Hypnosis By Design Podcast
Breaking Free From People-Pleasing Tendencies: Two Manifestors Share Their Journey Ep#011
All right, welcome back, reality designers, Denny Van here, today we're going to be navigating with Anne-Marie Strelle, hey, welcome, darling, how are you today? Thank you. I'm very happy and I'm very happy to be here as well, especially, you know, we're doing cross the world podcasting right here, and I love that. Yes, Germany and Chicago, well, we're in Germany, are you? I'm in a South. In a city called Ina, where I was saying South, because I came from the South yesterday, but now I'm in Germany, right in the middle of the country. There you go. I guess Chicago is kind of right in the middle of the country, too, almost kind of sorta. They call it the Mid-America for a reason, but it's also the Windy City, so Anne-Marie, you're talking to reality designers and reality designers love to create their reality. And your story is very intriguing, because so many of us can relate, but the first thing I want to ask you is, what is your human design? I'm a manifesto, I'm for Six Planet, so I've, yeah, realized that, I guess, like two years ago, somebody, a projector brought me on to, she's like, "Oh, here, check your design." And I was like, "Got it, I forgot what it was, I didn't get interested in it." And then last year, for some reason, I looked into it and then just had my mind blown in baby steps. Like, every time I dug into it more, it was like, "How do you read me so well?" And I realized all of the things that I knew as a child, when you were seeking for validation, like, "Is this normal? Like, the way that I think? Like, the way I can hear my intuition, the way I can see things, and these, like, all of these things." And people are like, "No, you know, and it doesn't help that I also have ADHD." And I was late diagnosed, like, two years ago, at the nice age of 35. And so I now have a lot to unravel and a lot to unlearn and, you know, a lot of reckonings as well, because when you look at it in retrospect, so many things make sense. And just, you know, embracing the validity of it all and just coming back to your roots in your sense of self or even finding that has been a big theme of mind for the past 10 years. And so, yeah, I love being here in just mindful spaces where people are actually realizing they can shape their life in a way that they want through whatever media you want. You know, there's all these different disciplines and ideas and ideologies out there, but it's ultimately whatever makes you feel happy, right? Without causing distress to other people. But yeah, I love that. It's interesting. Powerful. Yes. It is powerful. And I'm a manifestor too, and I'm a 5'1". So we're drawn together, but it's interesting that you talk about how as a child, it's like all starting to make sense, okay, that's why this happened. And fear of other people's projections onto us is pretty real, right? So you talk about a little bit, and this is where I can totally relate because I'm the second oldest of eight kids. And so people pleasing was very well ingrained in me. It was definitely conditioned in my programming. So you talk about people pleasing. Tell us more about that. Oh, for sure. Yeah. So people pleasing is what I grew up with for most of my life. It's been very much ingrained. A lot of people still try to get me back on that road, but no can do. It is really, yeah, it's so weird, especially because I reference ADHD and the manifest of when people see you and you just show up, and they instantly dislike you, and you don't know what you did except just breathe and exist. And people, like you said, project a lot of things regardless of what your neurotype is or your human design type, like they just do that all the time, but as a kid, you don't know that. That a lot of people just reflect their own personal lens and view and opinions and stories on to other people, and they might not even see you as a person, just like something to bend at or blame, right? But you don't know that as a kid, it all feels very much insular in the way, feels that you are responsible for everybody, you know? And if you're especially being raised, it's like the big sister, like the person who also helps out and looks after everybody and like tries to keep the peace and responsible for people's emotions, which, you know, you're not responsible for other people's emotions. So lesson to learn sometimes, right? I still have to remind myself because it's still a trigger sometimes, you know, because it feels like I want to fix everybody. I was just like, I know what it feels like to feel like lonely and misunderstood and to be repressed, right? And so I don't want it for anybody, but sometimes, because I used to be in this very victim much of good, right, I was like finding validation in that to be, bow with me, pity me, you know, you bond with other people who are that, or you just find a drama and you find some validation in that. And as soon as you don't play the victim anymore, those