This week the gang welcomes The First Lady of Movie Torture, Jacob and MTD to talk about the creepy 1994 movie Clifford. They wonder if this movie is a comedy or a horror movie. They talk about the weird makeup Martin Short wears and how this could be a live action Chucky movie. Plus, the talk about how weird it is he keeps is bread in the fridge and then the show comes up with the idea of the half loaf just for singles.
Work Advice for Me
Clifford with First Lady of Movie Torture, Jacob and MTD - Movie Torture
(upbeat music) - Hello, everyone. My name is Ashley, our post-time back, and I am thrilled to announce my new podcast on the Hopecast Network, Locks of Locks, where I will be chatting with comedians, restaurant tours, and everyone in the entertainment industry about comedy, duh, pop culture, and of course, a little bit of food. You can follow lots of laughs on Instagram, @locksoflapspodcast, and lots of laughs will be available on Spotify, iTunes, anywhere you listen to podcasts, so like, follow, subscribe, and I cannot wait to nosh with you. (upbeat music) This is the Hopecast Network. Stories and shows you actually wanna listen to. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Okay, well, we are live, Hannah. Are you gonna kick us off or Roger? Are you gonna kick us off? - Well, welcome to another episode of "Movie Torture." My name's Roger. Here's my good buddy Brad and Jacob, the Minnesota Roger. Hey, I don't know if that's a compliment or not. I actually realized what that said. I didn't even read the Roger part. Minnesota Roger. - I'm taking it as a full compliment. - But should I take it as a full compliment? - First lady, you also forgot to mention we are also joined by "Movie Torture Dad," who is on the show today. - Hold on, I have to pull that you went up. - I said, "Hey, M.T.D., we're gonna go ahead and act like he's here today because he is usually here and we've now made him an official cast member. So he gets credited as M.T.D., but it looks like he's not chimed in yet. Maybe he's sleeping? Maybe he got woke up. He woke up, Matlock woke him up. He's good now. - Although I have to pick a big quick plug in there. For Han, I know we've just met, but I did become M.T.D.'s favorite. - I don't know about that. I have not received confirmation of this. So I'm still holding to the hope. - He's tired of what? - He's tired of what? - What are you tired of? First lady or Minnesota Rodman? - Don't look at his ideas in his head, that's rude. - Okay, M.T.D., as we started the show, "Who is your favorite now?" Because they're all vying for that. Is it me? I like that we wait. - One, the hope. - One day, Brad, you'll be your dad's favorite. - Listeners, and we've got thousands of listeners, I'm sure. And people probably wonder, is M.T.D. real? Or do we make him up? - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. - It's because I gave him a Christmas card. So just have to get it this holiday season. - Thank you, you better bring something when you meet him this weekend. - That's what, when I meet him this weekend, oh, I'll take it, I'll take it. - Did you get rid of the Brad bobblehead? Where's the Brad bobblehead? Oh, there he is, oh. - Movie torture dad is easily vault. You can buy him. - Get him some Krispy Kreme donuts. - There's no Krispy Kreme here, so that can't happen. Oh, they all have to-- - I won't drive and go get him hardies. I don't think he can go to hardies in five minutes. He said dunk, and we're back to dunking again. - I know he likes dunking, that's why I told you to get him Krispy Kreme. - You want the bad-- - We have dunking here, no Krispy Kreme. - Everything's an hour away, Hannah, that's our problem. - It is. - And movie torture dad makes fun of us for that. - That's how I used to live. I was in Kings Mountain. I had to drive to Charlotte all the time. I was always driving an hour. - Yeah, but this is a way better driving Kings Mountain to Charlotte, 'cause you're not on the interstate, you're on like farm roads and stuff. So you get to see farm land, which is nice. Joe's gonna be on movie torture dad, 'cause everywhere he goes with us this weekend is gonna be an hour. So you can just pack in in the car. - Absolutely, good quality time. - Hannah, I wanna share with you, Jacob and I, and our first ladies, went to eat dinner Wednesday night. At quite possibly, Jacob, I'm gonna go and throw it out there. Best Italian restaurant I've ever been to in my entire life. - Oh, usually hand up. - Hand up. - Would you say Olive Garden? - Yeah, no, it was Caravas. - Caravas. - Caravas. - Caravas. - Caravas. - No. - It is called Casetta. - Yeah. - It is in St. Paul. So any listeners that live in St. Paul may have-- - Hey, it's working in St. Paul. - Minneapolis? - Different? - I almost lived there. - You never, what if you moved up, oh my gosh, that would be so amazing if you moved up here. Movie torture reunion. - Not now, but. - Yeah, and this is like, I would never live there now, okay. But we went to Casetta, we drove an hour and a half. - Yep. - To get there. And that's dedication, 76 miles. - Was it worth it? - No, it was so worth it. - Okay, I can't bet you're being sarcastic about it being the best, no. - No, we crushed it. - The food, then we get the fresh-made canoles where they like fill them right there as you order 'em. - Oh, so good. Then we rode to the governor's mansion. - We did? - Jacob went in the boys' restroom, saw the tampon machine in there, so he was good on that. - Oh. - So we'll check it then. (laughing) - I just thought. - Hey, why get them and we don't? What is up with them? Literally, everyone actually following a women's restroom, but the men have them. - Yeah, the men have, we have our tampon machines 'cause, you know, we need 'em. Yeah, it was a great night. We left at like 5.30, got back around 10. So it was- - It was far right, yeah. - Yeah, it was, I was zoned. Movie torture dad makes fun of me 'cause I say I'm tired all the time. And I was definitely tired when I got home. So yeah, fun times with Jacob and his first lady. - Right. - Yeah, but he's like, right, right. So Hannah, what movie are we covering tonight? - We are watching Clifford, but not Clifford the Red, Big Red Dog. This movie was made in 1994. It was a family comedy and it was supposed to be a comedy version of, what was the name of that movie? The Bad Seed, which I have no idea what that is. It was from 1956, but this was supposed to be a comedy version of that and it bombed apparently. - Okay, a couple things that I noticed about this movie. One, before we get into the synopsis, this movie was shot in 1990. It was filmed in 1990, it was released in 1993. So it's set on the shelf for three years. - Do you know why that is? - They