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The Season of Self Love

Healing Beyond Betrayal: Embracing Identity and Resilience with Judy Fambrough Billingsley


Welcome back, beautiful souls, to The Season of Self-Love podcast! In today’s powerful episode, host Nyomi Banks continues the Healing Beyond Betrayal series with an incredibly moving conversation featuring author and advocate Judy Fanbrough Billingsley. Judy shares her journey of abandonment, adoption, and discovering her identity after World War II, as well as the transformative lessons she has learned along the way.

Judy is the author of Too Brown to Keep: A Search for Love, Forgiveness, and Healing, a deeply personal narrative of resilience, healing, and the quest for self-identity. Together, Nyomi and Judy dive into topics like coping with abandonment, finding peace through forgiveness, and the importance of cultural connection.

Join us as Judy opens up about navigating life as a biracial child in post-war Germany, her eventual reunion with her birth family, and how she turned her experiences into a source of strength and empowerment. As Maya Angelou once said, "I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." Judy's story is a testament to that truth.

Key Topics:
- Abandonment and adoption: Judy's incredible life story
- The healing power of love, forgiveness, and understanding
- The search for identity and the role of community in healing
- How to find strength and resilience in the face of betrayal

Guest Info:
Judy Fanbrough Billingsley is an author, educator, and advocate. Her book Too Brown to Keep offers a unique perspective on identity, family, and healing. You can find her book on Amazon, in both paperback and audio formats.


Don’t miss this heartwarming and enlightening episode! Subscribe, rate, and review The Season of Self-Love podcast, and be sure to follow us as we continue the Healing Beyond Betrayal series. Remember, as Judy reminds us, “Don’t allow anyone that has brought you pain to take away the joy in your life.”
#SelfLove #Healing #Abandonment #Identity #Podcast #Forgiveness


Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-season-of-self-love--6003379/support.

Duration:
55m
Broadcast on:
24 Sep 2024
Audio Format:
mp3
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We leverage industry focus insights with the collective technical resources of our firm to elevate your performance. Uncover opportunity and move upward at MossAtoms.com. Welcome to the Season of Stuff Love Podcast. I am your host, Naomi Banks. And I am thrilled to have you join me on this transformative journey. You see, every day, we dive into a powerful conversation about self-discovery, healing, and empowerment. This podcast is brought to you by Axe, Naomi, and elevate me self-discovery, where we believe that loving yourself is the first step to living a fulfilling life. You can expect insightful discussions, practical tips, and inspiring stories, plus we occasionally welcome special guests who will share their unique perspectives on self-love and personal life. So keep comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and less embark on this journey together. Because it's time to embrace the beautiful person that you love. So let's elevate our lives one episode of time. Now let's get started. All right, well, welcome back our beautiful souls here to another episode of the Season of Stuff Love Podcast. I am your host, Naomi Banks. And I'm here to guide you to another journey of healing and self-discovery, where today we continue our series of healing beyond betrayal, with the deeply inspiring guests who has turned her experience of abandonment and adoption into a very powerful story of identity and resilience. But before we bring our guests to the stage, I want to take a quick break, all right? It's your "Grotty Goddess, Naomi Banks" here on the Season of Stuff Love Podcast. And we'll be right back. I hate my beautiful souls. This is your "Grotty Goddess, Naomi Banks." And I am excited to share something special with you. Introducing my latest 8-book world book, "Hilling Beyond the Betrayal," a journey of growth, empowerment, and renewal. In these 55 pages, I offer you insight, heartfelt stories, and practical worksheets designed to guide you on your journey. So if you experience betrayal or you are seeking personal growth, this resource is made just for you. You see, it's time to reclaim your power and embrace renewal. So you can get your copy by visiting the Season of StuffLovepodcast.com. And as a thank you for being part of our community, use the code "HilledZerona," and check out to enjoy a 15% discount. So listen, burn on this journey together because you deserve to heal, grow, and thrive. What are some common barriers that prevent people from explaining it? Hey, it's your "Grotty Goddess, Naomi Banks" here from the Season of StuffLove podcast. Yeah, I would say remorse. So "Shaming Guilt" is a very delightful emotional. And these are one of the many amazing conversations that we have every day on Monday through Friday, right here on the Season of StuffLove podcast. With myself, Naomi Banks, as well as our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington Up, Washington Wellness Institute. Come by. A lot of times, we're free to help people look at us. And so that compassion can't enter us. You can hit us over the website at theseason of StuffLovepodcast.com. We have to do this with the truth. Washington Wellness Institute