In this transformative episode, we speak with Leslie Crudup Villagarcia, a full-time life coach and polyamory mentor based in Brisbane, Australia. Leslie is the founder of Leslie V. Coaching, where she helps clients worldwide, especially in Australia, to break free from societal expectations and live more purpose-driven, authentic lives. Tune in as Leslie shares her expertise on topics such as polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder), and personal development through the lens of intersectionality.
Key Topics:
- Polyamory and open relationships (ethical non-monogamy)
- Understanding and managing PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder)
- Personal development with a focus on intersectionality
- Breaking free from societal expectations to live more authentically
- Developing a purpose-driven mindset
Guest Bio:
Leslie Crudup Villagarcia is a passionate life coach, polyamory mentor, speaker, and podcaster. With a focus on helping clients live more fulfilling lives, Leslie guides people to become unstuck and pursue lives that align with their own values rather than societal norms. Based in Brisbane, Australia, Leslie serves clients both locally and globally, offering insights on personal development, polyamory, and living authentically. Through Leslie V. Coaching, she empowers individuals to develop a purpose-driven mindset and thrive in their personal and professional lives.
Links:
Hashtags:
#LeslieVCoaching #LifeCoach #PolyamoryMentor #AuthenticLiving #PurposeDrivenLife #PMDD #Intersectionality #TellUsAStoryPodcast
Join us for an enlightening conversation with Leslie Crudup Villagarcia as we explore how to break free from societal expectations and live a more authentic, purpose-driven life.
Social Media Promotion:
Listen to this episode and gain valuable insights from Leslie Crudup Villagarcia on living authentically, breaking free from societal patterns, and developing a purpose-driven mindset. Book a free consultation with Leslie to start your journey towards a more fulfilling life.
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- On this episode of "Tell us a story." - And a lot of my coaching also involves work in the areas of polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. - Normal just means what most people end up doing, whether it's what they want or what they're conditioned to do. And maybe give us a few definitions, just so people have a clear understanding of what you mean by that. - A lot of the cliches that come through tend to put an overemphasis on individual effort. Having a privilege is not a criticism. It's an observation. - The common misconception is that coaching is about giving people advice, and it's not. My book club is called "The Vanguard Book Club "for Personal Development." - Welcome to "Tell us a story." The podcast by Belmont City Press, where entrepreneurs and sales professionals share their journeys, insights, and strategies for success. In each episode, our guests reveal how they've overcome challenges, establish their brands, and leverage their stories to promote their businesses so you can too. I'm Rad Hilton, your host for this episode. Today we're joined by Leslie Crudup-Via Garcia, who is the founder of Leslie V. Coaching. So Leslie, tell us a story. - Well, thank you for that introduction. Yeah, I'm a life coach. And a lot of my coaching also involves work in the areas of polyamory and ethical non-monogamy, because at the core of what I do, it's about helping people break out of societal conditioning, the live lives that are actually aligned with their true values and not just the expectations that are sort of drilled into us as we grow up, just because certain things are considered normal. But some of us want to live outside the box, so to speak. - Excellent. So I always say, if there wasn't not normal, there wouldn't be normal. Normal just means what most people end up doing, whether it's what they want or what they're conditioned to do, certainly. So I think that you and I share sort of the same belief. Can you just start and maybe give us a few definitions, just as our listeners are coming into this, with polyamory and ethical non-monogamy and the buzzwords that you use or the labels, I guess you could say, just so people have a clear understanding of what you mean by that. - Yeah, absolutely. So polyamory falls under the umbrella of ethical non-monogamy. So under this umbrella, you would also have things like open relationships, swinging, relationship anarchy falls under that umbrella as well. So it's all about any relationship structure or way of relating to people that doesn't have monogamy at its center. - Okay. - Yeah. All right. And polyamory and open relationships as well are slightly different because with polyamory, there's much more of an emphasis on the romantic side of those relationships with the potential for a romantic relationship to develop outside of like one core union. - Okay. - All right. So you say you're a life coach. What separates you from most life coaches? Do you feel? - Ah, where do I start? A lot of, well, the first thing is that I don't do the positive vibes only thing. I absolutely loathe toxic positivity. I feel it's extremely damaging and it's something that I try to call out every time I see it. In particular, it's damaging to marginalized communities. And that's something that I think the coaching industry needs to pay a lot more attention to because a lot of the language that's used in coaching and a lot of the cliches that come through tend to put an overemphasis on individual effort as the key to success without taking into consideration a lot of the systemic barriers that exist for some people and a lot of the privilege that some people have in some contexts and others don't have. Privilege is