We have alot of storys to tell but heres our greatest hits.
The Dark Society Of War!
The Greatest Hits
Welcome to War the Words. I'm B.Y.B.Y. (Screaming) (Music) I feel high 'cause I gave you love, and then I'll be afraid now. I'll be afraid now, afraid now. I feel high 'cause I gave you love, and then I'll be afraid now. I'll be afraid now, afraid now. (Music) Welcome to the Dark Society of War. We talk about whatever we want, and we don't care what anyone thinks. So sit back, strap in, let's go. Oh, our story is greatest hits. We have a few greatest hits. So a few. A few. I think we got more tonight. It's one of your greatest hits. All right, some good hits here. So I'm gonna go back a little ways for when I was in middle school. This probably was a good one. So I was in middle school. I got sick pretty good. I ended up with a couple of different things going on. So my grandmother came upstairs. She's like 75 years old. She has new clue what's going on. She said there. She looked at me and she goes, "You're sick." I was like, "Yeah, I'm not feeling too good. Land on the couch. Not feeling too good." And she tells my dad. He's sick. Something's wrong with it. My dad's like, "Yeah, we know." Here's your coffee. Here's your medicine. Meanwhile, she's schizophrenia. She's got dementia. She's got all kinds of issues going on. And so we kind of ignore that. And she goes downstairs. Next day, a couple days, go by. I'm not still not feeling good. She comes upstairs. She looks at me and she goes, "That boy has appendicitis. You don't take into the hospital. He's gonna get sick." That boy? That boy. I was always called that boy. I was always called that boy. She has no clue now. She will say my name occasionally. And it does kind of freak us out when she says my name because I'm usually that boy. She sounds like a witch doctor. She's a gypsy or something. She's a gypsy. Is she still alive? Yeah, she's still alive. She's got a voodoo doll of your anger. That's what it probably does. I don't know. So a couple days, a day or two, go by. And my appendicitis ruptured. So I ended up really sick. And so I started talking delirious and everything. She comes upstairs and she goes, "I told you, that boy had appendicitis. And he's going to die if you don't get into the hospital. And now I laugh about it. But back then, I had no clue what was going on in the room. I couldn't tell you what, who was in the room, what was going on. I was so delirious. All that. When I got to the hospital, they come in after surgery or before surgery and everything. They looked at my parents and they said, "Here's an appendicitis." And they ruptured. He's on the verge of dying. But she knew what I had days before anybody else, which is crazy. So that story, it sticks to me. It's a goody, but it's not like a super, super goody. Oh, we're going to get in the goodies. Yeah, we're going to get the super goody soon. So what story should I tell first? Oh, I have no clue. Should we start with the AMC shenanigans? Oh, yeah, we can do that one. Which one do you want to start with? I think Twister's is the good one. Do you want to do that one first or the one that happened last week? I think Twister's probably better. So let's start with the one last week. Last week wasn't that... You were dying. I was dying. You were fucking red as shit. Well, there was a couple of them at the AMC theater. There was that one. And then there was the one with the inside out. Two? I'm still mad about that. Yeah. So where does all Beetlejuice on Friday and night last week? By the way, a great movie. Everybody should have seen that before. Yeah, go see it. But we get into the back row. By the way, the back row is the best seats in the theater. I don't care what anybody says. You can see all the vibrations on the stereo and everything. And you can look up and you can see the screen on the... And I'm tall enough to throw my hand up and put my middle finger on the screen that goes on the projector. And I kind of like that feature. Anyway, when you see it, when you see the horrible movie, I get into the theater. I sit down and my chair won't recline. By the way, the theater seats are horrible for back problems because I fucking hate them. And I knew my chair would recline. So it feels like hardwood on my back. And I'm like, this is not going to go over well. So I get mad as shit after punching the control panel. I rip the cover of the control panel off and I'm trying to finagle this thing. I still don't work. By the way, the movie hasn't started yet, so it's pretty easy. I don't give a fuck anyway. So I get up and I put my hand in the chair and rip half of the fucking lane out. The chair is flipped over. I knocked the kid out of his fucking seat because I've had a heart. I just ripped this seat. It happened over there. I seen the kid on the floor. I didn't know. I launched that motherfucker dude. I didn't know that I was trying to pull my shit back in. Because it's held together with a Sony PS5 fucking wire. I don't know how it comes undone. So I launched this kid about five feet. I look over at him. He's right as fuck. So his wife jumps over the line that I just ripped out the wall and tries to plug my seat in. And popcorn goes everywhere. And I'm just like, I'm trying to fix my chair. I just want to be a little bit comfortable. Still didn't work. Still didn't work. Everything got plugged in. My seat would not go back. So my wife is like, I'll just go into the seat over. And midway through the movie, this old guy comes inside me. And I'm like, what the fuck? And he starts feeding this kid a big pouch of airheads. He's got an airhead and a fucking high seat. That ain't good. That is not a good thing. Feed your kid. If I have to guess, the kid was about four or five, right? Yeah, five. Yeah. He's eating popcorn. He's eating these airheads and he's eating this lushy. And I'm like, something's got to give over here. There's no way this kid is going to sit through this hour and 45 minute movie without doing something stupid. But, and after this is after I launched him five feet and I look over and this old motherfucker is taking photos of this kid for no fucking reason. So the flash is going off in the middle of the movie. Yeah, that agitated me a lot. And I noticed that I tried to remain cool because I know this is like your first probably get together in the movie fair. He's like four or five years old. Yeah. But don't be distracting. Like all I ask. Yeah. But I'm having a seizure over here because all I see is flashing and flashing and flashing. And then I hear is, and I see this red stuff just go all over the seat in front of me. All over the seat and all over the guy, right? I'm like, and I look over at this dude and I go, what the fuck do you think was going to happen? And he goes, I'm so sorry. I said, is he even old enough to get through the fucking front door of the movie theater? Speaking of 13, he ain't 13. Like, I don't want to be that old guy that says get off my lawn, but like half of the theater was not 13. Let's be real. And I'm in the audience. Do not wait until it comes to watching at home. You got to see this shit in theaters. The shooters. Yeah. And my wife is going, what happened? I'm like, this