(upbeat music) - What's up, y'all? This your girl, Lex P. - And it's your girl, Dre and Nicole. - And you are tuned in to another episode of Poor Mind. - Where's Brooke Mind speaks, sober thought? - We got a guest today, we got a guest today. - So y'all know, I am super excited 'cause this has been a long time coming. So what was it that we did the Joe Biden podcast? How long ago was that? - Well, it was like almost a year ago. - Yeah, it was almost a year ago. - Or if it maybe it has been a year. - Yeah, it's been a while, it was a while. So we did the Joe Biden podcast, of course. And you know, he's had a lot of turning chairs on this show, but one of my personal favorite additions has been this beautiful lady. If you don't know who she is, you're obviously living under a rock and you don't know nothing about the original baddie. - Nothing about the culture. - Yes, the culture, okay. We got Melissa Ford in the building. (audience applauding) - Who do you have? - Yay! - Oh my God, thank you for joining us. - Oh my God, listen, I called up, I called up Chad, I called Chad, I was just like, I'm coming to Atlanta, I gotta do poor minds, I gotta have my girls. I had so much fun when you guys came to the pot. - Yes. - Just the fact you're women. - Yeah, bro, we don't have to get to that. - I love you guys. - And you're wearing all your own. - Yeah, you do, yeah. - I was like, come sit on this side. - Yeah, and you guys were just such a breath of fresh air. - Thank you. - I was so unapologetically you, and just fun, and I was like, I'm coming to do poor minds. - Yes, you have, I'm good, 'cause you know I like a little drinking drink. - Okay. - Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. - You already made me a hootie-hoo. (laughing) - One thing about time, you're gonna make them drink, you make all sneak up. - Yes. - I wanna get into it, 'cause we have a lot to cover today, and so much that I wanna talk to you about. So I do wanna start, you know, from the beginning, and your career just in general. So how did you get into like the modeling, video, Vixen game, like from the start? - Okay, so, I'm gonna take y'all back. - Yes, okay. - I'm gonna take y'all a little, like, very far back. So, I was a little bit of a nerd. I don't know, I mean, maybe that's not a PC term anymore, but I'm calling myself a nerd. - Right, that's all right. - You know, when I was a little girl, everybody wonders where I have this vocabulary from, because I keep busting out these big ass-- - Okay, and that's why y'all over there. - S-A-T, S-A-T words and stuff like that. It's because when I was a little girl, I used to read the dictionary and the thesaurus for fun. I was fascinated by words and their origin, so, you know, it just, that was, that was just me. So, like, I meet up in my room, reading the encyclopedia Britannica. You guys probably know nothing about that. - Oh, my God. - Oh, no. - Okay, the little girl-- - I had to sit. - My mom, you had to sit. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no. - And they used them as-- - No, we had them. - And, you know, it just became part of the furniture, but if you know about Encyclopedia Britannica, it collected the sex, you know? And so, I used to read that for fun, or I used to read the dictionary for fun. And so, that is what helped to enhance my vocabulary. And then, you know, I was a voracious reader. Like, I just-- - Voracious. - I mean, by the time I was like six or seven years old, I was reading horror novels. And I would sometimes be reading two and three books at a time. And I would devour them inside of like a week. And I could read an entire book inside of like, you know, 24, 48 hours. - Wow. - Needless to say, I probably didn't have, you know, a whole lot of friends. (laughing) You know, you know. - It's true spending time with webster. Friday night, me and webster finna chill. - Right, and so, I loved the horror genre when I was, you know, seven years old. And then I promise this leads into videos. - Okay, okay. - I promise. - No, we love to follow the story. - But I've never really told this part of the story. - Okay. - So, I loved the horror genre. And then one day, when I was maybe about eight or nine years old, my mom took me to the bookstore, which is what we used to do. My mom was, I got my desire and my, you know, my voracious reading, like the appetite for it from my mom. - Okay. - And I discovered the true crime section in the, in the live, right? And I was like. - Okay, here. Oh my god. - Oh my god. - This one. - Oh my god. - Yes! - But I'm also feeling a little shame. - Yeah. - Why do I like this stuff? Why am I driven by, like, why am I, why is my desire to read about the macabre and like just like the most deviant behavior of human beings? Why do I like this? - At nine. - Yeah. - I'm a weirdo. (laughing) - I'm not going to lie. - I'm not going to lie. - I'm not going to lie. - I'm not going to lie. - I'm going to have to be kidding. 'Cause I'm like nine years old, it is kind of crazy. - Right, early. But we were literally just talking about this last week. I think on one of our Patreon episodes, how I read something somewhere where he said, people who like true crime, they're crazy. - Okay, that's a little shit. - Like you were a little throat off in the head, if you like, watch it. - No, no, no, no, no, I'm so late. I'll get to the point. (laughing) Fast forward, I'm like 11 or 12 years old and I have gone to see New Jack City. So New Jack City and Silence of the Lambs came out at the same time. - Yeah. - And so I went and saw New Jack City and then I snuck into Silence of the Lambs. And when I saw that movie and I saw Clarice Starling, I was like, that is what I want to do with my life. (laughing) I want to work for the FBI. I want to be a criminal profiler. I want to work in the behavioral science unit at Quantico, Virginia. - I am so. - As a profiler studying serial killers and the deviant fucking minds. That was what I wanted to do. - Yeah. - But I was like, I'm not here. (laughing) - I'm not here. - I haven't tried. - Yes, yes. - And so I had a focus and this was it. This was it. And so when I went to enrolled in university, paying for it myself, working three jobs and stuff like that. I was majoring in forensic psychology. - I never knew this. - Yes. So I really don't really talk much about it at all. I don't know why, but this is really part of the story. And then I get a call from Little X's people who was now known as director at school. And they were like, hey Mel, do you know who Little X is? I was like the video director? And they said, yeah. And keep in mind, I'm like a bartender and like, you know, I got a little coyote ugly thing going on. - Okay, so 'cause I'm like, how did I even know about it? - Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. - I mean, like I'm from Toronto and you know, you're from Atlanta, people know, people know, people know kind of things. So they knew me, but they also knew, everybody knew me to be very serious and studious, you know? And so for me to get a call that, you know, somebody wanted to like hire me and it's just, for my aesthetic was why, you know? And they were like, well, because you're hot. And I was like, oh, all right. Yeah, sure, I'll talk to him fine. And so we met and he was like, I want you to be the lead in this video. And so, like my first real video was like, the Canadian rap All Stars. It was called Northern Touch. And it was. - Oh, wow. - Oh, I'm about to go Google it. - Me too. - And it was the Rascals and Shaw Claire and Socrates and Cardinal official shout out to, you know, my boys in Toronto, boy, that was a million years ago. And so like, I'm just like the main girl in this. And so X at that point determined that like, I was like his muse and he was like, listen, I'm going to be big and I'm going to take you with me. And I said, yeah, all right. And then it was just like, okay, whatever. And I went back to school and I went back to working my jobs. And then a year later, he calls me up. He was like, it's time. And I said, time for what? He was like, I told you I was coming to get you. And I was like, oh, okay. And he was like, I want you to do this video. And it was called The Belly Soundtrack, The Movie Belly. So the song was called Tommy's Theme. And I think Tommy was played by Nas. And it was the locks and made men. And he was like, you're going to be one of my leads. I said, all right, cool. So they flew me out to New York and I did the music video. And then that was cool and what an experience. And I just figured, okay, that was that. And then I get home and three days later, this woman named Amber Jared calls me. And she said, hi, Melissa, I'm Amber Jared. I'm a casting director for Hype Williams. Hype would like you to fly to Miami to do the one 12 Little Zane video anywhere. Anywhere in the bar, look at that. And I was just like, Hype Williams, what are you doing? - I'm even going all over everybody else. - And here's the kicker is like, X was doing storyboards for Hype at that time. So it's kind of like lend a hand to bring the next one up. But then they also had this little competitive thing going on with each other where they would use each other's curls for their productions and stuff. And so I flew to Miami the first time I'd ever been there ever in life. And I did this video for Hype Williams and it was just an epic experience. And then that I guess just started the video career. But I do have to say that my priorities were very, very, very much intact. I knew what side my bread was buttered on. I was a bartender. I made pretty good money from bartending. Not like how bartending is a key. - Right. (laughing) - Yeah. - It's a career. - It's a career. - You know, the polite news with Toonies. - Yeah. - I'm like a candidate. - Yeah. - But you know, so I went back to Toronto with the intention of, okay, I am focused still on being this profiler. I'm focused on my studies. I'm paying for myself to go to university. So I'm working like three jobs. One of them is at a satellite TV company and everything like that. And so I would turn down a lot of videos as well. So like you would see me in Big Pimpin. But I also turned down Thug Life Is Mine which was Mob, Deep and Nause. - Right, right. - And it was shot in like the South Pacific. You know, like Tahiti or something like that. And people are like, how are you turning that down? I'm like, I have school. - Yeah. - Like I gotta go to school. I never really, it never really impressed upon me what I was doing was career making. - Yeah. - You know, like it just was something to do. And it was fun. And it was travel. And it was a way to kind of like, you know, validate your hotness. - Yeah. - But then you go back to the real world, you know? And I never lost sight of what the real world was for me at that time in my life. - So I do want to ask you this question 'cause you were like emphasizing like, how much of nerd you were and how you like to read. But did you know that you was fine? Did you grow up knowing? - I was about to die. - You grow up knowing like, I'm bad as hell. And I'm different. - Why did he call, like, oh, okay. Excuse me, look at the material. - I had an ugly duckling face. - Why do you? - And there is no photographic evidence to prove it. So don't go looking for it. (laughing) So, you know, I think that when you have a phase like that, like a really, really, really, really awkward phase, it has like an impenetrable effect on your self-esteem. And it doesn't matter how fine you get. There's always gonna be that little girl inside of you that had the acne or was overweight or had the afro or you had a combination of all three. And you also didn't, you also dressed with like a big nose on your sweat. Please, God, don't let me tell myself. - Hey, I was a mess. - Right. - I was a mess, but, you know, so I had that awkward phase. And then the fluffiness melted away. And then this little waist came in, these hips came in, this booty came in, and I was not prepared for it. Because I was not prepared for it. And I wasn't prepared for the reaction that I would get from not just boys my age, boys older than me, men following me in cars from the bus stop to my house or just circling me on the block from my walk, you know, from the bus stop to school. And so she was terrifying. So I just, it just didn't, my brain had not caught up with my developed self, you know? And then because I developed like voluptuousness kind of early, like I look like my mom and my mom was Russian and Norwegian. She looked like a biking, but she had a, she was five foot 10 and she had like a bare, like an hourglass figure. The only difference between our bodies is my ass protrude. My, my mom was hips as a little flat, but she had like that little ass waist and she had boobies and you know, and she was tall with this long blonde hair. I'm gonna give her a hat with horns and send her out to fuck the battle, she was up biking. Yeah, she was up biking, you know, but stunning, stunning woman. - Yeah, yeah. - It just, it didn't, I translated that as being fat. - Yeah. - You know, the voluptuousness. And the girls and a lot of girls called me that growing up. And so I. - Oh my God, we talked about these, that happened to me as a kid. So I used to get called fat all the time. - I always. - You go home porn and my mom would be like, you're not fat. - I always wondered what it would have been to grow up in an environment like here. - Yeah. - Where a big booty's a thing of beauty. - Right. - It would have been the same. - 'Cause I got called fat too. - Okay. - It was also the, the, the era and the time too, because I had a cousin who was literally shaped like that. - Yeah. - They're in small ways, big butt. And people were constantly calling her fat. - Yeah. - And at the kid I would see people calling her fat in my family and looking back on the pictures, I was like, she was fine as hell. - Yeah. - But we consider it to be like thick now. - Yeah. - And I think with you, whenever you came on the scene to me personally, this is a big statement to make. But I truly feel like you really changed the beauty standard. - Yeah. - For real because at that time though, thick, it was like, it wasn't like that. - Thick was just like, if you had a little bit of hips and you had a little bit of curve. - Thick was like J-Lo. - Yeah. - But everybody used to call it J-Lo. - And when you look back at pictures J-Lo, like had a nice accent, she didn't have that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So it was like, when we started seeing people like Melissa, it was like, this is what a body looks like. Like a real, so it really changed like, okay, this is what we want the thickness to look like. - It was weird to know at that time that you were, that you were kind of responsible for how women were internalizing things. It's weird to know that, but also feel very self-conscious. - Yeah. - It's like, I don't know, it's like, I don't know. I've always been trying to, I've always struggled to articulate, which is weird as shit, and I've articulated. But it's just, I knew I had a responsibility, but I, and I had to act. I really had to act like, like I knew I was the shit. I had to act like there wasn't a crack in the facade. You know, I remember when I was a kid and I was watching The Cosby Show and Felicia Rashad, you know, Claire Huxable came on the screen, and I had never seen a woman like her before in my entire life, you know. Just, she was this combination of like beauty and grace, but power and just fire and intelligence and academic smarts, and just, she just was this power house combination of a woman I'd never seen anything like her before. And then, what I appreciate about The Cosby Show was the ilk of the woman that they decided to consistently hire, Lena Horne, Nancy Wilson. This is what you consistently saw from the women that came on. They were brilliant and beautiful and accomplished, and they were grit, and they were graceful, and they were nurturing, and they were all these things. And at eight years old, I said, that is the woman that I want to be. And what I loved most about these women was, you never saw a crack in the facade. You never saw a crack in the facade. So for me, it was always like, it does not matter what is going on on the inside. There can be a category five hurricane going on inside, and I am losing my fucking mind, but on the outside. - You know what's crazy that you just said that, because what did I just say to you in the car on the way over here? Because how you looked at the Claire Huxable, like, oh my God, what did I say? - Yes, she's always, she wanted to look like. - And when I was see you, and this is no, 'cause I always talk about growing up, how I felt about myself and how I was just to be like, oh my God, she's so gorgeous. And I remember seeing you in these videos and being like, oh my God, if I could just look like that, and I could just carry myself like that. 