FM Talk 1065 Podcasts
Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour 10-05-24
The following broadcast is roughly live and in color. I don't want to hear no more of that goopy talk. Children are talking, all you got to do is be a good listener. Popular radio entertainment for the masses. Sweet Jesus, please let this work. Yeah, it's time to have some fun and be a good child on the way. Yes, it's time to laugh and sing, time to brighten up y'all's days. We got Jolina up in the house and the rocks directly is on the way. Jolina, it's mama, it's somebody in there with you. It's time to have some fun, there's a good time on the way. It's time to laugh and sing, time to brighten up y'all day. We got Jolina up in the house and the rocks directly is on the way. Hello friends, welcome to your happy little joyful silly spot on FM Talk. 106.5. Happy fall, y'all. The musical productions heard on the Jolene Roxbury variety hour in no way represent the The musical taste of that them talk when oh six five supposed to be fishing possibly Here with the pumpkin patch, little body patch, of dancing pumpkin Join in the pumpkin dance, give me the chance to do the pumpkin poker Let's dance This probably ain't gonna work It's the pumpkin poker, people love this Jolene, you gotta do better than this It's a sweet happy little song I thought you were all about joy Whoo Are you sniffing lavender again I'll be coming up to the farm this afternoon Oh man You just go from there I'm not gonna stop playing this song What about Jolene? Pumpkin poker You know when coach says my name Several times in one phone call, I know I'm in trouble You know when we were little and our parents would address us by our full name We knew we were in for it When he says look Jolene a lot Yeah, I'm in trouble What is the problem? Oh man, you're putting my mother through? You couldn't even let me get through the show My blood pressure is going on Thank you, thank you Hey mama Hello? Hello? Jolene? Mom? Hey Jolene, it's mama Could you not eat in the phone? Could you stop eating? I'm sorry, you usually don't get to the phone so quick Please stop shooting You usually leave me on hold forever I'm on the air Well, I'm hungry and I have to take my medicine with food Jolene Okay, I understand that Please give me a second Please, you have to do this right off the bat Are you in the middle of anything? Yeah, I'm in the middle of my show Okay, okay, so it's nothing important Again? Again? Oh come on, don't get your drawers in a bunch Mama? I know your show is on, I'm just not listening Anyway, what's up? Well, I'm getting ready to start doing my holiday baking And whatnot And I'm missing a few things So we covered the muffin pans last week We actually cover those every year Every season Do we have to do this now? Let's do this later No, no, I want to go over it now So you can start looking as soon as you finish with your little shell I'm not okay, so you get a piece of paper You get something to write with I do, I have... It's not a crayon either You couldn't read your own handwriting the last time you did that And I ended up getting all the wrong stuff Why don't you let me write my own list? What's that? I've got a pen Okay, so here we go I'm looking for my jingle bell jello mold Didn't borrow it Yes, you did I didn't, I did not borrow it Don't you remember Jolene, you used my jingle bell jello mold To make those bath bombs What? Remember? You needed my silicon jello jingle bell You want to take that again? Don't you remember Jolene? You've got to stop laughing It's very unprofessional You needed my silicon jingle bell jello mold Okay, I might have those Yeah Okay It's just October, you got some time Don't need to stress yourself out Getting ready so early Come on, not the no speaking I'll look for them and everything else I'm missing those and once again I'm missing my pumpkin-shaped muffin pans Oh, come on We decided last week that I did have them But I brought them back I brought them back when we made the big move up to the farm You did, but now they're missing again I do You brought them back I distinctly remember you came back over And you took them again I don't think I did that You did bring them back You came over to the house You needed them for something else And you took them again And now they're missing again I'm trying to remember what that could have been for I know what it was for I know what it was for Let me finish Okay I think you used them back when you were making those Toilet bowl cookie things Oh, the cleaners With the vinegar, citric acid And the peppermint, essential oils Yeah, yeah I love them I love them too Didn't eat them, did you? No, I didn't eat them Okay Though they really do look like divinity They could Yeah Your dad ate several He didn't But they sure do keep the toilet bowl sparkling clean They did Of that fresh smell in the bathroom I do too They're especially good at