were selling the movie company, right? - Well, they were also, they kept doing like screen testing and reshooting it, trying to make it better than what it was and it still just, the public did not like it, the press did not like it. - And Martin Short filmed the beginning and the end, three years after he filmed the original part. Like, that was right before Julie's, I did read that. So he's 40 as the priest, but he's 37 as Clifford the 10-year-old. - That's a lot. - Yeah, I think there's so much to unpack in this movie. So we've got a lot of conversation. Let me do the synopsis really fast. Wait, what did this movie make? Do you know the budget on this movie? - I did not see the budget, but I can find it while you give the synopsis. - Okay, why you're doing that, basically a 10-year-old Clifford who looks like a 40-year-old who hasn't slept in a week, what did movie torture say, 19? Movie torture dad's providing it, 19 million. He's on it, we'll have him start doing research. - Not much of a roast. - How much did it gross? - Seven million. Seven, so it wasn't that much of a loss, about 12 million-hour loss, if that. But a 10-year-old is evil and causes lots of problems. Parents give him to his uncle and proceeds to destroy uncle's life and then destroys uncle's life and goes and becomes a priest and stops a kid from becoming Clifford too. Stops, the boy meets world kid from becoming Clifford too and then weirdly pulls out Dinosaur. And what does he say, Jacob? - We completed our mission, old friend. - Yeah. - Catch no one knows what that mission was. - I don't, we're gonna talk about that mission. Hope that mission is to hate himself because he's a mean, it's funny. We've got it in this old friend. - That is not family-friendly. - No, it's not, sorry. Okay, let's get into Clifford 'cause this movie starts out, bonkers. Like, he must have like, is he autistic? I don't understand, like he's focused on one thing. - He's got all kinds of, he is, ooh, he makes me so mad. Such a, he's a lying, manipulative, gaslighting, narcissistic psychopath. That's what he is. Okay, but he wants to go to Dinosaur World. - Real bad. - Right, really bad. Like, he can't, he wants Dinosaur World, like Jacob and I wanted to set on Wednesday night. Like, he can't get enough of this. Like, he's like, so much so that he makes the plane land in Los Angeles. The fact that he knew the plane was near Los Angeles is crazy to me. 'Cause when you're in a plane, you're disoriented. You don't know where you are, right? - I mean, more than just make the plane land, you almost kill 238 people as they try to crash the plane, they're dying that way. - What if that would have been the worst part of the movie? - And the worst part of it, he gets to like, you're just not getting back on this plane again. - Yeah, like, what if this movie would have been like lost? And at the end of the movie, you realize that they died in a plane crash and you just watched like, something that didn't really happen. But it's like Clifford's fever dream. Like, he's like laying there, he's like-- - That'd be so mad. I didn't waste an hour and a half of my life. - But wait, it ended with-- - We completed our mission, old friend. - I mean, how is that a good ending? I mean, I would rather wake up and it'd be like, oh my gosh, it was a dream. And then he sees Clifford, he sees his uncle walk in, he's like, what are you doing? Clifford, and he's like, I don't want to be mean anymore or something, just a dreamer. - It got pretty disturbing in the movie. They had to end it on a good, family-friendly note. I don't think it ended on a good note, though. I don't. - So was I not a good, it may not have been a satisfying note, but it was a good note as in, nobody died. - But then they made the sequel to the movie called Saw. That's where Jigsaw came from. - Yes, so let's just go ahead and get us address the Saw in the room, Hannah. He is definitely John, what's the guy's name in Saw, John? Oh my gosh, I would say movie torture dad looked this up. John, Saw, his name, John Kramer. Yeah, he's John Kramer. We did that. If you want to hear more about John Kramer's day Ramsey live, go back and listen to our Saw PD episode where we discuss what John Kramer does in his off time. But Clifford is John Kramer, right? Like he is, he is chucky. Like they have released him into the wild. I gotta be honest, like that guy's brother, there's no love lost between them. For his brother to give him Clifford, it's like me coming up and giving you AIDS, Hannah. Like that was that'd be weird. But what? Okay, but what other option did the dad have? If you had a child like this, what would you actually do? Gosh, I don't, I mean, this is a family-friendly show 'cause I can't really say what needs to be done. The legal actions, could you even take a foster care? Is that an option just 'cause you don't like a kid? It's true. Can you, can you give your 10 year old up though? I don't, like I feel like at this point I'm here. He would take your own death and then he'd have to go in the foster care but I think that's the only way. You could have him committed, like put into a home. You could send him off to military school. He would terrorize the people at military school. My dad tried to put one of my brothers in military school. This child is a demon, not my brother, the child in the movie. He would have terrorized the military people. You could send him to Australia and let him learn in the outback. How are you gonna do that? This kid's too smart for any of that, honestly. Wouldn't you like to see Clifford team up with Crocodile Dundee, like you send him down there and Crocodile Dundee's like, "Oh, Clifford, that's not a noise." This is a noise and then Clifford's like, "I'm going to kill ya." I was gonna say, I think Clifford would be like, "You think that's a no, this is a no." This is a no, I didn't think. (indistinct) It should have been labeled a whole movie. This is not a comedy, this is like a cycle thriller. - It's got dark fast and I was like, "Ooh." Like this is like single white female, but two dudes, a kid and a dude, like dueling it out in an aggressive manner. Like the uncle loses his stuff. Like he goes crazy. Which makes the ending so unsatisfying. I wish in this movie, the ending was more dower. Like I think that would have made this movie more funny to me. Like if they, like if it cuts to the uncle and he's in a, he's in a nut house. - Yeah. - Like just goin', Clifford, Clifford, Clifford. - I wasn't gonna really see dad. - I wouldn't have liked that ending. - No, he isn't that. He's in the crazy house holding the T-Rex that he created that now he destroyed. He's like, "Oh." And then, oh, and then, you know, Clifford ends up with his girlfriend as an older guy. Like they really need-- - I really wondered if that was gonna happen. No, we need-- - It was getting weird there for a minute. It went for a lot of larynx. - I was totally like-- - It was going to happen. - Yeah. - I was totally like, she thinks he's really an adult, like pretending. First off, grade A cast, Jacob, you gotta agree. This cast, amazing. Martin Short, hilarious. Charles Broden. Funny because he's always put upon. And he always just looks angry. Mary Steenberg, and we've talked about her. Hannah, she's been on one of your episodes. - Yeah. - The Book Club. - Yes, listen. I was watching this movie, and my dad walked in and Harry had just come up on screen for the first time. And he was like, she looks familiar. Who is that? I was like, I didn't even know if it was that point. 