BE THE MAN
"I really wish my husband would...."
In this episode of the Formidable Family Man podcast, Greg Denning emphasizes the importance of being a Formidable Family Man, focusing on family values, personal growth, and the expectations of wives. He discusses the need for men to lead their families effectively, prioritize health and finances, and maintain strong emotional connections with their spouses and children. The conversation encourages men to embrace their roles, celebrate their progress, and strive for continuous improvement in their family lives.
Join The Formidable Family Man Tribe call.FormidableFamilyMan.com
Takeaways
- Being formidable is about earning respect and producing results.
- Family should always be the top priority for men.
- Wives often wish their husbands would lead more effectively.
- Emotional connection is crucial for a healthy marriage.
- Men should actively engage with their children and their interests.
- Financial stability is an important aspect of family leadership.
- Men need to be aware of their impact on family dynamics.
- Celebrating progress is essential for motivation and growth.
- Coaching and community support can help men improve.
- Pain can be transformed into power for personal development.
Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Formidable Family Man Podcast 03:01 The Essence of Being Formidable 06:07 Understanding Wives' Expectations 11:45 Leading from the Front: The Role of a Husband 18:10 The Triple Trifecta: Fitness, Family, and Finances 24:01 Celebrating Progress and Embracing Change --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/be-the-man/support
- Broadcast on:
- 11 Oct 2024
- Audio Format:
- other
- Gentlemen, welcome to the Be The Man podcast. Today, we're changing the name to the formidable family man podcast. I love to be the man name, but I wanna even refine it down more. This is all about family. It's always been about family and about being a family man, and specifically a formidable family man. To be formidable is to be tough, to be respected because you earn respect. It's to do things in a way that is marked with excellence. It's building a reputation on real results, right? Like, I think it was Henry Ford, at least it was attributed to him. And he says, you can't build a reputation on things you're going to do. And so to be formidable means that physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, financially, we are striving to be our best, and we are producing real results. We're making palpable progress so much so that it would hold up in court. Like, they were actually moving forward and getting things done. That's the ideal. Now, obviously, we're all working on that, and maybe you're not in the best shape you wanna be in, or maybe your marriage isn't where you want it to be, ideally, or maybe your relationship with your kids, or one of your kids, or all of your kids. Maybe your family time's been weak, and you're not living that family legacy that you dream of, or maybe it's your spirituality has been suffering, or your engagement with friends, or your leadership, or your finances aren't where you want them to be. Wherever that is. And in fact, wherever we are, you could actually be crushing it, and I hope you still are striving for the next peak, the next achievement, in a super healthy way, right? That we're grateful for what we have, what we've achieved, but we're never gonna settle for less. We're never gonna settle an acquiesce to mediocrity. And so to be formidable is to be respected. And in a really healthy way to be inspiring. I hope you long for that with me to be a great force for good. In fact, that's the one thing I wear here on my wrist. I have a little bracelet that I had made. It says G-F-F-G. And it stands for, you know, to be a great force for good. That's what I wanna do. But in order to be a great force for good gentlemen, we must be formidable family men. And that means showing up and getting things done. It means doing the right thing at the right time in the right way. It's doing the right thing when it's difficult, but I'm gonna say especially when it's difficult. It's being everything you desire to be with your own personal high standards and high ideals and leaning into that. Because I assume you're with me on this, that at the end of the day, at the end of life, the things that matter most are not things. They're people. And those people are our wives and our children. Fellas is what absolutely matters most. And we all need to remember that and act accordingly. We often say that our wives and our children are our top priority. And I say, you know, when people ask, what are the most important things in your life? You're like, yeah, family. And yet we end up giving our time and our attention, our focus, our resources to work, to toys, even sometimes fellas to entertainment. We give more time and attention and resources to entertaining ourselves than we do to our families. And that gentleman has to change. So from this point forward, to be the formidable family man podcast. And we're making that shift just to be very specific. This is for men, family men who genuinely want to be formidable or formidable. You say it either way and lean in to being tough, really tough, mentally, physically, spiritually. It's being in phenomenal health and fitness. It's getting our marriages into a bulletproof, romantic state, it's having massive amounts of influence with our kids. Genuinely, it's leading our families from the front. And if we're not leading our families from the front, fellas, where are we? What are we doing? So my wife coaches, moms and wives, I coach