By request of “Steve N” on Patreon, we’re talking about The Lawnmower Man for the SNES. Tyler unboxes his Loot Crate. Dave tells a super cringe-worthy story from his high school days. We answer some voicemails and texts. This is our first episode with an outro story, a tradition that’s sure to continue.
TADPOG: Tyler and Dave Play Old Games
Ep. 305 – The Lawnmower Man
Hi there, listener. You're about to experience Tadpog, Tyler and Dave played games, and there will be plenty of game talk. But also, copious amounts of crude, off-color, offensive, and immature speech. So if you are of a rather sensitive, humor constitution, or just letting you know what you're in for with this show, it has games. It has jokes. You know, just games and jokes. Take the games, take the jokes, and have a good time. Hello internet, and welcome to another Tadpog podcast. It's a show that happens twice. Yeah, yeah. How you get pumped? I'm all low energy. What? What? Two old guys. Yeah, just play old, play old games. Just the poor man's iron glass. And I can't remember Tyler. Yeah. Something about a southern accent that I didn't appreciate. I'm working on it. Don't work on it, man. You got to be you, for real. I've never enjoyed it. So I just leave that to Ryan. Ryan can have all mine. Ryan and my dad's fine. They get it all. Because both of them have been like, that's what I sound like. I didn't think my southern accent was that bad. I was like, yeah, you never do. Speaking of southern accents, nothing reminds me more that I have one when Henry says something in a southern accent. And it's like, oh God. Oh, no. Oh, no. I don't think of like you or Nicole having one at all. I don't think Nicole having one. I definitely have one, but I don't think it's super prominent. I guess you can't hear the ones who have it less than you do. You don't hear that. That's the rule. That's just the way it works. It's just science. Well, today, oh, I should have grabbed this. I don't even see it now. What are you looking for? Well, for the intro, I was going to unbox my loot crate. Oh, and it was sitting over here and Ryan was sitting over here. So now I don't see it. Yeah, I sold that. Is that cool? Yeah, that was fun. Is that it? There's a box down here. Oh, that's a smaller box than I expected. Are they always that size? Oh, it varies. Yeah. Yeah, do that in the mic. Let's get some. Let's get some good loot crate fully. Like this brilliant audio. They don't even give us money. Nope, I pay money to promote them to get to the front intro. Hey, because we had a request, I believe I may be wrong. So I'm sorry if I am, I had a request for my Peter Panda was the one who's like, why don't you unbox loot crate? Yeah. All right. That's a thing that gets mailed to you. Yeah. But for today's episode, we're going to be following our quest that was made on Patreon by Steve N. to do the lawnmower man for Super Nintendo. I think you requested we watch the movie too. Yeah, well, we didn't do that. Well, I don't think you can do the short of like buying an old copy of it like the DVD or on VHS. You can't like it. I found it streaming. Oh, on Voodoo for $2.99. I was on board. I was on board. I was on board. I was like, fine. I'll pay I'll pay $3 to rent this movie that I saw as a kid and can't remember anything about other than just a few choice things that I'll share on the show. And then I saw that it was only available in standard definition. And that was my deal breaker. Because I was like, I'm done with that shit. I've been done with that fucking shit since 2004. I'm done with it. Two thousand and late. Yeah. John. That's right. Okay, I don't blame you. And then I watch my all that has been remastered in Blu-ray. Yeah, I know. Dude, fucking I watch Stargate at HD. Like they're like so many of these movies that have been remastered that weren't I don't think are really considered the classics. Sorry, Ian. But yeah, the lawnmoor man has just been cast to the wayside. I make his I know nothing about this. Nothing but like a weird face screaming. Oh, and then this game was super confusing to you. Yeah, I do. Because because to me hearing this like lawnmoor man. Okay, it's like a superhero like maybe some kind of a he worked on lawns and then he got superpowers. So he's just a lawnmoor man. I don't know. Maybe played by Eddie Murphy. He plays all the cast off superheroes. Yeah, you know. Yeah, but I guess we'll get to the game. Yeah, what you got in that? And this loot crate because like I've just like I've just got it on to auto debit from my card. I don't know. I don't check the emails. I don't look at spoilers. Oh, so you have no idea what the theme is. And I got this like a wild backs. I don't remember the theme. I don't know what's supposed to be in it. This is all brand new to me. Do you keep all of your loot crate stuff? I know sometimes you give some things away. Like you gave me that Deadpool figure. Do you ever sell any of the loot crate stuff? Nope. Just give some away or keep it. Yeah. Because I I'm thinking about getting loot crate. But there's two problems. I don't want junk. For the most for the most probably I don't think it's. Yeah. It's only junk if I'm really not interested at all in whatever it is. Yeah, which sometimes happens. Sure. Like I just really don't care about what that thing is. I usually like the shirts. Like I know the the bill and Ted shirt you're wearing right now is a loot crate. And I like the Deadpool one. And the other thing the other reason reason number two is I'm pretty cheap and I don't want to pay for it. But I am thinking I was like, well, I could get it. I could probably just sell the shit that I don't want on eBay and probably end up paying for the subscription. Because I know I've I've bought loot crate shirts off eBay. Yeah. And then usually the mousepad that I enjoy is a loot crate exclusive. Yeah. And usually like the shirts because I really like that Deadpool shirt. I bought that Deadpool shirt for 15 bucks. Oh, the smallest subscription monthly is you know, 20 bucks a month. And then I'm there was a D&D loot crate. I guess that was I got that one. Did you did you did you get the shirt that was in there? Mm hmm. Did you 20? No, this was a D&D with the dragon as the D and the D or something like that. It's just the it's just the ampersand dragon. That might be that we want it red shirt. Red shirt. Yeah, that's it with the black. So I really I like that shirt. So I'm checking eBay on that. This is man. This is a boring. Sorry, listener. I'm just talking about shirts that I want to buy. Some of them probably into like nerd finance. So sorry. I'm so sorry. That's interesting. People in that might be like, okay, maybe I could do that. Yeah. Yeah. It's valuable in, but sure. All right. So opening this loot crate. Yeah. Remember the theme. Don't know what's in it. All right. Well, there is a shirt. You want to start with a shirt or you want to save it for last? I'm already having it in my hands. Oh, yeah. I saw an ad for that. So Star Trek mirror mirror. So it's Oh, good Spock versus evil Spock. The a poster for it. Yeah, a poster on the shirt. Yeah. Let's go on a shirt poster on the classic poster on the shirt. Big big Star Wars guy here. Big Star Wars. Yeah. Star Trek Star Wars. Oh, I thought you were making a dark. No, that is misspoke. Big, big Star Fox guy. Big Star Fox star gate star pluto. Big pluto Nash guy here. Spaghetti Murphy. There is a daredevil sock debugging. That's cool. That's not bad. Yeah. I won't wear that, but now you're just not a sock toboggan guy. I feel like douchey. Yeah. Some people can pull it off. I'm not one of those people. You can get yourself a hacky sack. It's true. And throw up the tons and just hang out. Uh huh. Yeah, I can do a devil emblem though. Let's see. Alien versus predator bobblehead. That's cool. A xenomorph bobblehead or is it random? Oh, I bet it opened that bad boy up. Yeah. And inside this, I have. Oh, they got it. They got it in that astronaut ice cream wrapper. That is the first time I saw this. It is. I want to breach some feats first. Hey, that's cool. It's an alien. That's neat. Yeah. It's pretty good. It's not a bobblehead, but like just a vinyl figurine. Oh, that is a bummer. It's not a bobblehead, but hey. I like that. Yeah, that's. That is neat. The only movie I've seen is the most. Oh, no. If I've only said, well, Alien Resurrection and then maybe last year, I've watched the original Alien. It's all I've ever seen of that series. I've got, uh, I have the second movie. If you'd like to borrow it at some point. Yeah. I figured the answer is probably. I saw the, I saw the predator remake in the theater for some reason. Yeah. I didn't, I haven't seen that yet. How? Yeah. What do you think? No. No, I don't even like it. No. It was like, oh, that guy's turning on everybody. All right, mud. All right. All right. Something Superman. Oh, everybody loves a Superman. Just Batman stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That's really a hot topic right now. Is it a wallet? It's a wallet. Is it a Tyvek wallet? A what? Tyvek wallet. What's that? You know, the Tyvek building material. Nope. It's, it's like, uh, it's a mighty wallet. Yeah. That's Tyvek. Okay. That's this. It's, uh, this paper wallet. I like your wallet a lot. You've had it for a very long time. Yeah. It's held up. It doesn't tear. It's the way Superman, Batman was a Superman. They're critically acclaimed movie wallet. Yeah. Put that on eBay. Okay. I mean, it looks all right. My current wallet is shit, but I'm not going to use it. Uh, let's see. Just a piece of paper. Just a piece of paper that says word gosh. The loot pin, which actually looks pretty good this month. So that anime versus predator pin. Oh, yeah. That is nice. Do they have a pin in every box? Yes. Oh, that's cool. I do always keep those. That is cool. You just put those on my laptop bag. And there's a Harley Quinn DC Comics number one loot critic exclusive. Oh, cool. Already bagged and boarded. Sweet. She does not look great though. I don't really care for that art very much. Let's see it. Yeah. Yeah. She kind of looks like, um, trailer park Harley Quinn. Yeah. She looks like a juggle that. She does. Yeah. You're right. I guess this month's theme was versus. Ah, okay. Once again, doubling down, doubling down all that Batman V Superman. Yep. What else was anything else? Which I saw it, uh, just another piece of paper. Oh, it was like the booklet for what everything is. Yeah. That box is pretty cool. They changed the art on the inside each month. Yep. Yeah, that's neat. I like that. So now, I mean, overall, I enjoy, uh, this box is okay. I've had much better boxes. So yeah, that's my loot crate. If you want to buy anything for 15 bucks, it's fine. Yeah. Do that. Yeah. If this is all for sales, I'll just say it. Yeah. I'll keep, I'll keep this figurine. This is becoming Tyler's merchant corner. With our intro's are just going to be us selling shit. Well, uh, I got a copy of