you know, a lot of times you have that saying, "Practice makes perfect." Well, it don't make perfect, but practice makes better. - Welcome to Mind Matters with Dr. J. A. Jones. Dr. Jones is the head pastor of the Faith Community Church of God in Orange Park, Florida. Relationships, finances, our spiritual life, whatever it is, our problems start with end, in our minds. Dr. Jones explores mental wellness through the application of God's word in our lives. It's just what the doctor ordered. Let's join him now and dig into Mind Matters because your mind matters to God. - Welcome to Mind Matters, the show that helps you to navigate life with wisdom and grace. Today we're gonna talk about part two of how to control emotional triggers. I have a special guest with me, Cindy Jones. We've been together for the six years. We have beautiful children and only one grandbaby. Thank God for the one grandbaby we have. - Yes. - She's six years old. - Yes, she is. Just lost her first front tooth. - Just lost her first front tooth. Yes, I don't know if I can remember that, but I'm pretty sure it's happened to me too. - Yes, but I'm so glad she's taking it well. - Yes. - She knows it's a part of life, so her parents are doing the good job. - Yes, which is our oldest daughter doing an incredible job. So we thank God for relationships, marriage, ministry, and many other things that God has blessed us with, right? And doing ministry for a long time and helping people reach their full potential as God's creation. That's my life's mission. And thank God for you being a part of it and being a great and incredible help meet. - Wonderful. - Yeah, to help me to get to those places. Yes, well, thank you. Thank you, I appreciate that. And we're gonna get into the show today. Today it's about part two, right? On how to control your emotions. I'm sorry, your emotional trigger because it is emotions. Emotions, emotions, emotions, emotions. So, emojis, emojis, emojis. I just wanted to say that. - Oh my Jesus. - All right, but guess what? Senator, we can learn to manage or master our emotions. How do you master anything, right? That's a good question because I think people can master their emotions. That doesn't mean it's a perfect scenario or perfect storm, but we can master. Just like I learned how to tie my shoe. The first time I did it or I was taught to do it, it was very difficult, Cindy. It was like, how can I learn to do that? There's no way as a child I can learn it. I remember learning how to play the trumpet in middle school, Pensacola, Florida, Brownsville Middle School. I said, there's no way I can learn how to play the trumpet. - And you did it. - And I did it and guess what? I mastered it. I became a professional trumpet player in the United States Army Band in Anchorage, Alaska. I mastered it, you know? But I'm just saying, a lot of times we think things are so difficult, like our emotions to be able to manage them. Because some people just live by their emotions. It's kind of on their sleeve, right? - Now you gotta tell them how you mastered it. It took a lot of practice. You did, like you said, doing it. - Yes. - You didn't think you could do it. You thought it was difficult. But the more you did it, over and over and over and over again, you became good at it. - Absolutely. - Yeah. So, you know, a lot of times you have that saying, practice makes perfect, but it don't make perfect, but practice makes better. - Well, it makes you better at what you practice. - Right. - That's the point. - You better if you're practicing, but I can say this. Now you can practice things the wrong way. You can practice it the right way. I remember when I played basketball growing up, they said when you make a layup, use the backboard. - Okay. - Don't just put it over the rim. So I practice that. Then I practice laying up with my right hand, laying up with my left hand, and people used to think I'm ambidextrous because I can do great things with both hands, but I practice it, Cindy. So, a point today audience, as you're listening to this show, how to control emotional triggers, you can master it by practicing it the right way, which is God's way. - Yes. - Using biblical principles to help us to become more powerful in managing and controlling our emotional triggers. So last week we talked about, we got to understand emotional triggers, and that's so important. Then we talked about the power of practicing, mindfulness, or meditation, and having self-reflection. Today we're gonna talk about, as we pick up from last week, how to reframe your thoughts. And it's so important because often, the way we interpret situations is what triggers our emotion, and it causes us to respond in a way we shouldn't. - True. - Because when we change our perspective, you can change your emotional reaction. - Yeah, that goes back to that scripture, Romans 12.2, it says, "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds, and that you may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God." - Absolutely. - So we got to examine ourselves how we think about something versus how we should think. - Okay. - That's what that reframing your thoughts. - Yes. - Okay, a question we might be familiar with is, why am I feeling a certain way about this? - Okay, okay. - So we may ask ourselves that question. - We should. - Okay. - We should ask ourselves. Yeah, where is that coming from? You know, like we do marriage counseling too. - We do. - And a lot of times when people get in relationship with each other, they kind of mirror each other, so to speak. They may ask the question, "Why did you say that?" Or, "Why did you do that?" And the person just so automatically acting a certain way or behaving a certain way or saying a certain thing. And then when somebody asks them, "Why did you do that?" Or, "Why did you say that?" That