Welcome back to Emotionally Unavailable! We are back with another episode of Anonymously Unavailable, covering Raina O'dell's book, Bare.
Emotionally Unavailable
Episode 66: Transitions (Anonymously Unavailable with Jane Doe E15 - Bare book club week 1)
tell your story, shout it, write it, whisper it, look the talent, someone understand, someone will outright reject it, but many will thank you for it. And then the most magical thing will happen one by one, voices will start whispering. Me too. And your tribe will gather and you will never feel alone. [Music] Welcome to Emotionally Unavailable, the podcast where we dive deep into the world of emotional availability and intimacy. I'm your host, Melissa Hepner, and I can't tell you how excited I am to have you join me on this journey of self-discovery and connection. Whether you're navigating the complexities of relationships or exploring your own emotional landscape, this podcast is here to inspire, empower, and entertain. So get cozy and let's explore the depths of human emotions together. Hello, and welcome back to anonymously unavailable with Jane Doe. I think this is episode 15, week one of Reyna Odell's Bear book. We are not so great at sticking to the subject, so this was kind of a short one we both had kind of a wild week, so we are tired and that is that. I hope that everyone is doing well and I hope you enjoy this episode. I am so tired. I have had back-to-back like 10-hour days of working, which is fabulous, but like, so I had a thing after work today and that's the thing I thought I was going to be late for. I skipped that. I ended up staying at work, so I didn't even miss that whole thing in between from four to seven. Where did you read this book? I read the first like three chapters maybe. Okay, what did you think? I felt because I read the first four chapters. Nope, just the first three. Well, I will tell you not what I thought just following her. You know, I mean, we followed her for years. Yeah. Like, oh, what a rough little story you had. I mean, you want to see that coming. See, but she, I think I was a little more obsessed than you were. So, I think I knew about a lot of that. Oh, really? Oh, I didn't think any of that. No. Used to say a lot in videos. Oh, I don't watch videos. Right. I'm a boomer. I will, if there's subtitles, but yeah, I don't want any videos. Yeah, so she used to a lot like pre 2020, do a lot of talking videos. And I don't know what happened, but she says that was kind of the year that she got scared to talk. So I don't know. But it's bizarre. I thought I heard it as I caught 4-4. I guess it's not that bizarre, but to see how our paths are so similar to hers. And we watched her in her masculine. And we see now the difference in her in her feminine. And just even aesthetically on her Instagram, you know, vulnerability that she didn't used to have. She's not dismissive. She's excited. You know, like she wasn't excited for shit back then. So I feel like our paths have been very similar to hers. Yeah, I think that was the part that kind of shocked me. So, you know, just the part I mostly followed her during like her, you know, like badass masculine kind of like doing it and getting it done. And so I don't know. It's weird how when you see one side of person, that's all you like, that's what exists. And so you, and because you, again, at that time, you know, she's like working out and doing all this stuff and she's super hot, you know. And so then I'm automatically like, oh, she's better than me. Yep, she's on a higher level than me. So she must be better than me. In all, yeah, it's just a weird thing about her life must be perfect. In this way, I've got her on a pedestal. Right. And so then I was reading and I was like, Oh, oh, what? Just very relatable. All of the stuff, very relatable. Well, and the thing that I like about this book is that it's very immersive. But I told myself, because traditionally I wouldn't buy a book like this anymore, because I wouldn't see maybe the value of someone else's perspective, which means, yeah, this, this is very much my, my book is not that dissimilar from hers, if you think about it. So like, I don't know that, like, I feel like she and I are on the same level. So I wouldn't have felt the need to seek out that type of reading material. Because I haven't followed her for a while. So even like out of a sense of just like, let me like honor your words or anything like that. But now I'm learning to like, not want myself doing things because of weird shit like that. And just like, be open to experiencing things, like for no other reason than to understand someone else's experience, like, or just for you to have an experience, like why do you have to do or have a function, again, another way to place expectations on things. I, yeah, I never really thought about that. I think I have mostly quit reading self-help books, you know, to your point, although I got a new book that's not. Is it great? I haven't gotten one yet. That's so cool. It's so cool. I wish you could see all of it. Oh my god, my heart's so happy. I love it. Your illustrations are so good. Like it's so cute. I'm buying it for everybody. Like so excited. Oh my god, that makes my heart get stuck in my eye. Be my favorite of all of your books. Dude, it's