Jimmy addresses the latest news, like Trump vowing to colonize Mars if elected president, before talking with Michael Strahan and Sebastian Maniscalco.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Trump Vows to Take U.S. to Mars | Michael Strahan, Sebastian Maniscalco | Monday, September 23
(upbeat music) (crowd cheering) (upbeat music) - From Studio 60, Rock 'Em Other Center in the heart of the Lurbs City. It's a potential starring Jimmy Fallon. (upbeat music) - I'm going to give you this guy, Michael Trenn. (upbeat music) - Sebastian Maniscalco featuring fiend legendary Ruth Cruz. (upbeat music) - It's 20/25. (upbeat music) - And now, here he is. (upbeat music) (crowd cheering) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (crowd cheering) (upbeat music) (crowd cheering) (upbeat music) (crowd cheering) (upbeat music) (crowd cheering) - That's a great job. Thank you very much, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the Tonight Show. You're here. You made it. Thank you for watching at home. Well, guys, right now over 140 world leaders are arriving in New York City for the UN General Assembly. Yep, it's that special time of year when you get to see the King of Norway by a fake Rolex from a Times Square Elmo. (crowd laughing) That's right, 140 world leaders just got here and Trump is already claiming that they're eating our pets and it's just, (crowd laughing) Yeah, Trump wasn't invited to speak this year, but he's holding his own UN Assembly at the International House of Pancakes. (crowd laughing) Speaking of Trump, he just vowed that if he's elected, the US will reach Mars. (crowd laughing) When they told Trump that Mars has no intelligent life, he said, "Let's rename it, Don Jr." (crowd laughing) (crowd cheering) (crowd cheering) World generation, it's a catchy name. (crowd applauding) Apparently, Trump is obsessed with Mars 'cause it looks like a selfie. (crowd laughing) Well, speaking of the election, I read that young people are registering to vote in record numbers. (crowd cheering) Well, I guess to try and relate to young voters, Trump tried to define some common Gen Z slang, but I'm not sure he did a great job. For instance, Trump said, "Vibes is what the buzzer does "when your table's ready at Chili's." (crowd laughing) Next up, he said, "Sus is the doctor who wrote green eggs in ham." And he goes, "Sus." (crowd laughing) Up next, he said, "Delulu is that store "that sells ladies athletic wear." (crowd laughing) And Trump said, "Riz is my favorite cracker." And he goes, "But he also said chuggy "is that hairy creature from Star Wars." And finally, he said, "Fomo is how many more years "I want to be present." (crowd laughing) He tried his best. He tried. He tried on. (crowd applauding) Well, according to some top aids and advisors, Trump's campaign is disorganized and out of control. Here to talk about this more is campaign spokesman Daniel Green. Hi Daniel, how's it going? I told you to take care of it. So make it happen, okay? Oh, hi, sorry about that Jimmy. I'm okay, how are you? Good, things seem a little hectic over there. Hectic, no, no, no, no, no. Just getting ready for the last 45 days of the campaign, feeling optimistic and good. What was that? Everything okay? (crowd laughing) Yeah, sure, Jimmy, everything's okay and in control and looking good. I'm sorry, what happened to the other guy? He's putting out a fire. You could say, I'm just like an actual fire? I'm sorry, what was your question? He's supposed to go to bed. Hey, look, after all these past few weeks who your campaign has had a lot to deal with is one. Like what, Jimmy? Who were you? I'm just filling in for the other guy. We're good. What have we had to deal with? Well, the false claim that immigrants in Ohio were eating pets, a questionable Trump debate performance, his involvement with Laura Loomer, a hymn posting "I Hate Taylor Swift" just to name a few things. Sir? We'll bounce back, Jimmy. We always do. Okay, well, best of luck to you. Thank you. Best of luck to you, Johnny. Okay, I see. (crowd cheering) You'll have to go over there. Oh, I gotta mention this. I like to wish a happy 75th birthday to our good friend, Bruce Springsteen. Oh! (crowd cheering) You really gotta give it up for Bruce. Not many bosses in New Jersey make it the 75th. (crowd laughing) We have a great show. Michael Strahan is here tonight. Sebastian Manascoco is joining us. Give it up for all the new players. Give it a minute. (upbeat music) Welcome to the show, everybody. I wanna mention some