The Season of Self Love
Turning Pain Into Power: Healing Beyond Betrayal with Jessie Torres
Welcome back to The Season of Self-Love podcast! I’m your host, Nyomi Banks, and today, we are diving deep into the powerful journey of healing beyond betrayal. In this episode, we’re joined by the incredible Jessie Torres, a transformational life coach who has turned her deepest wounds into stepping stones for success.Together, we explore the transformative process of taking control of your story and turning pain into power. Jessie shares her own journey of overcoming betrayal, loss, and trauma, offering practical insights on how to start healing today. We also discuss the importance of forgiveness, self-love, and the divine order of our life's challenges.Tune in to this heartfelt conversation and discover how to embrace your own path of healing and personal growth.
🌟 Highlights of the Episode:
- Understanding betrayal and its impact on our lives
- Practical steps to begin your healing journey
- The power of forgiveness and love in overcoming betrayal
- Jessie’s personal story of turning pain into purpose
Download her free guide and start your journey towards freedom today.: #HealingBeyondBetrayal #SelfLoveJourney #NyomiBanks #JessieTorres #TheSeasonOfSelfLovePodcast
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-season-of-self-love--6003379/support.
- Duration:
- 50m
- Broadcast on:
- 11 Sep 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
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Welcome to the season of self-love, your daily dose of inspiration and encouragement. I'm your host Naomi Banks, and I am thrilled to be here with you today. This podcast is brought to you by Acts Naomi and Elevate Me Self-Discovery. Are you ready to elevate your mindset and embrace the power of self-love or have you come to the right place? Each day we'll dive into topics that will empower and inspire you on your journey towards self-discovery and personal growth. Whether you're looking to cultivate healthy relationships, boost your confidence or find balance in your life, this podcast is here to support your every step of the way. We believe that self-love is the foundation of living and fulfill and joy for life. Together we explore practical tips and insightful interviews and transformative stories that will leave you feeling inspired and lonely. So join me Monday through Friday as we embark on this daily adventure of self-love. Tune in to the season of self-love podcast to start your day on a positive note and discover the limitless potential within yourself. I love my beautiful souls and welcome back to the season of self-love podcast. I am your host Naomi Banks, and today we are diving deep into a topic that touches many hearts, and that's healing the Army Trail. We explore how to transform the pain of the trail into a path of personal growth and discovery. Joining us is Jesse Torres. She's a remarkable transitional life coach who has empowered many to turn their deepest wounds into stepping to all of Stomps for success. But before we get into her and speaking with her, it looks like a quick break, and when we return, we'll be deep into it, right? Ishigordi Gaddis, Naomi Banks here on the season of self-love podcast, and we'll be right back. What are some common barriers that prevent people from expressing? Hey, Ishigordi Gaddis, Naomi Banks here from the season of self-love podcast. Yeah, I would say remorse. So, Shaming guilt is a very divine emotional. Now, these are one of the many amazing conversations that we have every day on Monday through Friday, right here, on the season of self-love podcast. With myself, Naomi Banks, as well as our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington Up, Washington Wellness Institute. Come by. Come by. A lot of times, we're afraid of how people look at us, and so that compassion can't enter us. You can hit us on the website. The season of self-love podcast.com. Alright, well, welcome back to the season of self-love podcast. I'm your host, Naomi Banks. And joining us today is Jesse Torres. She is a remarkable transitional life coach who has empowered many to turn their deepest wounds. And to stepping stones for success. And today's our mantra is from ashes of betrayal to new beginnings are born. How you doing, Miss Jesse? I am fabulous. Excited to be here. Thank you, Naomi. Beautiful, beautiful. So, before we get into your topic and talking with you today, I want to just get us grounded for a moment. Just to send ourselves before you know how we do it here, for anybody who's been listening. Just to send ourselves before we get into this topic and hear it all right. So, if you just will close your eyes, get comfortable. Let's start by taking a deep breath in and hold it for a moment. Now exhale slowly. Now I want you to imagine a gentle wave washing over you. Carrying away your pain and bringing in peace. Now as you continue to breathe deeply, I want you to allow each breath to bring you more into this moment. Filling you with calm and comfort. I want you to picture a path ahead. I want you to bathe in the morning. We so do. The path of healing and acceptance. I want you to hold on to the serene image. And just fully open your eyes when you are ready to engage. With our story today. All right. Well, welcome back. Well, welcome Jesse. Thank you so much for having me. It is truly an honor when I when I was reading part of your story. From your, I said, I had to have you on. I like, I really, I thought you were