look who's talking to you on PHS. If anybody wants it. Yeah. If anyone wants us to sign this and destroy its value and then buy it from us, we can do it. Uh, could you please sign the juggle at Harley Quinn, number one? Yeah, you bet. Yeah. Okay. There's, there's my, there's, there's an intro. Luke, great. There you go. Well, everybody liked that. Okay. Nice. People like unboxing stuff. So hope that was okay. Maybe we'll do it next month. Or I guess when the next one will be out, like next week, actually. Sweet. So, but hold on to that one for a while. I wasn't sure I would get it since I moved and instead I didn't update in time, but they ban you. No, he moved. Nope. Give us your money forever. What's up, internet? I am Dave. I am your bespectacle toast. And I have an intro that I really don't want to tell. This is what I was talking about last time. Super cringy. It is super cringy. It is incredibly embarrassing. Like I, I cannot stress to you how much I do not want to tell this story. Um, you don't have to tell it. I do not have another intro prepared. So, um, because it is not, it's nothing bad. This Luke Ray could be both of our intros. It's, it's not like I murdered a man. I really don't know until I will go to jail. I will totally go to jail. Uh, well, allegedly, uh, it's not like, it's not, I didn't, I didn't do anything bad. It's just very much like a really, really cringy thing that I did in high school. Um, God damn. I, um, okay. So let's start, let's start from the beginning. I, um, I had started having problems with my vision in middle school and I would get headaches, you know, when I was in the back of the class, I always sat in the back of the class because that's where I could slack. That's what the cool kids say. Well, it was less being a cool kid and more being like, uh, a slacker. Like I can, oh, I can draw like Mario levels and shit. If I sit in the back of the class, I cannot do that in the front. Um, so I'd sit in the back and I noticed I would get headaches and I'd like look at the board and shit. And then, you know, through just elementary deduction. Oh, he needs glasses. He cannot see. So I got glasses in middle school, um, late in middle school. And then I, um, at high school, I did. I wanted to be, I still sat in the back, um, and played games on my, uh, Texas Instruments calculator. I still, I did that. Um, but I didn't want, I wanted to be the cool kid now. So I was like, well, I am done with glasses. And I had like the stereotypical 1990s glasses that, um, where it's like these, like wire, the wire frames that are like a weird metal color, you know, like where it's just, I don't know. Uh, and then I had the, and like where I guess it was a popular thing where it's like, oh no, you just, there won't be any frames. It'll just be like lenses and floating on your face. Yeah. And no one, no one will know that you're wearing glasses. It's like Casper has his hands over your eyes. So I got rid of those, uh, fogly things and like, I'm going to get contacts. I want to get contacts. Um, and I decided to get colored contacts. Um, I'm not a proud, not a proud moment. So like from right up, right out the gate, there's a thing. But you already have sweet baby blues. What, what could you want to change? Well, there, sometimes they're blue. Like I have, like, I have hazel eyes. So like, usually whatever I'm wearing reflects really well off of the, off of my eyes and I wear a lot of blue. Um, so a lot of times they do look blue, blue or gray. Um, so I wanted, uh, I wanted colored contacts because just because I'm a fucking dumb kid. Um, and so there's like cringe point number one. It gets, it gets that like, that's not the thing. That's not the thing that I don't mind. That's fine. I don't mind talking about that. Um, so I got, um, I got green contacts. Uh, and the reason, I'll get into the reason why in a few moments. Um, so I would, they were not, they looked kind of natural, you know, like they were the kind where it's like, huh, like when I would, would wear on my eyes would look green. And it was almost passable as like, well, that could be, that could be natural, but there's a 50% chance that they're fucking colored contacts. So, uh, because of that, people would ask, uh, frequently, um, whether or not, um, they were my natural eye color. And, um, here it is. Here's the moment that I do not want to say on the microphone and share with, uh, all our friends on the internet, uh, whom I interact with on a daily basis. Uh, when they would ask, uh, if my, if, if I were, if I was wearing color contacts, uh, my response would be Tyler, uh, that I was infused with makeup energy. Dude, that's not crazy. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty, it's pretty cool. That's good. That's good, man. That's pretty popular. Uh, you won class favorites. So you're doing something right. I did. But what does that even mean? We can't vote against him. He's a makeup. He's one of the fuckers and soldier. Class favorite, I guess. I've heard he keeps a duder bound sword in his trunk. It's on his car so slow. He's going to use sword in it. Yeah. And it was always like, the response was, uh, person would usually think, don't tell your grandma that David. The person I was talking to, you just usually think I was joking and I was dead serious. So I remember, I remember the moment where I was like, oh, yeah, I got undone with these. Cause I, it was like a, uh, a random cute girl at stake and shake asked me. And I, and I said, uh, that I told her when I confessed to her, Tyler, that I was infused with makeup energy. Um, she looked like I punched her in the stomach. I mean, that's the worth roll of the dice on. I mean, there's a small chance. She might love Final Fantasy seven and then just be blown the fuck away. That is true. There's a slim, there's a slim, very slim, but it could have happened. No, that did not have it. I think we should both get. Yeah. We'll change our Facebook status to single, get the content lenses and say that until we see the other picks up, that would probably work a lot better now. Um, I mean, it would be creepier now. Do you have a job? Yeah. I don't care what your infused with. It's fine. But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Just to confirm you do get paid every week, right? Do you have a car and a job? Do you have insurance? Yeah, I'm thinking infused with her. Fuck they once fun. You're doing all right. You're infused with make-o-sharks. It's fine. It's cool. Whatever. I'll, I'll get contacts and I'll get Mongequil Charring gone contacts. And then I'll tell everybody like, no, I killed my brother and I've awakened my Mongequil Charring. Did I mention that I went to cosplay high school? Did I mention that? And I'll periodically just rub blood down my eyes. Sorry, I just, she's my Mongequil Charring. Yeah, that's, I used my Suki Yomi and you're in love with me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's, that's the equivalent of that. Yep, that's me. That was me in high school. Way too old for like, I should have known better. I really should have known better. Like there are a lot of things that I will defend that I did in high school and that is not fucking one of them. It sure isn't. Yeah, people love hearing that at the Olive Garden, by the way. Why'd you, why'd you make me so salty and garlicky? It's my makeup. Yeah, the earth, the earth needs it. And then you just set in a wheelchair and Brock back and forth. The angels are singing to me. Garlic and salt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was pretty cool. That's fun. No, I don't know. That's pretty cool. That's totally fine. That's totally fine. Yeah. A lot more man. Lord, more man. Dave, do you hear that? I do hear that. It's the, it's the train leaving the Mako Reactor Station. It's going around the big pizza. That one sploosh that you had waiting out there. Some girl would have loved that response. Yeah, I do hear that, of course, which ushers in a segment that we like to call. Dave reads Wikipedia. Okay, guys, the lawn mower man video game. The lawn mower man is a video game based on the 1992 film of the same name. The game was released in Japan by Coconuts, Japan. I'm sure we're all familiar, Coconuts, Japan. Under the title, Virtual Wars. I hope that it wasn't even a tie in to the movie. Oh, man. I don't even know if the lawn mower man released in Japan. But I do think it's funny that the game came out there first. Oh, man. So here's the plot. I'm going to break it down for you because it is confusing. So I feel like I need to give that little information to you. Dr. Lawrence Angelo is a scientist working for virtual space industries. That's a VSI for short. In Project 5, which is a secret research facility that attempts to increase the intelligence of primates using psychotropic drugs and virtual reality training. This description is somehow more boring than the game that I just played. Well, it's part of the apes with the virtual virtual reality. Oh, man, that's a pretty good that's a pretty good or vulture reality like I almost said. Yeah, that should be one of the virtual reality headsets of the vulture. Vulture. Vulture. Being related to vultures. Vulture reality. You just eat dead things. What's the hot new game we got out? What's the killer app? Cart gas with four Xs. Roadkill 2017. You know, they just, they just changed a few things every year and released the same product, but we just eat it up. So I got to the first sentence of the plot. Here's the second sentence. Dr. Angelo is reluctant to use a research for military purposes. And after one of the chimps escapes and shoots a guard, Dr. Angelo is given a forced vacation. Well, this guy's dead. You should go on vacation. We're already down a man. While taking notes on the need for experiment with a human subject, he discovers Job Smith. They're just, they're literally giving the plot for the movie, because here's the actor's name inserted into the game, the gameplay plot played by Jeff, Fahe. Fahe. Fahe. Is that an actor you're familiar with? Nope. You know, actors a lot better than I do. Let me tell you something about the actor in the lawnmoor man movie. I saw this as a kid. And I remember thinking as a kid, oh, this is bad movie. That's rare. That is rare to be a kid and be like, this is bad. The actor who played when he portrayed the lawnmoor man, he looked like I'm blanking on his name Trey Parker. He looked like Trey Parker from baseball from the beginning of baseball. Like it makes me wonder if like Trey modeled the character after the lawnmoor man. Also, he's dressed in like children's clothing. That's like, that's like how they, oh, this man has learning disabilities, dress him like Rainbow Bright, I guess. Also, he does not know that that that hair needs to be caught. God, I love Rainbow Bright so much. I mean, Mo Bright coming back. We're going to bring her back. Yeah. That's Doug's dedication. We're doing it. That's our new thing. Rainbow