The Season of Self Love
Turning Trials into Triumph with Ray Martin
In today’s inspiring episode of The Season of Self-Love podcast, your host Nyomi Banks is joined by Ray Martin, an award-winning business leader, entrepreneur, and mentor, who shares his transformative journey of self-discovery. After facing personal and professional upheaval, Ray took an extraordinary 14-year sabbatical, living out of a backpack and traveling the world. Through his travels and introspection, Ray developed life-changing principles that now guide his work as a leadership coach.In this episode, Ray opens up about:
- His journey from a collapsed marriage and business to living a nomadic life.
- The power of mindfulness and meditation learned during a 10-day Vipassana retreat.
- His Six Rules of Happiness, developed over years of travel and self-reflection.
- The story behind his book, Life Without a Tie, which chronicles his journey and the lessons learned along the way.
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For more details on Ray's journey, visit his website at LifeWithoutaTie.com or find his book on Amazon. Stay tuned for more insights on self-love and personal growth.#SelfLove #HealingJourney #RayMartin #LifeWithoutATie #Mindfulness #Leadership #NyomiBanks
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- Broadcast on:
- 02 Oct 2024
- Audio Format:
- other
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It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. Welcome to the Season of Suff Love Podcast. I am your host, Naomi Banks, and I am thrilled to have you join me on this transformative journey. You see, every day we dive into a powerful conversation about sub-discovery, healing and empowerment. This podcast is brought to you by Axe Naomi, an Elevate Me sub-discovery, where we believe that loving yourself is the first step to living a fulfilling life. You can expect insightful discussions, practical tips, and inspiring stories, plus we occasionally welcome special guests who will share their unique perspectives on self-love and personal hope. So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and less embark on this journey together. Because it's time to embrace the beautiful person that you love. So let's elevate our lives one episode of time. Now let's get started. Thank you, my beautiful people, and welcome back to the Season of Suff Love Podcasts. I am your host, Naomi Banks, and today we have a truly inspired episode lined up for you. Joining us is Ray Martin, a man who has turned his personal trials into triumph through a transformative journey of self-discovery. But before we bring Ray to the stage, let's take a quick break. And when we return, we will dive more into Ray's story, right? My security guide is that we bring here all the Season of Suff Love Podcasts, and we'll be right. Exciting news everyone, Naomi Banks, your favorite transitional life and relationship coach and the inspiring host of, The Season of Suff Love Podcasts has just released another incredible resource for your personal growth journey in producing her latest transformational e-book and workbook, Balancing Up, a guide to harmonizing your life. This 50 page guide is designed to help you navigate the complexities of life, bringing balance and harmony into your everyday experience. Perfectly paired with our amazing new series for this month, The Act of Balancing Life. This workbook is packed with practical exercises, insightful prompts, and valuable tools to empower you on your path to self-discovery and fulfillment. Don't miss out on this opportunity to invest in yourself and enhance. Your journey toward a balanced life. Balancing Act is available now. Grab your copy today and step into a world of harmony and self-love. What are some common areas that prevent people from express? Hey, security guide is Naomi Banks here from The Season of Suff Love Podcasts. Yeah, I would say remorse. So, shame and guilt is a very divided emotional. Now, these are one of the many amazing conversations that we have every day, Monday through Friday, right here on The Season of Suff Love Podcasts. With myself, Naomi Banks, as well as our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington Up, Washington Wellness Institute. Come by. The reality of our relationship. Come by. A lot of times, we're free to help people look at us, and so that compassion can't enter us. You can hear us all about the season of Suff Love Podcasts.com. With the truth. Is it? Are you ready to embark on a journey toward harmony and balance? Join us for our exciting new challenge, the 21 Days Living Balance. Challenge on the Season of Self-Love Podcast, as part of our monthly series, The Act of Balancing Life. This challenge will guide you through day practices designed to help. You harmonize your mind, body, and spirit. Whether you're juggling work, relationships, or self-care, we're here to support you every step of the way. Don't wait sign up now to take part in this transformative experience starting October 1st. Together, we'll build a community of balance. Seekers ready to embrace joy and self-discovery. Visit our website or click the link in our bio to join the challenge today. Let's find our balance together. Welcome back. It's your good. You got us. Let me bring you on the Season of Suff Love Podcast. And today, joining us is Ray. He is also AKA the daily explorer, entrepreneur, or a wall-winning business leader. As well as a co-founder and a facilitator speaker. You are a book of all trades. Yes, I guess that's one of the benefits of being a bit older. You get to have done a lot of things, don't you in your life? That is amazing. I bet you did a lot of traveling. I know you took a nice little sabbatical, right? Yes, I did. So go ahead. Yeah, I mean, in 2004, I had the idea to take a sabbatical because, you know, my life had kind of imploded at that point. I was running a business that I founded with my wife, who was my business partner. And she decided she wanted out quite subtly and abruptly. My father got very ill and he passed away. And so within three or four months, I was out of my home. My company was changing. My marriage was coming to an end. And the life that I sort of knew was my normal life had just completely imploded and it was gone. So friends of mine had said, why don't you take a six month sabbatical? That would be quite a good thing to do. And I actually agreed at the time. It was. They didn't go according to plan. And once I'd reached the end of the six months, I was in Asia backpacking. I realized I wasn't quite ready to come back. And so I followed just my inner wisdom and thought, I'm going to keep doing this a bit longer. And I can tell you what I was doing a bit later. But I ended up living out my backpack for 14 years. Oh, wow. And I came back to England in 2019. I left in 2005 and I came back in 2019. I never imagined or expected I would do such a thing. It's just the way it kind of worked out. And a bit like, you know, if you take, if any of you have dogs, you take them for a walk in the park or something. A dog never walks in a straight line. It kind of follows a set that it's sniffing. And this is kind of the experience of my life for those for that period. That's what happened. Yeah. And now I work as a, and I was even during that journey, I was working as a leadership coach, which is the business I was in before. So I've never continued to do that kind of work all the way through using my own learning as part of that. And now I focus on the full time as a leadership coach when I'm working. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. You know, as we were talking, as you were talking and said, Oh, wait a minute. We didn't do a nice little meditation, but you know what? This is a special. I was just so, because when I was reading your, you know, your whole profile and stuff. And I was like, wow, I myself wanted to do a lot of traveling and just took 14 years off and just traveling out of your book bag. I mean, that alone is amazing. And so I know that you had to have written a book or something about that. Is there a book coming or is there a book out? Yeah. I mean, it was when I first started the journey, I had no intention of writing about it. I wasn't a writer was a businessman. And I thought I wanted to honor one of my guiding principles while I was traveling, which was to be connected to my family and friends and people I loved. I thought, how could I do that? And this was way back in 2005. And blogging was quite a new thing in those days. I didn't know what blogging was until I sort of read about it. And I thought I want to start a blog. So I learned how to do that and started a blog called the daily llama, which was a sort of a bit of a bit of a play on the Dalai Lama. And I did that for a couple of years and I was just staggered to realize that quite a lot of people were reading it because I was bumping into travelers in Asia who would tell me they read the daily llama. And I sort of said that was me writing it and they were really often quite surprised. And then that became that turned into the daily explorer, which is still a blog I have today. And I started to love the art of writing just by doing the blog. And as I met people and they asked me, why am I doing all this traveling? And I told them the story about my business and the divorce and my dad passing away. And some of the things that had happened to me, people often said to me at the end of those evenings or conversations, do you know what? Ray, if you ever write a book about this, I'd really like to read it. Can I give you my email address so that you can write to me and tell me. And I just laughed and said, there's no way I'm writing a book, not a hell, no chance. But then about after three or four years, about 50 people had said this and I had their addresses. And after about five years, it was like 100. And I thought at some point, Naomi, I don't know if you've had one of these insights. I thought the universe wants me to write a book. Yes. I just kept getting over the head with the same message. I thought, Oh my God, I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to commit to writing a book. So in 2011, I went on a writer's course. I was living in Chiang Mai in Thailand and I saw that a big shot literary agent from New York was coming over to do a five day course for authors. So I wrote to her and said, I'm