'Cause like, it was like, it would be a video, and you would just walk on, and it was just like, everything would just stop. Like, even the other girls that's supposed to be dancing and shaking their head, they admit to me, I'm like, God damn, so it's crazy that you picked that up because you exuded that. - There was times, the Shake It Fast video, Shake It Ashing Fast, you know, the radio version. When we're in all the masks at the masquerade party of the video, I was sobbing. I was, they had to pick me up off the floor because the costuming was so, we were so scantily clad, and I was so insecure about my body and what it looked like that I just would have these crying fits. I would just, I was like, it was, I don't even know how to explain, how the fuck did y'all deal with me? - Right, right? - I would just, you look so good. - That's what I'm saying. - But then I wipe my face, I came out, and-- - Yes, always gay day, very polished. - And you just never know because what would Claire Huxstable do? What would Lena Horne do? What would Nancy Wilson do? What would Halle Berry do? - Exactly. - Like, I would ask myself these questions inside my head, what would these women who are the picture of composure and poise? What would they do? And I had to apply this to every experience in my life. So people are like, it's a fucking video, Melissa. But is it really? Is it fucking really-- - I mean, it's like-- - Because no, but not only that, music videos became one of the first ways that black and brown young girls saw themselves representing for the, really for the first time. - Yeah, sure. - And that is how the beauty standard did change. So it wasn't just a music video. We weren't just video music models. We were changing, we were a fault line, you know? And there was going to be a seismic shift. Nobody knew about it though. And nobody really thought that we would be responsible for anything other than just being eye candy and, you know, just out of living through and for the male gaze. - Right, right. - But I do think like videos during that time, y'all have to realize we used to be rushing off the bus 'cause it'd be like, oh, a video is premier now. - World video is gonna be a pro player. - Yes, it was a pro player. Now we just drop on YouTube. - Me, yeah. - People are like, oh, let me go. - When you would say a pro player, world, world, world, world, world, world. And we're like, oh, I gotta make it to the TV. - Yo, one of the, sometimes it would be like in the middle of a program. - Yeah. - Yeah, one of the funniest moments of a world premiere was, and I think I just told the story recently, but I was shooting Share, Share, Legost, Ghost Face Killers video with You God. And I mean, there was like 50 girls there. And Glory of Ales was one of the, you know, one of the principal girls. And we just met each other on that set. We're watching the world premiere of Big Pimpin and find out we're both in that video, but she had shot the Miami part and I'd shot the Trinidad part. - Okay. - And so, and then fast forward, less than a month later, we both get casted for song song remix. - Okay, yeah. - And so we're both leads in that, just different participation. You know, I'm mostly in the beginning and she's mostly like middle and end and that sort of thing. And then we end up going on tour. Like it just, our lives, all of us video models. And I refuse to call us video girls or video chicks or video hoes or whatever. We were, we were like the trifecta. You know, like we were like the supermodels of the 90s. - Absolutely. - You know, the Chrissy Tarlington, Naomi Campbell, the Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista. That's who we were. - Yeah. - And regardless of anybody wants to give us that credit, that's, you can't convince me otherwise. - We were there. - No, yeah. - We were there. - We know what it was. - We remember that I was gonna ask you, how was it on set a lot of the time with the other girls, especially considering that like, you know, you had a relationship with director eggs. So you were just automatically getting picked. Like, were girls going on auditions back then? And so do you feel like the energy was like different on set because you were just automatically getting picked versus them having select auditions? - I don't think that you really knew that though. Like, if you made it past the audition process and then you ended up on set, you're not thinking about the audition anymore. You're like, I'm here. - Yeah. - I got this shit. - I don't care how you got it. - Yeah, exactly. So, but my personal circumstances, and I'm, you know, I'm pretty sure glow, I call it glowworm, her circumstances were different. There's a video model named Sasha. You know, she was huge. Her circumstances were different. There was no casting, right? Natasha Ellie, who's now Natasha Maloney. There was no, you know, like casting for-- She got casted, picked. You know, there was girls that never hit the audition subject. We didn't, we didn't have to, we got picked. And so, you know, I mean, there was my experience. There was a lot of camaraderie in most of my experiences. There was a lot of camaraderie, especially if we didn't feel safe. Because as a woman, naturally we have to be hyper-vigilant about our safety. - Yeah, of course. - In every single circumstance, we're taught that from a very young age to be hyper-vigilant about our safety. You know, walking down the street, it's dark, walk with keys in your hand. You gotta have bear mace. You gotta have all this shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, we gotta worry about our safety. So, in certain circumstances when we felt like there was, there might be a little bit of a predatory vibe on set. We were like fucking beavers. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? Like, beavers in order to like, you know, not drown in the water, they sleep back to back. You know, you keep your, you keep six, keep your head on a swivel, I'm gonna take a nap. - That is crazy. - And then wake up and then you do the same, and I do the same for you. I'd see other girls just hold up in the corner with their schoolbooks. Because a lot of girls were just like me. They were, they were studying, and they were studying to become other things. This was just like a stop on their journey, and just a life experience, you know, something to add to their like, you know, their mosaic of life experiences and stuff like that. So, for me, a lot of the times, there was a lot of camaraderie, especially when X and hype did music videos because they hired a lot of the Canadian girls. So we all knew each other. - Right, right. - So like, big pimpin' on that yacht. That was a party. And then we took the party back to like, hype's house, and it was a massive house, and we were, it just was-- - It was a vibe. - Oh, it was a vibe, it was a vibe. And it really was like very familial. - Yeah. - It wasn't debaucherous like people think, and that's not to say that there was not that. - Yeah. - Exactly, but a lot of times, you could figure out from the song, the artist and the lyrical content, what the shit was going to be, like what the energy one set was going to be. And you would just be like, yeah, I'm good. I'm good on that one. - And I don't wanna add people in. - Well, I was just gonna say, I think people wonder because a lot of the time, that's how it is today. So I'm just wondering if it was like that back then too. - I mean, I think that people have different intentions now. You know, the age of social media, like, you know, just how many women kind of elevated past being music video models and became other things, me being maybe kind of the blueprint of that. I think that people kind of look at that elevation as something that they can achieve as well. And you know, so that's a driving force for their motivation. But, I mean, it's just different. It's so different. - Yeah, 'cause I do feel like I could be wrong, 'cause like I said, I'm outside, I've never been a video girl or nothing like that. But I felt like a shimmy. Shut the hell up. - Wait, what's my foot? - 'Cause I did a video one time, and I was like coming out the water, trying to be fine. - You need to fix that. - You need to fix that. - You need to fix that. - You need to fix that. - You need to fix that. - You need to fix it. - You need to fix it. - You need to fix it. - You need to fix it. - You need to fix it. - You need to fix it. - Let me get these jokes off, bitch. 'Cause getting out the water sexy is not what they need. - It's not easy. - And what is not easy? - Let me tell you, the side note, I got distracted. At this video, she reminds you everybody in bikini, fine. I wasn't that bitch doing dog diving in the pool. I was drinking, I'm like, y'all turned up. I'm the only one in the pool having fun. It was like, oh my God. There was an old one. - I'm like, girl. - It was like, I thought we came to swim and turn up. So they just got me getting out the water and I was just having a ball. But anyway, I didn't wanna ask because I feel like the shifts in how people viewed video models came when Corinne Steffens dropped that book. Because I'm not gonna lie, for me, I shouldn't have been reading that book. No, I was, but baby, everybody had that damn book. - We was passing it around. - Oh, trying to hide it. - My God. Yeah, everybody was doing that. At a young age, I viewed being a video model as one thing, but when after we read that book, I was like, oh my God, this is what's going on. So I think that book really changed how a lot of people viewed video models because we started putting everybody in one category. Oh, if she's doing it, all y'all doing it. So talk about that change that happened after she dropped that book, or was it even a change? Oh, yeah, the hammer came down. It's so interesting. And we're watching it right now with Diddy, where somebody was, we watched this person who's been placed on this pedestal. We just gave him the icon award, the global icon award from the VMAs, key to the city in New York, just like what a year and a year and a year ago. - And you got to live like the BET Unawary Award. - Yeah, like life time for that, yeah. - Exactly. So it's just like, we're watching this kind of fall from gray, so it's just like the higher your pedestal is when they kick it out from under you. That fall is hard, hard and fast, you know? And so, you know, we're just kind of like trudging along and whatnot. And by this time, I've pretty much exited stage left. Like now I'm a television personality. Like my face is on the wall on 57th Street in between the 10th and 11th on the CBS building. My face, Tigger, free, and AJ. So I'm now a television personality, and this was part of my plan. I was always going to take the exit ramp and go to do something else. And so when the book came out and suddenly I'm regarded the exact same way as the stories that she's telling, I was like, wait, wait, what? - Right. - Hold on one second here. How, how sway? You know, and I was just, I was furious. And then it was like the judgment was swift and in the opposite direction. And suddenly every single girl who had participated in a music video was responsible for fucking racial genocide. And I was like, wait, how did we do all of this? You know, oh, you are just responsible for the youth going wayward. And who, what? - Right, yeah. - What the fuck? - Yeah. - And so at that time, there was also other shit going on with the music industry. Like, you know, just the labels and stuff like that, Napster and the piracy of music. So that was like a big thing as well, coinciding with that. So music videos and the quality of music videos and the quality of hiring just changed. So this was all like, you know, just like the, the, the tent poles of how shit got super fucked up. - Right. - And so when the book comes out at the same time, everybody seemed to want to do a fucking panel. A panel on or about hip hop, the state of hip hop, feminism and hip hop. And because people now knew that I knew how to string a sentence together and the fact that I was looked at was the blueprint, everybody wanted me to speak on these panels to represent every single girl that had done a video. And I was like, wait, hold on a second here. I could talk, I could talk for that. - Right. - Her over there, but her over there. - Oh, yeah. - Oh! - Thing I can do with me. - I don't know her, I wish she did. But I felt this obligation to speak on behalf of all of us, but that is an enormous amount of pressure to put on somebody's shoulders. Like I felt like it was my cross-to-bear to speak for every girl who had like the, who went to these video sets to do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay, you know? Who weren't there for the fucking malarkey, you know what I'm saying? And the bullshit. So, and what I remember most from doing these panels was what the first three rows of the front look like and it was primarily women. - Just me and my. - Just looking at me like. - Yeah, okay, yeah. - And waiting for the bullshit that was gonna come out of my mouth and how intimidating that was to already be judged before I can even say anything, judged for another person's actions. Like it was really, it was very unfair, but I didn't even have the vocabulary to even articulate how I felt about this thing and to say like, you're wrong and you need to change. I was just, I was trying to use my intellect to show people, look, we are multifaceted, we're not just that, we're not that, you know? That was a choice, and I made my choices and they do not align with the choices of another person. You wouldn't wanna be judged for the actions of another. And that went on for a really, really long time. And I kept showing up for these panels and, you know, just kind of crashing into walls, you know, trying to defend myself and bear this cross of judgment, harsh, harsh judgment. And it really had a profound effect on, you know, my already kind of fractured self-esteem. - Right. - You know, but of course. - Right. - The facade. - Yeah, face card, right. - Force the facade, of course the facade. - Yeah. - I ain't never shook. I'm fine, inside, I'm like, oh my God. - God, yeah, that's gonna be a part. - Fuckin' dying over here, you know, and I can't lie and say that like, you know, depression and anxiety did not result off sometimes in like suicidal ideations. It was bad. - Yeah. - It was really, really bad. And, you know, sometimes I would just hide from the public and consume way too much alcohol and weed. And, you know, just as like a coping mechanism and stuff. It was tumultuous shit that I went through. And I found myself throwing myself into, throwing myself into other opportunities in order to really try to change the perception of me. Like, at one point, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention came knocking. And they wanted me to start touring the country talking to high school students and college students about hyper-sexuality and hyper-sexuality, no, no, what is it? I don't know if I can remember. I was humming that, but I thought, yeah, it was, you know. - It was basically like promiscuity and I can't say otherwise culture. That was basically what the speech was that I was giving. And I was also, you know, meant to be giving this speech to make people aware of the prevalence of HIV and AIDS contraction rates in the African-American community. That AIDS is not going away. It's not like, you know, I know it's not a cause celeb anymore. It's just like charitable, you know, it goes through the end flow of what's the cause that we're celebrating now. And AIDS and HIV had kind of fallen out of, you know, fallen out of favor and stuff like that just in terms of like, you know, captivating headlines and stuff, but it was very, like the statistics were very, very high in our community. - Right, right. - Like they sent me out because, you know, I'm drawn a certain way and exactly. So like, I'm like walking desire, you know what I'm saying? And then I'm like, snap out of it, you know, to the boys, snap out of it. This cannot be what makes you make a decision about your sexual life, you know what I'm saying? You've got to protect yourself because this can get you in trouble, you know? And so, and the ladies I had a totally different directive as to what I would say to them, but they found my speech and the way that I would communicate to the students, very, very effective. And so I jumped on that as a way to try to dismantle this negative way of thinking about unbeknownst to me, other video models like, you know, Buffy and Angel Lola Love and, you know, whomever who has expressed it in the past, they felt the effects of that book as well, just to bring it full circle. I thought that I was alone, but I apparently wasn't. - And I think now where a lot of the video models are now, we can see that like, okay, like even, I'm not gonna lie, whenever I saw you, like when he added you on the podcast, I had no idea, I was like, when we