More Greatest Hits Storys
The Dark Society Of War!
Greatest Hits II
[ Music ] >> Welcome to "We're the Words." I'm people. [ Music ] [ Music ] [ Music ] >> Welcome to "The Dark Society of War." We talk about whatever we want, and we don't care what anyone thinks. So sit back, strap in, let's go. >> We got some juicy juice today, don't we? >> Why? >> It seems so mad over there. >> Why the fuck do I sound Italian? >> I don't. >> You definitely don't. >> I was just like, "Oh, we got some spider to do, you know?" I'm not doing impressions anymore. >> No, this is just that. >> I had it, and that was your, your, your um... >> That's my fucked up Mario. That's what it is. >> Yeah. >> Holy shit, I got the spicy meat to bowl today. >> No. >> I got enough of this. >> It's just that. >> We got some greatest hits, part two, and we got a little... my cricket man. >> More. >> So what's the update? >> Yeah. >> Okay, so for everybody that was wondering if she was going to go to Texas, boy do I have some news for you. >> She's going to Texas. >> So get out your bingo card, lock in and get ready for that. >> I got my bingo card ready, let's go. >> So hear me out, hear me out, okay? >> All right. >> So she packed up all of her stuff because her, her ex-boyfriend said that she had to get out, right? He wrote it on the refrigerator, he told her to get out. So it, I mean, she packed her stuff, right? >> She's finally leaving. She's going to Texas. >> You know, she, she was going to live her best life and everything, right? >> Yes. >> I'm going to win this one. >> So... >> I can go with this one. She was supposed to go to the airport on Wednesday. >> Yeah. >> She packed all her stuff into her car, drove it onto the airport. >> Yep. >> To pick this guy up. >> Wait a minute, she's picking him up now? >> Yeah, you know, she had to pick him up to know, to, you know, like verify he was real because you know he's a, he's a real doctor because he had a lab coat and all. >> I can be a doctor. >> I can be a doctor. I just put a technician tomorrow. Give me Photoshop now. I'll make it happen. >> I'll make it happen, yeah. >> Halloween's coming, I mean... >> Oh, yes, there's go to the dollar store. I can be a diner. [laughter] >> Bill, neither fun, Skye. >> Bill. >> Bill. >> So, she gets down to the airport and all. And she's messaging the guy. And come to find out, he is stuck in Turkey. >> What? >> Yup, so this man is stuck in Turkey. >> What else is new? [laughter] >> But what? But we wonder, why is he stuck in Turkey? What is the reasoning that he got stuck on his business trip in Turkey? >> I know. >> That is stopping him from coming home. >> I know. He didn't pair the fucking air tax, right? We've heard this before. >> I just... Part of me wonders, whatever is going to happen to that hospital that he was supposed to come back and open, you know? >> It's an animal shelter, I guarantee it. >> Anyway... >> So, the reason why he got stuck in Turkey is because somebody stole his briefcase that had his $52 million in it. >> But it gets better. >> Done. >> This man has a $52 million briefcase? >> I'm pretty sure... >> That's pretty big for money in the bank and everything. >> I'm pretty sure no motherfucker out here would have that much money just willy-nilly in it. No, absolutely fucking not. >> No, no, no, no, no. Don't believe that. >> He was totally real because he didn't ask her for money. >> Yeah, okay. Did he ask her for money now? >> I'm afraid walking around with $5 in my pocket, and this guy is like, "Here's for the two mil." >> Yeah, you know. >> What the fuck? >> So, okay. Coming back here, coming back to the U.S. and everything like that, right? >> Yeah. Who's with that? >> So, so here's the part that you don't know, King. >> Oh, God. >> So, I have been informed tonight, the latest update. >> I'm putting my kick around. >> So, wait a minute. My bank card screwed up for what? What are we talking about? >> Right. So, I'm getting there. >> Okay. >> So, she doesn't go to Texas. >> Damn it! Fuck! >> She blocks him on everything, supposedly. >> Okay. >> And then now, as of two hours ago, I have been informed that she is living out of her car. >> Why? Why is she living out of her car? >> I play, he is scratching his head. >> Wait, wait, wait, wait. So, she is living out of her car with all of her belongings. Meanwhile, my sister is still living with the ex-boyfriend. >> [LAUGH] >> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. >> No, no, you can't. >> She is employed by the ex-boyfriend to be the household maid. >> Wait a minute, what? >> She is going to be the maid? >> [LAUGH] >> Wait a minute, how is she supposed to be the maid? >> When she, never mind, never mind, never mind, never mind. >> I've had tons of them off by both of them. >> What is she going to maid? She's going to maid a pole. She's got the shine of a pole. >> Okay. >> So, to add to that. >> Hold on. >> [LAUGH] >> Hold on. She's going to shine up a nice, nice pole. >> Nah, not enough. Not enough for this. >> Not enough for this. >> That was great. >> You guys probably got more. >> I was thinking, so you know the holidays are coming, right? >> Yeah. >> No, God. >> I just pictured your sister dressed like a reindeer. >> So you know if you want all the tea, we can just have mom move into the spare bedroom. >> Oh, hey. >> [LAUGH] >> Hell, hell no. >> Fine, they should pay rent. >> I should pay rent. >> Has already happened in my spare bedroom. It doesn't need a predator walking around going. >> [LAUGH] >> [LAUGH] >> [INAUDIBLE] >> [INAUDIBLE] >> [INAUDIBLE] >> What did you just love to have? >> No, nope, I can't do that to you. >> Yeah, what did you love to have your in-law live in? Would you like more? >> A button built into this motherfucker. Every time somebody says something, I go boo. >> [INAUDIBLE] >> [INAUDIBLE] >> But you know, it would be very interesting. I mean, so Dad's talking about scamming mom next. >> [LAUGH] >> Scamming her what, money? >> Yeah, I mean, still talking to anybody. >> [INAUDIBLE] >> All right, I'm a doctor. >> All right, wait a minute, hold on, I'm going to be a- >> You be a lawyer. >> Be a lawyer. >> Yeah, I'm going to be a lawyer. And I need ten thousand dollars. >> You got a shave right here. >> Yeah, shave, make it look real nice. >> No, I'm a homeless lawyer. Come on now. >> [LAUGH] >> Well, she's a homeless woman. >> [LAUGH] >> Never mind. >> If you see a woman with a bigger beard than you, it's her sister. >> [LAUGH] >> Meanwhile, mom asked. >> Mom asked if she could stay. At Mimi's house. >> No, that's a no. >> That's a fuck now. >> And pop up was like, yeah, no, sorry, not going to happen. >> Yep, knew that. >> Oh my God, no. >> So now she's living out of her car talking to her new boyfriend. >> Wait a minute, it's a new