very, you were very aligned and fit for this series right here. And for you to turn all of that pain into power. I love that when I read your story and I know my story. I'm like, Oh, no, I truly have to, you know, have it on and even looking at you right now. It's like a light that's going. Right. It's just a light that's going and I'm truly happy that we were able to reconnect. But I want to start by, could you start by helping us to understand what betrayal what it really means and why it has been so hard. Sure. I think that one of the biggest things and for all of us, but women, especially is we're constantly, constantly looking for safety. Right. We lose safety at a very, very young age, the minute, you know, somebody takes our lunch box and it's our favorite snack, you know, it's just like, Oh, a little bit of that hyper vigilance. But for women, especially we're constantly assessing safety. And I think betrayal is that opportunity where you opened your heart where you said yes to something, even though you might have been afraid. And you dove in. And when betrayal happens, it's that now it's back to hyper vigilance and it's back to I can't trust anybody and it's almost like the beauty of our ability to love and to give gets shattered a little bit. And we're just like, wow, like I opened to this and here's what I got. And so that's the story that can be written when it comes to betrayal. That's powerful. So for you, your story, I mean you've been through so many things for you. How did you get there. How did you get there to where you started to heal beyond the betrayal that it happened throughout your life because it seemed like it was just one thing at the other for you. It's just a power. So for you, it being so powered up there. How are you been able to peel those layers and get to where you at now. Yeah, great question. Um, you know, starting from, you know, even infancy, right, the first betrayal was with my father, then the second betrayal was with my mother and then the next one is, you know, actually, before even my divorce was the loss of my older brother. I felt betrayed by God. You know what I mean, I was like, I don't, at this point, I was raised Catholic and, and at the time I was Christian, but I was like, I don't know, do you exist. And if you do, I hate you for taking my brother. That's what, you know, happened. But then, and then in the, in the betrayal of, you know, my relationship, you know, coming to that place of complete apathy, like really just wanting somebody to blow the red light to be done. Right. And then coming out an act of kindness is what got me the courage to be able to come out of that situation, that the minute that I could take a breath of life and decide that life was worth living. All from an act of kindness. I'm like, I don't even know what this is. I didn't know to call it kindness. I just knew that whatever it was, I thought if this feeling is available, then life is worth living. And it gave me that courage. Now, once I ended that relationship, it was so traumatic that it was from that, that created an unsatiable hunger for me to understand. I wanted to understand why my father did what he did, why my mother did what he did, why my husband did what he did and why I allowed it. Right. And I started to go through my own therapy, go through my own healing, reading books, I never would read I fall asleep but first paragraph, you know, and, and it was the book by Cheryl Richardson called the unmistakable touch of grace. And I don't remember the entire book, but I just remember the moment I read something in there that made me believe that I could have a different life. So interesting when you're in it, you just, like this is, this is it, this is my life, you know what I chose and I'm going to die in this marriage, you know, and, and you don't think that there could be another way, or that you're entitled to deserve something that honors you. Right. And I remember reading like wait, I don't have to believe that I can believe differently. And then it was just give me more give me more seminars workshops, you know, speakers, more my therapy, and it got to a point where I actually told my therapist I said, you know, I want to do what you do. But that's a whole lot of school and a whole lot of time, and this is back in like 2005 at this point, and she's like you should be a coach. And I'm like, some coach, what are you talking about like I didn't you know I didn't, it wasn't as big as it is now. And I started to look into it and I did I found a school of coaches training Institute which I love because it had half online and half in person. I like hands on kind of person. And when I dove into that, you know, as you learn coaching, you are healing yourself, you know, it just peeling back the layers and peeling back the layers until I was, I fell in love with it. I fell in love knowing that any part of my story, if it inspired somebody, then all of it was worthwhile. Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful. Just even hearing you talk about it just in, you know, just lately just with these guests to just like just chill just all over my body. All right, so here's my next question. How can someone. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream, collect a rent and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, do you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price? Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy with the property on rental sites and schedule calendar showing. 