Raising vibrations with DeeVenom1!
”WHAT WOULD Y’ALL DO!”
In this episode. I speak about the one and only (PHALLUS) for a second before switching topics! When topics are switched. I focus on my most recent relapse with "SEMEN RETENTION!" Then, from there, I speak about a phone call that I received that I'm sharing with you all!!!! Until my next upload, lots of L.L.S, and namaste!!!!!
[music] What is going on, my people, of the planet? You would think someone died of some shit, but that has not happened. Anyway, you guys, I am deep in them and allow me to raise your vibrations. [music] I hope all of my people of the planet have stayed under straight and narrow, and did not do anything to lower and/or jeopardize one's vibrations. [music] And with that being said, let's get into today's episode. [music] Oh my lord. [music] Alright you guys, I'm still working on this whole music aspect of it all, in regard to Bob Bean and my podcast. So until then, I'm still experimenting with the pre-downloads that came with Bob Bean. And man, I wish I wouldn't have used my previous choices already. I wish today would add more music selections. I'm a little afraid to, excuse me, I'm a little afraid to add my own music due to copyright issues and things like that. And I did see, in regard to uploading your own music, that if it goes against Bob Bean's copywriting and all of that type of stuff, they can take it down. That's when I'm afraid of putting a lot of energy and time into an episode, and all of a sudden, because of music, it's taken down and that I want that to happen. I asked them via email, how can one upload music using Melanie? Melanie, now I've seen a 20-something minute podcast or interview in regard to the person from Melanie, who is like the headquarters of the Melanie thing, which is a downloading center or whatever, where you can download music and it's already pretty much taken care of in regard to the copywriting and all of that. So all you have to do is just pretty much worry about creating content, downloading music and going about your business. But they never really replied back to that email. They replied to my email, but it wasn't direct in regard to my question. So anyway, I'm still figuring this out in regard to uploading the music to my Podbean podcast, but until then, it is what it is. So it's Sunday on a Wednesday, if I'm not mistaken, but we are going to continue on. Now I mentioned in our last episode or my last episode that I relapsed from something, but before I get into that, I do hope that all of my people, especially my people of addiction, have stayed on, excuse me, the straight and narrow and have not done anything to lower one's vibrations. I myself personally have been on a motherfucking bandwagon, I have not done any drugs aside from smoke marijuana. In a matter of fact, where is my pain from my marijuana? But anyway, that's all I've done. And aside from methamphetamine, I have not seen it, I have not, well, I have thought about it, I have craved it. I did reach out one time, you guys, but nothing occurred. I only reached out because I was trying to work to do, but aside from that, nothing occurred and I'm glad that it didn't because it would have put me, it just would have set me back. And I don't want to be set back, I'm moving forward and it feels good to move forward and it feels good to say it. And I'll keep saying it allows the spiritual over to fight that particular battle on my behalf. It feels really, really, really good. Anyway, I am at home recording this episode, I was going to record it at the park. I went out to run an errand and got that accomplished and on my way home, I thought, let me go to the park and record an episode for my people out there. And it's hot, I'm just going to keep it real, I mean, and I don't have the money to be funding my gas tank. And I just said, "Fuck it, go home and do it." And that's where I'm at at home. So things sound a lot differently, that's because I'm at home within my apartment recording. Alright you guys, we have something to talk about, but not right now. I took down some notes and I'll get into that momentarily. But what I do want to talk about is the fact that I did relapse from something. It's not methamphetamine, I have been clean from that since August 24th of this year. And lords will, I will continue to be clean from that. But what I did relapse from is semen retention. Around the same time that I stopped using methamphetamine is when I stopped having sex with random individuals. And it's only when I am under the influence of Satan's drug. It's when I become very sexual and I want to play. And all of that shit, party and play, PNP, that's what I want to do. And since I have not been utilizing that particular drug, I just have not been sexual at all. I still need to delete all of this porn under my phone and anything else that triggers me in a sexual manner. I need to get rid of all of that. And plus I need to clear up some space in my phone so that I can receive emails and things like that. My phones just need to have some space cleared up anyway. And all of this saved porn and all of this shit is just taking up