cool news. I'm gonna be on Broadway next year. (crowd cheering) I'm doing readings of short stories from "All In," a comedy about love by Simon Rich. A bunch of people are involved with this "Malaini." John Mulaney's doing it. Lin-Manuel Miranda. Fred Armisen. Yeah, look at all these people. That's a good list to be on. (crowd cheering) My Broadway debut. You've dubbed it. This is my death, my Broadway debut. Yeah, debut, I think, is pretty now. Really? I don't know. How you spell it? D-E-B-I-T. Debut. (laughing) But it all kicks off December 11th at the Hudson Theater. Just go to allinBroadway.com for more information. I'll be there January 28th through February 2nd. So come see me on Broadway. (crowd cheering) I'm very excited. (crowd cheering) Well guys, as sure as a lot of you know, the iPhone 16 came out this past Friday. And of course, I was first in line to get it. Literally, I was up at the Apple Store on Fifth Avenue, having a great time with everybody. I ended up having a surprise running with someone who you might recognize. Take a look. Hi everyone. I'm here at the Apple Store on Fifth Avenue to get my brand new iPhone 16. I'm super psyched and I just got a message that they're bringing it to me right now. Here you go, Jimmy. Oh my goodness. It's Tim Cook. It makes it look like Tim Cook is giving you the iPhone. It's amazing. Oh my gosh. It feels like Tim Cook. This is awesome. Jimmy, it is me. So, come on. Oh my God, sorry. Hi. I'm gonna take a walk with me. Let's go. I'm gonna be on the Upper East Side Store. Let's go. Let's go. (upbeat music) Do you do this thing at every launch? Do you go to all the Apple stores? Every launch, I try to come to Fifth Avenue because it's sort of the center of the world and the enthusiasm is so incredible there. Do you feel like a rock star? I mean, everyone's like screaming. They're loving you and it's like. It's an out of body experience. I just remind myself that their love is for Apple and I just happen to be the person that they attribute it to. How long have you worked at Apple? 27 years. Yeah. Did you have any idea that you were going to run Apple? To be CEO, no. No clue at all. No. No. No, no. Were you Timmy Cook back then? (laughing) Maybe TC, but not Timmy Cook. Were you always into computers and tech and growing up? I started in college and in Auburn and very intrigued by computers and the productivity that they could yield and the creativity that they could bring out. I was a computer science major. Oh, you are. Yep, a little bit. That's crazy. Until that's really hard. But I know Cobol. I know C++ a little bit. Oh yeah. I made a program once to return videotapes. Really? Talk about a bad investment. Oh my God. This is the new iPhone right here. It's the new iPhone. It's incredible. What are you excited about? I'm excited about all of it, to be honest with you. Apple Intelligence is coming next month and so it comes in October. It'll start with things like summarization of your emails, which is huge for me because I get hundreds a day and you know, one little click and all of a sudden it's summarized this long email. Really? Yeah. You can do Genmoji, you can do image playgrounds, lots of, lots of really things that you do every day. Do you walk around New York a lot when you're here? I do. I love walking around New York. When you go to Central Park, do you get a hot dog or anything? Oh, sometimes I will. Before you tell me what you get on your hot dog, I have a, sometimes I have a psychic ability and I could tell people like catch up or muster. Oh, what do you say? It takes a lot of energy from me. Look at me. (audience laughing) - I'm really interested in it. - Feeling. - I hope I'm right. - Mustard. - You're right. (audience laughing) - I know man. - Good, I know man. - I know man, I know man, I know man. - I know man, I know man, I know man, I know man. - You know man, I know man, I know man, I know man. - You know man, I know man, I know man. - You know man, I know man, I know man, I know man. - I know man, I know man, I know man, I know man. - I know man, I know man, I know man, I know man. - You know man, I know man, I know man, I know man. - We are, we're at the Apple store Upper East, and I'm gonna leave you here. - It's so great to spend time with you, Jim. - Thanks for the walking time. - It's so great to talk to you. - Drink a leg. Tim Cook, everybody. (audience cheering) That was so fun. (audience applauding) (upbeat music) (audience cheering) - My thanks to Tim Cook, he was awesome. We'll be right back with