not an author. I'd like to be an author, but I'm not one. And does that mean I could do your course or not, because they all look like proper authors. And then the second thing is the course is $1,200. And I've been doing a lot of fundraising work and working for no salary for the last three or four years. So I don't have that much money, but I could scramble together $500. Could I do it? And she wrote back and said, yes, and yes, you could do it both. And I took those two yeses as what I call now a confirmation signal. That was the right thing to do, because I'm a very big, believing, reading the universal confirmation signals when you make a decision. And so that was one of my confirmation signals for that decision. We wear our work day by day, stitch by stitch. A dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection, remember that dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their work wear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to dickies.com and use the promo code Workwear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made dickies a trusted name for over a century. When you need meal time inspiration, it's worth shopping king supers for thousands of appetizing ingredients that inspire countless mouthwatering meals. And no matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy our everyday low prices. Plus extra ways to save, like digital coupons worth over $600 each week and up to $1 off per gallon at the pump with points. So you can get big flavors and big savings, king supers, fresh for everyone, fuel restrictions apply. And so I did that course and I've got the idea for writing Life Without a Tie is the book that eventually came out. The idea came from that course, but it didn't start writing the actual book until about 2015. I took a break of three or four years before I started writing after that course. So that's the story of how the book came about. Yeah. Well, that's beautiful. Now, I read also, you have you have rules. So you're traveling, you develop what you call the six rules of happiness. And I know my listeners will want to know this and I know they probably got their all their purpose, peanut purpose paper together. I mean, I know I probably don't have much time today with you, but so I'll wizz through them and you can stop me if you want to know more about it. And this came because when I was writing the book and telling the story of what of that 14 year period how it changed me and what I learned and the wisdom I gathered. My editors who were helping me with the book said, can you summarize what you've learned in six rules. And so I said, okay, I'll give that a go. So the first rule I would say is build a strong core foundation inside yourself. What do I mean by that? I mean, if you want to do something extraordinary with your life in the world with other people, you've got to really know yourself deeply. You've got to know, what's my vision? What are my values? What's most important to me every day? What is my purpose? When am I in my element, which is a beautiful term that Sir Ken Robinson came up with and said, if you've got something you're really, really good at and something you really, really care about. And these two things collide, you are in your element. You could do it all day, 24 hours a day. You'd never get tired. You love it. And I know that's to be true. When I'm in my element, which is when I'm coaching, I absolutely feel like I'm in my element. I could do it forever. Yeah. And so, so these things, these are all things that you can know about yourself. So they require deep reflection. They're time to really deep, think deeply about what's important and to just know what's true for yourself. That's core foundation. Then the second rule is, you've got to live as if you take a hundred percent ownership for literally everything that happens in your life. And that means you can't blame anyone else for the situation or conditions that are in, you're in, or can't blame anyone else for any obstacles that stand between you and the vision you have. You've got to assume that you are creating those things as much as they are there. You have some part to play. You know, like it's very easy to say if your partner leaves you from a relationship, dumps you, say, let's, oh, it's them. They just couldn't see how great I was, et cetera. But if we look deeply below the surface, we always know the truth, that there is something we did or didn't do that contributed to that person's view of us. That we are at least a part of the cause of that event, and we own it, and we own responsibility for the part that we did or didn't do. And if you have the wisdom and the ability to see that, you're on track for an extraordinary life. You can take full ownership for everything that happens. That's number two. The third rule I would say is about being conscious, and I call it becoming your own observer. Because often, if you're caught in the middle of a drama in your life, you feel like you're the actor in a story that's going really badly wrong. You know, and when you're the actor in the story, you've got very limited options, you know, everything's happening to you. But as the lovely coach, Anthony