nothing but space that my phone can be utilizing for something else. Anyway, semen retention, yes. So I practiced this once before and it is a phenomenon. It is a phenomenon. And I don't know if women can practice this or not, but I was looking more into it on the male aspect. And the powers that you receive from just restraining from having sex with individuals. I mean, I don't know individuals. I don't know if you guys realize, but that's a lot of energy exchanging in between two, three, four, shit. Sometimes ten motherfuckers, sometimes thirty motherfuckers. Shit, leave it up to porn, bitches be fucking, and dudes be fucking a shit a hundred motherfuckers at a damn time. I mean, just imagine that. So that's a lot of energy that one is taking in through the mouth, the nostrils, the earlobes, the motherfucking ass, the vagina, the belly button. Shit, whatever opening your motherfucking put their dick or whatever into. That's what motherfuckers be doing. Shit, motherfuckers be fucking fruit these days. Okay. So just imagine what the penis can get into. But I don't want to have sex with anyone. And I'm glad that I am not engaging in regard to methamphetamine because I have put a lot of energies out there in regard to randomly having sexual partners and all of that stuff. And when you release, there's your energy right there, you know, there's the essence of who you are, and you're giving that to someone else, and some people may know what to do with your energy, and some people may not. And I'm a Scorpio. I'm bipolar and motherfucking ADHD bitch. I have energy in this demon. So just imagine you getting that and having it inside of you, chow. I will leave it as that. But I was watching videos via YouTube in regard to semen retention and the power is behind it, and the voice becomes a lot deeper. My voice is already fairly deep, but I've noticed when I have when I've seen the retention for a while, my voice becomes very deep, very. And I like that. You become very, um, more manly. You know, you're standing your power a lot more, and you're standing your truth a lot more, and you are more of who you are meant to be when you practice semen retention and not give yourself a while, you know, freely like that. Um, let me see, and let me take that note. I've already taken down notes. What am I talking about? Let me take down some notes. Anyway, what I did hear about semen retention is the fact that when, okay, okay, I know that men and women have sex to, you know, reproducing all of that stuff. But from what I've heard is more of not necessarily a game, but the male is not supposed to ejaculate at all. Now, give me a motherfucking break. You got that penis inside something warm and it's gripping it and pulling it just right. That hanging stroke just good and, and look, I told y'all I used to be a phone sex operator. I can go into detail. Anyway, the coochi or the ass is pulling the motherfucking arm. Hold on real quick, let me put my phone on mute because these notifications are going to break my nerves or the sounds of the notifications. But yeah, so anyway, you got the coochi or even the mouth, you know, just squeezing and, you know, the dig just right, licking the coochi just right, but we're more talking about the penis. You know, yes, it's going to ejaculate and even if you are holding back, you're going to have to pull out at the right moment because a drop of semen. And we've learned this in pretty much a grade school, a drop of semen can produce a child. So, you know, I mean, yeah, but anyway, it's some powerful shit, especially for men. But if you are able to have sex with a woman and not given to temptation in regard to ejaculation, then you are a powerful ass motherfucker because as I was just saying, that penis isn't something warm, it's something nice and tight, shit, it can be loose, but it's in something. That's my motherfucker to be fucking fruit animals and all type of motherfucking shit, the trees. You would be surprised at the point I done seen, bitch, bitches be fucking. I seen a man fuck his motherfucking out to tell pipe of his damn car. Now, that must have been some good car pussy, honey, because he was all up and that car was going back and forth. You would think that a orgy was going on in that damn car, but it was just a man, Caucasian man, not saying that Caucasian people, you know, be fucking some of everything. I don't see, you know, all type of racist fucking some of everything. But this man, I mean, I want him to fuck me. I mean, fuck me, fuck me. That's what I wanted because he was tearing it up in regard to, and I watched the porn in regard to this, she was a blind woman. And instead of her breathing, this bitch, all she would say is fuck me. And she'd say, fuck me so much, I wanted to get fucked. I'm not lying. She was just like, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. I mean, it was rhythmic. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, me, me, me, me, me. Anyway, going in back on this man that was fucking his tail and his vehicle. I think the car was red and white. And I don't know if it was a convertible or not, but this man was tearing that tailpipe up. Look it up. I think it was on Pornhub, or you on PornTube, or one of them sites, X and XX. Y'all know what it being? Y'all be up on them damn sites? Quit fronting like y'all don't be up on them damn porn sites. Y'all know exactly what you want us to go to. Look up, man. Fucks his vehicle. The tailpipe of his vehicle. And it's shit. That video probably come up, and several others will probably come up. I'm telling you, the penis is child. It will go into something, anything if you allow it to. But, um, seem in retention. Um, yes, but if that penis is feeling something, since age, you know, like, if it's feeling something really good, and it's really pleasing it in whatever else the case may be, is going to eventually ejaculate. You don't even have to touch the motherfucker. The wankin' blow, and that motherfucker become gettin' hard and ejaculate. Um, wed dreams. You know, you're sleeping. You know, of course, incubus and succubus is at play. But still, you're sleeping. You're not doing anything to, you know, touch yourself or nothing like that. And all of a sudden, you know, you're creamin' all over the motherfucker place. And you don't have to do anything to the penis in order for the, you know, child in motherfucker is active at play, honey, okay? Um, but anyway, um, I'm just goin' in. In regard to the penis. Ooh, somethin' about it. Um, we're gonna have sex talk one of these days, and we're gonna talk penis and vagina, and I'm going to make a quiz. That was my ankle poppin'. You guys, I love poppin' my ankle, so if you heard that in the background, that's what it is. Uh, anyway, we're gonna talk all type of stuff about penis, vaginas, titties, booty, um, the mouths, all that stuff. But, um, back to see my retention. Um, it's some powerful shit. Now, let me see what our semen retention does for the man. It is said to bring forth various powers for the male. It makes the brain more powerful. If I'm not mistaken, Lincoln, Einstein, and Tesla, and a few other, um, um, um, leaders, so to speak, or people in leadership positions, have benefited from semen retention or abstinence from sex, whether that's with men, women, animals, fruit, vegetables, whatever the case makes. Uh, snakes, uh, the child, I've told y'all, I've seen it all in regard to porn. But anyway, um, yes, I do believe these are some of the major figures that have benefited from semen retention, and these individuals have some magnificent brains. Um, Einstein discovered, um, light, if I'm not mistaken, um, or the speed of light, Tesla, you know, the vehicle, um, the, the, yeah. And, um, who was Lincoln, one of our famous presidents. Um, yeah, so that says a lot about semen retention. Not only have these major figures practice semen retention, but there are various athletes that practice semen retention act towards musicians, politicians, and great leaders. These are all individuals who have benefited and use semen retention as a weapon to getting what they want. And it's a powerful motherfucking weapon when you can withhold yourself from ejaculation. Um, the pheromones, now, I discovered this in regard to semen retention. The pheromones become very strong to the opposite sex and they can smell you. I mean, they can smell. It's almost like a dog walking up to you and sniffing your ass just to get the scent of you. A motherfuckers will get close to you just to smell your pheromones. And they don't even have to get that close to you. They can be far away and still smell your ass. And literally will follow you around and I was at a grocery store. I was at fries one night. This was a little while back and I don't know how long I was into semen retention, but I just know that I did not get out to anything and anyone and didn't want to. And, um, I did good for myself. And, um, anyway, I remember a lot of women talking to me and I don't have a problem talking to fish. That's not a problem for me. Um, I have or had a lot of close fish friends and people, you know, strangers, you know, they're women that I speak to. I mean, I just don't have an issue. I mean, I'm pro woman, so I don't have a problem with women at all. Um, y'all get on my nerves and porn because y'all scream to motherfucking much, but aside from that, you know, I don't have a problem with fish. Uh, anyway, um, where was I going with this? Damn, I was going somewhere with this. And I lost my chain that fell fucking around with ADHD. But, um, wait, let me go back to my notes. Ceremones. Damn, that's why it's good to take notes when you are ADHD. Um, but yeah, I don't have a problem having conversations with fish, but it seemed like these conversations were just a little bit deeper than your average conversations. And the eye contact was just a little bit more intimate versus your regular eye contact. And the smiles on the faces were just a little bit more cheeky than what they normally would be when I have conversations with individuals. And not only were women following me up and down aisles, so were men. And, um, I seen the various smiles on men faces and I seen, you know, some nice boaches. You know, maybe some of them got a heart when they came across my, you