The Season of Self Love
Healing Beyond Betrayal: The Power of Therapy with Dr. William Washington
Welcome back to The Season of Self-Love podcast with your host, Nyomi Banks! In this enlightening episode, we continue our ongoing series, Healing Beyond Betrayal, by diving deep into the transformative power of therapy in overcoming betrayal. We are joined by our resident therapist, Dr. William Washington, from the Washington Wellness Institute, who shares his profound insights on healing, trauma, and personal growth.
Together, Nyomi and Dr. Will explore the emotional waves that betrayal brings, the importance of vulnerability, and the tools needed to truly heal from within. Discover how therapy can not only help you cope but guide you toward a new perspective and deeper self-awareness.
Key Topics:
- Understanding betrayal trauma and its emotional impact
- Therapy as a tool for healing and self-growth
- The role of vulnerability in strength and healing
- How to find the right therapist for betrayal trauma
Guest Info:
Dr. William Washington brings a wealth of experience and a compassionate approach to healing. Learn more about his work at the Washington Wellness Institute and how therapy can be a transformative tool in your journey of self-love.
Join us in this episode as we unpack the complexities of healing beyond betrayal and gain practical tools to embrace your self-love journey. Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review The Season of Self-Love podcast for more empowering episodes. Healing is within your reach, and you are worthy of every step.
#SelfLove #Healing #BetrayalTrauma #Podcast #Therapy
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-season-of-self-love--6003379/support.
- Broadcast on:
- 23 Sep 2024
- Audio Format:
- other
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Go to Carvana.com to finance your car the convenient way. Welcome to the Season of Stuff Love Podcast. I am your host, Naomi Banks, and I am thrilled to have you join me on this transformative journey. You see, every day we dive into a powerful conversation about sub-discovery, healing, and empowerment. This podcast is brought to you by Axe, Naomi, an elevate me, self-discovery, where we believe that loving yourself is the first step to living a fulfilling life. You can expect insightful discussions, practical tips, and inspiring stories, plus we'll occasionally walk in special guests who will share their unique perspectives, more self-love and personal. So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and let's embark on this journey together. Because it's time to embrace the beautiful person that you are. So let's elevate our lives one episode of time. Now let's get started. All right, my beautiful people, welcome back to the Season of Stuff Love Podcast. I am your host, Naomi Banks, and today we are diving deeper into our ongoing series, Healing Beyond Betrayal. And today we are joined by our esteemed resident therapist, Dr. William Washington. We're going to explore the transformative role of therapy and many of the wolves of betrayal. But before we bring Dr. Will to the stage, you know how we do it, we're going to take a quick break and we'll come back. Dr. Will is going to join us on this conversation, all right? It's your goody goddess, Naomi Banks, here on the Season of Stuff Love Podcast, and we'll be right back. Hey, my beautiful souls, this is your goody goddess, Naomi Banks, and I am excited to share something special with you, introducing my latest abled world book, Healing Beyond the Betrayal, a journey of growth, empowerment, and renewal. In these 55 pages, I offer you insight, heartfelt stories, and practical worksheets, designed to guide you on your humanity. So if you experience betrayal or you are seeking personal growth, this resource is made just for you. You see, it's time to reclaim your power and embrace renewal, so you can get your copy by visiting the Season of StuffLovepodcast.com. And as a thank you for being part of our community, use the code "HealedZeroNow" and check out to enjoy a 15% discount. So listen, bark on this journey together, because you deserve to heal, grow, and thrive. Hey, it's your goody goddess, Naomi Banks, here from the Season of Stuff Love Podcast. Yeah, I would say remorse, so shaming guilt is a very divided emotional. And these are one of the many amazing conversations that we have every day on Monday and Friday, right here on the Season of Stuff Love Podcast with myself, Naomi Banks, as well as our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington Up, Washington Wellness Institute. Come by. The reality of our relationship. Come by. A lot of times, we're afraid of how people look at us. And so that compassion can't enter. You can hit us all the way to the Season of StuffLovepodcast.com. Washington Wellness Institute focuses on healing always. For me, if I look good, then I feel good. If I feel good, then I share the good. If I share the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good, then I live the good, so I can be paid to be my greatest. But I have to learn the good to be the good. So what does it take to be the greatest? As simple as a free 15-minute consultation, be kind to yourself and heal always. All right, well, welcome back to the Season of StuffLove Podcast. Again, I'm your host, Naomi Banks here. I have Dr. Will. Hey, Dr. Will. Hey, Dr. Will. Feels so good to see you. How have you been? Been so great. So great. What'd I tell you? I love doing this shit. All right, this is who you be, this is who you be, the