Today, Saranne creatively connects Gary Chapman's popular "Five Love Languages" to her cancer journey, infusing humor and personal anecdotes to highlight how these concepts—words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch—played a crucial role in her fight against Stage IV cancer. She emphasizes the importance of self-love and care as therapeutic tools during cancer treatment through clever twists and profound insights. Saranne makes this connection even more memorable with a humorous taco-themed analogy that brings lightness and joy to a serious topic.
"Fill up your tank with self-love and you’ll have the stamina to
get through cancer treatment." – Saranne
Today on Beating Cancer Daily:
· The premise of Gary Chapman's "Five Love Languages" can be used for self-love during cancer treatment.
· Self-affirmation and positive self-talk strengthen mental resilience against negative cancer prognoses.
· Small daily self-gifts enhance self-care and boost emotional well-being.
· Acts of service to oneself and others can transform the quality of life during tough times.
· Quality time with loved ones and engaging in fulfilling activities breaks the isolation caused by cancer.
· Physical touch, whether through pets or loved ones, significantly aids emotional and physical healing.
· Personal growth and autonomy are crucial love languages for building stronger relationships.
· Humor and finding joy in daily life can make the cancer journey more bearable and uplifting.
Resources Mentioned:
ComedyCures Foundation
https://www.comedycures.org
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(soft piano music) - Welcome to Beating Cancer Daily. Beating stage four cancer for 30 years still takes my breath away every time I say it. I'm Saren, founder of the Comedy Cures Foundation. And I hope you'll join me for just a few minutes daily for the next 365 days. So we may laugh, learn, maybe cry a little as we live our best days beating cancer daily together. (soft piano music) So I was just on a Zoom and I read a joke that I found on Reddit and everybody on the Zoom was laughing and I could not wait to get off the Zoom so that I could share it with you. But I have to put it in context. So did you read the book, the Five Love Languages, the Secrets to Love That Last by Gary Chapman? I hope you read it. If you didn't read it, it's like this major book in relationships that was written in 1992. It became like a phenomenon. It's in 50 or more languages. 20 million copies were sold. New York Times bestseller. So you get like a big cultural phenomenon. And civil was so clever and they did a parody on the book. And here's what it is. Oh, well wait, let me just explain. So the Five Love Languages, if you didn't read it, let me just share them with you. If you've read it, you know exactly what they are but it's words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Now, the whole premise is that in a relationship, one partner has one love language and the other partner could have a different love language and you need to identify what those languages are. And then you could have a better relationship because you can communicate with the person by doing their acts of love. And then you could appreciate the way they give you acts of love and the world just latched onto this. And there wasn't tremendous research about it. It happened because this man counseled a lot of couples and these are patterns that he saw. We'll get to that later. If I just have to share the joke with you. So there were tacos and it said words of affirmation. Your tacos are delicious, acts of service. I made you tacos. Receiving gifts. Here's a taco, quality time. Let's go out for tacos together, physical touch. Let me hold you like a taco. I hope you can make those visuals in your mind. And if you haven't read the book, it's still funny to you. But just seeking relationship advice and putting it in terms of tacos. I just thought was so clever. Whoever thought of that, it wasn't attributed. I got so much joy out of reading that and it just really brought to me this whole concept from Chapman's book. Now, I know that it's not deeply backed in science and he has even defended the book by saying, hey, I never said this was deeply backed in science. These are patterns that I saw. So wouldn't you know that the Washington Post does a deep dive with psychologists into the premise of this book years later? And they basically rip it apart. And they say that research really shows differently, that it doesn't matter what your love language is. Honestly, I think it's important. That's my personal opinion. But I think it's important to know how your partner receives love and how you receive love and what you can ask your partner for and what your partner can ask you for. But I have a whole 'nother reason for talking about this. I just wanted to really make sure you knew that years later people dug into the research and they did say that there are other ways that scientifically show that relationships can get stronger. Experts from the Washington Post article actually said that science shows that having a larger social network and really understanding conflict management and using those techniques in the relationship are way more beneficial than knowing love languages. They actually said that there are way more than five love languages and there was really no evidence showing that having the same love of language or working within a love language really could be proven to be the tenets of a healthy relationship. Okay, fine. I feel that 20 million people reading a book and potentially finding value in it, you can't throw that out the window. It's pretty interesting. I do understand that this book was written with the best of intention from his own experience counseling couples. So just in case you're not familiar with these five love languages that he identified, I'm gonna repeat them again, just so you have them because I wanna share with you my love language and how I use this to get through all this cancer treatment. So, one, words of affirmation, that's like giving compliments, two, gifts, presence, big and small, three, acts of service, helping partners with their chores or in other ways, four quality time, doing things together, five, physical touch, such as hugs, kisses or marital relations. Okay. (laughs) Food, food is my love language. How do you not have food on this? If you go to anybody's house that's Italian or Jewish or Greek, I am telling you, they will pour food at you Persian. I don't know, any culture I've ever been to, people express their love through food. So can I get a sixth one? Can we get food here? (laughs) The researchers say that there are a few others that are glaringly missing. The one from the Washington Post article that jumped out at me was personal growth and autonomy. They're saying that helping a partner grow within the relationship and letting them express their autonomy also is really important to a happy relationship. How do you feel about that one? So let me just explain to you how this book was helpful. For me, I didn't use it in terms of a relationship because I wasn't in a relationship. I was actually getting a divorce when I read this book for the first time. Well, maybe if I read the book, I would have gotten a divorce. I bet Gary Chapman would have said that. You should have read it before you got a divorce. Anyway, I was going through cancer treatment. I was actually getting a divorce so I didn't have a significant relationship at the time. But when I read it, what jumped out at me was that I could use this book and the premise of this book for self-love. Did you see that's where I was going? Did you already get there? Have you listened to so many episodes of beating cancer daily that you already knew? There's 300 episodes plus showing you how I think and the strategies that I used to beat stage four cancer when they told me to get my affairs in order. So yes, I used these ideas to literally love myself and have the best relationship with myself possible. And because I did that, I had a lot of self-love, a lot of room for healing. I really put myself first and I didn't think that I did that before I got cancer. I was always so much in service of others that I wasn't taking care of myself. And that was also a boundary breach that I had in my relationships and probably why I picked the person I picked and why I ended up getting divorced. So let's just go through this and look at it through that lens 'cause this is how it really helped me. Words of affirmation. Now, I said before it's like giving compliments, but think of it in terms of self-love. I do affirmations all the time. I do them through prior. I do them momentarily in the day. But remember I did the episode with BJ Fogg from Stanford about how you change a habit and it was all through self-cheer. You should listen to that episode if you haven't heard it. But these are the words of affirmation that I was giving to myself when I got all that bad news from all the cancer treatments that did not work. I kept cheering myself and being positive that I would get my solution, that I would get my healing. And that kept me so strong even in the hardest days. His next concept, gifts, presence, big and small. Well, yes, I decided that once a day I would do something really good for myself and I didn't have to be a thing, right? Giving myself a present, that was self-care. It could be learning how to meditate. It could be buying something. It could be eating something. But once a day I made sure that I did something very special for myself. But then I also turned that outward and there's episodes how I've done that to pay it forward, especially to our medical team. So if you're looking for ideas on how to just be grateful and thank your caregivers and your friends and family around you or your medical team, I have episodes on that too. Acts of Service. So helping your partner with chores or in other ways. Well, Acts of Service became really important for me because it helped me take the focus off of me dying, which is what they were telling me. And so I found that when I filled my day with Acts of Service, either in my inner circle, like with my daughter or with my immediate friends, or very externally through the organization that I started from my chemo chair, the Comedy Cures Foundation, I found that having days full of Acts of Service, but remember I also took care of myself, that that just transformed the quality of my day. Don't underestimate just doing simple acts for people in your chemo room or people that you meet on a subway or a bus or on a corner, like just seeing need and really answering that need. It can be a simple smile that you give someone. But for me, that really helped me have the best day possible. Quality time. Quality time with friends, family, colleagues is so important. The studies on social networking are so huge in getting through a trauma or a cancer diagnosis, social support, prayer groups. These things can really help not only distract you, but give you a sense of togetherness, break down the isolation that is so much a part of this cancer journey. So quality time though, in terms of self-care, for yourself, make sure that you're getting quality sleep. Make sure that you are eating quality food that you take time to appreciate your food, digest your food. They say food is thy medicine, right? That's Hippocrates. So Jackie quotes that all the time. Make sure that you're taking time to learn how to keep your body as healthy as possible. Quality time, listening to this podcast, giving yourself the opportunity to learn every day and feel supported through this podcast. Jackie's episodes, our special cancer expert, are incredibly helpful in terms of the nutritional information, how to keep your organs healthy. That's quality time. Making the time to listen to informative podcasts or read interesting articles, just to keep your mind stimulated, going for a walk in nature. There's so many episodes on that. Forest