The Season of Self Love

"Breaking Through Trust After Betrayal" w/ Melissa Von Musser

Welcome back to The Season of Self-Love podcast, where your daily dose of inspiration and encouragement awaits! I’m your host, Nyomi Banks, and today, we’re diving into a topic that strikes a chord with so many—betrayal trauma and the powerful journey of healing that follows. Joining me is the incredible Melissa Von Musser, a certified master coach who has transformed her own painful experiences into a path of empowerment and self-love.In this profound episode, we explore the layers of betrayal, from the initial shock to the transformative journey of self-healing. Melissa shares her personal story, offering insights into the tools and techniques that have not only helped her but countless others to heal and thrive beyond betrayal. From the importance of gratitude and meditation to the power of choosing love over fear, this episode is a masterclass in resilience and personal growth.We’ll also touch on the critical need for support, how to navigate the immediate aftermath of betrayal, and the importance of recognizing and embracing your worth during these challenging times. Plus, Melissa provides a powerful guided meditation to center yourself before we dive deep into the conversation.Whether you’re dealing with betrayal, looking for ways to boost your confidence, or seeking balance in your life, this episode is a must-listen. Join us as we uncover the gifts hidden within life’s most challenging moments and learn how to live with grace, compassion, and an unwavering commitment to self-love.🌟 Tune in every weekday for your daily dose of self-love inspiration!🔗

Connect with Melissa Von Muser: BetrayedHeart.com

📚 Explore the 30-Day Healing Beyond Betrayal Challenge and eBook
🔗 Visit Our Website: theseasonofselflovepodcast.com
#SelfLoveJourney #HealingBeyondBetrayal #NyomiBanks #Empowerment #PersonalGrowth #TheSeasonOfSelfLovePodcast

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-season-of-self-love--6003379/support.

Duration:: 1h 3m
Broadcast on:: 04 Sep 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

Owning a rental property sounds like a dream until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. Determine a competitive rent price, market the property, schedule the showing screen, tenants drop the lease at a rent collection, handle maintenance request, maintain dedication. Whew! Sound complicated? Renner's Warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Qualify tenants, check. Rent collection, check. Maintenance coordination, you got it. Go to Rennerswearhouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call Renner's Warehouse. You know those dreams you just don't want to wake up from? But you gotta roll out of bed to make them happen. Putting in hours and hours, exhausted, you want to give up. But you don't. You keep going. You hang in there. Because you don't want to save your dreams for your sleep. Do you have one of those? Be okay, financial. We go above, so you can go beyond. Be okay, financial. And we go above, so you can go beyond. Our trademarks of B.O.K. F.N.A. member, F.D.I.C. equal housing lender. Welcome to the season of self-love, your daily dose of inspiration, and encouragement. I'm your host Naomi Banks, and I am thrilled to be here with you today. This podcast is brought to you by Axe Naomi and Elevate Me, Self Discovery. Are you ready to elevate your mindset and embrace the power of self-love? Or have you come to the right place? Each day we'll dive into topics that will empower and inspire you on your journey towards self-discovery and personal growth. Whether you're looking to cultivate healthy relationships, boost your confidence, or find balance in your life, this podcast is here to support your every step worth of way. We believe that self-love is the foundation of living and for feel and joy for life. And together, we explore practical tips and insightful interviews and transformative stories that will leave you feeling inspired and lonely. So join me Monday through Friday as we embark on the daily adventure of self-love. Tune in to the Season of Self-Love podcast to start your day on a positive note and discover the limitless potential within yourself. Love will welcome back to the Season of Self-Love podcast. I am your host Naomi Banks, and today, today we are diving deep into a topic close to many of our hearts. And that's betrayal trauma. And the powerful journey of healing that follows. Joining us today is Melissa Vemuser, a certified master coach who has transformed her own experience of betrayal and to a path of empowerment in self-love. But before we start, let's go take a quick break and then we're going to bring this Melissa back, all right? It's your birdie goddess, let me bring us here on the Season of Self-Love podcast, and we'll be right back. Washington Wells Institute focuses on healing always. For me, if I look good, then I feel good. If I feel good, then I share the good. If I share the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good, then I live the good. So I can be paid to be my greatest. But I have to learn the good to be the good. So, what does it take to be the greatest? It's as simple as a free 15-minute consultation. Be kind to yourself and heal always. What are some common barriers that prevent people from explaining? Hey, it's your goody goddess, Nami Banks, here from the Season of Self-Love podcast. Yeah, I would say remorse, so shaming guilt is a very divided emotional. And these are one of the many amazing conversations that we have every day on Monday through Friday, right here on the Season of Self-Love podcast. With myself and Nami Banks, as well as our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington up, Washington Wells Institute. Come by. The reality of our relationship with you. Come by. A lot of times it's for free to help people look at us. And so that compassion can't enter us. You can hit us all the way aside. The Season of Self-Love podcast.com. With the true word. Are you ready to transform your pain into power? Join us this September for the 30-day Healing Beyond Betray or Challenge from Her to Hope, starting September 1st. Embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. Each day, you'll receive empowering lessons, practical exercises, and supportive community connections, designed to help you overcome the hurt of betrayal and reclaim your joy. Don't let betrayal define your story. It's time to rise, heal, and rebuild a brighter future. Sign up today at the Season of Self-Love podcast.com. Alright, we'll come back to the Season of Self-Love podcast. I am your host, Naomi Banks. And today, we're talking about betrayal. We're talking about healing beyond the betrayal. And we have an amazing guest with us today. We have Miss Melissa Von Muser. Hello, Melissa. How are you? There we go. There we go. I am great. Thank you. You had to mute control. Well, again, it's an honor to have you here with