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Daily Dads #128: Embracing Struggles for Growth

Daily Dads #128:

Today the Dads explore various themes surrounding gratitude, parenting, and the challenges of modern life. They discuss the importance of community connections, the impact of digital distractions, and the significance of building resilience in children. The conversation also touches on the necessity of allowing children to experience struggles to foster independence and growth.


Takeaways from today:

  • Gratitude can set a positive tone for the day.
  • Community connections enhance our experiences and support.
  • Digital distractions can lead to overspending and time loss.
  • It's important to be intentional in parenting today.
  • Children's lives should be good but not overly easy.
  • Struggles are essential for children's growth and resilience.
  • Parents need to allow kids to learn from their mistakes.
  • Independence in childhood is crucial for future success.
  • Monthly themes can guide parenting discussions and reflections.
  • Engaging with the community can provide valuable insights.


Keywords: gratitude, parenting, resilience, community, digital distractions, independence, monthly themes, personal growth, parenting insights, family dynamics, Ryan Holiday, Vaynerchuck, GaryVee, VeeFriends, VeeDads, DailyDads, Daily Dads


Other Resources:

Daily Dad by Ryan Holiday: https://dailydad.com/

Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday: https://dailystoic.com/

VeeFriends: https://veefriends.com/


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VeeDads is Daily Dads = health, mindset, connection to build confidence in all Dads and parents

Join VeeDads, Blaze Hirsch, Dom Rouzaud, and Ryan Turner, every morning at 8:30 est on Twitch. We cover a daily meditation from Ryan Holiday’s, “The Daily Dad”. Our community joins live in the chat and shares their insights as well. Feel free to join us. Catch replays of the live discussion on the VeeDads podcast through Spotify or Apple Podcasts. 


