Master! Master! Where's the Page that I've been after???
TADPOG: Tyler and Dave Play Old Games
Ep. 783 - The Pagemaster (SNES)
You're about to listen to TADPOG. Tyler and Dave play old games. It's a comedy video game podcast. We would like to stress that the host are not experts and are really just very crass commentators. Seriously, this is an explicit podcast that happens to talk about video games sometimes. So please enjoy this pretty okay podcast with Tyler and Dave. (upbeat music) (cheering) (laughing) That's good, that's a good injection. - Yeah. - Welcome to Tyler and Dave and play old games. - Little hot beef injection. - Yeah, that's what I'm asking for. - Thank you, Daddy. And this week we are hitting that movie list hard. - Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. - With the movie and game, the page master. - Page master. - Master of pages, if you will. - Oh, such an achievement idea right there. Master, master. ♪ There's the page that I've been after ♪ (laughing) - All right, you guys ready to do achievements? (laughing) - I'm glad for you, we just wanna just jump right to it. That's fine with me. - Dude, a nice little 15-minute episode. So good to everybody. Hey, I think the listener would actually really appreciate that. - Yeah, maybe. - Give him a break. I hear so many people who are just like, yeah, I think Dig Duggy was really excited that we did pit fighter. - He skipped for it. - And he was like, yeah, I'm still like, Dig Duggy's in the backlog, which it's only like two weeks. It's not a huge backlog, but still. - Still like 14 hours. - Fuck the rest of that shit. I just wanna get to the, just, that's fine. Just get to the content you want. - That's what we're doing too much. We gotta drop back a little bit, I think. - Whatever you say. - We've got that episode and put the other half on Patreon. - Yeah, yeah, page two. (both laughing) - Before we get to all the pagery goodness, what you guys been up to. - You feeling all right? You sound a little congested. - I'm just tired. - I'm tired. - I did legs yesterday, so now I've switched 'cause Ozimpic was giving me the X real bad, so now I'm on Monjarno and that is much better. - Monjarno? - Yes, and it's working much, much better, so now I'm also supplementing with exercise, so I'm doing that body beast program I did a long time ago. - Not that long ago. - I mean-- - Diablo three ago. - Yeah. (both laughing) 'Cause I vividly remember what I considered my biggest compliment I've ever gotten out of doing body beast was from you, Dave, when you said you got fucking huge on that. - Yeah, I said that, I mean, it's true. I believe I said it 'cause it's true. - 'Cause back, 'cause I remember I looked at pictures from that era, I was like, "I wanna do that again." - Yeah. - So, and I did, after not really working out, consistently or hard for a long time, I'm back in it and I knew I'd take a day off today, 'cause we were recording, so I did legs yesterday. - Congratulations, it's so goddamn hard. - Yeah, I don't like doing legs at all. - Legs suck, it feels like a waste of time. (both laughing) - But yeah, that's, oh, there's my oblique. (both laughing) - All right, wait a minute, that's great. - That's great. - That's great, you got like, you're doing the good stuff, man, you're getting your meds right. - Because I know that I don't wanna get, I wanna get like, 'cause you lose rate rapidly, so I hear if every, I continue without all that, so I wanna make sure I'm working and eating plenty of proteins, this is more like a weak comp and not like a vacuum of fat leaving my life. - So, you're going to be losing weight, so you wanna maintain muscle mass, so what's your protein goal? - I mean-- - Walk in the protein talk, but I am curious what your protein goal is per day. - What, one per pound of lean muscle mass, so-- - That's what they say. - About, probably 110 grams, which is still pretty high, but when the bulk of my protein is coming from that, it'll probably go up as, I lose weight, but, 'cause right now it's just, there's just so much fat to lose. There's so much fat to lose. - I mean, you don't look fat, honestly, like, I mean-- - Thank you. - I'm also wearing all black, all black red to toe, Kevin, or Ricky Dravais style. - Is that his trick? - Yeah, yeah. - Is he a fan of it? - He was, and he talks a lot about wearing stripes in all black, and Kevin Smith used to wear baggy clothes and a lot of them. - Yeah, he never worked for Kevin Smith. He still looked fat before he lost all that weight. - Now he has lost all that weight. - I mean, he was wearing, like, you know, triple X, hell, hockey jerseys and shit, and I can't talk, I mean, I got a great big old belly on me, and I got to wear big shirts-- - Yeah, I mean, you don't look fat. - But I don't look at, except right in the middle. If I take off all my clothes, people-- - Fuck it, let's do it. - Let's just do it. - Fuck it. All right, shit, man. - Get to the tables, boys. - But it was to see that. But I don't get into it. - But your belly has got smarts at you, stop drinking. I've noticed that. - Has it? Well, thank you. I haven't worked, I don't work out. I need to get back into it, and I just-- - Shit, man, me too. - I need to get back into it. I do well on, like, I do well if I'm lifting weight, but I do also respond better to cardio, like treadmill and stuff. Once I get into a groove, I tend to lose weight faster, and then it goes-- Once it starts leaving my body, it stays left, you know? For a while, until I stop exercising, is keep eating like an asshole. - Yeah. - And right now, I'm in the phase of the whole project of trying not to eat as much garbage, and sugar, and sweets, 'cause I got a real sweet tooth. If I can keep that out of my life, I'll be good. The worst I've been lightly is, I still have a couple of colas a day, but not like, yeah, I'm not drinking like a liter of cola. - A liter of cola? - Every day, every day. - Let's put it in what? 500 calories of bourbon you were having every night? Now that's gone, so that's good. - Oh, yeah, yeah. But I also didn't eat as much when I was drinking the bourbon, so maybe that's where I need to get back. - No matter what you're eating, to replace the bourbon, it has more nutritional value than the bourbon. - I'm not in it for the nutrition. - Oh, well, I know, yeah, I'm not trying to like-- - No, I know, I know. - Figure out the intention, it's just like, hey, silver lining. - I mean, if you put all the macronutrients out by how much, how many calories per gram they have, alcohol is the second highest. - Is that right? - Fat's the highest, then alcohol, and then carbs and protein are the same. - Okay. - Well, speaking of why we're talking about food and stuff, before I get into my week, I probably all something. - Hell yeah. - But it's not, don't get it too healthy, yeah. - I'm excited, man. - It's just a little something I've discovered today. It's actually small enough to fit in my pocket. - It's the rest of Kevin Smith. - So I don't know if y'all remember, but back in the 90s, Taco Johns fucked around and changed their sauce, their taco, their sauce that's in a little package. - I didn't even know, I don't know that other. - That's where the hot and mild options came from, but back in the day before that, there was one sauce to rule them all at Taco Johns. - Taco, Taco, was it just called John Sauce? - It was just Taco Johns Sauce, and it was, you know, they had it in a little pumps, and they didn't have a hot or a mild, it was just-- - I remember the super hot that was green. - It's green, yeah. Now that in the 90s, they started, "Oh, we gotta keep up with Taco Bell." So they started having hot sauces and super-hots, and then they changed the fucking formula again recently, and it just doesn't taste right. I went to Taco Johns for supper tonight. - Bean burrito? - Today, I got two Taco Bravos. - Oh, hell yeah. - It's got the beans between the hard and soft shell. It's a good meal. - I haven't had a Taco Bravo, but you've been plain to me now, so I get it. Soft shell, bean, hard shell, and then meat, cheese, lettuce, tomato. - All right. - And right now, it's buy one, get one for a dollar. - That's how much are they? How much is the other? - I wanna say three bucks, three full bucks, maybe tops, but you're gonna get two for five at that point, but yeah, so I went there tonight, and lo and behold, Taco Johns has brought back their original Taco Sauce. - Look at that. - Okay. - And I brought, I just brought you guys a little packet. - We're passing around to burble with our mouth. - I don't need any, 'cause I just had like six of them. - Yeah, that reminds me a few years ago. (laughing) - You know, me and Dave will get on our knees and you stand above us, look at the packet, and just-- - Yeah, that's what I plan on. (laughing) - That's what I'm talking about. - I'm tiling out the fight over it. (laughing) - You like to sample it, just like, you know, on your finger or something, I don't have any crackers or anything to put it on, but I thought you might like to try it. And understand the fact that it-- - Okay. - It tastes like my childhood, it's delicious. And I'm so glad they brought it back. I hope it's like a permanent fixture, because it's my, it's the sauce that I missed from my childhood, from Taco Johns. And I was so upset when they took this version of their sauce away. - Very, very tomato forward for our sauce. - It came out like ketchup. - Yeah. - It's got the consistency of ketchup. - It does have the consistency of ketchup. - But that's almost like a marinara. - It is. - It's wild. - Like it or not, it's always been my favorite, and I've missed having it, so I was just really excited that that showed up. - There's a whole lot of Mexican going on. - There is a whole lot of Mexican going on. - Well, where? - At Taco Rifik, Taco Rifik, Taco John, of course. (laughing) It's another old commercial. I don't know if y'all remember that song. - I don't remember that one. - Taco Rifik, I've been into the old stuff lately, so the past to have stuff going in the background at work, I have been watching. I have found somehow this one channel, I've got to look up the channel name again, but they have now got, this one channel has this some dude who found all of the videotapes that he made of afternoon and Saturday morning cartoons back in the '80s with commercials and stuff, so I've been watching-- - The old commercials are great. - Thundercats and G.I. Joe. - It's on Dave's archives, is it? - Uh-uh. - 'Cause that's a great channel. - But this was like some dude that recorded stuff back in New York in like the '80s. - New York City. - New York City, and so I've been watching that in the background at work, and so I see all these old commercials, and it's fucked up because like, these like toy commercials from when I was a child will pop up and I will remember seeing those and-- - I'm starting singing and singing the little jingles along with them. - It's fucking weird though. - It's fucking weird. - That shit works, it really is. - Capitalism, yeah. - Yeah, it's weird, man. Yeah, you also do a government, like government too. I mean, I pledge allegiance. - Yeah. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, that's, yeah. - Think about it. - I mean, watching. - Canada, Canada. - Canada, Canada. - Everyone else in the world is like, "That's fucking weird, you guys do that everything." - Well, they do weird shit too. Don't let them fucking fool you. I mean, I'm not saying that's not weird, but they do weird shit too. - We call it too weird too. (laughing) - Guess what, I'm watching the background at work? - The page master. - The page master. - Yeah, watch that too, we'll talk. We'll talk later. So my usual weekly summary of the things that I have done or watched, I'm gonna start from the bottom, work my way up this time, 'cause I just took like random notes to remind me. This week marked the first time in the show's 41 year history that Pat Sajak did not host wheel of fortune. Ryan Seacrest has officially taken over as the host of the show. - All right. - And I've been watching, and he's doing okay. He's doing all right. - That's good, man, it aged 150 years and 30 minutes. - Vanna's still there. - Her flat screen went away. - She had this, I thought she was leaving as well, but she apparently decided to stick around, 'cause I mean, she doesn't have a hell of a lot to do. - No. - Oh, I'd say, yeah, I'll take Vanna white money for-- - Ride that out 'til she's wheel chairing. - Oh, I'll let her. - But he's doing good, you know? It's not the same, and they've changed the studio, and the prizes are a little bit more different and hip and a little more-- - Oh, tell me about that. - So one of the things like every-- - Every three players. - Every game that they, in every game, they have a price puzzle. And if you solve the puzzle, you win like usually a trip, right, and most of the time the person that wins the prize puzzle, wins the game, because it's like always a 10 to $15,000 trip, and it adds a massive amount to their total winnings, which pushes them over the top, most of the time. But so like on Tuesday, they were doing it, and whoever it was, she spun the wheel and then landed on it, and it was for the iHeartRadio Music Festival, like a trip to that, which was coming up in like a week from the airing of the show. - Yeah, yeah. - But it was neat, because Seacrest was like, I'm gonna be at that show. So she won the trip. She said, he said, I'm gonna be at that show. If you'd like, I'll, you know, we'll meet up, I'll take you backstage, you can meet