Through Every Season
Resiliency Through Tragic Life Events: Alma Thomas
(upbeat music) - Hello, this is Ashley. Welcome to the Through Every Season podcast. Everyone is welcome here, and it's a safe space for you to explore your faith in God. We all go through different journeys in life. That includes highs, lows, and everything else in between. Grab a drink of the day, a snack, and take a seat. We'll help you walk through every season. (upbeat music) - Well, welcome Alma to Through Every Season podcast. Really excited to have you on today. And I saw from your Facebook, you're coming to us from your door. - Yes, yes, I'm excited to be here on this afternoon. - Yes, of course. We have an East Coaster here today. I don't know if I have interviewed anybody from like the upper East Coast yet. So you may be the first one. - Okay. - Yeah, sure. And Alma, do you want to go ahead and give a little bit of information about yourself, who you are and what you're all about? - Okay, I'm an ordained minister. I've been in ministry for over 20 years. I'm an author, a motivational speaker, and a Greek coach. - Well, Miss Alma today, she has quite the story. You've been through a lot in your life. - Yes, I've had many different chapters in my life. But I feel that they each made me stronger. - And we're just happy that you're here today to kind of share your story and then of course help other people. So we're going to dive right in. So you had mentioned previously that a big part of your story is the fact that you had the loss of your son. - Yes. - Tell us a little bit about your son. What was he like? - He was extremely intelligent. He thought way beyond his years. He was, before he passed away, he was accepted into a pre-law program. So he loved and valued education. - Wow, that is really impressive. Pre-law, I bet you were so proud. - Yes, and it's so exciting that his sister is following in his footsteps and she's in a pre-law program right now working on her bachelor's in criminal justice. And then she hopes to go to law school stuff. That's really exciting that she's following in his footsteps. - Aw, well, that's incredible. And if you don't mind sharing, what's the story behind your son passing? - On February 13th, 2009, I woke up that early morning to get some water and he was awake and he said, "Mom, can I have some water?" And I said, "Okay, you can have the water that I have for myself." And he said, "Mom, don't feel good." And he said calling ambulance and I knew that he must have been sick because he never wanted to go to the doctor after he had just been. When he was 13 years old, he spent two months in ICU. He would never just say he wanted to go to the hospital so I called the ambulance and he was talking. He was like, "Mom, get my telephone 'cause I think I'm gonna be in there wild and blah, blah, blah." And then the ambulance came and when we made it to the hospital, they were working on him. And while I was in the ambulance, I just felt something different. It's like something left my body. Like I said, when we got to the hospital, they was working on him and the doctor came out and said, "You have a pretty sick young man in there." And then five minutes later, he came out and he said, "Are you here by yourself?" And I was like, "Yeah, my family is on their way." So he said, "I'll talk to you when your family gets here." So I called my mom. I was like, "Mom, are you after I've been getting here?" I think that I joined instead. And my family rushed and the doctor told me that he did everything he could do, but he couldn't save him. April 17th, 2009, is my son's birthday. And that was his first birthday in heaven. So I woke up in the morning and I was like, "I wonder, on the angels singing Happy Birthday to him, I wonder if my grandmother is baking him one of her famous cakes." I said, "You know, for 18 years, I've made his birthday special." And this was really a special one because it's his first one. And heaven and I want to celebrate his birthday with him. So I was going to unalign myself not because I was thinking about being unaligned, but because I wanted to be with my son on his birthday. And I poured a whole bottle of my heart, but it feels to my hand. And I was about to take them. I had them almost in my mouth. And I heard a still voice say, "If you do it, you'll never see him again." And I put the pills back in the bottle and I cried myself to sleep. But that's when I realized I said, "I need help. I don't know how to go through this. Everybody is saying, "Oh, you're so strong. I never would have been able to bury my child." And I did it, but on the outside, I was okay. But on the inside, I was slowly dying inside and nobody noticed it. And like I said earlier, I'm a day minister. So we know to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. And that happens in a beautiful place that if they had a choice to come back, they wouldn't. But the mom side of me, the minister was okay, but the mother wasn't. You know, if you know anything about the African American church and community, especially 50 years ago, it's getting a little better now and coming to the light, but mental health is taboo. As they say, we don't tell people, I've been this, what happens in this house, stays in this house, you know, it's all in your head. You'll get over it. They don't believe that there's such thing as panic and anxiety and depression. So there