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The Coastal Church Podcast
Family Matters | Week 1 | Jason Parker
- Hey everyone, my name's Jason Parker and I want to welcome you to the Coastal Church Podcast. I'm super excited for you to hear this message. We believe that God wants to speak to us and we hope that you're open to hear what he has to say to you today. Enjoy. Man, I'm so excited to have the chance to share God's word and launch into this new sermon series. We just finished a sermon series on vision, embracing life with Jesus for the renewal of South West Nova and we talked about what it means to embrace life with Jesus and you're going to hear us say that over and over again. You heard us leak it before, you're going to hear it over and over again and then embracing life with Jesus is this idea that being a Christian is so much more than being a Christian by name, embracing life with Jesus means that I have decided to live a lifestyle of someone that follows Jesus. Does that make sense? And so we talked about embracing life with Jesus, we talked about renewal and we told stories of revival and God moving in profound supernatural ways that only God can and we told stories of that and we thought, "Man, what if God would do that again?" And we talked a little bit about, "What if God would do that again here in South West Nova? What would if God would do it again here in our province?" And we talked about the need and how we need to pray. We need to ask God to come and move in our region and for God to come and move in our province. Amen. And when we were processing this summer as campus leads about what we're going to preach on for the next little bit, one of the ideas that Ajay brought up was the idea of family and as soon as he said the word family, I'm like, "Yeah, I didn't have to do a whole lot of praying about that. I just families have just been so on my heart for God." Because I believe that families are really difficult, amen? Maybe you don't want to say amen too loud because they're kind of sitting with you or whatever. I get it, I get it. But I'm just blown away as a pastor that families are just so complex. There's just so many issues, there seems to be so many problems and do you ever find yourself just scratching your head about your family? It's just difficult and we just need wisdom and it just seems like, man, it's not a one size fits all kind of thing. So we're going to jump into a sermon series on family matters. This is an amazing series for you guys to invite and bring people here. Let's force us to have to lift the curtain out there. Invite a whole bunch of people and force us to have to lift that curtain so we have so many people coming here and about Jesus, amen? But I'm really excited to jump into this series because the reality is this, we all have families, right? If you all have families, all of us are connected, either we have our own families, we're connected to a family, we're part of a family, all of us have families and this is really going to shock you. You ready for this? There are no perfect families. I don't know if I have to even preach anymore, right? I don't have to do a lot of persuading on that point, amen? We've got all kinds of testimonies in the room of not having perfect families and like, it's interesting because like you look on social media, which is like, you know, the truth about everything, right? You look on social media and you see all these like family pictures of families and they look so nice. Like I got my family pictures done actually last night and it was a great time and you look at, you look at those pictures and you think, oh man, his family is so cute and it's like, you don't realize someone almost got voted off the island last night and sometimes it's the kid you wouldn't even think, like 99% of the time this kid is golden but she just chose the one day of the 70 days of the year that she decided to like not be good for pictures and it was just not her night and so that photographer worked wonders and so what you see in a picture is like all these precious pictures, but below the surface common everyday life with family, it's not perfect, is it? It's hard and it's difficult and sometimes they got to lose the McFlurry, okay? Sometimes there has to be consequences and needs to be wisdom applied to all the different situations we find ourselves in and sometimes it's worse than just family pictures. Sometimes there's complex issues and one of the things I found is that sometimes like with the issues that you have and that I have and that we have, how many of you know that oftentimes we don't like to talk about our issues? Like this is a really safe environment in a lot of ways because we can come in kind of in the dark here literally and metaphorically speaking and you can hear someone talk and give a talk about a particular issue that speaks to your life but you don't have to like unpack and open up and be vulnerable about the issues that you yourself are having in your own life or in your family life and so this kind of creates a safe environment for that to happen because most of us, how many of us in this room are reluctant to voice our issues? There's hums and not many raised hands because we don't want