Yours to Bare/Bear

Episode 6 - Lets talk finances and relationship with money

In this episode Azande opens up about her finances, from the time she was financially stable and secure to a time she found herself over indebted and stretched over a period of time, having to try managing all the financial commitments she was in, to how she has now rebuilt herself from that place, developed new patterns/habits and she is grateful to have cleared all that debt and through adjusting her lifestyle.

With this Azande shares how she only started assessing her relationship with money late in her 20’s and has established how she chooses to associate with money.

Broadcast on:: 09 Oct 2024
Audio Format:: other

(upbeat music) ♪ Look at all that you are going ♪ ♪ Look at who you have become ♪ ♪ Baby, you gotta keep going ♪ ♪ Whoa, rest your weary heart ♪ ♪ Try your teary eyes ♪ ♪ I know you are scared ♪ ♪ Turn apart inside ♪ ♪ Inside inside inside ♪ ♪ Time to wear my eyes on my ♪ - Hello everybody at home, San Buenane, to the family of yours to be. Welcome to a brand new episode. We are in episode six. That's right too, and episode six, it feels so weird. I never really thought I could see this through, you know? It's been in my heart for so long, and God has asked me to do this, and share this, share my story for such a long time, and I was busy running away. But here we are, down to episode six, it's crazy, but it's been good. You know what, there's something about sharing. There's something about talking about the things that once hurt, the things that once didn't sit well with you, it's almost like a little bit of a therapy session that you give yourself, and you get to release all those feelings, so it's been good. Thank you for being my ear, my eyes, and just sitting here, and tuning in every Sunday. Happy, happy Sunday, if you're watching on Sunday, if you're not, why didn't you watch on Sunday? But happy Sunday, I hope you have a good day if you're watching in the morning, and if it's in the evening, I do hope that you are all settled in and ready to catch up with me on this episode. This is yours to wear, and today, let's talk finances, hmm. I don't think it's a subject I can really ignore and not touch into because I know that it is the biggest portion, or it plays a huge role rather, to (speaks in foreign language) or someone, I don't even think it's like to us widows, it's just loss, it comes with a financial shift (speaks in foreign language) one way or the other. But I also want to bring to light that with this, I think it's now moving more to me. Remember, this is about me and how I navigated my journey as a young widow. So we'll talk finances and how minds were shifted, stretched, you know, how they at some point became so tight and, you know, to where I am now, maybe the lessons in between that, it's not too much linked to my late husband. However, obviously, some things will always kind of have an interlink to the relationship that I had with him. So where do we begin with finances? I think back then, I don't even know that money has a language, you know, and I hadn't really defined what my language was with money, what my relationship was with finances. And I think as a young person, I encountered too many things too soon and it just left me, you know, stretched in different ways. So let's begin at the part where I started working. I got to say that at a very early age, I think you might have said that out now, if I didn't mention it, but I got a good stable job early in my life. And this is what led to me committing to, you know, big stuff very early. You know, my first big purchase was my car, but shortly after that was followed by my home. So, yeah, by my house. So I made a car purchase and I made a property purchase so close, close by. I think in the same year, if I'm not mistaken, this is the same year that I started working. So I'm working in July, permanently so, but before December, I had done both these things. And so it was, yes, I've always wanted to make good decisions when it comes to money. So I never really, you know, went out there and splurged on clothing accounts, you know, such things that really make a lot of reckless commitments. And let me call it that for now. However, I made big commitments and it was for the right reason. Look, my car, it was an okay purchase well within my affordability. My home had a different purpose to it, which was I was buying the house to rent out, you know, wanting to make income out of it. And this wasn't necessarily in a Sunday decision, like, oh, okay, I started working, I want to make money. I don't want to take the credit. It was something my husband had pushed us into doing, you know. And I want to mention that with wanting to move into that direction of investing in property, renting it out with the hope that obviously one day it's going to, you know, give us additional income. We then missed important stuff. You know, we missed important stuff. We didn't then look and do enough research to the property that we had chosen to buy or committed to buy. So we ended up buying in an area that was not safe. In an area, it was just a bad purchase, you know, a bad purchase you can think about all the examples. It was just unsafe. The break-ins were incredibly high. So it worked out when my husband was alive. It worked out because we had this goal. We knew what we needed to do. So we started, you know, positioning ourselves to get tenants, we got tenants. At first we tried out, you know, adults and it worked out. Then we went into a residential for kids, for children, excuse me. And that went on for a while. You know, moved back into adults because students weren't managing the property too well. So it worked out because he was around as a man in terms of taking care of the house, in terms of just assisting me and supporting me. And I also think that he was driven mostly because for him this was a dream that he got to fulfill through me. Try and remember episode two, so not mistaken, that I wasn't aware he was fulfilling a dream of he's more than it was ours, you know, but he was doing it through me, you know. But, you know, that's okay. That's how you build a marriage anyway, I believe. You guys start having shared visions, shared dreams, and I did have the capacity at that time, and I mean, I was doing the right thing. Okay, so the property was there. I think you have a picture of how it worked out in terms of Auguste Cesar when things started happening. It became the same home that we used for so many things. But then my husband passed, you know. And here's this property. We've, you know, removed my tenants, half of them at least, that were occupying the space because we were at the impression of that we're moving in. And I go back home, you know. So now, hey, good thing. You know, I'm going through a lot. Emotionally, I'm not okay. So maintaining a property became so strenuous, you know. And here's where the break-ins started happening. A lot of break-ins, every other day, I would be called by my neighbor. I was still pregnant. I remember running up and down, find, you know, people that break in. I don't know about that. But anyway, never mind my English. I can't recall a term for them. But the people that break in, to your homes, okay? You know, they were there every other second day. So moving back to the finance topic, this became a burden more than it was, you know, something of an asset that was bringing me something. Became a burden. It became an expense. A bond was still there. Interest rates were still going up. And I still had to manage this, you know, with half the tenants. Okay, then I went into straight deciding that I want to sell this. I couldn't manage it. And I wanted to relocate, you know, remember. And I then struggled to sell the property. Obviously, this is when I had realized that, ah, this wasn't really a goodbye, you know. It wasn't a goodbye. Now I started understanding better that if I could have done more research before making this purchase, but it was too late. I struggled to sell my house. For years, bond was heavy on me. I'm relocating. So now my commitments are, first and foremost, I have, first and foremost, I have children. Two children, I'm a single parent. Kids need to go to school, you know, they eat. They need to address them, clog them. This is financially demanding. I'm paying for a vehicle. I'm paying for a property. I want to prioritize my healing. So I'm now paying rent and managing costs of renting. Everything that comes with now having a new household that you need to, you know, you know, finance and take care of and maintain and manage. So, I mean, guys, imagine all these pillars that are now pulling me in different direction. I, it became strenuous. But I'm lying, man. Let me, let me rewind just a bit. When I moved in, when I moved to Richard's Bay, there was a time in, and especially at that time of the entire thing, of me to my husband, being with him, losing him, maybe the first year after losing him, I was financially stable. Work was good. I, (chuckles) recklessly saw, went into another big commitment, which is my car. I then changed, wanted to change a model. And I remember my sisters went with me before I went to the dealership. The whole deal had passed, you know, approved and it was exciting. And the perspective we were coming from was, I remember my sister saying he deserved this. They wanted me to, you know, do something good for myself. I bought my car in October. My husband had passed in February. So it was still failing, you're still grieving, going through everything. I was affording. (chuckles) I was affording. I went into another big commitment, which is my car. And it obviously, you know, stretched me further to what I had been paying for the car that I had. That I now traded in and moved into a bigger purchase. Here's the bond, here's the rent, here's the children, here's me, you know, work. After a year or so, took a toll. The entire business, the company, you know, things changed. I mean, my industry at that time, I was in sales. If you're a salesperson, you know that sales is. So it was good for a very long time that I made my commitment based on my affordability at that time. And, you know, that was such a huge learning for me because I think it's so important to try and live under a certain portion or percentage of your affordability so that you'll probably leave the rest as a gap, maybe to save, to invest, you know, to do all these other things that you need to do. But at that time, I made the big purchase, you know, this is now a Zanday. It has nothing to do with my husband. This is now a decision I'm going into, you know. And for two, three years of my life, it was terrible. I won't even lie. I was stretched, work took a toll. So everything, imagine maximizing my affordability. And now with it being, you know, going down and reducing, now I'm basically over indebted. Indempted, whatever the correct term is. I'm over-indempted and that was, you know, a very difficult time or period of my life. Financially, I was entirely stretched. But with the grace of God, I survived, you know. I don't know, maybe people picked it up here and there. But I highly doubt, I've always said, God has always carried me with so much grace. I think when I went into the big purchase of the car, my property was on sale. And I had gotten offered to purchase, you know, from this other couple