way it is. This is who I be. You know, one thing is that I am so happy to be back. And this series, this month's series, has been truly amazing. The guests that came, that's been coming on and sharing their amazing stories and their journey and healing and living in a purpose and all of those good things. They just been amazing, truly amazing. So yeah, I got some good here. Yeah. That's so good. Yeah. Well, you're bringing some good people. So I'm really like, I'm like, I'm here. This is even better. I love being here. Yeah. Eat on it. It's so funny. I have, honestly, I'm gonna, might have to bring us back around next year, this same series because I still have so many people that said my portal that want to get on and yeah. And I'm like, okay, but not now I have to, you know, kind of take my time to do it. You know, like we believe in quality over quantity. Yeah. Right. Most definitely. That's it. Most, most definitely, most definitely, but you know how I do it, we're gonna send ourselves first before we get into this topic and then, um, we're gonna let it go. Right. All right. So listeners, please get yourself comfortable and prepared, close your eyes, let's go. Please find a comfortable position, close your eyes and take a deep breath in for four and now exhale the six counts, three, four, five, six, now that you continue this breathing pattern, I want you to imagine yourself in a safe space, a sanctuary of healing and acceptance. And where every breath releases pain, I want you to welcome peace and love. Now I want you to do our last deep breath in through your nose, four counts, one, two, three, four, hold, and then release slowly from your mouth. Six counts, one, two, three, four, five, six, yes. Now just roll your shoulders back like that with your arms, now open your eyes. All right, well, welcome back first of all, thank you all for just sharing this moment with me. And if you're new here to the season of self love podcast, it's something that we do every day, Monday to Friday here, just to help center ourselves before we get into the topic of hand. All right, doctor, what you ready for this? I am so ready for this. Let's do this. You ready? You ready? All right. So with your rich background on psychology, numerous accolades, all of that, you're specialized for you. Could you share just a bit about your journey that specialized in betrayals trauma? I know we talked about before about the trauma, and I know you work with a lot of children as well. Some adolescents with that one, could you share, you know, of your journey in specializing with that using, you know, some of those yeah, yeah, yeah, so what I found was, you know, I joined because I wanted to understand trauma, I wanted to understand identity, I wanted to understand why we act or how we become the way basically how we were treated in our lives. And for me, I always learned that the more you tell your story, the less you become of it. And so I learned that the narrative therapy approach was always really, a really beautiful way to start learning how to understand betrayal, because when people would come in with these types of feelings and emotions, it would always, after they told their story, there's another level. And so for me, you know, yes, I learned hypnotherapy. I learned it because I understood that when you age regress, right, and you go younger and younger in age, the youngest part of you has so much betrayal. And, you know, when I learned IFS therapy, the deepest part is the exile when we such childhood wound, right? When I learned, oh my gosh, there's so many I learned, even in my own model, you know, the first principle is the action is never the reason, which means that what we do is not because of what's happening is because of what we've become, right? And so all of my training and my journey in all this was always a reflection of getting down to the beginning and the source of when the innocence was either taken away, manipulated, or we were taught otherwise. At your job, do you ever have to deal with a nose roller? How about a snub pulling? Well, if you're installing a new conveyor belt system, dealing with the different components can sound like you're speaking a foreign language, luckily, you've got a team ready to help. Granger's technical product specialists are fluent in maintenance, repair, and operations, so whenever you want to talk shop, just reach out. Call clickgranger.com or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done. Okay, you can do this. I know, I know, Karvana makes it so convenient to sell your car. It's just hard to let go. My car and I have been through so much together. But look, you already have a great offer from Karvana. That was fast. Well, I know my lessons played in my heart and those questions were easy. You're almost there. Now to just accept the offer and schedule a pick up or drop off. How'd you do it? How were you so strong in letting go of your car? Well, I already made up my mind and Karvana is so easy. Oh, yeah. True. And sold. Go to Karvana.com to sell your car the convenient way. And so, for me, the word betrayal, it hits so many psychological realms, and I think that many clinicians, even today, they don't even use the word betrayal as much as they use. They usually would. And so, I'm really happy why you're bringing this word up because there's a lineage of traumatic language connected to this word. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when we spoke earlier this month about the understanding of betrayal, and I believe we talked about the different levels, so the different aspects of betrayal and how they come, you just spoke about the lineage on how betrayal can be. So, I had a conversation with one of our guests that's coming up soon, and she was talking about abandonment. And, you know, we always, we talk about abandonment, too, when we're a part of betrayal kind of comes in from there. And as you said about the childhood wounds and things that I sort of don't know how we feel with that, what are some of the most common emotional reactions that you see in your practices? Yes. Well, some of the most common is, so the word betrayal, when you say the word, it's like an umbrella, right? And underneath that umbrella is all these words. And distrust, faith, sadness, shame, guilt, embarrassment, right? These words have turned just away from so many people, places, and things that we were actually worthy of, but we felt denied of. Yeah, was it last week, last week, a lady wrote in, and she had been listening to the series, and she stated that she was, excuse me, she said, "I'm stuck." She felt stuck. I'm not going to give you the word for which she said, "I feel stuck," she said, "because I feel ashamed that I was betrayed, I feel ashamed, I feel guilty." She felt all of these things from someone else betraying her, and in response to that, I was telling her, and I shared this with everybody, I think it was last week, that we have to give this word, "shame" a powerful for ourselves. So you shame as one of your swords. Yeah, because really, it's not your shame, but a lot of people do is they put with their embarrassment and their truth that they're their own thing, they put that on to shame. Yes. And I got to say that, in IFS therapy, what we call that is a legacy burden, where a lot of times we hold a lot of shame from things that have been passed down to us, and so these beliefs, these cultural oppressions, these systematic oppressions, a lot of them times, we create these rules for ourselves that nobody made but us, but because of how it was passed down to us because of what maybe our parents emotionally never resolved, we get taught that. So if someone, if you see your parent never speaking up, your parent never told you not to speak up, but you watching that, you end up becoming someone that may never speak up for yourself because you, and now you feel like you can't do it anymore, but who told you you can't do that? Right. And so there's a lot of things that we hold that have been passed down to us that we've made our entire lives. Yeah. It's wild. Yeah. You know, it's funny to say, I just remember a client that I saw last week and in the conversation that we were having, very silent, he don't speak a lot. I mean, he's trying to find a more, a relationship with his mother and he's having a disconnect from her, but he loves her. He wants to be there. He wants to make sure that he knows that, you know, she's worthy of all that, but he's, he can't find the words to speak to say to her because she's always never shut him down, but he is older brother. Yeah, you know, and by him witnessing and seeing that, but honestly, that was the same thing with my sister because I was very voiceless on what I wanted to do and say, but then I always got in trouble for it. So my sister was like, I'm not going to say nothing. Yeah. Yeah. So when you say that, you know, about that, I'm like, wow, and I am so happy that I did not trans bring that into my children. So I, you know, I welcome their voices, you know, I'm saying, I want to hear what, you know, what's going on with them, you know, because their language is totally different from what our language is and understanding is so different from what our understanding is now, you know, and it's exactly when we talk about abandoning. There's different levels of abandoning when, you know, it's so many different levels to a lot of these things. But for me, it took me a while to even take that word abandonment and make it a part of the strength for me. You know, everybody, look at it that way, you understand what I'm saying? And that's what I like about doing these shows here is because, and I just shared this with somebody else, we might be speaking the same, but we still speaking two different language. You got your language. Right. I believe that our assignment and our purpose is about creating bilingual language for everyone to know because I truly believe that our hearts is supposed to understand bilingual language. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, I love how you said it because even when I'm with my Spanish speaking brothers and sisters and, you know, and I don't know what they're always saying, but I can feel everything they're saying, and it doesn't, I don't have to know every single word, you know? And I think that a lot of times we think that the most intelligent person knows all, knows the most, but actually the most intelligent person is the most translatable person. A true person of intelligence can be translatable to anybody. And that's, and the trueness of that is you learn yourself so well, that doesn't matter who you meet because you know yourself. Yeah. Right. And the reflections of each other, we're all parts of each other, we're all fragments of ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. That's such a true statement. It is. It's true. We can talk about this later, but it is such a true, because I'm telling you this month has been truly, truly conformational for me. It's been just a stem band. This is, this is where you at. This is the room in spaces that you are supposed