kid puked all over himself. All over him and all over the dad. Or of course, whatever. And I'm sitting here going, what did he think was going to happen? He goes, like, what did he feed him? I said, a bag of airheads, a slushie in popcorn. Yeah, that was pretty bad. Three of the most sleeveless combinations with a four year old. And they get out of the theater. I see the dad's church was red. And, and the kid is laughing about this. Yeah, like the funny at that point. Y'all thought this was a good idea. And then this is the kicker that got me. We were leaving the theaters and they're doing a meet and greet with the fucking Beetlejuice poster. Where everybody is a line of people. Yeah, like it was like Beetlejuice was here himself. Yeah. And I'm like, and I shout, how about we fucking leave? And everybody's like, we're just taking photos. I'm like, but you're impeding the traffic of people leaving the theater. The theater was like 85% full. And y'all are just standing here waiting for Beetlejuice to come out himself. It was pretty bad. And this is why I don't go to theaters on Fridays. Like when we get tickets and stuff for like Wednesday and Thursdays, it's because I don't want mouth breathers around me. Yeah, it was pretty bad. And the kids were crying and stuff in the theater. Like get the fuck out of here, dude. Well, we didn't have too many of that in ours. But there was people that weren't 13 that was in that theater, though. Yeah. Yeah. I thought PG 13 meant PG 13. Yeah, as long as I guess when you're with an adult observer. And if you need to go to the bathroom, they'll go to AMC. No, because three out of the four has broken doors that don't work. Doors laying on the floor. There was the door on the ground. Yeah. Like somebody couldn't unbuckle their pants. Fast enough. And somebody's went, ah, rip the door off. Trash bags on the stalls. The best one I have in AMC is where somebody ripped the door, where they ripped the lock off, flipped the lock around. So it locks from the outside, not the inside. People are standing there using the bathroom. And they're like, what about the ones we got to stick your finger in the hole. And lock it. I'm like, what the fuck is it? So people are standing there going, you know, see what you're doing? And it's like, no, get away. He's smiling, taking a shit. Yeah, someone walks in like something as a kid, he goes walking in and he's looking and he like grabs the door and just starts ganking on it. What are you doing? You know what gets me the most about these people is the people that pull their pants down all the way to go to the bathroom. Oh yeah. Yep. I will hold it till I go home. Yeah. Thank you very much. All right. Do you want to tell the one about the IMAX? We went and seen Twister sitting there and we were talking about this beforehand. This movie was like a horrible movie or whatever, but it wasn't going to be. We knew Twister was a pretty good movie. Anyway, so we're sitting there and I'm like, if this movie is horrible, we're good. We got to do something. We got to do something to make our statement well known here. And, of course, we're sitting there and we're laughing about it. We can that day, didn't we? We confused them really good because we're thinking, okay, it's like, we're taking a chair with us. We're just going to pick the chair up and take it with us. That's just what we're going to do. And after investigation, these chairs are not held down very, very solidly. Oh, no, you can probably take. You probably could rip the whole chair out the bottom, the top, the whole deal and take it with you home. Like Dan's going to stop you. There's only like four people in that store anyway. So anyway, we're sitting there in a movie's server. And I was like, all right, it was a good movie. We're like, all right. So he grabbed the chair to stand up and stood up. I grabbed the whole chair and I pulled up. The cushion started moving. You get the right idea. You're like, Oh, forget this. All right, you ripped the top off the chair. And it looks like an Ikea chair. You ever bought a a bedroom set or anything. And it has the slats of an Ikea set. But it has a cushion that's velcro to it. Yeah, that's the way the seats are. What are you doing? That's your, your wife goes, what are you doing? You're like taking the chair. Take it with me. Fuck this. Next thing you know, you just throw it down inside the chair and I'm sitting there going, all right, I'm dying at this point. We're dying, leaving the theater. I sit there. I said, look, I can tell you right now these people are going here to clean these theaters because there was three people or two people. Sorry. Two people get ready to go in there and clean it. I said, man, I'm telling you right now. This is what they're going to do. The guy's going to walk in and look up in the chairs and go up the chairs and he's going to go, Oh, man, not again. They took the chair apart. I would have loved to have been there to see that. I have a little history with AMC. They probably see me coming and going, God damn it, not again. Not him again. So this was after the fact that my birthday was on a weekend. So we went and saw the last exorcism with Russell Crow. And it was so bad. That's only us. It was only us and two people. Yeah. And I walked up to one of the front counter people. I said, y'all better stop showing this fucking movie. This fucking movie sucks. And I went straight to laugh and they go, what movie was after the last episode? And he goes, Oh, yeah. And I'm like, y'all need to like kick this out now. This movie fucking blows here. I thought I was just goofing. No, I really meant that. That movie was worse. And then come to find out that the AMC manager listens to my podcast. It's fucking hilarious. What? Yeah, the manager for AMC. Yeah. One of the last times we went there before we went went and saw the editors. He says, yeah, I found you on Apple Podcast. Nice. He sees me. He told me stuff about that. I sent him the part of Spry Show about AMC, AMC theater seats. Yeah, what did he say? And he said, yeah, we don't really see a lot of girth. He said girth we men in here. I'm like, what the fuck is girth we made? That's funny. I think Spry is over girth. I'm just saying. That's a good, that's a goody right there. How did that? That's pretty cool. Pretty funny. And I think he's the guy that wrote the review. Oh, maybe is that the guy? Is that the guy that sat there and asked you, Hey, are you the one that wears the. No, no, I was different. I was different person. Okay, I was going to say that's him. So, he's the one I got so mad about cuckoo that he changed my heat that he removed it from my account. Oh, yeah, yeah, because that was horrible. So, what would you like to tell him about the gas station story next? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, we need to have an episode of called gas station chronicles. Man, I got, I got stories for days, days with gas station. So, that's what I do. I work on gas stations. I'm a service technician. I do service work. And you do a good job, sir. Yeah, I do a wonderful job. I fix everybody's everybody's mistakes. It's okay. Even when you drive off with a host, I fix that too. Yeah, Fox. Anyway. So, we're one day I was with my, my, my dad works with me, or I work with my dad. So, we were there together working together at a site. And this, and this kid had to use the bathroom so bad. Mom gets him out of the van, walks him inside, asks the cashier, do you got a bathroom? The guy says, No, I don't have a bathroom. Meanwhile, he's selling food in there. So, like, they have a bathroom, but it's not for public use. There's no sit down tables or anything like that. So, it's not for public use. And mother, mother comes out. She's all mad. She's storming out of the door. She goes, she stands there for a minute and she goes, All right, son. Here you go. She picks him up, sits him on top of the gas pump. Now, he didn't have to go number one. So, he's sitting on top of the gas pump. And here, here comes Turd all down in front of it. And we're sitting there and he goes, Mom, how am I going to clean myself? She said, Don't worry about that, son. Take your underwear off, just wipe and just throw it on top. I'm like, what in the world is going on here? And, and meanwhile, you could see the kid just squat on top of the gas. He's a little 34 years old. How about dad comes out and he's like, All right, we're going to start working on this guy. I said, Don't touch that pump. Don't touch the gas pump. At the day, they don't, they don't got back in the van and left. I said, Don't touch that gas pump. He goes, Why? I said, the mother put the kid on top. And, and there's turds. There was turds. And meanwhile, you look at the bottom of the gas pump. There's turds laying on the floor. He's like, we're leaving. We got in the truck. They told the guy, look, you got to go out there with Windex and you got to clean the gas pump up in like, do you have a biohazard suit and liquid acid. Windex and bleach and everything else. And the guy goes, what's happened? What happened? It's like, no, no, no, no, go watch your cameras. You see what happens. You told them, no, they went outside and used to get it back from when you get. Do I have to ask what location you were in? I was Baltimore City, Baltimore City, right on Pulaski Highway. Say, fuck in less. It's, I could actually, I'll tell you exactly the store. Eagle Martin. Damn, we drop a name in there. Yeah, Eagle Martin Pulaski Highway. I don't really care that don't go there and use your credit card either. They don't, they're not secured. They're not secured. Eagle Martin. Jesus Christ. We got, we got. Okay, we got to tell the near death story at my house. Oh, not mine. No, but I'm going to tell one on you afterwards. No, I'm going to start one on you now. Oh God. No flowers. No flowers. Oh, no flowers. That's my greatest hit. Oh man, that one's the meat. But so we went to an oil game recently. And this motherfucker over here got the idea to eat a warehouse dog. No, no, I was a dog is a prep is a pretzel bun beef frank frank football with grilled onions, cheese, bacon, relish, and what else was on it. Oh God, it had so much stuff on it. It was bacon. It was the biggest monstrosity I've ever seen somebody eat. And this guy over here, he goes, I'm going to eat one of these hot dogs. I said, I said, I would not eat that hot dog with your mouth is exactly what I said. So we all texted a wife saying, you better say your goodbyes now because he's about to die in the parking lot. I was going to die there, not even in the parking lot. I don't think I was going to make it. For one, this, this, this foot long hot dog was $22. Which I didn't pay for, which you have the picture show everybody that I have the picture. Because this is, this is the hot dog. Everybody take a fucking look at that. It's got onions. This is this motherfucker. It's pretzel bun foot long hot dog. I couldn't eat it. I couldn't eat it the whole thing. It was $22.75 is what it's got. It's got onions on it. Cheese, cheese steak. He looked at me and said, do you want to ask? Green peppers on it. Yeah, I asked you, did you want to happen? You were like, no, I said, I have a saying with you. I have a second lease on life now. I don't want to die. He's dead for two, but I cut it in half and gave half of it to your wife. Yes. He gave half of it to my wife and she gave half of it. She wasn't feeling too good after that. Then to ate this hot dog. I'm looking at him. I'm having a great time now. You're laughing. You are sweating so fucking bad. Well, it was warm that day too. The storm was getting ready to roll through. But you just had 5 million calories in 30 seconds. Yeah, that was a lot. You just got a pig valve put in your chest. And you said the cow valve. Yeah, you should have a cow valve. Either way, I should have never ate that. You said what's the warranty on this pig valve I just got? I'm trying to limit this. I'm going to down my throat. I didn't even eat the whole thing. I ate like, I ate half of my half. And then I was like, just took the hot dog off and ate that and then threw it in trash. And I'm like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go to the 410 stand and get three hot dogs for the price of one while this motherfucker dies. Yeah. So we walk over to the stand and he's coming running over. And I'm like, what the fuck's wrong with? He goes, do, do. Where's the fucking bathroom? And I'm like, where's the closest rush for? He goes, okay. I'll be right back. And zooms in like the flash. And I'm like, I should not be running. Like his, his Apple watch said 198. Yep. It was almost 200, 200 beach per minute, which is very, very, very, very high. Oh my God. And I felt like I was going to die. We text his wife and saying, yep, pay your ass, laugh respects. He's about to die in the bathroom. Like he comes out of the bathroom, 35 minutes later, dripping with sweat, pale fuck. Well, meanwhile, I'm so from running because of the rain, but your pale weight. Oh, man, I felt so bad. It's covered in sweat and rainwater. And it looks like you ran a marathon. Oh my God. I started feeling better after after a little bit, you know, my face and everything got colored back in it. And I went and got a bottle. I think I did I get a bottle of water before we left? Yeah, I got a bottle. He drank two bottles of water. And then we got the golf cart to go back to the car. The car because we weren't sitting there anymore longer when the rain. And then you went back to the bathroom one more time before we left. Yeah. And I was like, dude, do you feel better now? He goes, I feel fine now. So I'm like, I'm like, you probably had the meanest shit. The heartbeat was at like, at that point, I think my heartbeat was like, at like 175. If I was your surgeon, one, and you came back a year after I replaced the valve, I wouldn't have that valve again. I would ask you just just nicely. What the fuck did you do to this one? I destroyed this. And he would pull the valve out your heart and just see the remnants of this fucking hot dog pouring out like a plumber. Oh, God, man, that thing. All right. I will never ever eat one of those again. I will never. And I mean that as long as I live, I will never eat another one. And what's funny is he bought himself a chicken sandwich and bought you a heart attack. Yeah, my father-in-law did. Yep. You could have bought me the