focuses on healing always. For me, if I look good, then I feel good. If I feel good, then I share the good. If I share the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good, then I live the good. Then I live the good, so I can be paid to be my greatest. But I have to learn the good to be the good. So, what does it take to be the greatest? It's as simple as a free 15-minute consultation. Be kind to yourself and hear it always. All right, well, welcome back to the Season of StuffLove podcast. I am your host, Naomi Banks. And today, we are continuing our conversation about healing with the trail. And today, joining me is a very special guest. Not only is her story inspiring, but she had turned her experience from abandonment and adoption to a very powerful story. So please join me in welcoming Miss Judy Fambro Billinson. She's the author of "Too Brown to Keep a Search for Love, Forgiveness in Healing." Well, hi, Miss Judy. Do you mind recalling you, Miss Judy? Of course, of course. And thank you. Thank you so much for having me on your show. Thank you. So before we get into the topic, what I usually do is I usually take a short 60-second guided meditation to help, you know, kind of center ourselves before we get into the topic, all right? All right, my list, Miss. So you know what's going on right now. So I want you guys to just get in a comfortable position, all right? Find a comfortable position and close your eyes. I want you to take a deep breath in through your nose, filling your lungs. Now I want you to slowly exhale out your mouth. And as you breathe in, I want you to imagine drawing in love and acceptance. Now as you exhale, I want you to release any doubts or fears. And I bet you yourself in a safe space, a haven of a love and acceptance. Now I want you to take a last deep breath in, hold, and release from your mouth. You know, I want you to hold on to this feeling as we explore today's enriching conversation. When you are ready, please open your eyes. All right, Miss Judy, thank you for sharing this mama with me, as well as your new here-to-the-season of self-love podcast. It's something that we do every day, Monday through Friday. I'm just to help center ourselves again before we get into the topic of hand. And today, we're talking to Miss Judy. Miss Judy is so wonderful to have you with us in your journey. Has been such a beacon of hope in so many. But not only are you a celebrated author, but you also are a profound advocate of identifying and healing through your word. So could you share a little bit about your background and what led you to write your book? Yes. And I want to say that I really appreciate the meditation. I'm a member of Unity, and we meditate, and I meditate every day, so thank you. You're welcome. My background is that I was born shortly after World War II. And although many people know a lot about history of World War II, one of the aspects of any war, but especially World War II, is that it's the first war that brought about a lot of children who were born of a variety of racial backgrounds. But the children were left behind by the soldiers, not just American soldiers, but all soldiers throughout Europe. There were 35,000 what we were called occupied babies left in Europe after World War II. 5,000 were left in Germany, and my sister and I were two of the 5,000 left in Germany. Wow. And so my birth mother gave us my sister and I. We went to the Kinderheim. We were given up for adoption. We were adopted by an American couple, and I say we were blessed to have had that happen. We were brought to America and raised by them. They were great parents. However, abandonment, if you know the trauma of abandonment and all of that, regardless of how good your parents are, and I did have loving parents, they are my mama and daddy. I always had the burning desire to meet at least once, both of my birth parents. And so I made that pledge to myself in sixth grade when the teacher asked us to write about who we most looked like, which parent did we look like, and all of that. And of course, going to the doctor, they'd asked my mom the history, and she'd say, well, I don't know it, because they're adopted, so that just spurred me on. So I clicked and logged that. Life happened, of course, with marriage and children and college and all of that, but I never forgot about it. And so I began my search one day. My dad knew that I wanted to find them, and he got on a stool and pushed the panel of the kitchen panel, and he had stored our adoption papers up in a shoebox, and brought it down. This is old school now. He brought the shoebox down, and I had to wait until I was 25, though. He said he was going to determine when I was mature enough to handle it. I was 25 at that time, and I had a child, and I was sitting visiting, and all of a sudden he just did. And so that shoebox has always been just a blessing, because it had my German adoption papers in it, and correspondence and letters. They were in German, but of course, they were also translated in English. And so that began my journey of discovery and truly searching. And this was prior to the internet. And my book I do talk about the internet nowadays is a lot easier. You can do your DNA and all of that. That did not exist at the time that I was doing it. But I am one of those that if I need to find you, I will. So I'm very determined person. And so that was how I began. And through my research and through my findings resulted in my friends encouraging