[MUSIC PLAYING] Live from our studios in Austin, Texas, this is "Drink and Bros. Fake News" with Ross Patterson. Dan Holloway. Papa G. with the travel. How you feel? Not good, yeah. Field reporter, Hot Boss, and Delco Dan Sports. Welcome to "Fake News." Yeah, welcome to "Drink and Bros. Fake News." Everybody, bringing you the realest. "Fake" is news from over the weekend. Anthony, we'll start off with real news. I want to give a huge thanks to everybody who came out to free Rome brewing in Burnie, Texas. Had some hard AFs and some laughs over there. They just picked up the seltzer in there. A special thank you to Jeremy Afeltz and Candace Afelt for having us on Saturday. That was fun, man. We got properly rocked, I think, properly rocked. Yeah, we met some people, strangers. We did. It was a fun time. We did. We had them hanging out with them for a while. Those guys were cool as shit. That dude and his family. Yeah, they're probably watching today. I hope so. Well, it's on Patreon today. Who knows? Who knows? Also, Bucky's, the famous Texas gas station that is like-- what did you call it? Like a little tiny Walmart now? Not tiny, it's a Walmart. It's pretty much a Walmart, right? With gas. Yeah, pop that up on screen there, Bob. It is spelled B-U-C-E-E-S. Or at Busy's. Yeah, Busy's. There's another-- there's an alternate spelling, which is B-U-S-S-Y apostrophe. Yeah, but if you're at home, go to B-U-C-E-E-S.com. Go to Bucky's down there and just click on the contact at the bottom of the page. Tell me when hard AF Celts are there. Turns out Bucky's is expanding. They're now in South Carolina, North Carolina. Tennessee. Tennessee. And I heard they might be opening up a couple in Florida down there, but I'm a gigantic fan of that. It'd just be cool to see the product there. Just hit the contact at the bottom of the page and tell me what the goddamn product there. Most times, people will do it. All you have to say is, hey, we want fucking hard AF Celts are there. Now, today's show that aired was a state of the Union recap. Obviously, I went hard on Katie Hobbs down there in Alabama. I've got Katie Britt, that's right. In Alabama, Hobbs is in Arizona. Forgive me. The other person I don't like. I do have some news on that. It turns out I was actually correct. It was supposed to be the fake Rama Swami who was going to give the rebuttal there on the Republican side. Mitch McConnell was the guy that swapped him out for her and said, we need a female from Alabama to kind of combat this embryos thing that's going down over there. Oh boy, I thought when you quit, you just got launched and the sun and that was it. Turns out he's not out of there until the next party takes over. So he continues to fuck the Republicans over, but I was correct on that. And thank god, thank god. They fucked it all up again over there. As always on Monday, we always bring you the memes here on this show on "Drinking Brothers" podcast. Patreon, buckle up. These are going to get dark. I looked over and Dan was laughing to himself, which is a rarity here, so it must be bad today. What do we got here? The first one's called auction. OK. Auction. Well, Bob, you're going to have to give some context, but let it play once for us. This is going to go. OK. [INAUDIBLE] All right, now, Bob, explain what's happening. Yeah, so there's an auction for what appears to be a pretty fetching horse, perhaps something to race or breed with or both. OK. Unfortunately, there is a black gentleman who is holding the horse in the auction ring. And the caption of the video says, POV average Instagram comments, skull emoji. They pull up the comments on the horse auction, and the first comment is, which one is on auction. There you go. What do you think they mean by that? Likely this is a reference to slavery being legal in America prior to its founding up until 1865. There you go. There you go. As soon as you said the word auction, you knew exactly what I was going to say. I just want to correct one thing, Bob. Slavery couldn't have been legal before the US existed, right, technically, because there would have been no law. That would have been British law, certainly. Yeah, why aren't we blaming the British for slavery? Because that seems to be like it was on them. They definitely started it. I mean, they didn't start slavery. Well, did they? No. No. Sure. The Chinese started slavery like fucking 6,000 years ago. OK. Just making sure. How about I guess it's slavery probably predates writing? Maybe. Dildos do. Yeah, that's true. Dildos definitely do. Yeah, and you can't have dildos without some slaves. Can't. You got to test them on somebody. That's just business. No, I understand. I just want to make sure I know where we're going today. And I want to know the journey around today. This next one's just silly. It's called baklava. OK. And if you don't know what a baklava is, you may not get the joke. But everybody in the military will know what this is. OK. [MUSIC PLAYING] All right, let's-- you want to explain that to the audience? Yeah, so I'm assuming-- well, let's do it for the audio, listeners. Yeah. So a guy's making baklava in his kitchen. Then he shows up, and he's got a baklava mask on. And everybody else is wearing a bottle of clava, and they're getting ready to rob someone. Yeah. So he misunderstood. Yeah, no, I get it. That's a deep cut there. That's a deep cut there, for sure. Next up is What's for Dinner. And this was actually a submission by Party Ben. Really? No, Benny, shut up, Party Ben, dude. We're in a fucking very large group chat with Texas Dave and a bunch of other dudes, Jared and everybody. Eli, you know, and it's rough. OK. It's like there are people in there who I can't name for legal reasons. Sure, sure. Because they would get in trouble. But this is-- Bob, read the caption and then play that video. Caption is men in the 1960s making dinner for their wives. OK. [MUSIC PLAYING] [LAUGHTER] Oh, big fan of that. Yeah, he's making her a knuckle sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead and make my dinner, bitch. He might as well have said, so big fan. This next one is a story in several pictures. OK. And it's called Don't Steel Cocaine. Don't Steel Cocaine, all right. Read aloud, please, Bob? Picture one. There appears to be some sort of gentleman. The caption says he's a worker laying on a hotel bed. The caption says, "Only come back from breakfast to find the cleaner had found my bag of special k. Silly cunt must have thought it was Coe, found him in a k-hole in the room." So this guy's what did a line of-- He thought it was cocaine. So he did a pulp fiction basically. Yeah. But not quite as bad, because you're not going to OD on Ketamine the same way you would on hair on. But yeah, so-- No fucking way, dude. Is that a real picture? Yeah. It looks real. Keep going. We'll see how real it is. Holy fucking shit. That's a dude battling to control his motor functions right there. Who's taking these photos? The guy who he stole cocaine from. No. Fuck it. Well, what he thought was cocaine. That's still in there in the nose, by the way. Boy, that is fucking crazy, dude. Is this homeboy getting arrested there? No, no, no. He's another hotel worker on him. He's passing him off to a third party now. No fucking way. Is there any more? Is that it? That's it. Ah, that is so goddamn good. Is he posted that? Yeah, who's that account? I don't know. I mean, obviously this isn't the person that happened to, but the Ibiza Bible is the name of the account. So it had that name. There you go, yeah. So you can definitely-- for those of you who haven't done drugs, you can definitely tell if it's cocaine because it'll smell like cocaine, right? It'll smell like a solvent, like Ibiza or something like that. It'll smell like something. I mean, it doesn't really smell like anything. If it does, it'll smell a little sweet. Just so you know, I'm not fucking trying to teach you anything, just trying to keep you out of K-Hole unless you want to be in one, which is not the worst thing to be in, to be honest. It's not unless you're working in the hotel. Yeah, he may have gotten fired because that's a breach of protocol right there. Now, I've left drugs out on the counter in hotel rooms a bunch. And almost every-- and I'm not even making this up-- almost every time they've organized my drugs for me. Really? And tidied the whole area up, which I thought was like fucking-- that's super nice. That is nice. And if in doing that, they took a little toot of my fucking-- of my powder. Sure. Congratulations. Yeah. You just got a tip. You did. And I'm completely fine with that. I'm not even kidding. Just be a fucking professional and don't suck down half an eight ball of ketamine. Wow, he didn't know. Not poor guy. Because it doesn't take much ketamine. Looking like him, he knew. He knew it was something to snort. He knew it was something to snort. But I don't think he knew it was ketamine. Because that's a whole different trip, right? Doing one gator tail to start the day is fine. Yeah. I mean, you're going to need some coffee later on when you start to come down. But if you do a gator tail, fucking ketamine, that's the day. It is. It is the day. The day is over. Yeah. Whatever happens happens at that point. So-- Yeah. What do we got up next? This is called vegetables. OK. Vegetables. Oh boy. I think I know what this is. I think I already know. Whenever I hear vegetables or auction, I think I know what it is. Bless you. Bless you. No one's feeding. Wow. Dad, it's coming right for us. Relax. Kangaroos are herbivores. They only eat vegetables. I knew it. I knew it. As soon as you said vegetables, I was like, we're going retard in a