(upbeat music) - Well hello everyone, welcome back. I'm Dr. Deborah Rouse. - And I'm Dr. James Rouse. - And we are hosting Love and Life Elevated. We're so glad you're here. Thank you for understanding. We skipped a week and it's been a time of travel. I'm actually headed out of town again tomorrow and so forth. It's actually secret reveal. Not Wednesday, we're pre-recording. - Shh, shh. - But we'll be back and again, we welcome any questions you have because it's really fun to know what you guys want us to talk about. But today, I thought we would talk about our favorite rituals because we have a lot of them. And when I'm on the road, I try to continue as many of them as possible. Obviously, I can't pack the sauna or the red light or the cold plunge, but there's a lot of other great ones. What do you think? - I think this is a great topic. I just wanna acknowledge you, sweetheart. I've traveled a lot with you and Deb's amazing at keeping your rituals going. You'll get your walks in, you do your meditation, you do your reading. You're really awesome. I know that these things really matter to you to help you kinda land and get your universal connection on no matter where you are. So we just wanna appreciate the fact that I know you're amazing with this. - Well, thank you, as are you. I mean, this guy gets his little portable packing, vitamins, powders, you name it, out on the counter. Two days ahead of any travel time. - It takes me two days. - Yeah, it does take a while. I mean, you've got a lot going on there, but you're so diligent. And I will say, I'm kind of a slave to my Apple Watch and I'm not mad at it because it does help keep me accountable at least with steps. You've probably seen some of those memes of like, oh my gosh, I didn't get my 10,000 steps today. And it's like a chicken running around a living room. You don't get the million steps in. But I do like to make sure bare minimum that I get my 10,000 steps in to keep me accountable. But I just like, if there's a floor, then I can do something with the rest of my body as well. - Well, how about you? - Oh, same thing. And I just want to kind of bring it back to the word ritual just for a moment because I love the meaning behind ritual. I always look up, I love to look up words that I really am connected to and kind of wonder about the etymology and what the deeper definition is. So ritual comes from the Latin rightis, which means a sacred and predictable way of doing something. A sacred and predictable way of doing something. - Oh, that's awesome. - Which is so amazing 'cause rituals really are sacred. They are predictable. And I think some of the things that I've really learned to love about ritual is some of Lisa Miller's work on how she talks about how when people have rituals, first thing of the day and how rituals will establish not only a physiological upgrade, but really strong connection to a mental and emotional well-being. In fact, her research says when people pick rituals that are really around self-care, self-love, the chances of us falling into addiction, depression, anxiety and all kinds of other challenges that happen for so many of us, they literally decrease exponentially when we have rituals that become non-negotiables in our life. - Yeah, well said. And I love that we have individual rituals and rituals that we do together or that we share. - Yeah, so let's talk a little bit about some of your individual ones, because you have some really strong ones and then we'll talk about some of the ones that we do together, they're amazing. - Okay, well, not that this is necessarily my ritual, but it has to do with the order of who wakes up first, which is usually you. So my first, well, my first ritual in the morning before I get out of bed is I do a gratitude sort of prayer in my head. I do a little bit of breathing exercises, and then I do some kind of puzzle-y thing to wake up my brain and it's usually like a wordle and connections that I share with my kids and my mom and my sister. But from there, making my bed, making our bed, I'm sorry I shouldn't say, making our bed. - 'Cause I'm already out of the bed. - You're out, and I love it. I just can't, no matter how rushed, I'm never gonna leave the bed unmade. - And I love that about you, 'cause I'll come back upstairs after my rituals are done, back into our bedroom, into the bathroom, and to brush my teeth, and I always see the freshly made bed. And it brings me a sense of peace and joy, because there's been a lot of data out there about how making your bed or organizing your spaces helps to lower cortisol, helps to bring a sense of peace. And so sweetheart, when I walk into our bedroom after my workout, I look and go, "Ha, it's just so--" - Right, because it's clutter, you just don't wanna think of like messy sheets, and, but you did just say the other thing, and as simple as it is, and I hope that everybody can say this for themselves, brushing your teeth. - Are you guys brushing your teeth two, three times minimum, and flossing, at least once, daily? I cannot start my day without brushing my teeth. - In fact, I will brush my teeth twice in the