friends are gone. Oh, yeah. They are. And then suddenly it feels even worse because, you know, all by yourself and really making peace with that actually being good, because they did not not give you the peace at all. It's actually good that you separated ways, even if the friendship was really valuable at that moment. Sometimes it is seasonal. Sometimes it's really a lesson you needed to learn. Sometimes you need to learn multiple times. And yeah, I just, I did, I had. But yeah, ultimately everything has a reason and sometimes really you can't do anything. Even, you know, like I said, I wanted to fix a lot of people and as a manifesto, which I didn't know I was in like the power that I have, you know, we impact people just by existing, just by stepping to room, people will look at me and I was like, Oh, I don't want the attention. Okay. Thank you. But I also didn't see people, like because I have the right cross of penetration. So like I see free people like you can't fool me because I'm really good at masking. I really good. I'm telling myself stories. I've done it all. Nobody. It makes sense that you're a photographer the way you are told. Yeah. I read people and for me the photography came in like even as a kid because people didn't understand me. They didn't understand my brain. I didn't understand what I was seeing because I'm visual. Like you tell me a story. My brain plays a movie. I will see and that's why I don't like gory details because I see them. I don't want to see that thing, you know, and I felt like I don't know what you mean. You don't understand me because my brain is very different to what people would have expected saying these things, you know, again, most people. Tell us more differently. I want to back up a little bit. Tell us more about this right angle cross. What is it? And what does it mean to you? I haven't really dug into it too much because like I said, I do it in baby steps because it's very overwhelming. But what? That's important. Yes. Yeah. And I don't want to, you know, scare myself away or then just, you know, dig myself into this rabbit hole where I'm just making this one thing now my identity without seeing the bigger picture because I've always been big on a bigger picture. I'm not like, I like details, but either I have my saturation point and then I need to jump off or if I missed that, I will not get out and I know I'm digging. I'm digging. It doesn't make any sense. So like I'm, I'm always the extremes, right? And so like I have to be very, you know, I'm splenic. It's really hard for me sometimes to just actually act on it because it's so quiet and it will shut up. So as it's being shut up and then I'm like, Oh my God, I forgot the message. What was it again? And it's just quiet. Right. Um, so like the right interest is from what I understand, again, I'm not an expert, but it's really penetrating for people like doubling down on this manifesto vibe where you just affect people in some way, like people feel your presence, but I also see through them. So like if they put out an act, if they're like, you know, pretending to be like really nice person and they just have like an agenda. I will know my spoonful be like, it is never been wrong as far as I know. Like it has warmed me off like very dodgy people where everybody was like, give them a chance. Don't be like, like that. You know, I can see in your face because I don't have a poker face. I can see it on like, um, they didn't do anything. I'm like, I don't want them to do anything. That's exactly why I don't trust them. Cause I know they work. They're real. They think what they're going to do, like I don't want to know what they're going to do. It's just like, why do you argue with me? Like, you know, I'm not like, in play, but I'm just like, you don't, why do you make me first, uh, force me to hang out with them? And so like I can see through people, but, um, also, you know, even if they're not like evil or whatever and that extreme, because we also tell ourselves a story and people, for instance, tell me a lot that they're boring, you know, like, I mean, people, I'm like relentlessly curious. And if, if somehow I'm like drawn to you, like, I'm that person who was like at a party and cause I'm a four six, like I will just merge into the wall. I want to be in my little small circle. I want to like snatch a person and I'm just like, I'm waiting, I'm waiting. Oh yeah, that person. I'm going to be friends with that person. I know. I don't know why, but I'm just going to be lying over there, start in the middle of the conversation and now we're best friends. And then I'm just like, drag them over to the other room. We're going to sit in the couch. We have a one on one, you know, that's like what I do. I like to be very selective to really, I don't know, honor myself more, but also find the other person because then they can show who they are. Like, I can hold space for them and they can share their story. And I'm really good at helping them actually talk. And I don't know what it is. A