The boys consider iPints, Paris Fashion Week and how best to greet a woman.
Boys Gone Wild
Boys Gone Wild | Episode 242: Paris Syndrome
(upbeat music) Hello and welcome to another episode of Boys Gone Wild. I'm joined here with my co-host, Andrew Cohen, producer Charlie. Andrew has discovered a nostalgic app, the gun app, the distant cousin of the beer app, I guess. This is sort of when we view technology in a more positive light. When it was around the time of the Arab Spring, this gun came out and it was just feeling that technology would make us stronger as opposed to now where we fear it will destroy us. With these sort of ingenious inventions. Now, Drew, do you wanna talk us through what you're doing right now? - I'm reloading. (laughing) I'm cocking it. - Yeah. - Then I'm shooting. - Did you have this downloaded for a while ago or did you have to re-download it? - Had to re-download it. - Yeah. Had to re-download it on your phone 'cause you didn't have it. - Yeah. Do you wanna show the audience the flash? - Yeah, I think I've shown it. - Yeah. - Yeah. Well, that's kind of the best thing about it. - Is it free? - Yeah. - Good. - I think the gun's on. Yeah, I just found out it requires Wi-Fi, which is silly. - What for? So it can show ads, I guess? - I think, yeah, show ads also show you your gun arsenal. But I've got an Oozi, that's what this is. - Oh, there's a different ones. - Yeah. - Let's go through it than then, Christ. - No, I don't. I don't know what the Wi-Fi to do, so. Actually, I do. I've got an AR-15. - Yeah. - Which thing's quite, that's like the-- - That's the school shooter gun. - Yeah, that's the school shooter gun. I've got an M1 Garand, which seems to be more of a-- - That's like a pretty charming one, right? - Yeah, yeah. The AR-15, clearly a different sound, it seems. - Let's have a look. - I'm just reloading it. Build a way for that. Then cock it. One sec. (crunching) Yeah, well, that's-- - Yep. - Single round fire. I think you know you do that, but. (crunching) (laughing) - Yeah, I'm just, I'm trying to get apps on my phone that, as you were saying, remind me of a better time. - Yeah. - Let's get phone apps back to where they should be. None of this AI technology-- - Yep. - Reading my thoughts and telling me what I want for breakfast. Why can't I just run around my flap, shooting a gun at my flatmate? - Yeah. - I'm attending to drink a beer. - And I don't also see the, I don't see kids doing that anymore, do you? - No, he doesn't see them running on their iPad watching-- - They've got real three-dimensional pornography. - Yeah. VR blow job videos. (laughing) Actually shooting up schools. Where is, we would get real blow jobs. - Real blow jobs. - Yeah, that's how to grow up. They use kids nowadays. They don't understand what a real blow job is and a fake gun. - Yeah, that and I pint. It was my only-- - I guess a fart sound board is not, wouldn't go on this. - Wouldn't go on this at all. - Would it be in this, like, you know how there's been like, there's all these kind of systems of like, trying to make you be on your phone less, like making a black and white grayscale? Or you can download this app called Brick, where you-- - I told you that, didn't I? Just, just, have I gone insane? - No, you have told me that but-- - Okay. - So I have a lot of other people. - Okay. - It's not, yeah. It called Brick, where it just makes, you lose a lot of your-- - It just blocks off different apps. - Well, I think you should have an app discussed. - Like a version called Brick, but you have these sort of apps. - Yeah, anything with I in front of it. (laughing) I pint, I gun. This is Igun Pro 2. I don't, I can't vouch for Igun Pro 1. - 'Cause I guess when you're really bored at a bus stop and you've disabled at all features-- - I wouldn't recommend using this app at a bus stop. - Well, no, I pint. - I pint, yeah. If you're trying to make friends with the person next to it. - Well, I'm more trying to think you're at a bus stop, you're waiting for 45 minutes, there's no one there. Normally you'd be scrolling through Instagram. - Slowly acting to this girl. - Becoming angry at world events. - Gosh, from schools, Instagram stories. - Yeah. - You can't anymore. - You can't. - 'Cause now the fun place has taken that away as well. - Oh, you've got his Ipints and I guns. - There's nothing funny. - No, there is genuinely-- - But I mean, you've got 45 minutes to fill, so I guess-- - I firmly contend-- - What point does it do in the ipine? - No, I firmly contend that there's nothing funnier for an onlooker. If you're sitting in a bus stop, there's just the two of you and it's a 20 minute wait for a bus. - Yeah. - You kind of, the person's always sat there and you look and be like, oh, fucking hell. They just sit down and then just open up ipine and just very drink it in the time it takes. Like, don't down. - Yeah, slow it. - Like genuinely quite. - Save for it. - Enjoy it. - For the whole time. - What more pleasure could you get to the upper person? - Would you get the Igun out afterwards? - No. - I think the Igun's-- - I've done for friends and family. The Ipine is for strangers and everyone I would say. There's an Ipine is time that harm is fun. There is, they can be threat or aggression intended with the Igun. - Yeah. - I'd say the Igun is better technology behind it. The flashes are pretty extraordinary. - Yeah. - And like, when you put it right next to you, it really feels like you're shooting that fucker. But no, it reminds, I kind of wanted to get back to a better time. - What would you put the thoughts? Did you ever have a fat soundboard? - I wasn't really that guy. I was more of a, I was an Igun, I'm I, jelly car, doodle jump man. - Yeah, but I'm thinking back at the bus stop, right? - Yeah. - You've got 45 minutes. - I'm not a prankster. - No, you're not pranking. You're on your phone and you're just playing different fat soundboards as if that's used. - It's if I'm farting or just as if that's too entertaining. - Yeah, I think that's the way to do it is it's like you're not even laughing. It's like you're, it's like watching someone go just scroll, mindless do scroll. - Yeah. (laughing) - Not enjoying it at all. He's not pretending it's him. He's not going, oh, who did that? - He just spaced out with TikTok. (laughing) - I don't think that provides the same entertainment as the person with the bus shelter as slowly sipping an iPod. If I saw someone do that, I'd think I'd be funny if he-- - I think it would be tempting. - I've ever seen. - Yeah, funnier than someone miserably scrolling through fart noises. - Yeah, because it suggests like that's too out there. The guy who's going for drinking the iPod slowly and savoring it is someone who's there to entertain the bus crowd. - Yeah. - And he's just having fun with it. He's a silly goofy guy. - Who's the fart soundboard guy then? - You, and I'm the iPod guy. You're this horrible freak consigned to the animals of society who no one wants to pay attention to. But the iPod is jovial, it's fine. And that's why I think everyone should download these again. Instead of coming-- - This is your sponsor for this weekend. - Yeah, iGUN Pro 2. (laughing) - That'd be a great sponsor. - Yeah. - They try and make a real big comeback. - Yeah. - If you're trying to get a subscription-- - Type in the code boys got wild and you get 50% off your nuts carabiner. Is carabiner gun? - I don't know. - Carabiner. - That's a clip. - That's a clip. What many do you think that was a gun? - Aww. - We haven't got the TV working. I don't know if that's going to be an issue. - But what those apps are, which is what I like, is they were, it was technology for technology sake. It was the novelty that this is a touch screen and it reacts to what I'm going to do. The wonder of that was the best time of the iPhone. It's where look, it actually looks like I'm drinking this pint. But the thing is, I haven't even got a pint in my hand. I've got a phone in my hand. - I guess it's sort of like, like a cave