The guys discuss how autocorrect can totally impede an entire canine search party, why a bedazzled butter dish will totally clash with your leftover soufflé, and when a four egg omelette can cost a whopping $10,000.
That Checks Out
“Hiding Spot Coverage” and A Misplaced Bone Flap
- That checks out, Damon and Ted, Damon good. - All right, see, that's where we're going, 'cause we don't have a clock. We don't even know where we're supposed to be going. Hey, so, it's Monday morning and you just had a comedy show. You totally, well I'm like, killed it, man. Could've done better. We can play one of those over, okay? We'll decide which one it is. We'll let it down later. What do we call it? A table, fix it and post. Fix it and post. So, "Ted had a comedy show." It was very funny. Everybody relax. Hey, I have a nickname that I tried out at work the other day for somebody and it really went over good. I need your opinion, all right? Mac works for himself so he doesn't really get it, but you work in an office. You work in a setting with other workers. So, a guy walks up and they go, "Who's that?" and I go, "We call him house." Now, I don't know where it came from, but I said, "We call him house." And he goes, "Why'd he call him house?" 'Cause he's so big. I said, "No, 'cause he's got two stories." Every time he asks for something, he's telling me, because he does. Every time he'll go to the manager, he'll say something, then he'll come to me and he'll be like, "Yeah." And I'm like, "Is that what you just told in there?" Is that the story? Listen, can you repeat what you said in there? 'Cause I was outside the door and I heard everything. But yeah, I think house is a cool nickname and two stories, doesn't it make sense, right? Does that check out? Did you steal that from someone? No, no, no, I feel like that works. It's like the story. Now, coincidentally, the guy's my size and/or bigger. So, house would actually be, that's like a double. It's like a double whammy. You could get him either way. So, he just put those in there and you're fighting to get it out. That's crazy. Water bottles. I don't understand the point of putting. Yeah, wait. So, let's display the science here. Mac puts a three-inch-tall water bottle and do a four-inch-tall koozie. Well, I meant that they're room temperature. Yeah, and they're room temperature. So we're-- It's not like they're gonna-- It's not like they're gonna-- (laughing) They're on the floor. Whatever the temperature is, lowest in the room, okay? That's what they are. They're room temperature. It's not like they're gonna sweat on the table. Not at all. Or need to maintain temperature. Correct. They are just here. Correct. And the koozies are to prevent the crinkling sound that people will make when they squeeze the bottles while they drink them. Well, what kind of ogres recording here that they just squeeze bottles? A lot of people do. That's like literally why the koozies are there, really? Because people just squeeze the pieces out of their-- So after they take their shot glass of water that you provided. Now they have to prove it. Now they're like, okay, so that's probably what it is. Get bigger bottles and they won't crumple them up so fast. That's probably what it is. No. Yeah, no, I like that. Turn your desk. No, get bigger bottles. After you're drinking them, they like squeeze it. So I don't know if they don't want to tilt the bottle back. Like they squeeze it on-- They act like it's a hose. Like if you squeeze it, it's gonna shoot in your mouth. The act like it's one of those squeezes. It's the squirky. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Like the kool-aid burst. Like the kool-aid burst, stuff like that, right? Yeah. The burst is the rip off. Squeeze it. Yeah, but kool-aid burst. That's kool-aid, man. All right, so anyway, can we all be on track house? Great nickname, huh? Huh? No, the backstory behind it, yes. OK, but I mean just-- If you just call it my house? No, but the reason why you did it. I think it's solid, right? Yeah. It's solid. All right, so I have a premise. All right, I have one more story. And this story involves Chuck, all right? Now, it's football season, but I'm not going to talk about a game or nothing else. What I am going to talk about is homecoming is coincidentally just passed. Same as your show. They do powder puff football, right? Well, this year, well, Chuckie boy is a coach for the senior girls. Well, he's doing the line and some of the defense, right? So as he's teaching them, I asked him last night and go, hey, how's practice going? I expect him to tell me like, it sucked. They got to get there at 6 in the morning. And they practiced before school, because otherwise, they don't have any time. So I expect him to tell me it sucks. He goes, dad, I got to tell you something. He goes, these girls are mean, and they're ready. And I'm like, why? He goes, I am breeding animals. He goes, they are going because he's got the line. So it's flag football, but he's teaching them how to wrap and then pull the flag, okay? So we're going to have some pretty intense, probably some flags, like penalty flags. And I'm so stoked to go watch my son be a proud coach and watch these girls go out and they got to play the juniors, right, because it's both upper class. But he actually tells me, he goes, we're going to pancake so many girls off that line. He goes, they're going to be on their back, looking at the sky. And my girls are going to be making plays. And the coach from the juniors comes over to him and goes, hey, I watched your practice today. That's not what we're doing. He's like, we better get ready. He tells me, you know? And he's like, you're probably going to injure our girls. He's like, well, we won't injure, but you better be ready. And so I look at him and I go, so it's going pretty good to us. He goes, so Potterpuff could not be going any better. That's what he says, you know? And I'm like, that's kind of how I would act too. It's like, let's take something to the extreme. How can we push the envelope here? You know? You can't tackle someone, but you can violently fire through a girl that's supposed to stop you from getting to that person with no repercussions, technically. You know what I mean? He's breeding the animals and he probably shouldn't be in charge of that part. You know what I mean? - No, that's the first part we agree with. - That's probably, yeah, that's probably, so I'm looking at your face and you're like, - Yeah, I'm not on board with any of that. - I feel like he should not be in charge of that. - So, yeah, the fact that the other guy was like, yeah, we're not doing that. And his response was, oh, maybe for the safety of the people that I've been in charge of, I should tone it back. He's like, well, you better get your people right now. That doesn't sit with me. - I did ask him that. I said, hey, do you have teachers? Because these guys shouldn't be in charge. You know, I said, who do you have out there? He goes, we got teachers out there. I go, guys are girls. - I was teachers. - I said, I said, I said football coaches. He goes, no, like the girls gym teacher and other stuff. And I'm like, okay, I said, and this is flying. And he goes, they're laughing. And I'm like, they're laughing until someone gets hurt. - All right. - If it's sanction, you know, like I didn't read, didn't I read somewhere that someone is starting, some schools are starting to play football? - They're starting to play football. - Yeah, I don't know that his school is, but yes, they are. - But somewhere is it? - Correct. - That's gonna be, you know, like when we were kids, they did power profit, powder profit. And then they did like a cow pipe bingo. They do all kinds of stuff, like homecoming week, you know? The big bonfire, which they don't do that stuff anymore, really, you know? - So I'm just saying, if you're on the other side and you're not expecting to get pancakes. - Right. - And suddenly you get pancaked. - Yeah. - He's right in checks. He doesn't have to cash. - Correct. - Correct. - And I said, that's where I'd be like, I go, so when you get a flag, what are you gonna do? He goes, I'm gonna high fiverr. And he goes, then we're gonna be done. And he goes, and I go, what if they bounce? Or he goes, I got 12 more girls waiting to play line. So he, I tell you what, the man has a plan. I applaud him for that. I think it's an awful plan. - Yeah, I don't, I don't think it's gonna go away. - But we can agree much like the house. The backstory is really where everything's made, right? - We'll see. (laughing) Check in with me. - Yeah, yeah, I should-- - On the 23rd when this comes out. - I was gonna say, yeah. - Let's like, let's circle back then. - Yeah, I'll be like, you know, I can't record this week 'cause I have to testify on Chuck's behalf at a hearing for the school. But yeah, so anyway, Potterpuff can not be going better. Other than that, I have one more thing. You know everybody in my house, I'm the tallest one in my house, okay? I can hide stuff on top of the fridge, which is great, okay? Especially if you push it back, no one even knows it's there, ever. You stand back, nobody pays attention up there, it doesn't matter. So yesterday, a couple days ago, it was the lead low's birthday. So I stopped on the way home and I'm gonna get a big bone for one for her, one for many, you know, it is what it is. I walk in and they have these huge, bigger than like the, you know, the softball that you play with, no glove was that 16 inch, the big softball, they have one that rivals that, okay? And it's a tennis ball, but it's that big. Now, her passion in life is tennis balls, all right? So I buy this thing, I take it home, I put it in the bag on top of the fridge, my wife's not home yet, I go, I'm gonna go upstairs and shower. Now, Chuck saw it, Miss saw it. I don't want her to see it yet, 'cause she's gonna be like, oh yeah, to buy the dog something. I come down from the shower and I go, "Hey, can everybody come downstairs?" And Nicole actually goes, she goes, "Yeah, Dad wants us down there, "so you can give the dog its gifts." And I go, "How'd you know this was on top of the fridge?" And she