one of those words that people get a bit scared of, especially in an industry that's supposed to be all about personal empowerment. It's like, well, how can privilege have anything to do with the fact that I've made all this money? It's my hard work, it's my hustle, it's my grinding. It's like, well, no, it isn't always just about those mindset shifts. There are other things that we need to tackle in order to even begin to pretend that people have the same access to the tools and resources that can make people succeed in different areas. Do you think that the tools that people have access to are interpreted differently because of their past experiences? - I think that has a lot to do with it. Everyone's context is different. And even with things like privilege, it's something that we all have in certain contexts. It's not one of those things that we either have or we don't have. So when we look at the different tools and resources that we have available and how we interpret those things, it can go through a lot of different lenses, a lot of cultural lenses. You might look at it differently based on your socioeconomic background. And these things matter. - I agree. I think if somebody has access to something and it's easier for them to have access, they're more likely to take advantage of it as opposed to someone who is struggling just to get to the access, whether that is financially or socially or even as a part of family expectations. - Absolutely. And when we see in-person development books and personal development media, people saying things like, we all have the same 24 hours in the day, for example, the truth is we don't. If we're talking purely from like a space-time continuum perspective-- - Just going to be in that word. - I was just going to say something. (both laughing) - It's like, then sure, like we can say that we do, but in practice, the time that someone has in a 24-hour period can be impacted by a lot of things. Someone who's a high-flying executive who lives close to where they work has a very short commute or works from home or something and has someone else to take care of household duties. Their 24 hours looks very different from someone who has to stand in the welfare line for a lot of the day, because they can't make contact with the offices that they need to get services that they need, that they are legally entitled to, or someone who has to wake up, travel a very long distance to get to their place of employment and then do the same thing later. I mean, these are just two random examples, right? There are a lot of different ways we can see that privilege affects how much of those 24 hours, how many of those 24 hours we actually have to work towards not just surviving, but also thriving. - Right. - Yeah. And I think those are very realistic examples that you gave. And yes, we all have the same 24 hours and we all have to spend it the way we have to in order to achieve and thrive and succeed in our lives. So I think a lot of times, privilege has a very negative connotation for whatever reason. We can talk about that another day, but I think recognizing advantages I have because of XYZ versus what you have, what someone else may have, what people have privilege that I don't have, recognizing that having a privilege is not a criticism. It's an observation. - Yeah. - And then not being mad when someone says something to you, like, well, it's easier for you because of that. The conversation shouldn't be about how it's easier for me. It should be me coming to them and saying, what are you struggling with and how do I get you to where I am? - And that's part of the conversation. - Yeah, I completely recognize I'm very privileged in a lot of ways as well. I came from a two-parent household, my parents are still married. - All right, so go right ahead to how you're with a two-parent household. - Go ahead. - Yeah, I grew up in a two-parent household. My parents are both educated. My dad was very well educated. He provided well for his financially growing up. There was such an emphasis on education and social justice in my home as well. So I grew up with the language and the ability to observe injustices and see where they kind of fit in societal structures. So it's not something that I had to encounter as an adult and in that way, I am very privileged. And I have to keep that in mind when I'm talking to someone who maybe did not have the same access to education that I did. And I can't just say like, oh, well, you should have just tried harder in school and you'd be in a better position now. It's like, no, it doesn't work that way. - That's dismissive. - Yeah, exactly. - And there's so much of that in the personal development world. - Right. And so your coaching is better. Your coaching, I'm gonna assume, is more of a soft place to fall for people, but talk to us about maybe what is one of the things that you often see in people. I always like to ask, what is a misconception about what it is that you do? And what is something that you can teach somebody right now here today? - One common misconception is that coaching is about giving people advice. And it's not. People say like, oh, well, what if someone came to you and they had some severe mental illness, what would you tell them? It's like, first of all, I would not work with that person unless they were also working with a mental health professional who could sign off on our coaching being okay for that person. But it's also like, it's not about what I would tell someone. I ask questions, and those questions are meant to get deep into what drives people to make the decisions that they make. One of the processes I use a lot is motivational interviewing. So I like to understand what it is that's making someone ambivalent about a particular life change, and then