The Season of Self Love
Understanding the Impact of Betrayal on Mental Health w/ Dr. Will
🎙️ Episode Title: Healing Beyond Betrayal: Understanding the Impact on Mental Health with Dr. Will Washington
Welcome back to a brand new season of The Season of Self-Love podcast! I’m your host, Nyomi Banks, and I’m thrilled to kick off Season 2 with an incredibly important series—Healing Beyond Betrayal. Today, I’m joined by our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington from the Washington Wellness Institute, to dive deep into the impact of betrayal on our mental health.
In this powerful episode, we explore the layers of betrayal, how it affects us on a psychological level, and the steps we can take to heal. Dr. Will shares his insights on the unique trauma of betrayal, how it differs from other psychological traumas, and offers practical advice on coping mechanisms and rebuilding trust.
We also discuss the concept of gaslighting as a form of betrayal, the emotional cycles that follow such experiences, and how self-love plays a critical role in the healing process. Plus, I share a personal story about finding strength and forgiveness in the face of family betrayal, emphasizing the importance of leading with love and maintaining your integrity through it all.
Whether you’ve experienced betrayal in a relationship, at work, or even with yourself, this episode offers valuable tools to help you navigate the complex emotions and reclaim your sense of self.
🌟 Tune in every weekday as we continue our journey of self-love and healing.
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#HealingBeyondBetrayal #SelfLoveJourney #NyomiBanks #DrWillWashington #TheSeasonOfSelfLovePodcast #MentalHealth
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- Duration:
- 1h 4m
- Broadcast on:
- 02 Sep 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
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Ours is matraceable, third-party tested for heavy metals and recently earned the Purity Award from the Clean Label Project. But don't just take my word for it. Get 25% off at ritual.com/prinatal. Welcome to the season of self-love, your daily dose of inspiration and encouragement. I'm your host Naomi Banks, and I am thrilled to be here with you today. This podcast is brought to you by Acts Naomi and Elevate Me, Self-Discovery. Are you ready to elevate your mindset and embrace the power of self-love or have you come to the right place? Each day we'll dive into topics that will empower and inspire you on your journey to our self-discovery and personal growth. Whether you're looking to cultivate healthy relationships, boost your confidence or find balance in your life, this podcast is here to support your every step of the way. We believe that self-love is the foundation of living and fulfilling your life and together we explore practical tips and insightful interviews and transformative stories that will leave you feeling inspired and lonely. So join me Monday through Friday as we embark on this daily adventure of self-love. Tune into the season of self-love podcast to start your day on a positive note and discover the limitless potential within yourself. Hey, hey, hey, hey my beautiful people. Welcome back to a brand new season of the season of self-love podcast. I am your host, Lambie Banks, and today I am joined by our resident therapist, you know, Dr. Will, how can I start the second season without my main man? But before we break him to the stage, we're going to take a quick break. But I want to tell you this, remember the theme for this month is all about healing beyond betrayal. So as we explore the profound effects of betrayal, can we have our time and moment together, all right? All right, so let's take a quick break. We'll be right back, you're already got us, Lambie Banks, season of self-love, here we go. What are some common barriers that prevent people from explaining? Hey, you're already got us, Lambie Banks, here from the season of self-love podcast. Yeah, I would say remorse. So, shame and guilt is a very divided emotional. Now, these are one of the many amazing conversations that we have every day on Monday, Friday, right here, on the season of self-love podcast. With myself, Lambie Banks, as well as our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington, Washington Wellness Institute. Come by! Washington Wellness Institute focuses on healing always. For me, if I look good and I feel good, if I feel good, then I share the good. If I share the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good, then I live the good. So I can be paid to be my greatest. But I have to learn the good to be the good. So, what does it take to be the greatest? It's as simple as a free 15-minute consultation. Be kind to yourself and heal always. All right, well, welcome back to the season of self-love podcast. I am your host, Lambie Banks. And today, we are introducing a new series called "Healing Beyond the B-Trail," and today, our topic is understanding the impact of the trail on mental health. And today, joining me is our resident therapist, Dr. Will, from Washington Wellness. Hey, hey! It's so good to be back. It's so good to be back. I look different. I worked out a little different. I had to get ready. I had to prepare for this. I had to train for this. I got a little glow. I'm working on skin work. It's a beautiful thing. I learned all about skin care. I hear that. So, are you ready for this series? It's a really great and moving series. It really is. And when I tell you, some of the guests that are coming on this month are amazing. The stories are amazing. I feel like you know how to pick the mountain and climb it. I really did. I was like, "Betraya, that's a huge word with so many different angles." So, I'm excited to see who you're bringing onto this series. That's what I'm talking about. But I know how we do it. You know, before we get into the topic, let's take a quick break. Let's do a nice little center ourselves to get ready for this topic. All right? Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose and hold for a moment. And as you exhale slowly through your mouth, I want you to continue to breathe deeply. I want you to imagine each breath washing over you with calmness. And each exhale releasing any teaching that you might feel. Now envision yourself surrounded by a gentle aura of peace, the nurturers that protect your heart and mind. Let's carry this sense of calm throughout today's mission. Now you can open your eyes and be in the present moment. All right, welcome back. First of all, I'd like to thank you all for just being here in this moment and this time with us right now. And if you're new here to the season self-love podcast, see, I got time tag already. We do this every day Monday through Friday where we help center ourselves before we get into the topic of hand. And of course, I got Dr. Will here with me. And we don't go deep in it, right? We don't go deep in it. Every time we don't do shallow water. We don't do shallow water. We don't we get down deep in there. Sometimes I go down a little rabbit hole. Sometimes we come following. It's beautiful. I love it. I love it though. I love it. But today we're talking about understanding the impact of betrayal, but first let's understand what betrayal is. Patrol is like a deeply, deeply personal and often devastating experience to come in many forms, leaving lasting scars on my emotional and well-being. You see, understanding the nature of betrayal and impact is first step towards healing and reclaiming our sense of self. Today, we are here to discuss the impact that betrayal does on our mental. You see, there are different forms of betrayal. And I think I've probably on the receiving end of the lease. Now, all five of them, infidelity, deception, abandonment, broken promises and yeah, betrayal of self. So yeah, I think I've been through them all. Yeah, I think I've been through all. So can you explain how betrayal trauma differs from any type of psychological trauma? Yes. The thing about betrayal is, so it's heavy because what it does is it goes to a root, right? We have these foundations in childhood development, right? Safety, security, nurturing nature, right? All these different words that pretty much define our childhood development. And when you experience betrayal, it hits something a lot deeper than just the moment itself. It's not just, oh, here's the moment and this is what happened to me. It's this moment hit me and hit six other things that were happening in my life that made me who I am. And so betrayal is when you're in the nest and someone not only takes you out the nest, but it actually breaks the nest. So you can't even get back to it. And so that recovery period is a lot deeper. And the work is so much more involved and integrated into your own system. Yeah, you know, when I when I decided to do this, this series right here, and I believe we talked the other day, you know, off and it was really just supposed to be one show, just one show that I was going to do. And then I said, no, we really have to get deep down into this. I need to just continue to follow the format of what I've been doing with this stuff and taking the whole month to do that. But not only that, but now I actually included an ebook and a challenge that actually started the first. Yeah, you know, to kind of really get into that because each one of the face of betrayal looks different to all of us. Does that make sense? It looks different to all of us. And really knowing and understanding, opening it up more. So it's just not my face. And it's not just your face. But we get so many other faces that maybe our listeners could resonate with. Like I said before, the five I hit all five several different times, you know, but making this when I was doing this show right here, and I knew I wanted this to be the first show and I knew I wanted you to be here with the first show is because I can even imagine which are responsible be to some of these questions that I knew that needed to be answered. Because a lot because even when you said that when that betrayal comes, it taps in like more than just one thing, multiple of things, multiple of layers to your being to your intellect or your intake, your emotions. And so it's like, what do we do with it then? You know what I'm saying? So we're talking about self love. This is what we're talking about on this podcast. So how can we truly have some love for ourselves when we have all this hate in this deception within us of betrayal, not only from others, but from ourselves, you know? Yeah. And I think that I think what you said was these layers that you talk about, people aren't just noticing them. They're going through them. They're going through these layers. And they don't know where to start, where to stop. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream, collect a rent, and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy, list the property on rental sites and schedule countless showings. Oh, no, it's intense, for information, for the release of the collection, it sounds complicated. 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I remember staring at my prenatal vitamins and finding all these things I was trying to avoid, high amounts of heavy metals, synthetic colorants, and unnecessary ingredients. So at four months pregnant, I quit my job and started ritual because I believe that all women deserve to know what they're putting in their bodies and why. I'm so proud of our prenatal vitamin. The ingredients are 100% traceable, it's third-party tested for microbes and heavy metals, and recently received the purity award from the Clean Label Project. You see, we trace like a mother because, let's be honest, no one cares quite like a mother. But don't just take my word for it. Trace for yourself with 25% off at virtual.com/podcast. And it makes recovery so difficult to know when to begin. Yeah. So, yeah, we're definitely going to be getting into this. Yeah. And I am so excited because let's talk about, and I'm going off-scripting that right now, let's talk about what's the word, gaslighting as they call gaslighting? Gaslighting, you know, people. Now it's very popular, yeah. Yeah, which is another form of betrayal to one that you've heard, or people around that has been hurt. You understand what I'm saying? And so that's going to be a whole show topic right there that we're talking about, you know, with that. Yeah, that's an umbrella for me. That's an umbrella for me. Gaslighting is an umbrella term for me. Like, as long as it's gaslighting, I'm thinking of five to six other words that go on to that to eat what I want. So, yeah. So, we're getting in there, y'all. We got y'all. It's going down. It's going down. We got y'all. I promise you, we got y'all. I'm telling you, when it came to me, and it was telling me to wait, and then it said, "No, this is when you should do it, and then you're going to have some people that help you along the way." I said, "Okay. I'm there. I want you to do this, this, this, and this." I said, "Okay. I'm there." I was like, "Okay." I said, "Let me get on with Dr. Willy. See if he can follow me right here, right next to me." There's a fire. We still fire. There's a fire. I got you. See, that's why I got on my red hat today. You see through the fire all the time. Why did that? Why did that connect so well? See, Chicago native. Chicago native. Red hair. Big hair. You can't read it. Like, I feel unprepared. I thought I had a cool t-shirt on, but now I just feel like I should have did something. All of my sick ones, they was here. I tried. You're balancing us out. You can't be as wild as me, so we gotta have an even teal somewhere, right? You right. Peanut butter and jelly. I love it. I got you. You can't come in and kick it up from the door just