Bright. We're on it. All right. So he's a, he's a man. Job Smith is a man with an intellectual disability who makes his living by doing odd jobs, Tyler, such as mowing the grass. Okay. Hints the name and title of the movie. Angelo takes in Job, subjecting him to VR treatment. The first experiments quickly increase Job's intelligence like, like the Oculus Rift is promised for all of us. But after an accident, Dr. Angelo stops the experiments. The shop, a secret agency overseeing Project 5, reinserts the drugs responsible for Job's violent behavior into the program and speeds up the treatment. I don't know why. As Job develops telekinetic. Because they're evil, government and corporations are just, they're all evil. The shop, well, especially in the 90s. Yeah. Job, as Job develops telekinetic powers, he starts to take revenge on those who abused him before he began the treatments and plots to take over Tyler, all of the computers in the world. Here we go. Oh, the SNES version continues the storyline after the point where it ends in the film. Great. Yeah. Job transfers his mind into VCI's computers and from there is able to corrupt and destroy information systems all over the world, a course of action which is implied to bring about World War three. With society in complete meltdown, Dr. Angelo discovers that Job has been acting under the control of a person known as the Doom player, who is the head of the shop and poised to take over what remains of the world. Oh man. With Job apparently having been erased now that he has served his purpose, Angelo sets off to put an end to the shop once and for all. Which leads me to my very first question. Why didn't the Doom player just do all those experiments on himself? I guess maybe it wouldn't work out. He was worried it wouldn't work out. Yeah. I don't know. So this is based on, it's interesting, this isn't mentioned, this is loosely based on a piece of fiction that Stephen King wrote. And I say loosely, because it is super loosely based on, I read that as a kid and what I remember is it did involve a man with an intellectual disabilities developing telekinetic powers, but it like he used it to mow yards and eat the grass clippings. That's all I remember. So there we go. So they built a whole franchise around this. No, because this game, okay, it's not the worst game I've ever played. It is, it is functional. There's no like programming errors or it's not like horribly done or programmed or broken. It's just, it's really not fun, in my opinion. There are times where I feel like it gets a little bit better. But overall, this game, yeah, this game is not very good. All right, very good. We'll take some calls. Yep. Close this bitch out. Well, like, first of all, like, I guess, yeah, you're definitely a scientist with no like military training whatsoever. Well, you get to choose between two androgynous characters. So like the game starts and you choose man or woman. There are no names. So you don't know who these people are. There's also a really vague story that doesn't even imply who these characters are that you're playing, but you get to choose man or woman. If you choose man, well, the only thing that's really different about them is that their hair is different colored. They both have luxurious locks of hair that flow as they run and they both scream like a man when they're shot. Okay, because like you die in one hit, enemies take a lot of hits. Every enemy takes a lot of hits. You have a gun that fires like white projectiles, like they're really out of the barrel, just sort of from around you. It's just energy, just energy. You can charge it up a little bit. You can. But like a charge shot, a charge shot and two regular shots to kill basically any enemy. So like regular shots, it takes a while. Yes. Because it's a side scroller, platformer, shooter, kind of, kind of not, I mean, it looks okay. Imagine it's contour, but it's not fun. Imagine an unfun contra instead of you running through the jungle, shooting mercs, you're running through suburbia, which for World War three, looks pretty nice. Looks nicer to my neighborhood. Well, for me, thinking this is about a man who mows lawns, like suddenly you plop down in the suburbs in front of a house with a nice lawn. I was like, Oh, okay, he's been here. We're hot on the trail. The lawn mower man has been here. Look at these beautiful yards. Either him or Edward's has their hands were somewhere close. You know, if they teamed up, unstoppable, unstoppable, them and doom Blair. So it's not just that's like the majority of the game is are these unfun contra levels. You play these unfun contra levels to get to the virtual reality segments, which are unfun star Fox levels. Imagine imagine star Fox, but you're not in a spaceship. You're not in an R wing, and you're also you don't fire lasers. You just move through a course. Yeah, when I got to my first virtual reality segment, which is like, oh my God, what is this? Because you're just like a pair of purple hands held out straight. And you're just going forward. Yeah. And you're just your dodging columns. Yeah, that's it. If you get a column, start over. You did. Yeah. You can get shields eventually by like destroying terminals and a super unfun mini game. I did not play that long. Let me tell you about this mini game. So you find these terminals in the game, and you get this in vague instructions where it's like solve the puzzles to destroy the terminal. Okay, cool. And then it is rapid fire logic puzzles that you need to figure out as a timer clicks down. If it gets to at the timer runs out, you're booted from the terminal and you have to start over again. So that in itself sounds okay. However, the logic puzzles are repeated. So it gets to a point where it's just like, okay, well, cool. This could just be a thing I shoot instead of like me just memorizing. Okay, that's going to be a circle. That increases by each number increases by three, etc. The other problem is you're it's faster to just guess. It's faster to guess the answers than it is to logic it out. You can just you can just spam the buttons and you're going to get through the puzzle faster than sitting there and being like, okay, that increases by two each time. Okay, so add those together. You might as well just guess because you have unlimited unlimited tries. You can sit there and just do it forever. Like it boots you out. Fine, I'm back in, boots you out. Fine, I'm back in. So the game's not done with different. It's not done with you. It's like, okay, so you have unfun contra. You have unfun star Fox. Those are the bread and butter of the game. You also have an unfun spy hunter where you're riding a motorcycle to the shop and you're just shooting random vehicles. Like there's just no rhyme or reason to it. And then there is an unfun top down shooter. Yeah, the the bosses, I thought like well, many bosses maybe like you fight a car. Let's talk about the boss. Let's talk about the bosses. You do you do fight a car. And for the majority of the battle, it just drives on screen and drives off screen just drives the left and drives the right. Sometimes a guy gets out with a rocket launcher and he doesn't fire it at you. He just fires it in front of the car. And it does like the ultimate animation from Final Fantasy 6. Just stay away from it. You're fine. You're going to be fine. Everything's going to work out. In this super realistic game, you could totally jump on the car as it's coming at you. And it's cool. It's fine. It's no big deal. You are apparently you are playing a giant because the vehicles or the vehicles in this game are very tiny because later a boss is a van that is smaller than the car. It's a just a clown car. There was there's also a motorcycle. It's about a motorcycle at one point. You do at the fight a motorcycle. I'm waiting for it. I'm waiting for the waiting for the big one. Barrels of oil with with like their tubes just like flailing around. Yes, the gas station. You fight a gas station. That is a boss in the game. No, no, he must have the law more man must have gotten in these technologically gut in these oil barrels. Yeah, this screams of like in the 90s, there was this trend where it's like, oh man, oh man, they got they got computer chips and everything. Man, I bet at any moment gas is going to be pumping itself. That's like this game reeks. Oh man, I didn't think about that. You're right. And it's like, yeah, you roll up on a gas station up on the internet from that old barrel. Yeah, please. Which is called Harley's gasser up is the gas the name of the gas station you fight. And your the the hoses are flailing around spewing flames at you. And then you you get rid of those. And so you take out the pumps and then fire just starts spewing out at you. You get rid of those. And then just dudes who were on fire walk casually toward you. They're fine. They're just cool. That's not explained at all. We're just dudes on it's like the weirdest enemies from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game for the NES. Do you remember those motherfuckers who were just they're just fire dudes? That's all they're just fire dudes. And every now and then a fucking shrimp tempura on fire shoots out of them and chases you. Sorry, man. We're just fire elementals. We're hanging out in those barrels. Sorry, you got us. We're done. It's the aberron. We stumbled upon the aberron gas station that's fueled by fire. Let's see what I just heard that right. Let's see. There was a that was just spinning blocks on your left and on your right. Yes. It's a what a gotcha man. Is that what they call like you fight one of those gotcha pun gotcha pun. Yeah, I'm mixing my I'm mixing my that's the gotcha that's the gotcha pun Pokemon version. What does his name bolts say whenever you're playing tag? Gotcha, man. Yeah, so you fight you fight a gotcha pawn in order to defeat it. You have to kill the fucking six. I'm really clever. Wow, you're proud of that one. No, I'm shamed of that one. Yeah. He had to defeat this excited die that's swirling around it. Yeah, that have weird symbols on it for no reason. No reason. It's just I quit the level after that. That was done. Whatever, pretty good. Whenever you're on the roof, the next level, and it was just like soldiers, like electric guns, and then flying guys, the flame throwers or some shit. And I just I could not get through the middle of them. I just like, okay, fuck it. Yeah, I'm done. Um, there's a lot of weird stuff in this game. Yeah, I mean, between those two things is like a hang glider level and in virtual reality. Yeah, because you have to shoot these little gates, turn them from red to green and then press up and then so your hands are in front of you and you're running and then there's another one finally, you get a gun and one of your hands and you're shooting like right and the aliens from asteroid or whatever they looked like to me. Um, if you, if the McDonald's transformer toys had sex with