Battle of the Instant Songwriter. - Thank you. (audience cheering) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Welcome back, everybody. Here at The Tonight Show, we love songs. We especially love songs written by our audience members in under an hour. It is time for Battle of the Instant Songwriter. (upbeat music) - Welcome to Battle of the Instant Songwriters before the show we went through our audience and picked out two people who said that they were musicians. We gave them each a made-up song title and then gave them an hour to write an original song based on that title. Here's a shot of them practicing backstage a minute ago. Yeah, this is real. Let's see what they came up with and meet them right now. Come on over, guys. (upbeat music) - Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. What is your name? Where are you from? - I'm Jules Olson and I'm from Albany, New York. - Hey, no way. I love Albany. What's the school there? - What's your name? Where are you from? - I'm Koa Ho, I'm from Honolulu, Hawaii. Hey, that's some title, welcome. Thank you for being here. All right, now, what is the title of the song that you were given? - The title of my song is "Gains Over," but my guests won't leave. (laughing) - The game is over, but my guests won't leave. Okay, good. And what instrument will you be playing? - A acoustic guitar. - All right, go sit up and get ready, get in the zone. (audience cheering) Are you nervous? - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. You never know. And now, ladies and gentlemen, here to perform the world premiere of the soon-to-be classic "Gains Over," but my guests won't leave. It's Jules Olson. (audience cheering) ♪ Through a party on a Sunday ♪ ♪ Watch the giants play the bills ♪ ♪ Made my famous black bean dip ♪ ♪ Through some burgers on a grill ♪ ♪ Four quarters ran their course ♪ ♪ But everyone snacking over time ♪ ♪ The game is over, but my guests won't leave ♪ ♪ Someone's asking for more ♪ ♪ I don't wanna be a bad kid ♪ ♪ But a girl needs her sleep ♪ ♪ So I try shutting down the wifi ♪ ♪ And turning off the TV ♪ ♪ Yawn in between every word ♪ ♪ Even changed into my jammies ♪ ♪ I don't care how they go ♪ ♪ Just get 'em out of my homes ♪ (audience cheering) - That's it. Give it up for Jules, everybody. Come on, that was incredible. Well done. Thank you very, very much. All right, let's meet contestant number two. What is the song to how you were given? - My team sucks this year. (audience laughing) - And they do. - Yeah, and they do actually, yeah. Do you wanna say your team, we'll hear it. - You'll hear it. - Okay, very good. What an America's team. - America's team, okay. What does that mean? So what instrument will you be playing? - The guitar. - There you go. All right, go, whatever you get ready. Get in the zone. You gotta get ready to do debut. It's exciting. Oh, fantastic. So good. Trust me. (upbeat music) Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the world premiere of My Team Sucks This Year by Koa Ho. (audience cheering) ♪ It's last call at the dive ♪ ♪ By my eyes are fixed on screen ♪ ♪ The cowboys lost four games in a row ♪ ♪ It's only week three ♪ (audience laughing) ♪ They were sacked by the saints ♪ ♪ Ravaged by the ravens ♪ ♪ Kitten down by the panthers ♪ ♪ Offside violation, there used to be ♪ ♪ Navy and silver in the white flag I'm waving ♪ ♪ And I'm selling my jerseys and all my souvenirs ♪ ♪ If they get beat down by the buccaneers ♪ ♪ So bar tender pour me one last fear ♪ ♪ 'Cause my team sucks this year ♪ (audience cheering) (upbeat music) - Come on, how are you doing? Come on over, bud, Koa! All right, now it is time to see who won, so we're gonna let our great audience decide the winner. Yeah, was it? Jules! (audience cheering) Or was it Koa? (audience cheering) I think we have a winner. The winner is Koa, congratulations, Koa! (upbeat music) You will be going home with an "I Love Music" sweatshirt. (audience laughing) Congratulations, also you'll be going home with a "Tonight Show" notebook for writing more songs and also 1,000 US dollars, so congratulations. (audience cheering) You want me to write more songs, you'll be graduating. (audience cheering) Jules, take care of yourself. (audience laughing) No, actually no one goes home empty-handed here, you also get a "I Love Music" sweatshirt. (audience cheering) And "Tonight Show" notebook, also with a thousand dollars, a lot of how you use them much, you're so good. Give it up for your new instant songwriters. (audience cheering) Stick around, we'll be right back with Michael's straight-handed, it was great. (audience cheering) It was fantastic. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) Our first guest is one of the hosts of "Good Morning America" and an NFL Hall of Famer and executive producer of the new documentary, "Evolution of the Black Quarterback", which premieres tomorrow on Prime Video. Everyone, please welcome our buds, Michael Strayhead. (audience cheering) - Come on, it's so great to see you, but, Mike, this is your 20th appearance on our show. - It's great. - 20, that's the best. Thank you so much for being such a great guest. - Well, I love it and, you know, I have 20 jobs, so why not have the 20th appearance? - Yeah, yeah, you do have 20 jobs, yeah, but we've done everything on the show. - Oh, we've done a lot. - We've done golf things, we've done, we went to Madame Tussauds, you remember that? - Yeah, we scare people. - Yeah, we both have waxed dummies of ourselves at Madame Tussauds, and then we went and just froze, and then scared people. - Mine is waxed, I'm the dummy. - Yeah, exactly, that's it. - We did drink-all, remember that? - Oh, that was disgusting. - Yeah, that was gross, yeah. - We did tricycles, did we need shoe golf? We did so much, too. - Yeah, I thought to commemorate it, well, I'll do something special for you, so I had your very own Tonight Show ID made up for you. You're allowed this, this will get you in, to Studio 6B in honor of your 20th appearance. Anytime you need, you come, we have an overnight bag here, if you want to just come, change. You're our, come on, you're our favorite. - Who needs the gold medal? - Thank you. - That's it. - Thank you. - You're welcome, and everyone, so we love you. - Thank you. - Whatever you want, but... - Thank you. - There's so much we have to talk about, first of all, even bigger than this, is you became a grandfather. - Yes! - Yeah. (audience cheers) - Dude, what? Wait, what's that like? - My oldest daughter had a baby 2.30 AM yesterday. - That's what I'm talking about. - Oh my God. - Little baby boy named Onyx, and it's fantastic. I went over after my finished up work at Fox Essidane, I was holding him, and I'm like, I'm gonna get you so spoiled and give you back to your parents. (audience laughs) - That's a great pair, too, yeah. But it's the most amazing feeling, 'cause I don't feel old enough, and everyone's like, what is he gonna call you? I don't know. I almost wanna do a survey. - Well, like, besides grandpa, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, like, papa. - You papa, gatpah, like, I don't know. - Like, gatpah. (audience cheers) - Gatpah is odd. - Absolutely. That's hilarious, dude, you got it. - That's amazing. - If the most amazing film, I'm so happy for my daughter, Tanita, and Calinta, her boyfriend, and-- - Yeah, you got such a loving family. - Great addition to it. - And how's Isabelle? - Isabelle's great. - Yeah, she has, she's cancer-free. (audience cheers) - I don't know how you-- - Yeah. - It was a rough year, but we got through it, and she's cancer-free, she's back in college. - She's unbelievable, by the way. You were my hero. You were so strong and so cool, and so I love her so much, but I'm so happy. - Thank you. (audience cheers) - What you doing is so strong. Amazing. - Yeah. - I'm crazy. - I just turned 50. - I know. (laughs) I got your text, thank you. - I'm gonna text you. I'm welcome. - Well, I'm in the club now. What do I have to expect at 50 and 50? - You know, I love, you know, in a hit 50, I realize, I know who I am, and I love that. - Yeah. - And you're like, you're just a very solid in what you believe in, but you also wake up and don't know what you're gonna be like when you wake up. So, like, physically, you're gonna wake up, and something's gonna hurt. - Oh, you're not gonna know what? - Yeah. - And before you get out of bed, you're gonna put one foot out of bed and go, okay, foot feels good, knee is okay. Then you gotta gradually work your way into the day, but it's gonna be something new every day. - Yeah, a new injury. - You don't have to do anything for it to happen. - No, you go, I didn't do anything, I said, why am I sore? - Yeah. - That's happening, all right. - You can get hurt laying in bed. (laughs) - I know you're a big golfer, I've golfed with you many times. Thank you for putting up with me. (laughs) Not because of you, I'm not good. You were fantastic though, you were a great golfer. - I'm okay. - And last time you were like, dude, I wanna golf, 