TADPOG: Tyler and Dave Play Old Games
Ep. 785 - Warlock (SNES)
You're about to listen to TADPOG. Tyler and Dave play old games. It's a comedy video game podcast. We would like to stress that the host are not experts and are really just very crass commentators. Seriously, this is an explicit podcast that happens to talk about video games sometimes. So please enjoy this pretty okay podcast with Tyler and Dave. (upbeat music) - Hello internet. (laughing) - We have to figure out all that's in, right? Pestity. - Yeah, yeah. It's probably stinger material. - Good, good. - At least everything up to that point. - He should tell. - Tyler changes it up sometimes. - Yeah, he does. - Sometimes it's like, this is warlock. So he might like try to do like a warlock voice. Like, hello everybody. - Hello everybody. - Hello. - Hello. - Welcome to TADPOG. We're one Tyler short today. So we're gonna do our best to make this thing work without him and... - Not because we don't like him but actually because we do like him. - Yeah, he had some stuff he needed to take care of and couldn't be with us today. And we were already running behind 'cause we couldn't record last week. And so in case you didn't know, this is TADPOG. - It comes out, it's a podcast comes out weekly, no matter what. - Every single week we managed to put it out. - Patreon.com/TADPOG. If you, hey, look, if you appreciate that, if you're like, look, this show isn't like the best or like good, but they do, I mean, put on it. They are consistent everywhere. - If you, in case you didn't notice, dear listener. No, that extra voice you just heard was John, Captain, Gunner, John Turley. He is here to help balance it out because I don't think David and I could just do it by ourselves. - We probably could. - I need supervision. - But it is really good. (laughing) - I'm sure we could. - Yeah, 'cause I'm the guy that keeps the train on the tracks, you know? Like I definitely never veer off into some random shit. We need you here, man. When Tyler told us that he wasn't gonna be able to make it for very good reasons, by the way, we're not gonna get into it. But it was one of those where I messaged Ian and I was like, hey, do you think we could get John? - It was like I already asked him. It's like, okay, great. - It's just nice because having three voices or more is better than just two at this point. The format of the show doesn't really lend itself to just a one-on-one discussion. Although, we could have pulled it off. We could have made it work. - I would have just talked like Schmeen over here. - And then I would have talked like Ian over here and I would have just had a back and forth with myself. - We need to. - And with David in the mix. - We need to get the, you should have done Schmeen on like one mic and then Ian on the other mic. We could have liked fucked with the stereo. Just so everybody hates it. Everyone listen on headphones. We'll just hear me and you in the left ear, but Schmeen always and always and turned up all the way. (laughing) He's way louder. - So it's super fuzzy and flipping? - Yeah. - Fuck that Schmeen guy. What's he have to be on the show? - I've listened to some podcasts before that have fucked with stereo as in like they use stereo and they have different mics on left ear and right ear. Which seems like that might be a cool idea because it's like, oh, it's like I'm there in the studio and John's on my right side, me and on my left side. But in reality, like I didn't realize it was in stereo until I was like, what the fuck is wrong with this podcast? Because I listened to everything with one one ear. - So I was here to have a fucking conversation. - Yeah, no, that's, and plus like if you're in your car, you're on the right or left, depending on the country you live in, you know, the speakers over here are not gonna be, you're not gonna hear them as much. Even though it's not gonna be in closed space, they're not as loud because they're on the other side from you. So yeah, we do a nice healthy mono recording here on Tadpog. - Love that mono. - Love that mono. ♪ Love that mono at Tadpog ♪ - That's the new theme. That's the new theme. - We wrote it. - Five-minute. - 'Cause stanza. - Well, this week we're doing a game based on a movie like we do sometimes, and this game/movie is Warlock. - Warlock. - The 1989 movie starring Julian Sands and Richard E. Grant. - Starring, that's in quotation. - Yeah. (laughing) - I was like, but these two people I've never heard of. Like, I wanna think I've heard of Julian Sands. - I wanna think I've heard the name Julian Sands, but if you'd have been like, pick Julian Sands out of this lineup, I'd be like, "Oh man, that's the mugger." Yeah, I wouldn't have been able to do it either. I think, I hadn't even heard the name, but then like, in the comments on YouTube, which is not where I watched this movie, so I don't know why I was in the comments, I can't remember what other comments were, but someone was talking about him, and it's like, if you know him, you know he's been in a lot of B-movie horror. - He's been in a lot of that. He was in, I've got a few notes about Julian Sands, actually, 'cause honestly, somehow he kind of became a bit of, we saw a lot of his work in the '90s, Tonya and I did, and he was in the Killing Fields, Gothic, Siesta, Warlock, or-- - Gothic, Siesta? - Gothic, comma, Siesta. - Oh man, I don't know what to say. - I really like the idea of Gothic, Siesta. - I wanna watch that movie. - A bunch of like, Gothic people just taking a nap. - That's so cool. - Warlock, Arachnophobia, naked lunch, boxing, Helena, leaving Las Vegas, the medallion, Oceans 13, and the girl with the dragon tattoo, he appeared in all these movies. - Wow, okay. - And-- - Really? - He put the Warlock in all of them. - He did, he played with the felt Warlock, the same character, it's crossover people. He unfortunately passed away last year. He was an avid hiker, and he loved mountains and going and hiking, and he disappeared on January 13th of last year, hiking in the San Gabriel Mountains, and his remains were discovered several months later. So rest in peace, Julian Sands, I liked your shit. You did good movies, I liked a good B movie. So, anyway, before we get too far into Warlock and the game, beware, there's like a long name for it, beware the ultimate evil of Warlock. - Is that the full title of the first one? - I saw it on the game poster, or like this says, "Beware the ultimate evil of Warlock." - Yeah, okay. - That's the name of the game. I think it's the name of the game. I don't know if it's like the official name of the game, but it like reads like that on the badly designed poster. - Title plus tagline. - Yeah. What have you been up to, Dave? - I went to Game Galaxy in Nashville this past week. - I was hoping you would say that you went to the knockoff game galaxy here in Paducah. - No, and that's because I don't want to spend money on collecting games right now. Otherwise I would go, 'cause if I went, I'd probably, I'm one of those people where it's like, when I go to a store and it's like, oh fuck, they like need my help. (laughing) - I'll buy something, I can't buy something. - Which is why I don't like go into like the vendor's boots and stalls at like a festival or something, because it's very much like the people of those boots. - There's a degree of desperation there. - Yeah. - Look at this. - Ah, no thanks, I don't want the popsicle stick man. You may, that's a lot good. - So you went to Game Galaxy in Nashville? - Yeah, yeah, Paul Corn. - Oh yes, I was unable, he invited me to this and I was unable to make it. I had prior engagements with family, but, and I'm sorry, Paul, I wish I could have come, 'cause we went last year, it was a lot of fun. So how did that go? - It was good, it was nice. I got to catch up with Paul and Chandra and Nate and Rick and I played this fucking awesome song the hedgehog game that didn't know existed, where it's like marble madness, but you play as Sonic and they're, it's all track ball, there's a giant track ball and a button, one button, that button jumps. - It jumps, oh yeah, okay. - And it was, it was a lot of fun, it's two player, I played with Nate and then we made it to the very end of the game and if everything's on free play at Game Galaxy, for everyone listening who doesn't know, Game Galaxy's an arcade, they have a lot of retro arcade games and pinball machines and everything's on free play pretty much. So we're playing through this game, it's a lot of fun, it's chaotic and we're just, anytime we die, we continue 'cause it's free and then we get to the very end of the game, there's like seven stages and we're in Robotnik's tower and we got to do this course and if you die on this course, you cannot continue. The game doesn't let you continue, wow. Yeah and you have to go to the beginning of the game. So man, our forearms are fucking like killing us because like it's a lot, repetitive motion, not just repetitive motion, but it's like, it's like isometric. So it's like, you're running as fast as you can, top right, top right, oh, up, up, up. Now it's top left, up, up, up, now it's bottom. So I mean, it's just like you're constantly moving your forearms and you think of the years of fucking practicing at home, I'd be really good at it and turns out, I guess I just use my shoulder more, I don't mean that. It's less of a-- Different muscle workout. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, I went through it again and I was like, oh, fuck it, this is fun, I'm gonna try to beat it. Made it that point and get made a little bit farther and then fucking soft lock the machine. Oh no. So yeah, but it was fun, we played some other games. I won't get into all of them. Double dragon a little bit, classic. That one is double dragon's one of those games where I feel like most people probably played it for the first time on NES but I played it for the first time on DOS and I gotta say, man, I think the fucking DOS port, pretty much fucking nailed that game, that arcade experience. Yeah, with limited colors, as long as like, as long as the amount of colors doesn't matter, as long as everything being displayed in cyan and magenta and black and white is fine. Yeah, the EGA, yeah, man. I think the CGA, CGA. I played double dragon a lot in the arcade when I was a kid and I don't normally like games like that but that's like my favorite one, the arcade version of double dragon. Yeah, it's the first to me that is for sure. I also soft-locked that one. So this isn't like a point of pride or anything, it's just one of those things. I probably shouldn't wear that giant speaker magnet necklace when you go to the arcade. Oh, the Atari branded speaker hat that I wear? (laughs) Yeah, it looks like Flavor Flav's clock. Yeah, yeah, it's fucked up. There's this game there called The Grid which I would really like, if you ever see The Grid in The Wild, play it because I wanna know what you think about it. It's essentially like a third-person shooter deathmatch where it's set up kind of like the running man where there's like three opponents and they go in and it's just a third-person shooter deathmatch where you collect different guns and try to kill each other except it's played with a track ball and, well, hold on. Now I'm like, is it a track ball? What's the name of the game again? The Grid. The Grid, okay. Now is this a newer game or is this a game that's? No, it's not newer, yeah, it's old-school arcade cabinets. Like it's three cabinets essentially. Everyone gets their own screen and it's set up on this like large control panel where everybody gets their own like, it's a fucking like joystick that you might see in like a flight arcade game where you're flying a fucking plane. And then, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a track ball that at a hard time like visualizing it now. But yeah, you shoot with the flight yoke, the flight stick and that's the part where I'm really curious like what you guys would think because otherwise, it feels like it should be a mouse and keyboard game and they were trying to figure out like, how can we make this? Like the track ball is the mouse and your joystick is kind of like your WAS and D and fire, yeah. I gotta look this up now because I'm like, I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure it's a track ball. It's not a track ball. Oh yeah, it is, it has a track ball. Yeah, yeah, the track ball is the mouse and you control and you, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. So it's, yeah, it's interesting. It's definitely one of those really cool. If you're not paying for it and you're just checking out some shit in an arcade, yeah. There's been some other stuff but I gotta say, I'll save some stuff for when we record next 'cause we'll have a short turnaround. So it's one of those where it's like, I don't wanna blow it all. But yeah, it was fun. And we, of course I ate at Princes on the way back. I mean, I went back and forth on that because it was like, fuck, it's rainy, it's rainy all day. Again with the rain on that day that you went to, that rain the whole fucking day we were down there last year. Yep, shit. So it was one of those where it's like, fuck, if I stop at Princes, which is like round trip, probably an hour out of the way, you know, because it's like 15 to 20 minutes there. It doesn't take you, it doesn't take you back towards town. It takes you further into Nashville. Yeah, and then the time to eat. So it's like, fuck man, I'm gonna be driving back home. Like not only in the rain, but like in the dark. Yeah. The interstate I'm not too worried about, even though like fucking I-24, like especially in our area is a goddamn fucking death trap. It is. I got to town now, like whenever I can, because it's like, I don't know what the fuck man, but like in the last like five fucking years, it's been like-- It's just accident, after accident, after accident. And I'd tout like bad, horrible, awful accidents. Like that one just recently is just like, holy shit. Like I don't know, like I got the grizzly details. I didn't hear about that. I think I know about the time you're talking about, 'cause I remember seeing I-24 backed up super bad about a week ago. Yeah, it was-- And being like, nope, not even trying to use that. 'Cause like it runs very close to my house. Like there's an overpass where I go under it. And if I see shit, stop, 'cause it's like, nope. If you're there, I live near you and I go that way a lot. And I've learned, if you're going down the road where the mall's at, towards the mall, and you look up at the bridge and there's traffic on it, just stay off. Or if you're going the way you're talking about by your house, and especially if there's traffic on that, stay the fuck off, 'cause it's backed up for miles. Something's probably dead. Yup, yup. I hate it, we drove down I-24 to get here from where we were at this evening. And it just, it wasn't bad, but I always like getting to the point of like being really trepidacious about getting on there, because people are insane. And it is dangerous. And at night, there's no fucking lights on the damn thing. Yeah, I don't blame you for being free from Nashville. Going through Clarksville and everything, like it is like, especially at night in the rain would be even worse, but like at night, it's like people are just like, "All the cops are asleep, let's go 130 miles an hour." I mean, it is, motherfuckers are going through there, like it's a NASCAR racing. Yeah. Yeah. There's this, there was, man, coming back from Prince's, like there's this part where it's like, I have to turn left. It's not a stoplight. It's just like one of those situations where it's like, you just gotta turn, there's a left turn lane, there's no light or anything, just use your discretion company, and it's one of the, it was worse. Good luck, everybody. Yeah, all right, yeah. And it's like, they didn't fucking like, mow the grass on the median. This isn't the interstate, but still, it's fucking Nashville, and it's like, the speed limit here is like 45. So people are going like 55 miles an hour, but it's like, it's not only the, they not mow the grass on the median, there's like a fucking like, yard sale sign, you know? And I'm up a hill. So it's like, I got no fucking visibility. It's raining, and it's about six o'clock, it's overcast. I'd say about 70% of the cars have their headlights on, but like, all everybody needs them on. Right. The law being, if you've, if your windshield wipers are on, your lights are supposed to be on. I didn't know that was the law. Yeah. I turn them on, I'm in the habit when I get in the car, it doesn't matter what time of day it is, I don't have fancy like, automatic lights, but like, I just turn the lights on. Yeah, you should. And that's why they have running lights on cars now, 'cause you should have 'em. Right. 