Cuck My Life Podcast

Ep1 - If she says “No” to Cuckolding - Cuck My Life Podcast

You've stuck up the courage to finally bring it up, Cuckolding and ethical non-monogamy and the answer is "No". Then what? is there no way forward? In today's episode, the first for season two, the Panel tackles this subject which one of our amazing listeners suggested we table.

It's a fascinating discussion and I'm sure you'll love it.

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Find the panel on Twitter here 👇

⁠⁠⁠@poorlittlewhit1⁠⁠⁠ - The Po Boy 🌿

⁠⁠⁠@cuckoocuck⁠⁠⁠ - Aussie 🦘

⁠⁠⁠@hubs2hotwife⁠⁠⁠ - Hubs 🧢

⁠⁠⁠@new_hopeful⁠⁠⁠ - Hopeful 🧔🏼

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Broadcast on:: 01 Oct 2024
Audio Format:: other

Hello everybody and welcome to the Cuck My Life podcast. Thank you for joining us and welcome to season two. We are jazzed to be back and super happy that you're joining us. And this is where we talk everything cuckoo. Real stories, real guests, and real cucks. I'm Hubs to Hot White. I'm joined by my good friends and fellow cucks. Hopeful, Hoboy, and Aussie. And today, we're going to kick around a question that's come our way. And that is, what if you approach your wife, your significant other, and about joining in this lifestyle and you get shot down, you get told no. What about that? What's next? We're going to pull that apart a little bit and we hope you'll join us. [MUSIC PLAYING] What he really wanted from their sex life. And she said, "No." I had to get very self-reflective and very honest with myself before approaching her again. What if, what if that's just her thing? What if she really doesn't want to have ever, like, you know, even once she gets past the shame and stuff, what if that's just not her thing? What if that's her desire? [MUSIC PLAYING] Softening and trying to get the idea into conversation without launching a grenade into the conversation. [MUSIC PLAYING] Yes, the boys are back. Yes, we are back. Well, let me just tell you, Aussie. I think this is a very important topic. And you know what prompted us to talk about it was an email that we got at cuckmylifepod@gmail.com. And believe me, we want to hear from you guys. So don't hesitate to email us. Don't hesitate to reach out via DM. Your stories are the stories that we're trying to tell, not just our stories. Like the four of us, I think we're storied out, man. We just did a whole season. I don't think we have anything left to say. So please reach out to us and let us know what you'd like to hear about. Hopefully, anyone ever accused you of not having enough to say? All right, back up to both of you. Sorry, we'll let you speak, you go. It's just a joy. Can I just tell you what a joy it is? Because this is season two, right? Episode one, season two. And it is just a thrill to be back in the room with you guys. I know we've seen each other, and we talk regularly. Poe and I text every night, and Hubs and I, almost every night. And, you know, Ozzy's asleep then. But it is just a joy to be back in the room with you. We did a couple of interviews yesterday, the four of us. But also, you were kind of in and out and there's a different vibe when it's just us. Sorry, my wife just did a tweet. And hopefully, you've got to retweet it because it was fucking hilarious. This legit happened yesterday when I was having connection issues. Now, I've got to look. There she is. She got to say. [LAUGHTER] Oh, my God. OK. I think Poe found it. That's a good one. Yeah, I did. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] What can I say? I am dedicated to this show. OK? [LAUGHTER] Oh, I really appreciate your dedication. I kid you not. He was like, legs a kimbo. He was like, on top. I was like, so I don't mean to interrupt. Can I get the Wi-Fi password? [LAUGHTER] It's get dot dot dot dot dot dot dot. Capital G E T. The fuck out. It's a thrill to be back talking to you guys. And I'm super excited about it. I'm super excited about season two. I have to ask, Aussie, is that true? Were you in and out? [LAUGHTER] That wasn't a good case. According to Eve, he was into the sex room to ask for the Wi-Fi password. Well, I was being a good host. I was trying to be dedicated to the show whilst my wife was busy. And my connection was getting real. I had to get it real. Well, yeah, sure. It feels like a made up excuse to go in there. It feels like a made up excuse to just get in there and get the smell. I could go in there any time I want, probably. Oh, sure you go, probably. You're basically in charge. And there's no question about it. That's right. As long as I get her permission, I'm definitely in charge. Well, so let me read a little bit of this email to you guys, OK? Yeah, sure. This is an email that we got. It's a relatively long email, so I'm worried the whole thing. But the gist of it is, it falls along with this. I know you guys talk a lot about successful cuckoo couples. But what about an episode on maybe how to deal with being vulnerable and then being rejected? I'm such and such an age, and my wife is so and so. We've been married a year, but we've been together for seven. Before we got married, I tried my best to tell her about my kinks so that she could still decide if she wanted to spend her life with me. She's been open to stuff like chastity and pegging, even though most of the time it feels like she's just doing it for me, she still puts on a good front. I brought up her having sex with other men before, but she always kind of dismissed it. Recently, she made some comments that told me she didn't actually understand what I was looking for. This was about the same time I found your podcast. It seemed like the universe was aligning for me to tell her everything, and I feel like I went about it in the best way I could. It's sometimes hard for me to get all my thoughts across in conversation, so I thought the best thing to do would be to write it all down. So he wrote her a letter explaining his kinks, explaining his cut fantasies, his ideas, what he really wanted from their sex life, and she said, no, no, no, and he's crushed. - Disgusted. - What advice do we have for somebody who's done that? - It's related a lot. - Not everybody at once. - It's really related. - And look, it's actually, it's an interesting reflection because I think when we would all admit it, we're all super lucky. - Right. - To have the women that we have who are open to this, we are super lucky. So I don't want to say that this gentleman's story is familiar, but it rings through, there's, I think we would all get quite a lot of people who contact and sort of say, well, I tried and it didn't go well, or she definitely said no, or she was offended or whatever it happens to be. So