The Daily Mind
Season 16. Episode 387: Worst excuses for cheating
(audience applauding) - Hey, what's going on everyone? Good evening on this Thursday night. Welcome to a new podcast of the Daily Mineback again for another half hour or so, depending on what the topic is tonight, which I would get to in a minute. Beautiful day outside, beautiful night, easy day at work. And now my four day little hiatus from work starts today. Actually pretty fucking excited for the four day. Unfortunately for some of you out there who have to work, you got to work. It's unfortunate, I get it, believe me. I don't always have like holidays off all the time myself. Hopefully everybody's day is going well. Hopefully you got plans for the weekend, whether you got a four day or you work in the weekend or at least just have a regular weekend. Hopefully you got something good going on. Mario, man, thanks for joining. I got a good episode tonight. Hopefully it is a good episode. I was sitting here for the past five minutes. Excuse me. And I was just going through my roller decks of topics. I had like a mental block on exactly what I was going to talk about, but I think I found the topic tonight. I think that's somewhat satisfying. It's pretty interesting. Hurricane Milton, one and done, it's already done its damage. Getting assessments of the damage so far, the storm has taken seven lives and possibly more than likely counting. I think everybody heated to the warning to evacuate from Florida. It had a mass exodus of people exiting Florida. I've never seen an evacuation that big. I think everybody really took this serious and I think that's a good thing. And of course you got the diehards that stayed behind and those who couldn't afford to leave unfortunately stayed, but hopefully all as well. It hit Florida earlier than expected at a category three, luckily not as strong as the category five that was turning in the Gulf of Mexico. It did weaken. It cut through. It moved pretty quickly and it went on its way and it's done now. There isn't any other storms out there that really look at to pay attention to see if like, I don't know, if it's coming to the States or not, there is one area of interest, but it's too early to tell. And for what they're saying, it has little to no development, but what can you possibly believe nowadays? Like they kind of had the predictions wrong about Milton and look what happened. And you don't know exactly what these storms are going to do next or what's going to form. So again, you don't really know, but for those, you know, I'm actually, I called up my family, my family's doing well, extended family's doing well down there. It's a mess, a little flooding, some lights out, but nothing crazy. Nobody got hurt. So that's a good thing. If you got people in Florida, check on your people, make sure they're all good. Make sure everybody is well, you know what I mean? And if they need something, if you could get it for them, great, you know what I mean? Some people don't got electricity, ATMs are out. So, you know, they may not be able to get money right on the fly, but, you know, what you can do for your family, if you got family down there, do what you can for them. All right, so today's topic, I have to like flip through this because I had so many topics that my mind just dumped. Me and my wife, we sat there, we watched movies. We actually had a day off together in the sense, and we sat there, watched a couple of movies. Never heard of these movies, but they were actually pretty good. Captain James, you're right on time, man. Appreciate the love, thank you. Got a good topic tonight. I think this one will give you a chuckle or two. All right, now, as I'm sitting here trying to figure out the topics, I finally got a topic. And tonight, I want to talk about some of the worst excuses for cheating. Like some excuses that these people actually had for cheating on their spouses or girlfriends or whatever. I don't know, I was sitting here typing up worst this, that trying to find something to fill the void, and this popped up. And I'm like, I don't know, maybe I might have heard a recent story about like somebody coming up when an excuse to why they cheated. I mean, there are probably thousands and thousands of reasons as to why people cheat. But the excuse is just as crazy as the act itself. So in the spirit of things, I was browsing through the website to find the best list of excuses of why people cheat it. And I think I came across a nice little list. I found this on Buzzfeed and this was just published last year. So it's pretty up to date. And it gave me 35 of the most offensively awful excuses that people have for actually giving their partners for why they were unfaithful, that's the title. 35 reasons as to why they cheated. Some of the shit is just unbelievable. I don't know what made people think of these excuses. It's probably just because, you know, getting caught in the moment, you have to think of something. The question is, is whether or not their partners believe this shit and whether or not the couple stayed together. It doesn't go into detail like that. However, though, the excuses itself is just insane. All right, so this was written by Hannah D or De Bruggos, whatever her name is, it looks Polish, but her name's Hannah. She's one of the Buzzfeed staff. She says Reddit user newlymoneydrapper recently posted the question, what is the worst excuse you've heard from someone who cheated? And the replies quickly fill with some of the most absurd things my innocent eyes have ever read. Now these are taken from Reddit. Katie, thanks for joining. I got a good episode for you tonight. These excuses were actually from Reddit, a subreddit. And Reddit, I've been on Reddit for a little while and that's some of the craziest stuff I see is on Reddit and Quora. Don't worry, tomorrow's episode that I read from Quora, you know, it's such a stupid question, that's gonna be a real treat. All right, so there are 35 excuses. I'm gonna start from number 35 and I'm gonna read some of the craziest shit that people have to say as to why they did what they did. And we're gonna see where it goes from there. All right, back. Number 35, I'm gonna get started. Again, these are, I'm not gonna read the Reddit names. Actually, you know what? I'll read the Reddit names, fuck it, why not? All right, 35. Now the number 30, I'm gonna start 35, here we go. This is from, this is from Redditor YouLizLude. I'll try my best to read the names. Again, we'll see. All right, here's one excuse. First excuse is, finally, I