know, across me and smelled my pheromones. But, um, yeah, I mean, child, it works. It works. I wasn't trying to do anything. I don't even know what I was looking like this particular night. I could have been looking like a damn scrub. Um, but either way it goes, my, the semen retention and the power behind it and the pheromones and all of that made me attractive to individuals. And, you know, um, it was cute. You know, it was cute. I enjoyed it. But at the same time before I realized what was happening, I was getting annoyed because I thought it was something about me. And this happened quite a few times during, and not that I think about it, maybe it wasn't about me and maybe people weren't laughing at me in whatever the case may be. Maybe I just went through a phase with semen retention that attracted people towards me. And, you know, it was just getting on my nerves because I thought it was for other reasons, you know, to make fun of me type of reasons. But a lot of people were attracted to me because of the semen retention and because of the energies that I was putting out there due to holding back my semen. Wow, very interesting. So, anyway, you guys, it's very beneficial for women to really practice semen retention unless you are in the situation of reproducing or whatever the case may be or building a family, then that's totally different. But if you're not thinking about that shit, you know, like me, I'm not thinking about building a family with no one. I don't want your children to keep them. I don't even want your children in my mouth. I'm less in my ass or, you know, in my body, semen people. Anyway, I have something else to talk to you guys about. But we'll get into that in a second. But, yeah, look it up on YouTube, you guys, in regard to semen retention, especially we men. I don't know how many days I've been into it as of right now because I did relax a couple days ago. And I want to talk to you guys about this because I'm not relaxing because, oh, it feels so good. Well, it does feel good. But on the same token, it's just like when you're not into sex like that or whatever the case may be, you know, just to pop off, to be popping off. I mean, it feels good, but it doesn't because you could have saved that semen. And, you know, you could have saved that semen and the energy from that semen for your own damn benefit, instead of the shower floors benefit. And, unfortunately, but unfortunately, that's what happened with me, you know. I'm not telling all my business, but, you know, I mean, I'm keeping it real. And I've been kept keeping it real with you guys. That's fine. Hold on one second, you guys. My mom's calling. I'll tell her I called her back. Okay, I just told her via message that I'll call her back anyway. But, you know, the reason why I usually get myself off is because my sexual urges or whatever the case may be have all pretty much been drug induced, aside from, you know, those periods when I weren't using it when I was a virgin in whatever else the case may be. But, you know, there's just been drug induced since I've entered the world of the matrix, put it that way. And, when I have thoughts in my head that are sexual, they're usually focused in regard to what I've gone through matrix-wise sexually. There has been some raunchy as motherfuckin' shit that I have done that you motherfuckers won't even know about. It should've put porn to shame, you know what I'm saying? Not with no animals or anything like that with other motherfuckin' human beings. The dick. You know, I get down and dirty when it comes to the dick. I'm just keepin' it real. I'm one of the bitches that like a phallus, and I like plant with the phallus. And I like doin' different things. But, it's supposed to be about spiritual biology and religion, right? I'm really takin' it there. And breakin' all type of walls and not your sugar walls. But, anyway. I'm kidding. But, yeah, let me stop talkin' about that. But, um. No, I'm goin' back in on the phallus. It's just somethin' about it. But, it's just no different than how a man likes a vagina. And, you know, there's somethin' about the vagina that they love, the lips, and all that type of stuff. And, some of these motherfuckers out in the world, they worship the phallus. And, um, the VJJ, they worship those. They have phallus statues in their apartments and homes and whatever else they live at. And, they have pictures of lotus and stuff like that that some people do. They'll remind 'em of the VJJ and whatever else the case may be. So, yeah. But, um, anyway, you guys. Ah. Hold on one second, I'm goin' back through my nose. Yes, okay. I lost my train of thought here real quick. You know, me and my ADHD, even if I write something down, um, I still, you know, the symptoms of it. And, maybe one of these days we'll talk ADHD and bipolar and things like that because, um, aside from being a meth- um, meth informant, meth-ampademic addict, um, I do live with ADHD and bipolar. And, a lot of the times I can deal with it and a lot of the times I can't when I become forgetful. And, I'm not gonna edit any of this, you know, because it's a real thing in regard to what individuals