some of the artists. - Should we get a look in? - Yeah, she's pretty good looking. (laughing) - Yeah, he was. So Ron, Seacrest. - All right, look guys, I know it's my first week on the show. However, I'm gonna be making a lot of requests like this. Make sure she lands the iHeartRadio. (laughing) - But from what I hear, say Jack fucked every contestant on every show during the time. - So he was discreet about it, though. Well, I'm not gonna be. (laughing) - Well, he was, it was, it was very nice. It was, it was nice, a nice little touch. He's like, yeah, we'll take you backstage. We'll see you meet some artists. You know, we'll hang out, it'll be a lot of fun. So I like that, I thought that was fun. - Yeah, it is nice. - And then, so there's that. - I hope she was like, fuck, now I gotta hang out. I'm on this trip and I have to go hang out with goddamn Ron Seacrest. (laughing) - So I'm working my way back into PC gaming. John and I are doing some testing on some of my equipment and the video card that I have is now, we have run some tests and have proven that the video card is starting to have problems. And so now I'm, was already looking at getting a motherboard and processor. - Yeah. - Which was gonna be kind of cheap 'cause I'm not going crazy. I was just gonna get the same one like John has. - What kind of card was it? - Well, it's called a, it's an, it's a, it's an NVIDIA Quattro, it's called a Quattro video card. And it's basically like a, it's got the same specs as a gaming rig, but it's more for like, a workstation level stuff. So you can do like, you can do like 3D rendering and animation stuff like that. - A lot of four spreadsheets. - Pretty much. - Lots of quatchers, four, four spreadsheets. - Well, it's got four, it's got four plugs on it. So you can actually power four monitors at like 2K on it. It's a great card. - I was gonna say I've got one, I've got a card that's old that you can have if you want. - Well. - This sounds better. - Well, it's fine. So when we were, I was doing some testing on it. I got a different monitor. So I could have a bigger, better monitor. And we were doing, I was doing some testing on it last night and I fired up Overwatch. And it was fine for like an hour. And then all of a sudden the thing just hard locked on me. And so I rebooted and tried again and it, and I, I baited drivers, you know, went through the whole rig and roll. And the thing finally kept hard locking. And so we started running some benchmark tests. I had John on the phone. It's not overheating, we got to the, we got to the point where we were running these tests and it kept fucking dying during this like heavy testing at the same place. And it wasn't overheating 'cause it could handle a lot harder. So we did some research. John figured out that it might be the slot that it's in 'cause my motherboard's kinda old and it's restrictive by the fact that it's a, it's a Lenovo motherboard. It's just, my computer is bits and pieces that John and I have pillaged from places over the year. - So you've stolen it from your workplace. One piece at a time, Johnny Cash style. - Well, I was not stolen given. I mean, we were given permission to take a lot of the stuff. Like stuff that we couldn't be used in. So a motherboard or some sticks of RAM or something from a PC that died. You know, think just kind of like. - Oh, the amount of computers I see by the dumpster at work are crazy. - Yeah. - Absolutely crazy. - We've cobbled it together for all this, but the video card was great until it started having this problem. So John and I had the idea, well, we'll swap video cards. I'll run it on, I'll run his video card on my machine to make sure, 'cause we tested with different RAM and all the stuff. - Just the slot. - So we ran some tests, everything came back fine. With his video card, the thing ran the test. No problem, didn't give me any trouble. Whatever, he took my video card home, plugged it in and ran this heavy duty testing for like an hour and a half. And it was fine. In the minute he fired up his game, which is Lord of the Rings online, which is not a new game by any means, five minutes in, it fucking hard locked on it. So now we're trying to figure out if something is wrong with the card or if there's some setting or driver or something that's causing it to fail. - So my plans to be on PC full-time are now on hold indefinitely. If anyone has a 2060 or better video card if they want to give or sell me, please reach out. I will pay you money. - I have an older card than that before. - I gotta do better than that. I need to do, I want to do a 2060 if I can. It's an older model. Right now, video cards are extremely expensive because before it was Bitcoin, now it's AI. Everyone's buying video cards to power AI. So they're still hard to come by even older models. I'm going to look around on Facebook and see if I can find something that's reasonably priced. Again, I'm not looking for like a monster here. I just need something good that will last me a while and let me play Overwatch. I've got this rig planned to go in my living room so I can play in the living room again on PC and not have to go out to my office. - I didn't realize you weren't playing in the living room. - Yeah, my PC's out in my office. I've been playing on Xbox but I've gotten to the point where I'm as good as I'm ever going to be with a controller and I'm pretty good with a controller but not as good as I'm just never going to be better. But if I can get back on keyboard and mouse, I feel like my skills are going to improve even more. - That's basically the whole villains thing and bleach. - Is that right? - Yep, when you said that it's like, "Oh yeah, I was in. "I'm as strong as I can get as a good guy. "Can I get into other shit now?" - Well, and I just, I started playing Overwatch originally on PC and I've played a little bit just to try, you know, training and trying to get my reflexes back and get used to the much quicker response of the mouse and the, you know, aiming and stuff and I just want to be back on there and plus I can play a lot of other games and just have a lot more options. - Yeah, man, I think, I mean, I've been playing a lot of different games but with the PS5 Pro announcement, which was disappointing to a lot of people. - Or it's just kind of like, man, I'm maybe, and I'm not excited about a switch to or anything. Like, I mean, it's like, maybe I'm gonna take a break from consoles, 'cause what happens is, I mean, I've got a PlayStation 5 and it's like, well, yeah, I played Final Fantasy 16 on it and. - That's it. - And I played everything else on PC. - Yeah, I haven't touched mine since I played Persona, Persona 5 on it, then I play it through simply the night on it again. It's just out there. - Yeah, we're. - Atty's played it and that's it. - Cage was having the same issue where he's like, he got so mad about the PS Pro about how it's like sort of like Luster compared to, and the price point is ridiculous. - But it's got three straps on this. - Well, it's busted up 'cause it's like, what the price, the way it's priced, just buy a computer. (laughing) - Exactly, well, see, and that's just what he did. That's what he did. He went and bought a pre-built from Best Buy. - Yeah, 'cause I'm looking at computers, 'cause Henry once won. - I'm looking at buying a pre-built now. - So I've been looking at like budget gaming pre-built. - Yeah. - And so like when they announce the PS5 Pro, it's like, did you guys know that you're charging like the cost of an entry-level budget PC? - Yeah. - And you know that like, games are like way cheaper on the VC guys, Sony. - Yeah, yeah. - Sony, they're not, I mean they are $70, but wait like a week. - Yeah, well, and right now, like Best Buy has a pretty gauge bought this pre-built PC from Best Buy. It was like 800 bucks. And it's got a fucking great video card. It's an Nvidia video card and a nice AMD Proc and like 16 giga-ram. It's a great computer. - Sure. - For, and plus this case with all the fucking lights and shit, I don't care about all that. - But that gets the pussy. - Yeah, that's what it is. - Yeah, that's good to see. - So, you know, I got to thinking about it too. And I'm just like, you know, fuck this. I'm already dealing with this thing with Microsoft and the Xbox that I've tried to return and still haven't gotten any information on. - Really? - It hasn't been 90 days yet, but I'm about to get to the point. I'm gonna, I'm at the point I'm about to make a couple more phone calls. - Yeah. - So, I don't wanna get back into that right now, but anyway, I was looking at this and I'm thinking, God, I gotta get back into this. So, I'm thinking about buying this motherboard in Proc and I'm thinking about possibly buying a used video card. And then I'm thinking, well, by that point, I'm gonna be three or four to $500 in. I may as well just drop another three and get the fucking gaming rig and be done with it for a while. And so, we'll see how that goes. - Dude, I'm with you 'cause like I have an old PC, Henry wants a PC and it's totally fine with it. I think it's a great idea. I was like, I'll try to get my old one working. Thought it was a power supply, switch power supply out. That wasn't the problem. And I was kinda just like, you know what, man? Let's just get you a computer that is yours and that is not a hand-me-down. And that is like not 12 years old. It's like, fuck it. Let's just do it right. It's not gonna be crazy overboard, expensive or anything. It's gonna be like a pretty budget PC. And he's like, it'll run Minecraft. But yeah, it'll run Minecraft. - It'll make my eight-year-old alien wear. - Yeah. - For Roblox, Minecraft, and Sims 4. - Yeah. - She is fucking golden-boating boy. - Holy shit. - She did, yeah. - Well, and we've got, you know, Cohen just had a birthday and he got a bunch of, he asked for money. - Yeah. - It's all he wanted. He didn't ask for toys or anything. He said, I want everyone that gets me a gift to get me money 'cause he wants a steam deck. So he got enough to get a low-end steam deck, but Gage was looking and he was like, you know, you could get a rogue ally. They had it on sale at Sam's for like $430. He said, you got enough to get this rogue ally and it's got the OLED screen and it runs fucking Windows so you could learn Windows. He's like, you can run all your games on it natively that you already play without having to worry about hacking into the thing and all this other crap. - Right, sure. - So he got it and he loves it, he thinks it's great. And I'm just at that point now where I'm like, I'm kind of glad I got out of the PC game for a while because it tends to get expensive, but I also think if I just go ahead and jump back in now and get something good, I can make that last so much fucking longer. - I feel like you make up for it on the game side too 'cause it's like-- - Well, and not to mention the fact that you don't have to pay to have an online presence to play games, you just get on and play. - Yeah, that reminds me to cancel my PS Plus. I think it's coming up three new in October. - Yeah, and I've still got the game pass ultimate but that's going through that whole thing with the Xbox. - I'm glad you said that I needed to do that too 'cause with Adiac College, we're just not gonna get used, so. - Yeah, and anyway, that's my PC story. I've still got more if you've got time to hear what I have to say about other things. - Sure, what you got? - I'm still listening to Game of Thrones, book on tape, whatever it was, book on tape. - On tape, man, 600 cassette tapes. - It was originally, when you listened to it, I finished the first book. - It's like a hair slipper background. - At the end of the book, at the end of the thing the author says, "Thank you for purchasing this book on tape." 