lot of people actually told me that I'm really good at like getting people to talk and like feel comfortable and even so, again, with me not knowing I was a manifesto when I was traveling especially, the most random people would just come be lying to me. I was sitting on a park branch eating cookies and this woman came just at me and she said next to me and she told me her life story, I'm like, man, I'm eating the cookie. And it was not a nice life story, it was horrible and tragic and boring. Yeah. That happens to me all the time. I call it projectile vomit and there's nothing you can do about it. So I just, you know, send them blessings and then I have to learn when to exit. You know, you're there and you're a four six in my husband's a four six too. So the four being that I'm also not an expert in human design, but I am an expert in hypnosis. But as I'm learning about my human design since 2016 and learning about the people around us and now applying it to business, it's been such a fascinating journey. But my husband being a four six, he's like you, he's able to see, look at the top and look at the bottom and see what's happening and then go down and he's the networker. So being the right angle cross of being able to see through, I love how, tell us a little bit about your photography, okay, because I love how it really aligns with your photography. And we talked a little bit about how people are repelled by a manifestor's energy. I'm trying, I've adjusted my mindset and seeing that as a blessing and learning that it has nothing to do with me and people who might come up to me and say, you're intimidating. I've had this happen so many times. I'm just being lunch or having a conversation with somebody and somebody would just come up and say, you're intimidating and I would take it so person like what did I do for you? You know, you know, I mean, it's got to be me, right? Why would I need to know this, but it's how they're, they're reacting. And so I just quietly say in my own mind by informing, but informing without speaking the words, I'm not intimidating. You're intimidated. And so as soon as I adjust that, it's almost like they're pewing out of my energy. Good. But that's exactly the purpose. That's the point. That's like what I realized because like all my life, I've had these people and then with the people pleasing trying to like, what can I do to make you like me? What did I do? Like, and then they, they will never like you, but they might have started to learn. Right. And I still remember like when I was in primary school, like the first day of second grade a new student came in and I was like, Oh, I don't want you to feel lonely. I know what it feels like. Blah. So I went to her be like, they want to be friends. And she looked me up and I was just like, okay. And then as we were walking, she came up with a list. She's like, if you want to be my friend, here's what you need to do for me. I'm like, what? Excuse me. Oh, you don't tell them, manifest or what to do. I was so like even, even at that point, exactly, even at that point, when I was like, I just wanted her to be happy, like, I felt like so horrible, but I was also like, no, absolutely not. I didn't know where that came from, but I was like, hell to the no, but yeah, your photography now. Yeah. My photography. Oh, yeah. The segways to ADHD techways. And what I realized with the penetration of being able to see people and being able to visualize things is that when people tell me about themselves or like show themselves, I'm really able to capture that, capture their essence and reflect it back in a photo or in a video because one of the hardest things for anybody is really to have this kind of distance to ourselves. We look in the mirror. We only see a fraction of ourselves and we only ever see possibly like more still images. That's why usually selfies look a little bit off because you're trying to capture this one moment where you're not shaking, but you're too close, literally too close to the camera you're distorted. And so when people see you, they usually see you in action when you're laughing and smiling, you're talking. And that's what they love, your energy, especially when your passion comes across, you light up and they, you don't know what that is like until somebody maybe films you or photographs you. And if they know what they're doing, they can actually make it look really good if they don't know what they're doing, it can make you feel more awkward and insecure. And what I realized would frustrate at me when I'm doing like in-person photography is that I would have these fun photo shoots. We had great time, the photos turned out great, I'm really proud, I show them to them. And then they just sewn in on their perceived flaws like, oh my nose is so big, I don't like my ears. And I'm like, what do you mean? What do you want me to do? Like I put my heart in soliders, you're gorgeous, I don't know what you're seeing and I can't make people take the compliment, right? Like you can't force your