Through, With A Splash Of T
One-On-One: Cass' 30 by 30 Part 4 | Through... S1 EP23
[music] Oh! I didn't even say this on my last video. Okay, so I was-- oh my gosh. Am I a celebrity? Pretty much. Don't try and change this on people. Don't do that. And that's that on that. Hey y'all, welcome back to Through With It's Flash of Tea, a podcast where we either speak to brilliant people, do this thing one-on-one, or have best friend chats with my best friend tea. I'm your host, Cass, and let's get right into it. [music] Better. Better? Better. Sometimes I have to test the sound because I don't wear headphones. Okay, so people wear headphones on podcasts so they can hear themselves. But I don't like wearing headphones because if I can hear myself, I can't-- I can't listen to myself and speak at the same time. It's very hard for me to do that. No, that I can't because my video podcasts, I have to wear headphones. But it's really hard for me to do that. But when you don't wear headphones, you can't hear yourself, so you can't hear your volume, so I never know if I'm close enough to the mic or not. But oftentimes, I'm too close to the mic, and I have to decrease the loudness of all my podcasts. Y'all don't know that, but I be decreasing the loudness because I'm so freaking loud all the time. Anyways, I'm digressing! This video is going to, not supposed to, is going to. And my list of 30 Things I Learned by 30. That list is good, so you should go back to the first episode of this list, and then you should watch the second episode of this list, and then you should watch this one, which is the third and final. I hope that I don't have two, and I do. Now that I'm thinking about this right now, this series is a total of four episodes, and I keep alluding for people to go back to the first one, and then watch these two yesterday's and today's. But no, go back to the first two, and then watch yesterday's and today's. Okay, now that I've done that horribly, we're going to dive right into the list. First, starting strong with give grace. Goes without saying. Well, goes without saying what needs to be said. Give grace, because we often forget how important it is. When we hear something about somebody else, when somebody does something to us, when somebody says something, we will often attack them, or often just respond quickly with how we perceive the situation, or with how we perceive right and wrong is displayed in that situation. And then we decide to give grace, or then we decide to dissect and think about maybe how they got to that point, or sometimes we never even do that. Sometimes we just end it there at our anger, end it with however we feel and call it today. What we need to do is we need to remember to give grace. We need to remember to give grace to people for anything. We need to remember to all right, you hear something about somebody, maybe try and think like why did, why would what would lead them to do that? Like why would they do that? Like that's corny. Everybody would understand that that's corny. This person doesn't typically do corny things. Instead of me just popping off on them and being like you're whack, you're corny, I'm all set with you. Maybe I should think about why they did that and try and understand. I'm not saying that you cue that person in your circle, and I'm not saying that you have to cue that person as a friend. I'm not saying that you have to even continue to be that person's friend. I'm not saying you have to even talk to the person ever again. What I'm saying is at least try and understand. And if you can attempt to at least put yourself in that person's shoes, that gets you way further than simply judging and reacting. That you oftentimes either get to the wrong conclusion or no conclusion by going that route. But if you try and understand from the beginning, you can still get mad after trying to understand that. I'm not saying your emotions aren't valid, but understanding typically gets you to a place of logic and reason, which gets you further than just reacting. That was a horrible snap. Oh my God, can I not stop anymore? I use it. That's better. There we go. There we go. She still got it. The hell? That was crazy. Number two. I mentioned this on yesterday's episode. You cannot both hate and fully understand. I'm Alex from Ozzy. I cannot coin this to be my own. Actually, I don't think any of these are my own. I think these are things that I've taken from socials all throughout my 20s and just like added them because I have a note on my, I have a quote to note, not even a quote to note. I do have a quote to note, but I don't add these to my quotes note. I whenever I see something on social media that's motivating motivational, I'll add it to like a folder. It's typically Instagram. Instagram is my. Acula's heel. I'll add it to my motivation folder. I think a lot of these are either from that folder or podcasts. But anyways, you cannot both hate and fully understand. I wholeheartedly agree with that. That essentially means a lot. 90% of your hate or 99.9 or maybe even 100% of your hate is often derived from a lack of understanding. It's ignorance. You're ignorant towards that situation. You're ignorant towards that topic or that person. You're ignorant towards that person because you don't know enough about that person. You don't. You haven't walked a day in their shoes. What do you mean? I don't know about the person that person is my mother. That person is my sister. I know everything about them. No, you've never been that person. It's so easy for you to cast a stone. It's so easy for you to hate. It's so easy for you to speak negatively because you haven't been through the trials and tribulations that that person has. Because a lot of the times, if you were, you would make the same decisions. If you had the same mind, the same history, the same past traumas, the same build were in the same body as that person, you would make the same decisions that that person made. Because you would have that person's brain, that person's everything. So we don't think about it like that. That is why hate comes from a place of a lack of understanding because you don't have enough information often times to even truly hate that person. You don't know them enough. You oftentimes don't. You haven't. You definitely don't because you've never been them. You definitely don't because