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Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workwear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. Now, I just heard your powerful story. How can someone begin the process and acknowledge this pain to be able to get through it? Well, one of the things that's great, I think, about our times now is that there's so much information. It's like it's the greatest gift and it's the greatest downfall because there's so much information. You don't know where to go, right? But I think the first part is honoring and recognizing that you are worthy of the life of your dreams. That you matter and you're valuable and you're precious and you're a gift from God. And that you matter enough that if there's a part of you that is in contraction constantly, if you're in constant hyper vigilance, if you're in constant sadness and worry, if you're spinning in an emotional home that is depleting, then you deserve to take action. And there are so many people that care. There are so many people that want to help. There are so many things that you can do nowadays. Back when I was in it, I didn't, I didn't think to go to my church or go to, you know, anybody was private. It was embarrassing. It was, you know, all those things. And my ex was, you know, a police officer for a while and then he was an agent. And so there was all this secrecy and shame, festers and grows and secrecy. And so what I would say to your audience is that if you are living a life that isn't in your highest good, that doesn't feel good. You're important enough to say something, you know, and whether it's a friend, whether it's a family member, whether whatever it is, reach out, you deserve the life that you dream of, and you don't have to stay stuck. Nobody has to stay stuck. And I know some people be like, you don't understand, Jesse, I don't have any money or, you know, I don't, you know, all those things. And I went through a period of domestic violence. So I get it when you feel like there's no way out. But here's the thing. It all starts with the decision. We always get stuck in the how, right? The how will passionately reveal itself. The minute you decide. When you decide that you are valuable, that you are a masterpiece, that you are magnificent and beautiful and deserving of a beautiful life. When you make that decision, the path will reveal itself. I promise. If you spoke about the pain, what someone recognizes their pain, how can they transform into something positive. So, that's such a great question. So part of it, let's just go into the past. Okay, we'll come to the present in a minute, but if we go into the past, whenever we've been hurt. Right, if you're in a situation right now, that is, you're unhappy. You're tolerating. You've normalized pain. It has some connection to a past, right? So if you have, and I talked to my daughter about this, if you have an abusive father, you know, if you are not able to see, you may choose an abusive husband, right? Because there's patterns there, it repeats. So if we go into the past and you say, you went through a lot of pain, you went through a lot of suffering, you went through some really traumatic things. What we are not taught to see is that, yes, that happened, and I'm so sorry that it did. I'm so sorry for your pain. Okay. However, if you are listening to this show right now, you are the gorgeous, gorgeous, beautiful soul that got through it. Yes. Part of what we don't understand or what we're not taught is like you have coaches that say your past doesn't equal your future, right? Well, I disagree. Your past absolutely can dictate your future. If you choose the parts of you that got back up in the depth of your pain, there's a beautiful soul that had the resilience that had the courage that had the determination to go on that got back up. Capture that, because that is also true about you. Right. Yes, it sucked. Yes, it hurt. But you're here. So all I see is a courageous, beautiful being that was able to get through that because you don't know what you might face tomorrow. When I was building traps to warn me when my father was coming into my room. I could look at that and go, wow, how sad that a little girl had to build traps to warn her, right? Because that's true. That kind of sucks. But what I see is a resourceful, creative, beautiful, brave, little girl, because that's also true. One upsets me and makes me feel bad. The other one allows me to see the divinity and the beauty in her. So, whatever pain you're in right now, it is the depth of pain that is converse to the height of light within you, the height of power within you. So, when people go through a lot, I just see them as God's warriors, right? I just see you as somebody who's like, okay, you signed up, your contract was that you were going to be such a brilliant light that you had to understand the dark in order to shine. But you have to choose it. Yeah, speak it. Oh my God, speak it. I feel it. I feel it as I'm doing things back here in the background of things and trying to get ahead. First of all, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for just continuing to keep talking and just being in the moment, being in the moment is what I feel right now. My listeners, if you are listening right now, there is a lot of things that's going on behind seeing you guys know I'm always true and always be very authentic with you and genuine with things that are going on. So, on my end, we're having technical difficulties, but Ms Jesse