to be in right here, whether there's doctors or lawyers or whoever that's in front of you, you can sit right there in those rooms with them, you know, and I saw that, you know, I feel that, you know, like every time I finish with one of my interviews, I feel so much joy when coming off, you know, I'm not drained or nothing like that is just like a whole different, you know, type of field, especially when we're talking about this, you know, it's like, and I'm amazed because they said, "Well, while you're really talking about that, like we, I love what you're doing with this podcast." And I'm like, "Well, there's other self-help love, like no, you're breaking it down, like you're breaking it all the way down." Yeah. Yeah. And I'm going to interrupt you, but you said something earlier about how you were boisterous when you were younger, right? And you wanted to make sure that people heard what you needed. And what you passed down to your children was the fact that they know that they're always going to be heard. Yeah. I just wanted to acknowledge that. I didn't say anything, but I think that's just was beautiful. That was sitting in my heart. The fact that you gave the thing that the child and you wanted for your children. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. That's a legacy gift. That's a legacy error. Truly. Thank you. It's just it's kind of like the total opposite of what you were saying on how when we put shame on others, others put shame on you of certain things or rules that they make. I kind of took off the rules. We have to create our own things. We can't go by what other people, because it's not doing anything for us. We're left stuck. And you see that from generation to generation, for you, let's move more talking about the healing process. Could you explain the different therapeutic modules that aid the healing betrayal wounds? So I know you get one purposely that you do. So how can explaining explain it? Yeah, I got you. Yeah. Yeah. The first thing is you have to understand what triggered the betrayal, right? Let's look. So I like to work from the like I like to work backwards, right? You watch the end of the movie and then we got to go our way back. And so I like to understand when you first are in that moment of betrayal, the first thing you have to do is understand the power dynamic. What's the dynamic? What's my relationship to this person? What's our power dynamic? Are you above me, under me, with me? What's what's our what's our relationship? That's the first step. The second step is understanding to what's my reaction and what is my response right? So I might have a physical response, emotional response, you know, verbal response. What's my reaction to this? Right? What are the behaviors and things that are coming off of me? So what am I giving off? Right? And then the third step is understanding what I really wanted. Well, I really wanted them to know, right? We got to go back to that innocent, that vulnerability. And it's hard to get to that spot because the last thing you want to do in your betrayed is be more vulnerable. Right? And so you have to make space for that. And so how I look at this is, is I call it like, I call it the smoke, the fire in the house where, you know, if you're, you know, if there's a fire in the room, right? At your job, do you ever have to deal with a nose roller? How about a snub bully? Well, if you're installing a new conveyor belt system, dealing with the different components can sound like you're speaking a foreign language. Luckily, you've got a team ready to help. Granger's technical product specialists are fluent in maintenance, repair and operations. So whenever you want to talk shop, just reach out. Call clickgranger.com or just stop by. Granger for the ones who get it done. Okay, you can do this. I know, I know, Karvana makes it so convenient to sell your car. It's just hard to let go. My car and I have been through so much together. But look, you already have a great offer from Karvana. That was fast. Well, I know my lessons played in vin my heart and those questions were easy. You're almost there. Now to just accept the offer and schedule a pick up or drop off. How'd you do it? How were you so strong in letting go of your car? Well, I already made up my mind and Karvana is so easy. Oh, yeah. True. And sold. Go to Karvana.com to sell your car the convenient way. You smell the smoke first, then you go to the fire and then you got to look at the logs and what's actually burning. So the smoke is realizing, what's the power dynamic? What's the smoke like? What is this thing bringing my attention? You go to the fire. This is really hot. I'm afraid of it. It's the reaction and the response. How is this reacting? What's reacting off of this? And then what's actually burning, right? It's understanding what's the vulnerability that is being triggered inside of me. And so if you look at it from those three levels, it allows you to understand the process of how you got to this point. And this is called a blind spot, right? I didn't realize that this interaction was going to make me be this way. So this is a blind spot, right? And this is a trailhead into something bigger for your own self-awareness. Because you know what my rule is with self-awareness comes emotional responsibility, right? And so we're relearning what that might mean to you at a more vulnerable state. Right. Okay. So let's go to the word vulnerable. And why I want to say this vulnerability? Because last week, we talked about, we had to show about embracing the vulnerability