Unpurifi3d: The Ramblings of a Black Queer Christian
Do It Scared!
I prophesy and give yall an update about me too.
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- Duration:
- 25m
- Broadcast on:
- 24 Sep 2024
- Audio Format:
- aac
Hello, my name is Jayama, and you're listening to Unpurified the Ramlings of a Black Queer Christian. For today's episode of the podcast, I just wanted to prophesy a little bit and give you guys an update at the same time, which is a little unorthodox for me. Usually I like to keep these separate, but I don't feel like I'm going to prophesy that much and say all that much, so I'm going to just squish it into the same podcast episode for an update. So because I still want to update y'all on how I'm feeling and how I'm doing and all that jazz. So yeah, sit back, relax, and listen to what I got to say, I guess. Okay, so I'm going to start off with prophesying. The first thing I wanted to say is do it scared. I feel like God has put this on my heart to say do it scared. If any of you guys have been told a vision or dream by God and he's given you a destiny, he's given you something that you need to walk through, and you're afraid to walk through it. And you're like, God, once I get over this fear, I'll do it. Once I get over this fear, I'll do it. And I'm like, no, do it scared. Do it afraid. Do it when you're nervous. Do it when you're anxious. Do it when you're fearful. Do it afraid. Do it afraid. Because I was afraid to speak out against that prophet. I was afraid. I was afraid for my life. I was afraid God was going to kill me. I was afraid. But I decided to do it anyways. Because I felt like I was supposed to talk about him. And that's a thing like, I get these functions from the Lord. And I literally, it literally feels like a fire in my gut. Or it's like, I have to talk about this. And it's literally like, I have to, I got to talk about this. And if I leave it alone, then it messes with me. And it, and it irks me and it irritates me. And I'm like, I got to talk about this. I need to talk about this. And that's what I was saying in the, in the first episode of when I got triggered, I said, I feel fearful, but I don't feel fearful enough not to do it. You can, you can feel fear. You can feel anxiety. You can feel nervous. You can feel scared. But never let that stop you from doing what God has called you to do. Never let that stop you from going into your calling. Because God is going to call us into big things, big things. He's going to call us to do big things. And you can't let fear stop you from from moving. You can't let the fear stop you from moving. Because God is going to tell us to do the great things, great things. And we have to answer the call. We got to answer the call. We can't let fear limit us from, from, from doing what we're supposed to be doing. And I understand that it's hard, that it can be very hard to do it. And that you may even like be afraid of how you do it because you're afraid, right? And it's like, that's the thing, because I, I, I, like my mind just kind of goes on like, um, fear spirals. And it's like, well, what if, what if I do this? And what if I do this? And what if I, because I'm like this, I'll do this. And, and I don't do it right because, and then God gets mad at me and then God will not be upset with you. God is not upset with you. God knows that that you're going to be afraid. You're a human. God knows that fear is going to come up. Even Jesus didn't want to go to the cross. He was like, if there was any other way to, to do this. I'll do it, but not my will, but your will be done. So it's like you have to do it afraid. You have to do it scared. You have to do it because God called us to do great and mighty things. Greater works, we shall do is what Jesus said. Greater works, we shall do. So God is going to call us to do big things. Big things. And we have to learn how to do stuff scared. We have to learn how to do things when you're fearful and to not let the fear stop you. You can't let the fear stop you. And I literally was afraid of my life. Afraid for my life. I was afraid for my life. Afraid for my life. And my voice is still keep telling me that God is going to kill me. They still keep telling me that. And I'm trying to not believe it. But I know that God is with me. And that's the thing. I feel like this is also building my faith up to a degree because every hour that I'm still alive, every day that I'm still alive, I thank God. And I'm like, I know that you're with me. You're showing me that you're with me. The fact that I'm alive is you showing me that you're with me. You're with me. You're with me. And what that man said was a lie. It was a lie. And the Lord is with me. And he's protecting me. He's protecting me. And that you don't move like that. God doesn't move like that. God doesn't just kill anybody who insults anyone or kill anybody who talks who talks badly about someone or kills anybody who who who who speaks out against someone. God doesn't move like that. God doesn't move like that because Jesus didn't move like that. Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves to love our neighbors and to love our enemies and to pray for those who persecute you. That is how Jesus taught us. That is what Jesus taught us. So, yeah, that's everything I wanted to prophesy. Excuse me. That's everything I wanted to prophesy. Do it scared guys. Do it scared. Do it scared. Do it scared. Do it scared. Do it scared. Don't let the fear stop you. You're still going to feel fear because you're a human. You're a human and God knows you're going to feel the fear. But do it scared. Do it afraid. Do it fearful. Do it nervous. Do it scared. But don't let the fear stop you. Don't let the fear stop you. Don't let it. You have great things that you need to do. Big and powerful and mighty things that you need to do. Don't let the fear stop you. Okay, so now I want to give you guys an update. I'm still alive. Glory be to his name. Hallelujah. I'm still alive. And I feel like this experience has helped me to like love life to a degree, to love my life, to like be grateful for my life, which is also kind of hard to accept at the same time, because like I feel like I have, I guess, despised my life for quite a while. And I've wanted to die. And so when I got faced with the threat of actually dying, it was like, oh no, I actually want to live. But it's like, I don't know how to explain it, because it's like I still felt like it was bringing up like anger in me. And I feel like this experience is like it's bringing up gratefulness, but it's also bringing up anger. And it's like making me angry at God, because I'm like, why did that man say that? Why did that man say that about you? And it's making me mad. And I'm like, why did I have to go through this, this, these, these couple of days of just intoxicating fear, intoxicating fear. And I'm like, it's made me upset with