The Season of Self Love
Healing Beyond Betrayal: Resilience, Grief, and Forgiveness with Susan Snow
Welcome back to The Season of Self-Love podcast with your host, Nyomi Banks! In this episode, we delve into a story of profound loss, resilience, and the transformative power of healing. Joining us is Susan Snow, author, public speaker, coach, and realtor, who shares her deeply personal journey after the tragic loss of her father, LAPD Detective Thomas C. Williams, in 1985.Susan opens up about how she turned her grief into a source of empowerment and how she's helping others heal from their own traumas. Together, we explore the layers of forgiveness, self-love, and healing beyond the pain of betrayal, and how Susan's story can inspire others to find hope and strength in their darkest moments.Key Takeaways:
- Susan’s powerful story of losing her father to violence and the emotional journey that followed.
- How unresolved trauma can manifest over time and the importance of seeking the right support.
- Finding the gift in the pain: Transforming trauma into resilience and strength.
- The role of self-love and forgiveness in healing after loss.
- Susan’s advocacy for mental health in law enforcement and the importance of emotional support.
Call to Action: Join us for this heart-opening conversation, and don't forget to subscribe for more inspiring episodes on The Season of Self-Love podcast. Your journey to healing and self-love starts here.#HealingBeyondBetrayal #Resilience #Podcast #SusanSnow #SelfLove
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-season-of-self-love--6003379/support.
- Broadcast on:
- 18 Sep 2024
- Audio Format:
- other
We wear our work, day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So, whether you're gearing up for a new project, or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their work wear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code WorkWear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. When you need meal time inspiration, it's worth shopping king supers for thousands of appetizing ingredients that inspire countless mouth-watering meals. And no matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy our everyday low prices. Plus, extra ways to save, like digital coupons worth over $600 each week, and up to $1 off per gallon at the pump with points, so you can get big flavors and big savings, king supers, fresh for everyone, fuel restrictions apply. Welcome to the Season of Stuff Love Podcast. I'm your host, Naomi Banks, and I am thrilled to have you join me on this transformative journey. You see, every day we dive into a powerful conversation of Stuff Discovery, healing, and empowerment. This podcast is brought to you by Axe, Naomi, an Elevate Me self-discovery, where we believe that loving yourself is the first step to living a fulfilling life. You can expect insightful discussions, practical tips, and inspiring stories, plus we occasionally welcome special guests who will share their unique perspectives on Stuff Love and Personal. So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and let's embark on this journey together. Because it's time to embrace the beautiful person that you are. So let's elevate our lives one episode of Time. Now let's get started. Alright, well, welcome to the Season of Stuff Love Podcast. I'm your host, Naomi Banks, and today we are barking on a deeply personal, but inspiring story. And this must, our focus is on healing beyond betrayal as I series. And exploring the profound past of resilience and recovery at the experience deep, personal love. What's joining me today is Susan Snow. She's a remarkable individual who life was drastically changed when she lost her father at LAPD Detective Thomas C. Williams in 1985. So there's not only an author and public speaker, but she's also a coach in a realtor who has turned her profound grief into a source of empowerment for others. So before we bring Susan to the stage, let's take a quick break, alright. And she already got us going to be big city on the Season of Stuff Love Podcast. We'll be right back. Washington Wells Institute focuses on healing always. For me, if I look good, then I feel good. If I feel good, then I share the good. If I share the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good, then I live the good. So I can be the greatest, but I have to learn the good to be the good. So, what does it take to be the greatest? It's as simple as a free 15-minute consultation. Be kind to yourself and heal always. Are you ready to transform your pain into power? Join us this September for the 30-day Healing Beyond Betrayal Challenge from Her to Hope starting September 1st. Talk on a journey of healing and self-discovery. Each day, you'll receive empowering lessons, practical exercises, and supportive community connections designed to help you overcome the hurt of betrayal and reclaim your joy. Don't let betrayal define your story. It's time to rise, heal, and rebuild a brighter future. Sign up today at the Season of Stuff Love Podcast.com. ♪ ♪ What are some common barriers that prevent people from explaining? Hey, here's your goody-god. It's not me. Banks here from the Season of Stuff Love Podcasts. Yeah, I would say remorse. So "Shame and guilt" is a very divided emotional. Now, these are one of the many amazing conversations that we have every day Monday through Friday, right here on the Season of Stuff Love Podcasts with myself and me, Banks, as well as our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington Up, Washington Wellness Institute. Come by. The reality of our relationship. Come by. A lot of parents are afraid of how people look at us and so that compassion can't enter us. You can hit us on our website. The Season of Stuff Love Podcasts.com. ♪ ♪ All right, well, welcome back to the Season of Stuff Love Podcasts. I'm your host, Naomi Banks. And today we're discussing healing beyond betrayal, a journey of loss and resilience with our guest author, couple of speaker, coach, and realtor, Susan Snow. Welcome. Hi. Thank you for having me. Thank you. Thank you. Um, I know this, um, I can't wait to get into this topic because I really, I've never truly like really spoke to someone that had this depth of, um, and I don't want to say betrayal as well, but just this, um, this travesty in their life. Does that make sense? Yeah. Does it make sense? And the thing is, we're going to talk about and later on in this show to where, um, even how