'cause I know you're friends with him, but you never golf with Tom Brady, did you? - Yeah, I did, you ended up golfing with Tom. Tom was my partner, he's Tom is a great, I mean, he's a great guy, first of all. He needs a great partner to have, but he's so positive. - So, you know, you slice a ball into the wood, he's like, great shot, I'm like, dude, you know that sucks, he's too positive. Yeah, I'm not, you know, we're not on the football team, you're like, come on, we can do it again. - Another patch on a butt though, during golf, that would be a little weird, but he does, he's very positive and we made a good team, I'll say that, made a good team. - I know he's doing a commentating now, and I think he's gonna be great. I gotta give you props for that, by the way. I got a taste of being a commentator, I went to the Olympics, did the closing ceremonies. - I saw it. - I didn't, I didn't swap, but I didn't score, yeah. I was so nervous, I kept talking, I was like an idiot, I had the headset on with the microphone here, and the headset and Trico is next to me, he was the best, thank you. And I kept talking, I was sounding, the more I talk, the dumber I sounded. And I'm like, watching all the Olympians and going by, I'm like, you know Mike, I love swimming, he's swimming pool, I love it. And he's like, he's like, stop, stop talking dude, stop talking, just stop. And I was like, he would give me notes and just stop. - Do you know what I like about TV though? - If they're like, if I'm doing a show and they're like, we gotta rap, I just rap. 'Cause I learned, the more you talk, the more you get screw up. - Yeah. - Just shut up. - Just shut up. - You're like, hey, everyone's just-- - Jimmy, sometimes you gotta be eye candy, you're a good looking guy, just. (audience cheering) - Nothing wrong with that eye candy, man. - Nothing wrong with that eye candy. Nothing wrong with that eye candy. - Let's say about your new documentary, by the way, it's Evolution of the Black Quarterback. - Yeah. - What made you wanna do this and wanna put this out? - Well, you know, my friend Michael Vick, incredible quarterback himself, Michael came up with this idea, and he narrated this whole thing and went out and did all the interviews. And we wanted to just tell the history of the Black Quarterback how it had evolved from a position where if you were a Black athlete, you were not seen as being capable, not physically, physically, yes, but mentally. You were almost handicapped because people would think, oh, you're not mentally able to handle that position. But then you just saw the evolution of it, how these guys forgot their foot in the door, how Doug Williams wanted Super Bowl, how Michael Vick came along, how Randall Cunningham came along, Donovan Nick Knab, all these incredible players have come on and redefined the position and has taken it from struggling to maintain, struggling to get guys to be included. Should I have guys thrive at it? And it's so fascinating to see all the guys who are part of the historic part of being a Black Quarterback in the league. And we have Andy Reed on it, Steve Young. And those are guys that inspired Michael Vick. Andy Reed gave Michael Vick a chance. Steve Young was his favorite quarterback, it wasn't a Black Quarterback, it was a lefty who could run like he could. So it kind of brings everything full circle because we kind of take for granted now, when we see a quarterback, we just look at it as a quarterback, it wasn't always that way. And Michael did it, had done an incredible job of bringing this story, and I'm so excited for everybody to see it. Yeah. Michael Strahan, everybody, evolution of the Black Quarterback premieres tomorrow on prime video. (audience cheering) Here's number 20, the one and only. Come on, that's what I'm talking about. Come on, we'll be right back. More tonight's here, come on back. (upbeat music) (audience applauding) (upbeat music) - Our nice guest is one of the funniest comedians on the planet, tickets for his latest tour called It Ain't Right. Are available on SebastianLive.com. Everyone, please welcome Sebastian Manaszka. (audience cheering) Sebastian Manaszkaka, welcome back to the show, bud. - Thank you. - First off, I want to congratulate you. You just came off of selling out five nights in a row at MSG, that has never been done. I mean, it's great. (audience cheering) Come on. And then I just found out there's some new record now that you're the most tickets sold at MSG for a single tour, over 90,000 tickets sold. - Yeah. - You