I think it's going to be something that is probably going to happen. And whether or not she says no once, or she says no 100 times, or I don't know, hubs, you were in the position where you brought that to your dear one, and she shut you down. Like, where did you go from there, mate? - Yeah, and you guys may recall, and I don't want to rehash the entire thing, but we dipped our toes in early when we were in our 20s, and it didn't go well, and that was enough to really just flip the switch in the off direction for her. And it stayed that way for decades. I would bring it up occasionally. And I've been sitting here thinking about this because we mentioned about our situation earlier before we started recording today. The thing I think that prevented me from revisiting it more often was simply the fact that we were very, very steeped in our religious community. And so there was enough of that element at play that it caused her to not want to revisit, and for me to be reluctant to continue to bring it up. Although I did every now and then, sometimes the span would be literally years before I would mention anything about it again, and it kind of ebbed and flowed in my brain, but ultimately I had to get very self-reflective and very honest with myself before approaching her again. It was different that time, and I can go into that a little bit more maybe later, but suffice to say that as you observed Aussie, we're here now. - Yeah. - Sex as the shameful activity is absolutely, positively, one of the biggest reasons why women either choose not to are incapable of this. - 100%. - Because they've internalized that sex is shameful in a way that most young men don't have to. - Yeah, don't have to, and therefore we don't appreciate it. - Yeah, you get a lot when you're a boy, you're a stud, you get a lot when you're a girl, you're a slut, and not the good way, not the way that we know the word, the voice society uses. And that's a very real thing, and I think you have to, yeah, I think you have to be aware as a man, when you're approaching your partner about this, that she has a predisposition towards sex that she didn't choose, that was chosen for her, and that is almost universal. - And a lot of women can overcome it, we know a whole bunch of them who have overcome it really, really well, but some women can't. - And if you're in a circumstance as we were, I mean, every Sunday you're sitting in front of somebody that's telling you again, that you're wrong for having any feelings along those lines and redefining for you once again. And Poe, you're nodding, and I know you know, you get this, you've been there like I've been there. Poe's got a halo right now. - He does. - Oh wait, man, that's just the light, that's just the light. - He's got a halo right now. I'm ready to pray to him. - Dude, this is an audio podcast. I'm going to take off my ball cap one day just so I can have some additional brotherhood and bonding with you. - Yeah, yeah. - I wouldn't recognize your hugs, I wouldn't recognize it. - You probably wouldn't. - So, I don't know if any of you guys have any done any kind of sales training. And sales training is an annoying thing. It's like doing marketing training. It's basically like, how is it that you can ask a question and know that the answer is going to be yes? In that, you have to know the person that you're talking to. You have to know what their needs are. You have to know what their objections are. You've got to really understand how the question that you're going to ask is going to land. And if you don't know a lot of any of those things and you're just going to throw a question out there, then it's your 50/50. You're really, and especially in this sort of a question, this is a hard question, this is an interesting one. And it's probably going to be more like 80/20, no to yes, right? So I just think, first of all, yes, you can do all the research, you can do all those sorts of things, and she can still say no. But what I would say is that you've really got to understand and have some conversations, I think, about her fantasies. What are some of the things that she likes? I think that is. What are some of the movies that she likes? You know, what about the musicians that she finds hot? Or what posters did she have on a wall when she was a girl? Like, was it a, you know, what rockstar was on her wall? Now, you know, just really trying to pick apart and find that sort of, I guess, backstory, the origin story of where her sexual fantasy is and started and goes and where it goes from there. You know, did she like 50 Shades of Grey? Did she, you know, did she-- You're basically suggesting to become a cuckoldress profiler. You've got to, yeah, you've got to profile her. Like, we're gonna-- Mate, you've got to know what's gonna, what are the sort of things that she likes? Does she have a, you know, does she like watching sport with predominantly black men and she likes the black men? Does she like Japanese baseball? I don't know. You know, you've sort of got to-- And nobody knows her better than you do. And I think you've hit on a key Aussie. Nobody knows her better than you do. All right, but hold on, just for a second, huh, right? Because here we have a situation, and this is a specific situation. This is an individual who emailed us, right? Yeah. He brings this situation to his partner, who has already, let's be clear, engaged with him, right? He says that she's pegging him. He says that she's getting involved in some of those other things that, you know, most of us are interested in. So right there, he's a winner. Can we agree? Absolutely. Yeah. Right there he is a winner. He's heading shoulders beyond what most guys get to experience. 