'Cause it's easier to see. And that's from like, motorcycle shit, because that's like, you're always supposed to have your lights on when you're riding a motorcycle. And when I was learning that stuff, I was like, oh, that makes sense, I should just do that in my car. Like, why not? I have them on. So, yeah, but I made it, I made it back. See that, and that's good. I'm glad you didn't encounter any traffic problems. I was worried there that left turn. I really was, I mean, 'cause it was like, this is the time that I just get t-boned by somebody going 50 miles an hour. I mean, it was like, it was one of those situations where it's like, there ought to be a law. Like, I mean, like, this was like, fuck man, y'all need to stop light here. This is fucking scary. (laughing) - Ah! - Done it. - It was, yeah, I mean, it was just like, took it, I guess it's good. - Hope this isn't the day I died. (laughing) - Make a look roll. Yeah, right? Yeah. But yeah, that's pretty much it. It was a good time, it was fun. I like, I mean, I like Nashville, and I like, man, any time I get a chance to go to Princes, they remembered me there, at least one of the ladies did. - Wow. - Yeah, which is like, it's, when I got back and told Nikki the story. - It's not like you're there every week or anything. - I'm there literally once a year. And when I ordered the chicken, I get it triple X hot, and the cashier was like, you don't want it that hot. And I said, I do, I've had it before, it's all good. And then the woman next to her, which I think it's crazy, she recognized me, but I recognized her. So it can't be that crazy, you know what I mean? And she was like, no, that's how he gets it. (laughing) - Well, once a year, that's how he gets it. - That is pretty impressive though. - Yeah, I can't imagine that I'm like, I'm no way. - There's thousands of people go through there, you know. - There's probably, they're probably, I'm sure there are tons of people who get it like that. - See, you say that. - Yeah. - But she remembered how you got it. (laughing) So maybe there's not a lot of people who come through and get it and don't complain about it. (laughing) - Maybe. She asked, she's like, do you want ranch or anything with it? And I was like, no, they gave me ranch at the airport, but. (laughing) - But they didn't need it, that's some bullshit. That's why I'm here. - Right. (laughing) - You got real shit, okay? - I fucking love that restaurant, man, and it's like. - I've never had it, I wanna try it sometime. - You dig it, you dig it. - I don't think, there's no way I could do the triple X. - You could. - Oh, I don't. - You could, for sure. - They don't pay for it. - You could. - Oh yeah, you'd pay for it. - Well, yeah, I just think, I don't know if I could eat it. - Man, I do like some spicy shit, but I feel like that would, I've learned that I don't like spicy shit quite as much as you do. - You close, but not quite. - First of all, you could totally handle it. Second of all, I think you would dig it. Like this chicken is like, I love the color of it, because it's like, you would expect it to be like bright red. - It's not chicken color, it's not. - You'd expect it to be bright red, right? Like, oh, it's hot, but it's like the color of coagulated blood. - Okay. - It's like, okay, I can fuck with this. Not because it reminds me of blood, just because it's like, it doesn't look, it doesn't look artificial. - Right, there's some nuance to what's going on here. - Yeah, yeah, so it's good, man. Princess love it, check it out. - Well, that's you, John, what's you been up to? - Well, A, not much. Be just super exciting stuff. I've been moving my 13-year-old into a different room. - Is he, I'm she's slightly larger room. - I'm sure he keeps a very clean room, and it was easy. - Yes, oh, he's exceptionally clean. I did not find disgusting shit under the bed, or just Legos goddamn everywhere. But I moved a bunch of furniture in there, and I put a bunch of fucking shelves up on the wall. - For him, or in the new room? - In the new room, yeah, 'cause it's like, just a place for him to put some-- - Fucking Legos, apparently. - Mostly Legos, yeah, there were Lego sets that were like built and just shoved under his bed, all the way back to the wall, so he was like-- - What do you do with the sets? - Henry and I have built them before. - He has nine shelves to display the really good ones now, so he has, at least some of them can go up there. - I think he's got a lot of Legos. - He's got a lot of Legos. - That's a lot. - He does not understand, like, I would have lost my fucking mind if I had half the Legos. - I thought you were gonna say he doesn't understand why you can't go to college. (laughing) - I mean, that's a whole different reason. - Cheshire to the shelves. - This is your tuition, son. You wanted the Legos, so-- - You're an engineer now. (laughing) - It's how fucking expensive they are. - Yeah, I moved just a bunch of shit and I put shelves up on the wall. That is the exciting-- - That's good shit. - I didn't do anything fun. - So what's the story with the reclaimed room? - So we decided buckle up, kids. It's, this is exciting talk, I'm sure. We decided that we were just going to make a game room. - Fuck you. - So that's hoping. - Yeah, so that room that used to be Charlie's is smaller. It is just a game room now. So there will be eventually a television, a next box in there. There's already a love seat in there for the Xbox and the TV. So you can chill. - Sure, chill. - And then there's going, there is a computer desk with a computer in there and I am going to be probably later tonight assembling another desk to be put in that room where the other computer gaming rig will go. - This all has to sound remarkably familiar to you, Dave, 'cause I know you just recently went through a similar project. - Yeah, it does, but Henry's not in there with us, which on one hand I kind of wish he was, but on the other hand it's like, I'm glad that he's not in there. - Yeah. - 'Cause like he, I've got this before on the show plenty of times, but he is on comms all the time. - Yeah. - And it is like. - Yeah, you can't. - I mean, it would just be a constant like, he would hate me because I would be getting annoyed with him where it's like, dude, you gotta, gotta like, rain it in. - Right. - Does he have a headset? - He does. - Okay. - See, my kid just uses his phone on speaker. - Yeah, I remember you saying that. - And it drives me insane. - Does he not like that headset or does he? - I mean, he has a headset, it's just like, I don't know if they're just like, these kids don't know about Discord or what the fuck. - Oh, they know about Discord. - Well, you would think, right? But like what they do is they'll be like, usually it's just two of them, sometimes three of them, and they'll just all call each other and put it on speaker and then just talk to each other while they're playing the game. - You know what it is? I bet it's a situation where like one of the kids, like parents won't let them use Discord or something. - Yeah. - And they're like, well, he can't use Discord, so we're all gonna call each other. - Yeah, that might be the case, but you would, I don't know. All I know is it's crazy because like, that phone is setting like right here. It's like this far away from him, and he's just like, oh my God, did you see that? It was like, what the fuck, man? - Okay, cool, yeah, that's what it's like in my house. - Oh, yeah, no. And then of course, Little Brother is in the background, also playing the same game, but not on the phone call. So he's yelling and hoping the other, the bigger kids that are on the phone call will hear him. Hey, who's that? Who's that guy in the background? He sounds interesting. (laughing) I literally, I just, I go in there and I'm just like, "Not so loud," and I just pull the door shut. - Yeah, I do that too. All right, I do that like twice, and then on the third time, it's like, all right, and a gesture to take the headset off. And I was like, dude, you have got to realize that you are not the only person in this house. (laughing) You're only allowed to do this when your mom and I are having sex. - Right, right. - Which case, knock yourself out. (laughing) - 'Cause then we at least know where you are at all times. - If we know whatever you're hearing, isn't us. (laughing) - Yeah, I don't think I've really done anything else of any significant interest. - That sweet man that you got like, essentially, you got like your own built-in LAN party. - Yeah, my computer's not in there though, and I'm okay with that. - Yeah. (laughing) - What about you, Ian? - Oh, I got all kinds of shit to say. I got plenty of stuff to talk about. - I'll watch something. - Oh, you did. - I did. - What'd you watch? - I just, you, I knew you like, you probably watched some stuff. So I specifically wanted to mention that I watched critters successfully for like the first time since I was like 10 years old. - Okay. - And that is a movie that I haven't been able to make it through since I was a kid, not because it's bad, but because for whatever reason, if I'm awake and bored at three in the morning, I'm like, you know what, I should watch critters. (laughing) It's like, it's super late and I like always fall asleep. This time I didn't successfully made it through it. - Congratulations. - And thank you, thank you. I just wanted to achieve an unlock. - Yeah. - Good job. - Yeah. - I love it. - I need to, I need to start adding, if there's a distinct lack of critters gifts on the internet. (laughing) - Bizarre, you think there'd be more. - Oh yeah. - You gotta start making them. - Well, there's like, there's a scene in critters where it's like, sometimes it's like the crights talk, you know, and it's subtitled. And there's a scene where there's two on the porch of the farmhouse and the mom comes busting out the front door of the shotgun and points at him and the two crights like turn and look at her and she just fucking obliterates her. (laughing) It just like explodes. And then like, the one that's remaining just like, turns and looks at it and subtitles, fuck. (laughing) And it's like, I looked for that online. I was like, come on, give me not a thing. It's probably online, but it's not on Giffy that I can like respond with as a reaction. (laughing) It fucking needs to be. 'Cause that was a lap run out of it. - I remember that actually. - That one Billy's saying gets his fingers bitten off in the halo. Oh, it's got Billy Zane in it? - Yeah, for a little bit. - For a little bit. - No. - It's just all I need to tell. - It is all you need for a little bit. - But he's very reluctant to have sex. Yeah. - That doesn't seem very Billy Zane like, I don't know. - You would think, but yeah. - So I did actually finish watching me and my wife are caught up on Righteous Gemstones. - Okay. - We finished, we finished season three of The Righteous Gemstones. And holy shit, if you haven't watched this guy over here, and Mr. Chandler talked me into watching it, and well, there's another guy at work that's also super into it. And holy fuck, that show is funny. - It's got a damn show. - I need to watch your body. - Cousin Baby Billy shittin' solid gold right here on the floor. - Y'all can't say it. - I can't even say it. - Uncle Baby Billy, I keep saying Cousin Baby Billy. - Well, at one point they say Cousin Uncle Baby Billy. (laughing) Cousin Uncle Baby Billy. But like Walter Goggins plays that character, Walton Goggins, sorry, plays that character. And holy shit, he is fucking spectacular. John Goodman is fucking amazing. John Goodman does such a fucking good job in that show, Danny McBride. Literally, it's like me and Andy were talking, we were like, it's almost impossible to pick a favorite character. - They cast the show perfectly. - It's like perfectly cast. - All of the characters are so well done. - Yeah, even the minor characters. - Yeah, like BJ is maybe, maybe my favorite kid. It's hard to say, but he's definitely up there. Like he's like, that, that show is so ridiculous. And even the younger versions, they'll show like these flashbacks of like, what's the dude that plays Kelvin? He's Adam Devine. - Yeah, okay. - Adam Devine, who is like-- - Lord Alex, Lord Alex is also in pitch perfect. - Yeah, yeah. So like Adam Devine, I can't remember the name of the girl that plays the sister, but they'll do these flashbacks of when they're kids. And even the actors that play them as kids. - Spot on. - Or spot fucking on. Like they can't even brides character. The shit that he says is like, you're just like, yeah, that is a hundred percent how that dude would act, you know? - Honestly, it sounds like a great cast. - It's fantastic. The writing's really good. It's goofy as fuck, but-- - It's one of my favorite-- - It's a great show. - It's a great show. - It's a fucking great show. - It's a good fucking time, like-- - I could rewatch it today and just be pickled pink over it. - There's also the, you know, it is obviously a, you know, it's, they're definitely having some fun with the like, uber Christian televangelist. - Cheers. - You know, mega church. - I care under that chair. - Oh man, they have, yeah. - That's good. - Man, that's very good. One of my reservations about like watching that, I know that, I know the angle, but still that stuff like creeps me the fuck out, like so bad. - Oh yeah, yeah, but that's okay because-- - I know. - You creeps out the people that make that show. - Yeah, I mean like, I get that everybody like, involved knows what to do and I trust that, but still, it's on this level where it's like, yeah, I don't know, that's a tough ask for me, 'cause that stuff creeps me out real bad. - Here's the thing, on the show, it's not as creepy on the show as it is in real life. - Oh, you won't, you know? - In real life, it's like the real life, yeah, we'll put that in quotes. It's, it's fucking creepy, yeah, I don't know. I'm telling you, you would like it, you and Nikki, you should both do this, the fucking trip. - Yeah, for sure. - Anyway, so yeah, I did, we have watched that. That's it. Sorry Ian, I didn't mean to-- - I don't know, no, it's fine, you're good. - I just, when you were like, oh, Ian's about to talk, he likes movies, I'm at the talking this early. - No, I love that you watch critters and I love that you're watching the righteous, or caught up on the righteous gemstones, those things are both excellent things that I know now. I'm happy for that. I watch some stuff, you know, like I do. - Man, you never watch stuff. - No, it's not a-- - It's the new thing I'm trying to do for crying out, yeah, not really. I mean, it's all good. (laughing) - First thing I watched this week, watch some stuff with Tonya this week. You know, we, a lot of times she'll just put stuff on and I'll watch at it. She'll put it on the dumbest little horror movie on Amazon in the middle of the day, you know, just because-- - That sounds pretty awesome. - But it's awesome, 'cause I like, I love to sit and I'll be doing my own thing or taking a nap and I'll be watching it some silly B-movie or whatever. A lot of times when something really catches both of our attention, we watch together and-- - It's usually titties, isn't it? - It's never titties, but we watched a movie, we watched a new movie that was recently released called Blink Twice. - I heard about that. - This movie is directed by Zoe Kravitz, daughter of Lenny. - Yeah. - Stars Channing Tatum, Gina Davis, Christian Slater, Leah Schalcott from Maybe from Rest of Development. - Okay. - And it's about a woman. - I had good. - And her, yeah. It's about a woman and her friend who are kind of these like low level employees at this big company. It almost strikes me as like an Apple type company, I don't know, I don't really ever say what they do. And they get invited to this like stock party where the company's like ownership is changing hands and there's this big party to celebrate. And they get invited and they're like super excited because they're kind of nobody's in the company and they get noticed by the owner of the company which is Channing Tatum and he invites the two girls to go with him and a bunch of their friends to his private island to party. And during the course of their time at this island, they'll wake up in the morning and have bruises they don't know about dirt under their fingernails. They're not sure how that got there. Shit is obviously happening to them while they don't remember it. And it's a really good movie. It's creepy and disturbing. I will warn anyone that wants to watch it for certain categories of people that it might be very triggering this movie. - I kind of assumed based on the setup but you're set up. - Let's just say that it involves abusive power. I'm gonna leave it at that. It could be very triggering for some people so tread carefully because I mean it. It could be really upsetting to some people. Other than that, it was a really good movie. I enjoyed it a great deal. It was well done. It was very well shot. The whole thing was just well put together. The soundtrack's really great. I do recommend it. It is available on your streaming platform of choice if you'd like to watch it. Highly recommend it. Four Stars was and say just check it out. - So I remember seeing a preview for that movie and I know that like the setup is different but I think it doesn't it? You said it takes place on like a private island. - Yes. - So there's another movie that I feel like also takes place on an island and also has a creepy protagonist that's, what's his name? The guy from the X-Men movies, the one that played young Professor X. What is that guy's name? - Oh, I haven't seen that one yet. I know the one you're talking about. - You know the one I'm talking about though? Like it's some-- - It just came out. - Yeah. - Like I know exactly what you're talking about. I will probably have that to report on by next week. - Yeah, I figure a couple of weeks. And now I can't think about it. - It's just here's two guys that don't usually, well I guess that guy has done kind of creepy before so never mind that. - Yeah. What's this new movie about? - It's like, I just know that like he becomes like, I guess kind of like a friend of the family and he gets this family to come out to this island with him. - That's James McAvoy. - And James McAvoy, thank you, thank you. - Yeah. - I couldn't think of his name. - And yeah, like he looks creepy as shit in that movie. - Yeah, he makes a lot of weird funky smile faces. - Yeah. - He reminded me of his, not unbreakable, but the split and glass. He was that kind of character, you know, and I don't know if you've seen those, but those are fucking great. - I have it. A trailer didn't do it for me, right? When he does like, I didn't buy, I didn't, the premise is fine, but I didn't buy him in it, in the trailer, 'cause when he does that smile, it's like me and-- - Just doesn't, it feels forced. - It felt sold, yeah, like you saw in it, yeah. - The next thing I watched this past weekend is a movie called "Appartment 7A". The movie is stars Julia Garner, who plays the blonde chick from Ozark, the curly blonde-headed girl from Ozark. - Oh, oh, a lover, Ruthie. - Ruth, that's right. And Diane Wiesst, who you might remember from Edward Scissorhands, "Footloose, Practical, Magic, and Parenthood", this is a prequel to "Rosemary's Baby". - Oh, okay. - An official prequel, "The Rosemary's Baby". If you haven't seen "Rosemary's Baby", you have to see it first, and it is a classic if you can-- - I've never seen it. - If you can kind of like just know that Roman Polanski hadn't gone off the deep end yet, this is a really great movie. This is prior to the, you know, Sharon Tate thing and having to expatriate himself for reasons. But "Rosemary's Baby" is a great movie, and if you haven't seen it, you should see it, and then