just, two records, two giant records. How does it feel? - So every Italian in New York City came through. Who's nice? (audience laughing) - Do you think you're really? - Absolutely. And I got to tell you, a massive square garden smelled so much like a variety of different colognes (audience laughing) that could barely get through the performance, but it was great. I had my kids there. I brought my kids up on stage, my son, who's five. I said, do you want to say anything? And he's like, I'm going to surprise you, Daddy. And he said, give it up for New York City when he got the microphone. And this kid's like, it's like a natural, this kid. It's like Frank Sinatra. - You think he's like Sinatra? - Well, he walks around the house. He puts his hand in his pocket. He works in a little... (audience laughing) - He's like five years old, yeah. - Five years old? - What do you think it is? - I'm dabbing his neck a little bit before school with a little colon. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Smart. Smart. You got to smell good. Yeah, it's kindergarten's rough out there, right? - That's right. - Yeah. You just added more dates, by the way, to this you're commenting to her about. How was your family feel going on tour? Did they know what dad does for a living? - Well, my kids are five and seven, and they came to a show for kind of the first time this year, and my daughter's like, "Oh, now I know how you get paid. "Every time somebody laughs, you make a dollar." So, yeah, that's how bad. And then I asked my wife, you know, how did my son's name was Caruso. How did Caruso like it? And she's like, he fell asleep within the first five minutes. (laughing) - So, there you go. - Entertaining the family. - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah, let's talk about bookie, too, by the way. This is picked up for season number two. And in the show, you play a bookie. - Mm-hmm. - I was gonna ask you, do real bookies come up to you and be like, "Thank you for doing this?" - Yeah, well, bookies. (laughing) I feel legitimized. - Yeah, right. I'm like their hero. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, they're coming out of the woodwork. I'll be on an airplane, guys coming down the aisle. He's like, "I could be in a consultant on the show. "I got so many stories." (laughing) - Yeah, right. - I'll be at Air One getting a Haley Bieber smoothie, by the way. I never thought I would order one at all, but it was delicious. - Oh, really? Wow. - Yeah. - Really? (laughing) - It's kind of embarrassing. Oh, yeah, I'll have one Haley Bieber smoothie, please. (laughing) - So, yeah, look at the poster boy for that, actually. I'm not the demo on that. - No, you're not the demo on that. I actually have a nice photo of a 15 year old Sebastian, Minnesota. - Wow. - You remember this kid? - Wow. (audience cheering) - That's, wow, that's confident. - Well, that is confidence, and that is a beautiful mullet. (laughing) - It's a perfect mullet. - Yeah, I, yeah. - I played soccer when I was 15, and when I was going down the right wing with that hair, and then going in for a header, and the hair just whipping around my head. - Yeah, it was a legendary. - Yeah, you gotta bring it back one day. The mullet's gotta come back. - And, and my father is a hairstylist. (laughing) - Wow, wow. - Thanks, dad. I was gonna say this, a bookie, it was not your first TV series, 'cause you guys, you got your start on soap operas. - Yeah, I was an extra on days of our lives, general hospital. - I love general hospital. - Yeah, I was, you would have never saw me. I was in the background. (laughing) - Walkin' around with files, and it was just, (laughing) - Walkin' around with files, yeah. - Yeah, in the police department, I was like filing in the back. (laughing) And then I met my good friend, John Petreli, who's here tonight. We became fast friends, and he ended up introducing me to my wife. So, something good comes out of the world. - Everything, yeah, absolutely. (cheering) - Congrats on the show. Congrats on the tour, and I think this 15-year-old Sebastian will be very proud of what you've been doing. Sebastian Manascalco, everyone, for tickets to the "It Ain't Right" tour! Go to SebastianLive.com, stick around! (upbeat music) (audience cheering) (upbeat music) - My day's to Michael Strahan! Sebastian Manascalco! (audience cheering) And the roots are there for Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Get out of everybody, bye-bye! 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