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Ryan Turner

ryanturner@foodisfuelnyc.com

Broadcast on:
10 Oct 2024
Audio Format:
other
We're going to be talking about some background music. Here we go. OK, it's on a loop. That's OK. We got Brian, we got Doug, we got me. It's a vibe, sir. Hi. Oh, man, what a great story. Brock Purdy, Mr. O'Revalent. You're muted, Brian. There you go. Wasn't on a loop, what? What? You guys, hold on. I can't hear anything. I'm all over the place this morning. Oh, wait. All good, man. Let's keep talking. Go ahead, please. Can you hear me? Mike, Mike, Mike. Yeah, you're good. Mike, I think that's one of the first day. Ice age, maybe? Maybe not. I don't know. What's up? How are you? I'm good, man. I'm good. I was just saying on the background, trying to turn that music off for you so you could talk. Oh, thank you. Ryan, you look flustered. No. I think you got the little stubble coming out. You're looking to find where he's gone. Are you in a garage, please? In your garage? I still haven't left the garage sale from the other day. No, I mean, I'm like, this is my garage. OK. Yeah. I have to be at work at 7 a.m. tomorrow, and I won't be here. But I'm going in a little bit later today. And I said, you know what? I'm going to-- I'm going to ease into the day today. I'm going to go to work right after this. I think we've been diving in the conversations and stuff. But I was thinking, let's start with some gratitude today. Yeah, she got one loaded. You know, sitting out here in my driveway, hey, Ryan. You guys have to read out the issue. I love this cooler weather. I think it's just such-- and being in Rochester, it's just a short window of cool, verse freezing. I think I get maybe a month where it's sweater and jacket weather before I need boots and coats and hats and gloves. So I'm just here for it. Maybe I'll get two months. But I love this cool weather. It's so nice. My wife hates it. She wants to be drenched. So it's my gratitude. Nice. Nice, nice, nice. I don't know, man. I don't have one right now. I got one. Can I take one for you? Go, Ryan. No, no, no. I got to do it. Look, atomic. That's an awesome hat. You know, in the community as-- I think it's an angle, right? I don't know what's going on. Atomic coffee out of Iowa. Atomic coffee bar in particular. I asked him for this, actually, a bit ago. Because they're learning that I like coffee. He's been doing good. He has got a coffee bar out in Iowa. And I know he's really deep in the community right now. He holds some of the best cards for me, friends, all that. But he sent this mug. I got some golf tees over here. I got a snap bracelet. Look at that. It's awesome. Oh, wait, hold on. Some more things. Send some coffee over here. So we're going to make some cold brew with this. We're going to make some cold brew. We have a few things here. Apples, citrus, and milk chocolate. It sounds pretty good. So I'm excited about that. And then look at these awesome decals. I feel like when you have a business and you're somewhat fun, you probably just start making a bunch of decals. But the decals just look really awesome here. So, Atomic, thank you so much for sending these over. You guys got to check out his website. See what we got going on over here. I just got like all of these. Oh my gosh. Does anybody know his website or can somebody type it in so we can highlight the comment? Just to comment coffee bar, I believe, is what it is. And it's over in Iowa. So, but you can order his coffee online. So we're going to rest the week. We're going to make some cold brew. We're going to talk about it. It's getting pretty good. And then I'm going to choose gratitude for Dom today. I think you got some cold cards yesterday. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was very, I think I was just, I'm just a little flustered right now. Cause I have a, I always have a busy short week. Uh huh. And I let myself get very distracted in, in the whatnot streams with Mr. Courage. You know, shout out to the whatnot streams for being so entertaining. Um, but do you think I'm going to need to, I think I'm going to need to delete the app today. Do you, I do that. I've done that a lot. Do you have your notifications on? No, I don't. Oh. That's tough. Yeah. Um, I've deleted. There's a couple of apps that I constantly am deleting. Draft Kings. Whatnot. There's a big one. So do you guys feel like you deleted because of, it could be both obviously. Is it more right now the time spent on it or is it more because of the money that you're spending back? Uh, yeah. So usually it, usually it's time spent. Um, but over the last like week or two, it has been a little bit more money. So I think I've, I think I've, I think I've spent enough money and I think I've supported enough people. And kind of like joined enough. So I think now is a good time for maybe me to step away from it for a little bit and, uh, like just feel the FOMO and, and deal with it and, and, and work, you know, push percent. Do you feel as if it's a challenge to stay as involved in the community without spending money? Cause I feel like this could be draft Kings. It could be within like a small group if you're doing like a fantasy football league, if you're not spending money or maybe you don't feel like you're as up on NFL kind of stuff. That's the case or, you know, Don, maybe you feel that you're not as tapped into what some people are doing or you're not giving recognition enough if you're not