on the first day. This has only been 12 minutes in. We need to fire it eyes, baby. Fire it eyes. Right. I got it. Look, I'll be right. I got it. I love it. So, you know, I know from personal experience, and from many of you who have shared our stories, just how deep can the wounds go? So, Dr. Willy, could you talk about some of the common reaction that people might have to betray? Yes. So, just to give some preface to this, being a hypnotherapist as well, we do age regression. And so, people come to me with something habit to me last week. I want to talk about it. I need to discuss it. It's amazing how they come in with this one feeling, this surface to emotion. And then when we slow down and meet age regress, there's actually a deeper childhood wound that was unresolved. And many times, the way that patrol works is that there are unresolved childhood wounds that are occurring. And they live in us in so many different ways. And as we grow older, we create layers on top of that, right? And there are multiple techniques like IFS therapy that help with internalized burdens, those internal burdens that you hold. But as an adult, we tend to mask those feelings with other behaviors or things that make us look great, or we might even take a job that helps us kind of be the person we weren't for ourselves, right? And so, I've even found that for many clients, they usually become the thing that they didn't resolve, or they try to become the thing that they wish they had, you know? And so, we have to get through those layers. And in the age regression, you find the deepest root, and it's usually a child, even if they can go into infancy. And it's amazing that the pain that you even come through, that's not even your pain, like we call those legacy burdens, right? The trauma that is passed down from your parents, that's unresolved, gets passed on to you. Now, it's your job to deal with how to resolve it. That's a hard thing to do, alone, especially. Yeah. So, what would be the therapeutic approach to that? Yeah. So, if I were to look for a therapist, I would look for a therapist that does IFS therapy. So, if you've ever seen the movie Inside Out, you know, that's kind of how it looks. Yeah. So, that's kind of how that therapy works. I use my model, which is the Inside Out model, as well, restorative and as a modality. I would even look at owning a rental property sounds like a dream, collect a rent, and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy, list the property on rental sites, and schedule countless showings. Oh, no, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Whew! Sound complicated? Renner's Warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best-in-class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own, from rent collection to maintenance coordination, all for one flat monthly fee. Go to Renner's Warehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for, or call 303-974-9444 to speak with a rent estate advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call Renner's Warehouse. What if you could have a career where the opportunities are as fast as our nation, where it's not about mission statements, but a shared mission? At U.S. Customs and Border Protection, we go beyond to protect more than borders, from ship to shore, air to ground, cities to local communities. CBP agents and officers are keeping people safe. Join U.S. Customs and Border Protection and go beyond for something far greater than yourself. Learn more at cbp.gov/careers. Different forms of hypnotherapy. I would also look at getting a life coach as well. So I'm going to be honest with you. I loved anybody walking into my office. Don't get me wrong. But some people aren't ready for therapy. And you have to prep yourself for therapy. I've had people come in and say, "Well, I'm ready to talk about my childhood and my trauma." I'm like, you could, but you have too much going on in your life to actually sit and focus on this. You created the survivorship. And many people that have these unresolved issues, especially from betrayal, they have a lot of survivorship, not relationships. And so they create relationships based upon the absence rather than their abundance. And so a lot of people are living in that. So I really, betrayal is that awakening of survivorship. It really is. And you realize like, "Oh my God, I've been doing this and going through this because I was afraid of never actually existing. I had to go through this to be something." So now when you're that thing, you don't know how to actually enjoy it because you never took time to actually create relationships. You made it all based upon your struggle, your absence. Never the things that were actually abundant and fulfilling, which is my self-love is so important. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when a few weeks ago, we talked about this, but I just want to share this a little bit with our listeners. When I knew that it was, for me, the confirmation for me to truly do this series was a few days before I was to go home to Chicago. I hadn't been back home in Chicago in a few years, in about two or three years, I hadn't been back home. And then before then there was an incident that happened with some family members that kind of threatened the safety of my family here. And for that reason, I really didn't want to be around them. I had put myself in a situation to be around them right after it happened. It was like right after it happened. And so it was, I didn't approach them or say anything to them, but I know who they are. And I was at that time, that someone was really going through my spiritual, you know, waking up and I was kind of, you know, just relieving people from me. And so that was my thought is relieve all of these people, family, toxic friends, you know, whatever, anybody that wasn't a line of what I was doing at this moment, at this time, I was cutting them all off. Then I remember, you know, I woke up one morning, and as I wake up, I see this s. You know how you like in that, in between wake, walk and sleep, when you just wake up and you have that last vision, you know, before you, and it was the big, beautiful S, black, shiny, with like diamond crepes. I'm like, what is that? I was like, what is that? So it was S, you know, what is that S? So I go in my meditation room, and I'm going to get anything, nothing. So as I'm getting ready for the day, and there was Shannon Sharp, popped on with L. L. Cool J. Yeah. That's like, that's my man in my head. That's my man in my head, right? Right. I love that. You know, so he had said something that was very movie to me, and I was like, okay, well, maybe that was, that would be, that's where the essence was Shannon Sharp. I'm always trying to find a reason for something, you know. And though, as I'm sitting there and actually he clicks off after that, it clicks off, and I'm like, okay, that was moving. So maybe