me today. I'm just sharing your expertise on this very topic that we talk to him. We're talking about the whole month about healing beyond betrayal. I think it's something amazing, especially when we're talking about self-love. That's something that we really need to not only get through betrayal from others, but betrayal from ourselves. So we can truly do the self-love or be intimate with ourselves the way that needs to be. Yeah, nice to be. I completely agree. So before we do this, I want to start with a moment to just center ourselves with a brief guided meditation, all right? Perfect. Find a comfortable seated position and close your eyes. I want you to take a deep breath in through your nose, filling your lungs completely. No, exhale slowly through your mouth and let go of any tensions that is in your body. And let it melt away with each exhale. Now as you breathe deeply, bring your awareness to your heart. Imagine a warm life filling your chest, radiating comfort and safety. Now, silently ask yourself, what trust issues am I currently facing? Allow any thoughts or feelings to rise without judgment. Now with each breath, affirm to yourself, I am open to understanding my emotions and I deserve to heal. I want you to visualize the challenges as small clouds drifting away as you inhale peace. And you exhaled doubt. Now, as we conclude, I want you to gently wiggle your fingers and toes and bring your awareness back to the present moment. And when you are ready, open your eyes, fill and relax and ready to explore today's topic. One trust. All right, well, thank you for sharing this moment with me. And if you're new here to the season of sub-law podcast, this is something that we do every day Monday through Friday, but we just center ourselves before we get into the topic. All right, so Melissa, let's start from the beginning. Can you share with us your background and what led you to become a master coach? I will be happy to. In the beginning of my life, I thought my life was a disaster. My parents were really talented, beautiful people. They were very involved in the Hollywood scene. My mom came to the US for the Miss Universe pageant. She was Miss Norway, and my dad was the head photographer for Walt Disney, and he was an actor as well. He dated Elizabeth Taylor. It was kind of his playground. And these two people get together and never got married. In fact, then that was kind of a scandal. They were extremely talented, brilliant people, but they probably shouldn't have had kids. It's safe to say they were both narcissistic in their own right, because they were both raised to be the center of their parents' world. So along come us, and because my parents were alcoholics, I grew up very quickly. I had to be the adult for my family. And so I grew up very quickly. I didn't really get a childhood. Got married very young, got married at 18. And within a year was looking for the exit, because I had been on my own for so long. And now I have this husband that's telling me I should, I need to obey. I don't obey well. And so fast track, I got into sales. They did sales for a long time. And then both my parents ended up passing away. I finally felt like I was getting my life back. And I got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. And when I got that diagnosis, by that point, my oldest son was in his mid 20s. And he knew that I was suicidal. He bought me a ticket to a company he was working for. He was in coaching sales. And when your kids buy a ticket to anything, you go, you know? And so he paid for this expensive thing for me to go to. It was five days, didn't want to go. He made my brother pick me up so that I showed up. And ironically, I believe it was divine, because the theme of that year's event, you don't find out until opening night, was how to live like you were dying, based on the Tim McGraw song. And I was in a complete mess. Wanted to die, was angry at God, was angry at the life I'd had to grow up in. And in that one five day event, I found my future purpose. And that was that all the ugly of my life now had meaning because now I could become a coach and help other people. A year later, I was working for that company. I was on stage at the next big event that they had. And I got certified and started working for them. I worked for them for eight years. They're one of the biggest coaching companies in the country. And then my son went on to work for Tony Robbins and became one of Tony's top three guys in the company. And he said, "Mom, you really need to come work for Tony. It's more in your wheelhouse." And so I went through the gauntlet and I became a coach for Tony and coached his platinum partners, his top tier clients for nine years. And became one of Tony's top coaches. And then I left there and became a, I started my own private practice and also became a director of coaching for a couple other companies and built their coaching department. So I've been doing coaching now for about 25 years. It's my passion. I'm absolutely committed to the process and I believe the process is very beneficial. So that's the nutshell, but it's a really long story. You know, it's beautiful, very incredible that it's spot just. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream. Collect a rent and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, do you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price? Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy. List the property on rental sites, and schedule countless earnings. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sound complicated? Renner's warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best-in-class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own, from rent collection to maintenance coordination, all for one flat monthly fee. Go to Renner's Warehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444 to speak with a Renner State Advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call Renner's warehouse. We wear our work, day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So, whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their work wear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code WorkWear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. Knowing, just listening to you right now and knowing that you were at the brink of leaving like you wanted to talk about. And, as you said at the buying time, you're going your son sending you on that trip and knowing that that was a title of your life then. You went somewhere that there was a title of your life then. That's where you were able to come out of it. That is so beautiful, Melissa. It's been awesome. It is, it is. So, my next question is how did these experience shape you to approach coaching? So, I know you said I can use that for coaching, but how did you really, well actually it's too. How did you, your experience to shape you to coach? And how did your personal experience would be trail shape? That's a different, that's the