society is right now. And so I really want to, I think this conversation along, um, will show the death of, um, your humanity, um, your forgiveness, um, just your healing and your story at all. And so I'm, I'm, I'm excited for this. So, um, I truly am, and I want to, I want us to do a meditation first before we get into it. Because I'm feeling, um, chills right now. Chills just look, chills right now. All right. All right. My listening. So, you know, before we, um, dive into this discussion, we're going to start a moment just to consider ourselves, but the short guided meditation. So wherever you add, I invite you just to get in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Let's start by taking a deep breath in. And hold it for a moment. Now exhale slowly. Now I want you to imagine a gentle wave washing over you, carrying away your pain and bringing in peace. Now as you continue to breathe deeply, I want you to allow each breath to bring you more into this moment. Filling you with calm and comfort. I want you to picture a path ahead. I want you to bathe in the moon. And so do I. Of a path of healing and acceptance. I want you to hold on to the serene image. As we fully open your eyes. And you are ready to engage. With our story today. I would thank you for joining us in this moment. Susan, as well as you, my listeners. If you're new here to the season of cephalopacas, it's something that we do every day, Monday through Friday. Is we just take a nice little quick center guided message, just to center us before we get into the top can ham. All right. So let's start at the beginning. And you share what happened the night that your father was trying to take it from you. Sure. So, um, it was actually Halloween night. And the plan that day, I, you know, being 17, I was going to go to a Halloween party. I thought I was going to a Halloween party. Um, my dad and I had a discussion that morning. Um, that didn't end with me going to that party because it was on a week night. Um, and. I, uh, in having that discussion, you know, of course I was frustrated and, and stuff and we, we left each other that morning. Frustrated. Um, but throughout the day, I just decided, you know what, I'm going to go home and I'm going to do everything in my power to manipulate my parents to let me go to the party. So I went home. Um, the plan was my mom would get home first and my dad would go and pick my six year old brother up from school. And then he would be home. Um, so I cleaned the house talking about him. And, um, my mom came home first and she was off getting her costume off. And I was putting mine on in the phone ring. Um, and being the teenager, I thought it was just for me. Like who's going to call my parents, right? So, um, I ran and I grabbed the phone and it was not for me. It was a lady from my brother's school. And all she said was that there was a drive by shooting and my dad was involved. At that point, I just, um, I didn't know what to think. And my mom had rounded the corner. I just handed her the phone. I watched my mom talk to this woman on the other line and I watched her posture change and in looking at her slumping forward. Um, I realized it was not good. It was bad. She got off the phone and turned to me and said, we're going to the school. So we got in the car. Neither one of us spoke a word to each other. And we drove to the school. Faith Baptist school in Kenoka Park is, um, it's got like a parking lot in the middle of the school. And so that's where we parked. Uh, the kids were let out on the backside of the school. And this was after school. So that's where everybody was let out. When we got there, um, and we were walking towards the back of the school. That's when we saw, um, the night sky was lit up by all the police cars. Um, there was an ambulance that was sitting still in the street. And two officers were walking towards us and they had tears in their eyes. And we just kept going past them. Um, both my mom and I caught from our peripheral vision. We saw my dad's truck. So we started running towards there. And as we rounded the corner, we saw glass on the ground. And got around the truck and saw my dad's body. And it was covered up. But it was there and I watched my mom collapse. We wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection. Remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their work wear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code WorkWear20 at Checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. When you need meal time inspiration, it's worth shopping King Supers for thousands of appetizing ingredients that inspire countless mouth-watering meals. And no matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy our everyday low prices. Plus extra ways to save, like digital coupons worth over $600 each week and up to $1 off per gallon at the pump with points. So you can get big flavors and big savings. King Supers, fresh for everyone, fuel restrictions apply. And I stood there in complete shock. My young brain could not process what I was seeing. And all I focused on was that ambulance. And wondering why they weren't helping him. So soon enough, like some officers came, grabbed our arms and escorted us into the school and put us in an office. I sat down in a chair and my mom got kind of pulled to the side by, I believe, some detectives. And at that point, I had no idea where my brother was. I didn't know if he was hurt or what he saw or anything. And I was still trying to process what I just saw myself. I just couldn't comprehend it. And I heard two women talking in the office and they said that my dad was deceased. And that's when my world cracked. And I wanted to run out of that office as fast as I could. But everything in my body felt like cement. I couldn't move. And my mom came back and she looked at me and said, "I'm sending you with a neighbor." Now I understand, you know, and I talk about this a lot. There was a lot of chaos that night. There was a lot going on and I get it. But as a kid myself being 17, even though I wanted to leave, I wanted to run. There was a part of me that wanted to stay with my family. Wanted to be with my family unit. And I wasn't getting that chance. Yeah. So the rest of the night, I did go to the neighbor's house. My poor neighbor had known my parents for years. And she was trying to wrap her head around what happened. At the time I was dating a boy who was 19 at the time and we had only been dating three months. But