you should watch "Appartment 7A" because this takes place. The opening scene of "Rosemary's Baby", for anyone interested or that you may know, there is a woman and her husband, a pregnant woman and her husband, happened upon a scene where a woman is lying dead on the sidewalk after having jumped from like, you know, a 10th floor apartment and committed suicide. And then shortly thereafter, there's this old couple that comes along and talks to the couple, and they're looking for an apartment, and hey, this apartment just opened up, and the whole thing goes, I'm not gonna get into what it's about, but this is the story of the woman who they found dead at the beginning of "Rosemary's Baby", and the movie plays out very similarly to "Rosemary's Baby", but it's really well done, I really liked it. I've always liked "Rosemary's Baby", and I thought this was just an apt follow-up to that movie. It was done in very much the same style as if Roman Polinsky himself had, you know, directed it. It was good shit, and I do recommend it, high praise for that when "Four Stars" was insane, so just check it out. A couple other things that I watched, I've "Old Man", "The Old Man", starring Jeff Bridges, and also, I leave "Shall Cott" from maybe, from "Rest of Tellers", he's also a man. (laughing) - And those are the theme. - The "Old Man" is a really good show, it's a season two, just kicked in. - Holy shit, really? - Yeah, and it's short seasons, though, like eight episode seasons, so it's like forever to get to it. - Just heard about it. - Yeah, but it's a really great show, John Lithgow, Jeff Bridges, I can't, I'm not gonna get into it, it's very politically charged, I mean, it's very like, it's about a dude who is kind of like, was this black ops kind of guy back in Afghanistan during the Gulf War, and now it's him modern day, and the first season he's being tracked down by people who want to see him brought to an end, and he has still got it, you know, it's that kind of thing, like Jason Bourne type stuff, you know, only with an older dude. I very much like it. So far, season two's been really good, but I'm not gonna give it a star rating yet, 'til I have a chance to see the whole thing, 'cause that's how I do. - So, but I do recommend it's on Hulu, Fox, and your streaming platform of choice, and then last thing I'm gonna say about what I watched, aside from Moorlach, is there's this show that used to come on Fox, it was a few years ago called The Cleaning Lady, I don't know if you've ever heard of this. - I haven't. - But it's based on a book written by I believe an Argentinian woman that about this cleaning lady who is an illegal immigrant from the Philippines, from Manila, and she is a cleaning lady and witnesses a murder. And rather than killing her, when they discover that she's seen what happened, the gangster with the heart of gold puts her to work. (laughing) - To clean up after his murder scenes, each week, several new problems that add on pile on to the ones from last week's problems, just get worse and worse. This show fucking sucks. - Yeah. (laughing) - And I'm gonna finish it because I'm so mad at it, I'm so mad at it, it's only got two, see, I've got three episodes left. I'm gonna do it, you know me, I'm not gonna just let it hang. - I know, I know, I know. I've gotten any better, it fucking sucks. (laughing) It's so, it's like we cannot get to a point of having satisfaction without everything fucking falling apart in a new way. It is, it started off strong and I really did enjoy it up to a point and then it got to about the end of season one and problems had been resolved and then it was like, oh, oh, by the way, her son has a rare genetic disorder and it's dying and she is a surgeon. - Fuck. - Oh, by the way. - Hell yeah. - She's a, she's a surgeon. Well, because she's illegal immigrant and they don't, she can't get a job as a surgeon in the United States. - Yeah, that makes sense. - But she does take good care of her son because she's a surgeon, but the problem is he needs, this week he needs a liver or this week he needs a stem cell transplant. - Oh God, he can't have a stem cell transplant 'cause his liver's failing so now he needs a liver transplant. - My insurance won't cover stem cells. - We went, I went to this criminal who helped get me the money to go down to Mexico and have a liver transplant at this illegal clinic but now the illegal clinic is making us wait because a more rich person got in front of us in line. It just got so fucking contrived so quickly and I was just like, all right, fuck this show. Two stars. Whizzin' Sage says, I don't give a fuck. Check it out, fuck it, what's up to you? The cast is fine except for a couple of people, the cast is fine. It's done by Ryan Murphy who does American Horror Story and 9-1-1, which is a show I really like. And it's just, it's just, I can see why it didn't last. - Hey, all right, I think it got canceled, I don't know. - I've never seen that show 9-1-1. - Now, I'm sure it definitely has like good things, good qualities but I saw a preview. - Okay, B-Nato? - Yeah, man. - That was a good episode. - B-Nato episode? - It was a good episode 'cause, man, it looks bad. Is it like Rescue 9-1-1? What is it? - It's just not, it's like a Reno 9-1-1. - No, no Rescue 9-1-1. - Well, I think it was Rescue 9-1-1. And the show from when I was a kid, where it seemed like, "Oh man, cops, cops is like really good. Let's do that." - No, it's not, this is a procedural drama. - Oh, okay, okay. - A weekly, and there's a spin-off called 9-1-1-1, Lone Star, starring Rob Lowe, my boyfriend. - Should've called it Lone Star. - I don't know, right? Rob Lowe, my boyfriend, also hosts a show called, a game show called The Floor, which if you haven't seen-- - I've seen that. - It's a great show. - I fucking love that show. - It's a really, now that one I like because it's different from really any other game show I've ever seen. - So, they've got this grid, this giant floor, divided off into squares, and there's a hundred people on one in each square on this giant floor. - How many people? - That's a lot. - A lot of people. And each person has been assigned a category that they are supposedly an expert in, okay? And so, at the beginning of the show, this is the only thing about the show that I don't like is that it stole the randomizer from us, absolutely stole this idea from us. It randomly picks someone on the floor. - Oh, that's a little different. Let's go to say it's gonna be eerie. If it randomly chooses a super Nintendo game that you have to have the fact about. - It's like cousin of the randomizer. - So, after the people, so what they'll do is like, they'll have a challenger come up against someone who's like, let's say an expert. It says they're an expert in animals. - It's a niche. - And then up on the screen, they go back and forth and they'll say like corporate logos, for example, and they'll show a corporate logo and then you have to say what it is. And if you get it, the next person goes and that keeps going and if you don't know it and you pass, you lose three seconds. And whoever days in it, whoever is still got time at the end of whatever gets to, they inherit that person's category and then a piece of the floor that they were on, they can only pick pieces of the floor of people that were next to their square. - They're adjacent to them, yeah. - So like, if you're standing in a square, you can have the square, you can pick someone to challenge that's in a square next to you. - Okay. - So they're all the contestants? - Yes. - It's like 100 contestants. - Yes, and the floor like lights up. So once this person has, if they beat the person that they, of the square next to them, then they're part of the floor joins with theirs and whoever has the most territory at the end of an episode wins $20,000 and they get to keep going and then eventually the floor gets filled until there's only two people left and then whoever wins the final round gets like $200,000. - It's a whole floor. - That sounds pretty cool. - It's a really interesting concept because a lot of game shows you see are like, oh, well, this is like, this is like they took this game show and this game show and put them together or this is very, very similar to this game show but with a slightly different twist. This is the kind of, I've been off the rails. Like it is, I don't know of any game shows. - I haven't run into any either. - Really close to this. - Where do you watch it? - Fox. - That's on Fox. - It's on Fox every, like, I wanna say it's like every Tuesday at eight. It is almost-- - Also on Hulu, I think. - Okay, that's good. Like you did a very good job of explaining it but it's a hard show to explain. - It is because-- - It's hard to, I'm still a little fuzzy on like-- - Yeah, like-- - Who gets what category if you win or whatever. - Well, the crazy thing to me is like, you could be one of those hundred contestants and not even get on the show. Like not even get to go up and, you know, because the randomizer might pick something that's way over in this corner. And then like, mostly you're gonna hear from these people. - Well, eventually everyone will be on. Everyone will have to be on eventually. - Okay, so they keep them from episode to episode. - Right, so after you win a round, you get to make the decision as to whether or not you wanna go again and pick, have the randomizer pick, or you get to pick someone to go another round with or you can go back to your little plot of the floor that you've claimed and stay there-- - And wait for someone to challenge you. - Either someone will challenge you or the randomizer could pick you again and you come back up and then you don't have a choice. But it's a pretty fun little game show. It's an hour long show, again, starring Rob Lowe, my boyfriend. And I recommend it, that is a really fun show. - Okay. - The last thing I was gonna talk about is I was just telling John last week how tired I am of how little self-control I have when it comes to buying skins and overwatch. - Yeah. - And guess what? I told John, I said John, you know what? I'm gonna start showing a little more moderation. I'm gonna be a little more selective and maybe not jump into every single club that they have. - Smart, wise, it's a good thing. - About 17 days from now, overwatch is doing a my hero academia collab. - That's all that. - And of course I'm gonna fucking buy those because I love my hero academia. In fact, I bought those skins in Fortnite, and I haven't played Fortnite any Fortnite, you know? - Yeah. - So it's just, thanks overwatch for they're watching me, they're watching over me so they know what I said about not buying skins and all like, oh yeah, you're not gonna buy skins? Let's just see. - Yeah, it's a fuck blizzard. - Yeah, wonderful product. - They've got your number. - God, they do, I cannot fucking help myself. I bought a whole ass computer. I built a whole ass computer around that game. - Yeah, I get it. Now, if they do like a Star Trek collab, you'll know that they have, like they're in your head. - Yeah, it's over. I would buy a Star Trek collab before I would buy a Star Wars collab. - Yeah, same. - But anyway, that's what I've been up to. - It would be Seven of Nine. - Seven of Nine, well, probably if I had to guess Sodorne because she's more machine than woman, she'd be a good- - She'd be a good- - Yeah, I can see that. - I can see that. There's some sound logic there. - Yeah. - I like that. - I could find an overwatch character to fit just about anybody. - I believe that. - But the ones that they're doing like Juno is gonna be Ochako Raka who was basically shaped exactly like Juno. I mean, Juno was, the first time I ever saw Juno, the newest hero. - With the booty. - With the big booty. The first thing I thought of after, damn that booty was she's Ochako. She's a Raka, for sure. And that's who she's gonna be. They've got, I know you guys don't watch the show, so you can look at it if you care. - That's all good, man. - Anyway, yeah, so I'm gonna buy those. I'm not even gonna fucking try to kid myself. - Yeah, no, man. - Reinhardt is almighty, of course. - Yeah, that makes sense. - There was some conjectures to whether or not Ramatra should be almighty, because Ramatra has two forms. And when he ults or goes into his big punchy form, that should be almighty. And then when he's not in almighty form, he should have that scraggly blonde hair or like weakened almighty or whatever. But anyway. - How much is that? - Money please. (laughing) That reminds me of something I was gonna say. It takes me back to apartment seven A, the prequel to Rosemary's babies. - Yeah. - I never picked up on, fuck. I forgot the guy's name already. Hold on a minute, just one second. - It's called Rosemary, right? It's not about Rosemary. - I know, I know. - This is good podcasting. - Our friend Ian has a crippling addiction to overwatch skins. - I do, it's sad. - Please donate. - Yeah, I need money. So I never got this, but in Rosemary's baby and in apartment seven A, this involves a baby. They take most prominently the birth of Satan. And the doctor that they have employed for them on the take and their little satanic thing is Dr. Saperstein, which is the name of Henry Winkler and it's a doctor in Parks and Rec who is daughter Mona Lisa Saperstein is the one I'm always saying, "Money please!" And so I got, I was watching department seven A and they said, "Call Dr. Saperstein." And I'm like, "Oh my God, I never got that job." So that was an obviously intention. 'Cause he's a gynecologist/OBG, O-B-G-I-N. - And that's not a common name. - And that's not a common name that you hear. So yeah, it's definitely a play on Rosemary's baby. And I thought that was fucking hilarious. I had a fucking real moment of, "Holy shit, I get the joke." - That is. - The other day. So anyway. - I buy shit in Final Fantasy all the time, but it makes you feel better. I shouldn't do it either, but it's like, when Nikki started to play in, I was like, "Oh, this is a perfect opportunity for me "to buy a $30 amount that we can both ride." - Right, yeah. - It's fine now because you play it, so I can spend as much money on it as I want. - As long as you do it for her too. - And it's sanctioned. - It's like me buying computer components for the children. I mean, there's some serious air quotes right there. - Yeah, you can hear 'em. - Y'all can't see, for the children. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, because like when my machine gets better, Charlie's machine gets better. - Right, right. - Then Owen's machine gets better. Like it's, yeah, trickle down gaming. - Now I'm gaming namics, yes. - Yeah, man, I can like, it's nice to be able to like, "Hey, I'm gonna buy this from the paid shop. "What would you like?" - Ah, exactly. - See, I don't have that to fall back on and I'm the only, but I'm the only one that manages our quote unquote, "money" in our house. So if she ever really had a look at the books, I'd be fucking dead. And I really wouldn't, as I'm pretty transparent with her about it, I'm honest, I'm honest about it, but it's just, it is an addiction. I buy these fucking skins. She knows I buy the skins, it's fine. It's just I personally, and I'm not even mad that I'm buying the skins, 'cause I love them. I love coming, I'm glad that I'm spending money on things, quote unquote, money on things that I love, but it's the fact that I know better. - It can be that know better. - It really can't be. 'Cause they don't release that much, right? - No, but when they do release it, it's not cheap. - But like, what's not cheap? Are we talking like $30, 40 bucks? - 40 bucks, give or take. - Dude, I think-- - Sometimes 50, if it's a lot of, if it's a really expensive one. - I'm not trying to be like the enabler at the table, but I will say that like, if you're, I feel like if you're spending 40 bucks, like every three months or something like that, on a pack of skins. - That's probably right. Maybe every six weeks, I don't know. - I don't know. - Still, I, still, I feel like even if it's every six weeks, I feel like that's a pretty like, I think you could forgive yourself. But I've bought so many skins that it is, and I don't, I love them all so much. I don't know which one's to pick. So now I put it on random. - It is, yeah. - I just say whatever, I just pick my favorites of my list and then say, give me whatever skin happens to happen. - I don't get to play Overwatch with him as much as I would like to play Overwatch with him. Literally every single time I play Overwatch with him, at least five or six times, I go, that's a fucking badass skin, man. Holy shit, 'cause it doesn't matter what character he loads in with. And like he said, it's random, but it's like, you got some choice-ass skins, bro. - And I listen, I really use a good shit. I do this, it's not just even about the money. I do the thing where I will start a Twitch stream to get dropped so that if I have to watch for 12 hours, I'll get a drop of this free skin. If I don't have, John will tell you that last week they did one, and I was fucking excited. I was thrilled that this was one of the skins I'd been wanting and never had a chance to get. And they put it in a drop for the Overwatch Champion series. And as soon as I got it, I was like, John, I got it. And he was like, yeah. - Okay, so this was a skin that they had previously released and you didn't get? - Yeah, so just remember the breast cancer. - I am remembering this. - Yeah, so maybe it's some perspective on that 'cause, you know, I guess to be, yes, to be devil's advocate, that's awesome, that worked out that you were able to get that skin. - It was. And yeah, and it was nice because they have several skins. Like they did a whole thing where they released, they re-released a bunch of 'em that you couldn't get. And they're like, we're gonna make it to where you can buy 'em if you want 'em, which is why it should have been all along. - Yeah. - And I don't mean for like the charity ones. - Right, can I get Blackwatch Reyes? - Yeah, I think so. - I can buy that? - I think so. - Like it's not like a-- - I can get coins and buy it. I think it's on the list. - Okay, I gotta look. I gotta look when I get home. - It's a skin for-- - I'm a Reaper main. - Okay, right. - You're for Reaper, that was literally like, if you didn't buy this