go through, whom are ADHD and bipolar. And, I unfortunately think a lot of people that have killed themselves due to ADHD have done this because of what I'm going through. And, that's the forgetfulness. So, I'm not going to edit any of this, you know. I, unfortunately, somewhat forgot where I was at. And, um, you know, unfortunately it's due to, you know, the ADHD. But, anyway, you guys, um, I know somewhere where I was at. And, that's the scene where retention and me, you know, pretty much popping off. But, um, you know, I do it because of those part out. This is where I was at, you know, because of the sexual urges that pretty much are meth-related. And, um, I can put myself in a deep, deep fantasy. And, I can get myself off better than anybody has gotten me off any time of the motherfucking day, evening, and/or night. Um, and, yeah. So, instead of putting myself in the matrix, finding a scally wag, going through, you know, getting the dope and all of that type of shit. And, you know, having a sexual, you know, just releasing that energy. I just rather get myself off. Release and be done with it and just start fresh. I rather get myself off and get, you know, get myself off and merge off track in regard to my scene where retention versus happening to relapse and do it all over in regard to methamphetamine. If you guys know what I mean, um, it's easier to masturbate and release and get that over and done with versus having to go through the heartache and pain of the relapse. And, you know, the multiple sexual partners that I, you know, have when I'm on methamphetamine and all of that shit. It's just not even worth it to be quite honest with you, even though sometimes it is. But a lot of the times it's just not even worth going through all of that. And why put yourself through it? And, um, I'm not. So, I'm back on schedule in regard to scene and retention. Um, the last time that I did release was that the time that I'm talking about was, you know, in the shower a couple of days ago, if I'm not mistaken. And we're going to keep it as that. And hopefully, um, I won't be getting up any time soon because I'm going to be utilizing my semen for my own benefit. You can also cook your semen, um, due to meditation. Now, I don't remember exactly how the guy said that you can do it. But I think you have to be sitting in an Indian style position and you have to allow your testicles to warm up. And from there, you pretty much shoot the semen up your, I guess, your, your ass. And it goes up your chakras and it just goes up to your brain. And it just fulfills your own body instead of fulfilling the body of someone else. If you eat properly and stuff like that, semen is, is very beneficial. It has a lot of protein and all that type of shit. So no wonder these bitches in porn be swallowing that shit, you know, because it happened healthy skin and stuff. Could they smear it all over the amount of these bitches though? What are they doing in porn? Okay. These bitches don't, I mean, some of them look a little on the rag inside because of drugs and stuff like that. But a lot of these holes be looking fresh, you know, put together. Okay. And that's because of that semen snatch. That's what that is. Motherfucker's ain't snatched because of no makeup. They snatch because of that semen snatch. They put that stuff all over their face and they smear it all in. And whatever the case may be, that should be coming out and looking like primer, honey. And these bitches, yeah. But any motherfucking way, let me stop being nasty. Okay. Now, let me get a drink because I'm going to be talking about this for a minute. I can tell. Now, we call when I told you guys, I went out of town. But I thought would be a couple of good days somewhere. And I was going there to basically stay there. I was going there to stay with a good friend of mine. And in exchange for being there, I was going to help them with some household chores. And they were going to do my hair for helping them with the household chores. Well, things went left and were no longer friends. Anyway, I've been keeping in contact with someone that's really close to them. And that's someone that's really close to them reached out to me yesterday. And we had a very long conversation, including me reaching out to them, which I'm not going to do because every time or just about every time we get into it about something, it seems like I'm always the one picking up the phone, calling and seeing where we're at in regard to our friendship and all of that type of stuff. And I'm not doing that because if my friendship meant as much to you, how can I say it? If I meant that much to you and this friendship, then you would pick up the phone and call me and try to reconcile things. I'm just tired and I'm overdoing that with human beings. Anyway, the conversation got a little sad considering the fact that this person, my ex-friend is going through, sorry you guys, I was placing my phone down, is going through a lot of things health-wise and it's to the point where they may have to have a particular machine involved. And they're in a particular stage in regard to something that they're