Guess What I Found?
The Dark Society Of War!
Rings And Things
[Music] Welcome to War the Words. I'm B. [Music] [Music] [Music] You have no idea why I'm here, do you? I don't know what the hell we're doing, so... You ready? Go ahead, King. It's all you. When you stay over somebody's house, what do you bring? I'm gonna start with that question. I bring clothes, right? Yeah. Toothbrush. Deodorant. Yeah, things like that. Change of clothes, right? Change of clothes. Nothing. Nothing. So, I have a spare bedroom that we don't really... A spare bedroom we don't use. So, it's for people that get too high, too drunk, to... Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they don't want to drive home, we allow people to stay there all the time. Yeah. So, over this past weekend, we made weed-infused Rice Krispies with Marshmallow THC. Yeah, I missed that, and I'm glad I did it. So, shut the fuck up, you're gonna get high one time. So, it was... So, we took our S.O. oil and put it in the Rice Krispies, and she made it Fruity Pebbles Rice Krispies treats with weed-infused butter. So, these two people, I will not fucking put their name out there, 'cause I don't want them banging on my door tomorrow. So, when you stay in the spare bedroom, you can have the spare bathroom in the hallway, 'cause we have her own in our room that is away from everybody. So, stuff like that. Yeah. So, I went to the bathroom six times yesterday. I'm getting a little personal, so buckle the fuck up. So, I'm looking around the bathroom, I'm getting ready to do my due diligence and stuff. Your business, yeah. And I'm looking around, I'm like, "Hey, somebody broke the curtain rod, the little ring." And it's sitting on the sink. It's fucking broke. It's like a brand new curtain. Okay. I'm like, "Goddamn, I got a Walmart to fucking fix this." And go to the bathroom and do what I got to do the rest of the day. Yeah. So, Wafie comes home. I go upstairs to go to the bathroom before we go in the bedroom to lay down. And she goes, "Did you see the cock ring in the sink?" Yeah, I know what that is. Fucking cock ring in my fucking house. I thought it was a broken ring on my shower. I did not know what it was. I've never seen it before. What? You never seen it before? To the person. Shut your fucking mouth. To the person. Please, come get your cock ring that you left out like a fucking debit card. I'm glad you think this is fucking funny, Muggsy. I didn't pick it to fuck up. They can come back and get it. And I know the person who did it has a fucking suitcase, a fucking sex toy as you fucking pervert. He knows who I'm talking about. I hope he comes in the house I can hand it back to him with rubber fucking gloves. This is up there with their condom wrappers. They're used condoms in the bed. Fucking horrible people. Yeah, and I'm talking about you in the chat. I know you're nasty. So, I'm still mad that it was left out like somebody forgot their debit card. I know what that is. Now, honestly, I would have left that at somebody else's house. I wouldn't even brought it to somebody else. Tell me to mind my business. That was my bathroom. I was minding my business. I mean, it's, yeah, you're getting ready to clean the bathroom, whatever. It's your business. It is my business. Thank you. It's your house. Oh, oh, you're bag of stuff. Oh, I'm not going to drop your business now, but you are, you are on the do not discuss list. So you're fine. There's only two people on the no discuss list. And you are one of them. Yeah. So that is the bullshittery that I had to fucking go into last night. I was, I sat in my bed just doing about this. Because how can you leave somebody's house the next morning and be like, God damn it. Forgot my cockering. Like, I'm just baffled. I mean, that's, um, that's interesting. It's, it's fucking wild, right? So let's pull the list out. Somebody's come to my toilet. Left it to two condom wrappers downstairs in the sofa. One condom was one condom wrapper left on the, the headboard in the spare bedroom. Yeah. Then guess my spare bedroom is a motel six. Yes. That's okay. That's too much. Like, okay. Well, you're at somebody else's house. Yes. Why do you? It's, it's not cool to be like doing that stuff. You wrote about the ring over there. The ring. Who does that out of people's houses? The fuck, these fucking barbarians. And guess what this, guess what this episode is going to be called rings and things. And guess what? It's going to pop up on their fucking phones. Because I know they listen. I know they fucking listen because they tell me. I just don't get it. Like, that's, that's fine. Like, I know what that is. But like, come on, man. That's not something you take to somebody else's house. That's like, you leave that at your house. And your own spare, whatever. Your spare time. And I know he's got skeletons in his closet because he acts so fucking innocent. People had act, act that innocent has a bag full of demons. And the fact that he brought his fucking ring over like it was N64. Hey, you want to play on N64? No, I don't fucking know. Keep your fucking ring to your fucking self. And he's left body wars over here, shampoo. Like, fuck is my house, man? It's, well, what good is that for him anyway? If it's always the innocent one, what do we got to talk about you for? Is he single? No, he is not. No, no, he's not single. He, he is not single. He's not ready to mingle. I don't. This is people from the chat asking these questions. Yes, it is. Because here's the, here's the fucking thing. What made this situation worse is my wife thought this was fucking hilarious. Because I should have known what this was. Because she thought it was funny. She's