men mostly and some couples. And we've been doing this for years across continents. So you can imagine how often we have conversations with men and women and couples. And it's been growing lately the amount of times that we get requests from wives, loving wives, good wives, who want their husbands to lean in, to step up, to be formidable family men. And I heard it again recently, and we keep hearing it, my wife keeps hearing it. And so I wanted to address it a little bit today. We'll often hear statements like this. A wife will say, I love my husband. He's such a great guy, but I really wish he would. And then they share what they wish their husbands would do differently or better. So as I leave that open-ended sentence hanging there, what comes to your mind? What would you think are the most common things wives are wishing their husbands would do differently or better? Even more important, what do you think your wife would say about you? I know I think about this a lot. What would my wife say about me? And now we have such an awesome relationship that she just says it, and I'll even ask her. And if you have a great relationship with your wife, ask, even if you don't ask, just ask her, say, babe, what do you wish I would do differently or better? And if she's afraid to tell you the truth, who's made her afraid? That's an important question. If your wife is afraid to be completely open and honest with you, who has made her afraid to do that? And in an ideal situation, gentlemen, we're gonna have that kind of relationship where we can talk openly and honestly with our spouses and we can ask those questions and be ready for those answers and not be defensive, but really we don't have to say anything. We just ask and listen. Now, does that make her 100% correct with everything she says is gospel truth? No, but if she says something you know is true, those are the ones that are gonna sting the most. When you know already, right? This is a Hertz force, we know already where we're dropping the ball and then our wife say it, it's like, oh man. And in those moments, we're so tempted to be defensive. And well, honestly, even lie, lie to ourselves, lie to her, lie to other people that we're not dropping the ball. The truth is we're not where we wanna be. And the best answer is to say, yep, you're right, babe. Thank you for pointing that out. I'm gonna work on that, right? And don't make these big, fancy promises that you can't keep. In fact, let your results do the talking. That's one aspect of being a formidable family man is you let your results do the talking. A gentleman asked me yesterday, he's like, hey, what qualifies you to coach other men? Businessmen and family men and entrepreneurs, people are out just accomplishing incredible things. The people I get to work with are high achieving go-getters. He's like, this is just an honest question. It's like, what qualifies you? And the answer is my results. My results are my credentials. And it isn't like a fleeting result that I had once and lost, it was a one hit wonder, or a result that comes and goes, it didn't consist in, or, oh, I've had it for a little time. Like, these are results I've had for years in many cases over two decades, that's why. And then I've taken what I've learned and experienced myself, the results that I've created in our family, and I've packaged them in a way that I now can share them with other men who are also getting the results. So now that just exponentially magnifies the credibility. And ultimately, fellas, that's what it comes down to. Your results are your reputation. Your results are your credentials. Now, we live in a society that loves degrees and certificates and all these little cute labels and letters we put after our name and all these titles and positions and all those things. But none of that really matters at the end if we don't produce solid results. So back to the statement from our wives. He's a great guy, I really love him, but I sure wish he would. Ultimately, if I could package all of their statements into one theme, it really comes down to, I wish he would lead our family from the front. I wish he would be a better example. Usually, it's one or two or three specific things. Like, I wish he would be in better shape, get in better shape and that he would make health a priority. I wish he would stop turning to entertainment so much. I wish that when he comes home from work, he would stop playing video games and stop watching TV and stop disengaging and saying he just needs to unwind and disconnect and rest. I wish he would help lead our family in spirituality. That he would lead our family in leaders, well, in going out and making a difference, and leading other people and leading in the community. We go through every aspect of life, right? So your body, she wants you to be healthy and fit and to lead your kids and show them the example. She wants you to have the mental fortitude, mental fitness. I wish he would be more confident. I wish he wouldn't be so negative. So there's two aspects of that, right? I wish he wouldn't be so negative and then I wish he would be more positive. Those are two things and two different things and they're important because we can get rid of the negativity and just be neutral, but we have to be positive. We've got to be positive for us who are good in our own homes. I wish he wouldn't have so many doubts and fears. Wish he wouldn't be so pessimistic. There are a lot of good men who are hiding behind their fears. They won't lead their families from the front because they're afraid. They're afraid to fail. They're afraid of looking like a failure. They're