going through. I'm not sure how much longer this person could have. You know what I mean? Hopefully they have a lifetime. But the person that I was speaking with that's close to this individual, they themselves are having some health issues too. And it's unfortunate we're all going to probably go through some things like this in our lives or whatever the case may be in regard to health issues, the more older we get. But you know, my ex-friend isn't that old. You know what I mean? They're pretty much in the same boat as me in regard to age. And it's unfortunate that they have to go through this congenital-wise. You know, this is something that they were born with in regard to these particular ailments. But the fact that this person is really close to the both of us, they're really wanting us to patch things up. And I don't want to patch things up. I'm just going to keep it real with you. I have kept it one. I tried to keep it 100 with this person as much as I possibly could. Even through my hardest times of drug addiction, I never stole from this person. I never took from them maybe some bread or something like that because I was hungry. But as far as like anything of value, I've never done any of that to this particular person. And I remember back in our days when we used to feud, I would get very vicious at the mouth and say all type of things, you know, I'm a Scorpio, you know, I like to sting. And I like to sting below the belt sometime as well. But I stopped doing that, you know, because I had more respect for this person and our friendship than anything. There were times when I would get lippy, but I didn't want to. I just didn't want to go there and whatever else. You know, if I'm friends with a person, I just want to be friends with that person and let that be the reason. The bickering and arguing and stuff like that. I mean, I just don't have time for it, even though, you know, friendships will go through that. But anyway, it's just this last time, this last time. And some of the things that see, this is why we have to watch what we say because we can never take some things back. This is why when I get into it with this person, I leave. It's not because I'm scared or, you know, it's not because I'm scared to voice my, it's not because I'm scared physically or mentally in regards to this person. You know, I will say what I have to say and that that be the reason. But in life, sometimes we have to watch what we put out there because we can never take it back. And that is what happened in regards to this particular person. They just said a little bit too much in regard to me and trying to hurt me and throwing and hitting below the belt throwing and hitting below the belt in regard to verbal comments. And I didn't bite into it. You know, when you're dealing with A and I hate to say it, semi-narcissist. They're never going to see the thoughts in any situation. And it's like this with this situation. They're never going to see the thought in regard to them. It takes two people, sometimes more than that, to build a relationship. And it's not always that person that is that thought in regard to the relationship. Sometimes the other half needs to look into themselves and what they have going on that could trigger their relationship to where it is now. And the way that you talk to people, especially adults, you have to watch that. You know, because we are adults, we're not children. And you can come to me, but coming at me is a whole different scenario. And this person says some pretty fucked up shit and I chose to keep my mouth shut. And that last comment, not because I'm a woman. I mean, it's not because, hold on, let me, I'm trying to position myself so I'm a little more comfortable I'm on the floor. It's not because I'm not a woman that this comment pretty much upset me. But it's just a whole factor. And I know that this person said this in order to hit below the belt. But I didn't allow them to do that. But it just upset me because this is your character. And you're really showing it because you're upset with me now. And who's to say if this is how you always felt about me? But anyway, to tell me that I want to be a woman just like you. Never be half the woman that you are in all of this type of shit. Regardless if it's mental or physical, it was a very rude thing to say. Because for one, I'm not trying to be a woman like you. You know, considering the fact that I've had this conversation with the close person, you know, to the, let me rephrase. Considering the fact that I've had this conversation with the individual that's close to my ex-friend, you know, I would never want to go through half of the stuff that this person is going through and may have to go through in their future. I don't want that in my life and I don't want that in their life. But unfortunately, it's the cars that have been dealt. And, you know, that aspect of being a woman and whatever the case may be, I don't want that. And considering that comment, I could have said a lot of hurtful, hurtful, hurtful, hit below the belt comments in regard to this person. Not telling business, but I will foreshadow. Unfortunately, this