wheelchair. Yeah. Half to. Half to today. It's a Monday. Yeah. It's a Monday. We got it today. This one's called a riddle. OK. A riddle. A riddle here. You like riddles? Aren't you like a riddle, any? Yeah, like a riddle, yeah. I have a back, but I'm not a camel. I can be sat on, but I'm not a horse. I sometimes have arms, but I don't have hands. What am I? OK. No, it's a quadruple amputee. Perhaps a victim of land mines or something. You like riddles? Oh, shit. Oh, fuck, dude. That's great. Yeah. Big fan of that. What account is that? We'll give him a shout out. What account is that, Bob? It's probably a repost. BLG memes with a Z? OK. Big fan of that one. That one got me today. What do we got next? Boys and girls. Boys and girls. All right. Boys and girls. Bobby, I need to read the captions on this one. Do they go with the video? Sort of, yeah. I mean, it's just one of those Moto videos, so it's not going to be anything really happening. That's the first caption of it. Boys build cars to bring out their inner child. Girls, use a coat hanger. Oh, fuck. Yep. Lot of laughter back there from the peanut gallery. We got some listeners. That's an abortion joke. Sure is. Can't tell that joke in Texas. No, no, you can't. Not after six weeks, anyway. That ain't Texas. You can play that Beyonce song. Hey. I know. I'm just as sick of it as you are, by the way. And it's just like three lines. No one knows anything else about the song, because they've been playing an unfucking Instagram all the time in TikTok. What's the last one here? What do we got? This last one's called Thumbs, and it's from Entrepreneur. Oh, OK. Friday Beers, Chet Collins. It's almost become a staple here. Oh, yeah. They're my favorite guys. Yeah. Go ahead. About 1,000 years ago, before humans had thums, men were expected to go out and hunt. And when they brought back food, the women would reward them with sex. But one of them was no women. Whatever you were just some ugly dude with no game. You have to blow off steam somehow, right? You can't jerk off like this, but that doesn't work. So over time, through evolution, men developed thums so that they could grip their shaft. Women didn't need thums. They could just do this. Wicker, wicker, wicker. Well, I'm a woman, and I have thums. So why did we develop them? Hand drops. Oh, boy. I have those guys. Oh, fuck, dude. Big fan of those guys. Congratulations. Holy shit. All right, let's dive into the news, shall we? The Border Patrol has had it. With Joe Biden, the head of the National Border Patrol Council believes President Biden slapped every American in the face during Thursday's State of the Union address. Took Biden roughly 40 minutes to get to the issue of immigration. And Brandon Judd said he didn't believe his remarks were up to par. He didn't even address what he could do. All he did was blame it on President Trump. But look, I have the opportunity to speak with President Trump. I know that the reason why he didn't support that bill has nothing to do with politics. It has everything to do with the president understands this from day one. He could step into office and do a lot more than that. Bill does, Judd said, on Fox News, special coverage of the State of the Union. He also understands that if the bill were to be passed today, that there would be no appetite to pass a better bill when he's in office. Last month, the Senate refused to pass a supplemental spending agreements that included aid for Ukraine, Israel, and Taiwan, as well as an ambitious border security and immigration package that drew widespread opposition from conservative Republicans in both chambers. But while the Biden administration and negotiators talks, the bill up is a tough but fair way to tackle the border crisis. Republicans in the House immediately declared it a non-starter and conservative opposition in the Senate quickly stacked up. More than 20 Republican lawmakers in the upper chamber argued that the provisions would not sufficiently reduce the historic number of illegal immigrant crossings and warned it would normalize record high levels of illegal immigration. During the State of Union address, Biden called the bill a tougher set of border security reforms than we've ever seen, which drew groans from Republicans in the crowd and then he said, oh, you don't think so? You don't like that bill, huh? That conservatives got together and said it was a good bill? I'll be darned, that's amazing. Look at the facts, I know how to read. I know you know how to read, is what Joe Biden said. Look, I don't know if you guys watched the State of the Union here and heard his remarks as far as Lincoln Riley, the head coach of UFC. Is that, that's who we met, right? - I think so, yeah. In RIP, to young Link, he's always both dead. - 40 years old. - Yeah, coach of USC and he's already dead. He's already dead, so. - No, but he was referring to Lake and Riley there. This was a crazy one to me. You showed me this clip, we'll watch this one here first and then we'll bring up the other one, where you apologize for calling him. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you remember, Biden called the killer of Lake and Riley an illegal and everybody got mad about that. Not about her getting murdered. - On the left, by the way, yeah. And just as a reminder, the bill that he's talking about getting passed would codify into law, allowing 1.5 million at a minimum, 1.5 million illegals into the country every year. - And that's why nobody wants to sign this, along with funding for Ukraine and Israel there. - Yeah. - So this isn't a huge shock. I'm tired of hearing this fucking bullshit out of this guy. God damn it, there's not a lot of things I wish for, but him it's certainly the worst. What was that clip you were about to play there? Is this from-- - Oh, this was the interview. - Yeah, go ahead and play it here, Bob. Is this from the Border Patrol? - Yeah. - Okay. - Perfect, meantime, here's the president touting how the Border Patrol Union supported the Border Bill and I'll get your thoughts on the backside. Look. - This bill would save lives. Big order of the border. Border Patrol Union endorsed it. - The Federal Chamber, the National Chamber of Commerce endorsed it. - But Brandon, you say he left out the context of that endorsement. - Yeah, he absolutely, and this is what he always does. He does not tell the full story. He doesn't tell the full truth. If you look at the reason why we endorse it, we wanted to see it go to the floor. We wanted to see the debate and amendment process take place. If you do not support a bill, if you kill it before it even goes to the floor, you're never going to get anything done. There was an awful lot of good in that bill. It raised the standard for credible fear. It removed the judiciary out of everything. It allowed ICE to hold a single adult, which is 60 to 70% of the people that we deal with. So there was an awful lot of good in that bill. We wanted to see the bill go forward so that it could go through the amendment process. Unfortunately, it was killed. That's the reason that we supported it. We did not support the entire thing. We did not support the way Joe Biden puts it. And what's really disappointing to every single one of us is the way that he uses this to weaponize politics to go after other individuals. He can use the executive authority that he has. We've discussed this many, many times. He has the authority to shut down the border. We want a bill because it lives beyond administrations and it ties bad administrations hands. But this administration weaponizes everything that they do. - And to what he's saying, and to your point earlier here, 'cause Dan writes the news here for this program, yes, he could shut down the border immediately. Pastoring and saying the Republicans don't want to do anything about it and blah, blah, blah. It's not true. They just don't want to fund the other shit that's in this goddamn thing. Nor do they want to agree to the 1.5 million illegals still coming in on a yearly basis here. And then whatever comment that was in this story about if they pass the bill now, you're not going to go pass a better one later, that's true. The same thing happened with Obamacare. All they wanted to do was push that goddamn thing through, no matter what, we've never gone back and changed it. - No, that's what Pelosi said, right? We need to pass this bill so we can see what's in it. - Yeah. - Which is an odd way to go about legislating. - But we've never gone back and fixed Obamacare. - No. - Never. All of us lost our doctors, all that other shit. So, yeah, he's right. And in this article, this is 100% correct. If you pass this bill, it is dog shit and it will live forever. It's not like you're going to get everybody back on the same side again. Your only shot at this is to put another president in office if you want to end immigration. Does that mother fucker will do it? But right now, Joe Biden doesn't want to fucking do it. - No, they want voters at some point and they want to stack their congressional districts as well. That's really what they're going after. - And not to beat a dead horse here with that dumb chick who did the rebuttal there for the Republicans. But you know, God damn well, Rama Swami would have led with that immigration thing at the top of that response and then hammered it them all and the rest of this shit. She didn't do it and it came off like shit. She got spoofed on SNL. Did you watch it, Bob? SNL? - I did. - I love how they just buried their own cast. They go, yeah, we don't want anybody, these guys are pop. Colin Joe's just called his wife. - So was funny about that, watching that, I was just like, what I said on RPR the other day, like this is like the worst cast of actors in SNL history. 