don't know if it's the worst excuse. In fact, it's probably the most honest answer I could have gotten. She simply said, quote, I'm just a bad person, like no guilt, no empathy, just, yep, this is what I do. That was her excuse why they cheat. It's just because they don't know why it's just what they do. I remember, I kid you not, I had an X. Actually, this would probably be the inspiration for this episode. I had an X who literally asked me this question years ago, asked me straight out the blue, what would you do if I cheated on you? I'm young and dumb, I didn't really give it much thought. Needless to say, she cheated on me though. I was like, I don't know. I forgot what my answer was exactly. However, she cheated, nonetheless. If anyone get a tattoo, nah, I'm getting another tattoo soon. Not of my wife's name. Do not get a tattoo of your wife or husband's name. It is bad. Juju, trust me, take it from me. And you're right, Katie. When she asked that question, I was a red flag, but I didn't know better at the time. But I know now, but it's her loss, it's her loss. But yeah, that's just what, this person says it's just what they do. They don't know why it's just what they do. I mean, some people just cheat for no reason. It's just what they do. I guess there's no need for an explanation. Number 34, this excuse from Midnight King, they read, this is a number 34, it says, it's because he reminded me of you. So let me get this straight. You're gonna cheat on someone, you're gonna cheat on your current person with someone that reminds you of that person you're cheating on. You know what, gunshot. That shit makes absolutely no sense. That makes zero sense. Why cheat on somebody that reminds you of the person you're with? You just stick with the person that you're with. Why would you even bother? You just, God damn, I hope this person's single. Number 33, this is from Mohee Girl, quote, number 33. I had one cheat because he said my breasts were too big and another cheated because they were too small. I just can't win. I don't know, some people like big, some people like small. I've never heard someone cheat on a woman because her breasts was too big. You find me the person that did that. I, you know what, I was gonna say, I can't say it on here. However, now it's more plausible that somebody cheated on a woman because their breast was too small, but then why would you even bother? If you saw this woman for the first time and it wasn't 'til you like it, why would you even bother because her breasts were small? So you wait like six months and you're like, damn. You know, you cheat on me 'cause my breast was too small. Well, we know they're not medium. Yeah, there's no winning, but there's a size for everyone. There's something for everyone, but I've never heard someone get cheated on because their breast is too big. But I guess there are some guys that like them small, but you gotta know what you like when you meet these people. Like don't wait all the way until a certain point until you realize like, damn, these things are too big, man. I don't know if I can handle them. I can't breathe. Come on, let's be real, don't do that. All right, this next one, forget reading the Reddit names. I'm not even gonna bother. Some of these names are kind of stupid anyway. Number 32, it's because this one excuse said, it's because men are wired by biology to sow their seeds broadly. What is this coming to America? You're gonna, you know, soil your royal oats and shit? You know, it's funny. Somebody actually said this recently in an interview is that men are wired to cheat because it's just biological. It's what we do. We go to multiple partners here and there. You know, that's funny. I don't know if that's a biological thing, but there are guys that go around doing this. They have this belief that they have to go soil their royal oats. They have to sow their seeds. So are your seeds? What are you in a fucking like botanical garden and shit? You just don't go around planting seeds everywhere because now you're gonna have little flowers and plants running around with nowhere else, with no place to get water. They're just trying to figure life out. That doesn't make sense. What the hell is that? That is like the key in the lock BS guy said, yes. I heard that one, you know, the one key can open many locks, but the locks can, yeah, I've heard that one too. And it's ridiculous all together. No matter how you put it, it's just, it doesn't make any sense, none of it does. All right, this next one, number 31. This one is quote, "My college roommate would cheat on his girlfriend a few times a semester, then feel awful about it and realize how much he loved his girlfriend." He started to rationalize that you need to cheat to stay faithful. No, no, that's not how any of that works. No. Now, now that you get cheated on a few times per semester. So think about it, like each semester, you know how you get some vacation time, you get a couple of holidays off. So that's like saying, that's like saying, hey, I gotta cheat on you a few times to kind of take a break, like a summer vacation or a spring break or a winter break. The fact that they let this even happen to them is it just shows low self-esteem or just pure idiocy. I don't know, that to me right there, that should have been a red flag from the start. There's no way. And you need to cheat to stay faithful. You know, there's some people that do that. There are people out there that really go out and cheat and then go back home and sleep with their, you know, they love one and be like, you know, I do it because, you know, I'm doing it to save the marriage or whatever. I mean, I did an episode on Swingers. Swingers go out and do the diggly with other couples simply because it keeps the relationship strong. They weren't for some. I did a whole episode on it, but this right here, I don't know. All right, Mario, those are the ones that have extra oily beef. Hey, y'all, whoa, I suppose you can't be having your oily beef goal in everybody's box. You just can't do that, gunshot. No, you can't do that. God damn, in black coffee, yes. Black coffee and oily beef inside joke for this podcast. Anyway, number 30, here's a, here's a excuse. I need it for creative inspiration. Creative inspiration, what are you trying to write a book about cheating? I guess if you're going to go cheat, you might as well write a book or a memoir or something about cheating. Creative inspiration, doesn't even say what the creative inspiration is. It's just the fact that they need it for