morning, because-- - It's because of your special coffee breath. - So if I have one ritual that I wanna share with you, because I think for a lot of people to go, really, you do that to your coffee? That's sacrilege, you can't do that. - People do, aren't interested in what you do pre-workout. - Yeah, so what I do, basically, so first thing, I do a breathing practice, I do my gratitudes, I do a combination of affirmations and visualizations for the day, and I really ask myself a simple question, who and how do I wanna present myself to the world today? And I think about my wife, how I wanna present myself to her, how I wanna present myself to you, when I do my treehouse talks, and then I really, really get a firm vision of the energy of the way that I'm showing up, of this sort of potential that I wanna realize, and I leave my bed, I brush my teeth, and then I go ahead and I put this shake that I actually make the night before, which is the combination of cold coffee that Deb makes extra for me. I throw in two different types of protein, I throw in some greens, I throw in some creatine, I throw in some mushrooms, and-- - And like a little pre-workout boost to powder. - And a little pre-workout boost, and it all goes in my coffee into a shaky cup, and I gotta tell you, this ritual is something that a lot of people go, oh my gosh, that sounds awful. I mean, honestly, he salivates, thinking about it, and he looks so forward to this drink every day. - I literally am getting out of bed, and I like those cartoons when you're thinking about what you're gonna do, and it pops into a bubble. I wake up, and the bubble is of my green, sludgy shake, and I'm like, oh my gosh, give me to the fridge, and I'll drink that, then I'll brush my teeth a second time, so I've brushed my teeth literally twice in 15 minutes, and I'm ready to roll. - Yeah, well, you have beautiful teeth, so it's working for you. - And from there, I get downstairs, actually, into this room right here, I do a quick meditation practice with some breathing, I do some stretching and some yoga, and then I get on a Peloton bike, and from there I lift some weights, from there I get on the hot tub, from there I go into the cold plunge, and then I do some reading, some sacred readings that I do, and then it's back into a breathing and meditation longer period. So my morning ritual goes anywhere between an hour and a half to two hours, but I'm getting up around 4 AM, so I'm done about six. So it's a lot, but you know what's amazing, and I don't want anyone to feel like, oh my gosh, like, is that something that we should all be doing? Number one, no. This is something I've developed over literally decades to find my rhythm and the things I'd love to do and give me joy, and I've also felt like, you know, I love getting up early, so I can fit these things in without a sense of rush, and yes, when I have an earlier start to have to go to the airport, or something like that, and there's a meeting happening on the East Coast, I will condense that so it makes everything work. So it's not always that long, but 90% of the time, it is that, how should we say, that elaborate, and the thing I love about it more than anything, is that I really do it under the influence of more of an intrinsic motivating factor. I think about the person I want to be, and I've learned all these things that help me to really predictably be that person more often. It drops the ego, it raises my soul consciousness, and helps me when Deb comes down for her rituals, to be the kind of husband and partner and lover that I think she would love to see. Someone who's happy to see her, someone who's feeling good about themselves, and someone who's under the influence of kind of a peaceful way of purpose. - Yeah, you're great, so by the time I come down, I'm not quite in the same space yet, as James is. I don't do a big sludgy coffee drink before I work out. I do do a little pre-workout with a little protein, which is newer, the protein piece for me before I work out, but I really like it, I'm glad I've added that. But here's an idea of who I am when I come down. So it's by design a little bit that I show up an hour later downstairs, because I don't need to be competing with you for weights, or floor space, whatever. So if I come downstairs and he is still on the bike, and that's sort of my first rite of passage, I'm kind of like, "Why are you just on the bike?" How would it have been? - Haven't you moved on to the other room bike now? - Yeah, or just like, to the floor so that I can then do the bike, and he's like, "He's ready, good morning, honey." And I was like, "Why are you still on the bike?" Instead, because I had those endorphins having kicked in, and eventually I come around and he lets me know when that could have been a better greeter. - Or when she does come around, I'm like, "Oh honey, there you are." - Exactly, there's my girl. But mine is similar with, I don't usually do the cold plunge hot tub right after my workout. Usually by the time I'm done, you've had your nuts and seed breakfast, and then we do the dog walk, and we do that together every single day. And