next segment. Yes. Well, it's interesting because part of my anger, I was a very angry person growing up. It was a survival skill. If I was more intimidating than everyone else in the room, then I felt safe. So, I developed a very strong skill set to live and breathe in my masculine. And so, I was a pretty intimidating person. And when I started to learn through personal development, I got to be witness to the fact that all these ugly things that happen in my life all had gifts. And so, over the course of the last 25 years, I've been able to take all the ugly, the unfortunate, the unfair, and there were a lot of betrayals in my life, and transmute those into beauty and gifts. Because I have a personal belief that my light, the light of me, is in direct proportion to the darkness that I walked out of. And I believe you can't have the light without the dark. You can't see light if there's no dark for it to reflect against, right? And so, I was able to take the ugly experiences that had made me so angry that I felt were so unjust, so wrong. And I was able to go back and recognize and see the gifts in all of it. And there were gifts in every ugly thing that happened. And so, I developed a very powerful and strong gratitude practice. And I used a lot of the tools over the past 25 years to develop my mental gym so that my emotional state is something that I control, it doesn't control me. And I did that through gratitude and a lot of the tools I use with my clients. So, that's the first question. The second one is about betrayal and how did it lead me to survive betrayal. I've had several betrayals, my parents betrayed me. They didn't take care of me, they didn't keep me safe. It wasn't about me, it was about them. That's a form of betrayal. I've been married more than once and out of my marriages. Two of my past husbands betrayed me very significantly. One cheated on me with many people in the town I grew up in. Everybody knew about it, it was very public and very humiliating. That one did almost take me out. I was again, that timed within that multiple sclerosis diagnosis, they kind of collided a little bit. And so, it contributed to my suicidal thoughts and intention. Left that divorce, that's really where my personal development kicked off. And then the next 25 years I had been remarried. And approximately five years ago, found out my husband, who was the man of my dreams, had been cheating on me for over 18 to 20 years of our marriage and had contracted a very deadly STD that would have killed me had I gotten it. So, with the first betrayal, because I didn't have these tools, I literally lost my mind. I pulled a gun on him, I was out of control. Betrayal is a violation of your soul. And through my journey through the work with betrayal, one of the things I recognize now is that those betrayals were very much soul rape. And so, that first flush with the big betrayal, I didn't handle it well. Everybody knew my ugly, I would tell everybody, everybody knew the details. And I, it was probably the ugliest I've ever been. Fast track 25 years. And when this last one happened, all these tools that I've developed over time, in that moment when I found out there's a split second where you get the truth. It was in that moment I was able to stop and rather than go off the deep end, I was able to ask a better question. And I asked the first thought I had was Melissa, where's the gift? Where's the gift for you in this? And it was so powerful because I was able to go through it. And that's what my program is based on is that I went through that process of unwinding and uncoupling that marriage and my heart. And I was able to do it with love and compassion for myself and also for him. And so, through that, I've developed a whole different concept because the world teaches us that betrayal. When you get betrayed, you can go rip up his clothes, burn his shit in the front yard, you can go empty as bank accounts, make him pay. And that's all I could find. It was either that or it was so far off in a spiritual realm that I didn't want to plan that I'm like, no, that doesn't work either. So I had to create my own process. And that's how I got through it. And I've coached many, many, many people now with that process. And it's powerful because to your audience, to people that are listening, all the ugly, no matter how hard it is, there is always a gift. Whether it's the gift to change your life and leave an ugly marriage, whether it's to change a job you hate, whether it's to change what you're doing with your own body and how you're taking care of yourself, even my illness was a gift. And so, I see all those things now. My life is all beautiful. Even though ugly happens, does it make it easier? No, it was still ugly to leave that marriage. It was still very traumatic and painful. But I was able to do it with grace and with compassion. And I love my life. I love all aspects of my life. And that's a far cry from where I was when I started. Yeah, that's beautiful. You know, first of all, again, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for sharing your story. I know this is a part of your job. What you do is with coaching and sharing your story. But Ken, I want to just be honest, as you're speaking right now, I feel your energy. And I feel still, it's still feel like it's some anger there. Well, no one wants to get ripped off, no one wants to be betrayed. And I think it's human to be angry. I didn't want the anger to not be addressed. At the same time, I didn't want anger to take me out. And it took me out before. It's also why I believe I got sick. I believe anger was the source of my MS. And so I take the anger, I look at it, I own it, I address it, and then I transmute it. I can take it and now make that something powerful. So there will always be anger because we're human. But for me, the biggest piece is that I was able to not kill him. Like, I was able to separate without blowing up his world or mine. I was able to do it differently. And that was the win for me. Okay, let me ask you this question. And I just want to ask you anything personal. I'll just a little bit more. You and ask anything girlfriend. Knowing that you get you going through this in this moment. Like literally, and I say this all the time to my audience, even though we feel like we're healing, we're going through the motion and we got through, we got as three or four steps. Sometimes we find ourselves back at step one for you. How do you go? Because how do you go back from the step one? How do you pick yourself back up from that step one to go through? Because as we, and I can only imagine you steady saying, telling your story. So you revisiting that portrayal. How can you find a balance? That's what it is. Find a balance to where you could come through to get past and move forward from that at that time, in that moment, if that makes sense. It does. And it comes up a lot with clients. It comes up a lot in my own personal work is, I think that there's