to say yeah that's me, right? So we all have kind of issues and so this is a great opportunity for us to look into God's word because I believe God has so much to say to families. I believe that our issues are so complex and so difficult and so hard but I believe in a God who inspired this word amen that is timeless and has this ability to speak directly and uniquely into all of our situations all at the same time. I love the fact that when we get up and we preach the Word of God, God has this ability to speak uniquely to each and every one of your situations. That just blows my mind but that's the kind of God that we serve, amen? And so I want to speak to everyone and know the examples and illustrations and stories I'm telling other than the ones about myself are not about a particular issue I've heard. I'm not getting up but I'm hoping to speak to kind of everyone and we're going to talk about communication and we're going to talk about forgiveness and we're going to talk about anxiety and so for the next few weeks can I have your permission to kind of be your pastor and counselor over the next four weeks as we dive into family matters. Sound good? Alright you're along for the ride anyway so but we're going to look at Ecclesiastes chapter three verse one to eight this is what the Bible says. For everything there's a season and a time for every matter under heaven, a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to seek and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away, a time to tear and a time to sow, a time to keep silence and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. So this is from the book of Ecclesiastes and so Ecclesiastes is part of what in the Old Testament is called a section of books called Wisdom Literature and so it's basically wisdom literature, Job, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes is giving us instructions for how to live well. Okay and each kind of have a different feel, have a different style, Proverbs is very much principle based, it has a very optimistic look on life and basically it's contextual wisdom for how principles flash out in your life and it's Proverbs ought not to be taken like if you do this then this will happen, it's principles that you live by that need to be contextualized and I love like, I love Proverbs optimism and hopefulness, Ecclesiastes brings us back down to earth and says life isn't actually all that simple. Ecclesiastes reminds us that life is actually a little bit more complex, nuanced and so we read this passage of Scripture in Ecclesiastes and we see that in life there's all different kinds of times and seasons. You know I know what my preference would be if like I was able to pick and choose this passage of Scripture, I'd like to have, how many of you seriously in this place tonight, you'd like to have your life to be all laughing and dancing like the Scripture talks about? I'm good with that, you good with that? But life's not that way right? Ecclesiastes brings us back down to earth and helps us realize that there's weeping and mourning. How many of you know there's weeping and mourning, amen? Wouldn't it be nice if it was all like building and healing? But the truth of this Scripture is that there's a time to break down and a time for death. There's a time for endings. The Bible says there's a time to speak and there's a time to be silent. There's times when we should say something and there's times when we should just be quiet. I think different personalities in this room, we have to push ourselves to be silent. I'm one of those people that have to push myself to be quiet when the Lord wants to quiet me. What Ecclesiastes is saying is that it's not one-size-fits-all. Life is not one-size-fits-all. There's different times and there's different seasons and as it relates to family, there's different times and different seasons. The big question we want to answer tonight and I want you to process with you and your family is this. What time is it for you and your family? What time is it for you and your family? And your family right now might be your single and that's okay. Your family right now might be just a couple and that's it. You might have all kinds of kids, you might be grandparents, you might be empty nesters. That's okay. I still want you to ask the question. What time is it for you and your family? I think one of the challenges is if you don't know, if you don't have a sense what season you're in, it's really difficult to make decisions. It's really difficult to have your life governed if you don't know the season that God has you in. One of the things that I love as a pastor, I really, really legit do. I love it when people come and ask me for advice. It's just like an honor to have people invite me into their personal life and actually care about the wisdom that I find from Jesus, not for myself, to kind of help speak in their lives. I love it. But I get all different kinds of questions from different times. Like should I take this job? Should I start a new job or keep the job that I have? Should I take this promotion? Should I have this child or have another child? Should I step into ministry or step out of ministry? Should I give my child a cell phone? Or let them use