a whammy from pressure luck, like that and it like hatched from a, from like a little egg, that's what you would get. Those things that you're killing and what they call these levels, the cyber wars. Um, there's three cyber wars, Tyler. Okay. As you know, as you've read of the Bible, uh, there's three cyber wars. I think as a boss, three cyber wars. Yeah. The controls in VR are they're really bad. It's like you are. Uh, if you, if you've ever played an ice level in a video game ever, um, I've learned that virtual reality equals ice. That's what lawnmower man has taught me. Yeah. So I am, I am very interested in the HTC Vive, but I am also scared of ice. So I don't know, I don't know how it's going to go for me, but it also controls like say if you're playing your first person shooter on a console and only the stick to go like side to side works. Yes. Because like you feel there's no like orientation. So everything else sort of moving around you and you're just kind of like side to side a little bit on ice. It's, yeah, it's really bad. It's so bad. I mean, and we know what the superintendent is capable of. So they're just like, yeah, man, I feel like it was a design decision because they were like, it's virtual reality. It's kind of out of control, man, frictionless. Remember, like the gas pumps itself, dog. So of course it's going to be, it's going to be weird in the internet. If no one knows the wild west is this virtual wild west of the internet. That's so gross. Yeah. So gross. Movies like what your hands are stationary in front of you and you're just moved towards things. Nothing was more frustrating to me as an internet user in the 90s like on Bolton board systems and on IRC and, you know, using a using text commands and shit like that. Nothing, nothing fucking bothered me more than like Hollywood's interpretation of computers in the internet because it's like they were just like, oh man, these computer things are really catching on. We should make some movies about it like the net and hackers and I guess the lawnmower man where you'll, I mean, the interfaces to like change your system preferences involves you getting into an imaginary car and driving it four blocks, using a key to open a door, you go up an elevator, five stories, and then you go to the room labeled settings. You walk in and there's a big wall full of switches where you're like, all right, okay, text size, 10 pixels. All right, man, the future's going to be so cool. It's going to take people forever to write their gram-gram a letter on the internet. That's the internet my dad could get into. You know, old-timey internet. Eisenhower internet, just the system of tubes you just put stuff in. It's good. And I am so glad that the word cyber is like fucking, it's like stricken from history. It's like a fucking meteor came out of space and just smashed into the word cyber. It's strictly a sexual term to me. And I think that's what did it. I think that's what did it. I think like media outlets were like, oh God, we've been saying like sex and did not realize it for two years. We need to stop saying cyber. Well, school should have phased out oral presentation then way before schools are different. Schools never change. They're just like, it's fine. Just glue those evolution pages together. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. God. Yeah. Yeah. But seriously, the net. Check it out, y'all. It's fine. Those are just ghosts. You know what I'm talking about. You have any achievements? Is it that time already? Unless you have any. I'm out of notes. I told you the point I got that I was doing. I do. I want to talk about something. Okay. Tyler, you blow up trash cans in this game to collect. This is my interpretation of this game. This game is about blowing up trash cans to collect CD-ROMs, which are continues. Well, people throw away their AOL CDs. You see what I'm going with this. So, which I they look like whenever you die, you're asked if you want to continue and your continue markers look like CD like CDs. It's the future. Because right, it is the future. Physical media all the way. We have all this quote unquote cyberspace, but we're sticking the CD-ROMs. You got fucking a card on there. You can't get that on the internet. So, I was like, okay, so I collect all these CDs and then I get extra continues. This makes sense. But then I realized that no, as I collect CDs out of trash cans, I just shoot trash cans and it just explode into CD-ROMs. I collect all those and then I notice my health bar increases. And I'm like, oh shit, my health bar is increasing. This is cool. Maybe I can take more than one hit. And that's the case. It acts as a shield. But once you get once you collect enough, once you collect enough physical media, I guess you just like make your CD-ROM armor. Exactly. You craft it like forge. You craft it like forge and you make CD-ROM armor which they call virtual reality armor, of course. Let's just remind people that virtual reality is a big crux of this game. Sure. So, you craft your CD-ROM armor and eventually that will get shot right the fuck off of you and then you will die like normal. So, I am, and also your CD-ROM armor protects you in VR. So, when you're doing all your shitty on ice flying segments, if you hit a column, it won't instantly kill you. It'll just take a knock off your CD-ROM armor. Fucking Shadowrun had better virtual reality stuff in it than this. Yeah. Shadowruns, the way Shadowrun handles, I can't remember what they call the internet and Shadowrun, but the way they handle it is so much better than Lawmore Man. And every iteration of Shadowrun that I've played, obviously the newer... The newer ones. The newer ones is really cool. What I like about the newer Shadowrun games is they're like, "You know what? We're still gonna... We're like gonna embrace what Shadowrun originally was all about as far as like, "We're not gonna like... We're just gonna embrace the fact that it was like kind of backwards thinking." Where it's like, we realize that the internet doesn't fucking work like this, but we're gonna embrace the rules as they were written. Back when it first started. And I think that's cool. I think that's a good choice. That's fine. Yeah, okay. The only other thing I got, this is really important to the game. The very first enemy you encounter is the tiniest human that I've ever seen. They don't explain that. They don't explain... And I mean, by tiny, I don't mean they're a dwarf. It's like someone took them into editing software and proportionally just shrunk them down. What's that? You might know this X-Men villain. He is in Mutant Apocalypse. Tusk? Is that his name? Yes. The first enemy you fight looks like one of his little sproutlings. And then you fight them later on and they look like they're dressed like the village people. I don't know. They're like the leather daddies from the village people. And then since... Okay, I need to bring this up because I know you didn't finish the game. I didn't either. I watched a video for the fucking end. I didn't even do that. The Doom player? He looks like an iron golem. And when you defeat him, he explodes into a mutant baby. It's like they saw... A Dalek? Well, yeah. I mean, not the inside of a Dalek that I've seen, but it looks like a baby. A melted face? No, it looks like a melted baby. It looks like someone put a baby in a microwave for like just two seconds too long. That's the part in which we microwave our babies. The safe point is what you microwave your babies. They're really cold. Look, I will not vaccinate Henry, but I'll put him in the microwave for 20 seconds and do the same thing. When I hit the button, I'm like, "Get out of there, germs!" And I hit the button. Are you Deadpool yet? No? All right. Here we go again. He does not like it. He does not like it at all. Oh, fuck. But yeah, that's what the emboss looks like. He looks like a baby that's been in the microwave for two seconds too long. I would have expected it to be like the monkey that shot the guard. Maybe that's what it's supposed to be. Maybe that is what it's supposed to be. Wow. Oh, dude, I hope that's the case. All of a sudden, I like this game a lot. The emboss is fucking Dunstan. That's great. And maybe you're Jason Alexander. No, you're Pierce Brosnan. Because at the very end, they show a portrait of Pierce Brosnan holding some woman. I don't know who she was. I don't know the actress. She's some lady. Oh, not a good game. Don't waste your time on it. But as Steven said, it is 90s horrific. But he references Baybase kids in his request. He says, if you like Baybase kids, or if you thought Baybase kids was bad, check out Long More Man. Here's where it gets weird for me. And I was going to ask you, Tyler, where does the Long More Man fall for you on the scale of bad SNES games? Where does it compare to like Baybase kids, for example? See, Baybase kids, I feel was bad because it's not 100% functional. So that's what makes it like, I mean, it's a bad game, but it's also broken. But it's functionality is broken. Same while I put that in Sparkster and sunset riders. Sunset riders. Here, that's that. So I guess I put it like, I would put it, I mean, Cool World, I think it's, I think Cool World is worse. But I put it in the same category as Cool World, and like, bad games, they're just bad 100% of their own merits. Cool World is so much worse in this game. I mean, the Long More Man is- You can get level to level, Cool World. It's just like, what the fuck am I doing? Yeah. And there is that confusion to where it's like, I don't know what I'm doing in the Long More Man, but it's nowhere near the level of incomprehension that Cool World is. Yeah. I, okay. Ian, I mean, Ian also didn't like the Stargate game. So maybe I'm not gonna offend him too badly. I think Stargate was a better game than this. Yeah, I agree. But not by a whole lot. The thing that hurts the Long More Man the most is it felt like they just crammed a bunch of different games into one. And the VR segments make no fucking sense because it's like, they use it, they use the VR segments, like in the game's logic, they use the VR segments to transport to a different location. It's like, you do not know what virtual reality is. It's not fucking transportation. It's not a fucking, it's not Southwest Airlines. You don't go anywhere. You turn yourself into a digital imprint, upload yourself the internet, and then you're 3D printed out somewhere else. It's fine. Yeah, it's so, it's so dumb. It's so dumb. And it's like the one thing that you would actually access virtual reality, maybe through, are the terminals that you fucking blow up. The way you access virtual reality is you approach a green hexagon. Oh, the virtual reality world. Cool. Let's go outside. Oh, access denied. This one's red. I'll just shoot it until it turns green. And then I'll just hop in my VR world and zoom. Now I'm inside the shop. And it bugs me that like the whole fucking driving segment