'Cause the books were written in the 90s back when-- - Oh, we assume you're blind. - Yeah, so they use the same recordings that were actually on tape back then, but I'm on book two now. It's still good and I'm still glad I'm reading those. I watched a movie called "The Deliverance" on Netflix. It's a fairly new movie. It's got Glenn Close, a lovely young lady named Andre Day. Omar Epps has got a bit part in it. It's based on a true story about a troubled woman with a very difficult past and a very hard life in Indiana who moves into a house with her three children. And it turns out the house is possessed by a demon and the demon takes over her children and her. And it's a hard watch because there's a lot of references to some pretty tough subjects like child abuse and things like that that it's tough to watch because it's real and it's based on truth and it's one of those things where we don't... You don't like to hear about it but it doesn't make it any less present in our society. - I take back my hell, yeah. I was excited when it was like, "Oh, it's a horror movie." - It is a horror movie though. - So just hell. - Hell. - Hell. - I enjoyed it a lot. I thought it was really well done. - What was it called again? - It's called the deliverance, not deliverance. - Oh, is that the... - The deliverance. - I can smell your nappy. - That's the one. - Oh, I'm still okay. - This is the one that has... - I see feels that dubbed over it. - Yeah. - That's what it's called, okay. - This is it. I can smell your nappy pussy. That's correct. So that's really good. - Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. (laughing) - Is that glen close? - It is glen close with the fangs and the teeth. Yeah, that's glen close. I really liked it. I thought it was a great watch, three and a half stars. Wasn't say just check it out. My final entry into the... Wasn't say... I watched too much shit on TV section of the show. Last Saturday, I managed to coax my wife out of the house to go see Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. And I really liked it. We had a good time watching it. It was a lot of fun. I wish... I don't have any complaints about the movie other than I wish it had been a little longer. I don't know if you've all seen it. - I saw it on Thursday. Since we recorded on Wednesday, it was nice to be like, oh, it felt like a free day. - Yeah. - So fuck it's Thursday. Who wants to see Beetlejuice Beetlejuice? So we went out, Nikki and Henry and I, and saw it, and liked it. - Yeah. I needed a little, a few more bites. You know, I felt like it just... It moved very quickly. The movie's only an hour and 45 minutes long. And it just moved so quickly and it felt like... - Page Master's only an hour and 15. - Right. - Yeah. That was nice. - Yeah, it was. - Real nice. - It was a joy. - Real nice Clark. (laughing) But we had a really good time. I do wish it had been a little longer 'cause it kind of rushed through some things. - Jeffrey Jones. - So frustrating. - They found a very creative way to get Jeffrey Jones back in the movie. - Oh, I got the handle of that. - Obviously, for obvious reasons, he was not in the movie. Every time I'm not gonna get into why, if you don't know, just read about him and you'll hear-- - Do it on your work computer. - Yeah, definitely. It's too bad about him 'cause I always really liked him. And it's a shame what he got himself into, but in any case. Alec Baldwin and Gina Davis, also not in the movie. I think, although it wasn't ever said, I suspect that Alec Baldwin's troubles with accidentally murdering someone on the set of another movie-- - Yeah, he might not be mentally-- - I think he did a manslaughter. - Yeah. - They found him not guilty. - Yeah, okay. - But he went through a lot of trial-- - Was that the charge? - It was, I think it was involuntary manslaughter. - Yeah, sort of figured it out. - But it ended up going on to the person that was in charge of the guns. It was her fault. - I think of the armorers, what they call it. - Or it was her fault. She did not properly check. - Gen check or shit. - And he was not in any way intending on shooting this person for real. But that happened, and here we are. But I think that probably played a part in it. And also Gina Davis made the comment about how she wasn't in the movie because she's aged quite a bit in the last 30 years. - I feel like they should have put like moldy makeup and shit like that like Betelgeuse style. - Well, they said that with the Maitlands, they were supposedly never gonna age. They were never gonna change because they were, they weren't like maimed or anything and they died. They just fell, they drove off a bridge and drowned. And so they looked normal aside from being ghosts. And so she was like, her excuse for not being in it was, I just don't feel like it would have been right for me looking the way I do now to be in this movie because they're not supposed to age. And so she wasn't in it, which is, I mean. - I don't think she's changed as much as Alec Baldwin. - Alec Baldwin's changed a lot. - 'Cause I saw, I don't take talk, they showed a picture of him in Betelgeuse. Like we should really study the twink death of Alec Baldwin. - Right, he was very like, and so he got wide. He got wide, he was thin and young and it was weird to see. I watched Betelgeuse again for the millionth time before we went and saw this one. Just to be sure that I had everything in my, I was in the right frame of mine. It was just weird seeing Alec Baldwin. - Jack Mayan, goddamn frame of mine. - Yeah, exactly. Just weird seeing him so young. - Yeah, excuse me. But I did like the movie a lot. I thought it was hilarious. I thought it was a lot of fun. It was true to the original as far as it could be. I thought Jenna Ortego and Winona Ryder were fucking fantastic. Just generally a good time and absolutely what I was hoping for whenever I freaked out about it when we heard about it last year and I started screaming about how much I love the idea of what I'm called. Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse. - Yeah, yeah. - Anyone that listens to the show, go back about a year and a half and you'll hear me just raving on and on about it. - Is it set up for Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse? - It could be. - Yeah, kind of, yeah, yeah and no. - Right? - It didn't have to be. - It doesn't end, I didn't feel like it ended where it's like, okay, there's definitely set this up. - No, they didn't, they did not. - I was like, we'll see if Michael Keaton dies or not. He is like 71, so we'll see. - He looks great in it. - Jesus Christ, he hasn't missed a fucking beat as Betelgeuse, he's perfect. - She was like, what did you think of it? And I said, well, you know, I thought it was good. I mean, I thought it was good. It had the poochy effect on me where it was like, any time Betelgeuse wasn't on screen, I was like, where's Betelgeuse? - Yeah, because, I mean, there were parts of it where it was like, my biggest complaint with it, I thought it was good, my biggest complaint with it was it. I felt like there was a lack of chemistry on screen for like a lot of parts. - There, I agree with that. I think there was, and I think, I don't know, man. I wanna go, I wanna watch it a second time and make sure I still feel the same way 'cause I was pretty hyped, and, you know, I probably saw through some pretty rose-colored glasses, but I do-- - I liked it. - I did like it too. - I thought it was good. - But I agree with you that there were some issues with the chemistry, and I think this just had a lot to do with how long of a time it had been since those characters interacted with one another, you know? - Yeah, yeah, it could be. And I thought Catherine O'Hara was great. - She was amazing, she was really, really funny in that one. - Yeah, I mean, yeah, I thought it was good. But I did have, and I know it was like this for me as a kid, the original movie, where it's like, okay, where's Beetlejuice? - Right. - 'Cause that's when the movie's really fun, is when Beetlejuice is there. - Yeah. - I honestly was hoping that the movie was going to end in a way that set up like a Beetlejuice, the animated series situation, where it's like, "Oh, Beetlejuice is our friend now." - Yeah. - Yeah, now Beetlejuice can be here all the time. - Now, Dumi can make a canonical appearance. - Oh, man, that would have been great. Pierre. - God, the cartoon was so fucking good. - Cartoon, it was a good cartoon. And so anyway, I very much loved Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, highly recommend it. Four Stars was insane, just check it out. It's playing now in your local theater. I promise, it is playing in your local theater. It is everywhere. That had a good weekend, from what I understand, a pretty good opener. - That's good. - Yeah. - I understood all the jokes, 'cause the loud smelly person sitting next to me, explained them loudly to his wife. - Oh, fuck. - So that was cool. That was one of those where it's like, "Oh, man." And I'm the one who's always like, "I love going to theater." - Yeah. - I love going to see the movie in the theater. - Well, it was. - This one was like, "Ah shit, fuck the theater." "I should have gone like not opening night." - No, see, we didn't either. We went Saturday morning at like 11, 15. And so there was maybe 15 to 20 people in the theater. We had the road to ourselves and-- - No, that's nice. - It wasn't freezing cold in there. It was nice and quiet, and we had a good time. And so it was a good experience for her since we hadn't been to the movies and forever together. - That's good, I'm glad. - So yeah, we had a lot of fun. And again, four stars, I do recommend it, especially if you're a fan of the original. I think this is a hell of a follow-up. It took a long time to get here, but it was a lot of fun. So, good shit. - Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. Dave, what have you been up to, bro? - I saw Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. - Oh yeah, how'd you think of it? - I mean, it was pretty good. I liked it, I did like it. Yeah, I thought that some of the chemistry wasn't there. But yeah, but yeah, I liked it. That's it. - I wish you had pivoted and given the opposite review. - Other than that, man, we're just, I don't know, we're redoing the office. I mentioned that last time, you know? Moving some stuff around, Nikki's set up, we're getting a TV in there now. - Hell yeah. - Yeah, so yeah. - Were you gonna put Henry's computer in there too, or in his room? - No, he'll want it in his room. I can, I mean, that didn't even come up. (laughing) - That didn't even come up. - There's reasons for both parties to not be in that office together. - Yeah. I mean, first of all, like, he's nine now. (laughing) - Yeah. - And that computer's gonna, you know-- - He won't be nine forever. - Ever. - Yeah, your computer's gonna, yeah, it's gonna be around when he's, you know-- - About three, three to four years from now. - Right, right. - You're gonna take, yeah. - Just make, I'm just making sure a conversation doesn't need to happen in the future, right? - Right. - Yeah, right. - Where it's like, "Son, your mom and I try to play games. "Could you please stop jerking off?" (laughing) - Well, if you put my computer in my room, like, "I asked you to." - That is true, it is my fault. (laughing) - Go ahead. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, so we're doing that, that's fun. And that's pretty much it, man. That really is. I had a steak, that was nice. - Where'd you have a steak at? - Longhorn, which is not, in my opinion, not the best place to get a steak, but as far as like, I mean, a steak's a steak. - Well, you told me about this. - You did, I remember this thing. - I'm scrambling for content over here because you can tell. - I remember a steak out. - I do, yeah, a steak out. - I love steak outs. - It was a nice option. - I always got the tips. - The tips. - Just the tips. - Me too, I get the tips. - Fucking love it. - I think I learned that from you because I would get steak out when I worked at Apex. - Yes. - They were in the building that burrito shack. - Yes, they were. - Which is now loopy Larry's. - Yes, it's been a lot of things. - Oh, I got an appropriate blind draft. - Let's do you. - I do a blind draft. - Do you have an appropriate one and an inappropriate one that we could do? - If you want to do two, sure, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - I always down for an inappropriate or appropriate draft. - I think I'm a medium, I think I'm a medium steak guy now. - Yeah? - Yeah, I did medium rare for a long time and that is good. I like the flavor of that but I don't like eating a cold piece of meat. - That's fair. - I get it. We went to outback-- - That's the secret. - Between bread. - We went to outback. - I think medium, like, you can't argue with somebody with a medium. - Temperature's nice on medium. 'Cause I ordered medium just kind of on a whim and when I got it, I was like, "Fuck, this is warm." - Yeah. - Yeah, all right. Okay, I feel like-- - As it should be. - Yeah. - So, Melissa has come down from well to now she will eat the occasional medium steak. - Yeah. - So. - Well, we went to outback for Cohen's birthday 'cause that's where we wanted to go. And-- - Did you get the blooming onion? - I don't. I can't eat onions. - Well, but as a table, did the table get that? - No, no one got one, believe it or not. - Okay. - Yeah. - Do you have those shark drinks where you-- - Dude, I wanted a shark drink. - What's a shark drink? - So, it's this blue, it was this blue, I can't remember what this call is this blue drink. It's got vodka and all this other fruit shit in it, but there's a fucking rubber shark in the drink. - Do you get to keep the rubber shark? - Yeah. - So, yeah. - Well, we did, I don't know if you're supposed to, but-- - I'm taking this! - But it's got, like, grenadine in it. It's got, like, grenadine in it. - Do you squirt it in your mouth? - No, it bleeds into your drink. - Oh, shit, the shark fumbles blood into your drink. - Yeah, it's awesome. - But also, you could get that if you don't, if you want a non, I, on the menu, it says if you want a non-alcoholic version of this drink, you can order it as a-- - Here you go, fuck yourself. - You can order it as a sharky temple. - Okay, nice. - Nice. - I wanted one, so-- - All right. - 'Cause when we went, and Melissa got it, when she went to tip the grenadine shark, she completely missed the drink-- - That was shit. - And then grenadine went all over the table. - Crikey! - So she's like, "Oh, no!" And I asked, like, she said, "Don't ask, don't ask!" Like, "Can we get another shark, please?" - "Stay before us out a bit of a blunder." (laughing) - No-- (laughing) - No-- - So, though, we took home two sharks. (laughing) - But-- - Suckers. - There are really hard plastics, I kind of think you're supposed to leave 'em. - Works every time, that's a lot of heartbreakers. - Yeah, they probably, people probably take those sharks all the time, I'm sure they used to it. I had a steak as well. I like a filet, I don't like fatty steak, I like a filet. But I always get medium well, and that's like, for me, that's the perfect temperature, and it's just pink a little in the middle. But I used to like, well, don't add steaks as well, but I'm down to medium well, and that's kind of where I land. I would go to medium for a while, but I just kind of landed on medium well because I liked the temperature, and I like the color of it. - If I could get a medium rare, I don't like rare, if I could get a medium rare steak. - Hot. - That was hot, like not just warm, but like hot. - Hiking hot somehow. - Yeah, somehow, can we develop this technology? I feel like-- - It's gotta be a way. - I feel like we can make a lot of money. - There's gotta be a way. - But then again, I feel like the people who like rare steaks probably like-- - They're fucking hot. - They're like, I'm a man, and I eat this fucking thing cold. - I will say, I like a rare steak if I have like over easy eggs on it. If I'm new to breakfast steak, I want the hot runny eggs on top of the cold steak. - How's the steak cut? Like is it just a steak, like a regular steak? - It's a knife steak, isn't it? - Well, all right, that's fair. - I mean, generally, like if I go to like-- - Tyler just looks so confused when you ask-- - 'Cause I was like, the cut of the steak? Like, I had to think for a second or something. - Was it thin or is it like a dinner steak? - I don't know, at a breakfast place, the steak-- - I'm a poor man who doesn't have steak for breakfast. - Well, I'm going like a waffle house. - I need this experience to get steak. (laughing) - So it's steak in the loosest possible. - Or if I'm making it at home, so it's a grocery store steak. - Yeah, it's usually pretty thin. - It's thick, cut, inch thick. 