Robin says in his book, you're not just the actor, you're also the script writer and the director, and you can rewrite the script and you can change the direction of the scene. And then you can act in a completely different way in that scenario, if you want to. And so that's about being able to observe, "Oh my God, I'm not the thoughts I'm having. I am the awareness or the consciousness that is noticing those thoughts. I'm the person seeing those thoughts." So I am not the thoughts themselves, which means I can choose if I want to act on those thoughts or not, or whether I want to replace them. Exactly. I want to cut you off right now. How you use that analogy with the movies, I use it as a book. I live by this about don't judge a book by its cover, but take the time to do the pages within the book. And so when I turned 50, I turned 50, I knew that it was time, that was my first book of life. My second book is after I turned from 50 onward. And so I threw my transformation that I needed to change things. So I remember writing this post. I remember writing this post during my 50th birthday, during the 50th year, is that I said, I thank you a thank you letter to everyone who played a major role of characters in my first book. I don't know where you are, were you a villain or a person, but he wrote in my book. But if you are blessed enough, and I am blessed enough for you to be in my second book, I am ready and willing and excited to see how your character shows up in my new book. Yeah, great. Oh, that's perfect. It's a great application of the same principle. But taking a view as if you're outside of yourself, it can really help you a lot in many different situations, especially when you're stuck in your thinking. So do you want me to carry on with the others or have I got enough time? I want you to talk a little bit about mindfulness. That's a lot of things that we talk about here on the season. Yeah, okay. And even though we didn't start with the meditation, we're going to end with the meditation because I had it in there somehow. But I want to know your interest of how you approach with it, especially through your traveling. Yeah, I did. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, when I left the UK to start the journey of reinvention that I chronicled in the book, I didn't know what mindfulness was. I had no idea. I was just a broken person trying to figure out life. But after six months, I was in a beautiful country, Thailand is very picturesque and idyllic. But on the inside, I felt panic, fear, guilt, shame about having messed up my marriage. I wasn't feeling very good about myself at all. Lots of anxiety, stress, agitation and changing the outside didn't make any difference. And when I told this story to a traveler who I met, who had some wisdom, he said, "Well, that's because you've got some inner exploration of work to do. I suggest you go and do a vipassana retreat." And I said, "What is a vipassana retreat?" I didn't even know what that was. He said, "Well, you go into a monastery for 10 days. It's a Buddhist monastery. And you sit with the monks and you just silently meditate with them for 10 days. They provide you with all your food and a place to sleep. And they teach you about the Dharma and the Buddhist teachings." I said, "I've never been quiet for 10 minutes. Let alone 10 days." The idea of being silent for 10 days just felt impossible. But some part of me knew that's what I needed to do and I wanted to do it. So I went and did that. And after 10 days, Naomi, I just felt like a totally different person. I mean, I came out of that monastery and it was as if, like say there was a volume dial on the side of my head, a physical dial, and it had been 9 out of 10 or 10 out of 10 before I went in. It was as if somebody had turned it down to a 1 out of 10 over those 10 days. And all the anxiety and stress had fallen away. And I just saw things, how they really were for the first time and understood a lot about how human suffering gets created, which is through our thinking, through our thoughts, through our mind. And mind is not a useful ally when we're stressed. And I didn't understand any of this, but the practice of observing my own thinking whilst meditating taught me this and taught me how to cope with it hugely. So, I then wanted to have a mindfulness practice ongoing. And so I joined a sanger in Thailand where I could go and meditate every week with a group of friends. And I've been, I've had a mindfulness practice and the meditation practice all these years since that I've never stopped and I regularly do retreats as well to just keep myself completely in that flow. That's beautiful. You know, as you were speaking and you were talking, I was remembering a book that I read my micro a sinker. Oh, he's, he's, he's my hero. The untethered soul is the best book I've ever read. And I've read it four times. I read it twice. I just did it last week and it does so well for me. Yes, I only read one book in your life, make it the untethered soul. That's the only one you need to read. Yeah, I read that one. But you know, I went backwards. I read the surrender experiment. Yeah, that's good too. So, and as, but as you were speaking