Seated With Lebo and Thato Rampedi

Healing Family Bonds: Unlearning Toxic Dynamics Together”

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Duration:: 53m
Broadcast on:: 12 Sep 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

(upbeat music) - Yo, what's up guys? Another podcast episode with seats in of level and. (speaking in foreign language) You guys welcome back. We're so excited. It's been a hot medicines. We've actually had so much excitement to do the podcast. If you guys don't know what seats of level and tartar and be it is, we're basically a podcast which is done by two brothers who wanna have uncomfortable conversations in the most lighthearted manner. We speak about pretty much everything. Family dynamics, love, work, business, traumas, everything that's just been affecting, you know, our personal lives and our growth as men. And we just try to have such amazing conversations. We are so tired of not having guests anymore. So first things first, if you guys wanna have any guests on those podcast, we're gonna be taking on guests for the entire month of October guys. We're very, very excited. So please comment down their names down below. It can be anyone. - I definitely think we're about to touch our season of guests which is gonna be a very, which is gonna be a very intimate and very uplifting season for us because we've always been vulnerable with each other. And having that third element is going to really just empower us to talk about more difficult discussions. And I really am excited about that. - I'm curious to see if we'll still have the same vulnerability with the third person. - Yeah. - That's not gonna be absolutely amazing. - Depending on how attractive they may be, I might, I might withhold some vulnerability. I've been speaking to someone really cool. He's got a studio that he wants us to come to. So don't just might move, seated might move. I'm very, very excited to shift away all of the constant creation from my apartment. A lot of it has been here for a long period of time. - A long period of time. - But yeah, can you just shift a bit closer to me? - Yeah, so. - It's gonna be absolutely amazing guys. Obviously, you know, first questions whenever we do the podcast is how are you, but we're not gonna jump too fast. 'Cause we always, we have to talk about that gender. - Oh yeah, what are we talking about? - So guys, today's main theme that I've proposed for today's podcast is unlearning what your parents taught you and that is basically gonna go into subcategories such as identifying if you had bad parents or parents who cared about you. Visiting your friend's house for the first time. That's a bit of a story type we're gonna both say. - I'm excited for that because that's gonna really show us how we-- - We've been trying some different family dynamics. - Yeah, and then we have a little bit of a game called Allowed or Not Allowed in a Black Home. And then we're gonna go into joining another family meeting a family at a bright. And what I mean by that is that when you finally medating a girl for long enough and she finally pops the-- - I love for you to meet my parents. Have you ever heard that when your partner's always like my parents would love you. - My parents would love you. - What would they love about me? - They don't even know. - What would they love about me? - They wouldn't love me. - They wouldn't love me because you kissed me. - No lums, I mean. And of course, we'll just finish that off with when you have your own family, what qualities would you replicate and which qualities would you obviously create? - Yeah, very, very nice. - Yeah, what's going on, what's going on? But anyways, first question of the podcast-- - How are you? - How are you? - Yeah. - Let's go first. - And on that note guys, KFC Kentucky Town is back and it's nationwide. If you guys missed out on the hype of the amazing drops from the exclusive KFC Kentucky Town, now's your time to taste the hype of the donuts. Zynga Begga. - Ay, they're gravy, they be beggar. They're hot and spicy, crunch, double down. And there's got so many drinks which are-- - Guys, don't forget about the cherry cola, Boba. - What's up, Boba? - Emma and the pink citrus crusher. So guys, go to a store located near you and selected KFCs for a limited time only. Guys, obviously, you can obviously deliver it on KFC delivery app and as well as Uber Eats, exclusively T's and C's apply. - Yeah, so that's definitely the KFC delivery plus app and Uber Eats, guys, donuts out, rush over and it's gonna be absolutely amazing. We'll see you at the nearest KFC because KFC Kentucky Town is nationwide. - KFC Kentucky Town, finger looking good. - I feel free. - Cape Town, Cape Town on the skin. I feel free, I can see my compression might be a bit dark, I might be a bit red, you know? I was in Cape Town for like four nights, five days. Meant to be there for one night, I kept extending my stay. Absolutely life-changing. I went there for Jessica Mashaba's launch. She is now a DJ, so big shout Jessica Mashaba. - Well done, yes. - Very part of it. She flew down about 15 of us from Joburg, the likes of Mugellings, Randy from Bit of Stars. Scrumptious was there, Dima was there. A lot of other celebrities, which are, oh, pretty ugly was there. Don't actually find it going to be pretty, which is cool. We spoke for a little bit. I think we're both shy. Oh, we just had nothing to speak about. I don't know, but he was really cool. It's very happy to see him because I've always been a fan of pretty, even before, like, you know, he's popular songs. It was just a fan of him. I think he's cool as hell, you know? Even his name, I think his name is so cool, pretty ugly. - Yeah. - Like, that's dope. - It's an oxymoron. - Yeah, I think it's really cool. It got to me a lot of Cape Town content created when I was there as well. And my highlight was obviously seeing Lucas, bro. Lucas lives in Cape Town. - Cat. - Cat, he goes by Cat. - Lucas, if you're watching this, they're telling me you're known as Cat in Cape Town. So you guys move cities and change your names as if you're running away from the FBI. - Yeah, I get it, though, 'cause he's been so, I feel like we're gonna be exposing him now, so listen, let's just-- - Yeah, but miss you, brother, miss you. - Miss you loved me seeing him. I post a story with him, and people were like, "Yo." - Yeah. - In that, obviously, I was hosting at a club, don't usually host, so that was very different for me, 'cause, like, I just go to the club for fun. Went out twice, and then I went to the beach, went for a walk, and I discovered that I'm not happy with my value system. So, and this is, like, I think I might even get emotional about this, but in the walks, in the conversations I was having, in my experience, in my relaxing, I was taking, I was in a hot tub, relaxing, I was walking on the beach. - Yeah, the hot tub. - And hot tub, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And you're aiming me, yeah. - Not a hot tub, like a big tub, like a bottom tub, but it was huge. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's like, yeah, too, like, all the way there. I took walks in town, like, it was just all, like, spending time with myself at a social real, then I realized that I have a big focus on, I've been focusing on, I never thought I'd say, I've been focusing on attention from people, attention from girls, attention from colleagues, because I've always yearned for community, in my life. And I realized that my value system was off. I was starting to value the wrong things. I started to spend my money on the wrong things, starting to see value in club culture, starting to see value in just good times, and not value in spending time with myself. So, in that, I did a lot of praying, a lot of self-reflection, a lot of thinking, and I finally got to the conclusion that like, I'm tired of the laughter I'm living. - Yeah. - And my friends, even though it was calling me, like, even I speak to calling me, I wasn't answering any goals, and everyone's like, what the hell is this guy? And I was actually like, no, I can't have any internal distractions. I need to understand myself and hear my inner voice. And in that, I made so many changes. Like, I let go of a lot of people, when I came back, I let go of a lot of like, lifestyles, I told myself, I'm done with clubbing. I still drink, love a good drink. I still love cheering on my friends, you know. But I'm definitely starting to do things that I want to do. I'm trying to be very intentional with my time. I mean, in that, already, and this is sounds small, but in that, like, yesterday, I had one of the most beautiful nights ever. I woke up, clean, whatever got ready, everything was cool. I went to my laptop, I started writing. I'm writing stories for myself, for myself to re-read, for myself to learn how to write, just for myself. I wrote a fictional story based off of these seals that I saw in Heart Bay, you know. - One second. - Someone's phone is reading. - Someone's reading. - It's written to the speaker. - Oh, it's written to my watch. - Yeah. So, in that, obviously, went to Heart Bay, got to see a bunch of seals, that was very beautiful. I saw a seal in land, I saw the seals on Reka Island, and I was like, oh damn, I started writing and taking pictures of, like, a fictional story. So, I'm writing for myself, which is really cool. I started reading again, I was watching series, I wanted to watch, so I've just been giving and pulling into my cup, and it sounds like such small things, but-- - But, overall, the happiness for me. For me, it was insane, like, I was playing Michael Jackson, dancing, like, I was Michael Jackson on my apartment, and I struggled to, and mind you, this is a Wednesday way, I meant to be with my friends. - Yeah, the way you intentionally have planned our time to be with friends. - So, it was so beautiful to see myself, choose myself, and enjoy my choice in myself. - Yeah, I wanna read something from what I was just saying, that I think that touches on, like, I think an overall thing that we've both been thinking before I started, like, how I am. My friend sent to me, I said, I just said, "Yo, guys, I just feel like I want a change, "I want a difference." And he said, "It's lifestyle and balance, "you have to find your balance." And then we had this theme now on the group, I do this thing with friend and people, where I just pin things in our chats, because I feel as if that's the theme of that month, or the theme of that week, or the theme of that season, and the theme of my friendship group is, find your balance. - Can you show me something? - Yeah. - This is the, I wanna show you something. You know, with these things, wait, if you go to the other one. - Yeah, go ahead. - Like, when you pin something. - It goes to the previous one also. - Like, you can swipe and see, oh, nevermind. - Yeah. - See, look at the themes on this one. They're not like us. (laughing) Anyway, yeah, that's beautiful. - Yeah, so, and it's so good for you to have those reminders of, like, the purpose of your community, which is really good. - Yeah, I even do that all the time. I think we had, like, do what makes you happy. Now we have-- - I think it's an hour one, go to hour one. - hour one is now just plan and do. Just plan and do. - Yeah. - Plan and do. - Before just plan and do, just do what makes you happy. - But yeah, like, I'm-- - Which led us the wrong direction. - Yeah. - Do you know what makes you happy? - Yeah. - Dangerous, dangerous, dangerous. - So, just to touch on that, hour one is do what makes you happy. And I was listening to the bad thoughts in my head. So, if I was, I had to make a choice, like, you know, good apple, red apple, red pool, blue pool. I was always swallowing the red pool 'cause I was with the mindset of do what makes you happy. So, would you affirmations be sure that you have a good value system before you even consider putting affirmations like do what makes you happy? Like, understand what happiness means to you. - Yeah. - You know, before you start saying do what makes you happy. - I wanna read something, sorry, guys. I know not everyone's religious, but I'm super religious. And I hate being apologetic about it, but in relation to what you said, sometimes God allows you to experience everything you thought would satisfy your soul. Only to understand that it doesn't. - Mm, that sounds like my past three years. - So, in my, how are you? (laughing) 'Cause it'd be like the podcast started the moment that doesn't it, how are you? This is it. But, I think God has showed me the life I think I always wanted, and I realize, oh, that isn't what I want. - It's not fulfilling. - I don't wanna be the brew gets to buy the most expensive bottle in the club. I wanna be the brew comes home to a beautiful relationship that's fulfilling, that's growing, that it's had, it's difficult times, and it's good times. I wanna be a brew that has like a cat, and like I'm raising my cat, and I wanna be a brew that has, who's making investments into himself. Who's healthy? Who has a six pack, and as, you know what I'm saying? Like, I want all of those things, and I said to myself, you know what? And guys, this is all part of how I am. I said to myself, let me just work on me, and that's been my, how am I? Like, just work on you. You've been, I said to myself-- - 'Cause who else will, bro? - Who else will, who else will? - Yeah, I said to myself, did you've been mentally weak, and susceptible to any temptation that has been put in front of you for the past, how many years, when in your adult life are you gonna have the ability to say no? And if you don't learn it now, your family, your future family will suffer from your inability to say no. So, if I must learn it now while I'm still alone, you know? And I guess I've just been saying no to a lot of things, and I'm in my, I wanna lie, I'm in my isolation phase, man. Like, just me, I wanna be just alone, yeah. Figuring out just alone, just me, you know. Like, yeah, but that's basically which is crazy, because again, obviously means I got very similar, and I think we go through very similar themes, I call them themes, 'cause I think my life is a movie. But we go through similar themes, and I'll ask. But anyways, let's get into the podcast, right? - Yeah, let's do it. - Unlearning what your parents taught you. What's one thing you think you had definitely under. - So, I'm not really, I'm not very comfortable with this conversation, because I feel like, there aren't that many things that my parents told me, which I have to unlearn. - Which