where you're on the motorcycle and it's it's shitty spy hunter. Why don't you just VR yourself there? Like you VR'd everywhere else in the fucking game. Fuck you, a lot more, man. It's an internet dead zone. You have to use the that plebeian transportation. Once you're in the shop, though, you teleport via VR. So I'm sure that's just because it's local. It's just local network there. It's not connected. It's AT&T out here, man. You can't even ging it anywhere. The reception's off. Oh, man. Whoo. Whoo. This game. The more I talk about it, the more I think about it. Yeah, I see you get that. That was like John Turley talking about gun control kind of cranked up. That was nice. Man, it's bad. The game is bad. It's a bad fucking game. They're worse games. They're not not a lot of worse games. I'm a super Nintendo. Maybe we'll see. Yeah. Oh, God. I would rather play baby's kids than the lawnmower, man. Yeah, absolutely. Because the baby's kids is one of those games where it's like when you figure it out, it's not so horrible. And it could be a little funny, I guess, at all the weird shit that's in it and the nonsensical shit as opposed to this is just like, what the fuck? But cool world is definitely a worse game. So here's my ranking. Cool world at the bottom, lawnmower, man, baby's kids. Super target. Sunset riders. Yeah. Super target too. Wow. More like super turdickin to him. Am I right? Yeah. Got you, man. Now do you have any achievements? I do. I do. I have some achievements for this game. Tyler, the first achievement I've got is called Ready Player One, which is a reference to an Ernest Klein book that you might be familiar with. We did a show. We did a whole series on Ready Player One. Remember that? Bagley. That's the first time we played Tomb of Horrors. The first time we played D&D on the show was for Ready Player One. The reason it's called Ready Player One is because your character is not given a name, as I mentioned. You are always referenced as almost very damn close. You're always referenced as Player One. In dialogue and everything, you're Player One. Like, come on. Come on. So in order to unlock-- No effort. Come on, like, Ted, save your stuff. Nothing. Nothing. These characters have names. They're like based on fucking characters from the movie. I feel like, I honestly do feel like this game feels like it was developed outside of the lawn mornan. I wonder if they forgot to sub in a name. Like, it's just sloppy code. It's just sloppy code. It's like, this is a placeholder, Player One. Yeah, exactly. So in order to unlock Ready Player One, you need to play this game with two people, because you can play with two people, apparently, and in order to unlock it, Player Two has to say Ready Player One, and to which you say, I guess. No. I'm resigned to my fate. Because I have two. Do you have more than one? I do. Okay, that's-- we'll alternate. Yeah, I like that. My first one is O-Sided One, and you make it through a VR level without running into anything on your first try. Okay, what does that in reference do? O-Sided? Just be able to fucking see. Okay, I don't know. I'm going to like, rack up my brain. I was like, what movie is that from? O-Sided One. I was like, it's not pinging with me. It must be from the Wheel of Time. That's what I see. There must be a guy in there that called the Sided One. There's Sight Blonder, so it's close, but-- My second achievement is pump, pump, pump it up. In order to unlock that, you just defeat all of the burning guys at the gas station, because that means you're done with the gas pumps. That's how you get gas in the future. It is. My other one is E-Honda's Hundred Hand Slap, and you unlock that whenever you defeat the car, because the only way I could defeat the car and shoot better, too, was with E-Honda, or Chun-Lee, but much easier with E-Honda. E-Honda, Chun-Lee, and those are definitely both references of the Wheel of Time. Yeah. Yeah. Man, that is a way you could trick me. Sided One in Sight Blonder, E-Honda and Chun-Lee. If you're looking for a way to trick me in the reading, the Wheel of Time, it is. Dude, did you know that E-Honda's in there? I'll just have to get you a PDF, and I will change all the names of certain characters in the street that are-- Did you find it replaced? Dude, it's weird. It seems like every time someone says ground, it says E-Honda. He landed on the E-Honda. There he is. He is pretty big. I mean, I guess that makes sense. [laughs] Tyler. Yes, Dave. There's a segment I haven't done in a long time that I stole from Phil Hawkins when he was on recording with us, and it's a segment where I like to find comments on YouTube, which are usually very constructive and wonderful things to read. I find comments on YouTube that are left for gameplay videos of the game that we're talking about, which, of course, for this episode is The Lawn Mower Man. I have a few of those, and this is YouTube comments brought to you by the Epson.matrix printer that was found in my household when I was 10 years old, because it's a computer thing. You got that, right? Do you make that computer thing? All right, cool. Here we go. Why can't they make an arcade version of Lawn Mower Man? Someone liked the game. Yeah. The second one. The Doom player has been killed for good, but the world has still gone to shit, and Job is still at large, so this story is not happy end. There's a lawn mower man too, so yeah, you're right. I hated this game as a kid, and now that I finally got to see the ending of it, I'm glad I traded it for Contra in $20. Good trade. Yeah, I included that because I read it, and I was like, yeah, this isn't funny. It's just fucking true. I wanted to brag on this guy. Finally, looks like a contemporary indie game, so this is the game engine they use. Another one that I just legit, it was like, that's a funny comment. I'm not going to give these people credit. Okay. So that's it. That's just a statement. Oh, did I forget to say that I made all these comments on YouTube? It was funny. It was funny. What didn't mean he'd argue. That's what I was thinking as I was playing it. Man. Oh, we didn't talk about the Job fight. I didn't get to that. You do fight Job, and he is a giant face. He's a giant face. He is like Andross meets Max Hadroom. And you just shoot at him. You're in a little spaceship. They give you a spaceship, finally. You shoot at him, and every time you defeat him, there's this hexagonal grid. And every time you defeat him, the grid lights up, access denied. So you're blocking him from coming at you. Catch you. So you got to beat him like, I think, like, probably six or seven times. Firewall his ass. That is right. Internet. So I guess an achievement that unlock would be in order to unlock that motherfucker out of the internet. You lock him out of the system. Good one. That's a good one. You see the magic word. Tyler. Yes, Dave. It's been an episode. I don't know how this one. I don't know if this is a good one. Yeah, that's okay. We're just going to write this one off. No, this is fine. This is fine. Usually I'd say I had fun, and I kind of did. We'll take some calls. We'll have fun with that. But before we take some calls, Tyler, I've got some important questions to ask you. The first of which is, if you were to give this game a beard that sums up how you feel about it, what kind of beard would you give it? I'd have to give this. Say you're allergic to some kind of like latex and get a full, horrible face rash from some sort of a virtual reality headset. Yeah. So it's just a beard that is just a horrible, horrible, or cheap reaction rash. Yep. That. The rash beard, horrible, horrible rash beard. I usually do wear my VR sets around my mouth. It's broken out. It's just spread everywhere. Yeah. I'm not very bright. So when I see a pizza and the oculus riff, I just, I figure you'll have to lower the head of my mouth. I think I could change the beat, yeah. Tyler. Yes, Dave. If you were to give this game a pair of glasses that sums up how you feel about it, what kind of glasses would it be? The combination migraine and eye bleeding that comes with the wearing the virtual. Yes. Yeah. I love it. I still want one. I still want one though. Tyler. Yes. I'm curious if you were to buy this game on Amazon, how much would you pay for it? I bet it's expensive because I bet no one bought this and it's got to be limited copies. I bet it's expensive. I'm going to say $60. $60. Yeah. Tyler. Actual retail value of the lawnmoor man used on Amazon at the time of this recording. I haven't been able to do this in a while and it actually feels really good. Is $1.46. I lost just a little bit. It's one of those games. I could see it go in either way. Because this was not a game I had ever heard of. I'd heard of the movie, but I didn't know there was a fucking game that they made. So I could see it being like, oh yeah, they only made like, they only made 500 copies. And Mike Tyson has all of them. He's selling them one at a time, but he made for $20,000 a pop. He does love lawnmoor man. He's famous. Probably that's what he's most famous for. Yeah. That's in the hangover when they meet him. He's got like an alligator and then he's playing. He's like a lawnmoor man. I'll see where it didn't know. That's true. Tyler, I want to point out that the lawnmoor man SNES instruction booklet on Amazon is $14, which is just about $12.54 more than the game. I hope the instruction book is actually just a VHS copy. You want to take some calls? Yeah. Let's cleanse our palettes, hopefully. And there's something else I want to talk to you about. How are we on time? Uh, we have about 20 minutes. Are you at all, since all this VR lawnmoor man is all about VR, are you at all interested in any of like the VR systems that are coming out, like the Oculus Rift or the HTC? I think they still all look like shit. Or the PlayStation one. Yeah. I haven't heard about the PlayStation one. I can't remember what it's called, but they're Sony is developing one for the PlayStation four that's supposed to be like a lower barrier entry just because it's like for PlayStation fours and they want to make it affordable. And like the PlayStation four doesn't have like the hardware to push that like the Oculus Rift requires or the Vive requires. Every time I see a video of one, like I look at it and just like the original Zelda for the Oculus Rift. And like I'll watch it and be like, God, much other play, display the legends on the NES. So I'm not really, yeah, I'm not interested in early stages of like, yeah, virtual reality. I get that. I do. I am. I really want to vibe. I really, really want an HTC Vive because that's like, that's Valve's deal where it's like, okay, it's a headset and you mount these sensors on your wall and like you actually like walk around. So it's not like, I mean, you still have a fucking controller, but it's not like the Oculus Rift where it's like, you just control everything with a controller. But I am kind of leery because