Through, With A Splash Of T
Splash Of T: Haters (with Ashley) | Through... S1 EP18
Listen you haters out there are drinking haterate. I don't drink that It's hard out here for a diva's you hitting on me like oh, I would never wear that or why are you wearing that or like That color's too bright or like I don't know why you're wearing heels to this event or I don't know why you're wearing so much makeup I don't I am having PTSD right now. This is my life. People will love who you are. Just allow us to see it at least I'm the friend I've gotten like a snarky. Thanks. Like thanks. I've gotten yeah, who are you? Hey y'all welcome back to through with this flash of tea podcast where we have to speak to million people do this thing one-on-one Or have best friend chats with my best friend tea. I'm your host Cass and let's get right into it So like I let you guys know before tea is on a bit of a maternity leave So we have my sister Ashley here with us. What's up guys? Yes, and Ashley. What are we gonna talk about today? Haters hey haters Hater yeah, okay, so today we're gonna talk about haters and for those of you who don't know a hater is essentially somebody Actually, what is a hater? Tell me what a hater is in your own hater. Well by definition I was looking this up on Google. It says someone that hates somebody else like hates the sight of the person I feel that they could have elaborated a little bit more because for me a Hater is somebody who Basically wants to be you But can't so they hate on you so they they hate you because they can't be you or they want something that you have Which Google doesn't say that but it's very specific Because it's not just somebody who hates you they hate you for a reason because they can't be you so is that jealousy is a Hater just somebody that's experiencing jealousy and envy towards you. Absolutely. Okay, okay So is hating therefore is that that person's makeup? Do you think or is that just? Something that that person is experiencing at that time Because there are repeat haters. Yeah, like repeat offenders, but like are you a hater or you currently hating? You can you can be a hater Like for a specific period Mmm, and then you can be a hater because that's who you are Like I have to catch myself sometimes too because I could be like oh am I just like saying that because I'm being a hater I'm being a hater. I can check myself and be like I'm being a hater right now. Let me stop. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's a periodic Yes, but then there's people that like they're just haters. Yeah, like they can't stand seeing somebody doing better than them So they have to hate on it like that's just Who you are You think make somebody a hater? Insecurity Yeah, okay, absolutely But it has to be deeper than that because everybody's insecure. So is it just allowing your insecurity to? Run things or is it yeah? I think that like Yeah, but everybody has an insecurity, but not everybody's insecure Like you could have an insecurity. We're not perfect, but that doesn't mean you're insecure I mean you just have you just know you're not perfect. You're just humble enough to admit that I'm not perfect And I have a I have an insecurity There's something that I don't particularly like about myself that I want to work on or there's something about like, you know Physically, I wish I could change but I can't that's different but being an insecure person like having no confidence Sometimes that breathes haters, but you can beat this is what what I don't understand because you can be an insecure person and have no Confidence and that's still not transcend you to the realm of being a hater Yeah, because sometimes people who aren't who don't become haters They do the other thing where they're insecure and they don't have confidence, but they Champion somebody that they see that's like confident or has what they want to have, you know what I mean Like you can have a friend of yours who's very insecure who doesn't have any self-confidence But like anytime they see you like get dressed or like you look so nice I wish I could do that or you know what I mean Like they champion that and they want they want they kind of want to be close to you Because they want you to kind of like rub off or teach them how to do that You could do it you could go that way and then the other way is I Can't be that and I can't stand the fact that I can't be that so I'm gonna hate on you for it. Yes So I'm in security to go for that. Yeah, the insecurity can go Either way, it's like who do you want to be? Choose wisely choose wisely because those being handed on I feel like Like we want you like I would rather you champion me I'd rather you come in my corner and be like yo like take me how to do this and then I'll be okay Can you teach me how to do that and like we can work off of each other and be like okay Let's both elevate because of this you're better at shoes. I'm better at makeup Let's work on this, you know versus you hitting on me like oh, I would never wear that or why are you wearing that or like That color's too bright or like I don't know why you're wearing heels to this event or I don't know why you're wearing so much makeup I don't I am having PTSD right now This is my life Stop it's hard out here for a divas Okay So those people okay, so first I think we should talk to The hater Because they're doing this like like we said or like you said from a place of insecurity and then allowing that insecurity to steer To steer which they shouldn't so I think we should give them some advice as to how to not be The hate and ask friend that nobody wants to be around. Let's call this baby So I think we should like let them know like okay You don't have to do that you can do this and I'll start off by saying as somebody that has experienced that Like I'm wearing something or like I have makeup on or whatever and they're like oh like I don't know why you're wearing that or it says I hate and calm I hate and comment Bro if I know you low-key just want to compliment it so you can just compliment it and Almost likely bounce a compliment back and that's it It doesn't have to be you hating on what I have going on because that right like I know like I know you're being a hater Right already tells me that you love it and that you feel as though you can't do it So that