left, and it was like, damn, Alyssa's really like, she know what the hell she talked about, like she's very, but so I'm glad that you're on a platform now to show that because you can't fake that, you can't fake being educated who you are and putting yourself out there because I think a lot of people who did use to kind of be on the set doing the crazy stuff, you can see where they are now and it reflects that, you know, of how they were carrying themselves. - And I think too, like back in the day, being a video model really did catapult you in to being able to do other things. Now I feel like not so much, like I feel like people be trying to get you with, oh, you're gonna get exposure, and then you really don't get any exposure. Like back in the day, y'all were really getting exposure from being in the videos and it really helped you go on to do the things that you wanted to do, you know, later down the line. - I mean, video, doing a video almost guaranteed that Black Men's Magazine and-- - King Magazine. - King and, you know, all the Men's Magazine's would come calling, who then they would come calling and then they would give you like, you know, a feature or whatever, if you were lucky and super, super, super popular, then you'd get the cover or whatever the case is. You know, Daytuan and Adele, who were the founders of King, they tell a story about how their intention was to feature celebrity women on the cover, but then their mailbag was crazy with dudes who were A over C's fighting, you know, in the bullshit wars, this country is fought. Thank you to our veterans. (laughing) But, and also to the guys, you know, inside, our serrated, the mailbag was thick and they were like, can you feature, can you put the girl from this video on the cover, can you, the girl from this video, the girl from this, and they were like, wait, what? And so that's why shit changed so drastically in terms of who they started to feature on the covers. And I believe, if I'm not mistaken, somebody can correct me if I'm wrong, me and Gloria were the first video models to appear on the cover of King Magazine. It was a double cover and I was one and Gloria was the other. And, and that was, and that was fun. That was the story that I was gonna tell you, you know, I was, I sat down and I was just like, oh, I feel a little nervous, you know, whatever. They were like, oh, I might be all the people. I'm like, girl, do you know what my photo shoots you so? - There it is. That's what I think about. I was like, yeah, you don't have to be like, you know what my photo shoots you so look like. My photo, my diamond dealer would come by. My weed guy would come by. There was a DJ, okay, there was liquor and everybody from like, Big Tigger, Rashid Wallace, Ebro, 50, Kanye. - Everybody. - Like everybody came to my video set. To my, to my covers because that shit was lit and I like to perform. - I know that's right. - Put on a show. - Yeah. (upbeat music) - Todd, what are we drinking today, girl? - All right, so for our guest, Ms. Melissa Ford, this one is called the hoo-dee hoo, okay? And so this includes a little bit of blood orange, a little bit of turmeric spice, a little bit of lemon juice. It's topped with some rosé prosecco and then also a little bit of pellegrino just to give us a nice calm fall autumn fizz. So this is the hoo-dee hoo, cheers. - What's up, y'all? It's your girl, Lex P. - And it's your girl, Jordan Nicole. - And we're here to tell y'all about a rewards program called Build. You pay your rent online and you get points. I don't know about you, but I love getting some good points. - Yeah, I love me some points and you can get points for vacations, you can get points at hotels, you can even also use your points for studio class. He's like, you know, working out, going to the gym. - I like that. - I like that, too. - You're gonna pay your rent anyway, so you might as well get rewarded for it. So what you're gonna do is go to joinbuild.com/poorminds that's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com/poorminds. Sign up, pay your rent on time and get you some points. Period. Earn points by paying rent right now when you joinbuild.com/poorminds. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com/poorminds. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Joinbuild.com/poorminds to start earning points with your rent payments today. (upbeat music) - What's up, y'all? It's your girl, Lex P. - And it's your girl, Jordan Nicole. - And we have a very exciting announcement today. We have a brand new show dropping. - Yes, we have a brand new show dropping, y'all. On Patreon, it's gonna air on September 2nd and it's called "Poor Chronicles." We gonna be doing so much stuff on there. We gonna be doing challenges. If you can't go to the building, I'll say, "Where the hell could you go?" If you can't go to the building, I'll say, "What a hell, hell, hell." We gonna be doing talk to me, chit, chat with me. We gonna be spending a little tea. - Hey! - Oh my God. - No, you didn't! Oh my God! Everything y'all been wanting to see, we gonna be doing it right here on Patreon. - Yes, y'all ask us for so much. Well, we've been giving it to y'all every single Monday and it's gonna be a time. Y'all know, poor minds has grown into its own little entity. Well, we gonna have a lot of fun still over here at Poor Chronicles. So make sure y'all tune in. September 2nd is going down. Thanks. (upbeat music) - I do have another question and then I want to move on to more current times. So I do want to ask you because I remember, obviously you've been asked this question a thousand times, but just for our audience, when the game dropped that song and dropped the verse, everybody was confused because it was kind of like, are they beefing? Were they dating? Why was this like harsh slug? And it became so popular. Like everybody was saying it was everywhere. - I know. - Still since the day people are asking you about it. - I know. - What was the deal with that? Where did that come from? And how did, did you know the song was coming out? Like, what happened? - So I had only met game once in passing, like really passing. - Mm-hmm. - It was when I was trying to solicit BET. Like BET didn't just hand me a job. - Right. - I had to prove that I knew how to walk and talk and chew gum at the same time, you know? So I found, I proposed ideas for me to, for me to showcase my talent as a host. And I said, you don't have to pay me. I'll pay my own way to get there. I'll pay for my own makeup. I'll pay my own hotel. Like this is, this is what it was like. - Right. - Okay. When you wanted like to, when you wanted to work with somebody, like your work ethic had to be like so solid that you were willing to come out of pocket and prove your worth, prove your metal, prove your talent without the promise of anything. That was how it was back then. I don't know what y'all are on now, like this entitlement bullshit. - Right, yeah. - But, so I was, it was Spring Bling, 2003. - A time. - A time. - A time. - I just love watching Spring Bling. - And I just so wish I was on it. - What? - It was. - I'm so mad that I missed the era. - It was, it was a time. - You can look so funny. - It was, it was, it was. So it was Daytona and like I interviewed like a, you know, just a bunch of people and whatnot. And then I thought that my day was over and they were like, Melissa, we just got word that we've got G unit. You gotta interview them. And I was like, I was terrified. I was so fucking scared. - They were so scary and intimidating, but I was just like, facade. - Right. (laughs) She was gonna be ready. - facade, I'm, I'm that girl. I don't know y'all who y'all are, but I was like, holy. (laughs) All the way. - So they have me, they have me go there to like their trailer. And it's when it was G unit was game. - Yeah. - Lloyd Banks and. - I used to love me some Lloyd Banks. - And I used to love young boots. - Thank you, young bucks. - Yes. - I did. - Well, he protected me from getting shot in a club here in Atlanta one time. - Yes. - That's a black cane right there. (laughs) - Yeah, all the way, like in terms of like, all the weird funny stories I've never said before, young bucks kind of protected me from getting shot in a club in Atlanta. - That is crazy, Melissa. - What the fuck? - I had a gun pulled on me. Anyway, listen, I'm diverting from the real fucking story here. Hold on. - We'll get to that later on. - Okay, yeah. - I'm gonna go mix this before. I'm just being treacherous in this business. So, okay, so I get to the trailer and the three of them are outside. 50's not outside yet. And so they get it and they're just like, oh yeah, they're posturing and shit like that and they're circling me like sharks and I'm just like, holy shit, what the fuck? And then 50 comes out the trailer. I promise you. These three stood at attention like soldiers. Don't get mad at me. Y'all know. - Oh. - That's the way it was in the early day. - My dad coming outside. We gotta be quiet. - Suddenly, all the little bullshit started. - Mine when I knew it. - I made the word because of, you know, my producer is Malarkey. All the Malarkey stuff. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? And then 50 comes out and 50 has like this, this ridiculous presence. - He does. - He does, yeah. - And he just, he just looks at you through your soul. Hey, what's up? I was like, I'm here to interview. - Nothing. I'm trying to do a job. - Yeah. - And so literally, I don't even know how the interview fucking went. I don't remember because it was just, it was so, it's so much chaos and it was so much adrenaline. And I was just so breathless about, oh my God, let me not screw this opportunity up because this is what I want so bad. I want to be a television host. I want to prove myself that I'm good enough and whatever else, this was like such a validation seeking moment, right? And so that happened. And then I got the offer from BET to start doing, you know, like they were like, okay, we're gonna hire you as on air talent, we're doing the photo shoot and this is the commitment and contract and blah, blah, blah. And then the, you know, the commercials went out and then the billboards went out and I was like, holy shit, it's like happening. So this was, so this was 2004 when I, you know, officially got the job and I'm on air talent. Now I have a show called BET Style with Tigger and, you know, and also they have me doing sports correspondence for a show that they had called Mad Sports. - Okay. - They just have me like everywhere. - When you're on air talent at BET, ages ages through you everywhere and I was happy to do it all, you know? And so to backtrack when, to still get the kind of think of like the book and everything like that, after I feel like I'd, you know, I'd like made it through the doors and stuff like that, I was like, wait a minute, how are you pulling me back to this show? Hold on, I thought that I elevated to this point, past this point where I'm a part of the discussion, you know? - The game just used your name. - Yeah, so fast, so I'm still at BET and then I got a, it's like 2006 and I got a call from DJ Clue. And he says, so that was the only moment that I had the game. - Okay, so it wasn't, yeah. - That was just that moment. I never saw him ever again. - So he was one of the ones that was at a 10 hood with the game I sat. - I mean, I dare you to-- - I mean, she said what she said. - I dare you to contradict me, you know it's true. - Okay. - And so then I get a call from DJ Clue. He was like, hey Mel, let me ask you a question. I was like, what's up? He was like, did you ever dis game? Like did he try and kick it to you and you dised him? I was like, no. And he was like, you sure? 'Cause I kinda had a reputation for doing shit like that. - Yeah, you had a mouth on you. - I mean, I just wasn't really interested in shitting where I ate, you know what I'm saying? So I just, no. So I was like, yeah, no, I know I didn't shit on him or he tried to date, whatever. And I was like, why? He was like, well, he put your name in a song. And I was like, okay. I was like, is it good? And he was like, well. - Ooh, DJ Clue messy. I love me, I love me. - People that gave me the name. - Me too. - 'Cause he said, well. - And I was like, I sent me the song. (laughing) - I was like. - So what is it on a mixtape? He said, no, it's on the album. - Oh my God. - And I said, well, is it on like the B side? He was like, nah, I think it's the next single. - I said, oh. - It's extended to me right now. - Oh my God. - He sent me the song and I heard it. And I was like, oh, I was like, okay. Well, that's clever and stupid all at the same time. - Yeah. - You know, Melissa Ford, Honda Accord, would do anything to go to the Grammy Awards type show. I was like, okay, rhymes, okay, whatever. I was like, thanks, nigga, whatever. I did not expect it to be the cultural fucking, have the cultural footprint. - Yeah. - That it did. You could not have told me that that was going to happen because I really didn't know, I didn't understand who the culture and hip hop understood game to be. I didn't know and that's not because he's not talented. It's just because I'm not a nigga. - Right, yeah. - You know what I mean? I'm a girl and I wasn't, I'm listening to Little Dragon. You know what I'm saying? I'm listening for like 90s R&B. - Right, what I gotta do with this? - You know, I'm listening to, you know, reasonable doubt, like, dramatic, but like, that's, like, you know what I'm saying? So, it was just weird and kind of out of nowhere. And I think what made it so like, like, everybody was talking about it because people still refer to that because they're like, oh, if you don't go down the right path, you're gonna end up like Melissa Ford. - Right, and I was like, where am I not the right path? - Right, and you follow my path. - Right, right. - You do wanna follow my path, yeah, that's for me. - But it was T at the time because we didn't, we didn't, like, we saw you and we knew you, but we didn't know, it's not like how Instagram is right now. - He is right now. - Also for you, yeah. - And Facebook is now. So, I'm like, girl, you know, Melissa Ford dropped a Honda Accord beach. - I know. - It was TV. - And I never drove a Honda Accord, even though it's a great car. - Right car. - It's called their resell value. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But, that's not what I was driving at the time. I was driving an S550 champagne. And so, just-- - Don't play with that. - Was talking at Tito, you know. - And I'm glad that you said that because you know what? I'm probably-- - Because people be trying to play you, they be trying to play on your top. Like, period, that's kinda playing on everybody's top. - On people's top, yeah. - Especially you because I do wanna fast forward till now. - Well, I was about to ask, but don't, yeah. - Because I wanted to ask you a question too because you said, like, you know, he just brought your name up out of nowhere. So, I saw recently a model, another model, brought her name up recently about something really old. And I was just wondering-- - Hold that up. - Yeah, okay. - Hold on one second. Here, let me finish this up. - Okay. - So, he shows me, he sends me the song, and I'm like, oh, okay, well, this isn't, whatever. Okay, whatever. - Cold. - And then-- - Mm-hmm. - And then I was just like, wait, what the fuck? - Yeah. - It caught wings, and it flew the fuck off, and it just took off with wings, and suddenly, I'm, you know, the book. And then this-- - Right. - And it was just solidifying this fucking narrative that I'm not even responsible for, that has nothing to do with my truth, and nobody's fucking asking me, you know, whether this was okay with me. And I was like, wait, hold on here. What the fuck is going on? But then kicks in that whole-- - The facade. - Never the facade. - The facade. - The facade. But now the-- - That's what we've been a name, is that-- - But now the facade. But now the facade is working to my detriment. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Because now, I have not developed a muscle to clap back. I have not developed the muscle of defending myself. I am caught in between the, I'm caught in between a rock and a hard place. Do I defend myself, and it fall on deaf ears, because people want to believe the messy narratives? Or do I just operate in a composed and poised manner and let my nonverbal communication do the speaking for me? And maybe it does not land or impact people right now, but eventually, y'all motherfuckers will understand who I am and how false that belief was. And it may not be right now, you know, being in 2006, 2007, now, 2020, something. - Oh, no, no. - Y'all now, fuck. Now, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I know, I know what the fuck. - In that relationship that was very, very like near and dear to my heart, I was, I remember being on the red carpet at the BET Hip Hop Awards, and my boyfriend had just broken up with me because he could not deal with the amount of like, just amount of like conversation about me in such a negative way. And, you know, me and him are still friends, and he was just like, I was so immature at the time, I wish that I'd had the wherewithal to not do that to you. But I'm walking this red carpet, my heart is in a million fucking pieces. It's smashed, I have been sobbing for hours. I was on the plane crying so hard that the stranger next to me was rubbing my back. - Oh my God. - And I got to my hotel and I closed the drapes and I just lay in bed. And my publicist came in and she just sat, she was like, Mel, baby, you just gotta give me a couple of... 