Stuff Your Teen Can Fail At
Allowing teens to experience and learn from failure in a supportive environment helps build their confidence, independence, and problem-solving skills, preparing them for future challenges.
Key Points Discussed:
- Encouraging Self-Belief and Independence in Teens:
– Allowing teens to fail in low-stakes situations helps build resilience and problem-solving skills.
– Experiencing failure prepares them for significant future challenges.
- Examples:
– Clothing Choices: (1) Letting teens pick their own clothes, even if it’s inappropriate for the weather. (2) Teaches them about natural consequences and critical thinking.
– Filling Out Forms: (1) Encouraging teens to complete forms for activities on their own. (2) Helps them learn responsibility, attention to detail, and the importance of deadlines.
– First Job Experiences: (1) Allowing teens to navigate their first job without parental intervention. (2) Teaches the importance of dedication, effort, and adhering to standards set by an employer.
- Parental Struggles with Letting Go:
– Acknowledging it’s hard for parents to watch their kids fail.
– Emphasizing the importance of trusting the process and letting children learn from their mistakes.
Printable Resource:
A printable list of the ideas discussed in this episode and many more:
- Weather Fails
- Forms Fails
- First Job Fails
Call to Action:
Download the Printable: Get the list of examples to implement in your daily life. The link is in our show notes.
Share Your Stories: Email us with a story of a failure that seemed challenging at the time but has turned into a valuable lesson for your teen. We’d love to feature it on our next episode!
Subscribe and Stay Connected: Make sure to subscribe to our blog and podcast for weekly insights, tips, and resources.
Connect With Us:
You can read more about this (or past topics) on Charla’s blog: https://beyondpersonalfinance.com/our-blog
To subscribe to the weekly email with links to our podcast and blog, go here: https://beyondpersonalfinance.com/subscribe-1
To learn more about our unique products designed to increase your children’s understanding of how money works in the real world, go here: https://beyondpersonalfinance.com/
The post Stuff Your Teen Can Fail At appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.
Welcome to "It's Not About Money" hosted by my parents, Matt and Charlie McKinley, and produced by the Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network. This podcast is all about helping parents raise responsible and ready adults through insightful parenting advice that goes beyond financial matters. Join them as they explore practical strategies, share valuable insights, and provide meaningful tools to navigate the challenges of parenting in today's world. Whether you're looking to instill essential lifestyles, cultivate emotional intelligence, or nurture a sense of purpose in your children, Matt and Charlie are here to support you every step of the way. And now for today's episode. Hey guys, this is Matt, I'm here with my successful wife, Charlie, and creator of Beyond Personal Finance. Is this about the failure? Yes. Oh, I see, okay. You're so clever. I got a little thing going. I really like it. I just want to say you were a failure because I don't think you were a failure. Look, we're on the 33rd podcast episode, and you now are dialed in. I feel like I've found a, I've got a rhythm. I've got a rhythm, aren't we? So I'm not going to use things out. Okay, all right. Well, today we're going to continue a discussion. We've been having, really I think over the last few podcasts, really talking on like crucial topics around kind of nurturing self-belief and our children by encouraging their independence, trying to have new experiences, working on independent problem solving, and then helping them set realistic expectations for themselves. Today, we're going to explore how allowing our teams to fail in a low stress, low state situation can further build their self-confidence and their independence in the future. Right. Right. Some of the most impactful lessons we learn in life come from failure, right? When we fail, we're forced to confront our mistakes. We got to reflect on what went wrong and think about how we can improve in the future. This process builds resilience and problem solving skills and self-awareness, right? So for teens, experiencing failure in low state situations help them develop these skills in a supportive environment, right? We talk about this all the time. In your home, this is the training wheels for adulthood and letting them fail while you're right there is really, really important because they need to experience failure. It prepares them to handle more significant challenges and setbacks in the future and that they'll have more confidence. They'll be more mature people because they see that everybody fails and it's okay. And good news. We've got to printable. Charles, you got a list? Yes. It's not a long list. I think it's like six or seven items. Right. Stuff your teen can fail at. That's right. It doesn't, you don't have to fail at all of them, you don't require to fail. These are items you don't want. These are ones that I just want you to read and go, oh, that's okay for you to fail. That's all right. Yep. I'm going to let them make a decision and if it turns out, that's right. And just give you some confidence to be like, hey, you know what, parents? It's okay. You're not being neglectful. Well, I'm looking at defendable and it's super cute and I would say of all the feedback we get on the show and thank you guys for sending in questions and feedback. The feedback we get is how much people love your petables. They don't have to take notes. They're super cute. And today I'm looking at this one and it's some of your best work, Charlie. Super cute. Thank you. All right. So let's jump into it. Let's get to one of the first items on the list, which is laying the pick