creative inspiration. Whatever that inspiration may be. Hold on, let me see if I can invite this one person. I can't, I guess I'll figure it out. All right, number 29, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, damn. All right, here's number 29, get ready for this. I told you the show is unscent to unfiltered. Number 29, quote, you should have let me try anal. You're holding me back. That's not where the oily beef's supposed to go. It's not supposed to go there. But apparently this person cheated because they didn't allow, they, hey, what up, Benton? Oh man, you're just in time for a ridiculous show here. Again, number 29, now it's going good, man. My day is going good. Number 29, you should have let me try anal. You're holding me back as an excuse as to why this person cheated. Number 28, all right, look, no, I'm going to number 28, I can't, I can't do this. Number 28, there's, number 28 is quote, as an excuse to cheat. She was my wife in our last life and we had some unfinished karma that we had to complete in this life. No, no, no, no, no. Okay, again, this person cheated on his, hey, yo, pause, yeah, you're right. This person cheated on his spouse or his girlfriend or whatever, it's because the person that he cheated with, he goes to say that she was my wife in our last life and we had some unfinished karma that we had to complete in this life. This isn't Ghostbusters, this isn't the movie Ghost, this is not how none of that stuff work. Yeah, it says that's what all the hosts say, absolutely. She was your wife in your last life, give me a break, come on, come on. Number 27, let me make sure I keep track of the time because I know for a fact that this gives me, okay, I'm doing good, I'm doing good, gives me an hour. Number 27, a friend of mine cheated on her husband, parentheses, apparently only made out with the other guy and justified it by saying that it was the same thing as me, a single girl, going on a date with someone, a single guy and kissing him except that she was married. I'm confused, that confused the hell out of me. I'm gonna try to read this again without all the parentheses shit. A friend of mine cheated on her husband and justified it by saying that it was the same thing as me going on a date with someone and kissing him except she wasn't married. Man, yeah, that sounds like a puzzle. That sounds like some 50 shades of gray type puzzle that needs to be kind of unraveled. That to me made absolutely, yes, you're right, it's still cheating either way. And it doesn't make any sense, none of it does, none of this stuff does. Oh, I got one, oh, god, oh my god, this next one. (laughing) Number 26, I was bored, our baby was eight weeks old. Okay, so the baby is not entertaining enough. So you got bored, you cheated. It's because our baby was eight weeks old. What the hell is wrong with you people? Come on, you just had a baby and you go out and cheat because the baby's just eight weeks old. I don't know why eight weeks is some sort of baseline for being bored and cheating. I'm not sure, yes, that is trifle, absolute trifle. Oh, god, number 25. Quote, number 25, had a girl tell me she thought it'd be okay and I'd be okay with it because I wasn't bothered by hearing her talk about celebrities she had crushes on. Come on, there's a substantial difference between a minor attraction to a famous person who has no idea you exist and physically engaging in intimate activities with a dude that you met at a party. So that's like saying you had a crush on, let me see. That's like saying you got a crush on a flavor flave. And you had this crush and you didn't want to hear, the other guy, the husband or the boyfriend they want to hear about it. And because she had a crush on a flavor flave was her excuse to go and cheat. Now, I don't know who the hell is sexually thinking about a flavor flave. But if you are thinking of flavor flave in that way, I suggest you need... You need Jesus, all right? You absolutely need Jesus. Number 24. He has the excuse. That's what I was wondering. But he's got a big necklace. That's not a necklace, that's a clock. And that clock has been dead. It hasn't changed the time in over 30 years. Flavor flave, you need some new batteries for your clock. Number 24. You were at the hospital for two weeks. A man has needs. You were at the hospital for two weeks and a man has needs. So you mean to tell me this woman could have been dying on her death bed. And she's in the hospital for two weeks and you can't wait two weeks. It's like, damn, I don't know, man. I'm in the moment right now. I mean, she might have stage three cancer, but you know what? I gotta do what I gotta do. Man, hell no. Hell no. (laughing) Yes, he also has a hand. And yes, a squirrel gotta have his nuts too. Yeah, you're right. But that not like that. Come on, that's just petty. It's a special place in hell where you have to pay $20 a gallon for gas and you're always on fire all the time. If you sit there and you do some crazy shit like that, you are absolutely going to hell. There's no out of it. Gallon. All right. Number 23. I wanted to see if my erectile dysfunction was because of you. That's not a good way to test that. You know, you could, no, erectile dysfunction, I mean, because of you, try a porn or something. Watch something crazy or whatever. So you're gonna go and you're gonna cheat to see if, now what if you did that and you went to another woman and you still had ED? Then it ain't your wife, it's just you. Maybe you need to stop eating packs of Oreos and eating oily beef every night. Maybe that's probably why you have ED. I mean, go on. Number 22. Time for some blue shoes. Yeah, hey, listen, if you need blue shoes, I'm not shaming you. If you need blue shoes, that's on you. They got it. You can order it or you could go get those gas station pills where you can't, where you stay, you know what, for like four hours and then you go to the hospital and you wait at the emergency room for like five hours. Good luck with that. Number 22. My previous partner told me that he cheated because he insisted that he thought that I was going to break up with him anyways. So he started seeing other women. I believe this was just another one of his manipulation tactics to put blame on me for his actions. To this day, I cannot fathom the mental gymnastics he had to do to justify his decision. So he had this prediction. He foreseen that this woman was gonna cheat on him. He was probably like, man, one day this woman's gonna cheat on me. Let me go cheat right now before she do it. Come