'Cause I'm presenting, you just gotta give me a couple of hours, please, please, just find it in you. And I am a tenacious resilient motherfucker. I found that steel core of strength that I have inside of me, I was so broken, but I was like, all right. And so I'm still like tear strumming down my face in the car as we're approaching the red carpet. And she was looking at me and she was just like, fuck this, disaster. And I just looked at her and I was just like... - I got these. - Open the door. - Yeah. - And I got on that red carpet and every question was about game. The thing that had just ruined the relationship for the man that I was fucking in love with. And I was just like, you know, it's a shit. And I just did my diplomatic bullshit. Now I've been like, that stupid ass motherfucker. That would be me now, but that was not me then. - It was different back then. - It was. - It was. - I mean, now it's like, you can't play with that because people have a voice to speak and a voice to talk. But like back then, like going against somebody who was so big at the time, you had to be quiet. You had to shut up and like you said, put that facade on and keep it cute. - Yeah, but even if you look at like the industry and how like that is just like a real snapshot into the misogyny and I don't wanna use the word patriarchy, but I mean, yeah, but the misogyny that was of this business and how easily it was to malign a woman's character by doing absolutely nothing, by just literally just saying something and you be and everybody taking it and running with it and then it defines her for years and years and years and years, 15 years, 20 years. What the fuck? - Have you ever had a conversation with you? - Yeah, we're cool. - Oh yeah, cool now. - I mean, look, why am I-- - 'Cause I was about to say gay. I'll beat your ass, I'll fight niggas. - We were at Floyd Mayweather's party of 2016, 2017 or something like that and, you know-- - Let me get another one, this getting juicy. - Yeah, we were, and actually we'd had more interactions than that, we saw each other in 2008 or 2009, it was Gilbert Arenas's 25th birthday and it was in DC, this club called Love and fucking everybody was there. Everybody was there and he was there and he was just like, "Miss Ford, this is me coming to you." Like walking towards me, "This is me coming to you, telling you I meant no harm by that." It was just a song, I didn't know that it was gonna have that effect on your life and I was just like-- - I know, I would've been like, "You got me fucked up." - But-- - Oh my God. - That that still-- - And that's so crazy. - I was hoping it was something behind it where it was some tea where I was like, "Oh, he was hurt. You just being-- - But it was literally nothing. - But the crazy part of it, and listen to that song, he talks about 30 women, why does everybody just remember me? - Because you are the blueprint. - So that's where popularity-- - Yes, absolutely. - That's where the pendulum swings in the opposite direction, you know what I'm saying? Like it really is a gift and a curse, you know? And the pendulum will always swing in the opposite fucking direction. That is why I take praise and criticism with the same amount of skepticism. You know, like I do not believe my own press. You know, right now I'm having like a moment where, you know, there's a lot of fucking energy around me and I feel like the eye of a fucking hurricane. And you know, even though I feel like a lot of it is like, is praise worthy, I feel very uncomfortable with it because I know how quickly the pendulum can swing dramatically in the opposite direction. So I, and I'm always cognizant of that and I always want to try to be as prepared as possible for to weather that storm. And that is what 25 years in this business has taught me how to weather storm. - Right. - 'Cause I have weathered some shit. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? - Yeah. - That's a shame. - Right. - Now what was it that you was not in? - Well yeah, that's what I was gonna say. So going back to what I was about to ask. So yes, it was like so much in the middle of all that though. - It has been, it's been alive for sure. But I wanted to talk about this because this was something recent and I was wondering how you felt about it. Literally when I seen it on the internet, I was like, I wonder how Melissa feels about this because obviously this is like some old shit and it's not something that you ever put on Front Street. So you didn't even want it out there like that. So I'm wondering how do you feel like when your name gets brought up in situations that happened many moons ago that you never even publicized or wanted to be out there. And then someone is telling their side of the story and you're just caught off guard like with the food. - Well, I had a podcast in 2019 called "I'm Here for the Food." - Thank you, Todd. Sorry. - And I had her on as a guest. - Right. - And my intention of doing so was because it was very important for me to try to change a narrative that women don't get along, that women hate each other, that women are naturally caddy with each other that will always choose niggas over their girls. I don't like that narrative at all. And I wanted to show and tell a story of a girlfriend and me who men have wanted us both and we continue to choose each other. - Yeah. - So what men want? Like, you know how guys have the code bros before hoes? - Yeah. - Or code. - Yeah. - You know what I'm saying? - That's what I was trying to show. - I was before bros. - Yeah. - That's what I was sisters before that mister. You feel me? Okay. - You guys are so good. - This shit. - Yeah. - This is good. - So I really, that's what I thought was really important and I thought that telling that story on my podcast was really impactful because no one knew it. It had never been said before, you know, my relationship with that huge megastar was not really public knowledge because we never walked red carpets and we never had pictures taken and there's a reason for that. I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever wanted my merit or my achievement in this, in my career to be associated with any fucking man. - Hey man. - Ever and they-- - Preach it. - And they will. - Every chance they get. - Every time, man. - Every chance they get, they will associate your achievement and your success. Well, who did she fuck? - Yeah. - Come on now. - And that was, it was very important for me to, you know, try to dispel all of that, all those bullshit myths and stigmatizations and stereotypes and I'm like that 'cause they made me fucking mad. - Right, yeah. - And so we're telling this story and I feel like we're telling this story in a reciprocal manner, you know? And as we both remember it, to fast forward, five years later, here a completely different version of the story and then not get a text, a call, a heads up, that this is happening. - Yeah. - Guess what, I guess how I found out. - On the internet, what everybody else? - Everybody else and getting calls and texts from people saying, "You sure you guys are friends?" - Right. - And I was like, "What are you talking about?" And then I see and I'm like, I can see why y'all are asking me that question because now I don't understand either. I'm confused. - Oh, that's ugly. - I'm confused and it was, that hurt, that hurt and the facade. - 'Cause y'all are really friends. - Lucky facade. - You have to though, but yeah. You have to because people wanna see you crash out. - They do. - They want, because we've never had that Melissa for a moment where she's like, "What the fuck?" I mean, everybody had this moment. - Very nice put together. - But you haven't had your moment, so people won't that so fucking bad. - But I won't. - They won't. - I won't. You're never going to see me airing somebody out on social media. You're never going to see me posting conversations that we've had in DMs or texts. Like, I'm not doing that. No judgment, it's not my style. - What they say? - You never gonna hear my side of the story 'cause I really don't care. - A lot of the times, yeah. A lot of the times I've allowed people to walk around and carry on a narrative that paints me in a really, really bad way, but I'm just like, time will tell. And the truth always comes out. And when people's actions are, and this is a broad stroke statement, not about what we're talking about. This is just a broad stroke statement of everything that I have experienced in this business. People's nefarious intentions will always come to fucking light. Always, we're watching it right now in real time. Their nefarious deeds will come to light. And so that's why I just sit back and wait because I just don't feel like I need to prove that I'm not that person 'cause I know I'm not. I know I'm not. And the people that love me, no, I'm not. And they defend me and maybe it's a small little village of people defending me. Or maybe it's a fucking hive, which I got right now. Hey, melodies, hey, Mel, hi, I love you guys. I fucking love my hive because they're not superficial about the reasons why they like me. They are just like, I rock with her. I rock with her, I love what she said here, I love what she stands for. This is, I love that. I love the reason why they rock with me. And the people who are like, she ain't my favorite, but that bitch will drop a gem every once in a while. Thank you, I appreciate the recognition. - What's up, y'all? It's your girl, Lex P. - And it's your girl, Jeray McCall. - And now that summer is over and we're entering the fall seasons, it's time to save your money and reach all your financial goals. - Yes, I love trying because they have no maintenance fees, fee free over the ref up to $200 and you can get your money two days early with the break deposit. - Yes. - All we need in my money is on time. - Right now, I need it right now. So Chime is gonna help you reach all your financial goals, y'all, the holidays are coming up, all that good stuff. You need to get your turkeys, your gifts, all everything on the list that you can get. Chime is gonna help you get that. So what you're gonna do is go to chime.com/poorminds that CHIME.com/poorminds. - Period. - Make your fall finances a little greener by working towards your financial goals with Chime. Open your account in two minutes at chime.com/poorminds. That's chime.com/poorminds. Chime feels like progress. Bank services and debit card provided by the Bank Corp Bank NA or Stride Bank, NA members, FDIC, spot me eligibility requirements and overdrive limits apply. Most are available to eligible Chime members enrolled in spot me and are subject to monthly limits. Times and conditions apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details. - Hey, y'all, it's Gerriene Calls, V-E-L of Muse Beauty. (upbeat music) - Are you ready to take your beauty brand to the next level? Well, I've got something special just for you. I'm introducing the keys to a successful e-commerce brand ebook. In this guide, I spilled all of my secrets on how I built Muse Beauty from the ground up into a global beauty brand, starting thousands of customers from all over the world. From defining your brand vision to mastering marketing strategies, this book literally covers it all. Plus exclusive highlights and tips that you won't find anywhere else, but why y'all is more. Check out my curated vendors list featuring over 50 top suppliers in the beauty fashion and packaging industries. Whether you need cosmetics, accessories, clothing, or chic packages, I've got you covered. So what are you waiting for? Go to www.musebeadycollection.com and get your e-book, your vendors list, or you can bundle them both together. All right, bye-bye. - Brought this up because we saw a suite where somebody said that y'all have to stop being delusional. A rich man isn't coming to save you. Statistically speaking, rich people date, rich people. And this fantasy man that we have of being a boss with him and this partnership of us having vacation homes, having beautiful vacations and living this life, it's very unlikely to happen. So that's what I wanted to talk about, like, do y'all think like we can, we still can find that rich man that can like, and when I say save, it's a broad statement. 'Cause I don't think we're necessarily looking for somebody to save us. 'Cause everybody on this couch, we make good money, maybe well for ourselves. - The moments in which I needed saving, I had to save myself. - Hello, and we all did. We passed that saving, but when I say saving, I don't know what she meant. I think she meant saving from like a situation and you need help to pay your rent and pay your bills. When I look at saving, I just mean like, save me from these streets, save me from the piss. - These things, yeah. - The piss and the daddy pool. - Yeah, like you said, I want the same thing. I want somebody who wants the things that I want as far as living a comfortable life and we're doing everything we never imagine. - Yeah, that's really it. - Whatever that looks like to you. - So the rich, okay, so I guess that means I'm rich. I'm not classifying myself as that right now. - Okay. - I'm not. - Right. - I'm comfy. - Yeah. - But rich is different standards to people. - Yeah, I mean, it's different things to different people. Like I've worked very, very, very, very, very hard to be here, but I mean, I got my first credit cards when I was 42. Like, I mean, my story has been throughout this industry has been feast famine, feast famine, feast famine. - That's another reason why, you know, when the pendulum swings in my favor, I'm very, very, very skeptical and hesitant to, you know, just relish in that moment. And also, you know, just kind of start to believe the press because I know just what it looks like when the pendulum swings in the opposite direction. And it's not necessarily public humiliation or embarrassment or whatever. It is hard times, falling on hard times. And then trying to, there's nothing worse than being famous and broke. Nothing fucking worse than that shit. Nothing worse than being famous and fucking broke. You know, you can not keep up with the Joneses, you can't keep up with the Tyrone. You can't keep up with nothing, it's fucked up over here. And so because I've gone from feast famine, feast famine, feast famine, and now I'm like on this even keel, you know, and maybe this ascension as well, this nice gradual ascension. And that's comfortable for me. This is too much, you know, that's too much. But this is nice. My hormones are doing that and my money is doing that. (laughing) - I feel you in that though, because it's like, I think it's the same thing with us. Like I feel like whenever our show first became popular, I succumb to that pressure of like, oh my God, I got to show up in a brand new Chanel. I got to show up with my Louis Vuitton. I got to show up. And then I got to point like, who am I showing up for? - Yeah. - Who the fuck am I doing this for? - All the people talking about you that really don't actually matter and don't have your best interest in mine at all. - Don't give a fuck about nothing. - I know. - And I know they still be talking. They be like, damn, Lex, you wearing that Chanel back again and is and I don't give a fuck. - And that's how much my investments grew. - That's crazy thing, you know what I'm saying? - You know what I'm saying? - They don't even be having a Chanel. - Like, they don't even be having, they want you to show up in the stuff that they don't even have but they feel like because you're in this position, you're supposed to have X-Y-Z. That shit is crazy. And I just feel like you're sending yourself on a downhill spiral if you contribute to that mindset or if you play into that mindset that people that have comments and people that are on the internet have to say about it. - When I was in my twenties and thirties, you know, I mean, I dated a lot of like, you know, rich and wealthy famous men and nobody really knows because I didn't walk red carpets with these motherfuckers, you know what I'm saying? Like my private life was very, very private, you know? And there was always this assumption by these guys that my love language was gifts. So, you know, I just kind of like accepted them as what it was because I wasn't