goes, "Oh, Chuck told me." And I was like, "That's my one hiding spot "in this entire house, this is what frustrates me. "I can hide anything up there that I have, "no one knows, ever. "If I hear the chair slide, I go, what are you doing? "What are you doing, you know? "How did you hide a ball that big up there?" I push it to the back and if you're standing in front of the fridge, you don't see it, when they're walking up to it, I gotta be honest with you, it's my family. They don't really care what's up there, you know? I keep a couple of hats up there and stuff, so I mean, you know, you're good, but there's this bag and I folded it all over so it wasn't sticking up in this niche 'cause, oh, Dan wants to give gifts to the dog 'cause it's-- - Well, yeah, I thought you were more upset because of the laissez-faire attitude of your wife. - Oh, George, leave those birthdays? - George, leave those birthdays. - Yeah, I mean, it's like a national holiday. - Should be. - You know what I mean? - Again, we are very much on the same page today. (laughing) - I got news for ya, if Chuck was training her, she would be a beast, all right, that's how it works. So yeah, I really thought that I lost my only hiding spot really in the entire house. - Oh, see, that's-- - And it's in plain eyesight. - That's your, that's, I'm sorry to hear that. I could literally put, I could put your dog in plain eyesight in my house and no one would notice. So that's the-- - You are correct, yes, you're correct. But if you told your son about it and then he told your wife, you'd be like, oh, I see where it got spoiled. 'Cause again, I just showed him, I go, "Hey, don't tell ma, I'll be home." You know, "I'm gonna go shower, come down." And when I asked her, I'm like, "Can you come downstairs?" And she's like, "Okay," you know, like that. And I'm like, "Just for a minute, just for a minute," you know, and so I go, "Miss, come on downstairs." 'Cause for what? And I'm walking away and she goes, she literally says, "So we can get the dog presents." Your dad wants to give the dog presents. And I'm like, "I looked at Chuck and I go, "How'd she know that?" He's like, "Oh, I don't know." And she goes, "Chuck told me." So now you got him and lie. I did, I, you know what? Maybe the powder puff thing, maybe they're not doing good. Maybe they're not violent. - Yeah, maybe. - The kid's a liar. You just prove, you know what? Very valid one. - Yeah, I mean, you asked him straight to his face. How'd she do it? And he said, "I don't know." And then four seconds later, she's like, - Oh, he smiled when he said it, like I had to tell him it. - Yeah, she's like, "Oh, she rolled over on him real fast." So, but again, that's only where he didn't go, "Hey, keep it secret." I'm gonna tell you a secret, can you keep it secret? I'm sure he was just like, "Hey, stuff's up there." (laughs) Hey, you know the hiding spot dad's got? No, now you do. It's right up there. - It's right up there. - It's right up there, just so you know. - I want to check that every other week. - Yeah. But it's funny because like, I'll go, "Oh, I'll go downstairs and grab it." And nobody knows where stuff is and I'll just reach up and grab it, you know, put a lot. What are you doing? What are you doing? Plus, you know my chairs, they're older. It's like, I don't want somebody crashing to the ground. It's like, "How'd you break your femur?" Well, I was looking at dad's hiding spot and the chair broke, you know? So I just don't know. - Insurance will cover that, it's fine. (laughs) - Is this hiding, you have the hiding spot coverage? No. Oh, man. - Yeah, it's an additional clause. It's an additional clause insurance. You have to get additional. - Yeah. - Hide and spot, I could just hear that. Where was it at? It was in his hiding spot. Oh, and it's not covered. - Oh, it's not covered. - Why are you wasting my time? - Yeah. - Now I have to build you for this time 'cause this is not covered. - Yeah, so all your valuables that burn up in your house were in your hiding spot? - Yeah, all that. - That's not covered. - We could bundle it. Car, auto, boat, hiding spot. - It seems progressive. That seems very progressive to me. - Yeah. So anyway, how about you, anything fun? - Well, this is weird 'cause we're off schedule 'cause like we said three weeks ago or whatever it was, everyone's had vacations, it's a weird thing. So we talked a little bit about it. It's just like you talked at the head of this about my show, which hasn't happened yet. - Right. - But it has happened by the time people are listening to this. So it's awkward. Last week I talked about doing that 5K at the zoo. - Yes. - But now it's actually happened. - Now it's actually- - Yeah. - I actually give details about it. - Yes. - And the whole week, well, first there was the text, we all gonna text, you know, thread, and it was someone said something. I was like, oh, I was hoping, you know, not really, but I was hoping that one of you had gotten into a powder puff football game with Chuck. - I'm the other team, right, yeah. - But everyone kept getting all excited about it and I was like, why are we tone it down? We just tamp it down a bit 'cause I don't want to do this anymore. - Gotcha. - And then the day of, well, the night before draft key was like, hey, I'm gonna get there at 6.30 'cause the registration was 6.30 to 7.30, race at 8.30. And I was like, whoa, whoa. Why are we gonna be first ones online, guy? - Yeah. - Right. - And then- - 'Cause you could go pick up, you can start picking your packets up on Thursday, but to draft these points, at the same point I did, I don't live in Brookfield Zoo. - No, and you're going there anyway. I'm not making a trip to pick up a bib and then to drive home and be like, well, we got that. Right? (laughing) Mine would have spaghetti on it for the race. What did you do? So we go and pick them up and that's not it. And we're hanging out, we're having a good time. - Emily and Cameron were there. They were, you know, the four of us are the ones that decided, well, there was three that Matt wanted to do and he asked for support from the comedy community news. - Right. - Three of us are the only ones that showed up. - And you all do stand up, right? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Okay. - And we're there talking, we're chatting and then, good thing Emily was there. Emily was like the 5K moms. 'Cause you picked up stuff in one parking lot, but then you had to go to the other side. You actually had to go into the zoo and pass the like discovery center and pass the like gates to where the other one. - Is that kind of torture 5K? - No, do the other parking lot so you could, so you can get into the corrals. - Gotcha, okay. - Because they have the, you know, people that think they're gonna do it under five minutes a mile and people that are gonna do it under eight minutes a mile. - Gotcha. - And we were like, we want the corral right next to the walkers. - Where's the abacus? - I was gonna say, we didn't go in the walker and stroller. - Yeah. - And we got in the one next one and it was like, as long as I beat, no one with strollers beat me. I will say this up front, two strollers got in front of me, but those dudes were like, like, I'm sure they're-- - They have jogging strollers. - Yeah, their kids have like a wind rash. - Gotcha. - 'Cause that guy was booking past me. I'm like, bro, you should have just been in the front or just leave the kid at home. This is ridiculous. - Right. - And he's like, excuse me, excuse me. 'Cause he's trying to weave through a slows, right? - Right. - Bro, you had to crawl, four corrals up. You decided to bring a stroller on this. This is on you, right? - Right. - But you know, she's like, I think we should go down and see where we're at, then we walk down. I think we should go get in the corral. I think we should scoot up in the corral. And I'm like, would you stop pushing this forward? I don't wanna do this. - Yeah. - And then Cam's like, I haven't run for a while. Oh, actually, I don't, I think I said never run. I've never run or at least been to high school. - Really? - This is high school and it didn't for a time. - Okay, well, you know, it's done jogging when I'm not actually done like an actual-- - Right, yeah, um, thing. - So we're going, Cam takes off. - Not like, Mr. I'd never run? - Yeah, not like, sprints, but his pace is faster than my pace. And I'm, I know upfront, nope, not doing this. Emily's trying to be polite and hang back with Matt and I. And we're just like, just go. If you can go, just go, right? And Matt, to his credit, stays with me. He stays with me the whole time. - Yeah. - This'll be important later. But his jog is like my fast walk. Like he's still jogging, like doing the jog and I'm just doing like foot, foot, foot, foot, foot, foot. - Gotcha. - Because what it was, it wasn't my feet fine, legs fine, knees fine, hips fine, chest fine, arms fine, lungs, we're like, what, what are you doing, bro? - Gotcha. - I could not get a breath in, could not breathe deep enough. - Now weather wise, pretty nice, right? - Yeah, it was probably 60 degrees at the hottest. - So that's not bad though. - Yeah, 'cause it was the coolest day we've had you, but I was literally like gotcha. And I don't know if it was from my childhood. Asma has come back after the illness four years ago, we won't talk about. - Yeah. - But I just couldn't, you know, but he stayed with me. And the thing is, is that we would pace us. 'Cause it's in the zoo, so you're looping back, you're coming back. - You're doing laps, right? - Well, you didn't, we didn't lap, but you could see the people that were in front of you, 'cause we had to go down to where they were and come back. - Gotcha. - So that you'd meet in the center a few times, they'd be on the other side of the center, and you're like, "Oh, there's Emily." So I was like, depending on where we turn around, we know how far ahead she is. And meds are like, "Well, Cam's gotta be around here." And I'm like, "No, no, no." We don't see Emily, Cam's definitely gone, right? So we do have the same, again, I was like, "Hey, I just want to let you know from here to here." 