on. If you're not interested in this woman, just tell her straight out flat out that you're not interested. What are you, Dr. Strange? Are you gonna see like you getting cheated on and shit? Come on now, you gotta stop it, stop it, stop it. All right. Number 21. Quote, that happened a month ago. It's not my fault, you just found out. And I've changed since then. So you need to stop living in the past. Straight gaslighting. No, man, when you do it, the act is done no matter how long ago it was, the act is done. And it could have happened five minutes ago, a month ago, six months ago, it don't matter. Living in the past, you're damn right, that's straight audacity. Absolutely. I can't. All right. Number 20. Quote, I felt like a maid in our own place. I asked them to vacuum once and to start a load of laundry for me to finish later and a handful to finish later a handful of times. He was unemployed for several months during this and work as much as I could to cover our bill. So basically, he was just like a straight couch potato. You understand what I'm saying? He's unemployed, sitting on a couch, probably playing Madden 2K. She's out there busting her ass, still coming home, cleaning up. And that was just like, I don't know. It's not a lot of context to that, but I can only imagine that the relationship probably did not go as far as we would hope it was. Okay. Oh, number 19. Number 19. Quote, a dick has no conscience. My late brother-in-law had used that one. I used to think, yeah, but the dick it's attached to is supposed to. Yeah, there's no such thing as this having a conscience because this controls this. It's no secret. Big heads got a control, little head, little head just don't think on its own. You understand what I'm saying? And that's a crazy. That sounds like a tattoo somebody like Florida, man, will get on his back or his chest. A dick has no conscience. The head up there, not down there. Yes, absolutely. This controls every function of your body. He doesn't control you. If he's telling you what to do, you're screwed. No pun intended. All right, number 18. I'm not, this is quote, I'm not cheating. I'm practicing for our wedding so I can help make our first time together special. This excuse was given to me by my former fiance after catching him with his best friend in bed. He's the one who told me we couldn't have sex until a match because we were Catholic and it would be a sin. Oh my God. Number 17, I got nothing for that one. Best friend, best friend guy or girl? Ah shit, I don't, just practicing for the experience. I do, I don't know, man. Terrible excuse, terrible excuse. Number 17, my ex brother-in-law cheated on my sister while she had cancer and was in the hospital. He said he wasn't getting enough attention. Sure, you know, because cancer is just like your common cold. I guess like you need attention. Cancer's nothing, don't worry, I'll take a Tylenol and I'll meditate and the cancer's gone. No problem, but number 16. Number 16. Yeah, I know, I can't believe these people exist. Good day, dude. Number 16, I'm just on Tinder to confirm that there's nothing better out there. It helps me appreciate you more. I can't know, oh my God. Listen, I know a few married people that have Tinder. I ain't releasing names, but there are a few married people that have Tinder and Snapchat people. If you're married, you need to delete those apps. There's absolutely no reason for you to have Tinder or Snapchat if you're married, there's no reason. What are you doing? Unless you're testing the waters to see if you got it. I mean, you gotta have it if somebody you're married to is with you, you gotta have it. Other than that, you wouldn't be married. Come on now. Number 15. I know my heart and my heart was true. There was no conflict in my heart as to who I love, right? So as long as you don't love her, I should be okay with it then. Sure, no problem. I guess if you all love it, it's no problem. Just cheat. Then why you whiff this person? Why you whiff this person? It makes no sense, you're just wasting people's time. If there's anything I'm a big advocate for is that do not waste people's time. You can't be, especially nowadays, you cannot be playing what people's heart. You can't be tugging on those strings. It's a dangerous work out there now. Cheating on someone, very dangerous work. It's not worth it. Number 14. If you pay for it, it doesn't count. I've literally heard this one from my cousin's husband. He told her. Oh, wow. So he paid for some fun. And with that, it don't count. That's like for what I heard. I heard this woman said that I think she was like a porn star or whatever. She said that all the body she done with porn doesn't count. I don't keep counting this shit. Apparently don't count. It doesn't count. It doesn't count. Okay, it doesn't count. All right. Number 13. Quotes. My wife was pregnant, so I wasn't getting any. Yeah. So he cheated because his wife was pregnant. And I guess it's no secret that pregnant women go through many, many emotions. But some guys have said that pregnant sex is the best sex. But apparently this guy wasn't getting any while his wife was pregnant. So he figured, well, what the hell? Let me just go cheat anyway. I'm not getting any. I guess he had needs. You're right. That is absolutely insane. Yep. Yes. That is insane. Well, just leave. Just leave. I guess that's what it is. Number 12. I didn't even enjoy it because I was thinking about you the whole time and I felt terrible. Wow. No, that's, that's. I didn't even enjoy it. What the fuck? And you felt terrible. Yeah, you felt terrible because what were you doing? You're thinking of your spouse or your girlfriend while this is happening. Where do you come up with this stuff? This is, this is crazy. Like I said, I don't know what's crazy but the excuse or whether or not these people took these people back after some crazy shit like that. You have to be crazy, dumb and stupid to take somebody back after they told you something like that. No, that that's a, it's a no sausage long enough in the world for women to take back a dude that said that. Number 11. When they got caught, they tried to play the humans or it meant to be monogamous card. Oh, there you go, one of those guys that, oh, I can't just do one. We're supposed to have more. I'm like, if you don't believe in monogamy, why did you even marry in the first place? Only to cheat later. You could have joined a free love hippie commune at any time, but that's not what you did. So again, this is somebody that went and said, hey, you