boyfriend. >> Boyfriend. >> Boyfriend, you know, she always has a line of boyfriends. You know, this one's from Wakanda. This one's from Narnia. >> What's this one from? The basement? The back door? Down the street corner? >> Those are too close to home. >> So I have an idea. I don't ask for much. >> You mean out in the middle of the ocean? >> Can we possibly get these photos? She sends to these people and make it one of the covers for the album? >> No, I don't want to see. >> You already have one cover for an album? >> I do, and I'm saving that for us. >> I need to see this picture. >> You will see it with everybody else. This coming weekend on a brand of the smoke sessions. >> It is so bad. >> Still wasn't, let me see this thing. >> The way? >> Actually, I think that what we should -- I know what we should do. I think that we should have him over and take care of business and everything like that. And then have him on a surprise show. >> Me? >> Oh, my God. >> But here's the thing, the way she said taking care of business. She took business in my downstairs fucking bathroom. >> No, no, no, no, no. >> Taking care of business. So please, let's find out another word, please. I have been given, so I will tell her by this now. I have been given the approval to get James really fucked up. >> Whoa, nice. >> So, if we need an exclusive episode, all we got to do -- [ Laughter ] You're welcome, Spry. I'm making it happen. The white lawyer, as you say, Vitex. >> The white lawyer is me. >> And, and, and, there's even the potential of CC being there. >> Oh, boom. >> Video. I need video proof for this. >> What's wrong? >> Boom. >> Oh, no, I don't know about boom. What we need for a special occasion like that, we need a return of the black bag. Because I want him to try a little bit of everything. >> All the cookie bags. >> All the cookie bags. We need four fucking boxes, a fruit roll-up stat. >> And the Jack Daniels bottle. >> And the Jack Daniels bottle. >> We're going to teach. We're going to learn. He's going to learn today. He's going to make a name for himself. >> He ain't going to make a name for himself. He'd be out sleeping in two minutes after he hits that line. >> I, I grabbed, and I shot it by the shoulder, and I went, what would happen if I got him so fucked up? And he was like, good morning, everyone. How is everybody today? Please, and thank you. What, like, what would happen if he had manners, new personality, and didn't get on bathrooms? >> No, that dude will be out, and he'll take a hit or two, and he'll be out. >> No, but here's the thing. I can't make it seem like a setup. He's got to be here with, like, some besides us, people he don't know. >> Oh, I'll be there. >> Here's the thing. Here's the thing. He don't trust you. He trusts me. >> Why doesn't he trust King? >> Because I can be the cool cousin. >> The bottom boss is the cool cousin. >> How can you be the cool cousin? >> By the way, did you notice during the dinner? >> I'm making cupcakes, bitches. >> During the dinner, she got told that James has already smoked weed, and didn't freak out. >> So, okay, since we're on these stories, I think that we need to shift since some greatest hits. >> We'll circle around to the future as the greatest hits. >> What track is this on this album? >> I don't know. The chat's talking about some edibles, so shall we start there? >> This story is entitled "London Bridges Falling Down, Falling Down, Falling Down." I am really high right now. >> All right, Madam boss, go ahead and start us off with the floor. >> So, one of my best friends from high school has been dating this chick. >> Who? >> It doesn't, not me. >> Great Britain. And she had never gotten high. >> We're doing this story. >> We're just rolling up from here. And she came over to visit, I think it was like her second time here in the U.S. >> I think it's first or second. >> First or second time, yeah. >> Second, yeah. >> She goes, "I think I want to get high." So, I only had a CBD rope and a couple of edibles and a couple other things, but her boyfriend was dead against her getting high. So, I was like, okay, I'll give her a piece of this CBD rope. Because we don't know how she's going to react to any of the high feelings or anything. And I had been working on this rope for like six months. >> Yeah. >> So, I had about an inch, inch and a half of it left. >> That's what she said. >> And you would know. >> I don't need to know any of this. >> Fire. >> So, brain. >> Brain. >> And she's not the high one, ladies and gentlemen. >> Brain. >> Yeah. >> Maybe I should be. Anyway. >> Anyway. >> I give her the rope with the left of it and everything. >> Yeah. >> Half an hour goes by. And she goes, "I don't feel anything." >> Oh, yeah. >> So, okay. It's like, okay, well, if you don't feel anything, that's okay. Sometimes it doesn't affect immediately. >> Yeah. >> So, she goes, "Well, can I smoke that?" >> No. >> And I'm like, "I don't think that's a good idea because once that edible kicks in, you're going to feel it." >> You're going to feel it. >> Yeah. >> I was like, "We'll give it another half an hour." So, a full hour by the time that half an hour would have been done. And if you still don't feel it, then I'll show you how to smoke. >> Yeah, we'll get you something else. >> Yeah. And not even five minutes later, she is falling off the couch. >> As soon as she hit the floor, I remember that. As soon as she hit the floor, we all looked over, and we thought at first, this chick was dying or something. Because she's out on the floor, like rolling around. >> You know how Husky rolls in snow? >> Yeah. That's how she's doing it. She's rolling around. >> Yup. >> And she goes, "Why does everything taste like metal?" >> When she said that, I said, "Oh, she's high right now." And she goes, "I don't feel it still." I'm like, "Oh, no, you feel it." >> You feel it. >> You're feeling it. >> It's not what you've ever done. >> I've never smoked or ate edibles or anything like that. >> Yeah. >> I still haven't. >> Yeah. >> No. >> No, I'm not going to do it. >> I'm just like, "I can't." >> The cat says for now. >> Her boyfriend gets so mad at me. He takes her upstairs. She lays down in the bed, and she is out for what a good, four or five hours? >> I remember when he took her upstairs, she fell onto the bed, and she goes, "Why am I falling?" [laughter] >> And then she complained about everything. It tasted like metal. She was dying, laughing on the floor. >> The fucked up part? Everybody was taking videos. >> Oh, yeah. Everybody's got a video of this. If anybody's got a-- >> I know. >> Yeah. Madam Ball still has it, so. >> Can I get up that video? >> There's a rule coming into the house. >> Very long. >> You entered the house for social occasions at your own risk. >> Yes, you will be talked