me that I had such a unique story to put it down, write it down. And so that's how I published the book "Too Brown to Keep." Owning a rental property sounds like a dream. Collect a rent, and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy. List the property on rental sites. It's going to tell the showings. Oh, no free attention, free attention, free attention, free attention, free attention, free attention. Whew. Sound complicated? Runners Warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best-in-class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own, from rent collection to maintenance coordination, all for one flat monthly fee. Go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444 to speak with a rent estate advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runners warehouse. What's next? At Moss Adams, that question inspires us to help people and their businesses strategically define and claim their future. As one of America's leading accounting, consulting, and wealth management firms, our collaborative approach creates solutions for your unique business needs. We leverage industry-focused insights with the collective technical resources of our firm to elevate your performance. Uncover opportunity and move upward at mossatoms.com. - Too brown to keep. Okay, so you'd mention that in the box, that there were letters. There were corresponded with their letters from your birth mother to you and your sister. - No, no, no, no. You know, I talk about this in my book that in my village where I was born in Frankfurt, but we lived in 45 minutes away in a very small village. There were about 500s. Now it's a lot larger. In fact, I just came back from Germany a month ago. But once the black Cadillac came and picked us up at the church lawn and the lady got out and put my sister and I in the back seat, locked the doors and took us away. We never saw our birth mother, my sister. I had an older sister who was German and we never saw her, never saw my babysitter, never saw the village, anything, ever again. We drove two hours to Manheim, Germany, which is St. Joseph Kinderheim is where my sister and I lived until we were adopted. - Oh, wow. As I'm sitting here like feeling something, how old were you then? How old? I mean, because I can, it's a movie. As you're sitting right now, it's a movie in my head of watching her girls being put in the car while she's watching her mother and her sister just standing there watching and they're not going with you. So that not only abandonment, we talk about this a lot more in this series about abandonment, but also a sense of betrayal. - Yes. - For you at such a young age, how were you able to be able to connect with the new beautiful family that now are your parents? How were you able to get through that, to be able to have a more, I wanna say an acceptance feelings from them, knowing that you're worthy of their love because you know that you and your sister was given away because you all look different, right? You look different than your sister. So in that case, when you went to them, how was that transition for you? - Well, you know, I was blessed, I do have to say, in several different ways. One way I was blessed is I was two. My sister was five. She and I have the same mother and father, although she's light-skinned and blonde hair, blue eyes, and I'm the brown one. And I'll share the title of the book in a minute as I say that. But I also have another sister, Helga, who her father is different. She was in Germany. My sister and I were the ones that were put in the Cadillac. One of the things to answer that directly is that I was really blessed to have, especially my dad, who never shied away from saying, you're adopted. We love you, we chose you. You know, that really always resonated with me because he said, look, we could have adopted other people. We chose you and your sister. We love you. And he really surrounded us with love and assurance. Because the component also about being worthy, because everyone throughout life will eventually experience abandonment. That doesn't mean you're adopted, but abandonment through death. You know, abandonment through divorce. Yeah. Abandonment through, I've met people doing my book presentation who say I feel abandoned. I have a husband or a wife, but I have a husband or a wife. Abandoned, I have a husband or wife, but there isn't the love and the connection. Yeah. And so this theme for the audience is not just about adoption. It's abandonment period. My dad kind of sufficed a combat fear when he said, I chose you. Yeah. You know, and he honestly did through pictures because we never met in person until my sister and I were flown to New York. And they met us in New York and we were handed off to them. And the adoption process began in America. So, you know, I, but in spite of all that, I just felt, I talk in the book about also being biracial. And I was blessed to have my dad who and my mom, who exposed us to white America and African American. And that helped us. They really surrounded us with, you know, code switching and how to behave and what are the norms of each culture because they are different. There's commonalities, but there's also differences as we all know. So I had parents who did that and that's what was blessing, but it did not take away my burning deep desire to find my birth parents. - Wow. You know, that was my next question is to ask about your roots and how did you connect with your roots, knowing