he was the only thing that I wanted at that point. Yeah. I needed support. Yeah. So she called him at work and he came to the house immediately. But she didn't give him any information. So when he arose, when he arrived, he came to the porch and I went to the porch. And he said, get your, you know, get your stuff. Let's go. What hospital is he in? Where's your mom? Where's your brother? You know, that kind of thing. And the words could not spit out on my mouth. I couldn't say the words because if I did, they were real. And after a little bit of prodding from him, I finally just blurted it out. He's gone. And my boyfriend said, what do you mean he's gone? And I said, he's gone. He's not at a hospital. He's gone. And I watched this 19 year old boy drop to his knees. So the both of us were really struggling, obviously, because we were young. And we didn't know how to comprehend everything that was going on around us. My neighborhood looked like something I couldn't even describe. I mean, it was police officers everywhere. They're helicopters overhead. It was just a scene that I wouldn't wish on anyone. And back then, you know, when I talk about this a lot back then in the 80s, there was no talk of mental health. Right. And there was little known about PTSD. In fact, back then, it was called something completely different, called shell shock. And so it was attached to people coming back from war. And there definitely weren't any kind of resources for teenagers or kids in traumatic experiences. And so it was a night that really did change my life in so many different ways. And like I said, I was a kid and I didn't know after that, I didn't know what was happening to me. I didn't know all of the different emotions I was feeling. I didn't know how to verbalize them. Yeah. You know, I can imagine. I want to do this really fast, Susan. I want to just take a moment, let's take a break, and then we'll come back. Okay. Sure. All right. It's your girl. You got us. Let me bring you on this season. It's a love podcast and we'll be right back. Eight my beautiful souls, this is your girl. You got us. Let me bangs. And I am excited to share something special with you. Introducing my latest book, World Book, Killing Beyond the Betrayal. A journey of growth, empowerment, and renewal. And these 55 pages, I offer you insight, heartfelt stories, and practical worksheets. Designed to guide you on your internet. So if you experience betrayal or you are seeking personal growth, this resource is made. This resource is made just for you. You see, it's time to reclaim your power and embrace renewal. So you can get your copy by visiting the Season of Self-Love Podcast.com. And as a thank you for being part of our community, use the code "HealedZeroNow." And check out to enjoy our 15% Disney. So let's embark on this journey together, because you deserve to heal, grow, and thrive. Alright Susan, first of all, thank you for sharing that story with me. Even as you were talking and speaking, my eyes were getting very watered. Like I was on, I should have grasped some tissue, because it was, I felt almost every emotion that you felt that day. Just not knowing, not knowing where your father had seen the truck, seen the glass. Then not realizing where your brother is. That had to be just earth shattering for not only you, but as your mother too. As you mentioned, you only being 17 years old. And I just want to jump ahead, because before you spoke about you and your father having a little tense conversation beforehand. And so I kind of know what that feeling was, if I just could have said I love him or just hug him before that happened. Because no one ever knows how that happened. And this is going to go with the betrayal thing. Then when you get there, when you see that's happening, and your mom removes you from the situation, did it take you time? No, they got my first question. Did you see that or in the beginning before you're healing as a sense of betrayal for you? Like you weren't able to be in that moment with her and that she removed you from being with your father. Maybe a guilt sense of you like I needed to be there because of what we had before with the argument was earlier today. And I want him to know that I'm still with him right now that I'm just not leaving him. And I don't want to put things in your head, but this is what I was feeling. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I think at that point, the removal for me was frustrating. However, at the time, like I said, it was a very chaotic night. And I just did what my mom told me to do at that point. So it didn't occur to me what that started in my life patterns until later. Okay. But at the time, it was, it was frustration. It was, I needed to be with my family unit. I needed to be with my other parent who would tell me, you know, we're together. We're going to get through this. Like I needed that nurturing. I needed that reassurance. Because my dad was my security blanket. My dad, even though we argued that morning, my dad was a phenomenal human being. He, he was very present. And I talk about this a lot. He was a very present parent. So he always made you feel like you were the most important person in the room. And my mom was not that person. So when that happened, it changed my mindset for myself to feel like I wasn't important in that scenario. And this was such a huge story. The media flocked to it immediately. And it took him a couple of days to figure out that I existed. Because all the focus was on my brother, obviously my dad saved his life. Okay, so he was not hurt physically, mentally and emotionally 100%. But physically he was not. My dad saved his life in his last moments here. And all the focus went on him and my mom and so be it, right? Like, you know, but it kind of stacked that feeling of not being important. And yeah, definitely. And I feel like we wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work where to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their work where isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workware20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. When you need meal time inspiration, it's worth shopping King Supers for thousands of appetizing ingredients that inspire countless mouthwatering meals. And no matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy our everyday low prices, plus extra ways to save, like digital coupons worth over $600 each week and up to $1 off per gallon