it like you don't have to do that just compliment me and keep it moving Mm-hmm. So fight yeah fight the urge to hate fight the urge and just really say that's compliment or say nothing Yeah, or say nothing. That's my advice so far either compliment or say nothing. Yes I agree. I think that Like In instances where I have like had to check myself and be like, oh, am I being a hater? I think that that's Really what needs to happen before you even let the words come out of your mouth Like really check yourself like how am I feeling like have a self-reflection like am I about to say this because I'm hating on this person like Be honest with yourself Keep it 100 with yourself like check yourself, but I like what you said just compliment Just compliment it exactly. I like I Remember when I was like really starting to go to the gym and I would see this girl and her body was amazing And when I see people that have like something that like I aspire to I go up to them And I'll ask them like I want to look like you like you look good Like how do I do that like I'll ask you to teach me how to like that's That's what you really should do like instead of like hating on the person go and ask them like oh like How can you teach me how to X Y and Z? You know what I mean and I'm a girls girl So like I like I love when people come in ask me things like if you tell me like you like my outfit like I will Go online and I'll show you where I got it send you the link like I love that and there are a lot of girls girls out there I think a lot of the times especially in this day and age will assume that like the girl that you're talking to isn't for the girls But a lot of girls girls are out there so like if you just ask them like yo I like that like that it out like a lot of people will share with you send you the link or whatever and if somebody does Gatekeep okay, you know that for next time that if you like something on her she won't tell you where it's from so It is what it is, but yeah, a lot of people aren't girls girl So definitely just have a conversation of course and I feel like also like seeing where people will be like oh like Oh my gosh that girl looks she's so pretty like she looks so good, but she she knows she looks good So I'm not even gonna say anything like no like Because I have a resting face so people automatically think that like I'm rude or like not I'm rude, but like they'll they think that I'm standoffish, but as soon as somebody like walks up to me They're like oh my gosh like you look so pretty. I love your lipstick like I'm super friendly. Oh my goodness I was scared to come and say something to da da da da da but just do it Like say tell the person compliment the person instead of me like oh, they know they look at so I'm not even gonna say anything I hate that exactly it happens often and it's like just talk to them and People just assume people are gonna be rude and I get that But like you can't make that assumption and then walk away with it and call it a day Like you didn't even try even try and say hello. You didn't even at least attempt I always at least try and I talk to a lot of people and I am most people are friendly versus being mean I haven't really like encountered any Person that I've walked up to and given a compliment that was rude about it was rude or like standoffish. No Yeah, I don't know. I don't I don't think I've ever I've gotten like a snarky. Thanks. Like thanks. I've gotten. Yeah, who are you? Okay, but that's it that that's how I know like okay. You don't need I don't even tell you when you're looking good I don't need it like that's but I don't like I have nobody in my circle. That's that's done that for real. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I agree, but okay, so not to not to I'm gonna play that was advocate If I'm okay, that's good and dandy you see a girl at the gym when you think she looks nice You thought she looks like okay, but I'm a hater because my one of my friends Like it's always like she like always does the most or always comes in and like Versus whether it be her energy whether it be what she's wearing whether it be like the shoes the makeup Like there's always she's always in abundance so much and I know that like I could never do that That's why I'm a hater because I could even if I tried I couldn't be that friend. That's why I'm a hater That's why I take that that standpoint when it comes to her What do you have to say for somebody like that? Like I'm so insecure and I know I'm being a hater But it's because this person I could never even be that if I tried I'm the friend But seriously, honestly, that's why I asked you that We both in the friends and I know that we've had points of where we went to check ourselves because we're being a hater But nobody can ever say like cast as a hater or actually is a hater Yeah, I can check myself and run my okay cast like you didn't do that with the genuine heart But for somebody to come to be like Ashley. Yeah Ashley Ashley gas your sister. She's a hater. Yeah, right? You're not who my sister who who's doing it. No, so So we need to put ourselves in the shoes of somebody that doesn't have our confidence that like People need to be like secure in who they are You know what I mean? Like if you I don't think that you should ever like be looking at somebody and being like, Oh, I wish I could like I want to be like Some people naturally like have those things about them and some people don't you know what I mean? Like I know that like from the time I was born This is who I was like I've always I just know that that's who I was from when I was a kid And then there's people who from who from when they were born they were like into gaming or they're like into like other things Just because you see somebody else like is like fashionable or loves makeup and stuff that doesn't necessarily mean that that's for you You have to be you have to find your space and be comfortable with who you are but if you want to be more like that That's what I'm saying like what what's the big deal about asking somebody to help you? You know what I mean? Like I feel like you should be humble enough to like go and talk to the person and ask them to help you with that And especially if it's your friend, right? Why wouldn't you say like oh, can you like help me get better with makeup? Like