manifest, like to initiate people, like initiate being beautiful, say, a flock yourself like here. And so I realized that somebody introduced me to virtual photography. And most people have never heard of it. I hadn't. And so I instantly was like, let's my new thing now, I'm going to identity thank you. And I started doing it so much that I realized more and more I do it, how much you can actually also support all of that. What is called again virtual photography, which means basically you and I could do a photo shoot right now. We're on different kinds of things. So we don't have to be in the same room. You can do photography like on zoom. Yeah, like that. But only it's your phone camera that I can tap into with an app. So we're connected that way. And I use the back camera so you don't see what's going on. You only hear my voice. My voice is going to tell weird stories to keep you entertained because I want people to be in their body, not in their head because that's what happens when you go to a photographer. You're like, how do I look? How does this post look? I feel awkward. Like this feels, you know, you're just in your head and I need to do not be in your head. And you see somebody with a camera, you're like, Oh, no, fancy sharing equipment. Don't mess this up, right? And so virtual photography, you're just in your comfort zone, like you can be in your garden on your couch in your home, like even when you go on a trip, like this is a beautiful hotel room. I want a photo session with somebody who knows what they're doing, maybe not my husband. I don't know. And so we can connect and then you have this wild experience where there's just this floating voice in the air telling you things and you just have to trust the process. And because it is so silly and I'm very silly, you have this weird inner child experience where you just unleash it and I will like tell a story and you embody it like, Oh, you're a princess now and you're like in the twirly gown. Is it like silvery? Is it sparkly? Is it like, what is it? You're like, I don't know, like pink and like, Oh, that's great. But there's a dragon coming up. What do you do now? I don't know. Cuddle it. You're like, that's awesome. The dragon turns into a cat and you're like, Oh my God. And so I make people pose without telling them to pose. And this way they don't even know that I'm taking the Brazilian photos, like usually 300 an hour. And so they have all of these red. Yes. I take a lot also because of the delay. I want to make sure I actually get really good ones. And yeah, so they have this fun exercise and what I also do on top of all of it. So we can just do a regular photo session for branding for headshots for family photos. But I have this thing where I like to go on Photoshop and I edited it into a portrait that is very artistic. So I would stick up like all of the old artists, you know, classical portraits, whatnot. And I just splice it all together and put you in like gown in a crown and suddenly you're in a field of orchids and you're a fairy or maybe you're in a fairy queen with wings. Maybe you're like a badass villain with a cat. And I just try to emulate what I felt about the person, what their vibe is. You know, like some people can read orchids. I can feel the vibe and I just let it through for me. I don't know what I'm doing technically, like my creativity is just there. And I'm just like, see what works. And I'm like, yeah, this feels like the person and look at him like, that's an art piece. Okay. And I show them to the women in front of my camera, right? And they are just shocked in a good way. And that way they cannot zone in on their flaws, but they for the first time really see. This is me, like I'm really that badass, like I'm really that awesome. I'm like, yes, do you get it now? Do you get what you feel like to other people? So like that is a way I used this penetration cross. I want one. I want one. I want one. Oh my gosh. I want one. Yeah, fine, it is fun. We can do it. Absolutely. And my favorite way to do it is just a white wall and a bad sheet, which is so awkward, you know? Or like, I mean, if you have a gown, that's great, but it's like a canvas for me, you know? And so it's really your surprise. You don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what's going to happen. It's completely intuitive to spleen. Yeah. Very cool. So you have a freebie that we're going to be linking in the description. Tell us about this freebie. So basically because most people have never heard of virtual photography and then they usually kind of intrigued about it, but like most people are like, yeah, I like things and then I just move on with my day. I just wanted to show people actually what it is, what it can do to help them understand it because it's sometimes hard to wrap your head around it. And until you do it, then you're just like, oh, it's like zoom, I don't know what it is, but there's just something that needs to click. And so I made this guide to help you figure it out because you can do