as a strength and not a weakness. So I want to make sure that when our listeners are hearing you, even when you say a vulnerability, could you explain the strength of embracing the vulnerability even in the statement that you just made before about showing the vulnerability or acknowledging the vulnerability in the layers or the steps that you were just saying? Yeah, of course. So one of the biggest things is that when it comes to vulnerability, it's not about being open for somebody. It's not about, you know, like, oh, I'm just open to everything. And now I'm, no, it's being able to accept who you are, what you've been, and also where you're going, right? Vulnerability is knowing, hey, this is all I got, this is all I am. And this is what's going on. And in a lot of times that, that level of acceptance, it needs the vulnerability to keep it strong. And sometimes I tell, I tell a lot of my black men, you got to be strong enough to be vulnerable. You got to be strong enough to be vulnerable. And so that's kind of how I see vulnerabilities, the ability to see yourself and to see yourself with others. Yeah. Thank you for that. I want to make sure, you know, because when you just leave it right here, and you'll be like, well, hold on, didn't I just hear Naomi's just talking about what no, let's bring this back around so you can get the A side of it. And let's talk about the piece. Right. Right. Right. Right. And then go back and walk listen to it again, just to make sure it checks out just in case. Look, I told y'all I got you. I love y'all. You give them footnotes. And it wasn't there in the time. That's good. You give a foot note to them. That's great. Because honestly, you don't know how, you know, first of all, you don't know how, where anybody in this time, even going through this, I have a client right now that's doing the 30 day challenge. And he was very real and open with me when it was, I'm a forgiveness challenge that we had, that we had to write a letter. I'm giving forgiveness to the person who did betrayal to you. And he wrote that he said, that was the hardest thing that I had to do, because I did not want to retrace that over again, that hurt that I am going through, you know, in that moment. And I said, but you know, you have to be patient with yourself. You have to be patient with, because it's like they want that, that healing right now. And that's not what, that's not what this is. This is just one part of a tool that you can use. You know, I'm to go through that. So we even if you wrote it down, you got it down on a piece of paper now, you wrote it. Right now, you don't have to act on it at this very moment. Exactly. Yeah. You don't have to act on a very moment. Now that you have that letter that you've written to that person, you don't even have to give it to him right now. Sit with it for a moment. A mom, she didn't eat until you are ready for it, because you still got some healing that you have to do with yourself. It's not, this is not them. The letter is more for you. Right. And are you ready to be seen this way, right? Are you ready to be seen this way? Yes. Yes. Yes. And so one thing that he did say, he said, what I'm doing at this moment is I'm finding my peace and sitting in my peace first. Yes. Do that. And then you will be able to find the words that you can truly say to that person. Now, I don't know what the letter he didn't show me. I was like, maybe the good thing you said the patient may have to wait. Mm hmm. Yeah. So, I mean, for me, like, so my model, I always say, when it comes to repair, with a relationship or roping yourself, there's three things. It's patience, tolerance and endurance. And those kind of work in a triangulation, right? Yeah. And, and when you learn the patience, you know what you're waiting for. When you have the tolerance, you know what your limit is with people and things. And then with your endurance, you understand when it's time to end something and when it's time to start something. Yeah. You know, and that's a beautiful way, example of that. Yeah. Knowing, knowing yourself and repair. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I talk about language all the time. I talk about even going through my healing journey, is that I couldn't, I couldn't have the same conversation with myself today as the same conversation that I had with myself 15, 20 years ago. You understand what I'm saying? Because I did not have the words or the language to be able to speak to myself. And in this, this podcast, this is what we learn and we're learning the language that we need to speak with ourselves when we're talking about vulnerability, when we're talking about compassion, when we talk about self-awareness, when we talk about all, when we're talking about self-love, we're talking about all of these things, we have to make sure that we find in the right words, when we speak to our heart, because when we speak to ourselves, we're speaking to our hearts. Yes. This one speaks louder than anything. I don't care what this say, but this speaks loud. Yes. And when you're aligned, and the way you think, the way you feel, and the way you know is all one sentence, you're not worried about how other people respond or react, you're just speaking your truth. Yeah. And your truth has no attachment or obligation to anything outside of you, only to yourself. Yeah. That's how you know it's truly aligned. We're not worried about the outcome. Yeah. There you go. There you go. There you go. That was the look, and that's a grounder. That's a groundy. That's grounding. And