'Cause I didn't recognize her 'cause she's actually young. But the top mom's like, oh, so that's so funny. He recognizes her when she was younger. And I did not even know who it was. - I think I said she's one of the prettiest girls in the Book Club of all the old ladies. - You did, which I strongly disagree with. But when she was younger, she was very pretty. - She was letting off Clara vibes from Back to the Future 3 in this movie. Like, this movie was made right around Back to the Future 3 times. I bet she went to this right after that. Okay, those three, Dabney Coleman, nine to five guy, great. He was a great, skeazy boss who, if this movie was made today, he would be canceled and probably arrested. I mean, he would be arrested for at all. Like, what he did was assault. - Mm-hmm, this movie is rated PG, rated PG. I did a parental guidance. - Absolutely not. - That's a no, this movie home lies. This movie has hard, has hard R vibes to it. - Yes. - Max watched it with me. He thought it was pretty funny, but like, this kid psychotic, I mean, he is definitely psychotic. Maybe split personality. I mean, I don't know, like, out, what do you think? - I think it was a pretty consistent personality, just absolute, of course, behavior for the whole thing. - Actually, you're right. And he was never nice. - No, right? He always had that evil glint in his eye. - It did. - It made me so mad. - And he was always scheming for the next thing. Like, he was always setting you up with the niceness because he knew how he was going to get you. - Yep. - Yes, he has a very punchable face. - Mm-hmm. - You can hold him. - You wanna punch this 10 year old, it's so bad. - I'm gonna smack him. As smack, I feel like, is more disrespectful and I wanna smack him. - Yeah. - But he looks, Hannah. - Yes. - Why is, why are they not addressing this? Why in this world are people not like, wow, Clifford, he looks kind of old. Like, he's 10. He looks like a smoker in his 30s, our early 40s. - In my mind, he doesn't actually look like that, like, in movie world. It's only for us to see him in that way. - Nothing. - Well, why wouldn't they just get a kid to play Clifford then? 'Cause then it's problem- - He doesn't have any audience, doesn't... - What did you say about that in here? - No, Jacob, what did you say? - No. - So do you feel like movie producer was like, okay, that problem child with John Ritter, that's a great movie. But I think we can top it, get Marty Short in here and he'll play a 10 year old. 'Cause I've seen him do it on Saturday Night Live. - Do you think maybe that's kind of what their comedy hook was though, is like, oh, we're gonna make this old guy act like a 10 year old and people are just gonna chop it up, it's gonna be crazy, it's gonna be funny because everybody knows that he's like 40 years old but he's acting like he did. - Yeah, I think they thought it was gonna be funny, but then nobody thought it was funny. Well, I think it would have been funny if he wasn't so psychotic, if we actually saw a genuine side to him, like that wasn't conniving constantly, like he had no soul. - Well, he did for the girl, he was. - Yeah, but in a, he was in a creepy way. - Yeah, it wasn't in a scary way, it was just in a, you know, not you way. - Yeah, it's not real. - Like you never, this movie takes you on a journey to where you are now rooting for the old, pre-mudgeon uncle. - Yes, and I hated him in the beginning, I was like, you, I mean, don't like you. And then by the end, I was like, get him, get that boy. - Like he didn't even care, he was like, I don't care, I'm gonna destroy this, I want you to see the destruction. Like it takes you on this journey where you're like, you never like Clifford, right? From the first scene, you never like Clifford. But you don't like him either. So who, so Clifford's the antagonist, his uncle who's mean is the protagonist. It's a weird dynamic in this movie. Like, and then you got to talk to the parents, they just ditched him, like you never saw him again. They basically left him at the fire department and just drove off. - Yeah, I think they did get him back in the end, right? - No, no, they never did. - Clifford said that he wrote 280, whatever letters asking his uncle to forgive him and they all were returned unopened. They wouldn't have been returned unopened if you've still lived in with him. - Yeah, but we don't know if his uncle went to prison. - I think his uncle went to prison. - Yeah, I think you, no Jacob, no, 'cause they got married. - That's right, they do, you're right. - Yeah, hang on in the way, okay. Now that scene was funny, okay. I did like the marriage scene when he kisses her on the cheek and then he waits to kiss the uncle and the uncle just looks, he's like, "I'm not doing this." - The face he makes when ever he's waiting for his uncle to kiss him cracks way up every time. - It's like, you know, you know I've got to kiss you now and he lets him kiss him, which is still confusing to me because the uncle married Mary Steenbergen, but yet she condoned him returning all those letters. She made him kiss him at the wedding. He was the ring bear in their wedding, like there is no way. If Jacob was 10 and torturing me and my wife, there's no way he's getting in my wedding. Like he calls me in my wedding. - I don't think that was the uncle who, it was the letter I'm pretty sure it came from Mary. They had that in the movie. She's the one who like invited him to it. - Yeah, but he has some say, like I don't understand, like no, he can't be like, no, no, no, no, no, he's not. Well, if he had that kind of say, he wouldn't have kissed him. He'd be like, I'm not kissing him, you marry me, you're not. But I'm not kissing this 10 year old boy. - He honestly might have just been happy that he was actually getting to marry her because for the whole movie, it didn't really seem like that was gonna end up happening. - And you would do it because you're doing it out of fear. You know what a clipper can do. So you're really going to turn him down from being a ring barrier. You can't be down, I'm coming at you again. - So again, but that goes against why out of fear, you would not return to send her all his letters. You would answer them. - Yeah, he didn't end up kissing him out of fear 'cause Clifford said in the end, he's like, I knew in that moment, he forgave me. - But he didn't. - That's his pop though. - Yeah, how did he not give him? - He didn't want to kiss him. - He didn't want to kiss him as force. - I mean, I wouldn't want to kiss him either, but that doesn't mean he didn't forgive him. - That was assault on him, just like, Dabney Coleman assaulted Mary Steemberg and in the lima. Same kind of assault. (laughs) - I don't know about that. - I'm telling you, like, there is no way I'm kissing that boy if he tortured me and cost me my job. I'm like, and he's like, Kristen, he's not even a wedding. - I have something to say though, that Uncle didn't really have to throw away his job the way that he did. He could have easily blamed the explosion on somebody else and just not taking responsibility for it. And he probably could have gotten away with it. He had no reason to just be like, it was me. - Did he blow it up or did Clifford? - Clifford, it was because of Clifford, but no one would have known that. He didn't, the uncle didn't have to say that it was his fault. - Okay, would y'all have like a companion piece? Okay, so a few years ago, this movie came out from Clint Eastwood that was really good called, my gosh, it was the World War II movie. What was the Clint Eastwood movie that came out a couple of years, it was about 10 years ago. This is really good, really good listing right here. Hold on, we'll take it. - Heartbreak Ridge? No, that's all about the other, it was not that old. No, no, no, it was not that long ago. It was, it was called, it was-- - American Sniper. - Flags of our fathers, flags of our fathers. Isn't sick. He came out with flags, great movie. It's got, Ron Felipe, Barry Pepper, Jesse Bradford, Adam Beach. Anyway, it's got these guys in there, right? - Paul Walker. - Paul Walker's in it? - Yeah. - So the same year, he did a companion piece called Letters from Iwo Jima, which is the perspective of the other people, the other ones, from the perspective of the Japanese. - Oh, okay. - You get to see theirs. - Yeah, I think what I'm getting at here, if Clint Eastwood had directed Clifford, I would like to see a companion piece, right? Like we saw Clifford, and I wanna see one with his uncle, what's his uncle's name? Martin Daniels, I want it to be called Martin, and we see Martin's perspective of his mental spiral downfall while dealing with Clifford. - I feel like the kind of stuff-- - Like I wanna-- - I want to-- I want to see what happens here in all this. It's like, what's he thinking about on the airplane? What's he thinking about on the train? That whole scene was stupid, by the way. We got to talk about it. 'Cause once he realized Clifford was at home, he should've got off the train wherever he was at. The train's-- I rid an Amtrak, they make stops constantly. Like-- - This was a long time ago, Brad. - No. - I rode an Amtrak in '98, and it was like 14-hour trip for a 10-hour drive. It was awful. It was like constant stops. He could've got off. He did not have to take it all the way to San Francisco, which makes it coasting. - But he wanted to, you wanted to check on their meaty. - Yeah, but I'm gonna get back to my house 'cause I'd be thinking Clifford's burning it down. Like, I mean, this guy has no rules. He lives in a world with no rules and no accountability. Clifford, nobody's holding him accountable. - But I don't think he realized Clifford was at home until he was already in San Francisco. - Okay, even if he didn't, he was on the train. He saw there was no Clifford on the train. He had to know he was duped at that point. - I mean, he could've been somewhere further up, so you just couldn't find him. - Oh my gosh. - He didn't search the one car, so he seen what he thought was Clifford jump off one car. - Who would just search the one car, Jacob? I would come on, I'd be like, I'm searching every car. Isn't that how he talks? What are you doing? Clifford, I cannot believe this. Is that a good one or not? - Two out of 10. - I'm gonna search every car, Clifford. (dog barks) - Uh, hey, it's just weird. The whole dynamic was bad, but, you know, he gets to San Francisco, but before we get there, the trick was a mate. That might've been the best trick he pulled the whole movie. Getting him to San Francisco and then throwing a house party. Like, that would have been-- - You would think that's the best trick. - Like, how in the world, who tied him up? Who's tying him up, Hannah? Like, himself? How was he doing that? - He has a psychopath, he'll figure it out. - And then we watch a whole scene with him, like, calling Mary's theme virgin, like, picking the phone up with his mouth, calling her, and being like, "Hey." And then he just, like, undoes the nod after the phone, like, "Why didn't you just do that before?" So you can pick the phone up, call her, and tell her that you're a kidnapped. - He's a method actor, and he's completely dedicated to his role. - Exactly. - I'm just, he is the best, though, Hannah. The best, that was good, but the best is their voice recording. That's the best. That's the worst. - He is. - That's the worst. - Like, what he was doing in the office when a boss's video came up, and he was like, "If you're a visitor, please sign it." And he was changing. Helping his face and changing his head, I thought that was funny. Was really hoping they were gonna bring that back at some point. - They do show in the background, he's done with the two, the guy's bald. Like, he took his wig off. - Yeah, well, Clifford called it. Didn't Clifford say something about his fake here when they first met, and then when she's assaulting him, she pulls the hair off. - Yeah. - So you get that callback, right, there's that. I just want to know, like, what did Clifford do at age 11? Well, we saw him at the end. I mean, he has a war chest of crimes at the end. - He went to a group hole. - Well, what is he? Did he spend time in a juvie? Like, was he going to juvie? No, he-- - He was too manipulative to end up having to take any kind of responsibility. - He basically crashed a plane with no free profession. - Yeah, all I said is you can't go back. - He doesn't care if he's banned from American Airlines. - No, he has no emotion, he's a sociopath. - Okay, is Clifford, does his brain, his brain gets sent for research, right? It has to once he dies. They've got to be investigating his brain. He just kills everybody around him. There's, who is worse? Him, did he, is Kevin McAllister? - Okay, I know I just interrupted a great conversation, but my name is Brad and you may be listening to me or any of the other talent we have on this network at HopeCast. We want to thank you for listening, but also, we want you to like and subscribe to the show you're listening to. So, when you're done listening, go on the iTunes or the Spotify and leave a great review if you like it and follow the show on Instagram and any other platforms that it's on. I think we're on TikTok, so follow us on TikTok. But make sure you leave us a review. We love good reviews here at the HopeCast Network. Now, I guess I'll let you get back to your show. (upbeat music) - Hey there, this is a movie tortures, very own Purdue security here to talk to you about generous coffee. Every sip is an adventure of flavor. 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His cousin could Clifford be in the home alone world. - He makes Kevin McAllister look tame as all can be. - Yeah, Kevin McAllister is way too wholesome to be in the same family line as Clifford. - You think? - Yes. - Oh my gosh. - I think? Yes, Kevin wasn't actively trying to kill people. - Yeah. - What it went after the web bandits, as soon as he knew who they were and he would have tortured their lives for a few days before he got pleased to come and run. - I think what we missed in this movie was they should have had a scene where Martin comes in and he hits play on his tape recorder. And this is what you hear. - Hello, Martin. Would you like to play a game? - But no, it has to be Clifford's dumb voice. - Hello, Martin. Would you like to play a game? - That's way worse. That would be way more terrified if I heard that. You work 40 hours a week and you want to get married and he just lays out Martin's sad, pathetic life. He's like, "You worked for a guy with fake hair. "You had a dog named Maytovin, "but you don't have Batesovin." - Oh, what happened to the dog? I forgot about that. That dog just ran away that he stole it there. - No. - Yeah. - No, I'll tell you what happened. Clifford killed it. - Yeah. - Probably, well, it's... - Probably, but that wasn't shown in the movie. - This, okay, we need to have a Clifford too. And it needs to go back to like John, like Martin, Martin answers the phone again as an old man. And this is where you get... - Hello, Martin. Would you like to play a game? - Well, no, but Clifford was a changed man by that point. - No, he's got... - He was channeling behind us. - I don't think he was, 'cause he's still conniving. He is... - He's still talking to a dinosaur. - He's not changed. - 'Cause he probably has autism. You can't make fun of him for that. - We're not making fun of autism. - Oh, well, we got a touch base. So, as him as the priest, the makeup job they did to make him old is horrifying. Like, that is what nightmares are made of. - Even Max said that. I like how movie towards your dad said, "I'm gonna have to watch this movie, movie gold." - Yes, should've accomplished. - You do need to watch this movie, movie towards your dad. You know what? When you come see me this weekend, let's watch it together. I wanna watch this with you. And just hear your thoughts on this movie mean you. - And I place time in so I can hear. - Father's son, we will FaceTime you and in a father's son. We're gonna watch when we get home at night and there's nothing else to do. We're gonna put on Clifford and watch this movie together. - The most, the most random thing I see in this movie that bugged me the most and is probably just a me thing that Martin did is who keeps the bread in the fridge? Do you keep your bread in the fridge? - Yes. - Oh. - Kristen does it, Jacob, when I married my wife. - Dad, we were what? - My mom keep your bread in the fridge, where do you put it? - No. - No. - No, it's cold in the fridge. - It's cold in the fridge. - Yeah, it goes in the pantry hand. It can get moldy. Who holds cold bread though? - We're having some more heavy bread. - It's not gonna get moldy in like eight, in like seven eight. - The dark, warm, damp place long enough it will get moldy. Why is my pantry damp? There's no dampness in my pantry. It's dry. Hannah, that's wrong. - The pantry's are not the most dry place. Things mold in there. - That scene right there was the most boisterous I wonder that who, that holds the movie. Was why does he keep the bread in the fridge? That is weird. - No, no, take it. When I married my wife, she was like, - Okay, Brad, let's put the bread in the freezer. We'll save our bread. We'll just freeze bread. And I'm like, I don't want to eat frozen bread, fall it out. - You do that for things, get like, wait, does she do that with the crusts? - No, she would just put a loaf of bread in the freezer. - Why? - And that way it wouldn't go bad. And then when we need a piece of loaf of bread, she'd fall it out and we could eat it. And I'm like, yeah, I ain't doing that. - I can't leave that on hating on bread in the fridge. - MTV agrees. So I think you almost lose your first status of favorite just because you put your bread in the fridge. - It's not a crime. My own way of doing things. - Wait a second. You really put your bread in the, like right now, is there bread in your fridge right now? - Well, no, because I don't have any, like I don't buy it and I don't eat it. This is also probably part of it though. I'm one person, I'm one single person and I'm not eating a sandwich every day. So if I left my bread out, not being in the fridge, it would get moldy just 'cause I'm one person. - Okay, which brings this question up. Movie torture dad, what do you think? They should mark it like Marita bread, bunny bread, all of them. They should mark it the single person's loaf of bread where you just get half a loaf. - Exactly. - Half a loaf, we think alike. - They didn't mind that, but the problem is that they would overcharge you for it and it would end up being cheaper to just get a normal loaf. They would use it as a marketing scheme to charge single people more and I don't need the extra financial stress. So I'm still buying the regular bread. - I'm getting to hear something. - I want the half loaves without the heels. Nobody likes the heels. - How do you ever do, do you see them on the commercial? They're just like, do you find yourself alone? Are you single? Half lo, the bread that you, the joy alone. - Movie torture dad loves heels. He loves the bad guys in wrestling. - So what we used to do is we would take the heels and save them and we'd end up having a full loaf of heels and we would use that when we made hot chocolate and toast because heels are more edible when you