is very good, 'cause that ties into the second one, I knew you were gonna say that. Identifying, no, no, no, no, no, no. Identifying if you had bad parents or parents who cared about you. And I think a lot of us grow up, you know, justifying our parents' actions and say, you know, this is for the better good. This made me like this, you know. I want, maybe we might just skip to the second point, immediately and say to you, maybe, what made you think in your life, okay, cool. My parents did this harsh thing to me, because they cared about me. Like, give us an example, for example. - I mean, we spoke about it on previous podcasts. We said that, I told you the story about the friend who said that he told his kid how to be good, but never told these kids how to receive bad. So I think in my, and our parents, like, strictness and their harshness in their life is not easy in their, you know, we're called to make your own money in their, I'm not gonna have your back all the time. They told me that life is difficult, and that's not an easy path. So it equipped me for a difficult life, and it equipped me for independence. Like, our parents made us all very hyper-independent, 'cause that we come from, we come from a parents, a household of people, two people that work really hard, and they've, you know, established themselves in terms of their careers, but we have never touched the sense of the coins post becoming independent. - I think, 'cause our parents could easily be given us allowances. - Yeah, yeah, I think, I think, even the middle city, I think, I think, I don't know what the pocket, I don't know. - Yeah, I don't know. - But I was on this group called, the other day, with these two girls, and the one girl, like, literally, you could copy-paste my parental experience onto her. - Same thing. - Literally, Boston saying, right? And I loved how differently she saw how she was raised. - How did she say it? - She saw it, it's like, yes, this was great. This is how greatness is made, Mona. (laughing) You know? - I was saying, like, bubble. - That's how she said it, though. That's how, that's literally how she said it. She was like, this is how greatness is made. She's like, you know, I'd rather be spanked, what I wanna spank, spad on, and what I wanna... And then, that prepares me for the real world, then be put up in a, you know, soft environment. And the other girl on the group called, she's an only child. - Yeah. - You know, parents spent every single sense spoiling her, if she wanted something, she got it, latest iPad. She got a PlayStation two 'cause she felt like it. Not 'cause she wanted it, 'cause she was like, hey, I wanna highlight, 'cause the boys in her closet talking about it. - Does my life, does my life before you pulled, before she would gave... - Yeah, before she would gave it. - Yeah, before she would gave it to me. Ah, there he is. (laughing) - Josh! - But, but... - She was also stupid. - In all of that, I realized, something very important, your parents could parent you in any way. It's about you to take on the perspective of if they were good or bad. - Yeah, true, but I mean, from what age, I mean, you're young, you can't even see good and bad, 'cause they tell you what's good and bad. But I remember, I think, I can think of something now. - Yeah, go ahead. - One thing my dad told me, which is very, very bad, is to not trust anybody. (laughing) But I get why he did. - Oh yeah, yeah. - Like, our father looks at every situation as the worst case situation. (laughing) - Like, let's say, which is good. - Which is good, 'cause life is tough, right? So, with level, let's say, level took my dad's wallet and took it for cleaning. You know what I'm saying? - Yeah. - Cut all the money, took it for cleaning. But my dad's being gone, it comes back, the wallet is gone. We see how it's the wallet, and this didn't happen. We see how his wallet was the only level took it. I don't say he's a thief, he stole from me. - Yeah. - So my dad won't think, oh, my son, maybe you want to take my wallet to be clean. - He thinks worst case. - My son is stealing from me. (laughing) But I even stole my wallet, do you know what I'm saying? I remember those instances with the pool, like at home, maybe the pool was broken. - And you don't re-broken? - It's like, you know, he's like, the gardener's breaking it intentionally, 'cause he has a partnership with the pool company, and the pool company, they're trying to (beep) us. (laughing) So it's like, he's a conspiracy. It's like, he has a bunch of conspiracy theories, and he looks at the worst every situation, but I get it because, after working, I mean, I'm 27, right? So I'll say, after working a tough life from when I was 18, everything before I fucking I was a child. - Yeah. - So let's say from 18 to 27, I've learned that life is extremely difficult. - Very much so. - People don't have good intentions, business, relationships, family, friends, brothers, people can be full of shit, people can be really tough, and if you are oblivious to all of that nonsense, and you are unable to see the bad, you will be dribbled, you will go broke, you will be depressed, you will be sad, which is why it's so important as a man to have walls up there, protect yourself from nonsense, but still enable those walls to enable you to open up for good, you know? So he taught me that thing, which I think I learned too early, 'cause now I look at every situation in the worst case. - Yeah. - But at the same time, because of that, I also look at some many situations, best case. - I think all of us can take a little from Tato's story and just be like, oh, our personal perspective of our parents and be like, you know what? This was actually pretty messed up, and this was pretty like very much good for me, and a little bit of the in-between, the gray spots, where we generally just don't know until we become parents, you know? And I like this topic about unlearning what your parents taught you, because it all starts off when you first move into your own flat, and all of a sudden, you don't have to wake up and make your bed, for example. And you unlearn the things that they taught you that you needed to learn. - That you needed to learn, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Things about even like love. Like, you know, my parents always look at me and say, oh no, you're gonna date a thousand people before you get married, obviously. And I always just tell them, no! - This is the one! - This is the one! - This is the love of my life! - This is the one I love! - You don't know who the way I know her. - Bad on it, bad on it, bad on it, bad on it! - But anyways, yeah, politically, like, I love how sometimes also, unintentionally, we can unlearn the good messages. - Yeah. - Very fast, by the way. - What's one of the good messages you think that we've like struggled to? Like, that we unlearn, that we have to learn back. - Cooking for yourself. I think this happens to many young people. - Yeah, that's a good one. - Like we see our parents cooking a meal every single day. We don't understand that they're putting in nutrients into our body, they're very important. - To keep you thinking, thinking physically healthy, having energy, being able to tackle the day, we replace vegetables and fruits and raw ingredients. - Stand down to eggs. - Chicken licking, Burger King. Which are all amazing products in moderation. But they can't be here every day. So that's one thing that I think I understand. - Oh, don't get me wrong. One thing about me, I will eat caves, yeah, I love caves. - Yeah, 100%. - I love caves. But anyways, but definitely agree with Tato. I think another one that men and some women struggle with is tidiness. Keeping your space, you're assuming, you're assuming they come from clean spaces. - That's the thing. - That's your problem. 