chicken sandwich. I mean, how would I eat fucking terrible chicken sandwich? But anyway, all right. So the other near death experience that I had or no, not that I had somebody else that were sitting there at your house having a good time. I know, you know, we're watching television, you know, kick back and a friend of yours came over and he's trying to hit his vape. Can't get his vape the hit. He's trying to warm it up and he's sitting there trying to pull on that vape so hard. Finally, a look over. Nicely, you know, he's. He out the head, the head laid back arm still up in the air. Next thing you know, his arm falls. I said, yo, dead. He dead. This is my friend that ran to the door. Ran into my basement door while he's pointing at the dead body. I'm like, yo, I'm yelling his name and he's not answering it. I'm yelling at this dude. I'm like, somebody getting my hundred dollars. This fat motherfucker is dead on my couch. And we're all dying and then he looks over and goes, what? I was like, no, no way. You were dead. He goes, huh? I was like, yo, don't remember. He's dead. He was dead for about three minutes. To catch everybody up since that happened, he has had COVID. He has been locked up in prison for a night. Yep. His car was leaking 89 octane. I don't think it is now. I don't think it is now. He had a gas leak on his car that he was driving and leaking gasoline everywhere. Then the lug nuts on his tire fell the fuck off. And he was still driving. Yeah. And then he went to the emergency room that week and thought he broke his arm. I'll let that sink in for a second. String of bad luck. He's on his ninth life. Like in place about this nine life thing. And this dude is pushing his luck by going to work every day. He's going to be ghostrotter by the end of the month. I can see him up in flames. I have six. You forgot the negative in front of that six, homie. You have seen the ER more than I have this year. Shut the fuck up. So you call this not a goody, but I have to tell it anyway. It don't matter. So I had open heart surgery back in May last year. And everything went great. No, I got up. I walked that meant they got me out of that hospital in three days, which I wasn't. I wasn't even supposed to be out of the hospital until 10 days. They let me go home after three days of open heart surgery. So I'm home probably for about four days. And I decide I'm going to get up and go outside and take pictures. You got to tell the story before this one. How your surgeon had no reviews. Oh, yeah. I set this one before that one. All right. I got to set this up here. So I don't think anybody knows the full, the full entirety of this story. No, I don't think anybody does. So I was put in a bad predicament that I had no control of. So here's the, here's the, just this whole story now. So we're sitting there. We're getting ready going for surgery. I went into surgery on May 15th of last year. Where'd you have surgery at somebody else? Oh, University of Maryland. I love that the hospital was great. I wouldn't have, I would not have open heart surgery anywhere else. Dr. David Zapata is his name. That's not what I got in fucking text message form. Oh, man. My wife is sitting there and she don't know how to spell Zapata the last name. I don't know how to spell correctly spell correctly with the ball. She don't know how the spelling of his last name was very big, whatever. Your wife's asking her, Hey, what's your dot? What's, what's, you know, B's doctor's name? And she gives the name. Of course, your wife goes on Google and tries to Google him and give him, get it, get a review on this doctor. Meanwhile, you just had open, you just had back surgery. I had neck surgery. It was my first one. Yeah, search one. And she's sitting there. She's googling this doctor's name. This doctor does not come up at all. She goes, we got a problem. She, she barges in her, in my bedroom where I was laid up at. I'm still in neck brace. This is like two days after I get out of the hospital. I saw a neck brace on. She kicks the door open. And yells at you here. Yeah. I'll add you, like you do anything. I said, what is the house on fire? Like, that's a problem, right? Cause you can't get out the door. She goes, B, B's having open heart surgery right now. I said, yeah, I know he goes. She goes, I just googled his name. He doesn't have a review. He didn't come up. I think he's in a posture. I don't think he's a real doctor. What the fuck do you want me to do about it? I, I'm pretty sure his heart is already out of his chest. I don't think I could help him right now. So, so my, my wife, you know, is in the waiting room freaking out. Like she, she don't know what to do. Uh, so, you know, Madam boss is texting her back, telling her, this doctor don't have no reviews. They're like, oh, he's like, no, no, no, no. He's a real doctor. It is, you know, he's real. I've met him already. And she goes, no, no, no. He has no reviews. He's not real. And it was like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Time out. Stop. This doctor is real. She told me, what are you going to do about this? She said, aren't you going to do anything about it? I said, I can barely walk. I had 39 staples on my neck. What could I possibly do? She goes, we got to stop this surgery. And you're like, when did the surgery start? Two hours. Yeah. Five o'clock this morning. She goes, he's already in La La Land. Hearts already taken out of the chest. It's eight forty five. Yeah. Done. Five o'clock in the morning. My surgery started. How many hours later? Nine hours later. I come to at some point. I come to and, uh, you know, I've never heard this story until like four, you know, like three days. I've never heard the story about until like two days later. And then I get the whole thing. You text me. I text you while me and you were up at four thirty in the morning every night talking to one another about our surgeries and surgeries. And I tell you, and you said, that is hilarious, but I can't laugh because I'll pop my stitches out. Oh, yeah. My chest and everything. Oh, God. It was bad. She, she got so mad at me because I would not get up out of the, out of the bed to help you. You could have thought, Hey, go down there. Stop the surgery. She walk in there and tell the doctor, Hey, we got to stop this because. You looked at me with a stern look on her face. What kind of friend are you? I said, I'm the kind of friend that has thirty nine staples in my neck right now. Yeah, do nothing. I'm like, what do you want me to do? Stop. And he'll, and then he'll put his hands up with your heart in his hand. What the fuck am I going to do? The valve out and everything's got the valve here. You're, you're, you're. But technically you're dead at this point. And she's like, stop the surgery. So yeah, I was on a buyback machine and everything already. So I mean, I was dead. I was dead. She was like, stop the surgery. So then, so a couple days later, I, um, I love to do photography work and stuff. I, it's a hobby of mine. It was almost your last photo. It was, yeah. So I went out and it was a nice warm day, about 95 degrees outside. And I had open heart surgery. Of course, you know, I'm going outside to walk because that's what