at the pump with points. So you can get big flavors and big savings, King Supers, fresh for everyone, fuel restrictions apply. You know, I was a child too, and I didn't know how to navigate all of these things that were going on with me because mentally, I went into a very deep depression. I had panic attacks and even though I had literally they didn't find the men involved for six days. So for six days, we had police presence. And when I mean police presence, I mean like 20 in the front 20 in the backyard and the helicopters, I had bodyguards anywhere I had to go. I had to have a bodyguard with me. And it was just a different life. And, you know, between the panic attacks and the depression. And, you know, about three days in I was, I had gone from shock to I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be with my dad. My relationship with my mom was strained prior to his death. And when he died, he was kind of our voice of reason, go between. And he was gone, and I didn't even know how to navigate that relationship. And that helped me just by being a support system for me. He stuck around and most 19 year old boys with a high tail did out of there. But he stuck it out. And I think he did because he knew my mom would kind of turtle into herself. And she did. And so for me, you know, my friends and my boyfriend were my support system at the time. But even that they didn't know what was truly going on with me. Right. So, it was just a time where I felt like I had no, I had no adults supporting me. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, go ahead. So, basically, in the very beginning, I just lived in a fog. I wasn't sleeping. And you know, and if you go through a traumatic experience, this is kind of a normal thing that happens is you just, you don't sleep. And sleep deprivation encourages depression. It makes it worse for sure. And so I walked around in a fog for quite a long time. And wherever people like pointed me in that direction is the direction I went. And how long did you go through that? Like, when was the point that you said, okay, it's now time for me to heal or better yet. What was your way to find the healing? What steps that you took to get to your recovery? Yeah, well. So, I tell this story and, you know, therapists go what, but about a week, like a week after the funeral, LAPD came to my mom and said, we want to pay for therapy, and we want you to go to therapist. And my mom came to me and said, you're going to therapy. And for me, like as a kid, I thought, if you go to a therapist, you're crazy. Right. So I didn't know what to expect. I had no expectations going into it. I just wanted to feel better. I just wanted someone to support me and guide me out of this horrible place that I was at mentally. And I went and saw this gentleman and in hindsight, I feel like back then, and in looking at it, I just think that he was not trauma competent. He was not, he was not educated at that point to the level of trauma that I had gone through. And so I feel like that's why he kept our sessions very shallow. It was always about my relationship with my mom, my boyfriend, school, and my brother. And he never asked me the question. He never asked me what did that night do to you. Never. And every week I saw this gentleman, every week I would say to myself, Oh my gosh, today's the day, today's the day. He's something's going to happen. Right. And he's going to help me. He's going to help me feel better. And every time I got out of that session, I was just like, this did nothing. And I saw him for an entire year. And after the year, at the year, he looked at me and said, Susan, you're a well rounded young lady. And you're going to be fine for the rest of your life and I don't need to see you anymore. So I walked out of there with a mindset of, okay, I must be broken. I'm clearly crazy. Like, there's just even a professional can't help me at this point. So I'm going to have to figure this out for myself. What I was really good at was wearing what I call an emotional mask. I got really good at listening to the language that was coming at me from other people saying things like, Oh, you're so brave, and you're so strong. Even though I was having all of these mental things going on and I was living in fight or flight. Yeah. I wore my mask. Yeah. And I wore it well. I thought. No one saw the extension of the pain. I didn't allow that to happen. Because in doing that I felt like that was a weakness and I wasn't going to show my weakness. That was my feeling of being a survivor and not a victim. And you, and it was protecting me, right. It wasn't healthy. Right. But it was a protection, for sure. It was my coping skill. Yeah. My mom went down a different row. And I don't, in any way, condemn her, because everybody goes through trauma and loss differently. Right. And some people use coping skills that are not healthy. And so drinking was her thing. That was her coping skill. And my brother went down the addiction route as well. He's doing great now though. And so I watched all that. I watched all that. And I said that I don't want that for myself. I don't want that for myself. But what I'm doing is working. It's fine. Like I'm great, you know, living in fight or flight. Not great. But all I do. And I knew that for 14 years of my life. I married that boyfriend. I had two kids. We decided we were going to leave Southern California and moved to Colorado. And we moved in 97. In 99 April of 99. I was working as a hairdresser at the time. And I had taken a break on April 20 of 1999. And I went out into the back room and turned on the little TV back there. And up popped all of the Columbine shootings. Coverage. And I had colleagues in the room with me and I had a visceral reaction to what I was seeing. And remember, I was told I was going to be fine for the rest of my life. So all of the yep, I had flashbacks. I saw the school. I saw the kids my own age. I saw the ambulances and all the things that I saw that night were staring me in the face. But I still couldn't understand what was happening to me. I was like, I don't get it. I don't have kids that go there. And even my colleagues, I had never told my story. So they didn't know what was going on with me either. And I just couldn't figure it out. I was like, what is happening? But we wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Workwear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workwear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. Fall