'Cause I know some dirty ass people. And there's no way that person became ditty by themselves. (laughing) - I used to look at TikToks. - That's generational dance. - I used to get TikToks so people would be like, "Yo, don't eat at your neighbor's house." - Yeah. - And I never understand. 'Cause obviously everyone in my space has always been super clean. - Yeah, very nice. - That's where I come from. Everyone's been super clean. Both sides, my dad's clean. Like a germaphobe, bro. Like a germaphobe. My mom's also super clean free. So both sides of my face. - Both sides of my face. - My dad's a germ, my dad's a germ. How many times have you hung up, bro? - Ah, I'm cooking cards. (laughing) - I know I've hung my dad less than 30, like 30 times. More than less than 20. Hug like this. And hug, hold. Wait. - Less than six. - Wait. - Less than five times. - Wait. - Less than five times. - Wait. And leg up. - Less than five times. - Less than five, I'm definitely less than 10. - Like he does this, like he does this thing. - When I graduated, we got a big arc. I was really happy about that, right? - He wasn't even there for a while. - Really? - Oh yeah, he came for lunch from my own. (laughing) - Anyway, so, what are we talking about? (laughing) - Yeah, man, we're talking about the cleanest people's household. - Oh yeah, so, so, so, so, so. - And that brings me to obviously the next topic, which I think is a very eye-opener for every child, especially black children, visiting your friend. And if you have visiting your first white friend. - Hey! Different experience. - Don't believe. - I can do it. (laughing) - So, so, I think with mine, it's like, it's just that you guys know how much we absolutely love watching movies. And we have been lazy guys. We've been watching all these movies at home, and we have turned ourselves to go to the movies, and to make things even better, still, you can go as an epic bundle deal where you can go to the movies for 149 grand and 90 cents. - Ow. - And on top of that, you get a regular popcorn, you get a regular drink, and you get the comfort of the Stirconico seats, guys. They're so amazing. And on top of that, there's so much more. You get 70 grand in this so many movies. - Yeah, guys. So, enjoy your time at a blockbuster experience with Stearconico, and experience movies such as Beetlejuice, Transformers, The Wild Robots, and as well as personal favorites coming the Joker, guys. - That's- - We are super excited for SK members all across South African senators. - Yeah, so just to make it clear for you guys, teas and scenes of this is for SK club members, but to make it even more exciting, it's very, very free to become an SK club member. Oh, you have to go to www.stirconico.com, and you can become an SK members. It's free, it's quick, it's easy. You got Beetlejuice Bill just coming through on the 6th of September. We have 20th of September coming through with- - The Wild Robots. - The Wild Robots. - The Wild Robots. - Come on! - We've got the Transformers coming through on the 27th of September. It's gonna be amazing, it's gonna be exciting. Don't miss out, 149 ran, 90 cents teas and scenes applied. We'll see you guys at the movies. Oh, and to make it even more exciting, it's not just 2D, it's 2D, or 3D. Stirconico making everything possible, baby. - I see you like this, I see you like that, I see you in the dimensions. (gibberish) (triumphant music) - The Hornham is at this front, it's extremely rich. - Yeah, your wife, your first wife was mad. - It was very huge, and the things that I see why, because they fathers in jail, like, if I'm not mistaken, if I don't into jail, a lot of corruption, a lot of bad things. - All right, p-rest in person. - But they were faulty, which I hope none of them wants to spark cars, 'cause I hate talking about people with the rights to spark cars, and it's 'cause not 'cause they feel like they're gonna be exposed, but they agreed to see my experience of that. - 'Cause gimme, you guys don't know what name we're talking about, but they know how they feel and their contact us and their sayings. - Yeah, but anyway, so I was a young man, had a best friend from primary school. I'm talking in grade three, grade two-one. I'm grade one, up until grade six. It was my best friend who stayed in the same state as us, and at our place, there was no snacks like that. (laughs) - I mean, we had snacks. - We had snacks. - I'm a popcorn canal, you had to make it yourself a impediment. - There is a snack. - Pancakes, raw ingredients, raw ingredients. - The egg. - But pancakes mixed up. - No, the pancakes mixed up. - Raw eggs. - Yeah, it's a good goal. - And I get why, because our parents were low-key, very healthy. - Very healthy juice, local drink. - You understood the bad effects of processed food. But anyway, I go to this person's place. First of all, I'm green. - And look at us, both of us. Don't have acne. - Yeah. - Don't have great teeth. - Great teeth, everything. - Great bones. - They did well, weren't they? - Yeah. - Yeah, walk into there, first of all, you're greeted by a water feature with two statues of people looking at each other like this. (laughs) - Greek. - Greek. - Yeah, you're okay, and as soon as onto the door, it's like you're greeted by a bottle of some sort. - Yeah. - These lint chocolates by the entrance, in a bowl, always fully stocked. I'm used to hand-crab all of it. (laughs) - And put some for later. - Yeah, pour. - And I remember the dynamic. The first time I experienced it, now I was like, wow, like being rich looks amazing, right? - Yeah. - I was like, just looks like so much fun. The kids have the latest PlayStation, the latest pages, toys. - Go cards. - And shoot bottles. - Anything. - Go cards. - Four wheelers. - Four wheelers. And as a young man, you're like, wow, this is such a good life. And then you start spending more time with the people, with the family. Then you realize that the father is actually abusive or obnoxious. The mother's actually rude and doesn't know how to show love. When you spend enough time, even the parents or the kids get used to you. So now they start showing their true colors. And you realize that even all of these riches, the dynamic is obviously very sad. - Always be different. - It's very abusive. It's not healthy. There's no African culture that you're used to. There's no African tradition. And you go back home and you're like, greeted by a mother who's carrying a shoe. - He's making a shoe and carot. - Shoe, I wanted to talk to you. - It's a hearty meal. - You want to know what's happening? - You know what I'm saying? It's just giving you everything she can to the highest degree of birth of what she has. And it's like, I don't know for me in the beginning, I used to be like, why can't