who was willing to buy. And I remember that that week, when the bank was meant to approve their deal, I had a massive break in. They came in, took piping, the whole plumbing was messed up. Electricity, everything, they messed up. So it was just before the people who come and evaluate your property were meant to come in. And that time was so terrible for me because obviously my planning was, I think I'm gonna let go of this so that now I can afford this. And that whole entire deal, you know, crumbled, didn't work. The evaluators came and they were like, no, no, no. To the bank, they can't invest on this property. It is in a state, you know, and the couple obviously would draw it. And from there with the vandalized property like that, I struggled to sell it. To a point that I remember that obviously being stretched, there were things, you start playing games that would be paid, what, borrow from Peter, pay Paul, you know, like, I pay this, I don't pay this. Let me try and skip this payment and pay that payment. You know, it was a nice, it was a nice, it's never nice. Things started suffering, you know, once you miss. So I'll just strategize on which is more, you know, which can I miss, which can I not afford to miss, you know? And with that being said, I remember that I almost lost my property, you know, because I had skipped payments for too long, I guess. And at that time, I was just in a state. And as much as I want to unpack it now, because we're just talking old things finance, but this is a time where I also started dealing with the emotions of losing my husband. So I'll never forget those years of my life. They were, they were absolute hell, you know? This is now me having moved to Richard's Bay, having to face all the emotions, deal with everything. My finances went down right there in that moment. So you can just imagine how I felt like everything was attacking me all at once, you know? Here, I remember I had a friend that I made, and I was this kind, see? And this is someone, here's a tricky thing. People look at you and they see God's grace. They see you proper, you know? They don't see the things that are internally going on in the back end, behind the scenes. So I was driving the car that I was driving, and unfortunately for me, you know, became a thing of, I don't know how people then associated me with, associated me with, started associating me with the car, you know? I no longer became, like, I hated that moment 'cause I moved into a new place, a new area, bought a car a year late, a month later, sorry. Then even the people of that place kind of never, I lost a Zanday, I became a Zanday with the car, you know? And it was such a very tricky thing 'cause people never really got to knew me for, got to knew, no. Got to know me for who I was, you know? I remember this girl, we lived in the same building, we became good friends, totally loved her and our friendship that we had, you know? And she played such a huge role in my entire life, but, you know, we're not friends at this point right now, but she's just somebody that was so crucial at the season that I was in at that time. But, what I was going is, I remember when we first started being friends and because I was starting to trust her and let her in, and she got to see the vulnerable parts of me that the girl, and guys, mind you, I'm not saying I was walking around pretending like everything's okay, no, I was just being myself. People saw me for the idea that they made up of, but it didn't mean that I didn't have things I was going through. I wasn't really now appearing in public saying, "Oh, hey, I'm Azande." The widow who's here to heal and end. But the girl, when she got to get inside, you know, and see me for who I was and for every situation that I was going through, I remember her saying, "Hey, Bo, Ganti, you know, Ganti." You know, "Hey, Bo, I mean, I mean, what is this way?" It was like the car has just always been the car, then Azande, and I hated that, you know, because I'm a person before anything else that I have or that I owned or that I had achieved in my young age, you know. And as much as, you know, friends throw jokes, but that line told me Ughouti, just because she saw me good and well, she was so shocked that, "Oh, I have problems," you know. I also have situations that I'm going through. But I was very strange, I don't even lie. I spoke about almost losing my house. I was called to court, the bank was, I mean, anyone who's been called to court knows, you know, (speaks in foreign language) I've had that, I've gone through that, you know. So I went to court because now the bank wanted to repossess the house, you know. And I had tried everything in me to sell that property. In fact, I was drained out of it, you know. I think that's why I even stopped paying it. I was like, "Oh God, have a joy, do it, your way." I went to court and I remember the gentleman that was sent by the bank made me before we went in, before we were called in. And he was like, "Young lady, just sign, you know." I mean, come on, you know, you're in the bank and you know you won't get out of this. Just sign, just sign the papers. And I'm like, "I can't, I was defeated, guys." You know, I can't, if I were to remember a state of my life where I was totally helpless, totally defeated, it would be that moment. And I remember the way I was so defeated, I never called a friend, my family wasn't there. I drove from Richard's Bay to Durban to go to the hard court. And I just, I had surrendered to, you know what, whatever that needs to happen will happen. Anyway, I refused to sign. It was like, just sign this dotted line, let's finish this here and there. Like here and now, like, no sir, I can't sign, I'm