about. >> You will have pictures taken. You will have video taken. It is what it is. >> Okay, I can say this. >> If you choose to act the fool, then you go to act the fool and you go to be caught. >> And this is why, because ever since the Dick Sucking Party of 2023, everybody's been battered. >> I still haven't seen that video yet. >> We sent it to you. >> The Dick Sucking video? >> I have never seen that video. >> See, there is no video for that one. >> Yeah, I'm never-- >> Can everyone like doing this at the party? >> I've never seen that. >> Mad videos. >> I've never seen that. >> There is mad video. The cat has the video. >> All right. >> And potions. >> I'll send that to you, please, because I've never gotten that. You can send it in the chat between me and King and you. >> Yep, yes, or pass it on. >> Why am I not in this chat? >> Sorry. >> It was something last night that just came about. Thank you. >> I watched him make it, and I told him to add me to it, and he didn't add me to it. >> I'll add you now. >> What's the password? >> Thank you. >> What's the password? >> I'm your wife. You go to add me. >> Is that all one word or spaces? >> That's all caps with exclamation points. >> But does it have spaces or is all one word? >> No, I've got one word. >> It's very case sensitive of here. >> Anyway, so on the same path of edibles. So my other friend, she wants to have essentially a THC bakery. And she wants to make an entire business out of making edibles. >> I don't know who this is. So she taught me how to make edibles. So we've made whoopie pies. We've made cupcakes. And the first time I made cupcakes, our buddy -- >> C. >> Our buddy came over and -- >> C. >> He ate a whole bunch of them. >> Oh, C always eats. >> C always eats everything. And he was -- he was good. He was good. >> Well, I mean, I've been in the house once. Well, can't say in the house. I've been outside before and have gotten a contact eye from a person in the chat and in this group. So I've never actually smoked or ate any of it, but -- >> That you know of? >> Yeah, never mind. >> I'm going to get you. >> When he went to leave, he took two cupcakes. He's holding them in his hand. And he said that he drove home with them in his hand. Woke his girl up and was like, yo, you've got to try these. >> She don't eat or smoke. >> No. >> Actually, she smokes temporarily sometimes. >> Oh, okay. >> All right. >> So -- >> But doesn't tell him. >> Oh, okay. >> So she gets up. She eats the cupcakes with him. And they were up for hours, just completely third. >> Who in the chat with the eyes? What are you asking? You're saying who? >> Who stole the contact eye thing. >> Oh, you know who it is? >> Anyway, so we're going to shift to one of the OG tracks. >> I love the OG tracks. >> One of the OG originals. We're going back 12 years, y'all. >> 12. >> Hold on, 12 years. >> We're going back to high school graduation. >> Oh, no! >> Oh, Jesus. >> This is one of the original greatest hits. >> No. No. Do I even remember this? >> You were not at the graduation party, sir. You went to a baseball game. >> No, I didn't get into a baseball game. >> You did. You went to the baseball game with Leah. And y'all missed my graduation party. Because my mom didn't tell anybody about it until last minute and you were like, "Well, we got plans already." So you came by, you said hi, you did like a drive by, and then you went to the game. Okay, maybe that is. >> He went from the odd to -- >> That sounds just like me. >> That sounds about right, maybe. I don't know. >> Anywho, so after this graduation party, my boyfriend at the time, we'll call him mom, BBLB, was walking home. That's like a test with him. >> You don't confuse them. >> You confuse them with that. It's Loy. >> I had a brain smog. >> You're in a brain smog. >> Yeah. It's too late to be doing any of that stuff. >> Not if it put you to sleep. >> We're coming back. >> So he's walking home. It's like a 10-minute walk from my house to his house. And he's got this lime green battery-operated MP3 player. >> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. >> With him, he also has a plate with slices of German chocolate cake. And this cake is almost $50 for a whole cake. And this is back in 2012. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. That cake was worse. >> It's like a 12-layered German chocolate cake with the coconut and everything. So he gets jumped. And they can drop the cake. >> No! >> And the cake goes on the curb. And the aluminum foil just can't help it. Then the cake hit MP3 player. >> Well, he deserved that. >> So now he can't listen to his Kingdom Hearts soundtrack. >> Kingdom Hearts soundtrack. And these people start to walk away. He turns around and asks him or asks them, "Yo, can I get my stuff back?" >> They just knocked the cake out. >> As a result, he gets maced in the face. And the neighbors are sitting there watching this whole thing go down. >> And nobody helped him. >> And nobody helps him. >> Of course not. >> Neighbors knew what to do. >> Would you, though? Would you help this man? >> To make matters worse. The three people that jumped him were female. And they were twigs. >> So three triplets. >> I mean, they weren't together together. >> That's twins are triplets. All three of them looked the same. They were all triplets. >> Yeah, I didn't get that. >> They were like, "How? Who turns around and asks for their stuff back?" >> Him? >> I wouldn't ask him if my stuff back. >> No. >> And then he wondered why the cops didn't show up. >> Doesn't nobody call him? >> Ain't nobody calling 911 for your cake? >> This man got robbed through his hands up and looked around. >> I got robbed. >> Everybody goes in their house and mines their own business. >> Yeah, because that's the way you do it. >> No, the funny part is the neighbors sat on the front porch, watched this whole thing come down. And then after the chicks ran away, he turns to the neighbors and was like, "Yo, can you help me?" And they're like, "Nah, bro." Like, you just got jumped by three females. Help you what? What do you need help with, sir? You're having a bad day. Like, you just got jumped by three females. Sorry. >> Like, I can't even. >> How would he feel if he knew we were talking about? Do you think he would care? >> No. >> Not for this story. There's some other stories I had that I think he would care. >> We're not going to talk about that. >> I'm getting into them today. That's for another episode. >> I've heard another episode the other time. >> That's called the "Degerny." >> No, that's below the curtain. >> That's below the belt. >> That's below the belt. We have nothing. We don't have a show for that, so submit that to us somewhere else. >> Showtime. >> Okay. >> Or "Skinamax." Don't worry, we might have a show one