'Cause now we know like, you know-- - You can look ahead, be like, "Okay, I know that's coming up." I said, "Okay, I'm committing that I'm going to run "until there," and he's like, "I got your back." And he would, he would run with me. We get to there, I'd have to like, just go back to my fast walk, and we do it again. And then we got to the end, and we took the last corner and we could see the finish line, and I see the time is ticking up, and it's in a minute. Like, it's on, I'm not gonna-- - No, but it's ready to turn. You're trying to be there. - Yeah, yeah. - I could see it, I could see it. - Yeah, let's not go for the next minute. And I just start running, I feel like, I'm gonna throw up. - Did you tell him? - No, I didn't say anything. But here's the thing, he's with me. I just start going. Well, I actually said, I said, when we see it, we're gonna sprint, that's what I said. When we see the finish line, we'll sprint. 'Cause we've been moderately jogging the whole time. I was like, "I'm going all out on this last thing." We turn, he sees that no one is like really cheering us on, 'cause we don't have like, Emily and-- - We didn't bring followers. - We didn't bring followers, right? - And he's like, "I need you guys to start, you know, "cheering and screaming." So they start screaming, he runs over and starts high-fiving. - I was like, if I can do that three feet to the fence, I won't make, I won't make it. Like, I have enough gas to get across that line. - Yeah. - And I hit it right as it hits double zeros. - So I did, yeah? - Yeah, so I didn't get under that minute, but I didn't go any higher than that. You can see, I posted it, you can see it at the time. - Yeah. - I run through, and then I start running, and then all of a sudden, Cameron, I'm gonna come around from behind us, behind us just like, they're like watering food over there. I don't care. - I don't want that. - Is there air? - Where's the air? - Yeah, where's the air? - You're like, I should've walked with the walker crowd. Some of them had oxygen. I should've been with them. - Yeah. - So you did it, we finished it, then I also said that. Matt's one of Matt's new next name is Mr. Showboat. - Yeah. - 'Cause I said he was, I complimented, "Hey, thanks, you stayed with me, you didn't leave me behind the whole time." Not the very end, because you had to go to your high-fives and showboat, and I came before you. - Yeah, I'm sorry that I high-studded in on your D.I. - But it's great, because we're in the same age bracket, shows that I finished X out of Y. - Oh yeah, yeah, you're a person faster. - Right, and he was X plus one. - Yeah, it was hilarious. - But came and then also did half-art pace. Like, you almost halved our minute per mile pace. - Really? - Yeah, it was. - And here's what he said. - Mr. I haven't run since last time. - Well, he said it, I didn't mean to do it intentionally. I knew if I stopped, I'd never start up again. I was like, that's fair. - Understandable. - 'Cause it was hard every time that I was like, I gotta kick it back up. - Right. - And the thing that sucked, like again, that night, I went home and did a 5K on the treadmill, because it wasn't my physical, any of my muscle, anything that were hurt or anything, I just could not breathe. - Yeah. - And it was awful. - Yeah. - But I had fun. - But you had fun. - You didn't die. - No. - Yeah, you didn't. - Not this time. - Yeah, it was great to see everyone. We had a good time. And yeah, I hope we don't ever do that again. - Yeah. (laughing) So when it comes up again and he's like, hey, we're doing a 5K like, nope. - No. - I said that, I said, maybe not next week, maybe not the week after. Maybe not the home of the September, but if you guys wanna do another one, let me know. - Well, as it gets nicer up, but you did, you had really nice weather on Saturday. So that was definitely nice. - Oh yeah, if it would have been like that heat wave. - Oh, you summer, forget it. But it was that one weekend where it dipped, I think at the high that day was 72. - Yeah. - That was beautiful, it was breezy. - Yeah. - It was weird, then I got home. Now I got up at 430, 'cause I said, I said, Matt, if you're gonna be the sixth third day, I'm not gonna let you hang out by yourself. I'll be there with you. - Yeah. - Oh, that's what I wanna say. It's like 650, I don't know what the traffic's gonna be like. - Right. - I haven't been there forever. - Correct. - Oh, no, I don't go either. - My kids were never into it, or they would go when I had to work. Like I couldn't get the day off, they'd go like on a Tuesday or something, and I'd have to work back in the day. Which is fine, you go enjoy your zoo. Santa can't make it, but at least you guys got to go. - Right. - Anyway, I didn't know how long it was gonna take. So I get up, and I go... And it's like 620, and I'm pulling in, and there's one gate open with the person lady in the booth. She's talking to other lady in the booth, and I'm like, that lady's got... Well, she's talking to the other lady who is not going into her booth, she's just chatting. I look over, there's maybe five cars in the parking lot. I said, they said this open to 630. It seems weird, I don't have 10 minutes early, but I'm not like... - Right, four hours an hour early. - Right, yeah. - How am I the only one here? And I pull up, and I said, hey, she looks at me kind of weird, and I was like, I'm here for the run today? Okay. Well, do you need anything for me? Well, you know you're early, right? Like, yeah, do you want me to turn around? Like, where do you want me to go? I'm just gonna sit in your parking lot. - For 10 minutes. - Until it's time. - Yeah. - You're gonna be waiting. I was like, I know how the concept of time works. What do you need from me? Do you need a name, a registration, anything? Oh, this also comes. She said, no, just letting you know you're gonna be early. - Cool, thanks. And I just drive away. - Right. - Okay, I get it. - Thanks for the update. - I get it. Why do you think I'm here at this time? 'Cause I know what time it is. - Yeah. - But five, that's weird. If I show up right before the start of time, I know what time it is. I'm just a little early 'cause traffic was nonexistent. Then I go up and I say, here's my name. They find my name immediately. They give me my big-- - Too else? - They found it. - Everything's fine. I go to look it up, I go to scan the bib. It says there was no person. I was like, are you kidding me? If I did this, I'm gonna have to take Matt's time and just add a few seconds or subtract a few seconds. That's gonna have to do to figure it out. 'Cause I looked up me, nothing. First name, nothing. Last name, nothing. One L, nothing. Bib, number, nothing. I had to go into this other search. - Yeah. - I was apparently anonymous participant. - Really? - Was one person faster than Matt Truffki. - That was you, huh? - Yeah, that was me. - So it's good that you went anonymous. He doesn't know what you would think. - Yeah, that's true. He can't find me. - He doesn't know. - Yeah. - So you're like, hey, look, I didn't make you one guy later. That anonymous guy did. He's kind of a jerk. So that's not what he had fun. - Yeah, and they had raced people to make sure you didn't cut back in the wrong spot or try and make it the wrong turn. And I was like, Matt, right here, don't pace me. He's like, okay, and I took off. And the lady's like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm like, I know what I'm doing, promising. She's like, no, no, no. I'm like, I know what I'm doing. She's like, no, no, no. I'm like, give me a second. And I turned around and I was like, you can do it. - I like to chain a fan. - I like to chain a fan. - I became a fan. - Because no one else is doing it for me. - Right. - But this started laughing. I was like, would you just, like this guy, just trust me for four seconds. - So I really wanna do it. - I really think that what they missed here, I don't know how we could have shaved time off. - And you're moving. - I probably would have had a couple of them meet me. I was done at that point. But there were a couple points where you could see people but not during this run, where you could see people who had threw out the zoo's lifetime and cut a path. Not taking the cement. - Oh, I gotcha. - And then you can see they got the dirt. And one guy just saying to them, like, hey, man, how much to cut this? - Yeah. - And he didn't say anything. I'm like, you're missing a wide money-making- - I'm not doing it either. - I have cash on me. - I wanna finish. - I have cash. - I wanna finish. I wanna finish. - There were a couple of times where I swear, if no one was looking, you could have just jumped to the other group. - Yeah. - They wouldn't know. - And that would have been so great. Like, you finished before Emily? - Yeah. - She'd been like, wait, what? - The, my thing though, I would have had to jump way late into it. 