'Cause then I can see, 'cause I don't know, I don't-- - I don't know either, I was just gonna go-- - I fry eggs breakfast sometimes. (laughing) Sometimes I just have you older. - Yeah. - I like a Pittsburgh style steak. - What's that? - Which, so like, so you get like a cast iron skillet, throw in the oven, 400 degrees, get it screaming hot, throw the steak onto that searing hot, so it'll sear super hard, really hard crust, put that in the oven to finish it off. - Okay. - So then you get something that's rare to medium rare with a really good hard crust on it. - That sounds great. - That sounds delicious. That sounds great. - That sounds great. - I like the idea of a crunchy thick skin on my side. - I'm with it. - You can do that with a pepper, like, you know-- - Steak skin. - Steak au pois. So it's got the coating of pepper on it and do that Pittsburgh style, so you got a peppery crust. - Oh, okay. - It's good. - All right, damn. - Well, I've got a child stars draft. - Okay. - So ranking one through ten child stars based on their work as children, not now, their body of work as children. - All right, I'll keep that in mind, especially for Corey Feldman. - Children being under 18. - Okay. - All right, number one. I'm gonna go with McCauley-Culcan. - Every time I think I'm tired of McCauley-Culcan, or I was tired, I watch like Home Alone, and I realize why they picked him. - He's good, man. - He's a good kid. - He was a fucking good child actor. - He's great, and Uncle Bob, what are you talking about? - He's so good, I love those questions to John Candy. - Yes. - Good. He's great. - I'm gonna put McCauley high on the list, I think. I'm gonna put him at three. - Yeah, this is a top three for me. It's just figuring out what place it goes. - Yeah, I'll put him at, fuck it. I'll put him at one. How about that? McCauley-Culcan. - Can't go wrong. - Number one. Got Home Alone, The Fucking Page Master. - Yeah. - Right, boys? - Yeah. - The fucking Page Master. - Oh, yeah. - That's what I was thinking. - Everything. - Yeah. I didn't hear a hell yeah, and I got a little fucking worried there for him. - I was swallowing, man, I was swallowing. (laughing) My hell yeah, I was going, I promise. - I have pit fodder level opinions about the Page Master. (laughing) - Next, Drew Barrymore. - I like better as an adult actor than a child actor, so I'm gonna put her in my lower half of the list. I'm gonna do a seven. - Drew is gonna make my number one spot. I like her the most. - I feel like she probably Melissa's number one too, for E.T. and Babes in Toyland. - E.T. Babes in Toyland and Firestarter. She was in Firestarter, which wasn't a great movie, but I loved her in it, so yeah. I'm gonna put her at number one, and I'm not gonna be upset about that, regardless. - Next, as called shot early, Corey Feldman. - I used to love it when you would show up in movies. That's a two for me, Corey Feldman. The Goonies, Lost Boys, I mean. - I'm gonna put this drive. - Yeah. ♪ Get out of my dreams ♪ ♪ Spine up and out ♪ ♪ Get into my car ♪ - Don't think about what we did to Heather Graham. (laughing) - Four for me for Corey. - Four, okay. - So now we'll see where you measure the Corey's with Corey Haim. - I was a bigger Corey Feldman guy than Corey Haim. - I was too cool. - Haim was too cool for me. Corey Feldman had this goofy call about him. - He was relatable. He's that nerdy guy you could probably make friends with easily kind of things. - Yeah, he didn't have that far. - And he's still that person, except I don't know if it'd be easy to make friends with him now, 'cause I think he thinks he's maybe more than he, more kind of relevant right now than he is. But he's living his best life, and that's okay. - He wants to do music, so he's making that happen. - That's more important than anything else. - If you wanna call it that, yes. (laughing) - Those guitar solo videos. - Boy, oh boy. That's free form, it's fine. Corey Haim's going to five for me since it's right next to Corey Feldman, where he belongs. - Hey, that's smart. - Then rest in peace, Corey Haim, by the way. - I can't put him in three. I like your idea. Corey Haim, six for me. - Haim. - Is Corey Haim? - Corey Haim, four. (laughing) Makes me think about sandwiches. It's a bonus. - Haley Jo Osman. - I mean, I don't know how I feel about Haley Jo Osman. I liked him in things I've seen. What all was the end? - The sixth sense. - The sixth sense, of course. And then was he also-- - Second-hand lines, I think he did. That was his follow-up after sixth sense. - Who was the kid in Jerry Maguire? Who was that kid? - Not Haley Jo Osman. - Okay. - I'm mixing up my kids. I like them in the sixth sense. - Okay, that's a baseline for me. That's a five. - I'm gonna have to put Haley Joel at a seven because I thought as much as I liked the sixth sense, the more I watch it, the more kind of cringe his performance becomes to me. Like, it's kind of the opposite of the Macaulay Culkin effect, where when I first saw it, I was like, ooh, he's so good. And then now I watched, I just literally watched it the other day, and he annoyed the shit out of me. And it wasn't as effective, but Macaulay Culkin just kind of seems to get better the more I see his work. - Yeah. - Over and over and over and over. - Totally, yeah. - So, yeah, a seven for me on Haley Joel. - My favorite thing I've ever seen him do is though, as an adult, called the spoils of Babylon. - Actually-- - So fucking good, Dave. I think you would absolutely fucking love the spoils of Babylon. - Yeah, before you say-- - Sounds like a-- - It's so absurdist. - Okay, all right, before you jump to the next one, I am, 'cause I think it's like chess, when you can move your piece until you take your finger off of it, naturally. - Yep, fair. - Putting Haley Joel at 10. - Okay. - I'm moving into 10. - Okay. - All right, now. - Sonic himself, Jaleel White. - I do like Jaleel White. - I do too, especially, I mean, I don't know what he does now. I think he's, didn't he like team up Snoop Dogg for like purple, oracle weed, or something-- - Oh yeah, yeah, I think you're right, actually, yeah. He's got like, his parents did not squander his money, so he's so well and now he has to do whatever. - That's awesome, I'm glad to hear that. - He's got like businesses and investments and shit, like they didn't think it's good. - Hell yeah, good for him. - They were really defensive about him on set. Like, I remember he, I watched an interview with him where he was talking about how he was given shit by the other cast members when he had, or a glad address as a girl, and like, the adults were saying he was demeaning Black culture by doing this, like to the kid in the show, they're all on. - Yeah, sure. - And like, yeah, his parents went like, that's the only time, like, had it where this is gonna happen. - That's it, you can't look at his feet anymore. It's fucking over. (laughing) - Yeah, she's dead, she died every bit, fuck out. - It actually, that's a, he's sonic, yeah. Like you said, it's not just Steve Urkel, but Stefan or Kell. - It's hard to go wrong with Stefan in the picture as well. - He'd be three, I've got three open and four open. He's definitely top, he's definitely top half. I'm gonna put him at four only because I'm anticipating somebody else on this list. - Fuck it, fuck it three, three, three. - I'm gonna play it safe and put him at six for no other reason than I wanna keep my two slot open. - Fred Savage. - That is the one I was thinking. Wait, Fred or Ben? - Fred. - Okay, I'm fine with this. Which one was in the Wonder Years? - Fred. - Fred. - Yep. - All right, he is who I was saving, three, four. He'll go in four instead. - I like Fred Savage fine, but it's never, his shows never really appeal that much to me, although he was in the Princess Bride, which he had a really great part in that, but I'm gonna put him at seven only because I just didn't have a lot of time with him. - Yeah. - I think he was a little bit, his body at work was a little bit out of my wheelhouse because I was a little older when he was on TV. I was in my 20s, so. A seven for me. - Key Holy Quand. - I don't know who that is. - He's the gadget kid from the Goonies. - Oh. - Also in everything, everything all at once, and he is my number two. What's, tell me his name again though. - Key Holy Quand. - Okay, I always gotta call him short round. I can't help myself. - Oh, yeah, also short round, yep. - Yeah, I love that guy. - I love, he was also in the second season of Loki, which was not a great season of Loki, which is the final season of Loki, but he was in that and he was really good, and he made that season more bearable. So yeah, he's not easily my number two. I love his work. - Gotta be eight, eight for me. Some top most spot I got. - And I'm saying this, I love his work as a child actor. I saw every movie he was in when he was a kid, and they were two of my favorites. Temple of Doom, any edge on the Temple of Doom, and like I said Goonies. - I love Temple of Doom, man. - Me too. - I feel like that one gets shit on the moves. - Me too. - But I love Temple of Doom. That was the one that was the most fun to play as a child. - You are the second person to tell me that this week, believe it or not. So yeah, it's a common, I think it's a pretty common theme. - I mean, cover your heart, indie, everything. - Yeah. - I don't know. Look, I love the Indian Jones versus the Nazis stuff, and I get it. There are some like typical 80s cultural insensitivities in Temple of Doom, but it's kind of like, I don't know, that's fun. (laughs) - No, I'm with you. Raven Simone. - That's so Raven. - That's so Raven. - And a little bit after my time, so I feel comfortable putting her at a 10. - I'm gonna put her at nine. Nothing wrong with, I have nothing against young Raven Simone. - Yeah. - But. - She had to endure Cosby, right? - She had to endure Cosby. - Oh, maybe I should make her nine. (laughs) - Pity Point. - Lastly, Jody Sweetin. - Oh, man. I've gotta put Jody at eight. - As a child. (all laughing) - I've gotta put her at eight. I think I might have like put her at four and dropped the Corey's down a spot, given the ability to do so. - Yeah. - 'Cause I like Jody Sweetin. - Yeah. - Put her that low, it's rude. - It is so rude. I like her better now. - That's a good draft, I liked it. Her now topless in a big vat of tomato sauce with her clearly fake boobs floating in the tomatoes. - Hell yeah. - I have not seen this. - I haven't either, but I've heard that that is the scene in Fuller House to wash. - Yeah, put that on the menu at Olive Garden. (all laughing) - Take that. - Taco John's original sauce. - That's what they make the Taco John's original sauce out of is Jody Sweetin's tomato sauce. - Jody Sweet's bathwater. - Bathwater. - I thought it had a little taste of nappy pussy. (all laughing) - So many callbacks. (all laughing) - In this one episode, this shit that we said earlier in this episode, I love it. - So you guys, what are you gonna roll on, talk page master? - Yeah, we can jump right in if y'all are good. - Yeah, hell yeah. - What do you guys think about page master? The movie. - Fuck me. - Oh my God, dude. You know, I had forgotten just how, you know, I told you guys, I'd seen this movie a hundred times because Gage was super into it. He was exactly the right age to be in a page master. And of course, I do believe that, listen, I think this movie is great for kids. I thought it was a great kids movie. - I don't even think I think that. - He loved it. He got into books. He got into books because of the page master. - It makes sense that they had books, yeah. - It worked on him, you know, but man. - I just, it was a long hour and 15 minutes, boys. - Do you know how the whole game about describe, describe the plot of a movie badly? - Yeah. - Boy gets a concussion, has a dream that gives him the courage to do bike tricks without a helmet on. - Yeah. - No page master. - Yeah. - Brought to you courtesy of the fine voicing stylings of Macaulay Culkin, Christopher Lloyd. - I thought Christopher Lloyd was great in this movie. - Yeah. - This made me realize, I was like, how