it was for that, you know, so I'm, you know, in the kitchen cleaning up, and something happened where it was like, I need to listen to what I heard was listening to stoves. And I was like, souls. Another ex, right? I heard that, like, I heard souls, like, it was clear. Yeah. I'm watching watching, watching, watching dishes. I'm like, souls. And so I'm like, okay, listen, okay, what is it? And it said, read, read. And so I went to my audible. And because at that time, I was listening to Gary Garvey. That's what I was listening to after Shannon Sharp show, where I was listening to Gary V, Gary V. I was listening to Gary V. And matter of fact, he clicked off. He clicked off when I heard the souls, he just clicked off, and I heard souls. And then I was like, okay, what am I supposed to be doing? So I go to untither souls. As soon as I push play, because I have been listening to it already. And I have already read it, pushed it. And it was to the exact part to about keeping your broken heart open, meaning that when we get our heart broken, with somebody does something wrong to us, we cut them off instantly. We go inside. Yes. And so we never able to heal. All we do is just pile on and pile on, pile on more stuff. And so throughout this book, I listened for this book for about seven hours that day. Matter of fact, what's the next day or the day before that, it was either day or two days before I'm to go to Chicago, where I do, I will be around these family members. So in this process, it's telling me about all of these things, also about forgiveness, also about how to let things go, especially when you don't have any control over it, allowing myself to go through the process of the pain, of the betrayal, you know what I'm saying? And look at it from a different perspective, when it happens, you know what I'm saying? And so I went through all of that. And that wasn't nothing but confirmation for me, because I just finished writing the book. I was in the middle of creating the course. I'm still not finished with it, but I was in the middle of creating the course. But all of that was just confirmation for me, and made me feel so much better on returning back home. Yeah. When I get there, it was, I mean, I led with love. I didn't have nothing but love for even coming in. Like, even though they did that to me, it wasn't to me. Does that make sense? Yeah, and it takes a lot of strength, internal resilience, as you talked about in past shows, to accept that it wasn't about me. When you know yourself, you know what isn't about you. When you know yourself, you know what isn't about you. And that is not only a skill, but that is a real gift to learn that in your healing process. Because ownership still has to be yours. Yeah. So that's really big that you experienced that. And you were able to actually navigate that as well. Yeah, that's not easy. Yeah. That's not easy. Yeah. And so now I'm no longer allowing that betrayal to affect me. You know what I mean? The trail is a unique friend. Yeah. Yeah. And it will stay on you heavy. It will stay on you heavy. And so now that I know that, and not saying that I'm cured of betrayal, because we're never cured of anything. There's always that subconscious, that thing that's back here. But at least now I know how to work through this. And I got to love that you said that because because the truth is that people are like, well, you got to forgive and forget. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I forgive you and I learned. So I can still love you again. But I also learned my lesson. I can't put myself back into that situation because I understand how that affects my wellness. We all talk about boundaries and we all talk about boundaries and triggers all the time. When it comes to betrayal, betrayal, you're crossing every boundary. You're hitting only triggers. You're only hitting triggers. And so that resentment that you have is really about you not being enough for yourself in that moment. Yes. That's what it's really about. Yes. That comes from you having that stuff betrayal to yourself. That, that, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So you got that question, more questions for you, right? All right, Phil, since we talked about my thing, right? I was like, whoo. Yeah. It's great. Honestly. So I am, I'm not going to put you in a hot seat, but I, you know how to keep your rail here. Look, I trust it's too late. I already did it if I didn't do it already. Right. Exactly. Exactly. For you. And we just go through you as a man. Yeah, you, your doctor will, you're the mind doctor, you're the emotional doctor. That's all of you. But you, how do you get through betrayal? Like, can you, can you give a time where you had to heal beyond your betrayal? And what steps did you take to get through? Yeah. I'll, I'll actually do it from the perspective of me being the person that caused the betrayal. Right. So I was the person that, I was, I was the person that was wrong. I'm the one that chose the wrong when I knew right. And I still did wrong. Right. I chose infidelity in my life. And when I caused that type of pain, it wasn't just a pain that I caused that person. I hurt everybody around me. Right. I'm not somebody that was, you know, I'm not perfect. I'm not this, this, this angel glow. Right. It's, it's really this moment where I realized that my inability to have discipline and willpower caused everything around me to hurt. And so I felt that pain for myself, also for the pain of others. But then I had to accept that, well, what part was mine? And what part was truly mine? And what do I own in this? And to navigate through that betrayal that I even caused, it was difficult because I recognized that it was, it was never just about me by seeing everybody else upset. But I also recognize I triggered everybody else's betrayal in their own wounds and their own childhood wounds. And so I felt responsible for fixing their childhood wounds because I was so hurt in myself. A lot of times when you're hurt, you try to overextend yourself or overextend your capacity to make other people feel better rather than actually letting them feel what they want to feel and what they deserve to feel, so that they can get through what they need to. And so I had to learn how to separate myself from their pain and work on the pain that I caused myself to put myself in that position in the first place. And as a man, that is a very hard thing to do because I always talk about how manhood is hard to keep easy to lose. Manhood is hard to keep easy to lose. The moment you don't, the moment you step away from the ideology or the perception of a man, you have a lot of making up to do. You have a lot of things you have to climb. And so the fact that I removed myself from that perception, it was hard to accept that I wasn't enough. And I had to get back to knowing that I was enough. And unfortunately, you can't wait for somebody's