'Cause I know if I would have jumped early, she still would have, wait. How did I get behind you? - Yeah, wait a minute. - I don't know how-- - Did I lap you? What am I doing? - Yeah. - So, hey. - But here's the thing. I know that we're saying this in three weeks when we record after my show, I'll have to talk about that again, even though we talked about it at the top of the sour. - Right. - So by the time you guys hear this, it's happened. By the time we're talking, it hasn't. - Yeah. So, Ted's run, great. Show, still to be determined. - Still to be determined. - Still to be determined. - So, hey, can we do a couple of fun facts? - Sure. - The first fun fact I wanna see if Mac knows this. - Hey, Mac. - What's up? - Pay attention. - Yeah. - The Indonesian black chicken is the strangest, most expensive and rarest breed of chicken in the world. It's called the, do you know? - Nope. - Lamborghini chicken. - I would not have guessed. - The price of its eggs can reach $2,500 and it's very delicious. Everything in this chicken is black without exception of its feathers, beak, tongue, nails, even its meat. So, you get chicken meat and it's black. Okay. - Yeah. - It says eggs and bones. Now, the eggs are black too. It's kind of weird. See, I got a picture of it here. It's kind of crazy. I mean, if you saw that, I'd be like, I'm not eating that. - Super metal. - I'm not eating that, right? Yeah, it's like death metal. Death metal chicken. But it says, as for his blood, it is dark red. So that ruins the whole thing. I want black blood, you know what I mean? But it says, which, but it says it's dark red, but then it says, which tends to be black. So I guess in the certain light, it's like, hey, I'm bleeding, but I'm, you know, $2,500 for an egg. $2,500. - Hard pass. - Hard pass. Hard boiled, still hard pass. - Still hard pass. - Okay, it doesn't make out the wrong kind of chickens. - That's what I'm saying. Here's a, if you, if you kill and feather one of these, which you will, because that's what you do for fun. So when you're not doing the hand job thing or whatever you do, but when you do that, and you take all the, all the feathers off it, I gotta think that would make like a, like a pretty like headdress or something. They're all black feathers, you know what I mean? So, but you see this thing, and you look at it, the tongue is black, the beak is black, and they call it the Lamborghini chicken. I mean, Lamborghinis are pretty much known for being black, I get it, so I understand, but the most expensive, expensive breed of chicken in the world. So how do you breed them, I wonder? - 'Cause you'd have to find, in all black rooster. - In all black rooster. - I had to mutate at one point. - Right, you know what I'm saying? You'd have to find an all black rooster, and go for, what came first, the chicken or the egg? I don't know, but definitely not the rooster. You know what I mean? He wasn't there, I mean, how'd he get made? So, oh, and it also says the bones, the bones are black. So to me, you're right, this screams like, this is like a Metallica album cover, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, it's like Slayer's new album has the Lamborghini chicken on the cover. - How much more black could it get? - Yeah, I don't know. - None more blacker. - Yeah, it's got painted nails, though. The nails are like some kind of weird high-flute and green or something, you're like, wait a minute. That says more emo than that. - That's a black cover. I mean, Lamborghini, I think like obnoxious yellow or red. - Oh, that's true, they do really? - Yeah, I don't think black. - Yeah, I think black, 'cause they're like, yeah, you're right, though, too, red. Red is very, well, red is also for our-- - They ran through that purple for a while. You're a logo, there are a lot of purple, a lot of those. - Yeah, yeah. - But my other thing is, if you think about it, the chicken wings, Lambo doors, you know what I mean? It's kind of the same, you know? It doesn't say what kind of systems, and it probably like bows. It's probably got a bow system, you know? It's really loud. It's like, that chicken is base. I don't really know what's going on over there. So, but no, Lamborghini, I thought you might know that. So I thought it's pretty neat to know that $2,500 can get you one. You think you save up and get one? - No, they're from Indonesia. - Yeah, we probably don't have the climate for them here then. Oh, you're right, they probably would die, wouldn't they? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Probably handle the winter very well. - You'd kill them anyway, so it doesn't really matter. - Yeah, you could probably, you could get them when you go to Florida, but they'd let me good. Ooh! Yeah, $2,500 chickens, yeah. It's kind of weird when you got to put like low jack on your chickens, so you don't want somebody stealing them. - That's probably just how much regular chickens a public's down there will cost. - You know what's weird, I hate my neighbor, and they're like, I think that guy egged my house. How do you know? 'Cause there's black shells all over my driveway, and look at this chicken. I'm pretty sure, pretty sure. - Imagine though, too, you really can't do Easter eggs, and you can't color those. 'Cause what pastel colors do you? - Well, you could, then yeah, right, you could put neon colors on 'em and be black light. - You could just draw right on 'em, right? Oh, I like that, I like where you're going there. So, black light Easter eggs. Hey, anybody at startup capital? I think we're there. You're looking at me, you can say yes or no. You're shaking your head, that doesn't count. Usually it says no real thing, there you go. Here's my second fun fact, the average IQ of all the serial killers who have been caught is 89. - So that leads to believe that there are others that haven't been caught that have higher IQ. - Correct, so the dumb ones get caught. Now, what it, and I didn't do any research on this as I normally do, what is a good IQ number? I know it's not 89, is it 100 something? What's a solid like, hey, I'm a pretty smart dude. Not even an average. - 120? - 120, I figured it was like low 100. - 125? - Yeah. So your figure, so this guy, he's killing, he can't get away with it, 89. You gotta think the average. - 130 or higher. - 130 or higher. Now, what about a genius? - 16 is considered above average. - Okay. - What does it give a genius range? 150, 160. - 180 and up. 180 and up. So the guys that don't get caught. - Super intelligence to gifted is 120 to 140. - Okay. - 145 to 159 is highly gifted, 160 to 179 is exceptionally gifted. 180 and up is profoundly gifted. - So I'm probably in that category. - I'm like, so high average is 110 to 116. So 125, I mean, if you're a super killer, I hope you're not. I hope you're not higher than that. - Well, they got killed with crayons. We're pretty sure that the idiot was colored, wrote his name on the bottom of it, but no, 89. So when I saw that, that's of all the ones that have been caught. I wish they would do a study to sell, 'cause you know, scientists, they can do whatever they want. - Were there any outliers? Were there any real dumb ones? - You're like, oh, you're right. Maybe just only average now? - You're like 65 and then you got one that's guys into 130. He's like, bro, I would have been the guy when you had to pull me down. - Like the guy from, to make a murder or whatever, right? Like that guy, it wasn't very intelligent at all. No, he's not a serial killer 'cause it's just one person, right? But still, you're talking like that, just brought the whole curve down. - 'Cause, you know, I don't want to glorify serial killers, but I don't think Bundy was an idiot. - No, I think he was pretty intelligent, wasn't he? - Yeah. - And there's says something about you have to get away with it for so long, you got to be smart. So these are all the guys they caught. You know, these are all the guys they caught. I would like to know, we're going to have to Google that. I want to know serial killers that haven't been caught. What they're on cue is-- - Make a note of that for sure. - Here's what's wild. How do you do that study? We haven't caught you. We don't know if you're actually a serial killer. - Have you gotten the Jerry VPN set up yet? - Yeah, you need to get something. - So Jerry can look up whatever he wants and not have it. - Yeah, hey, incognito? - Yeah. (laughs) - Here's my third fun fact. In the Tasmanian devil mating season, the male has to beat the female into submission if he wants to mate. If the male is too weak, the female proceeds to beat up the male. - Wait, what animal again? - Tasmanian devil. - Okay. - Okay, now, I'll be honest with you, that sounds like real real world. - You probably-- - Yeah, it sounds like your bedroom. - Yeah. - Wow. - Listen, I was going to get there. He literally just said it on a T for me. - Beat down emotionally and spiritually. - You know, or what is emotionally-- - What is Nicole Paraguio? - Yeah, I will take for 500. What is Nicole Paraguio? Disappointed. - Okay. - What is Damon? - Yes, I apologize! - What is adequate? (laughs) Yeah, for 500 please. But no, my point is, it's like, so you go in and you're like, "Okay, that's the girl I want right there." All of a sudden she starts whooping. You're ass. - Yeah. - Okay, now what if in a weird way, that's your kink? You're the Tasmanian devil that's like, "I like getting beat up by girls." - Again. - You know what I mean? - I have to very narrowly say that this is only about the Tasmanian devil. (laughs) And we are not reporting this for any other. - Right. And people that run 5Ks at Zeus, but go ahead. - Sure. - Continue. - Sure, there were a couple of people I wouldn't have mind punching. - Yeah, all right. - No, yeah, that is very, like, very out of that's the, that's the trick that carried on through. - Right. - I mean, I guess, like if everyone beats up their mate, but that's are the genetic details that are gonna make it. 'Cause the weak ones don't get to mate. They just get beat up and thrown off into a dumpster. - Yeah, and after a while, they're like, "Okay, I kinda like that, I can't wait to beat up again." - Now I have to look back on a lot of my childhood with different color glasses. Are you just telling me that all the Looney Tunes cartoons I saw, Taz was just extremely horny? - That's all it was. - That's all it was. - And he was just like, horned up? - Yeah. - And he was all pissed, 'cause there weren't any other Tasmanian devils. - Yeah, 'cause he wasn't like that a lot. Peppy Le Pew, you know? - Well does that mean that everyone he pulled into his tornado and would come out like, "Oh, that's what all the bust and bust," it was that he was trying to be like, "Hey." - Yeah. - That was him being like, "Hey." - He was devil banging. - Hey. - That's what he was doing. - Do what I want to do. (laughs) - Imagine just, you're sitting on the curb. He flies by and that big tornado type, you know? Hurricane tornado, is it cyclone? Is that what it is? Like a tornado cyclone. - Final cloud? - Final cloud, right. So he comes by and that, all of a sudden you're off the curb. I'll block down the road, he's beat to piss. - Okay. - And you're like, "No, no, okay, no." And all of a sudden he looks at you and you're like, "That was great." - No, like that's his deal. That's what I'm, I think if I was a Tasmanian devil, 'cause first of all, I can't beat up too many people. I know that, okay? So maybe that's the angle you take where you're like, "You know what? I think tonight's gonna be a maintenance night. What do you mean? I'm gonna get my ass kicked. 