really in touch with what my actual love language was. My love language really is the number one is quality time. It's just, it's quality time. Yeah, I want to be laid the fuck up, legs intertwined, feeling fucking ribs, spilling sauce on our white feeders, watching some serial killer shit on fucking Netflix. Oh my God, that is a dream. That is a dream scenario for me. And I really never got that, you know? So it was like the gifts. I'm like, okay, fine, if that's what you want to do, you want to leave your credit card at Bergdorf's, you want to leave your credit card a fucking intermix for me to go shopping whenever I fucking want to. Okay, fine, you know? And, you know, yeah, okay, having all those things in my closet, the Chanel bags and all this stuff, and then there was moments during the famine, you know, when I wasn't making any money, I'm between guys or whatever the case is, where I'm looking at my closet, I'm looking at all this designer wear, and it's mocking me. It's mocking me, 'cause it's fucking useless. It's useless. I feel so. And where am I going with this shit? Because honestly, I'm perpetrating a fraud by walking outside with this shit, acting like I got it when I don't know how I'm paying my fucking rent. A $10,000 bag, I ain't got $10,000. Exactly. Can I hand this to my landlord, the member of me for the next six goddamn month? Oh my God. So after a while, I really, like, giving me those kinds of gifts, I was, it's empty. I just, no. I literally, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm so glad that I had that. Hang on, I'm not gonna lie about it. I'm not gonna lie about it. I'm not gonna lie about it. I'm not gonna lie about it. I mean, so if a Chanel bag just lands in my P.O. box, I may be like him again. Don't get me wrong. But that's okay though, because that's your love language. But what I'm saying is, I'm so glad that we're having this conversation because we just put value in the wrong things a lot of the time because it's just like, I always say this, when you die and you're long gone, nobody's gonna be like, man, she had on that classic Chanel. Let me tell you. They're gonna talk about how you made them feel or what you know what I'm saying. - And I wanna pass it to my daughter. - But I also wanna tell you guys, when my mom was on her deathbed, I arrogantly, with the best intentions, said to her, 'cause my mom lived a very simple life. Very simple life. I said to my mom, I was like, "Mom, is there anywhere that you want me to go for you? "Like go for you in spirit, anywhere in the world, "that you've never been and that you want me "to go for you in spirit?" And my mom looked at me and she said, "No, I had a good life." - Don't mind me, Krah, please. - And so, okay, pull it together, do a box breath. And so it was at that moment that I realized that my mom, in all of her simplicity, she woke up when she was retired. She walked the dog, she fucking walked the cat. She went to Aquafit. She had her hobbies, she had her book club, she had her circle of friends. My mom had a more fulfilling life that I did not, traveling on private jets, hobnobbing with the biggest, the most A-list celebrities. Just the closet filled with designer goods, walking red carpets and I'm fucking suicidal half the time. And I realized at that moment, I was like, my life has to change or I'm not gonna survive. I'm just not gonna survive and my mom figured it out. And I never talked to her about this. I never, maybe I would've had a clue if I'd talked to the woman about who she was outside of being my mom. So from that, when my mom passed away, I started to think about life so differently. And it just was not about a fucking bag or shoes or just anything superficial. It was like, how do I live the rest of my time here? It might be two years, it might be 20, it might be 30. How do I live this life with a sense of fulfillment? What does that fucking look like? Because apparently, I don't have a fucking clue. I am so sad and full of sorrow and dread. How do I do this? And so I had to move through grief, god damn. - That shit is hard. - And so the first two months after my mom passed away, I stayed in Canada and I was living in basically a quarter of a mile away from a fucking forest. And I would go to this forest five to six days a week and I would run with my dog or I would just take my shoes off once I got to this clearing and it was all grass and just flowers and whatnot. It was almost like a Rembrandt painting. And I would just take my shoes off and then just walk and ground and connect with earth. And just, I don't know, just try to connect with my mom's spirit, you know? And just think about how, what does it look like? - Yeah. - Just how much does it look like? - Yeah. - Sometimes I can get through this without. - Yeah. - Most of the time I can't. So the next several years was me stumbling and falling and trying to figure out how do I like, how do I like live a life that I'm like proud of. And it's fulfilling to me, regardless of what anybody has to say about me and who they think I am, thank you. And who I think I am, who am I to me? - Right. - And I had to figure out so much shit. Like I figured out I didn't even know how to see myself with, through my own lens, I saw myself through the male gaze. So if I see myself through the male gaze and the male gaze because I'm getting older is tired of me. What then, what happens then? Who am I, what does that do to my career? You know what I'm saying? Like I did not fucking know and I had to spend all this time and is so painful but searching and searching through just my therapy and my fucking shadow guide and books and hiking and talking to the universe and just, you know, curling up with my dog who was, became like my sense of emotional support and volunteering at animal shelters because I needed it so badly. I needed like true loving spirit, so badly. And, you know, I came out, I fucking, that's why like I love who I am right now. I'm like, I fought so hard to become a woman. Like I fought, I fought so hard to become a murderer. Like, I just fought. - Can I just say something? - Because I'm trying not to cry because you don't know this. I lost my mom as well. So, a lot of times that journey and when you're still growing as a woman and you lose the woman that taught you everything it's a hard journey and you feel lost and left alone like you gotta figure it out. So, I remember-- - It feels like you lost your connection to the Earth. And that's why I kept fucking taking my shoes off and trying and grounding because I was trying to find my connection to the Earth because I felt like I was like spinning around like a balloon that had been let go in the air and just, that's just what I felt like. And I felt like I was spiraling and nobody was there to catch me. And it's like I felt like I also had to suffer in silence because I couldn't reveal this level of vulnerability and pain because who was going to, who was gonna carry me? - Right, who was gonna make it okay? And my dad was already dead. - Yeah. - So I, in the name. - Yeah. - Same. We are so the same because navigating this life with no parent is a different type. I don't, you know, you have your aunts and your uncles and your cousins that they wanna be there, they wanna be there but you can't, you know, like you can't and we have to figure it out. So, when you said you were walking in the forest and you were just trying to do something to connect to her and feel to her, mine was sleeping because the first two years still to this day, I see her in my dream. So I try to sleep to make me feel better, to find that comfort, you know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I know we don't probably show this stuff. - Don't, don't, don't you dare apologize. Do not apologize, do not apologize for being human in this moment. This is fucking awesome. - Yeah, so. - I love that we're connecting on this, like, on this, like here for everybody that feels seen, feels like, oh my God. I know, yes, this is a moment to not apologize, it's a moment to celebrate and rejoice. - And I think for women too, that's why I was so excited for, you know, just to kind of bring the moment back. It's important that we create a safe space for us because sometimes we don't have that mother to turn to or we don't have parents. And it's important that people hear our stories and understand that we are complex women and we're more than the outer shell. And even though we don't have life figured out, we're trying to figure this out, but we're trying to help people figure it out with us. - Yeah. - You know, and I don't mean to get, you know, too emotional with everything, but I think it's important that we use our voices and let people know, like, we don't have this shit figured out. - Nobody does, I got girlfriends who are 60 and they're like, I don't got shit figured out. - I mean, I don't think we all, I don't think anybody ever has it figures figured out. - And I didn't figure that out 'til my mom passed and I realized you didn't have this shit figured out either. - No, it's hard, like grief is a hard space. Like, even with me, I haven't lost my mom yet, but I lost my dad. And so even with my mom just, like, watching her navigate through losing my dad and losing her soulmate, and it's just a crazy thing because it's like you just said, like, nobody has this shit figured out. Like, my mom is literally 74. And every day, I feel like I talk to her, I'm learning something new about her. And she's also learning something new about herself every day since my father has passed away because for 40 years, that was her life. - I think that that's amazing, though, that you have those kinds of conversations with your mom because it took me way too long and too late to discover that my mom was a whole human being outside of being my mother. And I would've really, really, really liked to know that woman. I would've really, really, really liked for her to know that her only daughter was interested in knowing the woman that she was outside of being my mother and my father's wife and whoever people thought her to be. Like, the things that I've learned now, you know, I just have to reconcile that there's questions I'm always gonna have that will never, ever be answered. And, you know, you going looking for your mom and your dreams, I was the opposite. I felt like she was gone. Like gone spirit, gone, if you believe in reincarnation, gone and into, you know, husk, done spirit, introduced self and I was sitting, it was maybe a week or two and I was sitting outside of my aunt's place, my aunt's house. And she was not my mom, I was real aunt. She was her best friend. My mom's actual sister was anyways. And I was talking to a friend on the phone, I was like, I just think my mom is gone. Like spirit, gone, I can't feel her. And at that moment, this man walked through the gate in the backyard, I didn't know who he was. He was like, are you Melissa Ford? And I was like, yeah? And he was like, this is for you. And it was a box and I opened it up and it was a necklace that I had asked the funeral home to make me with, appendant with her ashes in it. At that moment, it showed up. And I was like, oh, hey mom. - Yeah, my spirit is very alive and very real. Like I feel like I feel like I feel my dad around me all the time. Like I always say this and it's always in the moments that I need him most. Like, I don't know for like the past two years, my dad passed away in 2020. So like for the past, I would say two, three years, anytime I'm at home, it's so crazy. And I'm feeling lonely and I'm feeling sad. And I don't know where to turn. Like it's always every time it never feels like a butterfly that flies on my balcony, at my apartment. And it stays there for like two hours. - Mine is coming from me. - I'm not even kidding. - Mine is coming from me. - And I'm just like, what the fuck? This is insane. - Yeah, mine is insane. - No, like I know it's my dad every time. - Do you, is there something that shows? - It's Ladybug. - It's Ladybug. - It's Ladybug. But it's really prominent in my mother. - Yeah, yeah. - It's gotten to the point to where like, if anything is going on and I'm feeling lost, I just like, I pray. I'm like, can you please send my mom. - Yeah. - 'Cause it used to be like, I'm not gonna lie. The first year after my mom passed, I was crashing out so bad. She knows that 'cause she was there. But it was like, my mom passed and I still had to go on tour, 'cause I was like, I'm not canceling this tour because I know that's not what she would want. And I know a lot of people were judging me for that and they're like, oh my God, go here and go this, but I couldn't, I have to stay. I'm the type of person I have to stay busy. So I particularly remember when we were in New York and it was like a big moment. Like we did Breakfast Club. We got this show in Times Square. And I'm like, I'm doing everything I always dreamed of. And I'm making people laugh. I'm making people smile. And I was so empty. And I just remember getting back to my hotel room. I'm sorry. I was crying so hard and so loud. Drayin knocked on the door. She was like, what's going on? So I think for me, I found peace. Because I remember after she left my room, I went to sleep and I had such a detailed dream. And every time I know it's her, because every time I have dreams about her, we're always in my childhood house that we grew up in. And she actually passed away in that house. So every time I dream about her and she's talking to me, it's a dream of us in the house. And I can tell when I'm dreaming about her, just 'cause I'm thinking about her 'cause it'll be like us doing something. But when she's speaking to me, we are always in the house. I have so many dreams like that. So I found comfort in that. And I was in denial for a long time. I mean, you create fantasies. I was like, maybe my mom didn't pass away. Maybe she just like, I'm tired of this life and she just faked her death and she's living in Italy or something like, you just do crazy things, you know? But I think like her coming to me in my dreams is like, hey, I'm okay. And once you're okay with that, I found my peace, you know? I'm at times and I'm a numbers person. So I was like, okay, God willing, if I live to be, you know, in my 80s or in my 90s, that means I'm gonna live more life without my mom than I did with her. So I'm like, where do I find the peace in that? So like I said, I think me connecting to her, like in my dreams and just always feeling her presence and finding her presence. Even though maybe sometimes her presence isn't there, I just feel it. - That's all that matters. - Yeah. - And that's what that matters. - Yeah. - It's all that matters. It's your personal relationship, it's your personal connection with her and that's it, there's nothing to be explained. And there's nothing, nothing that needs to even be defined for anybody, it belongs to you, you know? And one of the reasons that I've chosen to be very candid about grief and pain is because it was life altering. You know, I watched my mom die. And then my life changed after she died, you know? And I just want, I just, once you get a peek at the other side though, it's almost like having the Cassandra complex. - Now what's that? - Cassandra complex is knowledge of forethought. - Okay. - Okay, it's basically like your chicken little. The sky is falling and nobody believes you. That's what it's like getting a peek behind the curtain. And that's what it felt like, I got a peek behind the curtain watching my mom die. And so I saw everything at that moment. I saw how fragile life is, I saw how cavalierly we approach the concept of our lives and how just arrogant we are about it. I saw how many people are uncomfortable with talking about death because they cannot deal with the concept of their own mortality and how ill-fated of a decision that is. I saw it all and I felt like chicken little trying to warn everybody, you know? And it's like people didn't wanna hear it, you know? People don't wanna hear it because they don't wanna be confronted with this shit. - Yeah, people don't wanna talk about it, you know? - But I feel like people need to kind of get out of that mentality and start to have, you know, just normalize conversations like these. - 'Cause it's inevitable, right? - 'Cause it's inevitable. And the worst thing to do is to leave your family unprepared for if something happens to you. Thank God, my mom and my aunt handled the business of death before my mom and my aunt, these two women were like, you know the moment in Sex and the City where, you know, Carrie's like all fucked up 'cause of big and shit like that and Samantha and Miranda, they were like, we got your apartment back, we got the movers there, we got this, this, this, this, that was my mom and my aunt. Everything was tied up in a pretty pink bow for me. Everything, my name was on everything. There would be no probate, there would be no complications