Join me as I sit down with my friend Emilie McCormack. We talk about what it looks like to walk within the tension of joy and grief and how our tribe impacts our journey.
Tribe, A Jesus Revival
S4 E14: Living in the Tension.
Hey everyone, welcome back to the Try podcast, I'm your host Britt Vega and I am so excited that you guys are here today. You are in for such a treat because I have my friend Emily with me, she is in Texas and you know I'm in Ohio and we are on here on Zoom just chatting away and Emily I'm going to tell you right off the bat is one of those people that just makes life brighter like there is a sense of joy and love just in her demeanor, it's her sense of fashion and like the type of mom and wife that she is but it's also like the really really important part of the way that she loves and serves Jesus and it's just so powerful. So Emily welcome to the show, I am so glad that you're here with us today. Thank you, I've been so excited to be here, thank you for that introduction too. Of course, I'm actually going to share a little fun fact so Emily is in Enneagram 7, right? That's right. Okay and if you are a faithful listener to our podcast you know how I feel about the Enneagram tool and just how fun it is, I am a too so it makes perfect sense that our personalities would mesh and that we would just want to have so much fun and you're going to see like while we're talking, Emily is one of those people who just loves adventures and she's spontaneous which you know is classic number seven on the Enneagram and you're also going to hear her heart and just the message and the calling that her and her husband believe that God has put on their heart and the way that they're bridging the gap between the world and the church so you're going to love it, it's so good and Emily I'm just so excited that you're here like I said sharing your heart and just being a part of this ministry and this message as we encourage people so without further ado I just want everybody to know this is like nothing we have ever talked about on the podcast before it is the idea of both and and really just living in the tension of the suffering and the celebrating and what that has looked like as Emily and her family have faithfully walked that out in their lives so Emily I'm going to let you start by talking a little bit about the tension of that joy and grief and your season of moving to Texas and joining the breakaway team. Yes oh my gosh I love talking about this this has become such a passion topic for me in the last I'd say probably 18 months to two years and for backstory we lived in Seattle for I'm born and raised there but we lived back there for 13 years together as a family with our five kids and my husband we started a church there and it was just one of those seasons of such blessing and joy and getting to lead that community together fast forward we felt the Lord shifting us to a new season and transition and so now we've been in Texas for about 18 months and it's been so beautiful and knowing that you're following and in obedience and where you're going where you're supposed to go there's so much joy in that but what I've learned in the last 18 months and even leading up to the transition was this tension that I felt constantly as I'm saying goodbye to friends and family and as I'm thinking of leaving our church I'm feeling like the most intense grief and some fear of the unknown of like I this is so brutal and yet in the same breath I would feel this excitement of adventure and God I think you have something for us there and I think it's going to be incredible and maybe even more than we could ask or imagine and so it would feel this like one moment I'd be weeping as I'm packing boxes and hugging friends and hugging my children who are grieving and then the next moment I'm like full of anticipation and joy and it felt like man this tension is real and so I began to even think and talk about it more and realizing gosh I think most seasons and most exciting times of life are both of those things and just briefly I'm like having a child if you've ever had a child before it's the most exciting you're like I'm dreaming of this I can't wait for this and then you're also like oh my gosh my body and oh my word my sleep and how am I gonna I mean there's a million fears right or marriage you think about marriage like the most exciting season of life and then for me personally it was like whoa I'm leaving my family I'm also moving this is new learning how to you know become one with another person so it's like the tensions of joy and grief and as a believer and if you're listening as a believer or maybe you don't know what even that means but someone who believes in the hope of Jesus even in debt it's like grief is the most we're not meant to understand grief we're not meant to know that's not we were never meant to experience death that was not the plan from the beginning but then when sin and death came into the picture we also know how this hope of eternity but on earth it's like this tension of but now is grief and suffering but at the same time I'm like oh but I hold the tension of hope of eternity so I have just experienced this like both and tension of joy and grief of celebration and sorrow and after experiencing it I've just decided man I want to be able to do that with others when they're celebrating but I'm in a season of suffering Lord give me the ability to celebrate fully knowing you see me in my grief Lord when I'm you know and vice versa and so it's just becoming one of those things that is a bit like been a passion point for me that is so good and it really is such a reminder for us like everyone listening to this finds himself of course in different seasons right and like you said you may not even know what you believe but when we are in the midst of our seasons of deep deep grief we all know what that feels like you don't have to be a believer or you know anything it's just we know what it feels like and and I think one of the things that we have to do is we have to kind of break in culture and just like the world today says like you have to be one or the other I can't be feeling this extreme