sorry. Like I don't even have the strength to read the document that you're giving me right now. And I don't sign things that I have not read. So we went in, I don't even, it was my first time in court. I don't even know what happens in court. I didn't do any research, I didn't call for help. I didn't go for advice, I just went there. And with the grace of God, when I stood there and the judge was obviously asking me to confirm my name and everything, I think he saw how hopeless I was, you know? And I was like, young lady, do you understand what's going on here? I was like, yeah, like he said, do you understand that you are about to get a judgment to your name? I'm like, I think so. And that judge didn't want to attend my case. He told a gentleman that was forcing me to sign, like, I'm not gonna proceed with this case. Go back and tell the bank that I'm giving this lady more time. And he looked at me, he says, look at me. I looked at him, he's like, go back and I need you to do everything in your power to sell that house, you know? I'm gonna give you more time because I don't think you understand what's going on here. But that's the pits of financial strain, guys, when you are fighting with banks and they want to take your assets. And remember that I've paid for this house, you know? I can't recall the year that I bought it in probably 2013 or '12, I bought the house. This was now like around 2016. So I've been paying for this house this entire time, well, until I stopped, you know, for like a couple of months back. But they were about to take it, you know? And that's just a pitch. That's such a low experience of finances. And for me, as a young lady, there were so many learning curves around this because now I had to sit down with myself. I remember the turn around point for that state of being financially strained was my therapist, I believe that's the same year I started therapy. I hadn't done it before in the years that my husband had, I didn't do it immediately. This was a time when I started therapy. And I remember my therapist asked me to print my bank statement and bring it. And I think that's when my perspective changed, you know? She helped me remove the smallest of things that were taking away from me, you know? And helped me to understand how I build patterns with finances and decisions and choices that I started with the small things that contribute to the bigger things, you know? So from there, I think I just, you know, built on from that. I didn't lose the house. I ended up getting a seller, a buyer. I ended up getting a buyer for the property. I had a shortfall because I was at the desperate stage at this point, I was given time. So I was utilizing the time, had a shortfall, which I've had to pay for over the years, you know? And with God's grace, my car is paid up today. That same car that was also straining me, my car is paid up, that shortfall is paid up. I am happy to be dead free. And this is me right now. And it took years to rebuild that because it took me sacrificing the things that I like. As a young woman, I had to compromise dressing up too well, you know, dressing up exactly how I would have won too, compromise my kids. I remember once having to adjust my kids' school, you know, lava from the corner, I had to, you know, go to a school that was a bit more affordable so that I could get myself in a better situation of affordability. But God carried me through the situation. I won't even lie, you know, you know, help me build new habits, help me understand my finances better and we are here today. And it's been a journey. I've learned so much from it. Obviously, I've learned too. I wouldn't say live, you know, within my means because it was never a case of that I didn't afford things. It's just the turn of things, you know, took a different direction for me. But I learned a lot. The one thing that I know I'm grateful for the most is I've collected so many life lessons that, you know, take people years and I've collected them, before 30, I had owned a house, almost lost it, recovered it. I had owned, you know, I had lost a husband and, you know, survived being a widow. I had, you know, survived being a single mother. There's just so many things that came at me. And I know that finance played a huge role in it. It took away some of the years that I was meant to be joyful and, and, and, but I had to just adjust a bit and make better decisions. That is finance is our hope that, you know, moving on forward, God sends everything my way abundantly and to bigger and better decisions, to being debt free. I am extremely grateful for that. And I'm very proud of myself because at some point I couldn't imagine myself getting out of it. So God has been grateful throughout it all. And yeah, that is finances. That is my finances, at least for the past few years. But we had a better state now and we are making better choices and wiser choices. Thank you to everybody at home for tuning in for watching. Drop a comment if there's something you picked up. If you share something that you went through that is similar to mine, drop a comment. And we should never be embarrassed with our journey. That's where we gain life lessons in life. So thank you for tuning in. Please like, subscribe and interact with us. And I'll catch you on the flip side, which is the next episode that we're going to get into. Thank you so much. ♪ 'Cause look at how far you have come ♪ ♪ And look at all that you're echoing ♪ ♪ Look at who you have become ♪ ♪ Baby, you gotta keep going, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Rest your weary heart, try your teary eyes ♪ ♪ I know you were scared, torn apart inside ♪ ♪ Inside, inside, inside ♪ ♪ Time and so am I ♪