Torres, that she actually kind of went on and she went into, I felt it, I felt you going into a space into an energy mode and just went with it. And I thank you for that. I truly do. Absolutely. Yes, yes. So what practical steps can our listeners take today if they are ready to start their healing journey today. Well, you know what's great is that I am actually offering a freebie to your audience, and it is called the 10 steps guide to freedom. And in there, it will start to give you practical steps that you can take right now. Number one, control your mindset, control your mind, your mind chatter, right, trust that you are courageous more courageous than you believe. Yeah, I braver than you think, right, and you can get through a lot, right, I know you've already been through a lot. And you capture the muscle it gave you versus remembering how much it hurt. I'm not taking away from that and I honor each of you, but both are available for you to focus on. And my hunch is, if you focus on the character building traits that that pain gave you, you're going to feel a lot stronger. You're going to see yourself with, with the power of Wonder Woman. Because I believe we all have an inner superhero, right, but what happens is not only are we conditioned to notice what's wrong, not what's right. We have a society that's telling us what's wrong, not what's right, right, right. And in that it's seductive because it's like, Oh, that's what that's what everyone does, right. Oh, that mistake I made back then I know I was so stupid versus you know what, what if you actually scripted that contract with God your creator universe, whatever you believe you scripted that contract. Because you knew that forgiveness was your purpose here on earth. Yeah. And in order for you to be the light of forgiveness, you had to have something to forgive. And so you took the uppercut. But here's the thing, all I see is a warrior right you took the uppercut now when you get on the other side of forgiveness, you are the champion. Right. It's, it's that battle of unforgiveness that that is poison festering in us. So what if all of those pieces were there to help you cultivate the muscle that you need right now to take one step. Take one step, reach out, get a book, listen to podcasts like Naomi's that fuel your mind into believing that you can have the life that you deserve. Yeah, beautiful. Thank you. Let's do this. Let's take a quick break. And then we've got to come back and then I have some more questions for you. Okay. Sure thing. All right, it's a good you guys. Let me bring to you all the season is simple podcast and we'll be right back. What are some common barriers that prevent people from explaining? Hey, it's a good you got is not me banks here from the season is simple podcast. Yeah, I would say the most so shaming guilt is a very, very emotional. And these are one of the many amazing conversations that we have every day. Monday, Friday, right here on the season. A podcast with myself and I and we banks as well as our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington up Washington wellness institute. So come by out of our relationship. Come by a lot of people look at us. And so that compassion can't interest you to hit us over the season of some of our podcast.com to this with the true is it. All right, and thank you. Welcome back to the season simple podcast. I am your host now. Thanks. And we are here with the beautiful Jesse Torres and she she's just helped the sister out. We got this. We got this. I love it. So, through your entire journey through the journey. What made you say, okay, I need to do this. I truly need to be a transitional coach. I need to go ahead. But first and just go and yeah, how that what made you do that go through that. You know, when you go through trauma. There's a part that wants to make sense of it all. You know, and I think it sparked in me, not only through my own healing, but also when I would talk to people I always had a heart to help like I always wanted to serve, but. When I started to like I worked for corporate for 15 and a half years, you know, I go to lunch with the girlfriends and I just start talking and all of a sudden they're like, Okay, wait, let me write that down, you know, and where do I leave my $10 copay. You know, they would say stuff like that and I would walk away and I was more inspired than them. Like, I walked away. Well, what happened? Like, it's something I said, something in my story or something. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream. Collect a rent and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy. List the property on rental sites and schedule calendar showings. Oh, don't forget to screen-tensify their information. Sound complicated? Runners warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. 