100%. And now he brings us to her, and she can't do it. Is it over? I would say no. I don't think so. Well, so I'm sitting here thinking about this, and I'm thinking, like, if you've got-- if you're in a relationship, there are two people that love each other, and they communicate. And one says, hey, I have this major, this fantasy, this desire. I feel like this is who I am. And the other person says, no. And what if that's just her thing? What if she really doesn't want to have ever-- like, even once she gets past the shame and stuff, what if that's just not her desire, you know? And then it's legitimately true for some women, absolutely. The thing is, though, is that I feel like saying things as heavy as this is who I am, this is my desire. This is the thing I have the most desire for. Will you do this thing for me? And she's like, eh, well, no, I'm not interested in that. But knowing that you're saying this is who you are, well, that's now caused a rift. Now we're at a head with that. Well, can we stop just for-- he's brought up something that's important to him, right? He's brought up something that's important to him. Now, he didn't get the response that he wanted. We can all agree with that. But she's got time now to think about it. He's planted that seed in her brain. He's told her what he's interested in. I think his number one priority right now needs to be to back off, keep doing what she's comfortable with, and let that seed germinate a little bit. Let her think about it. Yeah. Because this isn't something that you bring it up, and people are like, oh, yeah, I'm done. Well, Irish, he's been thinking about it for years, years. And he's presented it to her. And at first, her reaction is, nope, I could never do that. But that might not be the final answer. Right. And like you say, by the time we have mustard the courage to bring this up, it's fully formulated in our brain. We've got it all mapped out. We've seen the movies and replayed them over and over again in our heads. So we're like super comfortable with this concept, or at least we think we are, until it happens. Until our wife goes and gets a girlfriend, right? Yeah, that's great. But circling back just for a second to what Aussie was talking about earlier, about really knowing her and all the many facets to her, the other thing that it occurs to me, and I want to phrase this carefully, because I don't want it to come off as I'm suggesting any kind of manipulation, because I am definitely not. But in order to get past, if there's a major obstacle, like there was for us, for me, it meant understanding what was the thing that would motivate beyond that. That's a demotivator, OK? That obstacle, whatever it is, is a demotivator. But there's a possibility that there's something that's a motivator that is stronger than that. And in my case, and I was just laying it out here, brothers, that woman loves me. She loves me intensely forever and with passion. And at the end of the day, that was the thing that I did differently after years and years and years that I hadn't done before. As I couched it from the perspective of something that I wanted and would be super meaningful, if she would at least give it a shot. If she would consider giving it a shot. And it was really her love for me that made that decision easier for her, I believe. We all agree that he shouldn't put any pressure on her. Right. That's not-- a pressure campaign is not the way to go here. It's now his job. He's revealed and probably a little bit too much. I'm a believer that you need to parse these things out. You need to-- and I'm not saying manipulate. I'm not saying hide who you are. I'm saying you need to have this conversation in bits and pieces to work into it for the best chance of success. There are a few women in the world who could drop this whole thing at their feet on night one and they'd be like, oh, baby, I'm in. But not a lot. We talked a bit about it in one of our much earlier episodes. Wow, how about that? We've got earlier episodes. In the previous season. Jesus Christ. In season two, baby. In the previous season, we discussed it. So we talked about how to approach your wife with these things. And I think what's difficult with an email or with this sort of thing, we don't have any idea how he approached her. Because I think a lot of the time, if there's like a flat out no, that means you're probably flat out asked the question. And I think that the ways and means of getting around that is that it's that bringing up something a little bit subtly whilst you're playing or you're talking about sort of fantasy or you're watching something and watching some movie and there's the husband cheats on the wife. And the wife cheats on the husband. And it's a really hot sex thing with some really hot sexy guy or something. And again, I'm not talking about trying to manipulate the situation here, but it's about softening and trying to get the idea into conversation without launching a grenade into the conversation. And I think that's pretty important with how you deliver that. And then at least if you can start to have the conversation about, well, what are you fantasizing about? And if she says, do you fantasizing about me like having sex with other men, you can say, well, I've thought about it. I've thought about it. It was something that in the passing fantasies that I have, I've thought about that sort of stuff. How do you feel about it? Well, I look at it from the perspective of, what are we trying to do here every time we have an episode or every time we're on the air? We're trying to normalize this lifestyle. And in some fashion, our goal as we're working towards this with our loved one has got to be to take away the stark visceral reaction to this is, oh, that's not the way I was raised. And that's just not right. And you've got to somehow begin to normalize it. And that can take some time. And you mentioned sales earlier, Aussie. I mean, we were told in sales about dripping on somebody. You drip a little bit at a time. And again, this is not about manipulation. This is about just kind of bringing our own truth out there and suggesting the possibility that this is not the craziest thing that's ever come your way. Am I not thinking about my wife dripping a little? Maybe. Am I filming one? But now that you said it-- I was like, no. Now that you just got back from Mr. Tase, Mr. Tase Price. I got it, so that's visceral. Just to go get the Wi-Fi password? Shut up. Hey, I was staring at you and you and you and you and you. You're a giver, I know. You know, as we're saying these, you're with her. You're with your partner. You're married. You've been around each other. You know, like some basics about her, right? And you've seen how she comments when she finds out about other people's sex lives or whatever. So you've got some basis to start from. I would say, if you're the point where you're thinking about asking her about this, you probably want to have maybe commented on some things or brought them up and have you heard about this thing called cuckling, something like that, right? And get an idea of what you're, you know, generally, like kind of assess what she and two about sex, what kind of, what are her, not only her turn-ons, but those things where, you know, the ones where they make her pull back. We know these things. Yeah, and some of those things can be, can be and look, I think these sorts of discussions, like you're saying, Poe, sometimes there can be some history that you don't know about, which could be that they were cheated on. Or, and this, and as we well know, is that these discussion can often times, if it comes up, the woman is just like, you want to cheat on me. You want to be