day. I'm not trying to ruin people's lives or feelings. We don't already have done that now. >> I don't know if I guess. >> Do y'all have any greater sense you guys want to cover? >> I have one. >> And you got one? I got the one. >> I don't know if she remembers the story, though, because it's fucking hilarious. So recently I hung out with another person in our lives, and he reminded me of the story the first time we went out to a bar with him. Do you remember that story? She's thinking everyone. >> She's trying to think of who it is. >> Insert Japanese music. >> The first time I went out to a bar with -- >> With these two people, yes. It was for somebody we used to work with, the birthday party. >> Somebody we used to work with. >> Okay, I'm about to drop some names. I really don't give a fucking word. So we went -- when we used to work at the Disney warehouse, the birthday party for Damien. >> Wait, have you talked to them? >> No, I have not, no. >> Oh, okay. >> Fuck them. So we went -- >> I forgot they existed. >> It was the first couple months we got this job, so we met some people and stuff like that. So we went to a bar for a birthday party. It was McGurks. I remember this like it was yesterday. We were a couple of drinks, and I did not drink air by those. But the two people's lives were heavily armed with alcohol. Sounds like I'm the person we know, right? So these two people walked and strut out of this bar and started dancing in the street. The one person is on the other side of the screen. And the other person's name is not -- will not be talked about. So I don't want another to get in here and start talking about us. So I had to drive three drunk people home this night. Before the car starts moving, someone rolls the window down and goes, I'm a doggy. Ah! Do you know who I'm talking about, ma'am? Her head is down. She is dying. Then I hear that from the two passengers in the back. Why the other girl's husband is in the passenger seat. Grabs me by the shoulder and says these lines to me verbatim. Hey, man, I just met you and all you seem like a cool cat. Get us home safely, please. I'm like, okay, well, he takes his wallet out, puts $20 on the dashboard and says, if you get us home safely, you get this money. I said, excuse me? He's like, yeah, here's 20, chief, gets to driving. And I'm like, okay. Okay. So I turn around and goes, everybody buckle up. We're going to get home safely. It starts raining and two people have their heads out of the back seats like dogs going down the highway. I don't even remember us driving them home that night. We drove them to their house. We drove them there. We drove them. I drove them there. And then you go, because remember they Uber there. Oh, okay. Look, the only thing I remember that night was barking out the window that was doing that one drink and I will never touch that drink ever again. No, fuck that. Well, I know what it was, like they just drop it and did. No, it's milk and no, I'm not Irish car bomb. And she had her for. I love Irish car bombs and I love fucking trash cans. They're my favorites. Trash cans are delicious. Yeah. So never had a trash can. Never heard of it. Oh, it's so good. They're so dangerous. I'm not giving you anything, especially after that warehouse dog. Absolutely not. We covered that one. Yeah. Yeah. Now after you got your epipen in you. So that's true. So their house was 10 minutes away, 10 minutes away from this bar, I think. And he grabs me by the leg and squeezes and goes, you're driving too fast. I said, sir, you are intoxicated. Everything is probably coming at you fast right at this moment. I am only doing 37 miles an hour. Because anybody knows me. I do it safely. My driving record is clean. And I've never been. He drives five to 10 miles under the speed limit. Well, I have my license. I'm like some people, but we won't talk about that. So I get everybody. What are you talking about? I'm not talking. Did I say you? Hey, I have my back. Oh, I wasn't talking about you. I do either. I'm talking about you. And I'm not talking about you, chat room. Even though you're at on parole. So I have this man's hand on my thigh. What's grabbing me? I'm going too fast. And the speed limit is 40 and I'm going 37, 38 miles an hour. Then he decides to take the money off the dashboard now. So I'm doing this for free now. So I get hit all the way home. You're doing it for free anyway. I don't know. It's the first time I'm meeting him. I don't give a fuck. So I drive him up to their house and I drive him up to where their door is basically because it's like an apartment complex. So I pull up the side so they can just walk out and walk under their door. I got as close as possible to make it easier. He goes, man, that was a nice, nice, easy ride. And you got us close to our doors. Here's that 20th maximum of the dashboard again. I'm like, okay, but I try to get back and he goes, listen here. Where I come from. I'm like, he'd come from America, but you take the money without no questions asked. So all right. Fine. I made $20 while somebody stays in the back seat and I proceed to drive this person home. And somebody is so wild. I had to grab your hand. Grab your arm and said, it's time to go home. Let's go inside now. And what did you do? Went upstairs. Fell face first onto the bed and said, the bed has chosen me. And that is how she slept that night. Face down in the bed and the bed on top of covers and did not move an inch. That is nothing compared to the wedding night. All I remember is we got chicken nuggies at night. You got chicken nuggies. I don't know if that's the greatest hit or not. I think that's a good one. Because I remember that night, but not so good for you. So he started the day off high. If Jesus himself came to my wedding, I would not have talked to him. Do you remember talking to me at the end of the night? Yeah, I remember what I said to you. Okay. By the end of the night, though, he was sober and I was gone. He really wasn't server when I left, but. I remember shaking your hand and saying, Hey, when's the next time we're going to hang out? Yeah. And I told you I didn't know at that point. That's all I remember. At that point, I told you I didn't know because there was a lot going on. And now I know what you were talking about back then. You know, we went out one night. And I don't remember even what night it was, but I remember I came home or we came home. I don't even know if you were with me. But I remember I fell asleep backwards. Only the toilet. That was the wedding night. It was the wedding night. She fell asleep on the toilet to where she could have had a ball cereal in that mall. That's the funny part. Her head was sitting on the bag of the ball back. It was so she's sitting on the toilet. So the tanks here, you could