an annoying-- and I'm slightly vaguely addicted to it. I mean, I just sit there scrolling for hours. And then I get so crossed with myself, I think I just wasted three hours of my life mindlessly scrolling through this dross for the occasional funny video. And I've raged two or three times and deleted the whole app and deleted my account. Yeah. And then a few weeks ago, I find myself at a bus stop with nothing to do. Oh, I'm in the back. Oh, well, I've got to kill a few minutes here. So download TikTok off again for another three months of drivel. To think you could use those few minutes to learn about pigeons or something, really something useful. Honestly, if I replaced the time I spent on TikTok, learning a foreign language or doing micro learning or doing something useful, I'd be a genius in something else by now. Although, if I wasn't on TikTok, I wouldn't have got that question right. So it has got a fringe benefit there. So what's the next word? Muing. Muing. Muing. Now, to me, that's when a cat is meowing, it's mewing, right? Yeah, well, that's how I would understand the word mewing. But OK, so maybe does it apply to human beings? Yes, it does. Maybe it means someone's being affectionate towards you if they're mewing about you. Like, because they're purring or-- Oh, I see. Obviously, that's not right. No, I don't know. I'll tell you what mewing is to start with. Mewing is the act of pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth to create a more defined jawline. I'm not sure doing that does create any more defined jawline, does it? Sorry, but just to test a theory, just relax for a minute and don't say anything whilst I talk. Now, don't you find-- and listeners can do this as well. This is great bit of content. Don't you find that your resting position for your tongue is already touching the top of your mouth? No. That's an interesting thing. Where does your tongue naturally rest? Mine doesn't. Mine rests below the lower teeth. Mine sits in the bottom of the mouth. Really? No, that's not-- no, it can't. Yes, so when you're not talking, your tongue rests automatically touching the roof of your mouth. Yes, it does. I think that's normal. That doesn't feel normal to me. Google it. This is the podcast where every question gets Googled. Wow. Where is the tongue naturally rest? Like, is that a thing? You know, like some people can't curl their tongue. You know, that's a genetic thing. Can you curl your tongue? I can curl my tongue. Right, so I can as well. Maybe there's a genetic thing about where your tongue rests. Like, maybe if you were-- maybe it depends on what genius of pride make you revolve from. I've just Googled it, again, sorry to Google in my search history. According to the AI, when your tongue is at rest, it should be gently touching the roof of your mouth just behind your front teeth and not pressing against your teeth. So I'm right and you're the one that's backwards. Oh, yes, my tongue doesn't do that. Mine sits sort of-- maybe mine's just fucking lazy. It's my tongue just goes, I'm not working. Oh, I'm done. Light the bottom of the mouth. Just stay there, you fuckhole. So anyway, if you put it into-- so maybe if you're at rest, if you're not talking, and your tongue is naturally touching the roof of your mouth, you've already got a more defined jawline by definition. I guess that's why people think of me as a very chiseled, jawed man. I mean, see, if I do that, then I end up doing the old Bruce Forsyfe thing. Don't I? At the moment, the chin elongates in any way, shape, or form a card out with a little gaffes. So I can't-- maybe that's part of the problem, if I rest with my tongue again. I'll just, automatically, I'll just do it there, the hold, the hold, the hold, time. See, the Jimmy Hill was going to say, "Oh, speaking of my chin," I said, "Jimmy Hill." And it's not caught me rhyming, 'cause I was just someone with a big chin. The Bruce Forsyfe impression for me, that comes out after sort of jut the chin out a few inches first, and sort of the head goes back. The chin goes forward. That's how it all begins for me. That's interesting, the Jimmy Hill thing, did you do that score if you thought someone was talking bullshit? And he was either chinny or Jimmy Hill. - Yeah. - Chinny, chin, chin. I mean, I think, effectively, this is what the younger generation are doing, ironically, with mewing, 'cause apparently teenagers will, now, see, here's the thing I don't know, will make the shush hand signal. I'm assuming that's your finger in front of your lips. - Yeah. - And then they'll trace their finger along their jaw with a pouted expression. And then