joy and yet also experiencing this like devastating grief and so you know mentally we have to kind of work through this it's like you just talked about and like we've talked about before like all good things right parenthood and marriage and childbirth and sometimes walking away from friendships and then also like making new friends or losing a family member all of those good things and every good thing in life we're gonna have joy and we're gonna have grief and it's gonna look different but we all know what both of those things feel like and sometimes I would say from my own experience like in seasons where I have felt just totally and completely suffocated by grief or by disappointment like I have had so much joy and confidence in the Lord and hope in knowing like God is gonna move and he is gonna create a way where I'm looking at it and I'm saying there is no way like to my eyes there is no way and so I just love this whole concept so talk a little bit about how having a tribe of friends to walk alongside you has really helped like encourage you when you feel like you've been in those seasons of like living in the tension of the joy and grief like what has that looked like for you specifically yeah um I mean I especially leaving a church we know so many people and had a huge community but in seasons I think of when you're a little more fragile or a little more emotional I found that close tribe priceless because you don't have the energy I don't have the energy to tell everyone that I see all the deepest parts of where I'm grieving or all the deepest parts of what I'm processing or my biggest fears like that's just not wisdom I think that that's um exhausting but those close people there are not enough words and my friends are listening they know who they are of the people who know even here's a silly example even who know like post a picture of tonight's our first night at our new ministry we're celebrating it's amazing those friends know that is amazing and also oh that's got to be really intense to be there without all your people from home that they know because they've walked with me and so they're the ones texting me after like celebrating with you or joys with you and I want you to know I know the cost and it's like those moments are like the Holy Spirit breathing on me of like I see you I love you you're not alone and it is the hands and feet of Jesus or the friends with kids and transition and moving who know like when we have our first group over to for a pool party in our new city and they're you know post a picture on social media and it can just be like oh my gosh everything's amazing but the tribe like that knows you knows like hey I'm celebrating this is amazing and an answer prayer and hey I know that this isn't the people you've known for 15 years and I'm sure that that's hard at moment like there's something so profound about being letting people in letting them know you and then letting them love you and that takes vulnerability and humility but gosh the reward is so great like I mean I can't imagine this last season without having those people who really know the highs and the lows so good and okay this is going to be a little bit harder because your personality this is not something that you know like you wouldn't go without a tribe because you know that god we were created by a communal god right like and we were called to do community together but can you try to describe what the absence of like the good deep life-giving friendships would mean in this season of like the both and like can you even imagine that or try to like put words to that yeah yeah I mean I have a note on my phone of like encouragement I've received from people that I'll go back and it's like this reminder in seasons where you know it's not all a mountaintop especially when you walk with the Lord their seasons were even scripturally and practically in my life where I'm like god where are you what are you doing I don't sense what you're doing or I don't feel you know and then he uses his people to rip show me and so I think in isolation I think the enemy wants us isolated and alone more than anything isolated and alone and man imagining this last season I think I would I think it would lead me to arrogance and insecurity if I'm honest like arrogance of like well no one can understand so I'm gonna hold everyone at an arms distance because it's hard for me no one understand or think of like if you're going through grief like it can be easy already to isolate because you can feel like no one understands but then you have that person who's like hey I see you I know what you know or reminding you I hate god's good even and you don't feel it I think that's where it would lead me is just total isolation insecurity which often is masked and pride like pride and insecurity and then almost just this like arrogance of no one else can understand and so that also pulls me back more and more alone and I mean I think even for my kids I think the blessing of them getting to see life lived communally that changes them forever like that is something that is priceless to give them um there's so many things like ways that I can't imagine because I've not been able to answer all their questions or provide the things that they need in that moment and god's used other people to supply that something like man I'm imagining their life without the community we have and it would be a very different I believe this statement of like if those who are rich in friendship are rich indeed and I feel like that I'm like we are rich because we have been rich and blessed with friendship and I think it's the same with my kids like the lack we would feel would affect them so much so good well I think even yeah like to your point we grow up and we have friends a lot of times based on what was modeled for us right so like your kids are growing up and my kids are growing up and it's like this is what we do we break bread around the table and you know like things like praying and public which makes some people uncomfortable it's such a small thing for us it's so normal and it's just what we do because it's who we are you know once of these kids