edition of the game, you could not fuck with that. - Yes, because, yes, because the Widowmaker won, that was Noir or whatever, that was exclusive to, if you bought the first Overwatch on like Xbox or whatever, you could get it, but then they didn't have it and then they added it to the ruined thing. - I have never spent a single cent on Overwatch. He bought Overwatch one for me. - You bought Mercy, didn't you? I thought you bought one of the Mercy Charities. - Okay, that's true, I did buy the charity skin. - Hey, nice. - 'Cause charity, right? - Sure, yeah. - And I know that that is the only money I've ever spent, but if that is the case, I am about to buy an Overwatch. - It costs you about 10 bucks. - All right, okay. - That's like a new 650. - I have wanted that skin for a very long time. - It's a good skin. - I gotta tell you, when it comes to buying shit like that, I, to be honest with you, probably like three years ago, it was one of those where I was real tight on it, but like now it is straight up like, dude, I fucking work and I hate working, so like this is gonna make me feel good. - Just joy. - We're like it. - And it's not even just like right in the now. Like I go back and I look at this and I'm like, God, that's fucking cool. - I get it, but I'm glad I got that. - I'm just, my point is that it's just nice to like, know that this is a wasteful thing, but it's like, fuck man, I work. So it's like, I can buy this fucking like the wasteful thing if I want to. - It ain't like I'm not paying the water bill to buy Overwatch skins, you know? I mean, I'm buying things that I can eventually pay for. - You're not right. - But I'm blowing people for Overwatch skins. (laughing) - No. - There's an idea. - Note to stuff. - Well, people for money for Overwatch skins. It's not a direct transaction. - That reminds me that speaking of blowing people and blizzard, I remember hearing that story about that woman in Warcraft, it was like having sex with people for mounts. What? I don't know, it was true or not. I remember it being like, on like a man news site, but I don't know if it was like legit, but-- - World of Warcraft, I feel like if there was a game where that could be a realistic thing that happened, it would be wow, because I've seen, I've never seen video game addiction quite like wow. - Dude, with the way that games are now, that shit like that has to be. This is not a joke. - It's worse now. - God, it has to be. It has to be, like considering like, how much is microtransactions now and like, how much of like, and I'm not even, this isn't like, I'm, this isn't a stance of whether I think it's right or wrong, but it's like kind of my stance. So it's kind of like, well, I mean, you know, if you know the legal risks and you're willing to take them. - Yeah. - But as long as no one's being taken advantage of, you know what I mean, but yeah, I imagine that shit's, I just imagine it's got to be super common. - Yeah. - Could it be? - 'Cause I mean, it's like-- - I didn't seem, I can totally see-- - It's more plausible than some shit I've heard. - I can totally see a guy being like, "Yeah, I'll buy you the skin if you'll blow me." And then a girl or a guy is like, "Okay." (laughing) - Yeah. - About 10 minutes later, I got the skin, I wanted-- - I mean, I don't think, I think that happens. - Oh, probably. - That happens to you. - For sure. - Probably in some, probably in some people's homes. - Yeah. - Or like a campus? - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. - That is happening. I like it with a flyer of little things pulled off on the bottom. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Straight gamer, looking for other straight gamer to blow 'em. - Overwatch skins. - Overwatch skins. - For Overwatch skins. For World of Warcraft mounts. (laughing) - I brought snacks. - Snacks. - I brought a quick snack. - Hell yeah, dude, what you got? - Let me get it. I've been trying to get this here for two weeks now. (laughing) - You told me to remind you and I did a terrible job of reminding you. - I'm on my own. So I found these at the store, Walmart. Oreo Coca-Cola. - What? - Coca-Cola Oreos. - So what's Coca-Cola about at the filling? - No, I think it might be the cookie, but it's got pop and candy in it. - Pop and candy? - The cookies have like more prop up in them. - Yeah, so it's fizzy, all right. - I haven't had this and I thought I'd bring them and see if we can try them together. - Hell yeah, yeah, man. - So I had something similar already. They came out with some, I haven't had Coke flavor at once. (laughing) - Our sea flavor. - Yeah, 'cause they have royal crown, baby. Royal Coke. - One of the cookies is red. - Oh, that's weird. - They're taking a cookie. - Why? - Yeah, they're red. - Yeah, one side is red. The other side is like regular Oreo color. - So the ones that I had were Star Wars themed - Smells like Coke. - It does. - They also had, like some were blue and some were red and they had pop rocks in it. - So let's have some Coca-Cola flavored Oreos. - So the filling looks to be regular. - It smells like Coke. - It smells like Coke. - Yeah, it smells like Coke. - It does smell like Coke. - The red side smells like Coke. - Ready? - Yeah. - It's not fizzy enough. It's expected it to be more like pop rocks. - This isn't nearly as fizzy as the Star Wars ones that I had. - Now I haven't had these for a couple weeks. - It also does not really taste like Coke. - I've had these for a couple of weeks. It's got a little bit of a Coke taste in there. - It's real subtle, though. - It is. - It has a cinnamon flavor to me. But if you flip it over, what if you flip the red side out to your tongue side. - Let's see. - Did you do red side down? - I tried both. - I like it. - I'm getting a crunch from the pop rocks, just no fizz, no pop. - I don't care for it. - You don't like it? - I liked it. I like that one. - Yeah, man. - Tyler, I would give you this cookie, but it'll go bad by the time you get it, so I'm-- - Don't be wrong. - What does it say? - I don't like it. - It's not terrible. It's just not, I'm just not in love with it. - Okay. Well, anyway, do you guys want to talk about warlock? - Hell yeah. - Or do you want to take a break, or do you want to just talk about warlock? Go straight into it? - I'm good to go straight into it if you guys are. - I am. - You need a break. - John, do you need a break? - It's looking like you need some break. - Let's do this. I'll tell you what. - I'm so sorry. - We're not even going to take-- - I don't want to be that guy. - I don't want to be that guy. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - We're not even going to do a full break. I want to hit pause, and we're going to come right back, like we never left. They'll never know. - I don't ever know. - I don't know. - Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure. - Okay, all right. Let's go. - Nah, fuck it. Actually, I've changed my mind. - Now we do an interlude. (laughing) (sighing) - Warlock. - Warlock. - All right, so there's, I hope you all aren't tired of hearing me talk, 'cause I got a lot of things to say. - I'm not. I got a question. - Okay. - So, is the game based on the movie Warlock? - So, here's the problem. We did this happen once before, where we played a game thinking it was based on a specific movie. - The title of the game. - Which is the title of the game and the title of the movie we thought it was based on, and it turns out the game is based more on the sequel to the original movie. - Oh. - However, the original movie is the better watch, and that's what we watched. - It's all worked out, the world. - Yeah, I watched Warlock, and then I played the game and was like, oh shit, this is probably based on the sequel of which I've seen the trailer, which looked real bad. This, the trailer, the second movie looked, I mean, it looked like a real fucking bad movie. - Well, I have some facts. - Okay, great. I wanna hear 'em. - I also have, not one, but two, Tadpog Total's List, because I did watch the second one. - Damn it, man. - I watched both. - Now I feel like I fucking should have. - Listen, I stayed up till three o'clock, Saturday. - That's Critter's time, that's Critter's hour. (laughs) - For me now, it's Warlock the Armageddon hour, although I'm never gonna watch it again. Okay, so let's talk for a minute, just real quick about Warlock. - All right. - This movie was released in 1989. It stars Julian Sands. I explained a little bit about him. - Right. - May he rest in peace. - Yeah, that's fucked up. - And the other main character in this movie is Richard E. Grant. He's one of my favorite British actors, primarily because of his role in one of my all-time favorite movies, Hudson Hawk. - I haven't seen Hudson Hawk. - It's terrible, and I love it. - It's terrible? - It's a great movie. I love it, it's so bad, it's good. He plays the character named Darwin Mayflower, who is hell-bent on, he is married in the movie to Sandra Bernhardt, and they're a cycle couple. And his, one of my favorite movie lines of all time is from him in Hudson Hawk, where he simply says, "Total world domination!" Gets me every time. - Hey, this is, sorry, sort of an aside. My first and only real introduction to Sandra Bernhardt was from Roseanne, and I always had a weird attraction to Sandra Bernhardt. I don't know why. - He says, "Bunny, ball ball, a lot in Hudson Hawk." - It's good to know. I may have to watch Hudson Hawk now. - Everyone should watch Hudson Hawk. It's great, it's got Danny Iello, Bruce Willis. - Harrison Ford, right? - No. - Oh, then what am I thinking of? - I don't know. You're gonna watch Hudson Hawk and be like, "What is wrong with my co-host?" - Oh, I doubt that. - It's one of the worst-reviewed movies ever. It's real bad, but it just hits me in the right place. - I get that. - I love that movie. - Yeah, I get that. - I watch it as many times as I can. I'm being dead serious. So anyway, there's not a whole lot left to say about Warlock, except I am going to do now a now famous Tadpog totals list for the movie. Warlock, AKA Terminator with a Warlock instead of a cyborg. - Oh, yeah. - It's the plot of Terminator. - Yeah, it is. I mean, almost exactly. So we begin with two 16th century time travelers that seem to have little to no curiosity about the future they just jumped into. One 16th century Warlock with extensive modern dental work. One basket of cats, one dark tower, one dismissive death note, one thumb and toe cuff escape, one pair of stretch pants that is now in my top five favorite pairs of stretch pants to everyone. Oh my Lord, those, that girl wore them pants. - Yes, sir. - Those pants didn't wear her, she wore them. - Yes, sir. - One diabetic heroin, heroin as in female hero, not heroin. - God, show him. They're going to take me a minute, yeah. - One diabetic heroin, one pair of globe earrings that are actual globes. Nike, product placement, Morton Salt product placement, Air Jordan product placement, one pan-seared human tongue, one strangely crowded metaphysical bookstore. Crystal, this is a real popular musical bookstore, they were just crammed in there for a group seance, I guess. Crystal shard eye gouging, several hundred square feet of early 90s style bleached pine house trim. You remember bleached pine? It was all the rage in the 90s. It made everything look so fresh and modern. Now everybody's, then they're like five years later, I was trying to get rid of their bleached pine furniture and stuff. One tasered witch hunter, one third demon bible accidentally acquired by, well while antiquing, 94 cents per gallon gasoline, one child body fat based flying potion. - That kid was from step by step. - Yes, it was, it was from step by step. One warlock who flies and dresses like General Zod from Superman II, one barn based hex mark, one extremely helpful men and I dad, flying boat knife, flying bat knifeing, weather vane tossing, warlock paragliding, copious eye damaging, voodoo warlock nailing, warlock, warlock train hopping, one airplane carry on weather vane, priest's pregnant wife groping, grave robbing of one's own grave, corpse finger snapping, consecrated ground face burning, magical fire vomiting, Cassandra tossing, one Cassandra of the K tossing, one Necronomicon knock off, it looks like it was printed at Kinko's, death by salt water injection, meaty skull stomping, and one sexually frustrated Cassandra with a K. Wiz and Sage is acting brilliant, thank you awards, go to Lori Singer as Cassandra with a K for saying, he talks English, English, English. And 20 fucking years and no parties, what a total asper. And try salt water, fuck brain. Next award to Mary Warrenoff is the bookstore owner/channel or for saying, I really only do group sessions. God, while talking to the sexy warlock. - I didn't hear the other questions. - He's pretty sexy. - Oh, okay. - They weren't there. - Am I recording? Yeah, I'm recording. - Whew, man, I was worried. - How am I going to splice all of this together? All right, then my next award was in Sage acting. Brilliant, thank you award goes to Brandon Call, it's the little football fan kid. Brandon Call being the kid from step by step, saying, for saying, you can't put a punt on first down, nobody does that, not even Tampa Bay. And oh, I never go to church. My dad hates all that stuff about Jesus and the 12 apostrophes. My next award to Richard E. Grant is Giles Redfern, the witch hunter, for saying, Saintmas paid their faces, not goodly women. And, oh boy, I gotta, I gotta gear up for this one. - You got English, English. - I'm not gonna, I can't, he's first of all, he's Scottish. And second of all, I can't get, this is a long one. And my tongue's not working right tonight. For saying, our interest lies in stopping those who would see all good falter. It lies in stopping the powers of misrule from coming of age. It lies in finding that damned book and thwarting a vile beast of a man who shall not rest until God himself is thrown down and all of creation becomes Satan's black hell besmired farting hole. - Woo! - He really should win an award for that one. - Yeah, I love a farting hole, I don't know that you got it. - A farting hole. A hell besmired farting hole, I don't know what that is. As much as you get after you eat at princes, right, is a hell besmired farting hole. - I mean, one man's hell besmired? - Bismir. - Oh, that was a word, but. - It's a Scottish thing, I guess, I don't know. Julian Sands is the warlock for saying, I'll say good evening, even though it seems unwarranted. And, tell me Stuart, lest your children be born slugs of cold flesh and her death compared to all others will seem like a pink tea party. - I like the slugs of cold flesh, I like that. - Me too. - I did like that line. - A surprising three and a half stars, Wissensage says, check it out, I had a great time. - Dude, I like the movie, I liked this, I liked it. - Thank God, I'm not the only one. - Man, I told Nikki, I was like, I'm gonna have a rough time. Because this movie was so much fucking fun. - Oh, fucking great. - And there's no way he had a title, I like this movie. - And I don't remember, I thought I had seen it, but I hadn't. - It's bad, it's a bad movie. - It's the reason I love it. - It hits me right in the feels, right in the right face. - And I watch it on freebie or whatever. - Call me too. - So it had commercials, which made it better, it made it feel like I was watching it on TV in the 90s. - It made it better, and what was even better than that was the commercials were mercifully short. They were like 10 second commercials, and they would come right back to the movie, it was great. Thank you, freebie, for your freebie. - Yeah, it was great, I really liked it. - I had a great time with this movie, I did, I did. That is why I watched the second one. 'Cause I was like, oh, well, the first one was actually good. I had a fucking great time. Then I watched the second one. - I watched the trailer for the second one, and I was like, this one just looks bad. - Guess what? - The first one's bad, but it's charming. - It's good, it's good. - And it's like, I was reading, so I was watching the first movie, and I was like, dude, this legitimately would have been a good book. - Oh yeah. - Instead of making it a movie, they should have been like, yo, when the warlock turns into a tornado, that's gonna look kind of dumb, right? And they're like, no, it'll be fine. - And then on the radio, it was a tornado that touched down in Southern California today for the first time in '50. The tornado was like as tall as me. - And he was like, there's a little dust devil, you know. - And then the scene when he gets, when the warlock gets speared by the weather vade. - I love it! - I did too, but it looks like a Conan skin. - It's so bad, it's good, it looks like a Conan skin. And he's got a rope attached to it. And this was Warlock Paragliding, 'cause the witch hunter's got him, the rope in his hand, and the weather vanes stuck in the witch, or the warlock, and he's pulling him along. It's just so good. - Yeah, it's so good. - But it was charming. And when I watched the trailer for the second movie, I was like, this straight up just looks like a bad movie. It doesn't look like a fun, charming, bad movie. It just looks bad. - So the plot of the first movie is basically that, in the 16th century, they have captured this very powerful warlock, and they have been bound into a tower by the thumbs and the toes, with a bar of it, like thumb toe cuff thing that keeps him bent over so he can't cast spells. - And Mr. Pit from Seinfeld is like one of the pilgrims or whatever, he was like, oh fuck man. And then when I saw JT from step by step, I was like, shit, this is just like TV actors. This is awesome. (laughing) - Well so, and Richard E. Grant is Giles Redfern, the witch hunter, and-- - I don't know him. Should I know him? Richard E. Grant? - The guy that played Redfern. - You might not, you might have seen him in-- - I didn't recognize him, okay. - But in this one, first of all, he's much younger than anything you might have seen him in, even though he was in Hudson Hawk like that same year, or maybe a year or two later, but it was the hair. The hair really kind of throws you off, 'cause he's got that curly male Gibson sort of thing going on, but he's sexy as fuck. He wears the skins, and the reds, and the-- - Yeah, he was great. - And I thought-- - His timing was great. - Yeah, I thought he was good. I thought that he sold it, and I mean, like, I thought he sold it. I thought he sold it in kind of like a cheesy kind of like way. It felt to me like the movie knew what it was. - Right. - It didn't feel like it was trying to be anything that it wasn't-- - No, it was not. And so, the Warlock escapes by summoning the Dark Master and travels through time to modern day, 1989. - He crashes through. - He crashes through the dining room window of a gay dude's house who rents a room out to this woman who wears really tight stretch pants that are just amazing. They leave almost nothing to the imagination, and they were wonderful, and I'm so happy I got to see them. - Her name, let me go back a step here, because she's been in some stuff. - I didn't recognize her, but that's no huge surprise. - She is Lori Singer, it plays Cassandra with a K. And she was in Footloose. She was in the main squeeze in Footloose. She was also in the man with one word. She started Tom Hanks. She was in Fame, which I referenced last week. And a few other things, but I recognize her 'cause I'd seen most of these movies. - Sure, I haven't seen any of those. - Anyway, so the Warlock is now tasked by the Dark Master of the Evil Satan to find the three parts of the Demon Bible. - The unholy Bible. - The unholy Bible, yes. That had been scattered about over time to keep them from being put together again. - 'Cause it has God's name in it. - And yes, the God's real name. - God's real name. - If you say his name, you know his name, then you have power over God and you now can make, unmake every threat, which has never seemed like a very a viable solution to any problem. Who wants to apply? If you unmake everything, there's nothing there. You're gone too. So anyway, the Warlock is being drawn to the parts of the book. The first part of the book is hidden inside a table in this Gaidu's house. - Right. - And the Gaidu gets his finger cut off by the Warlock and his tongue bit now and spit into a frying pan. - That reminded me of the Dark Tower. 