Through, With A Splash Of T
One-On-One: Cass' 30 by 30 Part 3 | Through... S1 EP22
I'm like, bro, you could have just touched me, but that's, yeah, I know what the fuck I mean. My job is to be somebody that I am proud of at the end of the day. I'm so excited to be a big back tomorrow, y'all. Like, I have to get myself ready. Like, I didn't, well, I didn't eat dinner. Hey, y'all. Welcome back to Through With This Flash of Tea, a podcast where we either speak to brilliant people, do this thing one on one, or have best friend chats with my best friend tea. I'm your host Cass, and let's get right into it. So today, I'm going to work on the list of 30 things that I learned by 30. So I started this list a few videos up, so if you hadn't, if you haven't watched the beginning of this, or listened to the beginning of this, then go do that. And then I believe this is the second part, and then I'm going to do one more part. So tomorrow's video will be the final part of this list. So let's dive right into it. Okay. Number one. Notice on how the person receives love and not how you project it. I think that is so important. And honestly, we don't think about that because we often assume that the way that we show love is automatically the way that the person receives it. And that's not the case. And I realized that that wasn't the case when I really started to learn about love languages and when, I don't know why I just said it like that, love languages, when I really started to learn about love languages. And like when I discovered what like love languages were a thing, I was like, hold on. Like my whole realm of how you show somebody you love them completely shattered because it was implementing all these different ways of showing people that you love them. And not to say that I didn't know those were ways of showing people that you love them, but I didn't know that people leaned more on one way than another. So when I when I first read through the list of different love languages, acts of service like resonated with me so quickly. And that was the case for me because that is the best way that I receive love. But that is not the best way that I give love. The best way that I give love is gift giving. And I didn't have those comparisons until I saw the list. So yeah, if you give you can shower, you can shower a person in gifts. But if they receive love in a different facet, they might never still feel loved. Even though you've poured all this love into them, the best way that you receive love, which is gift gift or the best way that you give love, which is gift giving. It doesn't matter how you give it truly doesn't matter because if the person doesn't receive it in that facet, yeah, the intention was there behind whatever you did. But the person isn't going to receive it as deeply as you would like them to. So it's important to know whoever you're dealing with, how they receive love, not simply how you can give it because that the person might not even be able to, okay, that's great. Or you want to do acts of service for me? Great. You filled my car. I received love. I received love from words of affirmation or from touch and you wanted to fill my car up. That's great. But me on the other hand, like if you fill my car, well, like if you do something that I had planned on my calendar, it blows my mind because like you went out of your way to think about me to do this thing. And I just, time is the greatest thing we have. Time is our greatest currency. And you used your time to do something for me. Fabulous on my every time. So yeah, that is the way that I receive love. But it's also very important. It's very important to know the way that people receive love and to make sure that you're presenting them with love in that facet so they can receive it correctly. You don't want to waste your time or money and buy all these gifts when they're like, bro, you could have just touched me. Yeah, I know what the fuck I mean, that sounded horrible. Oh, guys, number two, being able to love is God's greatest gift to us. That I believe wholeheartedly, yeah, I think love is our greatest emotion. I think God gave us the ability to love because he knew that that was the greatest thing that he could give us. And he is love. So like, it's literally like having a little piece of him in your heart, like everywhere you go is so fascinating to be able to give your life for something and you don't even be you aren't even able to articulate why to give to be able to give your life to your children and not even be for your children and not even be able to fully articulate why you aren't even able to fully explain how much you love them in order to justify why you're willing to lay your life down on the line for them. That is amazing to me. And love is the only I feel like love is the only emotion that can bring you to a realm of I just feel this because I feel this and I cannot explain it and that's what it is. And you can be like, okay, anger can bring you there or hate can bring you there. Right. But I feel like you will always have at least an inkling as to why you're angry or at least an inkling as to why you hate it. Why you hate this person hate it comes from from a lack of knowledge. If you hate something you don't fully understand it. There is that's what I believe. I don't believe that you can fully understand fully understand why somebody did something and also hate them for doing it. I don't I don't I think hate comes from a lack of understanding like you. And this is an original thought this comes from Alex from Rosie who I've talked about many times you guys he's just so freaking smart like I just I don't know. But yeah, he brought that idea up in one of his podcasts like he is literally that's why a lot of the times you physically say like I don't understand that like that makes no sense to me. Why would they do that? That's literally makes no sense to me why you think that would that that would be okay. Yeah, it literally makes no sense to you because you