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It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. If it sparked that a light in them, then oh my God, all of it was worthwhile. All of it. And it allows me to have forgiveness. It allows me to have compassion for my mother. It allows me to understand the divinity of it all. I believe it's all in divine order for me, not to me, right? And in that, if I'm going to look at that, even my little brother who was murdered a year and a half ago now, you know, after my older brother was murdered 30 years ago. Like, right? It's like, oh my God, I'm like, talking to God, going, no, no, no, check the box. I already did that. Not my little brother. No, you know, I mean, it's like, don't do that, you know, but to be able to look at it all and trust the divine order of it all. And I don't, you know, I don't understand. I don't pretend to be God. I can't understand why it is the way it is. But if I look at somebody like John Walsh, who's the guy that started America's Most Wanted, he did it on the heels of Adam Walsh, his six year old being cut to pieces. Yeah. Right. The depth of his pain woke up something in him that helped him save thousands. Yeah. You know, so I don't know the divine contract that each person has, but I don't look at it as a punishment or it's happening to me. Like, do I wish I could get the memo differently? Yes. I wish I could script it differently, but that's not somehow it's here for me to capture the good. What's the gift, God? What do you want me to get here? What's the most you're calling me to build and allow me to do it? If both my brothers are meant to be taken, what do you want with me? What do you mean? How do I optimize this pain into something powerful and beautiful? Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's something we talk about a lot here on the season and stuff love, and we talk about, you know, getting gifts from your, from your trauma, you know, your gifts from your trauma. And also getting past those obstacles, you know, overcoming them and overcoming them is what what did you learn? You know, when things happen to me right now, I'm like, okay, why is this happening? Okay, pay attention to why it's happened because I know it's not happening to me. I know it's happening for me. So what am I supposed to learn from this? You know, we'll be talking about healing beyond the betrayal. Before I truly start going through this healing process and this stuff love process, I was more mad at myself than I was anybody else, because I felt like I know that, you know, like I know better. So I felt a sense of betrayal to myself. So for you, knowing that you went through everything that you went through, and I know that you went through a sense to where you felt like you were betraying yourself, how did you overcome that? Well, that, that is the power of forgiveness, right? We can't give to others what we can't give ourselves. Right. So if I was going to be able to see my divine path as divinity as precision perfection, then I had to start with me. You know, I mean, there was a period of time where I beat myself up so bad that I would condemn my myself as a little girl. Why didn't you do more? Why didn't you kick? Why didn't you scream? Why didn't you spit? Why didn't you poke his eye? I mean, and I thought, wow, like I was condemning myself as a five year old. You know what I mean? You don't know. Right. And when you wake up and you start to be able to look at the whole divine choreography of your life. And I now can look at her and instead of condemn her, love her, because she still chose to be kind. And she still chose to get back up. And now she's committed and convicted to serve humanity at the level that she's meant to. I get to love her. And if I, if I forgive her for doing those things, and I get to love her purely and unapologetically. And then then I get to love my father and I get to forgive and I get to forgive my ex and I see it all as this beautiful choreography for me. Yeah, do with what I can now. I can focus on the victim mentality which a lot of us are taught that. Yeah. Look at what happened to me. I'm not accomplishing my big dreams because don't you know. Right. And it's just like no it's just like there's no limitation to the human being only the belief that there is one. So if that's true, then I can change my beliefs. Yeah, I can see the other side of the story. If you don't look for the gift in your pain, you will only remember the pain. Exactly. I love that. So I got one more question for you. I got one more question for you. How does. How does this healing look like for you now? Like what does it feel like for you now, especially when you're in those rooms with those people that have betrayed you? What does that look like? What is that feeling? You know, the first word that came to me as you were asking was love. Love. Because again, it's like it's, it's, it's my script. I get it. No, it didn't feel good. Right. No, it, you know, I wish I could get the lesson differently, but I love this vessel. I love me. Right. And to your point, like, you know, when you get to that point, I knew better. Right. So wow. So what a, what a nice uppercut you gave me so that I can remember that I need to listen to me. That I need to listen to my inner voice, my inner knowing and listen to what's happening here and not let it get here and confuse and muddy the water, because your heart will not ever let you hurt another. So if you can really connect to that intuitive guidance and as women, we have massive intuitive guidance because we process through emotion. Right. But we're always told, you know, that's too, you're too much. You know, why don't you, why do you care, let it roll off your back, you know, and so we're taught to move away from that emotional state, which I think our society right now is literally emoting like a loose fire hose. Right. So all these sensitive because we don't know how to regulate our emotions. And we as women, if we feel something, it does not have to make logical sense. It doesn't have to check all the boxes on the paper. If you feel it, it is enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when I'm when I first thought