up there. This is one of the less. Yes. Okay. Let them pick out their own clothes. Okay. Letting pick their own clothes. Did you think I meant like pick up the like in the room? Yeah. So like pick it up. They're picked out their clothes. Correct. Even if it's like cold or hot and they've got like a bad outfit for the for the occasion. That's right. So allowing teens, early teens, right? Cause you know, by the time they're 17, you're even younger. Even younger, right? This is our son. Right to the tee. Allowing our kids to choose their own clothes, even if it means they might be uncomfortable teaches them about natural consequences when they experience being too hot or cold because of their clothing choices, they learn to think more critically about their decisions in the future, right? This simple act of letting them face the consequences of their choices reinforces their ability to make better decisions independently and builds their confidence in their judgment. You do not need to waste any parenting breath going, put on your coat because they will learn. If they get cold, they're going to put a coat on. And if they don't have a coat with them, y'all, my daughter went to camp, we talked about this last time, and we were in our little dorm room unpacking and there was a raincoat. She packed a raincoat. You were so happy. I was so happy. Why? Because she had gone to a concert earlier, like a couple of weeks earlier, and it was a weekend concert, kind of one of those things, and she was in another town, and it was going to rain all weekend, and I had said, "Hey, you know, it's going to rain, you might want to consider a coat." No, no, no, I don't want to do that because, you know, my friend isn't, "We're just going to cope." Okay? And... "Cope with the rain." They coped with the rain. Kate was miserable. And she had to spend her own money to buy a raincoat because you did that one. Because eventually, that's right. And so, this time, she had a coat, and y'all, no amount of my words would teach that like that experience did. You would have just annoyed her by forcing her to take a raincoat. She didn't want to take... Now she'll take one joyfully. And so I think, you know, essentially, and I think you touched on this, Charlie, we can only say no so many times before our kids become kind of nose blind. No, no. I did. I stole that. Matt... Well, they just get tired of hearing. No, they just tune us out. Don't waste it on this. Right. On saying, you know, no, you can't wear shorts. It's 30 degrees outside. Yeah, they can. They're not going to... They're not going to die. They're not going to die. They're not sleeping out there. Let them be cold. Let them be hot. Whatever. The comfort they feel is really a result of their choice, which makes the lesson super tangible to them. And they will learn from that behavior. So next up on your list, Charlotte, is letting them complete forms for their own activities. That is right. Can you explain, like, why you think that's so important and how that can help build self-confidence? Like, where's failure in filling out a form? It can't be that hard. Oh, honey, that's because you don't fill out the forms. I don't fill out the forms. Okay. Well... Cleaning forms. I've seen the forms. It's like name... I know. All right. So completing these forms on their own is a great way to teach responsibility and attention to detail, right? Because the forms all have a deadline, the forms all have information that they need, and if your kid misses it, then someone holds an accountable that isn't you. And they go, "Hey, if you want to go on this field trip, you have to do this. You have to end y'all. If they miss the field trip, it's okay. It really, really is okay. They will learn." So camp forms, applying for a summer job, registering for an extracurricular activity, handling paperwork themselves helps them understand the importance of accuracy, deadlines, following instructions. If they make a mistake or miss a deadline, they learn firsthand, and they don't get to do something they want to do, right? This is a great natural consequence that has nothing to do with you. That's what you're looking for, right? Just like Matt said, we have to spend too much of our time with rules and enforcing stuff and being the bad guy, but just saying, "Hey, I actually am going to pay for the camp, and you are going to attend the camp. And so the least you can do is fill out this form, is reasonable, and also gives them skin in the game, and it helps them if they mess it up, then they learn." Then they do it again, like you said, they may miss the field trip, which is fine. Once they miss one field trip because they didn't get that done, they will always get it done early and correct. Now, you've got another example, and you're making good time here, Charles, so I appreciate that, because I now can start myself at the time, cop. The third example might seem a bit harsh for some parents, letting them sink or swim, not at the pool. You want to get to swim at the pool, sink at the pool, sorry, but it's okay to let them sink or swim a bit in their first job, and why do you think that's an important experience? Yes, so a job can teach so many things, right? I cannot overemphasize the importance of getting your teen into the workforce. You've already got a whole podcast on this one. I do. Episode 23. Episode 23 is maybe your best one. Well, I don't know. I feel pretty strongly that again, I'm looking for parental support, okay? I'm looking for other people to help me teach my kids that there are rules, and there are consequences, and so a boss will do that. Someone else will apply rules to, Charles. Yes, exactly, exactly. You're outsourcing your parenting out to some guy at Chick-fil-A. No, but I am using some guy at Chick-fil-A to help my kids learn. So, most of our teens are working for fun money or experience, but if they're late and they don't do a good job, then they get fired, right? And