with someone else is what you're saying. You want to encourage me to have sex with another man so you can have sex with another woman. And that's always the first response, 90% of the time. Yeah, yeah, it seems so regular. I guess, knowing when you say, you know her the best, but how well, like, what are the things that you really know? And if you listen to this podcast, which hopefully that's what you're doing right now, you need to be asking yourself those questions. Something about who didn't hear that. No, that's right. So, you know, bare of shits in the woods. Who's gonna, oh yeah. So, let's not talk about the bear again, okay? So, there are these questions that you need to ask. Has she been cheated on before? What were her previous relationships like? What were her folks' relationships like? Was she brought up in a broken household where so-and-so, the mother or the father, whoever was cheating and she felt that betrayal? Because it makes a big difference with how your base programming is, to how you're gonna react to this, I feel. Like, if you're... Yeah, what's her relationship, what's her personal relationship to sex? Is she adventurous? Does she want to explore? Is she one of those quieter types who is less interested in exploration, right, more of a typical type of person? And there's nothing wrong with who anybody is as a human or their relationship to sex, as long as it's what they want. For this email, the gentleman that sent this in. So, he mentioned that about his wife, you know, sort of pegging him and doing some of some kinky things, but feeling like it, like she was doing it for him. Well, we've all felt that, right? Oh, yeah. Every single one of us has felt that. Oh, absolutely, absolutely. But it still sort of shows the willingness. It shows the willingness to extend to something that maybe she's not especially comfortable with, but that she's, you know, happy to try some experimentation and go with some things. I think that should bring us to the next point, which is, how can you have what I like to call a faux-cuck relationship? Where maybe you can have the discussion with her and maybe she says no, and you're like, cool. Okay, so we're not going to introduce another guy. We're not going to have something like that, but it's a fantasy that I really enjoy. Can we play on a bit of, you go to a bar and I come in later at another time or, you know, I'll sort of, you know, play, do a bit of role play, do a bit of that sort of stuff. What are you guys reckon about trying to have a faux-cuck relationship with your wife? Like, what do you think? All four. There's somebody you know who's talking to you right now. And I had one of the things that as we were exploring this, I actually made up like a Google voice phone number, you know, and we were texting back and forth doing the role play as if I was the bull. Oh, yeah, cool. And we actually ended up, we set up like a coffee meet, you know, and I bought her like a nice purse. She had wanted it and then showed up, you know, when we had coffee for about five minutes, we started at the role play thing. And then we just sat down and really talked about, hey, we're thinking about this, is this real? Is this whatever? What might we do and that kind of thing? And it was really fun. I mean, both of us, I left the little coffee meet with, I was leaking all over the place. It was just, you know, a lot of fun. So yeah, I mean, you know, just because you can't get to what your ultimate thing is doesn't mean you should stop exploring intimacy with your partner. Yeah, that's right. And I think that's really important. And cause I feel like quite a lot of men, if they get that no, they'll just regret, you know, they'll just regress into themselves and go, right? Well, I guess I've just got to rely on porn. You know, porn's got to be the only thing that it's going to, you know, then I'm going to, and that's where I'm going to have to live my fantasy. And I don't think that's, I don't think that's healthy. I think in some way you've got to try and have, you know, have your kinks and your feelings be met by your partner because you don't want to bottle that off to the side and do your own thing. Sex is a negotiation. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It's always a negotiation, right? You, we all come to the table with our individual needs, wants, desires, kinks, whatever they are, some more complicated than others, right? So everybody in this room has those things. We talk about them a little regularly. All of our partners have those things and the men that they partner with, or women, Poe, they have their things, right? So we, everything is a negotiation. I'm interested in this. I would like, Dan Savage, and I know we talk about him a lot on the show, but he's the, he's got the best sex podcast in the world, right? Yeah. He's also been doing this for like 25 years. Longer than that. It's quite good. Since the night, yeah. And he, what he says is, if it took a canoe and a duck for men to get off, every house would have a canoe and a duck, right? They, like that's, and sometimes men are so small-minded that they get nervous about a woman using a vibrator, right? Yeah. Yeah. And women have experienced that fear from men, that insecurity from men for a very long time. And their natural reaction to this other type of lifestyle can clearly be, I don't trust that that's what you want. Yeah, that's right. I'll tear you a moment. I don't trust that that's what you want, or that we're gonna do it and you're gonna lose your mind. Go ahead, Poe. Yeah, I was gonna say, or that, you know, the, the doing of this thing, which is now a fantasy, might become something that wrecks, you know, sort of the life that you have, it takes away, you know, I mean, how many of us have like opened up to our partners about a sexual fantasy with the fear that, you know, she might think less of me, she might label me, she might, you know, might lose some of that. I'll tell you this, Poe, when we first started talking about this, doing this, she is so naturally dominant. I am so naturally submissive that I waited for him. My living room one night for her to come home from work. And when she got home, I pleaded with her not to turn me into a sissy because I was so afraid of her dominance. And that was the natural path of cuckling, blah, blah, blah. But that was just my fear reaction to what she had no intention of doing that. And I'm not interested in doing that either. It was just that anxiety, right? All of this stuff is complicated. And we sat down and we had that conversation and all of a sudden I felt better. It takes communication, right? Even if you're not going to get exactly what you want. - So