Susie B Speaking to the Barcelona "Easy Does It, But Do It" meeting on September 13, 2023
The Daily Reprieve
Barcelona Meeting - Susie B
[Music] Hello and welcome to the Daily Reprieve, where we provide essays, speaker meetings, workshops, and conferences in podcast format. We are an ad-free podcast. If you enjoy listening, please help us be self-supporting by going to Donate.thewreprieve.com and drop a dollar or two into the virtual basket. Please consider donating monthly by clicking the Donate monthly button. However, one-time donations are always welcome. Just click the Donate Now button. Now, without further ado, this episode of the Daily Reprieve. Okay, so today, 13 September, 2023, we are very happy to have with us Susie B from Idaho, U.S. in recovery since 20 April 2014. She will be sharing on the topic of getting sober and staying sober. You are now on Susie and hearty welcome from my side as well and the whole EDVD family. You have 25 minutes to share and Daniel will be timing you with five minutes for me. Thank you. The floor is yours. Okay, thank you. Can you hear my audio good? Yes. Yes. Yes, loud and clear. Well, I am Susie, a sexaholic and left addict. I've actually been on this journey of recovery for about 32 years now. I started in 1991 in a different S program. I went through a number of years of trying to without a meeting of any desk type available. And I tried to work this program through another program, hooked up program that worked a little bit for few years. And then I crashed and burned. And finally found essay in my little hometown here in 2002. And I've been an active member of S.A. since 2002. In 2014, I changed my sobriety date. And I am sexually sober by the essay definition since 2014. I had to clean up some stuff. In 2014, I didn't act out physically sexually, but I was not having progressive victory over left. And that's what this program offers us is recovery and progressive victory over left. So I fortunately had some people in my life who held my feet to the fire and asked me in 2014, were you sober when you were participating and flirting and some other symptoms of my disease. And I had to admit I wasn't sober then. So with lots of help and nashing of teeth, I changed my sobriety date. It gave me a new level humility and taught me about surrender. So I want to say that I, this program has taught me that I have a fatal disease of my body and spirit. I have an allergy of the body and an objection of the mind. And I can obsess about anything. And for a lot of years in my disease, I obsess about men, about flirting, about rendezvous, relationships, intrigue. I am the other symptoms of my disease are flirting, flirting, wanting to be loved with after, after homestuity, adultery. I've done a lot of things in my disease that beyond my value and every time I crossed the line, whatever I had just done became okay in my mind. So I love the line I heard in this meeting. I am violating my standard faster than I can lower them. That was so true for me. So I qualify in this program. And I am aware that that my disease is that I am powerless to change myself. And I lack power. And I need a higher power. And the gift of grace from my higher power. And that is how I play sober. Now, my topic today is how to get and stay sober. And as you just heard, I've had a lot of years when I was a sober and I was trying to be. So you may wonder why are we listening to Susie instead of buddy who's been sober since what was it? 1997. And I'm hoping we'll hear somebody later as well. But I am hoping that I have learned from my mistake. And to me, that is a real gift of my higher power is that I am very human and I will make mistakes. I have made mistakes. And if I can learn from them, I can continue to grow in recovery. So that is a real important piece for me today is having learned from my mistake. So how to get sober? Well, we have the entire essay quite book and a big book. The topic is getting and staying sober. And my experience of those both is that they talk a lot more about safe sober than without getting so. So my experience has been that in order to give up my solution, which was all that list of symptoms that I just went through, those were my solutions, not my, my degree, you know, my solution for acting out behaviors. In order to give those up and to just stop or just say no, I have to have something to put in this place. I had to have something to do instead of acting out. So early on, I really needed to know what to do instead. Early on, I had a good sponsor who said, when you want to pick up the phone and call that man you're investing about, call me hurt. And we'll talk about, you know, and I was never able to convince her that I really needed to call whoever I was investing about. So that was really good support. Sometimes I, especially early in recovery, I had to have some external support systems to help me. And I found that from meetings and from sponsorship. And they taught me to fill up my time with recovery activity. Instead, indulging in my fantasy life and my objective thinking. And I would encourage to stay busy with things like going to meetings, quickly being a service in meetings. And just, you know, reading the literature, working the step, studying the literature, not just reading it, and working with my sponsor. So the wife book, in a section on pages 63, 64, talking about get zero. And that teaches me that I cannot recover in isolation. I need other people. I need to fellowship. And I need meetings. Meeting is where I connect with the fellowship. So David Silver is, there's some really good slips for me about how to stay sober. In the white book, an affection that I would never have thought to look this