easily have snacks. Like that is a genius way. I'm going to go to the bathroom from now on. That is fucking phenomenal. I'm taking cereal, I'm taking sandwiches in that mall. If you're sick, that's the way to do it so you can eat and drink. That's, I got a tray table, like chest fucking high. That is amazing. Well, I was drinking throughout the night. And then mom hands me this bottle of margarita mix. And we didn't have any tequila at all at the wedding. I would have known. This bitch had a travel bottle of whatever that was. It was margarita. It was pre-made margarita that her and Mimi brought to the wedding. They stashed it in their purses. Yeah. I know, I didn't know about, I didn't know about it. But I knew that's where they got it from. Because they said, I'll be right back and they come back. I remember somebody handed the bottle to me and I said, this smells like acid. I am not drinking this. And then somebody said it was from, it was from insert name. I'm like, I'm damn sure not text, not, not fucking touching this shit. Her mouth all over it. I wasn't feeling, I wasn't feeling anything. That night. So if you got any greatest hits? Huh? I got a bunch. There we go. By the way, we have an upcoming episode called gas station chronicles. Stay tuned. Yeah, stay tuned. I got a fun, fun bunny of them. So the only one you missed so far is he told the story about the kid taking the shit on the gas pump. Yep. Straight down the front of it. Anyway. So co-worker of mine, his name is John. He is past old now. But anyway, he used to work with me. I used to ride with him all the time as his helper. And John used to be funny. You know, he would always try to make the job funny. Fun to work with or whatever. So we're sitting there one day. I'll never forget this. This really wasn't a funny moment. We're at the, I forget what gas station we're at. Anyway, he goes in. He's like, I gotta go to Russia. I gotta go to Russia. He runs inside. I don't know what I'm doing outside. It's like my fifth time or sixth time riding with him. And he goes in. He comes back out and he goes, don't open the back door of my truck. He goes in into the back door and grabs some favorite towels. Gets in the back of his truck and takes a bucket with him. That's what I'm saying. So I'm like, what just happened? You were just inside. And he gets in the back of the truck and close the door locks it and says, don't touch it. So I didn't open the door. He gets out and he goes, there's two fat guys in the bathroom and they're fighting over the toilet. Like basically fighting over the toilet. Pants halfway off the one guy. They're sliding all over the toilet. They're fighting over the toilet. So he said to hell with it, I'm using the bathroom in the back of my truck. That was a good hit then. There's a recent greatest hit at my job. Have any of you ever, when your employee comes to you and says, we are moving on. We are letting you go that you go. No, you're not. There was a guy that was working with us. No names. They told him, you know, unfortunately, we're going to let you go. And he goes, no, you're not letting me go. They're like, yeah, we're letting you go today. You're dismissed of your job. Go get yourself off your truck and you know, the guy will take you home. For your ride, your last ride. That's fucked off. And he proceeded to tell them, no, he's not, you can't fire me. And they didn't understand why. I'm about 99%. That ain't how that shit works. It's not how that shit works. So you can't say we're letting you go and go, no, you're not. No, you're not. Nope. I've never, I've never, never been put in that situation. But anyway. I'm pretty sure somebody in the chat has not saying no names. Anyway, um, I have been rushed at a job before. You've been what? Rushed, told, told to hurry up. Yeah. I've been on the phone for a couple of them. Hurry up. You done yet, buddy? You done yet? Yeah. No, I've, I've told people many a times, leave me alone. Um, I did get into an argument with the customer this week. Well, a, a actual public person I got into an argument with. But anyway, please tell that story. So I, I needed to open up a whole lot of gas station in a big manhole that I had to open it up. And so I parked my truck along where I needed to be to keep myself safe. And this guy is parked in the parking spot, but I'm not quite, it, it might be about an inch blocking him. I'm not blocking the guy. He can, he can get out if he wanted to. Um, I, maybe I should have went over and said something to him, but I figured I gave him enough room to pull out of the parking spot if he wanted to. So the guy proceeds, he gets out of the car because I'm setting up my cones and setting up barriers and whatnot and getting ready to open up the lid and get my job started. He gets out of his car and comes over to me and goes, do you need to get in that? I said, yeah, I'm getting ready to open up, you know, here's, well, you're blocking me in. Okay, well, I'm not technically I'm not blocking you in. So I got maybe like, you could back up and pull out of the parking spot. I mean, you just, but you know what common courtesy would have been is you would have came over to me and told me. And I said, yeah, I could have, yeah, I could have, you know, I wasn't quite thinking I thought I had enough room. I thought I had enough room for you to get out. And he, he decided to get angry with me and goes, you know, says something else. And I turned around and I said, well, you know, you're parked in an employee spot only. And he starts to come over towards me and I'm like, oh, please, please come over to me. Please get like in my face so like I could just politely shove you down. And then he stops and he goes, I know what the sign says. Okay, well, I'm just, you know, it says employee parking only. He goes, I'm not an employee. You're not one either. So you're blocking the parking spot for the employees and not be able to get into it. I'm like, technically I'm a contractor, so I can do what I need to do. Whatever. And he got mad. He walked off to whatever reason. And he walked off for whatever reason. And decided to get in the car, get mad and drive away from the parking spot. He backs his car up and goes around my truck. And I told him I'm moving it and he decided to go around it anyway. So, yeah, my, I'm trying to think of like a really good hit right now. I got into an argument with a teacher one time. Oh, that, okay. So, Madam, you might remember this. I don't know if you would remember this or not. It was like our, our first day. Oh, no, you wouldn't remember it because I didn't know you quite yet. It was ninth grade in high school. And me and a other person that was used to be on the show or one of our other shows were in class together. And this teacher was our English teacher. And she looked at me and we were talking about, she was our English teacher and we were talking about how we're going to read a book in each year. You know, we're going to read a book each quarter. And we're going to read books out loud in class and I laughed. I said, oh, that's going to be funny. And she goes, what was that supposed to mean? I said, well, because I have a reading disability. I can't, you know, and a lot of the people that are in that class know, has known me for a long time. So they knew, you know, the issue of what I had going on. And she proceeds to tell me, well, you're going to read a book in front of the entire class and said, the hell I am. I said, I can't, I can't read. So I mean, what's the, she is, oh, no, you're just being lazy. That's what I said. So after that day, I grabbed my stuff up. I walked out of the class, I went to the guidance counselor said, I'm not taking her class. No, that was the end of that. And then she seen me in the hallway and like other people has spoke up and told her the same thing. Like he, there's no, he physically has a problem. And she didn't care. She was like, nope, you're going to read a book in front of the entire class. I said, nope, the hell I am. So yeah, that was, that was the ninth grade. And you might have had that teacher like a couple of years later. I don't know if you would have or not. I don't know if she was still there when you, when I. Is that the one that works at the haunted? Yeah, yep. Got it. No, I did not have it. Okay. Yeah. So she said that and that was the end of that. And I was like, nope, I ain't having her. And the other guy was he laughed. He says, this is ridiculous. She's telling you to read a book in front of the class. I said, yeah, no, you already know that ain't happening. I thought he was going to say he was starting to read against somebody. I said, today, June. Nope. That's what I thought he was going to say. Nope. Never did because I wasn't doing that. I was very rude and inappropriate, but look at me now. Still can't read. Nope. That was true. That that was too perfect. It's still insurance. I mean, I ain't lying. This motherfucker like, uh, I'm buying him hooked on finance for Christmas. We're going to do your flashcards. I can read a lot better than I did back then. Let's just say that. He's still in the fifth grade, everybody. It all makes sense. No, I graduated high school. I can, I can attest to that. This motherfucker wrote his diploma on the back of an egg carton. And I hold it up, man. Come on. Of course you did. You have to tell the story about your significant other sibling who decided to call us at 2 45 in the morning. No, we've covered that story. No, we need to have none. Sniffing in other. Yeah, J.R. when he got the edible. I don't think she's ever told the story on here. But she never said that. No, you didn't talk about that one. You talked about the other edibles. Before we get to that, since we're going to go back to back to our high school days. We know you used to be people up. We get it. I did not beat people up. Nope. I beat one person. Okay. No, I don't do that. Oh, by the way, that is that one guy. He chose to be with me. So that was on. And secondly, I know she's not talking about me. That's awkward. He got. But what's up with the hat and the comments? I used to be one of those people that would just randomly go around and take pictures of people. Not in like a creepy way. I remember this. And hey, hold on. And especially I still have this problem. Somebody don't know how to spell my last name. Wait, who? I don't know. I'm looking at you in the yearbook. I didn't do the yearbook. Somebody did. You took pictures. I took pictures. I had nothing to do with the grammar. Somebody don't know how to spell people's names and y'all need to go back to high school. You can sit there anyway. So it was a group of people that were entered. My name is Maynard. That's not my last name. You want to give up your last name and social security number right here at? No. Brandon, why don't you tell the story of me coming to your graduation party? They hand out hooked on finance books. No, no. So, all right. We want to get into that story. All right. So. Madam boss gets dropped off by her mother at my house. My cricket. My cricket mayhem the third. No, she's the first. She's the original. But anyway. The third mud cricket episode says mud cricket the third. I trek the third. Anyway, so she dropped her off. We're all having a good time at the house. We go swimming, a cake, pizza, whatever else we had. I forget what it was. Anyway, the end of the party was coming. Madam boss over here tries to call her mom and asked her for a ride or mud cricket. Ask her for a ride back home. Well, my cricket told her the walk. So, bitch, you walk. So she says, okay, I'm. I'll get to the bus. So we're sitting there and we're all. Everybody's getting their stuff together to leave. And my mother is standing there. and mom goes madam both you have somebody picking you up or she goes oh no I'm just gonna walk to the bus stop she goes oh no no no no no no you're not just you know you know Brandon or bees bees dad will take you home she goes no it's okay I'll just walk to sit down you're not leaving so I just Googled it it's it's only a it's like a mile and a half yeah she Googled it and said she's gonna walk a mile and a half to the bus stop and while there's said no sit down you ain't leaving I have a boss sit down she's like I'm scared of your mother I'm like well she she's firm sometimes so we ended up riding her to the I think we ended up riding you to the bus stop or your grandmother's your somebody's because my mother said your mom scared the crap out of me and she didn't live that down for you it was the first time you ever met her too yeah and she told you no sit down and your mom is not a large woman she's like five five no she's shorter than me she's she's five four she is a feisty person in a small package she is very feisty if she's Italian if only we could tell the doctor story no no no no I can't I can't tell that one I mean I can but I mean it's you'll never hear this anyway so anyway all right here we go ha strapping so I'm other surprise buckle the fuck up right I'm telling you right now this is the best story I've heard all year I took my mother to the doctors and we're sitting there we're waiting for this to you know for the doctors to take so I got a story for you all you got to tell us you got to tell his story when you all go to the doctors okay I'll do that story next or after the story because this one the chat knows about and on the chat was there for this so the chat and I go to the ER and this specific hospital has the ER under construction so there's like no seats and so we go down the hallway a little bit