something that I mentioned before as well, but I have mentioned before, but it is really about knowing what you want as a cuck as well. Like you said, hopefully, you know that you didn't want to be a sissy. You know that that's where you're at. You've really kind of got to know, what are your motivators? What's driving this fantasy? Is it that you don't feel like you can pleasure her in the way that maybe someone else can? Do you feel like you've got a deficiency? You know, like you've got ED or PE, like I do. Like is there something where you're going, you know what, I'm just not providing what I think she would really enjoy and like. Now, you then have to sort of take that and go well, okay, but by natural cuck extension we go, okay, well, there's, you know, fit, hot, ripped, intelligent balls. That's a good place to look. But if that dog gets closed, well, let's call it closed but slightly ajar, then it's got to be about how can you then do something different with her? And for me, that was I kind of felt and had a very sort of strong inkling. And it's just, it's one of those things. It's an interesting time where you maybe recognise and look at yourself and go, you know what, I actually don't think I'm doing a great job at this. I think I've been okay, you know. I've got kids, you know, things have worked, right? So I know there's, I know the mechanics have worked, but how could a job am I actually doing with this? And I think that whole thing, that dawned on me. I was like, yeah, actually, you know what, I don't think I'm doing a great job with this. So I bought a dildo. And in the past, we'd bought some sex toys, we bought some stuff, and it was generally like really cheap, horrible, late night, sex store type stuff. And even at the sex store, it was cheap stuff, right? So it wasn't good. And we never just did it very good. I'm like, I'm not doing that this time. I bought like a $200, like ultra skin, jewel, triple, whatever the held top of dildo was. And it was substantially bigger than I was. We still have it, so we use it, and it's still great. And the first time that we used it, and I was like, okay, yep. She definitely wants something of a bigger size, because it just changed. Things just changed from that point on where it's solidified in my mind. Yep, okay, really not big enough, really not hitting the right spot. And something else was. And I think that may have also, for her, may be made of going, you know what? Something a bit bigger would be better. That isn't a fake or isn't a dildo. So look, whether I'm not, that's the case or not. I don't want to put words in the math, but this is part of the journey that you sort of get to where you get to. And those were things that we were doing before we actually met anyone and started doing anything. That's a reasonable way. There's sleeves and like all sorts of sleeves and extensions. There's things that you can do that maybe, you know, open up for her fantasies. And Eve was one that I would say, tell me about what are you fantasize about? What do you want? And she's like, I don't know. I say that to her now. I'm like, what do you want? And she's like, I don't know. She's the same way. It's hard. It's hard, it's hard, it's hard to know what they like. You still got to work with them though, right? Yeah, I mean, and for women, you know, I don't know that they actively developed that fantasy life. Like, I think men do in some ways. I'm sure some do. When you communicate something to someone, you're going to say the words that you've put together and the things that you think you're saying. The other person is going to hear something and they are going to attach different meanings to some of those words. They're going to put an under text that may or may not be there. It's sort of the question of, oh, you want to do this so you can sleep with other women. You know, so I think you bring up the topic, you talk about it and then you kind of have to say, you know, have to ask, okay, now, what did you hear? What were your, you know, from what I said? Yeah, and I think that's why it's a softer conversation. If it's something about-- Yes. So, you know, if you had that fantasy, like, how does that make you feel? That I, yes, I had thought about you having sex with someone else. How do you feel about that? Oh, you know, that's disgusting. Why would I do that? Oh, okay, well, why would that disgust you? I mean-- You've had sex with other people before? Yeah, yeah, why would that-- That's disgusting. Oh, yeah, but then it's like, oh, I couldn't cheat on you. I'm like, what's not-- I'm not talking about it being cheating. Like, if it was consensual. This is us. So, it just means that you've got that ability to sort of break down why, you know, her answer is that and why that is. And, you know what, it's, it's good. Like Puffles says, it's going to take some time. I think if it's a, if it's a lobber grenade in the room conversation, you've got to expect an explosion, right? So, take some time. And maybe this isn't a conversation that needs to answer with a, like, I think from our perspective, we're always thinking about this as like the ultimate goal of the conversation is a yes. And maybe the ultimate goal of the conversation needs to be communication. Well, shouldn't that be the ultimate goal of every conversation? A hundred percent, yep. It should, but we all know, I mean, we all get, you know, the blood was just from our head to our dicks. And we go, you know, it's a dog after a bone, man. We were going for, hey, baby, will you reenact this Adriana Checica, a co-cold scene that I saw on Pornhub? And, you know-- She's really great. We should get her on the show. Turned by with you, you know, like-- All you want to do, all you want to do is just get, get like hot, like cock-oldresses and coinous items. Don't say that because my wife might listen to the show eventually, you know, she's going to get me involved. And I'm just going to be like, I'm just pointing it out. You're the one doing it. [LAUGHTER] Hey, I don't blame you, though. Oh, wow. The difference is that I know my wife listens to this show. [LAUGHTER] Well, she does sometimes. Yeah, look, it's a great discussion. And I hope-- and we have had plenty of people. And we have, you know, talked about some emails where people have gone, you know, why would we both listen to your podcast? And by listening to the podcast, we were, you know, able to really start to open up to the discussion. So maybe, maybe, maybe even just try and see if you can have a conversation with her about both of you listening to the podcast. And listen to four silly cocks, do silly things, and be silly men. And you'll realize that we don't have a lot of ulterior