use a series of questioning techniques to then move them from that place of ambivalence into a place of being able to take action. - So what is, talk to me about one of the lessons that you sort of learned that people benefit from in your coaching? - One of the biggest lessons is that sometimes just allowing someone the space to express their needs. Even before you've started diving into the questions, even before you've really gone into depth with something, the process of a person having to make something make sense to another person in the form of words can already launch a massive breakthrough. - To sort of like having someone more can really-- - Well, it's more like, sometimes people will come into my office and they'll, we'll get the conversation started and they'll start telling me some about some of their context, giving me contextual information, and they'll say, oh, you know, now that I'm saying that out loud, it makes sense that this, this, this, and it's like, well, yeah, 'cause it's probably the first time you've had to make it make sense to someone else. It's just been thought swimming around in your head. - So gaining perspective, possibly? - And you have-- - Just that initial allowing space for that is already such a powerful way in to driving change in someone. - Excellent, all right. So I sort of asked earlier, you know, one of the biggest misconceptions or something you find yourself educating people about often, but talk to us more about what it is that you do and how people benefit from working with you. - Well, people benefit from working with me because I help them uncover what's already inside them that they just haven't found a way to verbalize. So it's about connecting the dots. They have thought patterns that have been keeping them stuck or they have habits or beliefs that are keeping them in their comfort zone. And what I do is help tease those things out, reflect some of those insights back to them to show them that they actually do have the answers within them. In some cases, they just haven't been able to articulate what they are. They haven't been comfortable admitting their desires to themselves. And the way people benefit most, I think, is that I'm always prepared to treat every person as an individual. You know, my background before I started my coaching business was in academia. I was working with students from all around the world teaching at a university. And one thing that became very clear through that was that you can't have a one-size-fits-all approach if you want someone to actually succeed at anything. If your job is to help them find their way to their goals, it's really going to have to be driven by them. So the goal to someone's success or desires is an individual path. Do you feel that school, academia, prefers the one-size-fits-all? And maybe that's what our little struggle bus is right now at this moment. In some cases, in some programs, university programs, or even, oh gosh, when we're talking about our young people who haven't even gotten to university yet, there's often very little room in any curriculum for the real nurturing of the personal growth. It's about teaching to the test. It's about getting the good grades. So when students come into a situation where they have confidence problems or cross-cultural issues or time management problems, all those basic day-to-day life things, if there isn't room in a given curriculum to nurture those things, piling all of these academic expectations on top of them is just going to make them feel flooded. And that parallels with other aspects of life. When people come in to see me, and a lot of the problem that they have is related to their workplace culture or their career progression, a lot of it is that often workplaces are also very results-driven to the point where it kind of loses the, it's not very person-centered. Like, the people are just tools to drive the objective company. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, I often find that if you don't build a good foundation, your house is gonna crumble. And I feel like in school, we miss the mark. We're so busy trying to educate them and move them forward. We don't make sure that there's a good foundation for them to then build on. So I'm assuming that is where you sort of come in and fill some holes so they can discover who it is that they are, what they want, what's important, especially if they don't have anyone in society saying if you don't fit in this box, it's okay 'cause there are other boxes. Yeah, that's something that I really emphasized in my university teaching and in my previous training and all of that that I was doing in a bunch of different countries. And it comes into my coaching every single day. Sometimes people just need that reassurance that it's okay to not fit them old and force yourself into this box that just is not where you need to be. You have a podcast, correct? Yes, fabulous. Tell me about your podcast. My podcast is called "Thriving Between the Lines" and the purpose of the podcast is examining personal development books through the lens of intersectionality. So-- Go on. Yeah. So intersectionality is really, to oversimplify the definition of intersectionality, it's how people identify in different marginalized groups but how those identities come together. Yeah, so I'll give you an example. Like we did an episode on the book "The Magical Art of Tiding," or "The Life-Changing Magic of Tiding Up, Marie Kondo," which is a book that I quite like. But my co-hosts and I were both neurodivergent and the guests that we had on for that one is a professional decluttering blogger who also has an understanding of the experience of marginalized communities. And it's like, okay, how can we take the content of this book and the concepts of decluttering