and me filing for life insurance. Everything was done so that I could just grieve. - And that's important too. Because a lot of times when you lose somebody, you gotta fight your cousin, a little sister that you ain't know your head and all this stuff. So taking care of that so people can really just grieve you and go through that, that's what helped me a lot too. - And I wanted to say this as well. Like, it's so important y'all, like, you know, if you do still, if you're lucky enough to still have both of your parents here, like talk to them about their life, talk to them about their story, like ask them questions. Is this book that my friend put me on? Shout out to my friend Elise. She put me on this book, it's called Mom, I Want to Hear Your Story. - Oh, that's so beautiful. - Yes, and I bought the book from my mom for Mother's Day because she bought it for her mom for Mother's Day. And it's basically like a journal where your mom can literally write every, it asks her so many questions about her life from childhood through adulthood. And she can literally write in the book and talk about all of her experiences. And then it's like a keepsake that you can have whenever she does pass away or something does happen to her. And it's something that you can always hold dear to your heart and you can read through for the rest of your life. And they also have one for like your grandparents, they have one for your father, for your grandfather. Like by that type of stuff for your parents and your grandparents, if you're still lucky enough to have them in your life, because it's something that you can cherish forever. And it's like I'm looking forward to being able to read what my mom writes in the book. And she told me she was so grateful that I bought it for her. - My mom was a journaler and a scrapbooker. And I'm gonna just have to save this for my book because we will just cry our fucking talk if I need it going. But I mean, my mom charted her illness before she even, before she knew she even had it. And I'm reading it knowing in hindsight what was inevitable was holy fucking steak to the heart. You know what I'm saying? But that journal is just, it's so amazing. - Let's just talk about journaling because journaling helped me through whenever, I started journaling around the time my mom had passed. I journaled through my relationships, my friendship, whatever I have going on, I journal it. And honestly, even now, I go back and I look like, I know exactly what I was doing two years ago today. I can open my journal and tell you exactly what I did that day. And I'm so blessed to have that because when I'm long gone, I'm literally gonna have probably journal stacked up time. People be like, I know what Lex did for the last 40, 50 years of her life. And that's why I say journaling not only health isn't important because you can see your growth, you can see everything you're going through, but you can tell your story because we are so complex. We all have amazing, interesting stories to tell. And so even me going through this journey with poor minds and how everything is going, I know we are here to entertain people, but we're still human and we're still going through it. So people be like, oh my God, dry and Lex, y'all saw this, y'all saw that. Baby, we be struggling, we be going through it. Sometimes a million drives me on the phone, I'll be screaming and crunchy, but I got you free. Our vice versa, like GV calling me upset, I'll be like, hey, we gonna push through and feel right now. - I'm really glad that you guys have each other too and that you guys have such a genuine love for one another because, no, sometimes women, we got ego. - Oh come on, no, it happens constantly. - It's hard, especially in this space and the entertainment space. And the media space especially, I was commiserating with my accountant and she was like, she was like, yeah, I find that women in media have a very difficult time sharing space with each other and they're highly competitive even though they don't admit it. And I was like, it's like, girl, who the fuck are you? How do you know that? - Yeah. - Like what, whoa, I was like here. And it's just, sometimes, we were having this conversation on the pod the other day about how men handle competitiveness and their relationships and how women handle competitiveness and my assessment, personal assessment is that competitiveness is seen as a very male characteristic. So men get to be very vocal about it. They get to acknowledge it. They get to basically embrace their competitive nature. Women, we don't get to really admit that we are competing against one another. So when that happens, it manifests into some real gnarly shit because there's no boundaries on what we're competing against each other, poor and rich. - Oh, she hating, she did. - Exactly. - Oh, she mad because she did. - Exactly. There's no clear boundaries on what this is. And this is obviously excluding sports and I'm not even, I'm not talking about like, you know, climbing corporate ladder ambitiousness. I'm talking about like personal circles and stuff like that, you know? And it gets, it gets, it gets gnarly. - It really, I mean, we've seen it. We've seen so many people fall out in the podcast world or just friends. - Why do you think there's so many male podcasts out there? Why? - 'Cause they can't do it. And I think that's one thing about our show, why people love it so much 'cause they like, it's so nice to see black women who literally enjoy each other. - Yeah. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. - What's up, y'all? This is your girl, XP. - Andy, your girls are in the cold. - And y'all know we are here to tell y'all about betterhelp.com. We are entering the fall and winter months and y'all know this is depression time. So this is the perfect time to sign up for your therapy session. - Yes, and what I always say I love about BetterHelp is that it's so easy and it's so convenient. You could literally do it from the comfort of your own home or you could do it on the go and they also are very, very affordable y'all. So it's no excuse to not use BetterHelp. - So all you're gonna do is go to betterhelp.com/poorminds that's better, h-e-l-p.com/poorminds and you'll get 10% off of your first month. Overcome your fears with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/poorminds today to get 10% off of your first month. That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p.com/poorminds. - What's up y'all, it's your girl, XP. - And it's your girl, Drana Cole. - Y'all know we have a segment on poorminds called item of the week, but do you have a product or something that you want to promote and you want it featured on poorminds? Your opportunity is here. - Period. If you have an item or you have a business and you want to get it promoted, we are now having slots available on the poorminds episode. So if you would like to get your product featured for item of the week, all you need to do is send an email to itemoftheweekpm@gmail.com. That's I-T-E-M-O-F-T-H-E-W-E-E-K-P-M-X-G-M-L.com. Send us an email and we'll work it out. We're gonna figure it out, get y'all product, get y'all business sponsored and yeah, make you somebody. - We love to support a small business now. In a black business essay. But I mean-- - Look at me, anybody else is welcome. - We don't want to scream a name. - Any businesses will come. - Okay, so now it's time to get into the bed. Bow, the bed, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. - I haven't been in the bed in a really long time. - Girl, you've been here. - You've been here. - You've been here. - You've been here. You've been here. - You've been here. - Okay. (laughing) - So far. - Knock my head into the headboard. (laughing) - Okay, so for the sex topic today, we wanted to talk about the benefits of ignoring sexual tension, because I think a lot of the time, especially, I don't say this, I think any younger women, you know, you getting so much attention from these men and you don't know who to pick, you don't know who to choose. So sometimes, if a dude give you a lot of attention or too much attention, you're like, "Well, I like him." - Enough. - Mm-hmm. - Let me put it up, poke it out. - But you didn't need to, because then five months later, three months later, you realize like-- - Yeah, sure. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Exactly. - And he's-- - You already knew I was gonna win. - Yeah, I mean, it was a four-gun concern. - That's all right. - Because sometimes sexual tension, it's just supposed to be fun. A lot of times, things need to be left at flirty. And it gets less fun once you have sick. - For example, we've talked about-- - It's fun until y'all put it. - Work-wise, work-husband's, that's supposed to stay flirty and work to have fun. Oh, I look forward to seeing you at work. You supposed to go home and forget that. Y'all be taking stuff too far. I, okay, so y'all know how they have like, the radio morning shows, right? And they do these like calls and people be calling to try to meet y'all in a relationship. So I was listening to one this morning and basically this guy had a work-wise, ended up having sex with her. Quote on quote, falling in love, it was lust. He just wanted to get that little dick-wit. And he ends up leaving his wife for this girl. And then he's like, "Hey, I miss my wife, this bitch sucks." And he was like, "I want to come home." - Oh, he fucked the work-wise. - He left his wife for the work-wise and he'd gotten a relationship with her. And he was like, "I don't want to be here no more." 'Cause that's how you supposed to leave. Sexual tension needs to be left alone, sometimes. - It needs to be tension. - Let's flirt and take your ass home. - I mean, it just kind of, I feel like your response to sexual tension just really depends on what's lacking in your life and specifically in your sex life and your emotional life. So I think that when it comes to sexual tension, a lot of times people feel very powerless to it based on how little attention they're being given by, let's just say they're single or not even like they have another mate. Let's just say you're fucking single and you have no responsibilities to anybody but yourself, then you will reconcile some shit real fucking fast. Like, "Yo, I ain't been fucked in the longest. "I just want to beat you." - Right, right. - Oh my God. - You know what I'm saying? - Okay, Melissa, this fuck y'all coming out. - And then you fucking, you're like, "God damn it." - Oh, God damn it. - I'm glad I do that because it's like the minute that that fucking nut leaves, you're just like-- - All the shit. - Post-nut clarity hit. - Oh my God. - Post-nut clarity. - Post-nut clarity be very, it is. - It's a God. - And I think people be thinking they're just a man thing. - No, we mean one thing. - It's us too. It's us too. - I'll be like, it's us too. - It is. - You be like that nigga, y'all, you be like, - You be like, "Oh my God." - Get, you want, he's on your arm and he's like, "Oh." - 'Cause sue your arm off to get that shit. - Like, go on. - Waking up in the morning, baby, oh my God. - Ew. - Ew. - With that morning brew. - Ew. - But that's why I be saying, I realize that at a good time. - How to eat brew. - Sometimes fun is just meant to be fun because we, every, I think this is a human thing though. A lot of people just put it on men that men like to chase the thrill. Women find a thrill in being chased as well. - Mm. - So once a man loses that thrill of chasing you, you honestly lose that thrill because, you know, he done got you, it's not fun no more. So we lose that thrill as well. - But what about when he's not fun no more? - It's not fun, I'm not gonna lie, it's been a lot of times where it's like, you know, I was flirting with a man so long and it's like, we fought, I finally let him hit. And I'm like, damn, that shit was weak. Yo, Dokes really not that funny. It did really not be. And low-key that restaurant you took me last night was trash. - Ooh. - So it'd be like, why did I do that? It should've just stayed fun, flirty. - Yeah. - And it could've been a cool like, hey, my people boy, we're going to be flirting, we have fun. - Hindsight is a bitch and, you know, ironies is it's fucked up cousin. - What's up, y'all, it's your girl, Lex P. - And it's your girl, Droy and Nicole. - And we're here to talk to y'all about MintheMobile.com. If you are tired of paying crazy prices for your cell phone every month, we got a special deal for you. - Yes, MintheMobile is only $15 a month. Y'all heard that right, $15. And literally what I love about it too is that you could take your phone number and you can go over there with them. And you can also take all your contact. - Okay, I like that. I feel like it's a perfect plan if you have like a kid in school, you know, an older parent or somebody that just needs, you know, a phone that they can talk on. So it's only $15 a month for brand new customers. All you're going to do is go to mintmobile.com/pore.com Pore minds and sign up today. That's mintmobile.com/pore minds. Get your phone, y'all. To get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com/pore minds. That's mintmobile.com/pore minds. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com/pore minds. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on a limited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. Speed mint mobile for today. - My God, it's your girl, LexP. - Andy, your girl, Jeray, and Nicole. - And we are here to tell y'all about our brand new ebook and e-course bundle, Pore Into Your Pod. - Yes, y'all. We have been working on this for a while and we're so excited to put it out and give it to y'all because we know so many people have been asking us for such a long time about how to start a successful podcast and we have literally put all of the information that we have and everything that we've utilized into this one ebook. - Yes, and this is not your typical ebook 'cause I know what a lot of y'all are thinking. Uh-uh, uh-uh, but I'm telling y'all, we give y'all direct access to how we built our brand. It's not no fluffiness and all that, what I've read in e-books before. This is an ebook that gets straight to the point and gives you all the direction you need to start your podcast today. - Absolutely. A new contrast that we are putting 100% good information, no filter into this book. And it's gonna help you build your brand and it shows you exactly how we built four minds and made it into a six-year-time. - So make sure y'all head to pourminds.com to purchase your ebook or the e-course and we also have it available in a bundle for you so you can get both pourminds.com, pour into your pod. - Okay, so back to the bed, ignore that sexual tension, it's gonna get your ass in trouble. - So now it's time to get into the bow. - Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. - Okay, so I'm so excited. - We love our little theme songs. - Yes, we love a good theme. So the bop of the week is like songs and music you've been listening to. And this bop of the week is very, very special to me because my best friend is an talented singer and songwriter and she's finally releasing her music. And if you are the type of person that's into like R&B but with a good pen, like think like if SZA and Summer Walker had a baby, that's what it sounds like. - Wow. - It's so good. I'm actually singing to you because you're a music girl. - I am, I am a music girl. - And I think you are actually really enjoying it. - Yes, I am a music girl. - Her name is Chase, C-H-A-Y-S-E and she has a song called Honest. But hopefully she's dropped it by the time this is dropped, it's supposed to drop in the next week or two, but by the time this drops, it should be out. But either way, I'm gonna put the link in the bio for y'all. It's such a good song. And like her voice is just different. I love when I hear a new artist and like you can establish their voice. Like when we hear Beyonce, we know it's Beyonce. When we hear Summer Walker, we know it's her. She's not trying to sound like anybody else. - I love that. - That's what I love. And it's like, let's get back to good pen games. Billie Eilish, I seen a clip of her and she was talking about the notes in her song. And she was getting, oh, I hit this note because this is gonna hit this chord. And I'm like, oh, she really studied fucking music. - Yeah, like she understands like instrumentation. - Like yes, that-- - Money long reminds me. - Like they, it gives me the same thing. Like she is a beast. - Money long knows it. - She is a beast. - Yes. - She is a beast. - And it's like sometimes, I never knew what that was, but like sometimes I'll hear a note and it hit something and you be like, oh my God. It's like you hear a certain note and be like, it hits a little something in you. Am I, and Chase has that. It's such a good song. So yeah, Chase, honest, that's my Bop of the Week. I'll put the link in the