'Cause watching Scarlett Johansson, whatever you think of the politics of it, I was like, she can act. - Yes. - Like, I was like, she was fantastic compared to even the other cast members, like Mikey Day's Biden is bad. - All of them are horrific. And all Colin Joe's has to do is roll over and be like, hey, you want to play that fucking crazy chick from Alabama? - Cool, Scarlett Johansson. So with all of this, man, I don't know what to think. This keeps getting worse and worse and worse. And unless you physically switch the president out, we are fucked as a country going forward, even at that meet and greet on Saturday that we did with everybody. That was the main topic that everybody was concerned with. Now, I understand we're in Texas and not everybody gets to see the shit that we get to see, but man, dude, it's awful. - Yeah, but Virginia was the same. You remember the MSNBC Horrors talking shit about it. - Yeah. - Like making fun of people for being concerned about immigration when we have an open border in Virginia. So it's not just border towns. - It's not just border towns, but slowly, if we allow this to happen, it's going to spread to every city and state and terrorize and decimate every fucking single city. And not to say that all of them are fucking bad people, financially, we just don't have the resources or the housing to put these fucking people right now. So what the fuck, bro? - I mean, I don't care if we were rich enough to house everybody on earth, we shouldn't. - No, I'm with you. - Do your, like, figure it out. Life's not that hard. - Figure it the fuck out. Over throw your governments. Eat people in the fucking streets if you want. - Yeah, they're doing that in Haiti. - Sure are. Is that in here tonight? - No, no. - You want to save that for last, in that video, we're on Patreon. - Well, I guess we could do it today. I was going to do it on Thursday, but if you want to show the video. - Well, I know we can't show it on YouTube. - Yeah. - All the videos on Twitter got taken down too. - Did they really? - We all saw it, right? Like we all saw a man barbecue another limb and eat. - Well, so here's the beauty. - Well, what's your name? - His name is barbecue. - His name is barbecue. - Yeah, and he's hungry, so what the fuck? - And he's wearing a Freemason chain for some reason. - I mean, what's the difference if the guy's already dead, you're eating him? - I think for me personally, and I don't know about you guys, when I saw that video this morning as soon as I woke up, I was not expecting to see a human, just in a normal fire pit like you were cooking s'mores, and then a guy physically tearing off portions of his leg and eating him live on camera. That was just something that I wasn't expecting to see this morning. - I just can't believe Hades shares the same island as a Dominican Republic. - Hades, look, has always been a fucking shithole. Trump said this and gotten trouble for it, and then, I don't know if you remember, Bob, you can pull up these pictures if you want to. Bill Maher, Conan O'Brien, and Susan Sarandon, we're wearing Hades already great shirts. If you want to pop that in, and-- - Have they been? - Oh, they, whoa, did they go? Yes, yes they did. - I definitely didn't go to Port of Prince. - We'll talk about it in a second here as soon as you pull up those shirts. There you go, yep. So Conan was the one who started this trend. Gonna pop up that photo there. I love Conan, he's a comedian, and was trying to have some laughs there down in Haiti after Trump said this. So Conan actually took his whole entire show there for a week, I don't know if you remember it. - No. - He was in an all-inclusive resort down there, did some videos, met some of the locals, but it's a great, beautiful country. - It's not. - It is not. - It's never been a great country. - If he was in the north port of Labadi or something like that, which is, yeah, it's like one of the northernmost ports in Haiti, then it's okay, but if you're in the actual country, it's fucked. - It's fucked. - It looks beautiful on the outside, right? - Yeah. - It can look beautiful. - It could, like if you, so see that Conan O'Brien shot of him drinking a martini there in the ocean, or a margarita in the ocean down there? - Sure. - That looks fine. It looks like a great picture. And then the rest of the country is a fucking hellhole, and it has never changed. I remember my father, I'll tell a quick story here, was doing some work down there, and then also Central America and South America with cable boxes, right? And they were shipping him down. They were shipping him in this metal container that was about 800 square feet. And it was, you know, your typical shipping container that you think of there, but about half the size. And when he got there, first of all, he had to have two armed guards that went with him at all times, every single place he went, including his hotel room, and then they slept outside the door, and they said, "Hey, you know, we're sorry to bother you here, Jerry, but we've lost the container." And he was like, "Well, look, that fucking container is expensive, and they're reusable, and it's gotta go back. You guys gotta go find this fucking thing." When they found it, there was a family of eight living inside the goddamn container over there. And that's how bad it was. This was in late '80s. So tell me when Haiti was great, because at least from '80s on, it's been a goddamn shithole. - Probably before the French got there. So like the 1500s. - Yeah, so when the, I believe when the French, I'll tell it to, but I believe when Haiti successfully rebelled against the French, to something over at your leading the rebellion or whatever, the French were like, all right, I don't think we're able to take it back. But you know what we can do, it's just blockade the fuck out of it and don't let any resources in and just starve these fuckers to death. - Got you. - So it's been bad for a while. - Okay. - I'm probably gonna do an episode on it and next week for software history. - Okay, yeah. Let me ask you guys this, 'cause another thing that was trending along with barbecue, the guy that was eating a dead guy burnt up, was people, citizens of Haiti, were saying fuck you to the Clintons, and they're blaming the Clintons for the downfall of Haiti. Why is that? - The Clinton Global Initiative came down there and ransacked the place as they are want to do. But I mean, you know, it was fucked before then. - Okay. - When my unit deployed down there in 2010, Bill Clinton went with him actually. - To Haiti? - Yeah. - After the earthquake, yeah, my battalion went down there for my brigade, actually my entire brigade went down there for some fucking reason. They were a bunch of goddamn assaulters and they sent people to fucking go stand there and do nothing for months. - Cool. - They didn't shit. - There was one funny story though. This dude ran up to one of the guard positions my buddy Dave was at. He was like, "Oh, mister, I need help." Whatever. He's like, "All right, cool." So he got a couple of guys. He's like, "Dr. Doctor." So he brought a medic with him. Went over there and this guy lying on the ground writhing and pain. He's like, "What the fuck happened to this guy?" And he's like, "Oh, he drank battery acid." - Huh. - Does he want to end his life? - My buddy Dave just looked at him. He was like, "Don't come talk to me anymore." And he just turned around and walked back to his fucking post. It's like, "Get the fuck out of here, man." So that's what you're dealing with. - Down in Haiti. - There's no reason to be involved in this at all. - How close is this from collapse? Total collapse at this point. - It's already totally collapsed. - Oh, it is, okay. - Yeah. - I was following it the updates last night and then I went to bed. - There's no government down there. Right now, the military and these warlords are kind of fighting it out. So he was going to take over the country. - Prime Minister like bailed, right? - He laughed, right? - Yeah, he laughed the one before him got clipped. But remember by that doctor, Miami, whatever the fuck? - Yeah. - And those two green berets that nobody's heard from since, I'm sure they were probably special activities division guys. If I had to guess, I don't know that for sure. I'm just saying, it could have been some cutout unit of some sort, but I would assume it's the agency. - What's the benefits of the downfall of Haiti then for the United States? - To go and install a fucking puppet, at some point, once all the dust clears. - Okay. 'Cause right now, there's what, 1500 gang members rumored or here? - Who knows, dude? - Yeah. - But it gives us like, if we have to be down there, it kind of helps secure that part of the world, to be honest, 'cause it's just, it's like what? 20 miles south of Cuba, something like that? - I didn't know. I've never been actually. No desire. You know, it's weird. I never wanted to go to Haiti growing up. I wasn't on my vision board. - I've been to Dominican Republic when I was a teenager to play baseball. I was in, we played in Puerto Rico for the summer and then we went over to the Dominican for a couple of games. But yeah, there was no one wants to cross that mountain range and go into Haiti. - Okay, yeah. Good luck, Haiti. I wish in the best for you there wouldn't cross Mr. Barbeque unless you want to be lunch. - Okay. - What if you like, God damn it, I wish this was happening in America, because you know some dumb ass YouTuber would be walking around Barbeque like sprinkling sauce on his head or something like that. - Oh yeah, you're gonna get me? You're gonna get me? - That's what I would do. - Go to grillyourassoff.com, drink it, bro. It's 20% all sprinkling out, you know? Seasoning all over the dead body. 