into big savings. All in the King Supers app. Get delicious Kroger pasta sauce or pasta for $0.99 each with your card. Then get flavorful large avocados for $0.99 each with your card and a digital coupon. Shop these deals at your local King Supers less than five miles away or tap the screen now to download the King Supers app to save big today. King Supers. Fresh for everyone. Prices and product availability subject to change. Restrictions apply. See site for details. I did what I normally do and I put that mask right on that emotional mask. The nothing's going to hurt me. Nothing's going to bother me. Like everybody around me was super upset. And because the salon was pretty close to where Littleton is so people were very upset and I was like walking around like nothing. Nothing is touching me. I finished my day. I walked through the doors and all of the things that I dealt with. Came flooding in and I started to spiral for two days. My husband watched me and he knew it was a slippery slope. And I knew that it was a slippery slope. I knew that even though I wanted all this pain to stop. I didn't want to leave my children. Right. So my husband met me at the door one day and he said you have two choices. You either get help or I'm putting you in a hospital. And so I said fine I'll go get help. And I went to a physician and he put me on antidepressants because that's what they do. And then he said I want you to see this therapist. And I laughed in his face because I was like you know what tried that didn't happen didn't work for me. You know I'm just nuts like I you know there's no hope for me. And I said so what do you think it's going to work now. And he said you have no choice. You need to go see somebody and this is the person I need you to see. So I went and it was a female and within the first three minutes I knew it was different. She specialized in severe trauma. She specialized in PTSD. I talked to her for literally two minutes and told her everything had gone through at 17 and what I was currently dealing with. And she looked me in the face and she said Susan everything you've gone through since you were 17 is normal because you have PTSD. And I was so confused because I was like wait I didn't go in the military like I'm not I didn't go to war. What are you talking about. And she said no no. She said anyone who has gone through anything trauma in their life can experience PTSD but but what you need to know is that PTSD is not something that goes away. It's something you learn to manage. And I swear I like I always say like it's like the sky opened up and rainbow shot out. I had hope. I finally realized I wasn't crazy. I wasn't broken that this woman this adult is going to be the person that is going to come alongside me and guide me in my healing journey. And I had hope and you know I just, it was truly a life changing conversation that I had with her. And I felt like I could be a hundred percent vulnerable with her and she was my safe space. So I was able to start slowly. Yeah. She knew she had her hands full with all the different things mentally that were going on with me. She had to like start small and work her way up. And I'm grateful for that, you know, because that's what truly started. First of all, it started my love of writing because she started me on something that is so easy for anyone to do. My issue at that point was I was not sleeping again. And I was so sleep, you know, I had so much sleep deprivation. And brain fog and all of those things. And I honestly, looking back, don't even know how I could handle what I was doing. Like, you know, just everyday things, being a mom, being a wife, being a business owner. It was just, it was a lot, but she said, I want you to start with journaling. And I looked at her like, are you kidding me really journaling. She said, yep. She said, yep, you're going to start baby steps. And she said, journaling, you could do it through writing, you can do it through art, you can do it through music, whatever calls to your heart, right, and writing, you called to my heart. So, as crazy as it sounded, I was like, all right, I'll try it. You know, we'll see you next week and I'll tell you what happens. And she said, I want you to do it at night. Because I don't know if it's like you, but when I went to go lay down, my brain would kick on, and it would go to the darkest places. Yeah. Negative self talk negative, like you name it, it was just it. I call it the ick place. And I started to write all the things that were in my head on this paper and she gave me a prompt and all that. And the second night in, I was like, huh, I feel sleepy. By the third night I was sleeping like a baby. And I went and saw her the next week and I was like, all right, you're right. You're it worked. That's shocker. You kind of know what you're doing. All right, so now that you hear now, you're not that you hear that now it kickstart. This is your healing and you know, you're getting exactly what you needed back when you were 17 years old. So here's my question for you. For your mom and your brother. Yeah. Were they going to the same therapist? No. They were going to separate. Yeah. Okay, now because we just got hate to move you a little alone. No, it's fine. But I want to talk about your advocacy work in your coaching. How did you become to do that? Like what said, okay, this is something that I need to do. That I need to take my story or what I don't want to put any words in my book. But what prompted you to say, okay, this is what I want to do. I firmly believe that my experience and everything that I've gone through. Led me to this place of. Giving people a safe space to tell their story. And not feel judged and feel, you know, that I genuinely care about them. Coaching has always come up for me. And it comes up authentically. It started in real estate, honestly, actually. It started in hair, right? Because hairdressers are armchair therapists. And so I started seeing a pattern. A pattern in doing hair and listening to folks, you know, as they're in their chair and they're telling me their story. Right. I got into real estate and I started to coach new agents. And so as I wrote my book, I realized not only could I write the book and help others and give them hope and healing, but I feel like this is my purpose. It's my purpose to help people and guide people who have been in therapy and have had some tools given to them, but they feel stuck in their