up. In the section, it's pages 185 to 187. A section called meetings and how they work. I wouldn't look there to say, how can that help me stay sober. But I have really discovered that there's some really good information and tips there. So one thing is, it talks about basically, it shares that meetings is where we connect with each other and where the solution is. And some suggestions that have worked for others in the past about how to be in meetings, what to share, what to do. Things that have been helpful to me are to ask myself, what is it I most don't want to talk about today. What is it I would rather keep is written, what is it I would like to hide. So I need to shine the light on that thing that I most don't want to talk about. And I do that in order to bring the inside out. Because basically, I just want to look good. I want to have the people to think I'm doing a good job of whatever I'm doing. I'm doing a good job of recovery. I'm being a fifth. I want to look good. And I may look good on the outside, but inside, I'm like that, you know, slawing, floating across the water who looks so great, slow and calm on the outside with the feet going 90 miles an hour under the water to propel. And I am very often in turmoil on the inside trying to look good on the outside. So I need to shine the light on the thing that I most don't want you to see. And I can do that by leading with my weakness in meeting. If I am going to a meeting and everybody only talks about being happy, joyous and free and how wonderful recovery is, that doesn't give me a way to connect with if I am still really struggling on the inside. So I need to hear and I need to share my mistakes and my challenges. And I can do that with a sponsor. And I can do it in meetings as I get current in meetings. I also need to learn to feel my feelings and not be numb enough with the symptoms of my disease. And that's not always easy for a lot of us. And I was one who stuck my feelings for years and because everything I didn't want to look at, I didn't want to think about, I didn't want to feel. So recovery has taught me and is teaching me to feel the feelings that I most want to avoid. So back to meetings and how they work, which is really giving me information about my recovery is to suggest that I get the flow that I love that have helped me so much recovery is I am as thick as my secrets. So if I'm still teaching secrets, I need to bring those to the light and only to be willing to not have secrets anymore. That and then I need to take responsibility for my own recovery. And for me, I had to accept the fact that my sponsor could not fix me. My sponsor was not the solution. I wanted somebody to rescue me. I wanted to be, I just wanted some outside force person to take care of me and to rescue me. And so I first thought that, you know, I put that on my sponsor. And that's not how it works. I learned that I didn't need the sponsors to experience strength and hope and direction and how to work the steps and how to apply the principles of the program and the traditions in my daily life. I mean, but I am responsible for taking the actions of recovery. These actions, we all know the basics. What are the actions of recovery? They're simple and not easy. And they're the basis of go to meetings that a sponsor works with steps and serve others. Taking responsibility also includes helping to create and maintain a safe place for everyone in the meeting. Page 185 in the white book, I'll paraphrase that. It says that the aim of essay is to offer sexual sobriety, progressive victory over love, and recovery. And it's where meetings can become a sanctuary of serenity and life. I just love that image. I needed, I still need a sanctuary of serenity and life. A sanctuary is where my enemies can't get to you. It is a safe place. It is where that disease of mine that's over in the corner doing push-up while I'm trying to work my program. It's just waiting for a crack to slip in and take me over. A sanctuary of serenity and life, I am guarding and protected from the disease. So how do we create and sanctuary of serenity and life in our meetings? Well, it's partly my responsibility to join a home group, to be in service in that home group, and help create that sanctuary for all of us to come where there is serenity and life. I need to make a commitment. I need to volunteer for service position. And I need to remember, when I do service, I'm helping my own recovery. It is a big part of my recovery. The service manual for essay on chapter 19 page four, and I'll paraphrase that, it says, don't remember new service and members who do service, they still do. And that's a really good reminder for me. I do experience a lot of joy in service, and it's kind of a funny thing how that works. I feel overwhelmed sometimes, like I have to get myself into all this responsibility for service. And even sometimes before I have an appointment call with a boss, I feel selfish and self-centered, and think I would just rather be vegging out in front of the television, or I'd rather be finishing a little project up right, or whatever. And it never fails once I get into the call from a sponsor, or into whatever service project I'm working on. I always feel, I always experience a gift of grace and of joy and of feeling fulfillment. I truly believe something I heard from you in this program that God does not put two people together just to help one. I am helped when I work with sponsors, and that is a great help to my recovery. So another thing that I need to do for my recovery and for the good of meetings and the program is to surrender. I think that surrender is an action word. I think it requires humility and starts with what it says