We’ve played Zork. We’ve played Dungeons & Dragons. We’ve even played Leather Goddesses of Phobos. These games were all tiny snippets in our cinematic training montage in preparation for Everyone Is John, a freeform competitive roleplaying game where each player controls a voice inside of John’s head. Frequent guest hosts, TADPOG Sweethearts Josh & Nicole, return to help Tyler control John in this Patreon exclusive bonus episode. We have the full episode on Patreon as a thanks to our donors.
WARNING: This episode might be our grossest!
Hello internet. What's up? Hey, how's it going? What's going on? It's just, uh, we're going to tell you... Just checking in on your Friday. Yeah. How's it going? You probably didn't expect this. No. How's it going? Did Robert bring the donuts like you said he would? Robert. So this is, uh, to tell you about the great deal you can get by getting, like, during door Patreon. It's a great deal going on. It's a great deal. Is it like a steam sale or something? Every month. Yeah. For only a dollar. A dollar? A dollar? Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Tyler. You mean to tell me... How much would you pay? For an episode that I think is more raunchy than our two hot fortunes in an ass episode. How much would I pay? How much would you pay to hear that episode? Uh, let me, well, let me think. Mm-hmm. $50? $50? Okay, what if I told you that Josh and Nicole and Anne are also in that episode with us? How much would you pay to hear all of us except Nicole get more raunchy than we were on the two hot fortunes in an ass episode? Josh and Nicole? Josh and Tadpug sweetheards. $97.56. What if that episode was us playing a tabletop RPG together with you DMing? God, I love those. $120. But you can actually get that for the low, low, low, low price of $1. $1 on you shit. $1. Give up. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Spry at zero. Spry at zero. Spry at zero. That's like, that's like an eighth of a Starbucks coffee, right? Yeah. An eighth, exactly. Of a Vinty mocha frappuccino. And I get a full episode of... Deluxe, almost two hour long episodes. Two hour long episodes? I think. It's about that. We'll say longer than standard. Well, you know us. We are just a little longer than standard. Just a little longer than standard. We've been told. Yeah. You think this episode... I mean, is it standard or is it a little buff standard? It's a little buff standard. It's a good sized episode. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Have you heard longer episodes before? The episode pleased me. That's all. It's... If your episode were any longer, we'd have problems. Yeah. No, please, not any longer. I mean, the episode could be a little thicker, but let's not do it a lot. Yeah, it's not pretty robust. It's fine. It's fine. Had a good flavor though. That's just a little bit teaser of what's to come in. Everyone is John. This month's Patreon exclusive episode. Yeah. Oh, if someone... Okay, so what if someone's already a Patreon donor? They... They're set. They'll get it. They get it? Just keep going. They just go to... Yeah. Patreon.com/tagpog. And it's there, right? It's there. So what if... What if they're not a Patreon donor? Then they can just go to patreon.com/tagpog, throw in a dollar, they'll get it, and all the past episodes. Wait, the same place. You can do it all... All right there. You can do it all. All right there. You just click... Become a donor. For a dollar. Give this a dollar. If you want to give more, awesome. But all it takes is a dollar. Okay. All right. I'm in. I'm in. I'm going to give my dollar immediately. You sold me. Yeah. Good. Good. Very good like that. So I've been... But now here's like a preview to... What's your appetite for what's to come? Yeah, thanks for sitting in this ad. Yeah. Here's some content. Yeah, here's some content. Hey, at least it's not nature box or... Or square space. So... We would never do that. No. Unless they gave us a lot of money. We did that until they asked us to. We are... We have a very strict code here and that is we do not do things until we are asked. We are polite, good Christian gentlemen. You want to let them try an embossy sour plum while we're here? Yeah, I'm down for that. Would you guys like to try... The Sour's Food in the World quote unquote? No. Sounds terrible. Oh no, it is. It's totally terrible. It's really bad. But it's worth saying that you've eaten one of the Sour's Foods in the world. Yes. I couldn't eat it. Really, I couldn't eat it. I ate two. What? The first one I was like, "Ah, that wasn't bad enough. I need to feel like I need to get a really bad one." And you realize that you are in a pot of John. Potty... Pot... Pot... Potty John. Potty John. Potty John. Oh! I dance at the potty. I am going to heckle his lute playing and tell him that he's a really bad lute player to try and go to him to come over to me. Okay. Roll for it. Okay. So, what exactly do you say? I say, that is the worst lute playing I've ever heard. Um, why don't you come over here and I can show you how to properly play that lute. I remember really bad. Man, I don't even have a lute. Yeah, the man behind the counter hands you a saucer full of strange liquid. Thank you. You're welcome. That will be, uh, $15 because you're at a renaissance festival. Here on Nicole Roll plays being polite cast. I'll trip him. Okay. So he trips. He trips. And he, he flies across the room comically and slams against the pole and as he dies, his head, his head just falls off. So, um, I think what, what we can do to rectify the situation with all everybody is, I'm going to suck all your dicks roll for it. You hear the door lock with your ancient lock picking magic. Okay. I'm just going to, I'm going to blast the, uh, the, uh, the front windshield from the, from the inside, just all over the dashboard. I'm not going, I'm not going to be clean about this. Oh, okay. Great. Roll for it. Make a, make a poop check. That's a two. You got some more power. You get to spend a willpower. You strike and you, you straddle your legs over the console. You set your hands down like you're about to hike a football. Um, and you, I'm, I'm trying, you, you are in such, you're such, you're such a rush. You're enjoying this so much that you forget the pull your pants down. So when you're, when you're crouched down and you go to, you go to blast. You feel this, you feel this warm, foamy sensation, just, just feel it, feel your genes. Welcome back to Ted talking about. Yeah, they see, you see, they just kind of eye you, uh, up and down. Oh yeah. Yeah guys. I'm okay. I'm, I'm great. Um, Hey, we're going to have to ask you to not just poop in the cars. I'm just going to, I'm, I'm still talking to them. I'm just, yeah. Yeah. I understand. But the, what, while I'm talking to them, I'm going to be getting into the next part. He said there's just this, let's go on and tell him that she's having fun at all anymore. And in my, uh, best Elizabeth Berkeley from strip tees, I'm going to, I'm going to sort of like very intentionally say it's not a threatening gesture, but like slowly go up and then grab Larry by the collar and like pull him close and sort of turn around and rub my ass into him into his, in his, in his dick. Yes. Come for me. Ah, we're all for it. Yeah. Instead of a roll off, let's do Dom Delouise impressions and whoever has the best Dom Delouise, uh, gets to go, whoever knows who Dom Delouise is, gets to go. Ah. Did your vagina stick to like bean bags and leather stuff if you said it, it could be bad. Yeah. And a mold of things. I don't think something would mold to a female body if you said it, it's like a bean bag. Okay. Man, I need your help. Just one more time. Just one more time, please. Then, then, then everything will be fine. Well, what, what? Take off your Moo Moo. Roll for it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the Moo Moo. the Moo Moo.