they're exposed to it and then they grow up and it's like okay I'm sure you're seeing it even with your oldest because having kids as old as our oldest boys now they're choosing their own tribe I was talking to a friend about this yesterday we met at the park and my son wasn't there but I said you know it's one of those things where you do the best you can up until a certain point right but so much more is caught than taught yeah so they're observing right they're like little sponges and my son Noah who you know is 16 he though his friends are so life-giving and I don't even have to think about when he says he's gonna go to this friend's house or he's gonna pick this friend up and they're gonna go out to eat or they're gonna be at the church I mean besides our house he spends more time at the church than anywhere else he does love Chick-fil-A and some of the local restaurants but church is his place and people do all the time they're like he's a big boy he's real tall and um he they're like does he plays sports and I'm like no but he loves Jesus and he spends most of his time at the church and then some of his time here at home you know and so they see that and they pick up on it and that's what dad and I do and so that is the environment that we're cultivating but when I hear you talk about like not having those friends oh it hurts my heart because I hear that and it's like if we believe the bible to be true and if we believe that iron sharpens iron and that god is a communal god and that he created us to do life with community and he wants us to find our people and he wants us to go deep and he wants us to be vulnerable like that is that's he Jesus modeled that so that's what you know we're called to do is live our life with people and man at the risk of sounding like so dramatic it is the difference between life and death you know yeah absolutely totally I mean even just life and death you know you think of your life on like a huge span but if even if you just think of day to day is today giving me life or is it like sucking my soul dry and I think that is the the difference day to day if you have community and like exactly what you said we were never created all of the best things we can experience are communally it's just the truth like I believe Jesus is enough in every way and if I was on an island Jesus is good and sustaining but like our whole purpose is to go and tell to you know share the love to be the light to give and that only happens in the context of other people so man I think we're missing out if we don't get to have be the recipients and the givers of that so true that's so good you know earlier in this message I was talking about how you and your husband feel called the bridge that got between the world and the church and I mean what you just said leads right into this so can you talk a little bit about like what that part of your journey has looked like not only for yourself and for your husband but also for your kids like being the hands and feet of Jesus and really giving your life to boning it to bridging that gap yeah totally yeah that word bridge is a word that both my husband and I have felt really drawn to it even just if you think of the visual of a bridge it is bridging a gap the bridge carries a lot of weight and it's a lot stapler and sturdier to be on one end of the other or the other of a bridge on like sturdy land but to be the bridge is this picture of like lord how do we take the truths of what you say that we believe to be the ultimate truth in the world and the best news ever and bridge to those people who've been really wounded by church or who've never heard the gospel or who have had people who say they believe Jesus but really wrong them or struggle with things that you know some Christians would say if you struggle that with that you're just like not even invited to the table we have always just had a really big heart for how can we bridge those two things together not with compromise not with making gray areas not with you know diluting truth none of that but I think Jesus was the perfect example of never compromising but so compassionately boldly and beautifully inviting people to the table letting them ask their questions I mean he invited people to the table before they understood what he was even asking them to do he did not say go read the Torah figure out what you believe figure out if you believe i'm the messiah then i'll have a conversation with you no he bridged by inviting questions by telling stories by sharing meals by going on a journey and I think yeah I think the capital see church not like anyone church and I am the biggest fan I devoted most of my life to serving the local church and will until I die so I am all for the local church and I think that the capital see church sometimes has portrayed a message that hey you're welcome but fix your stuff make sure you have the right answer to your stuff and before you're really welcome here or you're going to make people uncomfortable and we've just decided man people might be uncomfortable but we're going to hold the tension in the bridge as long as it takes to like really hold out that other hand on both sides and to be framed with you like my personality being kind of at seven and I like I like tribes I'm like give me a tribe I'll stand with you I will rally with you I'll get everyone on the boat I would prefer to be like really extreme on the other end of the bridge and be like no it's just all about holiness and that's all we're doing and everyone over there stay out and everyone over there stay out we're just going to have our we're going to stay in prayer for hours we're going to have revival it's like I would rather sometimes stay in my tribe but man then I think oh but all of this is so that we can reach others like it is that's the whole goal and so I often have felt the Lord be like hey hey don't just stay over there in your little tribe you've got to like live in the tension of inviting others in and bringing people to know the hope of the world so it's a constant I think tension is the right word which is the right word for a bridge is like living in that tension good that's so good I