lives. They don't know how to use these tools to move themselves forward. They don't, they just feel stuck, whether it's in a relationship, whether it's, whether it's goals that they set for themselves, starting a business or just, you know, whatever it is. I'm a business coach. I'm a resiliency coach. And so it's a live coaching. Yeah. And there's not a lot of us out there, resiliency coaching. And so I think we wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work where to your collection. Remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their work where isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code work where 20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. For me, it's really important. I want to see people feel the way I feel about their lives and get to a point where they feel like themselves for the first time in their lives. Right. Yeah. And I do this authentically like I, when I'm working with someone I'm really connecting with them. And whether you're giving me pushback or not, you know, I still stay in that space of letting you know that you are not alone in this journey. Right. And as scary as it is, because let's face it, working on yourself is the scariest thing that you'll ever do and especially when it comes to trauma because if you have to, you do. You, you, you have to have the vulnerability in order to move through the pain of that trauma, which means you have to relive it, refill it, be in your feels, you know, be in your state. Right. But also working with a professional, you have the tools to pull yourself out of that. Yeah. And so that's the importance to my message is that you have to do the work. Yeah. If you want to find the resiliency. It's not going to be handed to you on a silver platter. You have to do the work. Exactly. And, and it sucks. I don't candy coat it at all. It's, it's the hardest thing I ever did was one, go to therapy, find this therapist, and do all the different modalities that helped me. But also writing this book was terrifying to me because I for the first time was telling my story and I was telling it authentically and I'm very, very vulnerable in my book, very vulnerable. And I knew putting myself out there. I had some fears around this. I, I had fear around what is this going to do to the remainder of the relationship with my mother, because in telling my story, I have to tell a story. Yes. Safety. Yeah. Some of the men that were involved were still in prison, but putting myself out there. That was scary too. And even my relationship with my husband. Right. Because we have been together for 39 years. It's, it's, it's our journey. This is not just my journey. It's his journey to and we've gone through a lot as a couple and still continue. We're still in our healing. We're still continuing to move forward. So. You know, I, I talked a lot about bulldozing your fear because when I wrote the book. Every time that fear came up, I had to think of the purpose behind writing it and behind writing it was seeing those people out there, those people that needed to hear my message that were out there feeling alone that needed some hope. Yeah. You know, um, I lived in fight or flight for 14 years. I would never want that for anyone else. Yeah. So. That's my message of hope for people to say, Hey, you can go through something as traumatic as this, and you can find resiliency on the other side, but you got to do the work in order to do it. Right. Beautiful. So let's go to this, because you did go through such a traumatic situation of trauma and now let's talk about now let's talk about the community response to the violence. And in light of your father's murder, how did you perceive response because I did a little research. I did a little research. I looked up the case, you know, I saw things and there are three particular men. And with in the newspaper said that actually your father was a detective on a case of theirs that was. To be, you know, taking them down. Yeah. Um, and they were black men. Am I right? They were black men. So how do you, and this, and this is going back to coming back from the healing beyond the betrayal. I guess my question is for you is how did you perceive the response first from the black community and have you felt supported or betrayed by them for that. In for these years. Oh my gosh, it is the total opposite. So here's the thing. When that happened, of course, the race card was played right. Even back then my dad, even being a police officer, my dad saw us or taught us to respect everyone. It didn't matter the color of their skin. Right. He struggled with some of that internal stuff going on within the force. And we talked about it back then. And so. I never. I don't care what color they were. Let's just put it that way. Yeah. These are individual people that made the decision to take my dad's life. Okay. So I don't care what color they were right. The issue was, and I have a chapter in my book about this is that people in my community, their story for me was that I should hate all black men. And I didn't feel like that at all. Like, people didn't know who I was. And it was very frustrating. I will give you in a total example of this situation. I worked at a tile company when I was 18 years old, 19 years old during the trial. Okay. At the time, it was all over the news, all the time, all the time, all the time. And there were days where I was just done. Like, and my mom would call me and my mom has no filter. So she would just hammer in all of the information. And as a young lady, I was just like, I just want to turn on my radio and listen to music as I'm driving to work. And one day I turned on the radio and sure enough, there was a breaking news thing and it was all about our trial and I lost it. I was angry. I just was like, I am so over this because we had two trials. Because there were so many men involved in the beginning. I got to work and I'm friends with all the guys in the warehouse and whatever. And one of my friends, as I was walking through the warehouse, thought it was funny and he chucked a box at me. And it almost hit me and I turned around and I called him an explicative, like, you know, the A word. And, you know, and I kept walking to my office. I was just so frustrated. I went to the office and I put my stuff down and all the said, my manager walked around the corner and he said, come with me. And I was like, okay. So we walked down the hall and he put us in my coworker that checked