'Cause I'm gonna get my ass kicked. I'm gonna tell my friends about it tomorrow. How'd it go? She beat the crap out of me. It was phenomenal. - Hey, in Chuck's world. Couldn't be any better. - Couldn't be any better. - Couldn't be any better. I mean, that's his game. - That's what it is. Couldn't be any better. - He wants to get him all fired up. - Right, right. So here's my last fun fact. Before I go into it, TCL sells it for you that you're going to read and you're going to die. In 2002, a 19-year-old garbage man won, I don't know, like 900,000 pounds in a lottery, okay? So it's, most meaning one. He spent it all on drugs. - Oh, this guy that like blew it all and had to go back to being a garbage man. - He spent it all on drugs, gambling, and prostitutes and became a garbage man again. - It's like that circle of life. - Flowers her Algernon book. Where the guy got really smart and then all of a sudden he's like, "Oh, no, I'm becoming dumb again." And then at the end of the book, he's dumb again and he doesn't remember anything he did. And all the rest would be like, "But he had so much." - But he had so much, yeah. - And now we're like, "But now he's just slinging garbage again." (laughing) - They made it in the movie called Charlie and they had it spelled like a kid riding it with his butthole. - That's how they wrote the title out. I'm like, "Come on, do you have to do that?" - I don't remember that. - Yeah, I mean, we watched it in school, right? - Yeah. - That's probably why I didn't, I don't remember it. - Well, no, think about it. So he's a 19-year-old garbage guy. It doesn't say how long before he went back to being a garbage man. - But in 19-- - I would give him a year at that with just under a million pounds. - Yeah. - He blew through that so fast. - I think so. - Yeah. - Maybe two years at the most. - Yeah. - If he's 19 and has absolutely no idea how to use, 'cause I will say this about any school system, like how much do you really need to know about flowers for Algernon or any of that other stuff? Maybe a class about how to do your taxes or-- - Right, yeah. - Or get a loan or not mess up your credit. - Yeah. - Or what to do when you win 900 pounds. - Right, yeah. - Like a common-sense class. - Yeah. - Well, so I worked at one place where we would go over to the high school and we would actually give seminars on like how to change tires, how to do, you know what I mean? We just have kids needing to know that stuff, you know? So we would, here's how you, when you pop the hood, here's how you open a hood, here's how you do this, here's how you do that. - How do you jump a car? - It's, yeah, it's real world stuff that people will use. Now, most of them in high school, your parents gonna come do it, you know? But in reality, you know how to do that stuff, you know? - Sometimes parents won't come do it, you know? They want you to, yeah, stand on your own two feet. - Yeah, well, as I say, I saw something that said this, was that the people that get upset if you show love at home, 'cause why, like I don't show love to my kids at home because they're not gonna learn love, they're not gonna get treated like that, you know, on the real world, right? So they need to learn how to be tough now, right? - Right. - I understand that side, I get it. But also, they need to have it at home so they know what love looks like. - Yeah, so they have compassion for other people. - Yes, right, yes. - So I think there's a, there's a fine line, you gotta walk there. - Yeah, but at 19, he's not, I don't know what you're asking. - So when you're in there showing them how, you know, red to dead, red to live, you knock the pole out of the hood and send 'em on the boat. They learn both sides. - You're not gonna do that again, are ya? Car falls off the jack, hey look, I let you put it up there. I said, sure, it looks good for you. - I just let them hold their own flashlight. - Let them figure it out. - Oh, not shining it where you want it? - Yeah, it is as easy as it. - Yeah, weird, huh, yeah. - Hey, we've all been there though. This ain't a flashlight shining crew, this is the, they take out their phone and they turn the flashlight on. This is totally different, you know? - I should add that, I mean, I added that in the set and everyone thought it was funny. They do make a phone joke, but yeah. I should add the flashlight thing, like if we were gonna mine a flashlight, we'd do this, but they do. - Yeah, they get out, yeah, they gotta turn it on first. - Yeah. - All right, I want you to read, I don't know if we wanna call it, I guess it's kind of a TCO sells it. - It's not gonna get us set up. - It's not been spoiled by this. - You have to read the share. - What this is, essentially, is it's a missing dog. - All right, it's a missing dog. Don't pre-read it, read it live. - Missing dog, his name is Tito, he's a super loving, genital giant. (all laughing) About 120 pounds, gray and white color, please call. - I'm not a typo, folks. - Once again, missing dog, his name is Tito, he is super loving, genital giant. (all laughing) - So, I would have said gentle, but I guess this is a different thing. - No, there's a picture of him. I think if they were, if they were giant, you'd see him. - Right, yeah, I was gonna say, he's not this dog. - Yeah, unless he dug a hole, he's sitting on these things, they're not that big. I'm gonna tell you that right now, okay? Unless he dug a hole, you know? Imagine that, what are you doing? Are you a squirrel? No, I'm a dog, I'm a bird in my nuts, it is what it is. - Hey, what are you doing? I'm looking for this fat ball dog. (all laughing) - Huge nuts, what did I understand? - 120 pounds, how much of that is? - Tito! (all laughing) - Looking for Tito! Big balls, Tito! Big, Tito! - But if that's the flyer you make and put on the pole, you know what, you're not getting your dog back. - All right, you're not getting your-- - You're getting a lot of calls. - You're getting a lot of calls. - Hey, I just saw a dog with big balls, it might be yours. (all laughing) - Does it look like my dog and, no it only weighs like 40 pounds, but they were enormous. - Do you find Tito yet? (all laughing) - Tell me about his balls. (all laughing) - Does he fetch? - Yeah. - So, again, missing dog. If you find Tito-- - Yeah, you find Tito. - You're gonna know him. - Yeah, I was gonna say, you will know. - It's uncanny. Let us know, we'll reach out to the owner and we'll go from there. - Hey, that's Tito, do you know that dog? No, I don't recognize him. (all laughing) - We can only see him from the back, yeah. - Yeah, Tito. - Yeah, that's not a hippity-op he's sitting on. - Yeah, I was gonna say, that's his balls. - Yeah, church bells, which I know. - I know, I'm super jealous. - Yeah, he's got none, he's got no beans. - Right, yeah, yeah. - Just got a frank, just got the frank, no beans. - All right, I have a but why. First off, I couldn't wait for you to read that. And I didn't want you to like, scan it first. Yeah, but I couldn't wait for you to read that. - What's, you know, truth be told, I usually do. - Right. - Usually just so I don't, just so I don't say like, it says gentle and I say genital. - Right. - I wasn't the judge. - 'Cause your mind will change it. First time I read it, my mind changed it. I knew what it was. All right, have you heard of this? This is a real thing. Fridge-scaping. Fridge-scaping? Fridge-scaping. - Is that like, you escape the fridge? - Nope, is it you make your fridge pretty? - It's a trend with people. They basically, for lack of a better term, feng shui, they're fridge. - That's what I meant when I said make it pretty. - Yeah, yeah. So it says, if you've been scrolling through social media, you've come across beautifully organized refrigerators. Now I have not and I do scroll occasionally. - Well, I've seen this like, I think it was Khloe Kardashian. I saw it on a, this, like, like you thought these, this family was, was ridiculous or bonkers for all the other stuff they did? - Yeah. - Look how much time they have to do this and it wasn't just fridge, but also kitchen like, gotcha. - Took cookies out of the thing and stacked them neatly in like the glass containers. - Yes. - Okay, so what if you eat one cookie now? - Yeah. - Do you gotta go buy another bag of cookies - I'll just say 'cause I'm all about symmetry. - Like do you have a pantry of stuff? Do you just re-enter stuff in your pantry? - Yeah. - Like your basement is just full of open stuff. Now, I say that and Andrew Ferguson, the guy that got me into comedy. You thank you or FU depending on how you want to do that. - We don't know. - We don't know. - We'll not even look at that. - Yeah, we'll know. - He would do that. Like you would open his fridge and you would see, like he would see that, like, let's say he had Diet 7 up, Diet Dr. Peppern, I'm trying to think of what he actually had. Maybe mug group here, I don't know what he had. - Right. - But if there was one can that didn't come to the end of the fridge, he'd go down to the basement, pull out one can out of the cases that were down there and go put it up and make sure all those lines were neat. - You wanna know what's easier? - In a second fridge in the basement of stuff you can drink. - And then just leave the other stuff in the fridge. - In the fridge. - That's a looking fridge. - Yeah, that's a looking fridge. - Don't touch. - That's not the drinking fridge. - You tell me what you want out of there. - I'll get out of the store once. - I'll get out of the store once. - I'll get out of the store once. - But it says, this is her thing. It says, I was captivated by a real I saw, featuring a stunning, hobbit inspired food layout. - Out. - Okay, fridge-caping is the art of organizing and decorating the inside of your refrigerator. It's a creative trend that involves arranging food items in a visually appealing and functional, so yeah, functionally I guess, a functional way. While my husband was working out in the garage, I decided to