so the reality check is what many of our teens need to understand the importance of dedication and effort, right? The worst case scenario is them losing a much-needed first job, right? I would much rather my kids learn to adhere to the standards set up by an employer while the stakes are low, right? We're just talking about fun money. So if they get fired and they don't have money for a concert ticket or an issue. Or whatever it is, then they not only, you know, is that the punishment, but also they just kind of really learn, hey, other people care what I do, it matters to them, right? So the experience of learning how to behave at a job when the job doesn't really matter is priceless. Yeah, but honestly, though, watching kids fail is, it's really hard. Yeah. And I just want to jump in and you're always, I feel like you kind of handcuffing on this, like you're always kind of holding you that because I want to be the super hero. I want to fly in, say the day, there's music, there's an explosion. It's going to be amazing, but you're always kind of encouraging me just to let it play out. And there's a coach not as a superhero. And so I think that's, it's been hard for me. I know it's been hard for you, and we've had many evenings where we cried over the struggles that we're kids are going through. And to see now as we fast forward, the fruit of that frustration has really been beautiful for us. We talked about that a lot. Do you have any final thoughts, Charlotte, for parents who might be maybe hesitant to let their kids feel that they're struggling with that discomfort? Right. Well, watching your kids fail, it definitely takes practice holding yourself back. It takes practice. It takes humor. And I actually have the rare privilege of being in a real life train wreck. Okay. I really was. Jack and I were in an actual train wreck. So you can imagine the eye rolls I have endured when I say to my kids, y'all, this is a train wreck. And I should know, because I've been in one right when, when Jack makes, you know, when Jack got fired from his first job, when, what else? I can't think of anything Kate really has done that was kind of a mess. Jack's got more to the time you try to fold that fitted sheet in like half an hour. That's when it comes to my mind. Correct. Well, anyway, sometimes you just have to lack at their, or laugh at their lack of effort or their poor choice. But I would say this to parents, just trust the process. Okay. It's natural to want to protect your child from failure, but shielding them from mistakes can hinder their growth, right? Because, you know, they need to learn that mistakes are part of life, right? We all know that, but we have to teach that to our kids. So before you step in to warn them yet again about whatever it is that you see, you know, oh, I can see it coming. This is going to be a disaster. Just allow them to fail. So they'll develop the resilience and skills they need to navigate life's bigger challenges, right? They will have bigger challenges than this. They need to learn how to deal with setbacks, right? This approach ultimately builds their self-confidence, their independence, which is crucial for their success, right? And their well-being. It's a long game we're playing and I'll tell you this. It's also, it's going to make up what's stressful today. Trust me, when you fast forward this three years, five years, six years down the road, A, they will have learned a lot. They will have grown for that experience and you're going to have a new story that you are going to remember that you will laugh about as a family about that time. They struggle with that thing. I know Kate and the doorknob. Yes. Kate and the doorknob. That was, it's another story for another podcast, but just remember, Charlie, take a note to tell the doorknob story. It's crazy funny. Okay. I'm going to cut myself off today. That is all the time we have for today. The printable for days episode, and again, this one's lovely, lists, it says seven examples. Is it seven? I don't know. Look. It's six or seven. Yeah, look at seven. It's seven. Yes. Seven examples of things that you can let your team fail at. There are many more ways for you to jump in and warn and nag or maybe even jump in and rescue with your superhero. I just encourage you to read Charlie's blog and get this printable. The link to the blogs and the show notes, if you'd like the link sent to you weekly, you can just sign up and subscribe with the link in the show notes and you'll be all set. What I would love to hear is maybe send us an email about a failure you see in your family that seemed like super awkward or terrible at the time, but you look back at it today and celebrate. That's right. I look forward to seeing those. We'll maybe read a couple on the show. Yes. We'll be great parents. Yes. And you can get to our email in the show notes. Should I tell them how to do that? Well, I don't know. Was that my responsibility? Well, it's just since you told them to send an email, it feels like you probably ought to tell them how. Okay. You should do that. I'm going to do that. So in our show notes is the email. Also there's the It's Not About Money podcast website and also Beyond Personal Finance. All three of those emails all go to Beyond Personal Finance. We're very... We're very reachable. See? Super reasonable. Three different ways. No excuses. All right, guys. Bye. Thanks for tuning in today's episode of It's Not About Money. We hope you found our parenting insights valuable and empowering. If you've enjoyed the episode and want to continue exploring strategies for raising responsible and ready adults, I invite you to subscribe to my weekly blog at beyondpersonalfinance.com/subscribe. And also, if you have a friend or family member that would find our show helpful or entertaining, please share it with them. Thanks again for spending some time with us. We'll see you right back here next week. [MUSIC PLAYING]