know, we're not meant to be with just one person. We're meant to be with multiple people. We're meant to soil our seeds and soil our royal oats and all that coming to America type shit. No, then why be with somebody? Listen, there are guys that go and, and women, there's ladies, ladies and gentlemen that are out there who live off the thrill of just putting their selves out there. Listen, I'm not here to kink shame and like that's what you do is what you do. If that's how you get around and that's what helped you to sleep at night, then yeah, there's some people that is polygamous. Polygamy is actually growing in large numbers in this country. And some places polygamy is illegal, but some people don't care and it's growing in a large number, unlike anything before. In fact, I should do an episode on polygamy as well. And to why this is now a big, big thing. I honestly think nowadays marriage, people are taking marriage more of a joke now. It's not as sacred as it once used to be. And people are just like, they're taking marriages for granted nowadays and it's, it's quite, it's crazy. All right, let me see how much time I got 'cause I'm down to the last 10. I got a half hour, I can, I can make it, I can make it. All right, number 10, kissing is like holding hands. So it's not cheating. Friends sometimes hold each other's hands. Maybe if I were doing it with lots of guys every day, but that was a two-time thing. Also, it was only a, it was only a blowjob. And it's not like we slept with each other. That would be cheating. No, that's not how none of that, but do you kiss your friend? That's shit. What is going on here? This is, it was only a beef. It was only a BJ. It's not like we slept with each other. People, that's still cheating. You engage in some sort of physical activity. Yes, kissing is like holding hands. Are you kissing people every day, like random people? No, I don't know, man, please. Number nine. Oh, this is bad. This is bad. Get ready for this one. This one's bad. It was the anniversary of my cousin's death. And I wasn't in the right, I wasn't in my right mind. You know how upset I was? Blaming me is classic victim-blaming. You should be comforting me. This was after I ordered to stay with her for the night, but she says she wanted to be alone. Woo, no, no, listen, a death in the family does not constitute you being in the, okay, any death is hard in the family. Yep, of course you're not gonna be in the right mindset, but to sit there and go mess around and then gaslight by saying that blaming me is a classic victim-blaming is crazy. That's like, okay, Ms. Daddy says, that's like, I'm sorry I cheated, I don't know, I just missed my granny, God damn. Exactly, that's exactly my point. It's like, you know, I didn't mean to do that to him, but you know, like, I'll never see my dog again. Whoa, number eight, number eight. Hi, Ben, I got one, this is a good one. Number eight, quote, "One morning I went to brush my teeth "and my toothbrush was wet. "I found that odd, so I asked my girlfriend "if she used the blue toothbrush and she said yes, "very casually. "I said that the pink toothbrush was hers "and she played it off like she didn't know. "I suddenly realized that we had been using "the same toothbrush for a few weeks "and it kind of grossed me out. "That started a very small argument. "I went to work as did she, "but she didn't come home that night. "The next morning I called her out "and she admitted that she slept with another guy "that didn't think she was gross. "My man, you just probably have put that guy in your mouth "from that toothbrush, man." Wow, there's no telling. Listen, me and my wife, we use separate toothbrushes. She scrubbed the toilet with it. Possibly, possibly scrubbed the toilet with the toothbrush. My wife and I do not share toothbrushes. All right, listen, I don't care, these population-based. (laughs) (audience applauds) The population-based. Listen, I don't care how long you've been with someone. I don't care how much you know your husband, you know your wife. Don't share toothbrushes, that's gross. Me and my wife never share toothbrushes. All right, that's like sharing deodorant. You might as well take turns wiping each other's asses with the same piece of tissue. Take us piece. Hey, I just wiped my hair, hun. You could use what I just used. You know how crazy that sound, that's insane. No, no, no, that's no. You don't do that. You don't share shit like that. And that's disgusting. You're definitely, that's the force, that's a never-forgive action right there. Number seven, it doesn't count if they're family. I'm in a small town in the deep south. I wish I was making this up for internet points. I can hear the banjo's playing right now. It doesn't count if they're family if I slept with my Uncle Daddy. Your Uncle Daddy, is that your uncle or your daddy? You're like, come on, what do you mean it don't count? That count, in a very bad way. That's a very bad way, that's terrible. No, man, that's absolutely terrible, man. It does count, and you know what, that's bad. Actually, I wouldn't even, I don't even know how you count that. Who's keeping tallies on sleeping with their Uncle Daddies? Somebody is. Number six, earlier in the year, we had taken a Caribbean cruise. On the last couple of days of the cruise, I felt miserable. I quarantined myself in our cabin while he went on some excursions. When we got home from the cruise, he wouldn't help get my luggage out of the car or help me carry it in. I drove myself to the emergency room that night because my fever was around 103. And I was sore all over. It turned out to be influenza. Later, when I caught him cheating, he said that I had ruined his vacation by getting sick and I should've known how important vacations are to him. You know, because we could schedule when we wanna be sick. Like, I don't know, you could schedule cancer, you could schedule kidney failure. I mean, who, I guess she should've never planned on getting the flu around the vacation. Maybe she should've waited until the vacation was over. Then planned for the flu and then things would've been better. That's not how that works, okay? You get sick anytime, anywhere. Especially on a cruise ship. Cruise ships are not exactly the cleanest places. Who is giving these people a chance? Somebody's giving people, I'm telling you, they are people that probably forgive for stuff like this. But no, cruise liners are not exactly the most clean of places, especially during the pandemic. You know what I mean? Like, ships have to be an extra