was a big stigma when mental health, but I knew that I had to have help because the thoughts that I had was having, I knew they wasn't right. People would say to me, "He's in a better place." And I would think, okay, if he's in a better place, let your little Johnny or your little Susie go there and then tell me if the better place that they're in is better than their bedroom and better than the dining room table. And people would say, my 98-year-old grandfather, he had a heart attack and he survived and I'm thinking, okay, why did God take my 18-year-old, but your 98-year-old grandfather stayed. And so, instead of rejoicing with them, I was upset. Like my 18-year-old hasn't lived his life, but your 90-year-old grandfather did. So I knew that those thoughts and those feelings wasn't right. And despite legalism, traditionalism, the community stigma, I saw health. And I went to the EAP portion of my job, which is the mental health portion. And I was able to go through stages of grief and understand, I knew the stages of grief 'cause I majored in psychology and college, but reading about the stages of grief and actually going through the stages of grief is two different things. And I had to understand why one minute I could be an accepting, accepting, and then the next minute, I'm in denial again, because grief has no expiration date and it doesn't go step by step by step. But I knew that if you get stagnated in any step, that that isn't any good. And we have to understand that our mental health is just as important as our physical health. Just like you'll take high blood pressure pills if your blood pressure is high, you can take a mental health meds until, you know, until you're healed, until you can deal with whatever situations you're having. - Oh, well, first off, I'm so sorry about the loss of your son and losing a child is easily not number one. One of the most stressful and sad things that a parent or person could go through, so I'm really sorry about the loss of your son as well as the grief that you went through. Another question that I have for you is how did your life change after the loss of your child, after the loss of your son? - Well, and like I said, in the beginning, I was going through grief. So I didn't want to talk about him, found it hard because all of my friends in my friend's circle, we all had children that was the same age and all of our activities and things that we did was centered around doing them with our kids. So I could no longer attend the friends groups and their kids' graduations and all those milestones because it would trigger me again. And at first, I would feel bad by saying, you know, I can't go, but part of my mental health journey taught me that it's okay to not go and say that that triggers me. So that was good. One of the best things is that my secular job, it was Head Start. I worked at Head Start for 32 years. So I went right back to work after my son passed because when you're working with children, you can't be sad in a corner because they don't understand why you're sad. And the people who are my jobs since they all knew my son, they could see when I was having a moment and my assistant would take over the class and let me go to the bathroom and cry or whatever I had to do. So the biggest part of my life change was that my circle was broken and then I missed my son very much. But, you know, working with kids made it a little easier. - First off, we love Head Start. I love how you talked about things that triggered you, but as well as having boundaries that you had to set with people because of those triggers. And I think that that can help other people because they can know that it's okay to set boundaries with people. Something triggers you and you've been through hard things, it's okay. Sometimes people have to completely change their entire circle and their entire environment when they go through really difficult things and that's completely okay. Everybody's boundaries are going to be different. And I think, yeah, it's definitely part of the grieving and the healing process. - So it was great that you touched on that. - So you had mentioned that when you were going to attempt to take your life on the son's first heavenly birthday, your voice had spoken to you and told you not to do it. What did your faith look like after the loss of your son? How did that change? - I never blame a guy because I know that he makes no mistakes but my faith and knowing that this is not a home and that we have an internal home and that my son was spiritually ready to go. I wasn't physically ready for him to go but he was spiritually ready because he loved God. He was the kind of kid that first of all, he was a deacon at 18 years old and he loved the church. In fact, he was spent all his Saturdays at the church, making sure the church was clean. They had a store, so he made sure the store was stocked. Sunday morning, he was the first one at the church, making sure the heat was on, the air condition was on in the summer. So he really loved church. So as a matter of fact, how I even got into church was because of him. Used to go when I was younger, then I sort of backslit out into the world and then after I had my son, he was two years old and I remember he woke up and he woke up my whole family and he was like, "Everybody come in the living room. We gotta praise God." So everybody went and we thought he was kidding