the box at me, who happened to be a man of color, was standing there. And I was like, totally confused. And my manager said, you two are going to go in this office, you're going to hash out whatever the heck is going on with you and you're not coming out until you're done. And I stood there and I was like, I don't get it. It's just like, I don't, I don't understand. So we went in the office and we're just kind of staring at each other and I'm like, I don't know why we're here. And he goes, well, I just want you to know that I understand why you, you snapped at me. I understand why you were mad at me. That's what I said. I'm like, you threw a box at me, man. He's like, no. He said, I've been watching the trial. And if it were me, I would hate me to. So you don't do a box at me? I said, I was still completely confused. And I said, me getting mad at you had nothing to do with the color of your skin, not one thing. You chucked a box at me. And I was in a bad mood because I can't get away from this trial. And I feel like a boxed in little mouse, right. And he's like, well, you know, if it were me, you know, I would hate all black men and blah, blah, blah. And I went, nope, nope, you don't know me. And I said, here's the thing. Did you pull the trigger? Did you plan my dad's murder all those months before? Was that you? And he's like, no, I said exactly. I said, these were specific people who made this choice to do what they did. And the color of their skin has nothing to do with it. And he would just, his jaw dropped. And I was just like, for me, that was a big aha moment. I was a huge aha moment because I thought, what do people think of me? Do they think that I don't like people of color because people of color took my dad? No, that's not who I am. That's not how my dad raised me. Like, I just, it was such a frustration for me. And I, I had it come up. Multiple times throughout my life. And I just have to remind people that. I, I have no ill will. I, I, you know, these are specific people that did this specific thing to take my dad. And it was their choice. And, and so it, it does, it gets very, very frustrating to me. So I just, you know, I'm, I'm almost like on the other side of that too. I, when George Floyd was murdered, I did a video on social media. And I was attacked. A verbally private message. By people who said you have all people. Should never have anything negative to say about the police department. And I thought. What? What? So, you know, I've, I've, I've, I've dealt with this type of thing. Since the beginning. Yeah. And for me, it's just important for me to tell all people. That I. Am very, like. If you have a. I don't care what color you are. If you're an ignorant. Person. Person. Yes. I'm going to have an issue. Right. But I believe we're all on this earth to live life and be happy. And so one another. Yes. And support one another. Yes. Like I look at it this way. Our ex, our internal. Is the exact same. Yeah. We just have different pigment. That's it. Right. And so I just, that is just definitely been something that I. Had had an issue with. Yeah. Since then. Yeah. It goes perception. Yeah. Let me share this with you. Just hearing your story and even because I had some questions for you, I was trying to answer the questions. Sometimes. You have to answer the question. Some of that. But as you were talking. Now, that's going to sound so messed up because this is something that we've been talking about within this series about finding the gift. And the pain. Finding the gift and the pain. And even though your father was taking from you in such a tragic way. And he seemed to be an amazing man and amazing person who talked you to look beyond the color of one's skin, but just to respect that person. And knowing that the racial, racial tension that it is now, and that especially back then when it was then in LA. It was really harsh. Yeah. But for you to have such a forgiving heart, but not only that, but to look at it for what it is. It was three men. No matter what color they were, took a life. Right. Took a light. Right. And the life that he took was one of the good men. One of the good men. That were here to protect and serve us. Yeah. Now, for me, I have two very special friends that are, that one is a retired LAPD officer. She's a woman, black woman. And then another one of my very best friends is a white police officer for Chicago Police Department. Okay. Yeah. And so I remember when... We wear our work. Day by day. Stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So, whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. The work wear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code workwear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. That was going on. And we had another situation not earlier before where we were talking about police brutality and things that are so especially when it comes to people of color. Yeah. And I remember sitting down and having a conversation with them and that was saying that it's talked to them a bias to have bias. Yes. Yes. And so that's why I truly wanted to have this conversation with you understanding that you have been going through the healing process and you understand exactly who you are and where you stand. But not only is your voices for that for just helping others to heal, but it's also to change the tone of what we see in the world for that. God knows. Yeah. I just had this conversation with my husband because here's the thing. This is my, this is my opinion, my opinion only. But you hear hurt people hurt people, right? My opinion is that certain individuals who have not dealt with whatever it is, PTSD, trauma, hurt, childhood, neglect, abuse, whatever. If you don't deal with that inner stuff. Yeah. And you give this person a gun, a badge, an authority. It is not going to end well. Yeah. Okay. So I feel like, and this is, I just talked to LAPD. In fact, this week is the last week or last week, last year, this time. I was in San Diego talking to the LAPD delegates at their conference. I was their keynote speaker, a keynote speaker. And what I talked about is taking care of your mental health and how important it is. Yes. For us to address this before they even go into the academy. Yes. There needs to be more mental. I'm going to get on my. There needs to be more mental. Testing. To see if these people are. Strong enough mentally in order to handle the job. Yeah. When they're in the job, and I know this personally, because