dipped them in hot chocolate. And for that you have to keep it in the fridge otherwise it will go bad 'cause it takes forever to fill up a whole loaf of heels. - I want to go back to your commercial, Jacob. Well, what is this commercial? Are you lonely? Are you single? - Sorry, you're going to make commercial. - Do you have no chances of finding another person to live with you? - Half lo, the bread that loves you back. - Half lo, the bread that loves you back. - Do you find food doesn't love you? You're a bunny bread, we have half lo. - And that was so depressing. - And then I'm checking her out. I'm checking her out at the grocery store on the cashier. Not checking her out listeners on the other cashier. She comes through and I'm like, we got a half loaf on all one, half loaf on all one. - We've got a lonely over here. - We've got someone lonely, someone lonely. - No, the place here has to be like this nerdy, zit-faced kid that just gets the biggest grin on his face 'cause a girl's walking in with a half loaf. - I gotta say that if a girl walks up and I'm the cashier and I'm 17 and she's got a half loaf, I'm thinking, you know what, she's in play right now. Like she's, I must have a shot with a half loaf. - I'm listening, I'm envisioning a half story coming from this half loaf because there's two single people in the store. There's one half loaf left. They both get very short at the same time. It's at the end and I'm like, we don't need this half loaf. They get a hair and they get married. - I love it. - And then they serve bread at their wedding. - They serve, and then they invent half loafing. And that's if you kid like your half loaf, half loafing. - It's like a new form of speed dating. You bring your half loaf. - My gosh, to me, to me it's code 'cause think about it, like I'm single and there's a attractive cashier. I bet that I'm not single in real life, but in this movie scenario. - Where you meet singles, I don't know, sir. I don't know when I find out. I'll let you know. - You just walk around to like the park with your half loaf swung over your shoulder. - I think it's 100. - Anybody? Half loaf becomes the international sign of singleness. Just like upside down pineapples or swingers. - No. - I've learned that. Isn't that right? That's not right? So anyway, you're half loafing it. So if it won't, the cashier to know what I'm single, I'm like coming up with four half loaves. And I'm like, she's probably like, "Why don't you just slide your fingers out of..." - You look desperate. - You look desperate. - In the half loaf pile. Well, someone is over here to make this bread so I can go meet a single then. - What about on the Bachelor if he gives Hannah a rose and she hands him her half loaf? That way she's losing her love. I'm giving you my food. - Ooh. - No, but that's your sign of like, I don't want to be single anymore. Here you go, you have my half loaf. - Yeah, it's a true half loaf. I dig it. I think this could be part of a wedding ceremony. You can join your loves together. - It could be. It needs to be. We're going to make it happen. - Swimming your lips together. We touch loaves like we were one. - You know how they like filled the se-end together doing something like that? Then instead they take each of their half loaf. They're just one piece of that time putting it in a larger bag of bread. - Oh my God, so I love it. What do you think about that, NPD? So we have, so we start the tradition at weddings of merging your loaves. - You get a fan of the shadow box when you get home and just watch it move. - Oh my God. - I just love how this could be the international symbol of singleness, the half loaf of bread. - I'm going to get an half loaf tattooed on my arm and then when I'm jumping on a sing-lining board I turn it into a full one. - It's like your power bar in video case. It's only half like, you just haven't met your man yet. Oh my God. Oh, I see you're still have loving it, Anna. - That's the marriage ceremony. They're out there on stage like tattooing the rest of the loaf on your arm. - Yeah. - Hey, I just went out my whole wedding ceremony around the loaf of bread. - The mom would be Christian and be like, "You didn't get the rest of your loaf tattoo of bread?" And I'd be, "Did you just show her your half loaf?" I'm like, "No!" - I'm like, "Get in." - You go to wear a shirt on the beach bread and you see that half loaf, your full loaf of bread. - That would be, that'd be like the new, you know, singles get mad at each other if the other one won't put their new relationship status on Facebook. This'll be the new thing. Like you can get the other half of your loaf tattooed. - I like what MTV said, you just put all the half loaf, some one aisle in the grocery store, that's a new hangout spot for singles. - It's the new tune in. - Oh my gosh. I'm telling you, we should, how has the half loaf not been invented yet first off? And two, it is a great way to show your loneliness. - Yeah. - And if it doesn't work out, you can use the bread to mop up your tears. - Hey, I used to eat, movie torture dad can testify to this. I used to use my bread as a napkin. Like if I'm eating, I guess I'm on my face, I would just take the bread and wipe it. - Is that a power move? - It is not sad. - Or it's sad. - And why does that even further not surprise me that you think that's a power move? - I wonder what Kristen would've thought had I been on a day with her first day and I'd just take the bread and use it as a napkin and then I eat it. - If somebody did that with me on a first day, I would leave. - What? - No way, Hannah. - Yeah. - No. - Or he would leave because the look on my face would let him know it's not at all pleased with what he just did. - You're twirling a half a loaf. You're going, whoo. And then you get mad with a guy. - Yes, I'm putting my finger on this like that. - I would, I'd be twirling at going, "Hey, y'all wanna date? "I'm free, I gotta have loaf here. "We can split it." - I'm so glad you're not single, Brad. It would be a hope case. - Now I was looking at pictures of Brad who's just wiping down the table with a piece of bread. - He's clicking over here. - Did movie Georgia Dad leave? And he has to know, I cannot believe he hasn't chimed in to what I used to wipe my face. - Well, if anything came out of Clifford, at least we got Hannah's wedding planned out at what we're, what she can do for her grandmother. - Oh, I got it, who now is find another lonely loaf. - And then another lonely loaf. That's what we could call the movie, lonely loaves. (laughing) - Well, we have a whole franchise. Whole franchise is just based on a loaf. We got a dating app, we got a movie. We've got a whole wedding outline that we can market. - Perfect. - We