that you are now in a new home, a beautiful new home, a beautiful new space. But not only that, but you've been removed from a country that you were born into. You know, and even though you went there for two years, you're still not an American American. So for you, how do you identify yourself in that aspect? - You know, it was tough, yes, it's tough and it was tough. I always want to know who do I look like. My sister was five and my other sister was eight. Now she stayed in Germany, but my sister who was five at the time and she was adopted with me, you know, she spoke German. So my parents actually hired a tutor to tutor her at home in English in preparation for school. For me, it was, I'll never forget and I don't remember the, I know it was a boy, but I don't remember his face or anything, but I remember at school one day coming up and you know, kids can be mean. And he said, you know, if your mama don't want you, nobody does. And that stuck with me. And that was another driving force. You know, I say it in my book. You know, I want to know if she did love me because my daddy always said, oh, she loved you so much. She gave you away. But for me, it was like, you know, if he loves them, but he don't give them away, you know? And so I always was torn. What do I identify with? Of course, African American, but I also identify with my German. I didn't know what it was. I wanted to see. I was born with a German's birth certificate. I was German. I left German people behind who loved me. And I didn't know it at the time, but as I did my research and went back, you know, I realized that I was missed from the village. - Mm. So let's do this. Let's talk about your book. Let's talk about too brown, too key. - Yes. - Yeah. So you have some very central themes to your book. How do you, how do love, forgiveness, and healing play into your narrative and what coping mechanism have you found that was most helpful to you? - Very good questions. (laughing) Um, my coping mechanism throughout my life is my dad was a very successful businessman. And he also was very much in tune to really teaching my sister and I, the norms and cultures of each society. He coached us through them. And when we ran into trouble, especially me, 'cause I did run into trouble, you know, I had long hair, you could sit on and, you know, and remember it's back in the day. Back in the day, bi-racial kids were very unique. They wanted to put us on TV and all of that stuff. And my dad was like, no, we're gonna treat her normally, you know? (laughing) And so that really helped. And also I transferred my abandonment to, as I say in the book, I transferred it to being very, very focused on being successful. And I was gonna show, I didn't realize this till I started writing the book, but I was gonna show my birth mom and dad that I was worth keeping, okay? (laughing) And so I, you know, I was driven. I was a good student. I, you did not find me, not doing my homework, studying for a test. You know, I went, got my degree and my masters. So I didn't realize it till researching about abandonment that one of the things is being focused, driven, you know, nobody's taking me off my game, you know? And so I realized as I did this that that was a part of me, but it also made me where I didn't dwell on woe is me, okay? And the love and forgiveness, I didn't even, I didn't think about writing that chapter until I was writing the book and I was like, you know, that's really where I am. I do wanna explain that for me, forgiveness is not about forgetting. To me, forgiveness is about not allowing anyone, and in this case, we're talking about my birth, mother, and father. I'm not gonna allow anyone that hurt me to take away the joy. - Yeah. - I'm just not gonna dwell on that. They had their reasons. I don't necessarily agree with them, but I respect them because I do believe, as Maya Angelou says, you know, when you know better, you do better. - Yeah. - And it was during the times of really, you know, if you think of, there was racism in America, there was racism in Germany. A lot of us biracial kids were just put in an orphanage. In Europe, there were 650 kinder himes that served us biracial kids. - Mm. Mm. - 650. - Wow. You know, that's something that's never spoke about. You know, it is never spoke about. I have family members that have served in the service and, you know, married someone overseas and, you know, had children, but they brought them back with them. But, but it's unheard of, like seriously, just hearing your story right now was like, wow. Because a lot of times you hear of the mother still keeping the children, even though the soldier has left. - Yes. - So let me ask you this for you, going through your research. Have you, did you ever have a chance to meet your biological mother, father, or even siblings? - Yes, I did, I did. And I'm gonna just share a little bit. So you go on amazon.com and buy it. - I know that's right. (both laughing) - I will say, I did. I did a lot of research. I'm one, you know, back to the abandonment thing, and I'm very focused. So I did research. And most, a lot of German, I do wanna say, or I even answered that question. I do wanna say that there were many German women who kept their kids. So please, I don't want to make just a blanket statement. But I do know the figures. And that's why I'm saying 5,000 in Germany, you know, were given up in Kinderheins. Most of them were adopted throughout Europe. There were only about 500 of us out of