The Rescue Church

Divorce... Thankful for Grace

One of the criticism of Christians and those who attend church has been the rules. From the outside, and often from within, it can seem Christianity is full of do’s and don’ts that are preached about in church services, but not lived out throughout the rest of the week. It’s a fair critique and not unique to the 21st century. Jesus addresses rules based religion in one of his earliest recorded sermons with a variety of topics, including divorce. Hopefully you can join us and learn how this ap...

Broadcast on:: 27 Sep 2024
Audio Format:: other

All right, well as I was preparing for my message this week, I'll just say this is one that's been on my mind since probably June. And if I'm honest, I don't always like what God says in the Bible. I know I'm a pastor, I'm probably not supposed to say that, and that's being recorded, so that's out there forever, but the reality is, I don't always like what God says because it doesn't always, sometimes what He says, it calls out sin and not just my life but in people that I care about lives. A couple years ago when we first went into our first counter-cultural series, we explored homosexuality and same-sex relationship, same-sex attraction, and used a lot of the information I had gotten from a pastor, John Tyson, and as he went through it and we explored it in depth. And I have kind of the same tension towards this message as I did towards that one, and that tension being that I know there's a lot of people impacted by it, and so as you get ready to go through God's Word, knowing that it's God who said it, not Sam that said it, but that it's God that said it, I still don't like to see people hurt or have people feel like they're being called out by me or any of that, so there's a caution that I tend to have as I go into a message like this. That said, today we're going to kind of work through this, and in part because I got called out on it to be completely honest in a good way, but the question was asked, what does this passage mean? And so I spent some time trying to answer and go through the passage, and then the question that went with that was, does this passage really mean what it says? And then once we had the discussion and the dialogue about what it meant and what it said, then came the question that kind of was like, maybe the harder of all of that it was, okay, so if the Bible says that, why don't pastors preach on it? And then, so that's one, but then the second part of that is, and I don't know that it was even said, but why don't you preach on it? And so as I thought about it, the part of my answer is, this is a topic that impacts so many people, and I don't want to hurt them. That's honestly, that's the answer, that it affects so many people, but I don't want to see you all hurt or people you care about hurt. But I also realize that if God's Word says it and we're not teaching on it, we're missing out on part of what should be taught on. So with that as a background, let's look at what he says in Matthew 5, 31 through 32. He says this, "It has been said, anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce, but I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for sexual immorality makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Gracious God, as we go into your Word, as we hear what you Jesus said, God, I pray that you Holy Spirit would direct the thoughts and the conversation that, as much as ever, that what is heard is what you want people to hear and what comes out of my mouth would be what you would have me to say. God helped my words to be seasoned with truth and also with grace and love. It's in your name we pray, amen. All right, well this message here, as far as the context of this message, is it's part of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. Now a little bit of background to his Sermon on the Mount. This is at the beginning of his ministry. Jesus has spent 30 years doing a variety of different things, growing in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man, we're told, and he learned to trade. So those of you who are trades people, Jesus is there with you. He learned to trade and got to a point where he's about 30 years old and he is starting his pastoral sort of rabbinical, I don't know if that's even the word, but ministry where he is as a teacher getting ready to teach as Messiah. And so about this time he has been baptized, he has fasted, he has faced temptations from Satan where Satan has tried to convince him to do things other than what God would have had for him and then he begins starting to preach. And as he starts to preach and he starts to teach, he starts inviting people to follow him, namely his disciples, but others start following and the following starts to grow. He starts healing people and doing miracles and the crowds continue to grow. And so Jesus, as all of this is happening really early on in his ministry, goes up as we're told on a mountain side and he sits down and begins to teach. This is God in human form, not going into a city where he's going to grab all of the attention, not stepping up on a big podium where he's speaking down to people, but going up on the side of a mountain and sitting down to teach. As I see that and as I read that, I have that imagery of that preschool teacher or that kindergarten teacher who gets all the kids around, they all sit down, criss-cross, applesauce, whatever you want to call it, on the floor and the teacher sits down with them and teaches at their level. Not from a point of I am better than you, but I'm getting down so I can look you in the eye and have a conversation with you. This is the posture that Jesus has taken as he is teaching on the Sermon on the Mount. And