it's like, I mean, that's $800. I mean, it's not like it's not cheap. And you need a machine that's going to like output video to the to the rig to the headset at like 90 frames per second. So it's like, I mean, you need a pretty modern computer in order to in order to do that. Because I've heard that like, if you if you do not have an optimal build, it is a nightmare to like it will make you sick. Like if it's running, if it's running like below 90 frames per second, you will get nauseous because it's like that is required in order for it to be usable. But I, I really, really do want one because like, I want to, I want to experience that. If there was a place that I could go and like just, I don't want to say you've written one. But yeah, exactly. Like if I could just pay like an hourly rate just to like experience it, I would rather do that. Yeah. So what I'm saying is, I think that we should take one of Ryan's rooms in his house and make a virtual reality arcade with you where we charge people $20 an hour to play virtual reality games. All right. Yeah. I mean, and then virtual glory hole. Well, no, no, here's, here's, here's the scepter. Just go ahead. Yeah. It's the Christmas version. Here's the candy cane. No, but probably not that room downstairs. That's what we'll do. He won't care. All right. Cool. You run it by him, please. Yeah. Let me know. No, he'll hear it now when he listens to this in the morning. He'll be fine. Can you, uh, Ryan, can you also buy all the hardware? Yeah, he's totally fine. And I am actually, I am like in 100% honesty, I am curious how Ryan feels about, like the Oculus Rift and the HTC Vive and all that because like he is, um, he comes across to me as a guy who like, is very up on PC gaming and hardware. Yeah. And so like, I'm curious. I'm curious. Most of them, I just wait six months, everything comes out, buy it from him when he's done with things. He's, he's an early adopter. Yeah. So then I'll just get like my current laptop that I'm using now is a pretty nice laptop. Yeah. Just go from him when he wanted to upgrade like two years after it came out. Just like, yeah. Yeah, that works out nicely. Uh, so cool. All right. You want to take some calls? Yeah. Yeah. Put us out of our misery. Maybe, maybe. All right. Here we go. Here is a call from 3 1 9. I believe this is Kyle. Dear Ted, Kyle here, I had to, um, stop mid episode because Tyler just said Harrison Ford sucks. Sure. And John truly deserves better. Um, you know, any guy who resembles Indiana Jones and Han Solo automatically doesn't suck. That guy could be the biggest asshole in the world. No. I don't care if you look like Indiana Jones and Han Solo, he automatically doesn't suck. I'll find you a pedophile then, Kyle, that looks like I support this outside. Later, guys. All right. What do you think? He's a jerk face guy. He's got his, his face, that face, that Han Solo and Andrew's face. It's a jerk face. I like his face. I don't like his earring. He's got a, he's got whatever. Yeah, his earring. That's a little, yeah. Listen, I guess do your thing, man. He's got a, he's got a rugged and some this though. Like an asshole is short away. Yeah, you think he looks like you can look like an asshole? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just jealous though, right? Yeah. Yeah. Even Bruce Willis, both. You can get you an earring. They're both assholes. Let's go. Let's get you an earring. I'll get an earring and there's like big grudge every second I'm on this show. Oh, you're going to take my role. You can't take that away from me. No, I'll just be quiet for like 90% of the show and just go around to actually sometimes. Perfect. Here's the thing. And I've said this, I've said this in episodes after the argument with John Turley that you had about Harrison Ford. I honestly do think that a lot of people have a difficulty separating Harrison Ford from Han Solo and from Indiana Jones. And I get it. It's because like when we watch those movies, like those were formative years and like it's real easy to idolize Harrison Ford because he played these two really important roles in my childhood. I'll speak for myself. And because of that, I do hold Harrison Ford in high regard. And I can't help it. It's just one of those things where it's like, I feel like I owe him because like he was a big part of my childhood. I never want to meet him. Like I just do not because I know that would be a disaster. And that would be like I have a feeling that if I met Harrison Ford that it would be like a hurtful experience. You know what I mean? Like I would walk away from it being like, oh, my childhood was meaningless. You know, Mr. Fordot, shut up. Yeah, exactly. Like, yeah. So I don't know. I get your point, Tyler, and like you, you, I don't think you have a strong connect. I know you don't have a strong connection to the character Han Solo. Nope. Now Indiana Jones, on the other hand, I'm assuming you probably don't have a super strong connection to Indiana Jones. I've never seen a complete Indiana Jones movie. Oh, man. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Okay. All right. I know there's a new one coming out, apparently. Yeah. Is there is like a young Indiana Jones kind of thing? I think it's here. Oh, it's him. There you go. Yeah. Got him. Got him again, man. All right. Well, just let Shiloh buff take over back off. He's a new franchise airliner. Yeah. All right. Well, hey, you did you see the kingdom of the Crystal Skull? You saw that all the way through, right? Oh, that's the only one. If I'm, if I'm sticking to pattern, yeah. I like to fall out for a quest that makes fun of it. Yeah. With the fridge. You found the ghoul in the fridge. Yeah. He's been there since the bomb drums. Oh boy. Oh boy. All right. Here we go. I'm not going to be the guy who says Tyler, you got to see those movies. That time has passed. I do feel like there's an expiration date on on that kind of stuff. Here we go. Here's some four ones. Hey, dad. Oh, get Tony. Tony. I am currently in the intro part of the Dark Wings episode. And I just have to call it with a correction for you guys. So they just pulled some Russia. And you guys should look in loss because they look way more epic in the world that we have here. So that's the thing. The other thing that's kind of interesting, I think, is the UK and Europe that the old world in general, they don't have hummingbirds. So if you ever want to send your friends in the UK a present, do not send them a hummingbird feeder. Send them a bath house or something. Sorry. All right. That's your practice today. Bye. And I told Tony I would make it right because an episode passed. I said, whoever sent us the hares chips. Oh, right. I'm 90 minutes European prime goal. I should not remember that's Tony. That's Tony. The obey everything. So my apologies, Tony. One of our longest listeners. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't remember either. So I am not blameless in this. Yeah, I'm also sorry, Tony. Thank you for the facts that I really like that hummingbird fact because I am I'm a hummingbird fishing. I don't know if you knew that about me and I did not know that one. You get the magazine. You didn't know that one. Yeah, nectors. I think they call it mother's mother's nectar. It's what they call it. It's all about hummingbirds. Cool ads in there. I read it for the ads. Yeah. Some really sweet shots. All right. Thanks, Tony. Here is Oh, if I flip this daredevil inside out. It's a punisher. Yeah, it comes a punisher. That hat looks that hat looks enormous. Yep. Like I thought I thought that like I think it's I think it's to fit on an alien. It's it's a really it's really long. Very tall. So you're going to put all these loot crate things on Instagram. Yes. Can the can you put that hat on and then we'll take a photo and see how far it goes. No, I just wear it like normal. I don't know how to wear it. I'm just wearing no Tyler. I think he's going all the way down. Tyler, like you normally wear it. Come on. Stop putting on Ayers. I know you wear sock hats all the time. I can't stop you from wearing sock hats. That you're drunk fat Albert. It's pulled all the way down that in your roster hat that you're always wearing. I told you it would make sense one day. Got you mom. All right. Here's like here's a call. This is from three one line. Hey, guys. Kyle again. So I resumed the path or the wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to pause it. Tony called in between. Holy shit. Good timing, Tony. Humming bird, Tony, just like a hummingbird zipping in there, flying backwards, getting that nectar and flying backwards out. All right. Sorry, Kyle. Here we go. It's play after my outrage from hearing about Tyler's, you know, hating Harrison for his jerk face. Only to hear Dave agree with him and say, I get your point and I'm like at two per se. It's supposed to be the Star Wars true leader here, Kyle guys. You're killing me. All right. I want to reiterate the character in Star Wars is not Harrison Ford. It's Han Solo, whom I love. That's it. It's different. It's a different thing, but they got the same face. I do see it's it is one of those things where it's like it bums me out when I hear about his behavior. I can't lie about that. It bums me out when it's like, oh, he does not want to do Star Wars. Like that's that sucks, man. It's like, oh, okay. I mean, obviously you're allowed to feel how you feel. And we should respect that. But it's also like, hmm, you don't want to do it, but you don't have the integrity to say no when all the money is on the table. So I think there's something to that Harrison, like on like the scale of things as far as like artist integrity goes, Bill Watterson's on the very the extremely like very not going to budge on his values or and he's going to do what he thinks is art. And then he got people like Harrison Ford who are like, no, I don't want to do it. I fucking hate it. Well, see how much money you can do. How much? Fine, but you better fucking kill my ass. Which they may or may not do. What old did I get in the room after that? Get any of Jones thing going. I'm not going to do it, but you have people talk about it. Give me a script that I'm going to say no until you see me that game in that checkbook. So I do I do get Tyler's point and I will not apologize for it. But John Turley's with you, Kyle. He he's the die art doesn't matter. Love them. And that's not to say that I don't enjoy his work because I do enjoy his work and it's like it goes back to what we were talking about with Chevy Chase. I do enjoy Chevy Chase's work. Yeah, you hate it when I bring up Chevy. I do personality. He breaks my fucking heart. Like Paul Cluell the other day Ruby Baron sent me a message and said, why don't you like Chevy Chase? And it's like I I do like Chevy Chase. Like I I grew up loving Chevy Chase. I grew up thinking, you know, and I still think that Chevy Chase is is funny. There's something about Chevy Chase that I just think is is funny. And I like his work, but it does it bums me out when I hear about like him personally. I've heard a lot of things about Elizabeth Banks being like a nightmare to work with. I could believe that. I could believe that. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. Well, now that I'm thoroughly that I'm thoroughly Bob. Here's a text message from 763 who says, okay. Fucking Tadpog, Colin, kill fuck Mary, Colin, Daisy Duck, Lola Bunny, and Arlene from Garfield. I think they mean Garfield. Oh, I guess, I guess I'm going to I'm going to kill Arlene because that's just like that's just straight beastiality. And then I mean, okay, because she's the most like an actual cat. Yeah. I mean, she's just she's a cat. So not only get a cat I've seen. I mean, she's like a mutant cat, but not like a mutant human cat. Just like a fucked up cat. I need to kill her because she's an animal who does not pretend to be human. Right. Right. Yeah, exactly. The ones that pretended human, I'm going to marry and fuck. I could at least abide by a Howard Duck, but like the cat cat. So cat cat. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, and then I'm going to marry Daisy. Daisy does have a nice voice. I could like hang out with her and talk to her. And she's been around the long as she has the most money for me to marry into. Yeah. Well, you know, she's going to get some of that. Scrooge money. Yeah, and then Donald money and everything. Yeah. And so then I'm going to fuck Lola Bunny. Can you say that again for me, please? I'm going to fuck Lola Bunny. Wait, I need it one more time. I'm gonna fuck Lola Bunny. I got it. That's my ringtone now for when you call me, which is never you call me more often. I'm on fire up space jam and the virtual reality machine. I'm on my fuck Lola Bunny. You know, that's like, you know, you know, fucking a virtual Lola Bunny is like three years away. Like it's three years away. Or now in Japan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're so behind on them. We're so behind on our virtual fuck technology. Yeah. I am going to have the same answer for different reasons. I fucking hate Arlene. I hate Arlene even like when I was a kid and I love Garfield when Arlene was in a comic. It was like, Oh God. She is she is just she is an abomination cat. It's like you got Garfield who kind of looks like a cat and he started looking less like a cat as time progressed and normal who very much looks like a kitten and then Arlene who looks like not a cat. Yeah. Arlene looks like some kind of extraterrestrial creature. Something out of like, like if Jim Henson had a fucking acid dream that was like he had a bad acid trip and I was like, I'm going to make a pink cat with a penis head for a face. That's also a buck teeth. Yeah. What? What? What? What? How do I let people know? Jim Davis went overboard. I'm going to set I'm going to put it out there. Just put it on the right. You'll say what no one else says. Yeah. They're thinking it, but no one saying it. I'm not afraid. I'm going to come at me, Jim Davis. I ain't afraid. I'm going to call you out. Now, Kyle called you back. God damn it. Jim Davis, Garfield, please. Here's the thing about Arlene. Look, you got too many fucking symbols. You got too many indicators that she's a girl cat. You really only need one. She's got she's pink. All right. She's pink. I guess a boy cat could be seen to draw in her cat vagina. Anytime she does that, they're like one step away. Like Jim Davis is like just showing like his wife or something. Do you think they'll know that she's a girl? No. Oh, should I do? What do you think? Lipstick? Yeah. Okay. Lipstick. I'm going to add lipstick. Now, what do you think? Still not there, huh? Still not there? What do you like a like a bow or something? What do you think now? What do you think now? Still not there? Huh? Beauty Mark? Beauty Mark? Yeah. Beauty Mark turned up. Now she's too pretty. Well, fuck. I done I done made a cartoon character that I want to have sex with. What do I need to do? Let me add some tits on it real quick. Give me a minute. Give me a minute. Just just to see what it looks like. Yeah. And they're hanging over the fence here. Yeah, that does me right. Yeah. She's got she's their peers with fish hooks. Yeah. All right. There we go. That does me. I'm going to I'll tell you what I'm going to sleep on this design. I'm going to I'll change it tomorrow. I'll change it tomorrow. Yeah. Next morning. All right. I did some things last time. I'm not proud of. So for the for Phil's Garfield fan art Bob Bobcat Bobcat Picasso Bobcat Picasso. Please draw that which may or may not be Phil's. Oh, I thought it was Phil. Okay. Well, may or may not be Phil's. Phil, if you know who does that. Yeah. Let him just pass it along and then this. We don't know. We don't know if we're supposed to keep it a secret that it's you, Phil. Yeah. You are contact to to doom player that does this. But chances are someone you worked with probably didn't make it through all that fucking Arlene talk. So probably safe. So yep, same answer. Same answer, different reasons. I don't feel like I need to go beyond the horrible horrible abomination that Arlene is. She's like a creature from the far realm. She just does not. She should not exist. All right. And obviously fuck a little buddy. I mean, come on. Come on. Yep. They want you to fuck her in space jam. Come on. They drew her so you would want to fuck her. She's supposed to be confusing. All right. Here we go. Here is a call from 321. Thank you for that. Murder Mary kill, by the way. All right. Look guys, Adam. What's up, Adam? I love you guys. I'm Darren. You're kind of cool too. We just need some variety. It's Paul. Fuck it is Paul. Fuck you guys call me nowadays. Sorry, Paul. If you want to bring some variety of the calls, that's all. Somebody else fucking call, please. Not just me, not just Ian, not just Adam, or the British, Paul and John. I still want to know if there's Georgian right now in there. So keep us posted. Yep. That's about it. Tony. I guess. Love you. First look, Jay. Wait, was that Adam? I think it was Adam. That's how thirsty I am for an Adam call. Because it's just been Ryan just just firing off at Adam. So God. Tyler, I can't believe I fucking did that. Dude, I feel like a real Harrison Ford. I feel like a real Arlie. Someone should take me behind the shed and shoot me like Arlie. Somebody should do the Alchemy to undo the bottom nation. That is me. Oh, that is a good, that is a good theory of how Arlie was created. Two brothers lost their mother and tried to bring her back through a forbidden alchemy and they created Arlie. That's how John made Garfield and yeah. Holy shit. That makes me want to like, that's how John killed Arlie and kept Odie. He fused his roommate with a cat. Dude, I know how we're going to spend the Patreon money. I know how we're going to spend it. We're going to get a video editor and we're going to get them to take the first part of Full Alchemist Brotherhood where they try to bring their mother back and they get that abomination and we're just going to have Arlie in there. So thanks for calling Paul and I'm very sorry that I didn't recognize your voice. I do honestly feel like a real Harrison Ford. I'll give you money till you feel better. It's fine. I will stop the joint. All right, here's another call. This is from, God, I don't want to say it. I'm pretty sure this is from Adam. And I think we should end on an Adam call. Okay. What's up, chat dog? It's your beloved Adam. Yeah. I'm home from a long Thursday at work and just finished up the DuckTales and DuckTales remake episode. And I love DuckTales. It is one of my favorite G&S games. Well, I wouldn't say it's one of my favorite. I think it's one of the better eating at games. I think it gets a lot of hype and a lot of people. Thanks for calling Adam. I said that's what we should end on. So I guess we should. Is the next one from him? How great would it be if the next one's from Tony? That's Tony's thing. He just hummingbirds in and honeybirds out. If it's me, all these calls from the same people, please be Tony. Please be Tony. It's Adam. It's Adam. We should probably. We'll finish it. We'll finish it. Oh, shit. Because it won't make sense in a month. Let's be honest on our next all-call show, which is probably going to be in a week. What's up, chat dog? It's your beloved Adam. Sorry. I was on my phone a little too much at work today since it was slow and my freaking battery died. So I can't seem to find my charger that's in the car. So I had to wait until I got to the homestead and plug that bad boy up and finish my call. I think I was talking about something to do with duck tails. How great would it be if the call ended right now? But hopefully you guys will be getting a package from me sometime soon in the box that Nicole has generously opened up for all of us to put things into. Thanks, Josh. We will definitely keep it at a sit. I apologize to that comment. I feel terrible just even joking about it. Yeah, I'll read some soon and I will be finishing up this episode and starting the next one with I think it's Phil Hawkins, but it has something to do with Pokemon or something. So I'm looking forward to that and I'll probably give you a call sometime after Phil's episode and just want to let you guys know that I love you. I do unequivocally. And I'll try to do a better job of maintaining my battery life work. So I have phone call time for Pat Pog and make you a priority of my life because you know you're number one. Love you. Talk to you guys soon. Bye. We love you. Yeah, we love you too, Adam. So much that I'm gonna beat that, Ryan. How you gonna beat that? Yeah, I forgot. We got a few. We got a real we got a real Adam Ryan for you. I'm sure Adam doesn't even know about that. Yeah. Adam, I love you so much that it's when someone calls and doesn't immediately say their day and I'm like, it's Adam Adam Adam Adam. The guy who loves us. Even when Nicky calls you for more. I know. Like when clients call me at work, I'm like, what's up, Adam? Oh, oh, right, right, right, right, right. Would you have actually spoken? Okay, cool. Yeah. Answer it just one time when he calls if you catch it. Speaking of work, speaking of acting inappropriately at work, I do not think this is, I don't think this is worthy for an intro story, which is really weird for me to say because I've had some really fucking flame, a week ass intro story. But I do think it would be a good outro story. Today at work, I didn't, okay, preface, I didn't get much sleep last night because Henry woke up, he's got like a molar coming in and he had some, he had some like tummy issues and stuff. So like he woke up like just screaming at two in the morning. So, and it's like the kind of screaming where it's like, oh shit, I definitely left him in the microwave too long. So Nicky and I, you know, both got up and we were checking on him. We were worried. He's