the 5,000 in Germany that were brought to America, okay? - Yeah. - And, you know, I just, I just want, I was looking at, okay, my birth mother made that decision. My birth father made that decision. And did I meet them? I'll say I hired a counselor because I knew through my research that oftentimes when you're researching for family members, regardless whether you're adopted or not, you will get rejected by somebody. And so I write about my birth mother's rejection and what happened. I also write about my older sister, which I was very surprised about Helga, who was left back in Germany. I did find her and she did a very public humiliation of me. But thank God for mama, especially my mom who had these strong Christian values and taught us well. And I was not going to act crazy in public, although I wanted to. I did get in my car after the event. I didn't leave early. I stayed and I got in my car driving in Germany back to my babysitters and I pulled off the side of the road and cried and cried and cried. But I knew through my counselor and through research that this was a normal thing that can happen to us. And so I accepted it. It still is painful, but I did discover, I didn't know that I had other siblings. And so eventually there are six of us. And out of all six, four of us were abandoned. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream, collect a rent and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy. List the property on rental sites. It's got to kill the showings. Oh, don't forget screen time. For the information, drop the lease on collection. (mumbles) Whew, sound complicated? Runners warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Our job is complicated because it should be. We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best-in-class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own, from rent collection to maintenance coordination, all for one flat monthly fee. Go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444 to speak with a rent estate advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runners warehouse. What's next? At Moss Adams, that question inspires us to help people and their businesses strategically define and claim their future. As one of America's leading accounting, consulting, and wealth management firms, our collaborative approach creates solutions for your unique business needs. We leverage industry focus insights with the collective technical resources of our firm to elevate your performance, uncover opportunity, and move upward at MossAtoms.com. - Including Helga, who can't stand my guts for I don't know why I left it too. So I couldn't have done anything too bad. (laughing) Maybe broke her tricycle, I don't know, but. But yes, out of the six of us, two of us, four of us were abandoned. And the two that she kept was because she was married. - She was married to someone else? - Yes, yeah. Well, later on. - Okay, okay, okay. - Okay, okay. In fact, the four of us, she was not married to the dads. - Okay. - So with your biological father, you just do not know him at all. - No, I do, I do. And you're gonna have to read the book. (laughing) But he's in the United States. - I'm gonna order the book. (laughing) - And it's not how you'll do. But now I really know who you like. - He's in the United States. So you'll have to read about him. I did travel to Germany. And so now every other year, up until COVID, I was going back to Germany. And I actually did my research and homework. In the beginning, when you meet people, they're not gonna trust you. So they don't say much, you know? I do have to share with readers. I talk about my first time in the village. I knew I was home. I stood out in the village and don't picture it like we do the streets. 'Cause it is truly a village, okay? It is a little village. In fact, they didn't even have internet when I first got there, okay? And my sister and I were looking at the house that we lived in, which was right across the street from my babysitter. That's what I was staying with. And all these older German men and women came running out of their home. Uta, Engart, Uta coming and hugging us. And I just felt home. They remembered us. They remembered us. And it was just, that was magic to me. I am American. I'm not denying that. I'm African-American. I'm white. I'm this and that. But it was just so nice to have both of my cultures together. So I can have now visit my brothers. In fact, it just came back this past month. I stay about a month with, in Frankfurt. And I go to my babysitter's daughter who she helped a babysitter is still alive. So, oh, wow. Now, are your brothers, are they biracial or are they just? No, actually, you know, my sister and I were the only two biracial. The rest were by white men in Germany, actually all in Germany. Mm, you know, so I was reading your profile and you speak a lot about your community. And I just heard you talk about your village. So community play seems to play a very vital role to your service. So how has being a part of the various organizations that helped you in your healing journey, what advice would you give to our listeners in finding a supportive community? That's a good question. You know, my sense of community comes from my father and my mother. They were lifetime members of the NAACP. I grew up during the civil rights era in Martin Luther King. So my parents were very, very involved in that. And so as a little girl, you know, my mother was president of the Women's