WORT 89.9FM Madison
DONUTS
Hi, I'm Andy Moore, your Friday host of 8 o'clock buzz. Thanks for spending your mornings with us. We love bringing you this blend of art, and music, and news, and politics, and more. In return, we ask that you spend a little to support this show. And it's easy. Go to w-o-r-t-f-m-dot-org-slash-donate. Here's another weird thing about "First Days." Son, when you think about it. And this isn't about just getting older, junk. You're just "First Days" in general. It's a ritual that maybe some of you have been entrapped by, and I bet you know about it. I bet you've even fallen for it. I don't want to be accusatory, but you know what I'm talking about, that weird thing? We're at the office at work. You, the birthday person, are expected to bring in donuts to work for everyone else? Let me be clear. Everyone else whose birthday it isn't. Yes. You're the lucky guy whose birthday it is. And what are you going to do? You're going to run around like crazy, try not to be late for work, which is hard because you have to go over to Greenbush Bakery and do what? Spend your hard-earned money on donuts for everyone at work because why? Because it's your birthday. Let me repeat that. It's your birthday. Where did this satanic ritual originate? Will do you have any idea? Is it a Midwestern thing? It's got to be, right? I mean, if you're talking about the Greenbush donuts, that's got to be a Madison Midwestern thing. Well, I guess I sort of ratted on the location, but I don't get it. Well, I bring donuts to everyone at work on my birthday. Not their birthday. My birthday. It's the most bass, back-assward thing I've ever heard of. It's got to be a Midwestern thing. Who would possibly do this other than friggin Midwestern? Right? I don't know. Hey, I got an idea. It's my birthday. I'm going to get up extra early and shell out $65 for donuts for my coworkers. That's the best job one. You know, when you say it like that, come on. That doesn't make sense, does it? I want to know who came up with this. Seriously, this was how it happened, where I worked in my department at UW for 32 years. Every time it happened, I couldn't believe it. I love donuts, but this is so dumb. OK, so it's Larry's down the hall birthday. And that poor friggin guy just walked in with $60 worth of donuts. It broke my heart. And he's late, poor guy. And of course, I availed myself of Larry's donuts. I didn't even get along very well with Larry. But I kind of thought-- actually, he was a slacker. But after all, it was his birthday. And donuts are one of my favorite foods. But I never did that once on my own birthday. That's not unreasonable, is it? Will you be able to do what you want on your birthday, right? So we actually used to work together. I'm a little bit upset that you never brought in the donuts. Of all the mornings to make this confession. And now it's dawning on you, isn't it? Oh, those years, we work together, right? What happened on that-- no donuts, right? You're nowhere to be found. Well, I'll tell you what. People come looking for you when it's your birthday. I remember people at work who knew it was my birthday when it rolled around showing up on the off the store, right? And they slide in, look around and say, hey, Andy. Have a happy birthday. But there was no fun in their voice because they were focused while they acknowledged today. I was born, which I appreciated. They were scanning my space for the green porch, you know? It's like, yeah, Andy, I hope your birthday's going great. Are there any jelly filled left? They'd ask, where's the jelly filled? And I'm like, no. Then they say, so the donuts are out in the lobby? And I'm like, no, I didn't bring donuts. And they'd say, oh, they're in the conference room? And I'd say, like, no, period, I did not bring donuts. And they'd say, but it's your birthday, right? And then there'd be this big, sad silence. And then walk away, they'd all been out of shape, you know? This was madness. I'm sorry I'm taking up so much time with this, but it's my birthday. I didn't bring donuts, but, you know, it's my birthday. You know, my doctor is worried about my blood pressure. It's a family medical curse. He told me, you shouldn't get so worked up about people bringing donuts to the office on their birthday. In fact, at your age, you also should not be eating the donuts. So there you have it. No donuts on my birthday, and I feel good about that, I think. But this is the kicker. Yesterday, Thursday, after I decided I was going to do this birthday donut rant on the show this morning, my wife Peggy says, and this was minutes after deciding about the rant committing, right? You got to commit. My wife says, "I'm making cupcakes for you "to take to work for the team tomorrow." So I'm left to believe that this is baked or fried, depending on your preference of donuts, beyond repair into the Midwestern psyche. That's my story, well, I'm sticking to it, 'cause those cupcakes are pretty good. Have you had one yet, Will? I have not, but I think we know Peggy is now our favorite more. (laughing) Well, that was easy. Oh, Will, wow, okay, that was easy.
"What's the deal with birthday donuts?"
--Andy Moore
Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash