Quiet, Please - Old Time Radio Horror
Don't Tell Me About Halloween - Quiet, Please | 10/27/1047 (Ep021)
Hope you enjoy this episode of Quiet, Please. - Disclaimer: The audio on many of the Quiet, Please episodes have different levels of crackling. Poor audio. - Find all our OTR radio stations and podcasts at theaterofthemind-otr.com - Podcast @ Spreaker | Apple Podcasts | YouTube Music
- Broadcast on:
- 20 Sep 2024
- Audio Format:
- other
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[MUSIC PLAYING] The mutual broadcasting system presents Quietly. It is written and directed by Willis Cooper and features Ernest Chapel. Quietly is what tonight is called Don't Tell Me About Halloween. [MUSIC PLAYING] I'm going to kill my wife tonight or maybe tomorrow night. I mean, I'm going to kill one of my wives. I'd better if something's going to happen to me that won't be good. Oh, Halloween's almost here. Halloween's the deadline. And Kansas has to be dead before Halloween. Well, the trouble is, I'm not sure I'll recognize her when she shows up. You haven't been in Salem, Massachusetts. Thanks for they hanged all the witches. No, they didn't bring them at the stake. A lot of people think so, but they didn't. They hanged them, all except the man with old Giles Corey. They pressed him to death. Very unpleasant. Well, it was in Salem, this particular Halloween that I met, Kansas. It was dark up there on the hill where the gallows used to stand, dark and cold. A damp wind coming in off the sea. A few little lights you could see in the dusk only made it darker and lonelier and creepier up there. I remember how I shivered as I started down the hill to town. And I remember how I jumped when something looked like a black cat jumped out of the shadows at my feet. Oh, without thinking I yelled, "Who's that?" My heart almost stopped beating because... Well, good evening. I'd been all alone up there. And then, all of a sudden, there was a woman standing beside me. You're the first human being that's spoken to me tonight. Who are you? I'm Candace. I... I don't know any Candace. You didn't? What you do now? You have scared me to death. Oh, I wouldn't do that to you. What's your name? Craig. You like me Craig? What? Well, I don't know what you look like. I like you very much. Well, what I... Get me Craig. No. Get me out of here. You know, you're going to be a very nice husband for me, Craig. What do you mean? I'm not going to... Oh, yes, you know. When I say something's going to happen, it happens, Craig. What I... I'm not... What did you like to be rich, Craig, and have a beautiful life? I am beautiful. You'll see. Wouldn't you like to be rich, wise, and happy, and live forever? Wouldn't you, Craig? Who the devil are you? I know it's a very apt way of putting a craze. Who are you? I'm Candace. It doesn't mean anything to me. I'm the witch, they didn't hang Craig. Well, she was right. I am rich. Whenever I need money, which hasn't been for a long time now, I ask Candace when she comes to see me at Halloween time. I am reasonably wise, I suppose. I'm quite an authority on American history, quite well considered at the University here. And while I can't say I've lived forever, I have lived two hundred and fifty-three years. Now, that's right. You see, I met Candace on the hill above Salem in the year 1694, two years after Cotton Math has stopped hanging wishes. Yes, Candace has kept her promise. I remember the way she put it. Standing up there in the early morning, watching the mist crawling on the ground below us. You'll not see me now till another Halloween. And I can't tell you what form I'll be in when I come to see you again. But if you see a strange bird or a lost dog, or any strange being at your door come Halloween, you say, "Who's that?" And if it so happens, the strange is me. By then, I'll be home with you till the top grows from morning. And I remember I started to speak to ask questions, but she stopped me. For the time's short now, my love. And remember the words, and with all the future before it. As long as I live, you'll tell me. And below us somewhere a rooster crowed, and I was standing alone on the hill. And a yellow butterfly was rising in circles above my head. I watched it disappear into the first rays of the sun. No, I didn't believe it either. And yet, we were only two years away from the witchcraft trials, and whatever may be said today, the belief in which it didn't die as quick a death as modern historians would have you believe. I was there. I know. Besides, I had married a witch. Halloween, 1695, a stray dog lay on my doorstep shivering in the rain. I don't like dogs. I was about to boop the animal in the street when I caught a look in his eyes. I yelled, "Who's that?" Well, it's about time. I've been lying down that door except for leaving, and nearly ground without a stitch on, and you'll stand there and look at me like some graceful. It gets me something to put around in himself the fire before I take my death of coal. And I don't believe you were going to kick