big family gatherings Mom Like after your uncle Bertrand goes in there too Mom, don't eat for a while if you know what I'm saying I don't want you to say any more though Sweet fancy Moses Going in the bathroom after he's gotten out of there Yay! Pans Okay, so I'm missing those Mm-hmm Missing them up in pans Let's see the jello moe Oh, and I'm missing my big potato salad bowl You know, the big green bowl with the yellow lid I didn't borrow it Yes, you did I did not borrow it Yes, you did I didn't borrow it Oh, that's right Anyway, it looks totally I'm gonna finish up taking all my meds I need you to find my stuff Will ya? I will do my best And if I can't find it I'll buy you some more Alright I'm glad to hear you go on the radio sweetheart I thought you weren't listening Oh, I'm not Your dad just told me to play that Okay Alright Alright I love you too I'll talk to you soon Yeah, birds, and if you're like me You have had a long, hot summer And it's just time for a season change Oftentimes when the temperature changes Outside that pressure That's usually bearing down on us Because of the heat I'm not a meteorologic technical person And no, I don't know that that's a word But I do know when that pressure cooker Let's up even just a little bit It calms me Personally There seems to always be a bit of nostalgia About the fall For many of us, the kiddos aren't little anymore But it makes me think of back to school Trick or treat, lunch boxes Going out shopping for, you know, school supplies New school shoes And you know what? I think it's getting back into a routine I mean, that's really the big marker for me It was that school starts And you get in a certain mode For the next nine months Sometimes more But I still really dig the fall In that sense Because now I have all these guys Especially Earl T, I pack his lunch box Every morning Oh yeah, dude I'll vouch for that Please don't slam that Jolene either let me use her dukes of hazard Lunchbox, man That's an old one It's so cool When you open it, it goes *crying* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh By the way, I really enjoyed the banana flip snack cakes The what? Banana flip cake? You know that yellow banana cake fooling Into a half moon and stuff with all that creamy, gunky, filling stuff? Banana flip cakes It kind of looks like a cake taco, man You saw one of those in the old dukes lunch box? Just need some cheese No, no, no, they don't make those anymore Like since 1975 What? 1975? Yeah, I think you ate like a 50 year old snack cake Oh, man Like I ate that with my lunch yesterday *laughing* Didn't I? *laughing* Why did you put that in my lunch, Jolene? Well, technically, I didn't My mom put that in there Like years ago I just stood there and watched me eat it It tasted pretty good though *laughing* You got any more? Probably not Okay, okay So, so can I do the rocks tober promo now? Yes, you may Now that it is actually October Alright It's rocks tober dude And you're listening to the Jolene Roxbury variety hour When you get that See rocks tober See like Jolene Roxbury Instead of rock tober You see we don't really rock We do rock You know like *laughing* Whoa, this show rocks But we don't rock like *vocalizing* You see the difference there Girl, they get it, let it go And we go get missing them with brownies I'm Jolene Roxbury You stay where you are We will be right back With more show If you're looking for something fun to do on a Friday night Either by yourself With some friends Or somewhere you can take the whole family I know somewhere you can go have a great time It doesn't cost a lot And I love it You know what I'm talking about? High school football Mm-hmm And no matter where you are I guarantee you There is a high school football game Somewhere nearby Possibly in your own backyard Possibly less than one mile from your house And you know, even before the weather starts getting cool Which if you live down here on the Gulf Coast Is usually around thanksgiving So depending on where you are You might have to wait a while for the cool weather But even if it's hot out You know, there's just something about A concession stand hot bar That's some of the best burgers in town And a lot of the schools You know, they have a little area where the The kids who aren't really interested in the game You know, can go play on the playground Do something else And they're still nearby Where you can yank them back if you have to And even if you don't have any kids It's a wonderful way to support The young people in your community And don't forget the marching band They work really hard too I mean, what would a football game be without a band? All you'd hear for two hours Is a bunch of helmets clicking together And a lot of grunting Throw some brass in there Some drums Mm-hmm And right about now the band members And the football players They're all taking part in their fall fundraisers So get out there and