give my fridge a makeover and started wiping down the inside and discarding expired food. - Listen, that's fine. That's not bad. - I'm up with it so far. - Right. - And so it says, to create a theme, no, no, no, nope, we're not doing that. I used a few small bird figurines and a brass rabbit for a nature-inspired look in the fridge. Okay, I started putting items back in, some in pretty vintage dishes and bowls. Okay, leaving stuff open in your fridge is just asking for it. Why does this taste like gross? - Yeah. Hey, you know what, the radishes taste like everything else in the fridge. Yeah, 'cause they're all open. Yeah, nothing's kept by itself. - You know what, you know what this butter tastes like, whatever you got in that bowl. Thanks a lot. - Oh, well, here she's one step ahead. I did check to make sure my vintage wear that was touching food was lead-free. - Everything's safe, everything's lead-lined. - Yeah, I also, oh, get this. I also removed the labels from things like pickled veggies, olives, and roasted red peppers. Let me tell you how pissed off I'd be when I open something that think it's something, and I get olives. - What is this woman doing the day of Menuka's homecoming? (laughing) - 'Cause she can be on the junior team. - I got some flags she can put. - I was gonna say, she can be on the junior team on the offensive line. - Yeah. - But it says, I know what they are, and aesthetically, it looks nicer without the branding. - I know what you are. - And then suddenly she chokes in okra, 'cause she needs a pickle. - Next question, have I lost my mind? - Yes. - Yeah, let's stop writing. You know what, stop writing the story. The answer is yes, you're done, okay? So it says, so not only did I do something fun, albeit not realistic for a day-to-day use, but I cleaned out my fridge. Now cleaning out your fridge is not bad, because who hasn't grabbed something and went to put it in your mouth like that stinks? And you're like, oh, or because it's 19 years old. - Or you open the fridge and you're like, ah, there's something in here. - Yeah. - Ooh boy. - Yeah, I'm gonna shut the door, and the next guy's gonna figure out what it is. - Did we put Thanksgiving stuff away? - Yeah. - It's September. - Yeah, I'm asking. - Do we have? - I just wanna know. - When's the last time we had cranberries? (laughing) - Those aren't cranberries. - Those are olives. - Well, if they had a label on them. - I wouldn't know, I wouldn't know, I know they are. - Yeah. (laughing) - So it says, I also realized that I could see all of my pretty produce. I've never looked at produce and going, that's pretty. That's, tell you right now, Tasmanian Devil going down the thing. - Yeah. - He's not gonna beat up on orange. - If you're taking a magazine photo, sure, but if it's just in your fridge and you're like, has this been in any Tasmanian devil's butts? - Okay, here's an, (laughing) - Yeah. - It beat the crap out of one. - Yeah. - It's like, do you lose to it? - Why is this? - And orange carrot all over his step. When food is presented in a visually appealing manner, it is more likely to capture the attention and be consumed. That is absolutely false. - Well, I mean, if it looks, if it looks like it hasn't been mushed, I'll pick that one first. Like if I pick up a bag of apples, I'm gonna pick the nicest one first. - Yeah. - Now, but if I pick up a bag of apples and they all look like they've all taken like a swing at someone's children. - Right. - I'll pick whatever one I want. - Yeah, but you walk in a diner and they got the pie of the day up in the thing and it's nice and clean and you see it through the glass. That's appealing, you're gonna go, I want a piece of pie, okay? Understand, when you open the fridge, you primarily know what meal, snack, whatever time of day it is, what you're having, you don't immediately go, man, you know what? I think I want to have a seven course meal right now. - These black eggs look really great. - We don't have one of those chickens. - We don't have one of those chickens. - We don't, don't crack that egg. - How much do you spend on those eggs? - Don't crack that egg. - Three bucks for 18? - Wow, that was like eight months ago. - Okay, don't open that egg. But it says also food scaping can encourage people to choose healthier, more sustainable options. No, I, oh, get this. I recently purchased a glass milk container to replace the cardboard ones. You're dumping milk out of cardboard, putting it in glass just so you can have it in the fridge and look at white milk. That's insane. Now does that make you want to drink more milk? - No. - Not at all. - And let's get on the topic of our boy-- - A strange story. - McCully and the Canadian concept of they're bagged milk. Not bagged, I'm sure they say bagged. - I don't know what bagged is. - Should they say bagged? I'm sure they say garage. - Yeah. - There are people in Canada, that's how they say garage. And it really makes me like, makes my skin crawl. Anyway, bagged milk, you go and buy, you have a pitcher at home. You have a pitcher. You buy this, you buy this milk, you cut the corner off. - I don't like where this is going. - Right, and then when you tilt it up, you grab the back corner in the handle the same time, then you kind of do that thing where you're like, you're trying to pour cereal out of one of the bag sinks. You know what I mean? You got to like, so they have a corner cut off the top of their milk at all the time. Their milk is just open to the air. - No. - Yeah. - No, not everyone does. You can actually give that in Wisconsin too. A quick trip, quick. - Yeah. - Not the one with the Q, the one with the K. - Gotcha. - Okay. - The one that's questionable. - Right. - Yeah. - Suspect. So she says my husband thought I was crazy when he saw the fridge. - Yep. - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah. - If it was me, I'd be like, "I'm gonna go back to the garage." So get this. - But he quickly started eating. - No, sorry. - Grash. - Yeah, grash. But he quickly started eating blueberries and other fresh food. I consider that a success. - You don't think that he opened the fridge and no one's gonna eat before? - Well, here's the thing. No, he might've had something else in mind, but he's like, "Well, these are out in the open. Mine as we'll get them out of the way." - You're right. - Yeah. I'm gonna eat my way to the stuff I want. - This guy has literally probably been working on something in his garage. Not that she's, that's saying that she didn't do a lot of work. I don't want that to be the point of what I'm not about to say, but he's not doing work in the garage. Maybe he is doing stuff on a pegboard that would seem just as crazy to women where he's got outlines of all of his tools and he's hanging everything back up. - You can put in a red spot. - Maybe he's doing that, which is exactly what she's doing in the fridge, yet also completely different. He walks in and he's like, "I don't even have to think about it. Here is just a handful of sustenance. I'm gonna scoop it up and put it in my mouth." Yeah. As opposed to like, "I wasn't gonna make a sandwich, but now that you just have things in bowls, why not?" (laughing) I have no idea what's happening. Probably the brain shut down, it was just like, just scoop berries. - All right. - I was gonna say, you know, he looked and he's like, "If I say anything derogatory, I'm sleeping on the couch." - And the fastest thing to make that stop? - Put berries in your mouth. - Put berries in your mouth. - How do I make this? - Mm. - That's wonderful. - This is wonderful. - Well, the berries, what you did is psycho. (laughing) - You, if you kill people, you're gonna take the average down. - Right. - I was gonna say, yeah. You're like 79. We're grading on a curve. But it says as an empty nester, this was a fun project. - So here's the deal. - It's better to do. - You know what I would do? And this is because I know my house and the people living it. What's in this can? What's in this can? What's in this can? What's in this can? You don't know, do you? You take the labels off, suddenly it's invisible. (laughing) 'Cause somebody's got an answer key. And that person's like, well, they're not home right now. Great. 'Cause I wanna eat something. I don't know what I'm putting in it. You know what I don't want? Mayonnaise. (laughing) You know what I also don't want? Anything that also looks like, but it's not mayonnaise. Do you understand me? I'm gonna have this sauerkraut, we don't have sauerkraut. We had coleslaw. - Hey, I got into the doctor in the morning. Did anyone take my sample? (laughing) - Well, it wasn't labeled. You didn't have your name on it. - I just left it a dish. - Yeah. - Right here, I just put it in a dish. I needed to stay cold. - Stool or otherwise. - Well, which would you prefer? - Whatever, whatever. - Who ate the prawnies? (laughing) - Who let the logs out? - Yeah. - Who? - Who ate the fudge from the grocery doglog? - Beach fudge. - So it says with small children, this arrangement probably wouldn't last long. - With adults, it wouldn't, okay? - With rational people, this would not last long. - Mac, you've been quiet on this. What is your take? - Yeah. - I'm at main attention, you guys. - Yeah, see, I like that. I like that. It's a good take. - I'm responding to emails. - I gotta be honest with you. - Oh, he's doing business. - Oh, he's doing business. That way you're pointing the right way? - Yes. - Oh, for a turn. - You know what? - It does keep him from walking around and doing weird stuff behind us. - Right, yeah. What are you doing? - I don't know, I don't know. So you can hang your exit light. That's all right, we'll talk about that later. Anyway, as we pick through the fresh produce, eventually, cute dishes started to make their way out of the fridge. I did keep fresh herbs and water and that might be something that stays. Try it yourself, choose a theme. Colors, genre, season, genre. - Storing herbs, the way they're supposed to be storing. Yeah, maybe I'll try that. - Weird. - Yeah. - So it says, "Anything that inspires you." I'd love to hear your stories. - Okay. - Oh, well, please send her this. Anyone