afraid of the effort it's going to require. They're afraid of the pain that comes with transformation and pursuing massive goals. They're afraid of big dreams and so they settle into a mediocre existence. They acquiesce to mediocrity. In my book, for me and my house, that is absolutely unacceptable. Sometimes I hear wives say, man, he's a great guy. I love him. I wish he would wish he were taking care of his spirit more, his soul, wish he'd lead our family that way. I wish he would date me more. I wish he would actually make our marriage a priority. I know a lot of women and wives, they plead that they wish that they were the most important person and think in their husband's lives. That's a solid question, fellas, right there. Does your wife feel like the most important person or thing in your life? Now, you can say she is, but you gotta back it up with real results. Does she feel like that? Or does she feel like your toys or your job or your hobbies, your buddies, other things are more important to you than she is? Man, that one's important. Good wives wish their husbands would listen more, reconnect more. Gentlemen, I know that you and I, we are very interested in sex and physical intimacy with our wives. Our wives are very interested. As interested as we are in sex, they are as interested in emotional connection. They want to talk and they want you to ask how they're doing and they want you to listen mostly with our mouths closed, fellas. We don't have to say anything. We don't have to try to fix it. We don't have to try to say that you shouldn't feel like that. You don't worry about that. Just listen. If you've been away on a trip and you come home expecting sex, but you don't even make an effort to reconnect, 'cause it's interesting. I've noticed this with my own wife and with the women that my wife gets a coach and I get a coach sometimes. When there's any kind of separation, even for the day, for work or whatever, they feel a need to reconnect. It's almost like when you go away physically, there's just this gap. There's this divide and so you have to reconnect. And that's reconnecting mentally and emotionally and socially through talking and communicating. So if you come home, like the very first thing you should be thinking, I know what the first thing you're actually thinking is 'cause I do the same, but I've had to train my mind. The first thing I have to do is reconnect emotionally. We have to talk. And not like superficial, transactional talk. Oh, how did you sleep? Oh, how was the thing? How was soccer practice? Like let her talk about whatever she wants to talk about. Let her talk through the things she's worried about or concerned about everything that's on her mind. Help her close all the open tabs that are in her head and reconnect as a couple, as human beings, as two people in love. And then guess what? Your sex life will be absolutely amazing, like minus. Because I make it a priority to connect emotionally by listening, really, truly listening and dating her, courting her and loving her and taking care of her. It's huge, massive. Another thing we hear all the time from wives, like he's a great guy, I love him. I wish he would spend more time with kids. I wish he'd be more engaged with our children. I wish he would make our kids a priority. I wish he would pay attention to our kids. I wish he would come home and engage with them in their projects and their homeworks and the things they're doing. I wish he'd be more interested in them. I wish he'd be more interested in what they're interested in. This is stuff I hear all the time, fellas. And these are your children. We should be deeply interested in our own kids and what they're doing. Now, if you're sitting here saying, "Oh man, but I'm not interested." Or, "My kids are annoying." Or, "I don't like spending time with them." Or, "They don't like spending time with me." That, sir, is on you and on me. It is our responsibility to make sure that our kids are not annoying. It is our responsibility to lead them into interesting things. It is our responsibility as men, as dads, to genuinely become interested in our kids and what they're pursuing. If you're kids right now or in a spot where you're not enjoying where they're at or what they're doing, if it's not awesome, if it's subpar, that is on you, sir. You are the king in your kingdom and you're responsible for all the results in your kingdom. So step it up. I do whatever you have to do to be more interested and to be more interesting, to be more pleasant, to be around. Again, I could drive this one home so hard. If your kids don't like being around you, that's on you. If you don't like being around them, that is also on you. So change it, right? That's the good news, just like change it, alter it, do whatever you have to do. Get the coaching, get the skills, get the knowledge. I figured this stuff out. This is literally why I created the formidable family man tribe in masterclass to share the knowledge and skills that I've picked up over the last 23 years as a husband and a father. And with the thousands of men I've been able to work with across five continents, like this stuff makes a massive, positive difference and we don't have to just endure a life that we don't love, especially a family life. Brother, I hope you love crazy love your family life. And if you don't, then it's your opportunity and moral obligation to make it better. Other things that the wives will say is they wish they were, you know, that the husbands were deliberately leading the family legacy and the family culture, the family dynamics. Not only, well, not only leading in the right