makes them think. - Yes, yes. Well, we don't think. We think we think. We don't think critically, we really don't. You know, we just, like what you said earlier, or you could have said in the last show, whatever thoughts come to our mind, we just say it. Or we just express it. Not understanding how to filter those thoughts through God's word or through the truth. Some things are thought of, and there are many things that should not be said. And it's important because this third point we're talking about, you eloquently stated, reframe your thoughts. - Yes. - Because once you do that, you're changing your perspective, and you can change your emotional reaction. Because when we reframe our thoughts, Cindy, we become aware of what's happening, and guess what? Say what? - What? - I'm like, I like how you say what? We view situations and experiences even ideas, events, and emotions from a different lens. And it's so important because when we reframe our thoughts, we can view all of those life things through a different lens. - Yeah. - We look at those moments. Not from the world's perspective, but from the perspective of God's word. - Yes. - I want to say that one more time. - And just in every day of life too, yeah. - No, I agree because we do. We look at life not. Can you say not? - Not. - From the world's perspective, or how we feel, or what's going on around us, of who's saying something to us, but from the perspective of God's word. God's word is truth. God's word would not return void. - Right. - God's word is powerful, is sharp, is quick, powerful than any two-edged sword. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, and I remember you giving the example of oil, the analogy, remember it's talked about how a mother was cooking a Thanksgiving dinner. - Yes. - And she cut off the end of the ham. - Right. - And she didn't really know why she was doing it. - Right. - And she did it 'cause her mother did it. - Right. - Because her mother did it because her grandmother did it. - Right. - But in the end, so they decided to call grandma and asked her why did she do it. And she said because her stove wasn't big enough. Well, you got bigger stoves today, so why are you still cutting off the end of the ham? - Right. - So a lot of things were being passed down to us and we are doing it, not thinking, why am I doing this? - Right. - You know, and we're living in a day of information, the information age, and the young people wants to know why. - They do. They do wanna know why. They don't wanna-- - They're looking up on their phone real quick. Googling it. - Absolutely. Googling it. - Why is what, you know, it's not making sense to them, so they wants to get as my daughter likes to say, make it make sense to me. - Absolutely. Well, based on their knowledge, based on where they are, I mean, you say young people's, "Wait a minute, I'm young." Now, you talking about young people? - Yeah, they have this, like, make it make sense. - Right. (laughing) No, absolutely. And again, you know what's so important though? The Bible says the truth endures to all generations. So it may have to be in a such a way where they can comprehend what's going on, because sometimes when I'm teaching at a local college, I teach sometimes GED math at the lowest level, and I help some students to understand math concepts. And they don't get it, so you have to tell it to them or show them in a different way. 'Cause I believe there's three learning styles, auditory, visual, and hands-on, or kinesthetic, or tactile. So it's so important for people to be able to know what they need to know so they can think better. - Yes. - And I believe when a person think better, according to way God wants them to think, they will live better. - Oh yeah. - And guess what happened? They become better. - Right. - The Bible says we can cast down arguments and every high thing that exalt itself against the knowledge of God. And we can bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. - Yeah, so bringing God's word, making it make sense to our everyday life so we can live it. - Oh, absolutely. - Yeah, not make it religious and something that we can't live up to, but make it a reframe in our thoughts so we can apply it to our everyday lives. Because like we just articulated reframing, it's about seeing situations through a different lens. A lens that aligns with truth and positivity. And that's so important. Instead of seeing a challenge as a threat, Cindy, see it as an opportunity for growth. I used to play, well, when I played a certain sport, a racket sport, and a court back in the day of the friend of mine. I think he kind of travels now, he's retired. But as we get in a battle in the court inside the gym and he will be down like 10 points and he knows he's stressing. - 10 points. - He said opportunity. When he hit the ball and he serves, he said opportunity, opportunity. He don't see it as a big challenge that he cannot meet. He says an opportunity to overcome. So I think when we free frame our thoughts as relates to our emotional triggers, we gotta look at it as an opportunity for growth. Because things come to us for a reason. Things comes to us for a season. Things come to us for a moment. So we gotta look at it as an opportunity for growth. Okay, just think about this. It's like going from, you know, it's like going from thinking, right? Think about what I'm getting ready to say. I spilled my coffee, my day is just ruined. Right? Some people think that way. Well, if you spill your coffee, your day is just ruined. You know, you started off bad and it's just not gonna be a good day. (upbeat music) Dr. Jones is the pastor of Faith Community Church of God in Orange Park. Reaching a hurting world with the love of Jesus. We thank you for listening to Mind Matters and we encourage you to show support for