support these kids And if you don't like football And you don't like music Buy something from them And tuck it away as a wonderful Christmas gift for someone This is Jolene's mother With a very important message From name and catering Name and delicious menu to go Have you heard about it? Delicious soups like tomato bisque Delicious seafood gumbo You can buy all those by the gallon Salads by the pound like chicken, tuna Check out name and catering Delicious and convenient to go menu At name and catering.com Folks have started taking my advice They're calling 473-3900 They ask for Thomas Naaman And request that he personally Guide them through the contents Of the takeout freezer Wouldn't you like to have your own personal Catered freezer concierge? Yeah you would Call them up Let Naaman's get dinner ready So you don't have to Rock scary No And now Live from her kitchen Beachside on Alabama's beautiful Gulf Coast The woman who loves to eat But hates to cook Actually she doesn't know how to cook Bell caddoo Thank you, thank you Welcome everyone to Bell's Beachside Kitchen And of course you know now Since it is football season We are tailgating at the stadium We have our gorgeous portable kitchen set up And thankfully The person in charge Knows how to cook Since I'm a complete disaster in the kitchen With me as always The inimitable Chef Alec Naaman Hi sweetheart And over in the corner Underneath the giant tile Cleanex Jolene Hey Jolene Stay away from the food dear Don't worry about it It's just my seasonal allergies anyway I'm not sick Whatever Alec what's cooking on the tailgate? Well I want to do some Greek stuffed pizza this week What do y'all think? You think you like that? I like it Sounds good Well it's pretty easy Now it's a lot of work Cause you gotta flour up And make some dough you know? I can help do that What I usually do Is I preheat my oven at about 450 degrees And while that's preheating I get me out of large non-stick skillet And I get it kind of high About medium high heat And I start heating me up A little bit of the olive oil And then I chop me up some onions And I cook that down a little bit Maybe about 5 or 6 minutes To those onions get really tender And then I take me some fresh spinach And I throw it in the skillet And I let it cook down about 3 minutes Until all those flavors blend Then I take that spinach and onion mixture And I put it in a bowl And get it out of the skillet And then I get me some ricotta cheese And some feta cheese And some dill And some scallions And a bunch of artichoke hearts I love artichoke hearts And of course some pepper Like some red bell pepper Green bell pepper Yellow bell pepper And I chop that all up really good Now I mix all that together In a bowl I mix up the spinach and the onion And the cheeses And the scallions and artichokes and peppers All in a bowl Well that's all mixed up I clear off the counter I throw everything off to the floor And I clear off the counter really good And I sprinkle some flour on the counter And then I start taking that dough And I start turning that dough On to the surface And I roll it out And then I start cutting that dough into two pieces And I keep kneading that dough And lightly And then I sprinkle some more The flour on it And I use my rolling pin now And I flatten out that dough And I keep adding some more flour As I need to To keep the dough from sticking to the counter Until I end up with about a 12 or 14 inch circle And then I take one of those circles of dough And I take a nine stick pizza pan Or baking sheet Whatever it fits on And I gently pull that dough back to about 12 inch circle And you gotta pull the dough a little bit You ever seen Ben in the pizza place And the guy's tossing the dough up in there And he's spinning it all around And then he takes any pulls on the edges some more And he tosses it up again And then he pulls on the edges some more Well he's basically trying to get that pizza thin That crust thin, okay So once we get all that done I take a spoon full of that spinach mixture With all that cheese And I put it right on top of the dough And I'm spreading the mixture about an inch from the edge I don't let it get all the way to the edge, okay? And I brush the edge with some water Alright, and then I take that second piece of dough that I made 'Cause remember now I rolled out the dough I cut it in half And I rolled out two separate pieces In case you forgot what I did a while ago But if you can remember that I did two pieces So one, I'm gonna put all that spinach mixture on top of one of them Then I'm gonna take that second circle of dough And I'm gonna put it on top And I'm gonna crimp the edges together So now I've got the stuffing in the middle And I got two a dough on the bottom And a dough on the top And all the spinach stuff in the middle But then I stick it on the oven right down the middle rack And I let it cook For about 25 minutes, let's