social media? Should I give my adult child more money? It's a thing. Should my aging parents move in with us? Should I buy this car? Should I buy this house? Should I buy this license? Should I add more to my plate or should I clear stuff for my plate? You know what my answer is? It depends. It depends on the season of life you're in. Depends on the context that God has you in. It's not a one size fits all. It doesn't mean that there's not an answer, but it means that it has to be discerned. It has to be discerned from the Lord what is right for you in that season? What is God's answer? God says in Ephesians to look carefully than how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. That is discernment. It's understanding what the will of the Lord is because it's unique to you. Now, there's some things that God commands us that we're all called to do, right? Like, how many believe that all of us should love our neighbor? Amen? How many of us believe that? First Tesalonians says, give thanks in every circumstance, pray without ceasing, and rejoice always. How many of them were all commanded to do that, amen? But what's different as it relates to our family is like there's things that we're all called to do generally, but there's specific things that God calls you uniquely to do. There's specific things that God calls you uniquely as a family to do, and so much of that discernment process is understanding the season that God has for you and your family right now. Figuring out what that season is, why? Because time is changing. Time's always changing. As I was thinking about this, how many of you guys know the band Fleetwood Mac, all right? Most of all people, and my dad, I love Fleetwood Mac. And how many of you know the band Dixie Chicks, okay, maybe some of the younger people? They sing a song called Landslide, and it talks about I've been afraid of changing because I've built my life around you, and time makes you bolder, and children get older, and I'm getting older, too. How many others a lot of truth in that, right? Things are changing, and you can't apply the same stuff that worked years ago because it just doesn't work. You have to discern what time and season you're in. Different times require different actions. Isn't it interesting that almost five years ago to the day, less one week, we've had our first weekly service here in Coastal. We're in the same place, but how many of you know that a lot is different from five years ago, amen? Things have changed. Culture has changed. People have changed. I've changed. You've changed. We're kind of all on this journey together, but we can't apply the same stuff that worked five years ago. We're in a different season. Your family is in a different season. I want you to think back to when you were single, and handsome, more beautiful. That was the life, right? Live in the life of the single life. I remember them days. And then maybe you found that person, and you ended up starting a date, and you fell in love, and you enjoyed that season. You got married. How many of you know single life is a lot different than married life? Don't amen? That's too loud. And then you get married, and then maybe the Lord allows you to have kids, and you have kids, or maybe you don't have kids, but you kind of grow together, and you age together, and things just change. You've had kids, and how many know that after you're married, and however long it comes, like you start having kids, how many know life really different with kids? We can amen that one. Most of our kids are in kids ministry, so we can console each other here tonight. Life is different. There's a whole different way of living, a whole different rhythm, like in your kids start growing up, and before you know they're teenagers, I'm not there yet, so I need to seek some counsel from somebody all over here. I've heard life's different with teenagers, amen? And life's different when you're emptying us in. A big amen for that one, right? Life's different. Life's different when you're a grandparent for the first time. Man, there's something about grandparents talking about their grandkids. That's what I mean! That's what I mean! I've never seen the likes of it! You talk to parents about their kids, and they're like, "Lord, please help me!" You talk about grandparents about their kids, man, and they are just so fired up about the grandkids. But we're all in different seasons of our lives, and we needed to discern what season God has us in. Time's always changing, and new times requiring leaving behind the old times. You can't live a single lifestyle in a marriage, can you? It doesn't really work. And you can't live just a couple lifestyle when you've got one, two, three, four, five kids in the house. It just doesn't work. Things change. And oftentimes we forget to leave behind the season that we're in to embrace the season that God's called us to. And it's important to discern the season that you're in, and then to learn to embrace the season God has for you in. You need to leave stuff behind in order to embrace the new season God has for you. It's oftentimes I've heard it said that sometimes when you become an empty nester, sometimes you build your whole identity around your children that because