Welcome to the Double Deuce Podcast. An amazing show that lasts only 22 minutes and is for you, the listener. So soak it up. So here are your two big beer hosts, Will Avril and Nelson. Hey, Will, hit the timer. And we're in Double Deuce. It is the Double Deuce. Double Deuce that keeps you warm in the winter and cold in the summer and protects you from the rain in the spring and hurricanes in the fall. Those fall hurricanes. We are so in love with you, dear patrons, dear listeners. You don't even know. We're in your hearts and we are playing like the bongos of our love for you. Yes. Desi Arnaz style with the bongos, not as much the love. I don't think famously he was not a good husband. Yeah. I mean, but you can't deny the power of the bongos. No. No. You can just deny the power of Desi Arnaz's love. Yes. So anyway, now that we've made love to your ears and hearts, let's get moving on this thing. It's a lot to cover today. I don't know what any of it is, but I know that we have a lot of it. So much, we had a bunch and then more showed up and then we found some and then, I don't know what it is either, it's unmarked. It came in cardboard boxes that were wrapped with plain brown paper. Yeah. And the double brown, if you know what I mean. I would really love it if you would never say the old double brown, if you know what I mean again, like that whole phrase, double brown do for you. Nope. Nope. And please let us not call the episode the old double brown either because that would really make my mom sad and you know, she's listening to more and more of the podcast. Now she tells me every time she listens just to keep me on my toes. So I won't tell embarrassing stories about all the things I found in their room throughout the years. Yeah. Yeah. My dad at her house on 630 Elm Street, which we moved out of when I was about 10 years old, maybe 12 anyway, he had a stack of girly magazines in the top shelf and they were mostly playboys because you know, he's kind of a vanilla fella. But you know, there were maybe one or two pet houses that a buddy had given him in there, you know, and I don't know which buddy like they were tight-lipped about that kind of stuff. But you could climb up the shelves and get your hands on them if you had enough time, which very rarely did because they're usually babysitters and shit. Yeah. But like, like those dudes in the great escape, we didn't let that stop us. We, we, we still me and my cousins snuck up there and, and got some Playboy magazine. So you set back tossing that ball against the wall until it was time to make your move. Yep. Yep. And we didn't do it in no motorcycle with no side car either. It was all manual labor. It was all climbing my hand, free solo up that, up that, that, that shelving unit. Greatest generation, my ass, you said, we'll do it live. We didn't have a net either. Like if we were to fall in, it would have been literally like between four to six feet plummeting. Imagine. Yeah. Yeah. That could hurt. Yeah, no, it would, it would 100% sting like the Americans. So anyway, a little bit of the old double brown there for you. Just the, the, like that's how we had to do it in our day. We couldn't just look on the internet and incognito mode. No, we had to climb a shelf, get that vanilla fellas, mags. Yeah. Yeah. The real double brown, that's the name of our album. You couldn't turn it upside down like a blizzard. No, no, no, it would slough off. It was so soft. Yep. Oh boy. Can I just tell you that slough is not a great word either. Like sloughing. No, no, none of it, no, no uses of it really, really, and feel good. I mean, actually it might feel good and to slough, but it doesn't sound good. No, no, like, you don't, you're not like, like in the middle of a romantic, like night with your person. And you're like romantic about sloughing. Let me slough the shirt off, you say, and the mood is killed. Or let me slough my underwear off again. No. Or are you sloughing off, are pieces of your skin sloughing off? That's disgusting. It depends on who you date. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like sloughing, it implies some degree of like effort or difficulty, I feel like, to get the stuff off of you. And it's like nothing, nothing should be that hard to get off. Hey, what's your, what's your, what's your slapping face look like? Actually, you know, not great. I mean, I suppose we're laughing face probably looks particularly good. We're on a podcast. So people can't really see here. Here's mine. Oh, gross. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I, that's the face I make when I'm sloughing, whatever it is, I'm sloughing on that particular day. Yeah. The face, no matter what you slough, the face remains the same. It's true. I feel like I do a lot more sloughing in my fifties than I did in my twenties. Like sloughing is an old man's game. Yeah. No, things come off easier when you're young. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you don't actually have to work as hard, but then, then you know, you get up in your, your what, your early fifties for me. You're not there yet. You got a little time, but you hit your early fifties and like, it's like, oh, it's slough of a clock. I'm still sort of me impressed in my mid forties firmly and you're entrenched firmly firmly. Yeah. You're like, you're like wearing your little, little metal helmet and, and, and you're going to sandbags piled up against the sides of the trenches. And you're like, I'm not coming out of here in my fifties. I'm staying here in my middle forties. Yep, it's like, like the trenches at the late world war one, where they really built them up. We got that. Yeah. French town, but not that Jamaican trench town, European trench town. And the British military museum, which is a pressing little place, somewhere in that thing, they're sloughing all over the place, but there's also like the world war one experience because like the Brits, you know, they, they had a lot more of them who were over there. So like, well, we're one for us, which is like a four year, like college escapade with a little bit of machine gun death, but like for them, it was a whole lifestyle choice. And so they got through a much bigger world than bought, you know, before America was like, well, let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that idea, you know, that, that, that toxic masculine idea of that to be a man, you got to go to war because there were so many wars, that war war one happened. And we were like, that was a mistake. Yeah, that's, that's a big and I'm not a fun one. Like of all the wars, I think that's the one that I'd like, probably like the fight in the least, not that they're like, okay, if I had to do my top five wars, I wouldn't want to fight in, uh, it would be war's will doesn't want to fight in, I don't want to fight, I don't want to fight in World War one, um, I, I don't want to fight in the war wars just because I don't really like South African people or like the Dutch. No. Yeah. Um, I don't want to, I don't want to fight, well, I don't, yeah, no, you don't want to, you don't want to even get involved in that. Yeah. I mean, that's like, you know, that's your first stab at concentration camps there and the war wars. It just doesn't seem like, and I feel like it was hot and it was probably really muggy and you had to wear a lot of clothes, like uniforms were really bulky. And so you were probably just like sweating and miserable all the time. Yeah. And when you're not being shot at, it's just, if you want, if you don't know what it was like, put on a full wool suit and go to Florida in July and, and, and then yeah, I go to Florida in July, I guess to get the full experience, but yeah, we're like, we're like, learn from their mistakes, deal drugs from a drug runner. And then you'll get the full like, getting shot at in a full world suit and then muggy heat experience, um, three wars left, three wars left. Yeah, Crimean war, no, I don't want to be in the Crimean war, either same as above. Too hot. Too many suits charge a life brigade doesn't seem like a real smart place to be. Fourth war, and I'm, I'm, I'm keeping these, these are, these are coming out a little like Western city, I understand that, uh, I, so I'm going to throw it, throw this one in just like any, anywhere, uh, during, um, the, the battles of the three kingdoms, like that period of Japanese history, just probably a lot of, a lot of dying and a lot of like, a lot of like people, like I feel like I'd, I'd be confused, like that, Anjan and Shogun and I'd be just frustrated and I'd be like, uh, I don't even know why I'm here fighting in this war. Yeah. And that one I wouldn't want to fight in. I feel like too, it, it requires such a high degree of training to be effective in that type of warfare. And so, you know, you ain't doing all that training. No, no. And, uh, and finally the, the fifth, um, you know, I'm going to say like, like be in a Persian it's a monopoly because although you like win, uh, battle, you just got to be, you got to listen to a whole bunch of like people being like, how many of them were there of them and how many of them were there of you? And how long did they hold out? You'd be like, look, I was in the back, man, I was, I was way in the back. The back may be sure then they're not so bad, but you have, then you have to be a survivor and live with, you know, like everybody's like, Oh, the Spartans and, and of the Persians were, they, they got their asses handed to them even though they won and you'd be like, I could have done better and then I guess even if you got through with thermopoli, you'd still die. It's one of the marathons, right? Where they get beat at sea. Yeah. That's one of the ones. Yes. Yeah. Is it the only, I feel like there is more than one marathon battle. I mean, I feel like you might be right. I just don't, I just know I don't want to be a thermopoli. And again, I think that that, that bought them enough time to warn the Athenians who then brought the ships and then the ships wouldn't boom, boom. I think it was kind of an, remember the Alamo situation. I believe after that, we're like everyone was like, Oh, we better do something about that. Yeah. Also, they're like, if we don't, if we don't do something after that, we'll never hear the end of it from the Spartans. Got a full Alamo situation. Yep. Speaking. Go ahead. I don't want to, I don't