paying. Do you feel there's a struggle with a community interaction without putting dollars forward? I have my answer, but I'm curious. What's your thought on it? Um, no, I've never, I've never really felt that way because I've been in a lot of the streams and I, I don't, I'm not one to spend a lot of money in them. Um, but I still feel a part of the community and, and recognized for the most part. Um, but I also feel like I've been in, in the streams and kind of taken advantage, but enjoyed the entertainment of the streamers and the community without monetarily supporting them. Um, so I kind of was out of place where I was like, okay, I've gone X long without spending any money on these guys and gals and, and enjoying their, their free entertainment. So I, and I needed some stuff like I kind of organized my collection and so I kind of tried to strategically get some things. And I think I just, I got to that point where it was, it's been enough. I've spent enough money for now and spend a lot, way more time than I wanted to. And then yeah, so. I think it's okay. It's just, it just, it just fell on a busy week is all for busy two weeks. So there's a struggle. I think it'll be good to see me in the chat. If you see me in the chat, kick me out. I always see you in the chat and I'm like, whoa, what are you doing right now? You're always, I feel like you're always giving a lot to the chat when you're in there in terms of, uh, just like, I don't know, positive vibes and all that kind of stuff too. So I'm like, all right, he's like really tapped in right now. And so, I never know if you're giving it from a place of desire or a place of, you know, it's, I don't know. But please, please is the one who gave me the idea to just pull up the idea, just to put it through like just delete that thing, just delete it, just get it off. Well, I'm a big delir, like, I'm a big component of every, like, three to six months, you should just delete every email on your inbox. Because if you haven't responded to it and you haven't addressed it, it's probably not that important. And if it really is important, someone will probably reach back out to you, or you'll get another reminder. So, um, I know some that might make some people faint. But like, think about those emails that you read the subject like over and over and over and over again. And then you never get back to it. Like, to me, like, an empty mailbox is a clean mind. I wish I could get my Gmail there, but there's just so much random shit. But like my work email, I think I have like 20 emails and I feel pretty good about it. Okay. Can I make an announcement? Don't worry. Well, my family, I'm just kidding. We posted a new pod. Hey, was there a joke? What was the joke? I was going to say like my family and I like, you don't know what's going to happen after that. Are we having a baby? Are we buying a car? Are we getting a puppy? Or how they're not going to separate lives? You know, you don't know. You could have gone deeper into the joke first. Yeah, but we only have 18 minutes left. But what I want to say is new podcast, new podcast episodes out with David. I'm going to share with you guys today. Go and man 300 right in the chat. I'm going to highlight him. So check about great dad. If you guys don't know, I'm a very selfish person. So for me, I'm always trying to interview dads that have older kids. So I can like try and like peel some knowledge and wisdom away from them. So it was really great getting to sit down with David last month right before V con or after be kind. I don't remember. And follows stuff that we put on there too. So go listen to it. It's great. Yeah, definitely some really good nuggets. I did learn. Don't go and ask David if he's a grandfather. He doesn't, he doesn't love it right now. Yeah. I have to go back and listen. I don't remember that piece. But now I feel vulnerable. Like, I feel like you asked me like, whoa, are you, are you great? Cause like David's done a really great job of like bringing up his three girls and I was listening back. And, and please, it was like definitely a question. I was like, yeah, I would probably ask that question at that moment, like in that way too. And it was like, why didn't everyone ask from a friend about it. I was like, well, hold on. That question was like completely appropriate. But I think that maybe David, I don't know if you agree with this. Maybe you just don't see yourself as a grandfather yet from the point of view of where your life is and where you're losing your looking guy too. I think that might be what it is. And so, it might be like, wait a second. Are you telling me to look like a grandfather? Are you telling me that my kid should have given me the grandpa or a grand kid so far. But it was just funny because it was like the one moment that, because I had to do some additional editing with the whole, the whole thing. And so listening to like everything. You could probably recite it back. I probably could. I probably could. But it did. It was getting David's podcast. That was kind of the, the kink in my ability to get a lot done. So I was finally got out. So it's good. Nathan, I want to bring in voice of the chat Nathan at kill any kids on this 13 kid adventure. That's awesome. That's it. Wow. Good job. That is pretty impressive. Carrying camels in the chat right now. I don't know where are you, where are you coming in from? Is Karen Campbell, Joanne, the picture tells me no. You're right. I didn't look at the picture. I didn't even. You could totally catfish your way. Oh, is that Orion? Oh, I know. Yeah. You know, Ryan are best whatnot friends. I feel like whenever Orion is in a chat and then someone says Orion, like my ears perk up, but like, I've been. Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, right. You know what? I heard you recently. You do. Are you in construction? I think you work outside. I think you recently said that you be outdoors, right? Or you hate the winter rather. Not the outdoor. Thanks. Don't listen. You try this on the outdoors. It's kind of a straight person. But yeah, that's what you said. How close are you to Zion Canyon? That's what I want to know. Why do you want to go there? I'd love to do a VDAS trip to Mount Zion. That's probably like the best trip I ever went on was like. Going hiking through the slot canyons. Oh, my gosh. That was so much fun. We went a couple of years back to the area, but we didn't go too deep through Zion. We didn't do our research and we didn't realize how cold it was in November. Oh, yeah. We were not prepared for it, but it was still a fun trip. When we went, someone said you have to rent walking sticks and walking boots. And it was like the best decision because we got like, we got like deep in that canyon. All right. Who read today? I did. I did. I did. You guys listening? Yeah. It's um, it's October 1st. It's a new month. I don't know what the month is. Is it resiliency? But I'm resiliency in your kids. Is that it? It is. So it is new month and it's very exciting and I'm so sorry, guys. Let me just do this in case we have anyone new. So important. Uh, but the daily dad. All right, holiday. We are reading it daily. Um, daily. John's going to help me out here. It's a daily meditation and things that are all, uh, within modern psychology. Hold on. Stay there. Stoicism and practical wisdom. Correct. That's what you got with your. That was the other one. Yeah. All right. So we got it. So we're coming together. And then every month there's a new theme. And so I was, I was kind of excited to get to a new month. I don't know about you guys. I was kind of excited. Oh, yeah. Well, that's because you don't like reading. Yeah. But I think I was ready for a new theme. I don't just let me a book. It's, you know what? This morning, like, it's just amazing. Uh, there were so many things that like I went downstairs and we got one package and I got like a Thomas package, which I wasn't expecting, then Dom's packets came and I was opening everything up. And I had this like beautiful, like, you know, romantic thought of like, I'm going to come in. I'm going to really highlight everything everyone's sense. And then I realized that I couldn't put it. So anyway, Dom sent me a book by around holiday and I audibly out loud and pulled the book out. And I held it from ago. All right, I'm going to read it. Because I was like, another book to read. Got it. I'll do it. But I thank you so much. Your package was, uh, was awesome and we have some really special stuff for the community. For our treasure chest or something, you're not exactly what it is, but you got some cool stuff from now. And, um, I just want to call out carrying camel or anybody else. I do every first of the month. I try to, um, show that I have free copies of the daily dad on audible. So if you want to free copy and you want to listen along with us, I'd love to give that to you. Um, just send me a DM on X and I can send you a QR code to access the book for free through audible. I'd love to do that for anyone. Um, struggle and emerge. Struggle and emerge. That's what it. That's the title for the day or that's the theme for the month. That's a theme for October. So it's struggle and emerge how to raise their resilience. Which is a good one. I think that it's, um, I think it's, I think it's a question that a lot of us have. What is just feet? Um, it's okay. Oh, there's a resilient red devil. If you'd like Blaze playing the best for half for $75 each, including shipping. If you guys would like a resilient red devil hat for yourself, please hit him up. If you guys don't know, there's a pocket here. I'm not going to pull it out right now, but that's right. But my old Navy super cash. Because, you know, you're always losing it. And then by the time you find it, it's already expired. So great place to keep any kinds of coupons. So there you go. Um, oh man, but. So the reading today was about like your child's life should be good, but not easy. And I just think about like how easy my kids life is compared to how I grew up. Like they can communicate with anyone whenever they want. They don't have to watch commercials. I'm a soft parent in some regards and I bring them breakfast in bed almost every morning or Louisa does. Um, and I remember my dad used to yell at me a lot about brushing my teeth growing up, which is probably like a good thing because I have a lot of cavities and then I defied him. Um, but so I'm just thinking about all the things that I've done. I'm doing for my kids right now that maybe I need to make their life a little bit harder. I'm not saying they need to wake up every morning and make me eggs, but just some things that I'm thinking about from today's reading on how we still have to provide these opportunities for growth for our kids. Because if we do every, I think about those kids that I saw in the college dorms, like I just remember kids like not knowing how to wash their own clothes, like, and I had to be