cannot fathom you cannot wrap your mind around it because you have not walked in that person's shoes even had the history that the person has that that person has had. So therefore you do not fully understand but if you were in a place of fully understanding so therefore fully understanding so if you were that person then you can understand why that person made that decision that's yeah. So I don't think you can ever compare love and hate I think love it just wins every time and that was that is God's greatest gift to us and I I wholeheartedly believe that like thank you. Thank you for giving us that because even in this crazy ass world where people are killing each other people are never like rarely nice or whatever there is still love will always peek through level always shot like during covid during covid like just people wanting to unify people wanting to pour all over each other people wanting like yearning for one another and you really really saw it during covid and yeah love it love is just fucking everything like that goes right into the third okay so these first three about love I swear this whole thing is not about love I promise so the next one there is no greater love one can feel than being a parent I wholeheartedly believe that I think the greatest physical gift God gave to us for children like you like your your kid like that's literally you right it's half you and half your spouse I think that there is nothing greater than you that you can feel than that and this is coming from somebody with no kids and currently has no desire to have children I think like and completely okay with missing out on the greatest like the greatest love I can ever like yeah I'm okay with that but I wholeheartedly believe that the greatest deepest love that you can feel is for you is for your child's because it's you right it's you it's you it's your heart walking around in the world that's why it doesn't make any sense to me well it doesn't make any sense to me because I'm ignorant towards this but it does it will it has never made sense to me how like I don't know how like parents can like hate their kids or like neglect their kids or not want to be around their kids like yeah kids are annoying I hands down kids are annoying but I don't know it's just like I just feel like that's the greatest human gift that God gave to us it's the greatest external outside of being able to love with you isn't tangible but the greatest tangible gift I believe that God gave to us as children and yeah I wholeheartedly believe that yeah 100% okay the next one I gotta read this one because it's it's it's a doozy but it's good it's true too you're raising future positive contributors to society that can handle the real world not just a toddler oh that's good that is good and if I do change my mind about kids that is something that well I don't think of something that I have to force myself to remember because I'm pretty logical I'm like a realist when it comes to anyone even if you are kid like with my niece I'm very much a realist with her whenever she gets in trouble and like she tells me about it because you know she loves his ability well I don't know if I told you all that but my my niece love is something happens and she comes over she's gonna tell me she'll be like Cassie I didn't tell you and I love it because I love entering her world and I love like hearing about like the drama but like also like hearing about what is important to a 12 year old like it's so funny to me but I I say that to say I'm very much a realist when it comes to her if she's in trouble when it comes to anything and she tells me about it I pretty much always tell her the same thing I ask her like I'll ask her questions about the situation or the scenario and then I'll always like round it up with like girl like I always tell you everything has a cause and an effect and you're not a child like you're not like she's very much very my nieces Michaela is very smart and everyone says that about their littles they always say really smart but whatever she's one of them she is really smart so she very much knows when entering situations whether it's a good decision or bad decision most people do she's 12 she should and I know that she does so I react to her or I give her advice from that standpoint like I always say you know before you do something whether it's right or wrong and I always tell you every effect every cause has an effect so you can do whatever you want Michaela this is your life you can go down any path that you want but but anyone else has also the right to react in any fashion that they deem necessary so you do something that you know is going to piss your mom off or you know is going to piss your dad off and you do it anyways your mom or your dad has every right to act in the facet in which they deem necessary whether it's taking your phone whether it's no so no no laptop for X amount of time whether what no matter what it is you go into these situations knowing all right this is kind of this is a bad decision I'm going to make it then you also have to be woman enough woman enough to stand up there and take whatever punishment they give you and and you know that like you know that's what it is and she does so whenever she does something and like we end up having this conversation I always I'll end it with that but I'll always prior to saying that I'll ask her like okay so like did you know what was going to like whatever punishment you got was going to happen and she was like yeah or sometimes be like I didn't know it was going to be like that and then I'll be like okay well now that that you know that would you do it again sometimes she'll be like um no and then sometimes she'll be like um kinda and it's honest and I want to keep that open and honest conversation and communication with her because I want to know where her brain is when it comes to weighing out decisions that aren't great okay sometimes she did something that's crazy and if I ask her like would