many fucking Christopher Lloyd movies have we watched recently? It was like Clue, Dennis Jimenez, I mean, and the rest. - Yeah, well, Christopher Lloyd, Patrick Stewart. - Which one, who did he voice? - The pirate book. - Okay. - Whoopee Goldberg. - I knew she was a fantasy book. - Leonard Nimoy and I think that's all of the former Star Trek appearance actors that were in. Oh, no, wait. One of the pirates was Robert Piccardo, which is the voice, the guy that played the holographic doctor in Star Trek Voyager. Christopher Lloyd, Patrick Stewart, Whoopee Goldberg, Leonard Nimoy, and Robert Perez, five people that have been in Star Trek in this one movie. - It's a lot. - It's a lot of Star Trek. Most of the cast was Star Trek related. - And how do you know how to love Robert? - He's like the book guy. - He's literally a book guy. - You're right. - You're right. - Minus 500 points for the obvious person they needed in the book. - Or he read the script. - He probably read it and thought what I did, this is a public domain clip show. No, thank you. - That's a pass for me. - 'Cause really, it's just all the classics or all the books are free in the public domain. So it's just, to me, it was just a clip show of all these classic literature books just kind of sweeping their plots together loosely for a scared kid to really learn to endanger his life by the end of the movie. Stupidly. - The animation style. - You swear a bike helmet when you're riding a bike. - You really should. The animation style was very heavy metal, like early '70s, early '80s. Or late '70s, early '80s animation. Like, if you've ever seen the movie Heavy Metal, it's got that weird frame rate where everybody looks like they're flowing. - Yeah, almost made the scope kind of look. - It's very old school Disney animation was like that. A very rotoscope, yes. And like another example, I had it in my head. It was another example. Oh, if you've ever seen Creepshow, the bumpers between the stories are animated. It's that same style of animation. - Yeah, yeah. - And it's really off-putting to me. I don't like that style of animation. Everyone's face is real weird, especially the supposed bad guys or whatever. You know, it's just, I don't know. The whole thing is just really off-putting to me. And it felt like my eyes weren't able to track the movements right because of the way the frame rate, I guess. It was just really weird. - His lips too, 'cause he has like these coral-colored lips in the animated. And then when you go back to him, when he wakes up, he clearly has the same shade of lipstick on. So I guess that you used the transition. - I guess. - I thought it was really strange. - They rushed right into the, obviously they wanted to, this was an animated movie, like two thirds of it was animated. Seven tenths of it was animated. The opening scenes are just basically, we've got Macaulay Culkin's character named Tyler. - His name is Richard Tyler. - Richard Tyler, and he's-- - I thought Tyler, I thought you'd like it for sure. - He's gonna grow up to be-- - He's got his name, was that it? - Yeah, I mean, your favorite pit fighter character, Todd. - That's true, true. - So based on everything I know about you from last episode. - That's true, yeah. - I was like watching this, I was like fucking Tyler's gonna love it. - And I do name all my main, so we get a character's tie. So you're, I mean, you had a good hypothesis based on the evidence you know. - Tie the carpenter, you love him. - Yes. - Once, don't shut up about him. - I'm looking at flipping houses. - Yeah, good for him. - So I believe that this movie-- - Oh, there's another Star Trek character in this. - Oh yeah? - Ed Bagley Jr. - Oh shit, that's right. - The most Aryan, Ed Bagley Jr you've ever seen in your life. - He was almost as Aryan as Alec Baldwin. - He looks like Narciss Prince from "Super Punching". (laughing) He's got the weird like, a group, like a banana, a bunch of bananas on his head. - Yeah. - Yeah. - 'Cause he was in "The Third Season of Voyager". - Mm-hmm. - I wanna give-- - I know, I remember and he, they had, it was a time travel episode. They went back to modern day Earth, like the time it was, they were coming back to the time that the show was airing, you know, like the 2000s. And Ed Bagley Jr. was kind of this mad scientist guy who had stolen some future technology and was poised to change the fate of mankind at the wrong time. - I wanna give E.B.J.'s character some credit. That dad was like a super fucking patient 90s dad where like Richard drops a bucket, a metal bucket full of tools on his head and his initial reaction isn't to flip the fuck out. Like I think you probably shouldn't do-- - Whole bunch. - But it's-- - Or choke the child, like it would have been. - It's also like a thing where I feel like, yeah, it would have been warranted to be like, yo, ow, that's probably what I would have done. 'Cause that fuck, it looked like it hurt a lot. It was a metal bucket full of tools. You see that landed on his head. - Right on his head. And he took it really, really, really well. - Okay, now go get me some tin penny nails. - Yeah, they didn't have to say, they didn't come right out and say this family was Mormon, but like it's implied. And I wanted him to do a scene where he goes to the actual store, gets the nails and checks out and says, "I got the eggs, the milk, and the fabric softener." - Roll credits. (laughing) - And that's it. - But what I do believe is that this-- - That big lead you to die. And this is all his heaven. It was like, oh my son, he's finally not scared of everything. - I would, yeah, I would have to cut back to him bleeding out at the tree house. - That would have been great, like the blood-- - I think it was insane. - It was like a little lake under the tree. - He screams the sirens in the back, or as they rush it to him. - But it's muted, like the sirens are muted, so you know, he's really dying. He's not coming back from this. - Yeah, and the kid is-- - His son's crying, you're not afraid anymore. What the fuck are you talking about, dad? - And then the episode of "Six Feet Under" starts. - Now see what happens, what happens is, you see this kid being so afraid of everything and knowing all of these numbers and statistics about how accidents happen and yada, yada, yada. See what happens is, he grows up to become the narrator in Fight Club. And when he develops his alter ego, Tyler Durden, you see, 'cause that's his job in Fight Club is being an insurance guy. Yeah, they don't ever say his name, they don't ever say whatever Norton's character's name is. It's just the narrator. But so see, I think that's him, he grew up to become the guy who does the recall statistics for Ford Motor Company and says whether or not it's worth doing a recall. If the amount of deaths divided by the number of accidents comes out to a certain number, then we do a recall. - If only he would have met Whoopi Goldberg in book form. - Exactly. - Could have just diverted his path. - Exactly. - It was better than I thought it was gonna be. I gotta be honest, I didn't love it, but I got done watching it and I was like, yeah, okay. I thought it was gonna be awful. Like my expectations for this were like very, very low. Very low. So I came away from it where it's like, you know what? I didn't like this, but it wasn't for me. I'm sure that someone Henry's age, when this came out, would have liked it and I would have been like, they're talking about books, cool. - Yeah, that's exactly the way it went. - So. - And so it was fine, I didn't hate it either. I didn't, it wasn't for me. - But yeah. - I was not the demographic. - I thought some of the, I thought some of the animation was actually really, really good, but also like disturbing. - Yeah. - Like the scene where like hide is like holding on to the chain that's like sinking through the floor and it's all like lit red, I was like, fuck man, that's like, that's some cool animation. It's a cool visual for a movie that I thought was gonna be absolute dog shit. - Yeah. - It's got these weird moments where like he takes, Richard takes the sword from the dead, the skeletal knight and his fucking like skull, just like the centigrade. So it's like, that's pretty fucking hardcore. - It's kinda dark. - Yeah, it was. - 'Cause he's scared of it already. - Yeah. - So I thought there's some cool animation moments in it, but one bit of animation in the movie that is the worst animation is when he's in the library and he slips and he falls and hits his head, has the concussion that Tyler's talking about. And then the paint on the painted ceiling starts to drip down and it's all like Alex Mack, like Saturday night Nick, that is some of the worst computer animation. Like there was a moment. - Not my GC 161 animation. - There was a moment where I was like, dude, you should have just had like to like, even if this were done like with practical effects, even if it looked bad, there's no way it would look as bad as this looks. Like just drip some paint from the ceiling and like knock off two million from your budget. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. There's not a whole lot else to say about this movie. I don't think. Do y'all have anything else about it? - I mean, yeah, you just walk through Jekyll and Hyde. I get-- - Treasure Island. - Treasure Island and what's at the end, Moby Dick? - The Dragon, Moby Dick. The thing with the dragon is in there, I don't know if it's a specific dragon or if they just sort of went kind of-- - I feel like that's the overcoming challenge sort of thing they have to do. Can I slay a dragon? - I think it was specifically focused on a book. - Yeah, that's really, he just finds three books, sidekick, representative of a genre, goes through books of the genre and then goes home. - What I thought was neat, one of the things that was neat is in the horror part. When they're walking into the horror part, they're being chased by ghost books. - Yeah. - Or whatever. - Notice the shining? - The shining and Salem's lot were both-- - Oh, I didn't see Salem's lot. - On there, so I thought that was kind of neat that I threw that in. - The moment I saw the shining, I thought, "Do you wanna get sued?" (laughing) - I was shinning. - Who did Leonard Nimoy voice? - Dr. Jekyll. - Okay. - Mr. Hyde. - Okay, all right. - And that was Leonard Nimoy's first ever voiceover work. - Really? - Yeah, and then after that he went on to do stuff like Transformers, Dark of the Moon, and a couple other things before he died. But yeah, that movie was his first time ever doing like animation voiceover stuff. - Did he, if I'm misremembering, did he direct three men and a baby? - I don't know. But let's look. - I think he was involved in it. I'm not sure if he directed it or produced it. But I think it made him a lot of money and I'm glad. 'Cause I like that movie and I like him. - Director Leonard Nimoy. - Wow. I didn't know that. I didn't like that movie. - No? Oh, well, I like the guys in it. They were all really like big deals at the time. - Yeah, oh yeah, for sure. - But I just didn't care for the movie. - Yeah. - I haven't seen it since I was a kid. I liked it a lot when I was a kid. - A lot of people did. It was a very popular franchise. - Now three men and a little lady, I did not see that one, so I don't know about that one. I don't have Leonard Nimoy had anything to do with that one. - I don't think anyone saw three men and a little lady. - Nope, different director. - Yeah. - Amalay Artolino. - Okay. - Not even close. - They dropped from 240 million box office to 71 million. - I mean, 71 million's a lot of money, but it depends on how much they spent. - Well, that's how much you have to pay to prep up Tom Sylex Mustache, 71 million. - You're goddamn right. Mustache is a national treasure. - It is. - You guys wanna talk about the game? - Yeah. - Sure, I've got an email from Brad. - Yeah. - We did get one for Pit Fighter for Brad, the day after we recorded and we failed to tell him. So I'm not gonna read the Pit Fighter email, but I am gonna thank Brad for the Pit Fighter email. - That could be our stinger. - I'll read the Pit Fighter email for this stinger. Thank you, Tyler, what a good idea. Post credit. - We're teasing what happened last week. - That's right. - I'm here for it. - Especially for people who skip episodes, dig, doggy, anyway. - No one's allowed to skip episodes. I don't know where they got the idea that they could skip episodes. - I know it's completely against the law. It's literally against the law. - You know when you have to click terms and services for whatever fucking podcast app you use, that's written in there. It's like line eight. - Our specific podcast. - That podcast. - Exactly. - You can't skip 'em, you can't skip episode. - No, how you're getting away with it, but this has got to stop. - It's a premium service. - Get back on-- - It's right. - Get back on track. - You're gonna get three skips for you to pay. - Yeah, that's right. It's like Disney vlogs. - Now, if we absolutely murder any of you, your families can't sue us. That's up there too. - Now, if you're an executive producer by donating $20 or more per month, you can skip episodes then. That's fine, you can do whatever you want. - Says Ian. - I'm giving them this permission. - Says Ian. - We only have like five executive producers. You're fine with Ian, but you're dead to me. (laughing) - Y'all can do what you want. All right, from Brad. From Arizona, the page master. Hi, all. I guess I need to get a better handle on when you all record. No, you don't. We do record on Thursdays 