painting. There's something about the kind of early-- - That's not actually a spear. - Yeah, but it's more like the beginning of technology. What are the first couple of ideas that come out? - Exactly. And they're often the best. Like we didn't need to go any further than Jelly Car. Jelly Car was even pushing it at times. - Was this mini clip? - No, it was the iPhone, early iPhone games. Jelly Car. - What was Jelly Car? - Imagine what you think Jelly Car would be. - Is it a car? - It was that. - Was it a car made out of jelly? - It was a floppy car that you would do a soul. - Is it a platform? Not like a two-dimensional one. - Yeah, yeah, it was the first iPhone. - Yeah. - It wasn't, yeah, it's not going crazy. It's literally Jelly Car. Like, you know, it's sort of akin to doodle jump. - Yeah, exactly. - Also in those early days, what I liked is that you'd paid two pounds for a game and then you'd have the game forever. And there'd be no ads or anything. - No ads. - And now it's like any fucking stupid, shitty little stim game comes with, like, these profiles you have to make, advertising, subscription basis, it's, you know. - And you've got to sit through. - You have to buy coins to like customize your character and stuff. - I hate to say, but even iGUN Pro too, there's, you know, you've got to buy different guns. You've got to sit through ads if you want to get different ammo. - You either die the hero. - Fundamentally, I do want to meet the people who are, like, trying to expand their weapon arsenal when iGUN too, because I think three guns probably does it for me. I don't feel the need to get any more. Then again. - Who are these people? - I fear that people who are trying to expand their weapon arsenal on iGUN too. I just don't think they're jokers or japesters. - No. - You know. - No, because fundamentally it's quite a two dimensional joke. (laughing) And you've just all seen it there. That's kind of the extent that I've been able to work something out from it. It's surprised my flatmate every now and again with an oozy. - Yeah. - You know, get up hands in the air. He's not, he's not complying. - Does he like it? - No. (laughing) - Not as, not as Elle. You're the first person that's really liked. - Oh, it was brilliant. - Yeah. (laughing) Adam and I have sat down, sat there together on a sofa and sipped on an eye pint together. - That's nice. - Yeah. - That's fun. - That's good stuff. - Yeah, yeah. But no, it's a better time and I think we should all get those apps back in our phone devices. Charlie. - Go for it. - Do you remember the woo button? - No. - No. - Tell us. - I mean, it's kind of a less crass version of the far app but basically it just shouts woo. Yeah. So it's a bit fun. - Now, for me, I can't become a gun. I can't become a pint. I can say woo. - Yeah. - So what's the point? - Yeah. - Why would I want that on my phone, Charlie? - I feel that you couldn't recreate the guy's voice. The guy had a very distinctive-- - Woo! - That's about the most iconic early iPhone app that I remember using. - Really? - Interesting. - What's your early iPhone memory? - It was the same as yours. We just talked about it. - Jelly car. - No, not jelly car. - Eye pint. - Eye pint. - Doodle jump. - Yeah. - Doodle jump. - Yeah. - The big doodle jump. - Yeah. - Doodle jump was, that was a real moment. - Tap tap revenge. Fuck yeah, 'cause that was a big guitar hero guy. - Cube runner, do you remember that? - Yeah, rings a bell. - Yeah. - It was a heyday for us and I think we just avoided the kind of chaos of smartphones growing up. - Yeah. - Because that was our memories of when, you know, we shouldn't really have had a phone at what? 14 or 13 or 12 or something. And then it was like, yeah, what we're doing is like, tap tap revenge and jelly car. And we're not posting pictures of ourselves with our online internet. - Yeah, it was kind of like how, we were the first generation for people to say, oh, kids shouldn't have technology. - Yeah, 'cause there were even an over-meer on jelly car, which is fair. - Yeah. - But do you know what I mean? Like, the most we did was just play stupid games. - But now, now kids are meeting up with the pedophiles. - Pedophiles. That's all they're doing, actually. That's it. - Eye-pedo. Eye-pedo. - Well, you open it and it's like, it's like when you open up a line bike app and you see the pedos in your area, which corners and they go in and they get massive on it. - Yeah, it's weird that that goes, it's like through the Charles perspective, like the Charles the customer, not the pedo. - Well, that's what's happening. - That's what's happening. - That's what's happening. - Yeah. - That's how milded our minds are. The pedos don't even have to do any work anymore. They just get an eye-pedo account, share their location and children will come to them. - I think more pedos need to be pulled up by their bootstraps a little bit. - If you wreck 'em. - Pulled up by their crock straps. - It's probably an app for that. - Yeah. - Pulling up by their bootstraps. - Angry Birds. - Angry Birds is classic. - I always thought that was a bit of a rated personally. - Yeah, I mean, it was hard for it to be underrated 'cause it was maybe the most rated thing since sliced cheese. - Wow. - You see, he thought he was gonna go somewhere with that, but then changed it at the last minute. Truly inspired podcasting. - Thank you, Andrew. - That's okay. What's on the docket today? What's the date? Horatio likes to put the date of every podcast on the top of all the podcast. - I think it can be at some point. - Not once will I? - I think it will, I think. - Well, that was kind of my justification for the remarkable, but-- - What? - 'Cause we have a constant stock of the plans and things. - Yeah, but why am I the remarkable? - Well, we just don't lose it. - Okay, cumbersome. - It didn't become cumbersome. - It did become cumbersome. - My remarkable did not become cumbersome. - Are you still using it? - Yeah. - You said that as if you were lying. - No, I didn't. My voice isn't going up. My voice is very much on the floor. - What was the last thing you used the remarkable to form? - This literally private business. (laughing) - It couldn't be less of any of your businesses what I used my remarkable for. - Would it terrify me the stuff that deals you're making the remarkable to-- - The deals? - Well, I don't know what you're getting up to. You know? - Yeah. - You know that scene in the social network where he says the things that I'm doing and back at Facebook HQ, you know, you wouldn't even dream about it. - You wouldn't even dream about it. - That's kind of you with your-- - Right, in my shopping list. (laughing) - Are you? - No. - You wouldn't. - I don't do a shopping list. - No. - Because you free bought it. - I trust myself in the shop too much. - Yeah. - You know, just go for each ingredient, down each aisle, and that's the end of it. - I go to the shop for one ingredient at a time. I go, "I need some milk," and then I go get some milk and I get back and think, "Oh, I probably need some milk." - I got coffee with that, didn't I? (laughing) - I need a mug. - So I've got myself a one ingredient rule of the shop. - It's nice to get out of the house. Why are you typing in remarkable to controversy? - Controversy. - I saw maybe then some stuff. - Potentially. It would be great if the CEO was caught up in like-- - Yeah. - There's a lot of money to spend on a notebook, so I wouldn't be surprised it came crumbling down. - And you've probably sold a lot of-- - No pad. - You've already sold a lot of remarkables. - Probably at least two. I reckon at least two people. I know one person has messaged me saying they got it because of the podcast. - Yeah. - Does that make it all worth it? - No, it makes it worth it because it is a fully effective electronic notepad that I use on a regular basis, and I continue to enjoy. - Charlie, it was just, the reason Charlie wasn't here last week, some people commenting thinking that Charlie had just been incredibly