'Cause if you're gonna do it, it might as well be tasty. In my opinion, I wasn't able to find out if he was able to put anything on the body or kind of a nice base before they cooked it. Wasn't sure there, but I would like to have his recipe just in case that breaks out here, you know? I want to know what a good human would taste like and what the proper seasonings for that human would be. Next up from the FDNY, hunted by LaTisha James, FDNY Commissioner Laura Kavanaugh is hunting down smoke eaters and other staffers who mercilessly booed New York Attorney General, LaTisha James and cheered in support of Donald Trump during a department promotion ceremony this week. The post has learned, FDNY Chief of Department John Hodges fired off an email to other agency honchos, warning, a reckoning led by the Department's Bureau of Investigation and Trials was coming over the chorus of boos and chants of Trump, Trump, Trump that James received at Thursday's events. BITS is investigating this, so they will figure out who the members are, Hodges wrote. I recommend they come forward. I've been told by the commissioner, it will be better for them if they come forward and we don't have to hunt them down. The deputy chiefs shall direct the capital of the company, the captains, excuse me, of the company to make a list of those who come forward and send it directly to FDNY operations. I realize members might not come forward, but they should know that there is clear video of the entire incident and they will be contacted by BITS if they don't. A list of talking points for deputy chiefs during doing the investigation obtained by the post said, we want the members to come forward, they will come to headquarters to be educated why their behavior is unacceptable. - We call that re-education, which is a word that's been used in communism for years. Like you're at an event and not in your official capacity or you can protest all you want, but if you're not in uniform you can protest all you want. - And it's not like they went to her house or found her out in the streets or whatever. This was at an event with them, they can say whatever the fuck they want, in my opinion. Why does the head of FDNY want to fuck in? - Well, here's a better question than what you were about to ask, why is the head of the FDNY a woman? - That is a great question. - Like what percentage of the FDNY and no offense, I know some female firefighters, very few of them because there are very few of them. It's not like cops, there's a lot of female cops. There are not a lot of female firefighters, it's because you have to carry big ass - It's heavy, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And all your equipment shit. Like it's very rare that you would have a woman firefighter at all, but why is she in charge of the largest fire department on earth? - So according to the numbers, apparently the average for the amount of women in fire departments throughout the country is 9% and the FDNY it is 2%. - Yeah, yeah, this shouldn't be there. - And somehow she must have been real good, man. The best of all time, the John Wick of fighting fires. That's why, because it's, you know, this is all fucking, the meritocracy is gone. - Yeah. - One thing that firefighters are known for, and this is true of the bosses as well, is that they are, they protect their people, right? That's, it's not like cops who throw each other to the bus and have IAD and shit like that throw each other to the bus all the time. Firefighters protect their people always. - Yeah. - So this woman is like calling somebody out for going after the attorney general. Who fucking cares? FDNY by the way is a city organization. The state attorney general has no jurisdiction over them, whatsoever. - Yeah, I don't understand any of this. And again, in such a male driven profession like this, why is a woman there? It doesn't make any sense. Let's face it. It's not like she's gonna come out and give a speech and every dude's gonna be like, yep, we respect that one. - No, they're all gonna be like, who's this cunt? - Yeah. - Carry, go ahead and fireman carry a 180 pound dude up a flight of stairs. - Yeah. - And then I'll respect you. - Yeah, I mean, this is, it's a... One FDNY, FDNY, Retiree said it was a political stunt for the city to have the AG there in the first place when it backfired to send their fascist pit bulls after guys for exercising their first amendment rights. Most were off duty and not in FDNY uniform. So maybe there were some guys there in uniform that they might face some kind of penalty, but if you're there and you're civilian clothes, there's not a goddamn thing they could do about it. But they're gonna try, right? They're gonna try. Famed constitutional criminal law attorney, also probable pedophile Alan Dershowitz, blasted the FDNY's hunt down. Firefighters have an absolute constitutional right to boo the attorney general and the government has no power to punish them for it. So efforts to get the names of Boers is an effort by the government to chill free speech and is unconstitutional as such. - I agree. Do you have a picture of Laura Kavanaugh that we could see? I'm just curious as to what this broad looks like. Who's running FDNY up there? 'Cause you know, goddamn well, they're not stoked about it. Come on now. - I mean, I was kind of expecting somebody with broader shoulders in this. - Same. - I was like, man, is she gonna be six, five? - 'Cause the women I know that are firefighters, they look like linebackers. - Yep. - You know what I mean? - Look at this. - She's not carrying anybody in or out of a fucking building. - Holy shit. - That's a diversity hire right there, my man. - She'd be lucky to carry your fucking Chick-fil-A order over to the table for Christ's sex. God damn it, dude. - With the amount of nuggets I get. - Who made this decision, Dan? Like, who does this up there? - Is FDNY county or city? - So. - 'Cause it would be the mayor if it's-- - There is no county situation with New York, I think. I think each borough is its own county. - Yeah, it's city, so she's appointed by the mayor. - Oh, there you go. Well, there's your fucking answer. There's your answer. - The guy who's butt fucked that city, and he's now pretending like-- - Mayor, we gotta-- - We gotta do something. Like, you've been in charge. Don't say we've gotta do something when you've been the one doing it. - The other thing too, is that motherfuckers was chief of police, and this is who you're hired. - He was a chief, he was a captain, I think. - Whatever, man. Is he gonna fucking hire her? - He's a twat. - Hey, who would everybody listen to? I don't know, the girl who weighs 110 and looks like Callist of Flockheart. Jesus Christ, dude. We're all fucked. Next up, royal photo gate. This is a fun one. This is one of my favorite stories going around right now. After months of speculation on the whereabouts of Kate Middleton, the Princess of Wales, and future queen of England, the royal family released an image on Sunday that appeared to have been edited. It's so edited that the Associated Press and Reuters issued a rare kill notifications for it. Man, this is fucking fun here. Is this AI, 'cause I looked at this photo numerous times, they always get the fingers wrong. - I think she was using something. It's a bad Photoshop job. - By her? - But it wasn't even Photoshop. I think it maybe mentions the name of the fucking... - Is it that? - Yeah, I think it mentions the name of the app somewhere in the article. I don't know if I put it into this or not. - So Bob, if you look to zoom in on the child's fingers there and they're all fucked up. - Where? - Man, what's going on in the internet? - I don't think this is an AI. - So there was a situation where... - There, it's right there. Pop that one up. - Yeah, I don't think that's... I think the kid's just doing weird shit with his hand. - Maybe it's one of the fucking secret societies. You know what I mean? - Oh, look at that. - Look at that. West side. - It's West side, dude. - Come on, dude, that's not West side. - He knows that fucking two pucks. - There's no nail on this finger. - He knows that two pucks alive. Well, the index finger's bent back. - The index finger's bent back and the middle finger's wrapped around the ring finger. - It's West side is what he's doing, clearly, right? So is it West side's story? Or is he a big two-pock figure, right? - Hard to sell. - Hard to sell. - He looks like a gangster rap kid to me. - This is not any of the hand signals that the sharks or jets threw up, so... - That's true, yeah. - This has got to be two-pock. It's got to be two-pock. The photo created such a skirmish that Monday morning, the photos editor had to issue an apology to the official Twitter accounts of the Prince and Princess of Wales. Like many amateur photographers, I do occasionally experiment with editing. I want to express my apologies for any confusion. The family photograph we shared yesterday caused. I hope everybody celebrating had a happy Mother's Day. - See. - I'm sorry, Mother's Day, you've transphoned bitch. - Yeah, it was a... - Birthing person day. - Birthing person day over in England. - Assigned female at birth, you stupid bitch. - Yeah, that's a lot. That sea signature, by the way, stands for Catherine, Princess of Wales, aka Kate Middleton. What's wrong with her? - That's the question. - What do you guys think this is? - So the picture's still up on her Instagram page, so you can go examine it yourself if you want. You can see that it's