haven't even talked about how you can pick your loaves by what they are, because if you're a health nut, you're doing those, you're doing like the whole grain loaves. Like if you're just white love bread, like you're like, you don't care about your weight, you don't care. But like, you judge people by their brand. - You can learn a lot about a person, their bread. - Yeah, is that whole grain? Oh my gosh, you probably work out. I can't date you. - The thing is, you wouldn't even have to speak to them to determine what kind of bread they, you would know. - Oh my, oh yeah. So if you're single, I'm like, yeah. I'd be like, yeah, Jacob, you're definitely a whole grainer. I know. - A whole grainer. - Do you remember what is trash? Nah, it has substance. - That is heater J on the, he's chiming in. Whole grain is trash. He's a whole grain of bread is, it is. And I think if a girl, if I was single and a girl had a whole grain half love, I would say she's trash. - What do we bread? - I eat white bread, I eat white bread like ball. Like a ball. Last night for Sarah flimsy. - It's good. I would even eat the Texas toast. They have the honey bread. - Okay, and that's, that's fire. - What Jonathan says, here we all, man. Men like Jacob Brad and I eat gray value white bread. - See, I'm a, I'm a potato bread guy. I love potato bread. - Potato bread. - Ironically, ironically is my rapper name, gray value white bread. - That's my rapper name. - And that's why. - And that's why. - And that's why. - So if they do a 97 cent low, we could do half loaves for 57 cents. - 50 cents. - 50 cents for a half low of Hannah. - See, you're gonna end up being cheaper just to get the whole thing. Cause the whole thing is 97. - Yeah, but no, but you're not gonna eat it all. It's gonna go, that goes back to your initial argument of it's gonna get moldy. Now you're, you got half what's new. - But I'm so upset that I'm paying more for a half. - But you're getting a half without heels. I think that's gonna sell. - I mean, seven cents to get the potential made of your dreams. - Oh, John, John is a nation's self quarter loves. He's down to quarters. - That was with a really low substance. - Oh, he's getting like two sandwiches in his loaves. - Well, he just went up the rails with Clifford. - This is like, why are you bringing home quarter of the loaves? Brad, you're married. - That could be the way it wasn't my fault. I was pretty mean. - I mean, oh my gosh, in our movie, this scene has to happen. - Bonnie, y'all baby. Why'd you bring home a half loaf? - We've been married. Yeah, about that. - We were, but I think I'm gonna be moving on to my half loaf days, baby. - My goodness. - John says the problem with loaves of bread is the quality plummets after just a couple days. - That is why, but it didn't up fridge. - No, he says, gotta eat it fresh while it's still moist. - That is a disgusting-- (laughing) - I can't eat it. I don't even, oh my gosh. (laughing) You know, we just get to that. (laughing) - That's hilarious. (laughing) - And I can't do anything. (laughing) - I like how you spent 15 minutes talking about half loaves in this movie. - You just railed Clifford with bread. (laughing) - I can't even believe I left it. I caught in at this moment. Okay. (laughing) (mumbling) (laughing) - Is movie torture dad even around? Is he laughing? Like what's he talking to this boy? (laughing) - Let me torture dad, says how about half dozen eggs? That's another good point. If someone's buying half of dozen eggs, I pretty much know they've got a really good job. So that might be a great way to meet a rich single. - They should have a whole single section in the grocery store where it just, it just supplies enough for the single person. (laughing) He said, oh, Jonathan said Hannah is my favorite cast member. Well, I need to show that on the stream here. Hey. (laughing) - Appreciate you. - I got a confession here. This is also my favorite cast limber. Jacob, you me, Roger, we get no love around here. - That's okay. - Oh, Jacob, you do. - I mean, it sounds like number two. - Jacob is my number two, but he means that as a don't. - Shake 'em big. (mumbling) - Oh my gosh, okay. - You can't have two number ones, that'd be 11. So. - Yeah, true. - That's true. - Where do I rank at, Jonathan? Where am I in your list here? So as we round this out, Clifford, I'm number three to four, she's, where would producer Gary be in this movie? - Yeah, Brad, you said you had something to say about Gary in this movie, three equals four. - What is more, where would it be? - I feel like Gary could have played like Clifford's arch nemesis, like it'd been cool if like, if like Gary had been like living with William in them already, or Martin in them, and they like had Gary there, and Gary's so nice, and he's so genuine, but he ends up, Clifford ends up making Gary look bad all the time. Like, now they're starting to think Gary, and they end up like, couldn't Gary out, like throwing him out. - So mad. - Oh, and choosing Clifford, and then Clifford turns the screws up. That might would make a better movie though, 'cause then you really seem Clifford be manipulated. - I'd be furious. - I would, this would then become a movie torture, just 'cause that would make me so angry. - Do you think they can make this movie today? - No. - No. - Oh my gosh. - I can't even read that. - No, that would have been a funny ending though. - Do you think they can make this today? - No. - You can't make good movies today. That's why they don't. - Did you just say this movie was good? - I mean, are you asking me? - Yeah, Dennis, we're gonna get to your, we're gonna get to your review of this movie. Do you have any, did you look at any reviews? You should maybe go straight to my five-star Amazon. - Oh yeah, go to the Amazon, we, I just can't wait to hear those. - Hold on, I gotta find, I'm getting pull it up. Okay, before I do this, Jacob, do you think that people have left reviews recently? - Just from track records and movies, I'm 100% they did, 100% they did. - Okay, five stars. Martin Short is the best. From April 15th, 20, tax day. This guy has taxes due and he's like, you know what, honey? I'm gonna write a review on Clifford. She's like, well, I'd like for you to pay the thanks bill and he's like not. - He's trying to escape his reality with this movie. - This movie, I can watch it a million times in the lab, like I've never seen it, grew up with this movie. Me, my sister, and parents quote this movie every day. hilarious reminds me of great times. - Yeah, interesting. - Here's one, Benjamin. April 10th, five days shy of modded reviews. Martin Short, Charles Groden, make a comedy do it. Do not seem since Abbott and Costello. - What? - Make a comedy do not