still fucking laughing. Look at this disrespect. I can't believe you don't know what it was. I'm sorry if I'm not a demon with bag of fucking sex towards like a fucking demon. I'm not putting business out there or anything. But like, you know, some, some people have things like that. You know, I don't, but still. Okay, but here's the, here's my thing. Why would you leave it on the sink like it was your debit card that you forgot the night before? Well, it's not. Somebody else's house either. Like that's the thing. Yeah, I honestly, and most people I, so, so here's, so here's the funny thing. He probably went to work the next day and was like, you know what I forgot? Forgot my cockering. Like he, he's, he's, he's got to like, it's got to be like, it has to be like, you forgot your bank card or some shit. He didn't even realize it. You don't think he actually were like remembered that he left a talkering out like his idea over here. Nah, nah. I've thought about taking the photo that I have and send it back to him and be like, hey, forgot something. Are you sure it's from these people? Thousand percent. He is, that was not there before. Like I don't understand like, like. Did, did it look like the curtain was broke? It was, it was, it was moved in like a word angle and that, and that's what I saw. I thought the ring was busted. I'm wondering if these people used it in your bathroom. If they used it in my bathroom, I'm burning down the bathroom tomorrow. I, I'm wondering if that's what they did. Because if you say in the curtain was a little messed up, I'm wondering if that's what they did. I, but here's the thing. Are you ready for this? That's wrong. I mean, you, you don't open your house up for people to like, do you think like, I never like, even like, I don't know. Like if I was that kind of person to do stuff with people, I was like, that's a little embarrassing. It is. It's, it's fucking weird. You get caught or know that like, it's not your house. It's not your furniture. No, but it's the fact that out of the kindness of our heart, we are allowing people to just to sleep here because people are too messed up. But you're, but so this is what makes the story funnier. Are you ready for this? Because they were never scheduled to be here. They were only supposed to be here. Because they heard about somebody and somebody's new girlfriend over here. I could put no name down. Oh, so they went here. They went here to check this person out. Okay. What did they want? They weren't even in the equation. Personally. Then. But it's only these two people that do things like that at your house. Correct. So, and a, and a, another guy that did something, but that was. That's different. So, so for the chat over here, she saw it before me and didn't tell me about anything about it. That's funny. I mean, I can't believe she didn't say something to you. Because like, like I said earlier when I was on the phone with you. If you would have known, you would have told me about it. She expected me to know what it was she said. I mean, if you don't, I don't have like plug and play sex toys in my head. Like that's the thing. She's like, I expected you to know what it was. My mind doesn't revolve in the gutter. Is it like a machine? Does it, does it vibrate or anything? No, but suppose, according to what I've heard. From the expert, that they make vibrating ones. Yeah, they do. And I did not know this. And like, see, look, look, damn straight, she knew. Yeah. And she set me up for failure and sat there and laughed and fell on the floor laughing at me. Because my mind was not on rings and things that particular time. Okay, so some people, not, not, you know, I don't know. I mean, I know people. They have parties for this kind of stuff too. Like at my, at my house, years ago. Oh my gosh. People had party. But it was, I wasn't there. Like I was a, like, I was a teenager. I wasn't like, I knew anything of what was going on. But yeah, that's things. It was adult, you know, it's adult time or whatever. And it wasn't like they were all, it was for somebody came up with a party and that's what they did. There's an actually adult party that you can have. Yeah. So, okay, that's like, I'm not throwing anybody's business out. I know people are like this. Yeah. That's like me going to your house and being like, you got, you got a big cucumber I can use or some candles or something I can use. Oh God. That's right up there, right? That's right there. You got, you got some foot long hot dogs I can fucking use without the button. But for you to bring it over. A lot of people use, you know, a lot of people use other things besides that. Yes, you're right. I'm going to delete the chat. Not, not indefinitely, but out of my life permanently because they're laughing. I think it's funny though. I'm glad you think it's funny. I think it's funny. You didn't know what it was. Me as your guy in the chat that that was asking questions earlier. No, he's probably too high. Oh, okay. Damn. He missed. Cuz I know he, when, when, when this shows up here, I'd be like, ooh, I like, I like rings. But wait, there's more. What? What? What? There's more. What? About what? What about last night? Oh, oh, wait to hear this. Oh God. Are you ready for this? My chair is in an upright position. I'm strapped in. Do you want to chime in on this one? Oh, madam. So I turned to him and I'm like, I don't understand how you didn't know what it was because you've used one. I've used one on you and he completely lost it. I asked the date, time, windshield, sunrise, and sunset that day because I don't remember. I don't need to know all this. And the people don't need to know all this. Who gives a