that is also the time when we love to get the morning sunlight in our eyes and our faces, because it's a gentler sunlight, and it's a really great way to kind of spark that melatonin that then really works in our favor 16 hours later when we're ready to hit the pillow. - Isn't it an amazing, sweetheart? Because I think one of the things, and if you're in a relationship, or this is something you're working on your own life, having something that you do outside of just the self-care that's, I'll call it a bit more mechanical, like the exercise, the meditation, a simple walk. And when we get together, after we both on our own individual self-care, we walk out the door together with our dogs and toe and holding hands and thinking about the day we want to have. It's sweetheart. I believe that's one of the most powerful rituals that our relationship has developed over time. And I don't think that there's ever a morning that we haven't done it, number one, follow through, regardless of how busy we are or so much we have going on. And I think the thing that I love most more than anything, we're usually in a pretty good space when we leave. You know, we're ready to roll outside. And we even come back that much more connected, that much more intimate. We will discuss things we didn't know we needed to talk about, but it's almost like being outdoors with the Shinra and Roku of the woods and the forest, moving with our dogs and just being in that fresh air and catching that morning sunlight to get a physiological upgrade, a neurochemical upgrade as well. We come back and I feel like we're just so connected, because after that, we're going to separate offices. We've got our own things that we're doing separately. But baby, that to me is one of the most important rituals for, as far as I see, for us, to establish that we're together, that we're one, that we have this relationship that we know, the foundation is built. And it gives me a sense of strength, it gives me a sense of peace, to move into my day knowing that we've had that together. So thank you. - Oh, of course, absolutely. And I recognize that not everyone has that luxury of time and flexibility. We have worked for a long time and now has led us to being able to work from home, sort of on our schedule, we create our schedule. But all of this is done by eight o'clock. And it hasn't changed that much since we were commuting to offices. We've kind of had this ritual going for a very, very long time. - And I think the thing that we've learned more and more, and this is something, hopefully, when you walk away from our experience together today, think about what you do have for time and really also get clear about some of the places that you may lose time, whether it's checking in with the news, doing some social media scrolling. And I'm not judging those things, but see where that five, 10, 15 minutes gets lost and things that aren't really necessarily rituals of self-care, but more distractions away from your self-care and really look at where you can kind of let go of some things and then bring in some things. And do it in a way that's really being a student. I'm a big believer and you and I really, I mean, we are disciplined in the morning in a discipline idea of having structural discipline. So much about really how you build your morning and really look at the time that you have and really put in things that you know are gonna augment your quality of life, mentally, physically, spiritually. And then, most importantly, be present for them and really celebrate the fact that you followed through. I think all of us, and I know that I'm speaking to you and I say this, there's so many things that we do so well, but because we're so busy with so many things going on that we're not fully present with those things. And sometimes we forget a chance to celebrate and we don't take the time to really give ourselves permission to feel grateful about the way that we're following through. So don't go so fast that you miss your life. Go slow enough so you're present to really see how good you already are. - Totally. So then from there, after the morning walk is usually when I do one of two things, depending on what time I'm starting, I either need to get in the shower right away or I will set up my coffee, so I'll either brew it or if I'm doing an espresso, which I love to do with my homemade almond milk and a little bit of grass-fed half and half. I like to combine the two, it's just perfect for me. Or I hop in the shower and with my shower, my ritual is to always end with a cold water blast. So I'm not necessarily cold plunging every morning, but I'm definitely ending every shower with cold. And there's a lot of, been doing that a long time, like probably 30 plus, 35 years, I would say. And the good research behind that is everything from improved circulation. So I run cold, I'm a cold person. So it's not easy for me, but it actually, by ending my shower and cold, especially in the winter, when you really, it's kind of like, oh my gosh, it's already freezing out, it helps me become warmer. It actually increases our stores of brown fat, which