I remember my father talking about it. If any officers in the past would seek therapy, counseling of any sort, they were looked at week. They were weak. They got chastised within the department. You know, you name it, right? So that conversation has started to change. Yeah, it has. I believe that. Like I said, more mental testing before they even get into the academy. I firmly believe that all police officers should have a bachelor's degree. They need to. Know. The constitution. The rights of people. And I mean, really know it like inside and out. No problem. They know it. And there are officers out there that do. Right. They understand. Right. And then there needs to be more mental health. Help. Available. To police officers. So that when they're in a situation, they're able to work through. Yeah. They're where they, they, they learn different techniques, different modalities, different things to help because. In the past, you know, people would scratch their heads and go, I don't understand why, you know, drug use, alcohol use abuse. You know, A cheating, whatever, you know, infidelity. Why is that so prevalent in the police, you know, in law enforcement? Well, duh. Because that's their coping skills, right? Or non coping skills, whatever you want to look at it. And so. I was very passionate when I talked to those delegates. In saying. To their faces. Hurt people hurt people. You have to take care of your inner stuff. Because otherwise your inner stuff is going to come out. Out there. Yeah. In your job. You know, it's going to put you in danger. It's going to put the public in danger. You know, and so every time I see these things happening. I can see through it. Like I, I'm like that person should have never been on the force. Yeah. Not all jobs are perfect for everyone. Right? Not everybody is a good fit. And that's okay because that's. Normal. And so I think we need to really have that conversation of. There's so many things, but. Yeah. Part of that. I have had conversations with vets. And. They opened my eyes to the fact that. When they come out of the military, the first people that go after them is law enforcement. I can imagine. I can imagine. But you know, you know, as soon as I hate to cut you off. That's okay. I've come to our time to put this is a whole nother show. Oh, I know. It really is. So first of all, I want you to say, first of all, thank you for sharing. We didn't really get. I had a lot of questions, a lot, a lot of questions. Some of them you answered. You already answered some of the questions. But thank you for just sharing your story. I want to tell the readers what's the name of your book and where can they get it at? They're called the other side of the gun. My journey from trauma to resiliency. And it is available on Amazon. And it's in Kindle form and paperback form. I am going to go into a studio and do my audio book. If you want any information, need any information, have any questions or anything. I do have a website. It's Susan Snow speaks.com. And it has all the information on there about what I speak about also. It has a way you can contact me. It also talks about the book and has links and whatnot. So I am on social media. Under my name, Susan, underscore snow one is my Instagram. And I'm also on TikTok. So beautiful. I hate to cut it short. And we can talk because there's so many different topics that we can talk about right now, especially now that it's an election time, especially now that racial tension is so pregnant right now, you know, especially one of the biggest things is about police and defunding and all of those different things. So I would love to have you on in the near future where we can, you know, truly talk about that, or we can just dedicate a whole hour to that. Because, you know, you are, you are probably if not one of the most important people to speak about because you've seen it from the other side of it, but you can still, you can see it where your father went through as being inside of it. So I also see where the community, you know, had a hurting where you know was I still have a forgiving. Yeah, my message, and my purpose is much bigger is to show that even regardless to what this happened, we still have to look at these people as individual. And it's not a color. It's not an ethnic. It's not a cultural thing. This is what it is. And so we have to find that within all of that of the healing process of the forgiveness and the self love. And I totally agree with you when you talk about before they become. Before they even get into the to the police department academy is that there is a mental test classes, all of that needs to be with compassion with empathy for others, as well as learning who they are before they even step into that room. I totally agree with you. And again, since I thank you. Oh, I think I just was sitting here listening like I'm serious. I was like, I'm not even going to interrupt. I'm just going to sit and listen. Because this is needed to be this your story. And I know you, you, you had several different interviews with a whole lot of people, but I think this story need to be heard because we just don't know who else that you touched out there that can relate. I'd be going through that peer pressure from others saying you should hate this person because of this or that. Right. Right. You know, from that. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. But thank you. Thank you again. And to my listeners, everyone listening, I want you to keep embracing your own journey of self love and healing and join us next time here on the season of some love. And I want you to take care and keep loving yourself. Have a good one. Thank you. Thank you for joining us on this journey of discovering an empowerment here at the season of self love podcast. Remember, embracing self love is a continuous journey. And we're so glad to have you with us. So if you enjoy today's episode, please leave us a review and don't forget to join our community on Facebook at season of self love. Connect with a like minded individuals who are also on their self journey. Now, if you have any questions or topics that you like for us to explore, we love to hear from you. Email us at season of self love at gmail.com and let your voice be her. So until next time, take a moment for yourself today. And remember, you are worthy of love, joy, and all the beautiful things that life has to offer. 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