that fits in betrayal, by the way, because I know we're talking about betrayal, so I just think that there's a lot of grounding with betrayal, like, people think betrayal is like this, like, blowing up moment or this explosion. It's actually the moment you have to ground with the reality. You're having a realization, and you're having an actualization at the same time, and you're going through betrayal. You're like, you're realizing everything, and then the actualization is recognizing the potential of what was actually happening. And you're like, Oh, no. Yeah. I was, I was invested in potential. Yeah. Mm. Yeah. Mm hmm. And you go through so many ways of, of emotions. And I think you and I spoke about this about it, it seems like even grief, like grief in the relationship, whether it's a working relationship, a friendship or a lover's relationship, whatever it is in that moment, whatever that betrayal is, that betrayal killed it. Yes. So now you have to figure out how I'm going to mourn this. I'm going to mourn this part of whatever it is that I'm feeling I'm going through. You know, how can I get through that? You know, how can I get from here to here? You know, and that's, and that's the beginning of it though, in the beginning of a trail, you're, you're so hurt that you're actually focused on the validation externally. And as you heal, you look at the validation internally. So it starts out like you're like, you're trying to graft for straw, graft for walls, you're looking for anything to just validate whatever you got going on. Right. And then that, and that's that reactive response. That's that feedback loop of just like, I need to secure, I need to secure, I need security and need security, please, someone help me like secure me. And you realize that no one's got you the way that you had to hold you. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Melissa Vemusum, she was a guest that was earlier this, and she is actually a betrayal trauma coach. She's a she's a motivational speaker. She speaks with Tony Robins. That's who she works with. Yeah. And she mostly speaks women. She, that's, that's most of her, her, her group of men. And just sharing her story. But I remember she shared with me and she was so very open. And I'm trying to remember if it was on the show or after we talked a little time after the show. And she was like, I was so mad. She said, I bust his window. It's amazing what you do with that power. It's a powerful, it's a powerful emotion. It's a powerful emotion. Yeah. And she was like, I had to find something to do. She's like, I look that you hold out. You go, you hold out. Right. So she says she's found a way to, you know, kind of, I can laugh at it now. It's because when you see someone that is healing from that situation. And you know, it feels good to see them in that moment. It really do. I remember in the beginning of the conversation that her and I had, it was like, when she was, it was like, it was, she was talking and you can hear that. And I was like, Oh, I was like, you know, can I ask you something? Your job, do you ever have to deal with a nose roller? How about a snub bully? Well, if you're installing a new conveyor belt system, dealing with the different components can sound like you're speaking a foreign language. Luckily, you've got a team ready to help. Rangers, technical product specialists are fluent in maintenance, repair, and operations. So whenever you want to talk shop, just reach out, call, click Granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. If you're a facilities manager at a warehouse and your HVAC system goes down, it can turn up the heat, literally. But don't sweat it. Granger has you covered. Granger offers over a million industrial grade products for all your operations, including warehouse HVAC maintenance. And even better, they offer access to experts and fast delivery. So you and your warehouse can both keep your cool. Call 1-800-GRANGER, click Granger.com, or just stop by. Granger for the ones who get it done. That's that second part, though. That's that reactor response. You start reacting and responding to everything. That's that second stage. Yeah. That's the fire part. Wherever that fire is burning, you just that's what it is. Yeah. You can't control it. And this is the thing. This is what the misconception with healing that people get, they think, okay, once I'm healed, that's it. Everything goes away. I wish it was like that. I wouldn't have a job. That was the case. I'll be sober before I was broke. I was like, come back. That'd be terrible. Like, no, that's only that's a layer, not even a layer. Right. That right. I was like, now get the other part. Right. Yeah, that's. Oh, my goodness. So I got some questions from you. Here we go. Some questions, some questions for some listeners. All right. What have, okay, what have some questions from our listeners in our acts? I got an ask Dr. Wheel segment. That's what I'm trying to ask Dr. Wheel segment. Oh, okay. That's great. That was one of the segment. This is exciting. So how do I know if I need therapy at the experience betrayal? That's a hard question. So the real question is, what do you, what does therapy mean to you? Right. Because the truth is, I'm always going to be here and you come to me not to stay here. Right. And so what does therapy going to do to get you across your hill? Everybody comes in with their own hill. And so for me, it's not my job to remove the hill. I don't change the hill. I change the way you look at that hill. Right. And I help, I help you prepare