bathing, I just did an episode on, quality time with yourself. And of course with others. And physical touch. Now, I was not in a relationship for a part of my cancer journey. So that physical touch came in other ways. I had pets. So cuddling with my cat, cuddling with my dog, petting my dog, they kiss you like on the cheek. It's so wonderful. Pet therapy is super helpful. And I've done episodes on that too. The science behind it. How about if you have a child, just that extra holding hands if we're walking down the street. Giving her a kiss on the forehead before she would go to bed. Those little moments of touch, so important. I'm a hugger. Hugging, the research on hugging is so important. If you are in a relationship and you do feel comfortable having some form of intimacy, the research behind pleasure, physical pleasure and touch is so compelling. It actually can boost the cells that you need to fight cancer. It helps with your endorphins. It helps lower negative stress hormones and boost positive hormones. Now, you may have a religious reason that you feel that self touch is something that is not what you would practice. But for people who feel comfortable with self touch, that can be very healing. You have to do what is comfortable for you. And that's why there are hundreds of episodes of beating cancer daily. So you can find the strategies that you're ready for and that feel most comfortable for you. So to me, the five love languages were crucial in my healing journey used a different way than how Chapman proposed them in the book. But I believe that if you fill up your tank and you give yourself love and you understand how you need to receive love just in your own being, then you can teach other people and then you can give it outward. But if you don't fill your tank first, it's really hard to have the stamina to go through cancer treatment and also take care of loved ones around you. Being a caregiver, especially when you're going through cancer treatment can be super draining. But it's the reality, right? We could have children, we could have a relationship. We could be the caregivers of our ailing parents or family members. I am super focused on sharing with you all the tricks and all the strategies and all the secrets that I did, no matter how small they are or how silly they seem. So comedian Leanne Morgan does a routine on the five love languages. And she talks about how you take the test and your partner takes the test and then you find out what your love languages are. And then you try to fulfill those and then you have a happy marriage. I'm just warning you, she does curse in this routine. So if you're sensitive to a curse, you might not want to watch this comedy clip. You can find it by just putting in Leanne Morgan, five love languages and it'll come up on your search. Anyway, so she says that if you don't figure out what your husband's love language is and then you don't try to meet it, your husband goes to work and he's standing at the water cooler and then some cute little person at his office comes up and fills his love language tank. And then that's how the relationship falls apart. She just says it in a really funny way. I don't want to ruin it for you. Just in case you want to go listen to it. But I love when people take something that you would never think of comedically and then puts a comedic spin on it. And that's why I started the Comedy Cures Foundation. That's why I work with hundreds of comedians and that's how I got through so much of this cancer journey, especially when the news was just so negative. I tried to always find the comic perspective and the fact that without even really searching two things about love languages popped up that were comedic so that I could look at it from a different perspective and then find joy and laughter in that other person's mindset. It just really is like a superpower. So if you think of any good humor about the five love languages or you've tried them and they've worked for you or you've tried them and they haven't worked for you in your relationship, I'd love to hear about it. And I'd also love to hear if this made sense for you, if using the five love languages to improve your own self care and your own self love, if you took that interpretation that I had and you started using it in your everyday life, oh, I would love to hear how that resonated with you. So go to comedycares.org, it's my nonprofit organization, and hit the record button in the podcast section and just talk to me if you don't like typing or go to the menu and write a note to me. I love when you correspond. This is such an amazing community. We're in 91 countries right now. And the fact that I'm communicating with you and you're communicating with me from all over the world is just one of the biggest joys of my day. So I hope this helps have a blessed day and I'll see you tomorrow. (gentle music) - If you love today's episode, then tell the world. Why? Because beating cancer daily is a listener and donor supported experience. So the more people you tell and the more people that join us, the more robust and interesting programs our nonprofit, the Comedy Cares Foundation, can bring to you throughout the year. So if you have some extra change, I'd love you to go to comedycares.org and make a donation today of whatever level is comfortable for you. And it will be tax deductible to the extent allowed by law because Comedy Cares is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization founded from my chemo chair, April, 1999, and we've been going strong ever since. So please consider making a donation today and help our community and this podcast thrive. Guess what time it is? It's time for me to read the disclaimer. Beating cancer daily and the membership circle are not in lieu of medical advice or treatment. They are for entertainment purposes only. Please consult your healthcare team to review your best strategy. Thanks for listening. See you guys tomorrow. (gentle music) (gentle music) (soft music)