me, too. Will I ever see you, Jim? Candice, dear, how was I to know? Give me that quilt! Oh, she was all a contractness and apologies in a moment. But I can feel that slap alongside my chops from two and a half centuries ago. And our first anniversary was a very pleasant one. I was rather glad I'd married a witch. It had its drawbacks, though, despite wealth and growing wisdom. People around me and Salem grew old, and I seem to stay the same age. I moved away, and the years went on. I moved away from Salem, and I moved away from Philadelphia, and I moved from Baltimore, and Richmond, Savannah, and a score of other places. I spoke to George Washington, and I watched Robert Fulton Steamboat chug up the Hudson when I was more than a hundred years old, and looked thirty-five. And every Halloween I welcome Candice home for a night. One year, in a farmhouse on an Illinois prairie, a red fox winded up my door. And it was Candice. One year, a blue day flew down from a tree in Missouri. And another year, she came as a skittering little grey pheumma. And the year I came back to Wisconsin after the Civil War, I talked about its way into my cabin on Halloween night, and one of its quills spiked me before I thought to say, "Who's that?" And when Candice smiled at me, there was only a strand of yellow hair through the thick of my thumb. I remember she pulled it out, and it hurt. Years, and years, and years. Now she's been a wonderful wife, but I never forget what she is. Once a year is getting to be enough. It was just six, seven years ago tonight, before Halloween disease. That was the first time she appeared before Halloween, 1880. Rather, the beays were still present. Seems like yesterday. I heard something bumping against the front door, and before I thought I called out, "Who's that?" I thought you were never going to call them. Harley, I didn't know it was you. Well... Huh? Don't people keep their wives anymore? Nothing. You surprised me. Suppose you surprised me. Now! How come you're so early there? Oh, I just thought it would be nice to surprise you. You certainly did surprise me. Did I? You certainly did. What happened since last year? Nothing much. That's so. And what have you been doing? I've been away. Where? Craig. You'll be better off if you don't inquire too closely into my private affairs. Being married to a witch ought to be enough for you. I'm... I'm just interested, Candace. Like I'm interested in what you do when I'm away. What? I am interested, you know. I don't know what you're talking about, dear. You don't? No. Don't you ever get lonely while I'm away. What? Why, certainly. Hmm. What are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about, Craig. I don't either. You're forgetting that I'm a witch, dear. What? You can't keep anything from me, Craig. Don't you know that? Wow. Oh, I won't punish you, Craig. But you must have run around with a red-haired girl. Well, I don't know what you... Oh, yes, you do. So I just decided to take that temptation away from you. Candace. What did you... Look over there at the window, darling. And I looked. Comparing in the window out of the darkness was a frightened, tiny, red squirrel. Its teeth chattering with terror and cold. She still got her red hair, dear. Candace. Candace, did you do that to her? Of course, dear. No, no. Don't try to rescue her, Craig. I've got other plans for you, little girlfriend. What are you going to do? Listen. Now come here and kiss me. Craig. Yes, in some ways it's fine. In some ways. You know, in the last 50, 60 years I've gotten so I'm afraid to say, "Who's that?" Anytime. Wait a second. Did you hear anything? No, I guess she's not here. I wouldn't want her to surprise me again. I wanted to surprise her. It's six to seven years ago that she sat the wolves on that pool of a red squirrel. It was once my dream. I've forgotten your last name. But I haven't forgotten what she did to me. They arrested me for murder. Candace, let me stay in jail a whole year. I waited till the next Halloween, 1881, till a little screech owl came and pricked on the window ledge of my cell. Owning a rental property sounds like a dream. Collect a rent and relax. That is until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. First, you need to conduct market research to understand local rental trends and determine a competitive rent price. Then there's cleaning, staging, repairs, and hiring a professional photographer. Next, develop a marketing strategy. List the property on rental sites. It's going to tell the showings. Oh, no. Sound complicated? We handle everything from marketing and showing your property to screening tenants and preparing the lease. Our best-in-class property management professionals take care of your property as if it were our own. From rent collection to maintenance coordination. All for one flat monthly fee. Go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444 to speak with a rent estate advisor today. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runnerswarehouse. What's next? At Moss Adams, that question inspires us to help people and their businesses strategically define and claim their future. As one of America's leading accounting, consulting, and wealth management firms, our collaborative approach creates solutions for your unique business needs. We leverage industry-focused insights with the collective technical resources of our firm to elevate your performance. Uncover opportunity and move upward at MossAtoms.com. I'm sure yes, you were very sorry. Very sorry, but I had to be punished for being unfaithful to us. Unfaithful. I never even kissed Marjorie. That witch. Believe me, I was pretty careful after I got out of there and moved to Oklahoma. If I had any female acquaintances, I stopped seeing them along in early September. But not at how would you like it if you only saw your wife once a year, and if you knew she could turn you into a caterpillar or a hippopotamus or something whenever she got met with you. You'd look around too. Just like I did. She nearly caught me again in Washington, DC. That was in 1910. I'd been a good boy for nearly 50 years. Well, pretty good, at least careful. I was standing outside the door of the Willard Hotel that Halloween night. A big moth dropped out of the darkness and slid on my shoulder. Canvas likes to be a moth, I think. She's appeared that way 15 or 20 times. Well, I knew it once, but it was. My conscience was reasonably clear, so I just said, "Who's that?" - Hello, darling. - Welcome back, Canvas, dear. - Been a good boy. - Perfect, darling. - Love, Canvas. - Mad about, Canvas. You better be. - No, Canvas. - You're living here now, in the hotel. - I hope you like it. - I've never been in Washington before. No, no, no, no. - Oh, I saw quite a lot of it. - Flying in. - Yes. Who's that woman? - What woman? Why, great, darling! Where on earth have you been? Yes. I thought Gertrude was in Chicago where I left her. Wasn't that just my luck? I don't know what Canvas did to her. She just disappeared. Do you know what that witch did to me? She turned me into a fire alarm bottle. And don't laugh. It isn't funny. From October 31, 1910 to October 31, 1911, I stood there in front of the Willard Hotel, rain and shine, snow and boiling hot weather. And nobody even turned in an alarm on me. Of course they said, "Paint me in the spring." Then a half past 11 on Halloween, a little black dog came by. I tried to say, "Who's that?" And I made it all right because I could hear ears clicking and wheel spreading. There we were, Canvas and a black fur coat, and me and a blue shirt suit all blasted with red paint. You were perfectly awful, Craig. Well, how do you think I feel? Oh, my feet. Well, now maybe you won't be chasing other women, my feet. And I promise I'll never do it again. You'd better not, sweetheart. I'm a very jealous woman. So I noticed. And if you think that was bad, how would you like me? No, no, Canvas, please. No, no, no. Don't tell me. You make it now. And don't get paid all over my coat. Canvas can be very sweet when she wants to be. For these last 30 years, she doesn't seem to want to be. Very much. She spends most of the time she's here asking me questions about what I've been doing, where I've been. The people I've seen. And friends, I'm getting awful tired of it. Two hundred and fifty-three years is a long, long time. A long, long time. With a jealous wife. So I'm going to get rid of her. This time I'm done. No, I don't love Canvas anymore. I'm afraid of her. Hey, Georgia, I got this job here at the University in the history department. I've got this little cottage up here in the hills where I go every Halloween. Well, I don't want Candace barging in on faculty role. Well, I'm not supposed to be married here. You know, faculty. So, I've decided to end it all this year. I'm going to kill Candace. So that is, I hope I am. When she appears, I'm not going to say who's that. I'm going to kill her. And then Alicia and I are going to be married. Oh, what? I'm going to tell you about Alicia. Now, here comes Alicia now. I'd like to have you a meter. This is Alicia. How do you do? Alicia and I are going to be married. Yes, indeed. Right after Halloween. Alicia, Secretary of the Dean of Women. That's how I met Craig. Well, I hope you don't mean to imply I was flirting with the dean of Alicia. Oh, goodness, no dear. I mean, you were being introduced to her when you first saw each other. Oh, I'll never forget it. Oh, I won't either. Isn't he pretty? Oh, Craig. You mustn't talk that way to stream here. Oh, I'm sorry, dear, but you are pretty. No, but I'm so much younger than you are, Craig. Well, you are a little younger, dear, but that won't make any difference. What is it? Oh, not to me, darling. Excuse us a second. Darling, I love you. Oh, darling, I love you. Just kidding. Oh, but they're looking sweetheart. Shut your eyes a second, would you, please? No, darling. Craig. No. You like her? Quite a girl, isn't he? Nothing at all like Candace. Man, am I tired of Candace? Wait a second, the phone's ringing. I'll be right with