clean, extra scrub, the whole nine yards. Like, it's not, you could get sick easily on a ship. It's no secret, especially going from port to port. You're in sometimes and then close, like a very tight space with other people, depending on how big the ship is. And in general, you know what I mean? Some people get seasick. It's nasty work, it's nasty work. Number five, I'm down to the last five. And I got about, let me just give a chime check real quick. I got time, I got like 30, I got 24 minutes, I got five more. My cousin's boyfriend told her, quote, it doesn't count if it's with another dude because you're supposed to experiment in college, it's not my fault, you're too purdish to try it. Yes, college has always been known as a place of experimentation. Then why get into a relationship if your intent is to experiment over good grades. So you'd rather sit there and mess around and bounce around rather than get good grades. This is probably why she got an F in lunch because she can't even pass lunch because she's getting lunch outside of class. All right, yeah, well that's terrible. Number four, he got an STD while he went away and told my friend that it was because of the soap at the Airbnb, wow. First of all, okay, here's a tip. You know, for the first time when I went to Europe, I stayed in the couple of Airbnb's. All right, the guest, well, I was the guest, the host had liquid soap. Okay, they must have been getting wild with the soap, probably like had a hole in the middle of the bar of soap or something. Some strange things have happened. But no, the host had like liquid soap. If the host had bar soap, do you honestly think, even if there wasn't hair on it or nothing, do you honestly think I'm gonna use the host bar soap? No, I don't know where that soap has been. I know it's been on their body, what parts? I don't know, and I don't care or wanna find out. But Jesus Christ, because of the soap in the Airbnb, and listen, if you use an Airbnb, do not, if you see a bar of soap, don't use it, all right? Matter of fact, I'll do you one better, bring your own soap. If you're not too secure about people, when you go to Airbnb, what they have, maybe what they have may make you allergic, bring your own stuff, it will save you the trouble. All right, number three, quotes. If you hadn't introduced us, we wouldn't be in this situation. She was your friend, you should have known that she was capable of manipulating me. There we go, the gas lighting, no, that's terrible, man. If you had to introduce us, get outta here. Number two. Number two, quote. My ex was very into astrology. She cheated and later blamed the great American eclipse of August 2017. Looked at the horoscope, it was like, you know, my horoscope says that today, there's an eclipse, I'm gonna cheat on you. I'm supposed to cheat on you today. I gotta do it because my horoscope says so. That's basically what this is. And as soon as the eclipse happened, I have to cheat on you, write that in there. As soon as the eclipse covered the whole sun, the full moon, I have to cheat on you because my sign said it. This is why I don't really fuck with astrology, no more. I haven't read my horoscope in a long time, very long time. And number one, I don't know. An ex-girlfriend, the sad part is that they might've been serious. Oh, I'm pretty sure they were serious. People take astrology very, very seriously. I'm telling you, people live their lives through astrology. Every move they make during the day is because of what they read in astrology. And they're very careful with it. Number one. An ex-girlfriend slept with her ex-husband one weekend. I was out of town and claimed it wasn't cheating because they were previously married. She had the nerve to be upset with me for calling her out on it and breaking off the relationship. So you go back to your ex, things happen. That's not cheating. You're not with this person no more. That's like you going back. It's not, it's like you're meeting a whole new person again. You already have left that person. You established with this person. But you now you go to the person you just, you're no longer with, guess what? That's cheating because you're with someone. Now, if you weren't with someone, then going back to your ex is going back to your ex. He must have been bigger, probably, or smaller. Some women like smaller. Not all women like bigger. Some women like smaller. They like endless shrimp. I don't know why it's not what it is, endless shrimp. All right, all right, let's see. I'm gonna try to find some honorable mentions because I feel like there's gotta be popcorn shrimp yeah, popcorn shrimp, people like that. I don't know why. Shout out to Red Lobster for your popcorn shrimp. All right, let's see. Let's see, let's see, let's see. All right, I'm gonna go through. All right, there's another list of 20. I'm gonna try to go through that as quick as possible. I got about, 'cause I know there's always some honorable mentions, I got 20 minutes, so let's do it. Maybe one minute per. I'm gonna try to breeze to it as much as possible because this right here is, oh god. This here got me rolling. It got me rolling. Let's see. Let me see. Okay, all right, I'm gonna read through it quick. These are actually fairly quick, so I think it'll be okay. I'm not sure if it's gonna be as funny as the one I read, but let's see. Here's one right here, first one. My horoscope made me do it. It's never a good reason to cheat. She blamed cheating on Mars being in retrograde. Damn it, Mars, you know. Why do you gotta be in retrograde, Mars? I wouldn't have to cheat if you were in retrograde. You weren't in retrograde. What the fuck? All right, next one, let's see. Let me see. I went away on a field trip with Uni for a week, came back to find out he slept with two other women. His excuse? I missed you. I was lonely without you and coke. You shouldn't have left me alone. There was so much wrong with that man in that relationship. I cheat on you 'cause I miss you. I guess you gotta fill the void somewhere somehow. I can't believe, I honestly can't believe this. I can't believe this is real. Next one, after hiring a private investigator and having my husband follow and catching him around, catching him coming out of a hotel with a woman among other atrocious financial crimes, I asked why he did it and all he could come up with was because you picked at your food. My friends and I still joke about this to this day. Just imagine you're getting cheated on because you pick inside your egg, food, young or your chicken fried rice and