I wanted to do. So I went out and took pictures of flowers and, you know, nature stuff in my, in my yard, since I couldn't drive anywhere. It's pretty much what I did. It's nature photos in my yard and stuff. Cause I had like, in my back yard, you know, it goes down a bunch of trees. So I get a bunch of birds and all kind of wild animals. I come through there. So anyway, um, a couple hours later. Goodbye. I went in the house. I sat on the chair. I didn't feel too hot. And let's say, and, uh, my heart starts to, you know, flutter a lot. And the next thing I know, my heart is beating like really hard. You can see them also moving in my chest and whatnot. I'm sitting there. So I text my home nurse and I was like, Hey, man, I got really bad heart. You know, fluttery consultations going on and heart rate was really high. And he was like, well, how high are we talking? Like 117. That's not terrible. What are you doing right now? I said sitting in my chair and he was like, Ooh, okay, 117 sitting in the chair. We got, we might have issues. And so like I was like, all right, well, I'm going to go down, you know, I'm going to walk downstairs where it's cool or maybe, maybe something like that will help. So I go downstairs. I'm sitting there and a, you know, sitting there. And then my heart rate went from 117 of to like 170. And they went from 170 to 180 to 190. And I'm sitting in a, I'm sitting in a chair downstairs and I was like, Oh, nope. I'm going back upstairs. We're going in hospital. So I get out and get a car got my heart pillow in between my chest and everything. So I tried to as, as King over here says, so you went out and looked at flowers and tried to die. I didn't try to die. I was, you were on the perling steps. Yeah, I was, I was on my way out. But to find out that my heart was fine and everything. It was just, uh, they called it. They called it BTAC, but that's not what it was. It's like, can you call it like a pulmonary episode or some shit? It was something like that. It was just my heart rate went really, uh, high in electric stat. Like your, your heart starts to beat in a circle. And what it did is it didn't go in a complete circle. The beat didn't, like your heart. That's, yeah, SVT. Yep, that's it. Um, and that's what it did. And they were getting ready to shock me in the hospital and everything. My heart rate went from like super high to like really low, real quick. As soon as they said they're going to shock me, I was like, uh, uh. If it don't come down within 20 minutes, get to a hospital. So somebody asked what a SVT is. Oh, it's, I don't even know the whole thing, but that's what it is. It's a, some type of a. Super, super ventricle. Which is a condition that calls an irregular or abnormally fast heartbeat. Yes, that's it. Oh, yeah, I forgot. She works for a cardiologist. Sorry. Oh, that's nice to know now. Hey, I know a good cardiologist. We fucking need one with reviews. That's funny. So anyway, that's what happened there. And, uh. Oh, she was helping. My bad. I just googled for no fucking reason. Thank you very much. So before we continue this, should I drop the latest, uh. Mud cricket mayhem, little smidgen of news. Oh, wait a minute. We got new news. You know what the new news is. Everybody else doesn't know what the new news is. Oh, so. Oh, yeah. So if you want to hear the newest mud cricket mayhem. Good or other show release. So somebody, all I'm going to say is somebody has the IRS after them. Oh, yeah. No, they did. No, no breakup. No breakup. But all I'm going to say is somebody got the IRS to show up at their house and they owe the government a hundred and ninety thousand dollars and unpaid taxes, 190, 190,000 dollars and unpaid taxes. Yikes. Oh, yeah. As a person. The person in question did not do her taxes. For like. Couple of years, but the person. In the family did the taxes. There's a little tidbit for you. Oh, so. There's your follow up so because we don't have enough. News to do another mud cricket mayhem. Madness three. There's nothing. Not yet, but we will. We are gathering more information. We are gathering more information as it breaks, but she got a phone call. Her sister. Has unpaid taxes, 190,000 dollars. But the, but her sister. Doesn't do the taxes. The mud cricket does the taxes. So who do you think is owed tax? The actual over here. Wouldn't surprise me any though, but anyway. But there's your latest of what we have. And the taxes are for a home in Pennsylvania. What? Yes, sir. We have done a little bit of research on this. It's for a fuel fund for a house in Pennsylvania. And if you remember her sister was talking to a guy in Pennsylvania. Oh, the guy that, uh, yep, yep. The guy that catfished her. Yep. How many of you think this dumb bitch gave out her social spirit number? Oh. Anyway, back to a regular scheduled episode. I'll let that marinate a little bit. So what is the next story we tell? Oh, man. Well, I, I know a story. But story. So do you want to tell the, uh, the one testicle story? Yeah, that's where I was going. All right. Everybody listening. Buckle the fuck up. We have a story for one testicle. So this is a, uh, this is just a person that I, I, I know, um, told me this story. I don't know if it's a person that they know or personal experience or not. But anyway, so a person that I know told me this story. That this guy was dating the girl. Came up with this idea here of we're going to, we're going to, uh, we, we can, we can. Whoa. Do you see the chat room? What the fuck that got to do with anything? I'm not too sure. Thank you for that breaking news. Thank you for breaking news. Okay, continue. Anyway, so this guy told us, told this girl, Hey, I, we can, we can have sex unprotected because I only have one testicle and I can't get you pregnant. Fuck your kid. So, anyway, so this person says, okay, how we can do this. Does that work? So, hey, I don't know. So I laugh. I said, don't, don't these people know, like, you, you, oh, you, oh, you need is one. You don't need to. You just need one. And if it's pertinent of it, well, it will produce a kid. So sure enough. The girl got pregnant. Spoiler alert. It worked. It worked. The girl got pregnant. And, uh. Yeah, all day, all day was one sliver. That's all it takes. So she, she, girl got pregnant and, uh, yeah. She had to marry that guy or whatever. And yeah, that was the, that's the story. But I've never heard of, you know, a person telling somebody that, like, one testicle. And I, I can't get you pregnant. We don't have to wear condoms or nothing. They're protection. They're nothing. So, anyway, get the fuck out of here. I, I already knew you were talking about. And I would love to punch her square in the face. I just, I shout out to the one nut people. No, I'm good. I'm good. I am very, very good. Please tell the story about the, uh, the boiling water story. All right. So his person, his person put boiling water on the stove one day and, uh, let says, oh, through, through the book, through this big pot on the stove. Build it up through some salt in it. So we'll be good. I'll be back. I'm going to go on a walk left the house. If it wasn't for two people showing up when they did, that house would have been gone. So they get there