improves our hot cold sensitivity and it betters our metabolism. It increases our immune function. So it's a great thing to do to stay healthy through every season, puts me in a better mood and it's kind of that reflex where like, whoo, it's freezing, I like to hit my thyroid gland, my adrenal glands. Oh, it's also great for skin and hair. So kind of flattens that hair cuticle. I don't know if you knew this. - I didn't know that. - So in case of like frizz head, frizzy hair, it can really soften it. Would you like to feel? (laughing) Do you wanna purr? (laughing) But anyway, so that would be my next ritual. It's like, the shower specifically ending with cold and then I love to just savor my coffee. I usually have like a cup and a half a day and that's when I get my day started. Well, actually I forgot the breakfast. I really aim for at least 25, 30 grams of protein for sure in my first meal of the day. - That's awesome. And you have a great cadence about it, honey. Mine's a little bit more kind of utilitarian. - You're just kind of like non-stop. - I just go and I think it's-- - No, no, no, no, your food. (laughing) - I do, I have continuous eating. - You are a razor extraordinaire. - And what my breakfast has really built strategically. In fact, when I'm in my cold plunge, which is just outside the window here, I do two things. I do a breathing practice for the first minute to a minute and a half. And then I do this prayer that I say out loud with a lot of zeal while I'm sitting in their water up to here and I do this prayer slowly but with absolute conviction, just kind of sending out to the universe. And that's one of my favorite things to do. And that's when I start thinking about my breakfast. I'll get upstairs. And it's a combination of every nut and seed. So I've got flax, I've got almonds, I've got pecans, I've got walnuts, I've got hemp seeds. - Hemp seeds. - And literally, literally, I put in a big bowl and then I pour coconut milk over it. With all my vitamins, I'll take it with my vitamins. - And do you put protein powder in? - I put protein. So my goal is to get at least 30 to 35 grams of protein and all those essential fats. And I really do my best to just kind of get, it's a, it is a very utilitarian breakfast that I've come to really love. And I'm a big believer, and this is something where, I don't know where this came from, to be honest with you, I love to eat, to feel a certain way. And I've learned through trial and error that that is a breakfast that I can guarantee I'm gonna feel amazing afterwards. And that joy may not be so much in the taste 'cause it's pretty bland. The joy comes in how it gives me energy. And I think I'm a big believer more and more. To really look at your breakfast routine and ask yourself a simple question, does the joy that it gives me really start to ignite and give me predictable energy? We should feel energized after we eat. And there's one thing about that meal. Oh my gosh, do I feel a ton of energy? I go downstairs and think I knew night before kind of wrapping up my day. I literally map out the full eight to 10 hours of my day starting at 4 a.m. right on through till three or four in the afternoon. Right down to every half an hour. This is what I'm gonna do. This is what I'm gonna do it. And it's helped me. And I have tend to have a lot of attention issues where I can be anywhere and just kind of get lost in things. I do my best to stick with that entire 10 hours and follow through. But in between every hour and a half or so, I step away from everything. I go outdoors. I'll do some pushups. I'll do some jumping jacks. I'll do some planking. I'll do some breathing. So every 45 minutes to an hour and a half, I'll take these breaks to literally step away from everything and do some old trading and rhythm work to really break up my day and to keep my energy going. And also just to kind of make sure that when I come back, my consciousness and my focus is ready to go. And I've got four to six of those throughout the day to really break up my day. - Yeah, that's awesome. That's a key to productivity and success I would say. And just to take your break, stepping away from the screen. - And I can, just being honest with everyone here, I used to be such a grinder. I pride in myself the fact that I can knock out these 12, 14 hour days and just go. And over the last decade or so, I've said, you know what, you can, but it's not good for you. And the quality of your work is going to slip. And I was just exhausting the day. And one of my most important rituals, when I'm done it with my day, 3.34 o'clock, I'll do my sauna, I'll do a red light, I'll do another cold plunge. But I do it because I want to go and spend time with this amazing human being and not be burned out and exhausted. I want to be ready for the second round of being with my wife and be present and be loving and be there for her. And that self-care practice to end my day, to book end my day, that the human doing is now moving the human being. Deb, you're my catalyst for that. I want to walk upstairs and see you and be a great person in your life and really acknowledge