we be like these people? And then I realized that, yo, I'm actually so grateful for the love that my mother gives me. And then the support that my father gives me and my household. And I understand why my parents, my mom used to say (speaks in foreign language) and that basically translates to yards on the same side. Or like, basically she's saying like-- - The rich transition is yards on the same side. - But it basically means that like, you can't compare ourselves to other households because they're going through different things. They have different financial backgrounds and they'll just never be equal. Beautifully said that I think I'm listening to the podcast, but don't, yeah. Wow. Anyway, what happened in Game 7? - Anyways. (speaks in foreign language) - This father cut me here, man. - My father-- - You just changed your mustache. - Yeah, you must start, man. - I like it. (speaks in foreign language) (laughing) (speaks in foreign language) - 'Cause I'm putting a thing here. But anyway, my point is, that was my first experience. And I know that it takes time for sometimes for us to even see the bad in that. And it teaches you to not want what that neighbor has. - Yeah. - Isn't it? I think for me, my first experience was like, way more different, you know? I went to a, you know, my first, my first visit to another friend's house. - I remember that girl. - Which girl? Oh yeah, she had a jacuzzi and like-- - I remember that girl that used to go after school, used to go after school, I used to be jealous and come too. - Okay, cool, I'll talk that story. Yes, I do. But that wasn't like my first like friend. That was my first like girlfriend, Lookiee. - That was Lookiee, a girl, man. - That was Lookiee, my high. (laughing) - Lookiee had a white heart at the age of six. - Rachakuzzi! (laughing) - Anyways, this is Lookiee for us, Lookiee my hand though. (laughing) - Just my heart, even though we were in Credge. That was my base, you know what I'm saying? - Yeah, yeah. - I made some of Credge. - You know what I'm saying? - Shout out to your parents for being liberal. - Yeah. - You know what I'm saying? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Interracial relationships. (laughing) (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) (speaking in foreign language) - You get me saying, brother. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - Yeah, anyways. (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) - Company shit. - Company shit. - Anyways, all right. - My first time visiting a family friend was way different. - Really, really warm home, man. You know, he was an only child. - White person, or black person. - No, he was Indian. You only child. - Oh, oh. - Oh, yes, yes, yeah. - Joe book. - Yes, and Joe book. - Oh, no. - Only child, only child. His dad was basically like my dad. His mom was like, I used to call his mom like mama, like I used to call his mom mama. I used to call his dad like that, or sometimes. - Mama's watching this problem. - Mama's watching this, you used to call this one. (laughing) - No, I'm joking. I used to call him my mom. I used to call the uncle my loom, but I used to call the mama. He'd say like ma something, like her name. I don't know the same name, obviously on the podcast. But yeah, man, really warm home. Dude, this guy, he'd be pissed that they love him so much. He'd go, oh, he's on my back. I'll ask him, he wants to have an eye. (laughing) What's wrong? Who are you? - He's me, I'm a game, mama. (laughing) I told you, he was playing. - You don't want to make legals. (laughing) - And I'd look at this kid in his name. But that doesn't ask me how I am involved. (laughing) As long as I eat, as long as I shit, and as long as I have a clue, that's never gonna ask me a matter of fact, but your dad is asking me how to game with that. - Anyway, so, more of the story. - Exactly. - They used to go to every soccer match, every sports match, what you think. - I remember that family. - Price, I used to greet his parents with him. - And they, and they hug him. - They hug him. - Yeah, they hug him. - He'd be like, come here. - Oh, these guys. - Anyways, my appointment is with the contrast thing. - No. - What a lovely family. - What a lovely family, yeah. But even if they had such a loveliness of a family. I still missed my hard-on, you know. Like my dynamics of a family, my siblings. And I'd always put myself in the person's chair, and I say to myself, I'd hate being an only child, bro. - Yeah. - A lot of what makes my family so great is my siblings. I think that our contingencies speak about this online, and my like, and my finster, especially. I always say, like, dude, my siblings are the reason, like, I'm here, my siblings are the reason I get to smile, my siblings are the reason I get to look forward to things. 'Cause I'm so excited to see how these two people who grew up right next to me are gonna end up, you know. And I would never trade that for anything. So, cool, he had the cool parents, but I would never trade that. - All cool parents for still, for cool, for siblings. - I choose siblings every single time. - Yeah, it's crazy. 'Cause as I'm seeing like our sister grow, my sister and I will speak on a video call, and she'll treat me like a friend, and I'm still like, this is where she'll be like, yeah, I'm not sure where, yeah. I'm going on this day, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm talking, I'm talking about my experience in my life, and she's like, oh yeah, you see the way my desk is sitting now. It's facing that way, she doesn't know, she's like, no, she should turn it around. She's also giving me advice, advice, advice, advice. And I'm listening to my sister who's six years younger than me, but I'm realizing that she's turning 21, in a few, 22, conscious, 22, 21. She's turning 21 in a few days, and I'm like, oh, the relationship goes at like 23, 24. So like, she's low-key. - Hey, smart individual, the fragile loop will work, but it's almost there, the frontal loop, the frontal loop will work, it's been developed. - It's almost developed, it gets 12 to 25. - Oh, so I'm done. - Just that. - This is who I am. - That's scary. - No, I mean, I just changed now, so it just didn't happen, yeah. - But anyways, let's go into a game that you guys can play at home. It's basically a quote, "Allowed or not allowed?" - I wanna say a quote. - In a black home. - In the live check, 'cause you guys know we premiere all of these podcasts. First of all, please give us a like if you enjoyed this episode. Second of all, I need you guys to respond in the live chat right now with this game. We're playing a loud, I'm not telling you. - A loud or not allowed in a black home. (imitates gun noises) Oh, you're home. You guys ready? - Yeah, yeah. - Let's go in three, two, one, and you answer as fast as possible. You have three seconds to answer, "Allowed or not allowed?" It's the only answers you get. - Okay. - "Allowed or not allowed?" - There we go, that's how the game works. Very simple, you have five stages, that is it. Answer, very fast. Naps. - Not allowed. - Eating in your room. - Not allowed. - Sleeping in the couch. - Not allowed. - Pace in general logic. - Not allowed. - Watching a movie alone. - Not allowed. - As you can see, this game can be very fast. (laughing) And