The Useless Hotline
Chloe Burrows Addresses Dating Rumours, Problem With INSIDE and Secrets of Reality TV
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Welcome to The Useless Hotline hosted by Max Balegde and George Clarke. A place to send your queries and dilemmas no matter how big, small, weird, or embarrassing. We can’t guarantee good advice or that you will leave a changed person, but we can guarantee that this is a useless hotline.
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- Broadcast on:
- 27 Aug 2024
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- other
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So give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speeds lower above 40 gigabyte CD tail. Hello, my name is Max Bullock and I'm George Clark and welcome to the useless hotline. TikTok wasn't working out for us. We decided to set up our own little business. We did indeed and the useless hotline is a place where we help you with your queries, no matter how weird discussing or embarrassing they are. But, or if you are Spanish, Pero, it won't always just be us. Perhaps this week, that may actually be the truth. Because you might have a guest, but actually, who knows? Chloe Burroughs is in the studio. I mean the office today, but before we get into that, George, I saw a bit like that. Before we get into that, as anything exciting happened in your life, I'm great because I went to go and see Taylor Swift for the third time. I went to go and see it for the third time and it was so good. It was the best, it just gets better and better and better and better, so great. Chris went last night. Did he? Again, big time. See, it's the sort of show that you can go multiple times to. Not only that, Harry and Theo went as well. And I know exactly who they are. And I'm so happy for them. And I love Theo and Harry. Who was the big fat... Your mom? Sorry, no. I needed. She does at least 20,000 steps a day, so... I was going to say, actually quite a skinny legend. Not that we should judge people by the body type, but you won as well, but... Of course, I used to say that. Shut up. I can say, who was the surprise person? Florence on the machine. It's Chloe Burroughs. No, ignore it. Florence on the machine. Florence Welsh. Oh, I love Florence on the machine. You must know Florence on the machine. Oh yeah, from such hits as... Dog day, dog day, he's a rover. I don't want to get copyright stricken. Sorry, that was too good. Sticking. Nice. Anyway, I've actually just received an email. Right. That our lovely employee for the day has just arrived. Whoo! Right, I'll send a message to our secretary. I'll drink to that. And, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, she's here. Everybody, Chloe Burroughs! [APPLAUSE] Hey guys! [APPLAUSE] What a dude, baby! Yeah. Chloe, it is such a pleasure to have you back here. That's a joy that you're having me. By that, I mean, George is currently pleasuring himself under the table. Like we went day nap before. Yeah. Oh, George, I missed you. My boyfriend. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah, right. Well, I'll just leave that. I'll just leave that. Oh, oh. Let's get one thing straight. That's-- that's my ruler. Pick that up. [LAUGHS] It's so shit. Oh my gosh. Don't worry about it. How was life, Chloe? Since we last saw you at the useless hotline-- Yeah. --the last time. --there's so much has changed. What do you mean? [LAUGHTER] George is calmer this time. George is like, I don't really remember that bit. That was nice when we attacked. Oh my god, it's time. Yeah, let's be doing that again, sure. That was-- that was fun. Yeah, so Chloe, if you remember, you were one of the most iconic moments for the useless hotline podcast. Because you helped me to prank George. We should have done it today. We actually showed off. We should have. That was a missed opportunity. Yeah, sure. We'll lay in the groundwork there. Oh, we haven't thought of a prank today. [LAUGHTER] He happens. What? Were you two going to try and prank me? Oh. Oh. I just didn't actually episode of the useless hotline. [LAUGHTER] Welcome to prank patrol. [LAUGHTER] How was life being Chloe? Yeah, life's good. Life's sweet. No. What do you mean? I was doing a little-- You're doing a bit late over there. Just ignore him. I was hoping you'd shit yourself. [LAUGHTER] I was like-- I was a vegetarian too, sorry. Sorry. Yeah, life's good. Life's busy. What have I been doing? Yeah, that was our question. Well, when you were here last time, you were just filmed. You were alluded to film in a TV show. And I believe it was the one where you were in the dark. Oh my god, yes. That was a long time ago. That was a long time ago. Oh, no. That was intense. Um, fuck you, Chris Youbank. I'm joking. [LAUGHTER] She was on the show where you had to live in pure darkness. Was it a week? Yeah, yeah, it was a week. And Chris Youbank, you had that con argument with him, didn't you? So many arguments. Well, he's a bit weird, didn't he? He's the boxer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the argument about? We just had very different ways of life, views of life, men and women, different views, to be honest. Yeah. We didn't really get along. I thought that I didn't carry myself well enough. My parents to be proud of me. Oh my god. That'd be right. No, I'm joking. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. God, that was so long ago. That is so long ago. Wow, fuck up, I like that. How many flies? How many TV shows have you done since then? You've done so many different things. You did celebs today, too. I did celebs. That new season's out, isn't it? Oh, yes, it is right now, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Would you ever do like a celebs goal date in television? Well, you can't, because you're in a relationship. Oh, no, of course. Oh, yeah, sorry. We have to keep that on the down bar. But if I wasn't, no, anyway, because I'd been longing to be in a relationship. Oh. What do you do any shows, Matt? Oh, you sound good. I think-- I mean, I'd break up with Andrew just to go on a celebs goal date and easily. No, it might not. I think you'd get it. Stop like that. When people go on a show like celebs goal dating, is your mindset like, oh my god, I'm actually going to find love? Or is it like, this is a job, but I'm going to have a good time? Yeah, come on. And I don't know. Anyone who does think that, you're just there for a good time. And also, what I will say is, there's no matchmaker. They find people who want to be on TV and pass the psych and whatever checks, and then put them in front of you. It's not thinking, Chloe's going to fancy her. Nice, bro, because they've got the whole sort of love cupid-y people in the world. Yeah, they're legit. Those sessions are quite intense. They do not seem legit. There you are. Oh my gosh, that poll. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at you straight away and it reads you like a book. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, he knows-- What did he say about you? Remember, I was going to say-- He said, big tits. Yeah, big brains and a big heart. Yeah. How did he know? He's a magician. This man is a psychic, and you're there, like-- Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Oh, god. What did he say to me? He asked me-- he was like, oh, have you ever had a really bad relationship? I was like, yeah. Yeah. And he was like, no, I can tell did this happen? Did this happen? I was like, oh, my god. Maybe you could have found it on Google. I don't know. But I've been spoken about it before now. We're going Wikipedia pages. Do you guys get those things on TikTok, where it's like, don't skip this? Oh, yeah. This is what's going to happen to you. Oh, I was going to have-- I believe them. No, it's such bullshit. Guys, they've got like 300,000 likes. What's happened to all, like, millions of people that have seen it. Don't skip this. It's just for you. No hashtag. I love that shit. Oh, my god. Anyone can see my saved videos. I'll be in Paris. Mine always are like, I have the feeling that you are trying to manifest money right now. And I'm like, oh, my god, I am. I am. Yeah. Like, money is coming your way. And I was like, oh, sick. I will say, like, they are quite true sometimes. I mean, I guess so. Every now and then. [LAUGHTER] I broke the clocks right twice a day. Who-- Chloe, help me out here. Who do you think would be a good match for George? Like, a good girl for George? Mm. It doesn't exist, right? [LAUGHTER] No, I'm thinking. What? You're kind of like in the YouTubie. Yeah, he loves the YouTubie. Yeah. Well, about Bambino Becky. I'll just-- Actually, she's got a boyfriend. Bambino Becky. Yeah, no. OK, not her. I think she's got a boyfriend. Elle Brooke. We had her on the podcast. And I think George-- And my lap. [LAUGHTER] I think George sweat so much during that episode that he could, like-- He could nourish a whole village of people with that liquid. Ew. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. That's a nice thought. I like this section of the podcast. This is written down for me, isn't it? [LAUGHTER] Who would you put in there? I always say-- This isn't time for me. [LAUGHTER] I always say, I truly have no idea what George is, like, type is-- I can't imagine what it's type is. On paper, I would think that George would, like, like, a more, like, natural, like, homebody, like, teensy. So, like, clean girl aesthetic. And then I just, like, will have, like, a conversation. And sometimes it is that. And then sometimes it's, like, soul, the opposite way. I don't know. It's just, I have no idea. What do you tell us, George? What is your type? Because love is blind, doesn't it? Oh, wow. And thanks for the sponsor of this episode. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Oh, god. Great times, great times. I've actually started watching that recently. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. Oh, don't go. Where have you guys got up to? It was finished. Finished it. Well, I'm up to the episode. I love it. I was supposed to be at the reunion with Andrew and our car broke down on the weather. Oh, no. It was a bit of a devastating. That's not good. We met on the show. [LAUGHTER] Do you think that you would actually be able-- because I watch it, and I'm like, first of all, how long are they doing that dating for? Three weeks. Yeah. Three weeks in the pod. Yeah. Three weeks in the pod. Wow. And they do, like, four or five days on their honeymoon. Oh, my god. But what I-- no. It's a legend. I don't know if I can say this. Yeah. When they leave the pods, obviously, they have so much time apart. Like, you think they're just on this honeymoon abroad. They're kept away until they're filming. I think that's really common in Netflix shows. They're in too hot to handle. So if a boy's getting where they go, they keep them quite separate until they have their chat. Like, they're not actually-- you know, love island. We're just together with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was all love island moms. [LAUGHTER] Hi, guys. Have you heard of the show? Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Wait, you were on the-- no! [LAUGHTER] Wait, what-- [INTERPOSING VOICES] [INTERPOSING VOICES] [LAUGHTER] But I think they keep them quite separate. So on "Love Is Blind," I think they kept quite separate. I think-- Well, you can't even see them. [INTERPOSING VOICES] I think they do that because of, obviously, with "Love Island," there's cameras everywhere. Yeah. So you'd be in film 24 hours a day, whereas if they're not being filmed 24 hours, I would-- I like that. [LAUGHTER] They would probably want to, like, capture every moment that they can. Yeah, I think it might. So it makes sense, but then it would be a bit misjointed. I don't know. Oh, Peter. I would reckon you'd fare on it. 'Cause I'd like to think I'm not a shallow person, but I feel like if-- I'd struggle-- If the door's opened an old way. Oh, my God, I literally wouldn't have-- I'd struggle. Probably about 10 million times. Yeah, but if you saw them and they weren't what you wanted and you were so in love with them, I think for me it would be-- Like, say that was true. [LAUGHTER] Can I have a, like-- Yes. And you're five. I was five. Do you even-- No, first of all-- That would be a thing if that would be true. The judgment that I felt in me atone there said everything I needed to know. Second of all, I've literally gone to town on her vaginal organs before, haven't I-- Yeah, at least more than you. Yeah, at least-- At least more than me. [LAUGHTER] And that is an official number more than you. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, I don't know. I just could not. Again, I like to think I'm not shallow, but-- But it does matter. No, I-- It's a thing. I'm not shallow, but I stay fucking out. But I don't fancy you with fuck. [LAUGHTER] But also, I think there's like a base level of attractiveness that they put on love is blind. Definitely. What are you gonna say? 'Cause they never put like a full monitor. No, you-- No groters are there. [LAUGHTER] No, I would-- I would struggle. Love isn't that blind. [LAUGHTER] Oh, God. [LAUGHTER] He is a naive builder, Georgie. Bless them. Bless them. [LAUGHTER] In terms of, like, after obviously-- I remember you said to me once that people who have been on Love Island always end up dating other people from Love Island. Mm. Why do you think that is? Is that like-- do you think that that will happen with like, love is blind people or like too hot to handle people? 'Cause you thought-- I think it does happen. That's shared experience. In America, I think the whole Netflix collective, they're all quite sleeping on each other and that. Oh, perfect match. It's like with the other shows and they all go together. Yeah. Love is blind. It's got the Avengers. Right. I saw this clip on TikTok. What? [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Yeah, and obviously the Avengers are in man's, but I don't know. Yeah. Go on. I saw this clip on TikTok that apparently Kath threatened the one who's with Freddie the funeral director. Oh, yes. Anne of Aragon, Henry VIII. Yes. It's also coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's with Sam in real life. Hi. She was like floating with. The thing. Yeah. Oh. I saw a TikTok. Oh, my God. It's not true. It could be. That's wild. Oh. Is it-- who saves the-- who's this guy? Yeah. Who's this guy? The one of them's a Lewis Hamilton impersonator. Oh, my God. I've seen that. Yeah. Ollie. Ollie, the rapper. Oh, my God. That really-- Oh, my God. Gels, that was-- That was the worst thing I've ever seen. That made me so uncomfortable. No, the worst thing I ever-- I feel like-- It's-- Even like a sharp rapper rapping to me would be like, "What are you doing?" If anybody sat me down and rapped to me, we're not speaking again. No. You're dead to me. You are dead. I don't care what you look like when you're blind. You would be like 50 cent up like-- Yeah. What are you doing? Not happening. I reckon-- what if it was like a really good bar? No. Go on, Paul. Yeah, go on. Oh, go on. Go on. Yo, your name's Chloe Burrows. Whenever I see him a brow furrows, it says, "What? That can't be real." A woman like that is a steal. I'm not clapping for that. I'm not clapping for that. I'm not clapping for that. I'm not clapping for that. I'm not clapping for that. I'm not clapping for that. I'm not clapping for that. I'm not clapping for that. 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I'm not clapping for that. I'm not clapping for that. I'm not clapping for that. I'm not clapping for that. I'm going to put my finger on a random one of the things and then we're going to select it. Okay. You can either do a shot or pulse a story to your Instagram right now saying that you are officially off the market. I'll explain what's happening. Right guys Chloe's just going to go and get her phone and we will insert a picture of the story here but I believe she's actually going to do it. For some reason she's gone to the bathroom to take her photo. I don't really know what she's getting up to. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm so excited. Oh my God. Let me see. Let me see. Well not the Daily Mail right now. No I'm not. Guys. Right. Oh my God. This is so excited. You've done it for me. A single gal. Oh my God. She's done it. Round of applause everybody. Round of applause. That will be good for the brand insights though. Yeah. There you go. Oh yeah you're so right. Pops the brand deal after that. Oh my God. I'm so embarrassed. Right. Up next. People are going to think I'm going to insane. No, no, no. So iconic. Up next is George and the random thing is... No you should do it now too. Oh my God. That's quite good. That's quite good. That's quite good. That's good. That's good. That's good. Alright guys. Oh my God. Please. That is so good. Just post a picture of you holding like Chloe's hand. Yeah. And then just post a love arm. No. Not a soft launch. I want people to do some... You're seeing someone who's going to get jealous. Tell us a game. No. No. I want to put some soft friendships behind it. Right. Okay. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Make it obvious in that like maybe we just get like a shoulder and a bit of hair in it or something. That's boring. But you want it to be less obvious or more. Save us out on the sofa. You get my hand in it. Yeah. Yeah. If you hold my hand then post that. If I don't even post anything about just post like, oh not bad to film, no not bad to film. No. Just do that. That's the best side. No, I know. But as in the sort of... You have no experience. I'm a bit slightly in instead of mentioning it. It's just there. Oh. I'm sorry. You're just there. No. No. That's not fun. No, that's less fun. That's less fun because it's obvious it's for the podcast then if you get what I mean. No. It's almost two slides. Yeah. It's like I've literally said I've nothing to let me know. Yeah. Oh my fucking yours is going to be the same. We need people to link the two and two together. So yeah. Right. Right. I'm not going to have a fucking film. Oh man. Actually that's pretty good. That same footballer, but he's like signing a contract and then you could be like officially off the single market as well. I basically like post the same words that she did. That's good. No. I feel like that's good. Yeah but I would say they've got to be really following me and George. That's true. I don't think we have similar audiences. You're calling all of his followers up, is that what you're doing? Wow. Yeah. Follows on. That's for me. I reckon that. I think that's it. I think that's it. I think that's it. I think that's it. I think that's it. Fuck it. Go ahead. Fuck it. No. And then per relationships day is updated. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's so good. What's the guy calling it? I'm embarrassed. I'm changing. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's so good. What's the guy calling it? It should have been quicker. It's a chance. Sorry. Yeah. Per relationships day is updated. That's what it's got to say. It can't say just sign to a new club because you might play football. Who knows? It's put just picked up a new signing. Relationships day to off the market. Yeah. Yeah. Please. That's so good. Watch not only link two and two. You've done that. Well, no, because we should have done it on TikTok. It's picked up. Shit. Me and George. Yeah. People will pick it up and put it on TikTok. Yeah, they will. This is great. Perfect. Hold it down. Hold it. Well done, George. Well done. All right. Next one. Next one. All right. Next one. All right. Next one. All right. Next one is. This Halloween, ghoul all out with Instacart. Whether you're hunting for the perfect costume, eyeing that giant bag of candy, or casting spells with eerie decure, we've got it all in one place. Download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Offer valid for a limited time, minimum $10 per order service fees, other fees, and additional terms apply. Instacart, bringing the store to your door. This Halloween for Chloe, how about it? Gold. I have to show this next one. Show was the last person of the opposite sex who you messaged. Nice. Right. Are you doing the show? Are you doing the show? Yeah. Okay. Right. Drum roll, everybody. That was, that was a car. Yeah. You were there, isn't it? That was quite impressive. How you did that, though? Hey. Are you really impressed? I've seen you. I've seen you. Oh, that was great. Well done, Chloe, everybody. Well done, Chloe. Well done, Chloe. Oh, my God. Right. Next one for George. This is fun. Let me DM a person of my choosing from your phone. Yes. Do it. Do it. Do it. Can I hear what your person of your choosing would be before I shot? I don't know who it would be. Okay. Let me think. Let me think. Let me think. Someone that is really gullible is Arthur TV. So that could be good, but I almost want to do someone that's like chaos. I mean, I vote chaos. Yeah. Who should we do? Who can we do? Help me decide, Chloe. That you can think of, how long can you think of any of our life? We'll buy ear bags. What about Ekansu? Can I? That's your mate now, no. My best mate. What? What beef? I don't know what you're talking about. That never happened. What? Ekansu. Can I DM Ekansu? I don't know. Just something like, hey, babe, what you say. I don't know if she'd say it. She'd say it. She's four million dollars. Oh, yeah. True. True. Who is there? Who is there? Somebody, someone from like the Sideman. There's no girls in the Sideman. I don't know. Charlie Amal. Charlie Amal. Oh my god, yeah. Charlie Amal. You'll be. You look good in this pair. Why don't we get someone to like bring him, and you can pretend it's an emergency. It's like we'll bring me clear, because I need your help. Oh, and see if like they do with like Arthur TV. Oh, okay then. Should we do like a prank call instead? Sure. Right, okay then. When you shit yourself, then you bring some trousers. Are you doing something with Arthur TV anytime soon? No, literally just filmed of him though, before. Right. Well, I want you to be like, mate, like I really need your help. I've just heard about this crazy opportunity that's happening. Yeah. Do you know like when he did the whole like... The oil-rigging thing. Yeah, the oil-rigging thing. Yeah, you do that. Like something like that. Like, I don't know what to do, but like who's ever really big. I've just been asked to be in a Mr. Beast video, but I'm like, but I'm like really worried because it's in X location. Oh, I... What can we say? Oh, what's a dangerous... What's a dangerous... What's a dangerous... No, I know. I know. I know. There's opportunity in Mr. Beast, but Mr. Beast... That's just boring at that point. Say, listen, like it's literally off of me like over six figures, but it's a hundred days at sea. Will you do it with me? Yes. Oh, that's quite good. That's quite good. That's quite good. And be like, oh, like the money is... Oh my God, here's like... I just feel like the money's not that good. But, like, but you know, I think that the exposure, I think it'll be a really good opportunity. Yeah. It's 100 days at sea. The 90-day cruise. With a potential to win. With a potential to win £5 million. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That'd be correct. There's more... Yeah. Right. Okay. Okay. Right. So, right. So let's recap. So you're about to prank Arthur TV saying that you've had an opportunity come through to be in a Mr. Beast video where you have to spend a hundred days at sea. And if you survive, then you can win £500,000. Okay. Is that all right? Yeah. And then be like, I think it's shark infested waters. We're not entirely sure what's going on. We have to sign a waiver. Said, I don't even know how to drive a boat. Yeah. Okay. Right. Right. Well, you just feel like you got... I know that you grew up in Jersey. I thought of you because, like, you might know about the ocean. Okay. Oh, yeah. I am ringing in. Right. He's calling in there. (phone rings) - Mm-hmm. (phone rings) (phone rings) - Are you back? - Oh, damn. (phone rings) (laughs) (phone rings) - Is he an arm surgeon, do you think? - Who else will come down, sir? - Maybe try it off the hill. - He'll ring back at some point, I think. - Oh, right, okay, then. We'll come back to him, we'll come back to him. We'll come back to him. - Hark that little prank key. - Right, okay, well, well done then. - Just do it. - I guess you passed that. - Oh my God, you're doing a shot anyway. - Oh, oh! - Oh, okay. - Right, okay. Last one, and this is for... Chloe Barrows! - Oh, no! - Right. - Okay. - You can either take a shot. - Yeah. - Or let me randomly scroll through your camera roll and land on any picture that I will. - I'll never fuck it now, but... (laughter) - That's... - Can never fuck! (laughter) - Oh my God! No, stop beating. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. (laughter) - Oh my gosh. Three, two, whoa! (applause) - Well done, Chloe, well done. That is a lot. I can't believe you actually just did that. - You know what, I think at this point, Millie's going to kick me out, because what I do is come and piss out my face every day. (laughter) - Oh my gosh, right. - I knew it was a joke. (laughter) - The way it was delivered was sounded a bit bristle of a revelation. - I'm a bit worried. Guys, round of applause. Round of applause. - Thank you, darling. - Made it through. - Did he review? I've been letting someone do that. Give me a camera roll. - I think so. - I don't think I have anything that damaging. - Ooh, that'll be a bit awkward. (laughter) - Wait, now you two have the opportunity to do one for each other. - Oh, no, it's your guy now. - Yeah, so George, you have to come up with one for me. - No, that you come up with one for me. - Oh, okay then, right. So we'll come up with one together for him to do, Chloe. - No, he owes me one. - Yes, so. - No, because I started. So it's uneven. He needs to do another one. - No, that's what we're doing. - That's what I'm saying. You guys come up with one. - What do you mean? - But we decide what it is. - I'm so confused. (laughter) - So you come up with one for me. - Do you know what? The list that I just came right after. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We're basically coming up with one of those for him to do. - Oh my gosh. - She shows us two shots, guys, don't worry. - You're fucking drunk. - No, it's not fair. - You have to have to do one. - Right, can you think of one for him to do then? - Um, were you done Instagram? - Mm-hmm. - Well, you just said the photo album one would be fine. - Oh. - So we could do that. - Oh, okay then. All right then. - I'll double check. - No. - Oh, if it lands on a picture. - No, no, no, put something. Do you have a group chart? Do you have a group chart? - Who? - George. - Can we put something in your group chart? - Oh my God, that's such a good chart. - Which one? - I don't know. - I don't know. - I don't know the funny one. - The one that will reply. - Yeah, what's like your biggest group chart? - Uh, in terms of what? Most people? - Oh, like most popular people, like famous people. - Uh, I've got, there's one of me, both Arthur's and Chris. - Yeah? - That's what I did. - But will Arthur fall for that then? - Oh yeah, he doesn't. - Just cause back. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - There's not really any other one. - Family group chart. - Family group? - Yeah. - Family group chart, can we pretend we finally got a girlfriend and just see what they say? - Yeah. - Oh, just don't look out. - That's so bad. That's so bad. The reaction just said everything then. - Right, let me, oh but can I pretend that she's like significantly older? Or like allude to it and just see what they say. - Yeah, no. - Get every two of her random old woman. (laughing) - Right, wait, let's find one. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay then. - I'm really scared. (laughing) - Just saw a woman fall to her knees in Walmart. We lost another one. Arthur is a lucky man, nice. - What on earth are you talking about? - Sorry. - The responses to mine. - Oh. - All right. - All right. - Is this a hard launch? (laughing) - Can I send a picture of like this woman? - They're just not going to believe that. - They won't believe that. - Do not think in the group chat though, do not think about it. - Okay, if I said it, no, I don't think they'd believe that. - Right, okay then. - Then you're better off doing it without a photo. - Okay then, we're better off doing it without a photo. Let's craft it. So what would you, how would you, how would you intro into your family group chat? - I'm not, I'm not gonna. - Oh, come on, right. Okay then. - Hello all. - Hello all. - Hello all. - Life update from Klarky HQ. I feel like you would say that. No, from. - This is honestly worse. You like trying to be me. - Life updates from, from me. - Oh my God, my phone is really going on. (laughing) - Is it going on? - No, I'm in now. - I think mine makes, I don't think mine makes enough sense without them seeing you all the songs I'm like. - That's what I mean. You should have fucking done your mom. Someone with a girl. - You don't seem too bothered about it. (laughing) - Cause now like it's just going ding, ding, ding. Ah, too many people say it's a joke too. Like I won't get around to telling everyone because I'll forget about it in an hour. - Which is another story. - And then I'll be doing it in a relationship. - Right, I'm right. And George's family group chat message now. So far Chloe, I've got. Hello all. Life update from me. The day has finally come where I have found a girlfriend. Didn't want to tell you all until it was official. It was official. - Where did they meet? - We'd be met. - Didn't want to tell you all until it was official. We met in London. London. And she's a little bit older than me. So we're not entirely sure if we're going to go public but wanted you all to know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. (laughing) - My, my, they could be so happy. - It's a bit older than me. So we're not sure. Not sure if we're going to go public on social media, et cetera. However, wanted you all to know. - Damn. - To know. We'll finally have a date to your wedding. See your sister's wedding. - Oh my God. - Oh my God. Oh my God. - Yes. - Yes. - Right. It looks like I'll have a date to the wedding after all. Oh my God. - I'll just go like your mum's message. - She's going to be so nice. Do you know, do you know what I say? Think about this. You're going to make my mum so happy. - Oh, thank you. I'm glad. - And then, and then going to ruin it. She's like, oh. - Listen, I ruined your mum while. - No. (laughing) - I'm not, I'm not. I've obviously not. - We get a no but he believes that you have. - Right. Okay. This is the final message. Are we ready? Hello all. Life update from me. Dot, dot, dot. The day has finally come where I found myself a girlfriend. Didn't want to tell you all until it was official. We met in London and she's a little bit older than me. So we're not sure if we're going to go public on social media, et cetera. However, wanted you all to know. Looks like I'll have a date to the wedding after all. - Have you sent it? Have you sent it? - No, let me, let me copy and paste it. - Oh my God. That was good message. - I'm so clever. This is wild. - It's just like if you might DMs, there's a group chat that people... - I know how to delete it. I can't, I can't. - What? - The village we had, like... - Oh, well, it still went up. - Once you... - Do you have a screenshot of it? - Six missed calls. - Oh my God. - I've got 36. What's that? - Oh, what did you do? - And then you're just ridiculous. - That's wild. - Do you have, do you have a screenshot of the story? Oh, Fab, perfect. - Fab. Sorry about that. - Well, screenshot mine, I'll take mine off as well. - Because that makes no sense. - Right. - No, no, yours will be staying up. - No, it shall work, actually. - Right, George, I've just... - I sent you the messages. - All right. I'm just gonna... - Right, so shall I do a recap for the podcast? - Yeah. - So that story's gone. - To recap, we are about to send a message to... No, George has to send a message to his family group chat that says, "Hello all, life update from me. "The day has finally come where I've found myself a girlfriend. "Didn't want to tell you until it was official. "We met in London and she's a little bit older. "And she's a little bit older than me. "So we're not sure if we're going to go public on social media, et cetera. "However wanted you all to know, looks like I'll have a date to the wedding "after all, because his sister's getting married." - Oh my god. - Mike, that was brilliant. - He sent it. - He sent it. - He sent it. He just sent it. This is so exciting. Oh my god. - This game is so scary. - Oh my god. - It is. I'm scared. - So good. - My family could be so happy. That's the worst bit. - It's part of your job, though. - Yeah, but I would feel the little bit older and not going public because of that. That makes me, I would then be like, how old are we talking? - When they say how old, London knows we will be replying. - Oh, 42. - Immediately replying. - Oh my god, Geo, is this serious or not? - Oh, just ignore for now. Ignore for now. Wait till the other responses come in. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. - Right. - Moving on. Moving on. Oh my god. - You actually slayed that Chloe. That was a really great one to do. A final one. George, you get to come up with one for Chloe. - I think that's even now, right? She's done. - Oh, is it even? Fair. Right. Well done. - No, now we get to get one for you. - No, don't know what you're talking about. Don't know what you're talking about. Don't know what you're talking about. Right. I'll do one. I'll do one. Okay, ready. I can't shut, though, because I'm driving, but I guess that just means I've got to do whatever it is. Um, right. - What can we attack for you? I think some sort of cancellation route and messaging. - Yeah. Let's get your fucking transport. - I'll just pop. - Yeah, yeah. No, it was not encouraging that. Very way. It would not. Right. Let's have a little think here. - Just do some exciting news and then have one of those little moving, sticky-y things. - Oh, yeah. - Like an emoji of a ring. - Yeah. - Oh, just like a blank picture. - Oh, my God. - I got something really special to it now. - Yeah. And they do like, don't as if like another story is going to do it afterwards. - Yeah. Okay. So I just put big news. - Big news. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Big news coming. - Oh, the people just won't believe this is much now. - Big news, top, top, top. - You just constantly bullshit 24/7. - Big news, top, top, ring emoji. Is that what we're doing? - Yeah. I think that's probably best. - Just like that. - Yeah, but would you be like, eat big news or like? - Maybe like, oh, my God. Like the craziest thing happens today, dot, dot, dot. - Yeah, the craziest thing happened today. - Yeah. - Oh, God. - And then wait. - I feel like it's been a while since people have done pranks on podcast. - Yeah. - I think they kind of died out of it. Bring them back. - Maybe there's a reason. - Love that. - Yeah. But I actually stopped doing them on my podcast. I was just had enough of the anxieties here. What the fuck I'm going to have to do? - Right. Is this approved? The craziest. - Oh, my God. That's good. I get it. Yeah. That was really good. - And then should I follow it up when we fully finished with like a picture of George there with like a ring, or not to show that it was a prank? - Could do, or you could just. - Yeah. - Or should I just leave it? - Leave it for a while. - I'll find that. I'm okay. - Mine was up for 20 minutes. - Oh, right. - And then you're allowed to take it down. - Right. Well done, Max. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Very good. We actually have some dilemmas that people have sent it. - Hopefully. - As you know, this is a very serious working up. - Can I just read the recording? - Oh, yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. - Oh, no. - We've got an update on George's family. - It's not really bad. I'm sorry, George. - Oh, my God. - My sister obviously said is this real? Is this serious or not? And then said, like, is this a prank for TikTok? Then my mum heart reacted to the emoji. To the emoji, to the message. Then Emily said, I hope not, because this has just made my whole year. If so. - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - How last? I hope she realizes how lucky she is to have our wonderful geo in her life. And then, I can't click on the message, obviously. You can't wait to something. - Max, we're literally going to hell. Today. We're going to hell today. - And then she said, lol how I literally asked you this last night. Then my mum said, so, in capital letters, please, for you, Georgie. You must bring her to Bristol to meet the family soon. - I'm so sorry, George's family. I'm so sorry. - Like, what's on that you reply? Like, her name's Sharon, she's 47 years old. - Oh, God, it's getting my soul. - What do you do that, or is that too far? - That's not, that just immediately says that it's not. - Okay, then. - Her name's Claire. - She had the picture of them random old woman. - Yeah, she's close, she's 39. And like, you know, we're taking it slow at the minute, but thank you. Right, we'll leave it for now. We'll let that fester. - Oh my God, I'm so sorry. - George's family. I'm so sorry. - It's made her whole year. That's mental. - Ugh. - No, I don't. - Not cool. We got the air cord back on. - Yeah. - Actually, can we actually put the air cord on? - Oh my God, I've got all four of them. - I warned you guys. - And a prank troll. - That is so iconic. - No, if I said that to my mom, she would be like, yeah, good fucking joke. You'd never believe that, my friend. - That was so brilliant. Oh, gosh. - What a fun little game. - Oh my God. Yeah, my friend's ringing me. Jesus Christ. - Oh my God, because you're engaged. - I'm engaged. (laughing) - I forgot, I'm engaged. (laughing) (laughing) - Oh my God, this is so much fun. - Oh my God. - Oh my God. Oh yeah, so fun. We know yours is delete. It isn't it? - I'm just leaving it. - I've got my whole family thinking. I've got a girlfriend. - You could have done it. - You know, I'm up a short Europa. Oh my God. (laughing) - See you there. (laughing) (clapping) - He just got to go. (laughing) I don't want to switch to stage time in this. Oh my god! No! Stop filming! Stop filming! Oh my god! Oh my god! I'm going to answer it. Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! blame. Oh, sorry. That's it's not my father. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. Love you. Love you. Love you. I'll just break the news to mom. Oh, that was iconic. Love you. Oh, that was so good. Round of applause, George's family. Oh, wow. Right. We've had a dilemma. Oh, no. I've sent it to print. I've sent it to print. Oh, my gosh. That was, that was great. That was fucking good. That was really valuable. Wait. Whilst that dilemma prints out, you went on inside. I did. I think you got asked as well. I saw the clear. Yes. I didn't do it. I literally thought that it looked like hell. Like it looked like such a stressful experience. You know, it was worse. The side men fans after fuck me. Yeah. Yeah. I think he ran me off. I used to run. I used to play on Twitter. I didn't use to run it. But I was in the nail shop. They came up to me. It was just calling me a bit. My nail one, you know, shouts on me. You're a real one. He had to kick him out. It's really bad. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's great. Anyone, if they do a season two, play the fucking game, don't spend a penny. I swear to God. Honestly, that's the main reason why I did not do it because of, I feared for that exact reason. Yeah. I'm so naive to do it. That's why I was in there. And also the way, listen, I'm never ever wanting to blame anyone. I said what I said and I did what I did. However, the fucking idea, what the fuck? They made it because I really loved it. Like, we didn't get a longer in there. And we even went like clubbing afterwards. I thought she was amazing. Like, so sweet, she's doing amazing things. And it made it look like Devancy. Oh, she seems really nice. You and everybody else on the inside. Oh, wow. I'm not fucking done. I'm trying my face again. But they made it look like I was like being really mean to her. And I was like, was it? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I mean, she seems lovely. And I know that you all are lovely as well. They were love Island producers. Really? Yeah. Wow. They were love Island producers that produced the same, the show. Oh, I didn't know that. Wow. Yeah. I did it. However, a fucking one you lot. I've got that episode yet. That's tax. What he was in. Really? Yeah. Yeah. So if we ever go on a show and win money, he's hacked because it's our job. Oh, but if I went on, so I wouldn't get hacked. You wouldn't get hacked. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Yeah, it's a poor thing. Oh, I'd still be going to go down to the comment section and say, Oh, sorry, you are for clothing. No, it's loads of money. Yeah. So you've completely come off Twitter since then. Yeah, run me off to her. Honestly, I don't blame you. But it's all the accounts where it's like a brand of football. Guess what that football doesn't fucking know who you are. I don't even care if you picture. And he never will. Yeah. He hates you now. He's embarrassed. Oh, well, I hope that you're doing okay off the back of that, then. Yeah. That is what that is a wild experience. Right. Do you know what I feel like? The more you do. What's the word? The more resilient you get. No, the more. That's not what I was trying to do. The more stuff you do for an audience, it's not yours. The more you do. The worse the trolin gets. Oh, of course. You know, I'm like, if mine gets worse and worse and worse, it doesn't decrease. It just gets more and more and more. And they think new things to say. I've turned off my DMs. Yeah. People can't message me if they don't follow me. Do you? Does it genuinely impact your mental health, like talking real right now? Because that is a very difficult thing to go through that I don't think people understand. Yeah. I think I've started speaking about it a bit more because I thought, you know, obviously we're in a position of privilege that you can't complain. But for me to say it doesn't actually impact me myself and I would be wrong. I get deaf and I need dials. I saw some TikToks. I was talking about this the other day. It was like, obviously, a lot of the combat for people being like, "Oh, I can't take all the hate and stuff." It's like, "Well, it's your job you kind of have." And it's like, yeah, it's the job. But it's also just human brains aren't wired to have that. Yeah, it's a psychological thing. It's called a negative bias. So you look for threats and you hone in on negative things. Like, it's just actually how we're wired. You know, so 100 nice comments, one main one. That one main one, scientifically, will stick with you and does impact you because it's a threat, isn't it? Like, well, that's the threat. If it has a threat to your psyche, to you as a person, definitely. I come off Twitter. I came off Twitter about two years ago. Yeah. It's a much happier life. Oh, my God. Because Twitter is such a breeding ground for, like, hate and abuse because people can quote tweet things. It's been an hour to run it. And it is just such a toxic place. Like, it really impacted my mental health. Yeah. I was close to quitting absolutely everything. Oh, that's awesome. I know. But like... For good job, you came off it. Yeah. But it does impact you. And it's like, yeah, so... Yeah. Look after yourself. Love you doing it. Stay safe out there, kids. And keep speaking about things because it is important. I do think, like, I... Whenever I do speak about it, I do get... Well, I don't, you know, stay on my story. It's going to be kind, right? Yeah. Because I've said shit about people before, you know, I'm not going to be the ones before. We're not perfect. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But then when I do, like, people get angry, so I'm kind of, like, the game will fucking send me a horrible comment then. But I started replying the horrible back. Like, fire with fire, man. It's fucking going. Do you know someone, I was once on a trip with Shauna Phillips, who was on the violin as well. And she obviously, like, being like a mom and everything, gets the most vile messages, like, ever. And she once told me, she was like, she fully just writes back to some people. Like, explain, like, I hope that you feel good about yourself today. I felt like this. And I was like, fair enough. Yeah. And she says her response is either, usually, they just don't reply. Or they're like, oh my God, sorry, like, yeah, or they've been hacked or something. Like, because it is, like, people feel so comfortable to say things when they feel like there's going to be no repercussions. But they also think that people jump on their bandwagon. Like, everyone's thinking for dopamine, who likes and stuff. You're not just coming for the thing. Like, they want people to agree with it. Yeah. So if there's something really outlandish, you know, have you ever had the very bloody bite in the club for K? Yes. I've never heard of it. I've never heard of it. And then, and my whole TikTok was flooded with it. And I didn't realise my mum realised. And she was like, what does this mean? Like, I said, nice. I was like, no, Bob is over. But every time someone comments something more aggressive and awful, they get more likes. And they're like, God, everyone's so weird online. I think it's, I think it's, in cases like that, it's less like, it's more just them trying to come up with a comment that people will find funny. Yeah. Like, Chloe Burrough's hydraulic press or something. And people go, that's, that's, that's top notch. Fucking good ones. It's so mean. And it's less about like. When you come down to it, I get what you're saying that it's not like, they're actually thinking you deserve death. But it's also like, it's still not a nice sentiment for somebody to wake up in the morning when, like, they might be feeling shit about themselves and then read that. Do you know what I mean? But you know, misery loves company and that's what's fucking going on in there. Of course. You know, they feel, yeah, you have a fucking comment. What's going on on your phone? My mobile. Oh, shit, Chloe! Right. Mr Beast video. Right. Oh, yeah. Hi, you're right, mate. Hey, I've got a mist call from you. Yeah, sorry about that. Are you okay to talk? Yeah. Yeah, I've really, really rogue one as in, like, I fully get either way of your response for this. So, it's odd, I've got a, met a DM on Twitter from a certain Jimmy Beast. From a Jimmy Beast. Beast. Mr. Oh. Of the mister variety. Right. And they, I think they must have just seen through videos and stuff, looking for whatever. They, they're planning on doing a 100 days in the ocean, like surviving. Oh, my gosh. And they said, have you got anyone that you sort of like to be there with you? So, that's, that's the question. Is that something that you'd sort of be interested in? Obviously, there's like a cash prize. It's like Mr Beast sort of level cash prize. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I definitely do that. But it's obviously like 100 days. Oh, my God, that's mental. Yeah, I, I mean, I think you want to do it, right? Oh, I mean, I'm still, I'm ignoring. Fuck, that's actually crazy 100 days. I'm quite, yeah, I'm, I'm just like quite scared of the sea. Yeah, me too. I don't know where they're doing it. So I'm sort of like, what if we fall in or like get like some sort of disease or? Yeah, get malnourished. No, that'll be killer. Oh, well, I, I think I'm down. I, I do that. But what about like the sharks and shit that was getting on night? Yeah, huge. I imagine they have teams around them that sort of like. Well, teams are sharks. Yeah, like people with like sonars and stuff. Yeah, I guess so. And is it, is it literally, did it come from, from him? Yeah, a literal beast, man. Perhaps mental. I think we have to like, there was like a sort of, not an NDA, like some sort of like wavory thing where you have to sign. Like, yeah, we understand the risks and potential death. Is this soon? Uh, next week. I think it's like next couple weeks. Shitting hell. But yeah, it's big Jimmy, so it's like. Yeah, I mean, I think we see fucking dirt, but that's. That's, that's. Like, that is a huge decision. Yeah. Because like everything else gets put on hold. It's a bit of a risk to your health. Yeah. Yeah, but it's all down on down. That's cute, man. But then like, hypothetically, if that wasn't a thing that happened, then it was just like a dare and like a podcast. But what would your thought be then? Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, I'm so sorry. I think it is. It's not even a, I think I heard Max's laugh. Oh, yeah. I can't believe that you were willing to risk your life. Yeah. Yeah. You know, risk to hell. But you were just willing to risk it all clearly. It was so cute when you said I'm scared of the same. It was me too. My heart, bro. It wouldn't even surprise me if like you got a gem after this app came out being like, I saw you were pretty willing for this. Yeah. It was like, that would be such a thing you get asked to do. Well, you guys, I apologize. All right. Now you have to do, if you get a thousand likes on this podcast, we'll do a hundred days at CM. Exactly. Yeah. We'll be sure to do that. Fuck that. I don't like it. I'm going to be excited for you and for a cool thing ever again. Oh. Now the podcast thing, isn't it? Yeah. I apologize. No. Very funny. Very good. Still, I'm going to take any phone calls from you ever again. From my text for you. Still down for hugs and kisses later or? Still down for hugs and kisses later. What's that? It's okay. It's okay. All right. Thank you, Arthur. Thank you. Round of applause. Oh. I love doing a round of applause. You have some really nice people around you. Like, oh, Millie, she got fucked up. I would 100% say get fucked. Yeah, no, thank you. There is not a chance in hell that I am doing that. Oh, we've got a dilemma. Oh, shit. Yeah. There we go. Do you want to read? She can't read. Hi, Max and George. Wow. Nice to go. One of my friends, let's call her Lucy, added a three minutes video onto her Snapchat private story of all her close friends on. Lucy added a video of her and her best friend, Kate's boyfriend. Shagging. Fuck off. I was appalled. The video was very visual, as most videos are. And it seemed as though this had happened before. They were also shagging to You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift. Good song. Wow. They must be 12. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Because everyone knows, everyone has sex. They're either 12 or it was me. Yeah, we did. Where is he? It was up for around 20 minutes before someone told her that she had uploaded it. Sadly, Kate saw the video. Oh. That's not happy. No. No one is talking to Lucy and Kate and her boyfriend broke up. Oh, no. No one is talking to Lucy and Kate and her boyfriend broke up. I was going to ask what you would do as I was friends with both of them. But I really don't think that Lucy should have done that. And why would she film it? Who was she sending it to? Why ruin a perfectly good Taylor Swift song? Oh. The worst part is that I didn't even make this story up for your guy's entertainment. And it is a fully true story. Oh. The fact that you've had it at the end makes me doubt you. But we'll take it anyway. The fact that this is not a big bad lie. We'll imagine this afternoon. What would you do if like one of your friends did that? Like how would you approach it? Let's say you're all part of a group. Yeah. And you've been friends for years. One of your friends does that to your other friend. It's not to you. So how do you deal with it? First of all, I'm watching the whole video. Oh, my turn. I'm just checking out. What's going on here? Yeah. I'm picking up and not tick tock. We've literally said like if anybody who we knew ever had like released and only found it like it got, I'd at least peak just to at least say that I've like seen it. I don't know because I do have friends that have only friends that I've never looked. I would want to look. You would want to look. I would just want to see what's going on. If it was someone that you've known for ages and then they got them. Like I've met, so everyone in my life who, I know who has only friends, I met them and they had it already. Yeah. And that's that. Maybe if it was a new thing. It was like one of your high school best friends. And it's something I'm logging on. Doing that. No shame though. I just didn't see what I was doing. Oh, yeah. I just want to see like now I'm good at you. Yeah. Yeah, it's late. What would you do that? I don't know what I would do. I would call the girl in the video and be like, what the fuck you do it? Yes. Yeah. And then am I an inform? Am I telling the other girl? Has the other girl seen? I think that everyone knows. You've just got to decide whether you keep that friendship with the person who did it because it's like, you can't. You can't. Is it different to just... Wait, are you am I closer to? I think equal. Equal. Equal. But I think sometimes it's like right is right and wrong is wrong. And if one of your other good friends is like, they're out of my life and you wholeheartedly disagree with what that person did, sometimes you've got to be like, you know what? Yeah. I'm going with you on that one. Yeah. But I do think if someone does actually show remorse and you can, then be their friend again. Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah. That's a good point. But I don't know. How much force in your head is it from them just doing the act? If it was just like a oopsie doopsie whoopsie, I've accidentally posted the video. Is it? Is it? The see that the thing is the idea of filming it, that means like, number one, I don't think it's your first time because you're not just one off shagging someone. No. Like in it. Shagging scene. Yeah. That's like... Oh. Slayed that Chloe. Yeah, that does not sit right with me and I feel like this is a premeditated thing. Also, I'd be like, you obviously wanted this to get out if you filmed it. I know that's where was the video meant to go. Yeah. Because either way, that's like... You can't accidentally have been shagging them. Absolutely post it while shagging. You've got the content. It's not live feed. No. Unless... Unless... Unless. Have you ever filmed yourself like having sex with someone? No, I didn't film that. Oh, but yeah. But it's happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it well. No, the camera crew filmed it. Yeah. Thank you. I did it once and was so horrified by what I looked like that it honestly ruined my moment. No! It was like... It was like a walrus. Like... Oh, it was honestly really bad. You know what? My only feedback to myself in the video is Chloe, your fake tan is so streaky. It's like bad. Stop it. Guess what? That was your fake tan, your bum cheeks. Yeah. Fair enough. That's valid. That's valid. They exclusively do the bum cheeks. Yeah. So I'd say maybe... See, if she's been remorseful... Hard. If she's been remorseful, then... She's obviously devastated the people who've seen it as well, the poor girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what's he saying about all of this? Well, she posted it to the group chart. So it's like... Is she devastated? That's her story. Oh. Oh, okay. So that's like what I did. Yeah. Exactly now. Oh, now I am this girl. You are this girl. Oh, okay. Yeah. I feel her. Wow. Yeah. That's a lot. And now you've fallen up with your friends. And also, by the way, the boy in this situation is also bad. Yeah. Get in the box. Yeah. He cheated on his girlfriend with one of her best friends. Yeah. And she's even got footage. Yeah. Does that. I got in 4K. Yeah. She needs to get care. But... Don't know what that means. 4K. No, let's not say that. It's very mean. Yeah. I feel like press 4K. I think that that is wild. And yeah, the boy's been off. The girl, you assess how close you are with her. You assess how remorseful she is. And you assess whether that other girl actually wants to maintain a friendship with her or not. Yeah. And also, I feel old enough. Oh. All right. Oh my God. Sorry. I hate that real life. But I think like if I was like 18 and this happened. A war is war, isn't it? Yeah. I'm... An adult. Older than that. I think people like get everything quite quickly. Yeah. And like you understand where people are at and stuffs. It does depend on like life experience. Yeah. Yeah. But if I had a boyfriend and one of my friends was fucking him and put a fucking video. Yeah. Maybe outside co-op. Yeah. Going on. That is honestly one of the best responses we've ever had by our guests. I'm trying to be close. Do we have another one? Right. Okay. Chloe, could you actually just press it to print on there please? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm just doing my calculation. What do I need to do to make it print? Just press it. You're doing great. Yeah. Wow. You're doing great, sweetie. That was so perfect. You're so talented. But it's just so much fun. Right. Do you want to give it a go? Yeah. Cool. That's quite low. I believe in you. Is that that before? You've got this. I believe in you. You definitely have. Yeah. No, I'm joking. I'm a 22 year old clubbing enthusiast. Love you already. I'm still trying to process my last night out. I had nine tequila sodas and ended up doing karaoke. But not just any karaoke. Oh, this bitch is crazy. I already know it. Oh, my God. I did. I did a rendition of "queef" by cupcake with dance moves. It's George. Yeah. George, do you? Queef. Are you a boy or a female anatomy at all? Didn't think so. No, Max. Loser. I shag exclusively men. Do you think I've shagged more women than you? Do you record? Yeah. Damn. No. That's a fart. But like a sex induced fart. I mean, I would imagine. Good question. I want to know that. Is that there? Yeah. What do you mean probably? I mean, if you like shoving air inside of there. The question we were all really worried about is... Right, guys. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. I didn't know it was that sort of podcast. That's why we're here, so... There we are. Let's get that in 4K. Put that in the title. Can I off-squeef? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That just gets worse. Oh, God. I have no memory of that. My friends told me I was on stage belting, twinkle, twinkle, little star. He gone make this pussy fart. Ha! The lyrics. Please believe me. Over and over again. Wow. The problem is, I woke up the next morning and saw that I posted a video on my Instagram story of my performance. Right, right. I'm mortified. I'm followed by my family and colleagues on Instagram. Wow. You are so fucking fired. I've removed the story of you. It was up for several hours the next day, the worst hangover I've ever had. How should I go about owning up to my drunk cupcake clubbing catastrophe? Wow. See that? Three times. Do I pretend it never happened? Should I go to my entire family? Or should I become a certified cupcake queen with pride? Oh. Is this a real song? Yes. I think I've never heard of cupcake. Is this a cool cake? Honestly, cupcake, where I need to show you this one song by cupcake. Yeah, cupcake is a very renowned singer and artist, so a big up cupcake. Oh, yeah. Some sensational lyrics. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a big fucking fan. Big fan of your queef cupcake. Wow. I mean, first of all, posting this on your social media, yeah, when your fellow employees, like, manager, et cetera, follow you. That's not the best. But is it like... Wait, I don't know. Is it actually queefing? What did you just say? I think you were doing the same song. I think you were doing the same sound effects while singing about everybody. Oh, if they find Garera. Garera. Garera. Garera. Garera. Garera. Garera. Garera. Garera. Garera. Garera. Garera. Oh, I hate this podcast. I hate this. I love it. This is so good. Go on, make sure you're all in love. Wait, I've got my share. Yeah. Oh. I need a voice, but obviously you've told me before I might be just accusing him of something. We used that with the girl. Yes. Yeah. Let's go. You're gay, right? Yeah. Can't do this. Are you gay? Yes, ma'am. That voice is gay. Not really. No. No. You guys are boys about sexual girls. Mm-hmm. And when a cleave happens, like, should we be embarrassed? No, I encourage it. Come on. I'm so encouraged. Oh. Oh. Oh. I just prefer like... What is the appropriate reaction here? Levels of kids. Love. Right? I'd prefer like... What's it like? It does it and you go... No. They're like it together in a sort of... What? That's funny. You don't just go, it didn't happen. It didn't happen. No, I think you got... Oh, yeah. Queef. Oh. Oh, yeah. Go on, Chief Queef. Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. No. Oh, my God. Listen, I feel like... Because the noise is just actually not cute, say, not very demure. Yeah, not funny. Not very demure. All right, Callum. Queef expert in obvious... Can you explain to myself? Check out the plaque, by the way. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's dark. Queef. Exactly. That's quite mad that that's there and we didn't even realise it. Wow. Yeah, so you're actually asking the correct guy in this question. Well, over to the Queef Executive Officer. Yeah. When I read this, I was reading out loud and I was actually taking a look at it. So, yeah. So she sang it... She was doing it with the amount of things. That was such a funny way, is that he sang it. I thought she was queefy. I can't believe it. I thought she was doing queefs right now. Can we get a queef count on this episode? The amount of times that the word "queef" has been used. I think we met our beef quota. I think that is, yeah. It's quite embarrassing. But you know what? People are people at the end of the day. Oh my God, I've done so much worse on a work night out. I've done so many queefs. I genuinely thought that was a good process. I just shit everywhere. Yeah. What?! That's a bit of a bit worse than a queef out of all that. Sorry. No, I think mine got ahead of me. What's the most embarrassing thing you guys have done on a work night out? On a work night out? I've literally snogged like a six-year-old man. Six. Six. Six days! She used to work in a nest ring. Using the word "man" doesn't make it okay. She used to work in a school. Yeah. And his mouth was... My management was going to kill me. His mouth was like really cold and wet. I thought, "Is this what happens when you're older?" Because he loved. I really cold. I knew he was dead. Dead old man. Oh, he was cold as cold. Good night. He had a lovely blue complexion. Yeah. And I thought, "Is this what happens when you get old? Like your mouth gets cold." He probably had like a drink of ice, but I thought, "Is it because it's old?" That's such a funny question. Oh my God. Did you ask him that? Oh. He was like fit for an old man though. He wasn't just like an old man. Yeah. Yeah, cool. The classic cold mouth type. Well, first of all, I don't think George is ever old. George is ever old. This is when I was 20. But I think every time I tell the story, I have to give an age. Because people think it happened last week. It's a fucking thing. I don't know. Have I ever done anything on like a work night out? Or like a brand. Oh, yeah. Have you? Oh my God. Really? In like the early days, I used to think that like brand events were like nights out. I mean, I guess, yeah. You can like turn them into a night out, I guess, if it's like super fun. But I used to genuinely like pre-drink before the event, like before the event. Oh, yeah. It's pre-drink before boot. Yeah. What was that funny? I was about to make a shit joke or something. Yeah. Well, where was it? How did you like it? I just found it quite funny that you'd pre-drink before. Oh, right. Okay. No, because I was like, "Oh, like PLT are putting on a night out for everyone." Like, that's what this is. Like, we're going to a club. This is an event. Like, whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Putting the pre in pretty little thing. Oh, no. Oh, fuck me. So, I've defoed like... You can skip that bit. Oh. I've defoed stacked it. Oh, my God. One thing that I did that was really embarrassing was when it was Molly May's PLT, like launch event thing for her, like, signing with them or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I went up to her dad. And I got cold. How did you get his head down? Oh, I know. I don't know. 60 years old, cold mouth. Yeah. Was I snogging him? No, I was not doing that. No, I went up to Molly May's dad. And I was like... I was like, oh, you must just go to bed every night and be like, I'm Molly May's dad. Like, that is so sick. I'm out my mind drunk. Like, absolutely pissed. Then I get a video with him. And I'm like, oh, everyone, this is Molly May's dad. Like, what is it like being Molly May's dad? Like, how does that feel? And I was just like, why am I doing this? But I was like, oh, he's having the best time ever. Yeah, yeah. He's loving this. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go back in the morning. I think at first he was being very polite. Yeah. And then after I'd asked him like the third or fourth question about what it's like to be Molly May's dad, it was like, please, can the security come over and get this weird all away from me. So that definitely made me want to die. But yeah, I like that story. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, that was a good story. Well, at least someone does. What about you, Georgie? What's the craziest thing I've done on my own? Yeah. Ever heard of a little app called Uber? Oh, you want to know how you're in bed? And Denmark? Denmark? What do you think happens after the night out? A little thing called afters. I hopped in bed and tried to book an Uber to Denmark. I'm like, no, I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but I've done this particularly. The bike thing was bad. Yeah, the bike thing was bad. Yeah, I know. At one point, I don't know if I've told this story before the podcast, I got far too drunk, got kicked out of an Uber, hopped on a line bike, tried to cycle back, tried to break, slipped off because it was raining, fell off in my cheerleader outfit, cut my eye open, had to have stitches and chip my tooth, and comes with London. It's not a fun way to tell that story. Yeah, that's a lot. It's a long story. Yeah. It's way better if you cut it so short than people forget about it. Aww, bless. Because that's what people do, isn't it? Forget about the line bike incident. I used to get a year for people who got line bikes, but I get it now. Oh, they're sick. I've never been a line bike. Oh, they're really sick. Yeah, now I get it. I've never been a line bike. I've never been a line bike. I've never been a line bike. I would have liked gone a line bike. They're really fast. Let's get on a line bike. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what, I think that this is a perfect time to end the episode. I think that, um, Chloe, you are reigning supreme as one of the best guests of all time on the USSR. Oh, I love you guys so much. You are one of the guests that we've had on, of all time. Okay, I was just about to ask you to come back on my pub. I'm just going to ask Max. Yeah, I'll be there. I'll be there. Yeah, start. You worry. We'll sort it. Have you got anything exciting coming up that you want to throw in? Oh, hi, when people said these bucks can't talk about it. So I'm saying, not over the last three years. It's been really exciting coming up. Yeah. Keep your eyes peeled. No, nothing's coming up. Chloe's also got a podcast. Chloe versus the world. If you've not listened or you live under a rock. Is the, is the voting thing still open? For be creator. Okay. I voted for you. Oh, I voted for you. I voted for you. I voted for you. It's code for me. Nobody. Um, yes, you can still. Oh my God. There is still time to vote for both me and Chloe. There's still time to enter me into the mix. I'm nominated for creator of the year. That's big. That's big. Thank you. I'm very big. Chloe has nominated for a podcast of the year. Yeah. So we'll put the link for voting in the bio. So please, guys, we'll really appreciate it. Oh, thank you. And best of luck to you. Thank you. No doubt that you're going to smash it. Oh my God. Oh my God. If we win awards, then what? We'll retire. We'll retire. Yes. We'll have a podcast again. Yeah. There's nowhere else to go from there. There's no stuff. We've got all our awards together. Yeah. Yeah. Try to keep us down. If you would like to send in a dilemma, please do so via our email, the useless hotline podcast at gmail.com. And Chloe, what can they do if they enjoyed the episode? Do not forget to like, comment, subscribe, and if you're listening, please give us five stars. Oh, she's got a podcast. Yes. And that is an award worthy outro. It really is. And until next time, if you're George's family, he's never going to find love. So don't hold your breath, you guys. A message paid for by veterans for all voters. Listen to this message from Ted Delacath, former Army infantryman and Ranger qualified platoon leader active in the Army Reserves. When I enlist in the Army, I swore an oath to this country. Not any political party. That's why I'm interested in citizens ballot measures around the country to reduce the power of political parties. Colorado votes on one too. Right now, election rules allow political insiders to hand-pick party nominees. It's the reason we're usually stuck voting for the lesser of two evils. Colorado's plan creates an open primary where all candidates appear on one primary ballot. 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