because at that point I was a Christmas churchgoer, so he never seen that and he praised God until he fell out in his spirit. And then about two years later, I was in a boutique and the lady asked me, she was like, "Do you go to church?" And I was like, "No, I'm a holiday churchgoer." And she was like, "Get that young man in a church because there's anointing on his life." And then when I began to go to church, I found out that was also anointing on my life and that's how I got into the ministry, but it was because I was advised to get him in the church and then I remembered that day he woke up and we thought he was playing, but he fell out in the spirit. So my faith was strong. I'm doing this whole ordeal, this journey, I should call it. My faith was really strong in it. As I went through each of the obstacles that I've been through, my faith has increased. - Oh, your son sounded like, and he still is, of course, and heaven, just an incredible person and definitely an anointing on his life. And I love how you talked about how physically he was young. So it's uncommon to hear for people who are young to pass, but spiritually he was ready. And I think that's really beautiful to touch on because it goes to show that maybe physically and mentally, we're not ready to leave this earth or other people like our loved ones aren't ready for us to leave this earth. But God calls us home when he's ready for our spirits to come home. And I think it's very important to always, you know, tomorrow's never promised. The next hour, even second, is never promised. So no matter what time of day it is and no matter where we're at in our lives, we always have to be ready to go to heaven 'cause we never know when it's gonna call us home. - Right. - That was really beautiful for you, for you to touch on. Nothing can make grieving or coping the loss of a child better. It's something that nobody would wish. Even on their worst enemy, what advice would you have for somebody who is a grieving mother? - That it's okay not to be okay. You don't have to be strong for anyone. There's no right and there's no wrong way to grieve. Grieve has no expiration date. You'll be grieving for the rest of your life. Like, it's okay that it's 15 years later and I still cry on his birthday. I still cry on his death date and it's okay to do those things and go through. It's just important that you go through the stages of grief that you don't become stagnated in any one stage, like the depression stage. If you get stagnated in that stage, that's why a lot of people after the loss of any loved ones and end up in a mental institution because they never worked their way through their emotions and through their griefs, they got stagnated at one point. But it's okay to set boundaries, to say, I don't think I can do this. Don't try to grieve for anyone else. Just grieve for yourself. - That is absolutely incredible advice to give to another person and something that really stuck with me was the last thing that you said was don't grieve for anyone else, grieve for yourself. I think especially as mothers, you know, you take in everybody else's emotions around you 'cause you're women are naturally nurturing, like we're naturally nurturing creatures. So sometimes we wanna take the responsibility to grieve for other people or to feel their feelings. But it's very important that you concentrate on yourself and concentrate on your own grieving process and kind of separate yourself from somebody else's grieving. And you had mentioned that you had wrote two books after the loss of your son. You already said, you're a published author. Could you tell us a little bit about each book and what inspired them? - I started writing from the waiting room to the recovery room after my son passed away and the doctor came in the waiting room. But I can never finish that book. I kept writing the ending of it over and over again. So I thought it was because I was procrastinating or I didn't know why I couldn't finish the book. And then somebody asked me to write an article for a magazine. So I always write, I never published anything but I always write. So I was just gonna public dust up something I had and publish it, but God dropped in my spirit, dream killers. And I was like, God, what does that mean? And he was like, along the way, you haven't been able to write from waiting room to the recovery room because you have not yet recovered. Along the way you have allowed people places and things to kill your dreams. So I began to write dream killers and all the things that the enemy uses in his arsenal to kill our dreams down low self-esteem failure even the death of a loved one he can use to kill your dreams because you think that this is it. This is the end of the rope. You won't go any further. So I wrote those two books and published them before my stroke. But after my stroke, my right side of my body is affected is the right side is weak. And that's the side that I write on. So when I got out of the rehab and I was trying to write on my computer, I couldn't. And then I didn't like voice to text because it can't make any mistakes. And then I would have to try to find the mistakes and fix them. So that frustrated me beyond belief. So I didn't like that. So then I was like, all right, when you text, you use one finger on your left hand to text. So if you can use that to text, you can use that to write. So after my