fuck? That's true. What am I gonna hide? That's true. Everybody has sex. Well, so. Well, I know some people that don't. Yeah. W Wilkins. No, not him. You told me B. Be mall 305 at gmail.com. Tell him to come back to the show and stop being a pussy. But yeah, that was that was my night. Last night. And I woke up. First thing I thought about was that fucking cockroony. So when I got the text from you saying we have an issue and I was like, okay, what was it? And then you said no to we got a big problem. The company, the company that I keep is the problem here. Yeah, because these motherfuckers are savages. We got some like somebody making Krispy Kreme donuts downstairs. We got rappers being left around. I mean, people just think your house is like for them to do that. And it's not. And it's rude. And just like it's just rude in general because like if you're at somebody else's house, why would you do stuff like that? Like like anybody in the chat would you do things like that? It's somebody else's house. Fucking snow. That's like me going into your bathroom tomorrow and painting it all white. Yeah. I mean, people in the chat even answered right away. Hell's no. I wouldn't do that. But like, come on. That's rude. It's disrespectful to somebody else's house. They allow you to stay. They don't they don't expect you to go, you know, painting our house with white. And leaving the toys behind. So do you want to hear you want to hear the other funny part? Oh, God. Go ahead. You ready for this? Yeah, go ahead. This is this is what was in my brain more and made me more mad. So here's the thing since they weren't properly placed in our agenda for the night. They this person had to go home and come back with with with his bag. with his bag. So this mother fucker left to go home. To get it. Then to come back with it. That's the part that gets me. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because I know, because I know damn well you don't travel with one of these in your fucking wallet. There's no way. But I mean, maybe, maybe a condom, but not, not maybe a condom. Yes, but. If somebody, if one of my friends opened their wallet up to try to pay for like dinner or something, and that's all bad. And that falls out. I would ask them to please leave. Yeah, you ain't paying for my dinner. Not with what just came out of your fucking wallet. Like, and here's the thing. I've heard stories about this person having like suitcases full of shit and having issues and perversion and all this other shit. So it doesn't make it makes sense now. Because now I got photos and I think I'm going to take it and I'm going to take a picture of it and send it to him. Nothing wrong with having toys. Okay, that is a true statement, but you don't bring them to somebody else's house. But having them for show and tell is is the red button, I think. Bring it to somebody else's house is not okay. You haven't about your own house and you're doing your own thing at home. That's all right. Brandon, that's like me coming to your house and be like, yo, you got some candle wax, I can bar so I can dribble myself and just do this. I'm just like, no, I would never ask anybody for anything like that and to leave it out on a single like that. Yeah, I mean, is, is a conversation on them rappers you leave out you left, you left condoms itself. That's nasty. And the damn right he didn't ask me to borrow it. I would have killed him. But as of right now, both of these people, 60 days span. I think maybe longer needs to happen. Okay, let's let's open this up for discussion. How long should we take a 90 think a 90. I'm thinking 90 because this is not this is not the first defense. Because if I ban them now, they will they will miss our friends giving. They will miss our Christmas party and our New Year's Eve party. Well, what what does the missus think. Should we ban them till January. Or should we allow them to not stay the night ever again. I mean, it's your house. It's up to you. It's not any playground over here. It's your house. I'm thinking maybe never coming saying again, but. I mean, then this. I don't know. That's what you. It's definitely a conversation I need to have. Maybe a third maybe 30 wouldn't be bad. I don't want to be honest with you. I don't want to see them for rest of the year. Well, then you don't get covered no more. Because I like it's your house. I mean, it's it's it's nasty to do stuff like that. It's somebody else's house. I don't care who you are. I mean, you good. Okay, like people go to hotels and stuff. I mean, and it happens at hotels. This isn't a scavenger hunt. This isn't a hotel. This isn't a scavenger hunt. Leaving stuff behind so you can find it. You know, the sad part is you didn't find the wrappers down there. Somebody else somebody else did. When they stayed. My thing is what was he digging in the couch for? Well, he was straightening up the. The actual like. Yeah, because he does that when he leaves. Like he was just straightening up and all of a sudden. Rapper came out. That's a little much. It is a little much, but here's the thing. Oh, she found the condom on the floor. In the living room. Let that sink in. Up upstairs living room. No, living room living room where we watch TV and shit. You found it up there. Look, read the chat. Get out of here. Dead ass fucking serious. Oh, no, bang for the rest of the year. Maybe maybe two years. Hey, there is nothing wrong with some of my other friends. They're somewhat normal. I'm normal. Well, somewhat. You hang out with me. Your company is horrible. The company you keep is terrible. You're right. You are not normal. None of us are normal. We have our own little ways. Everybody does. So