these apps, you can download them for free. Maybe you know, do a photo session with your best friend who lives across the state. I don't know. And then you just try it out and there's some tips in there about, you know, how to look better, like what to look out for because it is different than having a DSLR photo, just more creative limitations, but for me, that's sometimes really helps me push my creativity up a notch. I love that you call them creative limitations because you can get creative with limitations. Yeah. I learned, especially when I was traveling like eight years full time, that always something goes wrong. That's just my number one rule. You take photos or videos, something will go wrong. And until it does, I'm just like, what is it gonna, I mean, is it gonna happen? Okay, now I can't breathe. Like now I have this block, okay, what do I do with it? Like you can't make people disappear when they're in your space or the sun doesn't come out. Like, what do you do now? You can moan about it or you can just like, okay, I can work with this. What do I need to do now? Right? And, you know, we all have creative limitations when we take selfies of sorts, which is why people are like, I don't look good. I'm like, yes, of course you don't look good because the technicalities, not because of you, you're beautiful. But I don't know how to, you know, tell you that sometimes little tweaks make the biggest impact. And so I put together like a little guy to make it a little bit more accessible. Yeah, they're putting their total worth in the value of the picture. Right. And it's just a snapshot and it's not even necessarily a good one because, you know, you can only do so much by yourself. Even I do self portraits all the time with my professional camera and like with my scent and my knowledge, but even that is super frustrating to me. And I only do it because I get like the weirdest ideas at like 11 p.m. Can't pull out a model out of my pocket. So I have to do it myself, you know, like the other day I got this idea bubble wrap and goldfish and it wouldn't leave me alone. I was like, Kenya, I want to go sleep. It's like bubble wrap and goldfish in my brain. I'm like, oh my God, okay, I'm going to do it. And then I just did this photo shoot and then I didn't know what the heck I was doing. I just like covered myself on bubble wrap and then I was just pretending as if I was looking around in an aquarium, then I photoshopped it. And I was like, now it makes sense. It doesn't make logical sense. It's just really fun to look at. Can you send me a copy of that? I will send it to you. Yeah, it just looks like I'm an astronaut, but not in space, but in the ocean. But I'm like a trash mermaid because I'm dressed in like bubble wrap bubble wrap. Yeah, it's pretty though. It's pretty. I don't know what to like interpret it, but you know, sometimes you have to follow the freak to get the creative flow. And if you keep ignoring it, and that's also a really important lesson. I want people to remember everybody is creative, you are creative, whatever that may mean. Everybody's creative in different ways. And we're as adults, we tend to be more boring to fit in. And I want to smash that, you know, that's my mission in the world. My business needs to be fun and playful. You need to attract the right kind of people. If they do not see you, how will they find you? And everybody looks the same on LinkedIn, you know, so be you. You naturally send out. But sometimes you need to do another person to show you what that even means. And the queen. And the queen. Yeah. You are the queen. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Show me. Show everybody. You deserve it. And then like to circle back to what you said with the repelling, you want to repel people. It is really good when you do that because then they can't waste your time. Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay with being the bitch sometimes. Yeah. And you can control them. No, thank you with a smile. Right. And just being a woman usually also labels you much quicker. So you know, no, you don't want the people who label you that. So then they actually say who they are. You don't need somebody with a cross-affrontation to see that they're an a-hole. So they can be like, go. You know. You want them. People find you. I like our most channels everywhere. If you find my name, you should find me. I'm very unique that way. My favorite place currently to hang out is LinkedIn and TikTok. But you know, if you want me to find me on Instagram or Facebook or YouTube, find my name. I'm sure the links will also be down below. So yeah. And if you just want to connect and talk to me, I'm always open for networking. Like I have a little calendly link for chatting, you know. Very cool. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. And reality designers. I want to hear from you. I want to know what you loved. And I want to know what you would love more of. And in the meantime, keep being amazing. Definitely. Bye. Bye! [BLANK_AUDIO]