you do that again she's like no no no I wouldn't do it again and sometimes she did something also that's crazy and I'll be like would you do that again she'd be like um and then she'll be like um yes I'll be okay that's fine but let's now let's have a further conversation as to why you would do it again and let's try like figure out the reasoning or the root for it I'm not when it comes to my littles and I know I'm just going on a tangent I'm sorry when it comes to my littles I don't they they already have such a village I know they already have that person that's telling them like that was wrong that at all like you shouldn't do that not really yellers we're not really I don't feel like my littles have a lot of yellers around them and their villages but they always have the person that's going to tell them that it was wrong and they already know it's wrong oftentimes the kid already knows it's wrong that did something wrong they know right from wrong seven used to be the age of reason it's probably way younger now um so that's not my that's that's not what I'm here to do what I'm here is to understand how your brain processed that how we got there now that we're on the other side of it what do we think about it now that we're on the other side of it do we think that the repercussions of that was worthy of that punishment now that we know the repercussions would we do it again like that's what I'm here to decode I'm trying to figure out how did we get there and what your moral compass looks like because that is what I need to try and work through I don't need to yell at you and let you know this was bad I don't need to drill it I need you to do the talking you tell me tell me what happened tell me how we got there so I can figure out how I need a you know that's that's how I see that's the easiest way me yelling at you and I'm watching the words bounce off your forehead I know half the time when I used to get yelled at people the adults near me or that were yelling at me would see the information bouncing on my forehead I don't care you're yelling I don't care I'm not processing this but if you have me do the talking then I have to really think about it okay cast well how did I get there why did I do this what did what happened there that's what I want these little to do think about it and then all right you know what type of time the universe is on you know what type of time the parent your parents are on now go out in the world and continue making decisions now if you're doing too much if it's getting too crazy I'm have to step in and be like all right like I know you already heard it but you need to hear it again but typically with the kids around me it doesn't really I don't have to be that person I say all that to say you're raising future positive contributors to the world you are not simply raising a toddler or a 12 year old or 13 year old or 7 year old or a 5 year old or a 6 month fur you're raising positive contributors to the world so do your best and try and figure out what they think about and how their thoughts come to fruition I think that is really important to try and get to the root because if you try and get to the root of like why you came to that decision then you can try and fix it from the base but to attack it from the sense of this is wrong this is wrong this is wrong from such an external sense it's really hard to try and get somebody to listen to you when you're just badgering them with what they already know even if it is a kid a lot of the times we want to say oh she's so smart she's so advanced but you're speaking to them as if there's still two or there will be two forever like no give give your kid the same grace that you gave them before when you're swooning them to your swooning about them to your friends give them that when you're conversing with them like don't don't baby them just because you see them as your baby nah bruh tell me how you got there tell me what your thought process was when you decided to speak out in class all right are when it comes to your friend group are you the leader do you do you think that somebody else is a leader okay if you're not the leader why do you think that you want to be in this person's crew or around this person if they're not making the best decisions do you care about school do you care about your teachers do you don't care like figure out what's going on in that brain that's what that's what I need to do I need to know what's going on in that brain how are you getting to these to these conclusions or how are you getting to executing these bad decisions because I need to I need to fix what's going on in the room so yeah your babies are your babies and they will always be your babies but they will not always be a baby hmm that was good okay maybe not great your baby will always be your baby but not always a baby too many words all right moving on okay this next one I'm going to read as well try to love your spouse more than your children you probs won't but that'll create the foundation slash united front slash leadership model needed to build a happy home slash family or better kids I'm going to read that one more time without the slashes try to love your spouse more than your children you probs won't but that'll create the foundation or united front model needed to build a happy home or better kids okay so all basically that just is very much the aisha curry thought process when it comes to spouse or kids first aisha curry slash Sean Johnson East slash those are the really the only two people I've heard like heavily speak on that but I'm very much in their boats of husband first children second and I'm in that boat because I think you create stronger children if you're on the same united front with your spouse I believe you create stronger children if you have a united front with your spouse so I think that if it's you and your husband against the world that includes your children because they're gonna kids kids are conniving like kids are conniving and