your journey. I might help you guide a little bit. I might put a sign somewhere here and there for you to read. But you know, when you know it is when you realize that your friends aren't, your friends aren't doing the thing that's going to change you. You realize the things you're doing are going to change you. And you may have also lost the initiative or the motivation to start changing. I tell a lot of times when people do consultations with me, I go, I might hear to change you yet. I'm here to adjust with you. Because the change means you have to completely remove yourself or turn into something else. So I would love to help adjust with you. So then you can feel the strength in yourself to say, I can change. I like that. So I want to share something with you. Last week, I had a guest who came on Susan Snow is her name. Her father was actually an LAPD police officer in the 80s. And he was shot by a drive by a shooting from Gangnam. Yeah. White police officer white boy was shot by Gangnam is from, I believe they were from Compton. So you know, back then in California, it was wild with it. But her father was one of the ones who was not into all of that prejudice. He always taught them a certain way. Right. So her, after her father had gotten killed and stuff like that, the police department has set each her mother, her brother, who actually saw her father get killed. He went to go pick him up from daycare and they killed him in front of his father. So his father kind of saved his life by jumping on top of him. Right. Wow. So they had, you know, sent them to three different therapists. He's one of their own therapists for a year. And when she went to this therapy, a therapist, he never asked her about how her feelings, how was she feeling about what had happened, how her losing her father, she they just kept asking her about her relationship with her brother and her mother. She said, which every time she went, she went once a week, she said, every time I went, I was just hoping that he will ask me something about my father, you know, was asking because there was a lot of things that were dealing with that day was it was on Halloween and they had gotten into an argument her and her father. They were really close, got into an argument and she never seen him again. Then when they went, they had brought them to where everything was happening, her mom made her leave, well, sent her to her friend's house, why the mom and the son was still there. And then all of the news were about the mom and the boy and kind of left her outside of things. So this day the door threw a whole bunch of the emotions of things. But the one person who she felt was her protector and who was here with him, her last words to him, they were arguing. And so she hasn't had a chance to be able to really resolve that closure. Yeah, no closure. No closure. So their last session, he told her where you're all healed now and you should be good. So she went the next 30 years with a big mask on her face, just going through, you know, just going through life, not saying the word to anyone until she saw, I believe it was the, it was a school shootout. Her, her, her shop was a few doors down around the corner. And she saw it on the news. Yeah. And that's when she, her husband told her either you're going to go get some help or I'm going to send you to the hospital and they just going to lock you down. And she went and got out. And she said, this probably was the best thing that she ever, she said, I literally had to go to someone that would truly specialize in betrayal, not only betrayal, but even grief. Someone loosing someone like that goes specialist. Yeah. Yeah. So this is like, that's, that's so, that's so hard to hear. And Yeah, it is. It is. So this, this goes into my next question. What should I, and this is what they say, what should I look for in a therapist who specializes in betrayal, trauma? Yes. First things first, I would ask them what their philosophy of healing is. What's your philosophy healing? And that would be the first thing. The second thing would be is the betrayal focused on relationships. Is it focused on family? Is it focused on individual? Is it focused on childhood? There's so many different types of betrayal. And so I would highly recommend them doing a consultation. And then the third thing would be, they're going to hate this, but the therapists will hate this if you ask them this. Ask them what their clinical scope is and what does it mean. And so what that does for you, it lets you understand how they look at the world as a therapist. And if you don't agree with the way that they look at the world, then that lets you know if they might or might not be a good fit. Yeah. So, yeah. So for me, like, for me, my healing is a lifestyle for me. That's a belief of mine, right? The second question, I'm understanding that for me, I work with all types of betrayal because I may try specialize. So what you're asking is your specializations, right? And I have about 13 to 15 types of specializations. And then the last part is, for me, I'm a postmodern therapist. So I don't believe anything is right, wrong, good, or bad. Things are just are. And the more you tell your story, the less you become of it. And so for me, I don't care how bad you were. I don't care how good you were. I don't care how right you were. I don't care how wrong you were. I care about who are you, right? You have a in what mental age are you, what emotional age are you, and what biological age are you, right? We have ages in ourselves. And so I want to