this gesture is used to, basically, avoid answering a question, is they're too busy mewing. - So they really understand why that's who won it. - I still don't really understand what that means. - No. So maybe it's the fact that, oh, I don't, I don't know what it's, you see, we've got a definition of it, and I still don't understand it. - I'm getting to be an old man now, and that's because I'm a millennial, but I tend to, and this is bad news for the future on the podcast, but I tend to not understand nor care about the future generations and what they're up to, 'cause it bores me. - All right, well, let's do a couple more. Simp. - I know what this means. - Just a TikTok education. - Being a simp, it's something you do for someone else, isn't it? It's like being a fanatic, being obsessed with, being a fanboy, being a, you're a simp for someone. I don't know what it means, but that's, I think I'm right in saying that, aren't it? - Well, it says you're displaying excessive attention or affection towards someone else. But when those feelings aren't reciprocated. So yeah, it's like, if you're a simp, you are, you're the one doing all the, you know, doting on someone and they're not interested. - Yeah, I knew Riz and a new simp so far. - Okay, NPC. - No, I know that one again. See, you are more generation alpha than you thought. - That's a non-playable character. - Non-playable character. What does that, that's obviously computer games speak. - It is computer games speak. - It's sort of like a, I can't read, it's hard to describe. It's kind of like you're the main character in your own life and all the other people that sort of are in your life who are just sort of there in the background doing their own thing. They're all NPCs, they're non-playable characters. - Okay. - What's the explanation you've got for it? - Well, it says you can be used as an insult to refer to someone who lacks critical thinking and follows a herd mentality. - Yeah, so they're not really a main player. They're just part of the game. - Right. - In existence, so they're an NPC. They're a non-playable character. - They're basically background noise. - Yeah. - What my generation would have called the sheep, just the following is a bird. - I guess so, yeah. - Yeah. - Okay. All right. Aura. You are a, and they say that to me would suggest you have an aura of invincibility about you or a positive aura or a beautiful aura. - Yeah, I would say so. I would, well, this is one of mine being sort of dragged back towards your generation now because I would agree with that. Someone has a nice aura around them or they give off a friendly aura. It clearly isn't going to mean that because the youth have got hold of it. - Well, no, I think it does. It sort of does really. You can refer to people who exhibit weird or cringy behavior, Ben. I don't mean to point the finger and say they have a negative aura. So I mean, it is basically-- - It's the same thing. - It's the same thing. - That's the same word. That's not a new word. Do I think they've come up with a word aura? - Yeah, no, I think they've invented it. - You know what else annoys me that I'm hearing more and more and I hear it again, I hear it a long TikTok. I don't know if this is on your list or not. - And I think it is possibly the correct use of the word, but it pisses me off because it doesn't sound right in my head. It's when people say, oh, I love it. Look at the aesthetic. And now-- - Yes. - I know that's probably the right use of that word, but it doesn't sound right in my head. In my head, it should be that's something I find aesthetically pleasing. - Yes. - Not look at the aesthetic. It just doesn't sound right. - No, it doesn't feel like that's being used in the right way. - No, I've even heard this being said, oh look, it's so aesthetic. - And I think so aesthetic what? - Yes. - So aesthetically what? And I might be completely wrong, it might be a completely fair and correct use of the word. I find it jarring in my own head. Always, I always cringe when I hear it. - I tell one thing that I don't like to hear, and that's when people say, I ain't got no whatever. You know, I ain't got no drugs. - Because it's double negatives. - Because it's double negatives. Is that not taught anymore? 