as he starts teaching, he talks on a variety of different topics. The gamut is wide. He starts with what we call the Beatitudes and it's the blessed are and they list people when they, what causes people to be blessed. Some people, that word that's translate blessed is also can be translated happy. So it's the things that can bring happiness or should bring happiness. He teaches us how to pray and how to talk to God with the Lord's Prayer in a real practical thing there. And he talks about how there are so many more that are going to make the decision not to follow him than will make a decision to follow him, even though he knows that he is there as Messiah. And there's so much more that he teaches on including what we get to the text today where he addresses divorce. Now in the text today, those verses today, he starts with it has been said. He does this several times actually in the Sermon on the Mount. The first time is in verse 21 and he's talking about murder and hatred and if you're familiar with your Bible then you know this story, if not, then I'll explain it a little bit. It's Jesus' teaching and saying like you've heard it said you shall not murder, seems pretty basic. And this was a Jewish audience that would have known the Ten Commandments. So he's pulling one of the Ten Commandments out and saying you've heard it said you shouldn't murder. And he's saying then he takes and he goes but I'm telling you if you have hated a person, if you have spoken judgment against a person, that is the same as murder. He takes and says you have this religious list of rules. Wasn't what God meant when he gave it to them but it's what it became to people. We like rules. We like rules I think because we like to see how close we can get to the edge without stepping over the rule. It's like the teaching that is on don't be overcome with wine. Okay well how close can I come to the edge of this drunkenness without it truly counting. Where's his sin start and then you know now we know the legal limit for drinking in south because of what? Point '08 for driving. So maybe what Jesus was saying is you shouldn't have above a point '08. He's not saying any of that. His point was more about something taking our focus off of him or us relying on a substance for happiness and joy beyond him. But anyway we like to have rules and then we twist those rules and we miss sometimes the teaching. So he says in the area of murder my goal is God isn't just that you don't kill each other which yes that's a big deal but it's also that you don't hate each other. And in fact when you have hatred and animosity towards someone I see that as murder it's the same in my eyes either way. He continues and talks about adultery and lust in verse 27 with his it has been said and it's the it has been you've heard it said you should not commit adultery. Hey that's pretty basic I have a marital relationship it should remain in my marriage it shouldn't be outside of my marriage. He goes a step further and says hey you know that those things that you look at you know those people that you're looking at I would say in our context today he would say you know that porn that you watch that's adultery that's lust that is what I intended for marriage being taken outside of marriage and that is what you are doing. And then he keeps going with other things including today's topic of divorce he's calling us back to what has been taught or calling them back to what had been taught and explaining what God's intent was he looks back on the law and says here's what I meant here's what God intended as that was spoken to you. And he continues and says anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. Now I'm going to go through kind of the teaching explaining part of things and we'll bring this all together as we get towards the end but in Deuteronomy 24 one through four we're taught on divorce and in fact that's where God is given Moses and given basically a law and it appears that in this law divorce was allowed only in in certain circumstances but it was heavily regulated there was rules in place for when it could and couldn't happen so like so many things that are happening today this isn't a new issue that just started in the in the 20th century or the 21st century this has gone back to the beginning of time. Now that word divorce that's used there I found it interesting you guys know I can get hung up on words sometimes and the word divorce actually means cut off and and it's the same word that that creates the issue of like a surgical removal of something it's like to surgically remove a piece of one's body which probably makes sense when we're told that that in Genesis the two are united and become one so if it's divorce it's truly taking something that was one and cut enough part of it and separating it aside but anyway it continues on he says but I tell you so you've heard this this is what you're going on but I tell you and then he's about to set the record straight it's maybe a subtle or not so subtle way of saying you're hung up on this let me tell you what it means I gave you the law God gave you the law but here was the intent behind the law that was given I'm going to help you understand this and he says that anyone who divorces his wife the culture had begun allowing divorce at this point for a variety of reasons and I'm speaking even in Jewish culture they had gotten to a point where where different excuses were made over the last four months as I've been looking into this topic on more than one occasion and I don't know if it was the level of sarcasm by those teaching or if this was legit but more than one occasion it came up that that if they didn't like the way the person was preparing the meal they could divorce them