quiet, but no, he wasn't actually in the room. Charlie was at Paris Fashion Week. Ladi Da, how was Paris, Charlie? - It was amazing. It was my first ever fashion show experience. - Was it? - Yeah. - Oh, have you been too close to that though? - No, it is. - I'd like to say it again, yeah. - Was it? - Was it? - Oh, okay, yeah. - And none of the crew had ever been to a fashion show, so I felt that we had a kind of naive charm to us. - Do you think? - Yeah, I think that we carried it off. - 'Cause I've just watched the Vogue documentary, so now I'm into the world now. So were they nasty or nice to you? - They were very lovely. It actually apparently-- - Sort of the earth, people. - Not sort of the earth, but kind of friendly euro trashy-- - Oh, hey, Charlie, that sort of stuff. Wow, crazy hair. - Not Mario characters. - We went to a rat party afterwards, which was hosted by Cara Delevine, apparently. She wasn't, I didn't see her. - Right. - You could imagine-- - It's a poor host. - You're thinking-- - You're expecting to go around with all the devs. - You're thinking it's going to be all kind of everyone pouting and trying to look cool, but they were listening to sort of sugar babes and getting pissed and sort of giving around. And I found it was much less than ever was probably-- - Yeah, that's pretty lit. - It was nice. - Getting pissed, kicking around, sugar babes is on. - Yeah, no, they were all-- - Cara Delevine's nowhere to be seen. - Yeah, the perfect party. (laughing) - Now, do you think the eye gun would kill that? - It's not the eye gun. You wouldn't do the eye gun. - The eye gun doesn't shoot real bullets. - Yeah. - The eye gun will never kill anyone. - Yeah, that's true. - Eye gun doesn't kill people, people do it. (laughing) - With eye gun. - With eye gun. (laughing) Eye gun protect. (laughing) Yeah, I would kind of expect that in some ways, 'cause they've got their public facade on, you know, they're dressed to the nines, looking like a 10, and then-- (laughing) And then you get back, and then it's like, you know, the press is gone. It's now time to get the knobs out, get the coke out. - Was the knobs out? - Was that coke out? - There was no knobs out, so I think there was coke out, but I didn't-- - It's fashion. - Did it feel like, wow, this is, this is-- - I made it, I'm here. - This is it. - I'd arise. - I honestly did at one point. - Was it like a movie? - It was kind of like a movie. - Wow. (laughing) - You should write, you should write that movie. (laughing) - There was a moment during the catwalk where I actually genuinely got goosebumps, 'cause I got plonked next to all the pro camera guys, and I was just on an iPhone. - Yeah. - They meant I had this incredible view. - Yeah. - And like, Willem Dafoe was like-- - I am charging down and Lil Sims, and I was like, this is crazy. - How close were you? - Mrs. Prada was there, who I didn't even know existed, but-- - Fuck it all. - Yeah, she like, did a little bow at the end. I was like, right now-- - Did she make the clothes? - I could have done like a bundle of Willem Dafoe if I wanted to ruin it. I could have done-- - You would have probably made, would that be a notification? - But you said you'd not have a notification. - Tell me, would have-- - I'd have got a notification. - If someone's a rugby tackle's Willem Dafoe-- - It's on the front page. - Front page of what? The reason is, but not a breaking news notification. - Yeah. - I don't know. I don't think it might-- - It might hurt him, it might hurt him. - Yeah, if you were, if you protested afterwards, if you were just a hooligan, I don't think that makes a front page. If you then got up and sprayed orange paint on it and said just a boil, that is a front page. - What would you, yeah, what would you say-- - If you had rugby tackle Willem Dafoe, and you had a second, you were like, fuck, I need to make everyone's listening to you. - This needs to have been something. - All the moves of the shakers are there. What are you gonna say? Charlie has one message he can get across after rugby tackle him, Willem Dafoe, and here it is. - Uh-- (laughing) - The police are coming. Do you have a politician? - Drink more water and save it as well. - Right. - Okay, there's two. You'd be a bit cheeky there, 'cause you didn't-- - Drink and save water. - The hands have gone up. What do you mean by saving water? - Don't be an idiot, but don't have really long showers. - Police are holding back. We need to hear what this guy says. - Yeah, hold on. This guy might be onto something. Willem Dafoe on the floor going, hey, hear him out. This guy's got something to say. (laughing) - I like that. - Yeah, drink and save water. - I'd focus on water. I think everyone would get behind that. I think that's the, you know, I'd already be up against it with having mobbed Willem Dafoe, so I think choosing water. - Right. I think maybe standing abation and then you bow. - Yeah. - And then you're always part of the show. - Kind of. - We had a panic on the morning of the show, because Joe, I was next to the cameraman. - Yeah. - But Joe was given of my co-crew member, was given a seat front row of the show, but he only had his grandpa's top with that curry on. He got loads of curry on his-- - Grandpa curry top. - Grandpa curry top was all Joe had to say. - Now, why do the only ab his grandpa's curry top? - I think he just misjudged it and maybe it was just prioritizing the-- - And thought that it would be fine to wear a grandpa curry top to fashion week. - He misjudged it, Drew. - Yeah, I apologize. - He misjudged the vibe. - Yeah, that will do when packing it. - I like he walks in. - I have, deeply misjudged what this event is. - Is Grandpa curry top not okay? Guys, I'm starting to feel a bit so I've gone just about grandpa curry top. - This wasn't in the dress code, though, yeah. People walking in with like Met Gala-esque outfits. - And then finally someone covered in curry what's in the cat walking up? - Well, to be honest, there is probably a line of the amount of curry where it looks, that it's a decision, and therefore a statement. If it was just a-- - A powerful statement. - Cut out of curry becomes fashion. I'd say-- - I think like moo cow, in the way of-- - Moo cow, hear me out, hear me out. - Here we go, here we go. - Let me save myself, let's reel it back boys. - Let's just wanna remind everyone before you do this that when Horatia was younger, he wanted to be a moo cow. - I did wanna be a moo cow. - That's the first thing I want to be when I was three years old, I wanted to be a moo cow. - Yep. - So this is deep from within us, I can't-- - I was trans animal at that stage. So I would say in the way that a moo cow's white and black, with the black spots on the white or however you see it, all vice versa, that sort of distribution of curry. - Yeah, okay. - When it kind of mimics a cow's coat. - Yeah, or if it was like a depiction of some Jesus or something via the car. - I think that would have to look purposeful. If your curry spill perfectly depicted Jesus, wait, I think you got some fucking curry. - It would be, yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - This isn't coming across, is it? What was he wearing on his trousers, or is, you know-- - Yoga or-- (laughing) - Nah, I'm bred. (laughing) - It's good stuff. - There it is, it is good stuff. - It's got no bread for trouser. - What more do you want, guys? - Yeah, it's good as it can. - It's good as it can. (laughing) - So how long is the runway show? Is it a good event? - About 20 meters. - Surprisingly, pleasantly, surprisingly short. So it was like, it was eight to 10 minutes show. - What? - Yeah, yeah, really, really-- - I didn't, weirdly, weirdly. At the end, everyone runs out. - What? (laughing) - Did you go to a runway show? (laughing) - I did. - Or were you just at the airport? - Were the guy who sort of looked like William Dafar? - Yeah. - Oh my God. - You can't make dripping in curry. - Yeah, curry. - Obviously, they wouldn't let it get let into any fashion show