a misnomer that when we've been healed, we should be done. Okay, moving on. But healing is like layers of onions. And I had to come to a place where even today, I will still go back. And I use a lot of different crazy tools. In fact, I'm writing a book right now called The Crazy Ship Keeps Me Saying. But part of that is about the things I do to manage that going back. The thing that's fascinating is that I don't have to go back as far and I don't have to stay as long. And so I can walk back and I can meet myself at that version of me and love on her and give her permission to feel it. But I don't let her stay there very long anymore. She doesn't need to stay there. She doesn't need to hold on to it. She doesn't need to burn it down the house with it. And so I know how to walk into that meeting with the inner version of me, the other version, because now I'm a higher version of that person. And I can go back and I can love on her and I can hear her and I can give her permission to cry and rant and rave. But then I also know how to bring her out of it and we go back into the light. And so it's a process. And I do it a lot. I do it a lot with a lot of different wounds and a lot of different areas of wounding and hurt. The beauty now though is I don't have to stay there that long. It's a shorter journey. Yeah, you know, I love that you're sitting in it and I hope that the listeners are truly listening because owning a rental property sounds like a dream. Collect a rant and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy. List the property on rental sites and schedule kelley showings. Oh, don't forget screen tensor for the information for the lease, the collection, turn the page on the page. Whew, sound complicated? Runner's warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best-in-class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own. From rent collection to maintenance coordination, all for one flat monthly fee, go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for or call 303-974-9444 to speak with a rent estate advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runners warehouse. We wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So, whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true workware to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. The workware isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workware20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. We always, even within the healing, we always look for perfection. There is no perfection in it at all. I love when you say I go back and I meet me then when I was there now because now you know. So, if you guys are listening, now you know, you've went through the healing process in the beginning. We're going to keep going around this this thing a hundred times before you leave this earth. That's right. That's why I wear up things. So, now you can go back to that person who you were then. And as you say, you can love on them. You can, I love the way that you put that. Thank you. I do. I love them. Yeah. Well, it's interesting because when I, when I look at the first big betrayal and how ugly I was, I have to really be honest. She didn't know what she knows now. And so, I did the best I could with what I had back then. And I need to be okay with that because that's fair. Just like I can't blame my parents for being terrible parents. They did the best they could with what they had. They didn't know no better. They didn't. And even in that, they helped me be an incredible mom. The way they weren't, it's called effective blaming, I can blame them for how ugly my life was and how many bad decisions I made. And I get to blame them for showing me how to become a good mom, how to do life differently, how to choose who I'm going to become. That's all a decision I learned from there in decision. And so, in everything, there's a gift. And I also adhere to the thought that it's not happening to me, it's happening for me. And so, from that perspective, there's lessons in everything. And like you just asked about going back, if I repeat the pattern, if I haven't learned the lesson, the universe shows it to me again. And so, that's why I believe I didn't learn it the first time. I did learn it this time. So, I'm hoping my next relationship, and I am open to that, by the way, taking referrals. But just saying. But now, I address it from a whole different vantage point. And so, I'm okay with that. I don't make it wrong. And then to something else, you said, I learned a long time ago, in my path to this place that I'm at now, perfection is a lie. It's a lie perpetrated by, it depends on your belief system, but it's not designed in our best interest to seek perfection. Because it doesn't exist. And so, there's an inner conflict every time we're looking for perfection, our brain's going, yeah, but you know, it's not real. Nobody's perfect. Nothing's perfect. And so, there's this inner conflict. So, I don't strive for perfection. I strive for excellence or exceptional. And I can live with that. But I'm never going to be perfect. That's not my job. That's God's job. I believe divinity is perfection. That's it. That's where we get it. But I don't believe we get it here. Nice, nice. For you, what has been the most common misconception about betrayal that people should be aware of? Oh, that's a great question. Let me think about a good answer for that. I think the first misperception is we're entitled to rage and blow up their world. I think that's the first number one thing we learn is when someone betrays you, you get to beat them up, you get to take them out and you get to destroy them. And that was the biggest one I had to really battle that first rodeo was that that's what I thought I was entitled to. That's what I thought he deserved. And that's what I was going to bring. And so I scorched dirt the world. That's the first lie. The second one is, is that when I believe someone's betrayed to the degree and in the arenas that I was betrayed when it comes to sexual betrayal in a primary relationship, I also believe that we tend to internalize and what's wrong with me. And I do not believe that the two types of sexual betrayal I struggled with had anything to do with me. It wasn't because I didn't love sex. I love sex. It wasn't because I was unhealthy, unattractive, any of the things that we go through in our head when somebody betrays us. It had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with their own personal wound. And so I think that's the second misnomer is that as women typically, and even men, I coach many, many men, I lead a men's, I help facilitate a very large men's mastermind. There's a lot of sexual trauma for them. And when they deal with betrayal, they go even darker than we do as women. And so I think it's recognizing the trail is not a statement about me. So my betrayal for my parents was not a statement about me. Best friends had to be trade me, not a statement about me. It doesn't mean