they're like this person's a terrible cook she's out I'm going to find a different one it may be just she's getting too old I'm going to replace her with a younger model whatever it might have been but it was there was almost a calloused approach in this society keep in mind this is a society where the men have all the power the women do not the men get a chance to cut off and and start over leaving that woman helpless to take care of herself because in that society she didn't hold a job she was responsible to then have to beg or then remarry and if she remarried then her new husband would take care of her which will come back because we'll get to that here in the text here but culture had gotten to a point where they were allowing it regardless of the reason and Jesus actually goes a little bit deeper on this topic he doesn't only approach at this once when we continue and we get to Matthew 19 he addresses it again he says this in Matthew 19 verse 3 he says some Pharisees had come to test him they asked is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason haven't you read read Jesus replied that at the beginning of the Creator made them male and female and he said for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh so they are no longer two but they are one and what God has joined together let no one separate Jesus is doubling down on that thing that he was started teaching on the Sermon on the Mount and reminding them that God has united them as one this isn't a situation where you said hey let's go with be roommates and when we get sick of each other we're going to go a different direction he's like no you are connected you are one that isn't a one for as long as it's convenient that's one until death do you part we may have taken some of that out of the the typical marriage today but the reality behind that why that was said till death do us part is because that was God's desire for marriage until death do us part not until one of them gets sick not until it's less convenient not until the bills get too higher not till whatever it was till death that marriage was to last and it wasn't just a human construction but a God-ordained combination part of the certificate of divorce which we'll get to in just a moment is because this was something that would have been overseen by by the religious leaders the divorce had to also be overseen by the religious leaders and them given an actual certificate allowing for the divorce but Jesus is saying no you have a responsibility to each other it's echoed it's talked more about in Ephesians chapter five you can look there at a different time but but in there Jesus God through his word is very clear and says that man is called to love his wife it doesn't say love him when it's love her when it's convenient it doesn't say love her when she does what you want her to it doesn't say love her when things are good in the bedroom it doesn't say love her whenever she is meeting all of your needs it says love her and in fact it says love her as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her he was willing to die for her that's the kind of love you're supposed to have for your wife when she's not paying attention to you when she doesn't have the time of day for you you are still supposed to love her like Christ loves the church and then women you're not getting off the hook real easy he says that you are to respect your husband now we have a saying maybe it's not everywhere I have a saying that respect is earned yet in this situation as I read this he doesn't say hey when your husband does a great job you better give him a little bit of respect let him know that that he deserves it it just says respect your husband sometimes us men don't deserve that respect probably that we're told to to give to be given yet that's part of that relationship it kind of it goes back to the garden with Adam and Eve and and that relationship and we see Adam being passive and when he's like no I don't I don't think we should do this and he's like yes we should Eve's not respecting the leadership of her husband and honestly in fairness her husband doesn't really step up and lead and she goes down a road and he follows her right after her wives respect your husband we have a responsibility to each other Jesus continue our the Bible continues God continues in this passage he says why then they asked did Moses command a woman to give his wife a certificate of divorce and sent her away Jesus replied Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard Moses threw his hands up and said I'm sick of dealing with you I'm sick of having to handle this you're not listening fine I'll give you the divorce it's not what's right but I'm done he said that's what happened he got to a point where he was so fed up that he said forget it I'm throwing my hands in the air and yes I'll give you your certificate of divorce not because it was God ordained but because he was sick of their behavior their pestering Jesus replied Moses permitted your divorce to your wife because your hearts were hard but and was not this way from the beginning I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery in this Jesus is setting himself up as greater than Moses by the way notice he's speaking to a Jewish audience and he's saying yeah Moses said this I'm saying this he's setting himself up as being greater than their religious leaders that's just a side note and he says hey Moses threw his hand up in the air and said fine do it but this was never what God this was never what I intended for you this was never what your heavenly father desired for you he in fact his desire was that the two were united as one that's why it takes a divorce a surgical procedure to make it into two because