whatsoever. You can't come in with that much curry on your shirt. - Literally, it was a photo, it was really funny. - Sorry. - Eight to 10 minutes. - Really short, but I actually thought that that was-- - It's nice. - That was one of the nicest-- - Yeah. - I want, you were maybe, maybe hit a 20 minute. - Only 15, 20. - 20 minutes. - Also the bow, when Mrs. Prada comes out at the end, I thought she was gonna do some speech or anything, but she was out and about for about five seconds. Did her bow. - Yeah, yeah. - It was very understated. - They don't speak from my understanding of it. - But the whole thing was just so quick and I thought that was quite nice. - But was it like half an hour to get in, sit down, don't know, don't know. - Yeah, yeah, lots of that. - Lots of anticipation. - That's fine, that's part of the-- - It's sort of like going to see like the 800 meters. - Yeah? - Yeah, isn't it? - Wait, yeah. - Is that being a massive 800 meter fan? - No. - No? - Eight to seven minutes. - Yeah. - I don't know, that's probably more 5,000 meters. - Yay. - 800 meters, they're not doing it. - Can you look at the world record? - 15, no, that's too long for 1,500 meters. - World record backwards. - World record 800 meters is one minute 40. Now do one minute, world record 5,000. This is really cutting edge stuff. 12 minutes, 15, 20. - Yeah, so probably it would be about that, yeah. - Never test my knowledge. - Yeah, that's pretty good, that's pretty elite. - It's pretty bang on. - He doesn't know what he's talking about with the fashion stuff, but. - No. - Straight over this, I'd say. I'd be there thinking the security guards with the models. - That's 'cause you see the brilliance of everyone. - I see the fashion in everybody. I'm not here for the people. - So what are you wearing? - Yeah. - So who you went well? - That's even stupid as well to do it at a show, isn't it? 'Cause they're wearing the designer. - The security guards. - Yeah, but I think they're the-- - Yeah. - Yeah. - They're being a red carpet interviewer at like a makeup. - Why? - Because I just feel you don't-- - I met Gala. - I think you just don't care at all. - No. - And I think if you had to do it, you're forcing yourself to be interested in what they're wearing, would really-- - Which way? - It would, so who's that? - Cool. - All right. - Yeah, it would be tough. - You're doing anything else tonight? - Yeah. - Just this? - Just the met Gala, all right. (laughing) Yeah. Yeah, no, I think that'd actually be a breath of fresh air on that arm. - I think so. - Red carpet. - It's a security presence. Every very smart young Italian looking men all in suits. - Yeah. - That was probably the most like conventionally fashion show part of it. - Yeah. - Well, bloody Willem de Fos in town. - How does it-- - He's tiny, isn't he? - Yeah, of course he is. - There he is. - All actors are all-- - Yeah. - It's 'cause you look better on screen. - Yeah. - I think if you're a tiny man, you get punished for being in life, for being small, but on screen. - Yeah, it works. - It just works 'cause your features are kind of the right thing. 'Cause I think tall handsome men, they often look handsome 'cause they're tall, but if you're just looking at their face, it's just a bit, it's spread out. - You lose some of the magic of their real life person out of person. - Yeah. - You don't get their aura in the same way. - Yeah. Adam Tritor. - Yeah. - And he has a tall man's face. - He does. - But he makes it work 'cause they're talented, you know. It's not a hard and fast rule. So you typed in the most attractive height for men. - No, he typed in the most attractive tall man in the world. - Okay. - Again, what are you expecting to come up with? - It's slightly awful. - It's not gonna be a Google answer. - Apparently, there's no single most attractive height in the world. Isn't that interesting? - So like it's a very country to country. - Or it just seems to be something that's not an objective thing. - Well, how big is the spread? It's only interesting if it's from like five, six to six, five. It needs to be, it needs to be a different. - There's no single. Okay. The average one prefers men who are about five, 11, and considers men who are five foot four or shorter to be too short. Men who are over six foot three to be too tall. I'm six two. - You're six two. - Yeah, what are you, six one? - Yeah. - Tiny. - A small little and tiny or shoe. - That's gonna free a lot of people out. People think we're small. - We're not small. - We're not small. And particularly 'cause they think we're small and I'm an inch smaller than you. - So you look-- - Why I look like a fucking, people think I'm like a tiny little bug person. Smallest famous actor. What, why? - This is pointless. - Vern Troyer, there we go. Let's tell that. - I am. - Please get Vern Troyer. - Eat me out. - Eat me out. - Do you find it difficult how to greet women for the first time sometimes? - Yes, previously, but now I'm finding it more with men. - Okay. Oh, interesting. I thought men it's easy. - No. - For me, a firm handshake. - I am. Good to meet you. - Yeah. - You're a barracabama or a piss ant. - What? - You name it. - Yeah. - I see. I see. So the very top barracabama is the very bottom of the piss ant. - A piss ant like me. - The classic handshake firm. - Biker Uncle. - Here's my hand. My name's Andrew. - That's nice. - You ever tried shaking a woman's hand? - Yeah. - They fucking hate it. - They fucking hate it. - It's like, I guess we've very rarely talk about emasculation for women. Defeminisation, do we? - Yeah. - It's weird that people don't talk about that. 'Cause it's not a big thing that seems to happen. - No. - It's not. Emasculation is such a big part of being a man or trying to avoid that. But no, women aren't trying to avoid defeminisation. It says of the position of women in the world. - Yeah, yeah. - But you can defeminise someone by fucking-- - Should I give him a firm handshake? - Yeah, if you give him a firm handshake, it's when a woman had spent age on her makeup is wearing a lovely dress and you walk up to her and go, "You're right." It makes them feel like a bill. - Yeah. - But you see immediately, they just like, they kind of repel as they feel, you know. - Now I agree and I used to think this. - The opposite of castrated, they've had a, they've had, what was it called when you put something onto something? Like they've had a, they've had a cock. - Strap on? - It was a good word. - Transfusion? - Yeah, I guess so, okay. - Addition? - Yeah. - Forget about it. - Stick the cock on. - They've had a cock stuck on them. - They've had a cock stuck on them. (laughing) - Now I think, I think-- - Crafted, they've had a cock grafted, that was it. They've had a cock grafted. - Important. - Yeah, when you, when you firmly shake a woman who's dressed up nice-- - You might as well be cock grafted. - You've, you've grafted a cock grafted thing. - You've got grafted thing, what is what you've done? You've grafted them, a cock. No, I think it's simple, I really do. In any other situation, in a, what do we start with? In a social situation, if they're friends of a friend, whoever, if you're there for social reasons, you're in my hug. If it's a work situation, it has to start with a handshake. - Even if it was a lady. - Even if, yeah, 100% for lady. Because in a work situation, you need to be treated, you're all treating each other the same. - I, I subscribe to that, but it doesn't feel right. And I feel we need to, we need to have like a public service announcement. - You move on to the hug in a work situation, you start at a hug in a social situation. - Fine, I get that. If you're meeting a friend of a friend at a pub, a hug makes sense. - Yeah, where is, where is men? I think it's more tricky nowadays. - So I was in a, okay. - Because there's-- - You know, hugs, hugs. - You know, hugs is kind of a normal thing, really. I don't know, most of the time, if I'm meeting a new man, I'll tend to plot one on him. - Where is, a handshake feels