99% of the time. - Sometimes we don't. - Sometimes we have to record on Wednesday because of scheduling. It's not on you. - Sometimes we don't. Anyway, back to the email from Brad. Holy shit, this game has 74 levels. This is from the December 1994 issue of GamePro. - Ouchy, mochy. - Which had a Donkey Kong country on the cover and reviews a super punch out and stone protectors inside. - There's something, something, something. - Here we go. This review is by Bonehead. - All right. - Number Bonehead. - I don't, personally. - He's back. - Oh. - In Pogform, page master takes a cool idea and adds colorful graphics, but weak controls reduce this video getting to barely above average. A magical library provides young Richard. I'm thinking about taking all of the headings for the sections and turning them every week that brides them and make those my achievements. - That's pretty smart. - That's not gonna do that this week, but I will let you know if I do that. Readin', this one's called Readin' Fool. - Okay. - A magical library provides a young Richard Tyler with a bookworms dream. Entry into the books themselves. Through three worlds, horror, adventure, and fantasy and 74 levels. - Good call. - Tyler hops and bops his way into such diverse settings as a torture chamber, a wacky pirate ship, Jack's famous beanstalk, and more. It sounds better than it is. Almost all the page master has redundant platform jumping against the same enemies who reappear over and over again. A few 3D forward scrolling levels and race against the clock areas, spice things up. The sheer repetition may make impatient gamers stop turning these pages. Weak controls also detract from the enjoyment. Not only does Tyler have few skills, he can't even effectively perform what skills he does have. I don't know, talking trash about you, right and funny. Come on, but bonehead. - I think you've jumped directly onto an enemy to nail him. Nope, Tyler somehow missed. Way to go, Tyler. We're ready to swing that sword against pirates. Doesn't matter. They'll inexplicably outswing you. And good luck trying to jump onto those ropes in the adventure world ships. As on the Game Boy, Richard Tyler must sit and read a lot because he's so ineffectual, it's standing up. Literary looks. Enchanting graphics might keep you going, effectively recreating the settings of famous books. Each lush level is colorful and filled with appropriate details. The characters, especially Tyler, have some good animations. Watch the fantasy world wolf huff and puff. Watch the fantasy world wolf huff and puff. The decent sounds are inconsistent. If Tyler sounds familiar, it's because he's modeled after McCauley Culkin, star of the similarly titled Big Christmas Movie. - To me, he sounded like a cat. Any time he got hurt out, it was like (mumbles) Why does he sound like a cat? - And the few vocals do sound like Culkin. Too bad, all the enemies lost their voices though. The music tries hard to evoke the right move for each setting though and usually succeeds. Streets of Paige. - Hey, that's a good one, I like that. - Paige Master isn't bad, it's just isn't as fun as it could have been. Younger gamers might enjoy this game most because the action is simple and the levels are relatively short. But with these controls, gamers are better off in the library. Mixing, enchanting graphics, the charming concept of mediocre gameplay and what do you get? Paige Master, an above average game that doesn't fulfill its potential. The four for graphics, 3.5 for sound, 3.0 for control and 3.5 for fun factor. Challenge, intermediate. Get your copy now at a local video game store probably Toys R Us near you for a low, low price of $64.98. - God damn him. - $64.98. - Played on your PS5 Pro. - He should. - 74 levels, side view, melts scrolling and password saves. - That's less than a dollar per level. - Come on. - We see here, there's also an ad for the game in the magazine. It just shows our friendly little Richard Tyler with a, what looks like a bag full of eyeballs. I guess that's what he was throwing as an eyeballs and horror world. At the top of the ad, it says gloop blop squish splat. - Hell yeah. - Yeah. - I love the noises. - Mordred's a hunker. - Can we replace that with plop plop plop plop? - Here's the next, the caption under the first screenshot. Escape from danger with sticky hands. - Oh, oh. - Fight fire breathing dragons. Swing a sword to defeat pirates. Later, Brad from Arizona. Thanks Brad. - Thanks Brad. Was the reviewer Bonehead? - Bonehead. - I think Bonehead got it on to be perfectly honest. - He did, absolutely did. - I thought this game looked really nice. - Yeah. - When it starts, you get the logo probe and I was like, I know them from the opening credits of Mortal Kombat on the Game Gear. So, I don't know how this is gonna go, you know? Like, is it gonna be like playing a Game Gear game? And it kind of is. - Yeah. - But I thought it looked good, man. I really did. - It did have good looking graphics. I thought it looked good. - Sometimes the animation, again, with the animation for me, but sometimes the animation of the jump is, there's too many frames. - It's flowy, man. - So like, he's like, his whole body moves and he jumps and it's too many, like, motions. - Whatever, I see a falling animation, I cringe. - Yeah. - He jumps like, I love Super Mario Brothers too, but like, he jumps like Luigi. And it's really hard because it's like-- - But slow, slow jumps like Luigi. - Yeah, for sure. - It's reminding me of, it's, to me, it's a worse Jungle Book. - Yeah, I was thinking, yeah, the Jungle Book's really good. Or it's a really good comparison. I was thinking Pinocchio, I got Pinocchio vibes. So I feel like any of those like Capcom, Disney, SNES games. - Although I like both Jungle Book and Pinocchio better. - Where he sits above average, I would just say it's an average platformer. - Yeah, I see what they were going for. - I didn't vehemently hate it, I didn't like it. - I didn't either. - When I started, I had better opinions about it than I did when I played it for, I don't know, the longer I played it, the worse I felt about it. Because you have to collect library cards in order to progress to the game. Library cards are hidden in the levels. That was like, when I realized that, I was like, shit, they're doing me a plot. They're fucking doing me a plot. - Yeah. - And it's not... - It's not a smoothest plot. - It's not a smoothest plot. And it's not fun enough. For a minute there, I was like, shit, all right, I might just have fun just kind of breathing through this game and just like seeing what's here. But then when I realized that I have to find all these fucking cards and it's not fun to play, it was one of those where it's like, this is an immediate, this is like a no-go. - And you can't get hit, you can't get hit and lose those shoes or the game is unplayable. - It's like, it's set up like Mario Brothers, where it's like, I agree with you, but, and I just wanna elaborate on, if you get hit, you die, like, Mario Brothers. And in order to protect yourself from dying, you collect power-ups. And one of those power-ups are the sparkle shoes, which allow you to wall-jump like Batman in the Batman and E.S. game. - And not, not like a super like Mega Man X fun. It reminded me more of Super Jumping in Super Metroid, as opposed to wall-jumping in Mega Man X. - I agree, although I think it's way easier to wall-jump in this game than Super Metroid. - Everything's better than in Super Metroid, and Super Metroid is, that's why I don't like the way you have to Super Jump and do all that shit. That's why I don't like Super Metroid. - I don't like that about Super Metroid either. - But, yeah, you're right. I agree with you as far as like, yeah. - At least you could run and catch your shoes when they run off like Sonic's Rings. - Or like Yoshi. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're up on Yoshi. - But the thing is, when I'm playing Super Mario World and I'm riding Yoshi and I get hit, Yoshi doesn't sometimes go directly up at 90 miles an hour. (laughing) - Into an immediately respawned enemy. Like, immediately respawned. - I know. - Yeah, so it kind of felt like one of those things where it was like, okay, I like what they're doing, but like the execution, the idea is good, the execution horrible. - But in order to play it, you just have to play it perfectly. - Yeah, and they do in the fucking long play video that I watch, 'cause I played this game and I got to a point where it's like, this, I'm not doing this anymore. I was like, I just-- - I've cleared like three levels for like, I feel like I have it. I'm not enjoying myself. - Right, totally. In the levels, all look the fucking same. They look the same. And I really thought about like, why do they look the same? And it's like, okay, there are three worlds in this game that follows the movie. There's the horror world, there's adventure world, and there's fantasy world. - So points for that, it follows the movie. - Points for that. But they've only got three worlds to work with, so yeah, there's gonna be a lot of repeating. - Yep. - And I was like, but there are other games that do that pretty well. Like, I feel like Donkey Kong Country is like, a lot of fucking levels in the jungle. A lot. - Yeah. - Not all of them, but like a lot. But the way they do it is they have these big show pieces where it's like, yeah, we reuse assets, but in this level, and only this level, which don't quote me on that, I'm sure they appear in several places, there are beavers inside giant wheels. And it's like, you were, it's memorable, because hey, remember that jungle level that had the beavers and the giant wheels? There's nothing like that at the page master, 'cause it's like, hey, remember that level in horror world that had like the big monster hand that would come out of the background? And you're like, yeah, which of the 12 levels that had that? - The castle level with books, or the castle level with books, or the castle level that also had books. - Was it the one where you would jump from chain to chain? - Oh, with the hand of the books. - So that's where it like-- - And the chemistry set that would rip acid really fucking like really fast. - It falls apart because it's like, not only do all the levels look the same, they're fucking nigh in distinguishable from like one another. 'Cause it's just like, they all just bleed together and it gets really, really boring, like really boring. And like when you're, when I feel like I'm fighting against the controls anyway, I thought the controls were okay, except for the jump. The jump is like, that was one of them where it was like, I'm gonna have to get used to this in order to play this game. I'm gonna have to get used to this. And then when it's just like all the levels feel the same and I have to collect how many library cards to get to the next world. Seven? All right, that was a pass for me. This game is, yeah, it's a pass for me. - And I never made any of the mode seven racing levels. - They suck, yeah, they suck. - But Snestrunk did, and the one I saw him do that he was talking shit about understandably was where it looks like they didn't fill in placeholders. - I know. - In design. - I know, there's a big fucking gray block. That just looks like a fucking nondescript grace rectangle. Doesn't have any fucking like detail. It's literally a gray rectangle. And it's so out of place where it's like, it looks like when you're playing like a, I don't know, a polygonal game and they forget to texture something. And it's just like, oh, well, that's weird, that that's just a gray shape in the world. Yeah, then they just jut out of the ground. They're supposed to be towers or something. - When I saw that, I was like, what the fuck? - Yeah, those are horrible. Those are horrible. Those honestly should have been left out, in my opinion. I feel like they look better in the other worlds. Like an adventure world, I was like, oh, that kind of looks nice because I can tell what everything is. It's like, that's water, that's the beach. There's a mountain in the background. But in the horror world, it is just like, it's nonsense. It's just all like lawnmoor man. It's like, what the fuck is anything? - Well, I feel across the spectrum for the Super Nintendo, I feel like Mode 7 is the check-off's gun of the Super Nintendo. You know it's there, they mention it. So you have to see it used at some point everywhere, even if it's shitty and does it make sense? And you wish they didn't. Like the racing and shit in this game, so. - Yeah, it's like, I feel like it's done. Mode 7 is best used, like CG is used, where it's like, you don't notice it. It enhances it, but it's like, you don't stop and think. Was that CG? - Yeah. - Because your brain is just, it just accepts. - It just moves along. - Yeah, accepts and moves along. - The use is a Mode 7, that's perfect. Where it's like, I've played games and then gone back and been like, how did they do that? Holy shit. - Yeah, so because when you're forward, you beat Frankenstein. - Boom, perfect. Cool. - Right, but yeah, when it's so obviously like, yeah, the airship from Battle of Tennessee 6, which I love that game, but it's like, that's what these fucking flying levels of Bage Master felt like, where it's like, all right, there's this bit map that's being scaled below my character, all right? Cool. Yeah. - You guys got any achievements for it? - I have a few. - What you got? - I'm pretty lazy, I'm not gonna lie. I've played this game for five minutes. - And that is the appropriate amount of time to understand how it plays. - That's all I can get to jumping down, man. I couldn't get it down. - 'Cause it's really, it's that five minutes for 74 more levels. - Yeah, you haven't seen it all, but it's like, you got the fundamental. - You're pretty much right there. - 'Cause I was watching the long play and it's like, an adventure world, you get a sword. - Oh, it's raining so hard outside that it is leaking up there. - It's leaking, it's leaking. It looks like a haunted house right now. - You're gonna have to cover some shit or move some shit out of the way. - Do you have like a tarp or like a trash bag? - Okay, yes, I do have some achievements. My first achievement, and again, please bear with me. This is all based on my five minutes of gameplay. The first achievement I have is the Sage Master and to get the Sage Master be me and play this game. - Nice. - The second achievement that I have is the Rage Master. - Nice. - I have a frustrating experience with this game and Rage quit out of it. - I got that. - I got that one, you know. The next achievement I have is the Page Blaster. To get the Page Blaster, you stomp on every one of those fucking books. 