and you were talking, I just envisioned you from the surrender experiment when Michael, when she he said about him finding out what met mindfulness and meditation was and going into that space and that place and understanding. That book, to be very honest, that book helped change my life like things differently, because even though I was doing meditation, I really wasn't doing it with how I supposed to be doing it for me. Does that make sense. Yeah, that'll mean to truly open up into really surrender. I mean, we have our days where we kind of fall back, but now how to come out of that. Now I know where to go. What space to go to, you know, I've created a whole room in my home. We wear our work, day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project, or looking to add some tried and true work where to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. The work where isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workware20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. When you need meal time inspiration, it's worth shopping king supers for thousands of appetizing ingredients that inspire countless mouthwatering meals. And no matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy our everyday low prices plus extra ways to save, like digital coupons worth over $600 each week and up to $1 off per gallon at the pump with points so you can get big flavors and big savings, king supers, fresh for everyone, fuel restrictions apply. Just for that, you know, we do that, you know, before we don't know that we talk to work, work, work, work, work, create, create, but never a time to be mindfulness to be steel. That's what I want to be still take my hand off the wheel. Yes. Yeah, I learned a lot from reading his books and from a teacher who died a couple years ago called tiknaphan, who's a Zen Buddhist monk he was in his 90s when he passed away. A wonderful man who I actually had the chance to actually sit with in person at one of his retreats in come village where he lived in France. And he created a distinction for me which has always been useful over the years which is, there's meditative meditation is put into meditative practice and applied practice. The meditative practice is about recharging your mindfulness batteries is giving you mindful energy. So that the way that looks is things like sitting quietly walking in nature, swimming, anything that you do alone and quietly to still and quiet in the mind as the meditative practice that charges your batteries. And then you've got the applied practice which is how do you show up when you're in a when you're in a challenging conversation with someone. Do you get angry or do you stay calm. Do you, do you, you know, to be patient and tolerant or do you be frustrated and annoyed. Because you need the battery of mindfulness energy charged and then you can apply it until it runs out then you need to recharge it again, a bit like your mobile phone you need to plug in and recharge your mobile phone every night. Otherwise the applications don't work so you can have a phone with all these applied things on it but they don't work if they're not fully charged. Oh, I love that I love that analogy and I'm going to stick in my head. It is because I don't do that enough. Does that make sense. Don't do it enough and I'm a person on energy. I'm an impact. And so, yeah, just even before here I say I pray before I am speaking to different people because I understand that energy is powerful. You know, you can transfer to other people. And so I make sure that at least my house that I'm that is open, that is open and willing to learn but also I have to understand that also the energy that's coming to me. I have to make sure that I am. I don't want to say protected, because as I learned it until the so we don't want to protect, but yeah, that I'm aware of what's coming and that I'm here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so even when you have that when you just speaking about having a conversation. The first thing I thought about two books that I think about is the four agreement. Oh yeah, don't make well we get we're is he's such a great writer. The four agreements. So, yeah, those two books together combined and I'm telling you listeners, when you these two, but it will just change your whole perspective, even having relationships with other people, because you, you no longer will make it about you. You can sit in and you can look at, you can see it from another perspective, you can understand it from the other person's point of view that you're not looking at it from your ego or your pride and it's not about you. And also, we're healing. Yeah, until the soul helped me a few weeks ago and I'm going to share it on another show, but I'm just going to share a little bit with you. The situation that was going back to home to Chicago for a family union and I knew that there was a very toxic relationship that I had with some family members there. And so, the funny thing is when I woke up the night before I took flight to Chicago, there was a S that came like an S. And it had diamonds around it asked them so that morning I am doing my thing. And something said, come listen to, I'm to