'Cause that's something that the youth use a lot. You know, I ain't done nothing. Well, that means you've done something. If someone came up to me and said, Ben, I got no drugs. - No, I'm not about to pull him up on his grammar, to be honest. - Right, I'm gonna give you one more. - No cap. - No cap means something which I'm telling you, it's not a lie, no cap, it's not a lie, it's the truth. - So you do know this shit, don't you? You do know it. - Yeah, I do know that for some reason. Again, I think fucking TikTok. But yeah, cap saying something's cap is to say it's false. More is than your thought. - Sorry? - You've got more is in your thought. - Oh, see, you saying that to me, I thought, what did you just say? That's what you're not in the wrong generation. It didn't sound right coming out of your mouth at all. (upbeat music) - Well, here we are, that's it for another Trevor and Ben podcast before we go as a waste in that recommendation. It's got anything for us this week? - I do, it's gonna be very niche. If you're not a wrestling fan, you won't care at all. - Here we go. - And speaking of generational things, this is a podcast which covers my favorite generation of wrestling, which is the Attitude Era, which is the scene. Wrestling went through a sort of phase in the sort of late 90s, which referred to itself as the Attitude Era. - Okay, all right. - And the guy who was one of the sort of lead, he doesn't like to be called a writer, but Booker, or probably doesn't like to be called a Booker either, so the guy who sort of did a lot of the behind-the-scenes writing, even though he wouldn't like to have it called that, Tommy Blotcher, very, very funny guy. If you're into the Attitude Era or Wrestling in general and you want to hear some funny behind-the-scenes stuff about that, then get the Tales from the Attitude Era podcast wherever you get your podcasts. - Wow, that's niche. - And now that anyone who is not a wrestling fan, you can stop fast forwarding and Trevor's gonna recommend some stuff now. - I've got a couple of things to recommend. As always, I've got a true crime thing to recommend. This one's an extraordinary, sorry, this is on Netflix. It's called The Devil on Trial, and it's about this family who seem like a normal American family, except for one thing, their 11-year-old son, David, says he's possessed by The Devil, and The Devil wants his soul. - Christ, it's a bit fun. - It is quite fun, and it's quite disturbing. Some of the, I think there's some audio of exorcisms and it's quite distressing at times. And clearly, the young lad is disturbed in many ways, but basically, there was a sort of thing to it that they almost had to try and prove that it was The Devil that had possessed their son. So it's all about what they sort of put forward as evidence and it was The Devil. It's an extraordinary story. - Do exorcists still exist? I mean, it's not something when you're gonna find on checker trade, is it? Where'd you find an exorcist if you need one? - Well, often it's a vicar, isn't it? Often it's a vicar. I think they have to have had certain training to do exorcisms, but yeah, vicars from churches and priests, they'll be your exorcists. - Do you think it really still happens anymore? - Yeah, yeah. And people still use exorcists and get vicars to come and exercise places. I've heard of it, you know, happening. - There's art. - And certainly within some religious parts of the world, it's used a lot when people believe that someone's been possessed by The Devil and, you know, it doesn't always end well. It's pretty brutal stuff in some places. So yeah, to answer your question, it still happens. - Okay. - And the other thing I'm gonna recommend is a film. It's on Sky Cinema at the moment. It's a really odd film. It's called He Went That Way. It's based very loosely, I think, on a true story. It's the story of a man who's traveling across the states with his pet chimpanzee, who is a celebrity animal. Right? But then he picks up a hitchhiker, only to discover this hitchhiker is a serial killer. - Blimey thing, some bad luck. - And it's about a sort of bond that they build and how the animal trainer works with the killer to save his own life, really. And it's based on, on a true event. I don't know how much truth is in the film. It does say at the start, something like this is all true-ish or something. But at the end of the film, they have an interview with the man who was the animal trainer. Yeah, there was some truth to that. It's an extraordinary story. - Sounds it. He didn't drunk you all the chimney. - No, but he did threaten to. - Oh, God. (laughing) - That's our story. - Yeah, it's really good though. It's called He Went That Way. It's on Sky Cinema at the moment. So there we are, that's it for this week. Thank you very much for listening. Don't forget you can get in touch with us any time. And we'll catch you again next week. Till then, stay safe, stay well. Take it easy. - Bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)