mean like the power of invitation we literally I'm inviting people when I'm pumping my gas in my minivan I have the pumps you know inviting people to church or getting to know somebody like just having a conversation I am a two on the anneagram I'm also like so outgoing and like I'm a yellow and I am just like you know my husband says I know no stranger and I can become friends with everybody now my level of depth within you know certain friendships of course like you were talking about you can't go deep with everybody but man I just love people and every time we share stories at church or within like our ministry team about the power of invitation and you know just inviting somebody at a soccer game to come in you know attend church and then they're being baptized and then they're dedicating their children to the Lord and I mean it's just so powerful and when you decide you know the tension and the bridge and all of that like what an opportunity not only for your community and for you and your husband and your marriage but also for your kids to be growing up in that type of community and to be seeing their parents serving the Lord and serving the community and it's just so powerful like I think of a like the ripple effect right like we go to the lake and we're there and we're spending time with our people and we're breaking bread and we're doing all these things we take a rock you know and the little kids are throwing them out in the water and it's that ripple effect and when you watch like those ripples are so deep and are so wide and that's essentially like what we're talking about like that's what you guys are doing in the community and it's just so powerful so I want to talk for a minute about this next topic because it's so easy to not talk about our feelings right well we're just going to stuff our feelings we're not going to talk about them you know they're not important you know did God have feelings like it's a whole thing but I think it'd be so easy to skip over this like emotional component of living in the season of both Anne right like the tension of the grief and the tension of the joy because I know that there are people that are listening to this message thinking okay like yes I am there with what Emily is saying like now what do I do with all these feelings that I have in those seasons and when you and I have talked about it in the past and you said people would ask you like well how are you doing or how are you feeling and you would literally cry you would have tears and you would also laugh like there was laughter so not being one or the other in those seasons can you just talk a little bit can you normalize that basically for our listeners yeah totally gosh and I think I watched this video the other day that just said it was this post about like it's okay to not be okay and that not being okay does not mean I'm doubting God not being okay does not mean I regret every decision I made to get here not being okay doesn't mean you know that I'm resentful and bitter and I think it's just given I think even other people freedom when they've asked me even in this whole season I mean we just went back to Seattle and saw all our people all our family all our friends all our church and it was like the most amazing time and I was like dying inside I was so it was like the grief was like like suffocating again I'm watching my kids deal with it of like oh gosh they're crying but they're happy but you know and so when people would ask at church just at our old church that we started in our living room like how is it to be here oh my gosh how are you it was literally what you just said tears in my eyes I'm like I'm so happy to be here and it hurts so bad like with a smile and they're like that's how I feel I'm so happy to see you but it hurts so bad and it just made this like open door and same thing as they're hearing my husband preach you know and he was their pastor for 13 years so they're hearing him and they're like I'm so happy he's here and their tears are pouring down their face because they're like oh but this stinks like now we have to say goodbye again and even for my kids it's been so powerful if I could encourage anyone I'm like man if I had this language when I was younger man I would have freed me in so many situations to be like I'm terrified but I'm excited I'm so sad but I'm happy like all the different ways that kids feel that and when we were going to our church for the first time I asked my daughter who's eight I said Scotty how are you feeling about seeing all all you know everybody at church and she's like I'm so happy but I'm so sad because I'm gonna have to say goodbye again so I just feel scared and I was like baby me too everything you just said I'm feeling that so it's like during church you look at me and you just give me any sign and we'll go in the bathroom we'll have a cry and then we'll remind each other hey we're gonna have to say goodbye but we know God is good and like just giving each other that freedom because otherwise I think they feel like oh no I should be happy I should feel or I should be only sad or there's just the shoulds you know you've heard that phrase don't shit on yourself but it's true like the shoulds that we feel and I totally believe that our feelings don't dictate truth but they absolutely tell us something and reveal something that we can bring to the heart of God like 100% and so shoving them and ignoring them or pretending we're all one or the other I'm like that's just not honest and I think it's a it's a missed moment for the Lord to be like oh hey yes I get that and look at Jesus with the cross I think that is the perfect example of joy and grief it is the perfect example because he was like it is for the joy set before me that I endured the cross and in the garden Lord is there any other way like is there any other way that is like an example of God I trust you with tomorrow but man could you change the circumstance but you're good and I will do this with joy and so for me personally but also like trying to give that language to my kids and to the college students that we get to disciple um I think it will minimize people's kind of