been edited, but who cares? Every picture on the internet is edited. - Yeah, I don't give a shit about that. - So I'm not sure what the big deal. I think the only, the reason that it's a big deal is because they've clearly been hiding what's wrong with her for a couple of months, right? - Yes. - And people are like, well what the fuck? Now you're putting out edited photos too? - Yeah. - You know what I mean? I think it would have been better off just not doing that at all. But I'm not sure what they think, like what parts of it, it looks like it maybe is a Snapchat filter that has the smile enhancer or whatever, or there's other apps that have that filter as well that make your smile bigger. I know because people have used them to give me a smile before, which I don't appreciate. - Yeah. - But it doesn't look like sheep specifically is edited. - No, no it's not, it's she's not edited. - Yeah, so I feel like every article I've read about this or every fucking tweet I've read about this has something to do with fucking, oh well, she's been missing and what's wrong with her? Why are they editing photos? But she's not the one edited. That's what she always looks like, right? So I don't see-- - What we think, I don't know. - None of the other hands are weird or anything like that. By the way, AI has gotten beyond that anyways. And for most part, look, you can see a hand over her hand on the kid's side right there. It's blurry because she was moving it during the picture. - Okay. - If that was AI, her hand would be all fucked up. - So let me ask you this, why edit this, or why it's, walk this back at all then? - Walk what back? - I mean, all she said was, yeah, I edited the photo. I don't think, look, this is not a real person. You know what I mean? - Right. - This is a, these people live in a fucking giant bubble. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They have no idea what's going on in the real world. - For sure. - You know what I mean? And so she's like, oh, people are doing that on the internet, I'm gonna do it too, that's it. - If anything, I don't even understand what the edit was for, right? 'Cause here's the main thing, it's like, it's clearly like she removed a piece of her daughter's arm, like wrist right here. I don't, I don't know what the edit was. - I don't either, I mean, she's not wearing a wedding ring, and there was been speculations on that of why she's not wearing a wedding ring in this photo. - Hands are swollen. - From AIDS. - You think she's got AIDS? - I think it's likely. - Yeah, we got some sponsors to put this shit wagon on the air first and foremost, go to sped.com/drinkinbros. They're back, baby. And they're better than ever, everything is 50% off in the entire store with the promo code "drinkinbros" at checkout, talking about the pillows, the sheets, the mattresses, the adjustable bases, even the mattresses for RVs, everything, is 50% off with the promo code "drinkinbros" at checkout. And now their mattresses are all made in the U.S. survey. They've even got some new mattresses from Venus Williams over there, ghost beds moving on up in the world. Hopefully today is the day you buy yourself a new bedroom set. 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If you're not in one of those states, in one of the surrounding states where we sell Heart AF Seltzer, we still ship right to your house at heartafselzer.com, support us and support the shell. I might be at this point, not sure. The whole situation is very, very bizarre, and she certainly didn't do herself any favors by popping this up and then emitting that she edited it. There's only one shot of her, Bob. If you can pull it up, they got her in the back of a car the other day, and they were like, oh, she's fine, but even that was like a blurry, grainy photo. Maybe she's going but Bigfoot on this. - You think so? - Every photo of her from now on is gonna be a little bit blurry, for no apparent reason. - I mean, this does look like the Patterson film. No relation, I wish it was my grandfather that took that Bigfoot video. - I mean, what camera, this is like a cell phone picture from like 30 years ago, what the fuck? - Doesn't this look like the Bigfoot photo, like this grain on it? So it's very strange. - It doesn't look real. That looks like a filter, to be honest. - The whole thing is so goddamn confusing, and it doesn't make any sense. - I think the only way we're gonna solve this is if they give her to us and we conduct an autopsy. - Well, she's not dead. - Well, we'll kill her, then we'll do the autopsy. - Okay, okay. - That's the only way to know for sure what's wrong with her. - I, you know, look, I'm very thorough in my examinations and-- - I've got several boxes of black nitrile gloves at my house. - Same. - So I can really get in there. - Really? - And I've got barbecued gloves, too, that come all the way up to my elbows. - Oh, those Haitian ones? Yeah, I'm a big fan. - No, no, they're not branded. I'm not paying that guy anything. All I'm saying is I can get elbow deep without, you know, creating a mess for myself. - Sure. - In both holes. - A lot of lube. - So I'll just be walking around like this with her over me. - Yeah, a lot of lube over there, but-- - And then you're just like, we can figure it out, yeah, we can figure this out. - It's almost like throwing in a soccer ball from out of bounds. - Yeah, two feet on the ground. - Two feet on the ground. - Both hands at the same time. - Two hands over your head, yeah. - Talk, two rolls and then a superhero landing. - Yeah. - Right? And then I'll believe that she's real. Until then. - She might have died and this could be her double. - Seriously, I think they're integrating a double right now. - Do you believe that? - Yeah. - Bob, what do you think it is? Has your wife said anything? I know she follows the-- - She hasn't really followed the Royals. - Oh, she doesn't? I'm fine, I don't know. - No, not until they start putting on Disney costumes and tricks. - So pop up this grainy picture one more time here, Bob. It looks like the bottom here, right here, Bob? Under her lip, underneath her lip is swollen or that she's got a zen in there. - It's probably a zen. - I think she's popping a zen. Like people would be amped about that if she was just zenning all day. - But speaking of that, wait, who was it? AOC. There's a picture of AOC in a white pantsuit and a clear circular zen pouch out on-- - Shut the fuck up and in the front of her pantsuit. Yeah, fine with shit. Did you not see this the other day? It was at the state of the union. - She wasn't a Democrat, dude. - Look at that. - Be a fan favorite. - Now that's either her, like a key chain or something or she's fucking-- - Zoom in, Bob. - Ah, that's zen. - Zoom in, let's see. - Yeah, that's a 10. - Yeah, 10 is in. - Yeah, 10 is in, dude. Jesse's doing him too, everybody's doing it. Pop up, now go up to her breasts real quick and cute. Thanks, Bob. Just, again, I wanna be thorough. Checking for zens everywhere else, you know? I never know if they're hiding them in the bras and whatnot, so thank you for that. Purely scientific, obviously, on that one. - You know what you can do if you wanna purr-vout right now is just put on a fucking multi-cam blouse, like a shirt-- - Yeah. - And just go to the New York subway and just start frisking people. - Why not, dude? - Nobody would know. - Nobody would know. People in New York are fucking stupid. They've allowed this to happen in the first place. - If you go down to an army surplus store right now-- - Oh, yeah. - And dress up? - You don't even have to go to a surplus store. You can buy this shit on Amazon. - Yeah, dude. And then just show up down there and be like, all right, cool, guess what? - Just start frisking people. Like, hey, this is for your safety, ma'am. Can you maintain eye contact me when I'm doing this? - I've got a rub, damn titties-- - Yeah, while I'm not sure how you had that way, 'cause they'll know. - Are you sure, though? - Yeah, yeah. - What do you say, ma'am, I apologize, but the governor of New York has instructed me to say, I need to check damn titties right now. - I think that might work. - Oh, cut. - If it's coming from the governor. - And then Harlan McFarland says to say, "I am the law." - Why am I doing it, like Judge Dred? - I am the law. - Right after you clear him, after you give him a pat down, you stare at him right in the eye and go, "I am the law." - Then you pat him on the butt as they walk away. Good game. - It'd be great, dude. - Yeah, you look at these pictures of AOC and you're like, "Man, that sucks, that sucks. "We lost that one, you know." - Even Beaubert, did you watch Beaubert on that side of the union the other night? - Sit next to Matt Gates? You know the two of them are boning. - I hope so. - Yeah, they do. - That would be better than the trash he's been fucking so far. Like upgrade your life a little bit. - She looked great. - She went from some dumb, dumb grand junction guy to a fucking Democrat. - Well, she went to that guy who plucked her out of that Burger King at 16. - What's that I'm saying? He's grand junction trash. - I don't know what grand junction is. - It's Western Colorado. - Okay. - There's nothing out there. - Some old train tracks and a dead Chinaman. - Yeah, well, there's a lot of dead Chinese out there. - Yeah, their bones are everywhere. They built that railroad. Next up, we got Trump versus Bannon. Steve Bannon, the one time advisor to Donald John Trump suggested on Saturday that the former president was paid off after a shift in stance on TikTok. TikTok, the immensely popular video sharing app known for its predominantly young audience, has once again come