just all hot and bubbly And the crust is all golden And I love it when it gets all golden I like little crispy edges a little bit But anyhow, when it's all said and done I call that my Greek stuffed pizza Yeah, I hope you enjoy that one Let's all get stuffed We'll see everybody next week in Bell's Beachside Kitchen, tailgate edition Ooh, we recorded that when the golden rod was violently wafting through the air You know, one thing you have to remember to do Call Naaman's catering at 473-3900 Ask for Thomas Naaman Among all the other hats he wears Thomas loves his new position As catering to go freezer concierge Kind of like a tour guide of deliciousness The catering to go freezer Is your premier destination to get you out of the kitchen And that freezer is always loaded Without of this world casseroles Like shrimp alfredo One of my favorites, the chicken poppy seed Oh, and there's chicken alfredo The lasagna, incredible This is one of my favorite comfort foods In the whole world, shepherd's pie I love that and I love, let's see The baked spaghetti casserole My grandmother used to make that And she would just serve a little simple green salad with it Now the one thing she would do She would pour French dressing all over The big bowl of salad Like everybody was supposed to love French dressing Crazy Cajun woman Okay, oh, beef tips and gravy Just absolutely delicious These are substantial entrees And they serve between 12 up to 15 people Depending on who's eating If it's like these guys here in my studio Hmm, my family But they eat a whole, whole lot Like too much But for normal people, it's perfect Macaroni and cheese Twice baked potato casserole And then they do have the large pan Of just a vegetable medley, garden vegetables And a butter sauce, snap bean, almond bean Love that Can you guys tell I haven't eaten Turnip grains They do have a wonderful seafood gumbo And crab meat bisque I love that And crawfish, et tufe You guys need to call 473-3900 And I say, "Hey!" Jolene says you'll tell me everything you got In the freezer Then you'll be able to make your selection The reheating instructions are so simple Even I can follow them And let namins do the cooking So you don't have to! Apple introduces a new iPhone For people who want to be extra frugal With their purchases It's the my phone The phone for people not overly picky About high-tech improvements While the iPhone 15 is made of titanium The my phone is made of tough Durable, double-strength plywood The my phone does almost everything And iPhone does You can make calls Hello, Charlie Hello, it's over there Charlie, it's Bill You're feeling you What? What? You can send texts The my phone has a long battery life And when they run down Just pop in another 4 AA's And like any other iPhone The my phone puts the world At your fingertips Hey, sorry What is the square root of 9? The my phone, only $39.99 Wherever stuff is sold Here's Apple CEO Tim Cook On this my phone To tell you about a special offer And there's the money saving coupon He was telling you about Make my phone Your phone It'll be done in a moment Almost there It's October And you know what that means, don't you? That's right, it's my favorite holiday of the year I just go back deep during the season Go to any store And what do you see? Decorations and treats everywhere Yes, it's finally time for Christmas And you are invited to Big Bubba's Pre-Halloween Christmas Sale Where you'll find frightfully Good Parkinson's Everything you need to jump the gun On this marvelous season Why? Here comes Santa Claus Where are you going, Santa? I am going to Big Bubba's To get chestnuts and candy corn To put in a trick or treat bags The kids are going to hang on the fair place Yes, you two can confuse the kitties By jumping on the Christmas band Wagon and Octo Ho, ho, ho On Dasher On Donner On Igor and Boris You won't forget to get your jack-o-lander To put on top of your tree Big Bubba's Pre-Halloween Christmas Sale Don't waste time According to Madison Avenue You're already late And starting your Christmas shelter And Big Bubba's Shopping for the season of Peace on Earth Is always the scream [Music] Merry Christmas Big Bubba's is the place for you Scary-maps Tint so too they piece on Earth and inside Boo! Happy Bubba's [Music] And now a Halloweeny Moment with Belle Caddoo Halloween's Superstition number five If a person was to eat A salted roasted herring Before going to bed It is said that their future spouse Will appear to them in a dream At the foot of their bed Well I don't know anything about that But if my present spouse A'd a roasted herring Before getting into bed with me I would appear in front of him With a gigantic industrial-sized can Of Febreze Can you imagine the back draft consequences? Frightening If you have not already done so You need to download the FMTalk 1065 app When you do You'll have all your favorite podcasts At your fingertips and