you haven't invested in the marriage, when you get to the empty ness phase, you haven't had that strong relationship in order to embrace that new season you're in. I just want to say to you, next to your relationship with God, your marriage is your most important relationship. It needs to be number one. Because what can happen is you build your whole lives around your kids, and when your kids are gone, what are you left with? And so it's learning to discern the season that you've fallen yourself in, and new seasons require new boundaries. I don't like the word limit or boundary. Is there anyone else out there that it just feels restrictive? But again, life has a way, Ecclesiastes has a way to teach us that life's not easy. Life requires discipline. Life can be difficult sometimes. And we need things like boundaries and limits in our lives. And so I'm preaching to myself here tonight, learning to accept your limits. Learning that I can't do everything. It's one of the reasons why I practice Sabbath. Sabbath is a way of saying, "You know what? I can't do everything. I'm a finite human being. I don't have enough resources to give what is needed." And so I need to take a day to actually be replenished by God and say that I am not God. I need to receive from you. And it's good to actually teach limits. How many of you have ever taken your children or grandchildren to the dollar store or the grocery store? Now, after your grandparents, this is a lot easier maybe for you because the grand kid might be like, "Can I have that?" And you're like, "Oh, yes, Sterling." But how many have ever been the dollar store with your kids, the dollar store in particular? And how many of you know the kids are like, "Can I have this? Can I have this?" And what is usually your answer? No. And what do you actually follow up that answer with after you say no? I'm like, "We don't have the budget for it. We don't have the budget for it. It's like one of my lines. We don't have the budget for it." But you know, limits are really good. Limits are actually a good thing. It's good for our kids to hear us say no. It's good for there to be consequences and know that there's limitations. It seems like maybe it's a bit harsh, but it's actually really, really healthy to create margins and boundaries for our families. And it's good to hold your limits. It's good like one of the holiest things you can say sometimes is no. We tend to think that we're like doormats, and we just don't have healthy margins and boundaries in our lives. We just have to spread ourselves so thin. But I'm learning more and more, and this is something I'm learning, that sometimes no is the holiest thing you can say. It's okay to say no. I'm reading this book called "When to Walk Away." And the opening chapter of this book talks about how do you realize that Jesus walked away from people 41 times? I was like, that's crazy. That blows my mind that he created these margins and boundaries in his life. Now, if Jesus created boundaries and margin in his life and his family, does that give us permission to do the same thing? I think it does. I think there's sometimes we have toxic issues on our family, and we think that we just have to be a doormat or have to do the Christian thing. No, we have to discern the season. We have to discern the context and get wisdom from God. And sometimes the wisdom from God is saying, no, I can't. No, I won't. No, can I pray for you? And here's the cool part. Jesus loves your family. We believe at Coastal that Jesus Christ is a real person, that he's alive at the right hand of God, and that he cares deeply about you and your family. That we believe that Jesus wants to give you wisdom to know how to navigate all the complex seasons that you find yourself in. Seasons may change, but God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, amen? And so I want to go back to that passage of Scripture I reference in Ephesians. It says, look carefully then how you walk. Not as unwise, but as wise. Making the best use of the time because the days were evil, therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. So that question again, I want you to think about for a moment what season you are in. So what time is it right now for you and your family? What season do you and your family find yourself in now? And do you understand, giving your unique season and your unique time that you are in as a family, do you understand what the will of the Lord is for you and your family? I had this picture the last few days as I was thinking about like this idea of seasons and times, and I had this picture of cement, and I had this picture of wet cement because our lifestyle changes as we kind of grow in our different seasons of life, and sometimes we can like put stuff in hard cement that we just always did as a family. But the difference now that you start to embrace life with Jesus is like Jesus actually gets to form your lifestyle. He gets to form your values. He gets to form your family. He gets to form all that, which is really, really exciting because we know that Jesus has his best interest in mind for you, amen? But that might mean that some of the stuff in our lives might need to change. It might mean that some of the priorities in our life have to be adjusted. It might mean some of the lifestyle rhythms that we have might need to change. And so as you go through different seasons, it's wise to pour it in wet cement and give Jesus the invitation to shape in mold seasons as needed. Because it's really difficult when stuff gets hardened and Jesus has to take a jackhammer and reform stuff. I also made me think about the verse in Matthew's gospel where Jesus gave this instruction. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." I think we build our lifestyle oftentimes and then invite Jesus to be part of it instead of saying, "Jesus, for my family, what do you want for us? What season do you have for us Jesus? And how do you actually want to show us what you want us to do in this season that we're in? And what would it just take if we just actually acknowledge Jesus and trust in the Lord with all of our heart and lean on our understanding and all of our ways acknowledge him and he'll direct our past. See, I think we do this thing where we think that God is not concerned with the ins and outs of schedules and life of my family. And I'm just here to tell you in all your ways, acknowledge him. God is concerned about your family, brothers, and he wants to set you up with blessing. But you've got to acknowledge him. You've got to seek ye first the kingdom of God and you've got to discern what season God has you in. He's the worship team to come. So this is an opportunity for you to kind of lay things out before the Lord. What season does God have you and your family in? What time does God have you in? And what does he want to speak to you about this unique season that you find yourself in? See, there's things that God wants to integrate into your family life that is really life-giving and life-changing. I'm thankful today my daughter got baptized this year and our assistant pastor, Alex, is amazing, amen? And one of the things that she gave to my daughter and she gave to a number of other kids that attend her ministry, Alex cares so deeply about families. It's like one of her things. Not just kids, families. And she gave us my daughter this book called Roar and it's this devotional book. And we've been reading it at nighttime and I'm here to confess how many of you as parents you didn't really like bedtime routine. Okay, let's be honest. It's a safe place. Okay? Just me? Okay? Well, y'all can pray for me then. Like, I don't know what it is, but bedtime routine is rugged, man. Like you're tired. If both of you are working, you're tired at the end of the day. You're trying to get the kids brushed teeth, you're like, "Brush your teeth, brush your teeth, brush your teeth." Get in bed, get in bed. But we've been doing this thing, reading this devotional book with our three kids. Sometimes all three of them are focused in. But it's been amazing the conversations that we've had and I had to be confessed to you. I don't always crush the devotional at nighttime with my kids, but this has just been so helpful. And we've had some of the most incredible conversations about Jesus and about living out of faith and all that sort of stuff, but it was just like a little adjustment in our life that helped us and the kids are at a season where they can actually start comprehending and understanding some of the stuff. Like some of the things that God wants to insert into your life, it might not be the jackhammer, it might just be stuff that's making you more intentional for the season that you're in so you can thrive the way God ordained and desires and wants your family to thrive. Do you believe God wants you to thrive? I believe that. I believe God loves you. He wants to fill you with his passion, with his power. He wants your families to be a light and beacon. He wants you to be an influence in this community. He wants to give you the wisdom to navigate all the complex issues you face in your family and you face in your community. God loves you. It's not just a far off, distant, I'm there for you kind of thing, no. God wants to get in the weeds of your life and help you navigate all the chaos that you and I are both facing. That's the kind of God we serve, amen? He loves you. And whether you're here for the first time checking this thing out, we're here to tell you God loves you. He cares about you, he cares about your family, he cares about the season that you're in. He knows the season that you're in and he's given you the ability and the wisdom to know how to walk through the season that you find yourself in. You can build your entire life on Jesus and the storms will come in the winds will blow but you'll standing firm on Jesus. He's the everlasting rock and you can put your trust in Him. So as you're driving home tonight, I want you to seriously ask this question. I want you to do it. What season are we in? What time are we in? And then what does the Lord want us to do as a family in the season we find ourselves in? We just end. We really hope that this message is motivating you to go deeper in your relationship with Jesus. Any questions about the servant, if you want to know how you can get involved, send us an email at office@cosalchurchnance.com. We'd love to get connected with you. Have a great day. [Music] [Music] [Music]