I don't own what's mine to own, but when it comes to betrayal, our first thought is what did I do wrong, or what did I do to deserve this? Owning a rental property sounds like a dream, collect a rent, and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy. List the property on rental sites and schedule calculations. Oh, don't forget to screen times for the information. Renner's warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best-in-class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own, from rent collection to maintenance coordination, all for one flat monthly fee. Go to Rennerswearhouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for or call 303-974-9444 to speak with a Renner State advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call Renner's warehouse. We wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So, whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true workwear to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their workwear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workwear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. And then I think the third thing is, is that a lot of people believe that they get to stay in betrayal forever. It is now the driver for their life. Everyone's out to screw me. I can't trust another human being. They're going to try and rip me off. And so they live in vigilance of now everyone's out to get me. And so, I think that betrayal does a lot of damage to us as humans if we don't realize what it really is about and what it isn't. And so, that's part of why I do what I do in that arena when it comes to be trail. So, let me ask you this. The tools. You talked about the tools from healing. What techniques do you find that are more, that's more effective, that you found that's more effective for someone? I've got a ton, but I'll give you my top three favorites. The first one that I accessed that saved me was gratitude. And when I talk about a gratitude practice, it's not putting lipstick on a pig. It's not glossing over things. It's really seeking everything we have in this moment we can be grateful for. And back when I was really struggling with my MS and I was starting to get into this work, what I found was that before I could get out of bed, I have 10 fingers. I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to die, but I had kids I had to take care of. I had a job I had to go to. So, I had to function. And what I found is that I had 10 fingers. I had to come up with 10 things I was grateful for every morning before I got out of bed. You know that snooze gap between time you hit it and time you get out of bed. That was my window. And it got so basic that I would get down to. I'm grateful I have a roof over my head today. I'm grateful I have hot water. I'm grateful I have coffee. My car works. I'm grateful I have a job to go to. I'm grateful my kids can see my face and that they're healthy. I got down to the basics of life and everything I could find that I could be grateful for was my crack. And what happens with gratitude, there's something psychologically they can't really explain, but you cannot be anxious or afraid and grateful at the same time. And there's a quote that Tony has, you cannot be grateful and fearful simultaneously. Gratitude is kryptonite to fear. And so I took that literally. So, my first practice is because of all the anxiety and the unrest and you lose your mind and betrayal, I was able to keep sane with gratitude. I would set triggers in my phone. So, throughout the day, at 11/11, every day my chimes would go off and I would go to gratitude because 11/11 around the globe is the world at 11/11 everyone gives thanks. And I thought, how cool to check into that universal energy and participate. So, then I started texting my kids at 11/11 because my chime would go off and I'd let them know I love them. And what was so beautiful is the ripple effect. They loved it so much. They started doing it with their friends and then their friends did it. And so, we created this ripple effect of gratitude. The second thing is that I got very connected to meditation and guided meditations that would take my mind out of my loop of what was wrong in my life. And it would move me to a beautiful alternative belief or a beautiful experience or a beautiful way to heal. So, meditation became very, very, it's a necessity in my life. And then the other thing, the third thing is looking for ways to give back to people that are in a worse position than I am. That happened naturally because I'm a coach. So, I'm talking to people all day long who have a lot of really horrific things happening. So, it kept my, it kept me in perspective. It gave me context and perspective. So, I didn't go down that deep hole of my life is so bad, I deserve to leave the planet kind of dialogue because there are people that were always going to have something worse going on than I do. So, those three things right off the top of my head were probably the fastest things that helped me. You know, here's, so thank you for that. I want to go on somebody who just fresh newly betreled. That betreled is wide open it's broad maybe they're bleeding out. Yes, it just happened yesterday. But those in the beginning, how can they recognize those buildings of the trail and what would you recommend for them and that very, you know, in that immediate moment? Yes. That's exactly why I wrote my program is for that moment. He's right there. There are a few things I would say. The first one is be very careful who you tell. The first roadie I told everybody, everybody knew my business and everybody had an opinion. Now, the problem with that is that it meant that now I wasn't just dealing with my emotions, now I have to deal with their upset. They want to take them out. I've got a guy. You know, they've all got an opinion. They're going to take this person out. So in that first initial hit, do not go tell the world. I call it a triage team and some of the people were not the people you'd think would be in my triage team. I didn't tell my best girlfriend for four months. She's still upset about it to this day, by the way. But I didn't, I didn't want to deal with her upset about me. I didn't tell my co-workers. I told my coach and I told my oldest son. And I was very selective at who I told and they needed to be someone that would allow me to decide what I was going to do and not hold me to it. Because a lot of people blow up and they tell everybody the dirty laundry and then they go back and now their family won't talk to them. Now it's uncomfortable. Now they're part of the problem. So be very selective. Make sure it's someone that can be un, not judgmental, unbiased, and someone that knows how to give really quality advice. You're not going to take diet advice from the fat guy. So don't go to someone who's a train wreck for marital or relational advice. The second thing is, is get very clear. I would journal out all my thoughts. I wrote like a fiend. I vomited on paper because I couldn't go tell people yet. So I got all my feelings out frequently onto paper and I left them there. Sometimes you can burn it but I wanted to keep them. They were part of my process. So journal like a freak. And then the third thing is get very connected to your strengths and your value. You the person without this other individual that didn't take that took advantage of those qualities. You still need to come back to what makes you beautiful, desirable, and this incredible human being. Don't let them rob you of that. So don't go down that hole of, Oh my God, why am I not enough? Go back to why am I more than enough? So those three things right out of the gate can really pivot somebody, gives them something they can control in the out of control feelings that they have. It's where they can get certainty because they don't have certainty in the middle. In the minute of discovery, your whole world, it's like your whole world gets turned upside down. And so there's little things you want to hold on to in the moment. And it's a moment by moment experience in those first days after getting betrayed. Yeah, you know, I'm in a process of right now of, of creating what I call a 30 day healing beyond betrayal challenge. So every day there's something new and different for the listeners to to be able to hear that as well as, you know, come with an ebook that I've already written. When I thought about this series right here, The Healing Beyond, I thought about this two years ago, literally two years ago. And it was initially was going to be one episode on my podcast, Ask Naomi Rich in the Gap. That's my very first one. And Spirit told me, no, not yet. It's not this, it's not this, not the time to use this, don't use this platform, right? That a year later, that I was going to create this whole other platform here with the season and stuff love. I didn't know that. And so I was sitting with it earlier this year, in my in my folder, and I was just looking at it. And I said, okay, am I going to do it now? And they said, no, not yet. So I put it on schedule to do it in 2025. And probably about two months ago, it said no, it's time. When you when you return back, it's time. But not only that, I need you to write that ebook. I need you to do this challenge. I need you to go in. And then it said, I need you to bring people on. I need you to build you a team of people, meaning that I need to open up and allow guests to come in and speak and tell their story, their expertise. Yes. So when, as you were speaking here, it's, you know how you just saying things and it all just like, how many business I'm getting chills. It's like sources there. You're in it. This is like coming like right here. And it's just like, wow, like this is truly so amazing. Honestly, looking at you, you would not see what you have been through. But you see, hold on, let you see how you have transformed. You see how you have transformed and even through the reminders that you have through the crackling of your voice, that there's still hurt there. Oh, yeah. You still choose to leave with love, but not only that, leave with love, but also I want to help others because I know what it felt like. I know what it felt like when I didn't want to be here anymore. And I apologize for that. Thank you. I do. I really appreciate that. And it's funny because the emotions are always still going to be there. And again, it's, it's a violation. It's a tearing of your soul. And so I don't believe the pain completely goes away. I believe we need the pain. And so for me, it's been, it has been challenging to go back and write that program because to your point, I did have to go back and reconnect to the pain. And I wanted to do it without struggling in it. I wanted to do it kind of like Michael Singer. I wanted to observe. So I go back as the observer in, you know, untethered soul. And so that's really how I try to access it. I go back as an observer and I allow, I allow her to be whatever she needs to be in that moment, but I also celebrate the warrior that she is. Because I am a warrior and I've had to struggle with that for a lot of time because a lot of people get really, there's a lot of misperceptions about divine feminine energy. And I am not a, not soft and fluffy. I'm not one of those soft and fluffy girls. I don't wear floured prints. I don't, I'm just not. I'm not like that. And so I had, there was a time when I struggled with not being perceived as more feminine. And what I recognized is I'm not here to be fluffy. I'm here to have the hard conversations and to be a warrior for people in pain. That requires a different energy. It requires me accessing and dancing with both the dark and the light side of my feminine and the dark and light of my masculine. And so I get to play with all aspects of that in my purpose to help people out of pain because I don't like watching people suffer. I know what that's like and it's horrible. So that's why my purpose is when I went through date with Destiny with Tony, you have to define your purpose statement, your mission statement, your purpose. And it was so powerful because when I finally landed on mine, my purpose is to be a conduit of light and love for myself and others now. That's why I'm here. I'm a channel from your pain to your healing and to help bring whatever it takes to get you there. And so I'm fearless in that journey. I will do whatever it takes to help my clients get out of pain because I know I can and I know it's possible. And so I hold the space for them to believe when they can't that they can follow somebody out of the darkness. And that's kind of why I do what I do. So I love that you put your pushing this out there because betrayal isn't just with a sexual partner. It can be with your children, your parents, your best friend, your coworkers with but the biggest one, the biggest one that I really had to sit with wasn't all those betrayals. It was betraying myself. Yes, that was going to be my next question. That was truly going to be my next question. That was the journey. Yeah, you know, the thing is with the season of Suffler, here is all about having that intimate relationship with yourself, falling in love with your son. And you know, you have to because we all have this sense of where we've betrayed ourselves. How can we overcome that? Because once we start to overcome it with ourselves, then it will it can help lead to being able to forgive others. That's right. With more authentic spirit. Does that make sense? It does. For that. Wow. You know, I have so many more questions that I would love to ask you just some more. But what I want you to do is I want you to share where where can my listeners find you at where, you know, no, I'm gonna go back. I'm gonna take it back. I'm a new client. I'm a person. What are the steps that you have to offer me? Like what book what program? How do I get there? Walk me through those steps on how to get. Find me. Yes. Yes. There's variety of ways. It's pretty easy. If you're currently look, if you're in the moment of betrayal right now and you need immediate support, you can go to my website, which is www of the trade dot of the trade heart dot com. And you can find me there. You can also find me at Melissa at Melissa on use or dot com. You can email me there. If they reach out to you, they can always text me. If you want to give them my my phone number, my text number, you can do that. It's very simple process. Typically, what I do is I have a call where we get to connect and we get to find out what's really going on. I need to get eyes on what's truly happening. And then from there, I get to give you options on which direction will serve you based on where you are and also what you can do economically because if there are investments in made and I want to be sure to make sure that you're not left alone out there in the dark, struggling. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream. Collect a rent and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy. List the property on rental sites and schedule kill the showings. Oh, no. Sound complicated? Ranners Warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best-in-class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own, from rent collection to maintenance coordination, all for one flat monthly fee. Go to Rannerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for or call 303-974-9444 to speak with a rent estate advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call Ranners Warehouse. We wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true workwear to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their workwear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workwear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. I do have a blueprint for betrayal trauma. If they want to go on the website, they'll be able to get that. That's going to be released next week. So there are all these different pieces, just depends. The best probably fastest way is through the website and to get that. And I reach out to everybody. There are only two types of people. I won't help pedophiles and physical abusers. I have a hard stop there. I have had to coach a couple of them and I won't. So I have a stop there. But outside of that, I can coach anyone, anywhere, anytime. That was the premise under how I was trained and that's how I approach it. So whatever I can do in the moment, I have various different ways I can pepper it and get you out of trauma and pain pretty quickly. It just depends on where you're at and what you need. I have one more question for you. Just one more. Just one? You're easy. I want to talk to you about some other stuff too after you get off of this because I saw your other side. So there are some other things I want to talk to you about. So for you, I know you've been through it all. Can you tell me what has been your most healing chapter of your life? I'd say I'm in it. I'd say I'm in it. I'm in it because I'm cognizant to it. I'd say right now because I'm choosing to be in it and because now I have a depth of skill set to be in it, observe it and embrace it. So I would say overlooking over my whole past and how ungraceful I was in my healing journey because like I said, I'm a sports jerk girl. I am really proud of how I handled this last betrayal because it was so big and it was so it was a lot more than I shared with you here and how I did it with love and compassion, how I didn't betray myself in my journey, how I didn't betray, how I wanted to show up. I'd say now. I'd say I'm in it. You're still witness to it. I'm still healing. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. All right, Melissa, this is it. It was a big one. Girl, and that was quick. I can do this all day long. Once we figured out how my mute was working. Not a tech wizard, just going to say it. All right. Melissa, as we wrap this, what message of hope can you lead with our listeners? I would say the one thing that I would encourage them all to do, no matter what's happening and we're in a tough time in society right now. It's disruptive. The politics are ugly. The economy is ugly. The world stage is ugly. There's so much out there. I would say if I can leave you with anything, look for the gift in everything. Speak the gift because you'll find it. It's a beautiful way to live. Even in the face of ugly and unfortunate circumstances, there was still a gift. I got pretty mad when I heard Tony say that at one of his events. He said, and I was in the depth of ugly at that point. It was my first event. He said something. He said, "Your worst day will one day be your best day." I remember sitting in the back of the room and flipping him off. I was angry. I'm like, not on your best life, baby. You don't know my worst day. It offended me. Part of why it offended me is because my worst day became my identity. My worst day justified my bad behavior. My worst day gave me permission to be ugly. When I progressed and I recognized he was right, I now look at every aspect of my life and I know that that was my best day. I know that in everything, there's a gift. I look at my life and I see it as only beautiful tapestry. It just is, but it's a choice. You get to choose. As you were speaking and you were saying that, I was thinking about those are the words that I tell my daughters. I tell them that it's a gift and everything. It's a gift and it's a tool. When you go through these trials and tribulations and any time, know that. It's going to come back around, but now you have the tools to get through it because you did get through it. That's right. You were here. You just didn't know how before. Now you do. Now you have the answers to your question right here. That was up to you to go through it and allow that to come and not let emotions of fear take on. Fear is not our friend. We need fear in the moment for something drastic, but typically we've gotten so addicted to fear. Fear drives and fear is not your friend over time. That's why I want to find the gift and that's why I look for gratitude and all things. I start my day with gratitude. I end my day with gratitude. Gratitude is my crack because it manages and mitigates anxiety and mitigates fear. To me, seek the gift. It's always there. Yes, beautiful. Let me say this. I have a loved one that he's no longer with us and he had MS. He found out he had MS at the age, I believe he was 30 years old, 31, 31 years old. He lived copy past him. I think he was like 40 years old. It was very progressive. Yeah. Typically men get it and when men get it, they tend to get it fast and they tend to get progressive. Yeah, it got very, very progressive. At a time I did and I'm trying to bring it back together. I had a foundation called the Populot Foundation, where it was four families with MS. I'm working on getting right back again. Yeah, so when I was full-blown in the adult industry, I used to use my platform to raise money. Every is doing March