and, uh, they walk in the house. They open the door. The house is filled with smoke. Runner already turned stove off. This stove, the paint, the bowl is bone dry. Got burnt marks on it. This person shares back up and goes, what happened with the water? It don't, what happened? Did you dump it out? And she goes, no, you left it on the stove boiling and it evaporated. You try to burn the house down. The person looks around the room and goes, oh, we can't eat it. It don't evaporate. You dumped the water out. I can't make this stuff up. By the way, this is the, this is the same person. That said one person with one nut can't get me pregnant. Yep. Same person. So you know how dumb this person is. So anyway, oh, yeah, there were so many story. I could go with that first, but I'm not going to. Um, when they're not all goodies, they're not all goodies. We don't need to be called home of homes again. Like, here's the thing. I'm not even going to make that comment. I'm going to leave that one alone. I'm going to make this comment. I'm going to leave that alone. I'm not going to, I am not. I hear, here's the thing. I am not against gay people. We don't have any. My thing is, we have, you can like and suck on and put things in your ass on your own time, but as soon as you touch me, we fighting. And we have no, um, we, I don't, we don't really care about the whole politics. But this person keeps going on Facebook and keeps saying make America gay again. This is the same person that said that one person with one nut can't get me pregnant. Yeah. So we just leave that alone. Like I said, I'm no, no. We're not. No, because she calls on herself. So what's the next one that we're going to tell? Should I tell my first airplane story? I think you should tell your first airplane story and then I'm going to go into the stadium story. Oh, the stadium story is my fucking favorite. So we, I had a big trip planned with a bunch of my friends to Chicago and I had to get on an airplane for this bullshit. By the way, after the story, I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever fly again. I am too fucking big for fucking seats on an airplane. The airplanes are small. I got out of the bed. Nobody. I'm not as small as you. I'm fucking big as shit, dude. It sucks. It, it sucks because when you, you're sitting there and it's you and then one other person and then you're, you're significant other or whatever you might be sitting between two randoms. It, it talks. Here's the thing. Nobody warned me for turbulence. Nobody warned me how big the seats were. Nobody warned me either. When I flew, I flew to Vegas and nobody warned me about that. And the entire time we're on the plane and we're flying across Vegas and we had turbulence. The plane's shaking and I said, it's going down. We're done. We're done. So it's the guy next to me goes, no, that's just turbulence. We're okay. I said, nope, we're going down. We're going down. For one, it's 5.30 in the morning. I had to get up for this shit. I, then I had to get touched during security. I don't want to. Oh, yeah. You get, you get packed down. And we get on this airplane. We're, I think we'll never like be or see or something. And we get on the airplane. There is two seats left. And I'm like, fucking hell. And one's next to a window and one is right next to it. There is a little old lady right at the end of the aisle. And I'm like, there is no way. I'm, I'm hurtling over some ways, grandmother. I, she goes, I can't move my legs. I'm like, okay, here we go. This is even worse. And this was in my prime where I could move. Move your legs and it. I hurt all of this woman. And she moves her legs up when I'm trying to throw my leg over. And I, I sweep both of these women's legs like Karate Kid. I would say I'm like, fucking hell. And then I get in the seat. My, my, my body is barely in between the two, the two handles here. And I have to suck in my chest and then stay, like sit up straight. If I will breathe out, my shit would pinch. Yeah. Like this is a horrible day to be fucking fat. Oh, I know. I'm thinking about that as you're getting on. No, you cannot lift the handles. I tried. So I'm like, this is going to be real terrible. Well, hold on until a point. You can lift them, but they don't on some planes. They don't go all the way up and flat. There was no button here. The steward is was like, these can't move. And I'm like, fuck. So I'm getting pinched on both sides of my abdomen here. So we, so we take off and everything's fine. It's smooth as shit. And then we got about to, we were just over Cleveland. And it felt like Shaquille O'Neal was. Then it's taking that cockpit around a good, good bit. And then the grandma next to me hits my seatbelt and unhooks my seatbelt. So my instance, I take my arm and I go, wham, right over her chest. I fucked this grandma up. You hit the grandma. Don't touch my seatbelt during a disaster in the air. Well, she probably was trying to get hers. She hit yours by accident. She goes. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was my seatbelt. And I'm like, keep your arm on your side of the border. I forearm the shit out of this. Out of this woman. And there is a video on her phone of me freaking out mid air. This shit was not fun. She had, she took a video of you freaking out. She had a half serious. And guess what? She posted it over Facebook. Oh, I got to find his woman's name. I got to find his woman's name. I got to find that video. I wish I knew because I saw her upload the video. Yes. Then on the way back, it gets worse. So it was, so we actually got good seats coming home. It was me, Madam Boss, and then it was a flight attendant. The flight attendant was near the window. Very nicely. She goes, I'm just going home. Luckily it was BWI. And she was, she was with us basically because she's going the same place. And this bitch, dude. So he's so nice. Listen to what this, listen to what this bitch does. Cause you know, you can follow the airplane on your phone, right? Yeah. You can follow a button where you could say it says Southwest or whatever you're flying now. Yeah. Where you can see yourself on the map of where you are. So it, so the, to the flight went down to like North Carolina and spun around and took a hard left. And go up. Go up. Mid hard left. The flight attendant flings the window open and goes, oh, look. And she, I go, not today. You were like me then. Cause like my wife, so when we took off, I don't like take off or landing. Take off a landing fire. I hate it. Anything in between. I'm going down. And I did not want to fall asleep either on that plane. I was so scared to go to sleep. That you may not wake up. Yeah. I was like really scared to go to sleep. So I was like, nope. This woman. But it falls like 40 minutes if that. This woman flung the window open and stuck her face on the window. Like she was window shopping, bro. She wouldn't watch the way you make that turn. I look at Madam boss. And I go, if she does anything sketch. I'm taking my left foot. And I'm kicking her out of that fucking window. Like start licking the window. So what's funnier is this is what she does for me. And I look at this at the flight attendant goes, my friend doesn't like the