and make them more accessible to people who have ADHD or who are autistic or who come from a socioeconomic background that makes it hard to let something go if it's going to be really hard to replace it even in the next, you know, five, 10 years potentially. Hmm. These are conversations that require a lot of, a lot of sensitivity around the discussion. Hmm. So you talk about books essentially on your podcast. And who are your guests usually? Who is it that you're bringing in and who is your audience? My audience is people who are over the toxic positivity in personal development culture, but are interested in strategies for success and are interested in developing and empowering themselves in a way that is actually grounded in reality, grounded in an understanding that sometimes we can't just atomic habits our way through life and have the same level of success as someone who doesn't have the same, you know, chronic health conditions as, or, yeah, chronic health conditions. We, when we talked about that book actually, that was with a quite prominent neurodivergent business owner here in Australia, well, business mentor here in Australia, Tash Corbin. And we even talked about how, like, hormonal differences between like males and females can impact how we adhere to certain habit forming systems. Yeah. I mean, I think everyone is different. We have similarities and that's what sort of keeps us together. That's our through line, if you will, but it's okay to be different and different isn't bad. Mm hmm. You also, you also have a book club. And now how does that tie in with your podcast and talk to us about your book club? I love all the reading. I love all the reading. Love all the reading. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes, sometimes it feels like my coaching business is just some, some way to make my personal development collection attacks right now. It's like, ah, I've done it. Yeah. My, my book club is called the Vanguard Book Club for Personal Development. I host it through the meetup.com platform. And every month we discuss a different personal development book. Yeah. We have had, oh, actually this week we had meeting number 36, which is just incredible. I, I host it in person here in Brisbane, in Australia. And we also have people join us on Zoom from all around the world, or even just down the street. And, you know, they just don't want to leave their apartments. And it's, and it's a really lovely experience. Because it brings people together from a lot of different backgrounds. We talk about books. Um, it's very much a come as you are kind of meetup. I don't ask people, like if people join us on Zoom, I don't tell them that they have to have their cameras on. People can just listen. People don't have to come in with a positive vibes only sort of attitude. We invite all vibes. If someone comes in and like, you know what, I read the book and I hated it. I want to hear why. Sometimes it's because the insights just did not resonate with them at all. Or there was something deeply offensive about the insights. And, um, I just love having those discussions about it. And we also have people join the book club who are writers themselves, especially people who are like writing personal development books. Because they want to get a deeper understanding of how these different concepts. Like resonate with people. I was just going to say, yeah. Yeah. Almost, almost like some research. It's a really good resource. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's actually a pretty good idea. I think book clubs in general offer so many people, so many different avenues to understand or express themselves. Yeah. So how do people get in touch with you if they were interested in working with you and bring us very quickly, like through your coaching and, you know, who your ideal client is? Yes. Well, the best way to. To, uh, to reach me directly is through my website, Leslie V coaching.com. Right on that front page, there's a big old button. You can press to book a free consultation with me in person and online. In person or online. And I work with people who want to get unstuck. Developing strategies. That are connected to their actual reality. Yeah. And who they really don't just want someone. Exactly. People who don't just want someone to tell them what they they want to hear. You know, someone who's not just going to pummel them with affirmations that are. You know, generic and don't mean anything to them. Do you find the majority of your clients are male or female? It's actually like quite a mix. Like I work with people across the gender spectrum as well. I work very much with the LGBTQIA plus population. I'm actually vice president of the Pride business network here in here in Brisbane. And so. Yeah, I wouldn't say that there's one particular gender that dominates my practice. So what you have is a benefit to basically everybody. However, however they identify and whoever they want to be. Yeah. Yeah. And I know that in some, in some circles that's considered a no, no, it's like, no, no, you have to niche, niche, niche, niche, but because I've been working in a face to face capacity. From a physical premises from the beginning of my practice. The idea was really to see who. That who found me. And, like, rather than just nominate my specialty, it's like what over the past five and a half years of running my business full time. I've really been able to see like what specialities have emerged from that. Mm hmm. Yeah. Nice. Leslie, what, what is your, what is your Monty Monty is our mascot here and we like to use him as a point of reference for a lesson people can learn or maybe a phrase or mom. Or maybe a phrase or mantra that you hold close that has a meaning to you that you can share with our audience and