about doing this series right here. And I actually started this creating the outline for the series probably about almost two years ago, about a year and a half ago, and I sat with it for a minute. And I remember going into my, my meditation room and my, my altar room and sitting there praying and talking about it. And I remember I wanted to do it for 2025 and it said no, you got to bring it now. You know, you got to bring it now, because there is a lot of healing that needs to be done, not only from the outside, but also from the inside. So all of the, the other series that I had in season one, those are great starters, but now we have to go deep down inside. And that's where that betrayal come from, you know, betrayal from abandonment, betrayal from abuse. You know, all of those things is what truly are embedded in our core of our soul. So for that it's like no, you have to go in every day. And you have to speak and talk, but not only that, I want you to start to open up and bring in other people and guess so we can hear their story so my listeners can hear their story so they can find someone else that they can be relatable to not just this 50, almost 52 year old black woman who has experienced that also I need to speak to, you know, Latina, or a white woman, or a white man, you know, or a black man, you know, so, given it more of a voice that is just not, you know, given a face to what healing beyond betrayal looks like, if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. What a great mission you're on. Yeah, so important. Yeah. And you know, I was probably about a few weeks ago. One back home has been a minute since I back home because I felt some betrayal, well, it felt nothing, it was betrayal that came from my family. And it took me a long time to go through the healing process of forgiveness for them. I remember sitting in my room and kept getting this message about the, the ever unfolding roles. This is what it's called the ever unfolding roles and meaning that you have to allow yourself to stay cracked open. Meaning that, and you said it earlier, it doesn't happen to you, it happened for you. So in that process, where did you learn from that situation that happened with your family. One thing is I learned is that it wasn't about me. So, it happened to me that, you know, and that's what I come to learn when even having conversations with people and talking to people really if they come to me nasty. You know, I know, you know, it's not even, it's not even about me. This is truly about them and how they feel about themselves. And what I did to trigger it or what I did for them, where their self awareness of themselves is not working. I understand me going back to home. I knew then is like I can't, you know, I can't go home feeling the way that I'm feeling a few days before that I had a dream and it was like I just came up and I'm like, what is that at. And when I finally realized what it was, it was telling me to go and I went back to the book, called until the song. And the very part that I went on because I had started listening and reading it beforehand and had stopped because I was doing other things. And what I came right in on it was about owning a rental property sounds like a dream, collect a rent and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy, list the property on rental sites and schedule calendar showings. Oh, don't be so intense for the information. At least I have a question. Sound complicated? Runners warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to do West. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best in class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own. From rent collection to maintenance coordination. All for one flat monthly fee. Go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444 to speak with a rent estate advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runners warehouse. We wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So, whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection. Remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. The work wear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workwear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. Keeping your heart open. Closing our hearts. Our heart doesn't heal when we close. When someone does something to it, it doesn't close. So in that process, I listen to that for about seven hours. Seven hours to a few days before I get ready to go into play and go back to Chicago. But I knew it was needed. I knew it was needed because I knew that I was going to be in the same room with the same loved ones, my family members, who had did this to me. And then, you know, I was also told, don't, don't bring it to them. Because that's not your thing to bring to them. That's for them to be able to go through that process with them yourself. But what you have to do is when you walk into that home, when you walk into that room, when you walk into that space, you have to lead in love. So when I asked you that question, well, how, when you're in front of those people that betrayed you, how do you feel now in the first thing that you said is love. Right here. We're like, kind of spirits here. I love it. I love it. Well, you bring up such a powerful point and how I see it now. You know, we say life isn't happening to you. It's happening for you. I say it's also happening from you. Right. So we are energetic beings. We are, we are vibrating. Our heart has a beat. That beat is a frequency that's emitted, right? And