the cover. It's so cute. Just the whole thing, the layout, like everything is just it's perfect. Dude, that came to me while I was talking to you. I was like, as soon as we hung up that thing, I'm like, oh, I love this. Yes. And then of course, my little entrepreneurial brain is like, ooh, and do this and do this. And you're like, girl, I just did one thing and I did it so good and fast. Leave me alone. And I'm like, yeah, god, sir. No, but like, I can't hear it. No, I love that. I always love it. No, it's always for the good, but you know, I got to tell you when I'm feeling overwhelmed by the shit. So I am, I'm an overwhelming for sure. So you just tell me and then I'm like, oh, got it. Okay. But like rain is booked. I love books like that. I love just hearing and seeing somebody else's point in view. I love it. All of it. Give me all of it. I've read books about people I don't even like. I just, I'm so interested. I bought one today because I know the person and he like the media person for the Saddam Hussein trial. And I was like, that's crazy. I'm buying this book. I want to read it. Like I can't. Yeah. No, I mean, okay. I didn't experience real life people like Rayna the way I would celebrities. Okay. If I still viewed Rayna as a celebrity to me, the way I did then, I would have, I would have read her book for the need to try to become like her. Yeah, I'm not, mine's not like, I don't view these as like self-help. To me, these are just like talking to people that they sit next to you. Like, hey, what do you know? Tell me about your life. How's it going? Like that sort of a thing. I try, I'm breaking up with the expectations of myself and the reading because I actually do still like self-help a lot. I just like caring what people think about stuff and, you know, how they think. Yeah. But you were trying to like hold yourself to some standard of how often you can pick the book up and that was the equating to how committed you were. That's your politician. And it's so much like, how is it ready for all of that without something to do? So like, I was reading that book. I have a couple of them. Yeah, they were making you cry so hard. And then I'm like, texting my sister and I'm like, oh, this is so terrible. Like the children I'm emotionally under, you know, available parents, whatever, whatever. And the mother wound stuff. Like, listen, we're just drudging all this nonsense up and you did not give me one solution, you know? Done with that. So yeah, because I don't think that you have to do that. I think that you have to know that when it pops up, you need to say like, oh, that fucking hurts. And then you release it. You don't go minimize trivialize, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're a piece of shit, you know, have compassion for yourself. Yeah, yeah. So I think that was kind of the thing here. It's like, you know, I'm just in the very beginning part. She's just graduated and moved out and it's like, man, that's a lot. Like, she had a lot. So I hate that for her. Yeah, it just is what it is, you know? Yeah. And that doesn't mean that you have to invite toxic bitch ass motherfuckers back in your life, but it doesn't have to rule anything either. It can just be what it is. Yeah, yeah. So I'm excited to read the rest. We'll see. We're sure. We'll read chapters. So far, I don't know. I think nothing's really been a surprise. But it's this current part of her is the space I've missed from watching her document in her life. So, you know, but I did send a screenshot of the quote that's in the front of the book. I don't remember. That's what the echo, I wonder. Remember the quote you're talking about? Oh, yeah. Tell your story. Shout it. Write it with the talent. Someone understands some will outright reject it, but many will thank you for it. And then the most magical thing will happen. One by one, voices will start whispering. Me too. And your tribe will gather and you will never fill alone again. That's nice. I like it. I think that's really true. I mean, this goes back to that thing that we always talk about that I'm so jealous of. You get to be so authentic. You get to tell your story and live your truth. And the people that know me, I think, would say I'm very authentic. I'm pretty much one version. But I don't get to be that in every facet of my life the way you do. Right. I love that for you. Like good. I wish everybody could. Well, but that's why I'm trying to get you into this because then you get to be the fuck you want. You know, we both know you would be the best coach. You figured out a way for you to make your money. I mean, you're you have this like, you know what to do. And you are healthy enough to be able to give good advice too. You know, I was like, you know what, baby? It is rare to have a spouse that will sit and listen to my delusional ass for hours on end, you know? He's like, yeah, he actually like congratulated himself because he's like, but I love it. You know, I'm trying to get you to move over to this space soon because I, I, you know, want you to get. So if you had one like dream sponsor, who would it be? Oh, I guess I haven't thought of sponsors. If we're trying to monetize this thing, like who are we advertising for? All I can think is Drew Barrymore. So something that makes you