like, okay, you put the coins in, you put the laundry detergent in. Well, what about the whites and the blacks and I'm like, I don't care about that kind of stuff, but I know a lot of people do. So maybe some people just wash their towels, but it was crazy. It was a while. Tom, you had, um, you've mentioned your childhood relationship with your parents in so many words in the past. Do you feel that you are that you grew up faster than you were ready for? Or, or you feel like you were, tell me about how you feel about that and tell me if I'm wrong to. Uh, no, no, I feel like I had a pretty normal, like, um, growth through childhood. I don't feel like I was really rushed into anything. Um, and I felt like because of what my parents like, I'll give them this, like, I'll give them a lot of stuff, but definitely, I felt like I did have a lot of struggles or, you know, not like struggle struggles like I wasn't in an abusive family Um, like no, no sudden deaths or anything like that, but like I still had to fend for myself in certain ways. So like, you know, I learned laundry early on, you know, doing chores like I was allowed to go, you know, out at any time after school and kind of, you know, be unsupervised with friends and deal with all that stuff. No, I think, I think our, like my, my childhood and like my generation like was allowed to have these, you know, trials and tribulations to fend for ourselves while our parents worked. Um, and I feel like kind of going with what Blaze said, like our, our kids are growing up a little, little softer and, you know, I think that's kind of the point of this, this reading and this, this day and maybe this month. Act as a trainer and endlessly manufacturing trials for the child. Um, you know, kind of almost putting them in situations and giving them the freedom to work themselves through the situations versus stepping in and telling them how to fix everything. No, I don't think I do a good me and my wife would do a great job of that yet, but it's definitely something we work on here and there. I'm sorry, my mind just, my mind was trying to figure out how Craig went from top gun. And then they went all the way to the sounds of the lambs. I don't. I didn't understand it. I'm sorry. That is quite that is quite the transition. But negative ghost right with patterns for, um, but what I was going to say was building off of what Don was saying is like, I just feel like. When my parents were raising me, they didn't have to be as intentional because that's just how it was, whereas I feel like I have to be more intentional now. And if you guys don't know, like, my son and I are battling for another month about lacrosse, what I mean by that is just like. Him trying to stay motivated, like. He's probably the youngest kid on the field, but he's also the mopious and he was just like dragging his body and he kept laying down on the field and like. Hard to me wanted to go out there and like throw him in the air and be like, bro, stay on your feet. We don't lay in the field. But I try to let the coaches do it. There was a couple of times I did pull him off the field just because he's really struggling. Like he's trying to dig the lacrosse ball out of the grass. Like it's a shovel. And I'm like, bro, you have to treat it gently and just like sweep it up and keep walking. And then after practice, we took all this gear off and we practice like throws and scooping and that. And so because he went from not doing anything with a cross to trying to learn how to play lacrosse with all this armor on. And so, but it was really good because we were intentful. And I just think about how I need to build that into other pieces where it's like, you have to have this like intent to build, sharpen, grow, learn. I'm just thinking about all those things now. Yeah, you know, at that moment, it's, I mean, it's such a learning, like there's even older kids that are playing lacrosse that still don't know how to actually, you know, get the ball off the ground. So I don't think that's like a weird thing by any means, but it does make me think of the thought like, is somebody. I love when someone says, like, I heard another parent say this, and I said, and everyone's like, Oh, yeah, I know that. I was like, I never heard it, but now I do. But don't stop the struggle. One time they were, they were referring to their watching their kid tie their shoes. And they said that he was talking about how his wife and him don't stop the struggle, like she was struggling to kind of tie her shoes now she's learned enough. But they both have really signed up to say, I'm not going to step into early. I'm going to really see the struggle. And I definitely get it. I think it also starts, I have a couple thoughts, like, I can just rant for enough time to not take up too much time. But also, I think it starts for me when I start to think of two things. One is when my kids used to fall down to the park, I was like such the person, I think it became for my dad, I don't know. But like, if my daughter fell down, either one, and she hurt herself, I was always the dad that would go so slowly to them, and I wouldn't want to pick them up because I was like, isn't this it? Aren't we supposed to teach them how to get up off the ground? Like, for me, it was just the nate thing, like, don't run and pick them up because the faster you do that, the more they think it's a problem, the more they're going to cry. Maybe I was being selfish, I don't want to hear him