it emits a chaotic frequency when you're in sadness, depression, shame, anger, rage, whatever. If you have a heart rate variability monitor, I'm a trainer for the Institute of HeartMath. So I love the science that allows the bridge between science and spirituality or energy or whatever. And so when we say from you, it's like, ooh, like when I learned to be a victim, then I would only attract predators. I attract victimizers because that's where I vibrate. I'm the victim of, so if I'm vibrating and owning the identity of I am a victim of, then more things to prove me right will show up. Right. And so it wasn't until I could break that and come to this place of peace where I don't, I don't have that in my journey. The only time it ever steps in, it actually would be a family member. And now I'm sovereign enough to be able to, like, Neo, the bullets come, but they stop right here. And I'm just like, oh, that's interesting that, you know, you went there. Yeah. You know, I'm going to wrap you in love because guess what? For anybody that's spewing hate or anything that's harmful. Remember, if they're spewing it to you, they have to eat that first. It's in them first. So somebody's mean or somebody's unkind. I'm just like, ooh, I don't know what's going on in there, but I'm going to wrap you in love and compassion right now because for you to go, because for you to go there, you are in some level of suffering, right? So no longer penetrates, right? And I think one of the toughest things with apologies or forgiveness is forgiving the person that never gave you the apology. And as we know that we don't forgive for them, we forgive for us, right? Because living with unforgiveness is like drinking poison every day, right? You're not expecting the other person to die. Yes. Right? It doesn't work that way. We forgive because it purifies us. Remember, we are these beautiful souls having a human experience, right? The human stubs its toe and says, ow, the spirit's like, I'm just here being amazing. I'm just here being amazing. I don't know what this pain thing. I don't know what this doubt thing is. I don't know what any of that is. I'm just here being magnificent. And our journey is understanding our magnificence while having this human experience, right? So it's the human that doesn't want to let go. It's the human that says, if I forgive you, then I'm letting you off the hook. No, you're not. Nobody is saying that that wasn't hurtful. I'm not saying what my dad did was right, but I forgive because it purifies me. The soul is pure and the human is the one that holds on to identity, to ego, to anger or resentment. And that depletes the system. Now your body and physicality is fighting to keep you alive every day. Now is fighting extra hard because you're drinking cortisol. Every time you're in unforgiveness or in your frustration or pain or hatred or, or disappoint. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Knowing that, you know, your father did and you at right now, you, you're in your healing mode, you in your piece mode, you in that. Have you ever felt the need to go back? And what I mean by this, probably this one, go back and say, all right, I understand what happened and I forgive you. But take my hand. Let me take you somewhere so you can get healing because evidently there's something in his life that caused him to be that way. That had that ever been a notion for you to do. Such a great question. So my father has passed on. However, I had come to my own resolution and my own forgiveness and two weeks shy of him passing. He had got dementia. He had leukemia and he would go in and out of consciousness awareness or whatever. And ironically, I was there helping take care of him while he, you know, has a catheter on and I mean, it's just kind of kind of wild. The irony. But as I was sitting there looking at him, he had a lucid moment. And he said, I wish I could have been the father you deserved. And without hesitation, I was able to say, Dad, you were perfect. You were exactly who I needed you to be so I could be who I am today and I am good. I am good because I am so committed to eradicate shame from this world. I am so committed to helping people out of suffering. And I could see almost like the innocence come back in his eyes, almost like it released him from that angst. And I know that he was able to die with knowing that I had forgiven him. So to answer your question, I was able to have that opportunity with my mom. It is a, it is a daily learning for me because she's a darling woman. I love her to death. And she's gone through so much. Imagine losing two sons to murder 30 years apart. She's had betrayal too. My father was not the angel, right? So I get it. But she harbored so much resentment. She's 84, you know, so she, she has a lot that she just, it's really, really hard for her to let go of. So in answer to your question, I would love to and I do what I can. But when I see a complete block and it doesn't matter what I say, it's received in distortion. Because she can only see with the level of her own charm and unworthiness that I just love her. And I, and I had that conversation too with God in the universe at one time when we had a little bit of a blowout. And I'm like, God, where do you want me in this? I don't understand. And the answer was quickly, you're just here to love her. You just love her, right? So there's no changing her, fixing her, doing anything. I offer support and I help explain things for understanding. If it lands great, if