a bit fucking silly. - Yeah, I guess so. - In a work situation. - I like, I like the handshake for the first thing. I just think that's just a nice start. And I think, I think, you know, if it ain't broke, don't fix that. I think it's, a handshake's a pretty fucking good. - Well, there are times where you-- - If you keep a distance, it's like I don't. - The thing is, I still give handshakes to my granddad, and I think a hug would be nice in those situations, you know. So I think sometimes the handshake is broken, and maybe it does need fixing. - I'm talking about that first, that first thing. Like the first time I met my granddad. - I'm not allowed to talk about my granddad on this podcast. - I'm not allowed to talk about any of those issues, we'll just brush right past that. - Or brush underneath the car. - Under the car. (laughing) - Continue. - This came about, 'cause I had a meeting at my agency, and I was meeting three other, like, agents there, right? And they were all women in media, right? - W&M wins. - So I hugged my agent, 'cause I know him. And then the three ladies came in. They're in their 30s, they're all quite attractive. - Whoa. - Well, you know, it's part of it. - That's part of it. What? - You're gonna change your greeting, depending on if it's a bit of a tattoo. - But not even from any sort of sexual way, but I think there's like, is there not some sort of like where you-- - This is revealing. - No, but I'm trying to work it out, you know. I'm trying to get under the skin of-- - Look, it's a safe space. - Yeah. - That's mental. That you're gonna change your greeting depending on the level of attraction for a woman. - No, no, no. I don't agree that that's mental. - I'm not saying they're like-- - But you don't want to get close to the ugly ladies. - So I want to shake all their hands, by the way, equally. - That's what you're gonna say. - 'Cause you are ugly or good looking. - I would rather shake all your hands. I'm just talking about the split second decisions that I'm starting to make, you know. And so they're all kind of like, you know, they're women in media, so they're a little bit looser. All right, we're not businessmen in the 80s, right? It's not a briefcase. - No. - It's not reasonable. - It's not a hat. You know, this is media. And so I go in, and I'm freaking out, and then I guess before I know it, I'm putting a kiss on her cheek. - Well, you can't do unputting and put three fingers up like that, and we're talking about greeting women. Before you know it, I've got-- - I put a kiss on her cheek. - Whoa! - And now there's two other women-- - You're going on a date with this woman? - Yeah, there's two other women who are gonna have to get smooched. - Yeah, well, a lot of it as well. I think the problem you encountered there-- - Don't. - Was that you first greeted your agent that you know, your male agent, your magent, with a hug. The problem is, you set the tone for the greetings there. You know, if you're hugging a man-- - I just met these three women. - I know, but if you're hugging a man, you've gotta go and hug the women. 'Cause they're gonna be clutching for a hug. - Before you know it, I'm lips and all three of 'em. - Before you know it, yeah. - Yeah, but then it felt like she was very-- The first one was very sexy to kiss. I wasn't that receptive to it. 'Cause I imagine, you know, you do that a lot. - I really think a kiss in a business setting is vastly inappropriate. - Yeah. - Especially on the first meeting. - I think you can-- - Yeah, maybe. - If you've known them for a long time, and you become friends outside of, not if you're friends, do you feel what that's fine? You can't be. Now, did you plonk one on her before? Does she plonk one on you? - It just, it kinda just happened. - Be honest, be honest. Well, that's, did she smooch your back? What was it, single smooch? - I'm trying to, you won't believe me, but it just felt almost entirely mutual. It didn't feel like anyone led. - Yeah. - It was like, that was just-- - That was just a kiss. - And then I just, and then I looked to the other two, and I was like, fucking hell. Here we go. - Put a lip balm on before every single one. (laughing) - Now, I hate to god, it was one cheek. - One cheek, yeah. - You know. - Thank god. - And so in France, it's two cheeks, and that's just-- - And that's men as well. - Yeah, and I think that sucks. I don't wanna kiss a stranger. - You wanna kiss the cute ones, not the ugly ones. That's become-- - Well, I do wonder if they were, like, really unattractive, whether I would have done it. But that's not a sexual thing. That just felt like, I don't know, that's like-- - In what way is that a good thing? - I'm not saying it's a good thing. - Or what, so-- - I'm saying, I stick a fucking firm handshake on all of them. - But there is a difference between the ugly ones. They're like, you see more like a handshake broad, don't you? (laughing) Look at those shoulders. - I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying, what happened is my-- - Yeah. - I'm not good at greetings, and I'm just saying-- - No. - I'm just trying to work out what my-- - Greetings do give me anxiety as well. I'm firing the men actually, it's just women, I just like, it's just, that's just pick one. I just pick one for women, fine. But I just think it kisses too, it's too intimate. - I don't think anyone's, no one's contesting that. You've gone down a path that didn't need to be trodden in this confusion. Definitely don't kiss, I think-- - I guess it's working in media, you're kissing is maybe more-- - Yeah, I mean, it's a lot of things. There's a lot of places where it is acceptable, but I think if-- - Darling, darling. - In a business setting, I think you always go for the handshake on a first meeting regardless of gender, and I had shot to have to say this regardless of sexual attraction. - Well then, can I maybe ask that women get better at handshakes? - Unless ugly. (laughing) - That's a bigger problem. - Yeah, that's a bigger problem, yeah. - This is what Charlie should be tackling William Defer about. (laughing) He's protesting. (laughing) Well, I just mean, I just don't like, when I do decide to shake a woman's hand, and it does feel like they come up, I've completely shattered their sense of self, you know? - Again, I think you're putting too much stock into that. - Maybe. - I think that, yeah, one handshake isn't gonna shatter their sense of self, but. - I know I get it, it's a nightmare out there. In no way am I saying something. - How are you agreeing, women? - I think I'm just quite aggressive with definitely leading with a handshake. You can't lose from a handshake. If anything, they'll just be like, "Well, he's a bit formal," but then that's much better than you. - Does that's a good answer? - The landlord, Izzy. - I've met her before, and I think the first time was a handshake. - And that isn't business. - That's social. - It is kind of business for me. - For you, I suppose. - She's the boss. - I guess she's the boss. (laughing) - Happy birthday, she wanted me to say. - Happy birthday, Izzy. - But you strike on a good point there is that the most important thing about agreeing is for one person to take charge of it from the outset. Go in, this is what's happening. That's the only way to do it. And it doesn't, to be honest, it doesn't really fucking matter at the end of the day. What happens in agreeing, as long as it doesn't go wrong. If it's any of those things. - What else does wrong? - I think, when in doubt, be the person-- - I think about it. - When in doubt, I think about it, I'll tell you. When in doubt, be the person to instigate it and go for the minimum option. So if you're wondering whether it's a hug or a kiss, just do a hug. If you're wondering whether it's a handshake or a hug, do a handshake, then nothing can really go too wrong. - Well, you go for the lesser. - Always go for the lesser. - I guess the problem that, so actually when I agreed to my Asian, though we had set a precedent of hugging, I