applause. Or, you know, or I talked to an elder and they're like, oh, you just got to forgive yourself. I'm like, that is a really difficult statement to hear. You've got to forgive yourself. Well, how the hell, you know, like, how is that supposed to work? You know, and I learned when I sat, when you're still in your chaos, you realize that you have to be the rock or the river. And a lot of us are so grown and conditioned to be the river. We're just trying to flow with everything that's happening sometimes that you actually have to be still and watch out because chaos is a distraction. You know, betrayal causes distracting causes content. It causes these type of destructive things that are so damaging to your own emotional profile. And so I had to reclaim my emotional profile in a way that I've never learned before. I wasn't taught how to reframe my emotional profile, my emotional needs in my statements. And it was very difficult to have to accept that I'm not going to be the hero in someone's story. And that hurts, especially as a man, to know that I'm not going to be the hero in someone's story. So this I turn you into. Exactly. And so I had to learn that I have just as much value being a hero, as much as a villain, because the truth is that they all have a story, you know, and unfortunately, I had to recognize I had to come from a deficit, but I still have abundant to myself. I had realized that I am still a worthy man. I am still a good man. I still can offer and provide and care and nurture. And I can also correct myself. And I think a lot of times that betrayal that I caused made me betray my own structure, my own identity, and my own wellness. So now I'm working through what willpower means to me. And so willpower is how I'm actually recovering at this point in my life. Right. And what does that mean for me? Right. Right. You know, I guess then I'm about to go down this little hole real fast, just really quick. I guess what is the root of causing the betrayal? Yeah. So principle two in my model, unmet needs result in irrational behaviors. Any unmet needs result in irrational behaviors. Usually when people do behaviors that are not functionally positive, or they might be dysfunctional, it's typically because there's an unmet need that's occurring, that they have not communicated, they have not expressed, they have avoided, or they attempted, but they don't feel like they have the capacity to try again. And so they may not have the support, the resource, the model, or that even the proper intention to even do the change just needed, because they're getting results. Right. This motive, if I do this, I'll get this. The answer gratification can be a terrible thing if you don't know how to nurture that. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream, collect a rent, and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy. List the property on rental sites and schedule countless earnings. Oh, don't be a sweet answer for me. Sound complicated? Ranners Warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to do West. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best-in-class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own, from rent collection to maintenance coordination, all for one flat monthly fee. Go to Rannerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for or call 303-974-9444 to speak with a rent estate advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call Ranners Warehouse. We wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true Workware to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. The Workware isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workware20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. Right. So we talk about impulses a lot, right? And if you can't learn to be still in an impulse, you don't understand what that impulse actually needs. You learn what the impulse wants, but you don't know what the impulse actually needs. Right. Exactly. Yeah. That's good. Okay. Let me go to my next question because I'm over here thinking. Okay. How can betrayal affect the person's ability to trust others in the future? And what can be done to reveal that trust? On the side of the one who did the betrayal of the villain, and then also on the other side, the victim. Yeah. So the biggest thing is this is going to be really hard to say this. But the truth is, is that you can't build trust. People are going to, people are going to disagree with me on this. But I've learned through working with so many people that you can't just build trust. Trust is or trust isn't. Trust is or trust isn't. And you can find more comfort with trust. But what happens is that we don't lose trust with that person. We lose trusting ourselves about who we are with that person. So if I don't trust you, it's not because of what you are or what you aren't doing. It's about, is this who I want to be regardless of what I am around you? Am I going to be who I want to be around you? Am I able to be who I am around you and not get blocked? And so for the villain, it's kind of like, I have to accept that this is who I am and this is who I'm going to be and this is what I've decided. You as a victim have to understand that, hey, I realize, recognize who I have to be and I have to trust that I'm doing what I need to do. Because once again, forgive and forget doesn't really work, right? I have to forgive and learn the lesson. And are you strong enough internally in a lined enough to trust yourself to be who you are, regardless of the situation? And what is that called? Integrity. You have to have that integrity to know that I know who I was, I know who I'm not, and I know who I'm trying to be, and I'm okay with that. And a lot of times it's hard for us to put all those three together in one person. So that causes the distortions or any mental illnesses that may arise sometimes because we don't know how to let me think the way we feel and the way we know and do are all misaligned. So this kind of, we're talking, this is my next question right here, you kind of touching a little bit on the next question is, could you discuss the potential long-term or psychological effects of betrayal such as PTSD or any anxiety disorder? So even you kind of touched a little bit on that is you could just speak it and you can continue that. Yeah, of course. Yeah, so I had a client that has a lot of betrayal right now and they suffer from anxiety disorder, a true anxiety, not just being nervous all the time, but like a true anxiety disorder. And they have learned that through their own betrayal and what they've went through, their anxiety always questions, what if, it's a story of what if, what if I don't get this, what if I don't work, what if it doesn't work out, what if they hurt me again, what if they happen, what if, and the more they're asking questions about them, the more they're getting further away from who they