bar, y'all. Please go listen and support. It's about period, okay? What y'all been listening to? What's-- - So, okay. So I really like this song, "Bad Kim." That was my Bop of the Week, the other way. But then she also has this other song called, "Espresso." - Oh my God. - Yeah, she's so good. - Yeah, she's so good. - And so, that's some shit that I imagine myself on, and like, in like the French Riviera. - A Mop of the Y'all. - Like her fourth album? - Yeah. - This is like her fourth album. - Yeah. - I'm only fucking scared. - It's crazy. - It's so good. - She's so good. - The pop girls are back. The pop girls are back. - The brain has a song called "Diet Pepsi." ♪ Can I come and get called? ♪ ♪ I'm your baby ♪ - Yeah. - Yeah, no, I know what song you're talking about. - It's so funny. - I'm ready for Brittany and Kristina again. - To come back, well, Kristina's back. - Well, what I'm saying is I'm ready for like new age, like Brittany and Kristina. - Kristina's back with Vince. - Well, she is. - She's about to-- - And she looks fucking good. - You know who else is back? - Fucking Katy. - Lindsay Lohan. - Lindsay Lohan looks good. - The girl has got a new doctor, and I want to know who it is. - Kristina, I need that Kristina. - I need that-- - Yeah. - Katy Perry dropped a new song, "Fucking Fire." - But no, the girls are back. - So, Sabrina Carpenter, she has these two songs that I really, really love. Even though it's funny, when my picture went viral on Twitter yesterday, somebody had tweeted me, and I said, this confirms my theory that Sabrina Carpenter looks like a skinny white version of you. - Hey. - I'm not mad at it. - I'm not, I see it. - And I'm like-- - And I'm like-- - It's just that. - Really? - I see what they're saying. - I get it? - So-- - It's not what I would've thought immediately right off the bat. - Yeah. - And I'm like-- - And Sabrina went a little hot sauce. - And boom. - Yeah. - It's a little-- - It's a little sriracha. - It's Sabrina Cook Cook-- - A little sriracha. - A little sriracha. - Yeah. - I see it. - It's in the eye. - Not Sabrina Carpenter. Sabrina Mahogamy. - Hey. - Hey. - Sabrina Mahogamy. - And let me, like I've had-- - Mahogamy Wood. - Oh, what's the girl's name? Is it Tate McCray? The Tate-- The pop girlies, I'm so glad that they're getting back to being white women. Y'all are, I'm, I got tired of that air of them trying to rap like, no shade, no tea, but like, when Iggy came out, all the white girls felt like, oh, let me be hood in the club, bad bitches. - Why are these-- - First thing-- - First thing, first thing-- - The final is the first, but she ate that though. - No. - Like she ate it up. - Everybody else thought that they could do that. - Gwen Stefani wasn't trying to, she was being herself, she's always been eclectic and different, and she wasn't trying to sound black. - No, she wasn't. - It came to an era where we've always been the blueprint. And, but the girls were feeling, I gotta be hood. That's why they kind of canceled Katy Perry for a while. 'Cause she had that song with me go, so she went on stage going like this. - She looks insane. - And it's a good-- - Katy Perry is back-- - She had taken a break. - She had taken a break, go have a baby. - She had to go back to being a great white. Katy Perry is white as hell. - A great white? - A great white, a great white shark. She's back to her white roots where she, and she's eating. Her music is really good right now, but she's not trying to hop on a beat with Quavo. Can we drop some beats? She's not trying to do that no more. - However though, so we're gonna carpet to just deal a song with Lil Durr. - But, okay, but again, she got trying to feel in her pop world. So that's just like a feature. - It's a feature, it's a feature. So I feel like the girls are going back to-- - Feature. - Do your thing and let them hop on a track. Like, what's the song that just went gold or platinum with Money Bag and Morgan Walling? - Oh yeah. - Money Bag wasn't trying to be country and Morgan wasn't trying to be ghetto. They just, hey, let's come together and make a hit song. A good song. Everybody needs to stay in their lane and do what they do. But that was a bop 'cause Bad Kim is a great fucking song. - This is a hit. - It's a hit. - So in this segment, do I come up with a song? - Yes, what's your listening to, Melissa? - It's this song called "Woke Up." - Okay. - And it's by this group called XG. And they are from South Korea. - Oh. - Is this K-pop? - No. - Oh. - It's not K-pop. Are you a K-pop girl? - I'm not. I'm not. But when you listen to this song, you're, I swear to God, your head is gonna be like, who is this again? I promise you. - I'm gonna write this down. What's it called again? - It's called "Woke Up." - "Woke Up." - And by this group called XG. And you are not going to believe what you are listening to. - I can't wait 'til we listen. We finna listen this on the way, huh? - Listen, I have a whole music appreciation page called "Melodies Times Mel." - Okay. - Because I love music in a, I mean, we all love music. But I mean, like I, my tastes are global, you know? Like one of my favorite groups is this group called Rupa in the April Fishes. And she is like the Sri Lankans Chate. She sings in Spanish, English, French and Sri Lankan. And one of my favorite songs by her. - I love what you do to me. - 'Cause you about to get a big band to do that too. - One of my favorite songs with her is called "Leza Bei." And it translates into "The Bees." And I don't really know what the fuck she's saying. I, you know, I capture a few words here and there. But I mean, it starts off with this solo violin, you know? And then it becomes like this slow kind of flamenco kind of sound. And I swear, you definitely want to do shrooms or you want to smoke a little bit and then play this song and you're just like, wait, hold on, what's happening here. 'Cause the song just kind of like comes to you in like a wave and it washes over you. And you have to like just kind of like lean your head back and dip low and just everybody got to get quiet. Everybody just got to get quiet and then she starts to sing. And it is the most seductive, beautiful voice. And it just, it takes, it reaches into your fucking sternum and it grabs your fucking soul and it holds on to you. And you don't even realize that time has passed until the song ends. And you're like, what the fuck just happened? I might have had it orgasm. - I'm from here, I'm from here. I'm from the, but you know what's crazy? - Right? - I think we all need to put that in our own. - Let me get that song right now. - That's all right. - 'Cause I tell you, I always be like, okay, I'm passing. But you know, I'm so glad that you need to make time 'til I open music. - I do. - So when I was younger, I saw an interview of people and they were saying they learned English from listening to Michael Jackson. - Yeah. - And it was so crazy to me 'cause I'm like, you're learning another language. - My must say, my must say I'm on my kusai is crazy. - But let me hear you explain. - I have a strange fact that y'all are never gonna believe that's crazy. - I'll probably believe it. - There was a group called Tattoo that came out when I was in high school. There were a Russian girl group. - I remember that. - All the things she said, all the things that. So they had this song called "They're Not Gonna Get Us." And 'cause I was into all that type of music. And I looked up the song one day and they had the original Russian version. And I knew that song word for word, bar for bar in Russian. I know how to sing a whole song in Russian from music. - How we go? - I'm not gonna sing it. I'll sing it for you in the car. But I'm saying, it's called "Nagonyat." - That was worth the track. - It's called what? - "Nagonyat." And I can literally sing the whole song word for word, bar for bar. In another language because-- - One 'cause I played "Nagonyat." - Okay, I did it by. But I'm paying. (laughs) - I don't even know what I'm saying. - Obviously I'm saying they're not gonna get us, but I knew what I was saying because I knew the English version. But that's what I'm saying. Like, that's how I never realized. I'm like, how are you learning another language from music? - It's easy when you apply music to it. - Yes. - It's like, it's the way that we process information. It's just like when it's phonetically, it's just easier to process when there is like, there's music attached to it. - Yeah. - I don't know why that is. It's just the way that our birds are constructed. It's like, it's the reason why, it's the reason why, you know, when we hear commercial jingles from like the '80s and stuff like that, you know, people will instantly start singing it because it's just like, it's fixed to memory because of song. - Yeah. - You know, it's a very, very, very powerful, it's very, very powerful media. - Everybody's all together. - Yeah, it's a very, very powerful medium, just like, you know, just audibly being able to like, you know, listen to song or speech or whatever the case is. But like, global music is just, I don't know, like I just, like one of my favorite groups is this group called Little Dragon and they were, they're from Sweden, you know, and the lead singer is half Japanese, half Sweden and she just bounces all over the fucking stage. Like she's just like, I don't know what, just like this little pixie and shit like that. And I'm like obsessed with that group and have been for like the better part of 15 years. But going back to the bop, when you guys download this song, "Woke Up" by this group, XG. - Yeah, I put that down 'cause I wanna hear it. - You know what I love too? - XG, XO, I wanna make sure that I'm saying, hold on, it's XG. - Okay. - And let me say this before we move on. - One thing I love about TikTok is TikTok- - No, that was like Leza Bay. - Yeah. - TikTok. - By Rupa and the April Fishes. - Leza Bay. - That's the romantic sexy one. This, the one woke up, you're not going to believe what you are. - We got a bunch of things to do on the way home, 'cause I'm finna sing in Russian to you. And we finna listen to XG. - No. - I'm singing in Russian. - No, I'm not. - When I say I'm not even gonna play that. - It is. This happening. - I'm gonna play what she's saying. But let me say about TikTok too. One thing I love about TikTok is they rehash the old music. So right now the dip is going viral. I put my hand up on your hip. When I dip, you dip, we dip. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, y'all remember that song, "Wait." They don't love you like I love you. ♪ My apps, you don't remember that song ♪ It was like a put-up. - What year was that? - That was like 2,000, four or five. But anyways, that's going viral, right? It's a lot of like older songs that always like go viral. And I'm like, the kids are learning. - I put a little umphonies in two years ago. Remember? - Billie, Billie, you're going viral right now. - Billie, Billie, Billie. - With that Menendez. - Menendez. - And that was such a good song. 'Cause people only know, girl, you know it's true. - Yes! - So they only know that, but it's like the other Millie, Vanilla song is going viral. - I did that. - The show. - I forgot all about that song. I was like, oh my God. Oh, my heart is breaking. Oh, that was, oh, it was a time to be alive. - Yeah. - It was a time to be alive pre-9/11 when we weren't in a constant state of fucking the apocalypse. - Terror? - Of can terror and attack with me around the fucking corner, yeah. And then this porn whatnot. Shit was good. - Shit, I was good. - I made it being a teeny type, but I remember having a good time. - Take it. - Can I get another cocktail? - I know we are about to round the corner towards the end. Just put some pressure on that vodka. - I can't see that tonight. - There we go. - Let's see another, okay. We got to move on. - I want to ask Melissa what she wants to sing. - Okay, Melissa, I want to say she put a little offini. - But come on now, we got to rap. This has been the longest porn my episode in this year. - Oh, shit. - Oh, shit. - This is like episode three or something. - Record breaking. - This is a record breaking episode. - Hey, everybody over there looking like rashes up. - I'm sorry, y'all. I'm having a ball. But like I said, this is what this platform is for. And we have been dying to get you on the couch. And we always want to give you your flowers 'cause everything that you're doing, everything that you've done. And we wanted to take our time. - Thank you. - Thank you. - So now we're going to get into our favorite segment, The Pour Your Heart Out. - Yeah, so if you have any questions, you can send them to askpormines@gmail.com. Thank you, Todd. A-S-K-P-O-U-R-M-I-N-D-S, @gmail.com. Send us your questions. Send us your testimony. - Mm-hmm. - 'Cause sometimes we be fucking y'all like that. (laughing) - But that's all right, too. 'Cause we growing and learning together. - Together. - Mm-hmm. - You guys are so good. You guys are so good. So it's too, ooh, like these is too long. Do you want to do one question? - I think we just need to read one question. - One question. - Yeah, and we'll save the other one for next week. - So we'll save two for next week. Okay. Question number one, 'cause this is a long one. Okay. I recently got into an argument with a man I've been seeing for over a year and a half. We've been long distance since he moved away a year ago. Over the last couple of months, we've gotten to a lot of arguments. The most recent one a couple days ago was about me in the bedroom being boring. When I was younger, I was touched for a while growing up and it affected me very deeply and still does. I don't like to perform oral sex and I'm also scared to initiate sex. It really hurt my feelings because he called me boring sexually and suggested I watch porn to feel more comfortable. But I honestly just can't get into it. He ended up calling me childish because of this and now we aren't speaking. I called him an asshole for not understanding my trauma. What advice can you give or any tips do you think I'm wrong? - Yeah, you gotta let go of him. - Yeah, 'cause did she say that he knows her trauma? Does he know her trauma? Did she say that? No, I don't think so. - But to me, he just doesn't sound like a safe space, or could it even be that vulnerable to talk about the reasons why she hesitates and why she doesn't find certain acts desirable. And that's really unfortunate. You know what I'm saying? - 'Cause I feel like it tells you too, like if you say certain things to him and how he responds to certain things, then I feel like that lets you know that you can't let him know anything. - And also the fact that the relationship has now become long distance and there's more strife. A lot of times men, they don't really like conflict with women and they will create issues so that you break up with them and they don't gotta be the victim. - 'Cause they don't have, 'cause they wanna be the victim and they wanna say, "Oh, she's a bad person." - They just don't wanna be the bad guy. And that's just a tactic and it gets made easier when there's distance between the two of you. So, I mean, the writing's on the wall. This is kind of like a foregone conclusion and I would advise her to go to therapy and see some really, really needed deep rooted, like therapy to address those issues. And then maybe she starts to like the act of doing things that she gives her hesitation right now because I mean, that's a lot to be carrying around with you as an adult and not having dealt with it. - Right, and I think like sex should not feel like a job. - Yeah. - Like you have to do to keep-- - Not at all. - Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Like it's supposed to be a healthy thing. - Once you start feeling like you gotta fucking need good, the relationship is over. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And you're doing things-- - This shouldn't feel like something you gotta do. It should feel like something like-- - You want to do. - You want to do like, "I wanna go home." - And his make love to my men. - And his pleasure and your pleasure are of the same level of importance. - She loved to make love. I know that's right, sister girl. She meant that. She said, "You're supposed to wanna go home and make a love." ♪ You're a cute little fish girl ♪ ♪ Girl, I can't wait ♪ ♪ I thought that's right, queen ♪ - Yeah, it's so-- - Girl, what the fuck is wrong? - 'Cause you didn't cut love. - You couldn't love 'cause I didn't even say that. - But no, you said make 'em. - Uh-uh. - You did say that? - Did she not say that? - She did, with her old dress. - She's got your whole homemade hit. - With her whole dress. - God damn it. - It was very sweet. - 'Cause she thinking about it, she like fell. - When we fucking, that's what I'm asking. - It's real like it makes sweet, sweet love. Okay, y'all, we got to wrap this up. - The let's talk about hot and bothered and what people can expect from me, what we are looking forward to and all that good stuff. - Okay. Let's start with Melissa Ford. - Yes, because people wanted to, why didn't she check to see if the name was already taken? Bitches, do you know how, there's a million podcasts out there? Do you think that I am the only person that has picked a podcast with a name that has been utilized by somebody else with a content? There's a podcast called Hot and Bother, it's about climate change. - Oh, exactly. - There's that. - You know, you can-- - It will be hot all time. - And bothering. - There is a bunch of podcasts that have the same name, it's all about the content that you deliver, it's all about whether it's compelling and it's engrossing and your audience feels loved and seen and educated and informed and that is my plan. So because my lived experience right now is that I am actively going through perimenopause and coincidentally, that shit kicked in right when my mom passed away. So I was like, is it grief? Is it perimenopause? Do I need to check myself into a mental institution? Shit was fucked up. - Yeah. - So this is my lived experience and I want to address the women and talk to the women that have been, you know, my supporters through the duration of my career and they are, you know, 40s all the way up into like mid 50s, close to 60s and stuff like that. But then I also have the demographic of women that is your ages, that is looking towards me to kind of let them know what the fuck is on, the horizon, what's happening, how do I handle that? Because nobody prepared me for this shit. You know what I'm saying? I've been prepared my generation for what we're going through. And so I want to reserve the space for my younger audience to teach them what's coming down the pipeline, but also to address their concerns and their lifestyles and what's up, I can go down memory lane. I was not that long ago and stuff like that. And then also most importantly, well not most importantly there's, it's just all important, is that I felt like by having a podcast with a name that was just about menopause, excluded my men, you know, my male audience. And they are a huge reason as to why I am successful to this day. And I love them, I love them for their unwavering undying support. And I want them to be a part of the conversation. So the conversations, the topics are going to be really fun, really engrossing, really educational. Because if you got anything from this, is you gonna learn something today? Look, I learned a few words, period. And it's gonna be fun, it's gonna be informative, and it's gonna be like, I never knew that. You're gonna walk away knowing something that you did not know. And I just needed to find a way to express to people that I just, we're all living this human experience, you know, and suffering through the human condition. And so hot and bothered is like, oh my God, hot flash, hot and bothered. Or it's just like, ooh, I'm like hot and bothered right now. Or it's just like, y'all, I'm fucking hot and bothered by this motherfucking bullshit. It's all those things. It's the complete and total umbrella. So it's hot and bothered with the one and only Melissa IV. 'Cause there's only one of you. 'Cause there's only one of me. And like, can I say this too? I'm so excited about this part, because I feel like one, you can get your shit off, but you have so many stories. You have lived a life and you are still standing and still doing very well. ♪ I'm still here, yeah ♪ - People keep wanting, people keep wanting to challenge me on that resilience and that's the nasty. You, I, a truck hit me, okay? And I survived. - I do, you know, I just, you kick-- - They wanna, you kick your star and the days, all she's doing is right, but. ♪ I'm still here ♪ - She don't know that goddamn song. - But why? - Where's it from? - You know it. - That's Gina from Martin had a song. - I don't wanna see anything. - What season? I might've stopped watching. - No, it wasn't. - What season is it? - It wasn't on a season. - It was recently, you shouldn't. - Oh shit, oh shit. - Don't listen to this girl. - What? - Listen, I'm Canadian. - No. - Sometimes I'm gullible. Like, whatever you say, I'm like, really? - No. - She went on somebody's show. She went on the show, and she performed. - She did go on somebody's show. - Oh, it was a show? I thought it was her show. - And that's, she's sold out. - Oh, you don't know your show. - Sold out. - Sold out shows. - No. - It's not playing with. - She waits on a show. - Okay. - She was performing, and she performed her song. - I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm still here. - Okay, we're gonna play that in the car. (laughing) Like, girls' faces in the back, she's just shaking her head like, "No, we're not playing that in the car." - No, but no, but no, but no, but no. - But it was a good song. - Yeah, it was, it wasn't, it wasn't a little bop. It wasn't a little bop. - It was a good song. - But to close this out, like I said, I'm so glad that you're starting a podcast because like your own podcast, because there is a space here for women who want to hear your story, women who can learn from you. - I agree. - And I feel like even us at our age, I feel like we teach the youth a lot of things, but there's still things that, women my age, who do we look to? - Yeah. - And I think you're a perfect example of that, because a lot of times people try to like, dim people's stars and like, but you have to realize that, can I tell y'all something? I know I'm about to get another topic. - Well, being a woman is hard. - But let me say, I went on a deep dive last time. - If you can remember them shows, rock of love, flavor of love, all the shows, and this is no shade, no tea, but I was like, I went to a deep dive of all those women who were on those shows, right? And a lot of them are like homeless, a lot of them are struggling and they're going through it. And I'm not saying that to be funny, even TikTok girl, you find everything. And I go on people, what was the lady's name from in the house? The beautiful-- - Oh my, Campbell. - My Campbell, it is how you see, because that Hollywood, the industry stuff is real. So the fact that you are still doing your thing, you have a voice, you're beautiful, you're healthy, you're alive. - Yeah. - A lot of these women are not even alive. - Fame is a hell of a drug, there ain't no methadone clinic for that show. - I'm telling you, so I think a lot of people really have to give you, even like Buffy, I found Buffy on Instagram another day. Mary, she has been, she has been, she has been, she exited stage left, she took her popularity, she manifested itself, she became an entrepreneur, she's successful, but she lives a quiet life. She, to me, she did shit right. - Exactly. - To me, she did shit right, she did shit right for herself. - Right. - That's the most important thing, fame did not define her, because that is what happens a lot of the time, once you get bitten by that shit, or you've had some kind of visibility, you feel like you have to keep on going, even though all the signs are pointing towards you, you should probably like, you know, take the exit ramp, this might not be for you. - Y'all remember that movie video, girls, what making good? - I was in it. - I know you were. - You were. - I was, I was Lala, and I was like, I was a bad influence. - I know it. - I was a bad influence. - I know it. - You know, like, just a bad influence. - But that's why I took the role, because I wanted to be the bad girl, like, you know, who was like snorting coke and shit like that. Here we are snorting powdered sugar. Me and Megan were fucking high on powdered sugar, and then we snorted coffee made. Oh, don't ever do that. Don't do that. - Coffee made. - Ever, it was really fucked up. Like, they made y'all snort it for real. - Well, no, you know, we're method. - Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I wanted this shit, because we didn't know, like, the camera was, like, right here, so we wanted the line to, like, disappear and shit like that. And I was just like, oh, I'm dying. Oh, I'm dying. Somebody help me. - Oh my God. - Like, wanted to rip my face off. It was, oh, it was bad. That was a good movie. I remember when it came out, I was like, I don't want to be a video girl anymore. I'm gonna go to school. - That shit was fucking good. - Good. - And then you-- - Good. - And then you-- - Good, and then you still picked-- - I hate you, but no, I still came my whole walk. - Oh, fuck. - I still was going. - But I went through this-- - 'Cause I do help. - I felt that way, too, then I put in a few videos, also. - Then I was checking on that. But your story is so important. Your story is so important. And when I tell you, like, you are a vessel, and you are on the right path, and this conversation was really good for me today, and for Dre, I know, I don't want to speak for you, but-- - No, it was. - Yeah, like, right time. - It was everything that I thought it was going to be. Like, this episode was everything I thought it was going to be. - I'm going to leave you guys with one last story. - Oh, I love a story. - It's very little. It's just very little. It's just kind of like making me think about this moment in my life. You know, when I moved to New York, my anniversary is September 11th, but 2000, the year before the towers came down. - Oh, wow. - I wish I'd saved my plane ticket. And I was as illegal as a-- Let me not be stereotypical and racist. I was illegal, right? I was illegal, and I had no permission from my country to leave. I had no permission from this country to be here, to work here. But somehow I managed to get my fucking cell phone. I got myself some bills, and I got myself an apartment. And so I'll cut the story short as to how I got the apartment and stuff like that. My landlord was a woman. That's a whole other story I'll put in the book, because it's a really, really, really good fucking story. Because I had no credit. I had no way to prove that I would be able to pay this fucking rent. And this is this woman's house. It's a brownstone. It's the second apartment she needs this to pay the mortgage. And there's no proof that I can give her that I will give her this money every single month. But there's a method to the madness as to how the shit went. So here I am, I'm in this apartment. I'm living in Bed-Stuy. That's a whole other fucking story, too. But I'm living in Bed-Stuy. And I have a mattress on a box spring on just like this frame from mattress-- 1-800 mattress.com. I've got these two fucking containers from Container Store, acting as night tables. And I have a stereo that my friend who worked at Sony gave me, because he got me some shit. And I have mosquito netting. So I'm like a little pretty set. And that's all I have in my fucking apartment. I have nothing else. And I also had a full-length mirror. And I remember staring at my reflection in the mirror. And I'm just three, four months in. And I'm starting to get so much attention. And I don't understand what to do with this attention. How do I monetize this attention? What does this attention mean? Am I a flash in the pan? I don't even understand American men. They just are fucking trying to throw money at me and buy me things. And it's fucking weird, because Canadian men are not like that. So I told you, they tip you with tunies. It's disrespectful. A tunie is a $2 coin. I'm walking around with my fucking pockets jingling and shit. Like, I'm some fucking janitor. It's bullshit. But anyways, I digress. That's a whole other story that's going to be in the goddamn book. So here I am. I'm fucking staring at myself in the fucking mirror. And I'm trying to visualize myself 10 to 15 years in the future. And I say, God, please send me, send me me 10 to 15 years in the future. Tell me what to do. Tell me what not to do. Tell me who to date. Tell me, tell me just where to go. Tell me how to be. Tell me who I am. Like, just tell me. Of course, that bitch name, she didn't show up. I had to learn, you know, hard knock life in whatever else. But I think that my purpose here, because I am child free and have never been married, but I am a nurturing, loving individual. And I love my fellow humans and I love women. And I want to be that version of myself that could not come to my younger self for y'all. That's what I want to be. That is what I hope that I can be for the people looking for that version of themselves, the older version, the sage wisdom. It can come to them and just say, oh, honey, not that, that. And do it with calmness and a peaceful manner. So you know that it's coming from a piece of love and grace. I'm excited for you. And I'm excited for it, because like I said, I think this is your path, this is your journey. And like I said, even for us, we have such a young audience. And I literally went to get a wax other day. And this girl was like, oh, my God, Lex, you and Dre helped me so much. And I know how to navigate life. And we are all, it's a lot of women out here who have lost their mothers or who have lost their parents. And they need guidance. And that's why we create this space for us. And we weren't meant to do this. They don't want black women to speak out and say what our experiences are. But we have created this lane and we're in it and we're here. So it's very important that you're here. And I am just so grateful that you showed up for us. And this was an amazing episode. It was a foregone conclusion. It was always going to happen. It was always-- Love you. I don't like to love you guys. Look, we friends now, girl. I'm like, who your friends? I'm like, yeah, you don't mean Melissa Ford. Cool. Or whatever, like-- That's my old girl. Y'all ain't seen the headphones. That's my girl. So make sure y'all check out Hot and Bother with Melissa Ford. We are debuting on November 1st. It is a Friday. And then every Tuesday thereafter, it is a lofty-- I did not want to put it out, November 5th, because that is election day. And I was like, god damn it. This shit is gnarly. So let me just drop on the Friday. Everybody just processes what's going on. And they're coming. Exactly. They're coming. And then it's every Tuesday thereafter that is the plan. And I'm going to feed the kids. And I feed the kids. Because we hungry, girl. What was I saying? We hungry. Well, thank you so much, Melissa. Make sure y'all follow Hot and Bother with Melissa Ford. Y'all go to musebeautycollection.com. Get all your lip glosses. Y'all make sure y'all go to my personal YouTube, youtube.com/lovelexp. Poor Chronicles drop every Monday. Every Monday, also follow my personal YouTube channel @DreyInTheCall with three Es. And yeah. We'll see y'all next week. Y'all make sure y'all share the content, like, subscribe, follow, all that good stuff. And let me say this before we close out. Y'all, there is one Twitter account that is connected to Poor Minds. It's P-O-U-R_M-I-N-D-S. Y'all are tagging the wrong Poor Minds page. If you see @Poor Minds with no underscore, that is a fake page. Do not follow that page, OK? They blocked me, Andrea, and the Poor Minds page on both. So we only have one Instagram, one Twitter, one TikTok. It is P-O-U-R_M-I-N-D-S. And we got hella fake Facebook page. Oh, the Facebook page is the one-- Our Facebook-- the crazy thing is our Facebook page actually have the least amount of followers. So if you want Facebook-- The one that's ours? Got the least amount of followers. The one that's not us? Got like $250,000 followers. But y'all will know if you actually look at the content because the caption is like, whoever it is, don't speak English. Because their captions are like-- Bamba class. Should men pay bill? Should men pay bill? Yes, no. Check answer below. Blop, blop. Boya, boya, boya. Like, that's literally what the caption is. I'm like, you want that DDG Bamba class? Bamba class. Already? Come on. Time on my hands. Since you've been away, boya, I ain't got no plans. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. And the sound of the rain against my window pane-- Fingerballista? It's slowly, it's slowly driving me insane. Boya, I'm going down. I'm going down because you ain't around, baby. My whole world up, stand down. Sleep, don't come, please. Boya, please believe me. Since you've been gone, everything's going wrong. Hey, why'd you have to say goodbye? Look what you've done to me. I can't stop these tears from falling from my eyes. Oh, baby, I'm going down. I'm going down because you ain't around, baby. My whole world up, stand down. Go and down. Ooh, baby. Yeah. Going down. Going down. Oh, shit, somebody get me up. She was going down, but she gets back up. Stop. Can I get a hollipop? ♪ Give back up for me ♪ ♪ Raise hands, man ♪ ♪ I get back up again ♪ ♪ Give back up again ♪ ♪ Give back up again ♪ ♪ Ooh ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪ Who-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪ ♪ Give back up again ♪ (upbeat music)