to be a big book that page 30 says, "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost self that we were alcohol. While I have to fully concede to my innermost self, I'm really upset and left at. I don't like that one goal. I don't like making it myself like that, but I have to get that at a very deep level in order to make progress in my recovery. And I just can't just stop by my volition or by any other human means. I can't just stop. There's nothing that's going to rescue me. As I was saying before, I wanted my sponsor to fix me and rescue me. And what I've learned is that and I've tried all of these. There's no sponsor, no guru, no popular circuit speaker, no religion, no right study guide, nothing but a spiritual experience and gives me the needed power over my disease. It is a higher power's power because it doesn't come from me or any outside of the world. Other things that I need to keep in mind is how to start and end my day. I do get following and instructing to me a big book on page 86 with on awakening and when I retire at night, I won't go through those because you can read those. But I will say in addition to prayers to start my day and end my day all during the day. Whenever I am agitated, I need to pause and ask for God's direction. I pray a lot for God to show me the truth because a lot of my acting out days, I was basing my thoughts and behaviors on life that I believe. So I need God to show me the truth. I need to keep custody of my eyes and my thoughts. And I do that through surrender. I need to listen and participate in meetings because God talks to me through other people. Mostly I have yet to get the handwriting on walls and I've asked God for direction. But I have. Thank you for my time. I have heard a lot of direction that I've prayed for in meetings from me. There's an important piece in the big book. It's following those wonderful night step promises. And it says that in order to grow and understanding and effectiveness, we continue step 10 for a lifetime. And I will I will remember that that also means if I don't continue working step 10, I will not grow an understanding. And I will not be affected. So step 10, there's a little step 10 spot check described on page 84 in the big book. And it says I noticed when I selfish, dishonest, resentful or fearful. And and I add for me, any other character. I noticed it. And name it. I asked God to take it away. I just step with another human being. And sometimes that is the death. I make him in quickly if I've done harm. And then I do the thing that is easy for me to forget. And that is to resolutely turn my thoughts to someone I can help. It doesn't say I have to drop what I'm doing and go take an action service. But I turn my thoughts. It's, you know, everything starts with my thinking. So I have to change my way of thinking. Sometimes that involves taking a different physical activity. My sponsor said, get up, pick up the room, sweep the floor, do something different that changes my thinking. And that is, you know, resolutely turning my thoughts to someone I can help. It doesn't even say someone else in the program. So once in a while, I need more time than that. Once in a while, when I realize, Oh, I've been manipulating somebody, I need to see what's at a little longer to really see the harm I've done. So I may need a deeper night step process. But on a daily basis for me, it's usually I open my mouth and say something that immediately catches it. Oh, that was the general critical downright mean. Usually that's my husband. He's closest and easiest, you know, to be needed. And I, if I catch that immediately and make them in quickly, I can clean that up and deal finished with it. So that's my application of getting in and actually doing that in writing and sending that to sponsors, that's been life changing for me. And that's just been within the last three, three years that I have that I really started doing this step and spot check immediately and sending it to someone, a sponsor or other woman in the program. So I can't talk about how to stay sober without mentioning what was called the 18 dealer. You all know that as the chapter called overcoming lust and temptation in the white book. Sorry, I'm told 157. It's a wonderful 18 point summary of the whole program. So I highly recommend that. And then as I wrap up my share, I want to say, I have only a daily retreat based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. There are a number of things I do to help maintain my spiritual condition. And some of the things that have helped me most whenever I have a decision to make or I'm thinking about doing something. I have my four questions that I asked myself. It gives me good guidance. One, am I willing to donate? Go to any links for my recovery. Two is what I'm thinking about doing going to support my recovery. Three is what I'm thinking about doing something I want to keep speaking. And four, have I remembered to play about this decision and check in with my sponsor then. So with that, I will say that it is not easy to get sober or to stay sober. And literature gives us lots of support and direction on how to do that. I thank you for listening and I will thank you. Thank you, Susie. Wow. Hey, Susie. Thank you so much, Susie. Thank you. Thank you. Your experience, Trenton. Thank you, Susie. Thank you. Thank you, Susie, as he's a alcoholic. You really summarize basic points of the program really, really wonderfully. And I love the way you went back to the literature. You know, you talked about the foundation of fellowship, but the foundation of literature is so important. I wonder if you could talk a little bit about so many people call it the 10th step, really in