not, I'm not attached to it. But I'm always going to speak forgiveness to her. Because at this stage of the game, and this was very recent actually, it's so hard for her to see where she didn't protect me or where she wasn't there for me. It's so hard for her that she wants me to hate my dad with her. And I just won't. I just won't. And to the point where she said, don't talk to me about forgiveness. And I said, mom, I love you, and I will never stop talking to you about forgiveness. Because I love you. Because I love you that much. Yes. So it's a, it's a constant, but there's only, I don't, I'm not, nobody's broken. I'm not here to fix anybody. I'm here to help guide. I love Ron Doss's quote that says we're all just walking each other home. Right. So we're all just on different parts of the path. And for those that are ready for transformation that are ready to live liberated and free from the density that sadness, shame, depression. All of that gives you, then let's do it. Let's do it. Take my hand and I'll take you there. You know what I mean? But for the others that aren't ready, in fact, I have that on my website. I'm like three reasons to not work with me. Number one. If you can't be vulnerable. Right. Number two, if you're not willing to let go of the story. And number three, if you're stuck in the blame game. No. Those three reasons I love you, but it's just not our time. Because I'm ready for the ones that are ready. And I actually had a whole vision of that. It was a Christ moment in moments where I was seeking validation and I was seeking these, this group of people I wanted to be proud of me and to see me and I was just like trying to prove myself right. And I had this whole download and it was Christ walking to the crucifixion. And the stoner stoning him and he looks over at them and he says, forgive them father. They know not what they do, but he kept going. And what I got in that is had he stopped to convince the stoners. Right. Like, no, no, I'm really the Messiah. I just want to help you know, if he would have stopped to convince the stoners, he would have missed the millions and billions that were waiting for his blessing. Right. And then as he resurrected the stoners dropped to their knees, not all of them. But when they did, he just opened arm and welcomed them in. You know what I mean? So, so when, when you're ready, I'll take you there. If not, I don't know your contract. I don't know, you know, the stone, some stoners were meant to stay there. And maybe their depth of pain was a catalyst to awaken their spouse or their child. I don't know. I'm not here to define everybody's journey. I'm just here for the ones that are ready for that transformation to get connected to their inner beauty. Yes. Beautiful. Beautiful girl. You spoke to me. Truly, you really did. And on that note, I know we've come to an end of the show. This has been beautiful. This has surely been beautiful. It really has. And I thank you. I'm so glad that we are finally able to just connect. It is. Yeah, I truly am. I just want to thank you again for your insights. I'm going to wrap up this. I encourage everyone that's listening to reflect on your own journey of the trail and consider how you can start turning your pain. In two power. And remember, healing begins when you choose to take back control of your story. So, Miss Jessie Torres, again, where can they find you at? They can go to I am. Right. Fierce Grace dot com. Thank you. I am fierce grace dot com. And there you can choose how you'd like to connect with me. If you want to chat, just book a call. It's free and I'm happy to support you in any way that I can. And then I'll also give you the guide that your audience can have to be free. Beautiful. Beautiful. We like free things. Yes. All right. Again, my listeners, thank you for tuning in and just sharing the space of healing and hope with us. And Jesse again, thank you. Thank you for your wisdom and your compassion. And I want you all to remember that you are not alone in this journey. Here's to healing and growing and loving ourselves a little more each day. Until next time. See you there. Thank you. Thank you for listening to the season of self love podcast. If you have any questions or would like to connect with us, you can follow us on social media. Just search for the season of self love on Instagram. And if you have any questions or topics you like us to cover, feel free to email us at elevate me 9999@gmail.com. And remember, you are worthy of love, growth and happiness. So keep shining bright. And I'll see you tomorrow for another episode of the season of self love. You get to one another in yourselves and always keep it sexy. So no light, love and prayers. When a rental property sounds like a dream until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. Determine a competitive rent price, market the property, schedule the showing screen, tenants, draft the lease at a rent collection, handle maintenance, request maintenance and communication. Whew, sound complicated? Runners warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Qualify tenants, check rent collection, check maintenance coordination, you got it. Go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runnerswarehouse. We wear our work, day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So, whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their work wear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workware20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. century.