'Cause I was like, "What's he like?" - Ah, the pan-seared tongue, which I mentioned earlier. - Got it. Got it in one. - I was like, "Is he a type two vampire?" 'Cause he's given those type two vibes. - Yeah, exactly. And so then the Rich Hunter finds his way to the future as well. - Did they explain how that happens? 'Cause I was like, "Man, I think I missed something." - I thought I did too. They did not explain how dialed. - It just shows up. - It just shows up also as a tornado. - Right, yes. - I was so instead of a like electric ball, like the Terminator comes in through. - It's a tornado. - They come in a different element. - A different little tornado. - Dust devil. - Okay. - All right. - So anyway, chaos ensues, right? They spend the movie chasing after the warlock, who has almost got the book and he almost gets the pages and then he gets the pages. And then there's this Mennonite who paints a pentagram on his barn in the big showdown happens and-- - I feel like that would be hard to get a Mennonite to paint. - Well, he did it as a warning to anyone, to let anyone who knows what's up know that this house has been bewitched. - Oh, it was like the "Bat" sign. - Yeah, it's like the "Bat" signal. And the witch hunter, they're driving down the road and the witch hunter sees the pentagrams like, holy shit, before it worked. - It worked. - It worked. But when one of the main things in the movie that I kind of skipped was that the warlock curses Laurie Singer, Cassandra with a K and takes her bracelet. And he gives a, he says this spell that basically makes her age two decades per day. - Why didn't he just make her his cleaning lady? - That's a whole different show. - Oh, oh. - Yeah. So she wakes up the next day and she's now 40 and then the following day-- - But like a nice 40. - Like a pretty nice 40. - Like a good 40. - A good 40. - A well-made 40. - She tries to play it up, but she's like, I got so ugly and it's like-- - She's not ugly and she still fits in those sweat pants. - You're actually hotter now. - Yeah. - 'Cause your hair doesn't look like-- - I got that. - Someone took it off of a doll and stuck it on top of your head. - And also because you're 40 and your body is not. - That's right. - And then so the whole thing, well, her big motivation to keep helping the witch hunter is that she's got to get her bracelet back from the witch or from the warlock. If he can get, she can get the bracelet back at versus the spell. And then the next day she turns 60. And like, you know, if she doesn't hurry up, she's going to die all day. - Yeah, so they only got about three days. - If you're lucky, right? So yeah, but she makes it, she gets the bracelet in a weird train running after seeing-- - I liked it. I liked the train pants. 'Cause it was like-- - So okay. - She gets these nails like the witch hunter. - After the warlock gets away from the barn where the men and I is, you know, they hit him with the weather vein. They're trying to hit him with the iron. They're trying to put the toe cuffs back on him. - And he doesn't have shoes on anymore because they took his shoes off to put the toe cuffs on, of course. - It seems like toe cuffs and thumb, would you say, thumbs? - Thumb screws and toe cuffs. - Thumb screws and toe cuffs are just like a little less than you would need to contain a very powerful-- - We'll see, explain earlier on that these are special. - Okay. - They don't really-- - So there's some magic. They don't really tell you exactly how they're special, but like in the very beginning of the movie where the hunter, I guess, is just tormenting the warlock that he's captured, they say something about these-- - Sure. - These damn manacles or something or-- - Well, he gets away. He gets away in the chaos and she goes to chase after him and but at this point, the warlock has like fucked with the men and I dudes' eyes and like, the witch hunter is trying to, it was a cool part. The witch hunter is trying to help the men and I, he's like, go get some brass keys. And the girl's like, fuck that, I gotta get my bracelet. And so he's like, take these nails and a hammer and chase after him and when you see his footprints, hit a nail into the footprint and you'll cripple him. And she's like running along, she gets to the train yard and the warlock has made his way into a box car. - You see him in a box car. The box car and then she's come up on there and she sees his footprint and she sticks a nail to the ground and slams it in and he just screams. It's so like, the editing there is so perfect. As soon as she hits that hammer, it cuts to him. (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) - And at one point-- - And she keeps doing it, she's following the footprints. - She's following the footprints. And she keeps hitting him and he keeps screaming and finally he-- - He finds like a-- - Counter this, he finds a piece of wood and puts it on the bottoms of his feet. And so when she hammers the nail in, it's like it's going into the wood and not his feet. It's cool. They really went kind of extra on the spell stuff. - Yeah, I loved all the spell stuff because all the spell stuff reminded me of reading like a Hellboy comic where it's like there's spells in Hellboy but it's this like old English kind of spells where it's not like fireballs and like-- - Yeah. - It's more like curses and just shit. Just crazy shit. - Like he has hammer and nail like voodoo sort of stuff. - One of the witch hunters main weapons is a whip and he had the Morton salt and he was like putting it on the whip and chewing it on the leather to salt the leather so that when he used it against the, 'cause witches hate salt and iron and all that is-- - And it's clever that they-- - That's how they teach the audience. They teach the audience early on in the movie from that one scene that salts bad for witches. - Exactly. - And explains how she kills them at the end with the-- - So she's, yeah, she's got, she's chasing him, she's putting, and then the nails aren't working in the feet and she's like, "What the fuck?" - Well, she finds a place where he had fallen on his face and there was a print of his face in the dirt. So she went, "Okay, it's stuck it in that and hit it." And, "Oh my God, he screams, ah!" 'Cause it goes into his head and he fucking passes out and his arms hanging out of the box car with her bracelet on it and then the train starts moving. So she's like running after it at 60, having just turned 60 after-- - Hot 60 though. - A hot 60. - Yeah, trying to get her bright and she falls and she gets up and goes and falls and they don't really tell you-- - If she got in that-- - If she gets it until the next scene where she shows up but like the sun's behind her and then she has the reveal that she's young again and she's saved, she's been saved. - And she has her Han Solo moment where she's like, "I'm done my bit, I'm out of here!" (laughs) - But he, Princess Leia's, him or Luke's, her-- - Good luck in your rebellion. - Yeah, and convinces her to go along and then they end up having a final showdown in the graveyard where the last pages are hidden in a grave. - I loved this part. I thought it was great. - I thought it was great. - Which was Giles Redfern's grave. - Yeah, he was buried with the-- - With the pages and he was freaking the fuck out. It was so fucking funny 'cause like, they had to crack the grave open to get the pages out. - Because you see, the graves are being moved from unconsecrated ground in the graveyard to another part of the graveyard that was not consecrated. So the warlock couldn't get the pages on the consecrated holy ground. - But now that they're on the ground-- - It's 'cause it's a warlock. - Right, yeah, it's a warlock. - So they try to open the casket and like he's over there going ooh, like freaking out. And she's trying to get the pages out of his hand and she has to snap his finger bones to do it and he's just having to fucking come apart. It's just a really great scene. And then they fight and she's diabetic, which again, I thought, why the fuck do we have to know that she's diabetic? - Yeah, 'cause they make it a point early on in the movie that-- - Yeah, it's because she has syringes and she gets tossed in the bay, realizes that the saltwater fills her syringes with saltwater and then jabs him into a warlock's neck and it kills him, it melts him. He just turns into this flesh-covered skeleton. It was so gross. - Dude, when he is defeated and like he's on the ground and like his body is burning, that looked so fucking good. - Like that's like not a joke, like it looked really good. - No, it really did. - And I haven't seen it, but I feel like that's probably some shit they would CG now. - Yeah, oh, absolutely. - And it's like, man, there's something to be said for practical effects. Nothing looks quite as real as when you really do some shit. - Yes. - Also some really bad CG. - There's some bad CG. - There's 1989, I figured. - This was really, honestly, as far as effects go, this was a crap shoot because I felt like some of it was really, really good. Like there are some effects with the unholy Bible where it like rejoins, that was not done with CG. - Very. - That looked really good. - It was very army of darkness. - It was. - Economic common style, stop motion type of thing. And that's one of the things I found so charming. - Same. - It rang so many of the same bells for me that army of darkness did. - Tie. - Yeah, you're not verrata. - No, no, no, no, no. - Might have an achievement. (laughing) But anyway, anyway, this was a great, I love this movie, I had a great time watching it and I'm super glad that we rolled this because I don't know that I would have watched it and I thought-- - I definitely wouldn't have, there's no shit. - I thought I would. I thought I had seen it before and I haven't. - Oh, I got mine mixed up. For whatever reason, I kept thinking that Warlock was the movie Phantasm. - It's not. - Ooh, okay. - When the movie, when Warlock, even before it started, like looking at the poster, it was like, oh, this isn't the movie I was thinking of. And then I did a Google search for like, movie with mansion and ball. And it was like Phantasm, it was like, yep, it's Phantasm. - All right, so we do have a game to discuss but before we discuss the game, I gotta do my next Tadpog total list. - I wanna know about it. - Which covers the second chapter in this series, which I think had like four or five total chapters. It went on for a minute. - I went on for a minute. - It went on for a minute. - They milked that cow as long as they posse it. - I don't know that they got much milk out of it but it's hard to really but they did them anyway. - You know, go figure. Now this is gonna be a unique experience because neither one of you have seen this movie and I have. So you're just gonna have to trust me on my list for my Tadpog totals list. This is the first time in history, I've never done two of these in one episode. I was up till three o'clock doing this, fellas. - Patreon.com/ Tadpog Money, please. It needs to be patreon.com/money, please. Tadpog totals for Warlock II, calling the Armageddon one breast. - Oh fuck, I watched the wrong one. - Two buttocks in a sparkly thong. - Damn it. - One obscenely large moon over planet Earth, one obligatory shot of the Twin Towers, sprinkler based bully repellent, one warlock born fully grown from a woman who wasn't pregnant, fuzzy dog destruction, placenta licking, one naked surprisingly buff and very slimy Julian Sands, one stupid short haircut having Warlock. Bathroom peaking Warlock, one Zach Galagan, star of Gremlins and Gremlins II, Cameo. - Shit. - He has Cameo, three druids that look like they could sell insurance hardware and tractors collectively. One map of the United States embossed on human flesh, dim possession on a dining room table makeshift altar, one sun shot by father then resurrected with pixie dust, fashionista impaling, one corpse taxi driver, one blood spattered race car, remote warlock stabbing, bunny rabbit squishing, clumsy baseball telekinesis, remote paper bag popping, little person coin biting, little person spiked sarcophagus murder, worst house of mirrors ever, mirror universe banishment, nonchalant tree arson, loose cannon druid elevator slaughter, receptionist mouth erasing, one rich man turned into a Picasso sculpture, wild squirrel befriending, tree laughter, telekinetic motorcycle disassembly, tree applause, girlfriend resurrection, lot lizard abandonment, lot lizard scalper removal, bully choking, tree voyeurism, one graveyard make out scene, pre-battle pillow talk, main street crucifixion, main street shotgun showdown, invisible stairs descending, finger gun double murder, sexy motorcycle riding, tree branch impaling, sexy truck bumper bondage, evil dead style tree binding, windshield wiper, remote activation, Casey light base Satan banishment, holy dagger, ping pong and warlock splintering, Jesus, that was a long lit, I was up late, I must have been in a stupor, that was a long lit. - Like from that list though, I kinda wanna watch this. I know it does sound pretty good to be honest. So your list may be like a little too good. - Okay, well, wisdom sages acting brilliant, thank you awards, go to R.G. Armstrong, it's Frank's for saying, what's the matter with you boy? Dead for half an inning and you come back with a screw loose. - Look at the fuck. (laughing) - Chris Young is-- - I wish people could see the look you gave after you said that. - So bad. - Chris Young is Kenny Travis for saying, why did you kill me, dad? And two days ago, my dad shot me and brought me back to life. And now I'm some kind of walking zombie that's supposed to fight the forces of evil or something like that, I don't know. And in the old days, warriors would make love before going into battle. - Hell yeah. - Guess what he was trying to do. He was trying to have sex with somebody. Hopefully not his dad. - Next award goes to, no, not his dad. Next award goes to the woman he was trying to have sex with Paula Marshall, a Samantha Ellison for saying, "You don't look so tough now, do you blondie?" And Julian Sands is the warlock for saying, "Happy trail's partners." (laughing) Remember the part of my list where I said, let's see if I can find it here. Finger gun, double murder. That is exactly what it sounds like. Bang, bang with his finger guns. He kills them. With his finger-belling murder. See, after all crocodile, don't forget the right. Satan himself has produced the warlock who was dead and from the first has now been born from an adult woman who was just suddenly pregnant and had this baby on a Tuesday. I mean, like she was getting ready to go out. And then suddenly she's flung across the house and then gives birth to this nasty placenta that her dog walks up and licks. And then Julian Sands grabs the dog and flings it around and kills it. And then stands up out of the placenta, fully grown with a short, pixie haircut. His, all his hair's gone now. - Like Jeff Daniels from Dumb and Dumber. - Yeah. And then Satan comes through the woman's voice and tells the warlock that he needs to collect the five rune stones and get them all together during this eclipse so that Satan can rule the world. There's this order of druids, see? - Yeah. - And these druids are just regular dudes. - Yeah, sect of druids and there's these dudes that are just regular guys who are part of the sect of druids that are now aware that the warlock has arrived and is coming for the stones and they've got to get ready. And to get ready, they got to train their kid which is this boy and this girl, right? And they're teenagers and they're just getting ready to go to college and then all the hell breaks loose. And so to make a druid, guess what you have to do? You got to kill him and then immediately use your pixie dust liquid to bring him back to life. And that's what makes a druid warrior. And they do this for both him and the girl. - I'm into this so far. I mean, I'm sure the movie doesn't do it. I feel like you're doing a better job of telling the movie than the movie actually is. - It would be a decent, it would have been a great followup if it wasn't bad. If they didn't like go. - Because the story itself is actually not terrible. - Yeah, it sounds neat. What makes it bad, is it? - Acting brilliant, thank you. And some of the effects are kind of okay, but they're kind of not. And there's one-liners, a lot of one-liners and a lot of, I don't know, it just, I'm not gonna say I hated this movie. I'm gonna say I didn't like it nearly as much as the first one. - I take it Giles Redfern as they did. - No, it's not in it, he's not in it. And so there's just the him going to the different places where he knows the stones to be and getting them in different ways. And they don't do anything to stop him from getting the first three, but they have, the druids have the last two. And so he comes for those and then there's a showdown. - Man, you think they just like, this is why I'm not a druid. 