are. Yeah. Right. And so to be able to ground yourself with knowing that there's there's a form of humility of accepting that, hey, this person isn't enough. And I recognize that I also don't have to be everything for that person. We have this weird sense of ownership and possession with people that causes us to make people think that they should be more responsible for us than we are for ourselves. Yeah. You know, so it's a reframing that has to happen. And a lot of times cognitive behavioral therapy is a great start into learning, who am I, what am I not, and why do I think I have to be everything? Right. Now say that again, because it sounded like it was a little muffled. So I listened to us go here, which you just said, yeah, my bit. Yeah. The Chicago behavioral therapy or CBT is a great start into learning who I am, who I'm not, what's the capacity? Right. And also, what is also my limitation? I didn't say that part, but it's also, it's also important to work within the limitations of your greatness too. We don't talk about that often, but actually limiting yourself makes you even greater as well. That's why you see all these amazing athletes and professionals that are so famous, is because they limited themselves in other ways to focus on that one specific thing to do extremely well. Think if you did that with your heart and your mind and your spirit, they got to lead with that type of focus. That's the type of self love that we want to see. But that's what I'm talking about. Look at that. You know, usually I'm not too often lost for words, but I was sitting like, okay, you got afraid to come on back the wheel. I had to come back before you get, you come in with fire. I had to pull it down for a second and get bolder. That was, that was, that was, woo, that was good. That was, that was good. Let's go to the next question. And I have three here and I'm trying to, which one that, okay, here we go. What are some common coping mechanisms that people might adopt after experiencing the trail? And how can they shift towards a healthier strategy? Yes. So three things. The first thing is make a playlist of the person you want to be after this is all over. You always need a reminder of who we want to be. And a lot of times music is a great channel, a medium to help channel that heart space, right? Being pouring back into yourself because a lot of times, like you said earlier, betrayal, you pour out a lot in the trail. So you got to pour back in. Yeah. The second thing is to do a narrative therapy exercise. So I'll give people three pages, three pieces of paper, right? And on the first sheet, you write, what are you currently going through? You draw it. No words. Just draw it. However you want to draw it, whatever it looks like, use crayons, whatever it is. The second page, if everything could just be better and you have no problem and everything would be back to how you want it to be or how you want it to move forward and how you want it to look, put it on that page, draw it any colors, no letters, no words. You can use letters sometimes, but just try us that way from words. And then you put them on the left and right. And then you take that third page and you ask yourself, what do I need to get from the first one to the third one? What's this second page need from me? Well, this is page me from me so that I can bridge these two things together. That's the work. So it's a narrative exercise. And then lastly, you got to start listening to yourself again. A lot of times when you go through the trail, you forget what your voice sounds like. You forget how much you mean to yourself. You forget how valuable you are. You forget what you can trust and what you can't trust. You start questioning other people about why they're not doing what you need. You don't know how to ask for help. You're just expecting people. It's hard to speak up for yourself. It's hard. And so that third one so important is pouring back into yourself so listening to yourself. I love doing audio journals where I like to speak about my day and about who I was today, who I wanted to be today and what I'm going to be doing tomorrow. And then I go to sleep and I wake up in the morning and I listen to myself hearing what was my best advice in my story. When you start giving yourself your best advice, it's a beautiful thing because a lot of us have the answer in us. We just forget how to listen to ourselves. Right. We do. It's so funny even when we're counseling people or talking, coaching people. The very advice that we give is the mirror image or device that we need to give ourselves. But for some reason, it's over our head or we just think it doesn't, you know, pertain to us, which I'm like, no, yes. I think that's what's different about my journey now, which in the past years, my journey has been so different because before, I will give it all the time, all the time. Some I would take for myself, some I wouldn't be like, okay, whatever. But now I know, like, no, those things that I should have been hearing myself, because honestly, those that I was attracting that energy, I was attracting those, you understand what I'm saying? I was attracting those people that was coming because every day they see, well, she she know, because she probably didn't do this shit. You know, it's real, it's real, people want that. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's beautiful. And that's beautiful. But you walk, you walk in your healing, right? And when I say walk in your healing, I don't mean like you're floating and there's like glitter and glam. I mean, you walk through who you've been, who you are and who you will be. Yeah, I know it's going to question that. But now everybody's going to do it. And they've watched you being that example, which is amazing that they can watch and you can trust that. Yeah, for years, I had to lie about my age. You know what I'm saying? Like seriously, I couldn't be who I truly wanted to be. I had to be on all the time. So like, you couldn't see me without my hat, you know what I'm saying? You couldn't see me without my eyes. You know, I had to be the Naomi Banks. And before that, I had a whole different character. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream. Collect a rent and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, do you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price? Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy with the property on rental sites and schedule kelly showings. Oh, don't worry, it's really time to verify the information. At least I've got to check it out. At least I've got to check it out. I'm going to check it out. I'm going to check it out. Whew! Sound complicated? Runners warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to do list. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best-in-class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own, from rent collection to maintenance coordination, all for one flat monthly fee. Go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-944 to speak with a rent estate advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runners warehouse. We wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their work wear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code WorkWear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. That I was, but you know what I was doing. So I would never allow to just be who I am now. Just all of it all in one. So you will see me on with my dread, with my dreads up and me and some records. So it's working now having a good-ass time with my western name. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And that's what makes you unlimited. The true power to being unlimited is being yourself. Right. And apologetically. Yes. Yes. That's the gift. That is. That's the gift. There we go. See this. Hey, we got back on this back and we ran. This bike is a lot better than that far. I forgot. Love it. All right. So before we go, I want to ask you this, and I know you can't stand the name, but could you share a case, the study or example of a practice that illustrates a successful journey of healing from before you? Yes. So it starts off with the awareness, right? The awareness of recognizing that I've been betrayed. Then you go through, it's almost like the stages of grief, right? You go through this rage. You go, "How could I, this shock, this hurt, this pain, this regret, this resentment?" I call it emotional malignancies. So the emotional malignancy cycle is you react, then you start rationalizing, then you have remorse, shame or guilt, then you have resentment, and then you have regret. You keep cycling, you react, you rationalize, you remorse, you resent, you regret, and you keep cycling that. And then you end up becoming emotionally calloused with feelings and feelings and words. They don't feel the same anymore. Things don't feel the same. It doesn't taste the same. Food doesn't taste the same. People don't feel the same. You become calloused to it. It's almost about almost feeling numb almost, right? And then, and that's self-inflicting behavior, right? So you're in the stage where you're just turning in and you're just self-inflicting so much. After a while, you start telling down to possibilities. So it's during that hurt period, you remove the options that are possible to actually healing you because you just can't deal with another wrong thing, right? Just can't, right? And then we get into this education, right? So you go from awareness to this education where you learn that, well, what really did happen? What really was going on? You start being a little more curious, right? The action is never the reason, principle one. The action is never the reason. Was it really this way or was it because I just couldn't handle it? Let me see what was really going on. Let me get the story. Let me get the narrative so I can stop objectifying my trauma and actually own my trauma, right? A lot of times we objectify trauma, which is why it gets so big, right? So now, after the education moment, then we start wearing on the application. So what do I need to do to actually not heal with my trauma but heal from the trauma, right? Because a lot of people will heal with their trauma if they don't talk about it and then they become connected, but you have to heal from it, right? You have to. And so the application part is being open to therapy, being open to being life coach, being open to being coached in a way that changes your lifestyle because your lifestyle led you susceptible to betrayal. Yeah. So now you have to leave a lifestyle that does not have betrayal in the equation. Exactly. Right. So the awareness, the education, and the application. I love that. I love that. I love that. Woo. Well, guess what? We had the end. We had the end of the show. You did it. You did it. You did it. You did it. Yes. Yes. All right, my beautiful people. I know this is season two and I just I'll happen so excited to get back to it. I missed it. I missed y'all. I missed you back the wheel. Like I missed it. Like I missed a pair of pants. Yeah. I was on and off the floor. It's okay. It's like they who they are. Right. But honestly, yeah, truly, we got y'all. We really do. We got y'all here at this season and stuff like podcast. And, you know, I play Dr. Will's, his commercial all the time because yes, you listen to us here every day, you know, also, but and this is just for you to do at home, some work that you do at home, but it's still good to always go find that therapist. It's always good to find that that person and you got him right here, right here. Dr. Will, I'm a life coach, you know, I'm a, I'm gonna give it to you real raw and uncut to where, you know, we can do it, but seriously, I, I, I cannot say this and just really stronger. This world is not getting any better until we start doing our own work. Yes. And it has to start somewhere. And when I say I see tons and tons of self help, podcasts and self help books and ebooks and a lot of things that I saw. And I knew that the things that I wanted to give and wanted to put out there, I knew that it had to be different. I knew that it had to be authentic. I knew that it could be, you know, this, I knew that I had to come from my heart and my spirit and my soul. I had to use my stories in each one of these ebooks that I'm writing because I've been through it. You understand what I'm saying? And so know that whatever that you get from me and know that whatever that you're getting from Dr. Will and anyone else that we bring on this stage to this front is that they have been through it. And so they're not giving you anything that is just learned from a book. They're giving you from experience as well. When I tell you, we got y'all this month, we got y'all this month. So if any moment of time right now that you guys are hearing from the healing from a betrayal from infidelity from from just anything. And I don't know why infidelity is just from my America. I think I had been through it. I'm still there. You know, and even with self love, just even with yourself. That's the biggest thing. And that's what we want to get to first. First you have to and you have to get there. Yeah, he'll this first he'll you first whoever you are, Tom, Joe, Mary, Sue, Gwen, Geronda, Sherry, Shaquita, whoever you are listening. You know what I'm saying? This this this podcast is for you. It is for you. So now we're opening up our Facebook group. We have a Facebook group that's going on. And actually right now I got a 30 day challenge that's going on. It's called hurt to hope. It's a 30 day challenge really beyond the betrayal where every day is something different started on September 1st that very first day it was writing a letter to yourself about the betrayal. So Dr. Will said a little bit about about writing to yourself or speaking to