I want to like start like you know dressing up more and like and that actually gets you to the solution versus hating Because hating like you're like damn I wish I could do makeup damage. I could do makeup like let me hate on this like why is your blush so like bright? Like I don't know why your blush is so bright But later in the back of your mind you're like damn. I wish I just could even do a simple face But I can't you tell me my brother my blush is super Isis I'm never sitting down with you and teaching you how to do a damn thing. So you better find somebody else See you That's the thing with me like if you tell me I'm doing too much like or if you like say that something like Oh, you why are you wearing red lipstick or you're I'm gonna be wearing red lipstick for the next month But yeah, you tell me something irritates you about me I'm going to smother you in it Because now I know that it's really irking you don't let me find out. You can't stand something that I'm wearing Because like what are you like I had to get to that point because I remember when I was in school and stuff Like you know when you're younger like you let things that people say get to you Yeah, and so like I would let there was like this one girl like in our group who used to always do that to me Like oh like why do you wear heels every day? Why do you what why do you wear red lipstick to school that or not and like I would let like because I was young So I would let her get to me and tell me why like years down the line I see this girl and she's like all done up all done up This girl never used to wear makeup in high school and used to always like be saying that I used to do too much And the next time I had seen her Mm-hmm, I was like, oh wow and you dimmed your life while she was trying to figure out how to shine I'm shy exactly and then that's when I was like, okay, you know what? I'm never going to let anybody like try to get me to dim my light Absolutely, that was your lesson. That was my lesson, right? And I feel like That's how I know like people who say those things like try to like tell you like oh, you're not why are you doing this? And why are you you doing too much? They're haters. They're haters and those people they need to either ask questions Figure it out But leave the ones that are Leave them alone Let's live And it's so like as you get older like you start to know yourself and know who you are and it gets less detrimental But like kids that do it to other kids. Yeah, it's like These minds are so small and so adolescent. You don't even understand how much like How much what you're saying is weighing on this child and like that child is gonna believe it and might dim their light and like no That's why parents did not raise haters. That's what i'm trying to say like I can't It's hard for me to give advice to the hater because i'm so far away from that It's hard for me to even relate But what one thing that i've always Like that has always been one of my missions is whoever is close to me like you mikela mike laurenese like Chloria and chaffery, but anybody that i'm close to that's younger than me. I instill in them Don't ever let anybody try to make you dim your light because you're already going to be shining It's right bs confidence stand tall and even if somebody says like, oh, why are you? No, if that's what you want to wear you wear it If that's what you want to do you do it because I remember like being in school and having like a hater try to make me feel insecure about who I was and They they ended up doing That just that was my lesson. I was like, oh She's just a hater So that's why I try to like tell like, you know people that are like younger than me and that like are close to me I'm like listen. I tell mikela all the time like mikela don't let anybody try to tell you you know You're confident you stay confident don't let anybody try to take that away from you because a lot of these kids like They get like wrapped up in that and especially if you're a kid at such a young age who's already confident Yeah, that's tough That's tough because people the kids that aren't confident are going to try to take that away from you Yeah, because they hate seeing it because they don't have it. It's not there was something I sent you on instagram today actually Yeah, I just said I sent it to you early while I was at work because I feel like it had something To do with um haters. It was something that denzel said You know You know Okay, it says denzel washington once said you'll never be criticized by someone who is doing more than you You'll always be criticized by someone doing less bars It's true There oh that's a hater Because you're doing more than them You're you either look better or you're doing more they don't want you to buy that house Okay They don't want you to buy that house. They don't want you to get that car. They don't want you to get that job Mm-hmm. So they're gonna try to like deter you from doing it doing it That's too much money like no, right and then meanwhile they're You're called broker That's my house. I gotta get first. Yeah Yeah, absolutely. It's just it's a lot. It's too much anyway But it is stemmed from like you said insecurity And because of that people should try their best to be more secure and who they are We should have another episode about confidence I had a friend recently asked me about confidence and they were like how do you like I have no confidence How do I how do I get it like how do I and honestly the best thing that I could give her and I was like honestly Best bet is to fake until you make it and your brain will start to adhere to that and believe what you say But as you're faking it, you have to do the work Have to do work that tells your brain. I am worthy of this you like I remember I saw I was watching um, I can't remember her name this youtube I used to watch who used to work. I told you about her. She used to work for us and people magazine and She talked about The same thing but she used that as a perspective of kylee jinner And she talked about how kylee which we forget before kylee was like the kylee we see now She was like the ugly sister Like she had no lips like she was kind of overlooked Kendall was the one that was like oh, she's gonna be the model da da da And she like put it in the perspective of kylee sat and