that knows this one, please send her this. - Yeah. - Yeah, I would like you to send her this. - Send her our email and let her respond. - Be like, "You're famous now." We read it. Here's what we think of you. So yeah, your husband who thinks you're batshit crazy at a handful of blueberries, so he did not murder you. - If she emails us and sends us like a PO box to respond to, I will write a letter, smear blueberries in it and send it right back. - It's blueberries, I swear. Totally blueberries. - Totally. - Yeah. - Don't crack that egg. - So what's weird is, that was a but why, okay? I have a strange story, okay? - But strange stories. - And this one may top that one. - A lot of people know this is a manual. Every time he does that, I have to push a button. - It is exhausting. - I know. - Are you, are you, hey, I'll keep up with you. - All right, but at the end, you'll have to finish. - At the end, you show boat. I'm leaving you behind. - Yeah, you're just gonna, you're just gonna cause it. - You get for show boating. - That's what you get. You should have left some in the tank for sprinting. So it says, and again, this is pretty wild. After a brain bleed, a Georgia hospital temporarily removed part of a man's skull. Now that happens when they do that. They relieve pressure, right? So they do that. - Sometimes they sell it back on to you and make sure it's still so it says edible. Employees lost the bone, lawsuit says, okay. - So apparently this one was supposed to go back in. - Here's my question. - Yeah. - Did they, anyone gonna head to me? Mack won't cause it wasn't paying attention. Did they search the fridge for a bowl of blueberries? - Was it a dish? - No, was it the dish? - Oh, I got it. - They're holding blueberries. - Oh, that's it. - These blueberries. - This is a weirdly odd shaped dish. - It tastes funny. It's like a cranium. This is weird. But it says, a Georgia. - It tastes like spinal fluid. (laughing) - And so you're like, listen, I'm one of those high IQ, high IQ, serial killers. I know it's spinal fluid. - You know where you hide the parts? - Yeah. - Hospital fridge. - Damon hides stuff on top of the fridge. We go right in the fridge. Right in the fridge. You know what else? You write somebody else's name on it. So when they come in, they go, oh, that's tiny. - Okay, can you guys come to the cafeteria and chucks like Ted wants to watch us eat blueberries out of a skull again. (laughing) So it says your Georgia couple, not Florida this time, is swinging healthcare system after they say staff, one of its Atlanta hospitals misplaced a portion of the husband's skull. If you had one job. - Okay. - Okay, so the other day, making dinner wasn't me. I was watching. - Yeah, I don't, well actually it wasn't like, hey, can you go make dinner? I was just sitting there all of a sudden, a production started happening in the kitchen in front of me. Not a fridge scape, but suddenly, like bowls and dives and bowls and other bowls and more knives and more bowls and plates and some times. - Sometimes they're back and watch. - Well, it was just like, I could probably do this. I feel like, let's name that tune. I could do that in three bowls. (laughing) I could do that in one bowl. This person needed 18 bowls. - Right. - But then we'd just do all this stuff and had one of those flexible cutting mats and then went to throw away the carried peels and the onion skins and all this stuff. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Freaked out, as you're about to throw away a spoon. Like that was a lot of, oh, was in the shrapnel? Well, yeah, I saw it 'cause it was like, I'm on the other side of the garbage can, so I see it. It's coming towards me. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, that was a lot of hullabaloo about utensils. I'm like, you know how much stuff is missing? 'Cause I guarantee, just like this dude's skull, it was like, well, here is some garbage. I'm not 100% sure if it's all garbage. I'm not even gonna check it. - Whoop. - And it's just swipe it off the table. - Swipe it off the table. - Right off into the garbage. - I swiped it off the table. - What's the problem with this dude's skull? - Do you think it was just a- - The table was in there. - Yeah, there's the used like wrappings. There's like the gauze we used to clean up. There's some wrappers when we had to open up like, you know, hermetically sealed stuff. - Yeah. - Let's just swipe it all into the garbage. - Yeah, so it's a counter swipe. - Yeah. - That's all it was. - And by the time they found it, no one was like, I think that was me, but I'm not telling them. - Yeah, and you're like, you know, we're also missing a bunch of scalples. - We can't even really do surgery anymore. - You gotta stop swiping the counter. - I can tell you this is what it is. - Right, right, right. - But just to answer, you're like, okay, so imagine this is like, imagine more of this and then some eye holes in the front of it. Yeah, and it knows whole behind that. Like, no, like this isn't cool enough to take. This had to be an accident. - Well, and I gotta be honest with you. If I do that, I'm gonna bury it somewhere in the yard. So like years from now, when something digs up, they're like, there's part of a human skull in the yard. - All of a sudden you get all the, yeah, yeah. - Our geologists start to dig in your yard. - That was the one story, do you remember, do you remember the, I think this is actually a real story too, where somebody was in prison for, I don't know if his bank robbery for something and they froze all his assets, they took everything. His dad needed some work done in the yard. It was like, dig up the septic tank. And he's like, we don't have the money. He literally said he goes, he goes, I'll tell you where the money's buried. And they went and dug up the septic tank, which they then have to replace, because they destroyed it. So they dug up the septic tank, found nothing. And he goes, I could have swear it was there. And they fixed it for the old man. And he's like, so it's like, when you hear stuff like this, like that's what I would do, and be like, okay, listen, I've been sitting on this, this forever. You need a pool, here's a deal. They're gonna dig the hole for you right here. They're gonna dig the hole back here. - I think it's a little like that, meaning where they're like, you need to bury a body, bury it and then put like endangered plants or whatever on top of it. - Right, on top of it, yeah, you can't kill these. - No, no, you can't kill that. - That's a hummingbird. - Why is it in a six by a three rectangle? - That's so weird. - That is that weird, isn't it? - That's weird. - That's weird. - That's a plantar box. - Why is there a headstone in front of it? - I don't know. - I don't know. - That's, came with the plants. - Here lies this bitch. - I don't understand why. - I don't know. - I think this bitch is what that, that's a flower. - Yeah, that's a flower. - That's a flower. - That's a flower. - Someone's only wrong. - If that's not it. - I am not in a horticulture. - This is called landscaping. - Yeah, that's my favorite color, that's why I bought those. - So here's the guy's name, I just came across as Fernando Cluster. Your name is Cluster, you're missing part of your head. So they cut that out to relieve the pressure, I'm sure. They removed a portion, around 4.7 inches by 5.9 inches. - That's a nice chunk. - That's a nice chunk. - That's nice, that's adequate. - It's called a six by six, just in case, all right? After he healed, he was scheduled to have the bone flap re-inplant it, they call it a flap. Is the bone flap? - Well, I guess it needs a flap. - Yeah, that is weird. - Yeah, bone flap. - I thought it was a section. - If that was me. - No, segment. - And when you do this, do you think you could be like, put the stitches in the front, 'cause I want this in to open like a Corvette hood. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? So it's like all of a sudden-- - You don't want the Lambo doors? - I don't want the Lambo doors. - Yeah, I don't have 24 hundred hour chicken. - You want it to open the other-- - Yeah. - Reverse way, I got it. - But it says, in early November, but as he was prepped for the cranioplasty, they call it. - So they didn't notice until then. - That's my whole point. Like, did you pull on an empty box? And you're like, this tote empty. - Don't you have to check to make sure that thing's still pretty good? - Yeah, this tote's empty. And it's bone, can't bone die. - Well, that's my point. I know that they go like replacement ears, like they will do that on people. They just sew it in the Tupperware and hope that the lady doesn't rip the label off of it. And it goes out with the blueberries. Like, I don't understand like how they waited until he was prepped to be like, oh, oopsie doodles. - Well, wait a year, the next one. This is a quote. "When Emery's personnel went to retrieve the bone flap, there were several bone flaps with incomplete or missing patient identification. Now you're doing a puzzle." - Well, yeah. - You've got every bone flap there. - No, you gotta bring it in. - No. - Now it's not a corner piece. (laughing) This is a middle. This is a middle, this thing. Yeah. - Ooh, and then you do that thing where you think it fits and you kind of push on it a little bit. - Yeah, and he's like, ow. - He's like, okay, that's not it. That's not it. - And now, or his is like, so they find one that's a little too big for him, right? - Yeah. - So that means his smaller one. - Grinder down. - No, his smaller one is in the other person's head that was similar. - Right. - And they were like, oh, that's why that didn't really fit. - You're right, Dad. Remember when we used clock on the last guy? Do you remember the clock? - That guy. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And you know that's still showing up on his insurance. - Yeah, I was gonna say under oopsie doodies. - So what's weird, yeah, I was gonna say on his insurance, it's like, wait a minute, one tube of sealant? - Robert Sealant, this was brain surgery. Okay, here's the deal. - Okay. - Scrapble. - Yeah. - Future. - Cock. - What? - Yeah. - You're like, are we doing one of those? Like Johnson, pull your pants up. I said cock, okay. But no, it's one of those things where it's like, they're suing now for extensive damages, including ongoing physical and emotional pain. - No. - Also, maybe call up the other people, like, 'cause yeah, how's your head fit? - Well, that and also, to your point, like, they found a lot of them. - Yeah. - Did they just go oops? - Yeah. - Well, but you wanted-- - Or did the guy in charge of cranial flaps get fired that day. (laughing) - That is resume. - What'd you do? - I did flaps. - I was a flaps guy. - I was a flapper. - Listen, you know, plane flaps. - Yeah. - Head flaps, skull flaps. - Bone flaps, bone. - Cat flaps. - Bone. - You know, do you say bone? - No, no, no, no, no, I said cat flaps. - Yeah, cat. - Do you have flaps to the flaps and the doors? - Right, planes that had the flaps. - Yeah, yeah. - Skull flaps. - Doggy doors? - No. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Doggy doors, skull. - You know? - Are you from Georgia? - No. - No, no, no. - No, I didn't live there. - No. - No. - I don't even know, Mr. Cluster. - Wait a minute. (laughing) - You're like, hold on. You are one of the worst. You're gonna bring that curve down, okay? You're one of the worst. - Do you have any blueberries? - But it says, as a result, Mr. Cluster subsequently suffered an infection. So that's not good. In the synthetic flap, they put in a synthetic flap. Dude, why you need the bone back? You got synthetics. - Yeah. - Okay, but now they're infection. I would like to think though, your bone might get infected. What if your bone wasn't in like a Ziploc bag? What if it was out of the dish? - What'd you say the name was it? - Cluster. - Cluster. - What's the first name? - Fernando. - Fernando. - F.C. - I was hoping it'd be Robert. - Robert. - 'Cause then they could put cybernetic implants in him. He's a Robert. He's a cop. - You really wanted that to happen. - I did. - You could not force that. - Yeah, I forced that to happen. - But it says Fernando. Cluster's medical expenses totaled more than 146,000. - You can charge them for both flaps. - That includes more than 19,000 first synthetic skull. Listen. - Hey, we lost it. - Yeah, no, you have a synthetic skull. That's 'cause you lost my real skull. You still gotta pay for it. - Okay, you know what? I was not gonna go there. I'm going there right now. I'm going there right now. I was not gonna do, so anyway, the loss is still pending. I was not gonna do this. I said earlier, I said, I am not going to read this. I don't care what happens. I'm not going to do it. I'm going to do it. Okay. - What does this do? - Here's what Damon did. - Why? - Yeah, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Why? - So, I have a company that I bought stuff from. Okay? I bought stuff from a company. It's supposed to ship to my house from overseas. That should have been Damon's first. First clue, okay? - Got it. - So anyway, I never get said package, even though it shows tracking from overseas to here to my door, it's never been delivered. I send an email, right? And I said, just refund my money. I don't believe it's actually coming. We're gonna send you another one. They send another one with tracking. They go to be there in seven to 15 days. My response was, if I don't have said package in 15 days, the only resolution will be 100% refund of my money. Okay? That's it. So here's what they do. - It is a package. - They tell me it showed up again. - It is lost. - It didn't, right? So I tell them that I just, I want my refund, right? So here's their response, okay? I'm only gonna read the first part. Since this is the second time you fail to receive your package, I think the courier has some problems with the delivery service in your area. We have already filed a claim with them, although they still refuse to bear the loss of the order since the package was shown delivered. We tried our best to require them to increase the proportion of compensation for the loss, but it was much, it was not possible. With our unremitting efforts, we've obtained, get this, we've obtained a 70% refund for you. I know this may be different from the ratio you expected, but please understand, right here, we also suffered a huge loss in products, and we are already a very low price. This is a great scan, okay? So my response, and this is gonna be Angry Daemon, anything less than 100% is not acceptable, and I am in no way responsible for any loss that you feel you may have suffered. I am a consumer who has provided no goods and terrible service. I will notify my credit card of your scam, thank you. That's it, yeah, okay? But I already told them I would do that, so they're out was, send me the product or put the money back on my card. Look, you wanna scam a million other people? Go for it, I'm not gonna blow up your scheme, man, okay? Give me my money back. So when you said that, yeah, thanks for leaving the door up, you're born in a barn Jerry, come on Jerry. So anyway, I literally, when you said that out loud, they lost my stuff. They wanna blame me 30%. Well, no, they didn't lose your stuff, they never sent your stuff. They never sent my stuff. Your stuff never existed. It was never sent. They have a picture of your stuff. Yes, one picture. Yes, they sold you off that picture, and we're like, well, guess what, we're getting 30%. Yeah, yeah, so anyway, like I said, when you brought that up, I had to go, I was not gonna go there, I was gonna leave it, I opened the email, I didn't have it in my notes at all, I had to go in the email and find it, okay? But I was so angry. This was this morning when I sent this back, and I was like, you have to be kidding me. But I am not responsible for anything that you imaginearily put in a box and send me, 'cause you didn't. They sent me tracking information for a company I've never heard of. And that was my first thing, I'm like, this shit ain't coming, okay? The first time I'm like, this ain't coming. So then I wait like weeks, probably even a month, okay? And I'm like, it never showed up, I'm like, that's right. So I go back and I'm, oh, we're real sorry about this, shows it showed up, and I checked her tracking, oh, it got delivered to my door. And I'm like, no, I didn't. I got cameras all over my house, never came to my house. So they argue with me, then they ship me another one, ship. I'm gonna put it in close. - Yeah, it looks like the same one where they like show us the evidence that you didn't get it and people just show pictures of their empty hands like, right, ta-da, yeah, yeah. I love, I love though, when the Amazon guy, like they take a picture putting it on your porch, like it was on your porch. - Well, okay, it was a TV, you couldn't hide it? - I left work last, last time we were scheduled to record. I left work, I'm rushing over here, 'cause I was late. I said, hey, you said you were gonna get late? I said, don't rush, 'cause I'm gonna be late, 'cause I'm getting held up, right? I'm walking out, Amazon guy's right there, I'm one of the last people out of the building, he's like, do you work there? No, yeah, and he's like, what am I? No, don't just assume things, that's how we don't get by in life. He's like, but you don't work there? Oh, I said, no, I don't work here, but that was your first question. Are we back to that one again? He's like, well, do you want me to come back? I'll have to come back tomorrow and deliver the package. He's like, oh, like your job requires, that's too bad for you, right? But it's true, that's true. So they wanna take a picture of me. Yeah, now he wants to hand me like 17 boxes, now I gotta badge myself back in, go put this where it belongs. Yeah, listen, if I was an Amazon guy and I had to deliver stuff to your house, I'll take the picture and then I'll walk it back to your truck. Well, this is a business, right? You're showing up at a business that has posted hours of eight to five, you were now showing up at the business at 5.30, and wondering why you can't get into the business. Weird, right, in case of emergency break glass, put it right in the front. Well, the great thing is I'm wearing a shirt that says the name of the business on it. You work it, no, no. Big fan. Oh, you work at Amazon? You do, oh, that's weird. Weird, 'cause they give these shirts out here, and just when you, I just robbed the place, I put this shirt on, so I look like I belong here. This is sort of my scheme. So anyway, we'll wait and see, I guess I'll do a follow up and let us know if I did get my money back. Odds are, it's just gonna be my credit card company, you know, going after them and doing that. But what a scam to tell me that it came twice in my house. They even, I mean, the stuff they said, I'm not gonna read it all, there's no reason to, but the skull. So that ex skull. - I also like that, like, and we were very put out by this. We lost as well. - Yeah, you're trying to, look, we're in this together. We didn't say 50-50s. - The time it took for someone to copy and paste this email, 'cause you know you've sent it to other people. - So the first five emails I sent, I got, you know how you get the automatic response, the automated one, you can tell. We really value you as a customer. Like you can tell, no one read it. - Dear Fernando, we apologize for losing you. - Yeah, sorry about your brain, sorry about your skull. You're like, no, no, no, that's the other email. They do five companies. But no, I think now you have, I think I'm gonna work for Amazon. I'll take the picture on your porch. And then on your ring camera, you will watch me load it back in my truck. And I will be like, bye-bye. - Yeah. - Yeah, do says, where can they find his dad? - You can't find us, you can't find us at Damon's porch, 'cause we weren't delivered. You can't find us at that checks out.net. Oh, the socials at checks out. WDD sensor with Damon and Ted. We have a recording for you at audio. Hi, podcasting studio. All on the sound is Brian. Not on the video, but just here at the nick of time, Jerry, executive produced by Damon and Ted. We'll catch you next time. 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