want to, I'm not, I'm not looking to talk down on your, on your five wars, but I think you might be sleeping on the US Civil War. That was a real nasty one. Yeah. I thought about the US Civil War, but I, I feel like, you know, losing limbs, whole lot of business and being practiced. That's true. That's true. But, you know, that, that also is, you know, it's outdoors. You know, you get to ride around a little bit, you know, it's true. But again, like, you know, it's a lot of either you're like, you're hanging out outside in the winter, or you're like fighting in the, again, while uniforms in the summer, like where are you fighting? A lot, a lot of it was happening in the, in the, I mean, it's a lot of East Coast, a lot of Southern, a lot of, a lot of Midwestern fighting in the summertime sounds, sounds rough to me. Yeah. And I, I, I'm kind of, I'd see what you're saying, a serious saying, you know, the, the one they're too hot or not warm enough, depending on the weather. Do you think that what that's, that's why they're just walking in formation and then like just trading slow, slow shooting back and forth while you're just standing in columns. And then they start firing cannons at those columns, too. Sounds like a nightmare. Yeah, you're really not making it sound good. A lot of people died, Will. You know what they did really well at the Civil War? You know what they did in the Civil War really well? What's that? They wrote modeling letters, nobody writes modeling letters like Civil War people. Yeah. But, but in it, the same, that's all you had time, you know, that's all you were able to do during your downtime because like there wasn't TV, they didn't, you know, they didn't have, didn't have phones, you just sat her out and wrote sad letters and mailed them. It's all, it was the number one leisure activity during the Civil War was correspondence. Sad, sad letter writing. Yeah. Yeah. Boy. Social media would have really improved things a whole lot on the Civil War. Could have gotten more done. It would have been some pretty good, like if Vine had been around during the Civil War, those would have been some good vibes. Oh, man. Some, some soldiers doing, doing TikTok dance moves while being shot at like, that would have been epic. Where they, you know, they set the phone down and they back up to start doing the dance. And then as soon as they start dancing, they get shot. Yeah. We're like just a cannon. Like those, like they back up and like they're like, then the dad like opens the door and hits them with the door. It's like that. But with, with musket balls. Oh, man, you just, you're, you're really, you're really coming up with some golden phrases. I mean, I don't know what it is about musket balls, but that one sounded a little wrong too. And it's just kind of stuck there in the air between us, like, yeah, like an awkward, like an awkward caterpillar that decides to change into a butterfly mid air. Does that happen? No. But that's sort of how that, that phrase though, you're also, you still got them old, them old rifles that the black powder rifles that were just kind of a pain to fire. Like sometimes you pull the trigger and it doesn't go off yet. You just got to wait and you're like, is it going to work or is it not going to work? And then, and then like maybe it is, and maybe it, but then maybe you think it's not and you start to do something, then it goes off that there'll be some good vines and TikToks two of them. Like, is this gun going to shoot? I guess not. And as soon as they're like, guess not, boom. Or like for TV, like America's funniest misfires. Oh, yeah, where they're like, like, it doesn't go off and they click it two or three times and then they hold it up to their eye to see what's going on. And you kind of got you, you got it, you got to look inside there. If it's not working, how I'll see you going to figure out what's not working. It's true. It's true. What eyes are for for finding out what's why it's not working. I feel like we are delivering so much information. I feel like I hope your notes are good because this is a masterclass in like war and what eyes do. I really feel like, like, you just covered most of what eyes do one on one. We're almost graduate level. What eyes do here is another one of them educational ones for the kids. We're really good at history and science for the kids. Yeah. Got the stuff of STEM. Yep. We got that going for us. It's true. We're not. We don't do math nor do we teach math. It's harder to do math podcasts because you really, it really helps to be able to look at the math math is a medium. I mean, I don't know about you. You seem like you might be okay at math. I'm terrible at math. No. I just terrible, terrible, like, I don't, I don't care about math. I'm, I'm math ambivalent like simple arithmetic. I can do that real good, real fast. No mistakes. But if it starts getting more complicated, I just forget what I'm supposed to be doing with it. When you show me like an equation, I'm just like, wait, what do you do with this equation? I don't know, man. And even if I know what to do, sometimes I'm like, uh, that's the thing is I don't even want to know what to do with it. Like, it's not like