over 50 hours A week of local programming Which is a big deal Hey we're going to be right back [Music] The Joey Roxbury variety hour Welcome back to the show everybody I'm Joey Roxbury Thank you so much for including us In your precious me time No matter where you are Whatever you happen to be getting Yourself into What we are getting into Is October I'm not a big scary movie person But I know lots of folks who are They will kick back on the weekends And watch all of those Halloween movies Back to back to back to back In 1978 The world was frightened by the movie Halloween Directed by John Carpenter It became a classic Then it became Halloween 2 Proving that if something works the first time It'll work the second time That was followed by Halloween 3 Which oddly had nothing to do with Halloween 1 or 2 And by this time Jamie Lee Curtis had better things To do with her career It was followed by Halloween 4 Which was called The Return of Michael Myers So everybody would know that Halloween 4 was returning to the story Of Halloween 1 and 2 And had nothing to do with Halloween 3 Halloween 1 and 2 Or 4 Then there was Halloween 5 The revenge of Michael Myers Then came Halloween 6 The curse of Michael Myers Which explained the curse that Led to the revenge that came after the return After that Halloween H2O Halloween 20 years later It should have been named Halloween 7 The return of Jamie Lee Curtis Halloween 8 Resurrection was next Where Michael Myers comes back to life Whoa, didn't see that coming Then there was Halloween Yes, just Halloween Directed appropriately By Rob Zombie Where Halloween starts All over again Now this Halloween Prepare yourself For something completely different The Muppets Do Halloween Halloween Halloween Halloween Halloween Halloween The Muppets do Halloween Because Frankly, we've just Run out of ideas This is what it sounds like When nobody's in the studio It's very scary You're listening to the Jolyne Roxbury Variety Hour We're all shopping for really lame Halloween costumes Seriously, we're trying to outlay each other this year I'll let you know who wins Good day! This is lesson number 31C On how to converse in Alabama, USA When talking with someone from Alabama You must remember that these are a very proud and self-sufficient people When something goes wrong they repair it themselves They enjoy boasting of their abilities to repair just about anything And therefore will often make this boast at the beginning of a sentence For instance, when you or I would say I'm going to the store And Alabamaian would say I'm fixing To go to the store Please repeat after me Pick up up on blocks I'm fixing to get my dog fixed A proper reply to these sentences In fact, to anything an Alabamaian tells you is to reassure the individual that your hearing has not suddenly become impaired Thus, I heard that Repeat after me please I heard that For a quiz I will tell you a statement and you give me the proper Alabamium response Here's the sentence Say, Clem, that their fella has a shotgun and he's going to blow your head clean off Did you say I heard that Very good Now, if you wish to respond in the negative there's a very quaint verbal friendly "Hey, all" For instance "Hey, all, no, it ain't gonna snow" Repeat after me please "Hey, all, you don't know what you're talking about" "Hey, all, why don't you just go to Hey, all" That concludes our lesson for today, so until I'm fixing to give you our next session "Hey, all, don't start practicing" I heard that and I hope you did too Goodbye, y'all And now a Halloweeny moment with Bel-Cadole And yet another Halloween stupor-stition My grandmother told me that a long time ago on Halloween night it was common practice for parents to rub oatmeal and salt on their children's heads to ward off evil spirits Unfortunately, this did attract all of the neighborhood dogs and any livestock that happened to be downwind of the poor deers I often wondered why so many of the old family photos contained so many pictures of so many ball children Tragic I'm Bel-Cadole Stay tuned for more Halloween stupor-stitions Has this ever happened to you My gosh! Somebody's trying to break it into our house Honey! Honey! I'm done told you! The unemployment office don't open till I now go back to sleep You idiot! Open the safe! We have to protect the kids! All of our things my jewelry! Where's that monkey at? What's the problem? I'm trying! I'm trying! It's good! I can't get to! What would you do in this situation when your family is threatened? How will you protect them if you can't get to your monkey quickly? Get out of there, mother! Get him out! I'm trying! It just won't open! We need a safe, reliable way to contain our primate! It's a fact. This year, one in ten homes will be invaded. You know this, but you don't want guns in the house. You've exercised your second amendment rights and secured a primate to protect you and your family. But