they learn the world very quickly and they learn the world so the world so quickly because they just most of the time are watching most of the time they realize by a certain age a kid realizes that they are in an adult world children at a young age often realize that they're in an adult dominated world so in order to maneuver through said world they watch they watch their adults their adults being their parents their aunts their uncles the adults in that are part of their village and they also watch everything else so the adults that they see outside the adults that they see on TV all that stuff they watch the world they they they they see how we maneuver so they will use that in order to get what they need like anybody else hello they'll use that to get what they need and oftentimes if they like if you know mom is gonna say no to something you ask dad first or you'd be like or you'll ask dad on the snip and be like okay like can you like get mom on board da da da na I'm not with that I am very much with that it needs to be you and your spouse you and your husband together whatever you guys decide it's y'all's decision together not go ask a father if your father says yes you can uh uh uh uh maybe if I want to like turn my brain off or whatever but like whatever I don't care just actually no no I don't like that diffusion stuff I think it needs to be y'all against the kids in your family against the world that's how I see it like that's how I see it I think that you and your spouse need to be on the same page you need to be together in a united front because if not it can very easily turn into you and your force born against your spouse in the second one or your kids in your spouse against you or you and your kids against and it shouldn't be like that it shouldn't be that dynamic for any topic any topic no matter what like your your spouse doesn't want your daughter to go to prom you want your daughter to go to prom okay that's a conversation y'all need to hatch out in the bedroom and when you come out you have that unit united front as to whether your daughters want to prom or not that's it y'all can do whatever you want behind closed doors whatever you want in order to get to that united front but I feel as though it needs to be a united front in order for for longevity to happen like that's mm-hmm if I decide to procreate I that that has to be an ideal or a concept that my husband really aligns with because it needs to be us again to them and sometimes the them is your kids I'm sorry oh in the household in the house is you against them and them is the children all right outside all right sometimes them is the kids sometimes the them is is somebody else but in the house the them is the kid and they want to divide and conquer all the time but kids very much do you want to divide and conquer and you need to have your man's back or have your girls back and it needs to be y'all together so yeah and I'm not saying neglect your kids I'm not saying that but I am saying that I very much believe that it needs to be you and your man or you and your girl and you guys together need to create the future contributors to society that you want it can be you creating them or just your husband creating them now or your kid who goes to your husband for this or you for that or I don't I think everybody needs to be on the same page I'm very much like we're all in this boat together so what me and your daddy say is what me and your daddy say and that's it that's not there's no like I say this and your dad's no we're on the same boat and that's very very hard because that means that you need to make sure you're in the same boat prior to answering the kids so your kid asks you something you might be like I'll talk about it with I'll talk speak on it with your dad and let's well we will let you know but that will often be the con the response to your child and therefore you have to do the work so there you therefore you have to go and have these conversations with your spouse even though they might have a different opinion than you and then you'll have to get to the bottom of things like that's not easy to do to put your spouse first that's not easy it's easy to be like oh yeah I don't care go do it like you want to go to prom go to prom I don't care sure we can go to prom I would love for you to go to prom but you just you can't make those decisions on your own especially if you know it's something that your spouse should have a say on or should have an opinion on like no y'all got to hash it out together and then come to these babies and don't let them break you up because they will if you let them okay I'm going to do one more being genuine will never be cool to the complete masses it's your job to be the outlier oh my god that's so true I am really big on being authentic and being loyal I think you should do what you say you're going to do and I'm not saying that I always do that but I I I'm tough on myself when I don't because I think that I should and I think that everybody should I think that you should if you say you're going to do something you should do it um and I think that you should be loyal to the people that are in your corner I think if you're if somebody's cool with you and you have an issue with them then you need to go to that person you need to be man enough woman enough to pull up your big boy pants big girl pants go to that person and and and chop it up and you just have to do that like that's that's just what it is so what this essentially means is it's whether it's cool or not and it will never 100% be whether it's cool or not being genuine is something that you need to that you should do like being genuine to yourself being authentic to yourself being genuine to the people around you being authentic to the people around you that is what I believe is extremely important and that is something that I know will never be cool to the masses but it doesn't matter that's something that I actively try and do is be genuine to people that