One of the harder lessons I’ve learned is that sometimes the very best thing we can do is to allow people to fail.
It is not our job to rescue clients and customers when they make less-than-ideal decisions. In fact, I’d argue when our motive is to rescue someone because we think they’re making a mistake, it’s all about us feeling good. It is not about empowering the other person.
When a client fails and experiences negative consequences, it feels awful to me because I like my clients and I want them to be successful. My hope is always that they will learn from their mistakes and do better the next time and they get to own that success, too.
Marketing Root Work Podcast
Why Allowing People to Fail Empowers Them
Send us a textOne of the harder lessons I’ve learned is that sometimes the very best thing we can do is to allow people to fail.It is not our job to rescue clients and customers when they make less-than-ideal decisions. In fact, I’d argue when our motive is to rescue someone because we think they’re making a mistake, it’s all about us feeling good. It is not about empowering the other person.When a client fails and experiences negative consequences, it feels awful to me because I like my clie...
- Broadcast on:
- 28 Sep 2024
- Audio Format:
- other
Hello this is Judy Murdock and this is the marketing rework newsletter and today I am going to be talking about allowing people to fail allowing or more specifically allowing clients to fail and how failure actually is empowering. So I know that this may sound a little contradictory that failure is something that's empowering and I will explain if you are a coach or a teacher or a healer or in some other profession in which you see part of your purpose as helping people build skills confidence and capacity you naturally want to see people succeed. It feels really good when we contribute to enabling a client or student to truly flourish. It feels like a win-win and it is. One of the harder lessons I've learned is that sometimes the very best thing we can do is to allow people to fail. Now before I continue let me emphasize that there are exceptions to allowing a client to fail. Number one your concern to your client is about to do something that endangers themselves or other people. This is a 911 situation. The other is your client is about to make a decision that may be catastrophic for their business as in a decision that will bankrupt them leave them open to a lawsuit etc. In this case you need to strongly advise them now to take the action. Perhaps even put this in writing if you're really worried you might also want to talk to an attorney. So I'm assuming your client wants to do something or not do something that based on your experience knowledge and wisdom is not the best course of action. You might be feeling like you know what's best for your client and they are being foolish or stubborn. You may feel there is an amazing opportunity they could easily attain if they just followed your advice. You may feel I really need to get my client to see what is possible. You may see yourself as rescuing your client and putting them on what you see as the right path. In these situations rescuing people is not our job. In fact I'd argue when our motive is to rescue someone because we think they're making a mistake it's all about us feeling good. It is not about empowering the other person. Let me give a specific example. I was hired by the owner of a successful insurance agency to help them define their brand. The owner explained the issue to me as we clearly offer something special but what is it. He knew his agency had exceptional customer loyalty and word of mouth referrals. The owner wanted to incorporate it more directly in his marketing. After interviewing lots of clients the owner and some of the agency staff the it was clear to me. It was because the agency owner and staff genuinely cared about the well-being of their customers. This was especially potent because this agency ensured trailer parks and people who lived in trailers. Most of us would think in sharing trailer parks and manufactured housing manufactured housing is an entrance return for RVs and trailers. We would not think it's very popular or profitable. The first thing that comes to mind for most of us is an RV park getting hit by a tornado and all the homes smashed to pieces. But this agency owner made it work and he would often go the extra mile to help a difficult to ensure customer. The owner took pride in his ability to make things work. He felt these folks absolutely should have affordable insurance. You care. I told the owner you say you care and you walk your talk. It's why customers think the world of you. Alas this was not what the owner wanted to hear even though he agreed with me. I'm not going to try to get into the owner's reasons. He never really articulated why we care didn't work for him but it was clear we care wasn't going to become the basis for his branding. The owner told me instead he wanted to go with where the experts. He was really jazzed with this brand identity. I disagreed with the owner and I told him what he was doing wasn't supported by what his customers told me. I could see however that the owner had made up his mind. It was going to be where the experts. I told him once my contract expired I'd be moving on. I felt my services weren't a good fit for his business. Moving on felt like the right decision but I also felt depressed. I felt as though I had failed. I thought if only I had been more persuasive if only I had made a strong case the owner would have gone with my recommendation. Did where the experts help the agency grow their business? Honestly I don't know. We care was a far more potent basis for an insurance agency brand. On the other hand I couldn't force the owner to use a brand identity he wasn't enthusiastic about. Brand identity is one of those things that a business needs to fully embrace so that it's effective. When it's a small business conflicted in energy behind a brand identity produces mixed results. The owners have to be fully on board with the new identity. This is an example on which I told a client I disagreed with their course of action but I wasn't going to get in their way either. I stepped down. The brand identity decision didn't make or break this agency but it was hard not to obsess over all the missed opportunities but perhaps the owner wasn't ready for these opportunities. I don't know but the willingness to stand back and let a client make a less than ideal decision is part of the learning process for us and for our clients. Hopefully our clients learn something from the experience but whether or not they do whether or not they take action this is not our responsibility. Allowing the people I serve to own their decisions and consequences is a point of integrity for me. Ultimately it's their business, their life and they own their decisions and consequences. I can influence but I'm not the owner. When a client fails and experiences negative consequences it still feels awful to me because I love my clients and I want them to be successful. My hope is always that they will learn from their mistakes and do better the next time and they get to own that success too. May we trust that our authentic quirky selves are what people truly desire. Judy Murdock, Marketing Brew or Coach, Writer and Artist.