under scrutiny from US lawmakers. The app is currently owned by Chinese tech company Bite Dance, which has spurred significant suspicion that its abundance of user data is being furnished to the Chinese government. While Bite Dance and TikTok have dismissed these accusations, lawmakers have continued to consider their options. A bipartisan bill put forward by members of the House Select Committee on the strategic competition between the United States and the Chinese Communist Party last week would work to incentivize divestment of TikTok by Bite Dance by blocking it from appearing in American app stores and granting executive branch authority to take similar action in the future against social media companies operated by a foreign adversary. Now, lawmakers on the House Committee of Energy and Commerce advanced the legislation last week in a 50 to 0 bipartisan votes to the full US House of Representatives. TikTok meanwhile characterized the bill as a ban and urged users to encourage their local representatives to block it. What do you think's gonna happen with this? - I don't think it'll get banned. - I don't either. And I think it won't get banned for a different reason. I think it's too close to the election. And if you're trying to get young users, voters, users on the app, obviously, voters out to the ballots, TikTok is a very, very powerful tool. - I mean, they're running ads during the Oscars. They were running ads during the State of the Union. They were running ads on morning ESPN and shit to not ban it, right? TikTok's running ads and it's supposed users who would tell like, this is how I use fucking TikTok or whatever. - Right. - Now, to the point about Bannon, that guy's a fucking retard, right? And it's like far made for me to defend Trump from any of the stupid shit he does either, but to suggest that Trump's been bought off by ByteDance or some shit. Like maybe, maybe, who fucking knows, right? You don't have any evidence for that. You're just saying it. - The broader conservative spectrum has shifted on this back towards a more libertarian approach, which is why the fuck will we let the government ban something? Right? That's the thinking and that's what Trump has said multiple times. Now, there is a guy, what's his name? Jeff Yoss, Y-A-S-S. - Yoss, Queen, yoss. - He's a conservative hedge fund manager. And he's got about 33 billion invested in TikTok. - Holy shit. - Yeah. - Jesus Christ. - Okay. - Yeah, so he's, according to Intelligence Sir, which is a publication, he's threatened to remove funding for GOP candidates if they fuck with TikTok, right? - Okay. - And this is why Citizens United is the worst piece of legislation ever passed in this country. - Yeah, what's your current stance on TikTok? - I don't give a fuck about TikTok, I am an adult human being and I can decide not to use it if I don't want to. And if you're an adult human being deciding that you do wanna use it, then fucking go for it. And if this is all about China, are we really gonna pretend like Twitter? - Yep. - Elon's not left out of this 'cause by the way, China and other foreign markets are talking about kicking all American made products out right now. So he's sucking as much Chinese dick as he can get his hands on right now. If you don't think Twitter, all of meta properties and everybody else isn't fucking selling data to China already, your personal data, then you're fucking stupid, right? - I agree. - So, just don't come up with a good reason to ban it. And the good reason is, well, it's fucking with kids. They're putting out different content towards American kids and they are towards anybody else. Okay, cool. Why don't you parent your fucking children then? - Yep. - You fucking loser, instead of giving the government more power, you're out of your goddamn mind. I've got kids and then I'll have TikTok because I'm a responsible parent and I'm like, hey, you can figure the fuck out when you're a teenager, but not now. The other part of this is initially, when I was with three years ago, I think they started this thing against TikTok. I was initially with it where I was like, yeah, China shouldn't have all of our faces and all of our shit and everything else. Over the course of the last three years. - That ship is sale, right? - Exactly. And everything that has come out online and what we've seen with fucking Elon caving and giving up Trump's tweets and fucking Facebook ripping down New York Post articles about Hunter Biden and everything else. How much worse is TikTok than the rest of the shit we already have? I mean, fuck, the other day on my phone it popped up on my screen that just said, hey, are you aware that Instagram is tracking your location? So Apple has a new iOS thing where they're letting you know who's tracking your locations and all that other shit. All of these apps are horrific across the board. - So we really give a fuck. I mean, your information was leaked by the Chinese or to the Chinese years and years ago. Was your life changed? - It wasn't leaked. They've stolen my identity, so on three separate occasions, one of them could have been Russia, but for sure, two of them were China. And one of them was my SF86, which is a packet you fell out to get a security clearance. So 20 years of my life, every detail, including my fingerprints and my DNA are in that. So they have all everything. If I ever get charged for murder, I'm gonna subpoena the Chinese government. You know what I mean? Like, hey, they probably set me up. - But has your life changed since that happened? I mean, for real? - No, the only thing that's changed is that the fucking government gave me a free credit monitoring account. - Really? - To see if anybody tries to steal my identity. No one ever has. - Good for you. - So, good for you. But yeah, that's where I switch over the course of the last three years is all this shit has come out. I'm like, you know what, who fucking cares at this point? And I think for both parties, Republican and Democrat, nobody. Nobody is gonna wanna see this go through right before the election. - There's no chance of this going through. - I agree. - Bloomberg says facial recognition in Asia seems like it would be really hard. Do you know what he means by that? - Yeah, I'll look alike. - What about retinal scans? Also hard? - Can't see the eyes. (laughs) - You know we see half an eye. - It's worth mentioning. - I understand you can only see half an eye. - It's just science, man. - They're just a little more close than us round eyes. All right, a big fan of that. Next up, what's up with planes? At least 50 people were injured Monday after a L-A-T-A-M airlines Boeing 787 Dreamliner dipped so dramatically into a nose dive for a couple of seconds during a flight. To New Zealand, that it caused passengers to slam into the roof of the cabin. Witnesses say L-A-T-A-M airlines said the plane was traveling from Sydney, Australia, and experienced a technical event during the flight which caused a strong movement. Paramedics and more than 10 emergency vehicles were waiting for passengers when flights L-A-800 landed in Auckland. The plane dipped so dramatically into nose dives for a couple of seconds and around 30 people, holy shit. 30 people at the ceiling? (laughs) - I don't mean to make light of that. It happened to me on a flight once but only a couple of days. - I always wear my seatbelt, man. - I was getting up. It was an accident. 'Cause you, yeah, seatbelt sign wasn't on. I was getting ready to piss, but none of us knew what had happened until after the flight. I was just trying to keep everybody calm, he added. We never heard any announcement from the captain. The newspaper reports that the incident happened about with an hour left into the flight. One guy on the passenger said, I had just dozed off and luckily I had my seatbelt on and all of a sudden the plane just dropped. It wasn't one of those things where you hit turbulence and you drop a few times. We just dropped. That's scary as shit. What is that? - Well, they're saying it was some kind of technical error. When it happens, normally it's a thermal pocket. So you're traveling through air and think of the air around you as a liquid, right? For this purpose, it's kind of helpful to think of it as liquid 'cause it kind of is. You're traveling through the air and it's super cold up there. Every thousand feet, you go up, it's one degree colder, colder. So at 35,000 feet, it's like subzero temperature sometimes, especially this time of year, right? So it's super cold and then all of a sudden there's this trap pocket of thermal gas and it's lighter than you are now, right? So you just fall through it 'cause it's lighter than you. Not like the heavy air, the heavier cold air that the plane's going through at the time. That's a simple explanation. - Okay, but these fucking planes, man, we've had a lot of problems with these things. - Yeah, we'll fill off one on takeoff the other day. And then another one after that crash landed, not crash landed, but it landed and some of the gears were fucked up as well. So it's like, that's three incidents in one week. But you know what, to be honest, we're kind of paying attention to this lately because it's a narrative, this came from Fox News, by the way. Now this is an issue, obviously, a plane dropping 50 feet suddenly like that or 100 feet like that. And then 50 people getting hurt, that's a real thing. And a wheel falling off, landing gear wheel, that seems like a big deal as well. Landing gear braking seems like a big deal, but I don't know if this is happening at a, 'cause zero is like, oh, this is what you get when you have DEI or whatever the fuck. Maybe, I mean, I would agree