and there's just like there's an area where there's like just just wall so I'm like you know what it is what it is I don't really care and I sit on the floor well this mom comes in and she's got like this little girl and everything and this little girl comes up to me and this little girl starts talking to me and everything like that and this mom just leaves this little girl she just leaves the girl there that is the most literally just up and leaves this little girl and the little girl just sitting there I'm just going to leave this girl here see you she's just sitting there the root is staying in the world to do the little girl and I are sitting here talking and everything I put cartoons on my phone and all and it was spry spry goes man you would be able to kidnap this child nobody would ever know how would you kidnap this little girl well I mean I mean a parent apparently wanted to kidnap but whatever the parents literally just disappeared and I'm sitting there on the floor with with this kid watching like I think we were watching Paul but there's a little troll or something like that she would have lived a better life well I believe that I'm a little stunned right now that the email I just received what'd you get? I don't know if I should say we've got to finish this story she turns to me and she goes I'm so sorry I think it continues on her question you can edit this out I'm definitely ending this out saying doctor's office though was supposed to give us paperwork and they go okay we're going to give you your doctor's note we're going to give you this we're going to give you that and they link to go get the paperwork and they never come back so we're sitting there like 15 20 minutes something like that and I go out and I start looking down the hallway and the lights are off and I said bye and left you I start walking around and everything and his surgeon shares a doctor's office right now with a pediatric place so I run into nurses from the pediatric place and they're like can I help you I was like yeah we were waving on paperwork and they're like oh well that whole team's gone hit the lights are out I know I'm like yeah I could see that we've been in the we've been in the room for like 10 15 minutes just waiting for somebody to come back they never did and meanwhile here comes the cleaning crew around the corner to go clean the room that he's still in it's an L.A. well well we can't give you anything it's the scene from any high school movie that they're trying to get to the high school dance before it it's over and it's just an anti auditorium assigned hanging and a custodian that's what this motherfucker was so yeah that's that's an empty doctor's office is going to leave person up in there with a six piece back leave them in there emphasize a six piece I have another story of the first time I got pulled over oh god I got that story to oh there's another arm so the chat knows about this one and for anybody who knows who knows Mary and there's one dog knows that I don't goofed oh gosh so I had just gotten my license like my license license we were done with provisionary and everything like that and I was like okay y'all let's go let's go to Denny's so we all we all get in the car and for reference I was the only female and I was the only white person yeah yeah you got a lot of editing to do that so we're in we're pulling out of Denny's parking lot and this cop swears that I cut him off I don't think I did to this day I don't think I did I just think he was having a bad night so I didn't think that it was okay to pull over if a cop is trying to pull you over in the middle of the road what so I went down I went through the light and I turned into the police precinct I know I know a police thing that you pulled into because I work on all of them down there so I pull into the precinct and everything and that one cop that was behind me now has like six other cars with him so I'm so I get pulled over and the officer goes do you know why I pulled you over I was like no officer I don't he goes well you forgot to turn your lights on and you cut me off you ran a red light no I didn't run I'm not I didn't run a red light but okay I really didn't think I did but he was very adamant that I did so he goes license and registration and we all know how bad I am with carrying my license oh yeah you're pretty bad enough to where you can't even keep your keys and cell phone which you have time so I don't have my license on me I give him my license number he asks if I'm safe because why why did he ask you that because if I was a woman female in a car with everybody else and for the area that we were in that was very abnormal considering there was like I think it was like six of us total or something like that how did you fit six people in your oh yeah how did you fit six people in your car I didn't have the Jeep I had dads um I think I had the Durango oh okay that has more room okay it was either the Durango or the minivan but um and spray wasn't fat back then fat fucker his words not mine that's because I wasn't that back then okay well either way we had emo spray then emo spray is emo spray trying to come back no it's dead spray that's what it is that we're bad luck spray all the bad luck spray is coming around goes right over here but yeah oh and then there was the time I got pulled over with Justin who's that king yes hey you can you can my bad let you put your license on Apple so I didn't know that you can put your license on Apple pay now yep yep I was driving when I suspended like interesting I won't be carrying my wallet no more than it's called and and you could put it on the actual Maryland app they have now so I was driving home and I was like well I think I want to stop and get a bottle of wine I don't know if I want to like that though because then I got to give the cop my phone what are you eating cookies it looks like these nasty ass Oreo fucking Coca-Cola cookies oh it smells it's smells can you save me what it literally smells like they put waivers in a fucking Coke that's fine no this literally tastes like munchies munchies yo I'm yeah I wish I could eat one but it's chocolate it's not chocolate these are nasty why are you eating them they taste really good right now oh they did well save me save me half of one you ain't gonna eat that half of one that's just nasty if well okay well then save me a quarter all right well and save her one she can eat it so she can taste the nastiness with you this is nasty as well so well then stop eating them as he's jumping them down his throat in here I hope you don't know give him something out while he did checks on everything else excuse me motherfucker you just call me gay for no reason you'll get them no ditty no ditty anyway so this cop was three lanes over from me