panic or doubt even in the Lord of like I was supposed to feel certain things and I don't what's wrong with me and it's like no no you're human this is the human experience and God meets us in that yeah that's so good I think of like having my sons too and like what a responsibility it is to be raising boys that are going to grow up to be men of God right what an opportunity we have to we're talking about our feelings all the time probably I imagine a lot more than like just the average household because I do not want my boys to grow up and feel like they can't share their feelings and I I think at least one of my sons is on the track and is going to be a pastor and my kids love the Lord and just they're the way that they share their feelings and they talk about things as if it's normal right it's because we've cultivated that environment so when I hear you talking about you know your daughter and you guys are at church and just give me any sign like it's not just for girls it's for boys and like we just want them to like love the Lord and also just be so comfortable and who God has created them to be and God created them to have feelings and so talking about those and like you said just creating that to be like the normal the norm you know and when I think about all of this I mean just the idea of you and your husband obviously your kids you know everybody has been faithful you at you and your husband are following your calling and just that idea of having like utter and complete joy and trust in the Lord but also recognizing like there is heartache and sadness and mourning and I mean just the way that you share that thank you for sharing it the way that you did because I know that there's somebody that's listening to this that feels heard and feels seen and I think that's all we all really want you know it's for somebody else to say like it's actually okay that you're devastated but also you're so happy and even in my time of being obedient and following this calling and us opening up our first treatment center and then you know subsequent other like locations and things like that over time just being faithful in that and then watching the way that God has been faithful has been so powerful and it's just amazing I can go on and on forever but did I miss anything like in our conversation of talking about you know joy and grief at the same time I know some of the language that you use when we talked before was brutally beautiful and you haven't said that yet and so share about that oh my gosh yeah I mean I'm I could use so many examples of that but people have asked how the transitions been and again we moved from Seattle we're now leading I think it's the largest call largest college Bible study that we know of for sure in the nation maybe world I don't know but we meet Tuesday nights and there's thousands and thousands of college students every Tuesday night to study the Bible it's incredible like the joy and the awe and the beauty and the opportunity and the impact that we get to disciple and send conscience so beautiful it's been brutal for many many reasons of leaving everything you love and know and so the example I would use is it's been brutally beautiful and there's no other way to describe it because it's the extremes of both it's like and that's what the tension feels like because it's different if it's just like it's kind of happy and kind of sad there's not really a lot of tension in that but when it's the extreme which I think is why postpartum for those people who go through postpartum is that because it's like I'm so in love this baby has changed my life I wouldn't change I'll die for this human but oh my gosh I'm like can't stop crying and I'm depressed and will I ever get my like it's so extreme that it can feel like something is wrong and obviously I believe in medicine and for those people who you know I'm not saying that that something may be wrong but I'm saying the tension and so brutally beautiful is the way that I've used that word and I do tell people that and I think it's kind of like whoa what do you mean what's been brutal and it's like well saying goodbye to everyone you love and know starting over with your kids having a fine new community having to start different with the church watching your kids grieve like I mean there's just not enough words to that even not being there for friends when their parents pass away when they lose their babies like that's brutal like brutal to not get to show up for the tribe that you love right but then the beauty of it my gosh I'm like we're watching salvation weekly and people finding Jesus and confession and finding their tribe and seeing them get plugged into church and watching students literally like scales fall off their eyes I'm like it's so beautiful and so the tension is like oh my gosh um sometimes hard to describe but it's just it really has helped me put language to things and then again when people will share stories with me even through social media when I've been honest about my move I connected with someone else who had moved and she's like reading your words put words to what I was feeling of this is exactly it's like brutal but it's also beautiful and I can't just say one word because it doesn't describe it accurately it has to be both um and again I think if we actually pause and think about a lot of scenarios I think that most of us have something like that it may not be a move but where you're like I just experienced losing someone and yet I had the most profound beautiful experience in that hospital room that I've ever experienced with the presence of God and it was beautiful but my gosh the pain is brutal like I've experienced that with friends in hospital rooms and it's indescribable and I do believe it's supernatural I think the brutally beautiful thing is like this gift from God of like you will find beauty in the brutal because of my goodness and I will bring purpose out of the brutal I don't know I just think man I think it's a supernatural thing that is like a gift actually so good I mean the way you describe it like again it doesn't have to be a move you we've talked about you know being a parent I have