the fact that I love you that much. That's really important to me. Rituals should have connection is making you a better version of yourself for not just yourself, but for the people you love the most, your family, your friends and really showing up for those people. - I appreciate that. - Absolutely, honey. - Thank you. So my ritual is very similar in terms of the work day. But before I sort of get started, I love to pull an oracle card. And one of my favorite oracle card decks, it's called Wisdom of the Oracle. It's Collette, Bear, and Reed. And I shuffle it. I say a little prayer for guidance. What is it that I need to know today? And I pull a card, I read it. And then I kind of journal from there and bring in what I'm wanting to call in to my life and giving thanks for what already is and for what is to come. So that's kind of what I do before I get into my email. What? - Can I ask you a question? - Yes. - If there's sometimes that I do interrupt - Oh dear. - Deb's rituals, sometimes she gets one of those cards and she's just like, she'll text me. Like, I'll get a little text going, oh my gosh, the oracle card today, dot, dot, dot. I'll leave everything and run upstairs and sit with Deb and so she can read it to me. And it's usually so amazing. - Oh, I thought you were gonna say when you come up and I'm in the middle of it, I'm like, like, I don't, I should have shut the door or put it on the door and say, - There's that too. - You can't come in yet or it's my time. And sometimes I say, I'm doing my time or my sacred time or whatever. - I try to be. - I respect all that. - He's tipped those around the corner. - Or I'll walk into our office with my other rituals. - Not our rituals. - With chocolate because I love having my dark chocolate throughout the day, I'll have a couple different suits. - And my office has like the best view in the house. And so he really just, maybe he wants to like be together but mostly gaze out the window and just take it in. But I have, he's a phonia, mesophonia. So I'm super sensitive to chewing noises. And he'll come in, chomping on the chocolate and I have to get on the desk there. - And I'm trying to. - No, you eat, you eat everything. (laughing) - Yeah, there you go. - Oh, I love you. (laughing) And sometimes when he is doing his afternoon ritual, again, like, I'm not complete with my day yet. And to be totally honest with you, sometimes if I do that sauna red light cold plunge too early, I get really tired. It doesn't energize me, which obviously I don't want to be energized at 5 p.m. So I have to be very careful and very hydrated and see where my day is or ready to kind of just be done for the day because it puts me just really in a chill space. - Mm. But I love it. - You know, and I think there's something about the fact that you and I are both really good. This is something I want to really strongly encourage all of us to think about. Get really clear about ending your day and ending it in a way that I'm a big believer how you end something is how you begin something. So ending this thing called your day of your workday, your doing day and doing it with a little of a consciousness, whether it's writing down your accomplishments, doing a little self-reflection on the things that you got done, things you want to improve upon, things that you wish you had done better, whatever the case may be and then end that part of your day and really move on to what I love our evening rituals. Number one is which is usually there's really good music happening while we're preparing a meal. We feed the dogs, we get all that kind of stuff done. And from there we move into another walk that we take our dogs out after dinner. It's a great time for us to just reflect on the day and think about what is that we, what we did, what we wish we had done, all the different things there, we'll talk about our kids. Sometimes we'll do a FaceTime with our kids when we're doing our walking. We always, and that's in the ritual, there is never a day that we do not connect with our children. One's in Chicago, one's in Boston, never a day that that does not happen. And that has to be one of my most favorite sacred rituals. And honey, you're so good 'cause throughout the day the girls are always asking you things and you're always connecting. And then I get that chance to do that again. - Well, hey, you're not on Snapchat. - That's true. - And I only don't, don't request me. I only Snapchat with the girls. And so you miss out on some of those. - I do. - Yeah, I do, and I miss those. And a couple of things to wrap things up. Always do a gratitude journal, always do a breathing practice before bed. Deb and I are really, really zealous when it comes to making sure we shut down our day. We love Jeopardy, that's a ritual of ours, but we don't wanna go right from Jeopardy to bed because of the blue light and all those things. So I wear them in little dark glasses while we're watching Jeopardy. We always have at least a good full hour between taking in Jeopardy or doing some kind of readings like that and bedtime. But I'm in bed, usually eight to eight, 30th, the very latest. And