it was never intended to be separated I was never intended to be separated from my arm it would take a surgical act for me to be separated from my arm because it is part of me and when you are married you are one it takes a surgical act to separate the two so he says it is not allowed and in fact when it happens it causes a person to commit adultery except in the case of sexual immorality I have a lot of respect for a couple of different pastors and people and one of the the people I can think of that I have a ton of respect for I've never even met I've just from a distance followed their situation and it was a situation where the husband was having an affair he was a pastor having an affair living a life that he should not have been live in secret his wife found out his wife reached out to another pastor that other pastor stepped in intervened and kind of said okay I'll walk through it with with you as you can imagine it was rocky at first but the wife said I would like to see this marriage healed not end up in divorce and over the years this has probably been about 10-15 years ago now they have worked through to a point where they have a ministry reaching out to people walking through hard situations I bring this up because it doesn't say that you have to get divorced so I just want to be very clear sometimes we have that idea that if someone has an affair that it has to end in divorce and that's not what God's mandating now I don't know that if if I was to be in that situation and my spouse had an affair I don't know what it would be like to continue the trust would be ruined there'd be a lot of rebuilding that would have to come I do know that I've seen people walk through that and that it is possible but I also want to be clear that he does put this in here except for sexual immorality in that case the sin has already happened the adultery has already taken place and Jesus has given a an out in that situation all right well the passage continues that we were reading it says it causes her to commit adultery so so the divorce part's hard enough knowing so many friends of mine have been through divorces in hard situation then to get to this part where it says it causes her to commit adultery now keep in mind that this is written in a culture where it was only the man that could give the divorce in today's culture it can go either way the man or the women can give the divorce and so in that situation I'll just say the spouse causes the spouse to commit adultery you see when one spouse forces the end of a marriage it puts the other spouse in a position of sin it puts the other spouse in a spot where that thing that they were committed to where they were the two became one that when they're when they're walking away from that and when they're remarrying and when they're connecting with another spouse they're actually sinning against that that vow that was previously made and it's also that that spouse is being sinned against now this is one that I dug into this because I didn't like what it said and I was like I got to find a way that I'm misreading this that's the honest truth so I did that and I read from other pastors I read from other studies things this can't be what God meant and I'll just say I hope I'm reading it wrong as is every other pastor that I read from and heard from and learned from but I'll say this it's not clear at which point the sin is the adultery and how it's impacting the spouse but it does clearly say that if you marry a divorced woman that is or a person at that point there is adultery I don't understand it here I am your pastor I'm up here at front saying I don't understand it I might even say I don't like it but I couldn't find anybody to say that that God didn't mean what he said what I found was people saying God is a gracious God which is so so true but anyway sticking to the text and continuing to work through that at some point whether it's the remarriage or whether it's the the act of adultery or the act of divorce sin happens sin is there the woman is sinned against the spouse is sinned against and people are hurt and something happens that separates us from God in our sin no hear me through that's not the end if you just cut that part out you'll you'll think I'm saying something I'm not what I am saying is the marriage covenant this was the point I had on there on your notes the marriage covenant is a big deal to God and it should be to us as well it should not be something to be taken lightly it should not be something where we enter it saying if it doesn't work out one of us will leave see marriage matters because people matter people in relationships have always mattered to God remember in this same passage he's addressing hate which affects a relationship in this same situation the same passage he's addressing lust which affects relationship in this situation he talks about how to pray to the father which is a relationship with your heavenly father a relationship with God he's talking about inviting people to follow him and come into a relationship with him in a relationship with the holy God plus he's not standing there speaking condemnation he has sat down and is having this conversation with people on the side of a mountain not looking to draw attention for speaking controversy you see relationships and people matter to God and it mattered to Jesus and I think maybe sometimes we miss what relationships matter and we think that that maybe not every relationship matters we don't take the same seriousness with other relationships but it's interesting in this Matthew 19 passage the second passage that we went to today and we're going to dig into that more next week because the next thing Jesus talks about is what it's like to be single and the