the heart again, I'm to the soul again. I turned it on. I spent the whole day listening to it. I listened to it in one day. And I was like, wow, I needed that I needed that to go to make sure that my conversation, make sure that my energy, make sure that I showed up as the best person that I can possibly be, instead of going into it with my heart closed and guarded. I had to open my heart. As a matter of fact, that whole week before that I was receiving this message about having my heart cracked open. And, you know, it was, it was so amazing. It was truly amazing. Before I knew it, I was sitting in little clusters of corners speaking to my family about books that I was reading about getting through it just felt like it felt like it was a retreat. It was so beautiful. It really was. I, and I, and all I kept saying was like, thank, thank you guys. Just think that I'm listening that I'm being obedient and then I'm paying attention. I'm aware of certain things that I have, I have the courage to check myself is what I call the courage to check myself and be accountable for some of my things that can relate to how I communicate with people. And it allows me to be like, okay, I hear with this conversation and saying, is it worth going down that rabbit hole with it, you know, it's going down that rabbit hole. What does it do. What does it do? Who is it about proving one another right or wrong. What is it? Yeah. And how it looks to me and how it feels to me is that you're in a wisdom always knows what's right. You don't have to overthink it you're in a wisdom always knows what's best and right. Yes, yes, I think as I got older, I'm more to tell myself the ego side of me go sit down over there. Yeah, okay. And allow the beautiful wisdom that's always been there but we take to listen because we do have that right in that ego that's in the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For you would have been okay because you travel all around the world. What has been your faith. It's hard to answer because some places I'll remember because of the amazing relationships I built and people I met. Some places I remember because of the teaching I received. Some places were just naturally beautiful, you know, like New Zealand was just beautiful rivers, mountain streams, trials, I mean, volcanoes, it was just beautiful. Oil painting of a country lovely very picturesque and others. Others were just charmingly chaotic like India, you know, it's very very chaotic but has a huge amount of charm and so many people there who are just deeply happy and content despite having very much reduced material comfort compared to what we enjoy. In the place some of the places we live it didn't seem to matter, they were just very accepting of their lives and it opened my eyes so, you know, it's hard to pick one and say this is the best place but where I lived in Changmei in Thailand. I love that place it was a very lovely little city and I really enjoyed living there for a while and I moved to Warsaw in Poland, completely different kind of back into East what used to be Eastern Europe is now Europe. And I love too, you know, but I was moved for love, I was in love with someone who had moved to be living with them so as a different experience. That's beautiful. Let me ask you this question, this is a question that I asked on the podcast and I asked about healing, about what chapter in your life is the most healing chapter for you. Since you traveled for 14 years in your back and I'm looking at in that 14 years, was that one chapter or was those multiple chapters in your life in that 14 years. Multiple chapters and I'd say the period that I did most of the deep healing work was between say 2009 and 2010 or 11. I started that journey by reading and a book by a couple of American psychiatrists, a book was called "Undefended Love" by Jet Tsarist and Marlena Lyons, a both living in San Francisco. And that book really opened me up and really, I saw when I read that book, oh my God, I mean, that's me, their person, they're describing very defended, very armored up, impenetrable, no can't receive any criticism. This was me. And so I reached out to the two of them and said, can I come and do a workshop with you? And they were running workshops in America, so I came to America and did a workshop with them. And I said, how do I continue doing this personal inner work? They said, well, we reckon you should do something called the Hoffman process. That would be serving you well. We wear our work, day by day, stitch by stitch. At Dickies, we believe work is what we're made of. So whether you're gearing up for a new project or looking to add some tried and true work wear to your collection, remember that Dickies has been standing the test of time for a reason. Their work wear isn't just about looking good. It's about performing under pressure and lasting through the toughest jobs. Head over to Dickies.com and use the promo code Workwear20 at checkout to save 20% on your purchase. It's the perfect time to experience the quality and reliability that has made Dickies a trusted name for over a century. When you need meal time inspiration, it's worth shopping king supers for thousands of appetizing