motive. We really just want to be genuine. We want to be vulnerable. And that's-- No, speaking of that, us, we got-- Want to be good. This is another email we got. This is, hi, guys, just started listening to your podcast. And what a refreshing change to hear cocks discussing the lifestyle as opposed to their wives. And he goes on to explain that his wife is in a seven-year relationship with her bull. And, you know, who knows how we plan this, but this is where we're at. And he follows up with, your podcast discusses the lifestyle from a position of feelings as opposed to just the sex, which is refreshing. We've been saying that since we started doing this, that our podcast is more about what this lifestyle looks like as a real person than what it looks like from the porn aspect. We all know that this relationship style is not just about sex. My recommendation to the individual who emailed us the first email we talked about-- we've been talking about this whole show-- is he needs to go and show her what he wants. He needs to serve her. He needs to do the things that he already knows she wants to do. That's number one. And then he needs to be patient. He needs to let her take her time to process the request. And then he needs-- I think in a few weeks, he needs to go to her and say, listen, I know I brought you something pretty heavy. If you have any questions about her, or if you'd like to talk about it, I'm open to it. But if not, then just tell me where you see us going. And let's talk about how we can be happy together, how we can both feel like our needs are met. I'd also say about knowing what you want before you venture down the path. So a friend of the show I was talking to recently, and what she mentioned to me was with any of these sorts of conversations, any of these sorts of things that you may be thinking of bringing up, anyone that you think that you're into, or any of that sort of stuff, masturbate on it first. Think about how you would ask the question with post-nut clarity. When you've come off your horniest f*ck high after watching all the porn in the world and just like, oh my god, I could just so want to do this. Right afterwards, then think about how you would have the discussion. And if you still feel like, yes, this is something that I really want to do, we'll then maybe start to progress. But I think there's a lot of guys where this fantasy is probably left best as a fantasy. That doesn't mean you can't bring it up with your wife, doesn't mean you can't have those discussions. But going into this lifestyle is not for everyone. That role play, dirty talk. There are a whole bunch of different ways to have your cuckold needs met without actually being cucked, right? It's been a couple of years for me now. And my wife still, she integrates things like that to keep everything fresh and to keep, so that both of our needs are met. Right, you're just going to figure out what works for you. And again, negotiate, right? You're not willing or able to do this. What can we do, like, where's the line for you? Like, how can we move forward? You don't get the sex that you want if you can't ask for it. - Yeah, that's right. - Very true. - Right, you never know what's going to happen when you do ask, you might not get it anyway, but at least you've started a conversation where you can try to come to some sort of an agreement overall. - Hmm, don't be afraid. You know, I think you can, this is your wife. You can start the conversation off by saying, "Look, I really, I want to be vulnerable with you. "This is something that I'd really appreciate a lot "if you could have some mindfulness of "and I'm opening up to you before you start saying." You know, just don't, just lob it out. You know, so I think, and surely there's got to be some understanding there if she goes, "Look, that really isn't something I'm interested in. "You know, that's cool. "I just, I wanted to tell you "or wanted to talk to you about it. "I didn't want to keep these things, you know, "to myself, I don't want us to talk openly about this. "If there's something that you're interested in "that we haven't talked about, "why don't you tell me now? "Like, there is, you know, having these conversations "it's super important, doesn't necessarily have to be "about cock-holding, it could be about any fantasy "that you might have or any sexual adventure "you want to go on." - Anything you want, you don't get it unless you talk about it. - It's right. - No matter what. - Yeah. - Your wife's not all of a sudden gonna be like, "You know what I've always wanted to do? "I've always wanted to peg you. "That's not gonna happen." You need to have that conversation with her. And maybe you don't start out with, "Hey, honey, could you put on this giant strap on "and bang me in the ass?" Maybe you start with, "You know what would turn me on? "What if I used a butt plug when we fooled around?" - Yeah. - Right? And then you progress. You don't have to lay everything on her at once. Again, not being manipulative. You're pulling things out in stages so as not to scare her. - I don't think, fine, if, like, put... Well, like what we said before about men typically having fantasies that are a bit more fully shaped, you know, a long time to think about this sort of stuff. And I think there's something about where men sort of going through puberty at an earlier age, and it's very impressionable, and there's a lot of things that can happen when you're in a young age. They can somehow put an impression on you that forms the basis of where your kinks go. It's an interesting thing. But I don't think they fully form that way for women as much. Some do, I'm sure there is because I think there's... Especially there's some, like, anti-establishment things where if it's really clenched hard, sex is shameful, sex is shameful, then it can end up going the other way and those women, you know, being massive sexual deviance 'cause they, you know, want to go against the grain. Sure, but I think there's a lot of fantasies that women may have that aren't fully formed. And I think if you, as a husband, you know, she's like, "Oh, I don't have any fantasies. "I don't know what I like." Well, find them together. Does she like kinky boots? Yeah. Does she like, you know, leather? Does she like silk? Does she, you know, start with tactile things like... I think it behooves all of us to recognize that women are raised differently than men in the society in which we all reside. They are raised to protect themselves from sex in a lot of different ways, in a lot of different ways. And I think that it behooves all of us to remember that and that kind of repression is hard to peel the layers away. As Poe, he had a huge problem