you get cheated. God damn it, y'all. Come on, let's be real. Just come out and tell the truth. Yes, don't pick out your food anyway. Don't ever pick out your food, that's what, yeah, just don't do it. All right, let me see. Now, this next one, it says, now I'm not saying that kick estimates former girlfriend is a gold digger, but you don't have a job. True, I've been between jobs for about two months that was enough for her to toss out the marriage and sleep with her boss. I was okay with it. She was insane. Two weeks later, I filed for divorce. One week after that, I got a job paying double my old salary. I never looked back. Good for you, man. That's a round of applause. You know what? Come back out, upgrade, love, love. Yeah. (laughs) Oh my God. This next one, my ex-husband, 21 years ago, I was pregnant with our son. At five months, I was three centimeters dilated and I already had my labor stop several times. I was on bed rest and told no sex. He felt completely justified in going out and finding some. He never would concede that it was cheating. It was my job to take care of his needs and he felt completely within his rights to get it elsewhere if I refused. God damn people like, come on. How do you think the baby came? Should have used the back door. I mean, you should have used the back door. Sometimes you need the right key. Next one, I was dating this girl for about six months. When she said her boyfriend was coming back from Afghanistan, oh shit, this sound like a Jodie story. Come on, military people, you already know what's about to happen. She never brought him up because she thought we were keeping it casual. It might ruin the mood and she didn't think I would mind. Found the guy, told him what happened and he was cool. Said he figured it was happening anyway, so he wasn't upset about it. What the hell, really? Okay, so to answer your question, who's Jodie? In the military, we use the term Jodie. You know, when dudes deploy, we use the term Jodie for dudes that sneak around with the Mrs. Wall, the husband's away. It's usually like the next door neighbor, a fellow soldier, or whatever the case is. Jodie keeps the wife happy while the husband's away. That kind of deal. Jodie is serious work. I've known soldiers who got caught up in Jodie type situations, bad work, crazy, crazy work. That actually had a very unusual ending 'cause normally when that happens, it's usually with bad results. All right, next one. When I caught him, okay, this one's too long. I'm gonna skip this one. Let's see, next one. Oh, okay, here's one. It says, "I thought you were cheating on me, "so I got revenge." What the fuck? Proof, people, you need proof. And you know what? Two wrongs don't make a right. If she's cheating on you, that's it. Caught him in the act and joined. Possibly, possibly. Get out of here. Oh, okay, this one is, I got caught. I was gonna leave you. No, the line was, I was gonna leave you anyway. Okay, shit, whatever. Let me see. Next one. Well, you said you love and accept me for who I am with all my flaws, so you also have to accept that I'm sleeping with other women because this is just the way I am. Listen, disclaimer, look, we don't think, when you say flaws, you think like physical flaws, whatever, there's gotta be a disclaimer. When you say flaws, cheating is a flaw, so if you accept the person with all the flaws, don't be surprised if one of their flaws is cheating 'cause I guess you accept that all their flaws to include you being cheated on. So, why, why? All right, so it says, in the middle of a breakup, is it the best time to try to be philosophical? Quote, she is a shark and you are a rabbit. She took what she wanted and you let this happen to you. Sharks eat rabbits. What are you like, Confucius? What are you like, this is some sort of Chinese proverb? Like, nobody got time to use animals, don't, terrible comparison. Next one, I was with another girl, so not only should it not count, I should be all excited about it. And yes, the animal BS, yeah. 'Cause you know, animals don't have concepts of cheating. Animals is a terrible analogy to describe cheating in a sense, it doesn't make sense, absolutely don't make sense. All right, okay, somebody tried to use a TV reference. She said, "You're always so controlling, "telling me what I can and can't do." It reminded me of the office where Michael Scott said to Jan, "You cheated on me when I specifically asked you not to." TV reality, TV reality. Do not compare your relationship to TV shows. That is a terrible example to explain why you're cheating or whatever got cheated on. That's a terrible example. This next one, it's your fault, you drove me to it. Taking care of our two kids, working full time, breadwinner, doing the household chores, so yeah, I was kind of angry tired all the time. He says, "Working in music, "going to concerts all the time and sleeping in." Sorry, dude, only Missy Elliott gets the flippin' and reversing. He's a, listen, if your spouse is busin' they ass, doin' everything next to, all right. You said next, they will say, "I cheated 'cause you are always playin' kind." No, no, no, no, that's true. People have broken up over video games, 'cause there are some dudes that are just sometimes laser focused, laser focused on video games to where it's like, you sitin' there, "Hey, let's go out to eat." "Hey, I just cooked your favorite meal." "Hey, I'm bent over." Da, da, da, da, I'm horny, da, da, da, you be surprised. A lot of guys, there are some guys out there that invest a lot of time into doin' it. Just go spin the turntable to the other room when I play cod, or here's an even better idea. You wanna play video games and make your wife happy? Put the PlayStation 5 on her back while you're doin' it from the back. If you wanna really have your cake and eat it too, that's the way to do it. Put the PS5 on her back, have Madden in front, while you play it and still give it her the work. Problem solved, man. Look, I'm already in like the year 2030. Come on, think about it. His next one. I was testing it to see if you stay loyal, even if I cheat it. If this is a test, the cheater deserves a giant F. Listen, don't play with people. Project it to the back, yes. In 4K, make sure you get a 4K projector too. Shout-out to Sony. Yeah, I was testing it to see if you stay loyal. Listen, relationships is not some sort of exam. Don't test the waters to see if this person is gonna stay loyal with you. Remember, that's what happened to me. My ex a while ago said that if I cheated on you, would you still be with