cry. But it was like, they're down the ground, there's no bone, there's no blood, they're okay, right, they're going to get back up. Yeah, and the other thing, which is a little bit unrelated, is this is, because I just, because I was a little bit like this, but it wasn't bad at all whatsoever. I know my brother's in the chat, and Jason, I know I didn't study like today, but being a latch key kid, was anyone else a latch key kid when you were growing up? That means, can you tell me what that means? Yeah, so I never knew it was a thing like a term, but a latch key kid was like a kid coming home from school and then coming home to an empty house. But that sounds so negative, but like really it was just my parents were at work and we just got home from school before they did, so we would go in and we would make ourselves some food or we would, you know, turn the TV on whatever we would do. I was thinking about that today, if our kid was sent home by themselves, I feel like ACS would be called. That used to be a really normal thing, obviously you're older, but I think it was even in middle school that we would get home and our parents wouldn't be there, and it wasn't a weird thing, we would just walk in there, the bus would drop us off. We'd walk inside, we know our parents weren't going to be home yet. Most of the time we were playing sports after school, but then like in between moments that we would get home, we weren't there, but we just took care of ourselves. And I'm just thinking, how many kids could actually do that today, and how many people would actually be going to jail if they let their kids do that just seems like a weird thing, maybe my kids are younger right now so I'm not really in the right mindset, but I was thinking about that. Well, I would love, I know you have a local social worker in your life, I'd love to hear her perspective on that. Yeah, she's annoying now, but we should. I thought she was tidy. No, she's all good, she's, I love her, I love her so much. No, you know what I'm thinking now that I'm thinking that like my, my perspective is coming from my kids being so much younger right now, but like, I don't know if you're oldest daughter could end up going home without you guys and be able to. I don't know if she does that. Yeah, they, I'm trying to think like I know the, I know the oldest has for sure I'm just trying to think if the middle one has but no I mean, at the edge, at the ages that they are right now so my middle school is 11. She would be totally fine. I mean she wouldn't do much or get much done but my wife, my wife actually leaves her at home all the time like just to take quick trips, you know, to, she'll even leave her with the younger one. So they're all at the age where they're fine. Yeah, for us. I mean, but we also live in a very, like remote, like suburb neighborhood like there's no traffic on our street, you know, I don't know it's, it's hard to describe but it's, it's not. And we know our neighbors and our neighbors know us like it's, it's, it's kind of a little different than living, you know, in a city, like in Brooklyn or even where we used to live in El Skondo. But yeah, no, we're, we'd be fine with it. And we do it, not for like a long amount of times because I would, I, that's what I was, I was a last sheet kid so like I would come home from school. Maybe a couple hours until my mom got home from work, where I was just me and my sister alone and I can't recall like the exact grades but I would say, probably from like fifth grade on or something like that fifth or sixth grade, maybe earlier. But I think earlier we lived like right across the street from school so it's not like we had to go far. But, yeah, I think they can, I think the kids can handle it I think it's kind of like what your brothers saying a little bit here is like, there's a little bit of like, they're soft. And we over parent and I think it's more of like we over parent and the, and the culture, it like frowned upon to like leave your kids alone, but like at a certain point. You kind of got to leave them alone and let them fend for themselves and I think that's what's this month and this reading is about is like, you got to let them, you got to let them learn this stuff because eventually they're going to have to go be adults. And, you know, like the sooner they start learning this stuff, the better off they're going to be in college knowing, you know, how to do the laundry like blaze reference to. I would love to figure out throughout this month like some of those things that I love our kids to kind of know. But I kind of feel like it's one of those days where I feel like we can keep talking forever but I do know that we try to stay on time so we are at time right now but, you know, makes me more excited it can keep the conversation going. I think we're going to be really good with that. Just want to, I'm going to keep giving a shout out this week probably to atomic coffee so just thank you so much atomic for sending some coffee over I will I'm going to make some really cool cold brew throughout the week and I'll share with you guys. So, it's real cafe we need some energy in here right now just choose energy drinks we need some of these good stuff. All right guys, please want to sign us out. Mayor mugs stay filled with coffee and her heart's a gratitude everybody have the best Tuesday. Happy Tuesday October first get it. Step away like that. Oh it's inktober DJ coffin check them out love you bye. See you.