doesn't like height. Do you mind closing the window? She goes, well, your friend needs to get over it. I said, you're her friend is about to kick your motherfucking window. Like, cause this is when me and hers first started hanging out. Like we just hung out. Yeah. And she she was like, will you please not open the window anymore? And she goes, why? Cause he's a pussy. And I'm like, excuse me. You were supposed to be really nice lady. Now you're being mean. You're being a fucking bitch right now. And you want to be on the newsletter where someone gets mad as fucking kicks you out of the fucking window. Lady gets kicked out of the airplane and falls. I will never get on a plane. I'm telling you right now. I'm telling you right now. Somebody Vegas. A lot of drugs. We're going to take you on a plane. We can drive a train. No, that's five days of driving. I don't know what train right. Probably like two days. Would you want to be in a small small space for two days? No, it's not really that bad. I've never, so I've ridden, I have taken a train. There was a comment in there. It says train train or fat people, people friendly. Are you calling me fat? Train. No, that's from the comment from the person. I, yes, the train is very friendly. Fine. But it's confined. You don't, you can't get out. I mean, there's no getting out of there. If you don't like small spaces or anything like that, or you'd like big room. How long is the plane ride to Vegas? It's six hours. How much drugs do I need to buy? Just get drunk and you'll fall asleep for two hours. Drink. Oh, just drink on the plane. You'll be okay. Don't worry, bro. Okay. You want me to drink and then get motion. It's like this in a pubic and everybody. No, that's not exactly. I flew, I flew fine. We flew fine going out until we got like over to Arizona and stuff. Cause like that's where turbulence is really bad. But, um, coming back was, was fine the whole way. There was no turbulence. There was nothing. But we flew red eye. So we flew. We left there in a, well, they say it's red eye, but it's not. It was, uh, we flew from there to back to BWI. Okay. But it was like we left there and it was sunlight. And when we got halfway across, it was dark. When we got back to Maryland, it was like three o'clock in the morning. This is, this reminds me of when, when, when Brandon lived in Seattle. He's like, you need to come to Seattle. I said, I am not going to Seattle. That is the fucking suicide capital of the world. They, there's, there's been videos. Oh, it does. Seattle. Oh, it does. Yeah. Yeah. Because it just rained. Just like Alaska. When my dad went to Alaska, he goes, I went, when there's 30 days of night. God. Yeah. Fuckers. No. 30 days of up your night. Those are all in the air force. And he was out there. And he said they had to take vitamins and certain things to keep, because there's no sunlight. No. I need a little bit of sunlight in my life just because I don't go outside. Yeah. Like, get the fuck out of here. And how much does Delta cost? I've seen Delta's prices. Delta's expensive. I mean, we, we, we were looking for a flight, but I don't know yet, but they were expensive. Delta was expensive. I was going to do, uh, Southwest is not that expensive. Well, you only fly flight Delta because you're bougie. Just saying. Yeah. And, um, and I'm going to speak for yourself and go, nobody wants to go to Nashville. That's all I'm going to say. We're not talking about that. You're not talking about that. I'm not going to, I'm telling you. Nobody wants to go to Nashville. Make sure you play this for her. You're welcome. I don't know. Anyway. She'll probably listen to it. If I tell her what, what the name of the show is and everything she'll probably listen to. Proceed with caution because we're going to tell shit that we're not allowed to tell anywhere else. Because, oh, I think my story is I can tell everywhere else, but, but I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want to get in trouble. Yeah. We're going to do another episode on here, which is going to piss a lot of people off. So tune in for that one because we're going to do a couple of episodes. I just want to get us canceled on here. Probably. We're going to do one that we talk about school shootings. Yeah. And we're going to a 9/11 episode. So we're trying to find care for us long, probably about three episodes will be canceled. We've already done a religion one. I already got screamed at about religion and I'll need to do that again. Yeah. Where Brandon went on a tirade of the abortion. Not, not me. Not you. The one, the one that. The other one that's that is no longer on the show. So I had a 35 year friendship and because I'm a lot funnier than he is. And he has no personality. And he's with a wife that won't touch him. So if you want to send him. He all 305 at gmail.com. Why? Because he always run to my fucking messages because he's a fucking bitch. Anyway, please tell your story. All right. And it is probably will be the last one. And then we might have to do a part two because we do have a couple more to tell. Anyway, if anybody would like a part two, please comment and say you would like. Because we got some other good ones that are some other good ones. Probably the best one that I can tell right now. Oh, Jesus. So last year, I went to the Ravens in Kansas City game. Go. Cheese in Baltimore. Go. Cheese. All right, Swiftie over there. Talk Lamar Jackson. All right, Mr. Swifty. Anyway, Patrick, we were forever. Mr. Mr. Swifty back to back to back championship coming. Same one in three in a row. Anyway, watch them. I'm sitting there and games going as Gordon, you know, Gordon, a plan. It looked like it was going the right way. And still, Lamar decided to throw an interception and triple coverage in the middle of the end zone. That's what Lamar does. And so after that interception, everybody standing up, you know, getting mad front. There's a lot of people throwing things from the, from the lower encore section. Stay classy, Baltimore on, on to the field, the beer bottles, water bottles, you name it. Guy comes across and says, please, ladies and gentlemen, please do not throw anything on the field. It is prohibited. And more people are throwing things. So everybody standing up. And I, I lost it. This chair in front of me owed me money. I beat the hell out of this chair, like it owed me money. And I'm about ripped the chair out of the seat. And I was going to chuck that onto the field. I wasn't going to make it, but I was going to chuck that down to the next encore section to tell them to keep throwing it onto the field. Um, I lost my mind. It was only a football game. I keep telling myself that now it was only a football game. It wasn't that like I lost money or anything. I didn't bet. So I was, I was good there. Um, but I was, I was very, very upset. It was an AFC Championship game. I was there with, with people and family. And I beat the hell out of a stadium chair, like it owed me money. And my heart rate went from normal to probably high. I don't know what exactly it was that day. I think the track of it. But I, yeah, not a proud moment, but it's a good story, apparently. And everybody loves it. The story. And, uh, man, I