stroke, I've written three more books. They just became live on Amazon this week. And it's they're called what is faith? One is surviving a stroke against our hearts and one is a Bible school leadership book. So you can face some bad chapters in your life, but where there's a well, there's a way. It's just like, if you're on a trip and you use your GPS system and you make a wrong turn, you don't pull over to the side of the road and say, oh, I'm not going to my destination now because I made a wrong turn. No, you turn your GPS system on and it says rerouting, rerouting and you get to your destination. Maybe not by the route that you plan to go, but you get there. It's just like that in life that sometimes you make plans of how you're going to do things and you make a wrong turn. So you reroute and you get to your destination. The thing that I learned and it's something that you said earlier, that I learned on April 23rd, 2021, is that April 24th wasn't promised to me. You see, the doctors gave me after my stroke a 99% chance of dying and a 1% chance of living. So when you beat odds like that, God has saved you for a purpose, your life has purpose. You can't give up on your dreams, whatever it is that God has promised you what you want to do, whatever is your God-given dream. If you want to write a book, write that book. If you want to go back to school, no matter how old you are, go back to school. If you want to start a business, start your business, whatever it is that you keep singing, I can do it tomorrow. Tomorrow is not planned. It's not promised to you. The cemetery is full of unfulfilled potentials, failed dreams and visions. Don't die with your purpose inside of you. Don't give up. I've had some bad chapters in my life. Like I said, I lost my son in 2009. I went through a free sprint of homelessness when my apartment building caught on fire. My apartment didn't burn, but they were all condemned. And I found myself going through the system after working all my life. And then they placed me in a bedbug motel that I can only stay in for an hour. And so we had them go to my mom's house who lives in a one bedroom, sing a citizen apartment and me and my daughter had to move in there and tell, we found something. And then I'm doing everything, right? Everything that I know to do. I meet a man and he believes in my morals and my call on life. So I figure I found Mr. Wright, but no, he was Mr. Wright now and after we got married, I discovered that he was a substance abuser. He was addicted to crack cocaine, but he was in denial, filling my stuff, left me in financial ruins and I got a divorce. And now, wow, in 2021, I had a massive stroke that left me bedbound. But you know what I learned to do? I had a choice. I could be bitter or I could be better. I learned how to embrace the things I can still do and accept the things that I can't, people that had a stroke as massive as I did, cognitive skills are affected, their speech skills are affected, but I can still praise God. I can still give God glory. I can still tell my story to inspire somebody to get up off their seat of do nothing is and live out their purpose driven life. About 20 years ago, it was prophesied to me that I wasn't just for the nations that I was global. So in my mind, I figure I'm gonna be a jet setter. Every other weekend, I'm gonna be embarrassed and friends in Africa, spreading the word of God. And then a year or two ago after I had my stroke, my apostle, before he passed away, he named me an ambassador to the nations. And now I'm thinking, now God, how am I gonna be an ambassador to the nations? It's gonna be, you know, so much trouble to travel around in my wheelchair. I'm thinking all these things. Like, oh, I'm gonna have to get a wheelchair accessible car and all these things is my thoughts when I first had it and I was wondering how I was gonna go to the nations. But I want you to know that since January, 2024, I have been on over 200 podcasts and virtual conferences that I have touched more people in my house, in my bed than I touched when I was walking. So what excuse do you have to give up on your dream? You got two legs and two feet. A man, you have the use of your facilities and there's purpose inside of you. Somebody's waiting for you to live your dream life so that day like this stroke, I feel wasn't for me because one day I'm gonna get up and walk and see the manifestation of God's promises. But in the meantime, there's people who have given up hope that feel like they have no hope, they have no friends and they've given up because they had some bad chapters in their life, but I'm here to tell you, don't let a bad chapter stop you. I look at my life like the clown at the carnival, you know the one that you throw the ball at really hard and it goes all the way down. And just before you're able to get your grand prize, that clown bounces back up again and you throw the ball again. Well, life has thrown some hard balls at me and I've been down almost to the ground. But like that clown, that clown has something in it that makes it bounce back. Well, I have something in me that makes me bounce back every after every obstacle, every bad chapter, we can start all over again. See, life is like a giant book and the only person that can close your book is God. So after a few bad chapters, you turn the pages of blank page and you can start all over again. - Wow, I felt like