that's basically, basically, "Allowed or not allowed in a black gulp." - I'm so dead. - Two or four not allowed. I said naps allowed. I would've said naps allowed. - Naps. - Yeah, I used to take a nap once in a while, but I just had to lock the room in act like I was working. (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) (clapping) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) We are busy working here. Watching dishes is cleaning. You're sleeping. - Yeah. - You're sleeping, I'm losing, bro. - Sorry, sorry. - You're sleeping. So anyways, but let's move on. I hope you guys loved that little segment of ours. - Next thing we're gonna talk about, we've obviously spoken about in a friendship setting, meeting another family. - Ooh. - But it's very different when it's romantic, 'cause this is the family that's about to join your family. - Yes. - And how many families, before we, how many families have you met, like? - I've met. - It's okay, I mean, I will submit a couple more. Like how many mothers or fathers or parents, 'cause we know sometimes, you know, there's only one parent. - Three. - Three. - Yeah. - Three different parents. - Three different families. - Yeah, there didn't have to be. Some of them wasn't a girlfriend. - I've met one, just a lot of interest. - I've met one, and then two. - That's the real body girls, guys. (laughing) - That's the real body girls. - That's the real body girls. - That's the real body girls. - That's the real body girls. - That's the real body girls. - That's the real body girls. - Don't help me though, I'll meet you. - Chief, you want me to tell you how many families you've met? - One, two, as the boyfriend. - As the boyfriend. - That's the boyfriend I've only met. Two. - As title I've met three. - As level I've met three. - Yeah. - So how was the first time? - I've got my first story. - Oh boy. - The first time I was very nervous. - The first time. - I was very scared. - I was very scared. I was very scared in the sense. I'd always known them, because obviously like... - Oh yes. - I had to say why. - Yeah, I'd always known them, because like during high school, the girl and I were very close. - Yeah. - I'd always known them, but they'd never seen me as like a... - The capacity of... - I have a capacity of like a boyfriend. - They told his lover. - Like, yeah. Okay. When you say it like that, Tato? (laughing) - That's what it is. - Tato's lover is insane. - But yeah, come to you. - Listen to us. - I've got some right here if you want. - But yeah, I literally met. So I met them and, you know, she was like, "Oh, it's like my boyfriend, what about that?" And I met them. And they were so kind. They were so like warm and fuzzy. They laughed at my jokes. I think we had like a... I don't know what happened. I think we had lunch. We just saw each other passing at something. I don't know. But yeah, that was basically the first time I ever really, really met. - And how was it like, when we were nerve-racking, reassuring in the fence that like, okay, this relationship's gonna last forever, false. Obviously, it didn't last forever. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember my first one. So I'm gonna tell you about both my experiences. The first experience, so the girl they think they never fought her, just the mother. - Yeah, all right. - And she actually made my family first. So me and this girl, she's like my first girlfriend, deeply in love, bro. Like the first time I think you had a concert in... At school, it's in Benedict's. - Oh yeah, I had a play. - No concert. - I had a play. - I had a play or something. - Not a concert. - Yeah, no. - I'm not a fucking rock spot. (laughing) I was an actor. - I had a play. (laughing) - I had a play. This is a play. - I was thinking like, mind you, I love, I love you. - Yeah, there you are. - So her and I drove in my car from Pretoya to Bedford View. And I was like, "Oh, mama, this is my girlfriend." And mama was like, I'm like, no, it's my girlfriend. I'm my girlfriend, meet mama. And my girlfriend was like, so nervous. 'Cause I'm there like, these are my parents, they cool. Like, you know, what are they gonna do to you? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was so cool, like me, I felt like such an old person, like I felt like, yo, I'm driving down with my babe to see my brother do his play and act. I'm chilling like as in a dog manager, my kid, like, 20, holding my girl's hand. She's wearing high heels and reds. - Yeah, she's old school. And then my old school, everyone's like, hey, hey, hey. - Pop off his show, Nick. Used to be the head of music, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was cool. But now with my, the second time, this girl, like, comes from, she's black, also comes from my household where my mom is really cool, but her mom was cool. But just also just like same personality as you, her dad was also like a cool dad, had like, you know, all these cool things and she had this sibling and she's like, no, you should come over, like, come to my place, come greet my parents. She's just say, come greet my parents and have a drive to her place. Drive to her place, go inside, greet her parents like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm her friend, whatever, nice to meet you. Hey, mom's here, mom's here. Hey, mom's here. Hey, what's up, boy? What's up, boy? It's like, hey, what up, younger sis, you know. And then eventually, I'm the younger brother. Yeah, eventually. I don't know why, yeah. He's only as a brother and a sister. He's three of them. For think of identity. I don't care. Not a bad story. It's not a bad story. Yeah. Then eventually, like, you know, the parents see that, okay, this person was constant in our, and they started giving me respect. So I give me respect, but they're not, I'm just a friend. Then eventually, we start dating because I asked this girl to be my girlfriend. And then now when I come, I'm now the boyfriend. So now I'm expecting the dad's gonna say, come sit here, boy, and give me a long talk of if you ever hurt my daughter, none of that, bro. None of that. If parents didn't get involved at all, happy to receive me. Which is good parenting, by the way. Good parenting. Happy that I was there. But I could see that they would also resist our love. Because again, good parenting because good parenting. So like, I would say like, yo, she should be able to come sleep over or hang out or be a for long periods of time, they would resist. I, how, I'm sorry to say, but how was the idea that this could be your family one day? It was beautiful. No, that's the thing. At the time, that was my family. That was my family, bro. Like, I would, I could see myself living with them. I could see myself potentially being there every day, you know. So I treated them like my time arch. Yeah, I treated her like my mom's like, my mom's like, she was singing errands. She called me like, hey, boy, since you're coming, can you do this to this? So I'm like, okay, cool. And I wouldn't, I wouldn't let her like, I wouldn't let her pay me back because I'm working. Because I was on a student, I was working YouTube, I was like four years ago, three years ago. I think the first time I really realized the one time that I was really a part of, when they went to go send me