you've never been them. You can think that you know a person through and through, but you have never been them. Can you honestly say that there is one person on this earth that knows every single thing that you've been through has shared every single emotion that you've shared, has experienced every single thing that you've experienced? No, there's no way. Unless you're a con joint twin. But even if you're a con joint twin, you have your own like, like you feel, I don't think that your twin is crying every time you cry, like your feelings are different. There is no. We're all too different. We're all so different. So hate comes from a lack of understanding. And I believe that I'm not saying that there aren't evil. Well, actually I do. I don't believe that there are evil people in the world, but I'm saying. I don't believe that there are evil people in the world. And what I am saying is that it is important to try and understand why somebody made a decision versus simply reacting to the decision. And it is important to me because it gets you much further than simply reacting to the decision. That is what I'm saying. People move through life based on how they see the world, not how you see it. That is something that really hit me like a ton of bricks when I want it like really, really clicked in my brain. When it really, really clicked in my brain, people see the world from their lens, not yours. So through their past trauma, through their biases, through their experiences with certain people, through their experience with certain animals, through that's how they see the world. And that is how you see the world. That's how I see the world through my experiences. So for you to expect somebody to be on your side or wholeheartedly agree with everything you say or to not push back or to, I don't know, not have a differing opinion than you, it's wild. It's wild because nobody has lived the life that you've lived and everybody sees the world through the lens in which their past journey, their life has created. Your past journey created the current lens in which you see the world. So everyone's will be different, even siblings, even siblings, your, the way you see the world will be different. It might be similar, but it will be different. There will never be somebody that you 100% see the world the same as, which is beautiful, which is part of the beauty of everyone being different or part of the beauty of the journey because you meet so many different people that can teach you so many different things because they see the world so differently because of their history. And that is why I love this. That is why I love conversation, not like just simply creating this podcast, but that is why I am so enthralled and so passionate about conversation because I learned so much. I literally learned about Nepal's history today at work. I work with this guy from Nepal, and he was teaching me about Nepal's history and how Nepal used to be ran by royal dynasties, ran by families. You can learn so much. You can learn so, so, so much just by listening to people and hearing how they describe the world. And just by trying to understand how somebody got the lens that they that they currently have, by trying to like get the person's story and hear their about their childhood and hear about maybe past traumas and all that stuff you can learn so much. And I advise everybody to do it, hop in conversations and not everybody likes to to to converse, but if you do create as many conversations throughout the day as you can take and just learn and just learn and just learn and just learn. Your core duty as a friend is to love them through not to make them better. Oh, that. That one hit me like a ton of bricks to that one hit me like a ton of bricks to because I'm very, very. I think I'm very business minded, and I'm very much a realist like I've said before. So when somebody says something to me, I'm all I'm either thinking how it can be used to make money or how it can be solved. Yeah, that probably sounds so bad, but that those are the two paths my brain automatically takes. That's why in a past video I said that I oftentimes need to like click my brain and and and no. If I'm entering this conversation from the realm of emotion or from entering this conversation from the realm of problem solving, because I often enter con I was going to say always but not always I often enter conversations from the realm of problem solving. And that's not always what somebody looking to converse is looking for. They're not always looking for problem solving. Sometimes they just want you to listen and to talk about emotions. So it really took some time for me to get that like hey cast like your job isn't to try and elevate or. I don't want to use the word better because what your job isn't to attempt to continue continuously elevate your friends your job is to love them how they come to you. And if you can't love them how they come to you then they shouldn't be in your space because every friend deserves to be loved and respected by their friend and not bent in and maneuvered and tried to twist and turn into something that that makes sense to me. That's not that's not what a good friend does a good friend loves you. Yes I'm going to push you and and pour into you the best way that I know how and the best way that I know how is is financial financial well financial freedom financial greatness like that is the best way that I know how but I don't need to continuously shove that down to somebody's throat that isn't interested in that or that doesn't want to discuss that. Like that it just is what it is like that isn't what my duty is as a friend my duty is to love and pour into my friends my duty is not to build other versions of myself or build other entrepreneurs or other business people. No my duty is to love and pour into my friends and yeah absolutely that's it like that's it like love them how they come love them how they come let them know that you want them to elevate let them know what you believe that elevation looks like for them and that's it and listen to them and just love them continue to love them but your duty is to love your friends through not to to try and change them or make them even if you're like oh this would make them so much better this would be better for the future. That's not that's not what it is to be a