'Cause if I were a druid, I'd be like, "Yo, we got two of these." Instead of like spreading our resources out, going after him, we know he's coming to us, why don't we just get strong here? - That's what they do. But one of the druids goes rogue thinking he can handle it. - Oh, hot shot. - And he takes the dagger, the destiny or whatever and goes to try and kill the warlock and he gets absolutely nowhere. - From what I'm hearing is I'd make it a pretty good druid, that's what I got. - You would have been an excellent druid. You had the, you figured the plan out and I hadn't even told you what they did. So you were smart to think. - That's why I'm here. You think I'm like a druid. - You know, yeah. - It's the kind of druid-ish thinking that we need in this organization. - I'm gonna make some squirrel friends. - Yeah. - I caught that. - You can hear the trees. - Yeah. - Like they can hear the trees. - Oh, I like it when they watch me. - The trees watch them fuck and then applaud. - I'm like, I bet you wish you could do this. - Yeah, but it's like weird, like, audible applause that like-- - Like a PowerPoint presentation. - Like, no, it's like weirdly windy applause. You could tell that they were trying to create a sound of what would sound like if trees applauded without actually moving, except for their leaves and the wind and I don't know, it was weird. It was just weird. At one point, the tree-- - It's all been so normal up until now. - Right, and at one point, the tree was used to bind him up, the hero up, but I'm like, y'all are friends with the fucking trees. So why aren't you just commanding the trees to let you go? But then I guess we would have missed out on a major plot point, which is the use of Casey lights to banish literal Satan. I can't get into more. I'm giving this one two and a half stars. Wasn't safe, just check it out. It's worth a watch just for fun. - Dude, the trailer looked like, when I watched the trailer, I was like, they somehow made a lower budget version of-- - With more money. - Warlock, are you really? - You can tell they had more money, but it's like they didn't know how to use it. - It looked so cheap, the trailer. - Yeah, I think they must have blown the fucking budget on paying Julian Sands to be in this sequel. - It was like, you're gonna have to give me so much goddamn money to come back and do this bullshit again. - Yeah, he got it about halfway. He got it about halfway there before they shot and it looked so dumb. - It looks real dumb. - 'Cause I thought his-- - Hey guys, should we use a wig? Nah, not to be fine. - We don't have the budget for a wig. - I don't know that they could have done the wig 'cause like the way he's, it's obviously his natural hair in the first movie because it's like pulled back real tight. - And it's super hot. I love the way he looks in the first movie. I love his hair and his costume. He's just a good looking dude and I love his look but they fucked that up in the second one. - He looks dumb in shit. - It really looks snoop. - He looks dumb in shit. - And it's mainly just his hair. - It's his hair. - He's like super cut. Like he could tell he like worked out 'cause in that scene in the beginning when he emerges from this like demon placenta, you know, he's like ripped and it's him. You could tell it to him. It's like damn, dude hit the gym before he. - He got more like the shape. - Yeah, but I don't know. I didn't hate it. I just, I wish I hadn't washed it right after watching the first one 'cause I think I disliked it more because I liked the first one so much and it was so fresh. - I am so relieved that I was not the only person who liked Warlock 'cause it was like, it was so much fucking fun and it was, it was a bad movie, but like in that way where it's like, it just felt like I was watching a fucking bad movie on cable. - On USI up all night. - Yeah, and it was like, man, I haven't had this experience in a minute and I like it, I'm here for it. - I guarantee you it was on Rhonda Sheer up all night. - It would fit, if it wasn't, it's a shame that it wasn't. - But I had a good time with these movies. I had a lot of fun making my list this time 'cause it was just bagging, bagging for my list. - But you also had a lot of fun with the game, right? - Well, listen, I got thoughts about the game. I got some thoughts about the game. Now, I only played it for a little while because look, I gotta preface this and everybody knows I've said this every time. Number one, I'm just gonna be honest with you. I'm not just generally a big fan of Super Nintendo games, period. It's hard for me to find ones that I like. I love doing the show. - Well, you've also come into the show like well after most of the really good ones have been done. - Exactly, so the other thing is I'm really not very good at platform type games. In this game, man, this was a tough call for me because what I did play of it, I thought it was okay. I didn't hate it. It was very Castlevania-like. It was shooting for- - Man. - Being like Castlevania. - I guess, I was straight up disappointed 'cause like I thought I before, so I watched the movie. Fucking Giles Redfern is a Redfield. - Redfern. - He is straight like when he showed up on screen and he's got a whip and I was like, he fucking throws a dagger and kills a plastic bat. I was like, man, these motherfuckers played some Castlevania and they're like, I know what the protagonist is gonna be like, he's gonna be like a Belmont. I know he's not a vampire hunter, he's a witch hunter, but he's a Belmont. - Kinda like Warlock is in a cyborg, but we still time travel to catch him. - Exactly. So I was expecting straight up a Castlevania clone and it didn't strike me as that. It is a platformer, it is an action platformer, but it's like, you're not using a whip. Like I thought, I was like, for sure, you're gonna be using a whip, you're not using a whip. You're actually, and it's because I guess it's based on that second movie. - Because in the game, you're a druid. You're a druid and you're going after the stones that are directly referenced in the movie. - Which I think is a mistake and I think the big reason that this was based on the second movie is because the video game came out in 1994. - Right, and the second movie came out in '93. - But they fucked up and they should've just been like, you know what, man, let's just base it on the first movie because it would make a better video game and I honestly think it would have because then they could've just been like, yeah, it's a Castlevania clone. And what it wound up feeling like to me was, it felt to me like a Castlevania game that was like not populated with enough monsters. And then also they were like, oh, well we designed this to be a Castlevania game, but like the main characters are druid and doesn't really have any abilities that really feel like they fit or like hit any of the monsters in the game because it's like you're throwing these fucking energy bolts and they're like, it's like they're designed to not hit the monsters. It's like the monsters are like, okay, we make the monsters five pixels high, but the bolt is eight pixels high. And they're like, but it'll be fun, right? It won't hit the monsters ever. - Occasionally the monster, and if the player is lucky, the monster might pop a TED up or stick its legs up. - Fucking occasionally. - I ran through this. And that's why it's like, I felt like the game was boring because I could run through it and I didn't have to fight anything. I could jump over stuff. If I got hit by something, you're invincible, your iframes for long enough, or it's like, fuck it, I'll just keep going. - It looked hard to me. Like it got some of the we, I watched and John watched a little bit of long play today. And man, it looked like it was just very punishing towards the end. Maybe I didn't, I mean, I got three of the stones. So I didn't get super far into it. - It felt like it was long and drawn out. Like it just seemed like a very long game to me. - It almost felt like a slog. - It's not fun. So like, I mean, so to me, it felt like a long time. And it's like, I got the three stones and it was, and then I died and you get thine password. - Yeah, it's all done. - And it's like, well, I guess I could continue to play this game, but also I feel like I got the gist of it and I'm not having fun. So I'm just not going to do that. I will say that to be perfectly honest, I was blown away by the way the game looked, especially in the first level. The graphics look, the little bit that I saw, the graphics look really solid for the game that old. - To me, it was like, I got, this is not a dig. To me, it felt like a PC game, a 2D PC game. - Yeah, it did. - And the first level where it's like, "Man, it's on that farm, it's like farm man." And it is very detailed. - There's a lot of stuff in the foreground that you can walk behind. It gives you that sense of depth. - It looks like a cinematic platform. - John, you commented that his robe flying right behind him was a bit. - The little bit given, I'm not super familiar with games of this era, but one of the things I was impressed with was the player model or sprite. It had some coloration on it that made it kind of give it, it gave it a little bit of like a 3D aspect when he would walk. - You know, and move and like, you know, it wasn't just flat. It looked like it had some texture. - And there's some animation frames in there too. - Yeah. - But not too many. You know, I made a comment recently about how sometimes when there's too many frames when you're jumping, it throws me off because it looks motion. And it's like, I need it to go faster and not be, I don't trust that my feet are gonna land where they're supposed to land 'cause I'm seeing all this motion. But that, they found a nice balance there. Like in the jumping in the movement, it felt, I won't say snappy, but it felt better than I expected it to given the animation. It ran really well and it was well made, I wanna say. - Even the lightning bolt effect looked, I thought looked really good. - I think the game looks really good. - He mentioned also that it was cool that you can shoot at a 90 or at a 45 degree angle with it. - Yeah, you couldn't shoot straight up. - You can't shoot directly up, which is really annoying, but you got this orb that you can use and-- - It follows you around. - It follows you around, you can use it to, it takes a long time to use. - Right. - You can buy with that, I mean, like-- - It's not very responsive. - Right, you hold the button down and there's a delay. And it's got a real good range. But it is slow and you can shoot that straight up and you can use it to collect items. - Which is neat. - It's neat. - It's not really used as an attack though. - You can attack, but it's not a very strong attack though. - It's a pain in the ass. So you can like stun some enemies with it. If you hit 'em enough with it, it'll kill 'em. But it's like when you've got to press the button for the ball and hold up and then he'll get into this motion and then it's like he's casting a spell and then he makes it go up and do its thing. So it's not like, bam, you hit it. - Right. - You got to stop what you're doing and want to move it the way that you do. And in that way, it seems, it's kind of neat. - It is neat. - Because that's a very strange feature that I've never seen. - Yeah, it's a weird mechanic. - But, and it is useful for like picking things up out of areas you can't reach. That's what it's there for. So I thought that was kind of cool even if it wasn't super useful all the time. I mean, it would have been not, like you can upgrade your primary attack but it gets downgraded fairly easily. I would have liked to have had a little bit more variation in the attacks and the weapons. - You get more, I agree with you. More weapons would be nice. You do get spells that you can use more often than I'd have found restorative spells. Which I like the life meter a lot. The life-- - You scull. - Yeah, you're facing notes off. - I thought it was a weird face like it's more fucked up. - 'Cause I was like, how fucked up has this got to get before I actually died? - Right. - 'Cause it like kept getting a little worse and a little worse. I'm like, man, I got a lot of hits 'cause I'm, this guy's fucked up looking. - But it was a, it's a weird little way to see your health. - That felt very like risk, not maybe risque, but that felt a little gory for a Super Nintendo game. I don't have a problem with it, but it felt like one of those was like, how do they get this one by Ola Nintendo? - Right. One of the things you could get where like you get this thing when these little triangles fly around you that kind of do damage. It's like a little orbital triangle. - Oh yeah. - And they hit things and do damage. One thing I didn't like was the fact that even though you can use the little orb as a weapon, when it would touch something and not be in use, it didn't do anything. - It didn't do anything, right? Yeah. - And I thought it would be nice to have that thing - Watch your back a little bit. - Watch your back and kill shit that's up here. Like a bat flies through it and dies or something. - Or even if it doesn't kill them, it would be interesting if it like stun them for like a frame or like just to give you like a little bit of time to be like, oh shit, I gotta move, you know? - And John pointed out, there's several levels where you have to flip switches, but you can't flip them with your hands. You have to hit them with spells. - Right. - And so there was just some stuff. I mean, even the long play I watched, the guy was struggling in some parts. - It's just a lever sticking out of the wall. It's like-- - And you're standing right next to it and you gotta push it up. But no, no, you have to shoot a fucking lightning bolt at it. I don't, yeah, it gave me a little bit. - It gave me Jurassic Park for the Genesis Vibes is like what it kind of felt like. Because that's also not a good game, but it looks kind of like a cinematic platformer, but it isn't exactly my like, I don't know, my baseline for cinematic platformer is always like, can you hold onto a ledge and pull yourself up? And it's like, if you can, then I'm like, that's definitely a cinematic platform. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, man, it's not a recommend for me, although to be honest with you, it was better than I thought it was going to be. - Yeah, I agree. I, again, my skill at these games notwithstanding, I didn't hate what I played and what I watched of it seemed all right. I mean, I guess if you've got time to kill and you wanna, you know, play it, play it. I think it's fine. It's not the worst game I've ever played. - Yeah, it's, yeah. - But it's not the best either. - This game is mid as you could say. - It is, it is mid. It is, it is mid. - It's not fun. It's not bad, but it's, it's mid. It's, honestly, it is worth firing up in an emulator and looking at the first level and being like, damn, this is like a really good looking fucking game for a 1994 Super Nintendo developer. Like this is, yeah, no, it really is. It really, it really does. It just looks solid. - It looks good. It just doesn't, it doesn't play well. I thought the controls were, I thought, I thought the controls were frustrating and a lot of that is because like, it was so hard to hit enemies. It really did feel like the enemies were designed so that they were like frustrating to hit. - Given, I didn't play it, I just watched it. It looked like it wasn't very snappy. - It's not, it looked like it was spongy. - Yeah, it's probably a good word for it, truly. - And it's also, there's this mechanic where you can roll and I don't have a problem with a roll. I think that's great. You can dive and roll, that's fantastic. But the problem that I had with it was you would roll when you press like a down diagonal, which kind of happens from time to time. So like, it would have been nice if it's like pressed this button to roll as opposed to, oh, you're rolling on accident. - Yeah, it's a direction, yeah. - Yeah, it's definitely. - Like, what if I just want to go that direction or if I just want to attack down and naked. - Right, exactly. - Which I can do. - Right. - But sometimes when I-- - Sometimes I get a roll. - I roll into the spider instead of the machine. - Yeah, or off the cliff. - Yeah, totally. - Do we have anything from Brad on this one? - We do. - I'm curious to hear what was to be said about this game in 1994. - Yeah, in the time. I love hearing that. If they didn't say a good thing about the graphics, then I feel like they fucked up. 'Cause that is honestly this game's strongest suit. - Brad writes in his email titled, "Warlock in all caps spaced apart." - Warlock, yeah, it's dramatic. - It's kind of ironic how when you add 25% more man to the show, the show gets about 25% longer. Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. - I knew as soon as I saw the runtime on Snow White that Mr. Turley was definitely involved, the best part about the Turley episodes is how he has never seen the movie or played the game and yet still manages to contribute. And by the way, John, you said you weren't prepared. You just like spoke for five minutes on the game. You were prepared, you watched the shit that I watched. - I watched a little bit. - There you go then. - And the best part about having John on the show is that John is here on the show. - Yes, that was fucking hard. I honestly, from my fucking heart, dude, love it when you're on the show. I got home from recording last week and I was so like, Nikki was like, "Oh, that recording went well." And I was like, "Yep, John was there, it was great." - Yeah. (laughs) Yeah. (laughs) - I'm the galook charming. (laughs) - Brad continues, "There's just something right about the world when it's horror whole season." I don't like horror movies, but I really look forward to it every year. Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. - From GamePro, April 1995 by BroBuzz. My glasses aren't working. BroBuzz, okay, they are working. - They are working, it's just stupid. (laughs) - Warlock is loosely based on a schlocky horror movie about a time traveling evil wizard from the past. No, it's not. This cart is also a throwback to the good old days of, oh, he's talking about the movie. The good old days of side view action adventure carts. The blast to the last action follows the best traditions of platform gaming, but it could have used a little more magic. On the war path, you play a druid hero who must find six sacred stones before the evil warlock uses them to put realities lights out. As the hero, you cast powerful semi-rapid fire, magic blasts, and command an all-purpose orb, which continuously hovers around you. You can shoot the orb like a boomerang in four directions to grab items or sting your foes. This weapon is the highlight of an otherwise mundane control show. Unfortunately, slightly imprecise directions put a tad too much adventure in with two into two critical warlock whipping skills. The duck and roll and the run and jump. You often fall into bottomless gaps or inadvertently roll into enemies because there we go. We got this one in one because down and jump button occasionally don't fire on cue. Next section is called B-movie. Warlocks challenge won't burn your thumbs as much as your brain cells until you reach the final level. Warlock warriors, such as skeletons and demons, attack and easily analyze patterns and readily succumb to multiple magical blasts. Most boss creatures took the day off. The few that are on the job, especially the warlock, are tough. Maintaining the challenge curve is left up to devastating end and mid-level. Obstacles, such as trying to race up danger, infested stairways ahead of a rapidly rising firestorm. We watched that part more over the quest for each stone gets successfully longer and more difficult, which they warn you, the game warns you after the first level is like it's gonna get harder here. Just know that. - And it does and it should. - And it should. - That's scaling, that's good. - Warlocks visuals need some pizzazz, the backgrounds are dark, deep and dangerous looking, but the character sprites appear flat and then distinct. - Oh, no, that's not, yeah, that's the exact opposite. - I disagree. - In my opinion. - The sounds are sinister. - Like the one fucking thing I noticed, you know. - The sounds are sinister and as organ based music jams ominously, the audio effects are few, but fierce. Warlock worries. Warlock won't set your system on fire, but despite sometimes frustrating controls, it's good intermediate, intermediate adventure with some truly challenging puzzles. However, Warlock is definitely no lock. - What's that mean? - It's definitely no lock. Okay, bro, buzz, good writing there, pal. - Not my lock of the week. - At one point in the game, like if you die, if you die, die, a picture of Julian Sands appears on your screen like a close- - With a stupid hair. - It looks like a headshot from his headshot that he gives to producers. - Right, it's got a signature on it. If you want me on your Super Nintendo game, here you go. - He got paid for that. Warlock won't cast a spell over you, but it will give you a good, intense workout. Graphics three and a half, 3.5, sound 4.0, control 3.0, fun factor 4.0, challenge intermediate. I think they got them all backwards. - Yeah. - Graphics and controls were the same. - Yeah, that's fucking-- - And I knew the controls were not great from just watching the game. - They're not good. - And the graphics were literally the only thing that was like, "Oh, wow, that's impressive." - Yeah. - Here's an ad from-- - Is it the characters' flat? - I know. - Did he play the same game? - I get where he's talking about it, it's dark, because there are a lot of dark parts in the game, but I kind of feel like, "Well, what are you gonna do?" - Well, he was playing on a semi burnout tube cathode TV from 1991, apparently, maybe. - Yeah, I thought it looked good. I thought it looked clean. There's an ad from elsewhere in the issue for the game. It says, Brad writes, "Please get permission from whomever pays the phone bill before calling the number." - Oh, is there a number on there? - It's a number. It just says in black background with red letters beware of the ultimate evil of warlock. Coming April 13th, the evil unfolds. You want it in the number? - Oh, yeah, we're gonna call it, for sure. What's the number? - 516-624-9300. (phone ringing) - Hello, I can help you find another business in the area since the number you called is not in service. I'll look for you now. - To find me another warlock business. - Press any key to continue. - Again. - Don't just kind a TV, direct TV. Get entertainment. - Every single phone number eventually ends at direct TV. I think they own like 100,000 phone numbers for real. - Yeah. - Well, Brad. - I'm so glad we got to talk to a warlock. I only got to ask questions about spells and we got to talk to some tips, game tips. Brad continues, "Hell, yeah." - Hell, yeah. - Hell, yeah. - Brad from Arizona. - Thanks, Brad. - Thanks, Brad. - I have another email. - Yes? - From one my correct TV. - From one my correct TV. - Hell, yeah. - I said, "Lord, Mike, of Purdue." - Yeah, yeah. He texted me and I was like, "I heard your call, I gotta." - The subject of this email is, "If I still listen." (laughing) Email continues, "I never stopped." Winky face, "Hello, gentlemen." - "Hello." - The eye, he spells it with gentlemen with an I-M-I-N. The eye is silent for Ian. (laughing) Mike continues, "Don't call it a comeback." - He was here the whole time. - Would you rather? - I would. - Pull your own thumbnail out with a fork. Or, nope. Put a toothpick under your big toenail and kick a wall. - Okay. Okay. I feel like pliers would be a lot better of a tool. Like, I'm just trying to think of the logistics. - The instructions say with a fork. - You gotta pry it off. - You gotta figure it out. A way to get your fingernail off of the fork. - You gotta get a prong way down. - Way down in there. - And then apply some pride up. - Yeah, see, I was thinking like maybe drill a hole through like the nail part of it. Yeah, like the nail part with the time of the fork. - Oh, the time. - That's what they call it. - I guess you could do it. - I mean, I suppose you could do it any way you want it as long as it involves-- - As long as you removed it with a fork. - You're fingernail getting removed with a fork. - Thumbnail, too. The big one. Is that what, is it, he said the thumbnail? - It just said-- - I thought he said thumbnail. - Oh, it does say thumbnail. Pull your own thumbnail off of the fork. - Yeah, that one's in there. That's this. - And then the other one is a toothpick. - Put a toothpick under your big toenail and kick a wall. - That's, but I feel like you do that. I feel like that's done and done. - It's over. - Yeah, it's over. - You're ripping the band-aid off. - But yeah, you're doing that. It's gonna hurt like a motherfucker and then you're gonna rip that. - You're just working that motherfucker. - Yeah, that's gonna involve some time. Unless you're very good. Time. - It's gonna involve some time. (laughing) - But, yeah, you're gonna be working at that thumbnail for a minute. - Oh yeah, like it's... - So, we're unanimous. It's toothpick under the toenail. - Yeah. - Yeah, I agree. - Neither are good. Neither are good. - But you have to do one. - But you gotta pick one. I feel like the toenail's the way. - I saw a video. I saw a short earlier in this week. Toothpick reminded me, like there was this. You know how like we had the tide pod, jet, like a few years back or whatever? - There was apparently in Korea, there were some influencers who were like deep frying toothpicks and eating them. Not like wooden toothpicks, but like... - The little plastic like floss things. - They're not plastic, they're... - That would melt. - Yeah, it's not plastic. It was like some kind of food material, but it's not made for human consumption, but it's one of those where it's like, "Oh, it's made out of like the part of the food we can't sell." You get kind of deal, you know? - Oh, yeah. - So if it's accidentally consumed, it won't kill you. - It's made out of like pumpkin stem. - Yeah. - They had to issue a thing where it's like, "Don't do this, it's not made for human consumption." And it's like, but you see what they... After they fry them, they're all puffed up. They look like curly Cheetos, essentially. Except they're green, you know? Yeah. - Mm, man. - That's my way of saying, "Thank you, Exalted Lord Micah for due for your would you rather?" - Yeah. - He signs off with yours truly the Exalted one, "Forever the Penny Train Conductor." - Oh, yeah. - Original Penny Train conductor, that's right. Thank you, Micah, so much for that. That's awesome. - Yeah, he sent me a text saying that he sent one in and he said, "I just realized the other day "that you guys have been doing the show "for as long as I've been at my job." And he said, "That's wild." (laughing) He's like, "I've been here for 12 years." And it's like, "Yeah, yeah, it's been a minute." - So, I've been where I'm at for 13. - Same. - And yeah, the whole time. - It's been amazing, yeah. - Did you have any achievements? - I got a couple. I've got one called "Don't Panic." In order to unlock "Don't Panic," you open up Google Docs on your phone while stalling for time on the show. (laughing) Second achievement is, "I want his face off." In order to unlock it, I want his face off. - Oh, damn it, I missed out on that. - You have to do the hand motion, you have to. I could eat a peach for hours. - Yeah. (laughing) - You said that earlier than you did. - I know, I totally did. - In order to unlock it, I want his face off. You have to die in this game, having your face completely melt off of your pants. - Status symbols, the same thing, okay. - Man, of Nicholas Cage is in this movie. That'd be pretty good. - Pretty good. - It'd probably be a better movie, yeah. - It'd be a different movie. - It would be different, I'd watch it. (laughing) He's a great Dracula. - In Renfield, so yeah. - Was it, you didn't seen that? - No, I saw that one in the theater, I hadn't seen it. - It's me, I hadn't seen it, yeah. - Okay, it's on my list. - He is a great Dracula. - My next achievement is, "Pondering the Orb." In order to unlock, "Pondering the Orb." You send the orb up, and then to the left, and then to the right, and you wonder exactly what to do with it, considering that your blast is faster and better in every way. - Yeah. - My last achievement is a tadpog deep cut, and that is roll up into a ball to clean behind the stove, in order to unlock, roll up into a ball to clean behind the stove. You just accidentally roll off any cliff. - Nice. - I have several lazy ones, and one with a really bad pun in it. My first achievement is Borlok. Colin, please bring on Armageddon. Sit through the opening scene, where the text scrolls across the page, telling me the objective of the game that goes on for fucking ever. My next achievement is, "Say, "Wasn't your hair longer before?" And you get, "Say, "Wasn't your hair longer before "you make it to the first warlock battle?" My next achievement is, "Hey, "these aren't Harry Potter brand sneeches." (laughing) You kill 10 enemies with the golden ball that follows you around. My next achievement is generic looking druid and the chamber of secrets, and to get generic looking druid and the chamber of secrets, you kill 10 snakes with the golden ball in the cave level. My next achievement is, "Clattu, Verrata." (laughing) Right, the password down incorrectly and being able to pick up where you left off. (laughing) - Do you, they should punish you for that. - They should, like. - They should like, like there's some kind of fucking curse. - Yeah, like you put it in your own password. - Yeah. The next achievement is, "Tiz, but a flesh wound. "Kill three armored knights and to kill them, "you have to like blast them into pieces, "so you like knock their arms off, "and then their head and, you know." And then my last achievement is, "Knives to see you." And to get-- - Knives to see you. - To get knives to see you. You kill all the knife-wielding guys on the final level that look like Indigo Montoya from your Princess Bride. (laughing) - Fuck, I shouldn't have killed that dude's father. (laughing) - It just keeps coming. He phoned himself, he's coming after me. (laughing) - If you enter a password incorrectly, they should let you play the game. Like the last level, but all the controls are reversed. (laughing) - What do we think flopsie has to say about warlock? And John, if you'll remember, we do this collectively now. We do this as a team. - Oh, oh, that's right. I'm gonna go... I'm trying to remember what they gave Snow White. Snow White was two and a half stars, wasn't it? There's no way this is less than that, right? - No. - I guess it's two and a half. - I think, though, that it's with the better graphics and stuff, I think it might've pushed it to a three. - You might think they gave it a three. - I think flopsie gave it a three for that reason. I mean, they kind of bounces out, you know, the bad of Snow White and the bad of the good of warlock kind of counter one another. - Yeah, but I think the graphics in this game were better than Snow White. This is an LJN joint, by the way. I don't know if that matters to anyone. - Do you feel it's on par with other LJN offerings or better than other LJN offerings? - I'd say it's kind of up there, yeah. - It's definitely better than some. Now, are there other worse LJN games that have received a two and a half star rating? - I don't remember. - Yeah, I don't remember. - I'm gonna say because of the graphics, they probably bumped it to a three. - Okay, I would say three for the same reasonings and because flopsie tends to be generous. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, totally it does. - What rarity do we think this one carries? I think personally this one's probably very uncommon. - Ooh, see, I was going the other way, not the exact other way. I was going, I'm thinking common. - Really? - Yeah, I'd never heard of it, but it's '94. - Warlock was a franchise. It was a thing. - And it was a franchise. So someone spent money on the licensing for it, so it makes me think they're gonna put out Julian Sand's picture appears in the game licensing money. - Right, '94 would be kind of in the middle of the run. - It is, yeah, three years in. - I mean, here's the thing, I do remember seeing the cover like when I looked up the movie, no, not of the game of the movie. - For the movie. - I remember seeing like the cover art of the movie from, you know, the video rental school. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. - There used to be the most fun, Kroger. - Kroger-runner movies. - Sure, sure. - But I remember seeing that, but man, I don't ever remember seeing this game. Then again, I was not, I never had an SNES. - Right, sure. - I was gaming. I'm looking for it. - You can see it this time, so I wasn't really looking for it. But I still walked through the game sections at Toys R Us and Walmart and stuff, you know? So I just never remember seeing it. So that's not saying a lot, but what about, what about uncommon then? Can we, do you feel like between very uncommon and common, can we like agree on uncommon? - I think at the very least it's uncommon. I can agree on that. I was gonna originally say uncommon and I talked myself into very, but I agree that it, I don't think it's gonna be common. I really think that that one's, I think uncommon is fair. - What was the rating on the movie? - It was rated R. - It was rated R. - Yeah. - This was not a game that was really marketed toward the kiddos. - No, no. - It was teenagers. And it's a soft R, in my opinion. - Yeah, it's not too bad. - It really isn't too bad. I guess it's R just because when I was watching it, there were several points where I was like, why, it was this rated R because of the time it came out and it's also, 'cause it's like, what, 89? - Yeah. - And it's like they're demonic depictions. - Yeah. - That, and I mean, there was some kind of bloody skull stomping and so there's a few fucks and shit thrown in there. So it's mostly language and some, I would say by comparison, mild violence, but yeah, it was rated R. So I think uncommon's fine. I'm okay with that. - I could, you know what, after all that, I could go very uncommon if you want to. I just, my only thing with it is, is I don't think they would have gone into the, I mean, they've done stupid shit, but I don't think the publisher would go to the trouble of licensing the movie and Julian Sands and only-- - Yeah, put it without pumping out a lot of copies. - Put out enough to make their money back. - And it would have been mainly a rental, I think for most people, man, I think uncommon is probably more likely. I'm okay with that. - So we're three stars uncommon? - Yeah, let's see what they say. - All right, according to Flopsy, AKA the ultimate Nintendo guy to the SNES library, 1991 to 1998, by Pat Contre, courtesy of Monster Moldmike and a mysterious shadowy benefactor. I appreciate the little bit of than a whiting you did. - Oh, we get this every week and it's just the highlight of my day. - Man, anytime you show up, you're gonna get it. Just remember that. You can see that anytime you want. Warlock got some pages sticking together here. - Oh, that's funny. - It's like it's cursed. - Oh man, only our dehumidifier was working. - That is true, patreon.com/that's that's it. - Money please. - Warlock. - You need light? - Availability, I'm good. - Okay. - So far, so good. Availability, uncommon. - Nice, okay. Yeah, we settled. - We had it, our compromise worked. - We settled and it worked, yes. - This game's raiding two and a half stars. Missed it by the hammer. - That's for him. - We're very close. - We do get credit for at least saying that we were gonna-- - Partial credit. - It was mentioned, yes. - The review in here is by KY, the reflection, KY's reflections are, didn't have high expectations from a title based on a 1993 sequel to a movie that flopped. I was willing to give the storyline a pass. The sun and moon align a couple of times a year. But the movement in the game is beyond help. Yeah, it's pretty bad. When most of your time on a stage you've spent trying to aim at enemies, the game should make that a fluid experience instead of you constantly stutter stepping as your sprite ducks every time he shoots forward. Yep, yep, it's frustrating if I can try to kill anything in this game now. - Okay. - How much do you think you'd pay for it if you were to buy it? - Loose, on average. - According to Friday starting.com. - At the time of this recording. Oh, by the way, I wanna point out that when you see the warlock in the game and he puts up that barrier and you gotta fight a gargoyle and shit. Dude looks like fucking riff-raff from Rocky Horror Pictures. - Yeah, he really does now that you mention it. - Damn. - Be a little more conservative on this one. 6.95. - 6.95 for me in. - What do you think, John? - Uncommon, two and a half stars. Shitty game based on a B-movie. - But not too shitty. - But not too shitty. - Shitty adjacent. (laughing) - $5.50. - $5.50. Actual retail value of warlock for the super Nintendo. Loose, on average. According to price charting.com at the time of this recording is $11.31. - That was way off. - That bad, I'm usually off by like tens of 20s of dollars. - Yeah, you guys are both. I mean, I would say that's in the range. - Is it worth it? - If I were actively collecting, man, I would like to get this for $10. - I bet you could negotiate 10 from this one. - I would, $10 shipped. That's gonna be tougher, but yeah, 10 bucks. 