fine. He's fine. It was just like a two thing in his baby belly. But the problem with it. Put some bourbon in there. He was fine. I know. Just look at drunkie. So he was fine. We put him back in in the bed. And but the problem is that I woke up in the middle of the night. So, and it took me a little while to get back to sleep. And I did that thing where it's like, well, I should probably just stay up. I should probably just stay up and play video games until it's time for work. You probably play here to the store and perfume. Yeah, I probably that's definitely what I should do. And I made the mistake of looking, I looked at my phone and in hot chat, like, time Lord Josh Edwards had said like maybe 50 minutes earlier, I'm going to hop in heroes of the store. I had the fucking took every ounce of willpower for me to turn the phone over and then lie in bed with my eyes, just wide open, just like blinking. So finally, I got back to sleep. But when I woke up, man, I was fucking tired. I've been tired all damn day. And so I got to work. I'm in my normal routine. The phone rings. I'm drinking. Of course, I'm slamming a monster energy drink. Of course, I am the car, the carbonated nectar. And I mother's covered in piss, nature's piss. So I am so I'm just slamming this thing. And the receptionist beeps through and says that I've got a call on line one. So I'm like, all right, line one. And I go to pick up the phone and I realize that I've got just got a gnarly burp just bubbling just it's just working its way through. And I kind of forget where I am. And I'm like, I'm just going to get this out of my system before I pick up the phone, because I don't want to pick up the phone and just like burp at a client. That's not that's not professional. So without thinking of it, I let out this fucking like the kind of burp that like vibrates the walls, you know, like it echoes like you like you fired a gun in a very small closet. And then I didn't even think about it. I pick up the phone and I'm talking to the client. And then about 30 seconds in, I'm like, holy shit, I just fucking like, I just like what like I've been like the most unprofessional I've probably ever been. This is not how a soldier who's been infused to make our energy should act. So once I got off the phone with with the client, I hung up and I was like, I should address this issue. And I just I yelled, I'm sorry for the gnarly burp that I allowed out before answering the phone. I forgot where I was. And then that's it. And then someone down the hall said, what? Anybody hear that? Yeah. All right. I couldn't let it. I could not let it lie. I couldn't. So that's it. That was it. There's my outro. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. Now we got to do those every time too. Well, we need to pad. We need to pad our game talk with something. People, they tell us we talk about the games too much now. You guys are too professional and dry. Yeah, that is. That we do. We do hear that a lot. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. You can find and show an iTunes Stitcher and SoundCloud. So don't miss the next episode. We have a special, a special episode. Yeah, recording, it's weird this week. We're doing a lot of recording this week. So I don't, I don't know how everything's going to plop, plop, plop in the place. But we do, we have several special things coming up. That's true. Like we're going to do little fears. I know we got that coming up. We have, oh, God, we can't talk about some of the things. Yep, we can't. So that's my special, special one. Yeah, we can't talk about some of the things. So yep, stay tuned. Sorry, I fucking interjected. It's nonsense. It's people who want to know, usually want to play the games ahead of time. There are not games you can play ahead of time, really. So that is true. That is very true. But if you want to be like, Hey, those guys, they play for the lawnmower, man, that sucks. They deserve a five star iTunes review. So please, good iTunes, find Tadpocks, subscribe, give the show a five star rating, write a review. Yes. So there's a game you want us to play a head social wand first, or an episode or a Patreon request, include that in there. We promise we will get to that eventually. Don't worry, guys. Like Tyler said, we're going to be back. We're going to be talking about something. And that something is probably going to be more fun than lawnmower, man. We'll end the wager. Oh, yeah. We'll end the wager. We've actually got we're getting dual vasectomies. Yeah. While we talk to Harrison Ford on the phone, he's he's giving us vasectomies while Bruce Willis spits in our face. He gives a little hell of a scalpel or anything of each hand and he'll be talking to you as Han Solo. And he is Indiana Jones. He didn't want to do it, but of course we threw enough money at him that he said he wouldn't. Don't worry. He's going to fill the gap in our vast deference with Chevy Chase. So where are we? We're on tadpug.com. That's where the show notes exist. They are going to be skimpy for this episode because I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't I didn't type a whole lot of them out as we went. So I don't know. Check it out. There might be some things there. See, there might be a trailer for Dunston checks in. You can't just find that on your own. You can also find us on Facebook. We're at facebook.com/tagpug. There's a lot of cool people there doing a lot of cool shit. Thank you always for your feedback and for your shares. That helps spread the word and we do appreciate it. I feel like I get the most positive feedback on episodes where we do something different. Personally, I get a lot of positive feedback on the D&D episodes and everyone is John and the little fears I got good feedback on as well. Man, I love getting that feedback because we've talked about this before. I want to do more of that stuff. I don't know when we're going to do more of it. I don't know how that's going to shape up, but those episodes are so much fun to record. They take no prep and we just get the B. We just get to be. Yeah, exactly. Thanks for the feedback on that. It really is important to us. You can also find us on Twitter. We are @tagpug_podcast. It's cumbersome. I realize, hey, thanks for retweeting us on there. I appreciate it. There's generally good conversation on there, too. Thanks for keeping me company while I'm on the toilet. I do appreciate that. If you'd like to give us a call, I want to be one of the people that I confuse as Adam. You can do so at 270-883-2555. You can also send us a text message if you leave us a call. Try to keep it under three minutes. Lastly, we do have a Patreon. Thank you very much to our donors, one of the largest donors, Paul Cluell, sorry again, very sorry for confusing you with Adam. Look, I'm a huge Arlene's butthole. If you want-- Which is massive. It's like a bag of devouring from D&D 3.5. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's true. Garmfield's lost so many penises in there. He's so many. It's a good thing he's also a denomination and they grow back. Yeah. Well, and John's Orange Penis budget is through the fucking roof. That's literally what 90% of his paycheck goes to, Orange Penis. Hey, did you like that? Did you like that Garmfield sex joke? If you did, you can ship in a dollar at patreon.com/dadpog, where we produce some bonus episodes that, believe it or not, are worse than this. And I don't mean equality. I mean, and I think they're high quality episodes, but they are-- We're filthy boys. We are filthy, filthy boys on a Patreon bonus episode. That's paywall makes a difference. It does. It does. Because it's like, okay, I'm pretty fucking filthy on these regular episodes, but on the Patreon episodes, it's like, well, we're holding back your regular episodes. Yes. You're 100% right. If that shit doesn't blow your hair back, I don't know what the fuck will-- This is what everyone is, John. It's fine. You'll get it. Yeah, yeah, you'll get it. You can mail us stuff if you want. You can mail any-- I can-- a game you want us to expedite, good or gross shit you want us to try, send that to TADPOG Studios, care of Nicole Nance, PL Box 3785, Pdukka, Kentucky 42002. And we also have an Instagram, TADPOG_PODCAST. So on that, yep, push it every day. It's a private group, just request it, I'll confirm it, because I make sure you're not crazy or bought. It's fine. Tyler has promised to take a selfie of himself with the Daredevil toboggan. Oh, is it a toboggan or is it a socket? I don't know. What's the difference? One's a sled. I don't know what this is. Oh, well. It's a Marvel hat. Yeah. It's a bill-- a billless hat. No. Um, our theme is going to be with us taking more drive. Let me do that, check me and find us at www.tepo.com. How difficult is this out, Dave? You know who I think would wear a hat like that? Who? Rota from Mary Tyler and more show. You're damn right. And she needs one this tall for her bun in the back. Yes. This is made-- this leucrate was made for Rota. Make sure you're Daredevil Rota hat. That's the leucrate I want. I want the Rota theme. I know. Or I guess that's a little specific. I'm Mary Tyler Moore. No, not specific enough. Because the Rota season two. Phyllis season one. That was a fucking show that blew my mind. Yeah. So no Ted. Why not Ted season one? I want more Ted Baxter. Yeah, who's the Marvel analog to Ted Baxter? That's a good question. All right, we'll get to it next episode. Well, that's how we-- Tell us, tell us on the face on Facebook. Who is the Marvel equivalent to Ted Baxter? Tell us on Facebook. Who is Ted Baxter? I feel like two listeners right now. He's now from Ninja Turtles. It's now Baxter Stockman. It's Ted Baxter. Ted Baxter Stockman is a jeopardy answer. A newsman that's also part fly. Ted Baxter Stockman. That's a will of fortune like mashup. Yes. Yes. Thank you. I got my-- I got my shows that come on at six in the afternoon mixed up. Oh god. How would I like to close it out? Well, look, Daisy Duck. She sounds good. Yeah, we can do that. I watch a lot of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I'd-- Daisy Duck is voiced by Tress McNeil. Oh. Yeah. Huh. I don't know what she sounds like. So mine is going-- yours is going to be the accurate one. Mine's going to be the goofy one. Goofy's an entire different character. All right. Can we change-- can we change from trouble group Capricorn to every episode we say got you on in the voice of Goofy? Jamaican Goofy. Girl, Jamaican me Goofy. Man, she's going to average out to doing a Josh impression over time. Like most do. They've made typically level level out at a six. So what are we doing? Daisy Duck. It doesn't matter. Daisy Duck, sure. Okay. So until next time. Tropical Capricorn. That was pleasing. Yeah. That was pleasing to my ears. A little bit of blood. Went to my no-no spot. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Phil said he'd increase his patreon if we played that as a stinger.