seem since it. - I have a little known comedy class, what's what it is? - It's from Mary, two years ago. - Mary Steenbergen? - Maybe, it might be. I have never watched something so magical and beyond my imagination before. The depth of the characters were inspiring and made me want to fall in love with them. This would 100% be the last movie I would watch on my death bed. I love you, Uncle Martin. - Oh my God. - I want to read this scene, Hannah and Jacob from the movie. - Oh boy. - Uncle Martin, save me, Uncle Martin. This is a funny scene, by the way. I'm thinking it over. - I'm uncomfortable, please, I'm scared. - Well, I'm scared about what might happen if I save you. You know, I should do mankind a tremendous favor and let the dinosaur eat you. If me, who knows what heart you might unleash or what if you got your hands on some plutonium? - Oh, I accidentally made the best of this bomb. - I just made the best of nuclear bomb in the whole wide world. Mocking Clifford. Oh my gosh, man, this movie is just crazy. Jacob, what do you think? - The movie torture movie go up. - I'm not adding a movie torture, probably movie bronze. I'm never watching this thing again. I'm what it done. - Really? Even, okay, Jacob, I'm just going to read you a lot from Clifford. - Uh-huh. - He said, I'm going to change a little bit of what he said here, but, well, I'm going to say, you wouldn't lie to me, would you, Jacob? 'Cause if you did, I'd be so angry. - I don't know what I'd do. - That was very sinister. - Very sinister. - No, I'm not more sinister. - He's so sick with my bronze. Like, maybe bronze, it is, maybe torture movie go. - What do you think of the heart? - No. - Is that a heart? - No, are you a partner? - You're a partner. - Listen, I was doing this. - Don't you realize this movie? - I'm curious, Brad, what do you think I'm going to read it? - You are not a lover of old movies. I've learned that about you. You didn't like Death becomes her. You didn't like She Devil, which She Devil, greatest movie we've done on here, by a mile. I would love to see him in the She Devil world. - Oh, God. - Why do She Devil? - He would destroy Meryl Streep. He would destroy her. - I don't think I did She Devil. - Yeah? - You think, Jonathan's totally off. - He thinks we're reviewing the Red Dog movie, no. - Wrong Clifford. - Wrong Clifford, we're talking about 1993's Clifford. - I didn't do She Devil, Brad. - Okay, well, you don't-- - I thought you were going to write this. You're going to write this a turd. This is like one of your four-wheeler rides out in over night camp. It's a bunch of dumb in your mind, right? - Actually, and I enjoyed my four-wheeling rides. Thank you very much. - He just said the euthanasia joke lost some steam. He was thinking when we were talking about a dog. - I think Jonathan-- - I think he's in a race, Jonathan. - That sounds funny. - Oh, like, wow, we're euthanizing a little boy. - You can see him on a big red dog. - Yeah, see, Jonathan gets it. Some of the four-wheeler just hopes a digestive system. No, I was going to actually movie gold this. I would watch it again. - What? - Yep, I got that. - Are you? - I'm so for real. I laughed a lot during this movie. Started out a little sketchy. I was playing the fruit game Candy Crush, not fruit. - They still play with it. - And when this movie first started, I was like, what the heck is happening? It caused me to put down my game. So that's saying something in and of itself, but I would watch it again. I thought it was kind of funny. - I feel like most of the cast of movie torture, outside of Jacob, who I think is fully watches, I think most of us watch these movies distracted. - Like, we're positive. - I don't, I'm so close. That's why y'all don't have notes because we're watching them distracted. - I take notes. - You usually drive and watch this. - Yeah, but I'm just taking notes on my phone. - I don't write things down, I'll forget. - You want me to, you mean to release what I think this movie is, movie torture, movie gold? - Yes. - This movie is a 100% movie gold. Love this movie. It was so early 1990s, it was fun. They can't, they don't make movies like this anymore. Like, this kid is diabolical. And it's funny to watch a grown successful man lose his junk and just be like, I can't take it. This 10 year old is beating me into submission. And it was a great movie. It's one of my favorites. I would probably put this top 10 favorite movies we've done on movie torture. It's that good to me. - That's fair. - But I'm biased, I like old movies. Most of my favorite ones are in the, yeah, 90s and 80s. I still wanna see the sequel. - Hello, Martin, would you like to play a game? - The dinosaur says a little. - Yeah. - You have one hour to take me to Dinosaur World. Or your brains will be splattered. - See, it's a lot more sinister. He is his actual voice. - Hello, Martin. It's time for us to go to Dinosaur World. That's my first. - We're gonna go get you tonight. Sizzin' and jay. - No, no, no, no. - Peter, jay, a movie torture dad or the wet band. - Stay true, I have to take care of the fluffers. - It's like, who are these two guys? One's old and one's young. - Wait, what did he say? You have one hour to poop in the woods and wipe with one square of toilet paper. Otherwise, face the embarrassment of doo-doo fingers to the rest of your life. - I don't think it'd be the rest of your life. You can just, you know, move. - Please, your people, I know you. - Why do you think I moved to Minnesota? 'Cause I do doo-doo fingers. I don't even know it. - Makes sense. - How does this happen? - Well, how do we do that? - And now we do. Oh my gosh, this has been amazing. Everyone, you can watch Clifford on Tubi. This is Tubi Timber, so we're excited that all our movies this month are on Tubi. - I didn't know that. - Honestly, we should, yeah. We can, we should just make Tubi our official like movie supplier. - Really hate the ads. - Oh yeah, I think it's hard at the ads. - Yeah, I do, but you know, they're free. So we encourage our listeners to go, Tubi has the goonies on there now. I mean, they're bringing some heat. Tubi's got a lot of letters from Jonathan complaining about their selection. They're adding stuff now. So, yeah. Tubi has the goonies. Should be their cheat. We have the goonies. Watch Tubi. (laughing) - Maybe rude. (laughing) - I'm Tubi Chunk on there. I don't know. Anyway, from Minnesota, Roger, for the first lady of movie torture, from movie torture, Dad. A cast member of the show and for Jonathan coming in a little, a little, a little near the end. My name is Brad and we'll see you next time on a movie torture. (upbeat music) That was great. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) [ Silence ]