'Cause books are the enemy here, people. - Yeah, that is hot, I didn't think about that. - Like we don't wanna promote the use of books. - No, they're trying to kill you. - And my final achievement is the Gage Master. To get the Gage Master, you play this game and think finally upon when Gage was a child and loved this movie. Nice. - What if the books in the game that you're fighting against? 'Cause there are books in the game that help you. They act as like elevators and stuff. - What if the books that you're killing are like child pornography for dummies or something like that? - Oh, yeah, they could-- - There are bad books. - Bless you. Bless you. - Good Lord, bless you. - Oh my goodness. - Ooh, whee. - It's like mine, it's a mine comp. (laughing) - Oh my God. - Yeah, yeah, you do it. - I said child pornography for dummies. (laughing) - Tucker Max goes to hell, it's copies of that. (laughing) - Same thing, I was all the same book, I think. - Dave? - I got a couple, just a couple. The first of which is there's a secret society living amongst us that are keeping long John Silver's in business in order to unlock, there's a secret society living amongst us that are keeping long John Silver's in business. You just, you may get to the adventure world where in the movie, an adventure world is where we meet long John Silver. - Yes. - And also there's a secret society living amongst us who have gotten to the second world a page master. There's literally only 10 people on the planet. - That's what the saying is, I'm one of those people keeping long John Silver's in business. (laughing) - I thought so, I had my suspicions. - Oh yeah, I love John Silver's is fucking delicious. - I love it while I'm eating it. - Hold on, hold on, I'm calling the police. Hold on, there's two of you here, I'm calling the police. (laughing) My next achievement is Sir, a second little boy has hit the tower. (laughing) - No. - In order to unlock sir, a second little boy has hit the tower. You hit one of the gray rectangles in the mode seven, stage of horror world. (laughing) - We are recording this on September 12th. - Missed it by one day. - Missed it by one day. - Missed it by that much. - That much, my last achievement is-- - That happened while he was reading a book, children didn't it? - Page master. - It was the page master. - All according to the page master's plans. (laughing) - Go ahead, sorry. - No worries, that was a good observation. I'm glad, that was well worth it. (laughing) - My last achievement is, wait, where exactly are we in the dragon? In order to unlock, wait, where exactly are we in the dragon is? So this, there's a little bit of setup to this. In the last world of the game, fantasy world, 80% of it takes place inside of a dragon. A dragon eats McCulloch and Culkin's character in the movie. And he's in there for like two seconds. But in the game, you're in there for a really fucking long time. (laughing) And they don't show it ever happening either. You're just all of a sudden in a dragon. - Like you do. - In the first level inside the dragon is called pulls of goo. So in order to unlock, wait, where exactly are we in the dragon, you play pulls of goo. - Okay, all right, that's it, that's all the ones that I have. - That's where the sticky hands come in. - It's where the sticky hands, yeah, totally. Dragon's hoard. - I've got two, first one being Mega Man P, and that is where you collect 30 keys, jumping off the walls. - Okay. - Mega Man 1. - Right. - The other one being COVID 1994. Died to the two bats at the very beginning of the first look. (laughing) - Oh, good one. Wait, I thought McCulloch and went to a wet market. (laughing) That's what happened. - What do you guys, what do you think it's game costs? If you were to buy it now, how much do you think you'd pay for? - 6498. - 6498, all right, yeah, okay. - Has it changed in price? (laughing) - Wait, is that a first division being missed? (laughing) - That's my answer, 6498, I don't know if I can-- - Sorry if I'm christened for a little edition page master. - I wonder what, oh, yeah. - On average. - 6498. - 6498, what do you think, Tyler? - 1699. - 1699, actual retail value of the page master for the Super Nintendo. - Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. - On average, according to pricecharting.com at the time of this recording, yes, $12, 67 cents. - Oh, so close. - It's a little pricey, I feel like, for page master. - I agree, I don't think it's pricey enough. 6498 value is indicative of the game's actual value to me. - But what do flopsies have to say about it? - What do you guys think? Now that we're doing this as a team, I think flopsy is, they're typically generous. - Yes. - And I think that this game looks good, and that because of that one thing, I think they're going to rate it higher than, I'm thinking three stars. I'm thinking three stars. Also, it also kind of depends on the reviewer. If the reviewer saw the movie as a kid, they're going to rate it higher. - Oh, we're at three and a half, if they-- - But if they have no sentimental attachment, two and a half. - Two and a half, I know. - All of these reviewers are pretty much millennials. Man, I'm going to say, I think that's a good point is that the reviewer probably saw this as a kid, but he could have said, I saw this as a kid and I loved it, and I hated what the game did to it. - That is a good point. They could say that it deserved better. - I like your original three stars. I think it's going to be three stars. - Do you think three? - Tyler, do you agree or do you-- - See, I'm torn between two and a half and three. I think it's one of those. - I think it's the more-- - I feel like this is a two-star game, so being generous, two and a half. But it has been on the reviewer for that three stars. - I feel like it's probably three stars. - It's a three stars. We're going three stars. - Three stars, we are in agreement. - What do you think the availability is? Now, I had never heard of this game or movie in my life until this show. - Really? - Yeah, I've heard of it. I always wanted to see it as a kid, but of course, I never got to see the movies, I went up to it since then. - I think it was just because when it came out, I was 13 years old, and I feel like that is the exact opposite of the sweet spot for the page ministry. 'Cause I wasn't old enough to have a child. - The blind spot, the Bianca gun, the 13. - Right. I wasn't old enough to have a child yet, and also not young enough to want to go see the movie. - Yeah. - I had lots of masturbating to do instead. - At least you had your computer in your room, though, right? - I did not. - Oh, no. - No. - I was like the guys and predator. - Yeah. - Do you ever stop at mud? - Yeah, yeah, that thought that was weird, but. - That's what I liked. What do you want from me? - Yeah, it's a joke, no one's a person. - I still bet it's a common movie game. - I think it's a common. - I agree, common. - So three stars, common? - Yes. - According to Flopsy, AKA, the ultimate. It says it right there. - I see it. - Ultimate, Nintendo Guy to the SNES library, 1991 to 1998, but Pat, Country, courtesy of Monster Mole Mike, and a mysterious shadowy benefactor. Now is the time that I find Page Master. - Now is the time on TikTok in which we find Page Master. - We master the pages to find the Page Master. - Page Master found it. Oops, I've meant that page, sorry. - That's okay. - Availability, calm home. - Okay. - Rating, this is gonna sting a little bit. Two and a half stars. - Mission to listen to Tyler. - Yep, yep. - We were close though. - We were right there. - Does the reviewers say they didn't see the movie? Can we at least make him a little bonus point by being right on that? - I will read the, I think you guys get a kick out of this first, SNES. We'll get to the bottom of this. The reviewer, J.E. says for once, here's a movie game that isn't terrible. - Oh, wow. - And then I look at the two and a half star rating. And then I wonder. - Do you understand how the stars work? This isn't like golf, man. - Maybe they're the only ones that accurately understand the rating system. - We've been misunderstanding it this whole time. - I gotta look something up real quick. Just bear with me. Okay, first, it gets just fresh in my mind, you see, because we just did a little game called Batman Returns. I just want to, which got four stars. The first line of the page master for once. Here's a movie game that isn't terrible. My argument is that there are a lot of movie games that are better than the page master. - Yeah, we have proven that. - Yeah, you hear that? J, J, E? That's not Josh Edwards. Surely not. - No. - Time where Josh Edwards did you write the ultimate guide to the SNES library? - We'll go back in time and write this title appropriately. - Let's see, they say it isn't particularly good either, but it is a serviceable platform romp. - Okay. - It has the whiff of jelly boy. - Okay. - Yeah. - I could see that. - All right. That's a good, that's a good-- - Don't buy, you've been listening to Tadpods. - That's a good reference. - And just happens to be made by the same developer. - Well, look who knows more about this game than us. Jake. I didn't know that. - And either. I might have known it if I had done some fucking research. - Yeah, like if I would have read the book that we have, beforehand-- - Right. - It tells us about these games. - Yeah, I learned nothing from watching the page master. Other than always wear a helmet when putting a tree house together with your son. - Or sliding you dry. - But not all you're riding a bike. - Correct. 'Cause that looks stupid and everyone laughs at you. - Yep. - They go on to say, but this game isn't as cheap or difficult as jelly boy. Aside from the character sprite, which looks like it belongs in an NES game, the graphics are excellent and the music is decent, but the game just feels flat. There isn't enough variety. They mention the branching paths, which is something when you go to a world, you can kind of choose where you go. - Something. - You can go to one level that is completely indistinguishable from the other choice you have. - And everyone will just have to take your word for it. - It's the tale tale illusion of choice. - When the experience is pretty bland in terms of gameplay, they continue. It makes going the extra mile moot, which we all know is a cow's opinion. Thanks to friends, especially when you have to search for the real ending. Did you guys see the credits for the game and the long play by any chance? - I did not. - I love it when, so the person who did the long play on world of long plays, the YouTube channel, they get to the last level and then they finish it, which there's not a boss in the game, by the way, which I feel like that's-- - Yeah, 'cause you just walk in that book called "The End of the Road" and then "The Exit" and that's it. - Yeah, there's no boss in any of the worlds or-- - And that's always a big strike in my book. - Sure, especially when it's based on a movie where there were literal bosses at the end of every-- - You could have easily fought Jekyll and Hyde at the end of "Horm John Silver." - Moby Dick, "The Dragon." I mean, they're built in, they're baked in. All you had to do was put it in the game. - Yeah, which I know that's asking a lot, but like, I don't know, man, there's a dragon in the movie. - You could have finished the trees, much less the boss. - Well, it goes back on what we've said about it, is that it is based on a movie, but Aladdin and Jungle Book and Pinocchio have direct ties to the movies they were based on, whereas this one, not so much, this one's just sort of a, strangely enough, it's sort of a knockoff, it doesn't really focus on the stuff that was actually in the movie, which is public domain stuff, that they didn't have to pay the licensing to use in their movie, so it shouldn't have had been done for the game, so they could have just followed the story of the game, which is what I think a lot of people that got this game would have wanted to play. - Tell me, honestly, I don't think, I really don't think when they made this game, they expected people to get to the end of the game, and the reason I say that is 'cause it's like, in the first world, all of the levels are pun names, like you get a name, when you enter a level, you get like a fucking illustration of like McCauley Caulkin with the coral lipstick, and then like adventures