I love and to myself I try and be true to me like all right cast are you going to hold yourself to the standard that you hold others to are you going to be true to yourself are you going to be authentic to yourself are you going to treat yourself with the care and the honor that you treat others are you going to do that like you being a genuine person and doing things out of the realm of love and from the origin of simply caring for others it will never be cool but it is our duty and I think as long as you see it as your duty and as long as you walk through life with hey I need to be somebody that I can respect when I go to sleep at night like my job is to be somebody that I am proud of at the end of the day if you go through life trying to lean on that as best you can then I think you'll be all set I think you I think you'll be okay I think you will be okay and I say that because a lot of people that I listen to that are successful not just in the realm of money but in like knowing themselves and like getting or like working through their past traumas or people that I know that have garnered true success have beautiful families and you don't really know what goes on behind closed doors but are proud of who they are or actively try and and be better versions of themselves all the time they often say that being genuine or being a good person has helped them garner that success like staying genuine staying true doing things that are more positive than negative like just really really trying your best in order to be a genuine positive contributor to society to society has helped people enter spaces that they never believe that they never thought that they could like they saw it but they never really like like could like truly believe that they could be there being a genuine person being a nice person being somebody that puts other people first sometimes that has poured into that has been what has allowed them to elevate financially emotionally spirit like all of that and these are successful people like by all those categories of success but in the financial realm they are successful they are well off like they don't have to worry and oftentimes the reoccurring theme I keep hearing is being walking through life as best you can to be a good person and to give and to give and to pour into and to really do things with a good heart that's what they're saying and it's not just like one person saying it or two people are saying it or like corny people like no like that's what successful people are saying so okay you ain't got it listen you ain't got to tell me something thirteen hundred times for me to understand that it works I just got to hear from a few million billionaires not a few million billionaires but a few millionaires a few billionaires and i'm running with it i'm running with it what what nah i just got here and these are these aren't people that are just financial wealth financially wealthy these are educated people so yeah i'm i'm listening to you i'm listening to you and what they're saying out there is that pouring into others is low key one of the not even low key is one of the secrets so i'm going to continue to pour into others as best as i can and keep opening doors for others as best as i can and keep trying to change people's lives as best as i can in any realm that i can't can in any facet that i can and see where this takes me because that's what that's what they're saying you had to do is be a good person and love people and leave a love oh i got that oh oh that's easy that is i got it duh so that was the last one i'm going to do for this video i'm going to hop right into the next ones i'm going to film that right after this um but so yeah that was our second to last 30 things i learned by 30 that was really love focus but love is so important that i'm not even mad at it but yeah that was love children's vows that was very much focused there but i like that so i'm gonna end it there i'm just trying to think if there's anything that i need to update you guys on but i'm not gonna do it i'm just gonna say i'm not gonna do it on this video i'm gonna do it on the next one but i that's not fair i should do it on this one but i don't think that there's much that i have that's new oh i'm going to the big e tomorrow i'm going to the big e tomorrow which i'm really excited about i will i'm going to do one of those um oh shoot i never posted the blessing bags video but i never posted the blessing bag video because i never i didn't make the blessings bag yet because i was thinking that i wanted to make the blessing bags on this video like during like build the bags while i'm while i'm doing this but i can multitask but since i think i'm really distracted so i don't know how that's gonna work and i have the mic so i don't know if i'm gonna do that so that's why i haven't posted the blessing bag video on TikTok yet but i only mentioned that because um i'm gonna post i know i'm gonna post a big e video like everything i ate at the big e so if you are interested in food you should watch that but even if you're not interested in food you should watch that just to watch it um so if yeah so look and look for that next week if you follow me on TikTok because i'm not gonna post i don't think i'm gonna post it this week we'll see i've been this week or next week you'll see um but i'm gonna do like all the food i ate the big e i'm so excited to be a big back tomorrow y'all like i have to get myself ready like i didn't well i didn't eat dinner tonight so i won't eat after this and then i just won't eat tomorrow during the day and then i'm gonna go to the big e and like try everything because i just want to eat everything i haven't been before so this is my first time um i need to film this next video all right thank you for watching if you watch thanks for listening if you listened through with a slash of t podcast can be found every tuesday wednesday thursday on all streaming platforms and youtube thanks guys bye you You [BLANK_AUDIO]