the many community outreach ministries that Dr. Jones and Faith Community Church tend to. You can give at Faith Communities website, faithccop.org, or just text money sign and the amount you want to give to eight, three, three, four, three, five, eight, zero, two, two. That's eight, three, three, four, three, five, eight, zero, two, two. We are blessed to be a blessing. Now let's get back to the program. - It is good to be here and I hope you are dialed in as you listen to this radio show. I'm so thankful and very, very grateful for you to take time to listen. Please, as you're listening to these radio show, Mind Matters, tell somebody about it. Tell somebody about Praise 107.9. Share this valuable information with a friend or family, even a foe, right? Because we're here to help others and my goal is to do God's will in helping you to reach your full potential as men and women of God and families and experiences that they can become better instead of worse. So today as we continue, we're gonna talk about number four, which developing healthy coping mechanisms. And some people don't have strategies in place because they're so emotionally everywhere, everywhere. But we can control emotional triggers because it's crucial to have healthy coping mechanisms in place and these strategies can help you to feel less triggered. What about taking deep breaths or deep breathing? What about taking a casual walk in the neighborhood or at a park? These things can help you. Well, more importantly, anything, Cindy, is praying. - Correct. - Prayer is like oxygen to the soul. - Yes. - Someone said, and I didn't coin this myself, but a day hemmed in prayer will rarely come unraveled. - Correct. - And I think that's so important. As we are talking about developing healthy coping mechanisms. - Yes, in prayer doesn't have to be, I'll say a performance. - Oh no, that's what, you know, a lot of times people may see. - I like that. And they say, "Well, I don't know how to pray." - Right. - You know, but really, prayer is actually just talking to God. And you can whisper a prayer under your breath. - Right. - You know, you can even pray from your mind. He knows our thoughts are far off. And so you can pray in your mind. Three words, "Lord, help me." - Right. Oh, absolutely. "Lord, help me," you know, when you feel those emotions are rising, because somebody said something or you sing something that triggered you. - Right. - And you start to feel a certain way. - Right. Triggered you to be in a bad state, bad energy, bad feeling. - Yeah, you feel that coming on. - It could be anger, it could be bitterness, it could be resentment, it could be guilt, it could be a lot of negative things, right? That's those bad emotions, right, that we're talking about. - And, you know, like you get real busy and something when people are coming at you. - Right. - You say, "Give me a moment." - Okay. - Okay. - And something, and we can do that too. - Right. - If you feel triggered, you feel your emotions rise in or you start to feel a certain way, you can just say, "Give me a moment." - Okay. - You know, you may need to just take a break, step back, or whatever you may be involved in. - Okay. - You may not have a whole lot of time to cater or to deal with that thing, but just a couple of seconds or so, say, "Give me a moment." So you can get control over how you feeling. - Oh, sure, absolutely, I love that. And I know both of us have a devotional life with God, you know, every day in the morning. And I do love to spend time in prayer, right? And, but not only just that specific time, but throughout the day, you kind of reflecting on God. And we know that prayer is not a monologue, it's a dialogue. - Right. - It's a time that we kind of express and talk to God verbally. And then we listen. - Yes. - We have an ear to hear what he's saying to us. As that scripture says, "He either hath a near, let him hear what the spirit is saying to you." But as we're talking about number four, developing healthy coping mechanisms. I love it because prayer is key. It's the number one. But sometimes throughout the day, you may have to take a deep breath, deep breathing, inhaled, exhaled. And that said, that's healthy, not just for your muscles, for your body, it's healthy for your mind and your brain. - It is. - Because you're calming your state down and you're getting to what I call a homeostasis, a homeostasis, a place of normality, a normalcy, because life has the tendency to push us past certain emotions and to push us into bad emotions. Push us into saying things we may regret. Push us into negativity, because life will push us based on the pace. - And that lets us know too that we are not independent, that we need God all the time. And we need to know that and we need His help. We can't do life by ourselves. And so when we realize that we can't handle everything, we depend on God, first Peter Five, Seven says, casting all your care upon Him or He cares for you. He's right here, right here with us. He lives in us as Christians all the time, waiting for us to ask for help. A lot of times we feel, I can handle it, I got this. You know, some things we don't have, but we need to recognize that we don't have. And we need Jesus, we need God, we need His help. And so that's what prayer will say, "Lord, help me." We're just acknowledging Him and asking for His assistance because we don't have it all together. - Right. Isaiah says this in 26 and three, you know, one of my favorite verses and favorite books in the Bible, Isaiah is a prophet, right? So he says this, "You would keep Him in perfect peace "whose mind is staying on you." - Yes. - Why? Say that with me, why? - Why? - I'll tell you why. - Why? - Why? - Because he trusts in you. - Yeah. - And that's so key to me in developing healthy coping mechanisms because we have to