ingredients that inspire countless mouthwatering meals. And no matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy our everyday low prices, plus extra ways to save, like digital coupons worth over $600 each week and up to $1 off per gallon at the pump with points. So you can get big flavors and big savings, king supers, fresh for everyone, fuel restrictions apply. And so a couple of years later, I did the Hoffman process, which was an eight day experience very deep. And then after that, I had a brand new set of tools and everything I learned in the Hoffman process and how I applied it I've written it's in chapter 12 of the book. And how I applied it and the vision that came from my life that came out about I've detailed all of that in the book so that everyone can see how to do the work for themselves. And when I wrote about it in the book, I actually showed it to the people at the Hoffman Institute to say, "This is what I'm writing in the story." They said, "This is lovely. This is probably the best account we've ever had someone write about this." So we're very delighted that you're publishing it. Yeah, that's when I did the deep work. But the work honestly, I mean, never stops. I'm in the work all the time. I mean, I'm in a relatively new relationship. I've been with my current partner for a year. And maintaining harmony in that relationship requires work and communication and requires some letting go of some beliefs I hold. And it's never stopping. It's never stopping. It's just work that is ongoing to stay in the place of peace, love, equanimity. That's a constant, constant challenge. It's not a challenge. That makes it sound like you don't really want. I really want to be loving and kind. So it's something I want to do. But I find my own programming and my own conditioned mind trips me up and has me become defensive and frustrated at times where I don't need to be that way. Yeah. So when you get that way, where did you go from there? I mean, where did you go from there? Yeah. First of all, I notice it straight away. I notice. I go, OK, I'm noticing I'm going down a path. I don't want to go down. I can then turn to my partner and say, I'm really sorry. I've gone down a path. I don't want to go down in this conversation. It's very unskillful of me. And I, I'd like to, I'd like to take a couple of steps back and go down a new path with you. May I do that? Oh, beautiful. Yeah. Beautiful. See, this, this journey, I call it the, the self love healing journey. It's been an amazing journey. I think you said early on in about watching yourself or being outside of yourself. I've done that several times. I remember speaking to a girlfriend of mine and telling her how I see a different version of myself and I love that version that I see. And she, she kind of give it with the lab and I said, no, I see, I see my new version. I see my old version and I'm standing here in the present moment. And I love them both, you know, because I think I pass. I think that past version of me, because not only did it show me to be courageous and strong, but it also gave me the willpower and resilience to be able to stand in my present moment and go for that person who I see. You know, in that future. Yeah, that new version of me. Yeah, lovely, lovely. Yeah, I often do that with clients when I'm coaching with them. I'll ask them to think back to a time where they weren't happy with who they were being and put an empty chair just a few feet away opposite them and say, ask them to go and sit in the empty chair as if they were that old version of themselves and then come and sit back in the chair as them now and have a conversation with their previous self and they do. And so it is an ability we all have. Yeah. It's not, you don't need to learn it. It's, it's in there. It's already in there. It is in there. Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful. All right, Ray. Well, you know, we had a lot of, I know I cut you off with you and I don't want to do this because you had the six rooms and I think I cut you off. That's all right. They're all in the book. Yeah, I don't want to give them too much, huh? No, I mean, they're all in there. Anyone wants to read them can find them there. Well, speaking of your book, where can they find your book set? Well, on Amazon is probably the easiest place in the US, I think, and I have a website called life without a tie.com where there's pictures from the journey and people can get a signed copy of the book from the person if they want one there. So that would be another place. So Amazon or life without a tie.com. Okay, life without a tie. That's what's cool. Yeah, I like that. So, okay, one more thing. Where did the title come from? Because that is a very, that, that is a different type of title. When did that title come? Yeah, so how it occurred to me was when I was writing the book was, I realized that when I left the UK, there were four, four things that sort of gave me a sense of being tied to the life I had there. One was the person I was married to. Two was the career that I had. Three was the physical house and the neighborhood I lived in. And four was my community of friends and my family. And I thought about