to go buy medicine, because the, I think the third daughter was allergic to something before you come to the house, please go, make sure you go back. And I was like, hey, and keep in mind, it's not, it's not the hand calling, it's the, the pops, the time of calling me on my phone, singing say, go do this. And it's crazy how we judge Colissey. Yeah, but we were there, yeah, we did this. Hey, Papa, Papa, at least you told, that was the name of the brother. Anyways, but I, I, I, I felt, I think, and I say this to Colissey. I always say, I understand, because you get a sense of the family you always wanted with a little bit of more control. Because you can determine how much time you spend, you can determine if you are, you can determine the, the level of relationship. You can decide to text back and say, Hey, mama, how are you? You can tell me you want to be close, you can help with home work or noise. You can decide for the help of the other kids, the home work. You're basically a child in the family that can choose if they want to, what level they want to choose. Yes, yes. You basically get a second chance at an identity of another family, which is very powerful, because a lot of us, when we do, you know, start these relationships with people and, and date into other families, we redesign ourselves to being the person that we actually are, not the person that our family thinks. Because you're not scared. No, you're finally in a family where you are, you're allowed to be yourself. So you are, if you, if you joke at your home, back home, you are. I don't know if, I don't know if I'm making sense. I think about you, like level at home, most of the time, always isolated himself, always being in his room, watching anime, doing his own thing, come out to eat, go back, have used to be a concern. Yeah. He comes to me like, he's always in his room, then I'll be like, bro, he's just chilling. Yeah, yeah. I was doing it. Like you guys aren't any fun, like little chill in his room. Yeah. But now every time you come back and he tells me about, he's like, experiences with the family of who he's dating, it's like, yo, bro, I'm right, I'm right for them. I'm right for them. And they're in the complaint, then he's like, I'm like, oh, they're okay. Yeah, here you go. That's new. That's new. That's new. I experienced it because he experienced it first. Yeah, I sort of him first. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I actually want to do first. Well, yeah, see, see, yeah. Then when I experienced it, I was like, oh, wow, I see why, you know, you bangs so much fun. But let's talk about breakups with those families. It's very hard. Because when you dating someone and they have younger siblings, those are your younger siblings. I used to, I used to have goals. It's your family. Again, we just sit now. It's your family. Yeah. So I used to have goals to buy one of the kids, like a PlayStation, one of the kids in UFO, one of the kids in iPhone cover, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm starting to see my younger siblings too. And when you break up with someone or you're broken up with, you can't say goodbye to the younger siblings. And you can miss the family, by the way. Yeah. Guys, you can miss the family. I still have one of my ex's moms on WhatsApp. Yeah. And I say, I know she's like, this is the same, same, same. I'm not going to lie. We have the option of blocking each other. We're not blocking because I think we still care, buddy, John. It's like, how are you? Do you know what I'm saying? Is she up for me? Because I see her like, oh, she's doing this. That's really cool. That's interesting. And she also sees me post, oh, boy, boy, I'm still waking. Definitely, definitely the breakups become harder. Also, as a person, the breakup becomes harder when you have to consider the fact that you're also breaking up with their family. Because way, guys, it becomes way hard. You know, you suddenly care about the opinions of your partner's family, which also drags you down. It's very hard, guys. Really? Because I wanted to go into digital marketing and marketing. And I asked to speak to my girlfriend at the time's father. And he mentored me, used to give me books to read. You see? I don't drop on your ship and blow on both of you. And now when you bring it up, you're thinking about the books. You're losing your mentors. And you give them mine. These are exclusive books. I haven't made it look like they don't know. Just flexing a bone like that. I don't know if you guys have seen a friend design as a more intellectual. But I think this is sort of the podcast and the last topic that I actually have that I really want to touch on is, so when you finally raise your family, you know, you've gone through all the experiences. You've seen the friends. You've seen the relationships and you've seen your own families. What sort of characteristics do you think you want to replicate? Yeah. And maybe one of the some of the characters that you want to create. Yeah. I think I definitely want to have a lot of physical levels watching my show on Apple TV. You have Apple TV? Yeah, I'll keep my love. It's an amazing show. No, I don't want your love is anymore. Okay. I want to be my old man. You tell me, so that I got sure makes it like, no, here's my love is wasting money. I'm like, no, you wasting money. You can join my show back. Anyway, I can escape for you. I can keep up to the point. It's called, "Inessential Proven Guilty" or "Innocent Summit." I know that show. It's a show. Yeah, it's a show. Yeah. So ignore the show. The family dynamic is so beautiful. Father, okay, it's like, wasn't the guy great because he told me that? Why family, why family? Yeah. Oh, no. White guy, black, black, black, colored children. Okay. I think I got it. I got it. The guy that was accused of murder of dying, he was cheating. Yeah. Yeah. I think I got it. Okay, but continue. Anyway, watching them watching TV and like, it's, I'm the husband. You're my wife. My daughter or my son is laying on my, he's standing laying on his head and holding his son. And then he's like, eating and then his daughter's talking whenever, teaching his kids everything, teaching his skills. Why is the whole thing? He's done like that. Because he loves his son. So I want- The magazine ever. I want to basically have that physical kind of with my children too. I want to be able to like hold my son, you know, and embrace him and hold him and talk to him and teach him life. I want to be able to kiss my son's father. I want to be able to kiss my daughter. You dream of kissing another man. You know what I'm saying? Dreaming of kissing another man in a new way. I want to show my children physical love because I feel like I probably yearn for that. Because now hugging, I'm still talking. I'm sorry. Hugging up parents. Hugging up parents is a difficult thing. And I know that it's a way of showing love, bro. I want to be able to still my daughter in her room. And then maybe what she teaches me about some games she's learning on. She's telling me about stuff. And you're just laying down. And have a conversation too. I wanted to tell me about her classmates and her friends and how this goes doing this. I think you can even see it in the relationship I have with Shibu versus your relationship