put our trust in Him. Number one. - Yes. - But the battle is in the mind in how we're thinking, how we're processing things. You know, the old scripture in Proverbs 23 and seven, I think most people know it. Do they really know it? He, and it talks about as a man, right, thinks in his heart so is he. - Yes. - Because when we develop healthy coping mechanisms, it provides a constructive outlet for our emotions, allowing us to process them without letting them control us. - Yes, and taking it out on other people. - Right. - 'Cause it's not their fault. - Right, 'cause we have to develop, right is not their fault because what happens, you know how it happens over time. When we do that, practice, practice, practice, make us better as what we practice. - Right. - Because if you practice wrong, you're gonna get better at doing wrong. If you practice right, you're gonna become better at doing right. And the Bible is right, right? There's a way that seems right in Proverbs 14, I think it's 12, but the end of other ways of death. So, a lot of times life seems right. So, you know, seeing that some people think it's right to be emotional. They think it's right to be angry and people in situations, it's all right. I mean, anger is an emotion that's all right to have, but you shouldn't stay in that state. Some people think it's right to just be negative in their emotions. - Yeah, and they really, you know, that's why our relationships are so important because we can't see ourselves, but somebody else sees us. The people in relationships sees us and they can tell us what they see and what their experiences are always the atmosphere and being around you. - Yeah, and so they would give you the feedback if you're willing to receive it. - Right. - And let you know whether you are growing or like you said, your anger is normal. - Right. - And they think it's okay, which is not okay. And many times people will use their anger to intimidate and to try to be controlling. - Right. - You know, but, and it's not okay. And at the end of the day, like, you know, we mentioned earlier or in the earlier episode that I just lost my train of thought. - That's all, it happens, it happens. - Yeah. - That, you know, when you think it's normal like that, you're gonna report yourself. - Right, right. - You're gonna report yourself. - Absolutely. Because think about it, healthy coping mechanisms are key because once we have this and we develop it over time, these certain habits can rewire our response to triggers. - Right. - Just imagine your emotions as a soda bottle, right? A Coke bottle or soda, soda, soda, soda, SODA, a soda bottle that's been shaken. You know, just like shaking it. If you haven't done that, I think most people have. But if you open it too quickly, it's gonna do what? Explode. - Yeah. - And it's gonna explode everywhere. Healthy coping mechanisms are like slowly releasing the pressure so you don't end up with a mess. Number five is this, we gotta rely on God's strength. And that's what we've been talking about the whole time. Thank you for tuning into My Matters with myself and my wife, Cindy, we're here to help you to understand how to control emotional triggers. The fifth point is this, we must never underestimate the power of relying on God's strength to help us to control our emotional triggers. Because when we try to do it on our own, you just talked about that, Cindy. We often fall short, but guess what? With God's help, we can overcome even the most stubborn triggers. It's almost like having stubborn stains in your jeans or stains in your clothes. I got some stains in my clothes. I want you to get out and you put some, what'd you call it? What'd you put on it? - It's like oxy something or shout it out. - Shout out, whatever. But sometimes we have stubborn emotional triggers. It's almost like it comes every Friday night. It comes on Sunday night. We just been in church all day. And all of a sudden, people are fighting like hats and dogs because they're emotional triggers. Something triggered them. Or Monday evening, when people got the Monday morning blues. - Monday morning. - Monday morning, Monday, but my point is this, some triggers can be stubborn to overcome. - I call them strongholds. - Okay, I like it. That script here. - 'Cause it's been there a long time and people tend to think that this is, like you just said, it's a normal way of thinking. - But guess what? We can do all things through Christ that strengthens us. That's Philippians chapter four, verse 13. But Paul was expressing and Paul was going through and God told Paul his grace is sufficient. Because his strength is made perfect in weakness. God's grace is sufficient for every challenge we face, including every emotional trigger. Because when we feel weak, we can be strong to carry through what we need to go through. That we can go through it, that God can help us to get to that sweet spot in life to overcome the odds. Thank you, Cindy, for being with me today. - My pleasure, Dr. Jones. - Awesome. So thank you for tuning in to My Matters with myself, Dr. Jones and Cindy Jones. We have shared with you, this is part two of how to overcome emotional triggers. I want you to remember this. Emotional triggers don't have to control you with the right tools and complete reliance on God. - Thanks for tuning into another episode of My Matters with Dr. J. A. Jones. Be sure to tune in next Sunday at 5 p.m. right here on Praise 107.9. For more insightful discussion about how God's word can get our minds right. You can also hear Dr. Jones preach in person Sundays at 11 a.m. at Faith Community Church of God at 1268 Gainell Avenue in Orange Park, Florida, 32073. Thanks again for listening. Stay mindful and keep striving for improvement because your mind matters to God. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