I'm going to give a person in the chat a hint. Oh, it was. So this person was the person at my birthday probably that confronted me in front of you before you left. Oh, I know who it is. Yeah, not you. Not you. You figured out once I said them. Yes. You said them. I know who you're talking about. Yeah. And I could get into more graphic detail about their business, but I don't. Well, it's, it's not just once. This isn't once. This is more than once. Yeah. Like they, they feel like my. Fucking spare bedroom is. Is there. Willy won't come a child factory over here with. I mean, honestly, they stay more than anybody. Not full. The other person that used to stay here was staying longer than them at some point, because they were. I don't think they were. Actually spending the night together yet. Well, that's true. Yeah, just the one was staying more than. The one was staying more than the two. That's all I'm going to say about that. I know when this comes out and there at the gym and they fucking hear this, they're going to be like, he knows. Well, I mean, it's your house and you're upstairs. It's the room next. You know, probably hear it. If I would have heard it. I would have busted in the door and been like, you want me to make some cold late? Or just some wild shit. Mike. You all right? Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I'm just. You're just. You don't know what to think. I don't know what to think or say. Trying to kick back here and relax and not doing this conversation is very. I don't know anymore. Yeah. That was my night. So this was a improv to episode. It was in our regular schedule programming. The regular schedule programming will be back in a couple of days. Yep. In a couple of days, our regular schedule programming will be back for part two. So if you like rings and things, what this is going to be called. Yeah, no more rings and things. No more rings and things. No, no more rings and things. No, no more lubrications. What? What's the funny? No more lubrication. Well, I'm never mind. I'm going to say that I ain't even going to go there because that's too soon. So I mean, what's your house going to be a Diddy party next? Hey. How many? I have a question for you. How many people have we outed on the show? Oh, it's too many. We started with your sister-in-law and outing one of our friends. What's this? What's sister-in-law? Your sister-in-law Snapchat. Oh, yay. That was like the second or third episode for this show. It was basically confronting this person. Well, that wasn't really, that really wasn't all about her. No, it wasn't all about her. About somebody else. But I think we've outed too many people in the show. I think we need to stop. Fuck it. No. Category five is the best thing I've ever done. Well, this wasn't a Category six. I thought this one was going to be your big one. I thought it was going to be two, but I kind of settled down more. Like, from here on out 90 days, I think 90 days is good. Oh, man. You're going to miss friends giving, Christmas. Are they really our friends? They're going to miss New Year's. New Year's is the big one. Yeah. That's where they met and hooked up for the first time. In your house. Yeah. In my house. No, they're, they're not coming anywhere. Oh, god damn it. They're not close to anything over here. I might even say coming close to anything because I already know that. It's everywhere. It's everywhere. Downstairs, upstairs. Bathroom was a fucking Krispy Kreme factory. Yeah. We get it. They were encouraged by a lot of people. I don't think they were encouraged. They were. I don't think they were encouraged to eat, which eat the Rice Krispy treats and go do that. That's not what I think when I'm high. And these two people, well, the one person doesn't even do that kind of stuff, right? Sometimes I wonder. Like, I don't know. I know he's got skeleton in his closet and his suitcase and stuff. So it's sorry. Yes. Skeletons in the suitcase. You probably just dumped them in the suitcase. Right, dumped them out on the back. We got, we got skeletons in the suitcase and every rings on the, on the sinks. That's what we're doing. That's just, that's just wrong. I don't care who you are. I wouldn't be doing things like that in somebody else's house. Go home and do your private business with your girlfriend or whatever. Whoever she is. Even the same thing. Even if it was the girl, go home and do your private things with your boyfriend. Yeah. Please. You have a house for that. My house is not a circus, but does this. Does she stay at his house or vice versa? Probably not. I doubt it. So your house is the. My house is the middle point. I have a designation. Guaranteed when they want to do the deed as people say on the street. They use my house. They're dirty deeds that are done. They're cheap. I mean, I've heard. I've heard it. We called other things, but. Or, or as my spirit animal Sheldon Cooper calls it, doing the dance with no pants. Doing the dance with no pants. That's funny. That's what he, that's what he calls it on the, on Big Bend theory. Apparently they don't live close either. I like close enough. One lives in white marsh. The other one lives in edge with. Yeah. You do the metal now. It's not close enough to each other. Not close enough to get their own motel six. Oh, I could argue. I'm sure that is not far. Well, tell that to one person that drives and the other person that doesn't drive. Yeah. And I'm going to leave it that. No more questions, please. I'm not overreacting. Tune in next episode. Gas station chronicles. Part two. Part two. Go ahead. Some more good stories. You sure? Yeah. Okay. Good. Yeah. Okay. Cause you gave me a look. (upbeat music)