friend baby your duty for your friends is to love them and to yes elevate them and pour into them but love them how they come don't try and change them people don't don't do that. Love them how they come and if you can't do that if you're like oh like I can't be friends with this person that that thinks this way or that moves like this that's okay. Then exit yourself exit yourself from that friendship and allow them to go find a friend that can be the friend that they deserve that they need and you go find a friend that can be the friend that you deserve that you need. I don't know okay so this is the last one and it's still very much up in the air for me so I might need y'all's help with this respecting your partner might be the most important. Still working on this one it's other respect or trust I think that was my little parentheses thought bubble I guess respecting your partner might be most important so basically I'm teetering between respect and trust respecting your partner or trusting your partner. I'd say respect all day but is that what I really believe respecting your partner is number one like I need to respect you is love number one. I need to know because I need more than love respecting your I just think it's hard to understand I feel like I can trust you and not respect you. Like I can trust that you'll be good good to me and do right by me and not necessarily respect you as a human but can you can you can you trust somebody that you don't respect. Yeah honestly I think you can because the two aren't correlated I don't think you need to respect somebody in order to trust them. Hold on if I trust you with I don't know but trust you with my car if I'm giving you my car because I trust you with my car you can buy my car for the week I trust you with my car. That doesn't necessarily mean that I respect you in order to trust you with my car no I can trust yeah okay so no I don't think that they're aligned I don't think that I mean I don't think that they're linked. I don't think respect and trust are linked so do I think respecting your partner is more important than trusting your partner and I would say yes yes but do I think respecting your partner is number one when it comes to dealing with your partner. I don't know what I would put higher than respect so yeah you guys need to help me with that one I don't know what I would put higher than respect and I was literally doing all that thinking here on camera and on this podcast to give you guys no it's but I think I think I think I think maybe respecting your partner is number one but you guys let me know what do you what do you think is number one when it comes to your partner is it respect is it love is it trust if you have to choose one. That's I think that's the problem with this because I can only choose one yeah I think I would go with respect but you guys let me know is yeah because it could be so much so many more things but like what is the number one. I think that's the thing that's what I'm asking you guys to let me know what the best quality is in your spouse is it respect is it yeah but love is inequality see that's the thing that's what's fucking me up. So I'm asking you guys to let me know what the best or emotion is or character trait Lord have mercy y'all let me know what the best thing is when it comes to your spouse please. And I'm not talking about something physical I'm talking about like quality character trait emotional like those type of things let me know what number one is I think maybe respect I think it's respect but unless you guys tell me something else that's better. I am out of here I've been talking for an hour your girl is done I'm going to the big e tomorrow I'm so excited I will keep you guys posted on that or updated on that on my tiktok so that's what you should follow me on tiktok see is what you gotta follow me on tiktok. I'm always saying that Instagram is my like piece there is a sauce but I'm always plugging my tiktok so if you're an Instagram girly like me I am super much instagram even though most I was exact. Follow me on instagram is your door cast I am very much a stories girly if you want to know what I am doing like real time watch me. Oh I didn't even say this I'm a lot on the last video okay so I was. Gosh my celebrity pretty much. No just kidding. Somebody reach out to me today not somebody I should say his name his name is Larry I don't care where his last name is but I will. I don't know if I'm gonna plug this I'm not gonna plug this podcast in this episode because I don't know what my podcast episode will be so you guys if it ends up being good then I'll plug the podcast I'll link the podcast episode under one of my future episodes but what I'm trying to get out and not getting out is I was invited on a podcast. I was DM'd I read I was went to lunch I went to lunch I work today. And I sent out an open Instagram and I have a message and it's from this guy Larry who's like hey would you want to be on my podcast and talk about how through with this flash of tea like came to fruition. You guys what. I think that's so cool that people want to interview me I don't know how good I'll be as an interview I'm a good talker but I don't know if I'm a good interview but we are going to find out so I'm excited I think that'll be cool. Yeah so I will if it ends up being good now I'll link I'll link it at the bottom of a future episode after it comes out if it ends up being whacked because like I'm stuttering and I can't like put string thoughts together. Then you guys will never know about it and you guys will never hear anything about it and it will never be promoted by me. I'm just kidding I should probably still promote it. Yeah that's not on that so yeah that was pretty cool and that happens literally today so I'm going to go I'm tired I'm going to get out of here but I got to edit these I'm going to edit and then I'm going to go to bed. Thank you guys so much for watching me Cass is 30 things that she learned my 30 is officially done. But I like doing lists so I probably I'm not probably I'm going to do listen in the future I just don't know what list I want to do. So thank you for watching if you watched thanks for listening if you listened through with a slash of T podcast can be caught every Tuesday Wednesday Thursday on all streaming platforms and YouTube. Bye. [BLANK_AUDIO]