understand that. So that's the quickest way is kind of understanding how they look at the world. Because if you look at the world differently than me, then we're not even using the same language together. Right. And that's a lot of learning that goes right back to your language thing being very impeccable with your language. Yeah. You know, I thank you for saying it because a lot of people don't know. They don't even know the questions to even ask the therapist. They just go there. And think that that's going to help them or fix it. You know, even like what you said earlier, I'm not here to fix it. You know, I'm helping you to see it. Adjust it to see it in a different perspective of what is best to work for you. You know, that was a good question. That was that was really good. Yeah. And that was a great answer. That was like, whew, oh, good. Is that commercial yet? I'm like, my back hot. You'll be asking questions. That was a great, I was thinking like, that was a great question. Because as you was answering, I'm like, have anybody ever? No. I don't think so. I think, especially when you're doing, you know, a lot of therapists ask you what you, what you want, what you need and those questions. And so there's never a time where they can ask the questions of the therapist to even see if they're aligned. Yep. My first consultation is seven minutes. My consultation is 15 minutes long. In seven those minutes, you're learning my entire academic life, everything I study, that being I go, are you curious about anything else about me? And you know, I'm no stranger. This is no danger. I'll even tell you my ups and downs, right? I'll tell you my ups and downs. Like, I'm really good at this. I'm not good at this. I tell people I'm really smart. But also, if I'm wrong, correct me. I'm okay with being wrong, as long as you feel seen. Yeah. Yeah. This is what it is. Yeah. All right. Lastly, can therapy really change one perception of the person who betrayed them? Hmm. Two things. I'm a therapist, not Jesus. I will not wash away your sin. I'm sorry. No, or, or theirs. I will not. And therapy happens in the session, but healing happens in the application. So I will do everything I can to prepare you. But if you don't get on that field, you will not play. Beautiful. Beautiful. I like that. That's beautiful. I like that. Dr. Will, thank you for those very insightful answers, like for real, to recap on the therapy plays of crucial is not just about coping, but truly healing and gaining strength from these experiences of betrayal. I love the way that you put that. That's like I'm giving you the game ball. And if you don't play, if you don't go out there and play out, how would you know? How would you know? How would you know how much you've grown? Right. Exactly. Right. Right. I like that. I like that. But you know what, Dr. Will, guess what? Huh. It's time to wrap it up. Look, the time is, look at that. Look, we did good. We did good. I try to stay in the pocket. I tried. I tried to stay in the pocket. I tried to stay in the pocket. For real. But again, Dr. Will, thank you. Thank you. It's always be so good right on time with the both of us here. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. It do. And to my listeners, I want y'all to remember that healing is not just possible. It's within your reach. So be sure to subscribe to our podcast and look out for tomorrow's episode where we continue to explore the powerful things in healing and self-love. Dr. Will, if you have any more, if you have any last words, did you want to say? Yeah. Be kind to yourself and heal always. I know that's right. So if you have any more questions or need resources, make sure you check out our notes and visit our website. So until next time, keep embracing this beautiful journey. Thank you for joining us on this journey of discovering an empowerment here at the Season of Self-Love podcast. Remember, embracing self-love is a continuous journey and we're so glad to have you with us. So if you enjoyed today's episode, please leave us a review. And don't forget to join our community on Facebook at Season of Self-Love. Connect with a like-minded individual who are also on their self-love journey. Now, if you have any questions or topics that you would like for us to explore, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at Season of Self-Love at gmail.com. And let your voice be heard. So until next time, take a moment for yourself today. And remember, you are a worthy of love, joy, and all the beautiful things that life has to offer. Did I hear you're shopping for a car? Because I've been at it for ages. Such a time sock, right? Not really. I bought it on Carvana. Super convenient. Oh, then comes all the financing, research, am I right? Well, you can. But I got pre-qualified for a Carvana auto loan in like two minutes. Yeah, but then all the number crunching in terms, right? Nope, I saw real numbers as I shopped, found my dream car, and got it in a couple of days. Wait, like you already have it? Yep. Go to Carvana.com to finance your car the convenient way. Hey, your job. Do you ever have to deal with a nose roller? How about a snub bully? Well, if you're installing a new conveyor belt system, dealing with the different components can sound like you're speaking a foreign language. Luckily, you've got a team ready to help. Granger's technical product specialists are fluent in maintenance, repair, and operations. So whenever you want to talk shop, just reach out. Call clickgranger.com or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.