I just got a whole life lesson. So many truths and just so much wisdom. And you touched on it already, but after the loss of your son, you survived a fire that even left you homeless for a period of time. And as somebody who often works with people who are homeless, I work in addiction, recovery, specifically with mothers and a lot of my clients are homeless. Even when they're pregnant, it's really, really hard to navigate the system. So I really commend you for that. And then going through a divorce and being in a marriage where somebody had an addiction and then had financially abused you even after going through two traumatic things, you know, prior to that. And then of course, suffering from a stroke that could have definitely killed you. - She's just crazy. And I cannot believe you've been on over 200 podcasts across the world. Like look at that promise that God fulfilled for you. - Amen. - Praise God, praise God. How have you been able to keep your faith through everything that you have been through? What do you do in your daily life to stay spiritually healthy? - I read my word when I wasn't able to read my word because I read my word. His word have I hit in my heart so I might not sit against him. So I was able to think of scriptures. And I do daily affirmations. Fear spreading wonderfully made by his stripes. I am healed. Many other afflictions are the righteous but he delivers them out of us all. So out of them also, I repeat daily affirmations. I read God's word and I understand that the enemy wants us to doubt God's word. In the beginning from Adam and Eve, he twisted God's word around. So that's one of the weapons in his arsenal. But the weapons that we have in our arsenal is praying and reading God's word and fasting. There's some things that come about only by fasting and praying. Praise God, sometimes I put on my worship music and I just worship God, get in a place and worship God. So my faith has been increased. Like I said, my faith was never affected because I always believed that no matter what happens, that God doesn't make mistakes. And I'm like the three Hebrew boys that said, even if God don't do it, he's able. I'm like Job who says, though you slay me yet, will I trust you? So when you have those scriptures in your heart, it increases your faith. And I have our prayer warriors that when I feel like my faith is getting a little shaky, I call on my prayer warriors. - I love that you brought up Job or the book of Job because I think that that is a chapter or a book in the Bible that people, when they go through really hard times, I think it's good to read the book of Job because you can see how Job had a lot going for him and then he had everything taken away from him. But his faith was not shaken. And at the end of it, he said that God is still good. And that brings up another good point that you kind of insinuated is the concept of radical acceptance. And I think radical acceptance is really hard for a lot of people to grasp, even people who are Christian. But with radical acceptance, it's that no matter what happens, it is what it is. We have no control over our lives. So no matter what happens, we have to accept that that is a part of God's plan, even if that's not the plan that we envisioned for ourselves. - I just wanted to thank you so much for coming on. But I do want people to know how they can follow you and see everything that you're doing and stay up to date with what you're doing. Where can people find you and follow you? - You can find me on Facebook at Alma Thomas or I have a ministry pages. Alma Thomas ministry off the page on Facebook. And on there you'll find where my website is located. But I want to say one more thing. - Of course. - Your audience, do you remember when you were a child and people would dare you to do stuff and you would do it because you were dead and your mama would say, why did you do that? And you'd say, oh, good little Bobby dared me. So I had to do it. Well, on this afternoon, I'm gonna double dog dare your audience to dream again. Reach down to even those dreams that they have, that they have rock to sleep and dream again. Whatever it is that God has promised you in this life, go after it, absolutely, because tomorrow is not promised. Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today. If you take one step, God will equip you for your vision. God will make a way. Don't look at your finances. Don't look at how old you are. Don't look at who's gonna read it or who's gonna whatever God has promised you. God is not a man that he should lie, nor the son of men that he shall repent, but every word that procedures out of his mouth is gonna accomplish where it was sent. - That was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm sure people will just be so touched by what you were able to share today. As always, we always close out. You're welcome to explore your faith here. Jesus always welcomes you home and so will I. Thanks everyone. (upbeat music) - Thanks for tuning in to through every season podcast. You can find new episodes on Spotify and Apple podcast on the second and fourth Friday each month. You can find us on Instagram and Facebook using the links in the podcast description. Do you want to come and tell your story or testimony? Fill out the jock form listed in the podcast description. We'll see you next time. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)