God, because I'm like, I'm mad that I went through this. I'm angry that I went through this. And I'm like, I don't know, because it's like, I know it's a good thing. And I know that God allowed it because God allowed it because I know it's something that I need to break about him. Obviously, it hit for me because that's how I feel, I feel that way about God. And so it just uncovered the way that I actually feel about God, the way that I, because I think God actually would do something like that. So it just uncovered the, the fear that I have about God. But it's helping me, like walking through this is helping me realize that God isn't like that, and God doesn't move like that. He doesn't move like that. He doesn't act like that. And I do have personal experience to know that he doesn't move like that. And he doesn't act like that. But that man saying his own personal experience, it scared me, because he even brought up Bible, biblical examples. And it scared me. And it scared me. And that's the thing. I guess it's like, it's helping, it's, it's, I guess I feel upset because I don't know what to do with the scriptures that say that God is cruel. You know, like I don't know what to, what to say. But who's to say that that was even of God? What he said? What Elijah said? What Elijah did? Who's to say that that was even God who was in those bears? He placed a curse on them and God doesn't tell us to curse us. Curse our enemies. All they did was make fun of his hair. And God doesn't tell us to move like that. God doesn't tell us to act like that. And maybe they think it's God because it just so happened that he was a prophet of God. But maybe that was the enemy because as you see in the New Testament, demons can go into animals. Demons can go into animals. So maybe it was demons that went inside those bears and attacked all those kids. It's because it's like God tells us to love our enemies. He tells us to love our enemies. Pray for those who persecute you. To love our enemies. So, um, yeah, I'm just trying to get that in my spirit. That God is a God who wants you to love everybody, even the ones who hurt you. So when I see things in the Old Testament that is the opposite of that, then it can't be of God. Because that's not how God moves. That's not how God moves. Excuse me. But yeah, I don't know if this is going to be like a short update. But I was like feeling like earlier today, like my medicine wasn't working. And I was scared that I was going to have to go back to the psych ward. Because I was like I feel like my medicine isn't working. But, um, I ate some food and then I took a nap and I was like, okay, I'm going to feel better when I get up. But I think I feel like I'm constantly like my medicine isn't working constantly. I think I constantly feel that way because I'm constantly addressing my triggers and I'm constantly fighting what affects me mentally and like my faith is attached to my mental health. It is directly correlated to my mental health, my faith. So once I get my faith, once my faith goes down, then my mental health goes down. And once my faith goes up, then my mental health goes up. So, um, I know that once I get in that rough spot, then my mental health, of my mental health, then I know that I need to work on my faith with God. And that takes time. And that's what really like irritates me because it's like, I'm tired of everything taking so much time. I'm tired of things being so long. I'm like, I just want it to be quick. I want it to be quick just like quickly give me through this. Just quickly get me through this quickly, quickly, quickly. And I'm like, I just want to speak that over myself. Quick fast and then hurry quickly. So, um, um, [coughing] Ooh, sorry y'all. Sorry. I was coughing. But um, yeah, I'm trying to build my faith up. Trying to build my faith up. And I feel like, um, overstimulated. I feel overstimulated. But I don't want to stay off the podcast because I'm like, I need to talk. I need to talk. I need to talk. But I feel overstimulated. I feel overstimulated. And I need to take care of my body and listen to my body. But I do want to let you guys know that I did my affirmations today and I read my chapter of the Bible. I read my chapter of the Bible. So, um, I did what I was supposed to do today. I listened to my music. And I did what I was supposed to do today, which I'm proud of myself for. So, um, I'm going to pause for a little bit to think. And if I don't have anything else to say, I'm going to leave. Okay, guys. Okay, that's all I have to say, guys. I don't have anything else that I need to say. So, um, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for listening to me. If you made it all the way to the end of the podcast, thank you for listening. Um, if you would like to find me online, I have a website and a blog titled TheBibleIsInclusive.com, which hosts my blog posts about Christianity. Um, I have an Instagram and that ad is the Bible is Inclusive. I have a Twitter and that ad is Bible Inclusive. or an X, my bad, an X. Um, I have a book is called Who Told You That Got Was Homophobic. And that's available on paperback in ebook. The paperback is only on Amazon. The ebook is available on Amazon, Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Cobo, Script, and other retailers. Um, I have a Sermonote journal that's available only on, um, only on, uh, Amazon. And you can find that by searching my name, Jayama, in the search bar and, um, uh, or Jesus. And you can find the book that way. Searching my name, Jayama, in the search bar. Um, I have a Facebook group. It's called The Bible Is Inclusive. Support group. And you can go on that group, Facebook group and hang out with us if you want to join the Facebook group for community. Um, if you want to become a Christian, I have a podcast episode that's titled How to Become a Christian. And you can say the prayer that's in that podcast episode and you can become a Christian. Um, if you would like to donate to me, I have my cash up in my Venmo in the bio. And you can either click the link that's in the description, or you can go to my website and click the link that says donate the tab that says donate. And you can donate to me through my website. But just know that if you donate to me through my website, I'm not going to get all the money that you send me because they take some of the money away from me. So, um, yeah, that's, um, that's everything. Join the Facebook group, guys. Join the Facebook group. Nobody's in there yet. Join the Facebook group, guys. So we can hang out and we can talk and we can chill and we can do stuff together. Join the Facebook group. The Bible Is Inclusive Support group. Join the Facebook group. I made it for us, I made it for us. So, um, join the Facebook group, guys. And, um, yeah, so, um, if you made it all the way to the end, thank you. And, um, uh, I love you and Jesus loves you too. So thank you for listening.