direction, but stop contributing to being a negative part of it, right? The causing problems, they often, you know, wives often wish that their husbands were more playful, you know, more rough housing, bringing a positive energy force instead of a negative energy. I hear all the time, fellas, that wives and kids wish their dads weren't so angry, so temper mental. There are a lot of wives and a lot of children who live in fear of your angry outbursts. That's not who you want to be, brother. You're better than that. Remove that stuff for your life. And I can say that because I did it. I had a crazy temper and I got rid of it. No more, man, I don't do it anymore. Life is too good, family is too important to have all these angry outbursts over small things or even big things get rid of that crap. Lead that family legacy from the front. The other thing that the wives ask about is that men would lead more in earning more income, you know, providing financially well enough, like, and there's a lot, fellas, there's a lot of you who could easily increase your income. Easy. You could get a raise, you could get a different position, you could go to a different company, you could enter a different industry, you can start your own business or start another stream of income, you can do all that stuff. And so I hear that all the time. Wives, wishing their husbands would earn more. Wishing their husbands would manage the budget more and curb the expenses. Like, where the money flows is a big deal. And good wives are wishing their husbands would do that. And that they would set up financial security through good investments, right? So what I just did there, and you probably caught it, was I went through the triple trifecta. So it's fitness, family, and finances. And under each of those three things, there's three more things. That's what I did, I just went through those things. And those are the main things. I don't make this stuff up. And I don't like, it doesn't align exactly. It's like the reason I compiled and, you know, formulated the triple trifecta with years of working with couples and with people, I realized, oh, that's it. Those are the nine things that fit into three things the triple trifecta that women and men are concerned about that make us successful and happy in life. And of course, there's gonna be a bunch of very specific things here. So just to revisit this question, what would your wife say? She says, oh, my husband's a great guy. I really love him, but I wish he would, what? Fill in the blank. Write that, spend some time thinking and writing. Even ask her if it's appropriate and get to work. I've done that many times in our marriage and it has been so worth it. There were things that I asked Rachel to tell me that we're painful to hear. But that's why we do it, fellas, because we're men. Be a man, keep that backbone in place. Don't be so fragile, you can't receive feedback from your wife or from anyone for that matter. And your kids as well. And then when your wife and kids are asking you or telling you to do something better or different, just do it, man, lean in. And it's hard at first, but then once you get it set up, it's like, this is way better. Life is so much more meaningful and fulfilling and rewarding when you, sir, are being a formidable family man. And every day I get up to strive, be that man, to be a little bit better every single day. And the rewards are worth the effort always. So that's the message for today, fellas. And again, don't like this isn't to beat you up or make you feel bad. I mean, some things come along and you do feel bad, and where there's pain, there's power, right? When I make a mistake and my wife calls me out, there's some pain there, but where there's pain, there's power. When I'm weak and I keep committing errors or failing to do what I know I could do, that hurts a lot. And I think it's true for all of us. When we know we're living below our potential, there's pain there. Take that pain and turn it into power. And then also celebrate a lot, fellas. I know a lot of you feel like failures. I know I have felt like a failure. Often when I wasn't being a formidable family man. And it's a crushing weight and it's sickening. And sometimes you wanna quit or give up or you just wanna just use excuses, play the victim, say, "Oh, this is the way things are. "This is just how life is." But none of that's true. Those are all just lies. Those are all stories we're telling ourselves. And so then we face it like men and we make the changes and we celebrate the progress we're making. So I really wanna emphasize that. Fellas celebrate all the good things you're doing and all the good things you've done and where you've come from, celebrate that big time and use that as motivation and joy and happiness and drive and incentive. You're already doing a lot of great things. That's fantastic. So when you're sitting there saying, "Oh, I'm such a failure, I'm such a failure." Don't catastrophize it. Don't make it worse than it is. Celebrate what you've done. Acknowledge where you need to do better and lean in. Again, the easiest best way to do this is with leverage and that leverage comes from coaching and from a tribe of good men. So I genuinely hope you will join the formidable family man tribe. I really do. We meet every week. We discuss relevant important things that pertain to us leading our families from the front. And there's a whole master class attached to it. That includes all the important roles, all the important things we have to do as men. It's all there. And so get the tools, get the tactics, set up the systems and strategies and be the man.