behind him, like doing a Michael Jordan dunk, these guys tongue out as hookup, I don't know what that's about, but, and then down below that illustration, it tells you the name of the level you're going into, and it's names like the torture chamber is the first one, and it's like, I feel like that's setting the scene a little bit. - Yeah, right. - It's like, give yourself a little credit, but it's like, they do these punny names like spook too soon, and like, expector the worst. - Oh my God. - And, marine malarkey, and then you get to like, fantasy world, and there comes a point where they just name them dragon's spleen, dragon's stomach, dragon's intestine. It's like, okay, you didn't. - Level 63. (all laughing) - It's like the writer is like, what are we doing? - We're out of puns, there's no more. - We legally can't use any more puns. - All I can think of are cum jokes, and you're shooting them all down. (all laughing) - Bracket book pun brackets. (all laughing) - But when you get to the end of the game, this game has multiple endings, and it's done in a very cool way. - Like clue? - Where it just changes the text at the end of the game, and-- - That's always rewarding. - Yeah. - It's the extra effort that really makes it sing, huh? - Yeah, and it's essentially says something like, congratulations, you are the true page master. And then-- - Actually not even anywhere close to the theme of the movie, but go ahead. - And then it says something along the lines of, get ready for something special, and then the credits run. - Ooh, yeah, you're right. And it's like-- - The what? - The one I saw, they-- - The credits? Like, is this what I'm waiting, like, do I not get, what, is this my treat? - The one I saw did that and then had another level, which is just a, look like a fucking normal horn level with no boss, Thea. - Yeah, that's the same one I watch. That's the world of long plays. What happened is in the description of that video, the uploader says that they became aware of a hidden level after the fact, so that they added that on the end. 'Cause I had that same moment, or it was like, is there a reward that you get to play another horror level that looks exactly like all of the other ones? No, man, it's just the credits. And then it says, I laughed out loud because at the end of the credits, it says, game off, player one, what does that mean? - What the fuck? - You tell me to turn the game off? - Yeah, turn it off and go read a book. (laughing) - Wow. - So that was weird. I thought that was bizarre. - It is bizarre. What's game off, player one? Can you, this is a one player game. There is no player two. Why be so specific? - I didn't even make that connection. - Yeah. - And game off, is that a play on Wayne's world? - Game off. - 'Cause they are playing like street hockey in the beginning, are they doing that? - In the movie, the cool kids are. Not the kid going the hardware store. Sit. - That's it. - Yes, Dave. - If you were to give this game a beard, what kind of beard would you give it? - I would give it the dirty bean juice-covered beard of Christopher Lloyd and Dennis the Minus. - Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. - Man, I love some bean juice. You know what I'm saying? - Cold from the tin. - I do love me saying. - Cold, warm. - A mad. - A mad medium. - As long as it's on my chin. - Medium. - Tyler, if you were to give this game a pair of glasses, what kind of glasses would you give it? - The on the ground broken glasses of one Mccollicoke and being stung to death by beans. - You can't see without them. - That's a fact. He can't see without them. - Can't wall jump without them. - I had to, yeah. I had to look 'cause I was like, a fun game I play whenever I see a Mccollicoke movie is called, did he do this before or after Home Alone? - Yeah. - It's gonna be after almost every time. - Yeah, Uncle Buck is before. - Uncle Buck is before. - But it's like Home Alone is like surprisingly early. - Yeah. - I have seen almost all of his movies. - Me too. Me too. Have you seen The Good Son? - That is one that I have not seen. - I have officially seen all of his movies. - There's one where he hit the Mandy Boer at like a church camp. - Maybe I haven't seen him. - He's an adult. - Oh. - Oh, I met his kid, kid. - He's getting movies. - Yeah. He was on, I didn't watch it, but he was on a mic in James, Monday playing the page master with James Ralph and his buddy Mike. I didn't watch it. Just thought I would let everyone know what it is. - He was on some AVGN episodes too. I think maybe the Home Alone episodes for Christmas something like that. - I've heard him on podcasts. He seems like, I mean, he's always been a great guest when I've heard him on podcasts. He seems like an interesting guy to listen to him talk. He was pitching his own podcast, which I was like, I mean, I don't like that much. (laughing) But yeah, I like him as a guest. - You guys wanna see what we'll play next week? - Sure. - Well, we're older 26, counting down through everything. And I don't think we've done this. - Okay. - Have we done Snow White happily ever after? - Oh, I heard about this one. This is knockoff Snow White. - Yeah, it's not Disney Snow White. - It's knockoff Snow White. - We haven't done it. - We haven't done it. This movie I've heard is real nice. - Yep. So it is based on a non, I thought it was just the game. - It's based on a non-Disney version. - Are we gonna be able to find it anywhere to watch it? - Ooh. - We'll figure it out. - It was like, and it was like done by a studio that was known for doing these like, first other dollar store versions of, you know, these classics because Disney can't. - Yeah, done by 1989 animated film animation film happily ever after. - Film animation did it? Oh, no. Okay. - I watch a lot of-- - I know them from anime. - Okay. Well, I can't remember the company that does like He-Man and the Masters of the University, She-Ra. But I wanna say it's Film-Mation. Okay, well, hopefully we can find it. - We'll try. We'll see. If not-- - Sorry, I found it for, I think maybe I found it for free on YouTube. - Hell yeah. - Nice. - Hell yeah. - So there we go. All right. - I paid for page master. I just wanted everyone listening to this night to know that. - I also paid for page master. - To know that I paid for it. - That's three for three. - Three for 47 on YouTube. - Yeah, I bought mine on Amazon for like $3.49. - And then what's really fun is when you get the receipt and that's morning and you're reminded, "Hey, remember when you bought page master?" And I'm like, "I didn't buy it, I rented it." Yeah, but remember when you gave us money for it? - For a movie that was an hour and 15 minutes long that you can't watch again without paying for it again. - Don't worry about that. - Amazon had it for rent for that price, but it was the buy-it price was like $25. - It was insane out of here. - It was so expensive, I'm like, "No, oh." - Maybe I'd give that to Macaulay Culkin to give me like his copy of the movie. - Right, yeah, sign that shit. - Well, thanks for listening everybody. Find the show on iTunes, not SoundCloud, not Stitcher, but on Spotify, YouTube, all over the goddamn place. Got tons of shit going on, but most importantly, Patreon. - Yes, we do have Patreon on it. It's patreon.com/tagpaw. - Remember that we all paid for page master. - We all paid for page master. - I came out of our pockets. - That's the thing that we, yeah, yeah. - We think it's only fair that you paid for page master by giving us money to offset the cost of things like that, but we are very grateful for all of our donors. For as little as a dollar a month, you get access to our Patreon, which gives you the actual plays that Tyler has crafted in the years gone by, and we just recently published another episode from our Dark Tower book club series. - We did. - As long as Susanna. - As long as Susanna, there's two more to come. Personally, my personal favorite is the final episode of that series. - Me too. - We have a lot of fun talking about the Dark Tower movie. - Yep, yep, yep. So that's gonna be coming out in about a month, and hopefully we can add more Patreon stuff. Right now, we're on a little bit of a Patreon break 'cause we were very busy over the last several months recording all this stuff. But anyway, that's what you get for your dollar, and if you wanna be really generous and earn yourself a title like executive producer, say, for example, you could give us $20 per month and become an executive producer. - Hell yeah. - And we do have a list of, hell yeah, we do have a list of executive producers that I'd like to read now. Like I do every single week at this time. Cubicle monkey, Gamebug Prime Nathan Eaton, Pinball Airplane Archmage Chris Edler. Sorry you couldn't be on this episode. Derek Pope Sandwich, enthusiast Jeff Myers, congratulations on your marriage. Drink Smith Joy Webster, Sandwich Pope Phil Hawkins, Louisville correspondent, Princess Consuela Banana Hammock, Labor Director, Karen Dahl, and Canadian Turbo Nerd Thomas. Thank you very much. Thanks to all of our donors. We realize the economy sucks right now, and for you to dig deep and give us a little money at all is super generous of you, and we're very grateful. Thanks to Dane, as always, for putting our show up on YouTube. And thanks once again to Brad from Arizona for sending us stuff to read on the show and giving us five minutes of content. Hell yeah, hell yeah. Our theme song is moved. I think we're trying to look at that. Try to tell the show up to headbug.com. Hey guys, I'm gonna close it out. Christopher Lloyd. Okay. So until next time. (indistinct) Cat Bog is hosted and produced by Tyler Holland, Dave Moore, and Ian Chandler. New episodes publish Wednesdays, each week and are available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, anywhere else podcasts are hosted. Have a question or comment for the hosts? Call us at 270-883-2555 and leave us a voicemail. If we like it, we'll play it on the show and respond. Want to send us something? You can do that at Tadpocks Studios, care of Nicole Nance, PO Box 3785, Paducah, Kentucky, 42-002. If you absolutely must send us a food item, please use caution and good judgment when doing so. Tasty snacks that look or smell funky or are past their expiration date by the time we get to them, we'll be thrown away. Bonus content is available at patreon.com/tagpog with a minimum donation of $1 per month. You can join in on the conversation by visiting our discord at bit.ly/tagpogdiscord. Registration is free and we'd love to see you there. Thanks for listening and if you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. Now, where did I put that stinger? Oh, here it is. (upbeat music) Okay, Brad wrote us an email for last week's episode of Pit Fighter that he always does and so I didn't get it because we recorded on a different day. So I'm gonna, as promised earlier in this episode, if you've made it this far, you know what I'm talking about, I'm gonna read the letter, the email from Brad about Pit Fighter. Brad begins, "Has there ever been a worse game "with more ports than Pit Fighter? "It was on everything except the NES. "Even by the standard of fun enough to play "for two minutes in a movie theater lobby, "this game was brutal. "I try not to editorialize about these games too much "because that's your job, but I can't resist here. "And yes, dear listener, the podcast is a job. "So you can go to patreon.com/tadpog "to find out more, Brad. "Best singer ever. "Best singer we've ever done." Game pro review by Chinky the Monkey. Hell yeah, Chinky the Monkey. Pit Fighter. Pow, ugh, smack, wam. No, it's not Batman and the boy wonder getting rough with the Joker or the penguin. What the fuck? (laughing) This is bad. It's THQ's Super NES version of that awesome. Pound 'em. Oh, you said coin 'em. Chinky, I think you mean Theic. Theic. (laughing) Theic's Super NES version of that awesome pound 'em up. That awesome pound 'em up coin 'em. I love a pound 'em up. Pit Fighter. (laughing) Pit Fighter is someone, a Pit Fighter is someone who subjects their body to beatings while a rocker's crowd looks on. What's so attractive about risking your neck in this rowdy two player beat 'em up adventure? Adventure? Why, the challenge, of course. And there's some hefty cash prizes to be had too. A fists and feet frenzy. In this SNES version, programmers pumped up the video reality factor. You choose from three contenders. Excuse me, Cato, Ty, or Buzz. Each character boasts different speed, agility, range of blows, overall strength, and staying power. Each character also has his own set of super moves. However, to perform super moves, you must win a round to get a power pill. The pits. Although the digitized graphics and sound effects are almost identical to the arcade in the Genesis version. Let me read that again. For those of you who listened to this episode about Pit Fighter last week, I just want you to hear what I'm saying, what this guy's jinky, the monkey, had to say. - He is a monkey, let's give him a little credit. - The digitized graphics and sound effects are almost identical to the arcade and the Genesis versions, the moves, unfortunately, aren't. While each character's basic moves can be performed with the relative ease, the quest for the much needed super moves is a bit of a drag. Guess the third time isn't always a charm. Five for graphics, three for sound, gameplay and challenge, and a two for fun factor. And then Brad says, "See you next time for The Page Master." - Thanks, Brad. - Thanks, Brad. - Yes, thank you very much.