with that in principle, but I don't know that that's the case here. I don't know what the standard rate of airline accidents is. - Yeah, I'm not sure. By the way, for the audience, if you're wondering why we're sneezing so much here, do you want to talk about a drop? We dropped from 80 degrees down to 37 this weekend. Holy shit, dude, it started to get chilly out there Saturday nights. When we were out there, I was like, I coached in that soccer game Saturday morning. I was freezing my fucking ass off, dude. We had about a 25 mile an hour wind here in Texas, so we're all a little bit under the weather today and trying to cope with it. Is it going back up this week, Bob? - Kinda, kinda. - Jesus, man. - It's a, yeah, it's a weird-- - I mean, it's been drastic. - It's gonna start raining Wednesday and it's gonna rain until Sunday. - Okay, great. - But it's gonna be in like the 60s and 70s. - Okay. - Until the weekend then it gets colder. - Then it drops again. Tuesday next week, 63 high, 37 low, Wednesday, 43 low. - Yeah, damn. All right, Texas, man. I mean, I fuck, it was 91 the last two weekends that I coached, soccer, and then boom. Dropped off the face of the planet, not feeling that great today. Next up, Florida's getting a little authoritarian. A bill criminalizing exotic dancing. For individuals under the age of 21, it's on its way to governance. Santa's desk on Friday, Florida lawmakers passed HB 7063. The bill raises the age requirement for performers and employees to work in adult entertainment establishments. From 18 to 21, those establishments include strip clubs and adult bookstores. The bill passed the Florida Senate by a 35 to three vote last week. The Florida House then approved the bill with a 104 to three vote on Friday with only three Florida House Democrats voting against it. If signed off on by Governor DeSantis, owners of adult entertainment establishments will face criminal penalties for knowingly hiring those under the age of 21. Owners would be subject to a first degree misdemeanor charge for disobeying the law. Those under the age of 21 who break the new law would also face felony charges for the crime. Now, the government is already... They have absolutely no business telling adults what they can or can't do, especially some kind of bullshit morality law here. Where do you land on this? - This aggression will not stand. 'Cause you wanna see some 18 year old titties. That's an adult. - It is? - And they can do whatever the fuck they want. - Yeah, it is. - And Florida had these... When you get enough repubes in one area, it always happens like this. Like at first, you're like, oh good, you're getting rid of these people, these people, and then all of a sudden, it's like, all right, cool man. Why don't you stop and mind your fucking business? - Dude, I mean, there is a not, it's kind of like politics in general, right? Like you don't really have allies. You need to be mindful of the people you team up with, right? Because yeah, you accomplish all that stuff you want to at first, no matter what side you're on. But then if you let them keep going, like the amount of Republicans, it is a not insignificant thing I see on Twitter of outlawing porn. - Yeah. - Like it's fucking real. Like there is a large Christian plurality that would like to get very moral with the law, very, a lot of them are pissed off but we being legal in places and sports gambling. - Yeah. - They fucking hate it. Like it's not a small amount of people. - Yeah, so that's a conservative, right? - It is a certain segment of conservatives. - I mean, that's pretty in line with conservatism generally, is to stop other people from doing shit that they want to do. You know what I mean? - Well, it all comes back to this fucking Christian morality shit, right? And the evangelicals and all that other shit wasn't it Trump who was hot miked or something who was just like, I don't believe in any of the shit either, but it is what it is. I think me personally, this is what's holding back the Republican party as a whole 'cause now you're into the issue of abortion and also with this fucking shit and everything else. And when you do this type of shit, it seems archaic. - Ah, yeah, it's stupid. You don't have the right to legislate morality. I don't even fuck what you believe. And if you believe that, then you're my enemy. You're the enemy of the fucking people. That's a completely unconscionable thing that you should be able to tell another grown person what to do. - Yeah. And at 18 years old, you're allowed to go to war and get fucking killed over there. So what's preventing you from getting on the stage or in only fans? If you're 18 years old, you can have a fucking only fans account, right? - Ah, yeah. - So how is that any different, I guess, than stripping at home versus in a club if you want to? - Yeah, I mean, technically it's only in clubs, so maybe we're gonna have like, I'll just show up at your house. - Yeah, it'd be fun. - You're the stripper for the evening. - Or it's only fancy, the one with prostitution. However you want to word it there, but-- - You've never gotten a to-go stripper before? - Yeah. - No, there was a-- - I mean, I've kidnapped a couple of people, Bob, but it wasn't legal. - I had to do that for a best party once. - Or order a stripper to the house instead of-- - Oh boy. - Instead of go to a strip club or whatever, and-- - How awkward is that? - It never feels good, dude. - It was not good. - You're sitting in your living room 10 feet away from where your child plays. - I mean, fortunately this was well before I had children, and it was in like a college house. - Same, and I-- - But it didn't matter, it didn't matter. It was weird that she had a guy with her who was the creepiest person I've ever seen in my life, and like one of the guys in the house like, yelled something at her, like kind of not polite, and I was like, that guy will murder you. - Yeah. - Just shut your mouth and get an erection and quiet. - I know, I know. We've all got that one friend who's always like, strip clubs, and I'm just like, why? - I think strip clubs are one of the saddest places on earth. - Same, same. - It's like someone with absolutely no talent in life, except for their looks that have an expiration date on them, and no shame, that's your talent. And if you have money, why can't you just go to a bar by any girl that shit's on a drinks and try to hook up? I don't-- - Yeah, put up Murphy in one of them. - Yeah, go Cosby with it, you know? It's not gonna catch onto you for a while. - Yeah, I mean, if you can make it all the way to '83 before you get taken down, shit, that's a life well lived right there, bud. - And his prison stint was amazing from what he said. - Yeah, now he's gonna get paid by the state of Pennsylvania. - He sure is, dude, a lot of money. A lot of money over there. Yeah, but we all got that one dip shit who's just like, I need strippers. The worst one ever for me was a fantasy football draft. And this guy got strippers for the fantasy football draft. And I was like, holy shit, dude, I can't fucking do this. Like, this is fucking nuts. She was on the kitchen table, and I'm like, and he had kids and wife, and they were out of town for the weekend. And I was like, man, you're fucking two year olds gonna be just all up in here, eating fucking yogurt right off this table, you know? And now there's a stripper from Thailand, who's rubbing her pussy on it. Have fun with that. - Just disinfect it, you know? - That's all you can do. That's all you can do. Next up, don't eat turtle meats. Eight children and an adult died after eating sea turtle meats on Pemba Islands, in the Zanzibar, I don't know where this is. - Archipelago, where is Zanzibar Africa? - Where is that? - Africa, or, right, it's not Australia, right? - Is that bad? - We always hear about Zanzibar, and it sounds exotic, where is it? - Yeah, Tanzania, Africa. - Okay, it's in Africa, all right. The adults, wait, oh, Jesus Christ. While 78 other people were hospitalized, authorities said Saturday sea turtle meat is considered a delicacy by Zanzibar's people, even though it periodically results in deaths from Callum Toxysm, whatever the fuck that is, a type of food poisoning? I've never heard of this. The adult who died late Friday was the mother of one of the children who succumbed earlier, said the district medical examiner. He said the turtle meat was consumed Tuesday. Bakari told the Associated Press that laboratory results had confirmed all the victims had eaten sea turtle meat. Authorities in Zanzibar, which is a semi-autonomous region of the East African nation of Tanzania, sent a disaster management team led by Hasma Hassan Juma, who urged people to avoid consuming sea turtles. It is not clear what species of sea turtle it was eaten in Zanzibar. - That's super helpful, by the way. It's like Captain hindsight from South Park. Their disaster team just shows up and tells people not to do what they just did to get themselves killed. What the fuck kind of bullshit disaster management is at? - Is there photos of this? I mean, where do you leave the shell? Do you keep the shell like? - This just happened in 2021 too. - God damn it, man. - In addition to human predation, a range of climate to logical and other environmental factors have landed most sea turtles on the endangered list, including the world's most politically-endangered sea turtle, the Kemp's Ridley. I think this is payback for this straws. - Probably. - To be honest, it seems like intentional to me. - Yeah. Everybody's pissed off about the paper straws, and they're like, fuck it, let's just give you guys answers. - It could be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle thing. - The shit that this causes is insane. So first off, to avoid it, you have to parboil the turtle multiple times. Why, what's inside the turtle? - It's just not meant to be eaten by human beings. Effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, tongue abnormalities, a firm liver, liver hemorrhage. - Hey, is your liver feeling firm today? I think that turtle's fucking me up. - You could just start fucking bleeding out of nowhere. - Rates. - Your heart gets flabby, apparently, vertigo. - You say flabby? - Yeah, your heart stops being-- - So soft, hard, hard liver. - Yeah. - All of this sounds like, it makes me wanna try the goddamn thing. - Oh boy. - What else, Bob? What do we got there? - Spontaneous abortion. - I'm sorry? Beat that last one for me, Bob, I didn't hear that? - Spontaneous abortion. - Okay, so if you were pregnant, the baby would be aborted. - No, you just run around punching pregnant ladies in the stomach. - Okay. - Well, there is a creature called a fluke, right? And it burrows its way inside of the brain of an ant and convinces the ant to crawl up to the top of blades of grass because the fluke comes to maturity inside of the gut of a cow. So it needs to get inside of the cow. So it burrows inside of the brain of an ant and takes over its body and climbs up to the top of a blade of grass so the cow will eat it and then digest it and it can reach maturity. - Fine. - You're out of that? - Yeah, yeah, I've heard of that. I showed the picture, you get a picture of it? There it is. Look at that, right? - So if you see ants crawling up blades of grass like that, it's not honey, I shrunk the kids. - No. - They're suicidal because their brains have been taken over by the Borg. - Yeah. Now the Borg you're talking about is not the one I- - Cyborg, yeah, the alien race of cyborgs, not whatever the fuck that shit stood for. I don't remember. - Under the Borg walk, the Borg walk down there, yeah. Man, that Borg was fun the other day. People are still submitting their Borg names, but right now online and know that I love all of them. By the way, now's the point of the show we get to the drinking bro of the week. Is anybody back there allowed to come up? One guy was like, "Hey bro, I got a real fucking job doing. I'm moving on up." Yeah, there it is. Come on up, brother. Come on up, brother. Bob, real quick, pop open drinking bros.com. Political signs are outs. Defund politicians and Creed 2024. Yard signs are outs on drinking bros.com, along with the Creed 2024 T-shirts and all that shit. These will sell outs within 48 hours guaranteed. I know you guys have been waiting for them. They're live in the store right now. Get them while they're hot. The whole store is stocked up over there. We got Hard AF merchandise over there for Hard AF Seltzer. We got some crime, corner tees. Those drinking bros truckers are my favorites. By the way, big fan of those. And we got everything. Brobox, by the way. We will announce on Thursday's fake news who won the Brobox where we fly out one person to join us for an evening at Olive Garden. So that'll be announced on Thursday. Welcome to the show, put that mic about an inch from your face there. Boom, there you go. What's your name? - Jacob Masterson. - Yeah, Jacob. You look like a young Ricky Fowler. - Yeah. - Wish I could play like him. (laughing) - He's on a full swing this season. I just finished it. He's good. I love pretty Ricky. - Yeah. - Big fan of his. How long you listen to the show? - Ooh, man. I started watching and listening right when COVID hit. - Okay. - He did some of the people did actually. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, just my uncle got me into it and love you guys, man. - Was your uncle back there? - Yes. - Has he touched you? - No. - Okay. I'm just making sure, all right? I don't want to be given him a hard day of seltzer's all day long and he ends up touching you later. And then I get a fucking loss here, you know? - Now we're good. - Man, after my sixth one, man, my uncle's hand was inside of me. And I just, oh man, I don't know what happened. I don't know if I can have it. - Who'd you like to give during a brother week too? - I gotta give it to my uncle. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, he took me in when I had nowhere to go. My mom moved to Dallas, we're from New Mexico and just been my rock my whole life. - That's awesome. - Brought me up through baseball and now I'm racing and number one supporter and-- - No shit. What are you racing right now? - They're called legend cars. - Okay. - So they're-- - I don't know what that is, forgive me. - They're like, I race on dirt. So they're dirt circle cars are built by NASCAR. We have a Yamaha motor and they're badass little cars. - Fuck yeah dude. - Yeah. - What do you win for something like that if you get first place? - Not shit. - You're still in it for a hobby? - Yeah, you can get maybe 200 bucks in a trophy. - Is the trophy nice? Is it nice than the one behind me? - Oh hell no. - Okay. - Those are the nice ones right there. - Yeah, those are expensive right there. Oh, there they are. Is that what it is Bob? Pop that up on screen. Let's see this fucking thing. Is that what it is? - No. - Want me to race them? - No. - What is that? - So look up an INX legend car. - INX legend car. - INEX. - Let's see that fucking thing. I may have to know what this is now. - Yup. - Oh look at you. - Look at these little fuckers. - Yup. - Those have gotta be expensive though, right? - Not bad. - What is one of those running here? - Brand new, about 20K. - Okay, that's not terrible. - Yeah. - It's not terrible. But you're bashing in on other people, right? - Oh yeah. - I flipped for the first time last year. - Really? - Yeah. - How'd you end up? - Caught on fire. - You did not me. - Oh shit. - Not me. - Holy shit. - Yeah. - That's wild. - Yeah, it was badass. - Did you get out of that already? - Yeah, yeah. - No CT or anything? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Of course not. - Got some fentanyl. - Did you really? - Yeah, I did. - Wow, look at you. - Yeah. - Look at you. - You're living life in the whole thing. - You're holding right now? - Yeah, I'm good. - Yeah. - Oh, no, no, no. - All right, cool. - One and done. - Just make it sure. - Yeah. - And if you're looking to get rid of pills at home, you can obviously send those into the studio and we'll flush them forward. - Absolutely. Gotcha. - Flushing down our system. (laughing) We appreciate being here. Is anybody else back there with you? - Our uncle, girlfriend, aunt. - Yeah. - Uncle, girlfriend, aunt. - No, I have my uncle. - Yep. - My aunt. - My girlfriend's back there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's what I mean. What's her name? - My girlfriend? - Taylor. - Taylor, what's up, Taylor? - I talked to your uncle earlier. He was like, look, man, I got a real job. I can't do this bull. - She's Latinx, and she's turquoise-ed up. - Is she a tincter, dude? - Yeah, she's a tincter. - And she does have turquoise. Is she from New Mexico? - She is. - I fucking knew it, dude. (laughing) God, dude, what is with New Mexico and turquoise? - It's fucking final, man. - You guys love it, man. - We love it, yeah. - We brought you some green chili and red chili wine. - Get the fuck out of here. - And some whiskey. - Thank you. - New Mexico state. - Really? - New Mexico state whiskey. - It's literally just wine infused with red and green chili. - Is it good? - The red one is. The green one's all right. - Okay. - The red one is good. - Is it spicy? - No, no. - Okay. - It's really not. - I've never seen green wine before. - Yeah, it's different. - Yeah, for sure. I'll take this home and fucking raise with it. What kind of whiskey is that? - It's pistol P6 shooter rye. - It's a nice bottle. - It's a nice bottle. - It's a nice bottle. - It's pretty good. - Yeah. - I'm down for this. Let's see. Rye whiskey aged three years. Pistol P6 shooter. Let's go, dude. Where's this from? New Mexico. - New Mexico state. - Look at you. - Yeah. - Who's your favorite New Mexico person? - Oh. I mean, it can't be Demi Lovato. She's a crack addict. - No. - Yeah. - Is she really? - Yeah. - Crack? - Yeah, it's got to be crack. - She'd be thinner. - True. - Yeah, she'd be thinner. - When she got off of it, that's where all the weight came from. My favorite one is Val Kilmer until he had to give it all up. - That's a good one. - Yeah. - He owned like eight miles worth of land. - Okay. - Something crazy. I thought he could beat cancer out there with a bunch of turquoise and shit. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, New Mexico just sucks. We don't have anybody good from there. - No, I shot a TV show down there and it's a fun place to visit for a week. - Yeah, yeah. - And then you're all done with it. - Yeah. - Albuquerque's fucking weird, man. - Yeah. I would say if I had to pick somebody as much as I hate the Astros, it would be Alex Bregman. - Really? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I'll let you fucking die on that hill. - Yeah, I fucking hate the Astros, but I've got to say somebody. - Cheaters. Dirty fucking cheaters. - Yeah. - Well, thanks for being here. - Yes, sir. - We greatly appreciate it. Thank you for the gifts. - Of course. - And of course, we will be pounding this. - Rage. - We will. - Yeah. - We will. - Cool. - Appreciated. Thanks. You guys at home for tuning in, go to iTunes, rate the show of five starting to leave a quick review. I don't know where to spotify, it's just a five star, and you can walk away for Dantheby Dantheby, how I am Ross Patterson. This is the drinking pros, fake news. Good. - Yeah.