maybe they can learn to. It's going to sound a little snarky, but I'll, I'll bring it, I'll bring it back in the end. Okay. It's that people need to not use other people as characters in their own personal development journey. Yeah. And by that, I mean, like we do have, you know, a duty to ourselves to empower ourselves, but it's not the me me me show. And we need to remember that when we're going through our. When we're doing the work to empower ourselves, we need to make sure that it's not coming at the expense. Of people who mean something to us, or people who have been systemically marginalized for generations as well. There needs to be empathy. There needs to be listening. There needs to be compassion there. Imagine if there was more of that. Hmm. I know. From a young age, I think we've taught, we are taught drive and to succeed. And we've been taught less that as you succeed. You are succeeding over someone else and that creates competition and there's nothing wrong with it. But it's how you, you act in those moments and the grace that you show others that you would want shown to you. So I agree that nobody, nobody plays a major character in my life, except for me. And to think anything else is a little, little north of bold, I think. So let me, let's, let's do our rapid fire where I sort of give you a couple of choices on a few things. And then you just give me the answer that you think suits you best so we can get to know the Leslie behind the Leslie. How does that sound? Sounds great. Fabulous. All right. Texting or calling. Texting. I don't know that people call anymore. Are those the do? Good on you. Movie or a book? I know the answer. Oh. I'm split down in the middle. I'll say book. Really? Early bird or night owl? Early bird. Okay. All right. Apple or Android? Oh, Android. No, I'm Android too. I feel like it's like we find each other. And I don't think we like to tell anyone because, you know, and I'm not learning an apple at this age. I love it. I love both. Yes. I understand. Let's see. Rain or sunshine? Rain. Thousand percent rain. Do you get a total preview file? Sometimes we have like long periods of heavy rains and it can be pretty tricky, but I love it. What's your favorite color? I don't know if anyone who knows me would say it's purple, but I don't actually have a favorite color. It might still be blue, but I wear purple every day. Every day? Yeah. I wear four colors purple, white, black, gray. That's it. Okay. All right. Mine is teal. It's one of my autistic traits. Okay. All right. Well, there you go. Lead with what you know. Mine is teal and it's amazing to me how much having a favorite color can influence. Purchases and your desire to own something, you know, if someone could come to me with. A widget. I don't even know what a widget is, but if it was teal, I'd be like, I think I need six of those. And I don't know what I'm doing. So favorite. They're powerful. Powerful. All right. Thank you. Our guest to guest question. The guest before you left a question for you to answer during our show together. So are you ready? Yes. I am ready. How do you keep yourself grounded when life overwhelms you? I make giant bubbles. So I've got one of those rigs that I made like two rods with like a big rope. I stick it in a bucket of bubble mix that I make. And I make these massive bubbles. I think my record for size is like 20 meters long. Which Americans won't know how long that is, but it's big. Um, it's like 20 yards. Give or take. It's big. Yeah. It's just, it's something that I've been doing for years. It's my Saturday morning ritual as well. I go out into one of our parks, our little farmers market areas. And I just, I just do that. I'm the bubble lady. And then when I'm feeling really stressed and overwhelmed, I'm like, all right. Let's mix up a bucket of bubbles. Take it out to somewhere and. Someone nearby from a distance will see these bubbles and it'll, it'll impact their day in a way that's positive, even just that little bit. And it just makes me feel. I feel like it would make you feel like a child, like an innocence and a simplicity. Yes. Yes. If you gave me 3000 guesses, I don't know that I would have come to, I make bubbles. I really do. So that is, I'm surprising. I'm, I'm literally surprised. All right. So we make bubbles. There you go. Heard it here. Yes. Do you have any final thoughts or advice for our listeners, a lesson that you've learned, something important, what you want to convey? Oh, gosh. I mean, it's such a big question, isn't it? Um, listen more. Listen to, to understand. I mean, it's as simple as that really. Mm hmm. Yeah. All right. Um, your website again is Leslie. It's Leslie V coaching.com and it's a letter V. We're going to put that in the show notes so somebody can find you. And is there anywhere else that they can find you? You have social medias. Yes. Instagram is probably my most active social platform. Mm hmm. Are there other pictures on Instagram on Instagram? Yes. Yes. I post some bubble videos. I cross post them on TikTok and Instagram, but all my good stuff ends up on Instagram. So that's the best place to find me. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. I really enjoyed our time together and I maybe want to go make some bubbles. Um, and I appreciate your time. Leslie, you've been a delight. Thank you. Yeah. Your time is extremely valuable and I hope I honored that here today. Yeah. It's been great. Thanks for having me. To our listeners, if you have a story to share, visit TellUsAStorypodcast.com. If you're an aspiring author, a seasoned business owner, or looking to elevate your personal brand, visit BelmontSedipress.com for expert advice on writing your own success story. Trust the next chapter because you are the author. Now, tell us a story. [Music]