and he's one of the kinkiest fucks I know. And it was hard for him to pull away all those strands from his evangelical upbringing and he's a dude. Patience, communication, open-mindedness. You have to be patient and you have to be willing to compromise and negotiate if you want to have a satisfying sexual relationship. Also feel like there's a caveat that we need to throw out and it's maybe not an elephant in the room, but it's definitely something to bear in mind. Nobody knows the state of your relationship better than you do. And if you're being honest with yourself and honest with your partner, you know if there are things that need to be fixed. Non-monogamy is not the answer to a problem in your relationship. And you have to make sure that you're on solid ground before you ever dip your toe into these waters. And I think that's something that you need to consider strongly before you ever start trying to have these conversations. If there's something that needs to be fixed, address that first. - Kink will enhance a good relationship. It can absolutely decimate a bad one. Cuffleding will not save a bad relationship. That's not gonna work. - That's right. - It'll enhance a good one. It'll enhance a good one, but it will not, it will not fix a broken one. This is not a fix. This is an enhancement. - I would stack on that as well. A bit of conversation that we had when we interviewed QOGO, you can't trick her into this. You can't, you cannot, like this has to be exactly consensual is the word. - That gets those requests in a while too. Hey, could you meet me and my wife at this bar and convince her to sleep with you? - No. - No. - Absolutely not. - Lame sauce. - Right, first of all, number one, these men who are good at this lifestyle, they already have hundreds of willing women, right? Just look at them. I think he slept with hundreds of willing women. Last night, right? They don't need to trick your wife, right? And that's not gonna help your relationship. And they are ethical people. You try to get Pro Bowl II to trick your partner. He's not gonna do that ever. He's way smarter than you are. - It's never gonna, it's never gonna go well. It's just not. - It's not an ethical. - Yeah, it is. It's really unethical. And there is, you know, there's-- - No, it's a salt. - Yeah. I think taking no is always an answer, right? Like you do have to accept that. However, it doesn't mean that your fantasies have to go away. It doesn't mean that you can't get to be and explore something that you love and wanna explore. Because I would also, I mean, it depends, right? If you were in a cuck-holding relationship beforehand, and then that relationship ended, and then you got into another relationship, sure. Okay, so you know what cuck-holding is like. You know what the feelings like and all those sorts of things. I don't think you can know if you've never been in a cuck-hole relationship before exactly what it's gonna be like. Even though we talk about that we've got fully shaped and rounded fantasies and that sort of stuff. It's never anything like that. I mean, it's similar and they're like some of the imagery and some of the stuff that you might see is can blow your mind more than any porn can. But at the same time, you have no idea how it's gonna affect your relationship, where it's gonna go to, how it's going to weave the path to where it's gonna inevitably get to. You know, you could just be together, you know, that's it. You may split up and it was a good short-term relationship. You know, Dan Savage talks about that. Your wife might end up actually appreciating the company of women, more than men, or trans person more than men. You just don't know. You know, you might end up that way, yeah? Yeah, you might actually discover that your bi fantasies are actually something that you now can explore and go that way. Just be open. - A hundred percent? We've been saying this since people have been listened to us, you can ask her to do this, but you can't tell her how to do it. - That's gonna tell her how, yeah. - She's gonna go her way. And you're like, you think, do you think for real that when Aussie approached Eve and said, I think I'd like you to sleep with somebody else that he expected her to have a long-term boyfriend? No, that was just, that was a byproduct of their relationship. Poet didn't expect his partner to fall in love with a woman. That's a, that was a surprising thing for him. And I think Hubs was fully expecting Sarah to go loopy all over the place and he got what he wanted. - Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. - You don't get to decide how it goes. This happens. You ask her to do it. And then she does it. And now you're along for the ride. And what a ride it is, right, Auss? - It's a spectacular ride. Hey, and I have to tell you, I wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't change anything. Like, you know, I wouldn't do some ups. We went through some fucking ups and downs and some bloody, you know, deep, dark places and some super, duper, duper, high places. But you know what, that's the roller coaster. You know, we go back and change it. - But if you have it to do over again, Auss, if you really did have it to do over again, you get the Wi-Fi password earlier, right? (laughing) Maybe. (laughing) - Was it fun like that? - Yeah, it was great. (laughing) - I bet it was. - We always have a good time. We always have a good time together. And I'm not gonna go and do it because that shit gets me in trouble. But I'm gonna say, we have a really good time together. So he's a tip-top guy and, you know, she, you know, she really loves him. So it's great, we have a great time. - Your wife has a boyfriend, it's amazing. - Yeah. - Po's wife has a girlfriend and Hub's wife has 30 boyfriends. It's, it's really, it's amazing. (laughing) - Give her a take. Your wife just has their kind of... - I was gonna say she's got an asshole of Nerf guns. (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) - Oh, man. Just thinking about it hurts. - I haven't seen the pigs in a while, hopefully, I'm a messenger about that. - I'll see if she's still with those pigs. (laughing) - This is a great chat. This is a good way to open up. - Oh, this has been a good conversation. Yeah. Yeah. And I hope, I'll just say for myself, I heard a lot of good nuggets of wisdom from you guys today. And hopefully our listeners did as well. You know, and I think that's the benefit of having a conversation like this. And this is a serious topic. And I just want everybody to know that we take this very seriously. So we joke around and we share our anecdotes and fun experiences. But the reason we chose to address this today is because we understand that