person cannot bear children. So if I wanted to be a rude ass and be smart and whatever else, I could have said, "Well, you wouldn't make you a woman." Considering the fact that you can't even have motherfucking children. You know, the children that you do have is, you know, such and such and such and such. And this is what I mean by putting shit out there that you cannot take back. If I would have said that, it probably wouldn't. It maybe wouldn't have had hurt this person's feelings. But coming from a friend, I'm sure later down the line, it would have penetrated this person because it is something rude to say. So to say that to me, in regard to, I just want to be half the woman that you are and all this type of stuff, you know, it was just something very rude and something that you can't take back and something that if you could take back, I wouldn't even want you to take it back. Just keep it, keep it for what it is. I'm moving on with my life and I understand the person that's really close to them really want us to patch things up considering they will be here. Sometimes next month and I think they're staying until around my birthday, which is in October of Halloween, where's my Scorpios, to be exact. I'm not sure how everything is going to pan out because I would like to still have a relationship with the person that's close to the person that I used to be close to. But on the same token, if we're going to be going through this in regard to them, pressuring me to talk to my ex's friend, then I may have to cut ties with them as well. I'm on a spiritual quest. I'm on a spiritual journey. And a lot of times in life, a lot of people aren't going to be a part of that. And when you love something in life, a great deal of the time, you have to learn how to let it go. And that's how I am in this situation. I love my ex friend and I wish them the best. But can we be friends? No, we cannot. And I've tried and I don't want to try anymore. I want to try and put my attention towards other things, like my spirituality. And a lot of people aren't getting that. And the people that aren't getting that are the people that I'm probably going to start dismissing from my life. Even if that includes my own mother, you know, my main goal is to reunite with Source. My spiritual ancestors in the spirit realm. And my grandmother, if there is anybody that I want to reunite with in this world or the afterlife, is to people. And that is Alia, who I never met, and my grandmother. And I'm doing everything possible to reunite and reunite with these particular entities and people and whatever else. I'm going to be next to my grandmother, what it's all said and done. And I'm doing everything possible to make that happen, including putting my own life out there for people, you know, to use as an example to what they don't want to get themselves into. Yeah, so I don't know if I want that friendship. And then in retrograde, you have to put retrograde into consideration. retrograde comes around for various reasons. And the main reason retrograde comes around is to see if you have learned your fucking lesson. And in a lot of cases, I simply have not learned my lesson. And I would go back to the friendship knowing exactly what it is. And, you know, it would be the same motherfucking shit. We'll get into it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I am a particular age where I don't want any motherfucking drama in my life. I don't give a fuck who you are. And I'm at a particular age where I want my own motherfucking space. I don't care if you have a mansion and you was clear across that motherfucker and a whole different room with the door of clothes, bumping music and whatever else. You're still in that place. And that's not being alone, in my opinion. That's not being to myself, in my opinion. You know, I don't want your energies around, you know, when I'm trying to meet to myself. You know what I mean? And those, this person has a nice-sized home. You're still in that motherfucker. You're still breathing in that bitch. And I don't want that. You know what I mean? That's why I like to be in my own space. You know, because I'm the only motherfucker that's in it. Aside from whatever plants I may have or whatever animals I may have. But, you know, it's just me. And I like that. And a lot of people don't get that. You know, if I wanted to be around people like that, then I would be out socializing right now. I don't give a fuck about people. You know, I mean, whatever. But, um, what would you guys do if you were in this particular situation? You guys really don't know the friendship like that because I haven't gotten into it. Or told, you know, I haven't gotten into it in regard to a lot of the things that we've gone through. And it's not really, it's not a really business to put out there. It should just be, it should be between myself and that particular person. Which I know is not. But anyway, if you guys had a friendship where it was just more downs and ups. And you felt a particular way when you thought about that person. You felt a particular way when you were around that person. And you felt a particular way when