feel the way Drew Barrymore does on her show, which I only know through TikTok clips, but still. I also only know through TikTok. Well, I just keep thinking her. She keeps popping up in these manifestations. Learning that like, how you create your reality, you just teach yourself in the most delusional fucking way and then you don't give a fuck, you don't let anything stop you. That's right. Because you know what, Brian goes, when did you apply to be a part of the system? I was like, oh, April, early April, I still very much inhaled, very unhealed. And I had no idea what I would offer a symposium session at that point in my life and said, fuck it. I had just done the manifestation. I had just done that one where you do the embodiment of who you want to become. And that's when I realized I'm already her, like, I'm already fucking her. What the fuck? You know what I mean? And I realized, like, this alter ego, she's me and I am her. We're allowed to not be perfect. And we're allowed to take up space. You know what I mean? So it was at that time that I was like, oh, okay. And I think that was fucking less than I was supposed to learn because I just said, have I ever applied to be a symposium speaker? No. And I was like, and so it is. I will be accepted. Never even worried about it again. Like, I can't wait to get my acceptance email. I'm so serious. And I meant that shit, like, waiting on that acceptance email. And then when it came, and I was like, oh, my God, I'm excited, like, and I was excited, but like, I wasn't surprised. All of these things are coming to happen. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna lean in. I'm gonna get really fucking alerts. Okay, so ideal sponsor who I don't know. Something that promotes this thing we're promoting, which is baby, you know, like just be. I don't know. Dove soap. Yeah. They have lots of like handles. They, they, I don't think so. I think they're just nice and fresh and clean. No pun intended. I think they armchair experts has McDonald's as a sponsor. We could get that. Oh, bro. I'm so connected to all my clients. That's crazy. I know. I knew I was working for my little people. I fucking love the shit out of them, dude. I'm like, money's money. That's not what's supposed to make me money anyway. You just stay my baby and then I'll just go make money elsewhere. You know what I mean? Like that will be your money. Don't worry about it. It's okay. I love it, man. But you see, like the impact is happening and all because like, can you imagine curled up in a ball, anxious, unhealed Melissa? And I expected a prerecorded program. But instead I sat there fucking prepared with my presentation right there, pulled up the notes one because I had made sure I pulled up the right one because of all the times in the past that I pulled up the wrong one and I'm having to fumble in front of all these people, all of those things prepare for that exact fucking moment because we're creating our own reality. You go for what you believe. You can go for that low hanging fruit all you want. Yeah. You get the high kid, you know. Now I can't imagine even like one year ago, you adversity, you did not love you're like, no, I'm ready for it. I was ready for it. It was nuts. Like, I wasn't sure if I was going to share that with people like at first, but then I was like, Brian, can I tell you something? You know, like, I just I'm just believing it, man. Like, we have to understand that our brains have a negativity bias. And all we fucking have to do is teach it positivity. And it believes that just as much. You know, the saddest part of that for me is that everybody is just overcome with like, just all this negativity in the media and social media, specifically like, oh, yeah, rid of all the negative and replace it with like happiness and love and light. I know, but it's like, that's too scary to the world. You know, these people are still feeling this sense of control by knowing every bad thing that's happening. To me, I feel more out of control when I hear all that shit. I don't need it. Oh, sad. Oh my God. No, I don't like it. For me to see about this thing that went terrible. Like yesterday, that terrible storm happened. I looked on my window and I was like, well, this does not look good. It was crazy. And so I turned on the weather, like the local, the local channel. And they were like, this is going to have a massive impact. This is going to be a million dollar storm. This is going to go by any of this. This is going to blah. I was just like, oh my God, we're going to die. Yeah, basically, like, I feel like can lawsuit and for anxiety. I'm like, you're screaming fire. You're saying this is terrible and people are going to get hurt, but they're not. Quit it. Like it literally made no difference to me. And you just rocked me in anxiety for like an hour like for ratings. Okay. Quit it. It's weird. Stuff being weird. Like weird. You know, just I do. But I think that you're right. I guess people like that. I don't know. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I think you're exactly right when you think positive things. Because I've always been like, you know, who's the prettiest girl? Me. Yeah. Who's the luckiest boy? You. Because you're with me. Like, those are real life things that I walk around saying. And he's like, oh my God. But I can't care. I think being positive really does like change stuff. Yeah. I just, you know, I'm always so cautious about that because I know what I thought that meant before. And I don't want anyone to be triggered by toxic positivity. But why are you like avoiding stuff? Right. There is a difference. If you're being, if you're minimizing trivializing and dismissing your experiences as a human, that's not the self love we're talking about here. Right. About actualization. All right. I mean, I've got some. What's fine? Everything's fine. It's fine. Fake until you make it. I've got that, you know, the world is falling apart. But that's it. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I have an extra leg. It's fine that that one fell off. Everything's great. It's no biggie. No biggie. Not even. Well, I am hungry. And so I'm going to need to eat more chips and the M&M stuff for myself. So good. I love it. Bro, I had today's episode uploaded Monday and it didn't post. And when I went, it was like not there. And so I had to do it right before the symposium. No, I wouldn't have ended it because I was trying to hurry and get it done so you could hear it before work. Thank you. I didn't finish it, but I did listen. I've been trying to because I fell off when we were gone. And so I was like, oh, I've got to catch back up. So I love to do those girls from Ohio. They are very fun with them. They were really cool. And it felt like I meant to be interaction. Like everyone I'm getting from threads. It's like, that's where my whole thing is broke. I've had recordings almost every day this week from them. I didn't do threads, but I get notifications on Instagram sometimes connected. So even if you don't have the app, you have a threads. Well, I kept getting notifications and it was irritating the shit out of me. When I went over there, I was like, everybody here is looking for support, bro. This is where I need to be. Everybody's in the same thing. I'm trying to break out. So I'm like, hey, come vibe with me on my podcast, blah, blah, blah. I get all kinds of people. Okay. It's in there. You have to believe that they're like, they're meant for us, bro. Every one of them. It's been fucking. This has been the best week. I'm excited. There's two more days left. I know. It would have been my fucking car payment. I'm great. I'm grateful for that. Because I was like, how am I going to pay both my student lane and my car payment? And then I was like, Oh, that's crazy. Like two of my clients are three of them. Actually, all of them are judging their healing today. All of them. That's been the team this week. It's the judging our healing that by now, because I've given them so much and they've learned so much that it's supposed to be done. This should be healed. But really what what they think is that healed people don't behave the way that they're behaving. They don't get that. Yeah. Just because you have a map and a GPS and a really nice car doesn't mean that you can drive across the country and then do. Right. Thanks, Tom. Even with all the stuff you got to just get through it. Yep. And I'm like, man, that was me like really not that long ago. And here I am like, bro, I manifested this shit. I wouldn't even know about any of the stuff that were for you. I just be walking around being like, I don't know why I'm grumpy. I know, but like, you're not nice enough to me. But we like must have known each other in a former life, bro. Mm hmm. You're my fucking girl, dude. It's ride or die up in this bitch. Like, I don't want to go anywhere without you. I'm like, you mean, I need I need us to be together on this journey. Okay. Like this year, my bitch. And and how could I not want you to experience this level of peace where you only do what you love? I know. I love this for you. Yeah. You're for it. You're for it. It's your way for you to hear Linda's episode on Monday. You're gonna fucking love it. I'm so excited for it. All right, my love. I'm gonna go eat chips in case. So I hope you have a great rest of your night. And with, you know, self-prave, basically. Because I'm sure I'm going to be getting more like, you know, information and shit. And like, you know, I'm gonna tell you about it. Tell me all about it. All about it. Listen, I'm just cheering you on. I'm very proud of you. Best other leader ever. So good. All right. Love you. Love you. Bye. Bye. Hey, hey, what do you say? Listen, first and foremost, please make sure that you have provided this podcast with a five star rating on whichever platform that you are listening. If you want to support the show, please rate, like, and share. Also like, comment, and share on any social media posts that you see for me on Instagram, or Facebook, or TikTok. Please follow the podcast Facebook, emotionally and available podcast. You can shop my foot online, store, or schedule a one on one with me. Emotionally unavailablepodcast.org. I'm offering what I'm calling non-traditional counseling, astrology readings, and tarot readings. And thank you so much for listening to the emotionally unavailable podcast. Hello. Hope you liked this episode. And I don't know how everything is to say. I'm really tired. So until next time, let's all just keep swimming. I-N-D-E-P-E, and CUT.