if I knew what to do with it, I'd be excited about doing it, right? Like, it's like, if somebody gives you a golf club, it's like, well, what's this? The best thing I can do with it is golf and that doesn't interest me. Now to all you listeners who enjoy golf, uh, why, why, yeah, I mean, I, it seems, it seems like it'd be fun. I just, I'm not, I feel like it requires, it's one of them things. It requires that, that little bit of skill to be able to enjoy, like you need to be able to be hitting a few good shots, at least at each game to get, to keep you going. And I feel like, uh, I'm not at that level, frankly, and that's like math, man. There you go. It's like math. Yeah. For a second there, I thought you said that it's math. It's like math. You know, I think math is easier to enjoy than golf, probably. I've never done math. Uh, but, you know, I think the health toll is higher, but the, the bar for entry is lower. You don't necessarily need it. You don't have to be able to hit a couple of good math shots to enjoy doing math. You just got to do it. And then you're, I think it, that's all it takes. Nor do you have to wear stupid pants. No, you don't really have to wear stupid pants. That's a lie that was told to us by our elders. Really? Yeah. Yeah, and part of that was, I think, you know, like they weren't allowed to wear more than just like, there's like slacks, maybe jeans. If you're doing some work or something, um, you know, that's about all you were allowed to wear. And so golf was where they could really be ostentatious and stand out. Mm. And boy, how do you build the course so you don't accidentally get hit by a golf ball when you're doing your tick-tock dances. Oh, that's, wait, so if you're, somebody's hunting while you're golfing, you want to wear. No, but you just like, you know, if they don't see you because you're just wearing some regular old slacks, then, yeah, then, then, you know, they might, you might get hit with a golf ball. Not a, not a tried and true sportsman, but I don't think they do the hunting and the golfing in the same areas. Again, it's not a hunt that you aren't going to get hunted while you're golfing, but they don't see you. They're going to be like, well, I don't, I guess no one's playing this whole already. So let's just start off, but you'll be out there still playing. And then all of a sudden it's going to be raining down drives right at you golf balls coming at you at high, at high velocity. But if you're wearing them, them crazy checkered pants, they'll be like, Oh, no, there's a guy out there. I can see him. There you go. You know, I feel like I've learned so much today. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I've learned about, about, uh, golf and math and, and, and wars that I wouldn't want to fight in and, uh, and really a lot of other things that I, I, that I don't want to talk about. You don't have to. They're pouring on shelves. Yeah, the high shelves that won't, doesn't necessarily mean you're pouring a secure. The no less listen up, not that you need to know that anymore because you can digitize your collection. It's true. Yeah. Hopefully you're probably not stashing porn magazines anymore. Um, they're probably on your computer or your phone. Now, I guess you still, then you got a, you still got to hide them because, because kids are all hackers. Yeah. They saw the movie hackers and then they started hacking, hacking away at trying to find the more. I mean, I don't know that the kids saw the movie hackers because I think that came out in the mid 2000s. No, uh, the 90s, my guy. Well, they can go. So I'm not sure. I'd be like, I think it might have been Angelina Jolie's first movie. Boy, you really, you really wouldn't put an oldie in there golden oldie in there. Mid 90s. I want to say it was maybe it was early, it was real early, either way. My point stands. I think. Yeah. Uh, I mean, that's still, I feel like the kids, they know if they want to get to the porn, they've got to be able to hack. And if you want to be able to hack, you got to see hackers. That's how you learn. That's, that's true. Hacking one on one is hackers and the kids who want to jump ahead. They want to, they want to learn the way that you're supposed to learn. And if you want to sneak, you got to watch sneakers. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. So that's your advice. You could take that and use it right away and you don't even have to pay us a dime. But you could. If you join our patreon, pay us more than a dime. Yeah. Uh, yeah, the smallest package is a dollar and I'll be honest. You don't get a lot with a dollar beyond just our gratitude and get that good sensation in your body for doing good, which is actually worth about $1.13 at today's going rates. True. True. Yeah. That's, that's a dollar. That's a love dollar and I know love don't cost a thing, but love money is worth more than regular money. Still again, math, we don't, we can't explain why it's math related. Um, you got to watch the big short maybe to figure that out. I don't know. I never got around to seeing it. I'm sure it's in there. Yeah. No, they, they're talking about money. So you would, you would probably cover the early money for the way that hackers, you know, hackers, and I know, I, you know, I didn't start a timer, so I have no idea what how far we went time a little while ago. Yeah. So you can close it out whenever you're feeling like you were ready. Oh, really? Yeah. I had no idea. Sorry. I should have let you know, but you were really on a roll, so I didn't want to stop you. Oh, that's fair. Yeah. I just, uh, I was, I was looking over at my computer and realized, rut row, there's no timer there. Uh, yeah. Don't worry. I got your back. I had the timer on and it went off about 40 seconds ago. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's not that long ago, I guess. So we're, we're in that wind down the old, we got a, we got to come up with a punchy little ending sorry, I was taking notes. That's all right. I mean, I'm not punching or an ending. I was, but they're important kids don't forget to take notes. When you're learning how to hack, yeah, write some extensive notes while you're watching hackers. Like, uh, you know, the colors, the colors of their hair will tell you a lot. Just right. It's a very, it's a rich text. It's a deep narrative. There's a lot going on behind what's going on and within what's going on and over and under and around what's going on. Yep. Johnny Lee Miller, he's in it. He and Angelina Jolie were married then before before she married Billy Bob Thornton. He didn't give a vial of her blood like on his, not that we know about, but the internet was younger back then. And you didn't find out that kind of stuff is easily back in the old days. Hacken was a new industry then, which is why it's, it's, you know, it's, it's the beginning texts. Then you got to find other ones like that, like swordfish or, or the one where I think Chris Hemsworth is a hacker in a movie, I guess you'll watch that one too. It's like, don't forget, leaving the cube is possibly the best hacking across over skateboard the movie ever, ever written and produced. Was there any hacking in gleaming the cube? Oh, yeah. Now there was a ton of hacking in gleaming the cube. That was his sort of thing. When he wasn't, when he wasn't like gleaming cubes, he was hacking. Was he? I don't remember that. Oh, you need to go back and watch it because he was just disrupting like a legal arms trade with hacking and cube gleaming. I don't even know if he owned a computer. He gleamed the cube and used the computer to hack on things. I think you're confusing your, your slaters. Nope. Well, it's the same Slater. You're going to feel so bad. You're going to come crying back to me. I don't even know that any of them used computers. You need to go check it out. You need to get your cube or you gleamed because you are, you are forgetting. Oh, I gleamed a lot of cubes back in my day. My goal. I don't. You were gleaming. I don't want to know about any of your, your cube gleaming. I was gleaming so many cubes that the future, the glee, the cubes were so gleamed. I had to wear shades is what we said back then. I don't, I don't have any response to that. Like even when he, when he became like when he was trying to date his, his, his, his dead foster brothers, girlfriend. And so he took out his earrings and put on a sweater. I don't think he's still ever touched a computer and gleaming the cube. I swear that dude was hacking. You know, like I, I think there's some hacking again. I don't believe he had a computer because here's the thing. I was like, why are they putting so much hacking in my skateboarding movie? I didn't like it. It was like a anti-racist peanut butter cup. Yeah. It was like, I think you're, I think you're thinking of, of something else. Quite frankly. Maybe flash Gordon. When I think you have flash Gordon, probably there was a lot of hacking in flash Gordon. It's not noise. No one wants to live. Ha ha. Yeah. That's, that's my Brian blessed. He was a football player. That does not surprise me. Well, doppeldoofs. This has been doubledoofs podcast. If you thought the intro sounded bad, this outro sound even worse. Thanks for listening. I don't know how you did, but if you're trying to listen to more, we're everywhere. Libson, Apple, Google, Stitcher, Spotify, fucking everywhere. That's right. We're fine. Podcasts are made. We'll be there. Also, you can reach out to us on social medias. We're at doubledoofspod on Twitter or a doubledoofspodcast on Facebook and our email is doubledoofspod@gmail.com. Finally, if you want to support us, get our patreon on patreon.com/doubledoofspod. Yeah, we got all kinds of stuff on there. We got me talking about things I'm seeing. We got extra minis that like the minis you find in the deck of deuces. We got Will singing or if you want to pay for him not to sing, there is a way to pay for no singing. The world's your oyster. All kinds of stuff. All kinds of stuff. So much stuff. That's patreon.com/doubledoofspod. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. When you're like, wherever fine podcast are found, I just kept thinking about that Tom Jones speech. It's the end of "Grapes to Rat." It's like, wait, wait, wait. There's a cop beating on a fine podcast. We'll be there. Doubledoofs. Good episode. - Bye, everybody. - Bye, everybody.