10 bucks flat, sure, I would buy this. - You can find it at the expo for that. - Shh, maybe, maybe. They are typically pretty reasonably priced, but I find it's hard to find deals at the expo. You're usually paying fair market value. - Right, though. - The people there know what their shit is worth. - Right. - Usually. - Right. - I feel like you might get a deal on this one. - I know what I've got, I know what I've got. (laughing) - Oh, come on, that's what I'd say. - Oh, come on. - I gotta ask you a question. - Okay. - Dave. - Oh fuck, yeah. - You had to give this came a beard. - Yes. - It sums up how you feel about it. What kind of beard would it be? - All right, so, imagine you're a dog. - Okay. - And your owner just shot a demon placenta out of her pussy. And you're instinct. - Happens more often than you might think, John. (laughing) - Yeah, don't laugh, it's not funny. - It's very serious. - It's very serious, I'm sorry. - It's serious. - Okay, dog, demon placenta. - Demon placenta. - I'm a dog. And you are like, God damn. That shit looks good enough to lip. - That's tasty. - It smells delicious. - And you go up and you lick it and the placenta juices get on your chin. - Yeah. - And run down. That's what I would give it. I would give it the placenta juice dog beard. - Okay. Well, if you say, I don't know, wanted to give this game a pair of glasses that somehow represented how you felt about this game, what glass is why? (laughing) - Well, I would give it. So imagine that you are magically transported by the devil from the 1600s to the late 1900s. - Okay, okay. - And your dark lord and master not being very kind decides to transport you to this world, not safely with your feet on the ground, but by throwing you through a window of residence. And glass goes everywhere. And then some of that gets in your warlock eyes, causing you great distress and bleeding on the ground, which a hunter then uses to put into a compass and track you, which makes me feel like you're following the beam a little bit. - Really cool thing, by the way. - Very cool. - I loved that part. Anyway. - The little bits of glass that get in your eyes. I would give it those. - I love that. That's good. Good beard and glass. - Thank you. - Thank you. I totally plan those. - Very applicable. - Okay. Well, that's warlock. - That's warlock. For the super Nintendo. - Available at your local Toys R Us. - Check it out at your description. - For the low low price of $11.95 appearance. - That's right. - Or more. - We don't know what we're doing next week. We got an idea, but. - I think we're probably. - We're gonna do calls. - We're probably gonna do an all calls kind of easy day because. - It's gonna need to be easy. - Yeah. - Then a couple days. - There's some scheduling issues that are gonna keep us from being able to fully invest ourselves in the next project. So we'll do some all calls, maybe some drafts if we can. I don't know. We'll hit him on who else here. But we'll do something. - There will be a show. - There will be a show. - There will be a show. - As promised to our stockholders every single week. - That's right. - Increase profits. - I know. - I know. - It's just the constant. - Yeah. - I know. - Last quarter. - Gotta beat last quarter. - Dude. - Last quarter. - Last quarter was bad. - It was real bad? (laughing) - Yeah, last quarter was real bad. It was, it was really super bad. (laughing) - No money. - A patient like that. - You wanna? - Let me put it this way. It's a good thing this is a passion project. - Yeah. (laughing) - We would certainly, in no way, shape or form be able to make a living. (laughing) Not even one of us. - Yeah. - Maybe not in any country. - In any country. (laughing) - Like in countries where baby pesos are used, it still wouldn't be. - It ain't happening. - No. - You can listen to the show on all the fine platforms that are out there. - Just look all over the goddamn place. - All over the goddamn place. Spotify, iTunes, or Apple Podcast, if you will, all that shit. But most importantly, as we all know, we've got that patron. - Patreon. (sighing) Money please. - Money please. (laughing) - Please. - Yeah. - We need it. - Yeah, it's, we need money. - It's, y'all, y'all, it's bad. - It's bad. (laughing) - Tomorrow's the first of the month that I just can't wait to see how much money we made this month. (laughing) This month, it's gonna be a lot. I can already feel it. Just my palms are itching 'cause I just know I'm coming into some money. - And you know it's real cool, but we don't publish bonus content for a while. - And then we, and then we, it goes up, and then we do, and people are like, oh no, I don't fuck this. (laughing) - It is, it is, it is quantifiable. How much our donations drop with our most recent, Patreon on content drops. I mean, we worked really hard 'cause we were like, we really need to put something out there for the Patreon. - And what we did was we fucked up and reminded everybody, oh, I'm still paying for this? (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, for-- - Yeah, lesson learned. - Little as a dollar a month, you can get what is now the complete sum total of all the Patreon content we're ever gonna do. (laughing) - Including the Dark Tower, which is now wrapped. We've got 'em all published. - No. - We got one more. - One more left. - One more. - It is fucking crazy. - It is actually a really, really fun episode. - It is a really good one. - Definitely listen. Even if you haven't listened to the others. - Give us your dollar back, let's listen to it. - Just listen to it 'cause it's actually really fun. It's a, we had a lot of fun with that one. - It was a lot of fun. - Talk about the movie. - Yeah, we talked about the Dark Tower movie. - Something we're actually pretty-- - Pretty good at talking about-- - We're a decent at it. - Did I do it at the Dark Tower? - I can't remember. - I don't remember either. - Yeah, fuck it, we'll find out. I'll pay a dollar to find out. Maybe you should, too. Patreon.com/tagpog gets you that access and we've got all kinds of fun stuff out there if you wanna listen. We do have a list of executive producers that donate $20 or more per month to the show and we are super grateful to such an extent that I would like to read those names on the show-- - Till ya. - Right here and now, starting with Cubicle Monkey, Game Bug Prime Nathan Eaton, Pinball Airplane Archmage, Chris Edler, sorry you couldn't be on this episode. Derek Pope Sandwich, Cuthusius Jeff Miners, congratulations on your marriage. Drink Smith-Joy Webster, Sandwich Pope Phil Hawkins, Louisville Correspondent, Princess Consuela Banana Hammock, Flavitric Taren Dahl, and Canadian Turbo Nerd Thomas. He used to take me a lot longer to read that list. That's all I'm saying. But thank you nonetheless. - Yes, hell yeah. - Not just to our executive producers, but to everyone that donates money and all seriousness, it is very much appreciated. We really, it means a lot. We treasure the fact that you would give us your hard-earned money to do this because we do love doing it and it's really cool to see that come in every month. It is, it is fun. - And like for real like-- - Like mean something. - The Patreon is nice, but like honestly, thanks for listening. I know we say that as well, but I mean, it's like, but for real like, I mean-- - Absolutely, we love the fact that you love to listen and we, I don't know what, honestly we haven't done the numbers to see what our actual audience size is right now, but I know it's still enough. I know we still have a lot of people that listen every week. - And that's awesome. That's really cool that you still like what we do. And if you want to talk about it, you know, you can do that on the Discord as well. We would love to hear from you there. - Bit.ly/discord. - Tadpog Discord. And I'd also like to extend a little thanks to Dig Duggy. Dig Duggy's back in donation form. - Hell yeah. - And welcome back. - Welcome back to Dig Duggy. And also welcome, a big welcome back to you, Super Grimm. He is back in the donor pool once again. And we're very grateful that you're able to come back and give us some money. It's really cool. And thanks to Dame for putting the show on YouTube. Thanks to Micah for sending us a would you rather. - Yes, thank you. - Love when we say stuff on the show and then people respond with stuff. - Yes. - It's kind of like that. And kind of like-- - Yeah, it's been a long time. - Yeah. And also it's really nice Brad from Arizona to send us the emails about the games. - Thank you, Brad. - So we can read that, gives us a few minutes of precious content. - I do, I really do look forward to the-- - I do too. - Yeah, I do too. - It's nice, I know I've said this before, but it is really nice to hear what reviewers were thinking at the time. - Yeah, yeah. - It's different than hearing someone review a game that's 30 years old. - Yeah, totally. - Like we do every single week. - And unless you guys have something else, I'd say we're done. - All right. - So that's it. How would you guys like to close the show? - I mean, I guess it was like a warlock. - A warlock. - A warlock witch. - Okay. - Whichever you prefer to do. - I think what's a good warlocker witch though. - I'm trying to think of Julian's-- - Julian Sands. - He's like the only warlock really, right? - I mean, he's very cocky. - I mean, another warlocker is in a warlock. - Oh yeah, yeah, okay. - Oh yeah, that's true. - I always think of him as a wizard. He's a wizard. - That's true. - What's the difference? - Well, I think a warlock-- - I played D&D, I should know this, I feel like, but I don't. - Yeah, D&D it's different, right? - One has like, you have to have components versus the intrinsic knowledge of a wizard. - Oh, see a wizard. - A wizard gets a spell through study. - Okay. - And a warlock gets a spell through some kind of being that he's made a pact with. - Okay. - Or she or, right. I mean, they're, in the movie warlock, they say witches or women and warlocks are men, I guess, but in D&D or warlocks, whatever. - In the movie they also refer to, Julian Sands refers to himself as a witch in the second movie. - In the first one too, I think, and the JT from step by step is like, "I thought witches were men." - Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, well, they do it again in the second movie. He's talking to this fashion show icon lady and calls himself a witch and she says, "Don't you mean warlock?" And then he goes into that again, so. - And he says, "Shut the fuck up." - He says, he says, "Basically shut the fuck up," and then drops her off a building. - Nice. - I mean, that's a real warlock movie. - Yeah, I mean, I feel like as a warlock, you don't let that shit slide. 'Cause even like the little boy, he's like, he turns his smacks the piss out of him. - No, he turns his, he liquefies him, essentially turns his fat into a component to fly. - Yeah. - You don't see it happen. - But it's implied, holy. - The child's just like, "Your son, was he baptized?" - Why are you asking me this? - I must know, no, he wasn't baptized. - Oh God, he was used to make a flying potion. - Yeah. - Which is more of the-- - The witch hunter knew his shit. - Like old school spells shit. - Where it's like, okay. You know that, that has, I was wondering, like, that has to be based on like folklore from the time-- - Oh yeah. - Like it has to be like, there's like-- - No, got it, got it. - There has to be a thing where it's like, well, you know, witches, they take the fat from an unbaptized children, that's how they fly. You know, there has to be some kind of folklore about that. - They did some homework for the movie, and that's one of the real things I really liked about it. I, again, I recommend-- - It's a good movie to watch for free on freebie. - Freebie. - Have some fun with it. - Yeah, for real. - And it's really not loaded up with a shit ton of commercials. - It's not. - It's kind of, the first commercial ran, it was like 15 seconds, and it was back, and I was like, well, God, I went to get a cup of coffee. - Yeah. - And that came back, the movie was already back. - I was conditioner, what the fuck, okay? - I was conditioned by television to think that I would have more time. It's also-- - Back to two and two, baby. - I cannot stress enough how much the commercial break, like, this feels like this movie was made-- - For TV. - For TV, it needed commercial breaks. 'Cause I think I would have liked it less if I just watched it straight through. I think I'd have been like, fuck man, when does this movie gonna be over? But the breaks are kind of nice. - And then it's Geico for 15 seconds, and you're like, now we're back to the story. We now return to Warlock. - Our movie and progress. - Yeah. (laughing) - Kind of thing, we just do it the other-- - There's the term movie in progress, it's so long. - If they would just do it the old way, I would be okay with it. - Yeah. - After these messages, we'll be right back. - I love that shit. - Okay, so-- - All right, so like a Warlock. - Like a Warlock. - Like a Warlock. - Yeah, all right. So until next time. - Drop the card! - Drop the card! (laughing) - Recordicus. - Ooh. - Who's casting it. - Yeah, I like that. - Tropical Capricorn spell. - I love it. - I love it. - I want everybody. - It's for money. (laughing) - I was just a little squished. (upbeat music) - Tadpog is hosted and produced by Tyler Holland, Dave Moore, and Ian Chandler. New episodes publish Wednesdays each week and are available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, anywhere else podcasts are hosted. Have a question or comment for the hosts? Call us at 270-883-25555 and leave us a voicemail. If we like it, we'll play it on the show and respond. Want to send us something? You can do that at Tadpog Studios, care of Nicole Nance, PO Box 3785, Paducah, Kentucky, or 2002. If you absolutely must send us a food item, please use caution and good judgment when doing so. Tasty snacks that look or smell funky or are past their expiration date by the time we get to them, we'll be thrown away. Bonus content is available at patreon.com/tagpog with a minimum donation of $1 per month. You can join in on the conversation by visiting our Discord at bit.ly/tagpogdiscord. Registration is free and we'd love to see there. Thanks for listening and if you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. Now, where did I put that stinger? Oh, here it is. Fuck, I used to come on this show regularly before I was a host and I was never prepared. I never did any of the stuff they said they were gonna talk about the next week. I just showed up. So there we have it. You're as prepared as you need to be, sir. Oh my God. Is it on you now? Well, we're gonna have to... Oh, is it pointing out? Yeah, 'cause it's blasting him. I feel like not he is that. Does this not work anymore? I don't know. What about that? All right, oh, it won't stay up. Bro, can you see the depth worked? This is definitely a fucking fire hazard. Man, did it just get sexy in here? (laughing) Sexy girl. The sex here, you're right. The thing's on the middle of the pole. That'll work, that'll be fine. We have sexy side of the room and business side of the room. Just leave it like not. Go back there, that's good right there. Can you see okay? Can you see okay? (laughing) I think it has to lean up against that chair or something, 'cause the stand doesn't hold it right. How's that? That's fine. You know what I love about recording here? Is that everything works? (laughing) Everything's so easy and reliable to set up and use. You know what, it's good up until flopsie and then maybe I'll pull my phone out. Put it on your phone and light the way. I don't want to lie, thanks. I need a headlamp. Yeah, oh, I have one in my bag. (laughing) Do you really? I really do, do you want to use it? I think it might be fun. I don't have lice in my hair or anything. No, it's okay, I do, so I don't give it to you. (laughing) Well, I was hoping you'd give me some of your lice days. It just, if this were a video podcast, 100% absolutely, it could be like a visual game. It would only be funny to us. Use a flopsie with a headlamp on. Okay everybody, look, Dave is wearing a headlamp. It's really funny, I wish you could see it. All right, are we ready? I think so. I'm going to lead us off, I'm going to be Tyler. Okay. You can do your Tyler voice. No, I don't think I could do Tyler's voice. Let's, should we all take a turn, try it? (laughing) What to?