many friends who are becoming parents for their first time right now and just you know speaking life into them and I shared this with you before but I have a friend who had a baby and just in this season of getting to know you and feeling so encouraged and seen and like you are putting words to a season that I'm walking through in my life right now with people and then being able to encourage a friend who just had her first baby I mean my oldest baby is going to be 17 this year it's been a long time since I've had a kid but to be able to say like just so you know you're allowed to be so tired and so I mean I was delusional right and just exhausted but also so grateful and celebrating this life and this baby that you have prayed for there's so much power and freedom and encouraging somebody else in that way and when you say brutally beautiful that's what I think of it's okay it doesn't have to be one or the other yeah totally I mean and even I'm thinking of the Olympics like the people who train I have no doubt that they would say oh this process has been brutally beautiful I mean they've got injuries and scars and wounds and so many things to overcome but then they're like oh my gosh look what I just did I like accomplished things I never thought I could I think that would describe something like that which is I think why the Bible uses like physical training also as like an example to our spiritual lives and our mental lives is similar where it's like you get beat up but then man the way that you that forms you the brutal parts form you I think actually to create something beautiful it sounds so cheesy even as I'm saying and I'm like oh my gosh you make beautiful things out of dust blah blah blah but it's like oh but it's true it's a cliche because it's true so true yeah and I think about like in the hardest most brutal seasons of my life what was actually happening is I was being chiseled by god right he sees these parts of us where we need to grow or we need to take the shackles off of our eyes and then he allows us you know he partners with us and he walks through the process and it's just so powerful I mean he owns the board applicable you know in so many it's like we talk about yeah okay so as we finish our time what versus of scripture would you well let's say what versus of scripture have encouraged you in your seasons of living in the tension of the joy and grief or versus of scripture that you continue to go back to that maybe our listeners that are finding themselves in that same season would be encouraged by oh so good gosh I think a lot about story story is something that's always captivated me I think God has created us as story people um the story of Joseph has been one that has been really really helpful for me actually wrote a paper on it in seminary because I was like this dude's life was the epitome of both and like and and you know he gets rejected and sold into slavery by his family so talk about rejection and grief but he had had all these dreams so it's like lord what are you doing I thought you were gonna do these things and yet even as he's like rejected and exiled and has no family holding the tension of like I'm gonna hold on to the promises of God but I know that he never stopped grieving his family how would you you never could or the rejection you feel or your father not knowing you know all those things and just living in that tension and he was so faithful to serve in an exiled land talk about being a bridge oh my gosh and then even when he saw his brothers he wept like deeply wept and then yet forgave them like just I feel like if you read that story again if you read it and you see whoa like both and both and both and both and of like joy grief joy grief joy grief tension and honestly I think it gives me a lot of hope when I read a lot of the stories in scripture um and then just another like one verse in the in Isaiah it talks about like even when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned when you walk through the waters they shall not overwhelm you the words that change my life have been taking the what-ifs of your life what if my kids don't make friends here what if it's never the same as it was before what if I don't find my tribe here to even if even if like that Isaiah talks about even if and even when you walk through and change it lord even if my kids don't find the same tribe you are faithful and you are good and I can trust you okay god even if this is whatever it fill in the blanks because I think when we say what if no one can say to me that'll never happen we just don't know like life this side of eternity is far there's a lot of hard but those words have completely it's like the shackles fell off and I felt free to say okay god instead of what if I'm going to say even if I'm going to ask you to meet me there because I cannot control the outcome of the tension that we live in but I can say oh even if those things happen my god is faithful and good he will provide he is with me so that Isaiah verse has been huge for me as I've lived kind of on this side of the grief part and so many things of the what-ifs that we let go of of like what if you don't provide that again and what if we don't have that again and gosh I found a lot of freedom of just living in the even if of like even if those things are true I know who my god is and his promises are good and true. Wow that is so good I'm like can you just keep talking now just stop and you just keep talking. I told you guys that today was going to be such a treat you know one of the many many things that I love about Emily is her authenticity and just her vulnerability the way that she is fearlessly walking within her calling and who god says she is and it's honestly what drew me to her in the first place so Emily thank you so much for sharing a little bit of your heart and your story with our listeners today it seriously is such a privilege to know you and to have you as a friend that's just a little further along in the journey so thank you for being who god created you to be and thank you so so much for being here on the tribe podcast today. Thank you so fun thank you so much I love being here.