guess, I did go for the handshake. And he went for a hug and that was embarrassing. And then I'd chased a hug last minute. - There you go, someone, both neither of you took charge of that situation efficiently enough. - But no, 'cause if someone goes to the hug, that's being more vulnerable. So if you're taking charge of the handshake and they've clearly gone for a hug, then you have to meet them on their level 'cause you can't go down. - But now we're just talking about reacting to events. - Yeah. - Like, if you should go in with an idea of what you're gonna do, but if you get greeted with someone who's jumped the gun, then you've got to fucking follow. - Yes, fine. - You've got to be reflexive and firm. It's tough out there. - It is tough out there. - Don't get me wrong, I get it, I get it. - So to be delusionally confident is the way to go. - Yeah, I tell everything crumbs in front of you, but then adapt and survive. We'd be doing it for centuries more than that. - Sometimes you meet people who are like, just like some of the best greeters in the world. You ever see someone you had just kind of blown away by? - Yeah, yeah. - You know, there's people just... - And loads of people who take charge on the outside. - Yeah. - The charismatic, they go, this is it. - Yeah. - They're not crumbling in the corner like us going, what am I gonna do? - Yeah. - Do I hug? - Are you good at greetings? - Well I was just thinking, I think I'm just very consistent with the handshake and don't be a creep. That's my attitude. - Well that's interesting because on our first meeting, we hugged. - No, I know. - You had your knob out. - But this is what I was thinking with us. I feel that we started with hugs and I actually think we're gonna go as we get more involved with each other. I think we'll be hugging less. - Yeah. - So I don't know why that's happened. - Yeah, so the affection is gonna go in the business. I think once money comes into it, I think it's gonna get really tense between you guys. - Absolutely. - I'm just meeting each other. - Yeah. - Yeah, just give your hugs to mine. - How you doing? - Yeah. - Hello son. - Yeah. No, look, it's tough out there and I agree. I've my gripe this week, I suppose it's a gripe. It's the local lollipop lady. We've had a run-in to the extent of this. There is on my walk down to here and your house. There is a school and often I will be let out, I don't get let out of my house. I get let out of school around 3.34. Now that could be odd for the kids. That could be strange for the kids. - What is this? - What is everyone doing out there? Not really sure. No, I don't get let out from my house, I leave of my own volition. - Great. - To come down and do these things. - Okay, on to the story. On there, on my way down to this place, there is a school. When I leave, that can often be around when school's out, baby. And there are a lot of younger kids who are in the road, that's a whole different thing. It's a nightmare, but that's fine. So, and on my route, there is a zebra crossing, which I use. - I've just become a, sorry, can I interrupt? - I think it's a bit poor. - I don't know going, I won't interrupt. - No, go on, no. - I won't interrupt, it's not worth it. - You've already done it. That's the thing about asking to interrupt is what you've already done is interrupting. Wasn't just building up or trying to get the bird to rip him. - No, you know I had to stop. - No, the tough start was saying I get let out of school. - No, I regret interrupting. I was going to say, I've just become a, I've only just quite embarrassedly realized how zebra crossings work, and I'm addicted to them. They're fucking awesome. I don't know why it took me so long. I just don't really know. I don't realize it's just the power you have as a zebra crossing. I didn't realize that it's like, yeah, cars shape the way a city's built. Everything's built around the car. You know, it dehumanizes the person, apart from the zebra crossing, where you, you know, re-affirm your humanity. And you say, stop machine made of metal and hate. I am a man made of flesh and foam. - This will be perfect to discuss after. Perfect conversation to have after. You see, another thing is, I don't want to address that because I'm in the middle of a story. I want to address that after this story, but now I'm just angry at you for breaking up the river. - Hey, well, we are where we are. - Hey, and I guess we'll have to deal with it. We play the hands with doubt, Andrew. - From the top. On my way down here, there is a school. Often on my way down here, the kids will be let out of the school at around the same time as I'm walking. On my route here, there is a zebra crossing. - Yeah. - There is a zebra crossing which I need to use, and often many of the kids do. Now, it's a very normal thing for when there's a zebra crossing near the school and kids pass, or a lollipop lady to exist and work. Who goes out for people you don't know, a lollipop lady is a lady in a high-vis jacket who stands out in the middle of the road to make sure that cars stop for zebra crossings. As the racers just told us, legally, cars do have to stop for zebra crossings. It's just to make sure no kids get run over. - Yeah. - Fine. So on two occasions now, the lollipop lady has been there while I've been walking down. - And a whole school of kids got run over. - No kids around me, no kids around me whatsoever. It's just me crossing the road, and the lollipop lady has walked out to stop the cars. Making me look like a childish, stupid fool. Stopping cars in a high-vis jacket for a 27-year-old man, and I fucking fear himself. (laughing) I don't, and the worst thing about it, the worst thing about it is I have to say thank you. As I go past, because I'm not, it's a fucking lollipop lady. These women run the country, essentially. They're just like NHS workers or care workers. - But they don't get the thanks they deserve. - They don't get the thanks they deserve. If anything, we should be clapping for the lollipop ladies. But then I can't be like, can you not fucking embarrass me please? (laughing) And it's right opposite the pub. And there are often just people outside of the pub, my age, having a beer, whilst I'm there age, being crossed over the road by a lollipop lady. - It was some honey's in the pub. - It looks like she knows me. Yeah, there's some hotties on the other side. Going, well, this guy looks, oh, no, he's being crossed over by a lollipop. (laughing) Works as well. - You're getting a royal escort across the road. - I've never seen her do to any other grown person. It looks like she thinks I can't cross the fucking road. - She might as well be picking you up like this. - Yeah. - And walking me across. Ah, this little baby can't get across, can he? - Come here, come here. - Come here, love. Let's get you across that scary road. - It gives you a lollipop. - It is a scary road, I don't like that road. Get me safe please, I'm scared. Twice it's happened, twice it's happened, and she is my gripe of the week because I fucking hate her. And I'm fed up with everything that she's doing. - You know what, I didn't really think about what a lollipop lady really was. - Well, you didn't know what anything was. I'm kind of glad that we knew, 'cause what, up until a month ago, you wouldn't have understood that story 'cause you don't understand-- - No, it would have been like, yeah, yeah, I don't know. - It wouldn't have taken much. - Right, now that that's fucking out the way, what was it shit about? You don't know what a zebra crossing is. - I guess I didn't, I didn't really know just how much power the zebra cross gives a person. - All the power. - It's quite. - So when did you find out? - It's quite nice. - When did you find out? - Maybe because you never walk yourself anywhere, because you've always got someone walking me, walking you for, me, you. - That's so true. - Make it make sense. - How do I get around? Are you walking me everywhere? - Everywhere. - Yeah, because you're late to everything, it's