how can you be sure your monkey will be ready when it comes time to defend you? At primate vault, our store boasts over 44,000 square feet of an unbeatable selection of sace, cabinets, and vaults for your home or office. Primate vault offers state-of-the-art protection for your monkey so you can be ready. Rhonda! Call the police! I'm fixing to go ape! Don't miss, dude! Your primate will love our vast selection and expertise. Make sure you, your loved ones and your valuables are well protected. Invest in your future. Get a primate vault in your home today and check out our new primate vault with identity scan. Let me try. Just don't get too close. Oh, hit me! And protect all your important papers and valuables from water damage with our newly designed marsupial waterproof safes. Our waterproof safes are smaller, more portable, and have a waterproof seal to keep their contents and your marsupials dry. Hey, what's a marsupial? Any viviporous, non-placental mammals such as possums, kangaroos, wombats, and bandicoots. Take advantage of the special radio offer and purchase your primate vault factory direct. Our factory train technician will deliver and install to ensure your monkey is comfortable, content, and rested when it comes time to defend your family. Door representation is made that the quality of the primate protection services to be performed is greater than the quality of primate services performed by other monkeys. A monkey is a primate and not a type of ape and not a type of monkey. A chimpanzee is a type of ape. So it's a primate, but not a monkey. When it comes to your family's safety, we don't monkey around. Thanks, primate vault! I am not cleaning up that monkey poop. Rocks bed. Jolene Rocks bed. She makes me laugh. It's time to crank up the Jolene Roxbury way back machine. Hi, Joe Green. This is Larry Carey. How are you? Doing great, girly. Just enjoying my freshly red wood stained upper deck of my townhouse. You chillin'? Sure. I just had a pain last week after watching a special on the red wood national park on the travel channel. Ooh. I wanted to surround myself on red wood, Joe Laid. Nothing wrong with that. Did you know that the Sequoia Samper Rirens is the sole living species of the genus Sequoia and the cypress family? Chorepsacke. What? Caprifica. What are you doing? Are you reading Wikipedia again? I was googling while virus protection database was updating. Oh, okay. You know, sometimes you're a real time-waster. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about red wood trees, Joe Laid. Holy crap. Okay. The more common names include coast red wood, giant red wood, and California red wood. Did you know that a red wood is an evergreen, long-lived monocle tree living up to 200,000 years? 100,000. Oh, wait. Living up to 2,200 years? Okay. Redwoods or fatalities trees on earth reaching up to 300 semi-odd part 1 feet in height and 26 feet in diameter at breast height. Breast height? Oh, look out. I didn't even know trees had breasts. Oh, my crap. Why is this happening? What are you doing this to me? My digressing. You are. Well. Listen, Jim told me that the reason you were calling was because you think we have your 3D glasses. I mean, why would someone still bear for 3D glasses, Joe Lane? I mean, it's not like you can see everything in 3D through them. Holy crap. That's right. And even if you could see everything in 3D, I mean, how much felt would that be? Apparently not as messed up as you are right now. It would be like living in a view master. Now, that might be cool. Did you ever have a view master when you were a kid, Joe Lane? Holy crap. I still have a view master or two. And all the reels that went with it. Did you have one? Sure. I am now the proud owner of a vintage brown view master and nice condition. Holy crap. It comes with a 50 view master rail. Who you got? Let's see. We've got wild animals of Africa. Mmm. Popeye. Spiderman. Mmm. Superman. Mmm. Who you got? James Bond. Winnie the Pooh. 101 Dalmation. Mmm. Bad knobs. And broomsticks. What is that, Joe Lane? Uh, Disney movie. Pussin' Boots. What? Pussin' Boots. Pussin' Boots. We've got the Hair Bear Bunch. Hair Bear Bunch. Okay. I don't know that one either. Uh, quick draw McGraw. Yeah. And Hookle Bear Hound. The licher goes on and on, Joe Lane. Look out. Okay. Well don't you do that. Listen. If that Jim Weaver finds any 3D glasses around the studio, would you send them to me? Yeah, I will. Say you later, girly. Guests of the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour stay at that big fancy hotel downtown. The rest of us stay at the Motel 3. A way she never has any guests. It's finally happened. Local psychiatrists have joined together to give you not only the best in psychiatric care, but in shopping convenience, too. Yes, introducing psychiatrists small, where you can find mental health and outstanding bargains at the same time. Ladies, looking for that