you got away from that person. And, you know, how would you feel if you were around that person and it was just like a wishy-washy or side-eyed type of feeling or whatever. How would you feel if you thought about that person or they called you or whatever and you just like, "Dan, do I want to pick up this phone and deal with this shit or whatever?" How do you feel when you leave that person and all of a sudden it's just like, "Dan, I'm so glad to be away and blah, blah, blah." And, you know, it's almost like you can breathe because you were suffocated because of this person. You know, you have to put all that into consideration. And, again, I have love for my ex-friend. But can I go back to that situation after the retrograde has brought it in my face? I don't know how many times. No, I can't. I can if I make that choice to do so. But I'm making a choice to not, you know, go back to that friendship. We can be cool, you know, we see each other out in the bottle, whatever, hey girl, hey girl, you know, and keep it moving or whatever. It may be fake as fuck, but, you know, we can keep it real like that or cool like that. But as far as me going to your home and spending the night days at a time or whatever, I don't want that anymore. As far as sitting on the phone with you hours at a time, talking about, you know, don't get me wrong, we have had some very interesting topics of conversation, but mainly about other people. I don't want to do that because it's not doing anything from my vibration. So no, I don't want that in my life. I just don't want a lot of different things in my life. And before my birthday come up Halloween, Lord Wills, I still be here with you guys. A lot of things are going to change. In regard to me, my life, my spirituality, my platforms, you know, just a lot of things are going to be changing. And it's unfortunate that it took getting rid of a friendship in order to blossom even more. But sometimes you have to do that because some friends can just hinder you and hinder your growth. And those aren't the friends for you. And unfortunately, I should have been blossoming when I was with this particular friend or in that particular friendship. Why am I blossoming now? Considering the fact that we're no longer friends, something's wrong with that. So I think with retrograde this time around, I have learned my lesson. I'm not going back to the friendship. I hate to say it. But even if someone passes away, you know what I mean? I am done, you know, and hopefully no one passes away in whatever the case may be. Pandora Box is open. But there are, you know, the universe has a strange way of testing us and she will bring forth some stuff and test the friendship again. You know, with the fact that someone has passed away or whatever. And I'm just not going back to it. If you guys hear some extra noise, that's my neighbors. I guess they just made it home upstairs. Anyway, let me go through my notes and see if I have anything else that I want to share with you guys before I get up out of here. One second, my people. I don't know if this is a tough situation because when I was talking to the person that's close to the ex-friend of mine, you know, what they were telling me that they may have to be going through pretty soon health-wise, it's not a good thing because I have a friend that's already doing this with their own mother. And, you know, to have to go through it in order to live pretty much is not, you know, I feel for them. But I can't. I feel for my own self. You know what I'm saying? And I'm going through some things. You know, thank God it's not anything drug-wise. But, you know, I'm going through my own shit. And I'm trying to figure my own stuff out. And I can't always just be there for people at their convenience. You know, motherfuckers aren't there for me. And I can be, you know, shit. So, anyway, you guys, I am going to end this episode. I was going to talk more in regard to my grandmother's mermaid story. But I'll do that at a different time. I just wanted to, at a different time, excuse me. I just wanted to get this off my chest and talk about that whole friendship thing. And, you know, see what you guys would do in that part, in my particular situation. And feel free to chime in and say something. You know what I mean? Let me know your feelings. You know, because you guys are human and you're entitled to your feelings. So, don't be afraid to tell me how you would feel if you were in my shoes. But you go back to the situation. Or did you learn your lesson via retrograde? All right, you guys. I am about to head out to Audie so I can get me some yogurt. Something I should have done before I came home for good. And, until then... Baby, this music. Well, I guess it's appropriate for dead friendships. You know, the death card. I think Scorpios are the rubos of death cards in astrology or tarot, if I'm not mistaken. But anyway, you guys, I am Devanam. And thank you all for another good episode of Raising Vibrations. So, until then, you guys remember staying on that straight and narrow. And do everything possible to keep those vibrations high. I am Devanam, and I am out. [music]