value of being single so he cares about relationships not just within marriage but outside of marriage and for some of us it's maybe time that we start reevaluating some of our relationships not just within marriage but outside of marriage if it's within marriage we maybe need to start looking at our lives and saying hey are we spending time with our spouse to develop that relationship it's amazing as I have an opportunity to talk to leaders and pastors and people who have been followers of Jesus for a long time that that we can get so busy following Jesus that we forget to be a husband or a wife to our spouse we get so busy with doing God's work that we forget that he's also called us to care for and love and respect our spouse and so we miss that so some of us may need to look at that and go oh am I spending time developing this relationship others of us may say yeah we believe it pastor preach the two become one and if I was to say how about your finances are they one and you're going to say no they're not because I have mine and she has hers and we work together and pay each of us pays a half of the bill and I would say Jesus is also the one that says where your treasure is there your heart is also so if your finances are separate if you're not willing to trust your spouse with your finances because they're your finances then maybe the two of you truly aren't living as one but that's my interpretation God never says combine your checkbook because he doesn't talk about checkbooks I believe but but anyway how are you handling your finances are you are you managing those as one what about your calendars what about your schedules husbands do your wives know that they're loved how are you showing it remember Jesus loved us so much that he was willing to give his life but but short of that Jesus was the original servant leader the guy who got down on his hands and knees and washed his disciples feet men when was the last time you took the time to serve your spouse when was the last time you served your wife in something that maybe wasn't fun maybe wasn't sexy maybe it wasn't any of that but still needed to be done wives how are you showing respect to your husband we don't always deserve it but God calls you to that and in that I would say husbands we need to reevaluate how well we're doing it leading sometimes we don't lead very well we like to be an island unto ourselves and not think about the big picture because you know what leading is hard but that's part of it how are your relationship with your kids how about your friendships are you taking the time and investing the energy are you simply being real at a surface level and not really letting anybody get below the surface how's your relationship with God now in this this passage Jesus calls out a lot of things like I mentioned murder lust divorce and I'm thankful that this was the beginning of God's ministry and not the end of his ministry if he ended with condemnation and only condemnation that would feel harsh but yet as he continues he we know that three years later all of this was leading up to a point where he was going to make a way to have relationships restored and how he was going to make a way for our sin whether it was something like divorce or something like a lustful thought or something else running the gamut he was going to make a way for us to be forgiven forgiven so that when God looks at us he doesn't see our sin he doesn't see our fault he sees us through the blood of his son Jesus and that's what Jesus was coming to do he was coming to make a way he was coming to make a way for those of us who have struggled in marriage he was coming to make a way for those who have dealt with hatred maybe hatred towards somebody that flat out deserves it but yet God has called us not to be hateful lust adultery everything else he made a way for forgiveness he made a way for us to have a relationship with him as a holy God this last week I had an opportunity to be at a pastor's retreat we talked about a lot of things Jamie was asking me before hey what did you guys cover and we covered a lot of things from talking about AI and its impact on the church and in the world and how we as pastors and churches respond and react to that we talked about Gen Z and the reality that Gen Z and I get excited those of you who are in that like that 14 to 28 I get excited about you guys as a generation because you're a generation who isn't willing just to say we're going to do this because someone says that you want to know more it's a deeper relationship the surface thing doesn't cut it for you and that is exciting to me you're people that if you see the hope and the reason for a thing you will go after it not just for a paycheck my generation it was often about we'll work the long hours but it's for a paycheck or for something else and you're going for it because you believe it's right but anyway we talked a lot about Gen Z and in our conversations we also talked a lot about another area that's affecting and impacting the church which is our response to same-sex relationships transgender situations we spent a lot of times talking about that and the impact and how we as a church have responded one of the people that I had a chance to talk to made a comment they said you know we've taught against this and we've said that it's sin but that God loves you and they said that all made sense until someone close to me started dealing with this same-sex attraction and then I started looking at it from their eyes and going wow we as a church have not been very loving we've been very judgmental as a church we've been very critical we have we have said hey love the sin sin or hate the sin but that person feels attacked more than what they're doing feels