said to herself I don't want to be this person So i'm gonna change myself overnight and that's what kylee did She faked the confidence until like she really became confident There you go, because she wasn't confident at all and she was showing old pictures like oh my goodness Yeah, I remember in that episode kylee was sitting in the background looking like a loser. I remember those days Now look at us now. Yeah, so she was like i'm not gonna be that person anymore Sometimes you just gotta wake up and be like, you know what? I don't want to be this person anymore I want to be this and you reinvent yourself. Yeah, that's what you gotta do That's it and if it's if somebody's in that realm of like yo, I need to start a reinvention Whether it's fitness or anything. I think it's so important to start with the mind So when I did when I most recently I woke up and I was like yo I'm not trying to be this heavy anymore. It's like it's hard to twist and turn like i'm all set So I was like I want to go on a fitness journey But the first thing that I did was I um what I spent a lot of time in on his instagram So I watched on my instagram. I unfollowed a whole bunch of people a whole bunch of people that like just Pretty things that made me laugh that out and I started following mad people in fitness fitness fitness So I drowned my brain is fitness. So that's what helped me. I was like, oh, I want to do this I want to try that shit looks dope. I want to do this. I want to do that and it drowns you in that So if somebody's like yo, I want to change my brain Yeah, I'm a hater, but I don't know how to do it drown yourself in whatever it is If it's makeup drown yourself in it. It's a fashion drown yourself in it And you start to pick up tips and tricks on how to do it Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you just learned It's all a mental thing. Yeah Yeah, and it starts with the mind That's why a lot of girls when you don't if you're trying fitness or you're trying to like change your life And you don't start with the mind. It doesn't stick It doesn't work because your brain is still what it was before Right, it has to be a mind. There has to be a mind shift Yeah, you have to kind of like trick your mind into being That person or being like, you know, what you want want to be absolutely and then it eventually follows Just like um the reporter a while ago asked riyata Like what are you doing? You don't have confidence in the day and she was like, I fake it Like we all fake it bro. We all fake it like don't yeah Like you can do it too. You don't have to be a hater bro. You can do it. Just fake it Yeah, I mean It's it's tough for people who like You know the way that because we all were brought up differently and that's the other thing too like Starting from your upbringing like you can't change How you grew up so it's like once you get into your adulthood That's like your time to like say, you know what like I I want to forget about how I was brought up. Now. It's my it's my turn to take ownership of my life And I want this is what I want for myself. I don't want to be a hater I don't want to be like this person. I want to be this type of person and then you start from scratch That's the best that's the best part of adulting really is like you have a chance to actually take ownership of your life And you can lead your life into what you want where you want it to go Absolutely. Yeah, you're in charge. You're in charge now So you don't have to deal with like a parent who's like making you feel insecure all the time or you know what I mean? So It's like going from working at fives to being a business owner Like you are in charge like you take the rain right so you can choose But that's see that's what makes it even worse because it's like you can choose bro and you're choosing to be a hater Yeah, that's why I don't have tolerance for adult haters I have zero tolerance for that You know what I mean You woke up Okay, no because you're still a product of how you grew up, right? So if you grew up to parents and our haters always jealous and envious of their aunts and uncles And that's why you grew up and that's your norm now It's gonna be hard to shift it even if you are an adult, right Is it I Actually has no sympathy for the haters. I don't I don't Listen You haters out there are drinking haterade. I don't drink that I stay fine. I drink water. I drink h2o. I don't drink haterade All right, one last thing the any last thing that you want to say to the haters Um Work on yourselves If you feel like this is triggering Then this is your time. This is your time to like say hey, I'm gonna make a change I don't want to be that type of person because I feel like anybody who like At the deep down in the bottom like of the pit of who we are as people When we do something that's like wrong or do something bad At the end of the day of living with yourself. You don't really like that You know what I mean? I don't think a hater really enjoys being a hater At the end of the day when you go home and you have to sit with that you It's not a good feeling. You know what I mean people who do good feel good. So I know you're hurting So just start working on how you're gonna change that Absolutely and you can you can and if nothing else like we said fake it so you make it But if not just try and better yourself and figure out who you are just be secure who you are Right and people will love who you are People will love People will love who you are No matter what you think so you don't have to be anybody else you don't have to be cast Don't have to be actually don't have to be amber don't do briny People will love who you are just allow us to see it at least Exactly be confident or try to be confident who you are. Absolutely. Yeah, that's it. That's all All right, y'all thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode on haters Thank you for watching if you watched and thank you for listening if you listened Um, like we always say you can find through with the splash of tea every tuesday wednesday on all streaming platforms and youtube So again, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you ashley for joining us course yet another episode anytime Don't drink haterade On that note guys, thank you so much and you have a great rest of your day. Bye - Bye. - Bye. [BLANK_AUDIO]