this is a big deal. And we want you to have every chance that success that's possible. So before we wrap things up, guys, any final thoughts from you? - One is I wanna shout out all the guys that are out there that are really into this, thinking that their wife would never be into it or they've asked and their wife says no and all that stuff. It happens. None of us can tell the future, but rather than have a, will you do this? Yes, question and answer. Have a conversation, take the conversation going. - I would actually, I think I'll sort of almost mirror that and say, if you're a lady out there and you're listening to the show and you're thinking about bringing this up with your husband, it can also, it can be hard both ways. I know we often, when we're cucks, we talk about things from the cuck perspective, but I would imagine actually, it would be harder for the wife to bring this up with the husband. I think men can fly off the handle with this sort of stuff in exactly the same way that the women would are, you just wanna sleep with other men. Men can get violent with this sort of stuff. Like you just wanna fuck other men, what the fuck? Like kudos to you, if you're going to bring this up with your husband, I really applaud you and I think it's worthwhile. Obviously, your relationship is the best and whether or not you think it's wise to do that or not, but everyone who's possibly thinking about broaching the subject, if we can convince just a couple of people that maybe it's a good thing to do when they go through with it and things go to the stars, awesome. - I really enjoyed this conversation with you men. And let me say this, if you're out there and you're listening to us right now and you have a question or you have a situation and you'd like to hear us talk about it, please don't hesitate to send us an email to reach out via DM. We are open to having these kind of question and answer shows. We would like to be of service in a way that makes a lot of people happy. So if you're having an issue or a question about cuckolding, send it to us 'cause if you're having it, I betcha there's a whole bunch of other people happening, right? And this was just an impromptu episode based on an email that we got, but we think that communication and having that openness with your partner is absolutely key. It isn't everything though. Sometimes a little bit of advice is helpful. Reach out, we're here, we wanna help. - Absolutely. And you know, we don't have all the answers. - No, we don't. - But we don't have. - Let's be clear, we're dumb as rocks, most of the time. - Well, I don't even say somebody else's. - Yeah. - That's right. - We say this all the time, like we are just four guys who are figuring this out as we go. So the best we can do is talk about the situation and maybe some of what we say applies to you. Maybe it doesn't, maybe it does, but. - We're not sex therapists or couples, counselors or any of that sort of stuff. You know, sometimes going to those places is a great idea, but, you know, I would also recommend definitely, you know, looking at some of Dr. David Lay's stuff and, you know, Justin Laymiller, look at some of the professionals who actually have a really open mind for ethical non-monogamy because quite a few of them, probably most of them, I would say, maybe do not. So find the right people to actually possibly get professional advice from. Listen to us, then go and find professional advice because yeah, we just have a good time. - Awesome, let's just be clear. I think it's a good idea for men who are interested in this to share some of the episodes of this podcast with their partners, right? Listen to the Jesse Black episode, right? How reluctant she was and how happy she is, right? We have some great episodes coming up this season with the "On the Rocks" girl and Mocha Honey and Quinn Ryan. We've got some really great stuff coming up. Women who have embraced this lifestyle, right? And then talk about it in absolutely positively glowing terms, right? We talked to Anne Cucaldris of James yesterday and she was the feminine divine. She was the literal goddess, like, and I think that those voices, that those female voices that we help bring to the public will help your partner to at least better understand this lifestyle, what she's saying no to. - Guys, I would just encourage our audience that if this episode has resonated with you, if this is something that's on your mind and this speaks to you, be encouraged. Don't feel defeated at the first sign that things aren't going the way that you would like them to and try and pay attention, try and celebrate the small victories because there will be some along the path. It doesn't mean that it's a guaranteed win, but it certainly is something to take encouragement from. For some of us, it takes a long time. For some of us, it's a game of inches. Don't say it hopeful. (all laughing) Don't say it. I'll say it for you, a couple of inches. (all laughing) Yeah, that's all right, I'm measuring the top inches. But genuinely, yeah, there you go, there you go. But genuinely, you know, be vulnerable. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Be patient and be patient exactly. You took the words right on my mouth, bro. Don't expect to go to your partner and be like, hey, you know what I thought? I thought you might like to have a gang bang and have her go, oh, great, call the guys. That's not the way any of those days. I reckon by that day, no, we should have a leg up. Can we do this right now? No, it's not the way any of this goes. Let me put my shoes on, that's fine. She has to feel absolutely 100% safe with you first before she can do anything else. Well, listen, guys, this has been great and I hope our audience has found some value in it. We appreciate you guys listening in today. Welcome to season two, baby. Yeah, welcome to season two. We're excited, we hope you are as well. I'd like to thank all of you for being here. Thank the panel for being here today, guys. It's been great being back together again. Folks, if you have any questions about today's episode or comments or any episode, you have an idea. If you have a story to share, we'd love to hear from you. So reach out to us on the Twitter page at cuckmylifepod and also on a Gmail, cuckmylifepod.gmail.com at gmail.com, excuse me. You think you'd have email addresses down by now? You would think after 30 years. Yeah, you would think. So, but just to wrap it up, from all of us here, the whole panel, thank you for being here. Thank you for joining us for season two. We have a lot of fun things in store and we're looking forward to sharing with you guys. So take care. We'll see you next time. Bye everybody. (logo chiming)