yourself about things. So within that letter that you write to yourself, you know, and if you just start today, if you just start today, write it. Don't hold back, be real raw and uncut with yourself. And then when you finish with it, when you finish with it, I'm gonna say this, take it and hold it to your heart and say I forgive you. Say this because you didn't know no better in that betrayal. And I guarantee you that other person don't know no damn better. And that's just the honest to God. I'm not giving nobody excuses, but I'm just saying. I'm just saying. It's amazing when you realize you're human. Yeah, yeah. And then I got an ebook. Yes, I got an ebook. And it's a book. It's a book. It's a book. It's 55 pages. Look, it's 55 pages. Not only of my experience and my testimony, resources and all of that other stuff, but there is works she's sitting in workbook. These are things that I've been doing throughout the years, not understanding why I was doing it. If I can tell you how many little papers and things that I got, no books that have written in, like, you know, and just going in. When I tell you God, we working on me and that I not even know. Yeah. Yeah. See, that could be a month, right? You could read that book in one month, five pages a day. Yeah. Literally, it could be that could be a month, a month, your month book right there. Yeah. 55 pages. And guess what? Starting next week, we'll have a Patreon page. Ooh. Yeah. Okay. I'm great. Nice. Yeah. See that three months that I took off, I was doing something. Right. Right. I was like, see, I was just sad. See, I was just sitting sad. You actually doing something. I'm mad. Love it. No, seriously, like, man, when I tell you, when I look at my girls, when I look at my family, when I look at my baby, when I look, I just say, you know, it's time for us to truly do our work. Really. And I think we sit a lot and we we go through the motions of life. You know what I mean? We just go through the motions of life and we just sit there and just watch it go by. And not knowing that any time it's time to jump in. And I know people saying, I ain't really much. You always been jumping in, not all the way. Not all the way. And I can be very honest. Now, I'll just probably just put my foot in and my hand in like this. So, I'm like, I'm holding up to the building like this. Now, I have jumped all the way in. It's just full steam. Okay. Full steam. Full steam. I have jumped all the way. And what I have learned too is I've learned to not listen to those around me. When they say, girl, you're doing too much. Oh, how you do it? You ain't doing enough. You know, and it's so funny. Right. I had a conversation with my mom was it yesterday morning. I went after I gave her her lion's manatee and her breakfast. You know, we sitting out, I was talking to her and I was telling her that I had quite a few interviews to do this week. And but I was so excited because I remember one of the interviews that I had was just, oh, it was just just gave me light. But I knew that all of this work was supposed to happen. And it felt so good. Even though I'm in my studio in my home, I felt like I was in another room, another room that I was supposed to be in. Another room that I was not the smartest person or I was the one that not have connection. I always prayed to be in the room that I wasn't the one that was the smartest person. Right. And I always wanted to be in that room where I can sit and I can learn from those that's, you know, that's in that room. Yeah. And I learned and I've been learning. And that's been the most amazing. I do very well on my own, but I can do so much greater when I have other people with me. That's why when you and I conversate and we sit in this room to get to power. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Good powerhouse. Yeah. And I and I love to be in in those things, not the one. Do I love giving advice? Hell yeah, I guess I do. But I also say that I do love being in a room where I can speak everything I know because I go to rooms where I'm like, Oh, okay. I got to speak two out of five. Okay. So some rooms, I got to be like, okay, I can only speak one out of five. So I enjoyed being able to be like, Oh, there are no numbers in this conversation. I can just go wherever I need to go. You know, so I have to filter my language and my intellect a lot. So I appreciate being able to be like, I can just say whatever I need to say. Yeah, no, I love it. I love it. I love that. Yeah, I love it. Cause I'll be like, sometimes I look at rooms, I'm like, no, I'm good. Yeah, I write my beautiful people. Yeah, you know, as we close today's episode, I want, let's reflect on a few affirmations that I want to repeat up to me. I am worthy of truth, trust in love. And the next one, I am resilient. And the last one, I embrace healing and transformation. Hmm. That is all. That is all. Do you have any last words, Dr. Will, before we really close this out? Yeah, be kind to yourself and heal always. There we go. Again, guys, thank you for joining us today. And please share your stories and your feedbacks on my social media or website. Enjoying us tomorrow as we continue our series on healing beyond betrayal and stay strong and remember you are not alone in this journey. Have a good one. Thank you for joining us on this journey of discovering an empowerment here at the Season of Sephala podcast. Remember embracing self-love is a continuous journey and we're so glad to have you with us. So if you enjoy today's episode, please leave us a review and don't forget to join our community on Facebook at Season of Sephala. Connect with a like-minded individuals who are also on their Sephala journey. Now, if you have any questions on topics that you'd like for us to explore, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at Season of Sephala@gmail.com and let your voice be heard. So until next time, take a moment for yourself. Today and remember, you are worthy of love, joy, and all the beautiful things that life has to offer. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. Determine a competitive rent price, market the property, schedule the showing screen tenants, drop the lease at rent collection, handle maintenance requests, maintain communication. Whew! Sound complicated? Renters' warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Qualify tenants? Check. Rent collection? Check. Maintenance coordination? You got it. Go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-944. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runners' warehouse. We wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So, whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true workware to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their workware isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workware20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickey's a trusted name for over a century.