attacked they feel their identity is being questioned and who they are and then one night as we were sitting around a fire one of the guys said this and I'll just read it he said something along the line of this and I tried to write it down afterwards so I remembered it he said I believe when Gen Z is where Gen X is now so Gen Z is that 14 to 28 Gen X is that that group that I'm a part of it probably starts mid-40s and goes up on through 50s and it says I believe what Gen Z is where Gen X is now homosexuality and same-sex attraction is a topic that won't be addressed often in the church not because it's perceived as okay but because they understand it impacts so many people they know and they don't want to hurt them and then they settled shortly after that this is similar to how the church today doesn't address today what the Bible says about divorce because it impacts so many people close to us at the time of the fall with Adam and Eve sin entered the world and when sin entered the world all of us became that came after that were imperfect that includes every single one of the people sitting here anyone that watches this now online anyone that watches this in the future online anyone that's ever walked this earth aside from Jesus we're no longer perfect we're no longer sinless and while our sins and our screw-ups may look different it doesn't make them any less sin and it doesn't separate us any less from a loving and holy God this is a God who loves them who loves you this is the God who says I want a relationship with them and I want a relationship with you whether you are coming out of a divorce whether you coming out or dealing with a same-sex attraction whether you are dealing with hate in your heart whether you dealing with a pornography issue whether or not you are treating your husband bad or your wife bad regardless of that situation he loves us and he makes a way through Jesus on that cross for us to have a relationship a relationship that regardless of the sin whether it's a sin that you consider bigger I consider bigger if we consider it small regardless of that sin he makes a way for us to be made righteous and not just be made righteous but he adopts us as his sons and his daughters and if he adopts you and me as sons and daughters how much less how much less would he adopt that person coming through a divorce as a son or daughter how much less would he adopt that that person who is dealing with a same-sex attraction the point is he loves each of us in spite of our sin none of us are deserving you may have lived a great life but you don't deserve a relationship with God flat out that's the truth except for the fact that he loved you enough to send Jesus to die for you so if you are at a point right now where you're saying hey I haven't ever started a relationship with God I hope that today will be the day Romans 10 9 says this it says if you declare with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead you will be saved for it is with your heart that you believe and are justified and with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved this isn't about a magic formula this is about another relationship the relationship that is more important than any other of your relationships it's a relationship with a God who loves you and says hey I've made this gift free at the cross all you have to do is acknowledge that I am Lord and put your hope and faith in me we sometimes like to add stuff to it but that's what he said and then to those of us who have that relationship with him we need to remember that we are no better aside from Jesus than any of these other people that are going through any of these other things and if you have been up on your high horse preaching down or looking down at any of them you've got something that you need to go to God and ask him to change your heart about because that God who loves you loves that person that you're looking down on and that you're judging more than you could ever know because he loves you just as much and it's beyond what is humanly possible so at this point I'm going to invite our worship team up and we're going to end with communion we're going to end with communion because of this we're going to end with communion because we need to remember and be reminded that there is a God who loves us in spite of our sins there is a God who loves us in the midst of our sin and in the midst of that sin died on a cross for you and for me and in first Corinthians we see this we see the Lord Jesus on the night he was betrayed this is this is a God who loves us so much that he invited into his close knit network of friends he invited in people including Judas and he had a relationship and a friendship and invested in Judas who he knew would one day betray him that would lead to in part to his death so it says on the night he was betrayed he took the bread and when he had given things he broke it and said this is my body which is for you this do in remembrance of me in the same way after supper he took the cup saying this cup is the new covenant my blood do this whenever you drink it in remembrance of me for whenever you eat the bread and drink the cup whenever we do this whenever we celebrate this we proclaim the Lord's death we celebrate the fact that he loved us enough to die for you and to die for me and to die for every one of us that will just accept that gift thank you for listening to this recent message from the rescue church we pray that god will use this message to encourage challenge and inspire you in your faith journey to hear our messages live head to one of our physical campuses if you'd like to learn more about the rescue church please visit us online at therescuechurch.com or email us at office@therescuechurch.com