Political Study Club and things like that. So that was a sense of community. I think I really tagged on to that, not only because of my parents, but to me, community and family are everything. And being abandoned, I think, really moved me to be. All odds are, you know? And so being a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority, being a member of the 100 Black women, giving back. And I think that's why I wanted to give back by teaching. I always wanted to be a teacher at 12 years old. And because not only am I teaching kids, but they're teaching me. I am constantly learning. And so then I moved into administration being, you know, vice principal, a principal. I love being around young people. I love serving them. I'm chair of the scholarship committee. And it's just wonderful to see how our kids and all kids can grow and graduate and become a part of society. And I think the base of my involvement and my passion is from the abandonment piece. I'm not going to abandon my community. I'm not going to abandon it that needs help. You know, I'm going to work till midnight to help someone. Yeah, that's beautiful. Like I mentioned before, we had a whole show on abandonment last season. And I remember-- I remember one of the listeners, after they finished listening to that abandonment, because myself was abandoned when I was younger. Yes, I'm still with my mom and my dad. But when you're a child, you don't understand what the roles of adults do. And even though she left me at my grandmother's house for a few years, she figured that was the best benefit for me because right at that time, her and my dad was just married and they were trying to get their own thing. But what I saw from there, they have built my resilience. They have built my character and that driven. So when you said about researching-- yes, since I'm a researcher. [LAUGHTER] But also what it did to me, too, is-- and this is something that I'm battling with-- the perfection, that I have to be perfect. And so I say I'm a recovering perfection next. [LAUGHTER] You know, they do say that is a part of it. Yes. Yes. Yes. But I tend to use these. I tend to flip these words that they call as negative and use them as empowerment on this. So that's a part of my shield, that abandonment. That's one of my many swords that I have that I'm able to heal with and combat all the negativity. You know, I don't see it as a negative. What I do see it as is for us to recognize, you know? We all have prejudices, you know, all of us do. But for me, it's about turning that mirror and recognizing it and saying, wait a minute, I'm doing this because of my abandonment. I'm doing this. For me, I don't think I will ever just totally forget about abandonment and not have some of those issues. But I don't see them as issues as long as I turn that mirror and recognize it and just work at it. Yeah. I'm obsessed to be a bad one. Because I ended up in America. Exactly. With some beautiful parents-- I'm listening to your story and you tell me about your dad and you tell me about your mom and all that. I'm like, I'm like, this was a gift. A gift. This is-- we talked about this all this series about taking from the betrayal, what's the gift in the betrayal? What's the gift in the pain? What's the power? It turns it to a perfect-- Yes. Right here. I'm going to order that book. [LAUGHTER] We do. And it's not a long book. I said, I'm not doing a book more than 150 pages, 147 pages. And I'm not-- I do think it's a story that everyone-- a true story that everyone can relate to in one way or the other. And I'm with you. I have the same philosophy you do about things happen to us for a reason. And for me, if I didn't get that job or I didn't, then I turn the merits. Not about the other person. It's about me and how will I handle it differently next time? Yeah. And that's what I teach to students when they get in a fight or cuss the teacher out or whatever they come to my office. Because as principal, I like dealing with some of those. And I'll say, well, honey, how can you handle it different next time? Let's talk about the tools. I'm happy. I go to Germany, and I want everybody to know. I am four hours ahead of my flight at the airport. I do not want to be left behind, OK? [LAUGHTER] So Les and I get it twisted. I love Germany, it is my home, you know, too. But America is my number one home with my mama and daddy here, OK? That's beautiful. That is so beautiful. It's beautiful that you can go back home. Yes. And just even you talk about your village coming in and just embracing you fully and whole. And it's just like a whole circle around about right there. And it's kind of like complete you entirely. That's the key. And as I say, I'm at peace. And I truly am at peace knowing who I am. Because self-identity is very important. Yeah. And being by racial, I do have to say has unique challenges. In fact, I'm writing my second book and interviewing people. But we live in the middle because we're not black enough to be black and not white enough to be white. So we do the code switching, and I'm proud of my code switching. I can get in any door. But identifying racially, knowing who you are, and how the world perceives you, and what you want to accomplish. I just keep that motto of mine, and that is, I'm not going to allow anyone to take the joy from my life. Beautiful, beautiful. You're speaking on by racial. I remember a few years ago, back on my old radio show, I remember having this young lady. She was an actress, and she was biracial. And I remember us having this deep conversation. And at that time, I did not understand how hard it was for biracial children. I did not understand it. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream. Collect a rent, and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. 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At Moss Adams, that question inspires us to help people and their businesses strategically define and claim their future. As one of America's leading accounting, consulting, and wealth management firms, our collaborative approach creates solutions for your unique business needs. We leverage industry-focused insights with the collective technical resources of our firm to elevate your performance, uncover opportunity, and move upward at Mossatoms.com. Because, you know, I'm a doctor. You know, I'm dark skin, you know. (laughs) You know, back then, you know, I grew up in the '70s and '80s. So, you know, that's was, you know, "Died girl, you talk with your dog." You know, you know, so when you look at the life skin girl, you know that life skin girl with the pretty hair? You think that they have it all together. But she has shared with us is that, no, like, she felt that her, she couldn't understand what her identity was, because she felt like she didn't, she wasn't white enough for the white side. She wasn't black enough for the black side. So, and she was adopted by two white parents. Yeah, and they couldn't help her with nothing. (laughs) Like you and your sister, her and her sister was adopted together, and her sister hair was straight, and she had the curly kinky hair. And she said, "Oh my God, now you know me, what I was going to class, I was looking, all those things, I don't know what to do with me." But, you know, but her sharing that story with us, I was like, "Wow." I was like, "Oh my God, like, we really don't understand." And let me say this, because when, let's talk about Vice President right now. Vice President Kamala Harris right now. Yes. And you hear a lot of the whispers in, what she says she was Indian, and she says she was African. Well, she's all of that. Yes. And she has to honor all the who she is. How can you not say you're not this and this is a very woman that birthed you? How can I say I'm not Indian? Yeah. How can I say I'm not black or Jamaican or whatever? How can I say that I'm not that? Exactly, exactly. You know? Exactly, exactly. It is tough, and I think, in fact, I'm preparing right now. I have, I'm going to be the opening speaker for the California Foster Parents Conference, here in California. And my topic is actually on self identity and diversity, because nowadays there are a lot of parents who, foster parents, who are fostering by racial children, not just black, white kids, but, you know, different races. And, you know, I talk about that, regardless of what the parent is, if you have a biracial child, you've got to, you know, really introduce them to their culture. But the parent has to also participate in that, you know? And that's one of the things my parents did. They didn't just throw us, drop us off at a white event left us, you know? [LAUGHTER] I grew up in Bakersville, OK? One of the centers of the KKK, we, in fact, I talk about it in my book that we had a cross burned on our front yard. So my parents, you know, really surrounded us, taught us, protected us, and then also talked about the event if we ran into some racial issues. And we ran into racial issues, not just with white people. I got bullied and all of that by black kids, which didn't like my hair, you know? So they like your hair. [LAUGHTER] Oh, they really like your hair. Well, you know what I mean. And, you know, because I had a group of girls follow me around one time, and they deliberately were talking about, oh, that's not her real hair. No, do you see this? And I'm like, who cares whether it's my real hair or not? You know, I-- so, you know, those experiences, you have to prepare your kids for, but it's for. Yeah. Can I talk about it in my book? So please get it. [LAUGHTER] I'm going to get it. I'm going to order it. Because not only is it a good book, but I know, because I want to see if-- because excuse my language, if the sperm don't, if you met the sperm don't, because that's what I want. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Well, it's not my-- I do have to say, everybody's read us. It is not a boring book. And, you know, every time something happened to me, I'd call my really good girlfriend's up. And they'd say, oh my god, you got her. So I had my iPad when I got a Germany. And at night, I really, you know, I kept a diary, because people would share with me. And in the beginning, they didn't. But as I continued to go back to Germany and go back, they opened up more. And then they were very honest about what they really thought about my birth mother in the village. And, you know, and things that had happened. And I double-checked them, because I didn't want to write anything negative that just one or two people said. So-- and being two years old, you know, I had emotions. I don't remember anything. My sister, five years old, does. I don't, but I do subconsciously. Like when it rains, I get really depressed. And I discovered that when the car picked us up, it was raining. And I have a difficult time with rain. But at least now that I found that out, I'm able to deal with it more. I used to really get depressed. But now I