it a lot and I thought those four things pretty much tie and define most of us and affect most of the decisions we make. And if you cut just one of those ties like you end a relationship, your life becomes slightly unstable for a while, even if nothing in the other three changes. But if you end the relationship and leave the home you live in, two ties cut, then it's wobbling quite a bit. Then if you decide that your career is going to come to an end, that's three of the ties cut, you've got very little to hang on to. So what happened to me was all four ties got cut at the same time. And so I had to literally reinvent myself from zero. And that's why life without a tie came into existence because I also used to wear a tie as a businessman. And I let go of being a CEO and gave up the world of business for a while. So I let go of that tie as well. So life without a tie is why it was that's why it was called that. That's by the way, that is actually me on the cover of the book because people always ask me that. That's on the path, that's on the path in the Himalayas to out every space camp. So that picture was taken in 2010. Oh, nice. Well, you know, we have come to the end of the show and last words that you want to share with my audience or anything that you think they should know or I would just say that, you know, life's a journey, you're going to, it's your own inner work that counts. You can listen to guys like me but it won't make any difference you've got to really listen into yourself. And that's where the truth of your own life lies but I'm also really happy to support or encourage anybody on that path. So if anyone wants to reach out and have a chat with me, I'm really happy to talk, you know, so let, let, please let me know. And that's beautiful. Thank you. Before before we leave I know I'm going to use the open up with it and since we didn't open up, I would like to play a pre recorded video of, of a meditation that I have, and then we kind of to take it out. Okay. All right. All right. Now, as you continue to breathe at your own pace, I want you to bring awareness to the present moment and feel the weight of your body grounding you together. I want you to notice any sensation within your body without judgment, just simply observe. Take a deep breath in drawing in peace and clearing. And I want you to exhale any distractions or worries that may be clouding your mouth with each breath create space for insights and intuition to flow free. Now envision a bright light at the center of your being, radiating one and with each inhale allow this light to expand and illuminate your mind and spirit and feel a sense of calm and serenity in you. I have one final deep breath in embracing this moment of stillness and interconnection and exhale slowly, carrying this sense of present and openness, the few as you move. So when you are ready, gently open your eyes and carry this feeling of mindfulness. After your day, you are grounded, you are centered and open to the insights that away. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing this moment with me, Ray. As well as my dear. Thank you. This is such an enriching conversation here. I want to go with you. I'm going back to Thailand for the winter. Yeah, I have from November until January. Oh, nice. Oh, my beautiful people out there. I also want to thank you all for tuning in. I want you to remember that the journey to self love is not just about reaching a destination, but it's about embracing each step along the way. So join us next time on the season of self love. If I was an insight, so until then, keep loving yourself and living authentic. I feel love. Thank you for joining us on this journey of discovery and empowerment here at the season of self love podcast. Remember, embracing self love is a continuous journey and we're so glad to have you with us. So if you enjoy today's episode, please leave us a review and don't forget to join our community on Facebook at season of self love. Connect with a like minded individuals who are also on their self love journey. Now, if you have any questions or topics that you would like for us to explore, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at season of self love at gmail.com and let your voice be her. So until next time, take a moment for yourself. Today, and remember, you are worthy of love, joy, and all the beautiful things that life has to offer. When you need meal time inspiration, it's worth shopping king supers for thousands of appetizing ingredients that inspire countless mouthwatering meals. And no matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy our everyday low prices plus extra ways to save, like digital coupons worth over $600 each week and up to $1 off per gallon at the pump with points. So you can get big flavors and big savings, king supers, fresh for everyone, fuel restrictions apply. Need a little help? O'Reilly auto parts can help. Need advice? We've got advice. No matter what you need, we have thousands of professional parts people doing their part to make sure you have it. Exceptional customer service, just one part that makes O'Reilly stand apart, the professional parts people. O'Reilly auto parts. (screams)