me? That is a perfect example of that. Don't test that theory. Needless to say, I did not stay with her. We broke up, we were done. It would have to be crazy for me to stay with her. It didn't happen. All right, next one, I'm almost done here. I wore a condom, technically I didn't even touch her. I guess that little separation in between, you're not really touching, it's kind of like a... What do you mean you didn't touch her? You're touching her physically still. You're still touching her. Even if it doesn't seem like you're still in there. You're in there. The basketballs did though, exactly. The basketballs touched. The basketballs touched. Come on now. All right, next one. I've cheated with everyone I've ever been in a relationship with. Wow, so this person has a portfolio for cheating. In other words, you're probably like the 26 person that she cheated with because it's part of her persona. It's like, I can't help it. I have to cheat with every person I'm with. It's just the way I am. Accept me for my flaws. That's exactly what this woman is doing. Accept me for my flaws and accept me for who I am. That is the wrong answer. All right, next one. It's not really cheating because I don't love you anymore. I just think of you as a really good friend. Damn, if that doesn't break your heart and have you do something crazy, I don't know what is. We need to make a known cheaters list. Yeah, we really, I guess we do. 'Cause some of this stuff is just diabolical work. Next one, my mom cheated on my dad when they first started dating. Well, I guess, look, cheater, when they first started dating, I guess it worked because she's a born to tell the tale about her mom and dad. So I guess, hey, cheated once, never happened again. So you know what, that's have a baby in it. This one isn't too bad. This one actually had a, an outcome. Next one. Let me see, hmm, what's another one, what's another one? It wasn't me, they sent it to the wrong number. I don't know them, that's not my phone. I'm done, I'm done. All right, look, how much time I got? I got seven minutes, I'm almost done here. Is that her dad, though? Ooh, that is a good question for that last one. The one that, to go back, she said that her mom, that her dad cheated on her mom when they were dating. That's a good question. Was the one that gave that story the kid? I mean, the kid could have been born from another thing. Who knows? I mean, I don't know. It didn't go too much in the context about it, but who knows? Listen, listen, listen. Cheating, there's no excuse for cheating, all right? Now, yeah, absolutely, I will definitely take a DNA test. Too bad, Morrie don't come on anymore, but you could go get your local DNA tests from Walgreens or out of one of those old red box DVD machines. They probably have like a used pregnancy test or a new pregnancy test, you know, whatever. Wherever you gotta get a pregnancy test for them. Just remember, Morrie is no longer on the air, but cheating is dangerous work. It is much easier to get caught cheating nowadays than ever before. I mean, back in the day you had your little black book, you always kept it on you. Nope, and I guess if somebody seen you on the street was one thing, but a lot of people get caught up in social media and all this stuff, things are easy to get hacked, private investigators can get in the shit, it ain't worth it. But if you're gonna do that and you get caught, the most important thing is to be true and be honest as to why you did the deed, all right? I think you will have a better outcome that way. Now, a lot of people are afraid to say what they did because they're afraid of the outcome, but you know, bad news doesn't get better with time and shit gets worse with an even shittier excuse as to why some of this stuff here, these are things that people have actually said and done and it makes you scratch your head like as people for real. People are dead serious, so that's just some excuses. There are hundreds of them out there, believe me. All right, hey, look, thank you for everybody joining the show, especially my usual guests. You guys are making me laugh. You guys make the show work, all right? Keep pushing the show out there, keep promoting it. I'm doing my best to get the show out there. I haven't seen the numbers completely go up yet through the analytics, but I'm seeing more people are searching on Spotify for the show. Not sure if it's in direct correlation with the live stream or in general, but maybe it's working. Maybe it's working, tell your friends, whatever. They will be an episode tomorrow, like I said, sometimes I like to give a little bit of predictability. Tomorrow will be, is there such thing as a stupid question, which is one of my favorite segments, because I am literally reading questions and answers from people asking all types of questions, which it makes me laugh to just as hard as this episode did. So, link Spotify into your bio. Yes, absolutely, I'm gonna do that. I think that will give people a gateway into the show as well. I think that's an awesome idea, Mario. That's definitely something I'm gonna do. All right, well anyway, thanks for listening and enjoy the rest of your evening. I'm gonna just chill out, play some video games. Believe me, if my wife calls me in the room, she sleep right now, I will put the game on pause or at least I'll try. Or maybe I might bring the PS5 in the room, I don't know, but I will definitely make sure I'm paying attention, all right? Thanks for listening, again, stay tuned on her back. Exactly, yep, you already know, you get two for two, I mean, there's a win, it's a win, people, think about it. All right, just be careful, the PS5 does get hot and shit, so yeah. All right, thanks for listening. I'm out the log off, again, email me to dailymindpodcast@gmail.com, tell your friends, tell your family, your cats and dogs, blind to deaf neighbors, whoever you gotta tell about the show, tell them about the show, it's, I think, one of the most ridiculous shows out there. There's always something funnier, but there's always something worse. All right, hey, thanks for listening, we'll do this again some other time. Yeah, and this show almost went about an hour. I think a lot of these episodes are gonna go about an hour or so, because you guys are feeding into it and stuff like that, which is good. Again, these shows are typically a half hour. I'm trying to get this up, but if they go a little bit longer, that works too. All right, thanks for listening, we'll do this again next time. Peace out, have a good one, ciao.