probably 'cause you're not utilizing zebra crossing. - Maybe. - You're just not using the string. - Yeah. - So what, how did you find out? - Well, I guess there's like a zebra crossing on Roman, right by this place that I use. - You don't guess, yeah, there is, yeah. - And there wasn't really zebra crossings in ropey back at the-- - There's a zebra crossing right next to the station that we use, you do is probably every day. How'd you get to the shop? You'd go to car all the time. Zebra crossing, to get to, I actually know that's not a zebra crossing. It's not a zebra crossing. - If there was, I'm like, that would take it back. - Really? - No, I'd take it back, wrong. - There's no. So I just never ended up really using one. - No, that's absolute dribble. If I'm walking-- - I mean, I guess sometimes I'd use them, but I just wasn't really thinking, yeah. - So wait, yeah, so it was just an absence of-- - I think it was really. - I'd often use a zebra crossing, but it would feel like the car's stopped and I'm going. You know, it wouldn't feel like, now what I feel like is that I step forward and I make-- - The cars are juicy bounces. - I make the cars stop now. - So what did you think they were before? - I guess I didn't really think about it. I did know-- - It shows how much attention you pay to walk in, which is, again, infuriated. - Yeah, I did know I just-- - In your heart of heart. - You'd ask me, I'll be like, "Ah, yeah, I did know." But if you told me, I was like, "Yeah, of course." - Now, what you're annoyingly is gonna be a tough conversation 'cause you've only just understood them. But my policy, and I think this should be-- As much as it's legal for a car to have to stop it as a zebra crossing, I think it should be illegal for someone who's crossing the road, not to give them a quick thanks. - Oh, that's good. - I always do a thanks and I think it's a sign of a nice-- - I've been giving thanks to my zebra crossing. Maybe you didn't-- - You thought they were stopping 'cause they-- - The first two, maybe I was just bit overwhelmed by my new-- - You were just confused in the road. - Going. (laughing) But now I'm more comfortable with this avatar. But now, actually, today, yeah, I've crossed every crossing and I didn't look at him by a game before this. - I gave him just a spunk. A Pegasus crossing is the type of signalized-- - Oh. - Thanks. - I've seen no. (laughing) - A Pegasus crossing is the type of signalized pedestrian crossing, a special consideration for horse riders. - Now, you'd know what a Pegasus was, right? - No. - Pegasus. - What are the actual Pegasus? It's a horse with wings. - Yeah. Good. - Was that just a knowledge? A quick knowledge? - Yeah, it was. Just keep your new toes. - Yeah. - No, but so those all involve fucking traffic lights. So I think the only important one is the zebra one because I don't care if there's a horse on the light. It's still a fucking crossing. - I am listening to a book about Greek myth. That's why I started pushing about Pegasus. And it's tracing Greek mythology from the beginning. A lot of rape in there. - Yeah. - Yeah, it had a lot of things going on. - A lot of rape, but it wasn't viewed in the same way we would view it now, I don't think. So like the kind of how the Greeks view how earth came to being is the sky-rape the earth. - Right. - So the sky-god Uranus raped Gaia, the earth mother. - Yeah. - And that's how all life started. - Hey, anyone's right in that argument, you know? Who the fuck knows what's going on? (laughing) Anyway. (laughing) - Don't really know what that order of words actually meant. (laughing) Anyone's right in that argument. - You know, no one knows what's going on. - But existence of that, my second gripe. - Gone. - Was, and this is a genuine gripe. This is one that fills me with fury and anger. When did we, ads became existent online, okay? That's fine. We all knew that were gonna happen. When Netflix started ads, it was like a bit annoying, but you're like fine. You know, we all knew this was going to this place. What I cannot abide by is it's not as much the people that have started doing it, brackets, sorry, channel four, but it's more that we've just blindly allowed this. Is that software that means that you have to watch the ads, i.e. when you go to a different tab, the ads stop. - Oh fuck. - And then when you go back on it, it restarts it. Have you not come across these? - No. - Channel four do it. - 'Cause I guess I want to count it for a TV, so that the ads can't run. - Yeah, I do four minute long ads. If you go to change the tab. - We watch the channel four. - The West Wing, but that's not okay. (laughing) It's always gonna sound embarrassed, but. When you change tab, the ads stops. That is fucking 1984 shit. That is, that is clockwork orange when he's got his eyes glued open to the screen. I can't believe no one who's like really gone, this should be absolutely illegal. - This is like the yellow shirt in France, we should be setting stuff up there. - Yeah, we should be out there. - We've got a very odd spread of like demands that slide this podcast ads, yeah. - Women more attractive. - Drink more water. - Drink more water and save it. - Yeah, but that's it. And I don't know if I clearly haven't come across them that much because I was expecting you to share in my theory. - Yeah, I mean, I guess that is a gripe, but I guess to me it feels pretty obvious, I guess is what my view of that gripe. - No, but my gripe is the stock, yeah. - I know it's an obvious gripe, but my gripe is that we have allowed it. We've sat back and allowed it. - So you've taken responsibility. - I guess I'm a figurehead of a lot of movements nowadays, but I suppose I will accidentally take on another one. Charlie, did you have a? - You can do a new day, five, five. - Yeah, but it's outrageous, is it not? It's actually outrageous. - Yeah, I mean, the funny thing is we don't have ads on these podcasts, but every week, we desperately try to get ads. - Yeah. - We're trying to interrupt your viewing without the time. - Yeah, but Sean, I think we had access to that software straight away. More money for us, there you go. If it's coming into our pocket, it's fucked a lot of you. - But because none of the podcasts pass advertising friendly guidelines, we're gonna take a stand and say-- - We're not exactly that fucking controversial. - I don't know, I just-- - I think it's partly because basically with monetizing on YouTube, you can request a review if they've said it's not. And if you request a review and force a person to do it, so there's obviously AI in nearly all of them, but they don't make mistakes. And if you force a person, be like, all right, there's better be fine. - Yeah, there's none. They're not, they're like, well, I'm not gonna trust you for like three months. - I don't know what we've done, what did we do? - Something I found out in Paris was that in Japan, the Japanese government run a hotline to Paris for Japanese people who go to Paris having seen, like, Lady in the Tramp, and they're disappointed. - It's called something, there's a name for this order. There's a name for it, it's a specific name for it. - I think we actually spoke. - Yeah, a Japanese is this disappointment with Paris. Though, and I thought, I'd read about this before I'd gone to Paris as an adult, but Paris syndrome. There's a hotline. - I mean, that seems a bit overkill, right? - What happens, okay, let's run it. I am a tourist, I'm a Japanese tourist. We're not doing the actual-- - Hallucinations. - All right, feelings. - Let's not do that. - What? Are you gonna do a-- - No, I'm just trying to set up an input bit, but. No, we'll just-- - We're on the podium. - Let's just read the Wikipedia page instead. Trying to bring some sort of, you know, innovation. It's said that the city of love has been so idealized, particularly in Japanese culture that when visiting Paris, tourists actually suffer physical consequences from disappointment. Culture shock is so great that they experience symptoms as severe as hallucinations, rapid heart rate, dizziness, and nausea. It's like having a panic attack. - No, I don't either way, that's written. 