oh I think I've heard this one my tags cuts over three lanes of traffic to pull me over in the in the liquor stores parking lot and goes do you know why I pulled you over no no the answers always no well because you never know what you never really know why they're pulling you over until they pull you over sometimes I typically have a feeling why I've never known why they pulled me over I was speeding two times and I still didn't know why they pulled me I got caught doing 85 in a 50 and knew that me hitting my brakes got me down to 85 that's a shame anyway I would have just kept driving at that point what did it matter I wasn't trying to my jeep was not my jeep was nothing compared to the state trooper what did it matter he was going to pull you over anyway so you might as well just kept going in 100 miles an hour I get pulled over and officers like did you know that your license is suspended no no I thought I paid everything he took my physical license from me and meanwhile king is sitting there like did you know that your license was no I didn't get my bottle of wine and I still drove without a license for like the next six months and Kings like did you ever get that fixed yeah totally yeah sorry my first time ever getting pulled over it's me my wife my wife's sister a friend of ours and my wife's step step brother and he's up in the front seat because he just had a well he's got an infection in his foot or his leg or something I can't remember exactly where it was or whatever it was but yeah he had an infection in his leg so I was driving down 43 and construction zone area and I was I was kind of getting it a little bit but I didn't think I was going that fast and somebody up three of us we've all we all had our hands out the window listening to music jamming out and a person leaned up from the back seat of my car and stuck their hands out of the window so next thing I know like show up behind me I'm being pulled over this is the first time I've ever been pulled over so I'm like okay being pulled over so I pull over it comes up to me good sir do you know why you're being pulled over no not at all not at all he's shining this big bright flash light all through the car and everything and my my voice step brother is feeling no pain at this point he's a little buzzed he was feeling a little high he had a lot of pain medicine in him for the antibiotics and the infection going on so he wanted to play super troopers on this cop and yeah yeah shaking his head no everybody's shaking their head no so that's what he wanted to do and I'm like real quick I was like alright sir hold on hold on a second I could do my license registration I'm leaning over I'm grabbing everything up and a hand in the film license registration proofing insurance the whole works I'm handing everything to the cop and the cops like well I don't I don't need everything so here's you know here's this back and I just need these two things I'll be right back so he goes back in the car meanwhile my brother mud mud you know step you know my voice step brother goes I'm getting ready to get out of this car and I'm going to walk back there and play super troopers on this man I said no no you're not you're not getting out of the car you're going to sit in here and shut up for a minute I can't afford a ticket I can't afford a ticket so here he comes walking back up and me my registrations and license and everything and hands me a $90 ticket well you're lucky I didn't hit you with double to fine because you were speeding through to construction zone I said the instructions and ended like three miles back and I seen the sign that said the construction zone was over but he proceeded to tell me oh you want to you want to you know you want to push the issue I can just take this ticket back and give you double to fine and all that so anyway he's a state trooper so I'm like whatever so I had to go to court for that one I go to court so I got my ticket and it was like one o'clock it was like one o'clock that morning or it was about one thirty in the morning and I was on my provisionals which technically I wasn't even supposed to be driving so with the cop in there to cop didn't say anything about that so we go we go in we go in the courthouse I'm sitting there judge goes well you know I'm gonna give you a PBJ you know for a reason for judgment and all that and I'm gonna give you court costs and everything I said okay it's fine I'll take care of all that and he goes and by the way we're gonna extend your provisional license I said no sir no sir I was not on them when I got my ticket he goes huh I said yeah I wasn't on them when I got my ticket so he's like looking and he goes okay you're fine then meanwhile I got the provisional paperwork stating that I didn't have him after I got bolder ever not before judge was cool and nothing let it let it go but yeah wanted to play super troopers and we're not doing that I don't think I've seen that it's hilarious it's hilarious it's a good good movie anyway yep just wraps it up right yeah if you don't want to wrap it up or you got more stories or no no I don't fucking care anymore okay I'm just being real I don't like I have to go send a very important email for an hour and thirty in but that's yeah hour and 26 minutes but that means you got a lot of editing to do too so I'm letting it I'm letting it go fucking I don't give a shit so you don't work who gives a fuck my nerve ain't fucking healed you that's why I don't fucking work how about we fix that shit motherfucker shit goddamn I don't give a fuck I'm done on that note I don't give a fuck how about that okay on the next episode we'll be talking about I don't know yet I thought next episode was your gas station chronic no the next one we're gonna ruffle some feathers up in this picture we're gonna talk about September 11 oh we're going with that one and then we have it's either September 11th or we're gonna talk about religion again I think September 11th would be better Brandon's like do not talk bad about Jesus he's my homeboy yeah even though he looks like he's going for a casting call of team wolf over here I think that was it being it coming up to October we should have a conversational if the paranormal exists okay ghost paranormal activity that's the next episode how about them apples how about that that or we could talk about things that are not in our in our timeline anymore will no not that kind of stuff Dickey not that well oh I guess Brandon can be thrown in here now too everybody stops sending stop sending fucking emails to be more three three or five at gmail.com okay he's okay he'll listen to this we're okay no they'll send him more emails too and stop calling his wife the scream costume it's not funny anymore okay yeah it's not funny yeah yeah (upbeat music)