perfect negliget? Come to Freudian slips. But be careful. Sometimes things just pop out when you least expect it. How about a lovable pet to rid yourself of stress? Check out Pavlov's dogs. Animals so cute your mouth your water. And finally, look at all the beautiful handwoven luggage at the basket case. Get inside our mall and we'll get inside your head. Roxbury! [MUSIC] Hey, this is Earl T. reminding you that I can't remember what it is that I'm reminding you of, but it has something to do with the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour, man. Hey Jolene, you know what goes amazingly well together? Spicy crawfish and corona. Halloween? And dad jokes. Oh, no. I let you do dad jokes at last Christmas. We had a supper for those last year. Dad jokes just make it instantly better. Don't you think? No. Okay, maybe not, but we're doing it anyway. Oh. Look, if you can play the pumpkin polka, I mean, this is happening. Okay. Do you want this in regular dad voice or would you like this in my vampire voice? I have to pick one. Look at me like that. Okay. Regular. I'll try. Well, okay. Maybe I'll switch off back and forth. No, please don't. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? What? Frostbite. Oh, gosh. Eh? No. Sure. Mm-hmm. How about this? How do vampires start their letters? I mean, like, writing a letter? I don't know. Tomb. It may concern. Tomb. It may concern. Tomb. Tomb. It may concern. Instead of tomb. Okay. Mm. Everybody knows this one. Where does Dracula keep his money? Mm. In a blood bank. Yeah. I've heard that one. Of course. Okay. Der. How do ghosts search the web? I don't know. How do ghosts search the web? They use Google. Google. Google. Google. Go. Go. Google. Google. Okay. And finally. Fantastic. I know you're happy about this. I'm going to play the pumpkin patch polka again. How does a scarecrow drink is juice? I don't know. With a straw. Scarecrow? Oh. Straw. No. Scarecrows are kind of made of straw. They are. They are. Mm. I'm going to go sit big down over here. No, I've actually got stuff for you to do. This portion of the Jolene variety hour is brought to you by Larry's Legless Frogs. Hey, that is Blake Brown, Mobile Police Department's Civilian Public Information Officer. He did not identify himself. Don't turn the music off like that. Who's he trying to food? Just step off. He's just trying to have some fun with us. Get out. Well, who the hell let him in the control room? Hey, it's Blake from Larry's Legless Frogs. Lots of places serve frog legs. So what happens to the rest of the frog? Larry's Legless Frogs have these Legless Frogs towed to his place where he serves them up to you. Why go anywhere else and have expensive riblets? When you can go to Larry's and have cheaper ribbons. Larry's Legless Frogs. They're not losers, although they have been defeated. You'll be here all week, folks. Would you stop? I'm glad somebody finally moved into that vacant house down the street, but something funny is going on in that house, and you don't need to be going over there with a welcome basket until we finally moved into that house. I don't need to be going over there with a welcome basket until we find out what it is. I'm just being neighborly. No, we're keeping our distance. They're suspicious of everybody. You watch too many cop shows. We'll see about that. Some scary looking people just moved in down the street, and I don't want to meet the neighbors. My husband wants to go by for a little meet and greet, but I don't want to meet the neighbors. There's always lots of splashing, but they don't have a pool. They've got a big rottweiler who are always over there, yet no one has a clue. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I think they've got a meth lab over there too. Meth lab? Yeah. Got a conversion van with painted dragons on the side, and I don't want to meet the neighbors. The ice cream man will come here because the children run and hide. I don't want to meet the neighbors. I was going to have a party. Lots of girls and pampered chef, but all my friends said, "Uh-oh, because they're all scared to death. Are they raising demon camels? Or are they cooking meth?" Oh, oh, oh, oh. Listen to that. Those are not ordinary animals over there. Sounds just like your mother. Did you just say that really? Oh. See? The meth lab just exploded. Didn't you hear it? Roger. Did you call the cops? I didn't have to. You haven't noticed they've been staked out at the end of the street all week long. I didn't kiss that house warming in by goodbye. I know, but I'm not going to be a little too late. I'm not going to be a little too late. I'm not going to be a little too late. I'm not going to be a little too late. I'm not going to be a little too late. I'm not going to be a little too late. I'm not going to be a little too late. I'm not going to be a little too late. 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