say, oh, this is about, you know, and then I just go off and do something happy. So, you know, regardless of what age you are when you're abandoned, there are some things that happen to you to be subconscious. Yeah, they had trigger moments. And now you have the tools to be able to manage those trigger moments. That's something we talk about here a lot. Because, you know, when we say that we're going through the healing process, you know, we're healing always. Always. Always. Always. Always. Yeah. Yeah. And so now that we have the tools, and that's what the season and stuff love is. This is why this podcast, I created it. So we now have the tools that you don't have that we can learn the tools from different voices, from different languages. And when I mean language, like your voice, it's a whole different language for my listeners. So as long as we continue to be open to be bilingual of the voices that we hear, we'll have so many tools. Yes. They'll be able to help us through life, that when we do have those trigger moments, and we hear that rain or that smell, well, hold on, I could go back to here. Yes. Absolutely correct. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, Miss Judy, I brought this up, baby. Well, I'm good. I'm a pleasure talking to you and allowing me to share my story. Thank you. But before you go, could you just give some practical advice or steps for our listeners? Sure. That they can take to explore their own journey of identity in healing. Yes. The advice I have is to not blame and shame. It's about understanding the other person, not necessarily agreeing, but not understanding the person, understanding the time, and turning that mirror and saying, how can I handle this and be a better person? And I just want to leave everyone with the thought that don't allow anyone that has brought you pain to take away the joy in your life. Life is much too short. Don't allow them to do that. Beautiful. Beautiful. Tell us what it can find the book. Your website. Give it all. Give it all. Give it all. If you Google Judy, Phambro Billings, or even Judy Billings, I pop up. I do have a Facebook page. I also have an author Facebook page. If you Google too Brown to keep, I am available. I self-published my book. And so it's available on Amazon, not only through soft copy, but also through audio. I hired an excellent, excellent reader who knows how to say those German names and everything. It sounds really good. And so please buy my book. Go there. It's worth your time, believe me. And I also give some hints on if you're just searching for your legacy and ancestry. There are some websites and things that I included in the book. So thank you, everyone, for listening and thank you for allowing me to be here and share. Thank you. Thank you so much, Judy. Thank you. This was good because now I know that you got it on Audible. Yes, I do. For you. I'm giving it to the nappers, okay? Yes. As soon as we finish with this, I'm going to download it. Yes, and I'm having it in the process of being translated in German. Okay. Well, I'm going to miss that one, but that's very interesting. I got you on that one. But again, Judy, thank you so much for just joining us today and just sharing your incredible journey. And also, it's been enlightening and profoundly just, God, it's been a good one. This was a good one. This was really good. Good, and for my listeners, I want you to remember to continue to embrace your vulnerabilities. And it's a very part of your healing process. So again, join us on our next episode as we continue with the Hillary B.R. and the Choral Series here on the season, so until then keep loving yourself and discovering new things. Have a good one. Absolutely. Thank you for joining us on this journey of discovering and empowerment here at the season of self-love podcast. Remember, embracing self-love is a continuous journey, and we're so glad to have you with us. So if you enjoy today's episode, please leave us a review. And don't forget to join our community on Facebook at season of self-love. Connect with a like-minded individual who are also on their self-love journey. Now, if you have any questions on topics that you would like for us to explore, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at season of self-love@gmail.com and let your voice be heard. So until next time, take a moment for yourself today and remember, you are worthy of love, joy, and all the beautiful things that life has to offer. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. A competitive rent price, market the property, schedule the showing, screen tenants, draft the lease at a rent collection, handle maintenance request, maintain communication. Whew! Sound complicated? Renters' warehouse is here to take the hard work off your rental to-do list. Qualify tenants, check, rent collection, check, maintenance coordination, you got it. Go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444 because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runners' warehouse. What's next? At Moss Adams, that question inspires us to help people and their businesses strategically define and claim their future. As one of America's leading accounting, consulting, and wealth management firms, our collaborative approach creates solutions for your unique business needs. We leverage industry-focused insights with the collective technical resources of our firm to elevate your performance. Uncover opportunity and move upward at MossAtoms.com