with Shibu. With my sister, she speaks to me about boys, about friends. She speaks to me about people she doesn't like, people she likes. She's very open and she's not scared to speak about these things. Because I want the term of relationship, you know. So that's one thing I'd add on. I'd add on, obviously, culture. So that's your create. That's my create. What was your replica? That's actually also very, very fun. From my family. You can think about it while I say my create. Yeah. No, your experiences are families. Okay. So that's one. Yeah. Got one. Creates me. I definitely think a sense of communication. I think I would want my kids to be able to, as I said, tell me any problem that they have. I'm more problem oriented. I don't really give a damn about you dating at school, whatever. Like, as a parent, like, sharp, you're going to, I know you're going to draw, wherever I know, wherever I don't know. So, wherever I don't know, you tell me when it's the first serious one. I like that idea that if she introduced me to someone, it's very serious. Not just playful. But definitely big on communication, especially with problems. Like, I think that kids, especially black kids, get so lost in problems that could be probably easily fixed with experience. But they're scared to communicate it because of the level of lacking in communication. I want my, I want to be able to call my kids every day, basically. And just say, "Are you good? Are you on?" Nah. Do you need cash? Are you fine? Oh, you don't need my money or get a van, whatever. You know, they're like, "No, but we don't want your money. I'm doing it," you know? That's the type of kids on a raise, fundamentally speaking. In terms of replicates, I definitely want to replicate. My dad had this thing, I don't call them this, the first time I'm going to call them this, but he basically had seminars with each individual child, raising them to become certain things, right? I want to still do the seminar things where I, when I, late night, I just tell my kids to sit down and I, I vent about all the problems I couldn't fix. And I tell them, "What would you have done?" There's so many of those. Because I think in that thing, that was when the consultant in me was born about problem solving, my dad telling me about how he used to problem solve, everything that went wrong in his life. And I think with that, it's also very good, because you can learn that from television, or you can learn that from your parents. I've learned that now. Because now I'm old, I learned from television more than I learned from my parents. When I'm young, I had the first minute of my television, so I learned from a bit. Yeah, so that's one thing I replicate. So what about you? I don't think I replicate the half-part, like, home-cooked meals. That's a very good one, yeah. Liking, like, reducing fast food, takeaways, like having good, healthy food presented. I think it's good to grow young, strong adults, you know. You'd be surprised how many families are not like that. You'd be surprised. Yeah, so I definitely implement that. And I also implement, like, you know, our parents used to take us back to our roots a lot. So all the tears to our grandparents. So I do a lot of that. I think there's a lot of wisdom that my kids will be able to learn from my father and my mother. So I'd take them to them. I think I'm going to do one of those. And to my partner's parents. I think I'm going to be one of those times where the grandparents have to visit us. But we'll be making some good parents stay in the... That's why I'm saying they can visit us. If they want to see, if they really want to see their grandkids, they'll come land and come spend time with them. You think so? Do you want to feel the dominance of this is still my space? No, I sort of say, this is my family. It's not your family. Oh, we do. We call that my family. There's no... Which parents are looking at us? I'm not pointing anywhere. I'm just saying, this is my family. And my family's going to write how I like it, buddy. You visit us. I can already see my dad calling me and saying, "Let was too soft in the street." "He's too soft." It's going to make... I don't know what. It's going to make a... "Wait, say my cotton candy tattoo." Soft like that. Soft and sweet. You need a very hard man. Maybe if you can intervene, just go show those boys that how to be a man. I'm telling you bro. What does level know? How does level know? He doesn't even come home this guy. Anyways, but yeah, guys, that's basically been unlearning yourself. We're going to end off the podcast of obviously like recommendations and stuff as we usually do. Yeah, just social media this time. Otherwise, we are going to do another episode straight off to this, guys. We're trying to make sure we're consistent for you guys. Social media content creators, one of the bad who you're recommending. Right off the bat, who has really impressed me. Only myself lately. Yeah? Maybe it's because I'm back on TikTok. So I'll say myself. Remember I'm PD. Yeah, I think that I've been doing really well. I've done a good morning segment. I did that for the first week. Next week I shot completely different skids. You've been innovative. You know, I'm trying to push myself so I'll say me. But I really, really would be lying if I didn't say Uyanda. I need to just get her handle. Because she cooks some other TikTok. I really mess with it. Didn't get her handle wrong. There's this guy. I sent the TikTok to many people. Let me see. He's so funny, bro. Yeah, her handle is just Uyanda. That's so crazy. It's Uyanda. That's her. She cooks baggers, bro. Like she's very funny. She's very, very, very, very, very funny. So shout out to her. Turn off this guy. He's so funny. Molochade. Oh, where he's going? Titus. Titus. I'm just going to be cool. Titus, let us go. He's cooking off that one girl that does this. The one girl that does this. The waitress that's friends of your man. So I'm actually going to pay one of you. Cool. I got lambs. Um. And then we... I'm paying again. I'm paying again. Ah, I'm paying again. Yeah, so I'm going to be using those waitresses that like to flutter people's meat. Yeah, very naked. All right, I'm going to be eating. All right, I'm going to be eating. All right, I'm going to be eating. Okay, shout out to you. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. Anyway, he's phenomenal, guys. I think I'm watching that video for myself. I'm watching that on TikTok. Literally, I'm a comedian on TikTok. Yeah. Top 10 comedians in this space on TikTok. Your recommendation? Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Definitely. I don't even count on myself. Top 10, by the way, before you guys say, I'm going to be eating a little bit of that. But top 10. And I shall not do it. Definitely top 10. He is insane. Definitely top 10. 100% top 10. Yeah. Tight 10 states. Tightest underscore mukko. I don't even want to agree with me. Yeah. I wonder if people have to vote. Like who's that actually? Let's goodbye, guys. Thank you for watching this episode. Let me answer my Instagram. All right. I love you guys so much. We'll see you guys next week for a brand new episode. And on that note, we will see you when we see you. [MUSIC PLAYING] ♪ We live, we live in life ♪ ♪ Ray Man's in Catamom wan ♪