the 11th step, what you do at the end of the day, you know, the upon awakening and then upon retiring for the night. That's so much awakening, but retiring for the night. That's what I'm curious about. Thanks. Thank you, Missy. So I understand you want to hear more about 10th and 11th step process for me. Well, people talk about being a 10th step and you went through that in pretty good detail. The 11th step, when you said you can read those words, I wondered what you do at the end of your day. So many people call it 10th, but yeah. Thank you, Nancy. Yeah, I follow the instructions in the when we retire at night. I think about my day. I actually go through that section. I'll pay 86th and I answer all those questions. I used to do it in a notebook in writing and then I would take a picture of that and email it to my spotter. And the last year or so, I've been, I don't want to call it cheating, but I've been, I've used some tools that are available as app. There are apps that give you those questions and you can answer them in the app and then save that and send it. So I've been doing it that way. And there are several different apps that go through all these questions. The questions are what I resentful selfish, dishonest, or afraid today or in what way. And I can write about those. Do I owe an apology? Have I kept something to myself that I need to share with somebody? In other words, am I keeping any secrets today? And was I kind and loving to everyone even in my thinking? So I tell on myself, if I had some meanness, it's thoughts about anybody else and what could I've done better? On that list for me is always, I could always do better with prayer and meditation and exercise. My three things that are always on that list. And then I add others as they come up during the day, I could have done a better job with how I responded when my husband annoyed me by doing blah, blah, blah. How I felt annoyed when he did some, you know, what is it? What's I thinking of? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time or what we could do for others? And I literally make a list. What did I do for service in folks that program? And what did I do with the rest of my day? I just kind of summarize it and make a list. And I stopped being quite so detailed. And now I just say normal kitchen prep and clean up, you know, or whatever it is, rather than being quite so detailed. What did I still have to show about answers? What did I pack into the stream of life today? That's what I'm answering when I list what I've done a summary of my day. And it says I have to be careful not to drift into worry remorse or morbid reflection, so that would diminish my usefulness to others. So I report on that if I was, if I drifted, sometimes I say no drifting, but sometimes I have to say I was worrying today or I was indulging in some morbid reflection remembering some things I feel guilty about or whatever. I don't have too much of that anymore, thanks to God, because that diminishes my usefulness to others. And then I asked God's forgiveness and I asked God what correct his measures do I take. So that's my instruction for what I need to pray for. And then actually, yes, that's what I do. Thank you. Wow, thank you. I wouldn't sleep on that. I would take me all my interrupt. Thank you. Thanks. Yeah, it does get faster and easier to answer those questions. I used to spend quite a lot of time on this, but I just found it, it does get a little there. Thank you. Okay, so next we have Catherine Nabil. Thank you, Iris, for your service. Hi, my name is Catherine. I'm a last addict. And thank you, Susie, for your share and for bringing all your wonderful experience brings, I hope, to this meeting. And I just want to share back that I'm very grateful that you brought up this part of the white book meetings and how they work, because I think it's really important text, and it inspired me to bring up at my home group meeting the next time in the business meeting, how to make this a safer place, because the shares have gotten really in a direction where I think it's not really helpful. And every time I hear a certain behavior, it creates an image in my head. And I just want wanted to be the safe place. So thank you for that. And I'll talk to you, Catherine. Thank you, Catherine. You wish to comment, Susie? Okay. So I don't think so. Thank you. Oh, I just did it. Hi, Marta. We all have some responsibility in our whole group to help make them a safe place for everyone. And I'm glad that you are willing to bring that up to the group. Group inventories are a wonderful process as well. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, next we have Ilona. Hi. Thank you so much, Susie, for your share. You have this sense of calm and serenity. Is that always or is it because you're in an essay meeting? Because you have what I want. And and I just wonder how you get there when things start happening. I mean, you know, we have arguments, something happens out of our control. How do you deal with it on a daily basis and how do you apply the principles of our program to your daily life? Thank you so much again for your share. And I'm glad it's recorded. Thank you, Ilona. I am not always calm, cool and collected. I get, I get angry. I lose my temper briefly. I don't have a high tolerance for payoff. I need calm and serenity. If I am feeling high emotion, I give myself a time out. I literally go straight out on on the bed or on a mat or somewhere and stay with that feeling because in the past, you know, I know that my feeling. So I need to stay with that feeling. And I stretch out and I pray for God to show me what I need to learn from this experience. And then I just stay there. Sometimes I cry or pound the pillow or whatever. I give my body permission to do what it needs to do in that moment while keeping myself safe. You know, I don't have, I don't punch holes in the wall or I don't, I'm not allowed to be damaged. But but I can cry. I can, I can yell, whatever I need to do. I live in a house, not an apartment. Things are done. And I can make noise. So, and what I find is my high emotion is, it's like a way. It will pee and it will, and I can stay with it and it will move through me. And very often I come out with a new awareness or depth of understanding about my part of my response. Okay. Thanks for the question. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, Loma and Susie. Okay, Vinnya, Vinny. Thank you. Hi, everyone. I'm Wendy. I'm a listaholic. Susie, what a wonderful share. I just, I really, really appreciate your recovery and you doing service by sharing it. And I guess along the lines of service, you talked a lot about how that really helps you stay sober. And I agree with that wholeheartedly. I'm, I experienced that as well in the service that I do. I did want to ask you though, for people who are new in the program, I know a lot of people think, well, I'm not sober enough to do service. And I know there are opportunities for even newcomers to do service. And I wondered if maybe you have some insight on to what they could do for that. Thank you. Yeah. You know, showing up at a meeting is, is one way is the first way to be with service and the first way most of us were of service. I always recommend people talk to their sponsor and ask their sponsor for suggestions about ways to be of service. I think, you know, we often make reach out calls to each other. And people may think, or new people, especially may think, well, I can't take a call from another person. And I don't know enough. Well, that's not true, because primarily when we take a reach out call, we need to listen. And anybody can be a listener. And, and you, the new person might be really surprised at how God will give them words to say in response. And again, here, God uses whatever I bring to the table to help someone. And I'll bet we've all had that experience that somebody came to us later and said, Oh, it helps me so much when you said blah, blah, blah. And I'm thinking, did I say that? You know, they heard what they needed to hear, regardless of what I said. So I, I know I've had that experience. So I think that might be good information for a newcomer is don't worry if you're showing up with willingness, open mindedness, compassion, you can listen. And even if you don't get an idea of how to reply, you can say, thank you for sharing. I'm with you. You know, I'm here to support you. And, you know, that's all I need to say. So, and of course there's the basic, you know, service at the home group level to just show up early, help set up chairs, set up room, whatever needs during, put out literature, picking it up at the end, green team, somebody who may even be newer than they are coming into the meeting, even breeding old timers that come into the meeting, just being welcoming and helping to create that sanctuary. You know, everybody can do something. And it may be as what we think of as minimal as a smile and a wave when somebody comes in the room or a gesture to say, come sit over here, you know, a little wave that we can be welcoming. So that's what came up for me in response to your question. Thank you. Beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you, Susie. Thanks, Wendy. Thanks, Susie. So Daniel, can you please leave the question in the chat. Sure. Akman in Egypt asks, well, first he says, thanks, Susie, for your share. And then it asks, what does progressive victory over lust mean to you? How do I know if I'm gaining progressive victory over lust in my sobriety or not? Oh, good question. Thank you. Well, for me, what I realized was I was hanging onto a stash. I had a stash and I even told my sponsor, yes, I know I'm still obsessed about this particular man. I don't see any way I can ever completely let go of that because I just think he's always going to be there taking space in my head, whatever. And I actually had a lot of rain checks around the country of men that I knew I could call. And what I needed was I needed to flirt. I needed to feel special to somebody. And those were symptoms of my disease. And I liked those feelings. They helped me feel good about myself, at least in the moment or for a little while. And I was just really hanging onto that bag. My sponsor said, well, look around you. There are people who God before you, who in whom God has removed the mental obsession. And just doing what you're doing, do the best you can. And somehow, I learned to the difference between real surrender and white knuckling. I was I had a lot of white knuckle sobriety for a really long time. While I hung on to that old staff with that person in the back of my mind, knowing I felt that security that he's he's there if I need to reach out, you know, I still have that person who will show me the attention that I that I wanted. So for me, I was not progressing in victory over luck, because I mean, one way I knew I wasn't was because of how I was hanging on to that staff. And as I began to surrender that and let go of that, I believe that I started feeling like I was making progressive, having progress in my victory over me. That's what comes up for me. Thanks. Thanks for the question. Thank you. Thank you so much. Okay. I am next. Okay. Thank you so much, Ruby. I have no words, but a big, big thank you so much. And my question is, what do you do for the willingness for small to big thing on every day basis? I mean, I know everything. Now I know