Madness. I would do a March Madness pool. I love basketball and I would take all of those proceeds and I would send it to him and his family and my auntie, who was the one of a caregiver in his border and stuff like that. So when he had passed away, I said, "I truly need to find a program to not only help the patient but the family members as well," because he had four children. He had custody of three of them. He had custody of three and I remember the hard times that they had by him having this disability of this disease here. I just spoke to her, his oldest daughter, she graduated from on college. She has a master's. She's doing so amazing right now. We're beautiful. Yeah, but I remember those times speaking to her on the phone as a college student and she was like, "I'm going to keep doing it," she said, "because I know my daddy will want me to do this, but it's hard, cousin. It's hard." And I said, "But you got it. He's there with you, you know, the only thing for you." How has, and this is on, how has this been knowing, now knowing what your purpose is, how has it been for you to embrace MS? You know, it's such a great... The MS journey is totally sidebar to all the other stuff I was going through. One of the things I learned when I got diagnosed is Western medicine tells you this is as good as it gets. Go home and pretty much plan on being done. That made me really angry. And so I did a lot of deep dives. I spoke at a lot of different, you know, pharmaceuticals. They'd do all kinds of promotional things and I'd go to those and then I'd also speak at them and I'd coach some of the people. And for me, my MS was a product of my emotional condition. Now, I know there are going to people that are going to disagree with me on this and that's okay. But because I lived in high states of cortisol flood, cortisol at your body in your body for long extended periods of time creates autoimmune disease. I lived a whole life in survival mode and anger. So those things combined were a cocktail to create this autoimmune disease. For me, I look at it now as a gift because it made me change my lifestyle. I was very much a party girl. I was playing hard, living large and it was a day in, day at night. It was constant. And so it made me pivot and change my focus. And I also learned that it's something I can control if I do it the right way. There are processes that can I if you saw me, you wouldn't know that I have MS. I am and I do have friends that have progressive. They're very severe. I pivoted. I believe I pivoted my psychology and my mindset and my body by changing my focus. And so I've helped a couple other clients with MS. There are ways to mitigate it. Now, is it stopped progressing? No, it's probably still rolling right now as we're talking. I just don't focus on it and I don't give it energy. I focus on health and what I want more of. And I focus on how I'm going to create that. And so I dance with it. I pay close attention to it. I know my body so well. When I get tired, stressed, angry, freaked out, if I'm not taking care of myself, I know immediately when it's when I'm going to, I'm on the cusp of an exacerbation. I back off. I take care of myself. So I dance with it. I'm no longer afraid of it. And I'm no longer letting it take over my life. It's not my identity anymore. Used to be, but it's not my identity. Beautiful. And I would love to help you with that. When you you decide to do anything with that, I'd love to partner with you or help in any way I can. Thank you. This is why this is why this was to buy. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. It was destiny. Yes. And who would have thought as I say, who would have thought? I know. Really. Just it's a gift. Yeah. It's a gift. If I hadn't gotten MS, if I hadn't been raised by alcoholics, if I hadn't been tripped, betrayed by my partners, if I hadn't had all these things, I wouldn't be here with you. Yeah. And I can't imagine life not being here with you. Yeah. You know, a lot of people ask me a lot of times, would you change anything? And I said, no. No. I said, no, that experience. I chose to be in that experience. I chose to go through there. That was written for me before I even knew that I was supposed to be there so I can be here now. That's right. I can be here now so I can truly see and find my tribe or my community of people to really so I can really be the best person that I can be not only for myself and for others before my children as well, you know. And so yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. Isn't it a good one? It's a beautiful life. Let's see. We get all that stuff in the beginning to see that's why. Oh, I'm getting chills. No, there's there's some stuff for us to do together. I know that. I'm not sure what it's looking like, but it's there. I'm definitely feeling it. Yeah, but there's some ooh, I got tingles up here. Uh huh. Yeah, I got tingles up here. I don't know if we can be on here talking talking talking talking, but we don't we don't cut this short again. Thank you, Melissa, for such a good night on all of it. Like really beautiful. And to our listeners, keep embracing your journey and seek support and cherish your growth each step of the way. And if you'd like to collect with Melissa or learn more about her work, check out her website. Her link is going to be in the episode from description. As always, thank you for joining us here today on the season of self love podcast. And remember you are not alone in this journal. So until next time, keep loving yourself. Have a good one. Thank you for joining us on this journey of discovering an empowerment here at the season of self love podcast. Remember embracing self love is a continuous journey and we're so glad to have you with us. So if you enjoy today's episode, please leave us a review. And don't forget to join our community on Facebook at season of self love. Connect with a like-minded individuals who are also on their self love journey. Now, if you have any questions or topics that you like for us to explore, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at seasonusseflove@gmail.com and let your voice be heard. So until next time, take a moment for yourself. Today, and remember, you are worthy of love, joy, and all the beautiful things that life has to offer. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. Determine a competitive rent price, market the property, schedule the showing screen tenants, drop the lease at a rent collection, handle maintenance request, maintain communication. Whew! Sound complicated? Renters' warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Qualify tenants? Check. Rent collection? Check. Maintenance coordination? You got it. Go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runners warehouse. We wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their work wear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code "Workwear20" at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century.