you. Hello? Hello, darling. This is Alicia. Hello, dear. Are you going up to the cabin today? I'm just leaving, darling. I wish I could go with you. But I'll be back in a day or so. No, no, dear. No. You know it can't be done. I wish I could go. Well, it isn't practical, dear. I'll hurry back. I could drive up tomorrow. I'll probably be back tomorrow. I'll miss you. I'll miss you. I just wanted to say goodbye. I love you. I love you. See you in the day or so, honey. All right. But I wish I could go along. It can't be done, sweet. It might drive up the phone. No, no, no, don't do that. Alicia, wait. Oh, my gosh. She can't do that if she doesn't. Hello. Hello. I get me. I get me three, four, one, two, Jay. Well, so here I am. I wish I could have got Alicia back on that phone. If she comes up here, she'll... Oh, well, she won't. She's got better sense. Yeah, let's see what time is it. Well, let's see. The bathroom. Silver butt. The old Revolutionary War bayonet. I headed Valley Forge. A boy knife. Babe, Crockett gave me. And I'm pretty well fixed. Come on, Candace, honey. Come on. Yes, come on in. This time you can come ahead of time, baby, and pop will be waiting for you. And then... Alicia... She's an hour or something this time with. Oh, if she's a mouth, I'd better get that shotgun out. Now, Candace, look out! What the thickens was that? Oh, a moth. A moth, eh? Well, well, well, Candace. Yeah, we're in that Saturday evening post. Light somewhere, darling. Light? Oh, mister, you're not going to get away this time, sweetheart. Get away from that lamp. Get away, I say. Hey, I got you. Oh, you're not dead yet. Well, I'm... Never mind, Craig. What? Never mind. I'm going to die all night. Who's that? It's too late, Craig. You killed me. But haven't you forgotten something, darling? What did I forget? You forgot what I told you back there on the hill. It's failing, sweetheart. You all is just as long as I live. And when I die, you all die. Candace, Candace, let me help you. It's too late, darling. Much, much too late. Hello. Hello, this is Forrest Ranger Station. Oh, hello, Brad. Now, this is Joe Thomas. Listen, Brad, you better call the county cops or somebody. Well, I don't know. Well, I'm at the little cabin halfway up Lettingo Canyon. You know, the one with the red shutters? Yeah, well, I was on my way up to the station, sayin' I meet this girl. Please be quiet, will ya, lady? This girl and her cars must be done. Well, I picked her up and she wants to come up here. Oh, what's your name, lady? Alicia Dean. Alicia Dean. So she's going to meet this fella here, she says. And I left her up and I was just starting away and I hear her scream. Scream, you know, holler. So I stopped and run inside and she yelled in her head off. Lady, lady, please. Yeah, I don't know, Brad. They'd sure looked off of strings. Oh, there wasn't no guy here. Oh, nothing but a squashed maw. One of them big death's head mawks, you know. And a skeleton. Yeah, a skeleton. Oh, dried up and dusty. Like what is maybe 250 years old. And that's all. Just him and the maw. Funny, ain't it? [Music] You've listened to Quiet Please, which is written and directed by Willis Cooper. The man who talked to you was Ernest Chappell. And Gerita Bauer played Candice. Alicia was Peggy Stanley and the forest ranger was Jim Bowles. The music for Quiet Please is composed and played by Gene Perezo, except of course for our theme, which, in answer to the many queries, is based on the second movement of the symphony and D minor by set up rock. Now, I'm going to word about next week's Quiet Please. Here is our writer director, Willis Cooper. Take me out to the graveyard. That's the title I got for next week's story. Come along for the rise, wasn't it? So until next week at this time, I am quietly yours, Ernest Chappell. Quiet Please comes to you from New York. This is the mutual broadcasting system. [Music] Owning a rental property sounds like a dream, until you realize how much work goes into getting it ready. Determinate competitive rent price, market the property, schedule the showing screen, tenant's rent at the lease at a rent collection, handle maintenance request, maintenance and communication. Sound complicated? Runners warehouse is here to take the hard work off your runlets to do list. Qualified tenants, check, rent collection, check, maintenance coordination, you got it. Go to runnerswarehouse.com for a free rental analysis to find out how much your home can rent for. Or call 303-974-9444. Because from now on, the only thing you need on your to-do list is to call runners warehouse. What's next? At Moss Adams, that question inspires us to help people and their businesses strategically define and claim their future. As one of America's leading accounting, consulting and wealth management firms, our collaborative approach creates solutions for your unique business needs. We leverage industry-focused insights with the collective technical resources of our firm to elevate your performance. Uncover opportunity and move upward at MossAtoms.com