if I miss that, I'm just not the same quality sleeper. My circadian rhythm, which all of ours ours is very predictable. And I do my very best to ritualize my bedtime, ritualize the pre-bed routine of just winding down and not being in a place where I'm getting stimulated. And then, no, honey, we are always really good about making sure we kiss each other. Good night, we always say something kind to each other. We're always connected. And I fall asleep under the influence of that day. And there's a really interesting word that I've learned. I did a lot of Latin when I was in high school. And one of the words was satisfaction we learned about, the root of that, is the sacred knowing that Satis is taking action on what you know and believe in, taking belief and taking action and putting them together. Then you have satisfaction. What you believe you wanna be, what you believe you know will help you to be that person and then taking action on those things. That is, to me, another beautiful definition of ritual and planning your day. So, you have sacred satisfaction. - So, I have a couple other kind of housekeeping type of rituals. And that would be, I change our sheets every Sunday. So, that is another ritual that I love. I love just making things anew. We have one dog that sleeps on top of our bed with us. And so, that just really needs that overall-- - Thank you for doing that, by the way. - And just, I was thinking about other things. Like, you have a Thursday night ritual where you go around collecting all the trash because our trash goes out Friday morning. And so, we have, and then we sort of have change of seasons rituals too. Like, we always do some kind of ritual on the shortest and longest days of the year, a solstice ritual. We love setting goals and intentions during new moons, full moons, releasing things that no longer serve us. Those are rituals. And I was thinking to myself, like, I am so excited as we move into the fall because number one, there's nothing on TV that's like drawing me in or movies that I wanna see. So, that means it's puzzle season and knitting season. - And also, I start back up with my pottery classes. So, I'm really excited because when it's like light for so long and I don't wanna crowd the dining room table with a puzzle and you're so tolerant 'cause you're really not a puzzle guy, that I get to take up that space. - I marvel at the way you do that. You go into a cell. - And I'm not a good idle time person. Like, I feel like I'm such a doer. I have to be doing something. And those are very, they're sort of meditative blank space, time consuming hobbies. And I love 'em, I don't do 'em. I really only do them. Really that one season kind of fall to mid-winner, I would say, when the puzzle may or may not be on the dining table. But I love those rituals and I'm excited that we're moving into that time of year. - That's beautiful, honey. And I get, you know, here's something to end with. Maybe it's a take home for everyone. If you're in a relationship and you're seeing your partner, your spouse, your lover, your bestie, maybe getting away from some of those rituals that you know make them happy, that you know bring them peace, be that encourager, say, you know, sweetheart, I know this is something you love to do. And it's not judgment saying, I know you're not doing it, but I miss seeing the joy that you have when you do these things. And that's a great way to nudge your bestie back into some of those rituals you can do with anyone, not just your lover, husband or wife, partner. It can be with a best friend. So sweetheart, one of the things I wanna say to you, I so appreciate the fact that you are so zealously connected to the things. And I've watched you now for over 30 years with your commitments to self-care, your spiritual path, your connection to God. All of these things, honey, make you so attractive and so beautiful and sexy and someone who I love being around, I love watching you happy with yourself. I just want you to say, I just wanna make sure you know that it's an honor to be partnered with someone who has that level of commitment to themselves. - Well, I'm gonna keep doing it then. - Beautiful. - Thank you for saying that I love you and you're my role model. So I just follow in your footsteps. Thank you. - It's an honor. - Spiring me and our girls and everyone you meet. - Thank you, baby. So that's our show for today. My gosh, that went by so fast. That's kind of our longest show we've ever done. It's probably because we're so into rituals. And hey, please, let us know how you like the show, but more importantly, tell us some of your rituals, share them with us. Because the more that we are talking about what we're doing, we inspire everyone to do more. Remember, a predictable way that we do something gives us peace, sacred, predictable peace. That is what a ritual can do for all of us. So thanks for joining us in the ritual of Wednesday, getting together. - Absolutely. And we love you and we will see you next week. - Much love. - Up blessings. - Bye. - Bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (gentle music) [BLANK_AUDIO]