everything. I know what to do in the program. I know I need to go to meeting or reach out or or blah, blah. So many things I do that. But sometimes I am stuck. I have a whole lot of willingness in the world, but it's not, you know, getting into action. So I would really love to hear you for the willingness into action or willingness with action. So yeah. Sometimes I simply need to honor my unwillingness. And I simply say out loud, I am not willing to do this right now. And if I see a need to do it, then I can pray for the willingness to get will. But you know, sometimes I might think I am not willing to get dressed and go out to my face-to-face meetings when it's cold or rainy and cold and blustery. And I'm just not willing to go. And sometimes I simply need to honor my unwillingness and say, sorry, I can't go. I'm just not willing to go. So to me, I had to learn to get real and speak the truth. It's really important for me to be honest with myself. And sometimes that's as simple as saying, I do not feel willing to do this. I'm sorry. I can't make it. And then, you know, the next day, I may say, okay, God, it seems like this keeps coming up. So maybe I really need to get willing to do this. And I need help because I still don't feel willing, but I'm willing to ask you for help to get real. That's it. Thank you. Thank you so much, Sylvia. This is something new for me. Honor my unwillingness. Thank you so much. Laura, you're next. Yeah, this is Laura Sexaholic. Thank you so much, Suzy, for coming today and for your sharing on how to get sober and stay sober by replacing it. And I have to say, this was one of the first things that I had to learn. And it brought up that reality that as to replacing these old habits, that constantly fed the addiction, it's exactly what I did, that I'm replacing it. It's a wave life. And you know, the white book says it's a way of life. And what you described was a whole, is what the white book says, a whole new way of life. And then another thing you mentioned, and it requires willing to go to any length. And that's all these things. And all these things are so painful for me. And as you know, continuing to be, but each time I surrender to this new way of life, it brings forth new life and new growth. And so thank you for bearing witness to what God has done in your life and such an inspiration and courage for me to continue. And thank you. And that blessings. Thank you, Laura. Thank you so much, Laura. Okay, then we can take up one more raise talent. And then I will request John to stay for the parking lot. If Suzy, you are okay to stay for a few more minutes. No. Oh, I'd like to address everybody who's hand is up. So I will I'll stay for maybe five minutes for parking lot in a minute. Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much. Aya, you are next. Thanks a lot. Thanks, Suzy. My question is, I am in this point of my life where like, I don't have so much happen in my days. Like I go to work and come home and I don't interact with a lot of people. So I find it very hard to stay constant because it's an awakening and when we retire part because like sometimes I don't find stuff to write. And I feel like my day pass was out any incident that happened and like I feel discouraged to do it. And I find myself like missing a day or two. So I would let go of the habit of doing it. So if you have any any feedback from that, also like I am in in in in part of like taking a decision about my career. So how to stop myself if you have any tools to stop myself from like saying, oh, I didn't if I just studied more or if I was this inserting college and all of this, how can like solve myself from going in this direction with my thoughts? Yeah, thanks. I'm not sure. I'm okay. I got the first part of the question. So I'll check. I got the second part, but how do I will not forgotten it? I'm sorry. I need a little help here. Can somebody summarize? I can say it again. If that's if I can't say it again. Like my day doesn't have a lot of actions into it. And like I don't interact with a lot of people. So I feel discouraged to do that to do when we retire or on awakening. Like sometimes my day go and like there's nothing again. But so this was the first part. Like if you have time, I can say just that. Yeah, let's let's stop there. So yeah, if I isolate myself completely, then I don't have anything to write about either. You know, it's like, because recovery is about my and my relationships. It's about relationships with other people. So if I'm not participating in life in relationships, yeah, there's nothing nothing going on. I guess, yeah. But I thought you could use go to work. So if you are working, there's bounding some kind of relationship. So I don't know what comes up for me is participation is it is a form of spirituality. I need to participate in life. And I would just encourage you to keep an open mind about the ways in which you can further participate in life and just keep doing the writing at night. And also, hopefully you have a sponsor that you can talk to about this and that you're sending those writings to. And I recommend following your sponsor guide. Thank you. Okay, thanks a lot. I would like to thank you for listening to this episode of The Daily Reprieve, the best source for experience, strength and hope for essay members. Please subscribe to this podcast to be alerted new episodes. Please show your support by donating to the daily reprieve by going to donate dot the daily reprieve dot com and choosing either monthly donations or a one-time donation by clicking donate now. Thank you for listening and stay tuned for the next episode of The Daily Reprieve. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)