'Cause they've said consequences from disappointment, fine. Then they say the culture shock is so great. That's two very different things, all right? - What, why? - 'Cause it's not, the culture shock's very different to disappointment. - Yeah, it's a different sentence. - Yeah, but it's, if it's about culture shock, that's a very different reading of what Paris syndrome is. - But they're disappointed because of the culture shock. - If it's going there and we're like, no one's fucking Japanese here. - All right, then they have an answer. - That's a culture shock. But if it's like, oh, this is a bit fucking rubbish. That's a completely different feeling. - Yeah, okay. - That's true, that's true, that's true. - That's true, that's true, fine. - 'Cause like, you'd love Tokyo, but it would be a culture shock. - Yeah. - You'd have hallucinations out of the culture shock. - Out of just sheer. - But it wouldn't be a disappointment. - This isn't West Sussex. - But then I, yeah, I didn't find it at this point in the last time I went, so. - Yeah, but then you don't, it's more confusing. - Yeah, I'd gone with the low bar. We live over the sea for them, you know, we've met plenty of them. - Big nose is stinky. - Big nose is fine with stinky, but let's not big nose it. That seems wrong. I don't know what does the hotline do. - Yeah, don't they? - I think it's just a kind of Samaritan style set up way. - Well, I guess they're gonna knock themselves, knock them off the old tower, 'cause it's so disappointing. - Yeah, that's true. (laughing) - Just go back home. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's not what it's picked up to be. - I think there is a telephone number, apparently. - I bet that goes through to a, I don't know if it takes a long time. I bet there's not someone. - Yeah. - Oh, there's an automated thing. - So, yes, if you had an awful time in Paris. - It's okay. - Well, why isn't there a London syndrome? The Japanese embassy in Paris, there's a 24 hour emergency hotline for tourist experience in Paris syndrome. Well, I guess they're having like a fucking psychiatric breakdown, as it says there. - No, I don't. - This is, this seems. - Well, I suppose if they're so like, you know, the Japanese embassy in Paris also repatriates up to 20 tourists a year who experience the syndrome. - We'll just get them out. - Get them out. (laughing) First plane out of Paris. Get in fucking out there. - The chopper on the roof. - The chopper. - They're big, they're on like a fucking journey. - Last plane out of Saigon, but in Paris. - He's got Paris syndrome! - Get him out. - Didn't say anything there, but. - Get him out. (laughing) - Sounds like getting there. - This wouldn't be the worst I know. - I mean, over the sound of the chopper, you could say it's all stopping. - I was gonna hear anything, yeah. - Get him. (laughing) - Everyone's just trying to muck in and do the best. What would the hotline say? We're gonna do this bit of improv. - Without the accent? - Yes, without the accent. - Fine, fine. - I am a Japanese tourist who is experiencing. - So am I the, yeah. - What? - And then I'm the hotline. - You're the hotline, yeah. So I've just rang out. I'm really disappointed by that. - For sure, okay. - Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. - Hello, Paris syndrome hotline. I'm having really bad Paris syndrome symptoms. - Okay, where are you? - I'm at the bottom, I'm at the top of the Eiffel Tower. - Okay, don't panic. - I'm on my way. - We're sending the Air Force to get you right now. - Fine, let's not explore it at all. (laughing) - The Emperor is on his way. - The Emperor could have had some fun with it. - All right, that's one scenario. - Let's try the second. Fucking nightmare. - The chopper is on the way. That's really not, yes, and is it? Fucking. - The chopper is on the way. The Emperor is on the way. The Emperor is on the way to K. (laughing) - All the good puns are over. We're not gonna explore at all. Next. - Yeah. - Let's go again. - Are we coming again? - I don't know, this is a fucking ring ring. - Hello, Paris syndrome. - Hello. - Hotline. - I'm experiencing, I'm a Japanese tourist. I'm really disappointed by Paris, and I'm experiencing quite severe Paris syndrome symptoms. - What city are you in? - I'm in Paris. (laughing) I'm still in Paris. - Okay. What are you feeling right now? - I'm feeling depersonalization, derealization, sweating delusions, and near dizziness. - That sounds like you might have Paris syndrome. - What? No. - It's the feeling of disappointing you get. Sometimes hallucinations, anxiety, dizziness, nausea, and sweating. - I've got that. What should I, what do I do? - I guess lower your expectations. - That sounds like a reasonable thing to suggest, but my expectations were already there. - What kind of things got your expectations then? Was it just the general culture around Paris? - I expected most of the restaurants to be, who's chef by rats. I expected there be dogs and cats. It's mostly animal related. - Sure. - I expected dogs and cats sharing spaghetti. I expected the Eiffel Tower to always be sparkly and much bigger than it actually is, because it's quite small in real life. Quite frankly, the people are quite mean. - Yep. - And yeah, I think it's not really been what it's cracked up to be in the animated films I've seen. - Right. - The Emperor is on his way. - The Emperor? - Yeah. - How soon will he be? - He'll be there. He's coming as fast as he possibly can. It'll be three and a half hours. - Too late. I'm already jumping. - No! - Scene. - We've lost another one. - We've lost another one. - No, that scrubs episode where Dr. Cox couldn't say three people's lives. - No. - Do you remember that? - He prefers his scrubs episode. - They play fray how to save a life. - Yes. - Yeah, you know that scene? Where it's the most emotional part of scrubs almost. Where he, three people die under his care and he just loses all faith with. - He wipes himself on the head. - He's bleeding. - There's a frying pan. The boy, he loses all faith with being the Doctor of Depression. I want that, but with the guy who loses he's just three Japanese tourists to Paris syndrome. - You've all killed himself. - And they have to have a character saying no. Talk about the value of being on the other end of the Paris syndrome hotline. - I think everyone that loses a tourist to Paris syndrome is a failure. - Yeah. - I think you lose a lot of tourists 'cause I don't think you take-- - I really like it. It's not that great. Obviously, it's not that great. Obviously, it's not how it's depicted here. - What were you fucking expecting? - Have you noticed how nothing in life is what it is? - Is that as good as it says on the fucking team? - How have you not realized this? - That is your expectation. Just come in, just see what the actual city is like and don't expect to believe everything you fucking see on. - Don't stay. - Is it the most embarrassing way? Is it the most embarrassing thing to kill yourself for? Yes, it is. - But if you're Japanese, less so? - Yeah, true. - Do you know why? I don't know. - I do. - Why? - Because they kill themselves a lot more. (laughing) That's why. It's because it's not as big a jump. - Yeah. I guess you see a Japanese person do that and you don't think, God, that's so fucking embarrassing, do you? - Yeah. - 'Cause you'd see like a fucking bloke do that. - An American, that's how it looks. The Japanese is less so, still is, but it's less so because of their culture of suicide. That's why. - Yeah. - It's more like, you know. (laughing) - Right. Well, that's a nice way to end the show. Thanks very much for listening. We'll see you next week. - Subscribe to the Patreon. We'll be on it. - We're especially still out. - We'll go for longer. Watch that. Like all of the reels. - Hello. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)