destroyed that. Uh, just destroyed it. I didn't break her off and nobody was mad at me. They were laughing, you know, root here. Yeah. I, I will be at Sunday's game. So come on. If anybody hears about a, a chair getting destroyed again, do not look at my way. Cause I did not do it this night. No, it won't be that bad. It won't, it won't be it. It was a championship game. That's probably why it was the worst. I wish I had a video there. Hey, look, if there's a video at it, look it up on YouTube. Um, look it up on YouTube and see if you can find person, person beating up chair. And if you find that, please, please send it to us in email form so I can go watch it. I probably not. I've watched people like, uh, my friend that lives in Florida. He, he threw his remote through his television. Those are my kind of people. They, they, they threw his remote through his television. I mean, there's people that it, a couple of years ago when I was in school, a friend of mine, uh, well, I don't know if he was a friend or not, but I went to school with him and he said his neighbor was in the backyard and they had this big old TV. You know, it was like old style fat, you know, fat, flat screen TV. He took the bar stool and went right through the television. So, I mean, people get upset at a river football game. I mean, it is football. So I'm going to end this episode with a story, which is everybody's favorite story. Oh, here we go. You remember one of the first game that we had in my house. Oh, God. One that I was there. This, this, this one I'm talking about was turned into a gift. That everybody. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. So we have monthly game nights at my house. Yes, everybody. Where everybody comes over. This is a super goody. Where we partake in drugs. We. Some people do. I do know. Some people. Some people want others. Some people have sex in my basement who we won't talk about. Some people come over and say that's a great idea to come over my toilet seat and then deny it. And then two weeks later, tell me to my face that I had a nice bathroom and that he wanted to come in it. But that is not the case here. No, he did not say that to you. I wish I was lying to you. Oh, my God. But I will tell that story on part two if there's, if anybody wants part two. Oh, man. I think we're going to have it now. So me and B over here were on the same team. It was me and B versus the two wives in a game of blockbuster. I think there was one other person there too. Was it another person? Yeah, I think it was the one person that threw the chat was there. I think they were two. I'm not positive. I think he was in the next one after that. Yeah. Anyway. We play this game blockbuster where you act out a movie, quote a movie and everything else. So the, the rule of the game is you have to collect one of each, each color card. We got our ass kicked because this motherfuckers never seen these movies. I've seen these movies. This motherfucker is uneducated. We've lost. But now I'm getting educated. I'm a lot more educated now than I was back then. We lost four games in a row. To our wives. Then I got really fucking pissed. Number five came up and we got beat in a landslide. So I said, B, we lose one more fucking game. I am flipping over this table in the middle of my four. I don't even think we finished the game. I honestly don't even think we finished the game. We did. We finished it. But I think it was like nobody grabbed all the cards. No. I left. I waited for everybody's hands to get off the table for me to flip that motherfucker. Yeah. So I, the cards went everywhere. Yeah. The actual board game went flying everywhere. It is a GIF file of me flipping this table over. If anyone wants to go away. Buy me on Facebook. I'll send it to you. If you want to see this GIF, please hit me up. I will more than happy to show you. Yeah. There's another one out there too. But we don't really talk about that one too much. Then that's not a GIF. There is another one. A couple. Times later. I flip another table over. And I knock hot chocolate all over your wife. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That one didn't become a GIF. The only reason I think the, I think the only reason the one came a GIF. The first one is because the way I walked away. Because you knew it was coming. I stand up and I walk. I stand up and I'm in the corner. I'm dying. I'm laughing. You're like, no, no. No, we had all of this. We're done and there goes the table. We had a room full of people. It was one of the last game was before the holiday season. Yeah. And I got so fucking mad because like, I should be winning this motherfucker. And I flip this table over. We should be winning that game. And I didn't see the person's drink and it knocked the person's drink all over herself. Oh my God. It went everywhere. Hot chocolate. It went everywhere. And that was the same night. Somebody's girlfriend from a foreign country came and blew up my bathroom and left the door open. So, but then I don't even think she anticipated that night and game night. She sat in the kitchen. She sat in the kitchen, blew up the bathroom downstairs, left the door open and left. And left. And left. I was like, it was, it was, it was rain. It was rain. Like I get it. Okay. You got to go. You got to go. But at least spray or put the close the door, leave the van on. So that no, we just leave in the door wide open. It took to get the van. Please. For my bathroom to recover after that. That is another great visit. This woman didn't talk to nobody. Didn't even give me a fuck you later. Nothing. She said, hi, I'm going to fuck your bathroom up now. Bye. That bathroom will never be the same after. Some might blew it up and somebody came over. That's why I don't even like using that bathroom downstairs. It has seen more action than the, than the other Brandon. Just like so. No more email giving out. Be mall 305 at gmail.com. No more. No. You did that with somebody else too. Double you. No. I'm going to do it. I would have been done. I'm going to hung up. I'm a phone. You dumbass. I'm going to just hung up. No, I'm going to hit the leave button. I'm going to love this. F fuck. All right. Before we get out of here, I have two important announcements to make. If you'd like to show, give it a review. We may do a couple other ones who knows. But dark society of war will have topics and some other things on it now. This will be the real life shit. The smoke sessions with spry has now an official sponsor that I can finally talk about. The smoke sessions is sponsored by raw and monster and monster. Hey, he wanted that so bad too. The work is being finalized. Hey, we're going. I'm happy for you. And now the other, the movie podcast now has an official sponsor and they are sponsored by Shutter, the streaming service. Nice. So now both of my shows, both of our shows or our shows has official sponsors going forward. So now we've got to do more episodes. So now we've got to do a Shutter episode on the movie podcast and we have to do another episode of the smoke session. Keep an eye out for that because that is in the pipeline coming soon. So until next time, I must bid you a do. That's it. [MUSIC] [MUSIC] [MUSIC]